home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
High Voltage Shareware
/
high1.zip
/
high1
/
DIR46
/
ALPHON_2.ZIP
/
MARRIAGE.M13
< prev
next >
Wrap
Text File
|
1992-10-29
|
21KB
|
358 lines
Study No. 13 TO THE GLORY OF GOD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SEX IN MARRIAGE
FOREWORD
We live in a time where sex is exploited and abused -- from selling
automobiles through to the strip joints on the streets of our major
cities. Almost daily the major newspapers and electronic media
speculate on the latest trends and philosophies concerning sex. In
short, we live in an age where our thinking is warped and conditioned
by the inescapable bombardment of the "world" thinking.
As I will amplify later in this chapter, God invented sex. It was
designed as a beautiful expression between husband and wife behind the
closed door of the bedroom. Many have so abused the beauty of this
gift to mankind that they say, "More, More" with an insatiable thirst
for sensuality, while others recoil at the thought of the subject ever
being discussed in public.
What happens behind the bedroom door is private as far as other people
are concerned. It is a matter between husband, wife and God. No one
can intrude or legislate, for each couple will discover their own
methods of expression as their desire to show affection and love for
each other unfolds.
SEX IN MARRIAGE CANNOT BE DIVORCED FROM TRUE LOVE AND AFFECTION
BETWEEN PARTNERS. This chapter seeks to spell out what the Word of
God says on the subject of sex in marriage, within the context of true
love and affection, desire for each other's mutual enjoyment and
satisfaction, and desire for the highest good and development of
character in our partner.
GOD'S BASIC INSTRUCTIONS TO A HUSBAND AND WIFE ABOUT SEX.
1 Corinthians 7:2
"But because of immoralities let each man have his own wife, and let
each woman have her own husband."
NOTICE: One of the major reasons for marriage is to avoid immorality.
Paul said (paraphrase), "Because of the temptation toward immorality,
avoid immorality entirely by getting married."
Hebrews 13:4
"Let marriage be held in honour among all, and let the marriage bed
by undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge."
NOTICE: The word "undefiled" means "without blemish, complete, full,
perfect, sincerely sound, without spot, upright; that which is not
dirty, foul, corrupt or unclean." Marriage makes sex a pure
experience between the married couple, but fornication (sex outside
marriage) and adultery (sex involving a married person with anyone
other than their mate) is sin.
1 Corinthians 7:3
"Let the husband fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the
wife to her husband."
NOTICE: Paul calls sexual intercourse in marriage a "duty". Some may
chuckle at Paul's choice of words and feel he was naive about sex, but
those who have been married for quite some time will generally
acknowledge that he was right in using this word. It is a "duty" when
either mate is tired, doesn't feel like it, would rather do something
else, etc. NOTICE: IT IS A DUTY, EVEN AT SUCH TIMES. But this Paul
is saying (paraphrase), "if the wife wants sexual fulfillment from the
husband or the husband wants sexual fulfillment from the wife...GIVE
IT!!!"
1 Corinthians 7:4
"The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband
does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his
own body, but the wife does."
NOTICE: The Greek word "authority" here means "the right of,
justification over, or the power of." A wife is to relinquish the
sexual rights of her own body to her husband. Likewise, the husband
is to relinquish the sexual rights of his own body to his wife. In
the physical area of marriage, it is a case of mutual submission.
From marriage on, the body of each mate is given to the other. God is
always extremely specific in His Word. If only parts of each body
were given to the other, He would have named the parts. But God
declared that the whole body belongs to the mate.
1 Corinthians 7:5
"Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time that you
may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again lest satan
tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Thus those who would prescribe limitations for the married couple
regarding their particular, mutually enjoyed involvement with each
other's entire body, are adding to the Word of God. God has set no
limits in the sex act other than the limits of exclusive "agape" love
-- choosing to do the highest good for your mate.
Several Facts Are To Be Noted Here:
1. It is a command of God not to deprive your mate of sexual
fulfillment with you. Your mate has a right to have sexual
involvement and intercourse with you as often as your mate
desires.
2. The only Scriptural grounds for withholding sexual involvement and
intercourse is for a mutually agreed upon time of concentrated
prayer. King James adds the words "and fasting" after "prayer",
and that's probably the meaning here. Fasting tends to dissipate
the sexual appetite. However, notice that it MUST be by mutual
agreement. If either mate feels that they don't want their
partner to fast because it would decrease their partner's desire
for sex, then the mate shouldn't fast. A proper reading of this
verse must lead the reader to realize that God holds sex at a
higher spiritual plateau than He does fasting for a married couple
-- if one or the other must be set aside.
3. Notice that one of the things you must do after fasting (if
fasting is meant to be included in this verse) is to "come
together again". Paul is stressing that temptation is defeated by
the married couple fulfilling each other's desires. Wear your
mate out, and they won't ever have enough energy for anybody else!
4. Sexual involvement and intercourse in marriage are considered
spiritual weapons against satan himself. Thus, a married couple
who constantly involve themselves in a passionate relationship
with each other are defeating the devil. There is no temptation
for sex with others when both mates are continuously fulfilled by
each other.
Q. "Who should be the aggressor if either the husband or the wife
should want sex?"
A. 1 Corinthians 7:4 again -- the body of the husband belongs to the
wife and the body of the wife belongs to the husband. If one wants
the other physically, that one should be the aggressor. It's as
right for the wife to arouse the husband as it is for the husband
to arouse the wife.
SEX IN MARRIAGE IS MEANT TO BE "FUN".
Larry Christensen -- the man who might be called the "Father of
Christian Teaching On Marriage" since his classic book "The Christian
Family" - Larry writes, "We would never think of the hush! hush!
naughty-naughty approach! Oh, No! No! We're far too enlightened for
that." He then quotes several writers. Here are some of them: Sex
is beautiful; "Sex is wonderful; Sex is a perfect blending of two
personalities, an expression that takes in the whole range of man's
being -- at once a physical, intellectual and spiritual encounter.";
"In the act of sex a man and a woman express the essential unity which
over-arches their separateness". And then Larry writes a totally
realistic evaluation of what these writers have written: "All this
may be more-or-less true, if one makes sex an object intellectual
dissection. But where is the husband who embraces his wife with high
thoughts of 'overcoming the separateness of their being in an act of
over-arching unity?!' This is no man, but the invention of Christian
apologists for sex, who imagine themselves commissioned to lift sex
from the mundane level which it seems inevitably to occupy." Then
Larry finished with my favourite line from his great book: he asks,
"Isn't there anybody around to say that sex is FUN?!!!"
THE TRUTH ABOUT CONTRACEPTION
Except for abortions, there is one verse that deals with
contraception pro or con in the entire Bible. Some people try to make
an anti-contraception message from a verse in Genesis that tells us in
Genesis 38:9, "that when Onan went into his brother's wife, he wasted
his seed on the ground in order not to give offspring to his brother."
But that has nothing to do with contraception but with coitus
interruptus. (The man withdrew from the woman before his climax.)
Q. "What is the best form of contraceptive?"
A. The fact is, nothing is foolproof. There are now five types of
birth control available.
1. Natural "Rhythm" -- (the only type acceptable to the Roman
Catholic Church);
2. Mechanical -- devices that keep the sperm from reaching the egg;
3. Chemical -- solutions that kill the sperm;
4. Physiological -- oral contraceptives that stop eggs from moving
into position for conception;
5. Surgical -- abortion or sterilization of one or both wife and/or
husband (tubectomy for a wife, vasectomy for a husband).
THE RHYTHM METHOD
The "rhythm method" or planned and periodic abstinence from sex is
based on the fertility of women for several days after ovulation. The
Church counsels couples to avoid sexual intercourse during this
period. The most specific major problem with this plan is that for
women with irregular periods of ovulation, this requirement can mean
abstinence from intercourse for three out of every four weeks. The
"rhythm method" often really lacks "harmony" in married homes!
MECHANICAL DEVICE
Diaphragms and condoms are often messy and have to be used every time
intercourse occurs. It is the unusual couple that doesn't find them
interfering with the sheer joy of sex. They pose a problem as an
"interrupter" just when things are getting started.
CHEMICAL DEVICES
These basically form the very same problems for couples that
mechanical devices do, though they are generally more effective than a
diaphragm with spermicide.
ORAL CONTRACEPTIVE (The Pill)
The pill uses two hormones that are natural to the female body in
order to prevent an egg from developing in the ovary. Though too
much, in many cases, has recently been made about the dangers of the
contraceptive pill, research is still going on regarding the possible
risks involved, and it will no doubt be years from now before the
final results of its long-range effects are known. It is known now
that women over 35 would generally be wise to consider an alternative
contraceptive strategy for the rest of their reproductive life. It is
also definite that women who smoke should avoid using the pill at all.
THE SYMPTO-THERMIC METHOD
a. The healthy man is always fertile - able to beget a child. The
woman, however, has periods of fertility and infertility. As we
have seen her cycle, the time between the first day of
menstruation until the beginning of the next one, is regulated by
natural hormones.
Each cycle can be divided into three phases:
1. The relatively infertile period, the time during and following
the menstrual period when pregnancy is unlikely, but can occur
if ovulation occurs early.
2. The fertile period, the days just before and after ovulation
when a woman can conceive.
3. The absolutely infertile period, the time during which a woman
cannot conceive because ovulation has occurred and the egg is
no longer alive. This period begins about 10 to 12 days before
the next commences and ends with the onset of the menstrual
flow.
Some women have short menstrual cycles - maybe 24 days long.
Others have long cycles - 36 days or more. Still others have
regular 28 day cycles. Regardless of the length of the cycle, we
now know that ovulation occurs approximately 14 days before the
menstrual flow begin. Because of this fact, it is very important
that a woman knows the average length of her cycle when looking
for the symptoms of ovulation.
b. Symptoms of Ovulation.
The day of ovulation can be recognized by watching for certain
symptoms.
1. The simplest and most reliable sign that ovulation will soon
occur is a feeling of wetness at the mouth of the vagina. This
differ in the amount from the slight discharge that most women
have on other days, it is more profuse. As the day of
ovulation approaches, this white discharge from the vagina
becomes more clear, sometimes even transparent, like an egg
white. If a woman examines it on a piece of paper, she will
notice that it is somewhat stringy and stretchy. In medical
language this is called cervical mucus. Just as every woman
knows the days when she has her menstrual period - her days of
"red loss" - so is it possible for most women to recognise the
days just before and during ovulation when she has the mucus or
"white loss".
2. Another symptom or sign of ovulation which some women can
recognize is a sharp pain in their abdomen, like a knife jab.
This is called a midpain or "mittleschmerz" in medical language
and indicates that ovulation is taking place.
3. Some women experience a slight fullness in their breasts on the
days before ovulation which disappears as soon as ovulation has
taken place. Others notice a small amount of pinkish blood or
"spotting" at the vagina which is also a sign of ovulation.
If a woman takes her temperature in the morning immediately
upon awakening and then records it on a piece of graph paper as
illustrated in figure 4, she will notice that on the days
following her "red loss" her temperature will be low. It
remains at this low level until the time of ovulation. Then it
rises sharply. It will remain at this higher level until
shortly before her menstrual cycle begins at which time it dips
down again and she has her days of "red loss". If, however,
she has become pregnant because she has had intercourse with
her husband during the fertile period, the temperature will not
go down, but will remain at this higher level.
Vasectomy -- Tubectomy
When a couple finally knows they have had as many children as they
desire or they can afford, probably the best form to contraception
is a vasectomy for the husband, providing that he doesn't feel a
vasectomy would rob him of his manhood (a totally unbiblical
thought). Some object that a vasectomy allows for immorality, but
God doesn't allow for immorality, so it should pose no temptation
of that kind for the Christian husband. If ever the couple
decides they do want another baby, doctors are able to reverse the
male sterilization procedure more than 50% of the time. According
to doctors who perform such simple surgery, it can be done in a
doctor's office with an anesthetic. Some husbands find themselves
a bit tender for a couple of days following the procedure, but
aside from a momentary discomfort, it is 99% effective as a
contraceptive. Some studies show dangers of increased heart
problems and/or higher blood pressure among men who have had
vasectomies, but other studies disagree. Nearly all doctors favour
it to any other permanent form of contraceptive.
A wife's tubectomy (having her tubes tied) can be reversed but has
a much lower success rate, and appears slightly more dangerous,
according to study reports.
NEVER TOO OLD FOR SEX.
Thomas Aquinas released elderly couples to enjoy married sex. He was
right. An 84 year old professor was once asked during a sex lecture,
"At what age does a person stop having desire for sex?" The professor
thought for a moment and then answered, "I really do not know, but it
has to be sometime after a person who is 84." It is true however,
that older people do need to understand that there may come a slowing
down of their initial sexual response which, when younger, may have
been much faster. The same erection that in younger years may have
taken only seconds, may take a husband 60 years old or over, five to
eight minutes to appear even with direct stimulation. That doesn't
mean he's becoming impotent nor that he's losing his sexual ability.
It just means (as with other parts of his body) his activity level is
slowing down. It's nothing to be anxious about, nor to quit having
intercourse about. An "Optimist" is described as a man who, at the
age of 85, gets married and begins looking for an apartment near an
elementary school!
The age of a woman doesn't matter either. Although most women show
the greatest sexual interest between the ages of 20-40, women of all
ages can thoroughly enjoy sex. A woman over 60 may find that she
doesn't lubricate as quickly (lubrication is the wife's first visible
sign of sexual response) an older woman may take several minutes to
respond physically.
A few church spokesmen changed negative attitudes even more following
the new teachings of Aquinas.
THE BEST DAYS FOR SEX.
A 16th Century tract was handed to all churches forbidding sex during
all holy days and seasons. "In addition", the tract read, "abstinence
is advice..on Thursdays, in remembrance of Christ's arrest;...on
Fridays, in remembrance of Christ's crucifixion;...on Sundays in
remembrance of the resurrection;...on Mondays, in respect for departed
souls. At the bottom of the tract, in small print, were the words,
"on Tuesdays and Wednesdays marriage partners may go ahead and satisfy
their basic instincts!!!"
Far more Biblical and refreshing is the humour of Christian lecturer
Josh McDowell. Josh tells his listeners that he has done scientific
research on which days of the week are best for sex in marriage. He
says he's found that they are all days that begin with the letter "T"
-- Tuesday and Thursday; TODAY and TOMORROW; TATURDAY AND TUNDAY!!!"
END of STUDY THIRTEEN