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buffyfic-digest        Friday, January 22 1999        Volume 03 : Number 027



In this issue:

       BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (17/18)
       BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (18a/18)

See the end of the digest for information on (un)subscribing to the buffyfic
or buffyfic-digest mailing lists and on how to retrieve back issues.

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Date: Thu, 21 Jan 1999 14:15:42 PST
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions (17/18)

Title: Best Intentions
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two.
distribution: Sure, just let me know.
summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as
Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although
technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read
it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you.
Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything.
Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for
helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's
still more I could thank you for. :)
Special thanks to Wirchler, for reading the whole thing, and for all the
helpful comments.



"Okay, I can do this." Cordelia muttered to herself as she surveyed the
destruction of her apartment, clothes strewn over every available space.
Picking up a short black dress she eyed it critically for a minute
before dropping it in a heap on the floor. Sighing with frustration she
walked over to her full length mirror looking at the rumbled reflection
with dismay, wondering what had possessed her to even think of asking
Xander to go out with her.

"It's just a movie Cordelia." She told herself harshly, spinning away
from the mirror to grab another outfit from her closet. Pulling on the
simple blue dress she refused to look in the mirror again. Walking into
the living room, she twisted her hair into a knot and pinned it.
Slipping on her shoes she stared at the door, willing him to hurry up
before she totally lost her nerve.

The doorbell rang at exactly eight o'clock and she felt the butterflies
in her stomach multiply. She moved towards the door with all the
enthusiasm of a criminal walking to his execution. Her fingers hesitated
on the doorknob for a split second before she took a deep breath and
opened the door.

Xander smiled nervously as he looked at her, his voice low as he spoke.
"You look beautiful."

"Thanks." She answered stiffly, grabbing her coat and moving out of her
apartment quickly. She bumped against him in her hurry to get outside,
causing the knot in her stomach to pull tighter. Moving away she headed
down the stairs, thankful for once that her building didn't have an
elevator. She was worried enough about sitting next to him at the movie
theater.

Xander went ahead as they exited the building, opening the car door for
her and shutting it behind her. She snuck a look at him as he walked
around the car, taking in his well cut pants and obviously expensive
shirt. He looked gorgeous, she admitted to herself, with a strange
feeling of loss. An ache formed inside her as she wished for a moment
that he had shown up wearing something that didn't match. That Xander
she knew, this Xander who opened car doors and dressed well was a
stranger to her.

"So." Xander started, clearing his throat nervously as he drove towards
the theater. "How are you?"

Cordelia swallowed, amazed at the layers that simple question had. How
was she about the baby? How was she about the fact that her ex-husband
went on trial in three days? How was she about her parents betraying her
to protect Doug? Or the fact that her parents had told all their friends
that their daughter had a breakdown? Or maybe, he just wanted to know if
she was healthy. Sighing softly, she wished for just one moment of
clarity, just a short second where she actually knew what she was doing.
"I'm fine. You?"

"Same. I've got a new book coming out soon."

"Really?" Cordelia asked, eager for something to talk about that didn't
involve her. Funny, it used to be all she wanted to talk about. "What's
it about?"

"Spike and the parent-teacher night." Xander answered with a faint
smile.

"God." Cordelia leaned back against the seat as she remembered the night
she had spent praying in a closet with Willow. Shaking her head at the
memory she turned to Xander. "Poor Willow, stuck in the closet with me."

"I don't know." Xander replied slowly. "I always enjoyed being in the
closet with you."

Cordelia felt the butterflies swarm as her cheeks turned red. She must
have made out with Xander in every closet in Sunnydale, as well as every
empty room with a lock. They had been insatiable in those days, never
able to wait to be alone. Cordelia couldn't count how many classes she
had been late for or missed all together because of him. "I still can't
believe we did that." Her voice was soft as she spoke. "We must have
been insane."

"Or in love." Xander whispered, his expression hopeful before turning
his attention back to the road in front of him, his fingers tapping
nervously on the steering wheel.

Cordelia couldn't speak after that, the lump in her throat was too big
to allow words through. Not that it mattered, she thought, because I
can't think of anything to say. She stifled a sigh as she leaned back
against the cool leather seats.

They were at the theater quickly, both of them uncomfortable as they
walked in and took their seats. It didn't really matter that she hadn't
seen any of the previous Star Wars movies, because Episode three or
whatever it was called passed by in a blur for her, as she couldn't
think of anything but the man sitting next to her. She stood quickly
when the movie was over, not looking behind her to see if he was
following. She was almost back at his car when he spoke.

"Cordelia?" Xander's voice was low and shaking slightly as he spoke. "Do
you, will you...um, do you want to go for a walk?"

Cordelia spun around to stare at him, his expression familiar to her.
This was the Xander she knew, the Xander she loved. The guy who always
expected to be rejected but tried anyway. She nodded slowly, a weak
smile appearing on her face. "Sure. But lets keep to Main street, I
haven't seen one vampire since I moved back, and I like it that way."

"Done." He said, his expression relaxing as he smiled at her. Turning
they walked down Main street, moving slowly as Cordelia peered in shop
windows and watched the people walking by.

"Are you still making clothes?" Xander asked, finally breaking the
silence.

"Not really." Cordelia answered, shrugging her shoulders slightly. "I
couldn't open the shop...after. But I'm doing a new wardrobe for Buffy.
And I have some regular clients that I still do clothes for."

Xander looked at her with pain in his eyes, but said nothing. Cordelia
felt a chill run through her as she realized that every word they spoke
was like walking in a minefield, trying to avoid the pain of the last
few years. Her stomach tightened as they continued walking, not knowing
how they could ever make it any better.

"This isn't working, is it?" Xander said finally, his voice defeated.

"No. It isn't." She replied, her voice suddenly thick with emotion.
Tears clouded her vision as she realized how badly she had wanted it to
work. That she had actually believed that somehow they could just step
back into the past and everything would be as it was. She had been able
to fool herself somewhat when they were with the others, letting their
friends act as buffers to the pain that was between them, but alone
together the pain was too deep and too raw. She stopped walking,
standing silently on the street as he looked at her, his face a
reflection of her loss. Making up her mind, she forced a light-hearted
smile on her face. "Let's start over."

"Huh?"

"Let's pretend that we have no history together. That we just met." She
said, her voice getting lighter as she spoke. "Hi. I'm Cordelia. And you
are?"

"Alexander Harris." He replied, a smile beginning on his face. "But
everyone calls me Xander."

"Xander." She repeated him, feeling more comfortable than she had all
evening. "Well Xander, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?"

"I would love to." He answered, the smile fully formed now. He took her
arm as he led her into the coffee shop, finding them a table by the
window. They sat down on the high stools, the coffee steaming the window
in front of them.

"So." Cordelia began, stirring her coffee. "What do you do?"

"I'm an author." He replied slowly, looking at her like she had possibly
lost her mind.

"Really?" She answered with teasing disbelief. "Published?"

"Of course." He said in an injured tone. "They're young adult novels
though, so you've probably never heard of them."

Cordelia pretended to be thinking for a minute, before making an
expression of shock cover her face. "Alex Harris?" Her voice was full of
mock surprise as she continued. "I've read all of your books. I love
them. It's amazing the way you write these outlandish stories so that
they seem to be true. And your characters are so alive, so
three-dimensional. My favorite has got to be Joss. He has no super
powers and he's not a computer whiz, or a good vampire, but he still
throws himself into helping. I loved it when he saved the cheerleader
from getting her head cut off and becoming Frankenstein's bride."

Xander was laughing openly by the time she finished gushing. He leaned
towards her and spoke in a low whisper. "The cheerleader is my
favorite."

Cordelia felt herself blushing as she looked into his dark eyes. She
felt herself drowning in them as they stared at each other. Averting her
eyes she concentrated on her coffee as she spoke again. "Why? She's so
self-centered and mean."

"No. She isn't." Xander spoke confidently. "She's changed with every
book, growing into a wonderful person."

Cordelia felt warmth spread through her as she smiled at him, shaking
her head slowly. "Getting a little to involved with your characters?"

Xander grinned defiantly back at her. "I'm in love with her."

Cordelia's smile froze as she struggled to catch her breath. "Why didn't
you make her truly despicable? I mean, you hated me, and I really was
awful in High School, so why not?"

Xander looked shocked for a minute at the swift return to reality. He
swallowed slowly, his hands wrapped around his coffee cup. "I tried.
Believe me I tried, but I couldn't. Every time I tried to write it my
fingers would freeze. Because however much I hated you, I loved you
more."

Cordelia felt her eyes filling with tears as she sipped her coffee. "It
always comes back to this, doesn't it??" She continued without waiting
for a response. "That you hated me. I never hated you, not even when I
thought you would be happy with Buffy."

Xander didn't look at her as he answered. "I was just so hurt. I thought
everything we had didn't mean anything to you. That you wanted the
perfect life, with the rich husband and the country clubs."

"Why didn't you wish me well then?" She spoke wistfully. "When I saw you
kissing Buffy I wanted to kill you, kill Buffy. I wanted to make you
hurt, but I never hated you. I let you go because I loved you. That's
what I can't get past. You hated me so much that it almost destroyed
you."

Xander looked up at her then, his eyes sad. "I wish I had an answer for
you. I wish I had an answer for me, but I don't. You were so perfect, we
were so perfect together. You know how bad my childhood was, that I
never felt loved or wanted, but when I fell in love with you, none of
that mattered. You accepted all of me, gave up your friends and defied
your parents to be with me. And it changed everything, I finally felt
whole. But when you left, everything came back, all my parents taunts
about being worthless felt like they were true, and it hurt too much. So
I hated you because it was easier than hating myself."

Cordelia was crying silently by the time he finished speaking, her hand
reaching out to cover his. Her other hand reached out to touch his face,
her touch gentle as she looked at him. "That's an answer." Pulling her
hand back softly she smiled sadly at him. "We did a lot of damage to
each other." Xander looked at her, his face a mixture of hope and pain
that almost made her break into tears again, her throat constricting as
she continued. "I'm afraid to try again."

"I know." Xander whispered, his eyes glistening as he waited for her to
continue.

"I don't know if it could ever be what it was." Cordelia spoke softly,
her heart pounding in her throat.

"It might be better." Xander smiled tentatively at her, his fingers
reaching out for hers.

Taking his hand in hers Cordelia held on to it tightly as she nodded.
They left the coffee shop soon after, holding hands as they silently
walked back to Xander's car. He moved to open the door for her and she
stopped him with a grin. "I'm sorry, but you being the gentleman is just
too strange."

Xander laughed as he pulled the door open. "I was trying to impress
you."

"You forget, I fell for you when your clothes didn't match and your idea
of a date was sharing a ho-ho with me." Cordelia laughed softly as she
stepped into the car.

Xander grinned at her, his relief almost palatable in the close confines
of the car. She leaned back against her seat and stared at him as he
drove, allowing herself the pleasure of looking at him. It seemed like
seconds before they were parked outside her apartment. She swallowed,
suddenly nervous again as she spoke. "Will you be at the trial?"

Xander nodded, his eyes bright again as he looked at her. "Yes."

"Good." Cordelia murmered, sliding out of the car and moving towards her
apartment. "Maybe after it...maybe we could talk?"

"I'd like that." Xander said, stepping out of his car to watch her walk
into the building.

She nodded, ducking her head as a small smile crossed her face. Turning
she watched him get back in his car and drive away. She stood in the
doorway for another few minutes, the smile lingering. "Me too."
*****

______________________________________________________
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------------------------------

Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 17:24:58 PST
From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Best Intentions, (18a/18)

Title: Best Intentions
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimer: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
spoilers: Everything up to the end of season two.
distribution: Sure, just let me know.
summary: Xander/Cordelia. This fic is set in the same timeline as
Christine's amazing story, 'The Wildest Times in the World' although
technically this story takes place before that one. If you haven't read
it, e-mail me and I'll send it to you.
Feedback: Please. Good, bad, anything.
Thanks to Christine, for writing the story that started this, and for
helping me when I got stuck and for thinking up the title. And there's
still more I could thank you for. :)
Special thanks to Wirchler, for reading the whole thing and giving me
many helpful comments.



Sunnydale Courthouse
March 4, 2007


Cordelia took a deep breath before stepping out of Buffy's car, her face
pale as she turned to face her friends. Smiling wanly at Willow she
reached out to grab the redhead's hand, Buffy's arm looping over her
shoulder as they walked silently towards the courthouse. Cordelia
hesitated just outside the courtroom, nervously smoothing her skirt
before she walked into the room, her friends flanking either side of
her. She flashed a nervous smile at the prosecutor before she slipped
into the seat behind him, trying not to look at the other side of the
room. She kept her head down, fiddling with the hem on her skirt as she
heard her Father whispering instructions to the lawyer handling the
case. Looking sideways at Buffy she tried to smile as her eyes filled
with tears. "I guess I should be grateful he's not actually arguing it
himself."

Buffy grabbed her hand squeezing it gently as she turned to glare at Mr.
Chase. "I'm sorry Cordy."

"Don't be." Cordelia answered, swallowing back the tears. "My whole life
I was taught that appearances and money mean more than anything. You
were supposed to marry a rich man and maintain the picture of a perfect
life, no matter what the cost. As far as they're concerned, I'm the
problem, not Doug."

"But they're your parents." Buffy's voice was frustrated as she watched
Cordelia's parents.

"And according to them, they're doing what any parent would do, protect
their daughter from making a mistake." She answered Buffy, her tone
resigned. "I think they've been telling their friends that I had a
breakdown."

Buffy squeezed her hand even tighter, her face sympathetic. Willow
leaned in close then, her face worried. "Are you sure you want to be
here?"

"Yes." Cordelia nodded firmly. "Anyway, I'm the star witness, I have to
be here." She glanced quickly at the back of the room, wondering where
Xander was, torn between wanting desperately to have him with her and
wanting him far away where her father couldn't get to him. She
swallowed, feeling nauseous as she wondered what exactly her Father
would do to keep Doug from being convicted. Anything, she answered
herself, closing her eyes as her stomach clenched. He had said as much
when he had called her the night before, giving her one last chance to
drop the charges. It had been like talking to a stranger, his voice cold
and formal as he threatened to ruin Xander's career if she didn't stop
this madness. Her stomach rolled a little faster as she tried to imagine
what her Father could possibly say about Xander, or about her.

She looked up, her eyes locking with her Mother's, the older woman's
eyes hard as she stared at her daughter. Cordelia shivered slightly,
breaking eye contact. She knew her Mother, knew that whatever the
outcome of the trial that her Mother would still expect her to show up
at their weekly dinner on Thursday. Her Mother wouldn't understand that
she had betrayed her daughter, and she would be properly teary as she
forgave Cordelia for making Doug stand trial. Cordelia had been through
this too many times for it to even hurt anymore. By the time she was
eight she had figured out that her Mother was never going to be there
for her, not in any ways that mattered.

Buffy's grip on her hand tightened as the blonde turned to greet her
Mother and Giles. Cordelia swung around, a surprised look on her face.
"I didn't know you were coming."

Giles patted the top of her head awkwardly as he sat down in the row
behind them. "We're here for you." He said simply, his smile comforting.

Joyce leaned in and kissed her cheek, whispering in her ear. "Your
parents are idiots if they don't realize what a wonderful daughter they
have."

Cordelia felt her eyes swim with tears as she turned back to the front
of the courtroom, knowing that she did have parents still in Giles and
Joyce. Buffy smiled knowingly at her, tilting her head as she replied to
Cordelia's unspoken thought. "We're family."

The tears flowed out of her then as she nodded in response, her lips
trembling as she looked at each of them. "I know." She caught a glimpse
of the door opening as she turned back around, her heart beating louder
as Xander pushed past Willow to sit next to her. He grabbed her hand and
held it tightly. Cordelia stared at her hand in his before looking up to
meet his eyes.

Xander stared back at her, his expression hard to read. His voice was
determined as he spoke. "Let me do this. Let me be here for you and for
our baby. We'll worry about the rest after."

Cordelia stared at him for a long moment, biting her lip to keep from
crying again. She finally nodded, unable to speak and laced her fingers
through his, as they turned to stare at the front of the court. Doug
entered then, followed by the elder Mr. Foster who glared icily at
Cordelia before greeting her Father warmly, his loud laugh ringing out
in the quiet courtroom. The Judge entered then and jury assembled as the
room was called to order and the charges read. The assistant District
Attorney spoke first, painting a picture of a loveless marriage and a
cheating, drunken husband who had only chased his wife to keep from
losing his inheritance. A man who would have killed his ex-wife and did
kill her unborn baby out of spite that she had refused to return to him.

Then her Father's lackey stood, his voice smooth as he countered the
prosecutor, telling a much different tale, of a woman who had almost
driven her husband crazy by her love for another man. A woman who had
denied her husband any love and driven him to drink. He pointed Cordelia
out, commenting on her beauty and poise, wondering aloud how any man
could bear to lose such a woman. Then, with a frosty smile he had
thrust, telling of a woman who had pretended to be attacked to try and
win the love of another man, a woman who had made up a story about her
ex-husband to get back at him for not giving her any alimony and the
friends who had agreed to help her with the charade. He pointed to her
parents, speaking of the worry of a Father who knew his daughter had
lost her grip on reality.

Cordelia was in shock by the time he finished speaking, staring
helplessly at her Father with tears streaming down her face. Her
fingernails were digging into Xander's hands as she turned to look at
the jury, seeing them watching her with mistrust. Buffy grabbed her
other hand, whispering in her ear. "It's okay. No one is going to fall
for that."

"You don't know my Father." Cordelia replied, her voice hopeless as the
prosecutor called his first witness, the doctor who had treated her when
she lost the baby. The doctor was calm and cool as he described the
injury that had caused her to lose the baby as being a severe force to
her midsection. He also described the bruising around her neck as being
the imprints of fingers. The defense had stood then, asking if the
bruises were definitely caused by his client, to which the doctor had to
say that they weren't, and that the force to her stomach couldn't be
proven to come from a punch.

Cordelia shivered as the doctor was excused, her fingers icy as Willow
was called to the stand. The Watcher was a good witness, her voice
confident, as she related seeing Doug strangling Cordelia and how she
had run for help. She was calm as she repeated Doug's words, telling the
court that he had admitted to her that he only wanted Cordelia so he
wouldn't lose his trust fund.  Willow's eyes got teary as she related
the loss of the baby and how hard it was on Cordelia.

The defense lawyer stood then, his smile broad as he moved close to
Willow, asking why she had broken off contact with Cordelia for five
years. The Watcher faltered, her eyes locking with Cordelia's before
mumbling softly that they had a misunderstanding. The lawyer's smile
broadened as he asked his next question, seemingly pondering almost to
himself if Willow felt bad about the misunderstanding. The Watcher
admitted she did, her voice uneasy as she sensed his intentions. The
lawyer had asked his next question quickly, knowing that the prosecutor
would object, and also that the jury would remember the question even
without an answer.  "So, Miss Rosenburg, you wanted to make things up to
your friend? Maybe by helping her to frame an innocent man?" He smiled
confidently as he withdrew the question and walked back to his seat.

Cordelia turned to Xander, her face drained off all color. "How could my
father have known? I never said anything about it to him, I swear."

Xander gripped her hand even tighter, looking her straight in the eyes
as he answered. "I know."

Cordelia stared back at him, feeling a tiny surge of hope flow through
her at his belief in her.  Her mind continued racing as she tried to
figure out how her father had figured out that she hadn't left six years
ago for the reasons she had told them. She looked across at her parents,
who stared back with fake concern, their expressions clearly telling the
jury that they loved their poor insane daughter and only wanted the best
for her. Breaking eye contact she turned away, catching sight of Doug as
she turned, her stomach sinking as she remembered the journals she had
left in the apartment in her rush to escape, the journals that had held
her every thought about Xander, Buffy and Willow. The journals had been
her only outlet, her only escape from her loneliness. And now they would
be used to help the man who had killed her child. Lifting her head she
locked her eyes onto Doug, rage spilling through her as she watched his
relaxed demeanor. Breathing quickly Cordelia turned away, her rage
changing to guilt as she spoke quietly to Buffy and Xander. "My
journals. I'm so sorry. I left them behind when I left Doug. He knows
everything."

Xander nodded grimly without looking at her, his eyes fastened onto the
district attorney. The attorney stood and asked Willow one more
question. "Miss Rosenburg, did you lie for Cordelia Chase?"

"No." Willow stated loudly. "At the time of the attack Cordelia and I
were still estranged. I had no reason to lie for her."

"No further questions." The assistant District Attorney said as he
returned to his seat and waited patiently for Willow to leave the stand
before calling Buffy as the next witness. The retired Slayer smiled at
Cordelia before she walked to the stand, her voice clear as she promised
to tell the whole truth. Sitting down in the chair Buffy watched the
defense table with the same expression she had once reserved for demons
about to meet their fate.

Buffy quickly related the same story Willow had told about Doug and the
venom he had directed at Cordelia after Xander had subdued him. The
district attorney returned to his chair glancing worriedly at Cordelia
before sitting down. Then the defense stood, the lawyer wasting no time,
throwing  his questions at Buffy with a distasteful look. "Miss Summers,
isn't it true that Cordelia Chase saw you kissing Alex Harris and that
is the reason that she left Sunnydale six years ago?"

"Yes." Buffy replied slowly, her face flushed as she stared straight at
the lawyer.

"So you would like to make up for that mistake, especially considering
the fact that you blamed Ms. Chase for her leaving and the subsequent
problems that Alex Harris encountered?"

"If you mean, would I like to make it up to her by lying, then no."
Buffy answered, her eyes flaming. "I did not lie for Cordelia."

"And yet you are friends with Ms. Chase now. How did you manage to get
her to forgive you for kissing her boyfriend if not by helping her ruin
her ex-husband?"

"I apologized." Buffy said softly, her glance meeting Cordelia's.

"Really?" The lawyer said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "And after
six years of misery that was all it took?" He didn't wait for her to
answer before stating he had no further questions. Buffy slipped from
the stand, her back straight as she walked back to sit beside Cordelia,
her hand grabbing the other girls. Leaning in close to Cordelia Buffy
whispered. "I don't like him. At all."

Cordelia smiled at her friend, her attention going back to the
prosecutor who was calling Xander to the stand. She turned to him, her
voice panicked as she spoke. "You don't have to do this. I can drop the
charges. They know everything Xander. I wrote about your family life and
about the letter Willow sent telling me about your drinking. There was
everything in those journals."

"I'm doing this." Xander declared, his voice harsh as he slipped his
hand from hers. Lifting her hand to his mouth he kissed it softly. "They
can't hurt me."

Walking confidently to the stand Xander turned and was sworn in, taking
his seat with a grace that was new to Cordelia. The brunette turned to
Buffy, whispering urgently. "He doesn't understand. I wrote about his
drinking and how Willow said he wanted to die. This will ruin him."

"No it won't." Willow answered, sliding closer to Cordelia, leaning in
so that Buffy could hear as well. "Xander went to the District Attorney
weeks ago. He told him everything about his past, about the two of you
and why you were estranged. He was worried about something like this
happening, but he swore me to secrecy."

"Why?" Cordelia mumbled, her voice choked as she stared up at Xander.

"Because he loves you." Willow replied slowly. "And he wanted to protect
you. He still feels so guilty about everything and he blames himself for
losing the baby."

"Blames himself?" Cordelia repeated dimly, turning to look at Willow.

Nodding, the Watcher took her hand, pressing it tightly as she spoke.
"Because if he had let you explain things to him before the auction, he
would have been there to protect you from Doug."

"He saved me from Doug." Cordelia whispered, tears falling unnoticed
down her cheeks. "It wasn't his fault. I have to tell him." She moved to
get up, but Buffy's hand stopped her. Turning to the blonde with a
questioning look she sat back down.

"You have to let him do this Cordy." Buffy uttered. "Doug killed his
baby too."

Cordelia's eyes swung from Buffy to Willow, every instinct in her
screaming for her to do something to keep Xander safe. To keep him from
sacrificing himself for her, she had done that once and all it had
brought was misery, she couldn't let Xander make the same mistake.
Breathing deeply she turned to Giles, knowing he was listening to
everything they said. "Giles?" She begged, needing him to tell her what
to do.

The older man smiled calmly at her, leaning slightly forward to answer
her. "It's not a sacrifice Cordelia. He's not giving anything up. Not
anything that is important to him."

Cordelia nodded, turning back around she fastened her eyes on Xander,
straightening her shoulders and letting the pride she felt show on her
face.


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