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MARRIAGE.M14
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Study No. 14 TO THE GLORY OF GOD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THOSE FRUSTRATED VICTORIANS.
The Victorian Age taught the body is sinful. It ignored the fact that
when God made the husband and wife naked, He said that was "good".
(Genesis 1:31) It further taught that the body should be totally
covered and it added drastic legalistic additions to the Puritan
ethic. It said:
1. Sex for women is something to be endured because men are weak and
evil and can't control themselves; so, to keep a husband, sexual
intercourse must be endured.
2. Sex for women is an evil, dirty, awful thing.
A WOMAN SHOULD ENJOY SEX.
1. In Genesis 18:12, while Sarah was considering the promise that she
would have a baby within a year, she laughed and said, "After I
have become old shall I have pleasure?" Here she directly says
that she has had sexual pleasure in younger years. Sarah is God's
choice of model for all wives (1 Peter 3:6). Undoubtedly, she
discovered that sex with old Abraham still brought pleasure -- and
it did bring the baby, Isaac, too. Think of the faith that act
took! Hallelujah!
2. It can well be said that a woman is much more sexual than a man.
A woman can have multiple climaxes. Few men can.
As for the charge sometimes made that sex is an "animal thing", humans
and animals differ greatly in their very reason for sex. Animals only
mate when it is possible to impregnate, and pleasure for an animal is
merely a by-product of the act. However, God has made pleasure a
chief ingredient of the husband-wife sex relationship.
SEX IN MARRIAGE IS ABSOLUTELY NORMAL.
Few subjects are as emotionally charged as the subject of sex.
Because of the very nature of the subject and because of the twisted
way both the world and even the Church has handled it. Sex is usually
something most Christians feel should be talked about in an extremely
private atmosphere. You have your own attitude toward the whole
subject of sex in marriage. That attitude has most likely been shaped
by somebody's opinion - or just your own opinion - unless, of course,
you have already seen what the Bible says on the subject. Even then,
I've found that the particular Bible teacher or Pastor who has taught
you on this subject from the Word often shares (whether he realizes it
or not), his own opinion about how he (or if it's a woman teacher,
she), feels about sex in marriage. You can find anything from the
most liberal view ("anything goes!") to the most narrow view
(Victorianism saying, "If you must do it to please a husband, be in
bed, fully clothed with blankets up and lights out -- and think about
vegetables while you do it!"). The truth God brings you in His Word
is much closer to "anything goes!" But there are a very few limits He
does present through implication. If you know that you, by very
nature and up-bringing or by dreadful experience, are ultra-
conservative and tend toward Victorianism, then you need to remember
that "God's ways are not our ways" (Isaiah 55:8), and He invented sex
for marriage. Remember that if your mate is eager for you to do more,
or receive more, then they very well may have a real need that you
should fulfill. In that fulfillment, you could find your fulfillment.
You may very well need to "die daily" to your own ways, so that you
can discover real life together. Sexual incompatibility is the second
major reason for divorce in this nation and sexual unfaithfulness is
sixth. Surely, then your sex-life and marriage is worth every bit of
working together to make it good and fulfilling to both. God would
have no other way than that you work together with His plan -- in
fact, with all of His plans, including His plan for sex in marriage.
THE "SEXUAL LIMITS" IN MARRIAGE - SEX AS GOD DESIGNED IT.
1 Corinthians 7:2
"But because of immoralities, let each man have his own wife, and
let each woman have her own husband."
NOTICE: One of the major reasons for marriage is to avoid immorality.
Paul has said (paraphrase), "Because of the temptation toward
immorality avoid immorality by getting married."
Hebrews 13:4
"Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed
be undefiled for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
NOTICE: The word "undefiled" meanda - "without blemish, complete,
full, perfect, sincerely sound, without spot, upright; that which is
not dirty, foul corrupt or unclean." Marriage makes sex a pure
experience between the married couple, but fornication (sex outside
marriage) and adultery (sex involving a married person with anyone
other than their mate) is sin.
With the above verses being very clearly understood, there is
obviously nothing that could be considered "immoral" between a married
couple as long as:
1. BOTH (not just one) ENJOY THE SEXUAL EXPERIENCE.
2. IT IS EXCLUSIVELY THE MARRIED COUPLE, COMPLETELY ALONE WITH
EACH OTHER.
3. THERE IS NO PAIN INVOLVED.
4. IT IS AN ACT OF "GIVING" AND NOT AN ACT OF "FORCING".
MARRIAGE IS FOR LOVEMAKING.
Hebrews 13:4
"Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed
be undefiled for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
The Greek word for "honour" is "timios" and means "held as of a great
price, esteemed and especially dear". In other words, God says that
marriage is to be treasured as sacred and beautiful. The natural
result of this will be that neither those married nor those unmarried
will be able to disturb it. There is no temptation when a person is
fully satisfied -- so, "the body of the husband belongs to the wife
and the body of the wife belongs to the husband" (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Hebrews 13:4 totally condemns fornication and adultery which obviously
includes wife-swapping, making it clear that these things are going to
be judged by God (and that they are absolute grounds for divorce).
SONG OF SOLOMON - A VIVID PICTURE OF MARRIED SEX
HOW FAR CAN A MARRIED COUPLE "GO"?
Joseph Dillow in his brilliant exegesis of "Song of Solomon" describes
the joyous participation between two lovers and they fondle and
intimately explore the body of their partner.
Song of Solomon 1:2
"May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is
better than wine."
Is that how you feel about your mate? God wants us to enjoy "love
better than wine." Routine sex without excitement, tends to kill the
joy of marriage especially for husbands, but also for wives.
Song of Solomon 2:4-6
"He has brought me to his banquet hall, and his banner over me is
love. Sustain me with raisin cakes, refresh me with apples, because
I am lovesick. Let his left hand be under my head and his right
hand embrace me."
Gordis, the Jewish commentator observes, "Raisin cakes, which were
used in fertility rites (cf. Hos.3:1), served like the apples as an
erotic symbol on the subconscious level. They were considered the
aphrodisiac of their day.
The Hebrew word for "embrace" is "chabaq" and means "to fondle and
titillate". Here is a clear picture of the husband holding his wife
and petting her -- and she loves it! Tender, intimate exploration of
the body is joyously being described.
Here in this second chapter of Song of Solomon, the husband is
touching, petting and discovering -- and the wife loves it.
NOTICE: According to 1 Corinthians 7:4, ALL OF THE BODY OF THE WIFE
BELONGS TO THE HUSBAND AND ALL OF THE BODY OF THE HUSBAND BELONGS TO
THE WIFE. NO PART OF THE BODY IS UNCLEAN TO GOD.
Throughout Song of Solomon both the wife and the husband have sex with
each other continually on their minds.
Song of Solomon 3:1-4
"On my bed night after night, I sought him whom my soul loves: I
sought him but did not find him. I must arise now and go about the
city; in the streets and in the squares I must seek him whom my soul
loves. I sought him, but did not find him. The watchmen who makes
the rounds in the city found me and I said, 'Have you seen him whom
my soul loves?' Scarcely had I left them when I found him whom my
soul loves; I held onto him and would not let him go until I had
brought him to my mother's house and into the room of her who
conceived me."
Every husband dreams of a wife who will think this way! Marriage
should never be able to be defined as the time when a guy starts
turning off the lights for economical rather than romantic reasons!
NOTICE: She had sex with her husband on her mind when he wasn't even
there -- and she didn't rebuke the devil -- she could hardly wait!
Christians have often been told to reject all thoughts of sex in order
to please God and then wonder why they can't be aroused when the
chance for real sex comes. She rejects no thought of him.
Q. "Why does she take him to her mother's room?"
A. Because variety is the spice of life -- especially when it's
variety together!
HUSBANDS NEED TO DATE THEIR WIVES WEEKLY (NOT WEAKLY!).
Romance does not die at the altar. What about a dinner date or a
night at a motel? Find a new spot for lovemaking; search for it and
be creative. DO IT!! You can afford it. Philippians 4:19 promises:
"And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in
glory by Christ Jesus."
THIS IS A NEED! Your wife needs to know that you treasure her.
Dating her should NEVER stop. (A lot of adventures can be experienced
at home, too!)
LESSON ON LOVE-TALK
THE HONEYMOON IS REALLY OVER FOR SURE WHEN ALL THE "BABY TALK" AROUND
THE HOUSE IS BEING DONE BY THE BABY!
Song of Solomon 4:1-6
"How beautiful you are darling, how beautiful you are! Your eyes
are like doves behind your veil; your hair is like a flock of goats
that have descended from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock
of newly shorn ewes which have come up from their washing, all of
which bear twins, and not one among them has lost her young. Your
lips are like a scarlet thread, and your mouth is lovely. Your
temples are like a slice of pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck
is like the tower of David built with rows of stones, on which are
hung a thousand shields, all the round shields of the mighty men.
Your two breast are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which feed
among the lilies. Until the cool of the day when the shadows flee
away, I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of
frankincense."
Dillow writes that if a modern husband told his wife on their wedding
night that her hair looked "like a flock of goats", ... he'd either be
met with tears or a purse hurled in his direction! This is a metaphor
of subjective response ... In this particular case, these goats refer
to black goats with long silky hair that glistens in the twilight sun.
As they wound their way homeward coming down the restful slopes of
Mount Gilead, they created a sense of restfulness and beauty in the
eye of the beholder ... He loves to just look at her and take in what
he sees ... It is very difficult to imagine that Solomon's words are
separate from the parts of her body he is caressing. It would seem
rather awkward to simply stare at her without caressing the parts of
her body he is describing ... the imagery suggests her breasts are
uncovered ... One of the most common associations with the gazelle was
that it was a delicacy served at Solomon's table (1 Kings 4:23). They
are delicious to eat. They are fawn in colour and when tamed are very
affectionate. Furthermore, they have a frolicsomeness and gaiety
which irresistibly enchants the eyes of the beholder and attracts them
to come near and touch them.
Further, Dillow says, "casual reflections on the many associations
connected with the word "gazelle" and "lilies" makes his description
of his wife's breasts pregnant with beautiful connotations. They are
very curvaceous like the lily. Their beauty creates within his heart
a desire to reach out and fondle them as one would a gazelle feeding
by a brook. The notion of frolicsomeness suggests sexual playfulness.
The fact that they were served as a delicacy to eat at Solomon's table
suggests his desire to caress them with his lips and tongue. As
gazelles were warm and affectionate, so was Shulamith as a sexual
partner ... praises and caresses start at her head and work downward."
Song of Solomon 4:16
"Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden
breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my
beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits!"
Dillow writes, "She now responds to Solomon's praises. She calls him
the north and south winds. The north wind brings clear weather and
removes clouds, and the south wind brings warmth and moisture. When
they blew across a garden in Palestine, coolness and sultriness, cold
and heat, would promote the growth of the garden. She is asking
Solomon to stimulate her garden with caresses to promote the growth of
her sexual passion ... As the 'winds' blow through her garden, first
from one direction and then another, Shulamith's sexual passion grows
and grows until the fragrance of the garden rises in waves to become a
sea of incense. She wants everything in her which pleases her lover
to show itself to him in full power and loveliness. As a traveller
passed by an Eastern garden, its scent would draw him to enter in.
Shulamith wants her garden to become more and more 'enticing' to
Solomon as a result of his caresses. She wants a 'sea of incense' to
draw his interest to her garden until his passion is great! She
completely accepts her femininity and is anxious that Solomon fully
experience what she has to offer. She relishes the fact that Solomon
is highly aroused by the sight of her garden and by caressing it.
What a healthy attitude!"
Again, Dillow comments, "Notice the very erotic and sensual language
they use to stimulate each other as they a making love. She speaks of
the spices of her garden being wafted abroad. She asks him to eat of
her garden's fruit. He calls her vagina a fruit orchard and describes
her vaginal moistness as streams flowing from Lebanon (her home town).
His genitals are called 'fruit' in Song of Solomon 2:3 and hers a
'garden' in 4:12-16.
"The Song of Solomon has dealt very delicately with some extremely
erotic and personal subjects and yet one can read it and not take
offence."
Song of Solomon 7:6-9
"How beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your
charms! Your stature is like a palm tree and your breasts are like
its clusters. I said, 'I will climb the palm tree, I will take hold
of its fruit stalks! Oh, may your breasts be like clusters of the
vine, and the fragrance of your breath like apples, and your mouth
like the best wine! It goes down smoothly for my beloved, flowing
gently through the lips of those who fall asleep."
Dillow explains, "To 'climb the palm tree', had a special meaning. In
the ancient near east the artificial fertilization of the female palm
tree flowers by the male palm tree flowers has been practised from
earliest times. The male and female flowers are born on separate
trees in clusters among the leaves. In order to fertilize the female
tree, one must climb the male tree and get some of its flowers. One
than ascends the female tree and ties among the flowers a bunch of the
pollen-bearing male flowers. Thus, to climb the palm tree is to say
he intends to make love to Shulamith right away! Solomon says he will
caress her fruit stalks - her breasts. Now he changes images from
date palms to grape clusters for breasts, which seems more
appropriate. Grapes swell and become increasingly round and elastic
as they ripen, similar to the female breasts when sexually aroused."
Song of Solomon 7:10-12
"I am my beloved's and his desire is for me. Come, my beloved, let
us go out into the country, let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us arise early and go to the vineyards; let us see whether the
vine has budded and its blossoms have opened, and whether the
pomegranates have bloomed. There I will give you my love. The
mandrakes have given forth their fragrance; and over our doors are
all choice fruits, both new and old, which I saved up for you, my
beloved."
Dillow remarks, "Notice she longs to see whether the vine has budded
and its blossoms have opened." It is apparently spring. They have
courted and were married in the mid-spring. Perhaps, this indicates
the passage of one year since their marriage...when she says,
"...over our doors are all choice fruits, both new and old, which I
saved up for you, my beloved, 'she is promising both new and old,
things, things in their countryside lovemaking. The 'doors' refer to
the fact that they are outside and their 'doors' are the branches in
the trees and the open air. Fruit is a reference to sexual pleasure
in general here. Thus, she has saved up some sexual pleasure that are
accustomed to and with the coming of the new fruit of a fresh spring
she has some new sexual pleasures she plans to offer him. She is
creative! She is skillfully building his sense of anticipation by
appealing to his sexual imagination."
THESE ARE MAGNIFICENT LOVERS IN THE BIBLE -- GOD'S WORD FOR YOU ON
MARRIAGE.
(Joseph C. Dillow's book 'Solomon On Sex' is excellent from cover to
cover. I highly commend it to you).
CHRISTIAN WIVES ARE SEXIER!
In September, 1975, Redbook Magazine shocked the world with the
results of a survey they had taken among 18,349 women. The results
absolutely shattered the age-old myth that Christian beliefs and
disciplines tend to block sexual satisfaction. However, sociologist
Robert J. Levin, writer of the Redbook article said, "Sexual
satisfaction is related significantly to religious belief. With
notable consistency, the greater the intensity of a woman's religious
convictions, the likelier she is to be highly satisfied with sexual
pleasures in marriage." The massive research project conclusively
showed that Christian women are more likely to discuss intimate sexual
matters with their husbands, and also are more likely to take an
active part in lovemaking than are non-religious wives.
BEAUTIFUL SEX EXAMPLES.
The bible abounds with beautiful descriptions of wives eager to have
sex with their husbands and vice-versa. Jacob could hardly wait until
he could have Rachel, then got stuck by a crafty father-in-law into
marrying Leah first. Then both wives fought who would get to go to
bed with Jacob next! (Genesis 29 and 30)
Sarah thought of the pleasure she had had in former times in bed with
her husband -- then had that same pleasure again to both of their joy
at an age near 100. (Genesis 9; Hebrews 11:11-12)
Rebekah and Isaac loved each other and were both very romantic and
very sexual in their demonstration of the fact. (Genesis 24; 26:8)
John the Baptist certainly wasn't virgin born! Thus, old Zacharias
still had sex relations with Elizabeth long after Elizabeth's time of
menopause. It is very probable they were both in their 70's. (Luke 1)
END of STUDY FOURTEEN
