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From [e-mail]  Tue Mar 31 18:35:21 1992
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Date: Tue, 31 Mar 92 18:35:03 EST
From: [e-mail] (Richard Kulawiec)
Posted-Date: Tue, 31 Mar 92 18:35:03 EST
Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Satellite of Love News #18
Status: OR

This issue consists entirely of part 1 (of 2) of the MST3K quotes file.
This file is the result of a lot of work on the part of Synth F. Oberheim,
who deserves a big thank-you from all of us for putting this together.

I've edited the file so that it is *roughly* in the form that the Unix
"fortune" program expects.  That is, each quote is delimited by a "%%"
on a line by itself, so that the fortune-printing program knows where
each fragment begins and ends.  I also did some rearranging of the contents
so that most of the quotes include the movie they're from, and so that
they follow Ken Arnold's recommendations for "fortune" style -- sort of.

The second part of the fortune file will be in SOLN #19, which will be
sent out on the heels of this issue.

Cheers,
---Rsk

From: [e-mail] (Synth F. Oberheim)
Date: Wed, 8 Jan 92 16:14:49 MST
Subject: The SOL "Kitchen Sink" Quote File! [Part 1 of 2]

Here ya go, kids ... the quote file is attaining some decent mass, so I
thought it time to ship it to the list.

I make no claims nor take any responsibility for the content of the file;
I thought it best not to play moderator or editor and just put everything
in that came my way.  If however you feel that the file could use some
trimming down and quality control, speak to the list.  If there are
enough complaints I will take on the task of editing.  Otherwise, you're
welcome to hack and slash and use what you want.

A hearty thank you to SOL members who contributed to the quote file.
You know who you are.  Keep it up!  Send mass quantities to me at either
one of the handy addresses listed below.

It's hot and humid with,
Synth .:::::. [e-mail], [e-mail]
--
"Meanwhile, our hero stopped at a Stuckey's to get a salted nut roll!"


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  snip snip  - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

%%
"The captain has turned off the `No Dubbing' sign.  You are free to speak
any language you choose."
%%
"Meanwhile, at Jackie Chan Technical College ..."
%%
"Geez, Joel, don't vapor lock on us, it's just a little SKIT for cryin'
 out loud!"
%%
"Meanwhile, in the darkness and void, Jean-Paul Sartre was a-movin' and
 a-groovin'."
    --- Crow
%%
"Oh no, they hit the Howells' hut!"
"Lovee, I'm on fire!"
%%
"Fire laser gun!"
    --- Mighty Joe #1
"Fire second battery!"
    --- Mighty Joe #2
"Fire screenwriter!"
    --- Crow
%%
"You've been ordered to be executed! That oughta take the smile off your face!"

"Not if you do it right ..."
    --- Carraran guard & Crow
%%
"Ow!  Don't bite me!  I'm alive, I'm a sentient being!  Ow!"

"... but it was TOO LATE -- the kids had *crushed the crullers* ..."
    --- Tom & Crow
%%
"You belong to the press now, little girl.  We'll raise you as one of our own."
%%
"All right, we'll open with `Rite of Spring', and kick into `Blue Suede Shoes'"
%%
"Look!  Water, the Source of All --"  "We know, we know ..."
%%
"Hi, I'm Satan.  Enjoy the film."
%%
"I think it's really the human part of him that's failing."

"Well, the human side likes the rich taste, but the robot in him loves
 the frosty goodness."
    --- Tom & Joel
%%
"Next time why don't YOU just skip dinner and go straight to passing out
 on the table!"
    --- Tom Servo
%%
"Help!  I've plummeted to my death, and I can't get up!"  -- Tom Servo
%%
"Must you scream *every* observation?"
    --- Tom Servo
%%
"Good night, everybody!  Enjoy the buffet!"
%%
"Look, it's Jamie Gumm's van!"  "`Must put the lotion on its skin ...'"
%%
"Tuesdays are Human Sacrifice Day at the Sizzler!"
    --- Joel
%%
"Hmmm, a lot of CHRYSLERS on this planet ..."
    --- Crow
%%
"Tom, you're stuck in Shatner Mode, now stop it!"
%%
"Kids go running for the rich taste of Gamera!"
%%
"And remember, it's all in the name of science ..."
%%
"Say, THAT's a good view of the fiery hell-beast!"
%%
"I have come here to chew sushi and kick butt.  And I'm all out of sushi."
%%
"Watch it -- we've got Moog synthesizers!  We could kill you from here!"
%%
"I'm in for $20 on the robot."
    --- Tom Servo
"I don't know... that mummy's got lightning speed.  Amazing snake-like
 accuracy, too."
    --- Joel, "Robot vs. The Aztec Mummy"
%%
"'Chapter Two: Molten Terror'!  Ooo, isn't terror bad enough without being
  molten?"
    --- Tom Servo (#1), "Commando Cody"
%%
"That must be Stanley, the lovable but gnarled garage door opener.  That
 Stanley... always trying to help you do things right."
    --- Crow, "The Corpse Vanishes"
%%
"Kinda looks like a big, dumb Andy Griffith.  Well, a big Andy Griffith."
"Just plain old Andy Griffith!"
    --- Tom Servo/Crow, "Mad Monster"
%%
"Even if they kill that thing, they're going to need a lemon the size of
 a Volvo to eat it."
    --- Joel, "Black Scorpion"
%%
"Works every time."
    --- Joel
%%
"The Robot..."
    --- Joel, reading the title
"Yayyy!"
    --- Tom Servo and Crow
"...vs. The Aztec Mummy."
    --- Joel
"Booooo!"
    --- Tom Servo and Crow
%%
"These waffles have gone straight to my head!  I'm in love!"
    --- Joel, "Black Scorpion"
%%
"'Lost Continent'?  I lost my keys once, but that's ridiculous!"
    --- Joel, "Lost Continent"
%%
"Give him this.  It's raw pork.  He'll know what it means."
    --- Crow, "Rocket Attack U.S.A."
%%
"Nice shooting, Lionel."
    --- Tom Servo
"Thanks, Tyco."
    --- Crow, "Radar Men From The Moon"
%%
"Try your hand, smart boy."
    --- Joel, "First Spaceship On Venus"
%%
"'Women of The Prehistoric Planet'?!  My sister had to watch this in
  Junior High.  All the boys had to go in the gym."
    --- Joel, "Women of The Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"Scorpions like this always keep ice cold beer around."
    --- Joel, "Black Scorpion"
%%
"They call me Atra, and I don't come with a comfort strip."
    --- Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"That's a commonly used movie device called fore-shortening." - Joel
"Instead of butter."
    --- Crow, "Radar Men From The Moon"
%%
"What are boobs, Joel?"
    --- Tom Servo & Crow
"You know ... like Jethro Bodine!"
    --- Joel, "Pod People"
%%
"Tang cannot swim!"
    --- Tang
"Will settle to bottom!  Must stir!"
    --- Joel, "Women of the Prehistoric Panet"
%%
"Oh, that will go great in his alien-mutant-hell-beast-from-space collection!"
    --- Crow, "Pod People"
%%
"Boldly backing away from where no man has gone before ..."
    --- Joel, "Pod People"
%%
"Is that gravy?  I thought the dog had gotten sick ..."
    --- Tom Servo
%%
"I never saw Spam served so many different ways, especially in Jello!"
    --- Crow
%%
"Neat music!  Is this white reggae?"
    --- Crow, "Pod People"
%%
"Joel, what are these films supposed to teach us?"  - Crow
"We're born, we die, & there is a lot of padding in between."
    --- Joel, "The Hellcats"
%%
"Man, they are REALLY over-acting in this thing!"
    --- Joel, "Radar Men From the Moon"
%%
"You know, that `Constant Heat Ray' sounds a LOT like a Chevy horn ..."
    --- Joel, "Radar Men from the Moon"
%%
"I've never seen so many Lava Lamps in my LIFE ..."
    --- Joel, "Radar Men from the Moon"
%%
"I drive a truck, I'm butt ugly, and I'm about to be eaten by a spider ..."
    --- Tom Servo, "Earth vs. the Spider"
%%
"Oh NO!  Not the swamp scene AGAIN!  They sure got a lot of use out
 of THAT set..."
    --- Tom Servo, "The Mad Monster"
%%
"This is a movie.
 This is a movie on drugs.
 Any questions?"
    --- Tom Servo, "Stranded In Space"
%%
"Funny how space looks a lot like *Sacramento* ..."
    --- Crow, "Stranded In Space"
%%
"Yes! Yes! It worked!  I'm gonna score on an interplanetary scale!"
    --- Crow, "Stranded In Space"
%%
"Note to myself:  Pack more life-saving liquid!"
    --- Crow, "Stranded In Space"
%%
Tom:  "Next week on 'Mannix!'"
Crow: "Last week on 'Cannon!'"
Joel: "Coming soon on 'Heck Ramsey!'"
Tom:  "Previously on 'Baretta!'"
Joel: "Tonight, a very special episode of 'T.J. Hooker!'"
Crow: "This week on 'Masterpiece Theatre'..."
    --- "Stranded In Space"
%%
"That felt *good*.  Now I'm gonna go turn my daughter into a woodchuck!"
    --- Tom, "Mad Monster"
%%
"Why does he have to kill them to prove his point?  Can't he just show them
 a *pie chart* or something?!"
    --- Tom, "Mad Monster"
%%
"Let me tell you all a story 'bout a man named Jed,
 Poor mountaineer, barely kept his fam'ly fed.
 And then one day, he was shootin' at some food,
 When up from the swamp pops a big ugly dude.
 Wolfman!  Black teeth!  Gnarly face!
 Well, the next thing you know, ol' Jed's really scared,
 His kinfolk said, 'Jed, get away from there!'
 They said, 'Your cabin is the place you oughta be,'
 So he loaded up his pants and he told the family!"
    --- Tom and Crow, "Mad Monster"
%%
"Something stupid this way comes."
    --- Joel, "The Corpse Vanishes"
%%
"No, he doesn't want to hurt him -- it's just high-impact chiropractics."
    --- Crow, "The Corpse Vanishes"
%%
Crow: "Why does the Earth have a shadow?"
Tom:  "Why are there clouds in space?"
Crow: "Why are we watching this?"
Tom:  "Daddy -- what's Vietnam?"
    --- "The Corpse Vanishes"
%%
"Eat shrapnel, tire boys!"
    --- Tom, "The Corpse Vanishes"
%%
"Gamera is really neat,
 He is filled with turtle meat,
 We all love you, Gaaaa-merrr-raaaa!"
    --- Joel, Tom, Crow
%%
"No spiders were squished, stepped on, flushed, or made to suffer any emotional
 distress during the making of this film.  One spider did die of old age; we
 have two letters from doctors confirming this."
    --- Tom Servo, "Earth vs. the Spider"
%%
"He's dreamin' of big, mutated, armor-covered rabbits!"
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
"Hi, we're from America!  We've come to decimate your jungle, convert your
 youth, and make you feel inferior!"
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
"Caution, filling is hot -- and alive."
    --- Tom Servo, "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
"Hey, little mutant guy!"
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
"He wakes up with the worst breath of the millenium."
    --- Tom Servo, "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
"Oh no!  He's doing Jolson!"
    --- Tom Servo, "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
Joel: "Aw, I saw a wire.  That wrecks everything."
Tom:  "You mean this is fake?"
    --- "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
"If you think of this as two guys in rubber suits, it's really sad."
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
Joel: "In Hollywood, Gamera is considered a triple threat.  A
       performer, director, and monster."
Crow: "Kind of like Barbra Streisand."
    --- "Gamera vs. Barugon"
%%
"We've secretly replaced the Pacific Ocean with Folgers crystals ..."
    --- Tom Servo, "Mighty Jack"
%%
Tom:  "Wonder if there's an *abridged* version of this movie."
Crow: "If there is, let's burn it!"
    --- "The Crawling Hand"
%%
Crow: "He looks like a cross between, uh, Jerry Mathers and James Dean."
Tom:  "'Beaver Without a Cause.'"
    --- "The Crawling Hand"
%%
"Off to meet my doom, mom -- see you after school!"
    --- Joel, "Time of the Apes"
%%
"Oh no!  It hit the 'Plot Contrivance' switch!"
    --- Tom, "Time of the Apes"
%%
"Johnny is a walking faux pas!"
    --- Crow, "Time of the Apes"
%%
"Yes!  To our death, then!  Wheee!"
    --- Crow, "Time of the Apes"
%%
"Do the words 'shallow grave' mean anything to you?"
    --- Tom, "Time of the Apes"
%%
"Home, where my thoughts escape me,
 Home, where I comb my face-y ..."
    --- Joel, "Time of the Apes"
%%
"The Sandy Frank Song" (A=all, T=Tom, C=Crow, J=Joel)
A: Sandy Fraaank!  Sandy Fraaank!
T: He's the source of all our pain!
A: Sandy Fraaank!  Sandy Fraaank!
C: Gads about the house all day!
A: Sandy Fraaank!  Sandy Fraaank!
J: Thinks that people come from trees!
A: Sandy Fraaank!  Sandy Fraaank!
T: Gets horrid movies from Japan!
A: Sandy Fraaank!  Sandy Fraaank!
C: Films are always poorly dubbed!
A: Sandy Fraaank!  Sandy Fraaank!
J: Spielberg won't return his calls!
[evil scientists call, interrupting]
    --- "Time of the Apes"
%%
"I'm gonna ask this once again, and it's only for the sake of conversation,
 but what DO you think is the tastiest part of the human body?  Hands?"
    --- Tom Servo, "Lost Continent"
%%
"Kids -- don't ever sit on an archaeologist's lap."
    --- Tom, "Robot Monster"
%%
"Ah, don't patronize me, rock-jockey!"
    --- Crow, "Robot Monster"
%%
"Hey great!  A picnic at the slag heap!  Thanks, Ma!"
    --- Crow, "Robot Monster"
%%
"What's so scary about an alien that looks like the mascot
of a college football team?"
    --- Tom
"He must be from Texas A&M.  You know -- `Ape & Monster.'"
    --- Crow, "Robot Monster"
%%
"Armageddon married in the morning!"
    --- Tom, "Robot Monster"
%%
"Mother -- keep digging graves.  Better do two -- this isn't going too well."
    --- Joel, "Robot Monster"
%%
"Mom?  I've turned Hindu!"
    --- Tom, "Robot Monster"
%%
"Oh, no, it's the rinse cycle!"
    --- Joel, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"Joel, Joel -- have a waffle, will ya?  Shape up!"
    --- Crow, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"Oh, great -- it's an ABBA reunion."
    --- Crow, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"I'm raven-haired and bitter!"
    --- Crow, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"Well, you swing your partner,
 Swing your fist,
 Pull her hair and break her wrist!
 Promenade!"
    --- Tom, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"Roger [Corman], this is God.  Pick up the pace!"
    --- Crow, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"Smart Vikings, foolish choices -- today on `Geraldo!'"
    --- Tom, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"I'm Spunky, the warrior boy!"
    --- Crow, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"I'm Todd, the Baptist!"
    --- Crow, "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"The Waffle Song" (J=Joel C=Crow T=Tom G=Gypsy A=All)
J: W is for the many ways that you're served
C: A is for the admiration you deserve
G: F because you're fluffy, flaky and fun!
T: and F is for the flavor that is 2nd ta none
J: L is for how light you are, you melt in my mouth!
A: E is for eggs--Oh Baby!
   Put 'em all together witha how doyado
   Lovely waffles we love--
G: Cook me up another please!
A: Oh, waffles we love--
T: Top mine off with runny cheese!
A: Waffles we love--
C: Jelly waffles suit me fine!
A: Waffles we love--
J: Wash me down with Aunt Jemima?
A: Waaaaaaaffffles, wee love youuuu!
    --- "Viking Women and the Sea Serpent"
%%
"Steve, have you ever *really* looked at a squirrel?
I mean *really*, up close."
    --- Joel, "Commando Cody"
%%
He's pulling into a Texaco station.
    --- Tom
You can trust your plane to the guys who are inane!
    --- Crow, "Slime People"
%%
"Hi, this is the human race.  We're not in right now; please
 speak clearly after the sound of the bomb."
    --- Crow, "Slime People"
%%
"It's not much, but ... *I* call it Hell."
    --- Tom, "Slime People"
%%
"Don't point that goat at me -- it might go off!"
    --- Tom, "Slime People"
%%
"Kitty!"
    --- Crow (upon seeing the goat), "Slime People"
%%
"If you drag out our rotting, broken carcasses it means it
 didn't really work out very well."
    --- Tom, "Slime People"
%%
Looks like a kindergarten field trip!
    --- Joel
Yeah, to Scab World!
    --- Crow, "Slime People"
%%
"Hey, white trash meets -- *real* trash!"
    --- Crow, "Slime People"
%%
"Kinda like fightin' a big ol' booger!"
    --- Crow, "Slime People"
%%
"Today's youth -- hopped up on crack, crystal melph, formaldehyde-processed
 opium, tar heroin, and -- pomade!"
    --- Tom, "Daddy-O"
%%
"All I can think of is death -- death, man!"
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Die, DEATH!!!!  Ah, I'll have a Coke."
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Hey, it's Captain Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans out clubbin'!"
    --- Joel, "Daddy-O"
%%
"He's singing the right side of the menu!"
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
I'm gettin' hungry!
    --- Joel
Yeah -- well, now he's singin' about the Continental Breakfast.
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Have you ever thought about being evil?  I mean really *evil*!"
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Let's eat.  You like butter?
 Let's eat some butter, gobs of butter, big handfuls."
    --- Joel, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Wow!  These are the rowdiest group of youths since Altamont!"
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Why couldn't this guy be on the plane instead of Buddy Holly?!"
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Yesterday pizza, today butter, tomorrow the world!"
    --- Joel, "Daddy-O"
%%
You there!  Drop that butter!
    --- Tom
Cheese it!  The dairy police!
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
Meanwhile, our hero stopped at a Stuckey's to get a salted nut roll!
    --- Tom
Oooh, I love those!
    --- Crow, "Daddy-O"
%%
"Hey, didn't he used to be with Def Leppard?"
    --- Tom Servo, "The Crawling Hand"
%%
"Commando Cody Ch. 1"
---------------------
"Looks like an atomic nose hair clipper."
    --- Joel, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"
%%
Why do they hate trains so much?
    --- Crow
Ah, it's not so much that they hate trains;
      they hate what they stand for.
    --- Joel
Oh, that clears everything up!
    --- Crow, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"
%%
"He was cleverly disguised as a Hershey's kiss!"
    --- Tom, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"
%%
"Eat lead, space pansy!!"
     --- Tom, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"
%%
"You could see they're a more advanced civilization--
 their furniture doesn't break!"
    --- Joel, "Commando Cody, Ch. 1"
%%
This is the kind of film you *won't* put on "pause" when you leave the room.
    --- Crow
It encourages you to go get a sandwich!
    --- Tom
Kinda like TV repellant.
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"The only thing diabolical about this guy is his acting!"
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
The table's moving--the table's a better actor than anyone!
    --- Tom
They're all made out of the same material--wood.
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"It's not so great; it doesn't have knees!"
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"Three o'clock, and all's Hell."
    --- Tom, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
This guy's snapped a twig.
    --- Tom
I think the whole branch came down.
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
Hey guys, guess who's *history* in this scene!
    --- Crow
Juan Valdez?
    --- Joel
Bingo!
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"Well--immolation is the sincerest form of flattery."
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"I'm in for 20 on the robot!"
    --- Tom, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
He'll put you in a sleeper hold; he just breathes on you.
    --- Joel
This whole movie's a sleeper hold!
    --- Tom, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"This one feels like a suppository!"
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"I don't know--once that robot gets into gear, you're really
 going to see him kick some Aztec!"
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"I looked up 'anticlimax' in the dictionary, and it said 'see Aztec mummy.'"
    --- Crow, "The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy"
%%
"Forget about life jackets, this is the fifties!"
    --- Tom, "Aquatic Wizards"
%%
"Gee, I hope I'm skiing pretty
 Gee, I hope I get a boyfriend
 Gee, I hope I don't get acne
 I'm having so much fun now!"
    --- Tom, "Aquatic Wizards"
%%
"This has got litigation written all over it!"
    --- Crow, "Aquatic Wizards"
%%
"Am I a clown?  You find me amusing?!"
    --- Crow, "Aquatic Wizards"
%%
"Hey, hey, hey, get a boat--I mean get a room!"
    --- Tom, "Aquatic Wizards"
%%
"You know, Ross is no stranger to raping the land."
    --- Joel, "Catching Trouble"
%%
"Shh!  Wait!  I hear something *living*!"
    --- Tom, "Catching Trouble"
%%
"Ross tries to towel away the evil, but nothing doing."
    --- Tom, "Catching Trouble"
%%
"The morning mail brings a letter from PETA--go out and
 catch the slimiest of all creatures, the Great White Ross!"
    --- Tom, "Catching Trouble"
%%
"Roger Corman--well, this must have been filmed painstakingly
 over the course of *three days*!"
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
You know, I'm just guessing, guys, but since this is a
Corman film we'd better get used to this scenery.
    --- Joel
One-location wonder.
    --- Tom, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Hey, he's got a clean spear now.  He musta stopped at L.L. Bean on the way."
    --- Tom, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
We are all Neanderthal!
    --- Crow
We are all Neanderthal!
    --- Tom, Joel
We are gonna have a ball!
    --- Crow
We are gonna have a ball!
    --- Tom, Joel, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Hey, I just invented malpractice!"
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
Hey, he's inventing swimming!
    --- Crow
No, looks like he's inventing drowning.
    --- Tom, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Hey, hey!  Cross your legs, Robert--you can see the squirrel."
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Something goofy this way comes."
    --- Joel, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Hey--he invented the hangover!"
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"It's God's way of saying GET ON WITH THE MOVIE!!"
    --- Tom, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Brought you some dinner--hope you like sticks."
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
This script's like a telephone directory!
    --- Joel, "Teenage Caveman"
Only not as interesting.
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"This is why the dinosaurs died out--you *bored* 'em to death!"
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
Oh, neat, he invented the quiver!
    --- Crow
So did *she*!  Woooo!
    --- Tom, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Shh!  Don't talk so loud!  Everyone will want death now."
    --- Joel, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Suddenly it's a John Ford film.  Sorta like 'She Wore a Yellow Loincloth.'"
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Illya?  Mr. Waverly!"
    --- Crow, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Hmm...more holes in the plot.  Let's follow them!"
    --- Tom, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"It's about time, it's about space, it's about time I slapped your face!"
    --- Joel, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"If a tree fell in the forest, would Roger Corman go over budget?  Hah!"
    --- Tom, "Teenage Caveman"
%%
"Their technology must be light years ahead of ours--
 their use of stock footage is amazing!"
    --- Joel, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"I'll stay here and take more lithium."
    --- Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"Hmmm....coconut cream pie...car made out of bamboo...
 and a sailor's hat.  What's it all mean?"
    --- Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"You ever see the movie 'Alive,' doughnut boy?"
    --- Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"Look's like an interstellar Denny's!"
    --- Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"Oh, my God!  How horrible to be killed by a plush toy!"
    --- Tom, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"And so, Johnny Longtorso and his industrial band of bad-boy space-farin'
pals step out into the cold air of Central Park."
    --- Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"Hey, get me--I'm a wood nymph!"
    --- Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"See no evil...well, maybe just a little...yeah!"
    --- Joel, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
That's what I call a complete breakfast.  Tang, toast, milk, and fruit.
    --- Tom
And booty!
    --- Joel, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
Oh, come on!  Who made you God?
    --- Crow
Oh, man evolved from Tang, right! We gotta get outta here.
    --- Tom
That means my great-great-grandmother was really, really hot!
    --- Joel
Was she?  You have her picture?
    --- Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet"
%%
"He's hallucinating split ends!"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Ah, you know, I just love the whole incoherent "Mighty Jack"
 quality of this film."
    --- Tom, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
Oh, no!  They're being attacked by Norelco razors!
    --- Tom
Even the name says Merry Christmas!
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"A planet that evolved from carob?!  I don't think so!"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"It's a Super Tom Servo, with thrush busters and glass packs!"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Wait, they're gonna destroy it with refrigerator magnets?"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"You know, his country would win more wars if its national
 anthem was shorter!"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Our prisoners are baked, not fried!"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Oh!  Huh--interpretive death!  Flip shot to a somersault--
 pretty routine.  I've seen that before."
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
Is that dubbed?  That sounds like it might be dubbed.
    --- Crow
Pretty much.
    --- Tom
It's dubbed.
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Now remember, the first blade pulls the whisker out!  Capiche?"
    --- Joel, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Oil can?!  Did he say 'oil can'?!"
    --- Tom, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Van Damme and Van Damme in 'Van Damme You All to Hell!'"
    --- Tom, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
All:  Weee, are gonna find Sandy Frank,
      We juuust, wanna ask him why,
      Weee, are gonna stick it to Sandy Frank,
      And sit on his chest,
      And gob in his face,
      And maaake him cryyy!!!
    --- "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
Aw, they--they blewed it up before we found out what it was!
    --- Tom
Blewed?
    --- Joel, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"We're being attacked by models from Members Only?!"
    --- Joel, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Oh no!  It's the Dave Clark Five and they're being attacked
 by Dino, Desi, and Billy!"
    --- Tom, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Filmed in Convolution-Vision!"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Hey, neat!  Where'd you get the girl on a stick?"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Puppet ships to the rescue!"
    --- Crow, "Star Force: Fugitive Alien II"
%%
"Meanwhile, back at the Cody Institute for People Who Almost
 Die Every Week..."
    --- Tom, "Commando Cody Chs. 7 & 8"
%%
"Meanwhile, back at the Cody Institute for Deceptive Editing..."
    --- Tom, "Commando Cody Chs. 7 & 8"
%%
"I see a thousand points of light!  Looks like Cleveland!"
    --- Crow, "Commando Cody Chs. 7 & 8"
%%
"You know, these moon men have uses for plywood we haven't
 even dreamed of yet!"
    --- Joel, "Commando Cody Chs. 7 & 8"
%%
"They'll never notice this bug the size of an Epilady..."
    --- Joel, "Project Moonbase"
%%
She enters the scene like a float...and I'm not talkin' root beer!
    --- Tom
Does the phrase "drop anchor" mean anything?
    --- Crow
(foghorn noises)
    --- Joel, "Project Moonbase"
%%
"Spankin' time!"
    --- Crow, "Project Moonbase"
%%
Initiate cheesy effects sequence.
    --- Tom
Uh, roger that.  Initiating cheesy efects, Bill.
    --- Crow
Look, they're using ViewMaster technology!
    --- Joel, "Project Moonbase"
%%
Oh, get *that* lady a saucer of milk!
    --- Crow
Mee-oww!
    --- Tom, "Project Moonbase"
%%
"Hey, they're flying over a pot roast!  And it looks delicious!"
    --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Oh no, it's the cast of "Head Injury Playhouse!"
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
Uh-oh, it's right-wing Highway Dept. death squad!
    --- Tom
Let's rape the land!  C'mon!
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
Hey, do all Japanese children have to dress like Fisher-Price people?
    --- Crow
Weebles!
    --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Well--tie a yellow coward round that old oak tree!"
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"I'm guessin' he's thinkin' if he touches that monster he's
 gettin' a merit badge.  Yep."
    --- Joel, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"You know, wild horses couldn't drag this plot any further."
    --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Mmm--munchy, crunchy, chocolatey commuters!"
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Oh, looks like the Dodgers left Brooklyn and it's payback time!"
    --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Oh--he's blown a gasket and that means back to the pits for Gamera!"
    --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Oh great--now you've made the sun god mad!  Good one!"
    --- Crow, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Oh, I hope that's not Mr. Bubble or Gamera's gonna get a kidney
 infection!"
    --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"All right--it's a last resort, but send out the peel 'n eat humans!"
    --- Joel, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Operation Goofy now in effect!"
    --- Tom, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"It's good but it's not as good as Blood Classic."
    --- Joel, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Red sky in morning, monsters take warning!"
    --- Joel, "Gamera vs. Gaos"
%%
"Filmed in LongTorso-Vision!"
    --- Joel, "The Side Hackers"
%%
"No one's legs were ground off in the making of this film."
    --- Tom, "The Side Hackers"
%%
"Rod Stewart and Kim Carnes in 'Laryngitis Theatre!'"
    --- Tom, "The Side Hackers"
%%
"For those of you playing along at home--Rita is *dead*."
    --- Crow, "The Side Hackers"
%%
"Well--bye, honey!  Don't wait up!  I'll be dead!"
    --- Crow, "The Side Hackers"
%%
"Note to myself:  Load guns before killing spree.  Yeah!"
    --- Tom, "The Side Hackers"
%%
"Meanwhile, 1200 miles away, Akron's best speed toward the hills
 of Southern California! 'Ooh, Andy, faster!'"
    --- Crow, "The Side Hackers"
%%
"The Lloyd Bridges Song"

  Doooon't get your hopes up too high,
  'Cause when it's all said and done it's a Lloyd Bridges movie!
  Iiiiif you're looking for something good,
  Then an hour from now you're going to be weeeping!
    --- "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"And now, the cast of 'I Married Four Extras.'"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Thank you for being gutless!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"What did you expect?  You're an astronaut, dickweed!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Uh, Houston, we got a problem--Lloyd's, uh, makin' moves on the babe, here."
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Dear Diary--Well, we're all going to die and it's the men's fault.
 Our fiery demise is imminent, but at least I have my health--knock on
 wood.  Oh, I saw the cutest thing on 'Arsenio' last night..."
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"I'm human; now shut up and pass the salt!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Meanwhile, back on Earth, silos are bursting with nature's rich bounty!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"I have some rather bad news--there's more film."
    --- Joel, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Oh--he's waking up!  Quick, tell that story again!"
    --- Tom, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Y'ever tasted human flesh?"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Get down in the toilet, you chromo!"
    --- Tom, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"All right--who made the Kool-Aid?"
    (scene of people strewn all over ship's interior)
    --- Tom, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"She awakes with a hairball and the worst breath of the day!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
They're in the spin cycle...'must-add-fabric-softener!'
    --- Tom
Socks are sticking to the side!
    --- Joel, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Gosh, those Stuckey's are *everywhere*!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"This was no boating accident!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"You can't swing a dead cat without hitting one of his boring speeches!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"You squirtin' glue in that mask?"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
Let's all run like fools towards the danger!
    --- Crow
Serpentine, everybody!  Incoming wounded!
    --- Joel, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
Yep--let's go kill something we don't understand!
    --- Crow
I'm bringin' my pool cue in case they start rankin' on our women!
    --- Tom, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Cheese it, it's an entire race of mimes!  We gotta get back and warn Earth!"
    --- Joel, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Ook, ick, she's sloppin' him with a jock strap!"
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"OK, story so far: we got lost, flew to Phoenix, got attacked, we're gonna die."
    --- Crow, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Get your shoes on, honey--we're about to die!"
    --- Joel, "Rocketship X-M"
%%
"Aw, shutup, grandma, and eat your peanuts!"
    --Crow, "The Phantom Creeps" Ch. 2
%%
"Mmm..fresh, delicious, tree-ripened girls!"
    --Tom, "The Phantom Creeps" Ch. 2
%%
"Ooh, a police state!  Neat!"
    --Tom, "The Phantom Creeps" Ch. 2
%%
"He's gonna get a DWI--Driving While Invisible!"
    --Tom, "The Phantom Creeps" Ch. 2
%%
Hey, who's that guy over there?
    ---Tom
It's the Pope, on banjo!
    ---Crow, "Rocket Attack USA"
%%
Special agents are called in to slow the film down and grind it to
      a screeching halt.
    ---Tom
No one will be admitted during the breathtaking car-parking sequence!
    ---Crow, "Rocket Attack USA"
%%
I never thought the end of the world would be so annoying!
    --- Joel
Do not try to adjust your set.  We will control what is boring.
    ---Crow, "Rocket Attack USA"
%%
"Slim Fast?  One delicious shake in the morning and my hair falls out
 in the evening."
    ---Joel, "Rocket Attack USA"
%%
"Now, let's see, where was I?  Oh yeah--'See Dick, see Dick make a
 lateral incision...'"
    --Tom, "Ring of Terror"
%%
Have you ever been whipped with a Magnolia frond, dear?
    --- Crow
No one will be admitted during the breathtaking walking scene
      from Playstar Productions' "Ring of Terror."
    --Joel, "Ring of Terror"
%%
        OLD SCHOOL CURRICULUM

Department of Health Studies

-102  Blue Rinses
-121  Corn Sanding
-213  Intermediate Crankiness
-355  Laxative Symposium (Lab)
-410  Walker Workshop
-500  Hearing Aid Maintainence   [sic]

Department of Geriatric Behavior

-111  Napping
-241  Soup Slurping (Discussion and Lab)
-312  Television as a Drug
-456  Advanced Nodding Off

School of Social Skills

-534  Seminar:  Advanced Check Paying and Tip Shorting
-556  Remembering Your Name
-600  Sex Without Heart Failure
%%
"How come...Joel, how come they kill all these people but the credits
 don't get any shorter?"
    --Crow, "The Phantom Creeps" Ch. 3"
%%
How much Keeffe is in this movie?
    --- Joel
Miles O'Keeffe!
    ---Tom, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"Hey now look, here you can actually see the driver turn and shoot Kennedy!"
    ---Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"It's an early version of 'West Side Story!'  Unh!  I just met a
 girl named Unh!"
    ---Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"Uh, this is the part of the film that we'd like to call 'She Had To Ask.'"
    ---Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"Geez, Tolkien couldn't follow this plot!"
    ---Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"It's the best show tune ever!  It's brassy, it's sassy, it's a
 musical humdinger!"
    ---Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"She, uh...she's making flash powder from her own filth!"
    ---Joel, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"Quick--run with me, friend, towards the danger!"
    ---Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
So, let's recap the action so far!
    ---Tom
Uh, nothing really.
    ---Joel
Ah, you're right--let's move on, now.
    ---Tom, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"Oh, no!  They've jumped right into a Kurosawa film!"
    ---Tom, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"Wicker armor, courtesy Pier One."
    ---Tom, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"Check it out--they worship the Munsingwear penguin!"
    ---Joel, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"I think *I* just invented airsickness."
    ---Crow, "Cave Dwellers"
%%
"There I was, surrounded by salad fixings for miles and--no mandarin
 orange vinaigrette in sight!"
    ---Crow, "Jungle Goddess"
%%
"Get me--sentenced to death and I'm still makin' time.
 Yeah--I'm pretty cool."
    ---Joel, "Jungle Goddess"
%%
"Man of Steel, huh?  Phone *this* in to Perry White!"
    ---Joel, "Jungle Goddess"
%%
"Meanwhile in an equally racist Tarzan movie across the way..."
    ---Tom, "Jungle Goddess"
%%
Oh great, he killed a coconut!
    ---Tom,
In cold milk!
    ---Joel
Yeah.
    ---Tom, "Jungle Goddess"
%%
"Hi.  I'm God.  This film is moving slowly, my children."
    ---Tom, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
"I'm hysterical!  And I'm wet!"
    ---Crow, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
"For once, this *was* a boating accident!"
    ---Crow, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
(sees a dove) Oh, symbol of peace, huh?  Kill it!
    ---Tom
Pull!
    ---Joel, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
"Hey, they broke into a Rexall!"
    ---Tom, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
"OK--pretend you are Picasso.  Move your nose to the back of your head!"
    ---Tom, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
"They do more before nine in the morning than most monsters do all day!"
    ---Joel, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
"Oh--look at Godzilla go!  I'll tell ya--there's no seafood lover
 in *him*!"
    ---Tom, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
All these monster fights are rigged?
    --- Crow
You think so?
    ---Tom, "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster"
%%
"Man, my corn is as high as an elephant's eye!"
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Uh, those dancers are standing on dumpsters.  Does that make them
 white trash?"
    ---Joel, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Hey, look at the prow on *that* steamer!  Let's climb aboard!"
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Well--looks like somebody swabbed the deck with somebody's butt!"
    ---Tom, "Catalina Caper"
%%
(notices four bikini-clad girls standing next to each other)
      Oh, look, they're standing four abreast!
    ---Joel
Oh, *please*!
    ---Tom, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Hey, she lost the bone in her neck!  Look at that, floppin' around
 like that!"
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper" (watching a girl doing a limp-neck dance)
%%
Come on--keep 'em comin'!  Monkey love pile on me!
    ---Joel
This must--be what they mean by five easy pieces!
    ---Crow
Huh--oh, please!
    ---Tom, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Yeah--tune in--turn on--throw up!  Ugh!"
    ---Tom, "Catalina Caper"
%%
Now I know why drugs were so big in the sixties.
    ---Crow
Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
    ---Tom
You need 'em!
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Could somebody do us a favor and push that guy's amp in the water, maybe?"
    ---Joel, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Remember what I said about 'the last man on Earth?'  Well, it's time!"
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Hmm.  He's kinda caught between a rock and a hard place."
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper" (on the scene where the boy has his back
        to a big rock, while on the other side of the rock Creepy Girl
        (who's lost her top) puts on his keen beach jacket)
%%
"Ah, the clean smell of kids who know they rule the world!"
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"Ha-ha!  It's just one big, sunny, fun-filled Bataan death march!"
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper"
%%
Why did the Titanic have to sink and this ship didn't?
    ---Crow
Irony.
    ---Tom
You know what the difference is between the Titanic and this?
    ---Joel
What?
    ---Crow
The Titanic had talent!
    ---Joel, "Catalina Caper"
%%
"No shirt, no shoes, no script!"
    ---Crow, "Catalina Caper"
%%
Yes, it's prostitutes on ice!
    --- Crow
Oh...
    --- Tom
Well, in a nice way.
    --- Crow, "Snow Thrills"
%%
"Yes, it's never too early to fuse your spinal cord together!  In a
 few years, these children will be addicted to painkillers, but for
 now, little Billy is paralyzed!"
    --- Crow, "Snow Thrills"
%%
"It's the 'Agony of Defeat' auditions!"
    --- Joel, "Snow Thrills"
%%
"It's public humiliation on a grand scale!  Collect the parts, then
 back to the top!"
    --- Crow, "Snow Thrills"
%%
"It's a safe and fun way to blow a Saturday--or a knee!"
    --- Tom, "Snow Thrills"
%%
"The Swiss have a word for this.  It's called I'MGONNADIE!!!"
    --- Crow, "Snow Thrills"
%%
"Do not adjust your set.  *We* can make it stupid!"
    --- Crow, "It Conquered the World"
%%
"Jeepers, he holds the world's fate in his hands and he can't drive
 a stick!"
    --- Crow, "It Conquered the World"
%%
"I understand now.  Ronald Reagan would make a *great* president!"
    --- Tom, "It Conquered the World"
    (for a person just zombified by the alien's "stinger")

"I understand now.  Gallagher *is* funny!"
    --- Joel, "It Conquered the World" (same situation)
%%
"Even in death her hair smells great!"
    --- Joel, "It Conquered the World"
%%
"Why must you take everything that is honest, pure, sweet, and wholesome
 and turn it into some vague Alan Arkin film reference?  Why, why, why?
    --- Joel, "It Conquered the World" (to the bots)
%%
"Bad carrot!  Bad, BAD!!"
    --- Crow, "It Conquered the World" (to the conquering alien)
%%
Looks like some local color there!
    --- Tom
Yeah--white trash!
    --- Crow, "Wild Rebels"
%%
"No!  Kill the band!"
    --- Crow, "Wild Rebels"
%%
You've beat the stuffing out of three preppies and given away the
girl, but before the day is through, you'll take enough drugs to
kill a horse!   Now it's Miller Time!
    --- Joel
Guys, it doesn't get any stupider than this!
    --- Crow, "Wild Rebels"
%%
"It's called Operation Weasel Snitch!"
    --- Joel, "Wild Rebels"
%%
"This is my rifle, this is my gun.  One is for retail, the other's for fun!"
    --- Tom, "Wild Rebels"
%%
You taste like wet leaves!
    --- Joel
Their love can be dry cleaned!
    --- Crow "Wild Rebels"
%%
"I'm in it for the kicks!"
    --- Gypsy, "Wild Rebels"
%%
"One if by land, two if by stupid!"
    --- Tom, "Wild Rebels"
%%
"Live fast, die young, and leave a fat, bloated, ugly corpse!"
    --- Tom, "Wild Rebels"
%%
"Hey!  It's God-Cam!"
    --- Crow "Wild Rebels"
%%
"Oh, yeah, you wish!"
    --- Crow, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Oh, terrific--my fiance's a deli stacker!"
    --- Joel, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Hey, he's done!  And he smells great!  Oh, get the barbecue sauce!"
    --- Tom, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
    (the doctor is unwrapping the burned Glenn Manning)
%%
"Suzy thinks she doesn't need a seatbelt.  Watch Suzy go ballistic
 through the windshield!"
    --- Crow, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Oh, the government's involved in a cover-up!  How could *that* be?"
    --- Tom, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Oh, my goodness--I'm growing so fast I'm giving myself a wedgie!"
    --- Joel, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"John Phillip Sousa's life is flashing before his eyes!"
    --- Crow, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Oh, my goodness--I'm a huge Daddy Warbucks!"
    --- Joel, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Yeah, remember--to him, you look like a breadstick!"
    --- Joel, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Hey--Servo, how'd you get your arm to work?"
    --- Crow, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"Well, Fluffy, time to shave your butt and put cosmetics all over it!"
    --- Tom, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
    (for a scientist who has just removed a rabbit from a cage in the lab)
%%
"Well, 130 Rob Roys and he's in the other room 'talkin' to Earl!'"
    --- Crow, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%
"No man is a three-mile island, Glenn."
    --- Joel, "The Amazing Colossal Man"
%%