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Sad to say, I've seen all 19 James Bond movies and no big fan am I, but finally here's a Bond film that has me all shaken and stirred.
Don't get me wrong, The World is Not Enough is chocked full of the usual trashy fun, preposterous escapes, exotic babes, and fetching scenery, but this time it adds to smashing good fun with a minimum of eye-rolling and - God forbid - even a wee bit of depth.
It ain't all a bed of roses, of course. As usual in the language of Bond-age, every third line is a double-entendre which is tiresome beyond all description. If I wanted quips I'd get Bruce Vilanch and Whoopi Goldberg.
What can you say about a movie that features the matter/anti-matter combination of Dame Judi Dench and Broad Denise Richards? Excuse me, nuclear physicist Denise Richards. Which letter in MIT stands for "beautician," anyway?
"I wear shorts and a tank top," explains Denise, "it's more scientific looking." So is a rat on a treadmill, but I don't see Denise running in circles, at least not without a titanium sports bra and a stockpile of Dramamine. Is that a tattoo on your belly, Denise, or are some bionics sticking out?
Because the world is not enough, Denise, the Sofia Coppola of Bond movies, comes ready-made with two worlds, Venus and Pluto, both orbiting between her neck and waist and possessing a gravitational pull like a Hooter tractor beam. Never has so much talent been entirely invisible to the naked eye, hidden mysteriously beneath Lara Croft science-wear.
"What do I need to defuse a nuclear bomb?" asks James. "Me," replies Denise, anticipating perhaps that her turbo-breasts will be used to muffle the blast.
That bomb, by the way, is controlled by Windows CE! How can an operating system control a nuclear bomb but not show me a full calendar month on my PDA? Can I detonate this piece of crap?
James encounters physicist Denise in the middle of Kazakhstan - a desert-like region called Implantistan, where Arabs can't find teeth, but Denise can find good makeup and hair.
Truthfully, science has a great deal to do with Denise's appeal. Who needs special effects when Denise brings her nuclear tipped silicone warheads. Specially equipped with a pair of Playtex high-yield tactical fission silos, Denise needs a firm footing or she'll topple forward, thanks to a center of gravity just north of the Arctic circle.
And then there's testosterone magnet Sophie Marceau, who may indeed be French. Sophie spends virtually all of this movie wrapped in a robe or strategically placed bedding. Damn it, this flick couldn't be more PG if Sophie slept in Star Wars sheets and savored caviar from a PokΘmon lunch box!
I would describe the plot of this movie, but to tell the truth I have no idea what the hell was going on, but I liked it. Something about competing pipelines, and I'm not talking about Denise and Sophie.
One terrific moment: The introduction of comic genius John Cleese as Q's protΘgΘ in a scene where Q almost literally bows out. It's an exit more honorable than any actor playing Bond ever had, that's for sure.
God Bless Pierce Brosnan, who has left behind Rene Russo and returned where he belongs - to babes half his age. Pierce is surprisingly good in this - so good I've almost forgotten Roger Moore's smarm and that weird cleft in Timothy Dalton's chin (Timothy who?).
I couldn't help noticing something strange: James makes love with his watch on. Not to mention that furry bear skin Pierce calls a "chest."
A lot of the credit for the strength of this flick goes to the great Judi Dench - who brings a big sloppy wet kiss of class to these proceedings - and a largely unrecognizable Robert Carlyle as the villain.
Robert's got a bullet in his brain which is slowly killing him but not until it gives him superhuman strength...uh... Denise, can you explain the science behind this phenomenon? He holds a scalding rock and feels no pain - does this mean Anthony Robbins has a bullet in his head too?
When Denise and James are sinking together in a submarine, Denise pulls her ripcord in the nick of time, safely surfacing the sub and providing twin life-rafts for dozens of survivors.
Now there's a "Titanic" which really is unsinkable.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
DONÆT FORGET TO VISIT MOVIEJUICE.COM!
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
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Date: Wed, 17 Nov 1999 11:23:31 -0600 (CST)
From: umfalkce <umfalkce@cc.UManitoba.CA>
Subject: [MV] Re: [thankyouthankyouthankyou
A big smooch of thanks to the people who helped me find the Omega Code. Now all
I have to do is find it in Canada. I guess it can't be that hard.
Keep smilin!
"Scully........I love you"
Fox Mulder
Triangle
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Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 10:41:08 +1300 (NZDT)
From: Al Dunn <dunal599@student.otago.ac.nz>
Subject: Re: [MV] Movie Transcripts
There are quite a few places.
Two script places:
http://www.script-o-rama/
http://simplyscripts.home.att.net/
And here is a good site with scripts and transcripts, for movie and TV:
http://www.dailyscript.com/
I think that at least the last one has a Matrix script. But, remember, that
occasionally a script is a little different than the movie as they may make
changes when filming. I don't know if that is the case with this one.
Wade
>From: "RV Chua" <rvchua@ntep.nec.co.jp>
>Reply-To: movies@lists.xmission.com
>To: <movies@xmission.com>
>Subject: [MV] Movie Transcripts
>Date: Tue, 19 Oct 1999 16:23:08 -0700
>
>Hello,
>
>Does anyone know where I can download complete movie transcripts? I visited
>some sites already but some of their scripts are not the same as the movie
>release. I have been trying to find a complete script of The Matrix but all
>I can find is only 50% complete. Usually after watching a movie, I try to
>read the script so that I can relive some of the moments. I also try to
>collect cool quotes from the movies I see.
>
>Blacknight
>
>
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Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com
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" May we meet at the most unexpected of times"
Al Dunn,
519 Great King St,
Dunedin, New Zealand.
ph 479 0106
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Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 15:13:19 -0700
From: "The Reporter" <gregorys@xmission.com>
Subject: [MV] Movie News - 11/18/99
NEW YORK (Billboard) - CBS isn't touched by the marketing of Kevin
Smith's religious satire "Dogma" and has forced distributor Lions
Gate to withdraw a tagline that plays off the network's Sunday night
family hit "Touched by an Angel." After receiving a cease-and-desist
letter from CBS on Friday, Lions Gate responded by promising to
withdraw all ads that featured the slogan "Get 'Touched' by an
Angel." The CBS letter threatened legal action if the distributor
continued to use the "Touched by an Angel" slogan in newspaper and
radio ads. "Both CBS and the production offices for 'Touched by an
Angel' have received numerous calls from people confused about the
connection between our family oriented TV series and your irreverent
movie that apparently belittles every religious tenet embraced by our
show," read the letter from CBS assistant general counsel Beth Jones.
The "Get 'Touched' by an Angel" slogan was coined by Smith to promote
his controversial satire of Catholicism, which opened Friday with a
strong $8.7 million on 1,269 screens.
-=> * <=-
SANTA MONICA, Calif. (AP) - This is the story of the lion, the
billionaire and the spy, the trio fronting the revival of a venerable
studio whose roar has softened to a meow. Reclusive investor Kirk
Kerkorian, on his third go-round as principal owner of
Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, this month pumped another big chunk of his
fortune into the studio. On Friday, MGM will pair two of its prized
possessions - James Bond and Leo the Lion - for the first time.
Unlike the previous 18 Bond movies, released under the studio's
United Artists brand, "The World Is Not Enough" opens as an MGM
picture with Leo's famous rumble segueing into the classic Bond theme
music. It's a sign of the new management's resolve to capitalize on
MGM's best-known assets in hopes of rebuilding a studio that's been
bleeding money for more than a decade and has been in a creative funk
for nearly as long.
"We're doing everything and anything we can in order to revitalize
the company," said MGM Vice Chairman Chris McGurk, who left Universal
Pictures six months ago to join Alex Yemenidjian, MGM's new chairman
and chief executive officer. "We were left with a great asset and
brand that's not been utilized properly." MGM had fallen so low from
the glamour years, when its epic films and musicals defined
Hollywood, that the studio had only two places to go - up, or out of
business. Defying industry death knells of the last few years, when
MGM struggled to recover from disastrous prior management and a
string of box office duds, the studio is having its brightest year in
ages. Though still facing a big loss for 1999, MGM reported its first
full quarterly profit in 11 years last month.
-=> * <=-
LOS ANGELES (Billboard) - Oscar winner Robert Duvall is set to star
with Arnold Schwarzenegger in "The Sixth Day" for Sony-based Phoenix
Pictures. Roger Spottiswoode is expected to start shooting the $80
million-budgeted action film in December in Vancouver. Michael
Rapaport, Sarah Wynter and Michael Rooker also have been cast in the
film. The script by Cormac and Marianne Wibberley centers on a man
(Schwarzenegger) who returns home one day to discover that he has
been replaced by a clone. Duvall will play a cloning scientist who is
in business with the film's not-yet-cast lead villain.
-=> * <=-
LOS ANGELES (Billboard) - TΘa Leoni has signed on to star as Nicolas
Cage's love interest in the romantic comedy "Family Man" for Beacon
Communications and Universal Pictures. The project is slated to start
shooting Monday with Brett Ratner ("Rush Hour") at the helm. "Family
Man" marks Leoni's first film project since taking some time off
after the April birth of her baby, Madelaine, with husband David
Duchovny. "Family" tells the story of a New York investment banker
(Cage) who has forsaken love for his career. One day, he wakes up to
find himself living the life he would have enjoyed had he married his
college sweetheart (Leoni), complete with a home in the suburbs and a
brood of kids.
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Date: Thu, 18 Nov 1999 18:55:38 -0700
From: "The Reporter" <gregorys@xmission.com>
Subject: [MV] Sci-Fi Movie News - 11/18/99
Film producers Mario Kassar and Andy Vajna have
announced plans to shoot two new Terminator
movies back to back beginning next year. Variety
reports that Metalheads scribe Tedi Sarafian will pen
Terminator 3 for a 2001 release, while Supernova
screenwriter David Wilson will work on Terminator 4.
It's not clear whether franchise star Arnold
Schwarzenegger will appear in the films, but it's doubtful
that writer/director James Cameron--who directed the
first two movies in the series--will be involved. The
pictures are being developed by Kassar and Vajna's
company C-2 Pictures.
Terminator 3 will be set in what will then be present-day
2001 and will feature a nuclear war. According to C-2
executive James Middleton, "The fourth movie is going to
be set in the future, after the nuclear conflagration has
ended.
"The setting will be that apocalyptic world you saw in
both of the first two films," Middleton said. "The third will
lead you into the fourth, and [resistance leader] John
Connor will be the lead in both of those movies, which
follow and expand his character. There will be a protector
Terminator, and an antagonist machine."
Rumors about the Terminator franchise have been
circulating during the two years since Vajna and Kassar
spent $8 million to acquire the rights to the property.
Terminator films have previously been reported to be in
the works at Fox and Universal, both with and without
Schwarzenegger and Cameron attached, but it appears
those deals are dead.
-=> * <=-
During a Nov. 15 press conference for his new
supernatural thriller End of Days, Arnold
Schwarzenegger discussed his possible involvement
with the recently announced Terminator 3 and 4 movies.
The two films will be shot back to back by producers
Mario Kassar and Andy Vajna, and the filmmakers have
said they plan to approach Schwarzenegger about starring
in the pictures.
However, Schwarzenegger said he isn't interested unless
Terminator writer/director James Cameron is involved. "I
have no intentions of doing it except when Jim Cameron is
doing the directing or the producing or the writing," he
explained. "Jim Cameron has to be involved in one way or
another."
Since Cameron has indicated he's no longer interested in
working on the Terminator franchise now that the films
aren't set up over at Fox, it looks like Schwarzenegger
won't be back.
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Date: Sun, 21 Nov 1999 18:27:25 -0500 (EST)
From: maillist@moviejuice.com
Subject: [MV] MovieJuice! - SLEEPY HOLLOW - Heads and Tales
THANKS THIS WEEKà
àto the writers and publishers of the ôINTERNET COOL GUIDE: A Savvy Guide to the Best Destinations on the Web.ö ItÆs a very slick book and the third one this year (that IÆm aware of) to cite and review MovieJuice.com in a list of whatÆs cool (Hey, the Internet ainÆt JUST a place to sell stuff, you know). MovieJuice.com was awarded a special credit for ôoriginality,ö curiously unlike most of the movies I write about.
********************
SLEEPY HOLLOW û Heads and Tales
by Mark Ramsey
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/sleepyhollow.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/sleepyhollow.htm
November 21, 1999
It's a box office battle between the Headless Horseman and the Mindless Denise Richards. One spectre can slice off a man's head with one bold thrust, the other can vibrate her boobies to tune a piano. Pick your poison!
Sleepy Hollow is Tim Burton's latest nightmare before Christmas and it's one hell of a pre-holiday gift. Not since the zoo got the pandas have I been so excited!
You know the story: The legendary Headless Horseman sweeps through an 18th Century New York village, terrifying and beheading the townspeople and taking their heads for his collection, which is later to be auctioned at Sotheby's for outrageous sums proving, once again, that cool heads truly do prevail.
Johnny Depp returns in his third Burton film, but his first playing opposite a headless guy since Al Pacino blew his top in Donnie Brasco. Johnny looks like Edward Scissorhands after a Jenny Jones Show makeover.
Christina Ricci sleepwalks her way through this flick as Katrina Van Tassel. If a Van Tassel marries a Van Loafer, what are the odds the kid will end up in sales? Can a Van Golf Foursome be far behind?
Katrina's boyfriend, Casper Van Dien, plays Brom Van Brunt even though he looks more like Surfer Van Dude. There's nothing like hanging ten before a long day of farming, is there? Does your tractor have a longboard rack, Casper? It's a rad day for epic harvesting, isn't it?
Much of the romance stuff between Johnny and Christina is a lead weight dragging behind an otherwise zip-zappy tale. The stilted dialogue is just a bit too close to the atmospheric but tedious 60's Hammer films that were Sleepy Hollow's inspiration. Even that great Hammer stalwart Christopher Lee shows up in a small role shaking his finger at Johnny as if to say: "Look who outlived Peter Cushing, young man!"
If the sword-swinging style of the Headless Horseman looks familiar, it's for good reason. This man knows his way around a saber! It's Martial Arts maestro Ray Park, last seen in red and black warpaint as Darth Maul and now taking a breather from Star Wars conventions long enough to corner the market on roles for anonymous costumed Martial Arts experts. "Villainy wears many masks," says Johnny Depp. And behind them all - it's Ray!
I'm not giving away anything to say that Chris Walken is the Horseman prior to his Headless mid-life crisis. Chris snarls and growls and bares his dagger-like teeth in a role with no dialogue - zero. If this doesn't get Chris uninvited from the Actor's Studio then nothing will. At this rate, Chris and Ray Park will be competing for roles.
My favorite character actor in Sleepy Hollow is Burton regular and "Ferris Bueller" alum Jeffrey Jones who plays in powder wigs so much his head is soft as a baby's butt and he's increasingly sympathetic to King George.
The creepy centerpiece of Sleepy Hollow is the "Tree of the Dead," a craggily blood-spewing structure, part Hollywood, part Vine. The Horseman bursts from this evil oak on his black steed and charges across the countryside, lobbing off more heads than the cost-cutters at Disney.
I understand the "Tree of the Dead" better than most. You see, despite my best efforts, I never fail to cultivate the "Houseplants of the Dead."
Naturally this movie is full of quintessential Burton nods to his own catalog and to classic horror - from wink-wink references to Scissorhands and Beetlejuice to more obscure salutes - the windmill from Frankenstein and the Iron Maiden from The Pit and the Pendulum. I love little touches like the fog literally reaching to snuff out the torches surrounding the town. It's why Tim is always must-see in my book.
Sleepy Hollow is death and destruction on a stick. Anyone who hates this fairy scary tale is not using his head.
Copyright 1999 Mark Ramsey. All rights reserved. NO PORTION MAY BE REPRODUCED WITHOUT THE EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION OF THE AUTHOR.
********************
AND DONÆT FORGET MOVIEJUICE.COMÆS TAKE ON THE NEW BOND FILM!
<a href="http://www.moviejuice.com/1999/worldisnotenough.htm">Click here for the full review!</a>
Hey, kids, don't forget to visit the MovieJuice! Site at http://www.moviejuice.com. The pictures are half the fun (and sometimes more than half the laughs)!
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TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THIS LIST:
DO NOT REPLY TO THIS EMAIL! Just go to http://www.moviejuice.com and follow the directions at the bottom of the left hand side. It's very easy. NOTE: YOUR NAME CANNOT BE REMOVED FROM THE LIST UNLESS YOU UNSUBSCRIBE USING THE EMAIL ADDRESS YOU REGISTERED WITH). And don't write me lots of mean-spirited crap. I won't read it.
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