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Date: Sat, 11 Jan 92 19:33:51 EST
From: [e-mail] (Richard Kulawiec)
Posted-Date: Sat, 11 Jan 92 19:33:51 EST
Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Satellite of Love News #13
Status: OR

==========
Item 0:
==========
From: rsk
Date: Sat Jan 11 19:24:44 EST 1992
Subject: Frequently Asked Questins and Answers, draft 2

Q. What it's all about, really?

A.  MST3K is "Mystery Science Theater 3000", a program carried by "Comedy
Central", which in turn is carried by various cable companies here and there.
The idea of the show is simple: pick really bad movies (e.g. "Gamera",
"Daddy-O", "Cave Dwellers", "Fugitive Alien", etc.) and heckle them.
There are two elements that make it fascinating...

1. The cast of characters.  Our hero, Joel, has been blasted into space
by his bosses at the Gizmonic Institute, who are actually subjecting
him to these films in order to assess his reactions.  Joel, a pleasant
enough fellow, has constructed Tom Servo, Crooooow, Gypsy, and Cambot
from various pieces of his spacecraft in order to have someone to
share his plight.  Unfortunately, in putting them together, he used up
the parts that control when the movies begin and end...

Back on earth, Dr. Clayton Forrester and his henchman Frank select
each week's film and inflict it on Joel and his robot friends...who
respond by unmercifully shredding it from beginning to end.  We watch
the whole movie sitting in the theater behind them...except for the
portions surrounding some of the commercial breaks where they do parodies,
annoy Frank and Clayton, etc.  (Their recent microproduction of the
Wagner/Sandy Frank epic "Gameradamnerung" was terrific.)

2. The heckling is good.  REALLY good.  What makes this worth watching is
that their heckling comments draw from such a diversity of sources;
in a five-minute stretch one recent Saturday, they referenced "This is
Spinal Tap", "Moby Dick", "2001", the Wall Street Journal, Don King,
Buddha...and more.  The writers for this show are incredibly culturally
literate -- and they keep in touch with current affairs as well.
Think of them as smart-asses who read the New York Times; you have to
be mentally nimble to follow some of their comments.

MST3K is the funniest thing I've seen on television since the original
Saturday Night Live (circa late 70's).  Watch it.  Tape it.  Heckle it.

Q.  How do you join the fan club?

A. Send a check for $5 (payable to "Best Brains, Inc.") to:

    MST3K Information Club
    PO Box 5325
    Hopkins, MN 55343

Q. What do you get if you join the club?

A.  A piece of paper enclosing several other sheets, marked
"Classified - contains top secret MST 300 Fan club material".
When you unfold it, the inside is the "MST 3000 'MOVIE SIGN' Home
Viewing Simulator (MSHVS)", which has the familiar picture of
theater seats and Joel and the bots at the bottom, with the instructions :

    1) Cut out
    2) Tape to your TV screen
    3) Say stupid (but clever) things

The sheets contained inside are:

    A list of episodes for seasons 1 and 2
    The lyrics to the Love Theme
    The MST3K Technical Journal Vol 1 No 1 and Vol 1 No 3

    "Sparko!" The best brains wacky rolling action figure (a really
    crude cut-out that you're supposed to tape together and put on
    top of a marble)

    The MST3K Price Rebel Icon merchandise temple catalogue.

    Your official MST3K fan club card, which is a full 8 1/2 by 11
    (really convenient for wallets)

    The MST3K Satellite News (formerly The Binding Polymer),
    with letters and an interview with Crow.

You also get a continued subscription to the Tech Newsletter, and a
merchandise orderform for Photos, mugs, t-shirts, etc.

Q. What are the lyrics to the opening song?

A. "Love Theme from M.S.T. 3000"

    In the not-too-distant future,
    Next Sunday A.D.
    There was a guy named Joel,
    Not too different from you or me.
    He worked at Gizmonic Institute,
    Just another face in a red jumpsuit.
    He did a good job cleanin' up the place,
    But his bosses didn't like him,
    So they shot him into space.

    We'll send him cheesy movies,
    The worst we can find (la la la).
    He'll have to sit and watch them all,
    And we'll monitor his mind (la la la).

    Now keep in mind Joel can't control
    When the movies begin and end (la la la),
    Because he used those special parts
    To make his robot friends.

    Robot Roll Call:
    Cambot        (Pan left)
    Gypsy        (Hi girl)
    Tom Servo    (What a cool guy)
    Crooooooooooow  (Wisecracker)

    If you're wondr'ing how he eats and breathes,
    and other science facts (la la la),
    Then repeat to yourself,
    "It's just a show, I should really just relax
    for Mystery Science Theater 3000..."


Q. How 'bout an episode guide?

A. Well, here's one in progress.  It's an attempt to list each episode,
including any short films, skits, inventions, etc.


First (Local) Season ("blue set")
---------------------------------
Thunderbirds Are Go
Captain Scarlet vs. the Mysterions

Second (Local) Season ("red set")
---------------------------------
All 7 Gamera films
City on Fire
The Last Race
Time of the Apes
Fugitive Alien
Death at the Super Bowl
Death Flight

(???)  A Japanese super-submarine/team picture
(???)  Space 1999 film
    The first film was two episodes from the second season. One
    of which was the introduction of Maya(?)....the woman who
    transforms into animals.  I would guess the second half of
    the film was the second episode of the second season.
(???)  Space 1999 film
    Two episodes from the second season that form one story.  The
    plot is that that a bunch of aliens arrive disgused as earth
    people and only the Commander can see through the disguise.
    (I'm not sure if this was an MST 3000 film or not).


First (Comedy Central) Season
-----------------------------

101 The Crawling Eye
    Inventions: J: Electric bagpipe  MS: Canine Pineal Gland Serum
    Skits:    Head games
        Gypsy uncoiled
        The Crawling Forrest Tucker

102 The Robot vs The Aztec Mummy (Commando Cody part 1)
    Inventions: J: Air-bag helmet for motorcyclists  MS: Chalk-man
    Skits:    Attack of the demon dogs

103 Mad Monster (Commando Cody part 2)
    Inventions: J: Hell in a Handbag  MS: Acetyline-powered lizard
    Skits:    Tom tries to pick up a blender
        Stupid questions about werewolves
        Joel switches Crow's and Tom's heads: Servo-Crowatian.
    Post: Ontological discourse

104 Corpse Vanishes (Commando Cody part 3)
    Inventions: J: Chiro-Gyro  MS: Flame Flower
    Skits:    "Tiger-Bot" issue on Data
        Game of Tag
        At the barbershop

105 Robot Monster (Commando Cody parts 4 & 5)
    Inventions: J: Cumber-bubble-bund MS: Self-inflating Whoopie Cushion
    Skits:    Can bumblebees fly and other conundra
        Kill the Hu-Man!
        Surrealism
    Post: The Life and Times of Ro-man

106 The Crawling Hand
    Inventions: J: Safety Saw  MS: Limb Lengthener
    Skits:    Let's play murder ball!
        Shatner choking
        What can a hand do?

107 The Slime People (Commando Cody part 6)
    Inventions: J: Bulging Eyes  MS: Screaming Cotton Candy
    Skits:    Bots vs. Commando Cody
        Why was this film made?
        Ship filled with fog

108 Project Moonbase (Commando Cody parts 7 & 8)
    Inventions: J: Water Juggling  MS: Insect-a-sketch
    Skits:    Servo plays Commando Cody
        Ties of the future
        SPACOM--1001 uses
    Post: Gravity Fun

109 Robot Holocaust (Commando Cody part 9)
    Inventions: J: Nitro-Burning Funny Pipe  MS: Stocking Mask of the Future
    Skits:    The We-Zone
        SitCom Simulator
        Servo the Fur-Clad Hero
    Post: "Name the Plant Guy" brainstorm

110 Moon Zero Two
    Inventions: J: Teleporting Food  MS: Mouth-to-Mouth Celebrity Toothpaste
    Skits:    Tribute to Neil Armstrong
        Games of the future
        Zero-G Fight
    Post: Good thing/bad thing

111 Untamed Youth
    Inventions: J: Never-Light Pipe  MS: Tongue Puppets
    Skits:    Greg Brady--An American Legacy
        Inside Gypsy's brain
        Gypsy is sick
    Post: Who's the goofy guy?

112 Black Scorpion
    Inventions: J: Man's Party Favor  MS: same thing
    Skits:    Mangled Mexican
        Strange things about humans
        Ray Harryhausen
    Post: Letter of "helpful criticism" for Crow

113 Women of the Prehistoric Planet
    Inventions: J: Toilet Paper in a Bottle  MS: Clay & Lar's Flesh Barn
    Skits:    Doomsday machine--Asimovinator


Second (Comedy Central) Season
------------------------------

201 Rocketship XM
    Inventions: J: BGC19 (Drum Set)  MS: same
    Skits:    The reporters of Rocketship X-M
        Selective gravity class
        What are your dreams?
202 The Sidehackers
    Inventions: J: Gretchen the Slinky  MS: Personal Slinky Train
    Skits:    Side hacking song
        Side hacking jargon
        The Life of Rommel & visit by J.C.
    Post: "Love Pads the Film"

203 Jungle Goddess (Phantom Creeps part 1)
    Inventions: J: Radio Arm Saw MS: Doctor Sax
    Skits:    Bela's OK discoveries
        Magic Binoculars & Scopes
        Colonists arrive
    Post: "My White Goddess"

204 Catalina Caper
    Inventions: J: Tickle Bazooka  MS: Tank Tops
    Skits:    The Sixties
        Creepy Girl
        Gun Tupperware Party
    Post: What the Sam Hill was going on?




205 Rocket Attack USA (Phantom Creeps part 2)
    Inventions: J: Button Candy Adding Machine  MS: Water Foosball
    Skits:    The Cold War--Charlie McCarthy Hearings
        Civil Defense Quiz Bowl
        Visit from Cosmonaut
    Post: Review of the plot.  Letter: Issac Asimov rabbit

206  Ring of Terror (Phantom Creeps part 3)
207  Wild Rebels
208  Lost Continent
209  Hellcats
210  King Dinosaur  (X Marks The Spot)
211  First Spaceship On Venus
212  Godzilla vs. Megalon
213  Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster

Third Season (so far)
---------------------
301 Cave Dwellers
302 Gamera
    Inventions: J: Portable Salad Bar  MS: Bird Cage Vacuum Cleaner
    Skits:    Love song to Tibby
        Why we hate Kenny
        Visit by Gamera

303 Pod People
304 Gamera vs Barugon
305 Stranded in Space

306 Time of the Apes
    Inventions: J: Cellulite Phone  MS: Miracle Baby Wonder Growth Formula
    Skits:    Why Johnny doesn't care
        Scopes monkey trial
        Ape Fashion Show
    Post: Sandy Frank song

307 Daddy-O (Alphabet Antics)
308 Gamera vs Gaos
309 The Amazing Colossal Man

310 Fugitive Alien
    Inventions: J: Musical Chair  MS: Auto-Rhino-Laryngilogical Dropper
    Skits:    Hat Party
        Ship Captain Joel
        Screenplay model

311 It Conquered The World  (Snow Thrills)
312 Gamera vs. Guiron
313 Earth vs. The Spider  (Speech: Using Your Voice)
314 Mighty Jack
315 Gamera vs. Zigra
316 Teenage Caveman  (Aquatic Wizards/Catching Trouble)
317 Viking Women and The Sea Serpent (The Home Economics Story)
318 Star Force: Fugitive Alien II
319 War of The Colossal Beast  (Mr. B Natural)
320 The Unearthly (Posture Pals, Appreciating Our Parents)
321 Santa Claus Conquers The Martians
322 Master Ninja I
323 Castle of Fu Manchu
324 Master Ninja II

Season 4 (12 episodes)
(Season 4 has been commited to, but has not aired.)

Q. When is the show on?

A. (All times EST)
    Fridays 10am
    Saturdays 1:30 am (repeat of previous show)
    Saturdays 10am
    Saturdays 7pm (repeat of previous show)

Q. Who plays what part in the show?

    Magic Voice: Jann Johnson (production coordinator)
    Joel: Joel Robinson
    Gypsy: Jim O'Mallon
    Dr. Clayton Forrester & Crow:
    Dr. Larry Erhardt & original Tom Servo: Josh Weinstein
    Frank: Frank Conniff
    Tom Servo: Kevin Murphy

Q. What are the robots made of?

A.  Crow is mostly made of sporting equipment:

        Pingpong balls for eyes
        Plastic bowling pin for mouth
        His head is a soap dish (!)
    Arms - adjustable desk lamp parts
    Thing on the back of his head - hockey mask (Cooper VL7)
    Torso: a piece of Tupperware from a set called "Floralier"
        (It was a flower-arranging set.  No longer made.)
    Legs -- he has 'em, but what are they made of?

Tom Servo is mostly made of toys:

        Gumball machine for head
        Barrel for "Barrell full of Monkeys" for body
        Flashlight heads for shoulders
        Springs or slinkys for arms
        His waist is cut from a plastic ball
    His hands are doll hands

Gypsy is made of household items:

        Flashlight for eye
        Child's car seat for head
    Drain tile (?)
        Hose for neck & body

Cambot is made of?

Q. If I want to show some of the episodes to a group, what do I do?

A.  To get permission to screen episodes in a public or semi-public
situation, call the following person:

Joe Lyons
MST3K Publicist
[phone]
at Comedy Central

HBO controls the showing of the episodes under their contract with
BBI, so they're the ones you'll have to talk to.

Q. What are the differences between seasons 1 and 2?

A.  The #2 mad scientist is Frank instead of Larry.
Tom Servo's voice is different.
The opening set is a larger model.
The spaceship launch is more elaborate.
The opening credits contain different clips.
SOL backgroup is 3D instead of painted set.
Robot Roll Call has identifying letters instead of
    Joel staring into the camera.
Cambot is different.
Joel can be seen wearing different colored jumpsuits.
Joel no longer eats grapes after hitting buttons.

Q. Is there an anonymous FTP site that archives this stuff?

A. Yepper! Anonymous FTP site info:

    Location:    "syrinx.umd.edu"  or  "128.8.2.114"
    Directory:    mst3k/images

    GIFs of Tom Servo (and other MST3K folks) available:

    cambot.gif    - Joel with cambot in the mirror
    croooow!.gif    - the wisecracker himself
    crowjoel.gif    - in the theater from the opening credits
    gizmonic.gif    - the grounds of the venerable institute
    gypsy.gif    - Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart! Richard Basehart!

Q. How can I get to view episodes I don't have?

A. Post your request to the newsletter; we're all circulating the tapes.
Alternatively, you might want to try sending mail to someone else on
the mailing list (check the "From:" lines) who has commented on the
particular show you want -- they probably have the tape.

Q. How do I submit items to the newsletter?

A. Send mail to "[e-mail]" with the keywords "MST3K"
or "MST 3000" or "Mystery Science" on the "Subject:" line.  (Doesn't matter
where on the subject line, as lons they're present.  This will cause
the program that files my mail to put your letter in my mst3k folder.)

==========
Item 1:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 92 14:54:57 EST
Subject: Christmas opening segment

Here's the opening segment from the "Santa Claus..." episode.

--Ed

P.S.  The person who transcribed the SPACOM ad forgot one of the
      best lines!  After Crow and Tom spout off all the 1001 uses
      of SPACOM, Joel sticks his head down into the frame and
      deadpans  "And boy, does it catch fish!"


"Tom and Crow's Wish List"
--------------------------
[T=Tom, C=Crow, MV=Magic Voice, J=Joel, G=Gypsy]
T: Yeah, it's Harry Connick's girlfriend.  Oh, look over here, *more*
   Christmas catalogs!  L.L. Bean, Nieman-Marcus, Monkey Wards, Fisher Nuts,
   Edmund Scientific--oh, Uncle Bob's Produce Ranch!
C: Ah, for the traditional Yuletide cabbage!
T: Right you are!  And for the elite litle ones, the magical world of
   FAO Schwartz!
C: Parents, remember--kids always know best!  So get 'em whatever they want!
   Look!  A $900 taffeta octopus outfit!  "Thanks Dad!"
T: Oh, and look over here!  A golf ball polisher, only 400 bucks at The
   Sharper Image?  Glad tidings, glad tidings!  You know, Crow, when I see
   these catalogs and their enchanting suitable-for-framing covers, I'm
   reminded of the true joy of a New England Christmas!
C: (softly) Aaaaah!
T: A gentle snow; all of us snuggled into a blanket as we race home to our
   cozy hearth and--warm fire in our furry little surrey!
C: Hey!  In fact, there it is!
T: What?
C: Uh, only five thousand nine hundred dollars from Nieman-Marcus!  A furry
   little surrey!
T: Oh!  Lemme see, wow!
C: Ya know, Tommy, when I see these catalogs, all I can are 800,000 acres
   of decimated old-growth forest!
T: Oh, Crow, is that really the Christmas spirit?
MV: Commercial Sign in 15 seconds.
[Joel and Gypsy enter]
J: Hey, you guys, what're you doin'?
T: Oh, just lookin' at catalogs--dreamin'!
J: Oh--have you guys thought about what you want for Christmas?
T: Yeah, me, me--I want a Ted Williams signature inflatable bathtub pillow!
J: Oh!  Gypsy?
G: I want a pony!
J: Oh, Gypsy, we don't have room on the ship for a pony!
G: Please?  Please?
J: No, can't do it.  What about you, Crow?
C: I wanna decide who lives and who dies!
T: Huh?!
J: Oh, I don't know.
T: I don't think so!
MV: Commercial Sign in 5, 4, 3, 2--Commercial Sign now.
J: We'll be right back.
C: [to Tom] You're next!
T: Beet nose!
C: Hey!
--
Ed Hughes, SAS Institute  | "Caution, filling is hot--and alive."
Cary, NC                  | --Tom Servo, "Gamera vs. Barugon," MST3000

==========
Item 2:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Ken Kaufman)
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 92 11:36:26 -0500
Subject: Various MST3K Things

This is my first post to this list; I saw MST3K for the first time in
November, found this list (or did they shoot me into cyberspace?  Regardless,
I now mind this monitor) in December, and now it's January.  I've been
building up a bit of a tape collection - got 3/5 of the marathon and many
of the other movies since then - and been showing them to friends, mainly
with very positive results.  Exposed some to Jungle Goddess at a friend's
Christmas Party, It Conquered the World on New Year's Eve (speaking of
which ...

[ Peter Grave's speech deleted, 'cause it was just in the last issue. ---Rsk ]

)and we played The Side Hackers for some friends from Wisconsin this weekend.

Ugh, Side Hackers was terrible, a definite winner of the Pod People
OK-Sign-It-Stinks award.  Early on in the film we were wondering why we'd
never heard of side-hacking, why no one had picked it up.  Well, with
publicity like that (and so few scenes relevant to the title), it is
no wonder at all!

    OB-Quote (or perhaps paraphrase):
    Oh magic lock, take me away ... to the freeway!

And I have some very good news for everyone (except perhaps the list
administrator, Hi Rsk!)  Last month, the cable tv listings in the
Washington Post indicated that only two cable systems in the area carriad
Comedy Central.  This Sunday's paper listed five.  And I have heard that
Montgomery County is adding it on the 15th.  Assuming a similar New
Year's push around the US, MST3K may be getting *a lot* more exposure.

[ Hiya Ken.  BTW, folks, Ken was once present at the Littleton Street
Bordello and GSP Boarding House, a place of some little renown back
in West Lafayette, Indiana: site of numerous parties and four Newton's
Apple tapings, it has become a much quieter place since we all moved out.
But there's no telling what the future might bring... ---Rsk ]

Public thanks to the individual posting airing schedules, even if they
sometimes show up a few shows into the month.  For those who have not
seen it, may I recommend Ring of Terror (showing, I believe, on the
31st) as pure unadulterated pointless trash?  Since seeing this film,
I've gotten into the habit of calling every cat I know Yuma (that's what
it sounded like to us), both as names and as a species name (as in
"there's a yuma on the windowsill.")  For some reason, the cats haven't
seemed to like it.  Maybe they've heard about this film.  ;-)

Well, that's about it for now.  Keep circulating those tapes, and if you
can read the closing credits, thank the Teachers of America.

==Ken Kaufman ([e-mail])
"Push the button, Frank."

[Oh, not that Peter Graves speech again! ---Rsk ]

"Not that button, you idiot, push the ^D

==========
Item 3:
==========
From: Lazlo Nibble <[e-mail]>
Date: Sun, 5 Jan 92 23:37:40 MST
Subject: Re: Satellite of Love News #12

In Issue 12, [e-mail] (Chuck Tomasi) writes:

[Quoting from the tail end of Peter Graves' speech in IT CONQUERED THE WORLD:]

> "James Arnaz will be back in sweet sweetbacks." -- Crow

That's "James Arness will be back in SWEET SWEETBACK'S BAADASSSSS SONG."
As usual, if you didn't get the reference, explaining it won't make it
funny.  Here's a hint, though: Peter Graves would be *really out of place*
in that movie. :-)

--
Lazlo ([e-mail])

==========
Item 4:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 1992 13:13:51 -0600 (CST)
Subject: forwarded is fore-armed

   In the last installment, juliewa@microsoft indicates she sent
list hardcopies to Best Brains. Great minds think alike, I sent
a pile of back issues to them last November too! And yes, Rich,
I belive that they DO think that we're as nuts as we think they are.

  As Trace said "just good solid American citizens... with alot
of time on their hands!"

  I may be back to the studio in April, will keep you all posted.

  I recommend that everyone on the list join the MST info club,
the Sattelite Newsletter answers most of the repeat questions
that keep showing up on the list, like "debates" about the
lyrics and similar basic knowledge.

-TJ

==========
Item 5:
==========
From: MARK PRZYBYSZEWSKI <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 6 Jan 1992 12:29 EST
Subject: Re: Satellite of Love News #12

Wouldn't you know; I stayed up last night getting down the SPACOM skit that
had been asked for on a previous newsletter, and someone beats me to it.
The funny thing is that I also decided to write down the "Kaffee Klash" skit
from "It Conquered the World", and that too was in the new newsletter.  If
you don't mind, I'd like to do a little editing with the skits - not much,
but I think the first one needs to show who said what.

%%

(During this sketch, Joel is seen handling the Spacom, which is probably
"Slime", in various ways such as cutting it with a knife, then scissors,
but Cambot only shows his hands, so for the last line he bends down into
camera view.)

C:  It's new!
TS: It's improved!
C:  It's Spacom, as seen in the movie "Project Moonbase."
TS: Yes, Spacom, the miracle home product you thought you'd never need.
C:  Part wood, part industrial resin, part processed pasteurized cheese
    food product.
TS: That valuable china cracked?  No problem.  Just a dab of Spacom will
    do the trick.
C:  Try Spacom on an onion roll for a real lunchtime treat.
TS: Takes care of rust on that old jalopy, and ladies will just love how
    Spacom removes those nagging liver spots and planters warts.
C:  Slice thin for a fabulous roast substitute.
TS: Kids will just have a ball with Spacom.
C:  Change your mother into a basketball and drive out rodents and other
    household pets. (while Crow says "Change your mother", Joel holds the
    Spacom to his mouth and makes a flatulent noise blowing onto it - MP)
TS: Include Spacom in your next oil change to lubricate and remove diaper
    rash while it whitens your wash and melts those pounds away.
C:  Make Polynesian cheese devils with a little marshmallow creme, a handful
    of crunchy fire ants, and *lots* of velvety Spacom.
TS: Eskimos love the way Spacom takes the gum out of diesel generators.
C:  Mom loves the way it cleans jewelry.
TS: Dad loves the way it takes the paint off that old table in the attic.
C:  And kids just love it for a snack anytime.
TS: Massage it into your scalp for a refreshing change of mind.
C:  Rub it into your chest and feel the petroleum vapors go to work.
TS: Not an aerosol, not a paste, and not available in any store.
C:  It's SPACOM!  And it's available at this one-time, low, low, everyday
    bargain price.
TS: And if you order now, you will receive at no extra charge a year's
    supply of Spacom!
C:  Cuts through this tomato like it was a tin can.
TS: Snapples caps off of jars, bottles, and the baby!
J:  And, boy, does it catch fish!
%%

For this skit, the beginning is missing, which I supply here:

Tom - Mm, mm, you know that pie was delicious; did you bake it yourself?
Joel- Oh, no, it's just a recipe my grandmother stole from the bakery.
      (to Crow) Hey, want some more?
Crow- Only half a gallon.
Joel- What are you so smug about?  You look like a man who just inherited Texas!
Tom - Well, you may not be far off.  Why, you know...

                                 The Meal

Tom - You know, this coffee tastes like it came from an oil derrick; what did
      you do, strain it thru a mummy?
Crow- Yeah, this coffee tastes like mud - Roger Mudd!
Tom - Well the coffee wasn't half as bad as the dinner!
Joel- Well, I only burn it when you come home drunk!
Crow- Oh, so you burn it every night.
Joel- Oh, don't bring THAT up again!
Crow- I HAVE to bring it up - if I hold it in I'll die!
Tom - Die! That's what this coffee tastes like - dye!
Joel- Did you two get enough? You hardly touched your steak.
Crow- I didn't want to touch it, it scared me!
Tom - Yeah, talk about steak being tough - I thought they retired Man O'War
      to stud!
Joel- Oh, what would you know about being a stud?
Crow- Well, the meat was better if you put that fuzzy gravy on it.
Tom - Was that gravy? I thought the dog had been sick!
Crow- You know, I've never seen spam served in so many ways; especially in
      the jello!
Tom - Yeah, halfway thru the dinner my filet got up and beat the hell out of
      my coffee, and the coffee was too weak to defend itself!
Joel- Oh well, it looked like you enjoyed the marinade; or were you just being
      a pig?
Crow- Hey, the only thing that's marinated around here is Tom!
Tom - Oh, next time why don't YOU just skip dinner and go straight to passing
      out on the table!
Joel- O.K., keep it down, you two!
Crow- I don't think I can keep anything down if I have to keep looking at
      that dessert!
Tom - Yeah - on 2nd thought, forget about the pie - I'd just rather eat
      the recipe!

MOVIE SIGN

Joel- Oh, why can't we just have a meal like a family just once.
      WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!

Mark Przybyszewski    | "Miss Martin, Tommy drew a bong!"
[e-mail] |                          Joel, "Posture Pals"

==========
Item 6:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 1992 14:33:17 -0600 (CST)
Subject: Re: Turkey Day

  In SOLN#10 there was a complaint about the Turkey Day schedule
not matching what was shown. I'm not sure how to explain that,
unless we assume a rift in time or a sadistic local cable company,
'cause the episodes I saw matched the schedule perfectly. Very
strange. Also (sorry I forgot just who) they mentioned that
"War of The Collossal Beast" wasn't shown. Hopefully it eventually
was, because the preceding short "Mr. B. Natural" was a REAL scream!
I showed it to some CTV-deprived Detroit natives and they all
nearly asphixiated from laughing.

[An earlier schedule didn't match what was shown, hence the confusion. ---Rsk ]

Mr.B : "Knew your father, I did..."

Joel : "Hey, you leave my father out of this!!"

Mr. B: "And I was in the garden of Eden with Mr & Mrs Adam."

Tom S : "Yeah, Y-you were the snake!"

==========
Item 7:
==========
From: MARK PRZYBYSZEWSKI <[e-mail]>
Date: Fri, 10 Jan 1992 16:09 EST
Subject: MST & pumas

A little bit of family life relating to MST3K:

For Christmas Eve, I went to my uncle's house in Cheektowaga, a suburb of
Buffalo.  His grandchildren, my cousin's kids, were there.  The older one,
a 4-year-old girl, started calling my aunt, her grandmother, something I
hadn't expected.

"PUMA! PUMA!"

Except she pronounced it "pooh-ma" instead of "pew-ma".

I'd like to think MST3K influenced her in some way, but I sincerely doubt it.

[ Hmmm.  There are a lot of folks out in Colorado who pronounce it both
ways; guess it depends on where you go. ---Rsk ]

Mark Przybyszewski    | "Miss Martin, Tommy drew a bong!"
[e-mail] |    Joel, "Posture Pals", MST3K

==========
Item 8:
==========
From: [e-mail]
Date: 8 Jan 92 11:39:26 EST
Subject: One more turkey fact

Dear SOLN guys,

I think one of Crow's "Thanksgiving Turkey Fact #12"'s has been left off
so far.

If you leave turkeys out in the rain, they'll drown....Stupid jerks.

Also, now that I'm back at school for the winter, I won't be able to watch for
another two months (luckily I was able to watch about fifteen to twenty
episodes during the previous six weeks), but I noticed that they re-ran
Fugitive Alien a couple of weeks ago.  I hope that's not a sign of the end of
the current season.  Any details on that?

[See the FAQ above... ---Rsk ]

--bri

==========
Item 9:
==========
From: [e-mail] (Tom Krajna)
Date: Tue, 7 Jan 92 22:38:25 CST
Subject: Does MST Edit?

Hi there.  This is something I've wondered about for a while, and now I
just have to know (or at least ask)...

Do the folks who make MST3K (or MST, as I affectionately call it) ever
edit the movies they show? I haven't noticed any unusual jumps in
continuity (just the usual "bad movie" ones).  I do remember hearing that
one or two racy scenes were cut from one film, something that wouldn't
be unexpected given the amount of crayons worn out by people writing to
Joel and Bots.

Mostly, I wonder if they ever cut a film to "make it fit": the amount of
time Joel and company are onscreen is reasonably constant over each two
hour show, while movie lengths in real life vary considerably.  Sure,
they use short films as fillers, but still I wonder: do they have a
stated "no arbitrary cuts" policy?

And finally, what about the weird opening credit backgrounds?  Yup, how
about the opening credits of "Pod People", which are set against a
background of slow-mo posterized scenes which aren't even in the film?
They do something similar for "Cave Dwellers", I believe.  And what about
that sloshing water shot at the beginning of one (or is it many?) of the
movies.  Surely that isn't the *real* credits background, now is it?

[ I know that "Robot Holocaust" was marked "edited for television", but
I don't know if they did it or someone else did.  The goofy credits at the
beginning of Pod People and a couple of other films were apparently shot
that way to begin with. ---Rsk ]

--Tom K.


ObMST:

[Immediately after Joel sings the touching "Clown In the Sky"]:

Joel:       I love you Tom Servo.
Tom Servo:  I love you Joel.
Joel:       I love you Crow.
Crow:       You're not my real father!!!

==========
Item 10:
==========
From: Keith Barrett (aminet![e-mail])
Subject: request for pre-Comedy Central episodes

In the FAQ you mention the pre-Comedy Channel/Central episodes:

If anyone has copies of these can you *PLEASE* contact me? I want to
make arrangements to see them (no matter how "bad" they are). I'm
willing to cover all costs involved. No collection could really be considered
complete without them.

I've also seen some of these movies, so I'd love to see what they did to them.
(even though some were re-done during the Comedy Cenral/Channel showings).

I hope SOMEONE has them.

P.S. I'm also still looking for someone with the "Entertainment tonight"
     segment.