Birthday Cards You Won't See in the Store...

Smokey Bear says Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires.....By not lighting your birthday cake! (Added by Emma Ture)
Happy Birthday! You're an ace!
I love those crow's feet on your face! (Added by Kelly)
Save your breath on those candles... you'll need it to blow up your date! (Added by Patty)
Umm...at your age, do you even have enough energy to get up over the hill? (Added by Kyla)
Your only as old as you feel....Did you get winded from opening this card? (Added by David)
On your birthday, it helps to remember that we're all just victims of birth. (Added by Stacy M.)
Happy birthday! Better over the hill, than under it. (Added by Jim)
Happy Birthday Uncle Dad (available only in Arkansas) (Added by Rebekah)
Happy Birthday, how does it feel to be a million years old? (Added by AmandaRae)
On this your birthday, I can only aspire to give back to you all you have given me over the years...a bad case of diarrhea. (Added by Anonymous)
A million sperm and you were the fastest? Happy Birthday...I guess. (Added by WildRose)
When I heard you were planning a night of hot, steamy sex for your birthday, I though, 'How sad, a night alone. (Added by Bethy)
One more birthday . . . one year closer to dying. (Added by Jon)
Simon says have a happy birthday. Simon says get one year older. Now open the card and find that million dollar check. Ah, ah, ah. Simon didn't say. (Added by Jesika)
As you grow older, Mum, I think of all the gifts you've given me. Like the need for therepy... (Added by Kiss_The_Kat)
Happy Birthday!! Oh by the way can you die soon so I can get my inheritance? (Added by Carolyn H.)
For every year that goes by, Mother, I just think of that inheritance getting closer and closer.... (Added by Charles@UNM)
Happy Birthday ! You look great for your age...Almost Lifelike ! (Added by Bob Tremblay)
Here's to you on your birthday! God, I hope it's your last. (Added by Charles@UNM)
Well, well, well- another year older, another 20 pounds fatter!!! (Added by Amanda B.)
Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday --- so we're having you put to sleep. (Added by Deb)
Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!! (available only in Arkansas) (Added by Spunkmaster Sean)
One year older but none the wiser! (Added by Kimmie)
On your birthday always remember, you're one year closer to your grave. (Added by kelly)
Did I ever tell you, you look really old for your age? (Added by Kelly)
You're not getting older. You're getting more depressing. (Added by LHC)
You're 40? Wow, that's really old. Sucks to be you. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
So, you're 50--time for another boob job. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
I'm sorry I didn't send you a card on time for your birthday, but I wouldn't have sent you one at all if my girlfriend hadn't forced me to sign this. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
I didn't know what to get for the guy that has everything, so I didn't get you anything. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
I wanted to take this opportunity to express my true feelings for you...You are the biggest asshole I ever met and I hope your birthday sucks. Drop dead. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
I wanted to get you the perfect gift, but Iraq wouldn't drop a nuclear warhead on your car so I got you this card instead. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
Happy Birthday to the crabs you got from my ex when you slept with her one year ago today! (Added by Morrigan Condo)
I would've put some thought into buying you a present, but all I could think of was that I didn't really like you. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
I would've asked your friends what to get you for your birthday, but then I remembered you don't have any friends. (Added by Morrigan Condo)
Happy Birthday from someone who would probably pretend she didn't know you if she ever saw you walking down the street. (Added by Morrigan Condo)

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