Pitch Black

After an intergalactic passenger spaceship crash lands on a mysterious planet, the remaining survivors including the two pilots, a teenage stowaway, a religious father with his three children and a hardened criminal being transported to prison must survive a school of carnivorous, nocturnal creatures in the middle of an eclipse.

Paul

I liked this one a lot. It was a non-stop, action packed thrill ride with the perfect blend of humor and horror in all the right places.

The relatively unknown cast gave the film an original facet that doesn't usually happen with sci-fi action flicks, and the special effects were excellent thanks to the extreme attention to detail on the spaceships and the night crawling monsters.

Unfortunately, like most sci-fi action flicks, some of the dialogue or lines were really cheesy and corny. Didn't we learn that lesson in "Event Horizon"?

But if snappy comebacks in death riddled situations aren't on your list of requirements for a kick ass movie, "Pitch Black" will definitely make your list. I know it's on mine.

Danny

Just like the sci-fi epics before it that fell shorter than a midget with long shoelaces, "Pitch Black" seems to go out of it's way to turn itself into one of the worst movies of the new year.

The only redeemable aspects of this deplorable film are the multiple story lines and interesting outcomes of the characters. You know immediately the body count is going to engulf at least half of the cast, but unlikely characters end up in interesting predicaments.

Beyond that, everything else really sucks. The script was poorly written and obvious rushed for production, and tries to hide the crappy dialogue with useless effects and edgy moments. The holes in the plot are totally unbelievable. Why would anyone even want to transport a deadly murderer on a commercial airline? Its like "Passenger 57" meets "Jetsons: The Movie."

So if you're looking for a good sci-fi flick about monsters who attack their prey in the darkness, go rent "Alien" on DVD. In this movie, no one can hear you bitch.

MY ADVICE: WATCH IT LIKE IT'S THE OSCARS DIRECTED BY JOHN WOO

MY ADVICE: AVOID IT LIKE A MILD CONCUSSION

The Whole Nine Yards

A struggling Canadian dentist (played by Matthew Perry) gets the surprise of his life when a former Chicago mob hitman (played by Bruce Willis) moves in next door to evade the crime family he turned against in a comedy directed by Jonathan Lynn.

Paul

This dark comedy was surprisingly good for another "Friends" meal ticket movie. Not only was it totally hilarious from start to finish, but it's believable.

The interaction between Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry is astounding. Their chemistry works well on the screen and deserves an Oscar. Hell, if South Park can garnish a nomination, it'll be a piece of cake for these guys.

A couple of the jokes, however, seem over done after watching mob comedies like "Analyze This" and "Mickey Blue Eyes." How many times can you shoot a guy in the head, make a Swiss cheese reference and get a serious laugh?

Whether youΓre a member of the Gotti crime family or just an independent hitman, "The Whole Nine Yards" is the funniest and most realistic Mafia comedy I've seen in a long time.

Danny

I immediately protested the idea of yet another mob comedy. It seems like whenever the Hollywood movie machine gets a hold of a hit, it reuses the idea over and over and over like some evangelical Osmond family member. But "The Whole Nine Yards" stood out of the crowd including past hits like "Analyze This," "Jane Austin's Mafia!", "Married to the Mob" and "Mickey Blue Eyes."

Not only is it funny from start to finish, it's totally original. Sure, there's occasionally a joke about a guy Willis just knocked off with a .47 in his drawing room, but the conflict between Perry and his wife, played by Roseanna Arquette, makes a very interesting movie. Their performances together are hysterical.

But once again, some of the jokes get recycled occasionally and tends to be a little too dark to be a real comedy. Just try shooting someone in the head 68 times and see if anyone chuckles at the comments you make.

But if you don't mind an occasional crack about freshly killed corpses or off-color material, this should be the first movie on your list╖at least until National Lampoon's version of "The Godfather" makes it to the theaters.

MY ADVICE: LOVED IT MORE THAN WATCHING A DOG TEAR APART MY LEONARDO DICAPRIO VOODOO DOLL

MY ADVICE:LIKED IT MORE THAN WATCHING LEONARDO DICAPRIO DROWN IN MY LIVING ROOM AQUARIUM

Final Destination

Alex and his high school buddies are about to take a class trip to Paris when he has a disturbing vision that the plane will crash just after take off and immediately gets the plane to land and leave him behind. When the plane does crash. Alex and his remaining friends try to evade the clutches of Death and the FBI who feel he is responsible for the accident.

Paul

"Final Destination" was just another thrill ride with a waiting line that lasted way too long but only turned out to be some crappy kiddy ride. The entire story and action sequences need a lot of work and most of the scenes were rushed, confusing and really really stupid.

There wasn't much that I liked about it except for the few special effects that seemed realistic. The inside of the plane crash that opens the movie gave some promise to this film reel of puke but within the next frame, the whole production went down in flames faster than that damn 747.

Basically, I hated everything. The plot was terribly constructed, the acting was ridiculous, the scenes were poorly put together, and the script was just total crap. Deion Sanders himself couldn't catch this stinker before it fell in the fire.

Bottom line, it sucked, don't see it. End of story.

Danny

Scene after scene, special effect after special effect, annoying sexual teen catch phrase after annoying sexual teen catch phrase, this obvious bomb didn't fall short of my expectations - it totally sucked from beginning to end.

Even though the entire idea is a lost cause to begin with, the multiple conflict between Death and the FBI gives it an interesting twist that combines a conspiratorial and supernatural element.

Other than that very small aspect, the rest don't even add up to "zilch." Flashy special effects and the same teenage audience grabbing hide the fact that everything from the script to the acting is as at best, horrible.

Someone needs to put movies like this out of their misery. If you agree, don't see it. If not, your mother never loved you.

MY ADVICE: HATED IT MORE THAN THE TIME I HAD TO SING A BOYZ II MEN SONG AT MY SIXTH GRADE GRADUATION

MY ADVICE: HATED IT MORE THAN HAVING TO WATCH PAUL SING A BOYZ II MEN SONG AT HIS SIXTH GRADE GRADUATION

Erin Brockovich

Paul

After watching every John Grisham movie come down the pike from "The Client" to "A Time to Kill" when lawyers fight back against the system, it's refreshing to see a movie that doesn't fall into the usual courtroom formula.

The guidelines based around the movie makes for an interesting flick. The interaction between the characters is good and the small bits of humor give it an extra pinch of spice. Julia Roberts also looks hot in a low cleavage denim shirt and an extra short mini-skirt.

I didn't like the fact that there was no real conflict in the story. Basically, Roberts' character stumbles into her horrible discovery that the utility company is poisoning the water supply and no one from the company's board of directors confronts her even though she's wearing a hot, low cleavage denim shirt and an extra short mini-skirt.

It's not the perfect courtroom drama, but there's a weird feeling in my appendix that this movie's going to be a big hit with the males other than the fact that Julia Roberts looks hot in a low cleavage denim shirt and an extra short mini-skirt. I can't stop saying that.

Danny

It's a shame this movie wasn't released sooner because it would have been a shoe-in for this year's Oscar nominations. Unfortunately, there's a possibility it might get toppled with a bunch of critically acclaimed movies after the summer movie blitz but until then, we can still remember just how good this movie is.

Julia Roberts is superb from beginning to end other than the fact that she spends the majority of the picture in a hot, low cleavage denim shirt and an extra short mini-skirt. Hey, I may be a movie critic, but I'm still human. The script is also great and the story is makes for a very interesting movie.

It does tend to fall in that whole "small person against large corporation" struggle which is understandable since the meek always inherit the cool ending. I know that almost every movie faces the good vs. evil mentality but it gets a little old after all awhile.

All film-makers should model their own cinematic creations after director Steven Soderbergh's artistic vision, realistic sense of humor and great skill in costume design for his leading ladies. Every movie should have Julia Roberts in a hot, low cleavage denim shirt and an extra short mini-skirt. Don't worry, I'll still respect her in the morning.

MY ADVICE: SEE IT LIKE IT'S A MOVIE STARRING JULIA ROBERTS IN A LOW-CUT CLEAVAGE-ENHANCED DENIM SHIRT AND AN EXTRA-SHORT MINI-SKIRT

MY ADVICE: SEE IT LIKE IT'S A MOVIE STARRING JULIA ROBERTS IN A LOW-CUT CLEAVAGE-ENHANCED DENIM SHIRT AND AN EXTRA-SHORT MINI-SKIRT

Paul's Video Pick
(Definitely Not Danny's)

Lake Placid

Bill Pullman plays a local town game warden who's faced with the biggest animal of his career when a twenty foot alligator reeks havoc in the town's lake. It's tells a great story, has superb special effects and mixes the perfect of dark comedy with extreme horror.

Danny's Video Pick
(Definitely Not Paul's)

Eyes Wide Shut

Director Stanley Kubrick's last film before his death in 1999 stars real life couple Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman as a sexually frustrated couple who join a secret sexual exploration society and soon, things go way over their head. Even though the topic is very risquÄ and not for most audiences, it's an interesting story that opens itself to numerous possibilities and doesn't play down to the audience with unnecessary scenes or long, boring sequences.

Other Movies We Saw for Free

THE BEACH

HATED IT MORE THAN A NICK AT NITE "MY MOTHER THE CAR" MARATHON

HATED IT MORE THAN THE TIME WHEN MY DENTIST USED TABASCO SAUCE INSTEAD OF NOVICANE

BOILER ROOM

DESPISED THIS PICTURE MORE THAN SEQUEL TO THE CARROT TOP MOVIE

LIKED IT AS MUCH AS THE POP UP VERSION OF THE STARR REPORT

DROWNING MONA

LOVED IT MORE THAN MY CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR - UH I MEAN, 1997 CHEVY CAMARO

HATED IT MORE THAN MY 1997 CHEVY CAMARO - UH I MEAN, CUDDLY TEDDY BEAR

HANGING UP

HATED IT MORE THAN ANY OTHER MOVIE STARRING DIANE KEATON

HATED IT MORE THAN ANY OTHER MOVIE DIRECTED BY DIANE KEATON

MISSION TO MARS

LIKED IT AS MUCH AS MY FIRST HIGH SCHOOL DANCE

HATED IT MORE THAN MY ONLY HIGH SCHOOL DANCE

MY DOG SKIP

DESPISED IT MORE THAN MY NEIGHBOR'S DOG "ONE NUT"

LOVED IT AS MUCH AS WATCHING "ONE NUT" EAT "STUART LITTLE"

THE NEXT BEST THING

HATED IT MORE THAN "INSPECTOR GADGET"

HATED IT MORE THAN "EVITA"

THE NINTH GATE

HATED IT MORE THAN GATES ONE THROUGH EIGHT

HATED IT MORE THAN GATES TEN THROUGH INFINITY

REINDEER GAMES

LOVED IT MORE THAN WATCHING THE SCENE WHEN CHARLEZE THERON JUMPS IN THE ICE COLD LAKE

HATED IT MORE THAN WATCHING THE SCENE WHEN BEN AFFLECK JUMPS IN THE ICE COLD LAKE

SCREAM 3

LIKED IT MORE THAN A DEEP FRIED PIZZA COVERED IN MELTED NACHO CHEESE

HATED IT MORE THAN THE MOMENT I LEARNED THEY WERE ACTUALLY MAKING ANOTHER "SCREAM" MOVIE

SNOW DAY

HATED IT MORE THAN "RAIN DAY," "SLEET DAY," "HAIL DAY" AND "EL NINO DAY"

HATED IT MORE THAN GOING TO CUSTOMS IN THE AIRPORT AFTER EATING AT TACO BELL

HATED IT MORE THAN SHARING A SEAT ON A BUS WITH DOM DELUISE, LOUIE ANDERSON AND THE FAT BOYS

LOVED IT AS MUCH AS BRIBING THE FAT BOYS TO ASK IF THEY COULD SHARE A SEAT ON THE BUS WITH PAUL

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