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Study No. 6                     TO THE GLORY OF GOD
                                ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
             THE  THREE  PRIMARY  REQUIREMENTS  OF A SPIRITUAL LEADER  IN
                               THE  NEW TESTAMENT AGE.

        1. PROVIDER.  1 Timothy 5:8
          "But  if  anyone does not provide for his own,  and  especially  for
          those of his household,  he has denied the faith,  and is worse than
          an unbeliever."

          A  husband must provide for his family.   It is not his wife's  job,
          but his.

        2. LOVING LEADER.  1 Timothy 3:1-5
          "It is a trustworthy statement;  if any man aspires to the office of
          overseer (elder or bishop),  it is a fine work he desires to do.  An
          overseer,  then  must be above reproach,  the husband of  one  wife,
          temperate,  prudent,  respectable, hospitable and able to teach, not
          addicted to wine or pugnacious, but gentle, uncontentious, free from
          the  love  of money.   He must be one who manages his own  household
          well,  keeping his children under control with all dignity, but if a
          man does not know how to manage his own household,  how will he take
          care of the church of God?



          A  husband must be able to manage his own household  well--and  with
          dignity.  Therefore it can't be done by shouting!  If a man's family
          is  crumbling  at home,  he should not be a church leader until  his
          family is in real order.

        3. PROTECTOR.  1 Peter 3:7
          "You husbands,  likewise,  live with your wives in an  understanding
          way,  as with a weaker vessel,  since she is a woman;  and grant her
          honour as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that  your  prayers
          may not be hindered."

          Some  people  may argue whether women are the "weaker vessel,"   but
          science and the Bible agree.

        Dr.  James Dobson,  in his book,  "What Wives Wish Their Husbands Knew
        About  Women",  states,  "Although the average woman lives to age  77,
        while the average man dies at 69,  a woman has several very  important
        functions  men  do not have.   For example,  only the  woman  has  the
        menstruation cycle,  can get pregnant, or give her own milk to a baby.
        All  of these influence her behaviour and feelings.   A woman has more
        different hormones than does man.   The woman's thyroid is larger  and
        more  active.   It  contributes greatly to her emotional  instability.
        She laughs and cries more easily.

        "Women's blood contains more water (20% fewer red cells).  Since these
        supply oxygen to the body cells,  she tires more easily, is more prone
        to  faint.   Her constitutional viability is,  therefore,  strictly  a
        long-range matter.   When the working day in British factories,  under
        wartime conditions,  was increased from ten to twelve hours, accidents
        among women increased 150%- of men, not at all."
        Yes,  women  are  the weaker sex and husbands must take good  care  of
        their wives.  Husbands need to take good care of themselves, too.

        WHY DO MEN DIE AN AVERAGE OF EIGHT YEARS EARLIER THAN WOMEN?

        University of Pennsylvania biologist,  Dr. Ingrid Waldron, has done an
        intensive study to answer this question.  This is what she learned:

        1. Three  times  as many men die in car accidents because  they  drive
           more recklessly.
        2. Men  are  50%  more  likely  to run  red  lights  or  turn  without
           signalling.
        3. Men are four times as likely to drink heavily and,  in turn, die of
           cirrhosis of the liver at twice the rate of women.
        4. Three times as many men kill themselves.
        5. Four times as many men are addicted to drugs.
        6. Six times as many men die of lung cancer and five times as many  of
           emphysema.  (Presumably  because  men smoke more and start  earlier
           than women.)
        7. Heart  attacks kill two men for every woman,  and many doctors  now
           believe the key element in heart disease is not a weak heart, but a
           stressful,   hyper-competitive  lifestyle.   That   competition  is
           generally found at work.

        Though  women  live longer than men,  they have  more  illnesses;  are
        hospitalized  more  often;  undergo  more  surgery  and  consume  more
        medication.  Professor Constance Nathanson of John Hopkins University,
        who  made a major survey of homes in the United States of America  and
        England,  said,  "In  some paradoxical way,  it seems that women  save
        themselves  from death by becoming ill!"  She said,  "Women  are  more
        willing  to take action in the face of illness than men are and so  by
        medicine or surgery, they are able to live longer.

        REQUIREMENTS FOR LEADING A WIFE.

        In  order to lead your wife you are going to need to fully  understand
        the  difference between "authority" and "power"- and be sure you  have
        both.

        "AUTHORITY"  - PERMISSION.   A  driver's  license gives a  driver  the
        authority to drive a car.
        "POWER" - UNRESTRICTED ABILITY TO CARRY THE AUTHORITY THROUGH.   Power
        would  have  to include the knowledge to drive a car  plus  the  fully
        equipped car itself.  EVERY HUSBAND HAD GOD'S AUTHORITY TO BE "HEAD OF
        THE HOME" IN WRITING.

        Ephesians 5:23
          "For the husband is the head of the wife..."

        1 Corinthians 11:3
          "...the man is the head of woman..."

        BUT IN ORDER TO LEAD YOUR WIFE, YOU NOT ONLY NEED GOD'S AUTHORITY--YOU
        NEED HIS POWER.

        HOW TO GET GOD'S POWER IN ORDER TO LEAD YOUR WIFE.

        1. SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO THE LORD
           Romans 12:1-2
           "I urge you therefore,  brethren, by the mercies of God, to present
           your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God which is
           your spiritual service of worship.  And do not be conformed to this
           world,  but  be transformed by the renewing of your mind,  that you
           may  prove  what  the  will of God  is,  that  which  is  good  and
           acceptable and perfect."

           Reverend  Don Judkins of Blenheim,  New Zealand,  points out,  "The
           problem  with  being a 'living sacrifice' is that it's so  easy  to
           keep crawling off the altar!   Then God has to get the  flesh-hooks
           and pull us back!"

        2. ACCEPT YOUR WIFE AS A MEANINGFUL PERSON
           Your wife is not part of the furniture!  She needs to know that you
           love  her  and  constantly care about  her.   Many  husbands  think
           nothing  of getting a jump on traffic by getting up at 3:00am to go
           fishing or hunting, or at 6:00am to get in a round of GOLF, but God
           commands  that  you consider your wife more  important  than  these
           things.  Next to Christ, she's to be your first love.

            Ephesians 5:25
           "Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and
           and gave himself up for her."

           The  word "agapo"- The Greek word for "love" in  this  verse--means
           "to will to love", it also means "choosing to do the highest good."

           You must constantly be working to make the right and proper choices
           in  God, blessing your wife as a total part of His plan.  (again, 1
           Peter 3:7).

        THREE MAJOR PROBLEMS AMONG MEN WHO AREN'T LEADING THEIR WIVES

        1. SOME MEN ARE STOPPED BY THEIR ENLARGED AND INJURED EGO.
           Ephesians 5:28
           "So  husbands  ought  also  to love their own wives  as  their  own
           bodies.  He who loves his own wife loves himself."

           The  opposite  of this verse is also true and could read,  "He  who
           does not love himself does not love his own wife!"

           Men  have  fantastic  egos.   Husbands often   attempt  to  gain  a
           "success  image"  of their own design because they can't find  love
           for themselves at home.   Most men take their jobs very  seriously.
           A  good deal of a man's personal feelings about himself are tied up
           in approval from others instead.   Since his wife gave her approval
           at the altar (and often hasn't given her approval since) he ignores
           her for other people's approval.

           Colossians 3:19
           "Husbands, love your wives, and do not be embittered against them."
           It is a sin to let bitterness cause you to ignore your wife.

        2. SOME HUSBANDS JUST DON'T SEE THE PROBLEM.
           Some husbands believe that all women generally complain anyway  and
           ignore their wife with a "What's-it-to-ya!", attitude.  Nothing can
           frustrate  a woman more or end a marriage quicker,  and nothing  is
           more  condemned  by God.   Marriage problems have got to  be  faced
           squarely if they are ever to get solved,  and God will hold any man
           responsible who won't work to solve the marriage problems.   (again
           1 Peter 3:7)

        3. SOME HUSBANDS REMAIN IN FEAR THAT THEIR WIFE JUST WON'T BE LED.
           Read  the book of Hosea in the Old Testament.   Hosea was a man who
           was  told  by  God to marry a prostitute (Hosea  1:2).   It  was  a
           symbolic act portraying the days that the nation of Israel would be
           away  from  God  and only "in the last days" return  again  to  Him
           (Hosea  3:4-5).   But in this true story Hosea obeyed God  and  did
           what  God  would  never  tell any other man in  history  to  do--he
           married Gomer,  the prostitute.  And Gomer did what you might think
           a prostitute would do--she stayed with him for a while and then ran
           off  with another man.   But God told Hosea to go get his wife  and
           bring her back.   He did,  and took authority over her, undoubtedly
           winning her respect by fully  becoming  her loving leader (Hosea 3:
           1-3).  Your situation couldn't be as difficult as his.  The Lord is
           your  strength--go to Him,  submit to Him and He will give you  the
           power as well as the authority to lead your wife.

        TAKE TIME WITH YOUR WIFE.

        God  certainly intends for the husband to spend at least one full hour
        of each evening alone with his wife--not counting dinner (unless spent
        alone together)- for the purpose of togetherness.   This shouldn't  be
        the television hour (because that creates silence) or even the hour of
        sex.   It should be an hour for fun, conversation and/or activity that
        will allow for joy and communication.

        Husband, your wife is a person.  She has human feelings, just like you
        do.   You  told her you wanted to spend your life with her.   You said
        the  same  thing before God.   That's why she  married  you,  and  you
        seriously  lied to God and to her unless you will give her your  time.

        Someone  asked  former President Dwight Eisenhower how he  managed  to
        keep  up  with all of the pressures of time and demands on  him.   Ike
        answered, "I learned to distinguish between URGENT AND IMPORTANT."

        Dan Benson,  in his powerful book,  "The Total Man", writes, "It takes
        time to fulfill responsibilities and there are two kinds of time:

          A. COMMITTED  TIME.   Time  designated to fulfill  basic  needs  and
             responsibilities such as sleeping, eating, job, school, etc.

          B. UNCOMMITTED TIME. (undesignated or 'free' time).  Time designated
             that  can vary with the desires of the individual such as  clubs,
             hobbies,  religious activities,  social engagements etc.  Quality
             time  is  urgently  needed to be spent with a wife  and  must  be
             budgeted accordingly."

        Dan Benson adds,  "Learn to say 'No'.   Always measure the new job  or
        opportunity  against  your  set of priorities first."  He  then  lists
        three  questions  to ask yourself "whenever you  get  that  frustrated
        feeling  that  circumstances are controlling you."   He  says,  "Stop,
        close your eyes and ask yourself three important questions:  (1) Is it
        really  necessary  for me to rush like this?   (2) What is my  present
        pace doing to me,  to my family, to my relationship with God and to my
        fellow workers?  (3) Is this project worth that?"  (Dan Benson's  "The
        Total Man" is totally good reading!  It will make you think!)

        THE FOUR MOST IMPORTANT DESIRES A WIFE HAS FOR HER HUSBAND.

        Dr.  Richard  Dobbins,  the noted Christian psychologist (Director  of
        EMERGE,  a Christian marriage counseling service in Akron,  Ohio) says
        that when he asked thousands of wives the four most important  desires
        they have for their husbands, they answered in this order:

        1. SOMEONE TO BE KIND AND CONSIDERATE TO THEM.
           William  Arthur Ward once wrote,  "A handsome man attracts a woman,
           an  intelligent man interests her,  a humorous man amuses  her,  an
           attentive man flatters her,  a generous man pleases her,  an honest
           man surprises her, the thoughtful man wins her."  He's right!

           The thoughtful man remembers her birthday and  anniversary,  phones
           when he's going to be home late for dinner (so that it doesn't grow
           cold  while  her temper grows hot!),  thinks of how she  will  feel
           about something rather than what it will do for him, etc.

        2. SOMEONE  TO  BE ROMANTIC AND AFFECTIONATE (NOT TO BE CONFUSED  WITH
           SEX!)
           Romance and affection to a wife are as essential and urgent as  sex
           is  to a husband.   in a woman's mind "romantic" and "affectionate"
           have almost nothing to do with sex.   This subject is so  important
           it's the very next section covered in this chapter.

        3. A GOOD FATHER FOR THEIR CHILDREN
           God's  list would look something like this one,  too.   It's  right
           that  points 1 and 2 come before this third point because you can't
           be  a  good  father  if you're not  treating  your  wife  kindness,
           consideration, romance and affection.

        4. A GOOD PROVIDER
           1 Timothy 5:8 makes it clear the wives are right with this  desire.
           It is not their job to support you,  but yours,  as the husband, to
           support  them.   A wife needs to feel the security of having  bills
           paid on time, being able to have essentials for her home and living
           a  life knowing that her husband is capable of taking care of  her.
           Too  many dating couples forget about this necessity and then  find
           themselves  married  and  emotionally falling apart due  to  unpaid
           bills.   Study Chapter 4,  "God's Plan For Abundant Finance",  very
           carefully and you'll never have this problem.


        EVERY  CHRISTIAN  HUSBAND SHOULD MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO SUCCEED  IN  THE
        ABOVE FOUR AREAS.

        WHAT IT MEANS FOR A HUSBAND TO BE "ROMANTIC" AND "AFFECTIONATE"

        The  first  order  of  business for a  husband  who  is  "loving"  and
        "affectionate" is to burn his whip and his chair!   This will be a far
        better world when the power of love replaces the love of power.   Many
        husbands totally misunderstand the word "leader" and feel that if they
        are to be "the head of the house" then they must crack the whip and be
        a totally dominating boss.   Yet the words used to describe the wife's
        "head" in Ephesians 5 include "love,  sanctify,  cleanse,  nourish and
        cherish."   None  of  these directions tell the husband  to  push  his
        weight  with his wife or be a slave-driver.   Instead,  they are words
        that describe tenderest of affection.   It is every bit as great a sin
        for a man to ignore his wife's need for romantic love as it is for her
        to ignore his need for sexual release and fulfillment.

        HOW TO BE "ROMANTIC" AND "AFFECTIONATE"

        Proverbs 15:1-4
          "A gentle answer turns away wrath, abut a harsh word stirs up anger.
          The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable,  but the mouth of
          fools  spouts  folly.   The  eyes of the Lord are  in  every  place,
          watching  the  evil and the good.   A soothing tongue is a  tree  of
          life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit."

        NOTICE:  YOUR WORDS TO YOUR WIFE ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.
        Every Christian husband MUST  be a gentleman.

        Among the things you need to do for your wife every day:

        1.  HOLD  YOUR  WIFE (not for the purpose of going to  the  bedroom!).
            Your  wife needs to know that she can lean her weight on  you  and
            that you can hold her up.   That's more than a symbolic act.  Take
            her  in your arms every day and spend at least a full minute  just
            holding your wife.

        2.  TOUCH  YOUR WIFE.   Jesus hardly ever healed anyone that He didn't
            touch.   When you're sitting together or walking down the  street,
            take her hand and hold it.

        3.  SPEAK  SOFTLY  TO  YOUR WIFE--and you won't have to  carry  a  big
            stick!

        4.  SAY  "I LOVE YOU" TO YOUR WIFE EVERY DAY.   Don't be like the  man
            who  had  been married 20 years and when his wife asked,  "Do  you
            love me?", answered, "Look woman, I told you I loved you the day I
            married you, and if I ever change my mind, I'll let you know!"  Do
            you  know  that great feeling you get when one  of  your  children
            voluntarily  tells  you,  "I  love  you?"   That  isn't  half  the
            wonderful feeling your wife gets when you say it to her.  Do it!

        5.  SPEAK  "PLEASANT  WORDS"  TO YOUR WIFE.   Pleasant  words  include
            statements  like,  "It's good to be home";  "Boy,  have  I  missed
            you!";   "Honey,  this  house looks terrific!";  "You really  look
            nice."

            Proverbs 16:23-24
            "The heart of the wise teaches his mouth,  and adds persuasiveness
            to his lips.   Pleasant words are as honeycomb,  sweet to the soul
            and healing to the bones."

            NEVER!  NEVER! NEVER! ask, "What did you do ALL day, today, Dear?"
            (A  wife  will immediately think by that question that  you  don't
            feel she did anything!)

        6.  KEEP  PRAISING YOUR WIFE.   Notice the helpful things she does for
            you,  the work she does around the house, etc.  Find what you like
            about dinner and tell her.  Etc!!

        7.  REMEMBER NICE THINGS PEOPLE SAY ABOUT YOUR WIFE AND PASS IT ON  TO
            HER.   Keep  praising  your  wife!   Praise her in  front  of  the
            children and they'll learn to do it, too.

        8.  HELP  YOUR WIFE.   There in nothing unmanly about helping her with
            housework;  with  after  breakfast,  lunch or  dinner  K.P.;  with
            getting the kids dressed for church,  school etc.   Work with your
            wife as a helpful Captain of the team.

        9.  USE GOOD MANNERS WITH YOUR WIFE.   Open the car door for her, make
            sure  she's comfortable and buckled in on her side before you  get
            in on your side of the car; walk beside  her on the curb side when
            you're strolling down the street together;  know how to gracefully
            handle a knife, fork and spoon; be able to identify the salad fork
            and use it properly; don't slurp your soup!; read a simple book on
            etiquette  and  do  what it says.   To  summarize:   DON'T  BE  AN
            EMBARRASSMENT TO HER!   Every time you do something  embarrassing,
            she  identifies with you as if she had done it,  too,  because the
            two of you are one.

        10. REMEMBER DAYS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOUR WIFE.   A birthday is the
            one  time  every woman wants her past forgotten  and  her  present
            remembered!   A  Christian  husband  will work to  remember  every
            special day -- birthday,  anniversary,  Valentine's Day, Christmas
            etc. and rewards his wife with special gifts and his time.

        11. GIVE  "UNBIRTHDAY PRESENTS" TO YOUR WIFE.   "Unbirthday  presents"
            are  those  special things you give her when there is  no  special
            occasion.   They don't have to be expensive gifts, but they should
            be "romantic" and/or beautiful gifts.   The only woman I ever  saw
            who  didn't  like  flowers was a florist!   A wife  loves  to  get
            flowers because it means her husband thought of her.   A nightgown
            is a beautiful gift, just as long as you're sure you get it in her
            size!  (If you get one too big, she'll think you think she's fat!)
            Use your imagination and make it a happy surprise.  (WARNING:  Few
            women  like  to  get candy.   When a woman sees candy  she  almost
            always starts to worry about the calories.   Also, don't bring her
            a  hammer!   Don't try to improve your workbench  with  unbirthday
            presents!)
        12. LEAVE  LOVE NOTES FOR YOUR WIFE.   Remember that if it's the first
            time you've written that kind of thing to her,  be sure to use her
            first  name!    (Otherwise  she's  liable  to  think  she's  found
            something!)  Leave the note for her to find after you've gone  off
            to work.

        13. WRITE YOUR WIFE A LOVE LETTER.  Your wife knows how hard it is for
            you to write even a paragraph, let alone a whole letter!  So, when
            you  write a letter to her and mail it--she's going to love it and
            treasure it.

        14. TAKE YOUR WIFE OUT FOR DINNER.   Do it at least monthly.   When  a
            wife is taken to a restaurant she doesn't have to prepare the food
            or  wash  the  dishes afterwards.   Dinner dates are great  for  a
            romantic  time together and also make among the best  double-dates
            with another married couple.

            REMEMBER--THERE'S  MANY A GIRL WHO GOT MARRIED BECAUSE SHE  DIDN'T
            LIKE  TO SPEND HER EVENINGS ALONE AND THEN GOT A DIVORCE  FOR  THE
            SAME REASON!

        15. DO SOME HANDIWORK IN THE HOUSE OR IN THE GARDEN FOR YOUR WIFE.  Be
            sure it's something she cares about and not just your thing.   Fix
            things for her, build things for her, beautify the home and garden
            for her.

        16. KEEP  YOUR THINGS PICKED UP AROUND THE HOUSE.   don't leave things
            for her to pick up,  ie.  clothes, shoes, hobbies, magazines, etc.
            She's not your mother and don't make her feel like she is!

        17. BE READY TO SAY,  "I'M SORRY",  TO YOUR WIFE.   "I'm  sorry",  are
            words  a leader needs to keep at hand.   It is not cowardly to say
            them.  In fact, it takes real strength.  If you fail at any of the
            items  mentioned here,  ask for forgiveness and  try  again.   One
            diplomatic  husband  said to his wife,  "Why do you expect  me  to
            remember  your birthday when you never look any older?!"  That was
            a  tactful  statement worthy of applause.   It isn't  as  good  as
            remembering the birthday,  but it's a whole lot better than acting
            as though it was all right to forget it.

                                END of STUDY SIX