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From [e-mail]  Tue Feb  4 19:01:53 1992
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From: [e-mail] (Rich Kulawiec)
Posted-Date: Tue, 4 Feb 92 19:01:37 EST
Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Satellite of Love News #15
Status: OR

[ This clears everything in the "in" queue for the moment.  SOLN should
start coming out about twice a month, depending on much arrives after
each issue goes out.  A separate mailing later this week will address
the issue of the two MST3K-related newsgroups that have been created --
I felt it best to keep traffic pertaining to that issue separate from
the traffic which is the main focus of the newsletter. ---Rsk ]

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Item 1:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Jeff Meyer)
Date: Sat, 11 Jan 92 20:39:51 PST
Subject: MST3K:  Super-sub genre in Japan?
Status: OR

>Second (Local) Season ("red set")
>---------------------------------
>
>(???)  A Japanese super-submarine/team picture

There's more than one Japanese super-submarine/team picture?  That sounds a
lot like MIGHTY JACK, if I've got the title right.  (No, I never saw it on
MST3K; it's just that while important dinner dates, work deadlines and
essential facts float out of my brain all the time, badly-dubbed Japanese
movies are ingrained there forever.)

[ In fact, a couple of other folks have written to point out that it
sure sounds like Mighty Jack, so I've noted that in the FAQ. ---Rsk ]

                           "You know, there's nothing like being in a gunfight
                            with 600 pounds of high test nitro rocket fuel on
                            your back."
                                           -- Joel, MST3K
---
                                        Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
INTERNET:     [e-mail]
Manual UUCP:  {uunet, uw-beaver, sun, microsoft}!fluke!moriarty

==========
Item 2:
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From: [e-mail] (Montykins)
Date: Sat, 11 Jan 92 22:16:53 PST
Subject: MST3000

Well, another episode, another Satellite of Love Newsletter. Yay!

(The preceding bit of shameless toadying was put in to make sure rsk
includes this, even though there isn't a whole lot of content)

[ Shameless toadying, indeed!  You snivelling, grovelling....oh.
Sorry, just wandered into the Niedermeyer personality. ---Rsk ]

First, a MST error: Did everyone notice that Joel Hodgson's last name
was spelled "Hodson" in the credits for Master Ninja I? Executive
Producer, the first credit after Frank pushes the button.

Still, that's not as bad as the latest draft of the FAQ, which spells
Joel's last name "Robinson" (in the cast list. "Joel: Joel Robinson")
Still, the FAQ is a mighty fine piece of work.

[ Mea culpa. I have no idea what I was thinking of.  Fixed it, though.--Rsk ]

Hmm. I don't feel like transcribing any of the host segments this time, so
I'll just share my two lines from the movie:

"I tawt I taw a dwade B actow. I did! I did! I taw Wee Van Cweef!" -Joel

"I'll have to take out a lien on the club"
    "What the heck - - knock it over!"  -Tom

(These are paraphrased, 'cause I don't feel like checking 'em.)

 -Paul "Monty" Ashley
   (Incidentally, I remember "The Master" from when it was on television.
According to the Big Book of Prime Time Shows, it aired Friday nights on ABC,
Jan-Aug, 1984. Aren't you glad to know that?)

   (BTW, while I've got the book open, Timothy Van Patten played Mario
"Salami" Pettrino on the White Shadow. And Vince Van Patten played "John
Karras" on "Three For The Road", which also starred Alex Rocco and Leif Garret.
That show lasted from 9/14/75 to 11/30/75. Maybe Crow was RIGHT!)

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Item 3:
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From: [e-mail]
Date: Sat, 25 Jan 1992 06:47:48 GMT
Subject: The Sandy Frank Song

    From "Time of the Apes": The Sandy Frank Song


Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank,
He's the source of all our pain.
Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank,
Guests about the house all day.
Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank,
Thinks that people come from trees.
Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank,
Gets horrid movies from Japan.
Sandy Frank, Sandy Frank,
Films are always poorly dubbed.
Sandnk, Sandy Frank,
Spielberg won't return his calls.

everybody clap your hands...


Ryan Gavigan
[e-mail]

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Item 4:
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From: [e-mail] (Montykins)
Date: Sun, 26 Jan 92 14:27:33 PST
Subject: Tidbit

Well, I've got a quick tidbit-O-terror. I was in a video store the other day,
and I saw First Spaceship to Venus, Hellcats, and a couple Gamera movies.
"Neat!" I said to myself. "These movies are readily available! I wonder if
the Master Ninja movies are available . . ."

So I went to the Martial Arts section. Yup. Master Ninja 1. Master Ninja 2.
Master Ninja 3. Master Ninja 5. To quote Crow, "Joel . . . I'm scared."

They didn't know when to quit with the Gamera movies. Does this mean we'll
watch in horror as they show ALL THE MASTER NINJA MOVIES?

Aiiiiiiieeeeeeeee!

 -Paul "Monty" Ashley
   (Or am I overreacting a tad?)

==========
Item 5:
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From: aminet![e-mail] (Keith Barrett)
Date: Tue, 28 Jan 92 10:33:17 EST
Subject: Wienerman Song

[...]

I got some answers from the internet; and as best as I can piece it together,
here are the words to Crow's "Wienerman" Song. One person stated it was
an old school marching song.


    I know a Wiener Man
    He owns a hotdog stand
    He sells most anything
    From hotdogs on down

    (bom a dom ba dom)

    I love that wienie life
    I'll be his wienie wife
    Hot dog, I love that Wienie Man--

    I wienie dooooooo.


-kgb

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Item 6:
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From: Arun Welch <[e-mail]>
Date: Thu, 30 Jan 92 10:56:57 -0500
Subject: MST3K first season

I notice that the first season (pre-Comedy Channel) has _Thunderbirds
Are Go_ and _Captain Scarlet vs. the Mysterions_. Coo, SuperMarionation
at it's "best"!  Is there anyone out there willing to make a tape for
me? I'll pay all costs, plus a reasonable finders fee.

 ...arun
---
Arun Welch
Lisp Hacker, Anzus Consulting
[e-mail]

==========
Item 7:
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From: Gary Sabot <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 3 Feb 92 12:07:47 EST
Subject: MST3K & Seinfeld: Confidential


I just watched an hour long video by comedian Jerry Seinfeld called
"Seinfeld: Confidential".  It turns out that the show was co-written by
Jerry and Joel.  Joel appears on screen for a few seconds in a very minor
ways.  At one point, he plays a scientist delivering special x-ray glasses
to Jerry, glasses that let people see things in a comical light.  I guess
it could be considered to be an early invention exchange.

--gary

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Item 8:
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From: [e-mail] (Shuford Dobson)
Date: Mon, 3 Feb 92 19:35:02 EST
Subject: MST3K: Tom Servo -- Comedic Genius

What is fast becoming my favorite moment on mst3k is
something Tom Servo seems to say at least once in
most of the movies they show: "Huh... Neat."

His delivery is perfect.  Sends me rolling on the
floor every time.

If you want to check this out for yourself, he does
it in the first minute of _Ring of Terror_.

BTW, in _(Onion) Ring of Terror_, only on my third
viewing did I understand (after someone pointed it
out to me) the title reference referred to the ring
on the corpse's hand.  Can you say "anticlimax"?
I never cease to be amazed at how mst3k can turn these
horrible movies into delightfully funny experiences.

<[e-mail]>
THIS HAS BEEN A SANDY FRANK PRESERNTATION

==========
Item 9:
==========
From: rsk
Date: Tue, 4 Feb 92 13:50:05 EST
Subject: A small comment on the digests from your editor

One reader wrote in to say:

> Could we ease up on the "Here's my pathetic attempt to be MST3K, aren't I
> so witty" postings. They usually aren't funny, and they really have more to
> do with the poster than with the show...

A couple of other folks have said the same thing in more polite ways.  On the
other hand, I'm not sure there's much harm in occasionally including such
postings.  I'll probably try to walk a middle ground and will continue to
occasionally include such notes unless there's a large contingent of people
who wish otherwise.

==========
Item 10:
==========
From: MARK PRZYBYSZEWSKI <[e-mail]>
Date: Sat, 18 Jan 1992 16:32 EST
Subject: "My White Goddess" transcription

And now, time for everyone's favorite show: My White Goddess (as transcripted
by yours truly)

(Joel appears on screen wearing a green wig and apron and talking on the phone)
Song:    There was a bungle in the jungle that caused a real big fright.
    Someone was made a goddess and she happened to be white.
    But then she was rescued and now she's in the States.
    She's just your average housewife a-cleanin' up the place.
(card with name of show - style like "I Love Lucy")
    My-my-my-my   My White Goddess!
(canned applause (CA) and music, which stops before Joel talks)
J: Well, you can just tell them if they're not going to worship me, I'm not
   going to join their PTA!
(canned laughter (CL) - Enter Crow wearing trench coat and derby)
C: Hi, honey, I'm home.
(CA)
J: Oh, how was work today?
C: Boy, it's a *jungle* out there!
(CL)
J: (kisses C) Well, aren't you gonna bow down and kiss my feet?
C: Hey, you may be queen of the jungle, but *I* wear the khakis around here!
(CA and CL)
   Hey, what's this mess?!
J: Oh, it's our neighbor, *that friend of yours*.
C: Bill?  Did he go on another wild shooting spree?
J: I'll say he did, and this time he went too far!  He went and shot up my crock
   pot.  I'm not going to be able to make dinner!
C: Well, I told ya he wasn't such a bad guy!
(CL - 4 shots are fired during the laughter)
J: I wish that man would learn how to use the doorbell!
(CL - enter Tom Servo wearing pith helmet and holding gun)
T: Hello, everybody!
(Tom starts firing the gun - Crow begins moaning after the fourth shot - 13
 shots are fired until the end of the CL)
C: Oooooooohhhhhhhh, will you cut that out!
(C begins fighting with T - CL begins)
J: Oh, now stop it you two!  Stop it!  Would you settle down!
(CL ends)
   Mr. and Mrs. Mubutu are on their way over here to play bridge!
T: Wha!  Where?
(2 shots are fired - offstage voice cries out): OOOOOGAAAHHHHH!
(canned gasp)
T: Maybe it'll be three card monty now.
(CL - Gypsy enters wearing bone through head and bone pendant around neck)
J: Oh, I'm so sorry, Mrs. Mubutu, that we shot your husband!  What were his
   last words?
G: Mubutu, mubutu, mubutu.
C: What did she say?
T: Sounded like (mock Gypsy voice) "Mubutu, mubutu, mubutu".
(CL)
J: Well, that's one native that's not going to be restless tonight!
(CL)
C: Baby, you're a goddess!
(Collective "AAAAWWWWW" from "audience" - CA - title card appears - Joel
appears wearing a robe and drinking coffee - bots enter as he calls out
each name - each wears a robe - CA as the names are announced)
J: (in Jackie Gleason voice) Mmmm, how sweet it is!  TOM SERVO!  ART CROW!
   SHEILA MCGYPSY!  The Miami Beach audiences are the greatest audiences in
   the world!  Goodnight, everybody!

**********

Until next time, boobie!

Mark Przybyszewski

==========
Item 11:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Patrick Fitzgerald)
Date: Mon, 13 Jan 92 11:53:33 CST
Subject: MST3K - More Screenshots

I have a lot more images from MST3K.  Most of them are pretty good,
but some of them are MiSTy (ooh, I kill me).  This time they are in
JPEG format, which allows many more colors than GIF.  If there is
enough interest, I can also convert them to GIF format.

I don't think David has the space for them on syrinx, so I have made
them available via my automated mail server ([e-mail]).
Send mail to that address, and it will explain how to use the mail server.
I'm also posting some of them to alt.binaries.pictures.misc.  Feel
free to contact me if you need help.  The new images are:

Filename    Description
--------------- ----------------------------------------
afterord.jpg    Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo (after Tom's head blew up)
anotherf.jpg    Joel, just another guy in a red jumpsuit.
bighead.jpg    Crow, Joel (with "Big Head"), and Tom Servo
bosses.jpg    Dr. Forrester & Frank, nice green tint
cambot.jpg    Cambot (in mirror) and Joel
classydu.jpg    Crow and Tom Servo all dressed up
croooow!.jpg    Crow, from the robot roll call
crowandt.jpg    Crow and Tom Servo
crowjoel.jpg    Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo in theater (poor quality)
crowshat.jpg    Crow in "Shatner mode" (poor quality)
dressedu.jpg    Joel, Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy, all dressed up
drummach.jpg    The BGC19 drum machine
gizmonic.jpg    Gizmonic Institute.
gypsy.jpg    Gypsy, from the robot roll call
lalala.jpg    Dr. Forrester & Frank, singing lalala.
mst3k.jpg    Planetoid with Mystery Science Theatre 3000 logo.
mst3k_mon.jpg    Montage: mst3k.jpg, bosses.jpg, robotfri.jpg, drummach.jpg
nottoodi.jpg    Joel tipping hat (not too different from you or me)
robotfri.jpg    Joel making his robot friends (Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy)
robotrol.jpg    Joel holds up the "Robot Roll Call" sign
servodyi.jpg    Joel holding Tom Servo after his head exploded
servohur.jpg    Closeup of Tom Servo's exploded head
snapout.jpg    Joel hits Crow to get him to snap out of Shatner mode
tickleba.jpg    Joe, Tom Servo, and Crow demonstrate the tickle bazooka
tomservo.jpg    Tom Servo, from the robot roll call
turkeyda.jpg    Turkey Day logo
witafork.jpg    Joel demonstrates killing Ken with a toy forklift.

The mail server recognizes commands in the body of your mail message.
The easiest way to send a command (on a Unix system) is

    echo "command" | mailx [e-mail]

Here's an example command:  "send bosses.jpg from JPEG"



As I explained to The Quack ([e-mail]), I also make
comments while watching more mainstream movies.  Here's an example
from "Star Trek VI" (which my friends and I saw in a nearly empty
theater and liberally tore apart):

Remember when Kirk and Bones are about to be let into the prison?
They are in the icy wastes, and this guy comes out of the ground with
a large box.  At that point I yelled out:

"Eskimo pies!  Fudgecicles!  Get 'em while they're cold!"


Last night Cinemax featured a bunch of Clint Eastwood movies, two of
which ("Hang 'em High" & "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly") featured
Lee van Cleef, the Master Ninja himself.  I don't recall any jokes
from "Master Ninja I" where they referred to Lee's most famous (?)
role as Angel Eyes in TGTB&TU.  However, that didn't stop me from
singing "Master Ninja Theme Song" whenever he appeared.


I would also like to get my hands on the pre-Comedy Central episodes.
I would be willing to pay for duplication, or exchange tapes.  I have
all but five of the regular season shows, and all but a couple of
those are taped in SP mode.  I would be happy to "circulate the tapes"
but I would have to rent another VCR, so there would be some cost
involved.

--
Patrick Fitzgerald       | Intergraph Corporation
[e-mail]   | TIM Programming Documentation
uunet!ingr!b17d!fitz!pat | Sr. Software Analyst
Mailserver: [e-mail] - JPEGs and sonnets

==========
Item 12:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Larry Hastings)
Date: Sun, 12 Jan 92 22:39:48 -0800
Subject: Re: Satellite of Love News #13

[ Text pertaining to FAQ edited in and deleted ---Rsk ]

> [...] For those who have not
> seen it, may I recommend Ring of Terror (showing, I believe, on the
> 31st) as pure unadulterated pointless trash?  Since seeing this film,
> I've gotten into the habit of calling every cat I know Yuma (that's what
> it sounded like to us), both as names and as a species name [...]

The cat's name was "Puma".  You'll also notice that Crow kept calling out
"Puma?" during Pod People (during the numerous "search around in the forest
for lost people" scenes).

--
larry hastings, the galactic funkster, [e-mail],

==========
Item 13:
==========
From: "Michael Harper" <babcock!sfmac2sun![e-mail]>
Date: 4 Feb 1992 10:18:07 -0800
Subject: Looking for a copy of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians"

Anyone out there have a copy of "Santa Conquers the Martians" they'd be willing
to loan me?  I'll handle shipping.  Please contact at
babcock![e-mail].  Thanks!

OB-MST3K-TP reference:

"It's a planet full of owls!"
"And they are NOT what they seem."
-- Time of the Apes

==========
Item 14:
==========
From: rsk
Subject: Latest version of the FAQ

[ Normally, I wouldn't run this in issues so close together; but a lot
of new people have recently joined the mailing list, and I figured that
it was appropriate to include the latest FAQ.  This has had some editing
work done on it in response to comments received following its last airing,
but is by no means a completed document.  ---Rsk ]


Q. What it's all about, really?

A.  MST3K is "Mystery Science Theater 3000", a program carried by "Comedy
Central", which in turn is carried by various cable companies here and there.
(MST3K was originally picked up by "The Comedy Channel", which merged
with "Ha!", changed its name to "CTV" and then to "Comedy Central".)
The idea of the show is simple: pick really bad movies (e.g. "Gamera",
"Daddy-O", "Cave Dwellers", "Fugitive Alien", etc.) and heckle them.
There are two elements that make it fascinating...

1. The cast of characters.  Our hero, Joel, has been blasted into space
by his bosses at the Gizmonic Institute, who are actually subjecting
him to these films in order to assess his reactions.  Joel, a pleasant
enough fellow, has constructed Tom Servo, Crow, Gypsy, and Cambot
from various pieces of his spacecraft in order to have someone to
share his plight.  Unfortunately, in putting them together, he used up
the parts that control when the movies begin and end...

Back on earth, Dr. Clayton Forrester and his henchman Frank select
each week's film and inflict it on Joel and his robot friends...who
respond by unmercifully shredding it from beginning to end.  We watch
the whole movie sitting in the theater behind them...except for the
portions surrounding some of the commercial breaks where they do parodies,
annoy Frank and Clayton, etc.  (Their recent microproduction of the
Wagner/Sandy Frank epic "Gameradamnerung" was terrific.)

2. The heckling is good.  REALLY good.  What makes this worth watching is
that their heckling comments draw from such a diversity of sources;
in a five-minute stretch one recent Saturday, they referenced "This is
Spinal Tap", "Moby Dick", "2001", the Wall Street Journal, Don King,
Buddha...and more.  The writers for this show are incredibly culturally
literate -- and they keep in touch with current affairs as well.
Think of them as smart-asses who read the New York Times; you have to
be mentally nimble to follow some of their comments.

MST3K is the funniest thing I've seen on television since the original
Saturday Night Live (circa late 70's).  Watch it.  Tape it.  Heckle it.

Q.  How do you join the fan club?

A. Send a check for $5 (payable to "Best Brains, Inc.") to:

    MST3K Information Club
    PO Box 5325
    Hopkins, MN 55343

Q. What do you get if you join the club?

A.  A piece of paper enclosing several other sheets, marked
"Classified - contains top secret MST 3000 Fan club material".
When you unfold it, the inside is the "MST 3000 'MOVIE SIGN' Home
Viewing Simulator (MSHVS)", which has the familiar picture of
theater seats and Joel and the bots at the bottom, with the instructions :

    1) Cut out
    2) Tape to your TV screen
    3) Say stupid (but clever) things

The sheets contained inside are:

    An offer to buy a T-shirt and the "MST3K Life Survival Kit".

    A list of episodes for seasons 1 and 2, e.g. the MST3K
    Experiment Guide

    The lyrics to the Love Theme

    The MST3K Technical Journal Vol 1 No 1 and Vol 1 No 3, and/or
    some technical updates.

    "Spark-O!" The best brains wacky rolling action figure (a really
    crude cut-out that you're supposed to tape together and put on
    top of a marble)

    The MST3K Price Rebel Icon merchandise temple catalogue, which includes
    such items as the MST3K Fluid Containment Vessel (a MST3K mug),
    the Mad Scientist Clock, the MST3K Official Command Cap
    the MST3K Bumper Stickler (a clear sticker that has the logo and
    "MOVIE SIGN" in black, the MST3K Life Survival Kit, T-shirts
    (S, M, L, XL), and Fan Photos:
        - Joel, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy on the Satellite of Love
        - Dr. Forrester and Frank in Deep 13
        (note: autographs are not real...they are part of the photo)

    Your official MST3K fan club card, which is a full 8 1/2 by 11
    (really convenient for wallets)

    A year's subscription to the MST3K Satellite News (formerly The
    Binding Polymer), with letters and interviews.

You also get a continued subscription to the Tech Newsletter, and a
merchandise order form for Photos, mugs, t-shirts, etc.

You'll also be on Comedy Central's mailing list of MST3K fans.  You'll
get notices about schedule changes, offers from Best Brains, Inc., discounts
on the merchandise above, and other goodies.

Q. What are the lyrics to the opening song?

A. "Love Theme from M.S.T. 3000"

    In the not-too-distant future,
    Next Sunday A.D.
    There was a guy named Joel,
    Not too different from you or me.
    He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
    Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
    He did a good job cleanin' up the place,
    But his bosses didn't like him,
    So they shot him into space.

    We'll send him cheesy movies,
    The worst we can find (la la la).
    He'll have to sit and watch them all,
    And we'll monitor his mind (la la la).

    Now keep in mind Joel can't control
    When the movies begin and end (la la la),
    Because he used those special parts
    To make his robot friends.

    Robot Roll Call: (Let's go)        [ Some debate on "let's go" ]
    Cambot        (Pan left)
    Gypsy        (Hi girl)
    Tom Servo    (What a cool guy)
    Crooooooooooow  (Wisecracker)

    If you're wond'ring how he eats and breathes,
    and other science facts (la la la),
    Then repeat to yourself,
    "It's just a show, I should really just relax
    for Mystery Science Theater 3000..."

    (c) Best Brains Inc., for sticklers.

Q. Didn't the lyrics change?

A. Yup, they used to be different.

    [ QUUX - old lyrics section under construction here. ]

Q. How 'bout an episode guide?

A. Well, here's one in progress.  It's an attempt to list each episode,
including any short films, skits, inventions, etc.


First (Local) Season ("blue set")
---------------------------------
Thunderbirds Are Go
Captain Scarlet vs. the Mysterions

Second (Local) Season ("red set")
---------------------------------
All 7 Gamera films
City on Fire
The Last Race
Time of the Apes
Fugitive Alien
Death at the Super Bowl
Death Flight

(???)  A Japanese super-submarine/team picture, probably "Mighty Jack"
(???)  Space 1999 film
    The first film was two episodes from the second season. One
    of which was the introduction of Maya(?)....the woman who
    transforms into animals.  I would guess the second half of
    the film was the second episode of the second season.
(???)  Space 1999 film
    Two episodes from the second season that form one story.  The
    plot is that that a bunch of aliens arrive disgused as earth
    people and only the Commander can see through the disguise.
    (I'm not sure if this was an MST 3000 film or not).


First (Comedy Central) Season
-----------------------------

101 The Crawling Eye
    Inventions: J: Electric bagpipe  MS: Canine Pineal Gland Serum
    Skits:    Head games
        Gypsy uncoiled
        The Crawling Forrest Tucker

102 The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy (Commando Cody part 1)
    Inventions: J: Air-bag helmet for motorcyclists  MS: Chalk-man
    Skits:    Attack of the demon dogs

103 Mad Monster (Commando Cody part 2)
    Inventions: J: Hell in a Handbag  MS: Acetyline-powered lizard
    Skits:    Tom tries to pick up a blender
        Stupid questions about werewolves
        Joel switches Crow's and Tom's heads: Servo-Crowatian.
    Post: Ontological discourse

104 Corpse Vanishes (Commando Cody part 3)
    Inventions: J: Chiro-Gyro  MS: Flame Flower
    Skits:    "Tiger-Bot" issue on Data
        Game of Tag
        At the barbershop

105 Robot Monster (Commando Cody parts 4 & 5)
    Inventions: J: Cumber-bubble-bund MS: Self-inflating Whoopie Cushion
    Skits:    Can bumblebees fly and other conundra
        Kill the Hu-Man!
        Surrealism
    Post: The Life and Times of Ro-man

106 The Crawling Hand
    Inventions: J: Safety Saw  MS: Limb Lengthener
    Skits:    Let's play murder ball!
        Shatner choking
        What can a hand do?

107 The Slime People (Commando Cody part 6)
    Inventions: J: Bulging Eyes  MS: Screaming Cotton Candy
    Skits:    Bots vs. Commando Cody
        Why was this film made?
        Ship filled with fog

108 Project Moonbase (Commando Cody parts 7 & 8)
    Inventions: J: Water Juggling  MS: Insect-a-sketch
    Skits:    Servo plays Commando Cody
        Ties of the future
        SPACOM--1001 uses
    Post: Gravity Fun

109 Robot Holocaust (Commando Cody part 9)
    Inventions: J: Nitro-Burning Funny Pipe  MS: Stocking Mask of the Future
    Skits:    The We-Zone
        SitCom Simulator
        Servo the Fur-Clad Hero
    Post: "Name the Plant Guy" brainstorm

110 Moon Zero Two
    Inventions: J: Teleporting Food  MS: Mouth-to-Mouth Celebrity Toothpaste
    Skits:    Tribute to Neil Armstrong
        Games of the future
        Zero-G Fight
    Post: Good thing/bad thing

111 Untamed Youth
    Inventions: J: Never-Light Pipe  MS: Tongue Puppets
    Skits:    Greg Brady--An American Legacy
        Inside Gypsy's brain
        Gypsy is sick
    Post: Who's the goofy guy?

112 Black Scorpion
    Inventions: J: Man's Party Favor  MS: same thing
    Skits:    Mangled Mexican
        Strange things about humans
        Ray Harryhausen
    Post: Letter of "helpful criticism" for Crow

113 Women of the Prehistoric Planet
    Inventions: J: Toilet Paper in a Bottle  MS: Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn
    Skits:    Doomsday machine--Asimovinator


Second (Comedy Central) Season
------------------------------

201 Rocketship XM
    Inventions: J: BGC19 (Drum Set)  MS: same
    Skits:    The reporters of Rocketship X-M
        Selective gravity class
        What are your dreams?
202 The Sidehackers
    Inventions: J: Gretchen the Slinky  MS: Personal Slinky Train
    Skits:    Side hacking song
        Side hacking jargon
        The Life of Rommel & visit by J.C.
    Post: "Love Pads the Film"

203 Jungle Goddess (Phantom Creeps part 1)
    Inventions: J: Radio Arm Saw MS: Doctor Sax
    Skits:    Bela's OK discoveries
        Magic Binoculars & Scopes
        Colonists arrive
    Post: "My White Goddess"

204 Catalina Caper
    Inventions: J: Tickle Bazooka  MS: Tank Tops
    Skits:    The Sixties
        Creepy Girl
        Gun Tupperware Party
    Post: What the Sam Hill was going on?




205 Rocket Attack USA (Phantom Creeps part 2)
    Inventions: J: Button Candy Adding Machine  MS: Water Foosball
    Skits:    The Cold War--Charlie McCarthy Hearings
        Civil Defense Quiz Bowl
        Visit from Cosmonaut
    Post: Review of the plot.  Letter: Issac Asimov rabbit

206  Ring of Terror (Phantom Creeps part 3)
    Inventions: J: Pin-bolus    MS: Lifesize Operation Game
    Skits:  The Old School
                Vacuum Autopsy
                Name a Good Thing about This Movie for a RAM Chip
        Post: "If Chauffeurs Ruled the World"
        (NOTE - Phantom appears after the movie)

207  Wild Rebels
208  Lost Continent
209  Hellcats
210  King Dinosaur  (X Marks The Spot)
211  First Spaceship On Venus
212  Godzilla vs. Megalon

213  Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster
    Inventions: J: Mind-Control Guitar      MS: Squeeze Toy Guitar
        Skits:  Godzilla Geneology Bop
                Models Made from Household Items
                A Visit from Mothra
        Post:   Film Fallacies and Truths
                Winners of "Cool Thing" Contest


Third Season (so far)
---------------------
301 Cave Dwellers
    Inventions: J: Smoking Jacket   MS: Robotic Arm Wrestling
        Skits:  Opening Credits
                Fancy Prop Names
                Sound Effects
        Post:   Continuity Problems


302 Gamera
    Inventions: J: Portable Salad Bar  MS: Bird Cage Vacuum Cleaner
    Skits:    Love song to Tibby
        Why we hate Kenny
        Visit by Gamera

303 Pod People
    Inventions: J: New Guitar Chord         MS: Public Domain Karaoke
        Skits:  New Lyrics for Unintelligible Song
                New Age Music on Wall of Keyboards
                Trumpy's Magic
        Post:   "Clown in the Sky"

304 Gamera vs Barugon
305 Stranded in Space

306 Time of the Apes
    Inventions: J: Cellulite Phone  MS: Miracle Baby Wonder Growth Formula
    Skits:    Why Johnny doesn't care
        Scopes monkey trial
        Ape Fashion Show
    Post: Sandy Frank song

307 Daddy-O (Alphabet Antics)
    Inventions: J: Air Freshener Mobile     MS: "Alien" Teething Nook
        Skits:  "Hike Up Your Britches"
                The Drag Race
                Spit-Takes/Visit from Near-Sighted Guy
        Post:   Fruit Slapping
                Button Problem

308 Gamera vs Gaos

309 The Amazing Colossal Man
    Inventions: J: Non-Permanent Tattoos    MS: Music-Reviewing Plant
        Skits:  Sensitivity Training
                Joel Is HUGE!
                Ship Bumps into Amazing Colossal Man
        Post:   Fun with Colossal Size


310 Fugitive Alien
    Inventions: J: Musical Chair  MS: Auto-Rhino-Laryngilogical Dropper
    Skits:    Hat Party
        Ship Captain Joel
        Screenplay model

311 It Conquered The World  (Snow Thrills)
    Inventions: J: Sony Seaman      MS: Halloween Costume Nooses
        Skits:  Winter Sports Cavalcade
                Coffee Clash
                Famous Hollywood Siblings
        Post:   Peter Graves' Ending Speech


312 Gamera vs. Guiron
313 Earth vs. The Spider  (Speech: Using Your Voice)
314 Mighty Jack
315 Gamera vs. Zigra
316 Teenage Caveman  (Aquatic Wizards/Catching Trouble)
317 Viking Women and The Sea Serpent (The Home Economics Story)

318 Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
    Inventions: J: Big Head         MS: Big Noses
        Skits:  Emergency 911: Tom Servo
                Captain Joe Action Figure
                "Fugitive Alien" Song Medley
        Post:   Ultimate Evil Person


319 War of The Colossal Beast  (Mr. B Natural)

320 The Unearthly (Posture Pals, Appreciating Our Parents)
    Inventions: J: Celebrity Home Appliances      MS: Hard Pills to Swallow
        Skits:  Appreciating Gypsy
                The Many Faces of Tor Johnson
                "The Unearthly" Home Game
        Post:   Dead End Kids' Lingo

321 Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
    Inventions: J: Misfit Toys      MS: Wish Squisher
        Skits:  "Let's Have a Patrick Swayze Christmas"
                Christmas Specials
                Christmas Essays
        Post:   Joel and Bots' Stockings
                Mads' "Gift of the Magi"

322 Master Ninja I
    Invention Exchange: J:  MS: gourmet IV bags
    Skits: variations on numchukas
    Post: Master Ninja Theme Song

323 Castle of Fu Manchu
324 Master Ninja II

Season 4 (12 episodes)
(Season 4 has been commited to, but has not aired.)

[ QUUX - There is considerable debate over the numbering of the episodes;
seasons 1 & 2 are 13 episodes each, but that leaves seasons 3 & 4 at
12 episodes each, i.e. the last episode of season 4 is episode #50.
I've received several conflicting opinions on this, so I'll probably
go to the source. ---Rsk ]

Q. When is the show on?

A. (All times EST)
    Fridays 10am
    Saturdays 1:30 am (repeat of previous show)
    Saturdays 10am
    Saturdays 7pm (repeat of previous show)

Q. If I have a satellite dish, can I pick up Comedy Central?

A. Yes...but it's scrambled.

Q. Who plays what part in the show?

    Magic Voice: Jann Johnson (production coordinator)
    Joel: Joel Hodgson
    Gypsy: Jim O'Mallon
    Dr. Clayton Forrester & Crow: Trace Beaulieu
    Dr. Larry Erhardt & original Tom Servo: Josh Weinstein
    Frank: Frank Conniff
    Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy
    Cambot: Himself
    Occasional extra characters, such as "Magic Growth Baby":
        Mike Nelson

Q. Can Gypsy enter the theater?

A. Yes; she's been there briefly in two shows.

Q. What are the robots made of?

A.  Crow is mostly made of sporting equipment:

        Pingpong balls for eyes
        Plastic bowling pin for mouth
        His head (around his eyes) is a soap dish (!)
    Arms - adjustable desk lamp parts, with foam tubing
        on the upper part
    Neck -- a Popeet toy
    Thing on the back of his head - hockey mask (Cooper XL7FG)
    Torso: a piece of Tupperware from a set called "Floralier"
        (It was a flower-arranging set.  No longer made.)
    Legs -- he has 'em, but what are they made of?  (They look
        like more lamp parts)

Tom Servo is mostly made of toys:

        Gumball machine for head (painted Testor's "dark red")
        Barrel from "Barrell full of Monkeys" for body
        Flashlight heads for shoulders
        Springs or slinkys for arms
        His waist is cut from a plastic ball
    His hands are doll hands
    His base is made of foam tubing

Gypsy is made of household items:

        Flashlight for eye
        Child's car seat for head
        Hose for neck & body
    Lips are foam tubing

Cambot is made of ??:
    Rotating alarm light on top
    Some sort of hose, a la Gypsy

Q. What are some of the items on the set?

A. Items spotted so far include:
    racing car model
    small trumpets
    Millenium Falcon model
    spray can tops (the buttons Joel keeps hitting)
    thread spools
    wood slats

Q. If I want to show some of the episodes to a group, what do I do?

A.  To get permission to screen episodes in a public or semi-public
situation, call the following person:

Joe Lyons
MST3K Publicist
[phone]
at Comedy Central

HBO controls the showing of the episodes under their contract with
BBI, so they're the ones you'll have to talk to.

Q. What is "Play MST for Me?

A.  It's a vidoetape made available for members of the fan club only.  It
contains songs from the various MST3K experiments.

Q. What are the differences between seasons 1 and 2?

A.  The #2 mad scientist is Frank instead of Larry.
Tom Servo's voice is different.
The opening set is a larger model.
The spaceship launch is more elaborate.
The opening credits contain different clips.
SOL backgroup is 3D instead of painted set.
Robot Roll Call has identifying letters instead of
    Joel staring into the camera.
Cambot is different.
Joel can be seen wearing different colored jumpsuits.
Joel no longer eats grapes after hitting buttons.

Q. Is there an anonymous FTP site that archives this stuff?

A. Yepper! Anonymous FTP site info:

    Location:    "syrinx.umd.edu"  or  "128.8.2.114"
    Directory:    mst3k/images

    GIFs of Tom Servo (and other MST3K folks) available:

    cambot.gif    - Joel with cambot in the mirror
    croooow!.gif    - the wisecracker himself
    crowjoel.gif    - in the theater from the opening credits
    gizmonic.gif    - the grounds of the venerable institute
    gypsy.gif    - Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!

Q. Well, I'd like to have some more images (I have disk space to burn!);
how can I get them?

A. Well, they're available via an automated mail server:

    [e-mail]

Send mail to that address, and it will explain how to use the mail server.
If you need help, contact Patrick Fitzgerald at [e-mail].
The images on the mail server are:


Filename        Description
--------------- ----------------------------------------
afterord.jpg    Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo (after Tom's head blew up)
anotherf.jpg    Joel, just another guy in a red jumpsuit.
bighead.jpg     Crow, Joel (with "Big Head"), and Tom Servo
bosses.jpg      Dr. Forrester & Frank, nice green tint
cambot.jpg      Cambot (in mirror) and Joel
classydu.jpg    Crow and Tom Servo all dressed up
croooow!.jpg    Crow, from the robot roll call
crowandt.jpg    Crow and Tom Servo
crowjoel.jpg    Crow, Joel, and Tom Servo in theater (poor quality)
crowshat.jpg    Crow in "Shatner mode" (poor quality)
dressedu.jpg    Joel, Crow, Tom Servo, and Gypsy, all dressed up
drummach.jpg    The BGC19 drum machine
gizmonic.jpg    Gizmonic Institute.
gypsy.jpg       Gypsy, from the robot roll call
lalala.jpg      Dr. Forrester & Frank, singing lalala.
mst3k.jpg       Planetoid with Mystery Science Theatre 3000 logo.
mst3k_mon.jpg   Montage: mst3k.jpg, bosses.jpg, robotfri.jpg, drummach.jpg
nottoodi.jpg    Joel tipping hat (not too different from you or me)
robotfri.jpg    Joel making his robot friends (Crow, Tom Servo, Gypsy)
robotrol.jpg    Joel holds up the "Robot Roll Call" sign
servodyi.jpg    Joel holding Tom Servo after his head exploded
servohur.jpg    Closeup of Tom Servo's exploded head
snapout.jpg     Joel hits Crow to get him to snap out of Shatner mode
tickleba.jpg    Joe, Tom Servo, and Crow demonstrate the tickle bazooka
tomservo.jpg    Tom Servo, from the robot roll call
turkeyda.jpg    Turkey Day logo
witafork.jpg    Joel demonstrates killing Ken with a toy forklift.

The mail server recognizes commands in the body of your mail message.
The easiest way to send a command (on a Unix system) is

        echo "command" | mailx [e-mail]

Here's an example command:  "send bosses.jpg from JPEG"


Q. How can I get to view episodes I don't have?

A. Post your request to the newsletter; we're all circulating the tapes.
Alternatively, you might want to try sending mail to someone else on
the mailing list (check the "From:" lines) who has commented on the
particular show you want -- they probably have the tape.

Q. What is the "Satellite of Love Newsletter"?

A. It's an electronic newsletter that started in the late summer of 1991
to provide a way for fans of the show to communicate with each other.
Issues come out erratically, although the editor has been heard mumbling
something about "twice a month" recently, so this might actually represent
some thinking about a semiregular schedule.  In any event, the items in
the newsletter are contributed by its readers, of which there are a
few hundred.

Q. How do I submit items to the newsletter?

A. Send mail to "[e-mail]" with the keywords "MST3K", "SOL"
or "MST 3000" or "Mystery Science" on the "Subject:" line.  (Doesn't matter
where on the subject line, as lons they're present.  This will cause
the program that files my mail to put your letter in my mst3k folder.)

Q. How do I get back issues of the newsletter?

A. Check the anonymous FTP site at syrinx (see above), or drop me a line;
I'll probably automate this at some point.

Q. Are there any questions that we don't have answer for yet?

A. Yup.  Like:

    How many times has SANDY FRANK been sung?
    What are the words to Crow's "Weinerman" Song?
    How many times has Tom Servo blown his head off?
    How many grapes has Joel been seen eating?
    How many visitors has the SOL had?
    How many seats are there seen in the theater?
    How come Tom Servo can't walk, but can sometimes move down the seats
        in the theater? (Just Relax :-)

Q. Who wrote this stuff?

A. The people who contribute to the newsletter; I'm just the editor.