GLADIATOR

Russell Crowe plays a Roman war general who falls from his high position after a victorious battle due to a corrupt son who kills his father, the emperor, after learning he stands to lose the throne he thinks he deserves. Directed by Ridley Scott.

Paul

The idea of a Roman war hero falling from grace and having to claw his back to the top isn't a very original idea. It sounds more like a movie that crosses "Cool Runnings" with Stanley Kubrick's "Spartacus." Nevertheless, it managed to catch my attention and keep me entertained for the full three hours it played.

The action sequences, especially the ones filmed in the computer animated scenes of the Roman Coliseum were the best I've ever seen in a movie. They didn't bog them down with loud music by Limp Bizkit or Metallica, and filled them with just the right amount of violence. Watch for the female gladiator gets cut in half by a runaway chariot during one of Crowe's many battle scenes. That's right, this is an equal opportunity gore flick.

However, the very idea or chance that this actually would happen in ancient Rome is very slim. Historically, I'm not totally sure if the movie was entirely accurate but I know a slave in ancient Rome wasn't put on bubble gum cards when he kicked some Ethiopian's ass in the ring. Plus, it was way way too long. Please, shorten these things up, my bladder will thank you later.

But besides it's extremely stupid plot and story line, "Gladiator" is still a fun movie for guys who like historical movies but not history.

Danny

When I heard director Ridley Scott was first planning on making a movie about gladiators in ancient Rome, I immediately thought about the show "American Gladiators" where contestants would have to fight against big, muscular muscleheads in athletic events for cash and prizes. Therefore, I dreaded the thought of having to watch a movie that was based on that very notion of ordinary individuals overcoming insurmountable odds to achieve glory and fame.

I was pleasantly surprised when the trailer and the commercials came out for the flick advertising it as a historically fictitious movie about ancient Rome and the madness that ensued within it's coliseum on a daily basis. It seems more than just a violent action flick that relies on buckets of blood. The plot and story seem to give the characters some emotion and meaning to the film.

The few action sequences that take place, however, seem to move in awkward ways. The shaky camera movements and fast pace might give some movie-goers a headache if they get easily discouraged by most kung-fu flicks. The movie might also not be historically accurate, especially if a lowly gladiator makes the small chance to become more powerful than the emperor of the known world.

That should not, however, discourage you from having a good time. "Gladiator" is sure to please all kinds of audiences, especially if you have a taste for blood.

I GIVE IT A THUMB
AND A SEVERED ARM UP

MADE ME STAND UP
AND SAY, "NO, I'M SPARTACUS!"

BATTLEFIELD EARTH

It's the year 3000 and the human race has become an endangered species after a band of power-hungry aliens led by John Travolta exhaust the earth's supply of resources until one man decides to come out of hiding and strike the very thing that brought his race to an end. Directed by Roger Christian.

Paul

This is a tough one - should I see this movie because it's a kick ass sci-fi flick with laser explosions and tons of computer animated space craft and shouldn't I because it starts John Travolta as an alien with dreadlocks? Hollywood, why do you torture me so?

The computer graphics and action shots really give this one a good spice up. And the costumes for the aliens are pretty weird looking, but definitely different from anything I've seen before. In fact, the fact that Travolta is breaking away from his usual spawn of man vs. everything movies makes it appealing enough for the average movie buff.

But I don't like the plot at all. Just like Gladiator, it's the story of another lone human being who gets ticked off at his life and has to claw his to the top to destroy his enemies.

Despite the fact that Travolta looks like Coolio's bad hair day from Hell, it's an interesting science fiction adventure that's sure to catch the eye of anyone's who enjoyed "Independence Day," "Mars Attacks!" or any of the Star Trek movies.

Danny

Science fiction has recently gotten a bad rap because it seems like their all the same nowadays. Add a computer digitalized spaceship here, throw in some explosions there and, bing bang boom, you've gotten another sci-fi adventure to add to your palate. Unfortunately, "Battlefield Earth" does anything but help the sci-fi genre gain back the respect it deserves.

The few good action sequences it does have seem to be well choreographed, and the story does seem fairly original since the alien race take a novel approach to eradicating the earth's population other than just blowing it out of the galaxy.

But the acting is melodramatic and way, way, way over the top. The script or dialogue between the characters is sappy and completely unoriginal. Someone is yelling at the top of their lungs in every other scene. It's totally ridiculous and I'm sure that's wasn't their intention.

If you're looking for a really good science fiction movie that doesn't turn into an action flick five seconds after the credits roll, go rent "2001: A Space Odyssey" and skip this flick that gives an alien a reason to blow the earth out of the solar system.

LET'S THE BATTLE BEGIN!

HOUSTON, WE HAVE A STUPID MOVIE

SMALL TIME CROOKS

After spending years away from a life of crime, Woody Allen hopes to pull his life, his marriage and his career back together when he hires of a band of criminals to pull off the biggest bank job in history. Directed and written by Woody Allen.

Paul

Like most of Woody Allen's flicks, it looks like an interesting comedy that's a sure fire movie to get anyone rolling in the aisles but it's weak premise and plot really discourage me from even looking at the poster.

The cast looks to be it's strongest high point including comedy aficionados like Jon Lovitz, Tracey Ullman and Michael Rappaport. And the mix of the characters being from different walks of crime such as a Con-Man or an Arsonist has so much potential for being funny.

Unfortunately, everything else seems to be this movie's downfall. The plot is so weak and thin, it could pass through Calista Flockhart like grease through a V-8 six cylinder engine.

Overall, this is just a really dumb movie. Don't see it.

MY ADVICE:

Danny

Woody Allen's "Take the Money and Run," a parody of crime documentaries which premiered as one of his first movies, are surprisingly different from each other even though the theme, the director and the writer are the same. "Small Time Crooks" isn't as good as it's predecessor but that doesn't mean it totally sucks.

In fact, "Small Time Crooks" looks to be really funny. The diverse cast which ranges from British Hugh Grant to Saturday Night Live alumni Jon Lovitz gives this crime comedy a diverse taste you probably don't find in most comedies today. The plot even gives Allen and company the opportunity to do things you probably wouldn't see in some his more conventional flicks like physical comedy or some slapstick.

Of course, I'm sure there are going to be some pitfalls in the story that could throw the entire thinking behind it completely out of whack. Don't be surprised if you find yourself screaming, "Why the hell didn't you make it easier on yourself?" midway through the movie.

But if logic isn't your thing, "Small Time Crooks" may be your ticket to comedy heaven.

MY ADVICE:

IT'S A CRIME THIS MOVIE
EVEN GOT RELEASED

YOU SHOULD BE ARRESTED
FOR NOT SEEING THIS ONE

ROAD TRIP

After a videotape containing an elicit affair accidentally gets mailed to the girlfriend of the boy in the video, a cast of four college fraternity pledges must make the long trip across country to capture the tape before it falls into the right hands. Starring William Sean Scott and Tom Green. Directed by Todd Phillips.

Paul

It looks pretty appealing with MTV's Tom Green in his first major role in a major motion picture. The material seems to be a bit dirty, but that can only improve as the movie goes on.

The cast, of course, complements the college atmosphere surrounding the movie which even includes American Pie's Seann William Scott. The dialogue between the characters only improve what we know about the cast themselves. It should be really really funny even though Green will probably the majority of the flick grossing out the audience.

But I don't like the plot, of course, since it's been done in every other college comedy and I really don't like the way the movie seems to spend the majority of it's comedy on gross-out material. "American Pie" was bad enough, but do we really have to see this much crap in one hour and forty-five minutes.

But mostly I'll be looking forward to seeing some new faces in an enjoyable movie. If crude comedy or gross scenes do not offend you, make a road trip to see "Road Trip."

Danny

Boy, I saw this coming ever since last summer when the teen sex comedy "American Pie" ripped the box office a new one. And with Tom Green's recent following on MTV, I knew sooner or later someone was going to figure out that he needed to be in his own movie if they wanted to make some money. Hence, all logic and good movie making skills got tossed out the window like a batch of fertilizer on aN unsuspecting bystander's head.

The only redeeming quality of this bomb-to-be is it's interesting plot twists. The boys have to make this cross-country trip in record, so obviously some obstacles are going to be thrown their way in a matter of seconds. Even factors like their raging, alcohol soaked can prevent them from meeting their goals in time.

But more or less, it looks like a total gross-out festival designed to capture the teen audience during this crucial period we call summer. My TV can't seem to stop playing that one scene of Green holding a live mouse on his tongue just before he feeds it to his hungry boa constrictor. My only hope is that the snake has a taste for "Canadian Bacon" if you catch my drift.

Do yourself a favor and see something other than "Road Trip," it will definitely be worth the effort.

THANK YOU SIR, MAY WE PLEASE HAVE ANOTHER?

WHAT A LONG, BAD TRIP IT WAS

PAUL'S VIDEO PICK (DEFINITELY NOT DANNY'S)

COOL RUNNINGS

After Jamaican athlete Derice Bannock (Leùn) accidentally gets eliminated from his only chance to enter the Summer Olympics and to follow in his father's footsteps, he, three other intrepid Jamaicans and a washed up bobsledding champion (John Candy) travel to Calgary to become the first Jamaican Bobsled team to enter the Olympics. The sport of bobsledding just gives this one an interesting appeal and the chemistry of the cast works very well. It's a hilarious ride from start to finish.

DANNY'S VIDEO PICK (DEFINITELY NOT PAUL'S)

BEING JOHN MALKOVICH

Struggling puppeteer Craig Schwartz takes a job as a filing clerk for a mysterious company when he finds a door inside his office that takes you into the mind and body of actor John Malkovich for fifteen minutes, and then spitting you on the side of the New Jersey turnpike. Not only did it garnish three Oscar nominations for Best Director, Best Original Screenplay and Best Supporting Actress, but it also got our "G" award for Best Idea. That last one should say it all.

OTHER MOVIES WE PROBABLY SHOULD'VE SEEN BEFORE WE REVIEWED THEM

28 DAYS

IT SURE SEEMED A LOT LONGER THAN THAT

MAKE MY OWN ADDICTIONS SEEM NORMAL

CENTER STAGE

ANY MOVIE WITH THAT MANY GUYS IN TIGHTS SHOULD BE ILLEGAL BY LAW

THIS MOVIE WAS REALLY GOOD THE FIRST TIME I SAW IT - WHEN IT WAS CALLED "FAME"

DINOSAUR

MAKES "JURASSIC PARK" LOOK LIKE "THE LAND BEFORE TIME"

THANKS TO DISNEY, NOW WE REALLY KNOW HOW THEY DIED OUT, MAN THEY KNOW EVERYTHING╔

FREQUENCY

IT'S "10-4" WITH ME

LIKE "THE TIME MACHINE" WITHOUT "THE TIME MACHINE"

HELD UP

IT'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WB NETWORK STARS ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE MOVIES

I DREAMED OF AFRICA

I WAS DREAMING OF AFRICA BECAUSE IT PUT ME TO SLEEP

MUCH, BETTER THAN "I DREAMED OF SAUDI ARABIA"

KEEPING THE FAITH

LIKE A GOOD MONTY PYTHON SKETCH GONE BAD

RUNS "DOGMA" OVER WITH IT'S KARMA

LOVE & BASKETBALL

WHY RUIN A GOOD SPORTS MOVIE WITH LOVE?

IT'S UP╔ AND IT'S GOOD!

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT

ENGAGING, AND IT RULES
(THAT'S THE BEST I COULD DO)

DROP AND GIVE ME MY
TWENTY BUCKS BACK, MAGGOT

SCREWED

A GREAT SCREWBALL COMEDY

THAT'S HOW YOU'LL FEEL AFTER THE FIRST TEN MINUTES

THE BIG KAHUNA

WIPEOUT!!!

IT HANGS A BIG TEN WITH ME

THE FLINTSTONES IN VIVA ROCK VEGAS

ONE BIG YABBA-DABBA-DUD

TIME TO CASH IN YOUR CHIPS

U-571

A LOT BETTER THAN A "THREE HOUR TOUR"

GOES TO NEW DEPTHS IN WAR MOVIES

WHERE THE HEART IS

IT SURE AIN'T HERE

AS LONG AS PAUL ISN'T WATCHING IT