The Unsorted BBS Collection/thegreatunsorted.tar/thegreatunsorted/texts/anarchy_text_a-l/geteven4.txt

Text File | 1991-01-28 | 9KB | 179 lines

        ═┴─! ╨╥┼╙┼╬╘╙...

╟┼╘╘╔╬╟ ┼╓┼╬
╨ART #4

═ORE DIRTY TRICKS

─ON'T JUST GET EVEN, GET ═┴─!

╔NTRODUCTION BY ├╦.

╫ELL, ─EVILS NIGHT 1985 WAS SCRAPED, BECUASE WE FELT THE QUALITY OF THE TRICKS W
ERE TO LOW.  ╙O HERE WE PRESENT MORE WINNING SCHEMES.  ╦EEP SENDING US TRICKS IN
 THE MAIL.  ┼VERYONE SEEMS TO BE STEALING OUR GETTING EVEN IDEA.  ╔ KNOW OF AT L
EAST TWO GROUPS WHO ARE MAKING FILES CALLED ╟┼╘╘╔╬╟ ┼╓┼╬.  ╘HERE ARE ALSO ALOT O
F OTHER FILES BEING WRITTEN WITH THE SAME CONTENT.  ╘HEY HAVE NOWHERE NEAR THE S
AME QUALITY THOUGH.  ┼VEN ╬EWSWEEK MAGAZINE IS STEALING FROM US.  ╘HERE HEADLINE
 ON ╧CTOBER 21, 1985 WAS ╟┼╘╘╔╬╟ ┼╓┼╬.  ╔T WAS A PIECE ABOUT THE ╥EAGAN ┴DMINIST
RATIONS CAPTURE OF THE FOUR GUNMAN WHO HIJACKED THE ┴CHILE ╠AURO.  ╫E'D LIKE TO
THINK THAT IT WAS ═┴─! WHO INSPIRED ╥EAGON TO FINALLY GET EVEN WITH THE TERRORIS
TS.

╚EY ╠EGION OF ─OOM, LETS SEE YOU TOP THIS FILE.

─IRTY OLD MEN.

╔N ╟┼╘╘╔╬╟ ┼╓┼╬ 3, WE WROTE A SECTION ON WICKED WOMEN. ╫ELL, SOME OF OUR FEMALE
READERS FELT THEY ALSO DESERVED A SECTION.  ╫ELL THIS SECTION IS FOR YOU.

     ╔F YOU KNOW THE RIGHT STREET PEOPLE, AND IF YOUR GOING INTO DIRTY TRICKS YO
U MUST KNOW THEM, YOU WILL HAVE TRICKSTER ACCESS TO LADIES WITH SOCIAL DISEASES.
  ╙OME OF THE VETERANS OF THE STREETS WILL HELP YOU OUT IN BETWEEN TREATMENTS FO
R A PRICE.  ┘OUNGER, LESS-EXPERIENCED  LADIES DON'T KNOW THEY HAVE THE DISEASES,
 BUT THEIR PIMP OR MADAM DOES.  ╘HINK HOW MUCH FUN IT COULD BE IF YOU COULD HIRE
 ONE OF THESE VENERAL VERSIONS OF ╘YPHOID ═ARY TO DAZZLE, PICK UP, AND SEDUCE YO
UR MARK.  ╘HIS SCAM HAS BEEN PULLED OFF SUCCESSFULLY BY AT LEAST FOUR PEOPLE ╔ K
NOW PERSONALLY.  ╔T IS NOT THAT HARD IF YOU PLAN, BARGAIN, AND BUY AHEAD.

     ╔T SEEMS AS IF COLLEGE KIDS HAVE ALL THE FUN.  ┴CTUALLY, FOR EVERY PERSON H
AVING THE FUN, THERE IS PROBABLY A VICTOM WHO NEEDS TO FIGHT BACK.  ╞OR EXAMPLE,
 ╩OHN AND ─AVE WERE ROOMMATES AT THE ╒NIVERSITY OF ═ICHIGAN IN NEAR ─ETROIT, ═I
(┘┴!).  ╥ECENTLY ─AVE COMPLAINED BECAUSE HE WAS ALWAYS GETTING KICKED OUT OF HIS
 ROOM BY ╩OHN.  ╘HE REASON WAS THAT ╩OHN WAS ONE OF THE TOP DIRTY MEN ON CAMPUS.
  ╘HERE HAVE PROBABLY BEEN MORE WOMEN IN HIS BED THEN SPRINGS ON A MATTRESS.
     ╬OT HAVING THE SAME LUCK (OR PROBLEM), AND NEEDING TO STUDY AND SLEEP, ─AVE
 SPOKE WITH ╩OHN ABOUT SOME CONSIDERATION.  ╩OHN SAID HE WAS ON A ROLL, SO TO SP
EAK, AND THE HELL WITH HIS ROOMIE.  ─AVE ENLISTED THE HELP OF FRIEND ╩IM, THE CO
MPUTER EXPERT, AND THEY GOT EVEN.
     ╩IM SAYS, "╫E TOOK THE THIN FOIL OF AN EMPTY CONDOM WRAPPER AND PLACED IT I
N THE MIDDLE OF A DECK OF ╩OHN'S COMPUTER CLASS CARDS THAT HE WAS READY TO RUN T
HROUGH THE MACHINE.
     "┴BOUT AN HOUR OR SO AFTER HE SUBMITTED HIS PROGRAM (THE CARDS), ╩OHN GOT A
 CALL TO REPORT IMMEDIATELY TO THE OFFICE OF THE ├OMPUTER ╙YSTEMS ADMINISTRATOR.
  ╠EANING OVER HIS MASSIVE DESK, THIS FAT, RED-FACED BUEAUCRAT HISSED AT ╩OHN, '
╔T TOOK US NEARLY AN HOUR TO DIG THIS (HOLDING UP THE CONDOM FOIL) OUT OF OUR CA
RD READER.  ┘OU COST US OVER $500 IN DOWN TIME,  ┘OU MUST THINK YOUR PRETTY DAMM
 SMART...'
     "╩OHN WAS TOTALLY TAKEN ABACK.  ╚E STAMMERED AND STUTTERED SOME KIND OF APO
LOGY AND WAS TOLD, '╫E WON'T FORGET THIS AND NEITHER WILL YOUR REPUTATION.'  ╩OH
N SOON BECAME KNOWN AS ╘HE ├ONDOM  ╦ID (NOTE FROM ├╦:NO JOKES PLEASE) AND BECAUS
E OF THIS, GIRLS STARTED TO SHUN HIM.  ─AVE GOT HIS HALF OF THE ROOM BACK
AGAIN.


     ╘HE ├╠┴╫ ╧╞ ╩╒╙╘╔├┼ ONCE HAD A DIRTY OLD MAN BOTHERING HIS GIRLFRIEND.  ╘HE
 ├LAW FOUND OUT THAT ALL MAIL ADDRESSED TO INDIVIDUALS AT THE ─IRTY ╧LD ═AN'S CO
RPORATE OFFICE WAS OPENED BY MAIL CLERKS AND ROUTED FROM THERE.  ╘HE NEXT STEP W
AS OBVIOUS.  ╘HEY DESIGNED AND HAD PRINTED SOME DISGUSTING LETTERHEAD AND ENVELO
PES FOR A MAGAZINE NAMED ╟AY ┬ONDAGE.  ╘HEY WROTE THE MARK IN CARE OF HIS EMPLOY
ER, TELL HIM "WE'RE SORRY, THE WOMENS LEATHER UNDERGARMENTS YOU ORDERED IN MEN'S
 LARGE SIZE HAVE BEEN DELAYED IN SHIPMENT."
     ╠ATER, WHEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE OFFICE ├HRISTMAS PARTY, OUR FRIEND SENT HIM
 A PAIR OF BLACK BIKINI UNDERWEAR, SOAKED IN SICKENING PERFUME, WITH A NOTE THAT
 READ, "┘OU LOVED TAKING THESE OFF ME WHEN YOU HAD ME ON YOUR OFFICE DESK.  ╙MEL
L THEM AND RECONSIDER YOUR DECISION NOT TO SEE ME AGAIN...╠OVE, ├ELESTE."  ╘HE ├
LAW SAYS YOU CAN ALSO SEND THAT LAST ONE TO THE MARKS HOME FOR HIS PRUNE-FACED W
IFE TO ENJOY WITH HIM DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON...OR WHENEVER.


╫E WILL DEFINITELY BE PRINTING MORE TRICKS FOR WICKED WOMEN AND DIRTY OLD MEN.


├┬S

     ╔F YOU ARE BOTHERED BY A TROUBLESOME ├┬ER, BEG, BORROW, OR BUY WITH FULL-IN
TENT-TO-RETURN THE BIGGEST, MOST POWERFUL LINEAR AMPLIFIER YOU CAN LOCATE THAT W
ILL WORK WITH YOUR MOBILE ├┬.  ╨ULL UP IN YOUR MARK'S DRIVEWAY OR NEAR HIS VEHIC
LE WHEN YOU KNOW HE IS ON THE AIR.  ╫AIT UNTIL HE IS RECEIVING, THEN KEY DOWN WI
TH ALL THE POWER YOUR UNIT CAN MUSTER.  ╨OOF!  ┘OU CAN PUT HIM OFF THE AIR, AND
MAYBE, THROUGH THE ROOF.


├HEMICALS

     ─R. ─OYLE ├ONAN, OUR MEDICAL ADVISER, SAID TO MENTION GENTIAN VIOLET AS A G
REAT HELPER.  ╧FFICALLY, IT IS A POWDERED SUBSTANCE USED FOR WASHING LABORATORY
SLIDES.  ┬UT A PROBLEMATIC SIDE EFFECT IS THAT IT STAINS THE SKIN A RICH SHADE O
F DEEP PURPLE AND IS NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO WASH OFF.  ┴CCORDING TO ─R. ├ONAN, IT
TAKES A WEEK OF REPEATED SCRUBBING TO WASH OFF.
     "╘HE STUFF IS NONTOXIC, SO YOU CAN PUT IT IN A SPRAYING DEVICE TO ANNOINT O
FFENDING ANIMALS, CHILDEN, EX-LOVERS, ECT." ─R. ├ONAN CLAIMS.

╙ILVER NITRATE ALSO KNOWN AS LUNAR CAUSTIC WILL BLACKEN ONES SKIN.  ╧NE OUNCE IN
 A STANDARD BOTTLE OF SUNTAN OIL WILL CAUSE THE MARK'S AFFICTED PARTS TO TURN QU
ITE BLACK FOR SEVERAL DAYS.  ╔T IS ALSO HIGHLY SOLUBLE IN WARM WATER, WHICH CAN
BE SPRAYED.

╘HE CANNY ╥EV. ╩. ╥ICHARD ┘OUNG OFFERS A FANTASTIC TEAR GAS SUBSTITUTE FOR NASTY
 DOGS, CATS, RATS, BATS, KIDS, AND FOR USE DURING DOMESTIC SPATS.  ╟O TO A CHEMI
CAL SUPPLY HOUSE AND BUY ╞ORMALDEHYDE 97%.  ╘ELL THEM YOU OR YOUR KID HAS A BIG
INSECT COLLECTION OR SOMETHING.  ╨UT IT IN A NASAL SPRAY BOTTLE AND FIRE AWAY.
╔T WILL TEMPORAILY KNOCK THE SOCKS OFF ANYTHING HIT IN THE FACE WITH IT.


╥OTTEN EGG SMELLS

     ┬OIL TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS OF SULFUR IN A FIFTY-FIVE GALLON DRUM OVER A HOT FI
RE, ADDING FIFTY-FIVE GALLON DRUM OVERNIGHT TO COOL.  ├AFEFULLY SIPHON OFF THE Y
ELLOW/ORANGE LIQUID, BUT LEAVE THE SETTLED LIME AND SULPHUR.  ╞ILL THE DRUM WITH
 WATER, STIR THE MIXTURE, AND BRING IT TO A BOIL AGAIN.  ╠ET IT SETTLE AND COOL
FOR ANOTHER NIGHT, AND AGAIN POOR THE LIQUID.
     ┘OU SHOULD NOW HAVE ABOUT THIRTY TO FORTY GALLONS OF LIQUID.  ╙TIR IT, AND
THEN COVER THE MIXTURE.  ┴FTER AN HOUR OR SO, IT WILL STINK AWESOMELY, AND YOU A
RE ADVISED TO COVER IT TIGHTLY.  ╘O QUOTE ONE WOMEN WHO ATTENDED ITS USE ONCE IN
 ╫INSLOW, ┴RIZONA, THE AFFLICTED AREA SMELLED WORSE THAN IF EVERY SEWER IN TOWN
BACKED UP IN THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER... ╔T WAS SICKENLY GROSS.

┼╬─ ╧╞ ╞╔╠┼

╘YPED ENTIRELY BY...
╘HE ├OMMODORE ╦ID (├-NET SUCKS!)
├REDITS BY ═R. ├0╙═╧╙
╘HE INFORMATION FOR THIS FILE WAS GATHERED BY:

╘HE ├OMMODORE ╦ID

╘HE ═┴─! BULLPEN...
╘HE ├OMMODORE ╦ID (├HIEF ┼DITOR OF ═┴─! ╒NDERGROUND ╨UBLICATIONS, ╫RITER, AND ═R
. ┼╙╙ HIMSELF.) ─ETROIT, ═I.
═╥. ├0╙═╧╙ (╘HE PAYPHONE EXPERT, AND ALSO A DAMM GOOD EDITOR) ╘ORONTO, ├ANADA
╘╚┼ ╟╥┼═╠╔╬ (╘HE NEXT ╨RESIDENT OF THE ╒NITED ╙TATES, AND ╘HE ╫ORLDS ╟REATEST ┼X
PERT ON THE ╧MEGA ┬OX.), ├HICAGO, ╔L
╨╚╧╬┼ ┬┴╬─╔╘ (╚IS NAME SAYS IT ALL), ╠OS ┴NGELES, ├A
╘╚┼ ┼╪╧╥├╔╙╘ (╙TAFF WRITER), ╬EW ┘ORK, ╬EW ┘ORK
═R. ╪ (╘ECHNICAL INFO.), SOMEWHERE IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE
─╒╥╦╚┼╔═ (╙TAFF WRITER, ┼QUIPMENT SPECIALIST), ╞ORT ╫ORTH, ╘EXAS
╤╓╔ (╞ILE CONSTRUCTION), ┬OSTON, ═A
─┼┴╘╚-╙╘┴╠╦┼╥ (WILL SOME DAY RULE THE UNDER WORLD,EXPERT IN LOCKS),─ETROIT, ═I
╓ULCON (═┴─!S NEWEST MEMBER AND ╚EAD OF ┼LECTRONICS ─EPARTMENT, WATCH FOR HIS UP
COMING FILES), ─ETROIT, ═I
╞REDDY ╦RUGER (┴╦┴ ╘╚┼ ─┼╞┼╬─┼╥), ─ETROIT, ═I
├INDY (┬┴┬┘!), ─ETROIT, ═I.

╫HEN SOME ONE WRITES THE MARK OF EXCELLENCE  **═┴─!**  YOU KNOW THIS PERSON IS E
LITE AND ═┴─!

(├) 1985 ═!╒╨╬ (═┴─! ╒╬─┼╥╟╥╧╒╬─ ╨╒┬╠╔├┴╘╔╧╬╙ ╧╞ ╬╧╥╘╚ ┴═┼╥╔├┴)

─ESTRIBUTED IN THE ╒NITED ╙TATES BY ═┴─! ╒╬─┼╥╟╥╧╒╬─ ╨╒┬╠╔├┴╘╔╧╬╙ ╧╞ ╬╧╥╘╚ ┴═┼╥╔
├┴
─ESTRIBUTED IN ├ANADA BY ╘HE ├AN-┴M ╨IRATING ╬ETWORK, ╠╘─.

═┴─! IS A GROUP OF WRITERS DEVOTED TO ╟-FILES.  ╔F YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COM
MENTS CONTACT US AT

╨╔╥┴╘┼╙ ├╧╥╬┼╥ ╬┼╫╙ (THE ALL NEW ╨├1) 313-386-4698.  ├HECK IT OUT.

ALSO CHECK OUT
╘╚┼ ├╧══╧─╧╥┼ ├┴╞┼ (313)-284-7176, OR ┼╠┼├╘╥╧╬╔├ ╒╬─┼╥╟╥╧╒╬─ (313)-278-9629.  ╘H
E BEST PLACES TO FIND ═┴─! FILES.

┴LSO CALL...
╘HE ├RYSTILLINE ├AVERNS ][ 313-291-6005, ╙PECTRE ]╔[ 815-874-8534, ╨IRATES ├ORNE
R 6 (313)-722-4387 (8PM-6AM), OR ─OCS ╥ ╒S 914-668-3664.

╘ELL THEM ═┴─! SENT YA.

10/27/85
DD