The Unsorted BBS Collection/thegreatunsorted.tar/thegreatunsorted/texts/anarchy_text_a-l/geteven3.txt

Text File | 1991-01-28 | 8KB | 158 lines

        ═┴─! ╨╥┼╙┼╬╘╙...

╟┼╘╘╔╬╟ ┼╓┼╬
╨ART #3
"═ORE DIRTY TRICKS"

─ON'T JUST GET EVEN, GET ═┴─!

   ╘HE INFORMATION PRESENTED IN THE FOLLOWING FILE IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT
PURPOSES ONLY.  ╔T IS NOT FOR CHILDREN OR THE MENTALLY UNBALANCED.  ╘HE AUTHORS
OF THIS FILE TAKE NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANY OF ITS CONTENTS.  ╘HE AUTHORS ARE
NOT LIABLE FOR ANY ILLEGAL USE OR MISUSE FOR THIS FILE.

╔NTRODUCTION BY ╘HE ├OMMODORE ╦ID.

   ├ONTINUING FROM PART 1, HERE ARE MORE PERSON TO PERSON DIRTY TRICKS.
╬EXT ISSUE WE WILL PRESENT ─EVILS ╬IGHT 1985.  ┴ SERIES OF ─╔╥╘┘, ─╔╥╘┘ TRICKS
FOR THIS YEAR.  ╔N PART 5 WE WILL PICK UP OUR ┼VIL ├ORPORATIONS THEME AGAIN
(AS SEEN IN PART 2) THEN WITH 6 WE GO BACK TO DIRTY TRICKS.  ╘RICKS ARE ALWAYS
NEEDED, SO IF YOU HAVE ONE, GET IT TO A ═┴─! MEMBER.  ┘OU WILL GET FULL CREDIT
FOR IT, AND WE WILL PUT IN YOUR ┬┬╙ IF YOU HAVE ONE.

├REDIT CARDS REVISITED

   ╔N PART 1 ═┴─! PRESENTED A TRICK ABOUT ORDERING STUFF FOR A MARK WITH THEIR
CREDIT CARD.  ╫ELL IF YOU'RE TOO HONEST TO STEAL WITH IT, WHY NOT REPORT IT
STOLEN? ╩UST CALL UP THE COMPANY AND TELL THEM IT WAS.  ╩UST IMAGINE WHAT WILL H
HAPPEN TO THE MARK THE NEXT TIME HE TRIES TO USE IT.

   ╫HILE WE ARE ON THE SUBJECT OF DISCOMFORT, JUST IMAGINE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
WHEN ALL YOUR MAIL WAS DIVERTED TO ANOTHER HOUSE.  ╚AVE YOU EVER NOTICED THOSE
CHANGE OF ADDRESS CARDS THE POST OFFICE IS ALWAYS SENDING YOU?  ╫ELL, WHY NOT
FILL ONE OF THOSE OUT FOR YOUR MARK?  ╔MAGINE THE TROUBLE YOU WILL CAUSE HIM.
╚E WILL HAVE NO IDEA WHERE HIS MAIL IS GOING, OR TO GET IT BACK.

├ONDOM FUN

   ╩ULIE ┴NDREWS ONCE FOUND A HEFTY SUPPLY OF ╘ROJANS IN HER SUPPOSEDLY
FAITHFUL LOVERS THINGS.  ╙HE THOUGHT THIS PRETTY ODD SINCE SHE WAS ON THE PILL.
╘HEN SHE RECALLED THE LATE NIGHTS, THE EARLY MORNINGS, THE EXCUSES, THE ODD
ODORS, AND OTHER THINGS THAT ADDED UP SUDDENLY.  ╩ULIE PUT PIN PRICKS IN THE
RUBBER GOODS SO THAT ═R. ╫RONG (╔ AM TEMPTED TO POST HIS PHONE NUMBER) WOULD
CONTINUE TO RELY ON THEIR EFFECTIVENESS.  ╘HEN SHE ADDED A LITTLE SUPRISE.  ╙HE
CAREFULLY SKEWERED A LARGE PIN IN THE LAST CONDOM, AS A SIGNAL THAT ITS OWNER
HAD MISPLACED HIS TRUST IN HIS ORGAN AS MUCH AS ╩ULIE HAD IN HIM.

├OLLEGE LIFE

   ┴ ╒NIVERSITY OF ╔LLINOIS STUDENT WHO HAD HIS DATE STOLEN, MOLESTED, AND
TERRORIZED, AND THEN HAD HIS CAR TRASHED BY A FRATERNITY CAME UP WITH THIS
WINNER.
   ╘HERE WAS AN OUTDOOR BEER PARTY AT THE FRATERNITY THAT AFTERNOON.  ╧UR MAN
HAD A FRIEND WALK OVER AND TELL THE FRAT GUYS THAT SOME STUDENTS FROM ANOTHER
CAMPUS WERE GOING TO TRY TO CRASH THE PARTY THAT AFTERNOON, ONLY THEY'D BE
DRESSED AS LOCAL COPS.  ╘HEN LATER OUR HERO CALLED THE LOCAL COPS TO COMPLAIN
ABOUT THE LAWN PARTY.
   ╠ATER THIS SAME STUDENT WAS AWAKENED BY A CREW OF SURLY CONSTRUCTION WORKERS
FROM ANOTHER TOWN.  ╘HEY WERE BUSILY AND NOISILY DIGGING UP THE SIDEWALK
IN FRONT OF HIS ROOM.  ╔T WAS 6:08.  ╚E DRESSED AND WENT TO HIS EIGHT O'CLOCK
CLASS EARLY.  ╧N HIS WAY OUT HE STOPPED AND TALKED WITH THEM.  ╚E TOLD THEM
THAT THE LAST TIME A CREW WORKED NEAR CAMPUS, A BUNCH OF FRAT GUYS DRESSED AS
COPS TRIED TO HASSLE THE WORKS AS A JOKE.  ╘HE WORKERS DIDN'T LIKE THIS IDEA
ONE BIT.
   ╠ATER, JUST BEFORE GOING TO CLASS, OUR AGITATOR CALLED THE CAMPUS POLICE
OFFICE AND TOLD THEM A BUNCH OF FRAT GUYS WERE DRESSED AS A CONSTRUCTION CREW
AT SUCH AND SUCH AN ADDRESS.  ╫HEN THEY ASKED WHO IT WAS HE GAVE THEM THE NAME
OF THE FRAT PRESIDENT.

   ╩OE FROM ╬EW ╧RLEANS ONCE EPOXY'D SHUT A DESERVING MARK'S DORM ROOM DOOR THE
NIGHT OF HIS MOST IMPORTANT FINAL EXAM.

   ╦EVIN FROM THE SAME TRICKY CITY ONCE WAITED TILL HIS MARK ANNOUNCED HE WAS
GOING TO CUT A FEW DAYS CLASSES TO GO SHACK UP WITH SOME TOOTSIE.  ╦EVIN CALLED
THE SCHOOL ADMINISTRATION AND EACH OF THE MARKS TEACHERS AND TOLD THEM THAT HE
WAS AN UNDERTAKER FROM THE MARK'S HOME TOWN AND THAT THE KID HAD DIED SUDDENLY
AND TO PLEASE TAKE HIM OFF THE CLASS LISTS, ENROLLMENT FILES, AND THE MASTER
COMPUTER LIST.  ╚E SAID A LETTER AND DEATH CERTIFICATE WOULD SOON FOLLOW.
╘HE ╦EVIN CALLED THE MARK'S PARENTS AND POSED AS A SCHOOL OFFICIAL, AND CALLED
THE MARK'S PARENTS AND TOLD THEM THEIR SON WAS DEAD AS A RESULT OF A PARTY
PRANK.
   ╫HY NOT GET SOME "COURSE WITHDRAW" FORMS FROM THE CAMPUS OFFICE AND FILL
THEM OUT IN THE MARK'S NAME, THEN HAVE THE APPROPRIATE CLERK FEED THEM INTO THE
COMPUTER.  ╘HE MARK WILL CONTINUE TO GO TO CLASS, DO ASSIGNMENTS, TAKE TESTS,
ECT. ╧NLY AT THE END OF THE TERM WILL HE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED (─O IT AT THE
BEGINNING OF A TERM!)


─RUGS AND ═OOCHERS

   ┼VERYONE WHO SMOKES A LITTLE DOPE GETS HIT ON BY MOOCHERS.  ┴FTER ALOT OF
THIS, ╫AYNE ╫EED FROM ╬EW ╧RLEANS (AGAIN!) HAS A GOOD WAY OF DEALING WITH THIS.
╚E ROLLS SOME JOINTS USING PARSLEY AND MAYBE A FEW DEAD SEEDS SCATTERED IN FOR
REALISM. ╙ERIOUS DOPERS GET THE MESSAGE SOON ENOUGH, BUT THE AMATUERS WHO THINK
THEY'RE HIGH...ON PARSLEY...ARE HILARIOUS!

   ╠ARRY FROM ╠INCOLN ╨ARK, ═╔ LIKES TO GRIND UP A ╬O-─OZ PILL OR TWO AND PUT
IT IN WHAT IS KNOWN IN DRUG CIRCLES AS "A BINDLE" (╔T'S A LITTLE ENVELOPE.)
╒SE THIS AS A PLANT, THEN AS A GOOD CITIZEN SHOULD, REPORT THIS MARK FOR
POSSESSION.
╙TUCK UP WOMEN

   ╘HE ┴RSONIST (┴╦┴ ╥┴╘╘) OF THE ├OMMODORE ├AFE ┬┬╙ (313)-284-7176 HAS A GOOD
TRICK FOR STUCK-UP GIRLS.  ╚E CALLS UP THESE WITCHES WHEN THEY'RE NOT HOME, AND
TALKS TO THEIR MOTHER.  ╫HEN THE MOTHER ANSWERS HE SAYS "╔ GOT THE MONEY FOR
THE ABORTION" OR "┘OU LEFT YOUR PANTIES OVER AT MY HOUSE."  ╫HEN THEIR MOM SAYS
SOMETHING HE SAYS "╔SN'T THIS (GIRLS NAME)??" ╘HEN HE STAMMERS, AND HANGS UP.
╘HE REST IS UP TO THEIR IMAGINATION.

   ╘HE ├OMMODORE ╦ID (THATS ME!) ONCE HAD TROUBLE WITH A GIRL LIKE THAT.  ╔
JUST CALLED HER UP MUCH LIKE ╘HE ┴RSONIST DID.  ╚ER MOM ANSWERED AND INFORMED
ME SHE WASN'T HOME WHEN ╔ INQUIRED.  ╔ THEN ASKED "╔S SHE SPENDING THE NIGHT
OVER AT HER BOYFRIEND'S HOUSE?" ╚ER MOM JUST SCREAMED "╚┼╥ ┬╧┘╞╥╔┼╬─'╙!" AND ╔
HUNG UP.

   ┼RIC ╨. HAD AN ERRANT YOUNG WOMEN DO HIM A NASTY TRICK.  ╙O HE HIT HER BACK
WHERE HER EGO (ALONE?) SHOWED.
   "╔ GOT HER WORRIED ABOUT VAGINAL ODOR.  ╙HE WAS VAIN AS HELL, INSECURE ABOUT
HER BODY, AND VERY SENSITIVE ABOUT 'PERSONAL THINGS' INCLUDING BODY ODORS. ╔
STARTED BY HAVING A DELIVERY SERVICE BRING HER A PRESENT OF A GIFT-WRAPPED
PACKAGE OF LIQUID DOUCHE, SCENTED, OF COURSE. ┴ FEW DAYS LATER ╔ PUT TOGETHER
TOGETHER AN '┼MERGENCY-╨ROTECT THE ┼NVIRONMENT' PACKAGE CONTAINING MORE
PRODUCTS OF A PERSONAL NATURE. ╔ HAD THAT DELIVERED. ╔ SENT A FEW CARDS FROM
BOYS SHE KNEW AND OTHER FRIENDS, HINTING AT THIS PROBLEM IN BROAD TERMS, BUT
NEVER REALLY MENTIONING VAGINAL ODOR, PER SE."

   "╔ THEN HAD SOME MEMO PADS AND LETTERHEADS PRINTED, USING THE NAME ╘HE ╞UNKY
╓AGINAL ╧DOR ├ONTROL ┬OARD WITH A FAKE RETURN ADDRESS.  ╔ STARTED SENDING THESE
TO HER AND GETTING FRIENDS FROM OTHER CITIES TO REMAIL THEM FOR ME.  ╔ POSTED
HER APARTMENT DOOR WITH AN OFFICIAL LOOKING STATEMENT FROM THE BOARD, USING
MY LETTERHEAD."
   "╬EXT, ╔ SENT A COUPLE OF HER BOYFRIENDS CLOTHESPINS WITH INSTRUCTIONS TO
CLIP THEIR NOSES WHEN DATING THIS GIRL BECAUSE OF HER RUNAWAY VAGINAL ODOR."
   ╚E DID A FEW MORE THINGS, BUT YOU GET THE IDEA.

╘HIS FILE WAS WRITTEN ENTIRELY BY...

╘HE ├OMMODORE ╦ID.  ├HIEF ┼DITOR OF ═┴─! ╒NDERGROUND ╨UBLICATIONS

╘HE SOURCE FOR ╟-FILES!

╘RICKS APPEAR THIS ISSUE FROM...

╟EORGE ╚AYDUKE, ═R. ├0╙═╧╙, ╘HE ┴RSONIST, ╩ULIE ┴NDREWS (BABY), A ╒NIVERSITY OF
╔LLINOIS STUDENT, ╩OE, ╦EVIN, ╠ARRY FROM ╠INCOLN ╨ARK, ╘HE ├OMMODORE ╦ID, ╫AYNE
╫EED, AND ┼RIC ╨.

╘╚┼ ═┴─! ┬╒╠╠╨┼╬

╘╚┼ ├╧══╧─╧╥┼ ╦╔─      ═╥. ├0╙═╧╙
 ╘╚┼ ╟╥┼═╠╔╬            ╨╚╧╬┼ ┬┴╬─╔╘
  ╘╚┼ ┼╪╧╥├╔╙╘           ═R. ╪
 ─╒╥╦╚┼╔═               ╤╓╔
─┼┴╘╚-╙╘┴╠╦┼╥          ╘╚┼ ─┼╞┼╬─┼╥

═┴─! IS A GROUP DEVOTED TO ╟-FILES.  ╔F YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS
CONTACT US AT ╘╚┼ ├╧══╧─╧╥┼ ├┴╞┼ (313)-284-7176 OR THE ─╒╟╧╒╘ (313)-676-6781.

10/2/85