Useless WWW Pages

"America's Funniest Home Hypermedia"

A "Waste of electrons"
-- Wired

A blue ribbon

All of the sites on this page are pretty useless, but NONE of them are as useless as the Powers That Be that are trying to Censor the Internet! (Note: Not a Useless Link! Quite the opposite!)

Go straight to the Latest Useless Stuff

Paul's quotes:

Executive Producer: Paul Phillips. Director: Steve Berlin. (Brought to you by the letter 'Q' and the number Pi!)

A note from Paul: A startlingly large number of media outlets, award givers, and suchlike are giving me all the credit for this effort, and it's annoying. I haven't touched these pages for months -- Steve is the guru of uselessness in the modern era, and don't forget the cast of thousands that have sent in submissions. I'm simply a historical figure that hosts the pages and languishes in semi-retirement from this line of work. So take note!

A note from Steve about the above: See my editorial

The discovery that someone had typed in his entire 30K CD collection for WWW consumption prompted me to generate the useless pages page. I have since found that this 30K list is a pale imitation of far more useless efforts -- see below. Since you're wasting your time even now, the useless pages page is first on the list of useless pages.

I don't mean to preclude those outside the Americas from being considered useless. Actually, they're quite well represented. I just thought the subtitle was amusing.

I summoned the all powerful deity known as "Perl" to aid me in tracking changes to the Useless Pages. Witness the Useless Updates page and save yourself some time, which you can then waste on more useless pages.

Painstakingly alphabetized structure!

1,000,000
Check it out -- we have reached one million hits.
Accolades
We've garnered an award or two! Of course the real work is done by those people typing in CD lists and attaching hot tubs to the Web, but I'll take all the credit.
Acknowledgements
Thanks to everyone that has contributed so far! I guess I'm not taking all the credit after all.
Awards
We've won enough awards (see above), now we give them out in The First Annual Useless Pages Awards.
Blink
In a fit of creativity, I have built my own monument to Uselessness. Do you use Netscape like 62% of the web browsing population? If so, come try to decipher my secret message regarding blink. If not, don't bother. Really.
Contests!
Useless Contest I, Contest II, and Contest III!
Disclaimer
"Useless" in this context doesn't mean poorly done or of no value at all, it just means that there isn't any point in making these things available on the web. If you see a page and think "Good God, WHO CARES?" you have found a likely submission. If you see your own pages here, don't come after me with a pickaxe, I didn't choose all these personally. (I have been amazed at the number of people that submit their own pages for inclusion. Research into that phenomenon is left for a future project.) Furthermore, some of these pages are intentionally useless: that is, they poke fun at their own subject matter. Some aren't. If you can tell which is which, you're one up on me.
Hall of Fame!
Now available for your perusal: The Useless Hall of Fame. Do not overlook the other worthy pages in your rush to see who has attained this lofty position!
Interactivity Uselessness
The wise people at IRsociety have seen fit to create a chat room devoted to the Useless Pages. Far be it for me to question its usefulness! If you haven't tried this web chat thing before, now may be the time. Since you're here, you obviously don't have anything worthwhile to do.
Here is a transcript of a chat session they hosted, with Steve doing the yacking.
International Appeal
I have this thing about seeing the pages written about in other languages, so I have devoted space for this questionable collection of quotes from around the world.
Job security Primus Logo
At my fantastic boss's behest now that the Useless pages are getting over 70,000 hits per week, please visit Primus and consider hiring us for your Internet and WWW needs. Heck, if I can grind our server to a halt with pages built in my spare time, just think what I can do when I really try! I used to say "useless boss" rather than fantastic, but I decided I like getting paid.
One Book
As long as I'm subjecting our server to all this traffic, let me drop in a plug for the non-useless One Book list, and solicit your submission. Spend some time today doing something useful!
Other Sources of Uselessness
If you've enjoyed this page, you'll also enjoy A list of sites that have grown too big to list here so they get their own sub-page.
Retirement
After pages have duly served their time, they are farmed out to the land of retired Useless pages. Visit them, lest they wither and die from lack of love.
Statistics
Wondering how much traffic these pages get? Wonder no more.
Submissions
Want to submit a useless page for inclusion? Please read my notes on submissions first.
The Useful Pages!
We at Primus do useful work too. You should come and see it. Samplings:

And now that your appetite has been whetted, the main course:

  • Useless Pages and friends:

    Useless Site of the Week:
    The White House Summary of the Telecommunications Bill Notice how they seem to have forgotten about this part (click on Title V, kids!). They CERTAINLY seem to have forgotten THIS.

    Useless Home Page of the Week:
    God's Home Page What if God was one of us? He certainly wouldn't have a page like THIS!

    Everything that was here before is now in the Home for Retired Useless Pages - over 500 links to the utterly useless! Please visit them, they get so lonely. Now with Retired Food pages!

    People have commented to me about the Useless pages. Their thoughts are brilliant and you must view them.

    Last modified: 02/19/96
    useless@primus.com