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Internet Message Format | 1998-07-31 | 727KB

From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Existence, (1/1)
Date: 01 Jul 1998 07:27:06 PDT

Title: Existence
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimers: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy and the WB. The song æFallen from GraceÆ is the property of Blue
Rodeo.
Summary: Angel realizes what he has become after being cursed by the
gypsies.  This is basically an escape from the last chapter of
Repercussions, which is coming very slowly. :)
Feedback: Please...good, bad, whatever.
Thanks: Jenn and Rachel



//The sun won't ever shine
Not like it used to do
And there will be moonlight in the sky
Won't mean a thing to you
Friends and relations say you've changed
They say it's written in your face
Better get used to living like this
Now that you've fallen from grace//

'Please make this a dream.' The words rippled through the pain in
Angel's mind. These memories running through his head couldn't be his,
couldn't be real. He stifled a sob, visions of ugly deaths, deaths he
had caused playing in his mind. He paced around in the darkness of the
cellar the gypsies had locked him in. His hands held his head as he
remembered the words they said to him, the hatred and revulsion in their
eyes. He gripped his head tighter as the memory of a young gypsy girl
dying in his arms rolled through his mind. Gagging at the images he
collapsed on the floor, unable to believe the monster he had become. He
remembered the last day he had seen the sun, the angry words he had
flung at his parents before heading off to the pub. His head swam, so
many deaths, so many deaths he had caused. A sob escaped him as he saw
his mother's face, felt his teeth at her neck. He could feel the blood
coursing down his throat as his mother's life faded, her eyes
disbelieving. He shuddered, remembering the screams of his sisters as
they found his mother's body and the joy with which he killed them.
Rocking back and forth he tried to block the images, tried to convince
himself they weren't real, but he could see his father's eyes to
clearly, the horror and the fear that he looked at his son with. Sobbing
he curled into the dirt, praying for oblivion.

//And you will walk across the floor
As the night becomes day
There will be trouble coming round
Sent down to test your faith
And when the friends you used to wait for
Stop coming round to your place
You better get strong somehow
Now that you've fallen from grace//

He lay silent for hours, the tears stopped by the horror. It was too
much, he couldn't absorb all the terror and destruction he had caused.
He struggled to his feet, a strange sensation beginning in his middle,
wrapping his arms tightly around himself he moved around the room. The
feeling grew stronger, more familiar until he began to moan, realizing
the demon still existed in him, still hungered in him. Pacing
frantically around the room he tried to ignore the feeling, wanting
desperately to subdue the memories of feeding, of the joy he had felt in
the killings. Swallowing the disgust that rose in his throat he
concentrated on overpowering the craving, afraid that if he saw a human
he would be unable to stop himself. He stopped, his mind spinning
wildly at his thoughts, only then realizing that he wasn't human any
more, that he hadn't been human for a very long time.

He stopped his pacing, smelling something outside that tore at his
self-control. He could hear the gypsies talking softly, the thought
flashing through his head for a moment that they may kill him as soon as
he tried to leave. The craving increased, taking away his ability to
think, he heard the growl low in his throat, felt the changes in his
teeth. Reaching up he felt his face, felt the ridges and running his
hand inside his mouth he felt the sharpness there. He fought against the
almost overpowering urge to break through the door, to run out into the
night and kill. He ran his hands over his face again, trying to join his
memories with the feel of his face. He coughed, choking on the memories,
taking deep breaths to calm himself, realizing as he did that he hadn't
been breathing. Memories of his first nights as a vampire overcame him,
memories of Darla as sheÆd taught him the pleasures of killing. He shook
his head, unwilling to remember the joy he had felt while killing,
unable to believe that he had loved it.

 Moving slowly towards the door, the craving leading him, he pulled it
open, surprised at his strength. He walked up the stairs, expecting the
gypsies to attack him any moment, praying that they would. He moved
carefully out into the open air, fearful of what would happen next. He
saw the gypsies hiding in the shadows but he kept moving forward,
terrified he would lose control. He felt the demon raging inside him,
ordering him to feed, to kill, but he ignored it, moving slowly towards
the place he used to call home. Dru, the memory of what he had done to
her tormenting him, he felt the need to rescue her, he couldn't just
abandon her to Spike. Walking hesitatingly down the stairs into their
hideout,  standing in the middle of the room, looking at Spike and Dru
sprawled out on the floor, sated from blood. His stomach turning he
watched them, sickened to think he had once been happy to be with them,
to kill with them. Spinning around silently he left without saying a
word, realizing he would find no comfort in Dru's arms, no pleasure in
Spike's company.


//Better get used to the sorrow
Better get used to the pain
Don't even worry about tomorrow
You know it's only today all over again//

He wandered aimlessly throughout Europe for years. Feeding only on rats
and dead animals, only ever enough to keep himself alive. He wanted to
die, found himself praying endlessly for some release from the guilt at
what he had done. He hadn't seen Spike of Dru since the night he had
been given back his soul. He winced at the thought of the torture he put
Drucilla through, of how he had stolen her sanity.  Walking slowly down
a dark alley, he wondered again why he didn't end it, why he didn't lay
down until the sun came up and ended this torture. Was he afraid of
Hell? He laughed bitterly at the thought, knowing that there was no way
Hell could be any worse than the existence he lived now.

Other vampires avoided him, the legends of the horror he had committed
following him. He was glad they feared him, glad that they left the
towns he was in, left the people in relative safety. He spent his nights
thinking of his crimes, picking out one death to mourn, one life to cry
for. It was the only way he could handle it, the guilt was too strong.
He would kneel in the dirt, head low and let the memories of one death
pour through him while he cried.  He would let the guilt for the death
absorb him until the first signs of the approaching dawn. Then he would
find a place to hide, hopeful every time that he wouldn't make it that
the sun would rise too fast and take him with it. And every morning as
he once again hid he realized why he continued, why he would always
continue. He would suffer for the pain he had caused, the gypsies had a
right to their vengeance and he would not take it from them. He would
give them the satisfaction of seeing him suffer for all eternity.

//Never mind the paper and the pen
They can't help you anymore
Forget about the music
That used to lift up your soul
And when the lover that you lean on
Turns round and shows you a stranger's face
Better get used to living like this
Now that you've fallen from grace
Better get used to living like this
Now that you've fallen from grace//


Running became his life, running from memories, from town after town
that he had left his mark in. So many people dead, so many lives ruined.
The monstrosity that he was astounded him, every new death he remembered
shocked him as much as the memory of the first one had. He searched all
of Europe for a moment of forgetfulness, one second when the horror of
what he was released its grasp on him. He tried everything, the music he
used to lose himself in for hours as a human. The drawing's that used to
consume him, everything he drew now was full of death. He looked around
his room, at the pictures of crimes he committed spread all over the
floor. Laying on the floor among his pictures, feeling unbearable guilt
for these people who didn't even have names in his mind, just memories
of whether or not they fought him.  Feeling the tears of remorse welling
in his eyes again he struggled to his feet, running once more.

He wandered down a deserted street, barely noticing a couple embracing
in the shadows until the way the woman moved prodded at his memory. He
remembered a beautiful blonde haired woman that he had loved and killed
with. He walked closer, feeling a pit of dread forming in his stomach.
The woman was dressed in a kimono, her blond hair pinned up from her
neck. He stared horrified as memories of nights spent taking blood from
that neck coursed through him. She turned slowly, sensing his presence,
her face contorted in the demon's shape. The tears coursing down his
face he stumbled backwards, running from the street, ignoring her voice
calling after him. 'Darla' her name running through his head, he could
remember loving her so clearly, but she was a monster like him, he
couldn't be near her.

He found himself hanging around the waterfront two weeks later while
searching for one of the rats that were so plentiful around the water.
Watching the passengers laughing as they boarded the boat. He stared
wistfully at them from the shadows, his hunger temporarily subdued. He
watched them board with so many hopes for what the journey could bring
them. Glancing back at the land that he had killed so many on he moved
quickly through the shadows, finding an empty cargo box and slipping
into it. Maybe he would be discovered at sea, maybe the sunlight would
find him and kill him, but maybe he would find some peace, some way to
make amends in the New World. Closing his eyes he offered up one more
prayer for the souls of those he had killed as the boat pulled away.
*********



______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Reflections 7/7
Date: 01 Jul 1998 18:53:37 EDT

Title~ Reflections 7/7
Author~Shani
Timeline~ letÆs say between Go Fish and Becoming I & II--Becomings will not
happen here
Summary~ Angelus becomes Angel, but has some thinking to do before going to
Buffy...if he decides to go to Buffy at all.
Disclaimer~ The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon,
Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th
Century Fox.  No infringement intended.  Story for entertainment purposes
only.
Feedback~ YES, YES, YES, YES!!  Please send all comments to [e-mail]


    ôShe should be back by now,ö Angel said pacing across the library.
    ôAccording to the book, if the prayer worked, the room would have been filled
with a bright light that destroys the evil within.  I think that the vampires
knew to get out.  However, Buffy being the slayer, I donÆt know what effect
the light would have had.ö  Giles tried to explain.  He hoped he sounded more
certain than he felt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Buffy was barely able to stand on her own by the time she reached the school
library.  Before entering, she gathered all of her strength, hoping not to
worry any of her friends.
    ôMorninÆö  Buffy said.
    She heard various things from people throughout the room... ôBuff, you ok?ö
ôWhat happened?ö  ôBuffy?ö
    Angel came up to her.  She looked in his eyes.  ôIt worked, I think.  There
was this bright light and when I woke up, I was alone.  Except for this.ö  She
said, handing the flower to Giles.  She closed her eyes, feeling weak.  Angel
tried to help her sit down, but she insisted that she was fine.
    ôWhere did this flower, umm, where did you get this?ö  Giles asked.
    ôIt was just lying there in place of the golamÆs...ashesö  She collasped.
Angel caught her just before she hit the ground.
    ôIÆm taking her home.ö  He said.
    Once again, Giles looked up in time to see Xander, Cordelia, and Willow
staring at the swinging library doors.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 42)
Date: 01 Jul 1998 17:22:24 -0700

Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 42)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire?

Charlotte Sometimes (Part 42)

    He looked down at the bundle laying on the cold floor. Her charred
hair, spiraled out away from her body. A disgusting mixture of dirt,
weeds, and blisters all over her once perfect skin.
    Angelus stood up from his kneeling position next to her.
    So Darla was right. He was destroying the person he loved.
    In his rash movements, and nature.. He was killing her.
He hadn't wanted this! Just a little fun... A little something to fill
that gap that had been with him since Spike had left.
He didn't need him, he knew. And he didn't need Darla either.
But it didn't help much - them being gone...

Angelus's head fell into his hands as he growled. He didn't want this
for her. For his precious Drusilla...
    He looked up with reddened eyes.
    What hell had she gone through in that fucking pit of witches because
of him? What hell had she created in herself because of her parents
deaths? What had she gone through nearly three hours ago, because he was
to stupid to realize she would run from him? That the towns people would
run to her? And what new hell would she wake up to?

    Angelus smiled as Drusilla groaned and pushed herself into a new
sleeping position. He thought for a moment she may awaken, and he
slipped into the shadows. That she was to weak to go through anything
that would involve him...
    Angelus thought for a moment, changing his plans, and picked her still
sleeping form from the ground.

*****

    Drusilla awoke on cold pavement sending shivers through her body. She
forced herself to stay still, to not open her eyes for fear of where she
was.. Who she was with... How many times had this scene played itself
out?
She listen to the voices - as they were nearer then faded. Perhaps in
the next room or outside the door, she instantly recognizing one of the
voices...

*


Angelus was minutes away from ripping this mans throat out. "Just, take
care of her? Alright? Can you do that?" He put his hand up, unwilling to
hear the man to speak
"And, *when* I come back and even think for one moment anything bad has
happened to her, your gonna beg for death"
    "Yeah, sure buddy. Don't worry a bit about her. She's in _real_ good
hands."
    Angelus looked the skinny man over. His long brown hair that was
twisted and braided, and he wore a long dark coat conveniently hiding
whatever was behind. It wasn't that Angelus didn't trust the man. Ian
knew about vampires, and was a continues help towards a select few in
the community..  But he didn't like this place. He used to have faith in
Ian's fighting abilities but this place was disgusting. He couldn't
imagine leave Drusilla here in this infested place. Mildew, rats... The
people here looked tough. Violent and tough.
He swore under is breath, as he was quickly running outta options..
    Angelus met Ian's eye's "I'll bet. Look, just give her these" He said
as Angelus tossed a small bag of things he'd managed to escape from the
house. There wasn't much. A dress or two, a brush, he'd gathered about a
dozen roses and tossed them in as to apologize for leaving her in this
forsaken place, and a doll....


--
_-SuN-_

SD - Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html
K  - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/kinky/

    Daylight licked me into shape, I must have been asleep for
days. And moving lips to breathe her name, I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone. Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved, And drowned her deep inside
of me (The Cure)

_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Discuss-- "Fallen From Grace" -- Oy, Help!
Date: 01 Jul 1998 21:50:58 EDT

I can't determine if I've already posted chapter nine or not. Could someone
please EM me privately and let me know? Thanks.

Rachel



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (10/11)
Date: 01 Jul 1998 22:02:22 EDT

Notes: Takes place the January or so of Angel's change. E-mail me for missing
pieces. :)
Disclaimers: Blake and the Coordinator, etc, are mine. The rest would appear
to belong to High God Joss.
Distribution: Not without my permission, please.
Feedback: YES! To [e-mail], please, whether it be good or bad or
something in-between.

And now, on to the show!

~

                               Ten

     Breathlessly pounding on the door to Buffy's Watcher's
apartment wasn't something Pike considered to be a great way to
kill time when a fucking _scary_ vampire was after you and there
was basically nothing whatsoever you could do about that fact. On
the other hand, if Stuffy actually opened the door, then he and
Buffy both would be able to cram themselves inside and stop
worrying about Angel. Which would be one hell of a relief, he had
to admit.
     After what must have been at least five minutes, Pike heard
somebody moving inside, and a few seconds later the door opened in
their faces. Hating the fact that Buffy had been protecting his
back while he had been the one pounding on the door, but knowing it
was the best way to handle a situation like this, where she was the
one with the metahuman abilities and he was just the putz from out
of town who had happened to save her life-- he thought, hoped, and
knew was probably untrue-- Pike offered a slight smile when the
door opened. "Uh, hi, hey, could we, um, come in a sec?"
     Stuffy looked at them both for a split second before concern
flooded his expression and he stepped aside. Buffy grabbed Pike's
arm, dragging him in, though Pike wasn't sure why-- it wasn't as
though he would _refuse_ to come in or anything.
     "What happened?" the Watcher asked, glancing from one to the
other.
     Pike shook his head. "Fuckin' _A_, man, this is one crazy
town..."
     "Angel," he heard Buffy say beside him. "He-- he killed
somebody. Left the body back at the mansion."
     "Mansion?" Pike asked, confusion on his face. He hadn't seen
any mansions around here in his entire trip.
     "Killed someone?"
     "Bashed his brain to a pulp on the floor of the garden," Buffy
said quietly, shaking her head at Giles' question. "Spike told me
Angel would be going to the Bronze, and he wound up attacking me on
my way there. Angel, I mean."
     "I...see," Giles replied, still looking half-confused.
     "So what now?" Pike asked.
     Buffy and Giles exchanged glances, shaking their heads.
Finally, the Watcher spoke. "Perhaps," he began, "it would be best
if the two of you stayed here tonight."
     Taking Buffy's hint, Pike nodded. "Yeah, okay," he said.
     Buffy had already started up the stairs, leaving Pike somewhat
confused until she reached the landing halfway up and turned back.
"Giles?" she asked.
     The Watcher turned up to face her. "Yes?" he asked.
     "Do I need to change the sheets in the guest room?"
     Pike raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, simply listening as
the Watcher shook his head. "Not unless you want to," Giles was
saying. "No one else uses it."
     Buffy nodded. "I'm gonna have a shower first," she said,
before turning and moving up the rest of the stairs and out of
sight.
     Once more, Pike found himself alone in a room with the
Watcher. He managed a weak smile. "So," he said, "I take it this
sort of thing happens often?"
     The Watcher nodded, moving to a closet, which he opened and
pulled a few blankets from. Placing the folded material on the
coffee table, he straightened. "Something like that," he affirmed.
"Now, the kitchen," he said, pointing, "is that way. And the
bathroom is through that hallway."
     Pike nodded, cataloguing the information then moving to pick
up the blankets the Watcher had left behind as the other man moved
to walk up the steps. As the water began running upstairs, though,
Pike felt words suddenly rising up into his throat and cleared it.
     Giles turned on the stairs. "Something wrong?" he asked.
     Pike shook his head, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the
Watcher despite the sudden hesitance he felt, the sudden
realization that he was the odd one out, here. Buffy had her place.
She had her life. He was an outsider, and if he didn't separate
himself from her and her life, he was most likely going to drag her
down. She had practically gotten herself killed by that Angel guy,
even though he had shown up in time to smash the bastard with a
flashlight, and if it hadn't been for Pike she never would have
gone in the first place.
     "Pike?" Giles asked again, his voice slightly gentler than it
had been before.
     Pike shook his head. "Nah," he said suddenly, looking at the
Watcher. "Look, I'll clear outta here in the morning."
     Confusion scampered across the Watcher's face, though Pike
could have sworn he saw a trace-- or maybe more than just a trace--
of relief in the older man's expression.
     "You needn't hurry yourself," Giles said quietly with a glance
toward the upstairs hall. "Buffy-- she has enjoyed your company,
what little of it she's been able to have..."
     "Nice try," Pike said, shaking his head slightly. "But y'know,
the thing with lying like that, I mean...it's seriously see-
through. In a major way." He didn't give Giles time enough to
answer, continuing, knowing he had to get the words out before
anything else was said. "I'm a third wheel." He managed a weak
smile, remembering the words that had been exchanged earlier, in
the library. "And hey," he continued, "at least you've _accepted_
that this is your destiny. Hell, I thought I was just hanging
around 'cause she has a killer ass." The joke was hollow, empty.
Pike could tell that both of them knew the words were untrue. For
once, he was thankful for British propriety-- meant this guy
wouldn't try to call him on a lame lie like that one. He hoped.
     For a few seconds, the Watcher just stood there, regarding
Pike carefully. Then finally, Pike got tired of waiting, and
flipped the lamp off, sitting on the edge of the bed.
     Out of the darkness, Giles' voice came. "You'd better wait for
her to wake up in the morning," he said, his tone hard-edged. "If
you don't say good-bye, it _will_ hurt her."
     To that, Pike could think of no adequate response. Instead, he
remained silent while the Watcher's footsteps rang in his ears,
retreating up the staircase.
                                *
     Lying in bed, Giles was finding sleep an unattainable goal.
Pike's words kept ringing in his ears. First the bit from earlier,
in the library. Then, his own words-- condemning the boy for
following his destiny unknowingly, when Giles had to admit that was
the best way to go through life. Not knowing that what you were
doing, you were doing for a reason. Thinking there might be such a
thing as free choice.
     Down the hallway, Buffy was likely asleep, Giles thought as he
glanced toward the clock. It was shortly after three in the
morning, and the two children had showed up on the doorstep around
one.
     Shifting position, Giles tried to make himself stop wondering
what sort of reaction Buffy was going to have when she learned that
Pike was leaving. Part of Giles-- a rather large part-- was furious
with the boy. Showing up like that, insinuating himself into the
situation, and then pulling out when he realized what he'd done.
     At least he had hit the nail on the head, Giles thought to
himself. At least it hadn't been a case of someone's being too
thick to see what he was going to do to Buffy if he wasn't careful
with himself, and Pike certainly hadn't been that.
     But in the morning, Giles thought with an inward sigh, the
price for the carelessness would make itself known-- and Giles had
the feeling it would hardly be a cheap one.
     Or perhaps, he thought to himself, perhaps he was over-
analyzing things. It was perfectly possible that Buffy found the
boy to be as much of an annoyance as did Giles himself. And if that
was the case, then everything might work out perfectly well.
     Letting that thought, no matter how farfetched, quiet the
nagging voice that kept saying perhaps it would have been a better
idea not to inform the young man of the prophecy that supposedly
applied to him, Giles found he was finally able to drift into a
restless sort of sleep.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (11/11)
Date: 02 Jul 1998 13:11:59 EDT

Notes: Takes place the January or so of Angel's change. E-mail me for missing
pieces. :)
Disclaimers: Blake and the Coordinator, etc, are mine. The rest would appear
to belong to High God Joss.
Distribution: Not without my permission, please.
Feedback: YES! To [e-mail], please, whether it be good or bad or
something in-between.

And now, on to the show!

~

                             Eleven

     A bright light came on overhead, and next thing he knew
somebody had brought a pillow down on Pike's face. Sputtering and
pushing his attacker away, Pike heard girlish giggling, and once he
placed it he felt his own lips widening into a smile. It had been
forever since he'd heard her laugh like that-- it was good to know
she still could.
     "Crap!" he yelled, finally getting a grip on the pillow and
looking into her eyes. "Jeez, Buff, think you could maybe pound my
_face_ in while you're at it?" His tone was a humorous one, and it
was almost a full second before he remembered his words to her
Watcher the night before.
     While he was busy sobering himself with that thought, Buffy
had grabbed his arm and was pulling him out of the seat. "Come on,"
she said. "Giles' got this great balcony-type thing upstairs, the
view of the city's great..." She trailed off, giving his arm
another tug. "Come on," she said.
     Pike managed a smile, and let her guide him up. Before long,
they were standing upstairs and outside, in the warm breeze. Pike
glanced toward Buffy. "You seem pretty...okay," he ventured.
     She smiled a little, nodding. "Yeah," she replied.
     "Any reason?"
     "Giles got a call from the Network, early this morning." Buffy
turned, leaning against the railing and looking back at Pike.
"Turns out, that guy who died? He was the one who was leading the
whole 'let's kill the Slayer' thing."
     Thinking back to the man he had talked to, Pike had no trouble
agreeing that Alistair Blake would be at the head of that kind of
effort.
     "Total bastard," he heard Buffy murmur, though the words were
more to herself than to him. Then she looked up and spoke, and this
time the words _were_ for his ears. "So," she said. "I guess
things...between us...didn't get off to the best start." Dipping
her eyes toward the ground for a moment, Pike felt his heart wrench
inside when she looked back up at him in that quiet, almost
flirtatious way she had. The look that was far too tempered by
maturity to be entirely teenie-bopperly in nature, but at the same
time, had the cast of affection one rarely saw in young women over
the age of twenty. "How long are you around for?"
     Pike swallowed, glancing back out at the view-- which he now
realized, mostly consisted of the next building over. He shrugged.
"I was thinking it might be a good idea to pull out this morning."
He didn't look back at her to see her reaction. He wasn't about to
let himself go that far, because then he would lose all semblance
of resolve and stay here, no matter how bad an idea he had decided
staying would be.
     "This morning?" Buffy whispered, her incredulity blazing like
a beacon at night.
     "Yeah," Pike said gruffly, scuffing the sole of his sneaker on
the fire escape's floor. "Get some distance between me and this
place, you know, before..."
     Buffy shook her head. "I don't understand," she said. "I
thought you wanted to visit. Talk. And stuff."
     Pike swallowed, smiling faintly. "Yeah," he said, "but I mean,
how much of that is there to do, right? I mean--" He broke off the
bullshit, seeing the pain in her eyes grow by orders of magnitude,
and swallowed hard. "Buff," he said quietly, "I gotta get out of
here. Away from this...the slayage thing."
     "I don't under--"
     Reaching out to place a finger on her lips, Pike shook his
head. How was he supposed to tell her this? He loved her, almost
too much to do something like this. But even more importantly, he
told himself, he had to love her enough to tell her the truth. If
he was going to do this. Walk into her life and then pick up and
go. Deep inside-- well, maybe not so deep-- he knew a part of him
was glad to know she would miss him. But the same part was also
upset that he was the cause of what had to be just another piece of
pain on top of everything else that had happened to her.
     "Your Watcher..." He shook his head. "Look, Buff, I don't know
how to say this. Your Watcher says it's fate. That I'm supposed to
be here, giving what I've got for...this quest." He shook his head,
smiling faintly. "Hey, though, he said somethin' about me being
destined to be one of them, too, so it's like, you know, not
something I'm putting a lotta stock in." Seeing his lame attempts
at lightening the moment were far from working, Pike sighed and
shook his head. "Okay," he said, "lemme start over."
     Just watching him, silent, Buffy nodded. She hadn't moved
since he had put his finger over her lips, and she didn't move now.
Slowly, Pike took his finger away and ran the hand through his
hair, almost nervously.
     "I mean, we have a great thing going here. Friends and all,"
he added quickly. Then he shook his head. "But at the same
time...it's like, I don't want to wake up in ten years and find out
I was playing the fool for fate. You know?"
     Her voice trembled when she spoke. "Lucky you. You've got a
choice."
     Pike winced at the tone, and shook his head. "Buff," he said,
"look, I didn't want it to come out like that, I just--"
     She pulled away from him, shaking her head. "You just want a
normal life." Nodding, the Slayer took another step back. "Yeah. I
can understand that."
     Pike shook his head. "I'd stay. I really would. But I want to
make sure this is _my_ choice, and not fate's."
     "I understand," Buffy repeated, shaking her head slowly. "I
mean...you couldn't have stayed anyway. You have classes."
     "And you've got your life, and uh, and Slaying, and..." God,
did he ever sound like an idiot. Up until this morning, he had
thought looking at Buffy was even a way to prove to himself that he
wasn't the world's biggest fool. Then he'd had to go and tell her
he was leaving. And why. *Excellent fucking move, O High Putzly
One.*
     With a final sigh, Pike watched her, wondering what she would
do if he moved forward to kiss her goodbye. Would she push him
away, evading him like she had in the library? Or would she let him
have one, final kiss.
     "I'm sorry," Pike said quietly, realizing that within himself,
there was no way that he was strong enough to take the chance. This
way, if he didn't do anything at all, then at least there was still
the possibility that if he ever saw her again...things might be
different. Might be okay.
     "I know," Buffy replied softly.
     "I have to go," Pike said. "Losing daylight."
     "I know," she replied. Her voice was even, and suddenly Pike
realized the Slayer's eyes had gone cold. "Good luck," she offered
him, without warmth.
     You too, he wanted to say, but somehow the words caught in his
throat.
     Without saying another word, because he'd always been horrible
with good-byes and he'd already botched this one up more than he'd
thought possible, Pike walked around Buffy, back into the house,
then down and out of the building, walking away as quickly as he
could, never looking back up toward the girl who stood silently on
the fire escape three floors up in the sky.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Fallen From Grace" (epilogue/11)
Date: 02 Jul 1998 13:12:03 EDT

Notes: Takes place the January or so of Angel's change. E-mail me for missing
pieces. :)
Disclaimers: Blake and the Coordinator, etc, are mine. The rest would appear
to belong to High God Joss.
Distribution: Not without my permission, please.
Feedback: YES! To [e-mail], please, whether it be good or bad or
something in-between.

And now, on to the show!

~

                            Epilogue

     Almost as soon as Alistair Blake's death had been made known
to the public, a young Frenchman, Lucien Langille, heard a knock on
the door to the flat he had rented for his stay in London.
     "Yes?" he called, glancing upward.
     The door was pushed open quickly, and a short, bearded man
waddled his way to the middle of the room. Lucien snorted in
distaste, then put his personal feelings toward the smaller man
aside and did his best to appear interested in whatever it was the
troll had come to tell him.
     "Blake's dead," the little man said, his voice scratching with
each word.
     Lucien raised an eyebrow. "Is he, now," he said quietly. Deep
in his gut, there was a sudden feeling that now, things might
actually start rolling at a suitable pace-- for him and his
interests, that was. He smiled slightly, nodding. "Thank you,
then," he murmured, already moving to lift the phone, his fingers
already dialing a number.
     "My pleasure, Sir," replied the servant, before turning and
skittering away, shutting the door securely behind himself and
leaving Langille to begin moving affairs into a more satisfactory
order.

THE END
(Or is it?)

~

Comments to [e-mail], please. I have the barest hints of an idea for
a sequel bouncing around in my head, so if people enjoyed this story and think
it's worth reading more about, please let me know, because if I don't know
what people thought of this one then I won't know how to present the second
story.

Thanks all for reading!

Rachel



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Key (1/1)
Date: 02 Jul 1998 20:53:42 EDT

Title:  The Key (1/1)
Author: Nastassia
Email Addy: [e-mail] (Everybody who has my stuff archived, my email
addy has changed. It's no longer [e-mail])
Rating: PG-13 for language
Spoiler: This is pre-Becoming so I'd say probably I Only Have Eyes For You
Feedback: Please please please!
Distribution: Maybe if you ask nicely.
Disclaimer: Spike, Drusilla, and Angelus belong to Joss. The song "Circle"
belongs to Sarah McLachlan. I'll give them back once I'm done playing.
Summary: Spike reflects on how screwed up his relationship with Dru is.


This is the first story in a Post-Becoming series I'm writing. Thanks a
million to Rachel who sort of forced me to get my butt in gear and actually
write, and then boosted my ego big time by actually liking it! Love ya, Rach!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Key (1/1)
by Nastassia

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


        There are two of us talking in circles
        And one of us who wants to leave


She's with him again.

MY Dru is out hunting with Angelus for the third night this week. He's the one
she's turning to now, poor old crippled Spike doesn't cut it anymore. Maybe if
I tell her-

No.

No, if I tell Dru I lose whatever tiny advantage I have. "Bloody hell," I
growled, "Do I mean so fucking little to her?"


        In a world created for only us
        An empty cage that has no key


I hate this mansion. The warehouse was fine. I actually liked the warehouse,
but not this place. Before Angelus was a guest in MY home. Now, I'm a guest in
his.

I stalked through the indoor garden towards the door to the outside. My foot
connected with the side of that damned wheelchair and sent it rolling. I
pushed the door open and inhaled the cool night air. It was quiet, a rarity in
Sunnydale, and the night was still. Good.

I continued down the street, slipping unseen through the graveyard. "Last
thing I need is for Angelus to see me." I briefly considered going to that
club the Slayer's always at, but decided against it. All I wanted right now
was to be alone.

So I went to Angel's old apartment. He hasn't been there since the change and
there's no chance in hell that the Slayer will show up.

I sat down on the edge of Angel's bed, idly noting the thick coat of dust that
covered everything. I had a choice to make, and it had to be made tonight. Do
I stay or not?


        Don't you know we're working with flesh and blood
        Carving out of jealousy


Did you want to make me jealous that much, pet? Is your precious Angel worth
it? Is a century long relationship so cheap that you'll throw it away for the
guy who drove you crazy, then abandoned you?

She wasn't always like this. I hate myself for feeling this way, but I wish
things were back the way they were when Dru was still sick. She needed me
then. She needed me to tell her everything would be all right, that I wouldn't
let anyone hurt her. She loved me then, and I loved her.

Everything was so easy before we decided to visit old Sunnyhell. My Dark Queen
was happy. Whether we were in Prague or Spain or London we were happy. Life
was an All-You-Can-Eat Buffet and we were always hungry.

I wish we'd never heard of the Hellmouth or this godforsaken town. Dru was
weak, but she didn't care. She was happy with her dolls, her dolls and me. Dru
didn't give a damn about Angel then. He didn't occupy her every thought, no
matter how insane, like he does now. My Dru is gone. She's his Dru now.


        Crawling into each other it's smothering
        Every little part of me


God, I can't believe how fucking pathetic I sound. What happened to William
the Bloody? Dru has me as whipped as Angel's pet Slayer had him.

But I don't care.

Dru was everything to me, and now she treats me like we barely know each
other, and Angelus uses every oportunity he has to rub it in my face that
Drusilla is his now. The bastard doesn't even really care about her. She was
just an obsession of his.

His real passion is for the Slayer. Not that I can blame him for that, she's a
hell of a lot better looking then the last Slayer, and smarter too. I actually
enjoy fighting her. Buffy has real skill and intelligence, and being around
someone who isn't insane is nice once in awhile.

Christ, now I'm getting sentimental over the bloody Slayer! This is just
wrong, but I bet Buffy wouldn't cheat on Angel. She's not the type, but, lucky
me, Dru is.


        What kind of love is this that keeps me hanging on
        Despite everything it's doing to me
        What is this love that keeps me coming back for more
        When it will only end in misery


I don't even really know why I stay with Dru. Probably because she's all I
know. We've been together for a century, and now I don't know how to live my
life without her. Drusilla's like a drug to me, and I don't know if I can
handle the withdrawl. Knowing my luck lately it would kill me.


        I know too many people unhappy
        In a life from which they'd love to flee


I despise what my life has become. Instead of Dru's lover I'm her faithful
dog. No matter how much she kicks me around I always come back for more. Too
blind and too stupid to know to run away.

Darla would laugh in my face if she saw me now. At least with her there were
never any false pretenses of love and loyalty. If she saw me now she'd tell me
I was weak and pathetic, and, the truth is, she'd be right.


        Watching others get everything offered
        They're wanton for discovery


I wonder why I even bother trying to get Dru back, but I know the answer to
that question at least. I love her. It's as simple as that. I love her, and I
don't know how I could go on living without her. So I'll crawl back to that
mansion like the faithful, stupid dog I seem to be turning into and watch as
Angelus continues to steal the only thing that matters to me. At least for
another day.


        Oh my brother my sister my mother
        You're loosing your identity


I don't know who I am anymore, but I hardly care. In a few days I'll seize my
chance and wipe that smirk off Angelus' face for good. I'm going to make him
pay for this. I don't give a damn if I die trying, but I will teach Angelus
that I'm not someone to fuck with.


        Can't you see that it's you in the window
        Shining with intensity


I'll rip his heart out and give it to Dru, since she seemed to like the one he
gave her for Valentine's Day so much. Let her have the heart of her precious
Angel.


        What kind of love is this that keeps me hanging on
        Despite everything it's doing to me
        What is this love that keeps me coming back for more
        When it will only end in misery...


I know it probably won't end that way, but I have to try. Because, God curse
me...

...I love her.

*END*
Questions, comments, flaming stakes, or leather trenchcoats can be sent to me
at [e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Walking In Fear, Looking (1/1)
Date: 02 Jul 1998 20:56:12 EDT

Title: Walking In Fear, Looking (1/1)---Poem
Author: Nastassia
Email Addy: [e-mail]
Rating: PG
Spoiler: Suprise & Innocence
Feedback: Don't make me beg!
Distribution: If you ask nicely. <G>
Disclaimer: Buffy and Angel/Angelus belong to Joss.
Summary: It's a poem, not a novel. You'll figure it out when you read it.

---------------------
For our creative writing exam we were given several topics that we had to
write poems on. This was my favorite. This is the first of five BtVS related
poems I wrote. (Too bad my teacher's never seen the show. I might have gotten
extra credit......)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Walking In Fear, Looking (1/1)
by Nastassia
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He's here
I can feel it
No more safety
I lost it all
Because of one night

He's watching me
Again
He wants to make me pay
For making him feel human

I see him now
And feel the familiar rush
I always did
Until now

I remind myself this is not him
The man I love is here
"Hello lover"
No more


Questions, comments, flaming stakes, or A+ exams can be sent to
[e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (19/?)
Date: 02 Jul 1998 19:27:04 -0700

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #19 I'll Stand By You
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*****************************
Chronicles of the White Knight
#19 I'll Stand By You
By: Taygeta

    "According to this listà" Willow began to read from a printed
handout in her hand.

    Oz frowned as he noticed Xander walking out of the library doors
and so he automatically glanced at Buffy.  She looked up at Xander
quickly, chewing on her lower lip, and then her eyes fell dejectedly to
the floor.  Despite what his girlfriend had said about Xander agreeing to
the curse, he was beginning to think otherwise, and as he looked at
Buffy, he was wondering if she was doing the same.

    With a sigh, he stood up and approached Willow who had stopped
reading for a moment while Giles went into the office to get an Orb of
Thesula, which he had been using for a paperweight.  He tapped her
shoulder and moved his head in the direction that the other male
slayerette had gone.  She smiled warmly, squeezed the hand that rested on
her shoulder, and nodded before she started again to read the list, "And
besides that we needà"

     The door slammed loudly behind him and he saw Xander leaning on
a wall of the empty school hallway, "Hey."

    Xander looked up and gave him a half-smile, "Hey, what are you
doing out here?"

    "Funnyàwas just about to ask you the same thing," Oz replied as
he approached him and leaned against the opposite wall, "I'm guessin'
you're not with this whole curse thing."

    "Ya think?" he replied sardonically, "Look, I appreciate the
effort of my best bud's guy to give me a pep talk, but I'd rather not."

    "Look Xander, I may not be the world's expert on girlsàwellàme
and every other guy on this planet, but I'm thinkin' it would be in your
best interest to go and have a talk with Buffy," he said.  "I know you
told her that you were okay with this, but you're obviously not, and as
far as I can tell, you're only going along with this because you don't
want to hurt her."

    "Of course I don't want to hurt her, Ozàshe'sàshe'sà" he said and
paused before continuing softly, "she's everything to me, and I don'tàI
don'tà"

    "No need to elaborate, I know the feeling," he said with a grin
as he thought about Willow, "but you can't go along in life not
expressing what you think is rightàI mean, think of how I would look if I
went about satisfying the status quo?  No nail polish that's for sure.
I'm not saying that if you tell her how you feel it's going to change her
mind about anything, but at least she'll *know, * y'know?"

    "UmàOzàWillow wants youàfor something," Buffy said as the door
closed behind her and she approached them.  Her eyes fixed totally on
Xander's face, although she was talking to Oz.

    "Sure," he said and very little conversation occurred until they
were sure he was in the library.

    "Iàuhàheard what you and Oz were talking about," she said, "I - I
thought you were okay with all of thisàI mean, I know you don't want
this, but you saidà"

    Xander took a deep breath, "I know what I said and I am okay with
thisàsort of.  Angel and I, let's just say that we've exchanged very
little words - wouldn't even amount to one conversation - over the time
he was hanging with us.  But in those words, we found out how much both
of usàloved you, and in finding that outàwe hated each other even more
when we didn't say anything at all.  Then when he turned to the other
side, that hate grew with every time he attacked usàand whenever he hurt
youàhe hurt me.  I don't want to give Angelus a reward for killing Miss
CalendaràI don't want to give him a new lease on life for doing what he
did to us.  Angel diedàBuffyàlong before we even knew himàthat was his
death.  If you ask me, he's had plenty of chances at life, and knowing
youàhaving the chance to love youàhaving the chance for you to love him
backà was probably the best of all.  I knowàI can relate, and maybe
that's what I'm afraid ofàmaybe in the back of my mindàand somewhere in
this mortal heart of mineàthat's what I'm afraid of.  That maybe if he
found so much in you, then you might have found a lot in him àmore than
you'll ever find in meà just Xander, class clown extraordinare."

    She looked into his eyes and blinked in surprised and sighed,
"How can you possibly think that?  You and Angel areàdifferent.  I could
never in my life compare you two.  I have to say, though, that he's very
special to me, still, and maybe I still love himàjust not the way I did
before.  But youàyou're not *just* Xanderàyou're more than that - more
than you can possibly imagine - to me.  I love you."

    He had to smile, no matter how many times those words came from
her, he could not believe that they were for him.  "And I love you, but
beyond that, no matter how strongly I feel about you, there's this part
of me that doesn't know whether I'm going to be able to handle itàhaving
Angel back, standing there and watching while you give him back his soul-
"

    "Xanderàwhat are you - " she began as her eyes looked at him
worriedly.

    He smiled and the expression faded with each of his words, "But
there's a stronger part of me still that will do anything to make you
happy, anything to see you smile.  I understand Buffy, and even if I
didn'tàI'll still stand by you."

*******************
End of Part 19.  Feedback?!

_____________________________________________________________________
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Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Christina" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Somewhere I Have Never Traveled (1/1)
Date: 02 Jul 1998 22:40:01 -0600

This story is already archived on the Sunnydale Slayers Site, at
http://www.enteract.com/~perridox/SunS, but I never got around to posting
it to the list --- and now that the 'zine in which it appears has been
published for over a month, I thought I'd  send it out. If you want a
copy of the Sunnydale Slayers 'zine, contact Maureen  ( [e-mail] )
for ordering information.

Feedback would be appreciated at [e-mail] ; distribution
is free as long as the author's name is attached.  A Giles & Jenny story,
set after "Passion". No violence, some angst.

The characters and Sunnydale belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy
Productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century
Fox.

Thanks to Dianne for the title, Perri, Lizbet and Abby for editing, and
Maureen for publishing it.

Somewhere I Have Never Traveled  (1/1)
by Christina Kamnikar
copyright 1998

I have an Orb of Thesulah now, as well as the final translation of the
ritual of Restoration.  The stone is smooth and slick in my hands,  much
lighter than it looks, and cool.  You would expect it to be warm with the
bright glow that's trapped inside--- but this Stone isn't lit by any
mundane fire. This flame is something special.

I could give Angel his soul back at any time.

I don't want to, though.

The police aren't filing charges; they said that there was enough
evidence of another person's involvement at the crime scene that I'm not
a suspect.  Something to be grateful for, except that Angelus wasn't
trying
to frame me for murder.  If that had been the point, I would be in a
holding cell
in the County jail waiting for a public defender to arrive.  He just
wanted
 to hurt, and he did that. He did that very well.

I can't think about finding... the body. I can't. I dream it, I dream of
leaving the school, finding the rose on the door... entering the house...
then walking into the bedroom, full of hopefulness and love, only to see
what Angelus had left instead.  When I'm awake, my mind protects me from
remembering too much, and as soon as I start to go back to that moment,
my attention veers somewhere else.  So every time I dream it, it's like
the first time again.  It isn't any kind of mercy.... Sometimes I dream
it's
me on that bed, instead. Those are the dreams I can stand to remember.

Trying to kill Angelus the way I did was a mistake.  I'm not sure I was
completely sane when I went to the factory; if I had been, I would have
been more careful.  I would have set fires at all the exits, then thrown
the Molotov cocktail into the main area, and waited for the vampires to
try to escape before shooting them with the crossbow, instead of taking
the direct approach. That would have been smarter than trying to
incinerate
him by hand.

But I wanted to hurt him.  I wanted to see him, to make him bleed, to
kill him myself---or maybe I _was_ hoping he'd kill me.  Praying I
wouldn't have to go on alone again....  I'm glad Buffy showed up when she
did.
I'd far rather see Angelus dead than give him the satisfaction of killing
me,
after all. And the only safety we'll ever know now will be after his
death.

Restoring his soul is out of the question. I don't hold a grudge against
Angel.  I'm still sad and sorry that he's gone.  But calling him back to
life wouldn't be any favor, after what the demon wearing his body has
done.  If Angel came back now, and had to face the results of Angelus's
actions, I'm not sure he could live with it.  He isn't responsible, and
he deserves his peace.  I won't force him to return.

And I'm not sure Buffy would want him back, either.  She's getting
reckless in her hunting; Willow and Xander and Cordelia and Oz are
 taking turns on patrol with her, afraid of what she'll do if she's left
alone. She won't go hunting with me.... She's taking this very, very
hard,
blaming herself, grieving in a way that's becoming more and more
self-destructive.

I wish I could say I don't blame her at all. Most of me
doesn't, and doesn't hate anyone except Angelus.  But there's a sliver
of my heart that does hate her for not killing him sooner. The same tiny
shard that wonders what I could have done to stop it, if there was some
way I could have known what Angelus had planned....

If I had been the one to buy the first Orb of Thesulah, Angelus would
have gone after me.  He couldn't stand even the barest hint that his soul
could  be restored. It was that threat that must have inspired him to
move from stalking to murder.

It should have been me.

I have another, better plan, in place of the one we had before.  I only
need one thing: a vessel.  An undamaged body to hold the spirit I've
summoned to the Orb. I can wait. I won't cause anyone else's death in
order to obtain what I need. But I am going to do this; Thesulah Stones
are difficult enough to find that I'm not going to waste one on Angel.
If it
works, we can do it again. Or not.

Something we'll decide later. After.

It's a selfish choice, I admit.  The Clan won't get it.  They prefer
revenge to restitution.  But I think Buffy will understand.  And I'm not
going to make her choose between Rupert and Angel, that's all there is to
it.

She needs Giles more. A Slayer without a Watcher is a terribly vulnerable
human being--- and if I can do this, if I can bring Giles back, it will
almost make up for losing Angel.

I would do it anyway, though.  I'm not letting Angelus win this one.  I
want Giles, damnit. I'm not going to lose him like this. Not after all
we've been through....

The light in the orb glows as if it understands me when I speak to it,
saying:  "Soon, Rupert.  Soon."

*
somewhere I have
never Traveled,
gladly beyond
any experience,
your eyes have their silence;
in your most
frail gesture
are things which enclose me,
on which
I cannot touch
because they
are too near.
            - e.e.cummings

*

Chris        Kiki    Chaos    }|{    [e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: dreamscape <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: A Light in the Darkness 1/1 by Dreamscape205
Date: 04 Jul 1998 00:47:15 -0400

Title:            A Light in the Darkness 1/1
Author:        Dreamscape205 [e-mail]
Distribution: Please ask first
Feedback:   always
Type:          TB
Spoiler:        Becoming 1/2 WML2
Disclaimer:    Everything belongs to Joss, the WB, etc.  No
infringements intended

****************

She had been back in Sunnydale for almost a week.  Coming home
was the most difficult thing she had ever done in her life, but
she knew she was needed at home for more than vampire slayage.
Facing the nightmare she left behind would be arduous, however
she had to think about her family and friends.  And even if her
mom did tell her she could never come back if she left the house
that fateful night, Buffy knew she needed her.  As she walked
aimlessly through the town, she recalled the conversation they
had the day she arrived back in town.

"Mom," Buffy said quietly as she entered the kitchen and saw her
mother busy at the counter chopping vegetables.

Joyce dropped the knife she was holding onto the countertop and
turned slowly in the direction of the voice she knew she had to
be imagining.  "Buffy!  Is it really you?  Please tell me I'm not
just seeing things," she pleaded as the tears that threatened
overcame her.  She opened her arms wide to welcome her daughter.

Buffy smiled wide as she ran into her mother's arms,
"Promise...it's really me."

They hugged each other close until Joyce said, "Sweetheart...
uh...honey...I can't breathe."  Buffy pulled away and they both
laughed together.

"Sorry, mom, sometimes I don't know my own strength," she said
sheepishly.

"Well let me take a look at you," Joyce told her daughter as she
slowly circled the girl.  "You've lost weight.  Have you been
eating?  Are you okay?" she asked with concern.

"Yeah, I'm okay.  Really."  She lied.  She wasn't okay.  She
would never come to terms with the fact that she destroyed the
man she loved.  But to make things easier on those around her,
she had decided to put on a facade of happiness.

They talked for endless hours about where Buffy had gone, what
she had been up to, and how much they missed and loved each
other.   All in all, she was glad to be home.  Glad to see her
mom and her friends.  Joyce had called Giles during the afternoon
and invited him and the Scooby gang over for dinner to celebrate
her return.

She spent the next few days resting and visiting with her
friends.  They were more of a comfort to her than she realized
they would be and her love for them grew with each passing
moment.

Reality beckoned for her to return to the present and the Slayer
found herself walking down an empty street and was startled when
she realized where she had been headed without knowing what her
destination was.  She stared at the remnants of the church for
what seemed forever.  "He almost perished in that church," she
thought to herself as she began walking again.

Walking up to the rubble, she was amazed to see that the altar
still stood, undamaged by the flames that devastated the rest of
the building.  Finding a path to the altar, she approached it
hesitantly.

Reaching into the pocket of her jeans, she pulled out the
beautiful cross pendant she received from Angel.  Tears filled
her eyes as she clutched it to her bosom and looked Heavenward.
Falling to her knees, she brought the cross up to her forehead
and leaned forward, her head laid upon the foot of the altar.
She sobbed uncontrollably for a few minutes, her tears staining
what carpet remained after the fire.

Her tears spent for the time being, she looked towards the
Heaven. Remaining on her knees, once again she clutched the
pendant to her chest.  She had no idea what she was doing at this
place, but somehow it seemed appropriate.

"God," she began,  "hi...um...it's me...Buffy.  I know I haven't
been the best and most faithful person I can be, but I don't know
who else to talk to.  Since you know what has been happening, I
won't have to spell it all out for you.  The long and short of it
is that I'm asking for your help.  You're the only one who can.
It's Angel...you know...I sent him to hell.  I know it had to be
done...to save the world.  And, yes, I know he's
done some horrible things, but not when his soul was controlling
the demon."

She paused, bowing her head, then looked upward again.  The tears
had arrived again, but silently spilled from her eyes and slid
down her cheeks.  Speaking through them, she continued, "I know I
have no right to ask anything from you, but I have to.  I love
Angel.  And he didn't deserve the hand that was dealt him.  His
soul is good, he is good.  You know what he's done for me...for
all of us.  He had no control over the curse...he didn't know.
If he did, I know he never would have risked losing his soul, not
even for the chance to make love with me.  Please, you have to
help him.  I would gladly give my life for him, and I offer it to
you without hesitation.  PLEASE!"  she cried as she broke down
again and laid on the ground, hugging her knees to her chest.

She didn't know how long she laid like that when she felt
something touch her shoulder.  She sat up and looked around, but
saw nothing around her.  "Now I'm imagining things," she spoke
aloud to herself.

"Not at all," said a voice from behind her.

When she turned to look, all that was visible was a strange,
glowing light.  "What the...."

Out from the light stepped a figure that Buffy could not make
out, but it slowly came into focus as the light diminished.  As
the light faded, the voice said to them, "Love each other, that's
all I ask of you."

And the light was gone, leaving two figures alone in the church.
One figured stood looking down upon the other that was sitting at
the foot of the altar.  The figure that stood in front of Buffy
reached out a hand to help her stand.

Speechless, Buffy accepted the hand and slowly stood.  When they
stood face to face, she threw her arms around him, holding him
close, "Oh, my Angel...how I have missed you."

He pulled her from him and gazed into her beautiful eyes, "sshhh,
my darling.  We have a lifetime for words..." as he lowered his
head to hers and briefly kissed her lips.  "I love you," he
whispered, as his lips covered hers again...





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (14/17)
Date: 04 Jul 1998 09:18:51 PDT

Title: Repercussions part 14. The story was supposed to be only 16
chapters, but it has gotten away from me a bit and now will be 17
chapters.
Disclaimers: None of these characters are mine. They are the property of
Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc...
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where.
Feedback: Please, good, bad or whatever. To [e-mail]
Thanks: To Jenn, Rachel and Christine. I really appreciate the help.

Sunnydale High School Library
August 21, 1998
9:00 p.m.

Willow walked quickly towards the library, nervous to be outside alone
as the sun set, but unable to stay at home waiting for news any longer.
Running her hands through her wet hair she wished she had brought an
umbrella. Her worry about Buffy and how things were going with her
mother driving her from her house. She still felt as if she should have
gone with Buffy, she could have run interference if needed and prevented
Buffy's mother from digging to deeply.  Entering the schoolyard her
thoughts turned to Xander, to what he had done, and how harsh she had
been with him.  Wishing that things could go back to normal, that she
could forgive Xander for his choice. Shrugging her shoulders she walked
up the steps into the school, maybe if Xander could ever understand why
what he did was wrong there would be hope for them again. Opening the
doors to the school she smiled ruefully, not very likely that Xander
would ever think Angel dying wasn't a good thing. Shaking off the sudden
lump the thought brought to her throat she headed towards the library
and the comfort it offered.

Slipping through the library doors she let her shoulders relax, enjoying
the familiarity of the place. Amazed it still felt like a safe haven
after all that happened there in the last few years. But is still was,
after everything, it was where they planned and where they recovered.
Glancing around at the disarray she shook her head, Giles wouldn't be
too happy with whoever left all the books and paper on the table.
Heading over to clean it up she caught a glimpse of Giles slumped over
asleep in the chair in his office. Smiling at him, glad that he found
comfort here also, she walked quietly over to a chair and sat down.
Leaning back, she watched the fading sun dance across the ceiling,
letting her thoughts relax for a moment. Sitting up abruptly when she
heard a familiar clomping in the hallway. Her shoulders tense once again
she watched as the door to the library swung open and Buffy entered.

Willow stared at her, taking in her wet hair, mud soaked clothes and the
strange expression on her face.  Noticing that the mud-covered jacket
was Angel's, she wondered if that was a good sign or not. Buffy strolled
towards Willow, her face a mixture of jubilation and despair. Standing
nervously Willow moved towards her, her eyes focused on Buffy's mud
splattered clothes. "W-What happened?" Inwardly cursing herself for the
slight tremble in her voice.

Buffy glanced down at her clothes then smiling she looked back to
Willow. "I slew." Buffy's voice was biting, "Vampires? Remember? Sacred
duty?" Looking at Willow like she was crazy, Buffy threw herself into a
chair and stared intently at her fingernails. Willow swallowed, hoping
Buffy had woken Giles, relieved when she heard movement behind her.
Turning slightly she saw Giles ambling from his office, his face
confused and still sleepy.  Buffy glanced at Giles, not saying anything
then back to her nails. Swallowing her nervousness Willow walked closer
to Buffy, sitting down in a chair next to her.

"Buffy, is that it? Cause you look a little...um...Giles?" Willow turned
to Giles, not knowing if she should press Buffy. Giles just shrugged his
shoulders at her and continued standing there watching Buffy. Nodding
her head she turned back to Buffy, "Um...nothing else happened? How did
it go with your mother?"

"Great." Buffy smiled brightly at Willow, but her eyes were unsettled,
"Mom's great. Very understanding. You know, cause I'm the slayer and I
sent my boyfriend to Hell." Buffy was suddenly very interested in a ring
she wore on her hand, Willow stared at it, realizing it was the one
Angel had given her. Her eyes slid over to Giles to see if he noticed
then turned back to Buffy. She struggled not to stare at the ring,
uncertain if the sudden reemergence of both the jacket and the ring
meant Buffy was getting better or worse. Buffy spoke softly, her eyes
still fixated on her hand. "Oh...I ran into Xander and Cordelia over by
Angel's apartment." Her voice was coated in bitterness, softening only
when she spoke Angel's name.

Willow and Giles looked at each other and back to Buffy, Willow trying
to subdue the surge of pity she felt for both Xander and Buffy. Buffy
watched them, her face bitterly amused, "No worries. Xander's still
living.  I held myself back." Her eyes glittered dangerously as she said
the words, her mouth tight.  Staring back at her ring again, she twisted
it on her finger, a soft smile around her lips. Taking a deep breath she
looked back up at them, " I feel better, stronger. So Giles, I'm
thinking we should get back to work. Any new terrible things on the way?
I'm in the mood to fight evil."

Giles stared at her, stuttering out, "N-No. I..I, well, I'll have to get
my books." Turning he marched into his office, leaving Willow and Buffy
alone.  Willow staring stunned at Buffy and Buffy leaning back in her
chair, apparently totally relaxed.

Willow tried not to speak, to let Buffy deal with things however she
could, but failed, she had to know why Buffy was seemingly so much more
Buffy. Taking a breath she spoke, "Buffy? How...Why? How are you doing
this? Just this afternoon you were so...."

"Fragile?" Buffy's voice was derisive, "Weak? Hiding from reality?
Maybe yelling at Xander was good for me, I feel focused now. Willow,"
Her voice lowered, speaking confidentially, "I really lost it when I saw
Cordelia and Xander together. They looked so in love. And there I was,
on my way into Angel's to say good-bye to him. I wanted him dead Willow.
I was crazy with rage, but after I told him off. I don't know." She
looked at Willow her face confused, "I ran to the graveyard, I was so
full of rage. And I found a vampire there, and fought him. Then I lay in
the mud and cried, but somehow it all seems better now. I mean, I know
what I did to Angel. Don't worry, I'm not hiding any more. But I also
know I had no choice. Xander stole that." Her voice filled with rage for
a moment as she said Xander's name and then sighing she continued,
shaking her head, " No, I can't blame Xander for everything, as good as
it felt to release some of my anger on him. I know what happened isn't
Xander's fault. It's mine. It always has been and it always will be.
But, I can deal with it. I can do my duty. I can remember A-Angel. I am
not weak."

"No," Willow smiled at her, "You're not weak. But, Buffy, it's not your
fault. It just happened, 'Kay?" She stared at Buffy, unable to believe
that the frozen girl from this morning was the same person. Turning she
watched Giles walk back into the room, his arms full of books, as if
suddenly things were back to normal. He walked over to the table,
pushing some of the clutter that were already there aside.  A piece of
paper fluttered to the floor and Willow leaned over and picked it up,
glancing at it quickly before placing it back on the table. Then as she
realized what it said, she grabbed it again, her heart pounding.
Standing up she walked away from Giles and Buffy so they couldn't see
her expression as she looked down at what was written, in Xander's
handwriting on the page. She closed her eyes, trying to keep her sudden
dread from her face and turned back to Giles and Buffy. Staring at them,
she opened her mouth to once again alter their lives.

"Um...Oh God. Giles, Buffy. I think Xander is doing something really
stupid." She took a deep breath and held the paper out to Giles,
avoiding Buffy's eyes. She watched Giles read it, watched the fear
streak across his face. Looking up he ignored Buffy, his eyes meeting
Willow's, at her nod he turned to Buffy.

"It..um, it appears that Xander has found a way to open a door to Hell."
His voice was worried. Willow watched Buffy, to see her reaction. She
sat, unmoving staring at Giles, a thousand emotions traveling through
her face, hope, fear, terror, worry. Willow reached her hand out towards
Buffy, moving to stand directly in front of her.

"We have to help him. Stop him." Willow's voice was pleading, "Xander
can't do this. Buffy, do you understand?" She stared intently at Buffy,
understanding then that Xander was still very important to her, no
matter what he did, or how much he betrayed her, she would always love
him.

Buffy nodded slowly, looking at Giles. "I'll stop Xander, but you have
to promise to help me go. After Xander is okay. Giles, I want to go. I
can save Angel. I can make it better."

Giles shook his head, "Buffy, no. I-I can't help you do it.  There is no
way Xander can do it. I've never heard of a person going into Hell and
returning."

Willow looked at both of them like they were insane, "Have you guys
forgotten what happens when Xander plays with spells? Terrible, bad
things. We have to stop him." Her arms were flailing as she spoke,
pointing at Buffy, then turning to Giles she continued, " And Buffy's
right Giles, you have to help her. Angel has a soul, we can't leave him
there. Not if there is a way for him to come back." She stopped,
breathing heavily, her heart racing.

Giles was silent for a moment, his face surprised then rubbing the
bridge of his nose he nodded, "Yes. We'll look into the spell. And if
it's safe then we can try it." Shaking his head he walked over to the
other books that had been left on the table and began shuffling through
them. Willow turned to Buffy, needing to know her response. She was
looking at her ring, an almost hopeful expression on her face.

Willow tapped her on the arm, "Well?"

Buffy looked surprised at Willow's impatient expression. Smiling at her
she said, "Willow, calm down. Xander won't try this on his own. He'll
come to either you or Giles for help first. He's not doing it right now
anyway, he's with Cordelia."

They both turned as Giles slammed a book onto the table, cursing under
his breath. Willow spoke first, "What?"

Giles looked up, his face anxious, "Buffy, what was the name of the
demon you met in my apartment?"

"Whistler, why?" Buffy looked at him, her face confused. Willow just
stared at both of them, feeling her stomach sinking, her pulse racing
once again.

Giles stared at a piece of paper on the table, speaking quietly.
"Because his name is written on a piece of paper in Cordelia's
handwriting."

Willow tensed as Buffy jumped out of her seat and raced over to Giles.
She felt as if she was watching from very far away as Buffy's face
turned from hopefulness to fear and she started talking loudly to Giles,
her hands waving in the air. Gasping, Willow struggled for air, trying
to say something, anything, to make them go stop Xander and this demon,
to find Xander before he got himself killed, or trapped in Hell.

"ANGEL'S" Buffy's voice cut through the fog surrounding her, Buffy's
face suddenly understanding, "He's doing it at Angel's. That's why they
were on his street. Giles, that was hours ago. We've got to go. Willow?"
Buffy turned to her, suddenly noticing Willow's ashen face, walking over
to her Buffy grabbed her hand. "I'll get him Willow. I promise. Xander's
gonna be fine."

Buffy let go of her hand and Willow watched as she raced out of the
door, calling behind her for them to meet her there. Turning to Giles,
she tried to control her fear, still struggling for air. Giles grabbed
her as she swayed, pushing her into a chair, her head between her knees.
Rubbing her head he spoke soothingly to her, telling her that things
would be okay, that Buffy would stop him. She listened to his words, not
believing any of them as her head cleared. Sitting up slowly, trying to
keep the room in focus and not think of what Xander was doing. She
stood, holding onto Giles for support, telling herself to be strong for
Xander's sake. Forcing her mind to go blank, she hurried out of the
door, Giles close behind her, praying that Buffy would get there in
time.



______________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Capeside: the Hellmouth (10/?)
Date: 04 Jul 1998 18:38:58 -0700

TITLE: Capeside: the Hellmouth #10 Almost Full Moon
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Sure...just tell me where it's gonna go.
RATING: PG
SERIES: A Dawson's Creek/Buffy Crossover
DISCLAIMER: The characters and any other reference to Dawson's Creek are
the property of, creator, Kevin Williamson. The characters portrayed and
in reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to its creator Joss
Whedon, and it's owners Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises,
Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox.  In other words, they do not
belong to me and I am just borrowing them.  No copyright infringement is
intended.

**************************
Capeside: the Hellmouth
#10 Almost Full Moon
By: Taygeta

    A long, loud howl echoed in the night, casting an even stranger
feeling in the already hazy atmosphere of the Capeside graveyard.  It was
bad enough that the full moon was on fast approachàtomorrow.  And since
it was the day before the full moon, the former Sunnydale residents were
a little bit on edge when they heard this particular sound.

    "Uhàwhat was that?"  Xander asked Buffy, the first words said
between them after the Slayerette troop had split up for night patrol, in
which they had somehow gotten partnered up with each other.  "'Cause
whatever it isàit's giving me the major wiggins."

    "Do you think it's possible that Capeside's got a werewolfàlike
back home?" she asked glancing at him, "I mean, if Oz was Sunnydale's
wolfie guy what if there's anotheràwolfie guy just a Capeside one?"

    "And it comes to mindàwhat if it's a wolfie girlàwho is neither
meek nor girlie-girl, and equals a certain blonde slayer girl in
strength?" he replied recalling a statement Willow had made during the
werewolf scare back home.

    "It's probably nothing," the slayer said with a doubtful tone,
"Just some stray in the graveyard."

    The moment she finished saying that a long, loud howl rang
through the night, again, and this time it was followed by a scream.

    "That sounded like Joey!"  Xander said with a voice of concern.

    "Something's happenedàI knew I shouldn't have agreed to let them
come and patrol!" fumed Buffy guiltily.

    "Hey," he said looking at her with a soft expression, "Buffy,
it's not your faultàthey knew the risksàthey wanted to help.  Come on,
let's go find Joey."

    She smiled a thanks for his concern and he grinned in return
before they ran through the cemetery to where Dawson and Joey were
suppose to have been patrolling.

    "Oh God," Jen said, as she and Angel followed behind Xander and
Buffy and they all say Joey's bloody arm, "What happened?"

    Dawson stood up from her side and said, "Something just came out
of the bush after we heard that howl and it attacked her.  My game face
was an instantaneous reaction on my part, and with much luck, it got
away, but not before it bit her arm slightly.  I was able to stop the
bloodàit was good thing that monster wasn't able to penetrate too deeply
into her skin with his bite."

    Xander and Buffy looked at each other worriedly and finally Buffy
gulped before asking the inevitable question, "Dawsonàdid you see a
werewolf?"

     "What?" he asked in a surprised tone, "A werewolf?  Do those
things exist?"

    "Heyàshouldn't we be concerned if Joey's okay or not?"  Angel
responded over the crowd of voices.

    "You're questioning the existence of a canine-related monster
when you yourself is a member of the Undead Americans and with a soul I
might add?"  Joey said as she gave Dawson a look.

    "Never mindàshe's fine," Angel said with a laugh.

    "You guys better take Joey to Giles and Ms. CalendaràI'll stick
around for awhile for night patrol," Buffy said with a sigh.

    After walking a few steps away from the slayer, Xander stopped
them, "Hey guys, I think I should stay and keep her company.  You guys go
on ahead, okay?"

    "Stay now instead of then because she would have made you go
away, huh?"  Jen said with a light smile before they walked away from
him.

    Buffy looked up when she heard the rustling of the leaves, her
heart raced in the thought that it might be the werewolf.  She sighed
when she saw that it was only Xander, and although she was realized, her
heart was still going a little too fast for her comfort.

    "What are you doing here, Xander?" she said, "I thought I told
you to go with them."

    "I figured that it didn't take 4 people to bring Joey to G-man,"
he said, "Besides, you think I'm going to leave you here by yourself with
a possible, as Joey put it, 'canine-related creature' runnin' loose?"

    "Giles speak, they have it down coldàhow is that humanly
possible?" she responded, purposely changing the subject.

    Xander paused and thought, "Okayàthey are not normal.  I mean the
usage of big words can make one seem entirely over verboseàdid I just say
what I think I just said?"

    She smiled, "I think we've been hanging around the Capeside
locals just a little too much."

    "What do you think about hanging out with a Sunnydale localàI
mean in doing something that's on the verge of the less undead?" he said
glancing at her surprised expression.

    Before Buffy could reply, her smile faded and her eyes noted some
swift movement in the foliage, and she stood up.  Xander followed her
lead and looked around carefully and then both slayer and slayerette
registered the image almost simultaneously.

    "Werewolfà" he heard her mutter under her breath.

    They eyed the creature as it slowly approached them, and as it
drew nearer and nearer, Xander kept glancing from it to her in
uncertainty, and finally he said in a low voice, "Buffyàwhat are you
doing?"

    "This werewolfàI'm not getting the bad vibes I got before - "
Buffy began to explain until suddenly, something strange jumped in front
of them.

    "Get away from himàyou don't understand!"

    The creature was obviously a femaleàtall and slim in form.  She
had thick, dark brown hair that flowed long and wavy behind her.  If it
weren't for the points on her ears, her tiny fangs, and the mountain man
hair that coated part of her arms and legs lightly she could have passed
very well as a young woman.  As they took in the sight of this unfamiliar
figure, a light of understanding turned itself on inside of the slayer's
mind.

    "Joey?"

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Betsy Vera <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Fanfic Resources
Date: 05 Jul 1998 08:10:14 -0400 (EDT)

(posted with Jill's permission)

Just a quick note to say...Fanfic Resources is back online (finally!). A
big "thank you" to everyone who updated their listing after last month's
e-mail from me. That really helped me get the site up and running again. I
think the redesign is going to make things easier all around.

btw, I know I'm missing a *ton* of fanfic listings. If you have or know of
a website or fanzine that has fanfic, please let me know about it (via
private e-mail, of course) so I can add it.

http://bentley.simplenet.com

Thanks all.

*--------------------------------------------------------------------*
| Betsy Vera             |        Fanfic Resources is back:          |
| [e-mail]      |                                           |
| bentley.simplenet.com  |      http://bentley.simplenet.com         |
*--------------------------------------------------------------------*




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo (3/?)
Date: 05 Jul 1998 10:41:55 -0700

TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #3 Xander
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG-13
DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

******************************
In Opacitatem Habitant Modo
#3 Xander
By: Taygeta


    The door closed behind Giles when he left, a purposely-soundless
exit for the sake of the slayer.  After much training on her part, and
much idly watching on mine, she had finally allowed herself to restàor
rather her body was forcing her to do so.  The tired expression that lay
dormant on her face seemed eerily normal to me somehow, and the look of
serenity that accompanied it seemed like such a rare calm to my eyes.

    Closing my eyes, I see nothing but the dark crevices of my mind,
and I wonder how I could live in thisàthis darknessàthis black abyssàwith
the knowledge that it might be forever.  Yet, light even penetrates and
seeps itself into this tried barrier, hers is a world without even the
faintness of the glowing miracle.  My eyes open and immediately I smile
at the sight of her faceàher expressionàa beauty beyond words, found in
more than just face, but more in who she was at heart.  Her
determination, her strengthàher love for her friendsàthe miracle of the
beauty within.

    "How can you be so strong, Buffy?"  I whispered in the quiet,
"The nightmaresàthe fearsàthe dark, nothing seems to faze you for long.
I know you're scared just like us, but we have the one thing that you
don't haveàyou.  I think that's what keeps all of going onàthe knowledge
that you're thereàfighting for us as well as yourself.  I just hope you
know, Buffy, that no matter what, we'll be there for you, too."

    I still remember how Druscilla's hand had struck her face,
tearing at her eyes like a mad woman, when she had killed her beloved
Spike.  The scars that evidenced this rage had healed, and therefore its
permanent aftermath, her lost sight, baffled the doctorsàbewildered
everyone elseàexcept usàwho knew and were the only ones who would have
believed anyway.

The images still comes back to me in nightmaresàas if my brain were a VCR
on a constant rewind and playà

    "You killed himàyou killed Spike!"  Druscilla had said angrily as
tears streamed down her pallid complexion.

    She knocked me down, pushed me with all the might of a singular
powerful hand, causing me to collide with the hard, stone wall.  My head
throbbed and a healing head wound had torn open, causing blood to stream
out of my head.  Realityàunrealityàall was a haze, until I was able
concentrate my eyes to one portion of the roomàwhere Druscilla and Buffy
stood alone.

    "You killed him!" the vampire bemoaned repetitively.

    Without warning, she lunged at the unprepared Slayer.  Her hands
were a blur of fingers, nails, and the red-violet velvet fabric of her
dress as I fell back into unconsciousness, the last thing I could
hearàthe only thing I could hear was Buffyàscreaming for her lifeà

    I shudder every time I reach this point.  It is this point where
I wake up fearing that she was dead although I knew she had survived.
It was the same every time and every time was becoming fiveàsixàtimes
dailyàduring classàduring sleepàI never know when it's going to come at
meàmuch like Druscilla attacked Buffy.

     "Xander?" a tired voice pulled me out of my thoughts and I
noticed that Buffy had woken up after only a fifteen-minute name, "What
time is it?"

    "Yeahàit's almost tenàhow did you know it was me?"  I couldn't
help but ask as I looked at her blank eyes.

    She smiled lightly, "You're cologneàit's a pretty distinct scent
in the libraryàI mean, I doubt Giles would be the kinda guy to be
sportingàhmmàHugo Bossàwasn't it Polo Sport before?"

    "Yeahàit wasàbefore Cordy gave me a bottle of Hugo Boss for no
apparent reasonàalthough at first, I was kinda wondering if she thought I
stunk," I joked as usual.

    Her smile, although tired, broadened slightly, "I kinda liked it
the way it was beforeànot that you stink or anything, now, although one
has to take into mind the days of the hyena."

    "I told youàI had no control over thatàno memory whatsoeverà" I
began to protest, but I was interrupted by a sound at the door.

    "Umàhey," Cordelia said as she approached us and she promptly
kissed me on the cheek and I automatically did the same with a grin.

    "Hi," I responded.

    "You ready to go home, Buffy?" she asked, and then I remembered
that Giles had arranged for Cordy to drive her home, since she was the
only slayerette besides Oz that had a car.

    Wearily, she stood up and replied, "UhàyeahàI'll see you
tomorrow, Xander."

    After they left, I sat in the library waiting for Giles, Willow,
and Oz to return to Slayer Headquarters.  The room was quiet and a
singular light beside me glowed brightly in the dark room.  I turned it
off and sat there in the darkness and the silenceàa glimpse into her
worldàand then I turned the light back onàsomething she will never be
able to do.

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:  WHere was I?  and Now, Foever, and Always
Date: 05 Jul 1998 23:21:00 EDT

Title~æWhere Was I?Æ
Author~Shani
Summary~  This is just a poem based on some of WillowÆs thoughts after
Becoming II
Disclaimer~ The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon,
Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th
Century Fox.  No infringement intended.  Story for entertainment purposes
only.
Feedback~ YES, YES, YES, YES!!  Please send all comments to [e-mail]

æWhere Was I?Æ

Where was I when you needed a friend?
Hearts to heal, wounds to mend.
Where are you now that your love is gone?
Will you come back soon, will you stay long?
The world needs you, as do I.
A warrior, a friend, a shoulder on which to cry.
The blame which you hold is in the wrong place,
In the wrong soul, in the wrong face.
For you did not send Angel to his prison cell,
I am to blame for sending Angel to Hell.
Where was I when you needed a friend?
Hearts to heal, wounds to mend.
Where are you now that your love is gone?
Come back soon, please stay long.

Title~Now, Forever, and Always
Author~Shani
Summary~  This is just a poem based on some of BuffyÆs thoughts after Becoming
II
Disclaimer~ The characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss Whendon,
Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions, and 20th
Century Fox.  No infringement intended.  Story for entertainment purposes
only.
Feedback~ YES, YES, YES, YES!!  Please send all comments to [e-mail]


Now, Forever, and Always

The water will be warm, a comfort, a friend.
This is where the pain will finally end.
I left my home , I left my pain,
And now I shall leave all over again.
The water will take me, and at last I shall be,
With the one I love, for all eternity.
Alas, I can not take that way out,
Though I shall scream and cry, throw things and shout.
In my heart I know my lover stays,
He is with me now, forever, and always




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 1/?
Date: 05 Jul 1998 23:19:24 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  1/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two aroung for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôPower To Believeö belongs to Wally Kurth and can be
found on the General Hospital CD.  All characters of General hospital belong
to ABC.

Chapter 1, The Power To Believe

<ThereÆs a face here in the mirror
  One I hardly recognize
  The fireÆs burning low
  Behind these tired eyes>

    <splash>  The cool water calmed Buffy.  Wiping her face with a towel, she
left the hotel bathroom.  What to do today?  What was there *to* do?  She had
left home almost a month ago.  After traveling across the county on various
leads, she was pretty sure that she had discovered what she was looking
for--the book that would bring Angel back from Hell.
            *        *        *

    Normally, she worked at a cute little grill called KellyÆs that seemed to be
the main teen hangout.  But, today was Sunday, the one day that she took off.
    æAh ha!Æ  She thought as she approached the Port Charles Public Library.
    Once inside, Buffy made her way to the very back of the library, doubting
that demonology books would be in the front.  Looking through a small window
in a storage room door, she was several shelves full of old, dusty books.
This was obviously the place.
    ôMay I help you?ö  A male voice called from behind her.  She turned to see a
hansome, dark haired man about her age.
    ôHi,ö she began brightly.  ôMy nameÆs Buffy Summers.  I was wondering how to
get into that room.ö  She added a flirty smile, she hoped this works.
    ôNikolas.  My name is Nikolas Cassadine.  That is my uncleÆs private
collection.  Actually, itÆs a bunch of old books filled with nonsense about
demonology and rituals.ö
    ôReally...ö  Buffy said, her voice trailing off.  ôCould I meet your uncle?ö
    For some strange reason, Nikolas trusted this girl.  Buffy Summers...where
had he heard that name before?  ôI--I suppose.ö  He found himself saying.  She
followed himout.
            *        *        *

< Do you believe that love
  Can heal a broken dream
  And faith can move a mountain
  æTil it melts into the sea>

    Buffy was impressed, to say the least.  They had arrived at Nikolas
CassadineÆs home, a large cassle that he calls Wyndemere on itÆs own island,
referred to as Spoon Island.  Nikolas had told her a bit about himself.  He
lives with his uncle, Stefan Cassadine.  He is a prince and heir to the
Cassadine fortune, etc...she had stopped paying much attention about there.
    A man with dark hair, similar to NikolasÆ was reading on the couch.
    ôUncle, this is Buffy Summers.  She...ö  Nikolas was cut off.
    ôBuffy Summers, the one and *only*.ö  Stefan said, as if they had known
eachother for years.  His emphasis on only made Buffy wonder if he some how
knew...ÆNoÆ, she decided.  æThatÆs impossible.Æ
    ôNikolas, do you recall the book you read about Vampire Slayer?ö  Stefan
asked.  Nikolas nodded.  Buffy was stunned.
    ôPlease sit down.  So tell me, Miss Summers, what are you doing so far from
the Hellmouth?ö
    ôEx-excuse me, sir?ö  Suffy studdered.
    ôUncle?ö
    ôIÆm looking for a book...a book on how to return a person from Hell.ö  Buffy
said.  It was obvious that this man knew what he was talkign about.  Why
pretend to be clueless?  This may even make things easier.  ôAngel, my
boyfriend, recently reverted to his former self, Angelus...ö  This would be a
long story.
            *        *        *

    NikolasÆ head was spinning after the tale that Buffy had just told, but he
knew it was true.  Apparently, his uncle knew a man named Rupert Giles, whom
was referred to as a Watcher.  *This* could turn out to be very interesting.
            *        *        *

<ThereÆs just one thing I want
  Just one thing I need
 You to stand beside me
 And the power to believe>

    Buffy awoke suddenly.  Something was coming.  After checking out of her hotel
room and moving into one of the many spare rooms at Wyndemere she had gone on
patrol.  To her great suprise, she had run into three vampires.  All of which
were now dust.
    Buffy could feel the evil in the air.  Maybe she was here for reasons other
than Angel.  æI sound like Giles,Æ she thought with a smirk.  Giles.  Was he
worried?  Stefan had said to make herself at home.  Did that include using the
phone?  She dialed her number.
    <...and where you can be reached.  beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep>
    ôHi.  ItÆs Buffy.  I just wanted you to know that IÆm ok.  As soon as IÆm
done here, IÆll come home.  Please get this message to Giles, Willow, Xander,
Cory, and Oz as soon as possible.  Goodbye, mom.  And...try not to worry.ö
Whew.  She hung up the phone.
            *        *        *


<Time moves in the shadows
  A clock with missing hands
  Your silence says more to me
  Then words ever can>

    Buffy let out a breath that she hadnÆt realized she was holding as Stefan
opened the private library room door.  Stefan then walked to a shelf on the
right side of the room.  After looking at the rack of books briefly, he pulled
one out and flipped through it.  Without hesitation, he handed it to Buffy.
Tears welled in her eyes as she read the page.
    ôTonight,ö  Stefan assured her.
            *        *        *

<Is there a heaven waiting
  On the other side
  Or do we find heaven
  Just by looking here inside>

    Some people in the small harbr town of Port Charles found the Cassadine home
somewhat creepy.  Nikolas had never agreed, until now.  Though he would never
admitt it, the dim lights, candles, herbs, and soft chanting was giving him
the creeps.
    He once again focused his attention on the task at hand.  In the circle of
candles, the three were performing the ritual.  One that woud hopefully heal
the broken slayer.

<ThereÆs just one thing I want
  Just one thing I need
  You to stand beside me
  And the power to believe>

    Buffy and a single candle stood in the center of the circle, with Stefan to
the right and Nikolas to the left.  She was softly chanting.
    ô...and I shall bring ye forth to once again walk amoung the rightous
living.ö  As she finished, she poked her left ring finger with a needle and
let the blood drip onto the candle in front of her, putting it out.

<Do you believe that love
  Can heal a broken dream
  And faith can move a mountain
 æTil it melts into the sea>

    They stared in awe as the vortex formed.  A dark figure appeared.  He slowly
staggered out just before the vortex closed.
    A...Angel?ö  Buffy asked.

<ThereÆs just one thing I want
  Just one thing I need
  You to stand beside me
  And the power to believe
  The power to believe>




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 43)
Date: 06 Jul 1998 02:47:45 -0700

Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 43)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire?

Charlotte Sometimes (Part 43)

    "Drusilla? Babe? You alive?" Ian asked as he walked around her,
checking out the burns and scratches. Nothing bleed to death deep..
She'd be alright.

    Drusilla rolled onto her back looking up at the exotic features of this
new man...
    Fear jetted though her.. She didn't like this man, he was dark, very
untrusting. Everything about him screamed evil.
    She managed to get into a sitting position and scramble backwards until
her back slammed against the wall. She looked towards the face again
shocked to see stars and blurs.
Drusilla's head feel between her bent knee's as she cried, trying to
cover her face with her hands.

    "Great," Ian mumbled "well, there had to be a reason he dumped her with
me"
    He sighed, wishing he had a little help here.
    "Dru?" He asked again.
    Her head snapped up, vision coming back better now as she got a good
look at him.
    He smiled, wondering if she was as innocent as she looked. "You're
gonna be stayin' here for a while."
    She frowned. "I need to go. Go find Lydia." Ian knelt down next to her,
and Drusilla whispered "She's alone"
    He nodded, looking the confused girl. "Yah. You *need* to rest." He
laughed "C'mon, you can stay in my room,"
Ian stood holding out his hand, but as suspected she looked down.
Afraid.
    "It's gotta bed" he smiled.
    Ian envisioned her busting with tears any minute "Are you going to hurt
me."
    "Nah, got pretty strict orders on that"
    Drusilla smiled and laid her hand in his.
    "My names --"
    "Ian," Drusilla smiled "My savior..."


--
_-SuN-_

SD - Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/SD/index.html
K  - http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/kinky/

    Daylight licked me into shape, I must have been asleep for
days. And moving lips to breathe her name, I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone. Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved, And drowned her deep inside
of me (The Cure)

_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 2/?
Date: 06 Jul 1998 12:08:35 EDT


Title~ Libidinous  2/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two aroung for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôLove Has The Last Wordö belongs to Wally Kurth and can
be found on the General Hospital CD.  All characters of General hospital
belong to ABC.

Chapter 2, Love Has the Last Word

<These are the times
  The days and the nights
  The best weÆll ever know>

    ôAngel?ö
    ôB...Buff?  Buffy?ö  The man asked, hope filing his voice.
    Nikolas saw the tears running down BuffyÆs cheek.  He wanted to reach out to
her, to help her.  Seeing the small smile on her face he realized that he just
had.

<Come rest in my arms
  My love is strong
  Outside the world is cold>

    ôIÆm sorry.  IÆm so sorry.ö  Buffy began to cry.  Angel moved toward her,
shaking his head.
    ôIÆm so proud of you, thereÆs nothing to be sorry for,ö  Angel said gently.
    ôA...ö  Angel cut her off with a kiss.

<When your heart is breaking
  And prayers die out unheard
  When the more you run
  The more youfall behind
  Come to me baby
  Just come home to me
  And love will have the last word>

    æPerhaps the slayer could now return to the Hellmouth where she is needed.Æ
Stefan thought.  She truely looks happy.  He couldnÆt remember the last time
that he had been that happy himself.
    He looked over at Nikolas.  The boy was watching the reunion intently.
Several emotions played on his eyes.  His face remained vacant, no emotion
visible.  ThatÆs the Cassadine way.  Stefan had been taught to hide his
feelings, as had his father and grandfather, and now Nikolas.  He resented it,
but knew that Nikolas was a good person dispite his Cassadine upbringing.  He
had always known that.

<Our destiny rides
  One every throw of the dice
  Even when we loose
  We still win
  Just hold me close
  And donÆt let go
  HereÆs where it all begins>

    A black figure watched as Nikolas and Stefan left the room, giving Buffy and
Angel some privacy.  He looked at his surroundings.  æThis was no Hellmouth,
but it would do nicely.Æ  He smiled wickedly and began to silently look for an
exit.  He kept to the shadows, but was sure that the slayer was too busy to
notice him.

<And when your heart is aching
  And your bridges have been burned
  When the road youÆve travelled
   Fades at every turn>

    Nikolas followed Stefan out.  æShe looks so happy.Æ  He was jealous.  He
would never act on that jealousy as long as she was happy.  As long as he
helped make her happy in some small way.  Angel was lucky to have her.  Nik
just hoped that he was able to see that.  Having Angel back meant that Buffy
would have to go back too.  Maybe a little trip to the Hellmouth someday would
do him some good.  He wondered where the hellmouth was locatedas he finally
left the room.

<Come to me baby
  Just come home to me
 And love will have the last word>

    BuffyÆs happy smile faded.  Something was wrong.
    ôBuff?ö  Angel asked, growing concerned.  She put a finger to his lips and
closed her eyes.  He had a vage memory of her doing this befoer.  She was
focusing on something he silently guessed.  Angel did the same, though he
lacked the SlayerÆs abilities.  He sensed it too.  Evil.  Suddenly, it was
gone, but itÆs presence still lingered in the air.  Buffy opened her eyes and
looked at him.
    ôLooks like was have business to take care of before we go home,ö she said
and gave him a kiss before pulling him out the door of the ballroom to find
Stefan.  He was the closest thing she had to a watcher here.

<Come to me baby
   Put your trust in me
  And love will have the last word
  And love will have the last word
  And love will have the last word>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Unusual Ways (1/1)
Date: 06 Jul 1998 12:43:15 PDT

Title: Unusual Ways
Author: Black Fire
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: If you wish
Spoilers: Becoming 2
Disclaimers: Buffy belongs to Joss Whedon and crew.  "Unusual Way" is
from the musical "Nine"
Summary: Buffy is wandering somewhere, lost in her thoughts.

The bus arrived just before dawn.  She got off immediately and began
wandering, aimlessly through the city.  Buy about 11am, she had found
her way over to a large park near the center of town.  She followed the
sounds of clapping until she reached a small, open-air theater.  A sign
on a post read "free concert."

As Buffy watched from the top of the amphetheater seating, she saw one
woman accending the stage as another was leaving.  The new performer
waited for the the applause to stop.  As it did, a slow, almost haunting
melody welled up from behind her.  And she sang:

                        "In a very unusual way
                        One time I needed you
                        In a very unusual way
                        You were my friend
                            Maybe it lasted a day
                            Maybe it lasted an hour
                            But somehow it will never end"

Buffy started as she listened.  The lyrics struck a painful cord deep
within her, bringing a tear to her eye.  She couldn't listen to this.
Not right now.  She turned to walk away, but the music seemed to follow
her.

                        "In a very unusual way
                I think I'm in love with you
                In a very unusual way
                I want to cry
                    Something inside me goes weak
                    Something inside me surrenders
                    And you're the reason why, you're the reason why"

She started walking faster.   Buffy wasn't exactly sure what drove her
away.  All she knew that the words of the song continued to follow her
relentlessly, and that she had to get away from them.

                "You don't know what you do to me
                You don't have a clue
                You don't know what it's like to be me looking at you
                It scares me so that I can hardly speak

As Buffy continued to walk faster, away from the the song, she came to a
small maze of hedges.  She walked in, turning this way and that.  As she
did, she noticed that, while the music stayed with her, the haunting
sense that it had given her lessened.

                        "In a very unusual way
                        I owe what I am to you
                        Though at times it appears I won't stay
                        I'll never go
                            Special to me in my life
                            Since the first day that I met you
                            How could I ever forget you
                            Once you had touched my soul

Then, as she came to the center of the maze, she stopped dead in her
tracks.  And she knew.  It was staring her right in the face.  She
walked towards the figure in the center of the maze and, as she did, the
end of the song seemed to echo off the figure.  She sat down at the base
of the statue and cried.

                        "In a very unusual way
                        You've made me whole"

She woke up an hour later.  It had to have been a dream.  Then she
looked up and remembered what had happened.  As Buffy wiped the dried
tears from her face, she looked up into the face of the stone angel
smiling down at her, she saw him, her Angel getting sucked into that
demon again.  And she saw a part of herself being sucked in as well.

                             ~Ende~

Comments?



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Help
Date: 06 Jul 1998 22:58:00 EDT

  Hi, I haven't received a digest for three days, and I know that they've been
sent out because I've had comments on my fic--BTW, thanks for the comments.
If you have any clue ('cause I don't) about how to fix this, please e-mail me
at [e-mail]   Thanks much!

~Shani



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 3/?
Date: 07 Jul 1998 19:24:54 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  3/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  WeÆre taking a quick trip to
the Hellmouth to look at some of the people that BuffyÆs left behind
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôVanishingö belongs to Mariah Carey  and can be found
on the cd entitled Mariah Carey.


Chapter 3, Vanishing

<If I could recapture
  All of the memories
  And bring them back to life
  Surely I would
  Hear the distant laughter>

    She couldnÆt believe that she was gone.  She wouldnÆt except it.  When Joyce
Summers heard the message from her daughter on the answering machine, she had
hope that maybe she wouldnÆt have to.  If only she had been home to talk with
Buffy.  To tell her that she was welcome here anytime.  That she hadnÆt meant
what she had said...that she needed her...

<WasnÆt it you and me
  Surviving the night
  YouÆre fading out of my sight
   Swiftly
  YouÆre vanishing
  Drifting away
  YouÆre vanishing>

    Willow looked at a picture of Buffy every night, refusing to forget anything
about her friend.  She would be back, she had to come back.  æIÆm being
selfish.Æ
    Turing to look at the moon,  Willow whispered,  ôBuffy, where ever you are,
please come back.  I can hardly remember what your voice sounds like.  I miss
your laugh and your strange way of making everything seem better than it
really is...ö  her voice trailed off as her tears fell.
    WillowÆs moment was ruined by the ring of the phone.  ôHello?ö.... ôIÆll be
right overö she said into the phone.

<I was so enraptured
  No sensibility
  To open my eyes
  I misunderstood
  Now youÆre fading faster
  ItÆs suddenly hard to see
  YouÆre taking the light
  Letting the shadows inside
  Swiftly>

    It took him three weeks to fully realize what he had done by not warning
Buffy that they were trying to recurse Angel.  He knew Willow blamed herslf,
but he also knew that he was the one to blame.  HeÆd do anything to take what
he did back.  He was a coward, and now he couldnÆt even admitt to anyone that
he had lied to Buffy.  The phone rang... ôWhat?ö  he snapped.  ôOn my way...ö
he said.

<YouÆre vanishing
   Drifting away
  YouÆre vanishing
  Reaching out into the distance
  Searching for spirits of the past
  Just a trace of your existence to grasp
  And if somehow I could recapture
  All of the memories
  And bring them to life
  Lord knows I would>

    He had never let himself think about what would happen if he lost Buffy.  He
had never let himself admitt how much she meant to him.  But now, all he would
let himself do is search.  It was useless, he knew that.  She was the Slayer,
if she wanted to remain hidden then he knew that she would.  An annoying
ringing broke his thoughts.  He considered disconnecting the phone..but what
if it was Buffy?
    ôYes?ö  ôI-IÆll be over there shortly.ö
            *        *        *

    They were all assembled.  Xander, Cordy, Willow, Oz, and Giles, just as Buffy
had asked.  Once they were situated, she got up to address the group.
    ôThank you all for coming.  Last night, I received a message from Buffy.  She
said that she wanted you to hear it and I thought you all might want to...ö
She stopped, seeing the anxious looks on everyoneÆs face.
    ôæHi.  ItÆs Buffy.  I just wanted you to know that IÆm ok.  As soon as IÆm
done here, IÆll come home.  Please get this message to Giles, Willow, Xander,
Cory, and Oz as soon as possible.  Goodbye, mom.  And...try not to worry.Æö
The message ended.
    Everyone felt relieved that she was ok, but now more than ever wanted her
back.

<But youÆre fading faster
  Getting so hard to see
  Taking the light
  Letting the darkness inside
  Swiftly
  YouÆre vanishing
  Drifting away
  YouÆre vanishing>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 4/?
Date: 07 Jul 1998 21:27:12 EDT


Title~ Libidinous  4/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôThe Climbö belongs to No Doubt and can be found on
their Tragic Kingdom CD.  All characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 4, The Climb

<Step by step I come closer to reaching the top
  Every step must be placed so that I donÆt fall off
  Looking down to see about how much higher I am
  Another cool wind comes through, brushes my skin>

    ôStefan!ö  Buffy called.  ôWait up!ö
    Stefan and Nikolas both stopped and turned to face her.  She looked in a
hurry, and they could tell from the expression that something was up.  Angel
stood behind her, still holding her hand.
    ôSomethingÆs here.  IÆm not sure what but I could feel it.  Even Angel could
feel it.ö  She rushed.
    ôAlright, I must consult my books,ö began Stefan.  Angel and Buffy both
smiled.  ôYou said that you æcould feel itÆ, would yo ucare to elaborate?ö
    ôIt was evil.  I could sense that evil even after it left.  All I saw was a
black shadow and it was gone.ö  Buffy said.
    Hmmm...maybe she wouldnÆt go back to the Hellmouth as soon as they all
thought.  He left the room and headed for his private library.  Though the
private room in the public library held old books, they were only on rituals.
The books on Spoon Island talked about demons, horrible evils that people
couldnÆt imagine.  Stefan began his search.

<The harder I push the tension does grow
  I gather my thoughts the further and further I go
 With some luck I just might keep on climbing
 So better to climb than to face a fall>

    Nikolas had never been in a situation like this before.  He was frightened,
but still would help anyway possible.
     ôIs there anything that I can do?ö  He asked the Slayer.  She nodded
slightly.
    ôI need you to be careful, donÆt go trying to save the world or anything,
ok?ö  Buffy thought that may sound a bit harsh, but needed him to understand.
The lastthing that she wanted was to have to save him on top of killing the
demon.  WouldnÆt it be nice if ths turned out to be nothing?  Right, like
*thatÆs* ever going to happen.  Still, she had Angel, which made her stronger.
She could face this...if only she knew what ôthisö was.

<So high the climb
  CanÆt turn back now
  Must keep on climbing up to the clouds
  So high the climb
  CanÆt turn back now
  Must keep on climbing up to the clouds>

    He hated this, but accepted it.  He had no choice.  He just wished that his
reunion with Buffy could have been demon-free.  SheÆs the Slayer, he knew
better than to hope for that, he had known better than to hope for a reunion
with her at all.  Yet, here he was.  She stood close, helping Stefan look
through books.  He admirred her for focusing on this hellish issue, instead of
him.  He wished he had more of that control, though she was starting to get a
bit bouncy.  Finally, she couldnÆt seem to take it any more.  She stood in
front of him, reaching behind her, she grabbed his arms.  One in each of her
hands.  Then she wrapped them around her and locked his hands together.  She
continued her research.  That was more like his Buffy.

<Pulling myself up on a rope I better my view
  The only thing in sight is what I must do
  As I turned I could see myself falling
  Which in return gave me strength for the climb>

    ôI found it.ö  Stefan said.  ôArcanus.ö  Angel recognized the name.
    ôArcanus.  Hidden, in latin.  He hides in shadows watching humans.  Then he
possesses whomever he likes most, hidding in their body and causing
destruction.  Not one of the worst demons,ö  Angel assured.
    ôBut he will kill, right?ö  Buffy asked.  Angel nodded, seeing where she was
going.  ôThen he must die.  What else do we know about him?  Where would he go
in this town?ö  Buffy asked, going into Slayer mode.  They would get this.

<So high the climb
  CanÆt turn back now
  Must keep climbing up to the clouds
  So high the climb
  CanÆt turn back now
  Must keep climbing up to the clouds>

    Nikolas had seen Buffy as the determained sort, but not really as a hard
worker.  He was wrong.  Though he could tell she resented her fate, she did
what had to be done.  From what his uncle had told him, she gets it done well.
He felt somewhat helpless, but didnÆt want to get in the way.
    ôWhat happens next?ö  He asked Angel.
    ôWe develop a theory, then a plan, then carry out the plan.ö  Angel replied.
    æGee, I couldÆve figured that out.Æ Nik thought.  Well, he answered the
question at least.  Now all they needed were theories and plans.

<Although many failed
  I must now prevail with no question
  Have no time to stop
  Onward to the top of the mountain
  And I canÆt turn back now
  ItÆs so very high but I canÆt turn back now
  If I keep it up IÆm gonna make it
  IÆm so very close canÆt  you see>

    Angel was hungry, though he had no taste for blood.  He found that strange,
but ignored it for the moment.  They had more important things to worry about,
like keeping the people of Port Charles safe from a possessing demon.  Oh!
    ôUh, guys...ö

<So high the climb
  CanÆt turn back
  Must keep climbing up to the clouds
  So high the climb
  CanÆt trun back
  Must keep climbing up to the clouds
  IÆm getting closer...>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: IOHM (4/?) Cordelia
Date: 08 Jul 1998 20:51:43 -0700

TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #4 Cordelia
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG-13
DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

******************************
In Opacitatem Habitant Modo
#4 Cordelia
By: Taygeta

    "Thank you," Mrs. Summers had said to me when I had brought Buffy
back home.  For some weird reason, I couldn't even bring myself to say,
"you're welcome."  If she only knewàif *they* only knewà

    That nightàthat night was the night when everything went wrong.
We were suppose to have the upper handàwe *had* the upper handà or at
least we thought so.  Our planàit seemed so flawlessàit seemed so
perfectàa little too perfect, come to think of it.  That "great" plan was
a total failureàwe didn't succeed even though we did stop Spike and
Druscilla from awaking the century old demon, Roflar, who had enough
power to destroy the world a few times over.  It would have been a
success if we had all gotten out of there without barely a mark, but it
didn't happen.  By saving the world, we lost our livesàeverything we knew
of up until thenàit didn't seem to matter.  Buffy was blindàshe's
blindàshe'll never see againàand it's my entire fault!  But they don't
know that.

    "Honk!  Honk!" the car behind me wailed and I noticed that the
light had turned green and pushed on the gas pedal to move aheadàmy
thoughts still spinning in my head.

    If only Giles hadn't gotten caught during the planàeverything
could have worked outànot that I blame himàit wasn't his fault.  We came
up with another planàa so-called perfect planàthat somehow ended with
Buffy, Xander, and I fighting Druscilla and Spike.

    Most of the Vamp Troop had been done away with the first time we
were there and only a few were around the mansion.  The leaders of this
depleting demon minion were aloneàAngelus hadn't been aroundàThank God,
who knows what kind of a state Buffy would be in if he had been.
Druscilla saw us first, she whispered quietly to him, and he stood up
with a smile.

    "Wellàwellàlook who's backàBuffy and her bloody Brigade," Spike
had began, but the she interrupted him.

    "Stuff it, Spikeàjust give us back, Giles," she said immediately,
not wanting to waste another minute.

    He chuckled softly, "You think you scare me, slayer?  Well,
you're wrongàyou're just like the othersàweakàI was sure you were
different, but, um, nopeàI'm not."

    "Spike, dear, don't let her take away my new friend," Druscilla
said in an attempt to make Buffy more angry.  It worked.

    "Hush, Dru, I could never do thatàdid you remember to feed your
new pet?" he said slyly as he glanced up at her lovinglyàan expression
that surprised me was in capable of him.

    I saw her think for a moment and she sighed as she played along,
"I suppose I forgotàahàwellà"

    Although it had only been a few hours since he had been captured,
I could imagine him in her demonic handsàstarving to deathàhis thin form
turning to bone and to dust right before my eyes.  If anything had
happened to himàI don't know what any of us would doàhe was the
WatcheràGilesàour Giles.

    Then, it happened so quickly, that I couldn't believe it, even
though I saw it happen right in front of my eyes.  Obviously, Spike was
majorly ticking off Buffy, and I saw her clench her fists tightly, but I
saw something he didn't.  She was clenching a stake that she somehow hid
by using her hand and jacket.  My heart had rapidly pounded as approached
her, but its speed probably didn't even close to how fast hers must have
been going. He had just about reached a few feet away from her when she
ran towards him with a stake and the demonolatry sustained body we saw
crumbled into dust at her feet.

    Dru went stark raving mad and at first it seemed that she dived
towards Buffy, but really she had wanted to take the dust on the floor
and hold it.  Tears fell down her face as the last remnants of her
boyfriend caked her hands.  We stupidly stood idly byàwatchingàwaiting
when we should have tied her upàkilled her.  If onlyàthat's all I can saw
when I think of thisàif only.

    Suddenly, she screaming, "You killed him!  You killed Spike!"
Repeatedly, and not just at Buffy, at me and Xander, too, as if we had
all killed him.  She must have thought so because she lunged towards
where Buffy and I stood, throwing Xander against the wall along her way.
I screamed when I saw him hit the wall, and almost ran towards him to see
if he was okay, but something stopped me before I could.

    Druscilla had not been going towards Buffy that nightàshe had
been going towards me!  I think she wanted Buffy to suffer with another
friend deadàlike a friend for a friendàsomething like thatàI don't
knowàI'm not sure I want to know.  I could have diedàI think I would have
died, but Buffy pushed me away and Dru's rage got the better of her as
she clawed at her face and at her eyes like a cat would to a tiny mouse.
Her screams still ring in my earsàwaking me up at nightàshocking me at
the most impossible moments of the day.

    I've tried to talk to heràto say I'm sorry, but she wouldn't let
meàstopped me the first time I tried to approach her.  Something about it
being her jobàsomething about it being okay, but it wasn't okay.  At
least to me.  I know she feels what's going on around heràthe tension,
the fear, the sadness, and sympathy we all have for her, but she doesn't
see itàshe can't see it because of me.

    She says it okay, but every time I see their faces, I know that
if they knew what she and I knewàthey'd hate me.  More than they all did
beforeàmore than they do nowàXander, maybe most of all.  He loves heràI
know he does.  We all do, but him, maybe most of all.  I'll leave that at
that.

    I don't want them to hate me, and I want to help Buffy in any way
I can, and maybe it would make living day-by-day a little bit easier if I
did.  I'd give her my life if I could had toàafter all, she saved my
lifeàshe's saved us all a hundred times over, and what does she get in
return?  A life in the darkàshades drawn and never to be opened, again.

******************
End Part 4.  Feedback?!!!!

_____________________________________________________________________
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Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Regards to My Moira
Date: 10 Jul 1998 17:15:22 -0700

Hi,
    Just wanted to let everyone who reads my My Moira series that the
name is MOIRA, not Moria, as I have been spelling for the last 4
installments.  I am feeling really abashed right now, so I'll make a
quickie exit.  I didn't notice until I tried to find the name in the
dictionary I originally found it in, and it wasn' there.  Then, I come to
find that I have been spelling it wrong this entire time.  Sorry for any
frowns I might have caused.

Charity

_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions (15/17)
Date: 11 Jul 1998 18:29:24 PDT

Title: Repercussions
Author: Andrea
Disclaimers: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc.
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where.
Feedback: Please, to [e-mail]
Thanks: To Rachel, Jenn and Christine.


Hell

"Angel." Xander spoke louder the second time, coming closer to the
moaning creature. Reaching out he touched Angel's shoulder, jumping back
when he made contact. Standing there he waited for Angel's response,
becoming more irate by the second. He had come all this way to rescue
Angel and the vampire wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. His temper
short-fused he spoke angrily, "Hey, Dead-boy!" Reaching out he shook
Angel's shoulder harshly. The keening stopped, but still Angel didn't
look up. Shaking his head, wondering why he ever thought Angel would be
grateful to him, he began speaking again, "I'm here to get you out."
Pausing he waited for Angel's reaction, when nothing changed he
continued, "Buffy will be so happy to see you. Come on."

He reached out and pulled at his arm, uncovering his face. Xander
stopped, stunned at the pain on Angel's face, the guilt in his eyes.
Angel cowered away from him, pulling his arm back and shrinking into
himself, his hands covering his face again. Xander stood for a moment,
not knowing how to break through the pain Angel was in, feeling sympathy
for him for the first time.  "Angel, it's Xander. Remember me? I'm here
to take you home." He kept his voice soft, trying to sound reassuring,
"Angel?"

Angel slowly removed his hands from over his face, looking at Xander
with pain-coated eyes, opening his mouth he spoke quietly, "This is a
new form of torture. We're pretending I can leave now? I'm disappointed
in you, Xander, you're usually more direct than this.  You don't usually
play games." Dropping his head back into his hands, the moaning
beginning again. Xander looked at him, realizing that Angel had been
tormented with the same type of visions he had seen, he shuddered,
imagining how much worse it must be for Angel. Xander watched him for a
moment, trying to figure out how to convince him that he was real. He
didn't think it was going to be as easy as when Giles had thought he was
an illusion, Angel had obviously been seeing a vision of him for a
while. Looking around him, he wondered if Angel would follow an illusion
out of Hell. Leaning in close to Angel he spoke again, "Angel, I'm real.
Whistler helped me. You remember Whistler? He's waiting for us. Angel?"

Angel said nothing, did nothing. Xander bit his lip, how was he going to
get a distraught vampire out of Hell. "Angel, it's important you listen
to me. Buffy needs you, She feels so bad about sending you here. I'm not
sure she can make it without you." He paused, hearing the catch in his
voice as he spoke, "Angel, you've got to come help Buffy."

"I can't." The words were torn from Angel's throat, "I need to be here.
I need to suffer." He didn't look up as he spoke, didn't move.

Xander felt a surge of hope run through him, at least he was talking to
him now. "Does Buffy need to suffer? Come on, Angel, you can't do this
to her!" He hated the panic in his voice, hated showing weakness to
Angel even now.  Controlling his voice he spoke again,  "She needs you.
She feels horrible about sending you to Hell."

Angel looked up at that, his face amazed, "Why? I opened Hell. I didn't
give her any choice." He shakily ran his hands through his hair, his
face tormented, "You're not real. Go away."

Xander closed his eyes, struggling to remain calm he spoke again, "What?
Angel, how can I prove to you that I'm here?" He paced in front of the
vampire, not knowing the words to say, stopping in front of Angel he
tried again, "Angel, you've got come. Even if you don't believe me. Just
follow me, and if it's not real, well then, what have you lost?" He
knelt down before Angel, forcing the vampire to look at him, "Buffy
needs you, she couldn't handle it when she lost you. You have to come
back and make it okay for her."

Angel grimaced, the words falling slowly from his mouth, "Okay? How
could a killer like me ever make anything okay?"

Xander swallowed, unable to believe he was going to say this, "It wasn't
you. It was the demon. Buffy knows that."

Angel laughed bitterly, "Does Giles? Do all the other people who lost
loved ones because of me? Xander, you've always known that I was a
monster, how can you ask me to leave here?"

"Because Buffy needs you to forgive her!" His voice was high, and he
cringed at the despair in it.

Angel stared at him, his face confused, "Buffy needs me to forgive her?
I killed her friends, I tortured her and she needs my forgiveness?"

"For sending you to Hell...after your soul was returned." Xander spoke
quietly, this had to work, Angel had to come back with him.

Angel sat silently his face alive with remembered love, closing his eyes
as the pain returned to his face. Opening them he spoke haltingly, his
voice thick, "She has no reason to need my forgiveness. She did the
right thing, the only thing. But if she wants it, you give it to her,
from me. Tell her it was the right thing to do, and things are as they
should be."

Xander was shaking his head as Angel spoke, Buffy would never believe a
message from him. Barely waiting for Angel to finish he spoke again,
"No! She needs to see you. You have to come back with me. Buffy won't
believe me." His voice catching as he spoke the words, the tears welling
in his eyes again. "Angel, I didn't tell Buffy that Willow was restoring
your soul. Buffy may have been able to save you, but I didn't tell her."

Angel nodded to him, "You did the right thing, I deserved Hell."

"But now Buffy hates me, and so does Willow!" Hating the raw pain in his
voice, but unable to hid it. "Angel you have to come back, I have to fix
things. They'll never forgive me if you don't!"

"They will, they'll understand." Angel rubbed his hands on his knees,
then spoke, his voice passionate, "You were right about me all along
Xander, Buffy should have killed me as soon as she knew I was a monster.
I'm so sorry I ruined your lives."

Xander stared at him, memories of the good Angel had done for them
flashing in his head, "What about all the times you saved us? You've
saved our lives many times. That's got to count for something. Remember
when you pulled us from the boiler room? Giles, Willow and I would have
died without you."

Angel was silent, his face puzzled then speaking carefully, "Xander, how
did you get into Hell?"

"Huh?" Xander started at his words, wondering at the change of topic.
"Whistler, I told you that. I found a spell, Whistler did it, and here I
am." Xander spoke questioningly, unsure why Angel wanted to know.

"So, you really are here? You really came to Hell to bring me back?"
Angel voice was soft, waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under
him.

"Yes." Xander almost smiled, "So, can we go now?" Standing he held his
hand out to Angel, wanting to help him up.

"No. I can't. I need to suffer. Just tell Buffy it's okay." Sinking back
into himself Angel resumed his moaning.

Xander stared at him in disbelief then his voice broken he spoke,
"Angel, if you don't come back...Buffy won't have back-up. She needs
you, to help her fight. Think of how many times she would have died
without you? You've always protected her, she would have been killed by
the Three if not for you. And what about when the Master killed her?"

"You saved her." Angel spoke quietly.

"I never would have found her without you. Remember Darla? She would
have shot Buffy if you hadn't killed her."

 Angel spoke vehemently, "Remember when I killed Ms. Calendar? When I
put her in Giles bed? When I tried to kill Willow? Tried to kill you?
When I tortured Buffy with my hatred? I do."

Xander swallowed, speaking words he still was struggling with, "That
wasn't you. Angel, when you had a soul you helped us, you protected us.
You didn't hurt anybody, not your soul, not you." He looked at Angel,
but there was no response. Silently cursing himself for not sounding
more convincing he began again, "Giles told me, when I lost Jesse, that
I wasn't seeing Jesse, but the thing that killed him. That's what did
all the horrible things. Angel, you were killed by the demon, but cause
of the curse you came back. I get it now, the Angel we knew would never
kill. It wasn't you. I understand that now. Me... Xander, president of
the 'Angel should die' club."

Angel growled low in his throat, lifting his head he stared at Xander in
full game face, "This is me!"

Xander shuddered, fighting against the instinctive rise of fear. He
could see Angel so clearly holding Willow by the neck, wanting to kill
her. He took a deep breath, reminding himself that this Angel wasnÆt the
same person. Feeling the sweat dripping down his back he spoke,
determined that his voice wouldnÆt shake. "No. It isn't, not really. You
aren't the demon." He held his hand out to Angel again, the sweat
forming on his brow. Trying to believe the words he had spoken. "Come
on. We have to go." Swallowing his fear, he stepped even closer to
Angel, his hand still out.

Angel put his hand in Xander's then slowly pulled it away, "I can't. It
isn't right. What if the demon gets control again? I can't take that
chance. Tell Buffy I love her, always, but she has to forget me." His
eyes pleaded with Xanders, tears running down his cheeks.

Grabbing his hand again Xander spoke passionately, "Don't you get it?
Buffy isn't going to take my word for it. She'll be here herself before
you know it. Do you really want to subject her to the pain that's in
here?"

Angel was shaking his head, whispering, "No, no, no. Xander, rip up the
spell, don't tell her. Do anything, she can't come here."

"She will. Angel you know she will. She'll do whatever it takes to get
you out." Xander's breath was shallow, his heart racing, this had to
work.

Angel nodded, slowly coming to his feet. He stood there, his shoulders
collapsed, his head hanging down. Stepping backwards, away from Xander
he looked at him, "I can't let her come in here. I've already hurt her
enough." Dropping his head again he began walking back the way Xander
had come.

Xander allowed himself a quick sigh of relief and then followed after
Angel, hoping he knew where he was going. Closing his eyes he focused on
Whistler and Angel's apartment, feeling his sense of them growing
stronger. Opening his eyes he banged into Angel, realizing that the
vampire had stopped walking. Xander looked over Angel's shoulder to see
why he had stopped, feeling his heart speed up when he saw Buffy
standing there. Slipping around Angel, who stood frozen, he spoke to
Buffy, "How?"

Buffy looked at him, her face hard, "How did I find out you were trying
to free a killer? Score one for the good guys."

Xander turned from her to Angel, seeing the pain and despair on the
vampires face he spoke quickly, "Angel, she's not real. It's just guilt.
Buffy wants you back. I promise."

Buffy snickered, "Yes, I want my demon-lover back. Xander, shut-up!
Angel knows how I feel, knows how much I despise him. Don't you Angel?"

Xander could feel the vampire collapsing next to him. Taking a deep
breath he slipped his arm under Angel's, supporting him, pulling him
forward towards Whistler and home. He stopped when they reached Buffy,
knowing Angel needed to do this. He spoke softly, in Angel's ear, "She's
not real. You have to let this go. Buffy needs you. I swear it."

"But it is real." Buffy's voice was poison, "Angel knows it is. He knows
that he's a killer. He knows that I am sickened by the thought of him,
that he destroyed my life. Why would you help this monster Xander? He'll
just kill again and this time is will be on your shoulders, not mine."

Angel moaned, pulling away from Xander, trying to go back the way he had
come. Xander grabbed him, refusing to let him go, knowing if Angel
turned around he would never get him out. Desperately he spoke to Angel,
"It's not her. You aren't a monster."

"Yes you are." Buffy had moved closer to them, leaning in close to
Angel, smiling as he pulled back from her, "You like killing, don't you?
You can't wait to kill again. Why not kill Xander? Be the monster we all
know you are."

Xander gripped Angel's arm tighter, holding the vampire up. Angel's face
was wracked by torment, Xander wasn't sure how much more he could take,
"You never did. All the times I annoyed you, made fun of you, hated you,
you never once tried to hurt me. Angel, this is Xander. I came to Hell
to get you out. I'm real, she's not. You've gotta believe me. Buffy
needs you."

Angel's eyes met his and he nodded. Walking forward again Angel spoke
softly, "You are not Buffy." As the image of Buffy's hate-filled face
disappeared Angel stumbled. Xander held on to him tighter, using his
strength to hold Angel up. They stood there for a while, until Angel
straightened and looking at Xander with tear-filled eyes he whispered,
"Thank you."

Nodding slightly Xander pulled his arm from Angel and began walking,
taking the lead, feeling Whistler more with every step. He checked
behind him every few seconds, making sure Angel was still following him.
He could feel his heart pounding the closer he got to Whistler, praying
that things would be okay now. The passage became extremely dark again,
he couldn't see anything around him. Reaching his hand backwards he
grabbed Angel's arm, keeping his other hand out in front of him,
searching for the way out.
*****

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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinou 5/?
Date: 13 Jul 1998 13:40:51 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  5/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôIrisö belongs to the Goo Goo Dolls and can be found on
the City of Angels soundtrack.  All characters of General hospital belong to
ABC.

Chapter 5, Iris

<And IÆd give up forever to touch you
  æCause I know that you feel me somehow
  YouÆre the closest to heaven that IÆll ever be
  And I donÆt want to go home right now>

    ôUh, guys...ö  she heard Angel say.
    ôWhatÆs wrong?ö  Buffy asked him.
    ôI was just thinking, if Arcanus wanted a body, heÆd choose one that was
young and strong.  So, shouldnÆt we go to a gym or even the mall?ö  Angel
replied.  Buffy was relieved.  She had thought something had happened.
    ôThere are no gyms in Port Charles, well, none that are really public.  There
is a mall...ö  Nikolas informed them.
    ôGood, letÆs go.ö  Buffy was once again all business.
            *        *        *

<And all I can taste is this moment
  And all I can breathe is your life
  æCause sooner or later itÆs over
  I just donÆt want to miss you tonight>

    The Port Charles mall.  æWell, here goes nothing...Æ Angel thought.  He,
Buffy, and Nikolas entered the mall.  They walked down the hallway, looking in
the stores and shadows.
    ôYou know, while weÆre here, you could use a new leather jacket.ö  Buffy told
Angel.
    ôBuff, weÆre looking for a demon.  Besides, I canÆt feel cold anyway.ö  Angel
replied.
    Nikolas found this exchange to be quite entertaining, though there was
obviously something that he was missing.  Buffy looked over at him, seeing the
smile on his face and the slightest bit of confusion in his eyes.
    ôAngel gave me his leather jacket last year and he still needs a new one,ö
she explained.
    ôI havenÆt got a thing to wear,ö  Angel said dramatically.
    Buffy smiled.  ôThatÆs a nice thought...ö  Her smile faded.  She could sense
Arcanus nearby.  Back into Slayer mode, she silently scanned the area.  There.
A boy stood close to the shadows, a girl at his side.  Buffy gestured at the
two.
    ôI think he possessed the boy.ö
    Nikolas looked sick.  The girl turned to look at them, then came over to
Nikolas.
    ôNikolas, I, I know that you and Lucky donÆt get along, but somethingÆs wrong
with him.ö  she said.  Nikolas nodded.  He looked at Buffy, who gave him the
go-ahead-and tell-her nod.
    ôLiz, Lucky has been possessed by a demon called Arcanus.  ItÆs a lot to take
in but...ö
    ôI know you donÆt like him because of your stupid Cassadine/Spencer fued but
this is serious.ö  Liz shot back.
    Buffy stepped in front of Nikolas, it was her turn to try to explain.
            *        *        *

<And I donÆt want the world to see me
  æCause I donÆt think that theyÆd understand
  When everythingÆs made to be broken
  I just want you to know who I am>

    Buffy brought Liz back to Wyndemere, while Nikolas and Angel tailed Lucky
Spencer.  She had done the best she could at providing an explaination, and
Elizabeth Webber seemed to accept it.  They walked into the study, where
Stefan was researching.
    ôStefan, we found out who the demon possessed.ö  Buffy said.
    ôWho?ö
    ôLucky Spencer.ö
    æLucky Spencer?  This would only cause more trouble between the Cassadines
and the Spencers.Æ  Stefan thought.  He then noticed Liz standing behind
Buffy.
    ôShe knows.ö  Buffy said as soon as he saw Liz.
            *        *        *

    Angel and Nikolas followed Lucky as casually as they could.  They hed been
following him for about an hour when Arcanus disppeared.
    ôWhere did he go?  He was right there?!ö  Nikolas exclaimed.
    <<thud>>
    Nikolas was knocked to the ground.  Angel turned to look behind him.  Arcanus
lunged at him, pushing him into the wall of a nearby building.  Angel punched
back.  They went at it for almost twenty minutes.  Angel noticed that the sun
was starting to rise.  In that moment, Arcanus had the opening he was looking
for.  He knocked Angel down.
    Lucky felt like he had just woken up.  Nikolas and some strange man lay
knocked out in front of him.  He was about to find a phone to call for help,
but the strange man began to awaken.
    ôAre you alright?ö  Lucky asked.
    ôJust fine,ö he said, knocking Lucky to the ground.
    Arcanus picked up Nikolas and ran, he would have to get to safety soon and
didnÆt want the Slayer to grow suspicious.
            *        *        *

<And you canÆt fight the tears that ainÆt coming
  Or the moment of truth in your lies
  When everything feels like the movies
  Yeah, you bleed just to know youÆre alive>

    Buffy was getting worried.  The sun had begun to rise and there was no sign
of Angel.  Just then, Angel walked in, Nikolas slung over his shoulder.
    ôWhat happened?!?ö  Buffy exclaimed, as Angel put Nikolas down.
    ôWe got into a fight, donÆt worry, everythingÆs ok.ö  Arcanus falsely
assured.  The room was dark, he guessed that the Slayer had done that for
Angel.  He could access AngelÆs memories and thoughts.  They all believed that
he was still half vampire.  æGood.Æ  That may be an advantage.  The other boy,
this Nikolas was beginning to awake.  HeÆd leave someone else to deal with
him.
    ôWhereÆs Lucky?  What happened to him?ö  Liz asked nervously.  Lucky wasnÆt
her boyfriend, but she never really understood how much he meant to her until
now.  Arcanus shrugged.
    ôFine, IÆll find him myself.ö  With that, she left.  Buffy was about to stop
Liz, but Arcanus stopped Buffy first.
    ôLet her go.  WeÆre better off without her.ö
    ôAngel, what happened out there?ö  Buffy asked.  She could sense the evil in
the room.
    Arcanus pushed her over.  Pinning her down, he whispered angrily, ôStay out
of it.ö  then hit her.  That should buy him enough time to escape.
            *        *        *

    Buffy awoke shortly.  Stefan and Nikolas stood over her.  Numerous thoughts
ran through her head.  æCould Angelus be back?  Did Arcanus jump to AngelÆs
body?  ItÆs light outside, what if Arcanus killed him?Æ  A single tear ran
down her cheek.

<And I donÆt want the world to see me
  æCause I donÆt think that theyÆd understand
  When everythingÆs made to be broken
  I just want you to know who I am
  When everythingÆs made to be broken
  I just want you to know who I am
  I just want you to know who I am
  I just want you to know who I am...>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Love and Pain
Date: 13 Jul 1998 21:46:08 -0400

Title:  Love and Pain
Author:  Northlight
email:  [e-mail]
Spoilers:  Becoming and related issues
Content:  silliness with mention of angst inducing issues.
Summary:  Angel meets up with someone who has about as much angst as he
does :)
Note:  Both of them are too talkative, but what the heck -- it's my
story and they can gab as much as they want to :)
Disclaimer:  Angel and related characters belong to Joss Whedon.  Remy
his story belong to Marvel and appears in (Uncanny) X-Men.

Love and Pain

    Remy stepped out of the men's washroom, having just completed the
difficult task of getting his zipper-less, one piece, Shi'ar, spandex
suit back up.  He casually wandered back into the waiting room and came
to an abrupt stop.

    There was someone in his seat.

    That was something of a surprise.  He'd been alone in the waiting room
for the past few months and the sudden appearance of another person
threw him slightly.  Remy glanced around the room, looking at all the
other chairs and sourly wondered why this stranger couldn't have taken
any of *them*.

    He briefly debated giving up on his chair before changing his mind.
He'd been through a lot recently, and a man deserved to be able to take
a bathroom break without loosing his seat.

    "Excuse me," Remy said, getting the brooding man's attention.  "I
believe that's my seat."  He stood before the man expectantly.

    "You weren't here," Angel replied, letting his head drop back down.
Couldn't that strangely dressed man see that he was *busy*?  Brooding
took concentration.

    "Look here, homme," Remy answered calmly.  "I've been freezing my ass
off in Antarctica -- I think I deserve to be allowed whatever chair I
want!"

    Angel looked up slowly.  The man did look rather frostbitten, he
allowed grudgingly.  But he still wasn't about to give up his chair.  He
was comfortable.  "Well I've been in Hell the last little while."  He
resisted the urge to say 'so there!' with just a bit of difficulty.

    Remy remained still a moment before grudgingly admitting the other man
had it worse.  He sighed and chose another chair to plop down in.  The
silence dragged out for a long moment before Remy turned back to the
stranger.  "My name's Remy.  What's yours?"

    He recognized the signs of an interrupted brooding session but didn't
withdraw his question.  He'd been alone since issue #350, and he was
getting rather bored with nothing to keep him occupied other than guilt
and angst.

    "Well?" Remy urged when the new arrival remained sullenly silent.

    "Angel."

    "I know an Angel," Remy said conversationally.  "'Cept he has wings...
and wants me dead."  He sighed and slunk further into his non discript
waiting room chair.

    Angel didn't reply.  Remy regarded him, drumming his long fingers
against the padded arm of his new chair.  "So what brought you here?" he
asked.

    "I don't quite know where here is," Angel finally admitted.  If he
wasn't going to get in any self recrimination and angst time, he may as
well talk to Remy.

    Remy grinned, his red on black eyes glinting eerily.  "This is where
you go to wait while your fate is figured out.  I'm not dead, but they
have to figure out how to fix my problem."

    "Your problem?" Angel asked, only slightly interested.  He had enough
problems of his own.

    "That whole left to die in Antarctica thing," Remy replied.  "I'm too
popular to be left for dead, but my relationships are so mucked up that
I can't just go waltzing back home.  So I'm stuck here until they figure
out how to work me back into the storyline."

    "Oh.  So I suppose I'm here because I got sent to Hell."

    "How did that happen?"  Remy asked.  He took out a deck of cards and
began to shuffle them absently.

    "My girlfriend stabbed me with a special sword," Angel answered
shortly.

    "Problems with the femmes?" Remy grinned.  Angel glared at him.  "I can
sympathize.  My girlfriend was the one who left me to freeze.  Rogue
isn't someone you want to piss off."

    "You're girlfriend's name is Rogue?" Angel asked, marvelling at the
strange name.

    "Not her real one.  So what's yours?"

    "Buffy."

    Remy snorted.  "You're one to be talking."  The cards flashed between
his fingers.  "So what did you do to piss her off enough to have her
send you to Hell?"

    Angel gave an airless sigh.  Maybe this was his punishment -- eternity
with Remy.  "I lost my soul, killed her teacher, tried to kill her
friends, attempted to drive her insane, and threatened to suck the world
into Hell."

    Remy whistled.  "And I though I had it bad."

    "Why?" Angel asked.  If he had to tell his story, so did the other man.

    "Don't want to talk about it," Remy said.  Since when did Angel get to
ask the questions?  He ignored Angel and flipped a card across the room.

    "I told you my story!" Angel growled.  "Now you talk!"

    Remy briefly debated, and then decided to go for it.  He'd never have
to see this Angel character again, after all.  "Let's see... I worked
for my friend's big, bad enemy.  And gathered a group of killers who
wiped out a settlement of innocent men, women and children.  My memories
nearly drove my girlfriend insane."  He shrugged slightly -- the whole
thing was a terrible retcon anyhow.

    "Oh."  Angel was obscurely pleased that his story had beat Remy's.  He
was still the undefeated angst master.  "So how long have you been
here?  Does it take long to fix things up?"

    Remy looked thoughtful.  "It's been a while.  I've been here since
#350, other than that Unlimited issue, and the limited series where I
seduced that nun...  Let's just say it's been a while.  But my world is
a mess -- it may take forever for my story to be fixed up."

    "I've only been gone since 'Becoming'" Angel mused.  "It'll probably be
resolved once the new season starts.  Although the 'soulless' thing
dragged on forever..."

    Remy abandoned his cards and went in search of a cigarette.  He found
one tucked into his boot and drew it out.  A spark jumped from the tip
of his finger to that of the cigarette, igniting it.  "How'd you loose
your soul?"

    Angel rolled his eyes.  "I made love to my girlfriend after nearly
being killed by a monster... and then -- *bam!* -- my soul's gone!"

    "My life fell apart after a kiss," Remy sighed.  He shook his head
sadly, 'my life sucks'.

    He felt the familiar stirring of angst starting to claw it's was
through him and quickly moved to cut it off.  "Cards?" he offered a
hopeful smile at Angel.

    Angel shrugged.  "Why not?  It seems like I'll be here for a while."

    "There's the spirit!" Remy smiled as he moved to pick up his scattered
cards.  "And after that, I'll tell you about my brooding sessions on the
roof..."

~End~

http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/7493/buffy.html



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 44)
Date: 13 Jul 1998 20:59:48 -0700

What can I say?
I have writers block....


Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 44)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Also: You think this is getting wild? Try experiencing it first hand!
(sympathy towards Drusilla may be sent after you read this) *g*
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire?

Charlotte Sometimes (Part 44)

    She lurked around the outside of the abandoned manor, feeling the gaze
of Ian's eyes as he intently watched her move from the porch.

    The memories of her life had suddenly become painful. What had happened
with her? One moment the world had been full of laughter, of joy, and of
God.
Now suddenly turned into death, pain, and hell.. She feared the demon
that controlled her fate now.

Drusilla flashed a smile towards Ian drifting farther and farther from
his view.
Glancing once again at the weed covered path into the woods, she thought
of running, and wondered how far she could get from Ian with a sprung
ankle and the disadvantage of her sex.
Perhaps some knowledge of where she was would be good. Where would she
be running to?
Where was home?

Drusilla turned her head around to see the large tree's looming above
her.. Her prison was clearing in the deep tall woods. An abandoned manor
- now housing criminals of the worst kind
As if from the view point of a small child - those woods seemed to carry
on and on forever. As if she were a princess, held captive by ugly
demons and disgusting men.
    The fairy tale seemed to be happing all to fast, and it scared her in
more than one way. But she giggled. Because fairy tales *always* have
happy endings...
    She fell, laying down on the tall grass moving her hands to stretch and
stare at the cloudless sky; to wait for her prince...

*

    Ian continued to play with the ebony knife held in his hands.
Drusilla was a stunning thing. Obviously beautiful, perhaps a little
eccentric but none the less charming.
    Which was exactly why he didn't let her out of his site.
    Angelus must have had some hardcore faith to leave this doll like lady
with him.
    Then again Ian assumed, Faith had nothing to do with it! He had a
perfect image of Angelus ripping his throat out should Drusilla be hurt
in any way shape of form.
     Why on earth he would leave such an apparent jewel here with criminals
and whores was still beyond him....
    Ian watched as the girl fell in the overgrown lawn, and jerked with
adrenaline, as a parent often does, knowing how fragile a doll can be.
            But her giggles calmed him - as a child's smile often does,
and he relaxed.
            Kicking up his feet Ian prepared to contently watch the
playful women and await Angelus's return.

*

    Angelus's grin only widened as he jumped down the small flight of
stairs.
    "Lydia?" he called out through the cottage, bouncing through another
closed door. "Come out, Come out where ever you are..."




_-SuN-_

Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/

Guardian of Spike's Need to be Violent to Others
And of Spike's *Need* to Torture people with Railroad Spikes.


_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Crossroads (1/1)
Date: 13 Jul 1998 23:29:02 EDT

Title: The Crossroads  (1/1)
Author: Nastassia
Email Addy: [e-mail]
Rating: PG
Spoiler: This is taking place right before, during, and after Becoming 2.
Feedback: Please please please!
Distribution: Maybe if you ask nicely.
Disclaimer: Buffy, Angel and all the Slayerettes belong to Joss. The song
"Hold On" belongs to Sarah McLachlan. I'll give them back once I'm done
playing.
Summary: What's going on in Buffy's head during Becoming.


This is the second story in a Post-Becoming series I'm writing. The first
being "The Key." The stories can stand on their own, but will be tied together
eventually. If anyone needs a copy of "The Key" just email me. And my eternal
thanks to Rachel for beta-reading!


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The Crossroads (1/1)
by Nastassia

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


        Hold on
        Hold on to yourself
        For this is gonna hurt like hell



The final battle between good and evil.

It seems like that's all my life has ever been. One fight after another. The
mansion looms up ahead. This is one fight I have to win. Too many people have
been hurt because of me. Too many people have died because of me.

It stops now.

Xander appears from out of nowhere. I'm flooded with feelings of anger and
relief at the sight of him.

"Cavalry's here," Xander jokes. "Cavalry's a frightened guy with a rock, but
it's here." I fight the urge to snap at him about his inapproiate response.
Nothing will change for him after this fight. He'll still be the same person,
but I'll never be the same again.

I hand him a stake and bark out an order. "You're not here to fight. You get
Giles out, and you run like hell, understood? I can't protect you. I'm gonna
be too busy killing." I unsheath the sword. The blade glints in the early
morning sunlight. It looks almost magical.

Xander says something about a message from Willow, but I barely hear him. My
mind is focused on the task that lies ahead.


        Hold on
        Hold on to yourself
        You know that only time will tell


It's easy to find Angelus. No one notices me until the first vampire turns to
dust after I sever his head with my sword.

"Hello lover."

Angelus hardly glances at me. "I don't have time for you."

"You don't have a lot of time *left*."

That seems to almost amuse him. "Coming on kind of strong, don't you think?"
he says, "You're playing some deep odds here. Do you really think you can take
us all on?"

"No. I don't." I'm almost happy that I'll get to wipe that smug look off his
face. I want to make him hurt like he hurt me. I want to make him pay for
taking Angel away from me.


        What is it in me that refuses to believe
        This isn't easier than the real thing


The look of shock and pain on Angelus' face at the first blow of the crowbar
is priceless. I don't have time to think about how much Spike is enjoying it
before the other vamp attacks me.

A few punches, a few more kicks, and a nice pointy piece of wood make quick
work of him, but I'm too late. Angelus took advantage of my distraction and
used that moment to free the sword from Acathla.

"You almost made it, Buff," he snarls, so certain that he won.

"It's not over yet."

"My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell."

"Save me a seat."

We fight.

Everything is a blur of parries and thrusts, blocks and dodges. I feel the
sword slice across my arm but I barely flinch. One of us is going to die, and
it's not going to be me.

I fight until he disarms me and knocks me to the ground. For the first time in
my life I'm really afraid.

"Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends... No hope." The man who
isn't Angel smiles cruelly. "Take all that away... and what's left?"

I won't die at his hands. Not now, not ever. "Me."


        My love
        You know that you're my best friend
        You know I'd do anything for you


The hilt of the sword strikes his face, and I jump to my feet. I attack him
with every ounce of strength I have. I'm doing this for Angel. Maybe once he
knows that this *thing* that wears his face can never hurt anyone again he can
rest in peace. Another punch and he's disarmed and at my mercy. I raise the
sword for the killing blow, and something unexpected happens.

Angelus collapses. His eyes glow gold for a second, and then he's on his
knees, sobbing and gasping.

"Buffy? What's going on?"

It can't be him. The curse didn't work. I'm afraid to let myself hope that
it's really him, and not another of Angelus' tricks. I want to believe it so
much.

"Where are we? I-I don't remember."

I lower the sword. "Angel?"

He notices the cut on my arm. "You're hurt," he says. Even now, he thinks of
me first.


        My love
        Let nothing come between us
        My love for you is strong and true


He hugs me. Oh God, how long have I waited for this? How many nights have I
spent dreaming of this?

"Oh, Buffy... God. I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months."
Months? It feels like it's been years.

"Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I... Oh... Oh, Buffy..."

I start crying into his shoulder. I'm so happy. Until I open my eyes.


        Am I in heaven here or am I...
        At the crossroads I am standing


In my joy I forgot about the reason I came here in the first place -- Acathla.
Behind Angel the vortex to Hell is opening. The gate, I have to close it. I
have to-

Angel feels me tense up, and pulls away. "What's happening?" he asks confused.

"Shh. Don't worry about it," I whisper reassuringly. All I want to do is cry.

I kiss him. For the first time in months I kiss him. "I love you," I whisper,
my voice shaking. I don't know if I can do this. Angel, I can't.....

"I love you."

"Close your eyes." God, I hate lying to him, but I can't bear to look into his
eyes. I kiss him again, for the last time, and plunge the sword into my
lover's body.

Angel's eyes fly open. "Buffy..." he begs. He doesn't understand why I did
this. He doesn't understand......


        So now you're sleeping peaceful
        I lie awake and pray
        That you'll be strong tomorrow
        And we'll see another day
        And we will praise it
        And love the light that brings a smile
        Across your face


I cry. I cry for what is and for what might have been. It would have been
better if he'd never gotten his soul back. I could handle killing Angelus, but
not Angel, never Angel.

I walk back to my house in a trace. I pack a bag and write a note. I tell my
mom that I'm leaving and to talk to Giles. He can explain everything.

Something draws me to the school, and I watch my friends. Giles, Willow, and
Xander all bear injuries they never would have gotten if not for me. No one
else is going to be hurt because of me.

I walk away from them before I can change my mind. I buy a bus ticket as far
away from Sunnydale as I can get.


        Oh god if you're out there
        Won't you hear me
        I know that we've never talked before


What did I do to deserve this? Am I such a bad person that I'm going to be
punished for the rest of my life? I absently wipe a tear out of my eye as I
stare out the window of the bus. How many people's lives have been ruined
because of me? Giles lost the woman he loved because of me. Kendra died
because of me. And how many times had Willow and Xander almost gotten killed
trying to save me?

They'll miss me. I know that, but they'll get over it. Now that I'm gone my
friends may be able to have something resembling a normal life. Maybe in a few
years they'll look back and remember the good times we had together, when we
weren't fighting vampires or demons or my ex-boyfriend. Maybe they'll look
back on these last two years as a weird time in their life. Or maybe they'll
forget. If they do, it's for the best.

I wish I could forget. God, what would I give to be able to forget?


        Oh god the man I love is leaving
        Won't you take him
        When he comes to your door


If Angel were alive he would probably hate me. He didn't know I had to kill
him to save the world from destruction. All he knew was the woman he loved and
trusted had jammed a sword into his stomach when he least expected it.

I wonder if any of the people out there know how close they came to the end. I
chose to save a world full of strangers and was forced to destroy the one
person who mattered the most to me in the process.


        Am I in heaven here or am I in hell
        At the crossroads I am standing


The bus speeds down the highway, taking me away from my old life, and I don't
even care anymore. As far as I'm concerned, Buffy Summers died in that
mansion. Now she's in her own personal hell.

I should have done this a long time ago. Maybe if I had I could have saved the
people I care about a lot of heartache and pain. It's better if I just try to
forget. Right now, memories hurt too much.


        So now you're sleeping peaceful
        I lie awake and pray
        That you'll be strong tomorrow
        And we'll see another day
        And we will praise it
        And love the light that brings a smile
        Across your face...


I've lost whatever faith I may have had. All I can do is pray that Angel is
forgiven. I want my friends to forgive me for what I've done, but I'll
understand if they don't. How can I expect them to forgive me when I can't
even forgive myself?


        Hold on
        Hold on to yourself
        For this is gonna hurt like hell


*End*
Questions, comments, flaming stakes, or blessed swords can be sent to me at
[e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (Part 45)
Date: 14 Jul 1998 00:08:35 -0700

Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 45)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Also: You think this is getting wild? Try experiencing it first hand!
(sympathy towards Drusilla may be sent after you read this) *g*
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire?

Charlotte Sometimes (Part 45)


"I'm not hungry," Drusilla muttered softly, she wasn't hungry yesterday,
she's not hungry today. Yeah? Well that's just great, Angelus can come
back to find his girl a pretty dead toothpick.
"I want to go home now."
"No can do doll," He'd said that before! Over and over. What's wrong?
Can't get it through your thick skull heart?
Ian shook his head. The girl wasn't *that* bad. It was more of that fact
that he was *forced* under penalty of Angelus to put up with her
eccentric ways that bugged him. Her childlike voice, her childlike eyes,
her childlike dolls..
    "Please?"
    Ian rolled his eyes. Yeah, this was fun... "You know babe, We have some
'chanting flowers growing in the back there... Maybe you could go dig em
up en stuff?"
    She looked like she was about to start pulling out her hair, but alas
she surprised him again.
Drusilla jumped up, giggling and began to drift her way towards the
backyard    Ian mentally gave him self a point, and thought he had a good
five minutes before he'd have to run outside and save her from
herself...

*

    Angelus fell down on the bed. "Lyyyydia" he chuckled.

    The small girl frowned and slinkiered out from behind the bed.
    Lydia bounced next to him as he lay sprawled out on the thick blankets.
Angelus wasted no time pulling her closer and stroking her silken hair.
"Where's Dru?"
    Angelus smiled twisting her hair around his fingers and away from her
face. "She's on a vacation..."
    "I miss Drusilla"

*
    Angelus recalled why exactly he had never wanted children.
    It'd been fun, hiding and seeking. But trying to seek out a seven year
old? Ha!

    Angelus smiled, she looked like her sister.
    Idly he wished Drusilla had blond hair...
    Oh well, With a sharp tug he gripped the girls hair yanking her head
backwards.
    Her scream was more of shock, for when he looked at her softly, her
eye's held confusion at his sudden change of attitude.

    Children had such faith. That was the problem. Here he lay, with her
pinned to the bed *by her hair,* and still her eyes hold trust in them.
    "Close your eyes,"



--

_-SuN-_

Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/

Guardian of Spike's Need to be Violent to Others
And of Spike's *Need* to Torture people with Railroad Spikes.


_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander fanfic
Date: 15 Jul 1998 19:40:14 -0700

Hi,
    I'm mailing on the behalf of Ms.Gwyn.  She is looking for any
fanfic, or sites which hold such, that may have Xander as the main or
core character.  She has a few already and she doesn't want any repeated
storylines. She will give full credit to the author of the pieces of
work.  If you have any such stories or site suggestions, please e-mail
her at:

[e-mail]

Charity
aka Taygeta

_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 46)
Date: 16 Jul 1998 00:34:09 -0700

Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 46)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Also: You think this is getting wild? Try experiencing it first hand!
(sympathy towards Drusilla may be sent after you read this) *g*
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire?

Charlotte Sometimes (Part 46)

    Angelus stretched out his legs as he stood up, staring at the small
girl laying on the bed. Not that he was afraid to see this when she
woke. It was just...  He had never done such a hideous thing before...
She was young.
Probably too young.
    Perhaps for the first time in 100 years he felt regret.

Angelus shrugged. Shit happens. And anyways the child would be awakening
soon to her new life. Presuming the whole thing went okay, and he was
missing Drusilla terribly.

*

    "I want to go home" at least now she wasn't screaming.. Like a child,
Ian smirked.. A child who knew they're not gonna get their wish, but
won't stop nagging nonetheless.
    She slide into the bed, waiting for Ian to tuck her in.

And he possibly would have, had it not been for the ever watchful gaze
of Angelus' eyes glittering in the window.
    Ian frowned and looked elsewhere.
    He turned to leave "I have to retire for the night," He began only to
be stopped by the whimpering Drusilla "But don't you worry, I'll be
back..."
    Ian paused before blowing out the candle to look at her innocent eyes.
He mourned for her, such an innocent creature. Whatever spell she had
cast wrong, or karma she had let off she was undeserving of the awful
wrath Angelus could bring - was bringing. "Don't be afraid."


*

    It was just when sleep had fallen that he entered.
Drusilla's mind collapsed and she watched her memories explode like a
shattered window. Before her lips parted to scream her eyes impacted
with the cause of this sight.
    She gasp and jumped, running just as far as the wall and slamming into
it and down on her knee's.
    Dru's eyes opened...

"Shhhh," Angelus whispered moving timidly closer to the girl whimpering
on the floor. "Shhhh." She raised her mouth to scream when she noticed
something new in his demeanor. Not only was he wearing a blue shirt with
gray like pants, but he was holding a bouquet of roses.

*

    Angelus smiled, titling the flowers closer to her. "I'm not going to
hurt you Drusilla" He smiled his most charming smile realizing she most
likely couldn't see in the darkness unlike himself.
    But she was transfixed on the flowers he held. Huh..
Angelus chuckled moving only nearer enough so that he could lay then on
her sprawled out legs with stretched arms then jumped onto the feathered
bed.

*

    Her mother used to bring her flowers. White and pink, and purple, and
red flowers when she was sick, or sad, on her birthday on holiday's.
    The house would reek of musk from the elaborate petals.
    And now he came.
    Bringing her another torture to prove his love.

*

    "You know Dru, this place really isn't you..."
    "Angel or demon?" She whispered as he took his next breath for the
sentence.
    "Funny you should ask," A curious demon smiled titling on his elbow to
gaze at her still transfixed on the flowers he'd brought.
    "I know the names confusing..." he continued slowly not knowing if she
was listening, talking more to ease his nerves, slowly speaking words he
thought she wanted her hear, until he was aware of her starting to
stand.
    "Drusilla?" He asked bouncing off the bed to stand also. "Dru?
Darling?" He reached his arm out to her moving body. His ice fingers
touched her and she screamed bolting for the door.

    Angelus hissed and grabbed her wrist exciting a more treacherous scream
from her. His grasp let up remembering the witches pit and she staggered
a few feet backwards to stare shaking as her wide eyes met his.

Angelus's gaze roamed all over her body quickly not sure of what was
wrong, not sure for the second time tonight (as a matter of counting...)
    "Are you alright?" He asked wishing there had been a little bit of
feeling in his voice.
    "Drusilla?" Angelus stepped back giving her room.
    There was no way she could get out of this room, he'd heard Ian lock
the door, and the window was blocked by himself.
    Angelus stepped backwards until he hit the bed again, more than two
yards away.
    "I'm not going to hurt you." he promised again, "I came here, to be
with you. Drusilla? Be with me tonight?"



--

_-SuN-_

Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/

Guardian of Spike's Need to be Violent to Others
And of Spike's *Need* to Torture people with Railroad Spikes.


_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 6/?
Date: 16 Jul 1998 18:01:35 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  6/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans.
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôOn My Ownö is from the Musical Les Miserables and can
be found on the Les Miserables soundtrack (Act II).  All characters of General
hospital belong to ABC.


Chapter 6, On My Own

<And now I'm all alone again
  Nowhere to turn, no one to go to
  Without a home without a friend
  Without a face to say hello to>

    Buffy was in a daze.  She knew that this wasnÆt as bad as Angel being in
Hell.  She knew that there may be a way to fix it.  She also knew that she had
just gotton him back, and that it was too soon to loose him again.  She
shouldnÆt ever loose him again.  It should have been her, not him.  Never him.

< And now the night is near
   I can make believe he's here
   Sometimes I walk alone at night
   When everybody else is sleeping
   I think of him and I'm happy
   With the company I'm keeping
   The city goes to bed
   And I can live inside my head>

    She felt alone.  The way heÆd pushed her down and the way he spoke to her, it
was almost like Angelus.  It wasnÆt Angelus, it was Arcanus, but a demon none
the less.  She loved a demon again, rather, her love was a demon again.  How
could she fix this?  If Arcanus had jumped from Lucky to Angel, maybe he would
do it again.  Still, what about the sunlight?  Angel could be gone forever...


  <On my own
     Pretending he's beside me
     All alone
     I walk with him till morning>

    If she closed her eyes, she could see his face.  If she listened closely, she
could almost hear him whisper æI love you.Æ  Almost wasnÆt good enough.
Pretending is so far from the real thing.  Nikolas and Stefan had left her to
collect herself.  I was time to find them.  It was time to put a stop to
Arcanus and save Angel.

< Without him
    I feel his arms around me
   And when I lose my way I close my eyes
   And he has found me>

    ôHey.ö  She said.  Stefan and Nikolas turned.  Buffy managed a small smile.
Nikolas came over to her.
    ôHow are you doing?ö  He asked her softly.
    ôIÆve been better, though IÆve been worse.  IÆll better once this is over.ö
She told him.  But, this would never be over.  Not for her at least.  She led
Nikolas over to Stefan.
    ôHow can I stop Arcanus?ö  She asked flatly.
    ôIÆve brought some books that I think may be quite useful to us.ö  A voice
said from behind.  A voice that carried a heavy English accent.
    ôBut hey, if they donÆt help, at least we got to come to New York.ö  Another
voice added.  Buffy turned.  There stood Xander, Willow and Giles.

<In the rain the pavement shines like silver
  All the lights are misty in the river
  In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
  And all I see is him and me forever and forever
  And I know it's only in my mind
  That I'm talking to myself and not to him
  And although I know that he is blind
  Still I say, there's a way for us>

    BuffyÆs hopes rose.  She no longer felt so completely alone, but the
emptiness was still there.  She ran across the room.  The three smiled and
embraced her.  She wanted to apologize, but didnÆt know how.  How do you
apologize for all that she has done?
    Giles saw the pain in her eyes.  She opened her mouth to speak, but he
stopped her.
    ôThere is no reason for apologies.ö  He told her softly.  Then added, ôYour
mother wanted to come but something came up.  An urgent client or something of
the sort.ö
    Buffy nodded.  She looked at them, each in turn.  She could see the relief in
GilesÆ and WillowÆs face.  When she looked at Xander, she saw more.  There was
no time to ask him what was up now, sheÆd have to save it for later.  She
quickly introduced the bunch to Stefan and Nikolas.  She could see Xander was
jealous of Nik already.

< I love him
  But when the night is over
  He is gone
  The river's just a river
  Without him
  The world around me changes
  The trees are bare and everywhere
  The streets are full of strangers>

    ôWhatÆve ya got?ö  The Slayer asked her Watcher.  He could see the hope in
her eyes.  He had missed her so much.  There will be time for that later.  He
noticed a women come into the room, talk to Stefan, and leave.
    ôThere has been a murder.ö  Stefan stated.  ôJessica Martinez, a student at
the Port Charles High School.  She was involved in gang activity and so far
that is the explaination that is being used.  Do not be alarmed.  The PCPD is
highly stupid.ö
    ôHow was she really murdered?  How does Arcanus kill?ö
    ôWell, umm....ö  Giles trailed off as he began flipping through some books.
ôHe stabs them in the heart, then drinks their life.ö
    ôSo heÆs like a vamp?ö
    ôNo, vampires consider blood to be life because without it, most organisms
would die.  Arcanus does not drink blood, he drinks what known as libido.ö
Giles corrected.
    ôLibido?ö  Willow jumped in on the convorsation.
    ôItÆs believed to be the main force behind all human actions.  Though it is
invisible, it is believed by certain religions that without libido the heart
and brain would no longer function.ö
     ôSo, how do I stop him?ö  Buffy asked again.
    ôDonÆt you mean æweÆ?ö  Xander said.
    ôNo, youÆre going to stay out of this.  I donÆt want you to get hurt.  This
is my job, you shouldnÆt have to pay for it.ö
    ôItÆs my fault.ö  Xander blurted.
    ôWhat are you talking about?ö  Buffy asked him.
    ôWhen, when Willow sent me to tell you something before you fought
Angel...I..I gave you the wrong message.ö  Buffy looked at him, her eyes
telling him to continue.  ôShe wanted me to tell you that she was trying to
recurse him again...ö
    ôWhat?  ThatÆs not what you told her?!ö  Willow said angrily.
    ôYou said, you told me Willow said to ækick his ass.Æö  Buffy turned away.
If she had known that Will was trying to recurse Angel, then she would have
changed her plan.  She would have tried to buy time...tried to stop Angel from
awakening Acathla.
    ôBuff..ö
    ôDonÆt.  We are going to find out how to stop Arcanus, we are going to get
Angel back, and you are going to tell him what you just told me.ö  Buffy told
him, her voice dangerously soft.

< I love him
  But every day I'm learning
  All my life
  I've only been pretending>

    Buffy could tell that she was not the only one that was shocked by XanderÆs
confession.  æI canÆt think about that right now.  I have to focus on killing
Arcanus, without hurting Angel.Æ  She loved Xander as a friend, but it would
take time to forgive him.  But, she was willing to forgive him.  She had never
forgiven Jenny Calander before she died and she wasnÆt going to let that
senario happen again.  She would keep them all alive if it cost her her life.
IsnÆt that what the SlayerÆs for?

< Without me
  His world would go on turning
  A world that's full of happiness
  That I have never known
  I love him
  I love him
  I love him
  But only on my own.>




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (20/?)
Date: 17 Jul 1998 18:10:24 -0700

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #20 Wishing
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG-13
DESCRIPTION: Buffy/Xander fanfic series
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

******************************
Chronicles of the White Knight
#20 Wishing
By: Taygeta

    Xander walked towards the door as the ceremony to restore Angel's
soul began to take place, but he gave a reassuring smile to Buffy before
he left.  She returned his grin and mouthed, "Love ya," as Willow began
to speak the Latin words.  He nodded and answered with a silent, "I love
you, tooàgood luck."

    The atmosphere in the library was too intense for him to handle.
It was as if an invisible smoke had seeped into the room, causing his
lungs and throat to tighten, so much that he could barely breath.  Once
outside, he began to feel better, but whatever might have occurred today
to make the day better, no matter what, today was going to stay decidedly
gloomy.

    "Xanderàare you all right?"  Giles asked feeling rather unwanted
since he had no part in the spell.

    The 17-year-old smiled, "UmàyeahàI guess, if you can call a day
good when your girlfriend decides to resurrect her exàI'm doing fineàI'm
surfin' cloud nine."

    Giles game him a look, "Xanderà"

    He sighed, "Okayàso I'm not feeling too great about all of this,
but I'm dealingàI'll be fine."

    "There are certain things that Buffy feels she must doàthis being
one of them.  I hope that with this she can find the closure she's been
looking for," he said with a sigh.

    "YeahàI know, no matter how hard she tries to hide it, this whole
Angel thing has got her maxi wigged and she thinks it's all her fault,
but I don't blame her for anything.  I don't think Angel would blame her
for anythingàit was one of those wicked hexes in life, y'know?  Something
you never thought would happen," Xander said and then he eyed the Watcher
carefully, "Kinda like how Ms. Calendar's death is your wicked hex."

    Giles glanced up at the young man and a painful look struck his
face, "Y-yesàI suppose you can say that, XanderàI miss her, I really do."

    "What I don't understand isàwhy do you want Angel backàif
technically he killed Ms. Calendar?"

    "It's not so simple as that," was his reply, "I hate Angelus with
all the rage in my heart, obviously, for what he did to Jenny, but I
can't hate Angel for doing something he had no control over.  It was
Jenny's want to bring him backàto not feel guilty, and I rather hope she
didn't feel guilty in deathàand if she didàI'd rather wish I can't take
that guilt and make it go away.  Well, I suppose I better get back into
the library, just in case, but you do understand what I mean?"

    Xander nodded, as the librarian began to walk away, "YeahàI know
what you're talking about, and G-man?"

    "Yes, Xander?" Giles said as he opened the door.

    Smiling, he replied, "I hope you get your wish."

_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 47)
Date: 18 Jul 1998 02:16:13 -0700

Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 47)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Also: You think this is getting wild? Try experiencing it first hand!
(sympathy towards Drusilla may be sent after you read this) *g*
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire? And get your mind outta
the gutter! I know what your thinking about after the last chapter and
I'm gonna say right now you're gonna be disappointed! ;)


Charlotte Sometimes (part 47)



    Drusilla watched her demon intently, every small curve of his mouth,
every glimmer in his eye until she became aware that it was pitch black.
She couldn't see him...
She could see him.. She *didn't* see him..
    Drusilla whimpered again, successfully scaring the monster on her bed.
Her mind was dead. It was perceptions, assumptions, lies, it was evil!
And it was dead.
    But then - everyone else was dead. Everyone that mattered had already
lied to her, and left. So what made her so different?
    Drusilla stopped, closing her eyes to dim the pain, and perhaps to hide
some tears.
     "Drusilla?"
    She gasped recalling the thing here with her. "Leave," She asked
timidly "Leave me and never ever come back."

*

    He was going to cry.
    The game had already gone to far, and he wasn't even finished.
~ She's mortal, she's fragile. Your going to end up destroying her if
you try to play ~
    Angelus laughed at that thought. He wasn't going to destroy his
precious Drusilla. He loved her.
But things weren't looking good. Drusilla was already acting erratic...
    Well, then again what did he expect? To kill her family and get kisses?
    "You don't want me to leave." He mocked her unintentionally but it was
the truth "You love me."

*

    Her eyes turned to saucers at the accusation, but it was hard to bear
the truth... That his words rang truth... If he was crazy then so was
she. Because she did love him! She did love the man destroying... That
*did* destroy her life, that wanted her dead.
    She opened her mouth to cry but a scream escaped instead, turning
herself into the cabinet she clutched the dresser for support.
She loved him. It was true. And he knew it... And she knew it..
Drusilla's scream ran through the house and echoed throughout the room.
But no one came. There was no knock at the door 'Drusilla are you
okay?'. And still she screamed tearing her throat and bruising the
strings that gave her voice.
Her hands came in contact with an object. Slamming the mirror unto the
floor, shattering it. Turning and slamming the kerosene on the floor
along with anything else that came into her grasps until it was Angel.

*

    He held her tightly, cursing himself for hurting her yet again. "Dru,"
He gasped shaking her lightly "Drusilla! Calm down! Calm down Dru! I'm
sorry" He hissed only scaring her more.
    "You're a killer! A demon! Evil!" She sobbed unable to make her heart
believe what her mind already knew. He grasped her tighter now afraid
she was going to break like the mirror if he let go. "I want to hate
you," She whispered, burying herself in his embrace, "why won't you let
me?"


--

_-SuN-_

Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/

Guardian of Spike's Need to be Violent to Others
And of Spike's *Need* to Torture people with Railroad Spikes.


_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 43)
Date: 18 Jul 1998 02:17:44 -0700

Okay, I feel bad so I wrote this shorty.
    I've kinda got a bit of writers block, so as soon as something neat/new
pops in my head I'll start writing again!

Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 43)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire?

Charlotte Sometimes (Part 43)

    "Drusilla? Babe? You alive?" Ian asked as he walked around her,
checking out the burns and scratches. Nothing bleed to death deep..
She'd be alright.

    Drusilla rolled onto her back looking up at the exotic features of this
new man...
    Fear jetted though her.. She didn't like this man, he was dark, very
untrusting. Everything about him screamed evil.
    She managed to get into a sitting position and scramble backwards until
her back slammed against the wall. She looked towards the face again
shocked to see stars and blurs.
Drusilla's head feel between her bent knee's as she cried, trying to
cover her face with her hands.

    "Great," Ian mumbled "well, there had to be a reason he dumped her with
me"
    He sighed, wishing he had a little help here.
    "Dru?" He asked again.
    Her head snapped up, vision coming back better now as she got a good
look at him.
    He smiled, wondering if she was as innocent as she looked. "You're
gonna be stayin' here for a while."
    She frowned. "I need to go. Go find Lydia." Ian knelt down next to her,
and Drusilla whispered "She's alone"
    He nodded, looking the confused girl. "Yah. You *need* to rest." He
laughed "C'mon, you can stay in my room,"
Ian stood holding out his hand, but as suspected she looked down.
Afraid.
    "It's gotta bed" he smiled.
    Ian envisioned her busting with tears any minute "Are you going to hurt
me."
    "Nah, got pretty strict orders on that"
    Drusilla smiled and laid her hand in his.
    "My names --"
    "Ian," Drusilla smiled "My savior..."


--

_-SuN-_

Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/

Guardian of Spike's Need to be Violent to Others
And of Spike's *Need* to Torture people with Railroad Spikes.


_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: XtVS 1/1
Date: 18 Jul 1998 10:18:14 -0700

Title: Xander the Vampire Slayer
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: None
Summary: This is a funny story around Xander.
Rating: G for general.
Time line: Sometime
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon ect.

____________________________________
Xander the Vampire Slayer
By
Jeff W



Xander thought of it as, the thing. The thing made him nervous. Xander
stared at the thing, afraid to touch it. The thing just sat there, doing
nothing.
It became a contest between Xander and it, to see which would do nothing

the longest.

The thing eventually won when Xander stood up and said in frustration,
"I can't take this any longer. I've got to get this thing out of here."
Xander walked his bed. Looking around on the floor, he spotted the wire
that ran between the wall and his phone. Quickly Xander followed the
wire till it led him to the phone.

Xander picked up the phone and dialed the number from memory.

On the second ring, he heard the phone pickup, and a female voice say,
"Hello."

"Hey Will, it's me." Xander said.

"Hi Xander."

"Willow," Xander said. "I want you to come over and get this thing out
of here. I can't stand it sitting there."

"Get what Xander?" Willow asked in confusion. Then she realized what he
was talking about and said, "Oh, that. Why, isn't it working?"

"I don't know. I don't want to touch it. It makes me nervous." Xander
confessed to his friend.

"There's nothing to be afraid of Xander. You've used one before."

"Yeah, but that was different." Xander said. "It was at school or you
were there to tell me what to do. Besides, what will I do with it
anyway."

"Xander, what do you mean. Didn't you ever pay attention in class."

"Well of course I did." Xander said defensively. "But after class I tend

to forget things."

"Xander, you're being childish." Willow said.

"I'm not being childish. Just immature." Xander said. "Let's not argue
Willow. Just come and take it back. I know you have a new one but you
can
always use two. You know, one for everyday and one for dress up."

"I do not need two computers Xander. Look you don't have to use it for
anything special. There are games on it."

"Games are fun." Xander said. "Or maybe I could swim that net thing. I
forgot about that. I've heard about the fun stuff there."

"You mean surf the web." Willow said.

"Whatever."

"You know Xander that you have to be 18 to look at the dirty pictures?"

"Wh... Who said anything about dirty pictures." Xander said guiltily.
"How would I get in touch with this Weber thing." Xander asked.

"You need to get an ISP." Willow said.

"An Ispie," Xander asked. "Is that some kind of accessory."

"No, an ISP is a company that let's you connect into the Internet."

"Oh, How do I get one of those." Xander asked.

"Never mind. We'll take care of that some other time." Willow said. "Why

don't you try to write something."

"Write. That sounds like homework. No thank you." Xander said.

"It's not homework if your not doing it for school."

"Well what would I write?" Xander asked.

"I don't know. Why don't you write me a letter." Willow suggested.

"Why would I write you a letter Willow, when I can just call you on the
phone?"

"I don't know Xander. Use your imagination." Willow said. Then an idea
struck her and she said, "There you go. Use that overactive imagination
of yours, and write a story."

"A story. About what?" Xander asked.

"I don't know," Willow said. "It's your imagination. You're suppose to
think it up."

After a few more minutes of persuasion Willow convinced Xander to try
and write a story. It took several more minutes to walk him through the
system start up and opening up the word processor."

"Now what do I write." Xander asked.

"How about 'Good night Willow." Willow said.

Xander cradled the phone between his ear and shoulder. Then he began to
type using two fingers the words "Good Night". Then Xander realized what

Willow meant and said, "Oh, I get it Willow, But..."

"I don't know Xander." Willow said. "Make something up. Use your
imagination. Write out your wildest fantasy. You decide."

"Well okay, Good night Willow."

"Good night Xander. See you in the morning." Willow said before she hung

up the phone. Then she turned off the light by her bed, pulled up the
covers and lay down shutting her eyes.

She lay there for minute, then her eyes popped open as she thought about

what she had said to Xander. She repeated the words again to herself,
"Write your wildest fantasy."

She thought about the implications of that statement, and said,
"Eeeewwww." Then she rolled over, shut her eyes and drifted into sleep,
wondering if she may have created some kind of monster.


Xander stared at the screen for a while, not knowing what to do. He had
never done anything like this when he didn't have to. What should I
write? He thought.

Willow said I should write about my wildest fantasy, he thought. What
was that daydream he had today during trig class?

Oh yeah, he thought as he remembered. That would be cool. All right,
I'll write about that. Now how do I start? Well I'll start at the
beginning. So what goes at the beginning?

After pondering for a moment, he said aloud, "A title. That's what I
need." Xander placed his hands on the keyboard. Slowly and watching
where his fingers went Xander typed his title.

******[Authors note: From here on all text between "vvvv" and "^^^^" is
the story that Xander is writing.]******
vvvvvvvvvvvvv
                             XANDER THE VAMPIRE SLAYER
^^^^^^^^^^^^^


That sounded good. It sounded so good that Xander repeated it out loud,
"Xander the Vampire Slayer." Now what's next?"

Xander sat there for a few minutes. Finally, he decided that he was
thinking to hard. Why not just let his mind wonder, and type what ever
he thought of.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
It was night. A dark night. The moon was out. And glowed brightly like
it would at night. Especially a night when the moon was out.

It was quite to. Quite because it was night. And it was at a graveyard.
And everybody knows that at night in a graveyard it is very quite.
Quiter than during the daytime. Because it was night.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Xander stopped and read what he had written. Not to bad so far, he
thought. The spelling changing thing was kinda annoying. And what were
all of those green wavy lines. Xander thought about it for a moment. Red

lines are misspelled words. So since green was the opposite of red, then

green lines must be really good words. Cool.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
The quiet was disturbed by the sound of a approaching car. It was a fast

car. Fast and red. The car drove up and stopped in front of the
graveyard. The car was red and it looked fast. It was a Ferrari
Testosterone. The most coolest car in the world. It was Cool. It was
Fast. And it was Red. Cool.

When the car stopped the drivers door opened on his side. The driver got

out of the open car door, and stood up. The driver was tall. He was
Dark. And he was Handsomely good Looking. With his dark waving, hair.
And piercing blue eyes. His name was Xander Harris. Also known as Xander

Harris the Vampire Slayer. Except that not every body knows he was the
Slayer. On account of it being a really big secret.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Xander was really getting the hang of this writing thing now. I'm pretty

good at this, Xander thought. I should have thought of this years ago.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Xander stood by the car. And took off the cool sun glasses he was
warring. Folding the glasses he put in the pocket of the bossly cool
leather jacket he was warring. Under the jacket Xander wore a black t
shirt. The cool kind with one pockets.

The other car door opened of the Ferrari Testosterone. When he heard the

door Xander turned to look. He saw the other person with him getting out

of the car. The other person in the Ferrari Testosterone was his very
beautiful friend with blond hair. Her name was Buffy Summers.

"Oh Xander your so brave to come out here all by your self and alone to
help save the world from vampires, demons, and all those other nasty
things."

Xander smiled bravely. He said "It is my fate in life to be the chosen
one. The one chosen from every body else. To be the slayer, and slay
vampires. Because Vampires are evil, and they kill people. Their evil
must be stomped before they can kill people. So I must hunt vampires.
And Slay them."

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Xander looked at his watch, and saw it was 12:30. It's after midnight,
he said to himself. Tomorrows a school day, I should go to bed. But
there's no way I could sleep now. I'm dying to find out what happens.

Suddenly with out warning something jumped out of the bushes behind
Buffy. Xander recognized immediately that it was the mostest evil
vampire of the evil vampires that lived in Sunnydale. Which their were a

lot of because in Sunnydale was a thing called the Hell-mouth. Which
meant the mouth of hell. Well this hellmouth was a powerful place for
evil things like vampires, demons, and those other nasty things.

The evil vampires name is Angle. Also known as Angelus. Angel was truly
evil. And he was the leader of the vampires. Xander had been trying to
Kill Angle for many months. But Angle was tricky and coward.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This is cool, Xander thought. Maybe I can kill ol' dead-boy tonight?

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Angel leaped from the bushes that he'd hiding in. He grabbed Buffy in
his arms. Holding her. Buffy screamed and screamed. Xander pulled out
his two special gold-plated wooden stake from a pocket in his leather
jacket where he kept the stakes.

Xander was about to leap over the car. He could do that because he was
the slayer. And the slayer was very strong and very fast. Because he was

strong he could leapt over the car to kill Angle.

But before Xander could leap over the car he heard a noises from behind
him. Xander turned around to see what the noise was behind him. When he
turns around, he saw that the noise was the sound made by 10 vampires
that worked for Angel because they were evil to.

Xander stood there bravely, the vampires charging at him. Ready to
attack. Just before the Vampires attacked Xander he used his super speed

and his supper strength. Xander leapt into the air and kicking out. He
kicked 2 of the vampires in front of him with his feet. At the same time

he used the stakes that were in his hand. He plunged a stake into a
vampire on his left and on his right. When the stake plunged into the
hart of the vampire they were killed. And they turned into dust.

Xander hit a vampire with 10 lightning fast punches with his fist. And
he kicked a vampire that was trying to sneak up on him in the face. The
vampire that Xander had hit was falling over. Xander hit the vampire
with a stake and he was turn to dust.

Next Xander did a perfect back-flip. Landing right between the first two

vampires, he kicked. He hit the vampires with his gold-plated wooden
stakes and they were dust.

One vampire grabbed Xander from behind and tried to bite Xander. Xander
said, "didn't your mommie ever tell you it's not polite to bite. Then
Xander grabbed the vampires arm and flipped him. As the vampire flew
over him, Xander struck him with a stake.

The other 5 vampires turned and ran away from Xander in fear. Xander
picked up one of his gold-plated wooden stake. And threw it at one of
the vampires. The perfect throw hit the vampire perfectly, right in the
heart. The vampire turned to dust as he ran.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Now it's time to save the girl, Xander thought.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Xander brushed himself off. Then he looked at Angle who was still
holding Buffy. But now Buffy was facing Angel. He was holding her arms.
He wanted to bite Buffy and drink her blood. Buffy screamed and
screamed. She kicked Angel in the leg. "Ouch." Angle said. Buffy kicked
Angel in the other leg. "Ouch." Said Angle. Buffy scratched Angel in the

face. "Ouch. Stop that." Angel said. Angel tried to bite Buffy on the
neck. Buffy kicked Angel's leg. He said "Ouch. That hurt."

Xander leaped high over the car doing a back flip. He landed in front of

Angle. Angel looked at Xander in fear. "Stay back slayer. Or I will kill

her." Angle turns Buffy between Him and Xander. "You just stay back."

"You know I can't attack you when you have a prisoner. You are so
cowardie. You have a lot of cowardness. You don't fight fair."

"What's your point slayer." Angel said. Xander thought, Not only is
Angel the most evil vampire in Sunnydale. He is the most dumb.

"Well you spoiled my evil plan again slayer. You never let me have any
fun." Angle whined.

Xander took a step toward Angel. Angle stepped back. Keeping Buffy
between them.

"That's because good will always beat evil." Xander said. "I have an
Idea. You let the girl go. Then we can fight. Just the two of us. I'll
even only use one stake."

"I have a better idea Slayer. You let me have the girl. And you leave us

alone and those three vampires sneaking up behind you won't hurt you."

"Angle, Angel," Xander said. "You don't expect me to fall for the oldest

trick in the book do you."

Angel smiled and said, "Actually I was counting on you not believing
me."

Xander realized what was happening a second before it happened. He
whirled around and saw three vampires right behind him. He used his
slayer speed to run the stake into one of the vampires. Then he struck
quickly again and killed another Vampire. The third vampire tried to run

away. But Xander was ready for that. He made another perfect throw and
killed the vampire.

Then Xander turned around. Angel was gone. Buffy was sitting on her
knees. She was crying. Xander walked over to Buffy and helped her up.
Buffy looked at him and said. "Oh Xander my hero. You have saved me from

an awful fate at the hands of that evil vampire Angel." Then Buffy threw

herself into Xander's arms and said, "Oh Xander you are so strong and
brave."

Xander smiled and said, "Yes I am."

"Oh Xander." Buffy said.
Then Xander picked up his special maid silver-plated wooden stakes. And
put them in his pocket.

 Then they got back into the Ferrari Testosterone. Xander took his
really cool sun glasses from his pocket. He put the glassed on. Then
Xander started the Ferrari Testosterone. And they drove off into the
night.

The End.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

 After Xander finished typing 'The End' he sat back and smiled. "That
story just rocks." He said. "Angel got away. Just wait till next time."
Xander looked at his watch. It was almost 1:30. Time to go to bed.

But just before he got up Xander remembered that he should save the
story. He hit the save button, and the computer asked for a file name.
Xander looked at screen for a moment. Then he typed "XTVS".

Xander almost hit return to save the story. But before he did he decided

to add "Part 1".

Xander smiled as he turned off the computer, and went to bed.

The End.


Well there you have it. What did you think? If I get enough positive
feedback I may do Part 2.







-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Part One: Darla" (1/2)
Date: 18 Jul 1998 13:31:22 EDT

Note:   This is a funky little vignette I wrote before I left home and then I
think I forgot to post it. If I did post it already, then I'm sorry and you
can all beat me with a wet noodle. 'Cause then Spike can comfort me. Not that
he needs an excuse. <eg>
Disclaimers: All standards apply.
Distribution: Not w/out my permission, please.
Comments: All of 'em to [e-mail], thanks!

~

                                                "Darla"

    From the moment I see him, he is all that can exist in my thoughts, and my
every moment is spent in the planning of how to make him truly mine. He is a
simple boy, and he has a kind heart. Perhaps this is something I seek from all
the men I've possessed in my years. Perhaps it is a case of my seeking the
aspects of a person in him which I myself no longer exhibit.
    I would like to possess him. And so I watch him, everything about him. I
absorb his every motion and try to decide how best to take him for my own. It
isn't until I know him, intimately, that I will be able to have him, make him
mine forever more. Not until I understand everything about him will I be able
to bestow upon him the gift given me in Nice, nearly five decades ago.
    And so I begin to watch him. I take in everything about him, and make notes
of it all in my mind. I determine his favorites in art, music, and color, and
I have a suitable home arranged for us, for after he is given the gift.
    At times I find myself thinking of my own Sire, and I wonder if he made these
same considerations for me. Then I remember his cold, hard eyes, and the way
his touch came as often in the form of a beating as it did in that of an
embrace, and I make peace with the reality of the truth-- to my Sire, I was
naught but an object to be owned.
    I smile as my obsession leaves his mistress' home. He will never be merely a
conquest, to me. I will love him and cherish him forever, but he will always
know he is free to leave whenever he wishes.
    That, of course, is a vow I make as much in selfishness as in generosity. For
I have no wish to meet my end as did my Sire, at the hands of a childe who has
grown too much to stay longer with its creator.
    As my Angel walks away to the place he knows as home, I smile. Tomorrow night
will be the time, I tell myself. Tomorrow night, I will approach this
beautiful one, and he will be mine. I will be his, as well, and we will bask
in the glory of each other for the rest of all time.

(more to come)



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Part Two: Angel" (2/2)
Date: 18 Jul 1998 13:31:41 EDT

Note:   This is a funky little vignette I wrote before I left home and then I
think I forgot to post it. If I did post it already, then I'm sorry and you
can all beat me with a wet noodle. 'Cause then Spike can comfort me. Not that
he needs an excuse. <eg>
Disclaimers: All standards apply.
Distribution: Not w/out my permission, please.
Comments: All of 'em to [e-mail], thanks!

~

                                                               "Angel"

    //And after I
    Wipe away the tears
    Just close your eyes, dear...//

    "You're a vampire," she said, watching me from across the room. Smiling.
    "I-- I don't understand," I murmured, the weakness inside me adding to the
way my head was spinning, the way it confused me, the way it made me ache.
Making it harder by the second to maintain a tight focus on what I was seeing.
On the way she watched me.
    "And you won't," she said, coming to rest by me. She placed one smooth,
delicate hand on my forehead. Cold as death, her touch was. She smiled. "Not
for a very, very long time." She shook her head. "You'll have to feed soon,
love," she murmured, with a simple sort of concern. "I'll find you something
to eat."
    I tried to struggle, I think...but it was too much, and I was too weak. to do
anything but continue to sit, motionless, as she left me alone in the darkened
room.
    *
    "Here, then," said a soft voice as its owner put something warm to my lips.
Thirst that had raged inside me grasped quickly for the opportunity to be
quenched, and I sucked the warm brew eagerly.
    She laughed. I imagine it must have been humorous, the sight of me drinking
with such reckless greed that which only a day before I would have been loathe
to touch. I did not know what it was this woman was giving me until no more
liquid came forth, and she took the quickly cooling vessel from me. Again, her
hand brushed my forehead, then moved to stroke my cheek, gently, in what I
feel almost certain was meant to be a soothing gesture. I found no comfort in
it, and no measure of solace seemed able to find me. Instead, I tensed at her
touch.
    "Shh," she soothed, smiling as she bent to kiss my forehead. Her lips were
cold. So cold. "Now, you must sleep for a time."
    I felt myself shiver in her arms, and then there was her tinkling laugh, like
chimes in the wind.
    And then I was unaware.

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Possession" (1/1)
Date: 18 Jul 1998 13:43:20 EDT

Note: Again, I wrote this just before I left home, and I don't know if I
posted it yet or not.
Disclaimers: "Possession" is Sarah McLachlan's, the rest is Joss', I don't
make money off it.
Distribution: Not without my permission, please.
Comments: To [e-mail], be they good, bad, or anything in between.

~

    "Possession"

    //Listen as the wind blows
    From across the great divide
    Voices trapped in yearning
    Memories trapped in time//
        -"Possession", Sarah McLachlan

    I see her sometimes. I catch glimpses. She's breaking. Slowly. I'm wearing
her down, over time, like running water wears down the rock beneath. She's
like liquid, though, shifting and changing like light patterns in darkness.
    There are times I wish I could be closer to her. Until I remember the kind of
monster I am. And until I remember what she is. And then I have to remind
myself I'll never have her.
    *
    Angelus snarled at the young Slayer before him, shoving her up against the
wall and baring his fangs, in full game face. "Are you ready to die?" he
demanded. "Because I'm ready to kill you."
    The petite girl was shaking, though she was also fighting hard to keep her
enemy from seeing the tight fluttering of her heartbeat. She couldn't hide it,
of course, because it sounded in Angelus' ears like the striking of a drum,
loud and pounding, perfectly in time with her breath, with the way her eyelids
fluttered and shifted as she tried to keep her eyes open without letting
herself show her fear.
    He smiled, knowing he would frighten her more if he appeared genial. Then he
reached up and gently stroked her cheek. "You're a pretty young lady, you
know," he said quietly.
    She redoubled her efforts at escaping.
    "Nice," he said. Then he shook his head. "But...not enough. Sorry, honey, but
it's time for you to kiss this world--" He snapped her spine quickly, and she
went limp in his hands, "--goodbye."
    He let the body slip from his hands and fall to the ground, not giving the
dead Slayer so much as a second glance.
    The year was 1794, and Angelus was on a slow trip north, making his way home.
    *
    I remember the times he killed them, in the past. She's stronger than they
used to be. That has to be enough, because I'm too weak to fight him. I can't
do anything but rail helplessly against his actions, be the voice in his mind
that whispers he's doing wrong, that he's doing what can't possibly be done.
That he's hurting her. He laughs. He doesn't care.
    I wish I could be as callous. But despite the fact that I warned her, that I
told her getting involved with me was a bad idea and we'd both be safer if we
were apart, I can't make myself believe that I'm not in some way responsible
for this.
    "Show me your world," I told Darla. I only wish I had known of the horrors
that filled it.
    *
    He drank the warm, sweet blood of another innocent child-- an Italian girl he
had seduced and led from the inn where she worked, whose pain he had promised
to take away. He had a warm bed, he could comfort her, he had said.
    She had believed him, the stupid thing.
    Angelus looked down at the naked body beneath him as he released her and she
fell limply against the grass. Slowly, his features melted back into those
that had belonged to the one whose body he had taken, that night so long ago
in Galway.
    He stroked the tavern wench's cheek, already cool. His own hand was warm. He
marveled at the sensation, the way the blood was working its way through his
tissue and the way it made him feel so much closer to alive.
    He sighed, standing, not bothering to cover the girl's body. Let the
villagers find it in the morning, and let them think as they would as far as
the circumstances of her death were concerned. The night was young, and he
would be miles away before anyone thought to connect the death to the
mysterious young man who had come into the inn just after sundown, asking for
a bed to stay the night in and a companion to warm it.
    *
    It was easier before. Before I came back. I didn't know what he was doing,
not the specifics, before. Before, I had been banished from my own body, and I
had been able to escape most of the details. He controlled my eyes, my ears,
my hands. He guarded those privliges jealously. I think that's something he
envied, before I became what I am now. Though I don't know for sure. He never
answers my questions on the matter. Sometimes I'm not even sure he can hear
me.
    Now, though, my tie to the Slayer is so close that I'm sure the only reason I
haven't shriveled up and died is that I have no body to lose, no way to become
less corporeal than I already am.
    In other words, I'm stuck like this and anchored to a life that would turn my
stomach a thousand times over, if I had one anymore. Because of her, and my
love for her, and the fact that our souls are intertwined forevermore.
    *
    Laughing, Angelus shook his head as the english peasant girl walked out of
the church, virtually shaking with relief. *Pathetic,* he thought, *that she
would place so much faith in the words of a man she cannot even see.*
    This intrigued him, though. Her blind faith. He cast a look down on the
priest who lay at his feet, barely resisting the urge to spit on the dead man.
    He closed his eyes for a moment, listening carefully for the sound of anyone
else who might be in the church. There was no breathing, no footsteps.
    He stepped out of the small, dark room, and moved out into the main hall.
"Miss!" he called.
    The girl turned back to face him, looking surprised and then frightened. He
chuckled inwardly. Probably afraid he was going to strike her, for whatever
reason. He jogged forward, offering her only a smile.
    After a few seconds, she smiled back at him, though her eyes remained clouded
with fear.
    "What ails ye, miss?" he asked, putting as much genuine concern into his
voice as he could.
    She shook her head, casting her gaze toward the floor. "Nuthin', Sir."
    Frowning, Angelus reached down and took her chin in hand, delighting in the
warmth of her pale, smooth skin as he tipped her head upward. "Nonsense,
miss," he said seriously. "Such a pretty thing as yourself can't hardly think
she can tell such falsehoods when, why," and he nodded at her eyes, "ye've
even got them tears comin' from yer eyes."
    The dark-haired girl swallowed, then pulled away from him-- though she moved
slowly, so slowly. "Thank you kindly, s-- Sir, but I-- I be havin' a chill, me
eyes've been a touch, a touch runnin', Sir," she stammered out, obviously
nervous. Her gaze moved immediately back to the floor, he noticed. So she was
afraid of him.
    This evoked a smile. Because, he decided then and there, she should be afraid
of him. She had every reason to be afraid of him. After all, for all she knew,
he might kill her. "Nay, Miss," he said quietly, stooping slightly so he could
look up into her beautiful, dark eyes. "Mayhaps ye might be in need of a walk
home?" He nodded toward the door. "Tis a bit dark out, for one such as
yourself--" He paused, leaning a little closer-- "--one of such beauty to be
walking alone in London, this time of night."
    When her lush, pink lips parted and Angelus knew she was going to try and
refuse his assistance again, he shook his head and cut her off. "Come now,
Miss," he said, letting his voice trail upward slightly, giving her an
opportunity to tell him her name.
    She looked at him a moment, then swallowed and nodded. "Drusilla, Sir, though
I be known as simply Dru to most."
    "A pretty name for a pretty lass," Angelus said, a smile tugging at the
corners of his lips, as he took the girl's arm. She was trembling, still.
    He smiled to himself. He was nearly home. He could certainly afford a few
decades' detour, and this child might provide the first real entertainment
he'd had in years.
    *
    I did some inconsciousable things when the demon was in control of me. I
didn't want to, and yet I feel as though I was a party to them all the same.
Some things were worse than others. None were worse than what I did to
Drusilla, until Buffy.
    The worst of that, of course, is that it wasn't the demon who hurt her. It
was me. After so many years of looking for a way to atone for my actions
before the gypsies gave me this curse-- which for a short time, appeared to be
more of a blessing than anything else, because it allowed me time to be with
the woman I love-- I thought I had found in Buffy someone with whom to share
the quest.
    *
    "Your lover is _dead_, Slayer."
    Buffy choked, swallowing back the blood that rose in her throat as Angelus
swung the steel pipe toward her again. She barely dodged, feeling the whoosh
of the metal over her head. She couldn't take much more of this, and yet it
was only a matter of keeping him distracted long enough for the others to get
out of the building. She glanced back over her shoulder, toward where Giles'
car was parked, to see if they had started its engine yet--
    --and that was when Angelus brought the pipe around again, and it rammed into
her side. It wasn't until Buffy felt herself slamming into the wall of the
alley they were fighting in that she realized what was happening, and she
pushed herself upward, to her feet, forcing herself to ignore the pain where
the pipe had hit her and praying there would be no broken bones when Giles
checked her later.
    Angelus stood off a bit, grinning at her. "He's dead. You killed him."
    She swallowed again, the blood in her throat thinning some as the trickle
from where Angelus had punched her in the nose slowly began to ebb. "I don't
_care_," she snapped back.
    "Sure you do," he said, shaking his head. "Tears you up inside." Getting
ready to take another swing with the pipe, he shifted its weight in his hands.
"You hate yourself for it, Buff, just admit that."
    "I hate myself for a lot of things," she said under her breath as she moved
in for another kick, knowing full well that Angelus' preternatural hearing
would compensate for the lack of volume on her part.
    She kicked out, her foot connecting with the steel pipe as it swung downward.
She staggered backward, fighting to keep her balance-- but she let a smile of
satisfaction slip over her features as the pipe clanged against the building
wall, ten meters behind where Angelus stood.
    Reaching into her boot, she took a step forward, ignoring the scream from
deep inside her that said if she used the stake she was pulling out, she would
never see her lover again. He truly would be dead, just as Angelus had taunted
only moments ago. "You wanna run now, or would you rather be shish-kabob?"
    The demon looked at her for a split second, then to the stake in her hand,
and shook its head. "Later, hot stuff," it snarled, before turning and running
away into the night.
    Barely able to believe Angelus had actually run away, Buffy stood silent and
motionless as Giles and the others came out of the building. If her Watcher
hadn't grabbed her arm and forced her along, she might have stood there
forever.
    *
    I have made mistakes. I have paid for them, dearly. I have mourned the losses
of those who have gone before me. I have repented my sins, and I have begged
forgiveness for actions I know in my heart I should never be forgiven for.
    What I haven't done, what I will never do, is give up. Because I know that
some day, my chance will come. The opportunity to thrust the demon aside and
take back the life that once belonged to me will come again, and I will take
it.
    I only pray she will still be here when that happens.

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xewitchet. Part 1/1
Date: 19 Jul 1998 08:01:57 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.


____________________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  1 / 8


=93Buffy?=94 Xander said.

=93Xander.=94 Buffy replied.

Xander smiled and said. =93Buffy I want your opinion.=94

Buffy smiled and said, =93Go with boxers. They=92re better for the
circulation.=94

=93Ha, Ha.=94 Xander said. =93No I want your opinion as a girl.=94

=93Well I guess I=92m qualified.=94

Taking a deep breath Xander reached into his pocket and pulled out a
small box. Opening it he pulled out the silver heart-sharp locket, and
held it up. It lazily twisted back and forth on its chain.

Buffy sat there for a moment starring at the necklace but saying
nothing.

=93So, what do you think?=94 Xander finally asked

=93It=92s nice.=94 Buffy said with a shrug.

=93Yeah but to you think Cordelia will like it?=94

Buffy took the locket in her hand and said, =93I don=92t know. Does she e=
ven

know what one of these is?=94

=93Okay, big yucks.=94 Xander said with a chuckle. =93When are you guys g=
oing
to quit giving my a hard time for dating Cordelia.=94

=93I=92m sorry,=94 Buffy said. =93But never.=94

I=92ll never have any peace in my life again, Xander thought to himself.
First just dating Cordelia is quite a challenge. Fun, but challenging.
And my best friends will always be riding me about it. Why can=92t people
just get along?

=93I just think you could find somebody more=85 better.=94 Buffy said som=
ewhat

apologetically.

=93In a parallel universe maybe.=94 Xander said. =93Here the only other p=
erson

I=92m interested in is, um=85 unavailable. Besides, Cordy and I are reall=
y
getting along. We=92re not fighting as much, and yesterday we just sat
together, not even speakin=92. You know, uh, just enjoying comfortable
silence.=94

Then with a weak laugh Xander said, =93Man, was that dull.=94

Buffy similed and said, =93I=92m glad to here you guys are getting along.=
=94
Then with a smile in her eyes she said, =93Almost really. And don=92t swe=
at
over the gift.=94

=93Well,=94 Xander said. =93This is new territory for me. I mean my valen=
tines

are usually met with heartfelt restraining orders.=94

=93She=92ll love it.=94 Buffy said.

Xander began to pace and said, =93I wish dating was like slaying. You
know, simple, direct, stake to the heart, no muss, no fuss.=94

Xander turned around to say something, when suddenly the ground in front

of him erupted and the vampire that they had been waiting for, rose from

his grave. The vampire immediately reached out towards Xander, who was
just out of reach. My cross, where=92s my cross? Xander thought, as he
instinctively backed away from the demon. However, his retreat is short
lived when he tripped and fell on his, on his pride. Before Xander can
stand or even react, the vampire is on him.

The scream Xander is trying to hold almost escaped, when suddenly the
approaching vampire appeared to leap backwards and away from Xander,
landing hard several feet away. Xander looked up to see what he already
knew. That once again his life had been saved by his petit blond friend.

Even after nearly two years of watching Buffy, Xander was amazed to
watch her in action. Battling the demon, she makes it all look easy.
Xander watched as Buffy leaped and hit the vampire with both feet
knocking him back. Then she hits him with a series of punches.

Xander almost shouted out when the vampire managed to push Buffy to the
ground. But before the words could escape his lips, Buffy kicked out
with one foot tripping the vampire.

Buffy and the vampire regain their feet about the same time. However,
Buffy is faster and with a leaping kick knocks the vampire back to the
ground. Buffy reaches inside her jacket and pulls out a stake, as the
vampire stands up again. The vampire charges at Buffy. But as he reaches

for her, she ducked under his grasp and plunged the stake into the
Vampires chest, causing the vampire to explode into a cloud of ash.

Acting as if this kind of thing happens to her everyday, which of course

it does Xander thought, Buffy walked toward Xander. As she reached down
to help him up she said, =93Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more
perilous that dating.

Xander stood up and brushed off his pride. As they began to walk out of
the cemetery together he said, =93Well, your obviously not dating
Cordelia.=94




The next morning Xander was sitting in American Lit. class behind
Willow. As usual, he was watching the clock, waiting for the class to
end. Finally, the bell rang.

=93Papers on my desk,=94 Ms. Beakman said from in front of the class.
=93Anybody trying to leave without giving me a paper is looking at a
failing grade.=94

Xander smiled to himself as he opened his notebook. He took out his
paper he said, =93Ha, ha, ha. This time I=92m ready for you. No =91F=92 f=
or
Xander today. No, this baby=92s my ticket to a sweat D-Minus.=94

Then he stood up collected his other books and papers. Turing around he
saw Willow and Buffy talking to Amy Madison. Xander was immediately
reminded of the events over a year ago involving Amy, her Mother, and
the Cheerleading squad. The memories were not very pleasant. Especially
when Amy=92s mother in Amy=92s body put some kind of magical chokehold on
him. But the whole episode wasn=92t a total washout. There was the part
with cheerleading squad.

As Xander approached the girls he heard Willow say, =93My boyfriend=92s i=
n
the band.=94 As soon as he realizes that Willow is talking about Oz,
Xander decides that instead of getting closer and hearing anymore, It
would be more interested to studying the hair on the back of his hand,
and keep his distance.

Finally, the three girls finish their conversation and headed toward the

front of class. First Buffy then Willow handed in their papers, and
walked out of class. Xander waited as Amy walked up to Ms. Beakman.
Xander watched as Amy stared at Ms. Beakman for a few seconds. Then Ms.
Beakman smiled, reached out her hand as if she was taking something from

Amy and said, =93Thank you Amy.=94 When Ms. Beakman pulled back her hand,
there was nothing in it.

Xander stepped up to the desk and absentmindedly handed in his paper.
However, he was more interested in Amy. He looked after her thinking,
did I just see what I think I saw?

After handing in his paper, Xander followed Amy into the hallway and
down the stairs. In a moment, Amy passed Buffy and Willow on the stairs.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs Amy continued straight ahead,
while Buffy and Willow turn right.

When Xander caught up to the girls he pointed in the direction Amy went
and said, =93Did you guys see that?=94

=93See what?=94 Buffy asked.

=93In class.=94 Xander said. =93I think Amy just worked some magic on Ms.
Beakman.

=93You mean like witchcraft?=94 Buffy asked.

=93You know,=94 Willow said. =93Her mom=92s a witch.=94

=93And amateur psycho.=94 Buffy said. =93Amy=92s the last person that sho=
uld be
messing with that stuff.=94

=93Maybe I should go talk to her.=94 Xander wondered aloud.

The three friends turn toward the sound of Giles=92s approaching voice as
he said, =93Buffy. Might I have a word?=94

=93Have a sentence even.=94 Buffy replied.

Xander ignored them as his mind wondered over the possibilities of being

able to magically pass all his classes. But that wouldn=92t be right,
would it?

When Xander=92s attention returned to the others, he noticed that Ms
Calendar had joined them, and was talking with Giles. Things were still
strained between Giles, Buffy, and Ms Calendar. The tension was so thick

you could cut it with a knife. Xander found himself wishing he had an
elsewhere to be.

I, uh,=94 Started Giles. =93Have a matter to discuss with Buffy.=94

=93Right. Let=92s go.=94 Buffy said as the she and her Watcher walk towar=
ds
the library.

Ms Calendar stared at their backs for a long second, then with a shrug
of frustration, she turned towards Xander and Willow, looked at them for

a second then walked past them heading in the opposite direction.

Xander looked at Willow and said, =93That wasn=92t too uncomfortable, was
it?

Buffy reached into the closet, removed a shirt on a hanger, and said. =93=
I

think this would look great.=94

Xander looked at the shirt she was holding, wondering why it was better
then the one he picked out, he said, =93Works for me.=94

Buffy hung the shirt on the closet door handle. Then looked back into
the closet said, =93Okay, now some slacks next.=94

=93Buff, I really appreciate you helping me with this.=94 Xander said.

=93Anything for my bud.=94 Buffy said. =93I want you to look nice at the
party. Maybe then you=92ll meet someone nice.=94 Buffy pulled a pair of
slacks out of the closet, and looked at them with a critical eye.

=93You just won=92t give up will ya?=94 Xander asked with a smile.

Buffy put the slacks next to the shirt, shook her head, and put them
away. Then she looked up at Xander and said very seriously, =93Well,
maybe, someday...=94 Then she smiled and said, =93Like when the Hell-mout=
h
freezes over.=94

=93Well,=94 Xander said. =93I can always pray for a cold spell.=94

Cold spell, Xander thought. Amy=92s into that witchcraft stuff. I wonder
if maybe she could get her to help me get Buffy and Willow to accept
Cordelia? Something like what she did to Ms Beakman with her homework.
Forget that. What I need is for Amy to help me with my homework.
Wouldn=92t that be cool? Never again would I have to spend those long
nights of intense studying, when I really should be at the Bronze.

=93Ohhh, Xanderrrr.=94 Buffy said bringing Xander out of his pondering.

=93Oh, I=92m sorry.=94 Xander said. =93What did you say?=94

=93I said, what about socks?=94

Xander walked over to the dresser, opened a drawer, and reached in and
without even looking pulled out a pair of socks.

Buffy snickered at Xander=92s choice, and said, =93Xander. Someday you mu=
st
remind me to explain to you the concept of matching.=94 Then Buffy walked
to the dresser drawer, looked inside and picked out a pair of socks.
=93Perfect. Then add your jacket and you=92ll be set. There=92ll be no wa=
y
that Cordelia will be able to resist you.=94

=93You really think so?=94

=93Hey. Cute guy, dazzling clothes, excellent gift, and all on Valentines
Day. What could possibly go wrong?=94

Yeah, Xander though. What could go wrong? Tonight is gonna be perfect.




   End of part 1




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xeritched. Part 2/8
Date: 19 Jul 1998 08:13:49 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.



_______________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  2 / 8


Despite all his preparations and planning Xander couldn=92t help but
worry. It seemed like he and Willow, sat at the Bronze for hours. He sat

there and brooded, trying to ignore the band. What kind of sick name was

=93Dingoes Ate My Baby=94 anyway, Xander wondered. It=92s an awful name. =
Awful

like their music. And all Willow could do was sit there and ogle at
Ooooozzzzz. What did she see in him anyway? He was a senior and in a
band. What could be worse for her?

She needed someone nice. Someone good for her. Like Cordelia was good
for him. Where was Cordelia anyway? Xander checked the time and thought.

She=92s only ten minutes late. Which for Cordelia meant she wouldn=92t be
here for at least another ten minutes.

Xander wondered, Why am I so nervous anyway? I=92ve faced demons and
vampires before. Why should I be so worried about giving a gift to my
girlfriend on Valentines Day?

Xander could only sit there and wait. So he sat there waiting and
playing with the jewelry box.  Willow was no company, because all she
wanted to do was watch Oz. Then if she did talk it was almost always
about Oz.

Xander looked back in the direction of the door for the hundredth time.
Except this time, he actually did see Cordelia. She was just sitting at
a nearby table all by herself, staring off into space.

Why hadn=92t she come over here, Xander asked himself, as he stood up to
walked over to Cordelia=92s table. As he approached see saw him and stood
up to meet him.

When Xander saw her standing, his eyes almost popped out of his head.
She was wearing a short red and black dress. Xander thought to himself,
She looks awesome in that dress. It was worth the wait. I am such a
lucky guy. What did I do to deserve this?

When Xander reached Cordelia he said, =93Hey.=94

Cordelia looked him up and down.

This is the moment of truth, Xander thought.

=93Your clothes=85=94 Cordelia said. =93You look so good=94

Looking down at himself Xander thought, Oh thank you Buffy. Thank you,
thank you, thank you. As he calmly said, =93Oh. I let Buffy dress me.=94

When Xander got a confused look from Cordelia, he said, =93Well not
physically.=94

=93Perfect.=94 Cordelia said. =93You had to make this harder, didn=92t yo=
u.=94

=93Okay, clearly the fact that I please you visually has got us off on th=
e

wrong foot here.=94  Xander said as he wondered to himself, Now what have
I done?

=93Xander=85=94 Cordelia started, but stopped when Xander held up a hand,
thinking to himself, I had better get this over with before I chicken
out. =93Let me finish. I=92ve been thinking a lot about us lately, the wh=
y
and the wherefore. You know, once, twice, a kissy here, a kissy there.
And you can chalk it all up to hormones.=94

Cordelia got a puzzled look on her face, but Xander continues. =93A-and
maybe that's all we have here. Tawdry teen lust. But maybe not. Maybe
something in you sees something special inside me.=94

Cordelia looked down, away from his face, then back up.

=93And vice versa. I mean, I think I do. See something. So...=94

Reaching into his pocket Xander pulled out the jewelry box, and handed
it to Cordelia.

Cordelia got a surprised look on her face as she took the box, and said,

=93Xander=85=94 Then she opened the box and said. =93Thank you.=94

Xander can=92t help but smile as he thinks, She is definitely surprised.

Cordelia opened the box and removed the necklace. Her pleasure is
evident on her face as she said, =93It=92s beautiful.=94

Xander couldn=92t help but think, She loves it. She loves it!

Cordelia takes a deep breath and lets it out.

Here it comes. Xander thought. All right. It was all worth it. Even on
the Hell-mouth, life can be good.

Then Cordelia looked Xander in the eyes and said, =93I wanna break up.=94

Xander just stood there thinking, Whoa. What did I miss? Who changed the

channel? When Xander finally found his voice, he said, =93Okay, not quite
the reaction I was looking for.=94

=93I know.=94 Cordelia said. =93I=92m sorry. It=92s just=85 Who are we ki=
dding? Even

if parts of us do see specialness, we don=92t fit.=94

Xander who had been looking down at the necklace looked up and said,
=93Yeah! Okay=85=94 He felt anger start to creep into his voice as he sai=
d,
=93Do you know what=92s a good day to break up with somebody? Any day
besides Valentines Day. I mean what, were you running short of dramatic
irony? =93

Cordelia=92s voice was full of apology as she said, =93I didn=92t mean to=
 do
it this way. I=85=94

=93Well you did.=94 Xander interrupted.

Xander and Cordelia stared at the pendent and each other for a moment.
Finally deciding that there is nothing more to be said, Xander turned to

leave thinking, There must be a BIG truck out there somewhere with my
name on it. What did I do to deserve this?



Xander felt numb when he reached school the next day. Fortunately, his
feet knew the way because his mind was somewhere else. News of the
breakup must have spread all over school because whenever he could bring

his eyes to look up it seemed that everybody was looking, and laughing
at him.

Something=92s never change, Xander thought. Everybody still sees me as
some kind of big loser. Well maybe I am. I know I=92ll get this big =91L=92
tattooed on my forehead.

Xander turned a corner and saw Jack Thomas approaching from the other
direction. Jack put his hand on Xander=92s shoulder and said, =93Way to g=
et
dumped, dude.=94

Xander glanced at Jack and continued down the hall, trying to ignore the

stares of everyone around him. Once when Xander looked up he saw Buffy
approaching from the other direction.

When she reached him, Xander grabbed Buffy=92s hand and said, =93Ooo, Buf=
fy,

my bud, You will not believe=85=94

Buffy looked at him and said, =93Can=92t talk now. Angel."

Releasing her hand Xander said, =93Do you need help?=94

=93It=92s alright.=94 Buffy said as she turned and walked off towards the
library.

Xander watcher her for a moment then turned to continue up the hall. His

depression increased when he passed another group of girls who stared at

him and giggled.

=93Gee Xander,=94 Xander looked up to see Harmony Jones sitting with a gr=
oup

of her friends, speaking to him.

=93Maybe you should learn a second language.=94 Harmony continued. =93The=
n
even more girls could reject you.=94

Harmony and her friends laughed. Xander looks at her and thought, I am
going to slam you so bad. This is gonna be a really great slam. Your
mouth is going to hit the floor so hard when I slam you. If only I could

think of something.

Xander turned away and walked down the hall, with his head drooping. A
moment later he looked up and saw Amy Madison crossing the hall. As soon

as he saw her, an Idea hit Xander like a bolt of lighting. Xander
glanced back down the hall, saw Cordelia joining Harmony and friends,
and made up his mind. Xander rushed up to Amy, grabbed her by the elbow
and pulled her aside.

Amy looked at Xander and asked.  =93What are you doing?=94

=93Amy. Good to see you.=94 Xander said with a quick look around to make
sure that no one was close enough to overhear them. =93You=92re a witch.=94

Amy got very nervous. She looked around, smiled and said, =93No I=92m not.
That was my mom, remember?=94

=93Yeah. I=92m thinking it runs in the family. I saw you working some moj=
o
on Ms. Beakman. Maybe I should go tell somebody about=85=94

=93That=92s not even=85=94 Amy started angrily. =93That is so mean.=94

=93Blackmail is such an ugly word.=94 Xander said with a glare.

=93I didn=92t say blackmail.=94 Amy said with a touch of fear in her voic=
e.

Xander thought, I knew it. I was right all along, as he said, =93Yeah, bu=
t

I=92m about to blackmail you so I=92d thought I=92d bring it up.=94

Amy folded her arms and asked, =93What do you want?=94

Xander chuckled and said, =93What do I want? I want some respect around
here. I want, for =91Once=92, to come out ahead. I want the Hellmouth to =
be
working for me. You and me, Amy=85=94 Xander looked back over shoulder at
Cordelia, and Harmony all sitting together. =93We=92re gonna to cast a
little spell.=94

When Xander looked back at Amy she was looking in the direction he had
just been looking. Xander smiled at her and said, =93I think we should go
somewhere a little more private and talk.=94 Then pointing with his head,
Xander started up the stairs and said, =93Come on, follow me.=94

As they walked up the stairs together Amy asked, =93What kind of spell di=
d

you have in mind?=94

=93Just a little love spell.=94 Xander replied.

A moment later Xander found an empty classroom. He opened the door for
Amy to enter, then followed her in closing the door behind him.

=93A love spell?=94 Amy asked.

=93Yeah you know,=94 Xander said. =93Just the basic can=92t eat, can=92t =
sleep,
can=92t breath anything but little old moi.=94

=93Well that kind of thing is the hardest. I mean to make someone love yo=
u

for all eternity?=94

=93Whoa! Whoa, back up.=94 Xander said waving his hand. =93Who said anyth=
ing
about eternity? A man can only talk self-tanning lotion so long before
his head explodes.=94

=93Well then I don=92t get it. If you don=92t want her forever, then what=
=92s
the point?=94

=93The point is I want her to want me. Desperately. So that I can subject
=91Her=92 to the same hell she=92s putting =91Me=92 through.

Amy turned, stepped away and said, =93Oh, I don=92t know Xander.=94 Turni=
ng
back she said, =93Intent has to be pure with love spells.=94

=93Right.=94 Xander said. =93I intend revenge. Pure as the driven snow. N=
ow,
are you gonna play, or do we need to have another chat about invisible
homework.=94

Amy pauses for a moment then said, =93I=92ll need something of hers. A
personal object.=94

=93Alright. Coming right up.=94 Xander said. He smiled and left the room,
thinking I have the perfect thing in mind. This is the best idea ever.
What could possibly go wrong?


   End of Part 2





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xewitched. Part 3/8
Date: 19 Jul 1998 08:30:12 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.



_______________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  3 / 8



Xander thought he knew just where to find Cordelia. During this break,
she usually stopped at her locker. When he turned the corner to the
hallway where Cordelia=92s locker was located, he stopped in the middle.
Sure enough, there she was walking right at him. When Cordelia looked up

and saw Xander standing there she quickly turned around and headed the
other way. With a few quick steps Xander got in front of Cordelia and
stopped, stopping Cordelia in the process.

=93Oh, come on.=94 Xander said. =93Don=92t flatter yourself. I=92m not go=
nna make
a big scene. I just want the necklace back.=94

Cordelia looked at Xander in disbelief and said, =93What? I thought it wa=
s

a gift.=94

=93No. Last night it was a gift. Today it=92s scrap metal. Figure I can m=
elt

it down and sell it for fillings or something.=94

=93Your pathetic!=94

=93Come on. I=92m not gonna add to the Cordelia Chase castoff collection.=
=94

With a glare Cordelia said, =93It=92s in my locker.=94

Xander points with his eyes and said, =93I can wait.=94

With an icy look Cordelia turned around, and headed for her locker.
Xander followed close behind. As she neared her locker, he stopped to
lean against some other lockers a few feet away.

As he watched people walking through the hall Xander couldn=92t help
smiling as he thought, This is so cool. I never thought revenge would be

this much fun. I wonder how long I should string her along before I
lower the boom. A day, two, a week. I don=92t want to drag it out to long.

I mean the idea is to make her suffer not me.

What did I ever see in her anyway? Xander thought. She never thinks
about anyone else, the way Buffy does. Cordelia is so completely
self-absorbed. With Cordelia it=92s me this, and me that. The only time
she thinks about anyone else is when it affects her. She=92s not as smart
or sweet as Willow either. I mean Codelia=92s idea of charity is allowing
the less fortunate to bask in the glow of her presence.

Xander glanced over at Cordelia, who was obscured from the waist up by
the locker door, and thought, Still she is very pretty, and she has such

a great body. And she always knows how to dress to show it off. Not to
trashy, usually.

Xander let out a soft sigh as he thought, And her smile. It was probably

the prettiest smile he had ever seen. Every time Cordelia smiled at him,

his heart would skip a beat. And now she would never smile at him again.

At least not when it wasn=92t brought about by magic.

What am I thinking, Xander thought. She dumped me. She tore out my
heart, tossed it onto the ground, and kicked it around. This hell I=92ve
been going through was all her fault. She deserves what she was going to

get. And I=92m going to enjoy watching her suffer. I=92m going to enjoy
every minute. Whether I like it or not.

Xander looked up in time to see Cordelia walking towards him holding the

necklace. He held up his hand and she dropped it in saying, =93Here. It=92=
s
a good thing we broke up. Now I don=92t have to pretend I like it.=94

Xander gave her an evil smile and said, =93Well I=92m sure that you=92ll =
feel
real good when you think about how much pain you=92re causing people as
they get their teeth filled with this.=94

Cordelia glared at Xander with hatred in her eyes. Xander was sure that
the stare he returned showed just as much hatred because he could not
remember ever hating anyone else as much as he hated Cordelia Chase at
that moment.

For a moment, they stood there staring at each other. Suddenly Xander
felt himself drawn towards her. He felt that he should reach out, take
her in his arms and kiss her. Just like that morning in Buffy=92s
basement. And somehow it seemed that he knew Cordelia wanted the same
thing. Then as if by some kind of unspoken, mutual agreement the moment
passed. With one last look Xander turned and walked away.




It was after dark when Xander arrived back to school. By the time he got

to the science lab, Amy was already there setting up. When Xander opened

the door to the lab Amy looked up and said, =93I was beginning to think
you changed your mind.=94

Xander entered the lab, which was lit only by the flame of a Bunsen
burner.

=93Sorry.=94 Xander apologized. =93 I=92m still on Cordelia time.=94

=93What time.=94 Amy asked very confused.

=93Cordelia time. It=92s a documented fact that when dating Cordelia, alw=
ays

show up tem minutes late. That way you only have to wait ten minutes.
See, Cordelia time.=94

=93Whatever.=94

=93Besides,=94 Xander said. =93I wouldn=92t miss this for the world.=94

=93So what have you brought?=94 Amy asked.

Xander held up a fist in front of Amy with the palm down. Then he opened

his hand, letting the necklace dangle from his fingers.

Amy took the pendant into her hand and said. =93Very pretty. And this
belonged to her.=94

=93Yep.=94 Xander said as he released the chain into Amy=92s hand.

=93Good. This should be perfect.=94 Amy said as she walked over to the la=
b
table. She sat the necklace on the table, and picked up a small plastic
container with what appeared to be the handle of a paintbrush sticking
out.

=93Take off your shirt, and come over here.=94 Amy instructed.

Xander took off his shirt, draped it over a chair and walked over to
Amy. She took the handle into her hand and painted a red looking streak
down the center of Xander=92s chest.

Xander wrinkled his nose and said. =93Ewww. That stuff stinks.=94

=93It=92ll go away in a minute.=94 Amy said as she painted two more strip=
es
flanking the first on Xander=92s chest. Then she handled him a big black
candle and said, =93Now take this and sit there in the circle.=94

For the first time, Xander noticed the floor had a large symbol for
woman painted on it with the same red stuff that was on his chest. He
took the candle and sat cross-legged in the circle.

Amy followed behind Xander, and after he sat down, lit the candle. Then
she returned to the table, she picked up a beaker, and placed it over
the burner. Quickly the contents of the beaker began to boil.

Soon Amy began to speak. =93Diana=85 goddess of love and the hunt=85 I pr=
ay to

thee. . Let my cries bind the heart of Xander's beloved.=94 Then Amy
lowered the necklace into the beaker. =93May she neither rest nor sleep.=94
Sparks began to form in the brew.  =93Until she submits to his will only.=
=94

The flame of the burner began to grow with the power of the spell.
Sparks rose from the beaker and swirled above it and between Amy=92s
hands.

=93Diana, bring about this love and bless it.=94 Amy said as the swirls o=
f
magical energy returned to the beaker and disappear. Then turning to
Xander Amy said. =93Blow out the candle, now!=94

Xander blew out the candle. At the same moment, the flame of the Bunsen
burner went out plunging the room into blackness.





What a difference a day makes, thought Xander cheerfully as he entered
school the next day. Instead of his feet dragging like yesterday, it was

all he could do to keep from running through school looking for
Cordelia.

By the time Xander found Cordelia, he had gotten his urge to run through

the halls under control. She was sitting with Harmony and friends at a
table outside the student lounge. Seeing them Xander strutted up to them

with a confidence he hadn=92t felt in a long time. When he reached the
table, Xander leaned on it between Cordelia and Harmony. Then he smiled
at the girls around the table.

=93What!=94 Cordelia asked.

=93Morning ladies.=94 Xander said. Then to Cordelia, he said. =93Some kin=
d of
weather we=92re having, huh?=94

=93What do you want?=94 Cordelia asked venomously. =93You can=92t be snif=
fing
around for more jewelry to melt, because all you ever gave me was that
Smallmart-looking thing.

Maybe the magic takes a little while to kick in, Xander thought as he
chuckled, and leaned closer to Cordelia and asked, =93Is this love? =91Ca=
use

maybe on you it doesn=92t look that different.=94

Anger flashed in Cordelia=92s voice, as she pushed Xander away and asked,
=93What are you doing? Are you going all stalker-boy on me now?=94

=93Sorry my mistake.=94 Xander said taking a step back from the table.

=93I should say so.=94 Cordelia said starring at him.

Xander turned and walked away as he heard Cordelia say, =93What is his
deal?=94

Xander managed to maintain his cool as he walked away from the table and

around the corner. Once he was out of sight of the girls, he slumped
against the wall and thought, Well this hasn=92t worked out like I
expected. Something must have gone wrong with Amy=92s spell. Typical, jus=
t

typical.

After a couple of minutes, Xander managed to force himself to stand, and

began walking. What a difference a few minutes makes, he thought as he
forced his feet to walk down the hall. Soon Xander found himself pushing

open the doors to the library and walking in. Giles was just walking
into his office and Buffy was sitting at the table.

As Xander approached the table he said, =93I have an idea. Let=92s use me=
 as

bait.=94

=93You mean make Angle come after you?=94 Buffy asked.

=93No,=94 Xander replied. =93I mean chop me up into little pieces and sti=
ck me

on hooks for fish to nibble at, =91cause it would be more fun than =91my=92
life.=94

=93Yeah,=94 Buffy said as she stood up. Then she walked around in front o=
f
the table, leaned on it and said, =93I heard about Cordy. That=92s her
loss.=94

Xander looked at her and said, =93Yeah, not really the popular theory.=94

=93You know what I=92d like?=94 Buffy asked. =93Why don=92t we do somethi=
ng
tonight. Just the two of us.=94

Xander couldn=92t keep the surprise out of his voice as he said, =93Reall=
y?=94

=93Yeah, we could comfort each other.=94

=93Well, would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all?=94 Xander ask=
ed.

=93=92Cause I find that very comforting.=94

Buffy stood up, stared into his eyes, and took a step closer. Then she
smiled and said in a soft, sweet voice. =93Play your cards right=85=94

Xander held up a hand and said, =93Okay, uh=85 You do know I=92m Xander r=
ight.

Buffy looked down and said, =93I don=92t know, =94 Buffy paused, looked b=
ack
up said, =93I just heard you and Cordy broke up, and I guess I was just
surprised how glad I was. Buffy began to play with his shirt. Then
leaning into him she said, =93It=92s funny how you can see someone everyd=
ay
but not really see them. You know?=94

Xander smiled and nervously chuckled as he said, =93Yeah, it=92s funny. A=
nd
it just keeps getting=92 funnier.=94

Buffy put a finger to his lips. Then she slowly leans into him for a
kiss.

Obligingly, Xander slowly leaned forward to meet her lips as he thought,

This is my dream come true. I have waited for this for such a long time.

Just before their lips meet Xander heard Amy say, =93Xander, can I talk t=
o

you for a minute?=94

At the sound of Amy=92s voice, Buffy pulled back slightly.

Xander looked at Amy, back to Buffy, then back to Amy again and said,
=93Yeah, okay.=94

Xander turned to follow Amy into the hall and thought, Does her timing
suck or what.

Once Xander joined Amy in the hall, she said, =93Xander.=94

=93Yeah.=94

=93I don=92t think the spell worked out right.=94

I=92ll say it didn=92t. But something else seems to be working out though=
,
Xander thought. Then he grinned and said, =93Oh, yeah, it bombed. No
biggie.=94

=93Well we can try again.=94 Amy said.

Xander looked through the window and saw Buffy looking at him and
thought, Things seem to be working out just fine without the witchcraft.

=93I=92m still pretty new at this.=94 Amy concluded.

=93Oh, no, no, no.=94 Xander said. =93It=92s okay. You know what? It was =
wrong
to meddle with the forces of darkness. I can see that now. I think we=92v=
e

all grown. I gotta go.=94

Xander started to reenter the library, but Amy stopped him with a hand
on his arm and said, =93Oh, we don=92t have to cast any spells.=94

Xander saw Buffy through the window with her finger between her lips, so

it took a moment for it to register when Amy said, =93We could just=85 ha=
ng
out.=94

=93Sure.=94 Xander said. Then when what she said sunk in, his head jerked
around as he looked at Amy and said, =93What?=94

Amy smiled and said, =93Well I liked spending time with you. You=92re so
sweet. You know, it=92s funny how you can see a person everyday and=85=94

Xander=92s mind began to race as he thought, First Buffy, and now Amy
suddenly want to spend real time with me. What could be happening? It
couldn=92t have anything to do with that spell. But it must, what other
explanation could there be.

=93Not really see them.=94 Xander completed Amy=92s sentence.

Oh God. Xander thought as he looked back into the library and saw Buffy
playing with her hair in her lips. What have I done? What am I gonna
do?=94

=93Hi Xander.=94

Xander was startled by the new voice. He looked up to see Cordette
standing there. What does she want? Xander thought. Isn=92t she part of
Harmony=92s crowd?

=93What?=94 Xander asked with just a touch of panic starting to appear in
his voice.

=93You=92re in Mr. Braid=92s History class, right?

=93Yeah.=94

=93I thought maybe we could study together tonight.=94 Cordette said.

=93Do you mind.=94 Amy interrupted. =93We were talking.=94

Xander watched as the two girls stared at each other. His mind was
almost on overload, but he managed to say, =93Uh, I really gotta go. Righ=
t

now.=94

Xander turned and headed up the hall, trying not to run as he got away
from the girls.

As quickly as he could, Xander got around the corner, and out of sight
of Amy, and Cordette. He slumped against a wall, closed his eyes and
said to himself, =93What have I done? Oh God, what am I gonna do? What
have I done?

Then he heard a female voice say, =93Oh, there you are Xander. I=92ve bee=
n
looking for you.=94

Xander=92s eyes snapped open, and he saw Lisa Taylor standing there,
looking up at him.

=93I was just going to ask if you=85=94 Lisa started.

Xander interrupted Lisa and said, =93I can=92t. I=92ve gotta go. I=92m=85=
 I=92m not
feeling well.=94 Then Xander turned away from Lisa and practically ran
towards the nearest door.

Just as he walked out the door Lisa said, =93If you=92d like, I could fix
you some soup and bring it over to your house?=94



   End of part 3




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xewitched. Part 4/8
Date: 19 Jul 1998 08:43:56 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.



_______________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  4 / 8


By the time Xander made it to his home he had nearly overcome the urge
to run. He dropped his keys twice trying to get the front door open. On
the third try, he successfully got the door unlocked. Xander quickly
opened the door and bolted upstairs, without even closing the door.

Once Xander reached his room, he barged in and slammed the door behind
him thinking, Safe at last. He began to calm down a bit. I=92ve got to si=
t

down and think, he thought. Xander walked over to his bed and sat down.

Even after he sat down Xander=92s body refused to relax. His fingers
continued to tap out a staccato beat on his legs. And his mind was
racing even faster as he thought, Oh God, What am I gonna do. I never
wanted anything like this to happen. Why did I even try it in the first
place? Damn it, damn it, damn it. I was mad at Cordelia, so it must be
her fault=85

Suddenly Xander felt a hand on his back. Somehow, he managed not to
scream as he jumped off the bed, while turning around. When he saw
Willow sitting there, all he could do was stare in shock. What was
Willow doing here in his bed? He thought. Is she wearing one of my
shirts?

Willow looked up at his sweetly and said, =93Sorry. I wanted to surprise
you.=94

=93Good job!=94 Xander said nervously. =93High marks.=94

=93Don=92t be so nervous. I=92ve been in your bed before.=94

=93Yeah, but Will, we were both in footy pajamas.=94

=93Xand.=94 Willow started. =93I=92ve been thinking.=94

Oh no, Xander thought. Not Willow too.

=93Will, I, I think I know what you=92ve been thinking. But this is all m=
y
fault. I cast a spell and it sorta backfired.=94

Willow Ignored him, and rubbing the sheets asked, =93How long have we bee=
n

friends?=94

Xander thought, Oh Willow, don=92t do this, as he said, =93A long time. T=
oo
long too do anything that might change that now.=94

Willow moved to the edge of the bed and said, =93Well friendships change
all the time. People grow apart, They grow closer.=94

=93Uh, this is good.=94 Xander said. =93I=92m very comfortable with this =
amount
of closeness. As a matter of fact, I can even backup a few paces and
still be happy.=94 Taking a step back Xander said, =93See?=94

Willow stood up from the bed and stepped towards him. She is wearing my
shirt. Xander thought, Is she wearing anything else? I don=92t think I
want to think about it.

Willow smiled and said, =93I want you, Xander, to be my first.=94

Xander felt panic starting to rise as he said. =93Baseman. Please tell me
were talking baseball.=94

As Willow neared him, Xander began to back up. Willow put a hand on his
chest and said, =93Shhh.=94 Soon Xander found himself backed up against t=
he
door, and Willow began to rub her hand against his chest.

=93We both know it=92s right.=94 Willow said as she leaned forward to kis=
s
him.

Xander backs his head away and said, =93It=92s not that I don=92t find yo=
u
sexy.=94

=93Is it Oz?=94 Willow asked. =93Don=92t worry about him. He=92s sweet, b=
ut he=92s
not you.=94

=93Yes, he is. And you should go to him. =91Cause he=92s me.=94 Xander sa=
id
forcing a smile.

Willow reached up and began to nibble on Xander=92s ear. Xander could fee=
l

the panic was nearing the surface as he said, =93I-I Don=92t wanna use
force.=94

Willow stood back and with a smile said,  =93Mm. Force is okay.=94

Willow reached up to nibble on Xander=92s ear again, but he grabbed her b=
y

the arms and pushed her away. The confused and hurt look that Willow
gave him nearly broke his heart. But Xander knew that if he gave in that

he would regret it in the future.

=93Th-that=92s it!=94 Xander said. =93This is gotta stop. It=92s time for=
 me to
act like a man.=94 Xander reached behind him and opened the door saying.
=93And hide.=94 Then he rushed through the door and out of the house.



Xander pulled the baseball cap down lower over his head, as he walked
into the convenience store. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw
there was no one else in the store besides him and the clerk. Quickly he

walked to the coolers in the rear of the store and selected a soft
drink. Then Xander walked to the front of the store and placed the drink

on the counter.

=93Will that be all for you sir?=94 The clerk asked. Xander only risked a
quick look at her, she appeared to be in her early twenties.

=93That=92s it.=94 Xander replied.

The clerk rang up the purchase and said, =93That=92ll be 92 cents.=94

Xander handed over a dollar and started to leave.

=93Your change sir.=94 The girl behind the counter said.

Xander turned around being careful not to look up, and held out his
hand. He was surprised when the clerk took hold of his hand in both of
hers, as she returned the change. Xander looked between his hand and the

girl, who stood there and smiled at him.

Xander tried gently to remove his hand from hers, but she held tight.

=93Don=92t I know you from somewhere?=94 She asked.

=93I don=92t think so.=94 Xander replied.

=93Are you sure? You seem very familiar.=94

=93I=92m sure I=92d remember.=94

=93Well I get off at nine if you would like to get together and a=85 you
know, get to know each other. If you know what I mean.=94

=93I=92m sorry but I have an appointment.=94 Xander said as he sat the so=
ft
drink on the counter so he could use the free hand to extract the other
one. As soon as he had his hand free, Xander made a bolt for the door.

=93Wait.=94 The clerk called after him. =93You forgot your drink. I didn=92=
t get

a chance to give you my phone nu=85=94

The rest of the girl=92s statement was cutoff by the closing of the door.
Xander hurried around the corner of the building. Once out of sight he
leaned his back against the wall and got his breath under control. Then
he jerked the baseball cap off his head, looked at it, then tossed it to

the ground and said. =93That sure did me a lot of good.=94

Looking up Xander spotted a pay phone across the street. Quickly he
crossed the street to the phone. The first thing he tried to do was call

Willow. Maybe she had come to her senses enough to help him out of this
mess.

After depositing his money, Xander dialed Willow=92s number. But all he
got was a busy signal. After he hung up the phone Xander noticed the
phone book. He grabbed it and flipped it open to the =91M=92 section. Xan=
der

quickly found the listings for Madison. There were only three. Xander
picked the most likely number, fished out his change from the coin
return, deposited it in the phone, and dialed the number.

After two rings a female voice answered on the other end, =93Hello.=94

=93Hi, Amy?=94 Xander said.

=93Yes.=94

=93Yeah, this is Xander. I was=85=94

=93Oh Xander!=94 Amy interrupted, with a touch of excitement in her voice.
=93I so was hoping you would call. I was wondering if maybe I could see
you tonight. You could=85=94

=93Amy. We have to do something about the spell. Things are getting out o=
f

control.=94

Amy continued as if Xander had never spoken. =93You could come over to my
house, or I could meet you somewhere, anywhere. I=92d just like to spend
some time with you. We could=85=94

Xander stood there for a moment looking at the phone. Then shaking his
head he hung the phone up, and walked out into the street.



Xander woke up the next morning with a feeling of dread. But somehow
while he showered he managed to convince himself that maybe things would

have returned to normal. Maybe after a good nights sleep the spell would

have worn off. So with that in mind he decided to go to school.

As he was walking towards school, he heard a car approaching from behind

him. He turned around to see a station wagon pulling up with the
driver=92s side towards him. After the car stopped, the window rolled
down. Xander could see a woman behind the wheel with curlers in her
hair.

=93Excuse me.=94 The woman said. =93Could you tell me how to get to Trent=
on
Avenue.=94

Xander walked over to the car, leaned down with his hand on the
doorsill. Xander pointed up the street and, =93Just head this way three
blocks. Then turn=85=94

Xander stopped cold when he felt a hand on his arm. Looking down he saw
the woman rubbing her hand up and down his arm.

The woman smiled up at him and said, =93I don=92t really need directions.=
 I
think you know what I need.=94 The woman raised her eyebrows suggestively
and said, =93The kids are in school, and my husband=92s out of town on
business. We would have the whole day to ourselves.=94

Xander stood there with his mouth hanging open. All he could manage to
say was =93Uh, uh.=94

Then with all the strength he could muster he jerked his hand away and
began to run down the street towards school.




Xander made it through his first four classes with out any terrible
incidents. He got plenty of attention from the girls around school. Lots

of looks, stares, and even an occasional wink. There was also the
occasional moment when Xander would catch sight of a girl looking at
him, then she would turn to a friend and whisper something. Then both
girls would start to giggle. Some how Xander knew that they weren=92t
laughing at him. Well they were but it was different from the normal
laughter he inspired.

The guys didn=92t ignore him either. However, the looks he got from them
were far from friendly. Almost hostile.

But by the end of forth-period, Xander felt that things might be about
to blow. But then that might also be part of his imagination. But then
again, he thought, this was Sunnydale.

Then when he was on his way through the science hallway things seemed to

come to a head. The hallway was filled with girls. Many of them almost
drooling. They seemed to be everywhere, looking, starring, or winking at

him. And the guys, Xander could have sworn that at least two of them
were ready to punch him.

As he neared the end of the hall, Xander caught a glimpse out of the
corner of his eye of three or four girls following close behind. When he

saw them, he panicked, running down the hall.

Xander had just turned a corner when he felt someone grab his arm. He
felt himself pulled off balance and into a utility closet. Before he
could see who had grabbed him the door was closed and the small room was

plunged into near total darkness.

Xander held his breath, too afraid to speak. He knew he wasn=92t alone bu=
t

he had no Idea who was with him. Suddenly Xander was forced to blink as
the small overhead light came on. When his eyes adjusted to the light,
he could make out the figure of a blond girl.

Xander blinked and said, =93Amy, is that you.=94

=93Oh, Xander.=94 Amy said, as she wrapped her arms around him in a tight
embrace. =93I was so afraid that there were going to hurt you.=94

=93Well, they didn=92t, thanks to you.=94 Xander said. =93But I really sh=
ould be

going now.=94

=93Oh, Xander darling, don=92t leave me so soon. I=92ve missed you so muc=
h.=94

Xander took Amy by the arms and pulled her away from him. Then he looked

into her eyes and said, =93Amy, you know that this isn=92t real, It=92s a=
ll
because of that spell we tried to cast. Something went wrong and=85=94

=93Xander! Don=92t even joke about that. You know that I love you. I=92ve
always loved you.=94

As she spoke Xander walked slowly in a circle, so he was between Amy and

the door. Then he reached up and turned off the light, and quickly he
grabbed the doorknob and was out into the hall.

As soon as he was in the hall Xander heard a girl shout. =93There he is.
Over here Xander, I=92m over here=94

Xander looked in the direction of the voice. There was a group of five
or six girls standing there looking at him. As soon as he saw them, he
dashed for the stairs across the hall. Taking the steps three at a time,

Xander managed to evade the girls.

With a moment to catch his breath, Xander decided it was time to think.
What am I going to do? He thought. Things are starting to get way out of

hand. And it can only get worse. Then a thought struck Xander, Giles. Of

course, he=92ll know what to do. If I can only get to the library.



    End of Part 4




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xewitched. Part 5/8
Date: 19 Jul 1998 08:55:50 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.



_______________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  5 / 8


Xander rushed into the library and pushed the door closed behind him. He

took a quick look back into the hall to make sure no one was following
him. Seeing that it was all clear he took a deep breath, then turned
around to find Giles.

He saw him immediately coming down the stairs, holding a book in his
hand. Giles looked up and saw him and said, =93Xander. What is it.=94

Oh my, thought Xander. Where do I start? I guess the beginning.

=93It, it=92s me=85 throwing myself at your mercy.=94

=93What? Why?=94 Giles asked as he took off his glassed and began to clea=
n
them.

=93I=92ve made a real mess, Giles.=94 Xander began. =93See, I found out t=
hat
Amy=92s into witchcraft, and I was hurt, I guess, so I=85 made her put th=
e
love whammy on Cordy, but it backfired, and now every woman in Sunnydale

wants to make me her cuddle monkey=85 Which sounds swell on paper, but=85=
?

As Xander spoke, Ms. Calendar walked in, stood next to Xander and said,
=93Rupert, we need to talk.=94 Then she looked at Xander and said, =93Hey=
,
Xander. Nice shirt.=94 Then she began to rub Xander=92s shirt as she
continues to speak. =93Look, Rupert, I know that you're angry at me, and =
I

don't blame you, but I am not just gonna go away. I mean, I care far too

much about you to...=94 Ms Calendar looked at Xander's arm, and said,
=93Have you been working out?=94

Xander just looked at Giles, knowing that actions spoke louder than
words.

Having seen enough, Giles grabbed Ms Calendar by the arm and pulled her
behind him.

=93Oh!=94 She said disappointedly. Then she stood there looking at Xander
with a look of desire on her face.

Giles looked at her, then at Xander, back at her. Finally he looked back

at Xander and said, =93I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do
something like this!=94

Xander thought, fool, hey it=92s me we=92re talking about here. Then he
said. =93Oh, no. I=92m twice the fool to do something like this.=94

=93Has, uh=85 has Amy tried to reverse the spell?=94 Giles asked.

=93I get around Amy and all she want=92s to do is talk honeymoon plans.=94

Ms Calendar stepped forward and said, =93Rupert, maybe I need to talk to
Xander alone.=94

Giles pushed her back, then looking at Xander said, =93Do you have any
idea how serious this is? People under a-a love spell, Xander, are-are
deadly. They lose all capacity for reason.=94

Giles turned around to look at Ms Calendar, and sees her rub her hands
over her face, neck then down her body.

Then he turned back to Xander and said, =93And if what you said is true
and the entire female population is effected, I=85 Don=92t leave the
library. I=92ll find Amy and see if we can=92t put a stop to this thing.=94

Giles started for the door. As soon as he moved, Ms Calendar saw her
chance. She rubbed her hands tougher, and walked toward Xander. Xander
took a step back. By then, Giles has realized that he left her alone
with Xander. He walked back, grabbed Ms Calendar by the arm, and pulled
her out with him. As she was dragged away from the object of her desire
she reached out with her arm and said pitifully, =93Noooo!=94

As soon as they are out the door Xander looked around to make sure he=92s
alone. He decided that it=92s safest to remain that way. He spotted the
mobile card catalog. Quickly he crossed the room towards it. Then pushed

it in front of the door hoping to block the door.

Thinking he has barred the way into the library, Xander turned and
headed towards the table to sit down. Suddenly he heard the sound of
wood striking wood. Xander spun around to see the library door bouncing
against the card catalog. Xander started to kick himself for not
remembering that the doors opened both ways into the Library.

But because of what he saw, he was never able to finish that thought.
Standing with one hand on the card catalog and the other on the
anti-theft thingie was Buffy.

She was wearing a very short black raincoat that was barely long enough
to be decent. Which was important because below the raincoat the only
thing she was wearing was a pair of black high-heels.

Xander felt his heart begin to race a mile a minute as he stared at
Buffy in shock.

=93Alone at last.=94 Buffy said.

Xander managed to get his mouth working enough to say, =93Buff, give me a
heart attack.=94

Buffy began to walk towards Xander with a sexy sway and said, =93Oh, I
gonna give you more than that.=94  Then she grabbed the belt of her
raincoat to untie it.

Xander began to back away as he thinks, Oh why now Buffy. Why couldn=92t
this have happened before this stupid spell. I can=92t let her do this.
But do I want to stop her? What am I saying? I have to stop her.

Xander held up his hands and said, =93Buff, for the love of God, don=92t
open that raincoat.

Buffy smiled at Xander and said, =93Come on! It=92s a party! Aren=92t you
going to open your present?=94 Then she reaches up and slowly unbuttoned
the top button.

Xander continued to backup as he said, =93It's not that I don't want to.
Sometimes the remote impossible possibility that you might like me was
all that sustained me. But not now=85

When Xander reached the stairs, he tripped and fell backward onto them.

=93Not like this.=94 He continued. =93This isn't real to you.=94

Buffy reached Xander, stepped up and put her leg over him. It took every

ounce of willpower Xander possessed to keep from reaching out and
grabbing Buffy.

=93You're only here because of a spell.=94

Buffy gave him a confused stare.

=93I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me... But
you don't. So I can't.=94

Buffy started to get upset and said, =93So your saying that this is all a
game?=94

=93A game? I=85 No!=94 Xander managed to say.

Buffy=92s anger is really beginning to show as she said, =93You make me f=
eel

this way, and then you reject me. What am I, a toy?=94

=93Buffy, please calm down.=94

=93I=92ll calm down when you explain your self.=94

Oh boy. She=92s gonna hurt me, Xander thought I just know it.

Then Xander saw Amy standing behind Buffy.

=93Get away from him.=94 Amy said. =93He=92s mine.=94

Buffy took a step towards Amy and said, =93Oh, I don=92t think so. Tell h=
er
Xander.=94

=93What? I, uh=85=94 Xander stammered.

=93He doesn=92t have to say.=94 Amy said. =93I know what his heart wants.=
=94

=93I know what your face wants.=94 Buffy said. Then she stepped towards A=
my.

Swung and hit her in the face knocking her to the floor. Then Buffy
turned to Xander and asked, =93What is this, you=92re two-timing me?=94

Xander was speechless. Frozen in place by a mixture of fear and panic.
Then he saw Amy stand up. Her eyes were pitch black. Amy motioned with
her hands as she began to chant, =93Goddess Hecate, work thy will.=94

=93Uh-oh.=94 Xander finally managed to get out.

Magical energy began to swirl around Amy as she continued chanting.
=93Before thee let the unclean thing crawl.=94

As she finished her incantation, Amy thrust her arms toward Buffy. The
magical energy leapt from Amy and enveloped Buffy.

Xander could only stare. =93Oh, my God!=94 Was all he managed to say as h=
e
stared down at the empty raincoat lying on the floor where his friend
had stood.

Giles came running into the library with Ms Calendar in tow, and said,
=93What, what just happened?=94

Xander pointed at the raincoat and said, =93Buffy.=94

Ms Calendar smiled when she saw Xander. She started to walk towards him
but Giles held her back and said, =93Where is she?=94

They both were staring at the raincoat, when a rat emerged from one of
the sleeves.

Xander just stared at the rat and thought, Oh Buffy, what have I done to

you.

=93Oh, my God.=94 Giles said.

Amy walked over to Xander, pointed at Ms Calendar, and said, =93What=92s =
she

doing here?=94

=93Can you focus for a minute? You just turned Buffy into a rat.=94

Amy took Xander=92s arm and said. =93Buffy can take care of herself. Why
don=92t we go someplace quiet.=94

Xander jerked his arm away and said, =93Can you=85 I=92m not going anywhe=
re
till you change her back.=94

Ms Calendar walked up to Xander and Amy, put her hands on her hips and
glared at Amy. Then she said to Amy, =93You heard him. So why don=92t you
undo your little magic trick and get lost?=94

=93Who made you Queen of the world?=94 Amy asked. =93Well I guess your ol=
d
enough to be.=94

Ms Calendar grabbed Xander by the shirt, pulled him closer and said,
=93Well what can I say? I guess Xander=92s to much man for the pimple
squad.=94

Amy put an arm between them and pushed Xander away. Then magical energy
began to build as she began motioning with her arms and chant, =93Goddess
Hecate, to you I pray, with this=85=94

Xander put his hand over Amy=92s mouth and said, =93Would you quit with t=
he
Hecate?

Giles turned to them, barely able to contain his anger he said, =93You
two, sit.=94 Then to Xander he said, =93We must find the Buffy rat.=94

The two women walked to the table and sat down, while Giles took off his

coat.

Before long Xander spotted Buffy and said, =93Ooo, there.=94  He rushed t=
o
try to catch her, but she squeezed behind a bookcase. Xander saw Buffy
heading towards the other end of the case. He crawled around to the
front of the bookcase. He peeked around the case waiting for Buffy to
emerge while Giles came over to watch the other end.

Xander said =93Good Buffy. Just=85=94

Xander sensed someone walking up next to him. He looks up and saw Oz,
and thought, I have never been so glad to see him. Then before Xander
could react Oz punched him in the face, knocking Xander backward into
the shelves.

Oz started to shake his hand and said. =93That kinda hurt.=94

Xander stared up at Oz while he rubbed his cheek, and said, =93Kinda?!
What was that for?=94

=93I was on the phone all night,=94 Oz said. =93Listening to Willow cry a=
bout
you. Now I don=92t know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very
strong urge to=85 hit you.=94

Oz reached down his hand to help Xander up. Xander accepted the hand,
stood up and said, =93I didn=92t touch her. I swear.=94

=93Xander. Where=92s Buffy?=94 =94 Giles asked as he continued to look.

Xander turned to Oz and said, =93Amy turned her into a rat.=94

=93Oh.=94 Was all Oz said as he began to look around.

=93I don=92t see her.=94 Giles said. =93If any thing happens to her I=92l=
l=85=94 Giles

looked at Xander with a disgusted look on his face, then continued. =93Oh=
,

just go home. Lock yourself away. You=92re only going to cause more
problems here. Now Amy, Jenny, and I will try to break the spell. Oz,
if, if you could aid us in, in finding, um Buffy.=94

=93Sure. Absolutely.=94 Oz said.

Xander started to speak, but when he started to open his mouth Giles
looked at him with such barely controlled anger that Xander decided to
remain silent.

=93Just go. Get out of my sight.=94 Giles said.

Xander stared at Giles for a moment, not sure what to do. But after a
moment he decided that Giles was right and turned to leave the library
with his head hung low.



    End of Part 5




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xeweitced. Part 6/8
Date: 19 Jul 1998 09:07:21 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.



_______________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  6 / 8


When Xander stepped into the hall heard Cordelia yell, =93What are you
doing? You guys are crazy.=94 He looked down the saw a group of girls in =
a

tight cluster. Then he heard what sounded like Harmony=92s voice say, =93=
You

thought you could do better, is that it?=94

Then a gap opened in the crowd of girls, allowing Xander to see Cordelia

in their midst, being grabbed, pushed, pulled, and punched. Immediately
Xander ran towards the group.

Some of the girls saw him approaching. They broke from the cluster,
running towards him, shouting their love, or just trying to grab him.
Inside the circle, Xander saw Cordelia get pushed to the ground, as one
of her attackers began to pull her hair.

Xander warded off the hands of the girls grabbing at him as he struggled

forward. When he reached Cordy, he pushed away the girl pulling at her
hair. Then he bent down and picked Cordelia up. She threw her arms
around him and hung on for dear life. Xander stood up and ran up the
hall, the shouting girls following behind.

Xander ran for all he was worth. Somehow, he managed to build a lead
over the pursuing mob. I=92ve got to lose this crowd, he thought.

As he rounded a corner he saw an open door to a classroom just ahead.
Making an instant decision, Xander angled through the door and ducked
behind the wall. In his haste Cordy=92s foot bumped against the doorframe.

When Xander glanced down at the floor, he saw that the bump had knocked
her shoe off her foot, and onto the floor, right in the middle of the
doorway. From the sound of running, and shouting in the hallway, Xander
knew that it was filled with crazed females, and that retrieving the
shoe would not be a good idea. So he mentally crossed his fingers hoping

that none of the girls would notice it.

As the sound of running and shouting faded in the hallway, Xander took a

moment to catch his breath. Then he looked down at Cordelia who still
had her arms tightly wrapped around his neck and her head buried in his
chest. Filled with relief for her safety, Xander bent his head down to
rest on top of hers and whispered, =93It=92s okay now, I=92ve got you hon=
ey.=94

Xander felt Cordelia begin to move her head. He lifted his head to stare

down at her. She looked up at him, the fear beginning to fade from her
face, and said, =93Xander, You saved m=85.=94 Then an angry look came ove=
r her

face. She released her grip around his neck, pushed away from him, and
said, =93What are you doing? Put me d=85.=94

Setting her down, Xander cutoff Cordelia with a hand over her mouth, and

whispered, =93Will you be quiet. They might hear you.=94

Cordelia reached up, pulled his hand away and whispered. =93What the
=91Hell=92 is going on?=94

Xander open his mouth to respond, then thought better of it and said in
a low voice, =93I=92ll explain later.=94 Cordelia started to reply but st=
opped

when Xander held a finger to his lips. Xander turned and slowly moved to

the door, listening for any signs of the mob. All he heard were distant
shouts. Xander crouched down and cautiously reached out and retrieved
Cordy=92s shoe.

After she replaced the shoe on her foot he said, =93Come on. I think it=92=
s
clear.=94 Then he took her hand and led her into the hall.

Xander wanted to get away from school as fast as possible, so he headed
for the nearest exit. They were almost there when a group of girls came
around a corner just ahead, led by Ms Calendar. As soon as he saw them,
Xander turned to head the other way. But he pulled up short when he saw
more girls behind them with Harmony in the lead.

As soon as the girls saw him, they began to shout his name, and run
towards them. Xander was rooted in place with fear. Suddenly he felt a
pull from the hand that held Cordelia=92s hand. He looked at her. She was
pulling him towards the stairs up to the second floor.

Xander followed her up the stairs. Once at the top Cordelia turned right

toward a place they both knew very well. One of their favorite janitors
closets. Cordelia opened the door, and rushed in, Xander right on her
heels. Cordelia shut the door behind them and stood with her ear to the
door, listening. Xander stood close behind her, straining to hear
anything.

When the mob reached the top of the stairs, Xander could tell that
confusion reigned about which way he had gone. Oh I am such a fool,
Xander thought.

As he stood close behind her, Xander became aware of Cordelia. First the

smell of hair. Then he noticed her perfume. It was his favorite. Without

realizing what he was doing, Xander started to reach up to stroke her
hair.

=93I think=85=94 Cordelia began, as she turned towards Xander. He was abl=
e to
jerk his hand back before she saw it. When she turned around, she seemed

to notice just how close he was, causing her to stop in mid-sentence.
Just for a second, she looked down. Xander couldn=92t remember when he ha=
d

ever seen Cordy quite so, so subdued.

Then she looked up, her face was just inches from his. He stared into
her eyes, afraid to speak or even move for fear of breaking the moment.
He knew at that moment that he still felt something deep inside for
Cordelia. And from the look in her eyes, he knew that there were some
feelings in her for him too.

They both stood there staring into each other=92s eyes not speaking, but
still communicating. It was a special moment. A moment that Xander
realized that he would treasure for a long time. That is if he lived
that long. That thought shook Xander out of his reverie, and into
action. He grabbed Cordy by the hand and said, =93Come on let=92s get out=
 of

here.=94

Xander led the way out of the closet and down the stairs. Just before
they reached the bottom of the stairs Xander stopped. Very cautiously,
he peeked around the corner to check the hallway. When he saw no one
there he turned back to Cordelia and said, =93It=92s all clear. Let=92s g=
o.=94

Once in the hallway it was a few short steps to the exit. When they were

out the doors Xander began to breathe easier. He turned to Cordelia and
said, =93I think we lost them.=94

As soon as he turned around Xander knew he=92d spoken too soon. While it
was true they had evaded the mob of girls chasing them through the
school, they had managed to find a whole new mob. This one had Willow at

its front, holding a large ax in her hands.

=93I should have known that I=92d find you with her.=94 Willow said on th=
e
verge of hysteria.

=93Will=85 Come on. You don=92t want to hurt me.=94 Xander said trying to=
 calm
his redheaded friend down.

=93Oh no? You don=92t know how hard this is for me. I love you so much! I=
=92d
rather see you dead than with that bitch!=94 Willow said as she raised th=
e

ax and started towards them, the other girls with her following along.

=93Stay away from him he=92s mine.=94 Xander heard coming from behind him=
. He
turned to see Harmony at the head of a throng rushing out of the
building. They poured out of the building and into the girls advancing
on Xander and Cordelia. Xander saw Harmony grab Willow=92s ax and try to
wrestle it from her.

Xander realized that for the moment no one is paying attention to them.
Quietly he tugged on Cordelia=92s hand.  They quickly maneuvered out of
the melee. They made it almost to the sidewalk before someone spotted
them and let out a shout. Quickly the girls forgot about each other and
began to chase after Xander and Cordelia.

Hand and hand the couple fled down the street.



The Mid-February night fell early as Xander and Cordelia ran through the

streets of Sunnydale, attempting to evade their pursuers. Xander felt
like he=92d been running for hours. He looked over his shoulder again and
saw no sign of pursuit. Gradually as he and Cordelia slowed to a walk,
he said, =93Okay, now I really think we lost them.=94

=93Damn it, Xander,=94 Cordelia said. =93What=92s going on? Who died and =
made
=91you=92 Elvis?

Xander saw a familiar house and said, =93Buffy=92s house. Let=92s get ins=
ide.
I=92ll explain later.=94

They ran to the door and began to knock loudly, while making an
occasional glance over their shoulder to see if they=92d been found by th=
e

roaming mobs of woman.

Mrs. Summers opened the door and said, =93Xander, Cordelia, what=85=94

With out giving her a chance to finish her question, Xander and Cordelia

pushed their way into the house.

=93Yeah, hi.=94 Cordelia said as she slammed the door shut behind them. T=
hen

they both looked out the small windows in the door to make sure that
they still had not been discovered.

Mrs. Summers pointed to the kitchen and said, =93Well I guess you might a=
s

well come in. Then she followed behind Xander with Cordelia trailing
behind. =93What happened?=94 She asked. =93Why are you all scratched up?
Where=92s Buffy?=94

=93She=92s, um=85=94 Xander said as he thought, why did she have to ask t=
hat?
What am I going to tell her, Buffy=92s a rat, she wondering around
somewhere at school. And it=92s all my fault. I think that this is one of
those times when the truth is better left unsaid. =93Around.=94 Xander
finished.

=93Well sit down and tell me all about it.=94 Mrs. Summers said pointing =
to
a stool. Then she turned to Cordelia and asked, =93Why don=92t you go
upstairs and grab me some bandages from the bathroom?=94

As Cordelia left to go upstairs, Mrs. Summers turned back to Xander and
said, =93Let me, uh, get you something to drink. You in the mood for cold
or hot?=94

=93I, uh=85=94 Xander said with a shrug.

=93Mrs. Summers walked around behind Xander. Then she began to rub his
shoulders and said, =93I think it=92s more of a =91hot=92 night, don=92t =
you?=94

Xander dropped his head to the table thinking, not her too, will this
ever end, as he said, =93Whatever.=94

Mrs. Summers began to massage his shoulders, and said, =93Ooo, you are so
tense.=94 Then she leaned over and kissed his neck.

Then Xander heard Cordelia come back into the room and saying, =93What ar=
e

you doing? Make me Yak!=94

Mrs. Summers turned to Cordelia and said, =93Cordelia, go back upstairs.
This is between us.=94

=93Gross, I think not.=94 Cordelia replied, as she grabbed Mrs. Summers b=
y
the arm, pushed her towards the door and opened it.

=93What are you doing?=94 Mrs. Summers protested. =93Hey! Get your hands =
off
me!=94

Cordelia pushed Mrs. Summers out the door, slammed it shut, Then she
twisted the dead bolt locking it, as she said, =93And keep your mom aged
mitts off of my boyfriend. Former!=94

Cordelia turned to Xander and said, =93Why has everyone gone insane?=94

Now that hurts, Xander thought as he said, =93Insane? Is it impossible fo=
r

you to believe that other women find me attractive?=94

Cordelia put her hands on her hips and said. =93The only way you could ge=
t

girls to want you would be witchcraft.=94

=93That is such a=85=94 Xander started, then he thought, That is pretty c=
lose
to the truth actually. =93Well, yeah, okay, good point.=94

Abruptly they both turned to the sound of breaking glass, as Mrs.
Summers broke a pane of glass in the door.

=93Oh, my God.=94 Cordelia said.

Mrs. Summers stuck her arm through the broken panel, began to feel for
the lock, and said, =93Xander honey, let Joycie in. Hon, let Joycie in.=94

Xander thought, I have to get out of here. Then he stood up, grabbed
Cordelia, and ran from the kitchen, as he said, =93Upstairs, Buffy=92s
room.=94

Xander led the way into Buffy=92s room. Cordelia following behind slammed
and locked the door. Xander crossed to the window, checked outside. Then

he turned back to Cordelia and said, =93Good. The mob still hasn=92t foun=
d
us yet. We should be safer up here.=94

Then he turned back to the window and found himself staring into the
demonic face of Angelus. The vampire reached through the window, grabbed

Xander by the shirt and said,  =93Works in theory.=94

Before Xander could react, Angelus yanked him through the window and out

onto the roof, as he heard a terrified Cordelia yell his name.



    End of Part 6




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xewitched. Part 7/8
Date: 19 Jul 1998 09:21:49 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.



_______________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  7 / 8



Angelus yanked Xander up by the shirt, pulling him close to his face. I
never liked the old Angel, Xander thought, but I=92d sure prefer him here
now.

=93Where=92s Buffy?=94 The demon asked.

Xander caught movement by the window from the corner of his eye.
Glancing over he saw Cordelia standing there with a look of sheer panic
on her face.

=93Cordy, get outta here.=94 Xander said, trying to sound calm and brave.

Before he could see if she obeyed, Xander felt himself flying through
the air. It was a weird feeling he thought. But his trip ended abruptly
when the ground got in the way.

When Xander looked up, he saw Angelus leap off the roof to land next to
him. Reaching down to pull Zander up by the shirt, Angelus said,
=93Perfect. I wanted to do something for Buffy, actually to Buffy, but
this is =91so=92 much better.=94

Xander managed to get his feet underneath him. He used all his strength
to slam his knee into the vampire=92s crouch, as he thought, Yeah, take
that dead boy. But to Xander=92s surprise, Angelus wasn=92t even fazed.
With a push, Angelus sent Xander spinning. Xander watched his view
quickly change from Angelus, to sky, to tree, then to lawn. When he came

to rest Xander found himself face down staring at the grass.

Before he could move, Xander felt his hair being pulled forcing his head

back. He found himself looking into Angelus demonic face just inches
away.

=93If it=92s any consolation to you,=94 Angelus said. =93I feel very clos=
e to
you right now.=94

This is it. Xander thought. I=92m gonna die. I love you Willow.

Suddenly Xander saw a hand grasp Angelus by the shoulder. Then the
vampire was pulled away from him and slammed into a tree.

Xander thought, Way to go G-man. You managed to reverse the rat-girl
spell, as he said, =93Buff, how=85=94 Xander=92s words freeze on his lips.
Instead of seeing the face of his beautiful, blond friend standing
there, he saw the demonic face of Drusilla staring down at him.

=93I don=92t know what you=92re up to Dru, but it =91doesn=92t=92 amuse!=94=
 Angelus
said.

Drusilla looked at Angelus and growled, receiving a growl in response to

hers.

=93If you harm one hair of this boy=92s head=85,=94 Drusilla said as she =
stroked

Xander=92s hair.

=93You=92ve gotta be kidding. Him?=94 Angelus asked.

Why is it so impossible for everybody to believe that anyone might find
me attractive, Xander thought?

=93Just because I finally found a real man.=94 Drusilla said.

=93I guess I really did drive you crazy.=94 Angelus said as he backed awa=
y.

Drusilla ran her fingers over Xander=92s lips, and said, =93Your face is
like a poem. I can read it.=94

Xander tried to keep the fear out of his voice as he said, =93Really, It
doesn=92t say spare me by any chance?=94

=93Shhh.=94 Drusilla said. Then she kissed him.

Xander felt his blood turn cold at the touch of her lips. There was a
chill to their touch that seemed to penetrate to his core.

=93How do you feel about eternal life?=94 Drusilla asked.

Xander fought against the fear. Somehow, he managed to keep his knees
from giving out on him. But his voice stilled trembled as he said, =93We
couldn=92t just start with coffee? A movie, maybe?

Drusilla grabbed Xander=92s hair, and pulled his head to his left, fully
exposing his neck. Then she slowly opened her mouth and moved in.

Xander was frozen in fear. For the second time in as many minutes he
thought, I=92m going to die now. Then a realization struck him, No I=92m
going to become a vampire. Oh God no. And Buffy will have to slay me.
I=92m sorry Buffy.

Suddenly Xander saw Drusilla=92s head snap up. He could tell she was
looking at something over his shoulder. She still held his hair,
preventing him from looking. Then he heard it. The sound of running feet

accompanied by screams and yells.

Xander heard a female voice he didn=92t recognize shout, =93There he is! =
Get

him!=94 Then another voice said, =93He=92s mine! Get off!=94 Was that Ms
Calendar, Xander wondered?

Xander could see surprise on Drusilla=92s face, as she let=92s him go. Th=
en
he saw Willow, still holding the ax, run up and pushed the tall thin
vampire away.

Xander managed to turn around in time to see the wave of screaming
females, led by Ms Calendar, and Harmony, crash into him, knocking him
to the ground. They began to paw at him. Desperately, he tried to get
away, but he was pinned to the ground.

Through the mass of arms and legs, Xander caught a glimpse of Willow.
She raised her ax and pleaded, =93All you had to do was love me.=94

Then Xander saw Cordelia running from the house shouting, =93NO!=94 She
jerked the ax from Willow, and pushed her to the ground. Then Cordy
began to force her way through the mob towards Xander, shouting, =93Get
out of the way! Move it! Get off him!=94 Finally, Cordelia was able to
reach Xander. She managed to push the girl pinning him to the ground off

him. Quickly she grabbed Xander=92s hand and helped him up.

=93Back off!=94 Cordelia shouted at the crowd as she pushed Xander toward=
s
the house. They managed to make it to the house and slam the door just
before the desperate girls could get to them.

Although the door was locked, Xander stood there with his weight against

the door as he thought, We=92re running out of places to hide pretty
quickly. Hurry Giles, we=92re running out of time.

=93It=92s never going to work for us, Xander.=94

Xander spun around to see Mrs. Summers standing there. But his gaze
fixed on the extremely large kitchen knife in her hand.

=93We=92re going to have to end it.=94 Mrs. Summers finished, as two girl=
s
came running up behind her from the kitchen.

Despite his panic, Xander managed to think, Where can we go. Then not
totally sure if he was acting on thought or instinct, Xander grabbed
Cordy=92s hand and ran through the Living room towards the kitchen. Maybe
he was trying for the back door. At this point, he wasn=92t even sure,
mostly he was just reacting.

As they made it to the kitchen, Xander could see that the back door was
lying on the floor. There were several girls coming towards it, and
Drusilla was standing just outside, looking in. Xander looked around
hoping to spot another way out. Then he saw the basement door. Quickly
he jerked it open and pushed Cordelia inside just in front of him. As
the pulled the door shut and hooked it from the inside, he thought,
Haven=92t we been here before?

Almost immediately, someone began to yank violently on the door, but the

hook seemed to be holding for the moment.

=93Wait here.=94 Xander said to Cordelia as he ran downstairs.

=93As if there was anyplace to go, Elvis boy. You seemed to have us
trapped pretty well.=94 Cordelia said.

Xander ignored her as he looked around the basement to find something to

help hold the door closed. =93Yes=94 Xander, said when he saw some strips=
 of

wood, with a hammer and nails sitting on a table in the middle of the
basement. Quickly he grabbed the Items and ran back up the stairs.

=93Here, hold these.=94 Xander said as he handed some of the nails to
Cordelia. Then he began to hammer the wood strips across the doorframe
hoping that they would help hold the door closed.=94

=93Gimme a nail.=94 Xander said as he started to nail the third board in
place.

Cordelia handed him a nail, as she said, =93If we die in here I=92m gonna
kick your ass. I mean it!=94

Xander paused from his hammering, looked up at her and said, =93None of
this would=92ve happened if you hadn=92t broken up with me. But no, you=92=
re
so desperate to be popular!=94 Then he resumed his hammering.

=93Me? I=92m not the one who embraced the black arts just to get girls to
like me. Well, congratulations, it worked.=94

Xander looked back at her and said, =93Would=92ve worked just fine, excep=
t
your hide=92s so thick that, not even magic can penetrate it.=94

Xander returned his attention to hammering again. Then he felt a hand
gently touching his arm, He looked up at Cordelia who had an expression
on her face that looked to be anger, fear, and delight all rolled into
one.

=93You mean that spell was for me?=94 Cordelia asked.

They stood there looking at each for a moment, while Xander thought, Of
course it was for you. What did you think?

Then they both turned when they heard a strange noise from the door.
Looking up Xander saw the blade of a huge knife sticking through the
door. Cordelia screamed as they both turned and fled down the stairs.

Just as they reach the bottom of the stairs Xander heard the sound of
glass breaking. Looking up he saw that some girl had broken one of the
basement windows. Then the girl stuck her arm through the window towards

Xander, and said, =93Oh, please let me touch you.=94

Xander looked around the basement, and then he pushed Cordelia away from

the windows toward the washer and dryer. When Xander heard the door at
the top of the stairs open he thought, Hurry Giles, Hurry.

=93Oh, my God.=94 Cordelia said from behind Xander.

Xander desperately looked around for something he could use to defend
them. He spotted a large pipe wrench and grabbed it. Then he glanced
over his shoulder and said, =93Stay behind me.=94

Soon they saw feet descending the stairs. Xander=92s heart sank when he
saw that the first person down the steps was Willow, still holding her
ax. She was followed closely by Mrs. Summers with her knife, then Ms
Calendar and many more. Xander backed up as far as he could while he
tightened his grip on the wrench. He could feel Cordelia standing behind

him, her shaking hands resting on his back. He wanted to say something
brave sounding, but as usual, nothing came to mind.

Soon one of the mob spotted them and shouted. All the girls in the
basement rushed at them, Willow leading the way. Xander steeled himself
for the onslaught, and hauled the wrench back to swing. But when the
time came to swing all he could do was stare at Willow and think, I
can=92t hurt you Will. It=92s not your fault. It=92s mine.

The mob dropped what weapons they held and swarmed over them quickly,
knocking them to the ground. Desperately Xander fought to keep the hands

off him, and prevent being torn apart.

Somewhere in Xander=92s panicked mind was a calm voice that couldn=92t he=
lp
thinking, How ironic the situation was. He had fought against demons,
vampires, and even a giant preying mantis that wanted to eat him. He=92d
survived it all. Now he was going to die at the hands of a mob of crazed

women that loved him. And it was all his fault.

The not so logical part of his mind was too busy to appreciate the
irony. It was desperately battling to stay alive. Hands would grab at
him. He flailed away with his hands an feet to keep them off. One of his

legs was already pinned by the mob. Xander knew it was just a matter of
time.

Then without warning the hands stopped grabbing at him. Xander opened
eyes and saw all of the girls standing in the basement looking around in

confusion.

Quickly he glanced over at Cordy. She pushed some girl away and said,
=93Get off me.=94

Well, Xander thought. Cordelia seems to be back to normal.

=93Where am I?=94 Xander heard one girl say. What=92s going on?=94 Asked
another.

Mrs. Summers looked around and asked, =93What=85 Why did we=85=94

=93Boy.=94 Cordelia said. =93That sure was some scavenger hunt.=94 She lo=
oked at

Xander with a lame smile on her face, which Xander quickly mirrored.

=93Scavenger hunt?=94 Mrs. Summers said mostly to herself, as she turned =
to
head for the stairs.

Xander looked around at the former mob as it began to break up. He saw
Ms Calendar who stared at him with a disgusted look that turned him
cold. Xander had to look away.

Then he saw Willow who was still standing there staring off into space,
with a look on her face that was near to tears. Xander took a step
towards her and said, =93Willow I=85=94

When he spoke Willow jerked her head towards him. Then she broke into
tears, burying her face in her hands.

Xander took another step towards her and asked, =93Will? Are you all
right?=94

Willow looked up at Xander and said, =93You=85 Just stay away from me!=94=
 Then

she spun around and ran for the stairs.

Xander started to follow, but a hand on his shoulder stopped him. He
turned to see Cordelia standing there. She looked at him and shook her
head as she smiled gently, and said, =93I think you=92d better leave her
alone for now.=94

Xander stared at her for a moment while her words sunk in. Finally, he
nodded his head in agreement.

When Xander and Cordelia reached the kitchen, they found most of the
girls gone, and Mrs. Summers sitting on a stool near the island. Xander
found his hammer and removed the boards from across the basement door.
These did a lot of good, he thought. The door pulled open. That=92s the
second time today he made that mistake.

Next, he did what he could to secure the backdoor in place, while
Cordelia made a cup tea for Mrs. Summers.

When Mrs. Summers asked to no one in particular, =93Scavenger hunt?=94
Xander decided that maybe they should go before she started to ask
really hard questions.

Once outside Xander asked, =93Can I walk you home Ms Chase.

Cordelia smiled weakly and nodded her head.

As they walked, Xander explained everything to her. He tried to offer no

excuses, just explanations. While he talked, Cordelia ask a few
questions, but mostly she just listened. Xander wondered if that was
because he was she was mad, shocked, or maybe she realized that he just
needed to talk.

As they neared Cordelia=92s house, Xander realized that he was holding he=
r

hand. He didn=92t remember taking it. Maybe she was the one who reached
out for his hand. Or maybe it had been something mutual. But he did know

that he liked it. It was a good sign.

When they reached Cordelia=92s front door, she unlocked it. When Xander
leaned forward to kiss her, he thought she was going to kiss him back.
Then she got a disgusted look on her face and said, =93What are you tryin=
g

to do?=94

=93But=85 Well=85 I thought=85=94 Xander managed to stammer.

=93You thought. That=92s a change, smart boy.=94 Cordelia shot back. =93J=
ust
because=85 If you think=85 Who do you=85=94

Xander just stood there with a shocked look on his face. His mouth
moving but no sound coming out.

=93Oooohhhhh, Just get away from me, you=85 you=85=94 Cordelia said. Then=
 she
turned around, stormed inside the house, and shut the door. Xander heard

it lock with a loud click.

Xander stared at the door for a moment, his mouth still working.
Finally, he managed to say,
=93I=92m sorry.=94 But there was only the door to hear him, and somehow h=
e
figured that the door really didn=92t care. Slowly he turned and began
walking home as he said aloud, =93Maybe I can find that truck with my nam=
e

on it.=94

When he reached home, he was dead tired. But, he decided that that there

was one other thing he needed to do. He sat down on the bed and picked
up the phone, dialing the number from memory. He had decided to let the
phone ring ten times. On the ninth ring, he heard someone pick up the
phone. His heart beat faster as he heard a teary but familiar voice say
=93Hello.=94

Xander took a deep breath and said. =93Willow. I=85=94

The rest of the words stopped cold when he heard the line go dead. Well
he deserved it he supposed. For a while he stared at the phone in his
hand. Then he hung it up, shaking his head.

After sitting on the bed for a few minutes, Xander managed to take off
his shoes and one sock. Then he just fell back on the bed, grabbed a
pillow and covered his face.


  End of part 7




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xweitched. Part 8/8
Date: 19 Jul 1998 09:28:56 -0700

Title: Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: Definitely Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Summary: This is a Xander POV story for Bewitched, Bothered, &
Bewildered. I know he was pretty much the main character in the story,
but I thought it would be fun to get inside his head.
Rating: PG
Time line: Bewitched, Bothered, & Bewildered.
Disclaimer: Most of the characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon
ect. The original story was written by Marti Noxon. The episode was
directed by James A. Contner
Thank yous: To write this story I used a script transcribed by.
AleXander Thompson. Thanks man. You saved a lot of wear an tear on my
VCR.



_______________________
Xewitched, Xothered, & Xewildered.  Part  8 / 8


Xander got to school early the next morning. He found a seat on a bench
that he figured gave him the best chance of spotting Willow, when she
arrived.

As he sat there waiting, he noticed the different looks he got from
people as they walked by. The guys tended to ignore him as usual.
Occasionally one would look at him with a strange expression that bore a

slight resemblance to anger.

But some of the women were very different. Many ignored him like before.

But some would look away quickly embarrassed. Others looked at with a
touch of anger or disgust on their faces. Then a third very small group
actually smiled at him. Was that an aftereffect of the spell that would
go away with time? He=92d have to ask Giles about that. Then again, maybe
asking anything of Giles right now, wasn=92t a good idea.

Xander was so deep in thought that he almost missed Willow as she walked

by. When he did see her, she was just a few feet away walking in his
general direction. Xander couldn=92t help notice that she looked every
where but at him.

Xander almost let her go by, then he decided to try to talk to her any
way.

=93Willow.=94 He said as she walked by. But she ignored him and continued
walking by. Xander stood up, followed, and said. =93Will, I=85=94 He coul=
d
tell from the way she walked that she wouldn=92t talk to him. He knew
Willow Rosenberg better that he knew anybody else in the world, so he
knew how stubborn she could be when she wanted to. Xander stopped
following her as he thought, Maybe in time she will forgive me.



After his first period class, Xander was walking towards his next class
brooding. He was getting quite good at it. Hey, he thought, Maybe I
should brood more. Maybe with practice I might get good enough to
attract girls. It had worked for ol' dead-boy, hadn=92t it?

=93Earth to Xander.=94 Xander had been in such deep thought that he hadn=92=
t
noticed that Buffy had walked up and started talking to him.

=93Oh, Hi Buff.=94 He said forcing a smile.

=93You seem to be in good shape, after you exciting day yesterday.=94

=93And you=92re not a rat anymore.=94 Xander said. Then his voice got ser=
ious
as he said, =93Look Buffy, I=92m really sorry about that. I didn=92t mean=
 for
that to happen. I didn=92t mean for any of it to happen. I really messed
up bad. I=92ve learned my lesson.=94

=93It=92s okay, really.=94 Buffy said with a smile. =94I=92ll recover. Bu=
t what I
want to know is how you guys ended up in my basement?=94

Xander explained the events as best he could, trying not to leave out
any details. After he finished with the part where the spell broke,
Buffy said, =93Scavenger Hunt.=94

=93Your mom seemed to buy it.=94

=93She says so.=94 Buffy said. =93She=92s so wigged at hitting on one of =
my
friends that she=92s repressing. She=92s getting pretty good at that. I
should start to worry.=94

=93Well I=92m back to being incredibly unpopular.=94 Xander said.

=93It=92s better that everyone trying to ax-murder you, right?=94

=93Mostly,=94 Xander said, =93But, uh, Willow won=92t even talk to me.=94

Buffy looked up at Xander and said, =93Any particular reason she should?=94

=93How much groveling are we talking here?=94

=93Oh at least a month.=94 Buffy said as she stopped to look at him.
=93Xander, come on. This is worse for her that anyone=85 She loved you
before you evoked the great Roofie spirit. The rest of us=85=94

=93You remember, huh?=94 Xander asked.

=93Oh yeah.=94 Buffy said. =93I remember coming on to you. I remember beg=
ging
you to undress me=85 And then a sudden need for cheese. I also remember
you didn=92t=94

=93Need cheese?=94 Xander asked with a smile.

=93Undress me. It meant a lot to me what you said.=94

=93C=92mon, Buffy. I couldn=92t take advantage of you like that. Okay, fo=
r a
minute it was touch and go there=85=94

=93You came through. There just might be hope for you yet.=94

=93Well, tell that to Cordelia.=94 Xander said.

=93You=92re on your own there.=94 Buffy said. Then she turned and walked
towards the library leaving Xander alone again with his thoughts.



After his next class, Xander was walking outside in the general
direction of the cafeteria. His depression was worse because in the
class he just finished, Willow had moved to a seat as far away from as
she could get. So he didn=92t notice Harmony until she bumped into him.

=93Watch it!=94 The blond girl said.

Xander looked behind Harmony, sure enough, there was Cordelia, looking
fabulous. Why did she have to be here, thought Xander, as he said,
=93Sorry.=94

=93God!=94 Harmony said, as she looked Xander up and down. =93Y=92know, I=
=92m glad

your mom stopped working at the drive through long enough to dress you.=94

Then she turned to Cordelia and said, =94Oh, that reminds me.=94

Xander just turned and walked away, feeling totally humiliated.

Then he heard Cordelia say, =93Harmony shut up.=94 Xander stopped walking
and turned around.

=93Do you know what you are?=94 Cordelia asked. =93You=92re a sheep.=94

=93I=92m not a sheep.=94 Harmony said lamely in her defense.

=93You=92re a sheep.=94 Cordelia continued. =93All you ever do is what ev=
eryone
else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am,
scrambling for your approval, when I=92m way cooler than you =91cause I=92=
m
not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And You

know what?=94

Xander couldn=92t help breaking out in a smile hearing Cordelia blast
Harmony.

=93I=92ll date whoever the hell I wanna date.=94 Cordelia said.

That=92s my girl, Xander thought to himself.

=93No matter how lame he is.=94  Cordelia concluded.

Hey, let=92s not go too far, Xander thought as the smile disappeared from
his face.

Cordelia turned her back on Harmony and friends and walked to Xander. He

smiled as she took his arm, and they continued to walk away.

Then Cordelia got this look on her face as if she=92s going to pass out
and said, =93Oh, God! Oh, God!=94

Xander patted her hand and said, =93You=92re gonna be okay. Just keep
walkin=92=94

=93Oh God,=94 She said. =93What have I done? They=92re never going to tal=
k to me

again.=94

=93Oh, sure they are.=94 Xander said. =93If it=92ll help, whenever we=92r=
e around
them we can fight a lot.=94

Cordy smiled her best smile at Xander, and asked, =93You promise?=94

Xander thought to himself, Man have I missed that smile. Then he smiled
back and said, =93You can pretty much count on it.=94

Her smile grew even prettier than before.

They walked along in silence for a while. Just as they enter the
building, Xander suddenly felt himself pulled off balance by Cordelia.
He smiled at her said, =93Hey. What=92s the deal?=94

Cordelia smiled and pointed with her eyes. He followed her gaze to a
door to the right marked =93Utility Closet=94. When he looked back at
Cordelia she smiled and raised her eyebrows, asking an unspoken
question.

Xander grinned and nodded his head as he thought to himself, Man it=92s
good to have things back to normal. Or at least as close to normal as it

gets on top of the hell-mouth.


The End.








-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Aislynn Denny <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fantasies (1/?)
Date: 20 Jul 1998 23:12:19 +0000

Title: Fantasies
Author: Aislynn
E-mail: [e-mail]
Spoilers: Basically anything since the beginning of the show is up for grabs.
DISCLAIMER: All characters in this story are the property
of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions,
and The Warner Brothers Network, and are used without
permission. The author claims no rights to these characters.
Except for the mystery man, he's mine.
Summary:  Xander gets his wildest fantasy, but what is the price?
Note:  This is my first fanfic I've ever even considered sending out on a
list.  This is only the first part, depending on how well folks like it,
I'll write more.  So send feedback, please.

Fantasies part 1


    Walking along in the graveyard was nothing new to Alexander Harris.  He
had a wooden cross in one hand, his eyes darting back and forth waiting for
the danger he knew to be lurking there.  What was new was the fact that in
his other hand was a small, warm, soft hand.  He looked over to the owner
of the hand and did a double take.  He looked the owner of the hand up and
down.  "B-Buh- Buffy?"  The owner of the hand turned her head towards him,
her blonde hair whiping out behind her.  "Yes?"  Xander stared at her for a
moment then stammered, "You...You're holding my hand!"  Buffy laughed and
gave him half a smile.  "Yeah.  Isn't that what a girlfriend does when
taking a lesuirely stroll through the cemetary?"  Xander continued to stare
at her, taking in her slim frame, and the short dark green dress she was
wearing.  She had never looked more beautiful.  "Girlfriend?"  Buffy gave a
short laugh, but frowned. "Xander that's not funny.  Are you trying to tell
me you don't want me to be your girlfriend anymore?"  Quickly he shook his
head. "Of course not!"  She grinned in a cute, pouty sort of way. "Good."
    Xander continued walking along, thinking to himself <I'm dreaming, I must
be dreaming.>  Because of his line of thought, he wasn't paying attention
and found himself tackled to the ground the very next instant. "BUFFY!"  He
screamed as the vampire responsible for tackling him snarled, moving close
to his neck.  Without wasting any time, Buffy grabbed the vampire by the
back of the neck and jerked him off Xander.  "Nobody messes with my
boyfriend's neck but me!"  Xander scrambled away from the ensuing fight,
watching Buffy's
lightning quick reflexes.  He had watched her many times over the years but
never ceased to be in awe of her abilities.  Buffy lashed out at the
vampire with what appeared to be a routine series of kicks, punches, and
throws.  When she suddenly froze mid-kick, Xander knew something was wrong.
 When he saw the vampire frozen as well he was sure that trouble was coming
for him.
    "Interesting girl you have there, Alexander."  Xander spun around at the
sound of an unfamiliar voice.  "Who are you?  What's going on here?"
Xander asked quickly.  A man steped out of the shadows, looking Xander
over. "Well, one good thing is that with her as your girlfriend you start
dressing better."  He gave the young man another look. "At least you match
now." Xander frowned. "Hey, have you come here just to slam my fashion
sense?"  The man smiled.  "Of course not."  He brushed an invisible piece
of lint from his black shirt. "I have come here to fulfill your wildest
fantasies."  Xander laughed. "Right, and you would, or even could do that
why?"  The man smiled.  "I would because you, my dear boy are a hero.  You
have saved this young woman's life many times over."  He gestured towards
Buffy before continuing," You've kept the HellMouth closed with your
sacrifices, like giving up your best friend."  At that Xander heard a
familiar voice that he hadn't heard in much too long.  "Xander, man what
are you doing out here in the cemetary at this time of night?!"  Xander
stared in shock.  "J-Jeh-Jesse!"  Jesse steped from the shadows, looking
completely human.  "Oh, I get it, you and Buffy are out for some R&R?  No
problem man, I'll see ya in school tomorrow.  Later!"  Before Xander could say
anything Jessie was off, trotting through the cemetary heading in the
direction of his old house.
    Xander rubbed his face, and pinched his arm. <I HAVE to be dreaming!
Jesse has been dead for almost two years!>  The man smiled. "Oh no, Jesse
is very much alive now.  As I said I'll  fulfill your wildest fantasies."
Xander stared at the man, a hopeful longing etched onto his face.  "If only
you could!"  The man smiled once more.  Then he said in a voice as smooth
as silk, "Oh but I can." Xander watched as the man melted back into the
shadows as he heard him say, "And I will."
            ******************************************

    The sound of his alarm clock made Xander jolt out of the dream.  He looked
around his room and saw everything was normal. He sighed and ran his hand
through his thick black hair.  "I was dreaming."  He reflected on the dream
for a moment then muttered. "Damn."  Pulling himself out of bed, he never
looked at the picture of Buffy, Willow and himself, only now, a familiar
freind was in the picture as well.
    The walk up to Sunnydale High School was an odd one as far as Xander was
concerned.  He was bewildered by the friendly waves and calls of "Hey
Xander!"  He heard coming from many people.  As he walked into the library
he said, "Is it just me or has everyone been hit by the 'I'll be nice'
stick?"  The librarian, Rupert Giles looked up. "Oh hello, Xander.  I was
hoping you
would come in this morning."  Xander blinked. "You were?"  Giles nodded
once, looking over a worn-looking book. "There is a prophesy here that I
thought you might be interested in hearing."
    Not believing his ears, Xander walked over and looked at the book.
"Giles, this is latin, how'm I supposed to..." His voice trailed away as
his eyes skimmed the text and he found that he could read it perfectly.
"It says that the demon with a soul will return to aid the slayer."  His
voice was filled with wonder.  Giles nodded.  "Yes, that is excatly how I
translated it.  Which means, that we
should expect Angel to be returned to us any day now."  Xander nodded.
"Right....but why are you telling me this, G-Man?"
    He jumped a little as a pair of arms snaked around his waist from behind.
"Because, lover of mine, he wanted to warn you before my ex showed up in
our lives again."  Xander's jaw dropped as Buffy Summers kissed his cheek.
Unable to form a coherent thought for a moment, he simply stared at her,
until he heard the library door open and the sound of Willow Rosenburg's
voice.  "Oz is so great, though!  He is such a good player...of guitars
that is.  I just don't
understand why you don't like him!"  Xander turned, about to make a comment
about Willow's boyfriend, but was shocked into silence when he saw Willow's
companion. "Because of the band, Wil, who would be sick enough to name a
band 'Dingos ate my baby'?"  Xander shook off his shock and ran to Willow
and her companion. "Jesse!"  He hugged his friend tightly, ignoring that
shocked looks on his friends faces. <He did it! He really made my fantasies
come true!>

End Part 1
*************************************************************************
"Passion. It lies in all of us- sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted,
unbidden, it will stir- open it's jaws and howl."
        -Angel from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Aislynn Denny <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fantasies (2/?)
Date: 21 Jul 1998 12:41:00 +0000

Title: Fantasies
Author: Aislynn
E-mail: [e-mail]
Spoilers: Basically anything since the beginning of the show is up for grabs.
DISCLAIMER: All characters in this story are the property
of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions,
and The Warner Brothers Network, and are used without
permission. The author claims no rights to these characters.
Except for the mystery man, he's mine.
Summary:  Xander gets his wildest fantasy, but what is the price?
Note:  Thanks for all your comments!  .

Part 2

    Jesse stared at Xander, "Man, what has come over you?"  Xander looked up
at Jesse and gave him a small grin. "What a guy can't be happy to see his
best friend?"  Jesse untangled himself from Xander's grasp and gave a
slightly nervous laugh. "Xander, you just saw me last night when you and
Buf were out patroling."  Willow looked towards Xander with a confused, yet
worried look on her face. "Are you alright?"  Xander backed up a couple of
steps. "Patroling?"
Buffy crossed her arms and said, "Yeah, remember Patroling? When we go out
and slay vampires?"  Xander nodded. "Yes, I remember patroling.  But what
about this we thing?  You always say You patrol we stay in the background."
 Giles frowned. "Xander, what are you talking about.  You and Buffy have
been a team since she was killed by the Master when you became a slayer as
well."
    Xander felt as if his jaw were going to fall off, "You're joking. Kendra
is the other slayer." Buffy looked confused.  "Who's Kendra?"  Xander sat
down and put his head in his hands. <I don't believe this! How could this
of happened?>  Buffy walked over and put her arms around Xander and said
quietly, "What's wrong?  You aren't acting like yourself."  Xander looked
frantically between his friends. "Um...uh...nothing, nothing's wrong.  I
just...uh...nothing.  Um, where's Cordy?"   Giles looked at Xander
momentaraily startled. "Cordy? Oh!  Oh you mean Ms. Chase.  Yes, well..."
Xander glanced between Giles and Buffy, noting the looks of sadness on
their faces. "Xander, Cordelia has been dead for a few months now.  Ever
since the Order of
Teraka came through."   Xander was glad that he was sitting down, he didn't
think his legs would be able to hold him at that moment.  "Bu- But I was
there.  We got out of the house without Maggot Man getting a hold of us."
Willow shook her head. "Xander, what are you talking about?  You were here
training while Cordelia went looking for Buffy."  Xander felt tears well up
in his eyes.  <My Cordy...She's dead?  She can't be dead, I just saw her
yesterday!  But yesterday, Jesse was dead, and now he's standing here.  Oh
god, what have I done.>  Xander looked up at his friends and blinked back
the tears.  "I must have...forgotten. Excuse me, I'll be back in a minute."
 He quickly left the library leaving the others staring after him.  "Is
anyone else as confused as to what just occured here as I am?"  Giles asked.
    Outside the school Xander looked around then shouted, "I don't want this!
Take it back!  Give me back my old life!"  From behind him a smooth voice
said, "Oh, but I can't do that, My Boy."  Spinning, Xander took in the
appearance of this mystery man.  Tall and wiry, he reminded Xander a bit of
Spike, but his hair was jet black and hung well past his shoulders.  He was
dressed all in black, black tshirt, dress pants, shoes and sport jacket.
The only color was a blood red rose pinned to his lapel.  His eyes were
even black.  "Why not?  If you can grant my fantasy why can't you take it
away?"  Xander panted, even though he hadn't been running.  "Alexander, I
have given you a gift."  The man said.  "But Cordelia is dead because of
it!"  Xander shouted.  The man shrugged. "Sad, yes.  But you have Buffy,
why would you want that stuck up little snob?"  Xander ran his hand through
his hair frustrated.  "Because!  I...Well, I...I have no right to take her
life just to make mine better!"  The man smirked. "Casualty of war then.
She would have died weather you had been there or not.  It was in the
cards.  Some fluke made her survive the first time."  Pacing back and forth
Xander shook his head. "No, being with Buffy is great and
wonderful, but it's not worth this!"  The man, examined his nails, and
snapped his fingers.  "Xander, you haven't even begun to pay for this yet."
 Xander turned, staring at the man. "What do you mean?"
    The man walked towards Xander and put a hand on his shoulder.  Xander was
surprised to feel a burning heat from the man's hand. "Everything has a
price, Xander.  Surely you know that."  Xander blinked and started to pull
away from the man. "You said this was a gift!"  The man smiled. "Even gifts
have a price."  Xander stared at the man, and watched in shock as a pair of
small horns grew from the man's head and his legs bent oddly, his feet
becoming cloven hooves.
"And now I'll tell you your price..."

End part 2
*************************************************************************
"Passion. It lies in all of us- sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted,
unbidden, it will stir- open it's jaws and howl."
        -Angel from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Cursed (1/?)
Date: 21 Jul 1998 16:30:44 -0700

TITLE: Cursed #1 Destined To Kill
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
SPOILER: Some I guess...all before Surprise I guess.
DESCRIPTION: Someone's out for Angel!  Takes place before that whole soul
thing.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Just thought I'd thank Slayer01 for her idea, and hope
that this series goes to her expectations.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cursed
#1 Destined to Kill
Idea by: Slayer01
Written By: Taygeta

    The bus's air conditioner hummed loudly as Leifa Tidier eyed the
barren desert that stretched for hours on end in front of the window.
She related to each passing green object that came into her viewpoint
through the window.  They were a lot like heràclinging for
existenceàtrying to live a life, and not knowing if in the end they would
succeed.

    She had come a long way and had many miles ahead of her before
she could ever reach her destinationàSunnydale, California.  But what was
all of this for?  Was it for the centuries old curse on her family
because of their blindness towards a hidden demon and in those moments of
ignorance allow him to take residence in their home?  The Tidier family
was not to be blameàcould not be blamed because of their ignorance, but
they were condemned to this curseàall because of one stupid mistake.
They trusted too much and what good did that do them?  A tarnished image
and a footing of fault in the eyes of Hykalr Society, and a curse to
followàwas that all that could be receive in trust?

    Why did this curse have to damn the generations that had played
no part in this game?  Why was the first-born always the one to have to
sacrifice their lifeà given up what they could have beenàto destroy this
creature of the night?  Leifa cursed softly under her breath as she
usually did at the ancient ancestors of the Rtyira family, who's even
more antique knowledge in majicks kept this curse alive.  Their image of
the victim, Mishala Rtyira, was so idyllically exaggerated that none of
it was truly conceivable, but it was this exaggeration that the Hykalr
Society allowed them to keep this curse for so many generations
thereafter.

    In reality, Mishala probably wouldn't have died if she hadn't
approached the handsome visitor to the Tidier home, for the Rtyira lived
a few miles away, but everyone knew that at 16, she was in desperate
search for a mate.  Although, modern customs have changed this, in the
Society's ancient ways, it was implied shameful for any family not to
have their eldest daughter wed by the age of 17.  Mishala was a lazy
young woman and had no means to fend or care for herself, let alone
others, and the men knew this and steered clear of her and her majicks.
No amount of her power, however, helped much when she found and was
attacked by the evil guest.

    But these ideas, of course, were lost in the shuffle and had been
long forgotten by everyone except the Tidier clan, who had a bitter taste
in their mouth at her very name.  It was the taste of Hate.  Leifa
disliked it, but she couldn't help but feel its wickedness course through
her blood at every reminder of the family curse.  And never did it run
thicker than when she realized that it was time to leave the home that
she had lived in the entirety of her 16 years.  She could still hear the
High Councilman's voice constantly, echoing in her mind, "It is time for
Leifa Rukenof Tidier to become one with the destiny that her ancestors
chose for her by their mistakes.  It is time for the first-born of Jacob
Tidier to go forth and seekàto huntàand to killà"

    Kill.  She despised the word even more so than that of Hate.  She
had never consciously killed in her life, and nor did she want to.  She
feared Death and it's unsteady hand that she often saw reaching out for
her in the darkness.  She felt its approach now, and shivered at its
closeness.  She knew that the only way to escape the graspàthe bony
fingers gripping for her lifeàwas to follow the rule of "kill or be
killed," and if killing was what she had to do, so be it.  As far as
Leifa was concerned, Angelus was already dead.

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Aislynn Denny <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fantasies (3/?)
Date: 22 Jul 1998 16:43:25 +0000

Title: Fantasies
Author: Aislynn
E-mail: [e-mail]
Spoilers: Basically anything since the beginning of the show is up for grabs.
DISCLAIMER: All characters in this story are the property
of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions,
and The Warner Brothers Network, and are used without
permission. The author claims no rights to these characters.
Except for the mystery man, he's mine.
Summary:  Xander gets his wildest fantasy, but what is the price?

Part 3

    Xander looked horrified as he stared at the demon in front of him.  He
started backing away, even as he felt a surge of energy, the Slayer's
Energy.  <But that's impossible!  The Slayer is always female!>  The dremon
chuckled reading Xander's thoughts.  "Yes, I had a hell of a time pulling
that one off.  Do you know how hard ot was to force the Slayer's energy
into your body?"  Xander couldn't believe this was happening.  "Now, My
Boy...the price of this fantasy of
yours..."  The demon leaned against a tree and waved his hand, producing a
lit cigarette out of thin air.  He took a long drag then said, "The gypsies
are being a pain in the ass once again.  You see they've taken my boy
Angelus and given him back his soul.  They seem to think he should be
cursed with the damn thing again after that lovely mind fuck with Janna.
Now, the problem is this...they've figured out a way to make the curse
permenant.  So that no matter what he'll always have the remorse."  He
stopped for a moment and grimaced.  "Doesn't it make you want
to PUKE?!"
    The demon pushed himself off the tree, causing it to bend backwards
slightly, and grabbed Xander by the colar.  "Now, here's what you will do.
You will kill Angel.  And you will do it before tomorrow night at
midnight."  His voice became as smooth as silk once more.  "And you see, if
you fail, then you.  Are.  Mine.  You will be mine to toy with and torture
for all eternity." He gigled suddenly.  "Hee! Hee!  Either way I win!"
Xander stared at him in shock.  <Me?  I've got to kill Angel?>  The demon
smiled slowly.  "Oh I know, you want to kill Angel anyway.  After all, with
him in the picture again, that hottie Buffy isn't yours anymore.  And, he's
terroized you all so much."  The demon sighed regretfully.  "He always was
my favorite.  Ah well.  I have mortals to terroize.  Ta!"  Xander blinked
and the demon was gone.
    "Xander?"  He turned when he heard Buffy call to him.  "Over here, Buf."
She walked over to him and planted a quick kiss on his cheek.  "Are you
OK?"  Xander slowly sank to the ground and shook his head. "No.  No, Buffy,
I'm deffinately not on this side of  OK."  Buffy kneeled beside him.  "Want
to talk about it?"  He shook his head.  "Buffy, how, and when did we start
dating?"  Buffy smiled slightly, humoring him.  "Well, it was when we found
out Oz was a werewolf.  You and I had gone to the funeral home to see if
Theresa's body had been mauled.  We found out instead that...that Angelus
had made her into a vampire.  After you dusted her, you held me and then we
kissed each other.  We've been dating ever since."  Xander nodded. "I was
just checking to see you
remembered."  Buffy smiled sardonically. "Right."  She stood up and took
his hand, pulling him up as well.  "C'mon, Giles wanted me to come and find
you.  He found another part of this prophesy."  As they walked Xander
thought to himself. <So many things are different now.  Cordelia's dead,
Buffy and me dating, Jesse's alive...that whole Love Spell never happened,
is Angel's life worth giving up all these good things?  Well all good
except Cordy's death.>
    As they entered the library Xander put it out of his mind.  He rubbed his
hands together and said, "Ok, G-Man, what have you got for me?"  Giles
handed him a book and said, "See if you translate it the same as I do."
Xander took the book, amazed again that he could read the latin words, but
liked having the skill.  "It says, ' The demon with the Soul is the key.' " He
stopped reading for a moment then after a nod from Giles continued, " 'The
Demon with the Soul is the key, he must help protect the Slayer, for
without him, the Slayer will...."  His voice trailed off and all the blood
drained out of his face.  "Without him what, Xander?  Don't you dare try
and hide this from me!"  Buffy said threateningly.  Xander licked his lips
and continued.  "Without him
the Slayer will die and the HellMouth will open."

End Part 3
*************************************************************************
"Passion. It lies in all of us- sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted,
unbidden, it will stir- open it's jaws and howl."
        -Angel from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 7/?
Date: 22 Jul 1998 22:07:08 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  7/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans.
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôI DonÆt Knowö belongs to Celine Dion and can be found
on her ôFalling Into Youö cd.  All characters of General hospital belong to
ABC.

Chapter 7, I DonÆt Know

<A mountain of stone, a door of steel
  CanÆt stand in my way, IÆd go on
  Brutal machines, unbending laws
  CanÆt slow me down, IÆd go on>

    Angel was trapped within his own body.  He wanted to scream.  He wanted to
break free, but was unable.  He had no control over his actions.  His only
weapon against his invader was thought.  Even thought was difficult.  It was
as if he were suspended in nothingness.  He heard what Arcanus forced out of
his mouth.  He knew the actions Arcanus performed using his body, but he felt
nothing.  Just numbing cold.  Though he fought with everything he thought he
had, Arcanus remained in control.

<IÆve learned how to deal, and when to fight
  I know whatÆs real, I know whatÆs right
  IÆm not afraid, a wounded dove
  I can be tender, in a world so tough>

    For a moment, Angel shut his thoughts down.  Only then did he hear the
thoughts of Arcanus.
    æGive up, for you are weak.  Once I destroy the Slayer, I will choose a new
body, and we will rule together.Æ
    Angel didnÆt reply.  æHe planned to destroy Buffy.  This demon planned to
destory *his* Buffy and rule over...well, what exactly?  The world, no,
Arcanus is not that stong.  Port Charles?  ItÆs possible.Æ

<IÆm sure I could face the bitter cold
  But life without you, I donÆt know
  The winds of the heart can blow me down
  But I get right up and I stand my ground>

    Angel found a new motivation to fight.  It was a stength he hadnÆt recognized
in himself before.  He would fight for Buffy.  He had an advantage that she
didnÆt, he could get inside ArcanusÆ thoughts.  Angel let himself drift.  He
drifted into his mind, a mind that was being controlled by a demon.  Angel
could sense ArcanusÆ thoughts and memories.  He had done quite a bit of damage
in his time.  æHe escaped from Hell with me.  How is that possible?Æ

<IÆve tasted fear, my share of pain
  The wasted tears of love in vain
  IÆve held you tight, pushed you away
  Now with all my might, I beg you to stay
  IÆm sure I could face the bitter cold
  But life without you, I donÆt know>

    He knew what he had to do.  Buffy would face Arcanus eventually.  Angel could
try to regain control now, but knew that he would loose.  For now, he would
remain tucked away within himself, saving strength, storing energy, and
gaining knowledge.  He would stike when Arcanus was distracted, when he faced
the Slayer.

<I know what I want, I know what I need
  But thereÆs just one thing I must believe
  Deep in the night, by a dying flame
  You will be there, when I call your name
  IÆm sure I could face the bitter cold
  But life without you, I donÆt know
  I donÆt know>
</PRE></HTML>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Capeside #11
Date: 22 Jul 1998 19:51:02 -0700

TITLE: Capeside: the Hellmouth #11 Lycanthrope
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Sure...just tell me where it's gonna go.
RATING: PG
SERIES: A Dawson's Creek/Buffy Crossover
DISCLAIMER: The characters and any other reference to Dawson's Creek are
the property of, creator, Kevin Williamson. The characters portrayed and
in reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to its creator Joss
Whedon, and it's owners Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises,
Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox.  In other words, they do not
belong to me and I am just borrowing them.  No copyright infringement is
intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Capeside: the Hellmouth
#11 Lycanthrope
By: Taygeta

    Buffy and Xander stood with widened eyes at the werewolf-type
form that Joey held.  Silence was probably the best word to describe it
allàutterless, absoluteàsilence.  Rustling leaves and pounding hiking
boots on foliage broke the quiet and the two Sunnydale residents eyed the
heavily-breathing Capeside Slayerettes with an expression that read,
"What's going on?"

    "Joeyàare you okay?"  Jen asked cautiously as she looked at her
appearance altered best friend.

    "I'm fineàjust leave him alone," she insisted, "He didn't mean
any harmàhe thought we were going to hurt himàI was too close.  He didn't
mean to bite me, it just happened."

    "Umàall righty," frowned Xander as he slowly approached her, "We
got that, but what we don't get exactly isàwhat happened to you?"

    "I'm not sure," she replied as she bit her lower lip, "It doesn't
matteràas long as you let him goàlet him go home."

    Buffy walked towards her and said, "He can go homeàif you think
it's okayàwe'll let him leave."

    The human she-wolf smiled appreciatively and gave the werewolf
that stood distantly away, a look, it ran off and far, howling as it
left, "Thanks."

    "We better take you to, the Watchers," Angel said tentatively and
she nodded in agreement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "Fascinating," Giles muttered under his breath as he eyed Joey
carefully and he glared at Ms. Calendar when she kicked his shin.

    She returned the look and turned to the matter at hand, "As far
as I can tell, Joey, your body absorbed some of the werewolf saliva and
took it through your blood stream.  Although there wasn't enough of it to
turn you completely into the creature you came upon, there was just
enough of it to turn you into this."

    "Joey, can you revert back into your old state?"  Giles
questioned curiously, "It may work in the same sense as Dawson's
transformation abilities of human and vampire."

    "Well, I don't knowà how exactly does a vampire/human
transformation work?" she asked with raised eyebrows as she glanced at
Dawson.

    The blonde vampire sat beside her, his smooth skin altered into
his rough ragged game face, and she observed him as he took a few breaths
and the reverse took process.  "It's all a matter of want for a
vampireàit was hard for me to change from vampire to human again after
the spell, but I wanted to look human again and it worked."

    "Okay, it can't hurt to give it a try," she said and she took a
few breaths and felt her skin and face altering back to its normal self,
"Do I look alright, am I severely and gratefully lacking in the fangs?"

    "Well it's a good thing to know that werewolf spit hasn't
affected your vocabulary," Xander joked and everyone, except for Joey who
laughed, gave him a look, "What?  She laughed."

    "Okay," Buffy said as she gave Xander a light sock in the arm for
his pathetic joke attempts, which by human standards was not so light,
"Let me get this straight.  Who do we now have on the Slayer Brigade?  A
witch, a wizard, a vampire with a soul, an almost wolf girl, two normal -
if you can actually say that - teenagers, one college student, a
librarian, a Computer Science teacher, and a slayeràis that it?"

    "Buffy," Xander said with a faint smile, "I think it's safe to
say your secret identity is safe to usàall whacked out and not exactly of
the norm nine of us."

    "Wonderfulà" the Watchers muttered as they looked at the group of
students in front of them and Ms. Calendar wondered if Slayer 101 was
large enough to be an official class.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Xander and Joey roamed the graveyard armed with the usual crosses
and stakes.  It was another night of patrolling a few weeks later, and
everyone had found themselves with a new Brigade buddy, except for Joey
and Xander who were always pairing with each other as of late.  After the
werewolf incident, he had told Joey about his experiences inhabited by a
hyena and wanted to know if she had any problems with what she had to
deal and whether he could help.  Although he usually joked about anything
he said about his "amnesia" to the inhabitance, he remembered everything
as vividly as day, but no one had been there that could relate to him
that he felt comfortable talking to.  He didn't want Joey to go through
that, and in that alone, they had become better friends.

    "So, you feeling okayàit's a full moon, y'know," he asked in a
concerned voice.

    She smiled at his thoughtfulness, "I'm fine, Xander, and the moon
doesn't effect my changes, remember?  I change on my own accord."

    "RightàI know, just wondering," he said with a shrug wishing he
hadn't inquired in the first place.

    "You're a really sweet guy, Xander, when you're not falling,
crashing, and saying stupid stuffàthat leaves about 20 minutes of good
Xander," she said and started to laugh at his "very funny" look.  "No,
seriously though, you are kind, but why on earth are you dating
Druscilla?  It seems to me that you have your eyes on a certain vampire
slayer that you're too scared to approach."

    He sighed and sat down beneath a tree and she sat beside him,
"Joey, I have tried.  Maybe not on the continuous, but I have tried.  The
first timeàGod, I thought I was going to die, I just sort of tumbled,
crashed, and burned the moment she told me, 'I don't.'  Took me the
entire summer to get over heràto move on, at least I thought I did.  I
was this close to pushing my feelings away, ignoring them, that I almost
kissed my best friend, but luckily I didn't and that tension kind of
fizzled out, sort of, but that's another story.  Anyway, she came back
and was definitely not herself because the last time I saw her she had
killed this horrendous demonàkinda traumatized her for awhile.  Even when
she was acting her total worse - what she didàwhat she said - I never
reached a point in my angry or my sadness to stop the way I felt about
her.  I couldn't ignore it, it just kept coming back, and even though I
never said anything to anyone, even got myself a girlfriend in the
process, it was there.  Now about Druscilla, she's a nice girl once you
get to know her, and I kinda see her as a friend, someone I hang out with
at the Bronze sometimes, not really dating."

    "I'm not sure Dru thinks the same thing, but does Buffy know
about any of this?" she inquired, "Have you approached her romantically
in Capeside?"

    "I told her I loved her, which was probably the worst mistake in
my entire life," he replied as he looked back on the incident, "Although
I kinda wonder what would have happened if I had only turned back when
she called."

    "Why didn't you?"  Joey said curiously.

    He took a deep breath and began, "Because I was sick and tired of
running to her every beck and call, even though for a second there I did
think of going back, but than I remembered that s he was dead-set on
loving Angel.  So I kinda figuredàwhat's the point?"

    The brunette froze and raised her eyebrows, "Wait a minuteàshe
was in love with Angel, but she only knew him for like a month."

    "You swear not to saying anything?"  Xander asked silently
scolding himself for letting that slip, but he trusted her and when she
nodded her head, he continued, "You see, we haven't exactly told you guys
everything about Sunnydale.  Umàback home, we had a vampire with a soul
and that was Angel, andàuhàunder some circumstances he kinda reverted to
his evil self.  He did some evil deeds as Angelus, including killing our
Ms. Calendar, but you could tell that Buffy still loved him, even if she
had to fight him.  She's strong, Buffy is, and I think that before we got
trapped in this alternate universe, she was beginning to get the strength
to kill him."

    "So she was blinded by the image she knew of Angel and she fell
in love with the one Capeside had to offer?"  Joey finished and in the
distance, Angel and Oz, who ended up in a patrolling pair, was hearing
the entire story.

    The wild-haired wizard glanced at his friend, "Soàthe slayer
chick's in love with youàwhat are you going to do?"

    "I - I haven't a clue, what to do," Angel said as he was trying
to absorb all of this information, "UmàI guess I'm going to have a talk
with her, but I'm getting the feeling that Xander's taking this all
wrong.  I mean, I'm pretty sure she's getting the distinction that I'm
nothing like the Angel from Sunnydaleàat least I hope so."

    As Oz listened intently to the college student, something caught
his eye, "UhàAngàI think a swift exit is of the absolute necessity."

    "Huhàoh," came the reply as Angel's eyes widened at the group of
werewolves a few feet away from them, "Run."

    They ran and paused at Joey and Xander, "Guys, werewolves."

    "Calm down," the she-wolf said as she underwent her rarely seen
transformation, "I think I can talk to themàI won't let them hurt youàI
promised."

    She approached the creatures confidently, but there was an air of
wariness to her stride.  One, apparently, a type of leaderà which Xander
thought was funny since he thought he heard Giles say something about
them being typically loners, or maybe that was Sunnydale
philosophyàwalked towards her.  They looked into each other's eyes as if
communicating, and the three guys wondered, what exactly was going on.

    "Come homeàyou must come home," the creature's voice whispered in
her mind with urgency.

    "But this is my home," Joey responded, surprised at how at ease
she was in this telekinetic language, "I've lived here all my life."

    "But are you happy here, little one?  Have the humans been able
to dealt with your near transformation?" the elder wolf responded with
much concern, "The Lycanthrope are more than willing to let you into our
society."

    She smiled, "Yes, Elder, I am quite happy hereàthe people I love
are hereàand they won't treat me differently because of this gift you
have set forth on me.  This new found intellect and understanding for
creatures other than that of mankind, and for this I thank you."

    "If that is your wish, child, so be it," was the creature's reply
and before she broke their link she continued, "I bid you well in this
life and you will always be welcomedàremember thatàwe shall always help
one that is our ownà"

    With that, Joey transformed back into her former self and the
pack that lingered, slipped silently away with it's leader, returning to
the darknessà

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: I Reached Out (1/1)
Date: 23 Jul 1998 00:01:34 EDT

TITLE: I Reached Out (1/1)
AUTHOR: Melinda Frango
EMAIL ADDRESS: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: It's up at Rebecca's 'Becoming' archive.
http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Studio/7223/becoming.html
Go check it out and let her know how much you appreciate all the
work she put into it.
SPOILER WARNING: After Becoming part two.
RATING: PG, If you watch the show than you can read this.
FEEDBACK:  It would be greatly appreciated. Drop me a line telling
me what you think of it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy or Angel. They belong to Joss Whedon,
the WB, etc.
SUMMARY: From Buffy's POV. An alternate ending to the ending
of 'Becoming.' Be forewarned, it's not exactly happy, but something
I'm sure many of us were thinking about.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wrote this a little while after 'Becoming' but I never got a
chance to send it to this list. Sorry if you've read it already. :)
~~~~~~~~

I never would have lowered my sword if it wasn't the tears in his
eyes that made me do so. I knew that even as hard as he tried
Angelus would never be able to shed a tear. That's when I knew it
was my Angel. When his face clouded over with concern when he
saw the cut on my arm, I had no more doubts.

Willow did this, I know she did. She restored his soul, I don't know
how I'll ever be able to repay her. He didn't remember what happened,
didn't remember what had been going on the past few months. When
he does the pain and guilt will overwhelm him. I'll be there though. I'll
be there to reassure him it wasn't his fault. I'll be there as he's been
there for me.

All thoughts flew out of my mind as he drew me into his arms in a tight
hug. I couldn't stop the tears from leaving my eyes. It has been to long
and I closed my eyes to savor the moment.

The wound in my heart started to close up slowly; it started to heal now
that I knew he was back, but it bursted open once again when I opened
my eyes and saw the statues mouth open and the vortex begin to form.
'No, not now, please! I just got him back!" my mind screamed. I was so
caught up in thoughts of having Angel back with me I completely forgot
that Angelus had pulled the sword and inevitably the vortex opened and
now needed to be closed. I would have to sacrifice Angel for the world.

He didn't deserve that; to be sacrificed for the world. Angelus did,
this is all his fault. Not Angel's. Why won't fate ever let me be happy?
Have I done something so wrong that I had to lose my love twice?

He drew away from me and looked into my eyes. He must've felt my
body tense up, he always knew when something was wrong. When he
asked me what was going on I told him not to worry about it. I didn't
want him to know, didn't want to get into it. Not when I only had a few
more minutes with him.

I brought my hand up to touch his face. I memorized every detail, I
would never forget this face. I was being selfish. I brought my lips up
to meet his and kissed him. It would be our last kiss, but as he
returned it he didn't know that. I told him I loved him as the tears
threatened to overflow again. When he told me he loved me too my
heart sank even more, he was making this so hard.

He closed his eyes when I asked him to. He always had so much trust
in me and so much faith that I would do the right thing. Please, God, let
him forgive me. Let him know I never would have done what I'm about to
do if it wasn't for the world. I drew my hand back and without
hesitation I plunged my sword into his chest.

His eyes flashed open and he looked at me with a betrayed look in
them. I couldn't stand it. If he had to suffer, I was going to suffer with
him. When he called my name and reached out for me, I bid a silent
goodbye to my friends and family and I reached out and grasped his
hand tightly as the vortex closed around us both.

I saw the last glimpse of my world as it closed; my hand was still
tightly wrapped in Angel's. We were in darkness, in Hell, but at least
we were together.

The End



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Long Distance (1/1)
Date: 23 Jul 1998 00:01:44 EDT

TITLE:  Long Distance (1/1)
AUTHOR: Melinda Frango
EMAIL ADDRESS: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Rebecca can have it for her 'Becoming' archive, if
she wants it.
SPOILER WARNING: After Becoming part two.
RATING: PG, If you watch the show than you can read this.
FEEDBACK:  It would be greatly appreciated. Drop me a line telling
me what you think of it.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy, Willow, or any other character
mentioned. They belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, etc.
SUMMARY: About two months after Buffy left Sunnydale, she contacts
Willow via the telephone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Hello," Willow answered, softly after the telephone rang for the
tenth time.

She had tried to ignore the insistant ringing, hoping that whoever
was trying to contact her would get the idea that she wanted to be
 left alone. However it didn't seem to be working out the way she
wanted it to. Ever since Buffy had left, she had felt. . . alone. Sure
 she had Xander, Giles, Oz, and sometimes even Cordelia, but they
 weren't Buffy. She couldn't talk to any of them the way she did with
Buffy. Buffy always listened to anything she had to say, she was
always there for her, even when she had problems of her own. And
 now without even a goodbye she was gone. She was angry about
that. That Buffy had just left without saying goodbye to her, it made
 her feel unimportant in Buffy's eyes.

"Willow?" the voice on the other end of the line asked, hesitantly,
unsure.

"Yes, who is this?" Willow questioned, not recognizing the voice.

"I-It's Buffy."

Time froze in that instant. It had been almost two months since
the Slayer had left Sunnydale and now right out of the blue, when
Willow least expected it she decides to call. She snapped back
 into reality when she realized Buffy was calling her name.

"Buffy? Oh, my God! Where have you been? Are you okay?
Where are you? When are you coming home? What happened?"
Willow rambled off every question that her mind had been asking.

"I'm fine, Willow," Buffy assured. "I can't tell you where I am or
you'll come looking for me and I don't want to be found, and I don't
know when. . . or even if I'll be coming home.

Willow sighed. "Tell me what happened," she pleaded.

There was a long silence before Buffy answered, probably gathering
 her thoughts or building up the courage to tell her best friend what
 drove her away.

"It was awful, Willow. I feel so empty inside. Like I don't have a
reason to be anymore," she confessed.

"D-Did the spell work?"

Willow could hear Buffy let out a small whimper. Whatever
happened must've have been terrible.

"It worked," she replied, hoarsely. "And then I had to send him to
Hell to close the portal. I got to kiss him one last time, I told him I
loved him, and then I. . ." Buffy paused before continuing.

"He had this look of betrayel on his face when I shoved the sword
into him. He trusted me and I betrayed him. You don't know how
 badly I wanted to go with him. If he had to suffer I wanted to suffer
 with him."

Willow listened from the other end of the phone; tears streamed
down her face. She could feel her friends pain, her anguish, her
loss, her guilt. She cried for Buffy's beaten soul and for Angel's,
who didn't deserve to be put in Hell along with the demon. If only
she had done the ritual earlier.

"God, it hurts, Willow," Buffy sobbed. "I miss him. I got him back
 only to lose him again. I can't stop thinking about him, that damn
 look. God, I killed the man I love."

"Buffy, it wasn't your fault. I'm sure he doesn't blame you. Come
home, we can find a way to get him out. Please."

"No, I can't. I couldn't face him. What would I say? 'Sorry for
sending you to Hell, wanna go see a movie?'  No, I. . . I just
 need to move on. I need to start over," Buffy explained.

"Buffy stop running away. We need you. Angel needs you," Willow
replied.

"The last thing any of you need is me. I've put you in enough
danger already. I already lost Angel, and I'll be damned if I lose
any of you as well."

"We choose to do this, Buffy. Any danger we become involved
with is by choice. We know the risks and we choose to take
 them, to help you. And if we die doing so, at least we'll die
knowing we've saved the world on occasion," Willow defended.

Buffy couldn't take it anymore. She figured it would be easy to
 call Willow and let her know that she was alright, and now she
was making her feel guilty about leaving. Willow is her best friend,
 one of the very few who understood her, who stood by her through
thick and thin. The one who always took her side when the subject
 pertained Angel. It was Willow who restored his soul in time for
her to say goodbye, and now Buffy was feeling uncomfortable
talking to her.

"I have to go. My bus is here," Buffy said, looking for the
quickest way out of the conversation. "Tell everyone that I'm
sorry and that I love them."

"You never said goodbye. Did I mean nothing to you that I didn't
even deserve a goodbye," Willow blurted out.

"God, no Willow. Your my best friend. I just needed to leave, to
get away from everything and if I came to say goodbye, I know
 I wouldn't have been able to leave. Besides goodbye sounds
so. . . final. I don't want this to be final."

"We miss you. Xander, Giles, me. We want you to come home.
 Let us help you through this."

"No, I need to think about things, be by myself for awhile. It has
 nothing to do with you, don't believe that any of you drove me
away," Buffy stated. "I really need to be going now. I'll call you
again . . . sometime."

Willow didn't answer, she swallowed against the lump forming in
 her throat. She nodded, but then realized Buffy couldn't see her.
 "Yeah, I'll see ya," she settled for.

She heard a soft goodbye in reply and then the wail of the dial
tone. "Goodbye," she whispered into the dial tone. She sat for
a moment with the receiver cradled to her ear before hanging it
 up. She layed down on her bed abd began to sob.

Buffy hung up the telephone and with a strangled sigh she ran her
hand over it before leaving the phone booth and onto the bus as
she made her way further from Sunnydale and her friends.

The End



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Aislynn Denny <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fantasies (4/?)
Date: 23 Jul 1998 11:23:34 +0000

Title: Fantasies
Author: Aislynn
E-mail: [e-mail]
Spoilers: Basically anything since the beginning of the show is up for grabs.
DISCLAIMER: All characters in this story are the property
of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Productions,
and The Warner Brothers Network, and are used without
permission. The author claims no rights to these characters.
Except for the mystery man (Rasher), he's mine.
Summary:  Xander gets his wildest fantasy, but what is the price?


Part 4

    Xander falls into a chair, his breath coming rapidly. "Oh god.  Oh god,
please say this is all a dream and I haven't screwed up as much as I think
I have."  Giles looked at Xander curiously. "Excuse me?" Xander looked up
at Giles and help his hands up, as if to hold him off.  "Giles, I swear, I
didn't do this one on purpose.  It's nothing like the love spell.  I swear
it's not."  Buffy sat up a bit straighter, temporarily ignoring the
prophesy. "What love spell?" Xander
winced. "Never mind."  He looked between Buffy and Giles and took a deep
breath. "We have a problem."
    He waited to explain till Willow had been called to the library.  Everyone
thought is was odd that Xander hadn't wanted Jesse to be present but he
assured them that it would be explained in time.  "Ok...last night I had a
dream that I was out patrolling with Buffy."  He went on to relate
everything that had happened up to what the demon had told him.  Then he
went back and told them all the changes that had been made to reality
because of his fantasy.  Buffy
frowned. "So what you're saying is that this weird dude shows up in your
dream and grants your fantasy, and now all our lives have been majorly
changed?"  Xander nodded. "Yeah. Yeah that's about it."  Giles looked
furious. "How could you even possibly consider accepting his offer?!  You
have no idea what you could have done!"  Xander jumped up,"Giles, I was
dreaming!  How was I
supposed to know it was real!"  Willow sat quietly thinking of how to
handle this news. <So this is his fantasy.  To be the first male slayer,
have Buffy, and have Jesse alive.  But Jesse is supposed to be dead, and
instead we get...Cordelia?  Somehow this seems like a sick joke.>
    Willow looked towards Xander and said quietly, "So he says that you have
to kill Angel or die?  But if you kill Angel then the HellMouth opens."
"And I die! Hello, let's not forget that point!"  Buffy interjected.  Giles
began to pace, his hand covering his chin while he tried to think of a
solution. "Xander, did he tell you what the price would be when he offered
this to you?"  Xander shook his head. "No!  If he had even in the dream I
would have said no!  But all he said was I'll give you your wildest
fantasy.  Now personaly I would have thought wildest fantasy would have
been more along the lines of wild hot sex, but I guess I'm wrong."  Buffy
shook her head and said quietly,"No.  A fantasy is something you wish for,
and expect to never happen. It's more than just a dream, it's stronger than
that.  And it doesn't mean just sexual things either."  Giles
listened to Buffy a trifle surprised at what she had said, "Uh, yes.  You
are correct.  Now Xander, we must figure out someway to stop this demon.
Otherwise the concequences..."  Xander nodded. "Right.  I am in full
research boy mode.  Just give me a book and I'll get to work."  Willow
headed to the computer. "I'll see if I can find anything about this guy
online."  Buffy sighed. "It'd be helpful if we knew a name."  "Rasher.  His
name is Rasher." a rough voice said
from the shadows.  Buffy spun around, "Angel!"
    Angel walked forward, skirting around the patches of sunlight streaming in
from the windows.  "Rasher specializes in knowing humans' deepest desires
and granting them.  In return they work for him.  Basically, you sell your
soul, for the briefest of moments."  Xander gulped.  "Sell your soul?"
Angel nodded.  He looked towards Buffy quickly then back towards Giles and
Xander.  "I heard the whole discussion."  Seeing the tension in the room
thickening with every moment Buffy refused to say anything to Angel, Willow
jumped up and flung her arms around him.  "I'm so glad you have your soul
again!"  A sad smile crossed Angel's face as he hesitently returned
Willow's hug.  He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Your fish tank is
full again."
Willow blinked then smiled happily. "Oh!  Thanks, Angel, but how?"  He
smiled slightly, "I'll tell you later."  Angel moved away from her and
walked towards Giles, his hands slightly extended forward, the palms up.
"Giles.  I- I can't tell you how sorry I am about - "  Giles cut him off,
"Don't.  Do not say anything about the incident I will not hear it."  Angel
looked at him, in surprise
noting the stoney expression on his face.  He nodded slowly. "Very well.
Xander, we've got to get to work if your going to get out of this deal with
Rasher."  Looking between Buffy, Giles, and Angel Xander nodded. "Right,
now how do we do that?"  Angel looked Xander up and down and said flatly.
"You kill him."
    Xander started to say something then stopped.  "I kill him?  I just dust
him like a vampire and that's it?"  Angel shook his head. "No, he's not
like a vampire.  You'll have to kill him, but how he must be killed is the
question.  You'll have to figure that out."  Buffy jumped up and headed
into the stacks. "Right!  That means time to look through the books."
Angel nodded. "Uh, yes, and then there will be training to make sure that
you can fight him effectively."  Giles
pointed out.  He looked to Angel and said quickly, "Would you be willing to
help us with this?"  Angel nodded. "Of course.  It's my duty to protect the
Slayer.  Both of them."  Xander took a book off the stack on the checkout
desk.  "Then let's get to it."  Willow sighed, "I'll start the round robin.
 It's gonna be another all nighter."

End Part 4
*************************************************************************
"Passion. It lies in all of us- sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted,
unbidden, it will stir- open it's jaws and howl."
        -Angel from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Elsewhere {1/1} By Ashley
Date: 23 Jul 1998 11:20:43 EDT

TITLE:  "Elsewhere"
FEEDBACK:  Yes!  Pretty, pretty please?!  Thanks!
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT:  Sure!  If ya want it, ya can have it..But please keep
my name there.  Thanks!
AUTHOR:  Ashley
E-MAIL ADDY:  [e-mail]
SPOILER WARNING:  Becomming, Parts One & Two
RATING:  PG I guess
CONTENT:  Nothing you wouldn't see on Buffy.
SUMMARY:  The whole scooby gang, plus one mom and one hell riden vampire,
angst about the events in 'Becomming'
DISCALIMER:  Everything in the Buffyverse belongs to Joss Whedon {many kudos
to Joss for creating them} and Mutant Enemy.  Yadda, yadda, yadda.
SONGS:  "Elsewhere" By Sarah McLachlan..Fumbling Towards Ecstasy



    Buffy Summers stared out the bus window, watching the ocean as it moved
wildly in it's own glory.  It reminded her slightly of her own life, a
whirlwind of emotions.  Rising up, and crashing back down again.  The way she
had felt when Angel came back.  If only for one moment he came back and she
held him, she kissed him, and told him that she loved him.

    "Angel...."  She whispered softly, fighting back the tears that threatened to
engulf her.

    Buffy could still see his beautiful face twisted in horror, and his
mysterious eyes filled with confusion and betrayal.  He didn't remember
anything at all.  His expression was so child-like and innocent that Buffy's
heart broke for him.  Selfishly, she kissed him, and he kissed back, not
understanding the full meaning of that kiss.  He was so trusting, closing his
eyes when told, and she killed him.

    "I'm so sorry...."  She stifled back the sobs, so as not to disturb the other
sleeping passengers.

    Buffy could still feel the peircing pain that gripped her heart as she
plunged the sword into his stomach.  His whispers, her name on his tortured
lips, haunted her.  They loved each other so much, but fate wouldn't let them
be together.  Now Buffy had to pay the price for it.


**I love the time and in between
The calm inside me, in the space where I can breath
I believe there is a distance I have wandered to touch upon the years
Of reaching out and reaching in, holding out and holding in....**


    Giles, Willow, Xander, Cordelia, and Oz sat silently in the library.  All of
them worried for their friend, and wondering whether a certain other friend
had been saved.

    "Buffy would have at least called by now...."  Xander finally broke the
silence.
    Giles sighed.  "Yes, yes, I'm aware of all that."

    "Maybe we should call her house....?"  Willow suggested carefully.

    "Alright, I'll call...."  Giles nodded, rising from his chair and moving
towards the phone on the counter.

    "Don't you think it would be a little strange if a teacher from school called
her house....?"  Oz interupted.

    "Oz is right Giles,"  Cordelia added mater-of-factly.  "Why don't you let
Willow or Xander call?"

    Giles stopped and looked back to them.

    "I'll do it."  Willow stood and quickly dialed Buffy's home number.

    "Hello....?"  A weary voice asked into the phone.  "Buffy?!"  It suddenly
perked up.

    "Ummm, no Miss Summers, this is Willow Rosenburg, Buffy's friend."  Willow
replied tentativly.

    "Oh, hello Willow.  How are you feeling?"  Joyce asked.

    "I'm fine Miss Summers, is Buffy home?"

    There was a silent pause on the other end.  Then, finally, Joyce responded.

    "No Willow, Buffy ran away from home yesterday."

    Willow gasped and felt tears come to her eyes.  "Why?"

    "We got into a fight.  She said....she said that...."  Joyce began to sob.
"She said that she was a vampire slayer and that she had to save the world.  I
told her that if she left, to never come back but she left anyways.  My poor
baby is crazy Willow, she needs to find some help."

    Willow stared numbly at the others.  "Miss Summers, Buffy is a vampire
slayer.  And, she did save the world."

    Joyce gasped.  "What are you talking about?  How would you know?"

    "It's true.  I'm her best friend, and I have helped her before."  Willow said
gently.

    "Your just as crazy as she is!"  Joyce screamed into the phone.  "Don't call
my house ever again!"  She slammed the reciever down.

    Willow softly hung up the phone and turned to the others, unable to form the
words.


**I believe this is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I choose to, would you try to understand....**


    Joyce Summers slammed the phone down in Willow's ear, blinded by a rage and
denial which had never been so strong.

    "What is going on....?"  She asked aloud, feeling the tears slipping down her
smooth cheeks.

    Her sweet innocent daughter, a vampire slayer.  How could something so tiny
and beautiful kill something as brute and ugly as a fictionary vampire.

    "Oh, Buffy, please come home...."  Joyce whispered, in a strained and heavy
voice.

    Joyce crossed the room slowly, Buffy's room.  Often, she would come into this
room and see Buffy slamming this drawer shut.  Maybe there was something in
here....something that could help Joyce find her daughter.  She silently slid
the drawer open and stared in dumb shock.  With trembling hands she reached in
and removed three pointy wooden objects, a small glass vial of water, and a
thick heavy cross.

    Joyce dropped all the items except for the cross, and knelt on her knees.
She did something then that she hadn't done in a long while, she prayed.  She
prayed for herself, she prayed for Buffy, and she prayed for Buffy's
boyfriend, Angel.  Joyce finally knew the truth, and had a feeling that this
mysterious Angel, had something to do with that truth.


**I know this love is passing time, passing through like liquid
I am drunk in my desire
But I love the way you smile at me
 I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near
I believe....**


    Angel lingered in the depths of hell.  He remembered all that he had done
these past months.  Where his memory was once fogged, it was now clear and
crisp, clearer that it had ever been before.  Right as the sword hit him in
the stomach, all the memories crashed into him.  The guilt weighed him down,
brought him crashing to his knees.  He looked into Buffy's eyes, and he knew
why she had to kill him.

    Buffy's destiny was to save the world, and she did, at his expense.  He
didn't blame her, only wished that he could take her into his arms and tell
her that.  Angel wished that he could tell her how truly sorry he was, how
much he loved her.  But now, here he was, paying dearly for all he had done.
But deep in the depths of Angel's tortured soul, he knew that living near
Buffy with the knowledge of what he had done to her, would be far worse than
burning her in hell.  But then again, living without Buffy was the worst
torture in itself.


**I believe this is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I choose to, would you try to understand....**


    Buffy was moving on, changing her life.  She would be the best Slayer ever.
And when she went down for good, she would go down with a bang.  When Buffy
went down, there would be not a demon standing, not a demon still killing any
innocents.

    Buffy closed her eyes and did something she hadn't done in so long, she
prayed.  Clasping her hands together lightly, she chocked back sobs.

    "Oh God, I know I haven't done this in so long.  But, please, please, help me
or at least listen to me...."

    Buffy was aware of all the other passengers who could probably hear her
ramblings.

    "Please, save Angel from that hell, he doesn't deserve it.  And my mom,
please help her see that this is for the best.  And God, please protect my
friends."

    Buffy opened her eyes again, looking out the window.  The tears slipped down
her pale cheeks.

    "God, please help me to be strong...."


**Oh the quiet child awaits the day when she can break free
The mold that clings like desperation
Mother, can't you see I've got to live my life the way I feel is right for me
Might not be right for you, but it's right for me
I believe....**


    Angel fell to his knees in the blackness, his hands in prayer stature.

    "Dear God, I know I've done so much wrong.  But, I heard that you forgive all
sins.  I don't know if you could ever forgive mine, but I'm not asking for
forgiveness Lord."

    Angel squeezed his eyes shut, tightly.  The tears began to fall.

    "All I'm asking is for you to help Buffy be strong.  Help her to see it's not
her fault.  Let her see that I forgive her, and understand....Let her see that
I love her, and I always will...."


**I believe this is heaven to no one else but me
And I'll defend it long as I can be left here to linger in silence
If I choose to, would you try to understand it
I would like to linger here in silence
If I chose to would you try to understand it....**



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Kender Chaos (1/?)
Date: 24 Jul 1998 10:25:02 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
Author: Black Fire
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback?: Yes, please.
Summary: This is a crossover with Dragonlance that creeped into my head
last week.  Somehow, Tasslehoff Burrfoot has found his way into
Sunnydale.  (Any of you who have read the Dragonlance books can start
running now.  :P)  I haven't decided yet, but I thing Fizban might be in
Sunnydale also.  It takes place before WML1.  Why?  Because I can have
more fun with Spike in this situation than I can with Angel.  (You
scared yet?)
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None, unless you've missed most of this last season.  For any
of you who have read Dragonlance, Tas is coming in sometime after the
Legends Trilogy.
Disclaimers:  All Buffy characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy,
Sandollar, etc.  Tasslehoff and Fizban (if he shows up) belong to TSR,
Margaret Weis, Tracy Hickman and all the others who have written for
them in the past.  I own none of them and can't afford to anyway.

                            Kender Chaos Chapter 1

    Buffy flew through the air and landed on her back with a painful
æthud.Æ  With her attacker closing in on her, however, she waisted no
time on the pain and got back to her feet.
    A swift kick to the chest sent the vampire into a large grave stone.
From there on in, the battle was short-lived.  Two more good punches
subdued her opponent long enough for Buffy to find the stake she had
dropped and drive it into the vampireÆs chest.
    ôOne vamp down,ö she said as she watched him turn to dust.  ôAnother...
billion or so to go.ö
    She brushed the dusst off her and winced.  Whatever she had landed on
had been really hard and really painful.  She reached behind her to rub
the sore spot.  The pain would be gone by morning, of course, but right
now it was an annoyance.
    ôAre you alright?ö asked a familiar voice from her right.
    Buffy turned and smiled as she watched Angel walk out of the shadows.
    ôOh this?ö she asked, still rubbing her back.  ôItÆs not that bad,
really.  Serves me right for letting him sneak up on me like that.ö
    Angel smiled and leaned down to kiss her.
    ôSee?ö she said, returning the kiss.  ôIÆm feeling better already.ö
    The both smiled and stood there for a minute.  Eventually, Angel took
over the task of rubbing the sore spot on BuffyÆs back.
    ôThat feels good,ö she moaned.
    Angel smiled again, ôSo what happened?ö
    ôI donÆt know,ö Buffy whined.  ôI think he jumped out of a tree and
kicked me.  It all happened so fast.  The next thing I knew, I was
landing on a tree branch or something over there...ö
    Buffy stopped short as she pointed over to where she had landed.  She
found herself pointing at a staff of some sort.  Buffy went over for a
closer look.
    What she found was a tall, oversized slingshot lying on the ground.
That was strange enough.  Even stranger was that the thing was held fast
by the tight grip of a tiny hand extending from a small, hooded and
cloaked figure that was lying on the ground behind it.
    ôWhat the...ö she said as she kneeled down next to the unconcious form.
She reached under the hood and felt for a pulse.  It was there,
fortunately.  Buffy heaved a sigh of releaf, thankful that she hadnÆt
killed the poor, little thing.
    ôBuffy look,ö Angel whispered.
    ôWhat?ö she asked.  She followed the line of his fingers to where her
hand was.  ôWhat the...?ö
    As she looked down at the figure, she noticed that she had drawn the
hood back far enough to reveal the tip of a pointed ear.
    ôWhat is it?ö she asked
    ôI donÆt know,ö Angel replied.
    ôWell then,ö she sighed, ôI guess weÆll just have to take him to Giles.
HeÆll love this.ö
    She rolled the little figure over and pryed the staff from its hand.
Gently, she gathered the creature up and handed it to Angel.  Grabbing
the staff, they set off for the school library, where Giles would be
waiting for her report.

*   *   *   *   *

    ôI donÆt know what it is,ö Giles said, after studying the creature for
some time.
    Buffy and Angel had brought it in and laid it on the library table.
Willow, who was also there, found a couple of blankets and wrapped them
around the unconcious creature.  Giles had studied it for a long time
before coming to his inconclusive conclusion.
    The creature was not quite four feet tall, very thin and nimble, from
the looks of it.  The thing sported a topknot that fell just below its
shoulders, well-made clothes and boots and bright blue leggings.  A wide
variety of pouches - which Giles had decided were best left alone for
now - hung from its waist and shoulders.
    But it was the creatures face that drew most of the attention.  With
its pointed ears and its face relaxed in its state of unconciousness,
the creature had all the outward appearance of being an innocent little
child - an observation which, Giles had said, could be very misleading
but, none the less, caused the two girls to comment, several times, on
how cute it was.
    ôWhat do you mean you donÆt know,ö Buffy asked.
    ôI mean I have no idea what it is,ö Giles commented.  ôThere is nothing
in my books which discribes such a creature.ö
    ôWell,ö Willow said, ôbooks donÆt always give accurate discriptions.
Can you, maybe, take a guess?ö
    ôIÆm not even sure I can do that,ö Giles said, confused.  ôI want to
say that itÆs an elf, but itÆs too short.  Though itÆs certainly short
enough, it doesnÆt fit *any* description of dwarves or gnomes that IÆve
heard of.  And itÆs not short enough to be a leprechan.  IÆm at a loss.ö
    ôThereÆs one I never thought IÆd hear,ö Buffy mumbled.
    ôMmmmm,ö the creature suddenly groaned as it finally started to stir.
    The four turned their attention back to the little creature as it
opened itÆs eyes and sat up, shaking its head.  It didnÆt leave the
table, but started looking around, a glow of facination coming over its
face.
    ôWhere am I?ö it asked, in a high pitched, but decidedly male voice.
ôThis doesnÆt look like the Great Library of Palanthas, unless Astinus
has done some remodeling since I was here last.ö  His eyes widened.
ôMaybe IÆm in the Tower of Wayreth!  Maybe the wizards want to thank me
for helping to save the world from Raistlin!  How wonderful!  Maybe
theyÆll give me a magic ring or something that will send me to the
moon!ö
    The creature got to his feet and jumped down off of the table.
Eagerly, he started to explore his surroundings.  All the while, he
continued babbling on about one thing or another.
    ôWho are you?ö Buffy asked.
    He turned around.  ôYou speak Common!  Wonderful!ö he exclaimed.  ôItÆs
the language I know best.  I know others, of course, but not as well.  I
donÆt speak them as often as I should.  Tanis said something to me in
Elven once and I almost didnÆt understand it.  ItÆs a good thing I did
though, or else weÆd have never gotten out of that temple of Takhisis.ö
    He stopped talking long enough to catch his breath.  As he did, a
realization came over him, ôOh, IÆm terribly sorry, I didnÆt introduce
myself.  That was rude of me, wasnÆt it.  IÆm Tasslehoff Burrfoot,ö he
said with a bow at the neck that sent his topknot whipping, first
forward and then back, almost slapping Angel who was sitting behind him.
ôBut my friends call me Tas.ö



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Kender Chaos (2/?)
Date: 24 Jul 1998 14:12:31 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
        Author: Black Fire
        Email: [e-mail]
        Feedback?: Yes, please.
        Summary: This is a crossover with Dragonlance that creeped into
my head
        last week.  Somehow, Tasslehoff Burrfoot has found his way into
        Sunnydale.  (Any of you who have read the Dragonlance books can
start
        running now.  :P)  I haven't decided yet, but I thing Fizban
might be in
        Sunnydale also.  It takes place before WML1.  Why?  Because I
can have
        more fun with Spike in this situation than I can with Angel.
(You
        scared yet?)
        Rating: PG
        Spoilers: None, unless you've missed most of this last season.
For any
        of you who have read Dragonlance, Tas is coming in sometime
after the
        Legends Trilogy.
        Disclaimers:  All Buffy characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy,
        Sandollar, etc.  Tasslehoff, Fizban (if he shows up) and any
other
        Dragonlance characters that happen to be mentioned belong to
TSR,
        Margaret Weis, Tracy Hickman and all the others who have written
for
        them in the past.  I own none of them and can't afford to
anyway.

                                    Kender Chaos Chapter 2

                After introductions were made, Tasslehoff resumed his
exploration of
        the Sunnydale High School library, with Buffy and Giles fast on
his
        heals.  He took everything in with the eagerness of a child,
although,
        it was clear from his constant chatter that he could be
considered an
        adult for his race, which he called Kender.
                None the less, he explored every inch of the library.
Giles and Buffy
        tried to ask him questions about how he got to Sunnydale, but he
wasnÆt
        paying attention.  He was too busy relating his own fascinating
stories
        and exploring.  Occasionally he would pick up an object to study
it
        further and the object would find its way into one of his
pouches,
        despite GilesÆ unheeded protests.
                Consequentially, it didnÆt take Buffy long to feel like
she was
        baby-sitting a four-year-old.  However, once Tas had finished
his
        exploration, he made his way back over to the table and sat
down,
        arranging his pouches so that he wouldnÆt sit on any of them.
        Eventually, for lack of anything else to do, he emptied every
pouch onto
        the table and began sorting through their contense.
                There were several gasps and exclamations as he did
this, as no one in
        the room could believe that anyone could carry around that much
junk.
        Never the less, he busied himself with exploring what was on the
table.
        There were pieces of string, rings of all sorts, teeth from
        indeterminable creatures, mixed in with chicken feathers, moldy
food and
        several things that Giles recognized as his own.  The latter,
Giles
        grabbed hastily, receiving a high pitched, ôOh, is that yours?
You must
        have dropped it.  ArenÆt you glad I was here to find it for
you?ö as he
        did.
                ôWhere did you say I was again?ö Tas asked.
                ôSunnydale, California,ö Willow answered.
                ôSunnydale, California?ö he frowned.  ôIÆve never heard
of a place like
        that on Kyrnn.ö  His eyes widened again.  ôMaybe IÆve been sent
to the
        other side of the world!  Or maybe I really *did* make it to one
of the
        moons!  This should be quite fun.ö
                ôWait, wait, wait,ö Buffy said.  ôWhere did you say you
were from?ö
                ôKyrnn,ö Tas said.  ôYou *have* heard of Krynn, havenÆt
you?  You must
        have if weÆre on one of the moons.  Which moon did you say I was
on
        anyway?  ItÆs too dark to be Solinarri and too bright to be that
dark
        moon Raistlin always talked about.  This place is full of books,
so this
        *could* be Lunitari, but then, no one but the black robes an see
the
        black moon, so maybe I really am there after all.  Oh I hope so.
It
        always sounded very interesting to me.  But then, so did the
Abyss until
        I went there...ö
                ôWe didnÆt say you were on a moon,ö Buffy interrupted.
ôYouÆre in
        Sunnydale, California on Earth.ö
                TasÆs eyeÆs widened.  ôReorxÆs beard!!  You mean IÆm in
another
        universe?!?!ö  He jumped up and down excitedly, ôThis is so
wonderful!
        Wait until I tell Tanis about this!  HeÆll never believe it.ö
                ôHow did you get here?ö Giles asked, growing more
annoyed.
                ôWell, you see,ö Tas began, slowly, ôI used this magical
device that
        the wizards of Wayreth gave to Caramon to get him back from the
past.
        Unfortunately, it was only made to transport one person, so when
went
        back, he would have to leave me behind.  But I wasnÆt supposed
to be
        there anyway, in the past that is.  Some rule about Kenders,
Gnomes and
        Dwarfs not being allowed to time travel because they can change
history.
        ThatÆs not really true though, because, when we were in Tarsis,
I tried
        to stop the Cataclysm but it didnÆt work, but then Raistlin,
thatÆs
        CaramonÆs twin brother, gave me the wrong instructions for the
device
        and it broke.
                ôWhere was I?ö Tas paused, ôOh yes!  The device!  Well
the Cataclysm
        came and I woke up in the Abyss, but the device was broken.  I
met the
        Dark Queen and she said that I would be there forever or until I
died.
        Then, when I was in this holding cell, I met his Gnome named
Gnmish and
        he had invented a traveling device that actually worked.  Gnome
        inventions usually donÆt work very well, you see.  Anyway, the
device he
        invented looked exactly like the device I borrowed from Caramon,
so
        Gnmish fixed it and we left the Abyss.  Then Raistlin killed
Gnmish.  I
        canÆt forgive him for that, even though he sacrificed himself to
save
        the world, I still canÆt forgive him for killing my friend
Gnmish...ö
                ôHow did you get here?ö Giles demanded.
                ôOh!  That!ö Tas exclaimed.  ôQuite simple, you see.
When we Caramon,
        Tanis and I fixed things so that the world wouldnÆt end, Caramon
and I
        spent some time with Tanis and I went with him, Caramon, that
is, back
        to Solace because I told CaramonÆs wife, Tika that I would take
care of
        him and that meant making sure he got home.  Well, while Caramon
and
        Tika were busy, I found the traveling device in my pouch.
Caramon must
        have dropped it, itÆs lucky I found it for him.  I used the
device and I
        found myself at home of all places!  Well, I hadnÆt been to
Kendermore
        in years, so I stopped and visited for a while.  I even got
myself a new
        hoopak staff to replace the one I lost at the Temple of
Takhisis.  Then
        I got bored, so I used the device again.  I wanted to go to a
place
        where no one on Kyrnn had ever been and when I woke up, I was
here.ö
                Giles, Buffy, Willow and Angel sat there for a long time
after the
        Kender finished his long and confusing tale.  They were
speechless and
        confused.  They hadnÆt been able to follow half of what Tas had
said.
        Of course, the reason for most of the confusion was that, for
the most
        part, they had no idea what the heck Tas was talking about.
                He apparently assumed that they already knew the people
and places he
        was referring to.  And why shouldnÆt they, he thought.  Everyone
knew
        about the War of the Lance.  And, of course, everyone had heard
of
        Tanis, Caramon, Raistlin and Tika!  They, along with himself
were all
        Heroes of the Lance.  Everyone knew about them...  DidnÆt they?
                ôSo youÆre saying,ö Angel spoke up, for the first time
since Tas had
        woken up, ôthat this magical traveling device brought you here?ö
                ôUh huh,ö Tas nodded emphatically.
                ôWhere is this device now?ö Giles asked.
                ôWell, let me see,ö Tas said, riffling through his stuff
again.
        ôNo.... no....  oh!  I was looking for that!  No.... no....  I
have to
        remember to give this back to Riverwind.  IÆm sure heÆs been
looking for
        it.ö
                Tas continued searching for a while.  Finally, he gave
up on the pile
        of treasures in front of him.  He sat there for a minute,
thinking.  ôOh
        I know!ö  He reached into a pocket in his vest and pulled out
something
        that looked like a cross between a miniature staff and a baby
rattle.
        He looked at it and let out a cry of anguish.  ôOh no!  ItÆs
broken
        again!!  Now IÆm stuck here.ö
                Tas put his head on the table and started to cry.  Buffy
went over and
        put a comforting hand on his shoulder.  ôDonÆt worry,ö she said,
ôIÆm
        sure we can find a way to send you back to your own world.ö
                ôReally?ö Tas looked up and sniffed.  ôThat would be
very nice.  I
        can't be gone for too long you see.  I donÆt know what Tanis or
Caramon
        will do without me.ö
                "We'll find a way," Buffy smiled.
                "That would be wonderful," Tas brightened.  "But there's
no need for
        too much of a hurry.  This place is very interesting.  I'd like
to see
        more of it."
                Buffy and Willow laughed quietly.  Giles sighed and
silently vowed to
        find a way to send the Kender back as quickly as possible.
Angel just
        sat there, not sure of what to make of the situation yet.
                Tas sighed.  Then came those two fateful words that
would have sent
        every man, woman and beast on Kyrnn running for their lives.
But this
        group did not know, as yet, the kind of trouble those two words
coming
        from a Kender could find: "I'm bored."

        *   *   *   *   *

        I'm being very mean, I know.  But let me know what you think.



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Kender Chaos (3/?)
Date: 24 Jul 1998 14:14:09 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
        Author: Black Fire
        Email: [e-mail]
        Feedback?: Yes, please.
        Summary: This is a crossover with Dragonlance that creeped into
my head
        last week.  Somehow, Tasslehoff Burrfoot has found his way into
        Sunnydale.  (Any of you who have read the Dragonlance books can
start
        running now.  :P)  Fizban has found his way there too.  It takes
place
        before WML1.  Why?  Because I can have
        more fun with Spike in this situation than I can with Angel.
(You
        scared yet?)
        Rating: PG
        Spoilers: None, unless you've missed most of this last season.
For any
        of you who have read Dragonlance, Tas is coming in sometime
after the
        Legends Trilogy.
        Disclaimers:  All Buffy characters belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy,
        Sandollar, etc.  Tasslehoff, Fizban and any other
        Dragonlance characters that happen to be mentioned belong to
TSR,
        Margaret Weis, Tracy Hickman and all the others who have written
for
        them in the past.  I own none of them and can't afford to
anyway.

                                    Kender Chaos Chapter 3

                On the other side of town, Spike paced the floor of his
warehouse
        hideout.  He cursed himself for letting the slayer get away
again.
        Cursed himself for making a deal with that "friend" of hers.  It
had
        almost gotten Dru killed after all.  Well, that bloke... Ford
was his
        name, wasn't it?  Yes, Ford.  He had gotten his in the end.
                Spike smiled to himself, remembering how he had made the
creep into a
        vampire and then left him to the mercy of his former friend.  He
smiled
        even more as he remembered how he had watched from a distance as
that
        Buffy girl had been forced to kill the newly-risen Ford.
                He stopped pacing as he remembered that how that kid got
his just
        desserts at the hands of the slayer.  But then, thoughts of
Buffy
        creeped back into his mind and darkened his mood once more.  He
returned
        to pacing with more determination, trying to figure how to get
that
        bloody slayer out of his hair once and for all.  He went over,
in his
        mind, all the other failed attempts.
                He swore angrily and slammed his fist down on the table
with enough
        force to put a hole in the table and make the thing collapse.
Seeing
        what he had done brought him back to himself.  He swore quietly
and
        brought his hand up to look at it.
                "That actually hurt," he muttered as he stood there,
watching the hand
        bleed from the jagged pieces of wood that had been the table.
                "Spike?" came Drusilla's soft voice from behind him.
                Spike turned to look at her, his anger instantly
dissolving as she came
        nearer.  She was still growing weaker, he thought, sadly.  She
wouldn't
        last much longer at this rate.
                "Spike, you're hurt," she gasped, taking his bloodied
hand.  "Mummy
        will make it all better."
                She brought the hand to her lips and began licking the
blood off.  Only
        once, she stopped with a meek "eep" sound as her tongue found a
leftover
        splinter.  His hand all cleaned up, she got him to sit down in
one of
        the large, wing backed chairs in the room.
                "It's Her," she purred, as she continued to fawn over
her as if he were
        a child.
                "She just keeps destroying all my plans," Spike
complained.
                "Sshhh..." she whispered as she ran a hand through his
short hair.
                Suddenly, she stopped.  She looked up and around at the
warehouse.
        "Someone's here," she said.
                "Where?" Spike asked, jumping out of the chair.
                Just then, a strange looking figure stumbled into the
room.  He was an
        old man dressed in brown robes and a beat up old had what might
have
        pointed up to the sky at one time.  As he stumbled about, he ran
into a
        large box and proceeded to argue with it about it not watching
where it
        was going.
                By this time, a pair of vampires had caught up with him
and taken a
        firm hold of his arms.  This was greeted with more protests from
the
        befuddled old man and threats to turn the two into mice.
                "What have I told you people about security?" Spike
yelled.
                "I'm sorry, Spike," one of the vampires said as they
brought the old
        man before their leader.  "Security's been tight as a drum since
that
        kid found his way in here.  I don't know how this old geezer
found his
        way in here."
                Spike groaned at the feeble excuse and turned his
attention to the old
        man.  "Who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing
here?"
                "I am," the old man reared up with dignity, then stopped
as if he had
        forgotten what he was going to say.  "I am...  What was my name
again?"
        He started looking around wildly, "TASSLEHOFF!!  Where is that
blasted
        Kender.  He knows who I am."
                The old man scratched at his long, white beard and
continued looking
        around, shouting for whoever it was he was looking for.  The
display
        amused Dru, who laughed at the old man, but eventually even her
        amusement could not abate Spike's annoyance.
                "Oh I don't care who he is," Spike finally yelled,
throwing up his
        hands.  "Kill him!  He's too old to be of any nutritional
value."
                "Wait luv," Dru said, causing Spike and the other
vampires to halt.
        "This one has power.  We could use him to help us."
                "You think so, Dru?" Spike asked skeptically.
                "Oh yes," she said, making her way over to the old man's
side.
                Her presence at his side caused the old man to stop his
yelling and
        look at her.  He sized her up and smiled at her, mumbling
something
        about her beauty.  This caused her to smile and she leaned her
head
        against his shoulder.
                "You would help us," she pleaded, "wouldn't you?  We
could help you
        find your friend."
                "Why," the old man smiled, "that would be very nice,
young lady."
                "Where might this friend of yours be?" Spike asked,
reluctantly.
                "Well, I don't know, exactly," the old man frowned.
"He's here, but
        he's not here.  I believe...  hmmm... yes.  He's somewhere in
this town,
        I believe."
                "Well, that narrows it down a bit," Spike growled,
causing Dru to give
        him a disapproving look.  "What's this bloke look like?"
                "Well, he's about this high," the old man brought his
hand up to his
        waste.  "He has pointed ears, blue leggings and a mass of brown
hair at
        the top of his head."
                "Odd description," Spike muttered.  "But one that
probably won't fit
        too many people in this place."  Spike thought for a minute.
"Okay,
        we'll help you.  But you have to help us."
                "Sounds fair enough," the old man said, after some
thought.  Then he
        extended his hand to Spike, "By the way, did I mention that my
name was
        Fizban?"

        *   *   *   *   *

        I haven't finished this story yet, but I'm already having
visions of
        Spike ducking fireballs.  :P



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: My Moira #8
Date: 24 Jul 1998 18:38:00 -0700

TITLE:  My Moira #8
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
DISCLAIMER:  The characters of Moira Summers-Harris, Deidre Lindley,
Jacob Ross, and Scott Thomas are my own. Other than that, the characters
and any other such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television
series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant
Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and 20th
Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright
infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
My Moira #8
By: Taygeta

    Moira Summers-Harris listened intently at the strange woman that
sat in front of her, not realizing that the others that were in the
living room had left for the kitchen.  Buffy peered at her daughter
through the space between the slightly opened the door and wall.  She
noted the famous Summers sarcastic smile of  "sureàrightà" and the
twinkling Harris eyes that read, "This lady's crazy!"  Although Buffy
smiled at this, she couldn't help but worry that starting with these two
characteristics wasn't exactly the best way to begin.

    "You see that lookàthat smile?" she sighed as she moved way to
sit down and Giles, who was looking at the same expression, closed the
door and sat beside her, "Familiar?"

    The former Watcher glanced at her and then to Xander, before his
eyes fell back to her, again, "I suppose I know it all too wellàalways
thought at its individual states, it was bad enough, but never is the day
did I wish to see it combined."

    The care-worn parents smiled appreciatively at him, "Thanks,
G-man, always thought I was the one to tell the jokes in times like
thisàthat was my role as a slayerette, was it?"

    "There was a time, Xander, that you would have been, but people
grow up and you are no exception," was his reply and he continued
humorously, "although there are also times those days, unfortunately,
that your unruly ways seemed just like yesterday."

    " 'When I was a little boy, they called me a liar, but now that I
am grown up, they call me a writer,' " he quoted with a grin.

    "Isaac Bashevis Singer," was his reply, which surprised him
because no matter the years that had gone by, he never did get use to
Xander quoting beyond pop culture.

    Willow laughed despite the tension that still clung to the
atmosphere of the kitchen, "Now that's the Alexander LaVelle
Summers-Harris update of the quote gameàhmm and you said *I* gave my baby
a long name!"

    "He does have a long name," retorted their resident author, "And
for your information I am, Alexander *L.* Harris to the writing worldàand
I've been Xander to the rest of youàremember that."

    " 'Humor is really laughing off a hurt, grinning at misery,' " he
quoted to them and he began to wish he had never said anything in the
first place.

    Xander glanced at him, mustering a smile, "Bill Mauldinà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "You don't believe me do you?"  Cordelia said with a sigh after
she had went through the usual mandatory Watcher speech.

    Moira contemplated than then said in an oh-so familiar Xander
lilt, "It's not that I don't believe youàit's more of the matter that I
just think you're CRAZY!"

    Cordy blinked at her explosion, she had been expecting itàher
fellow watchers had a thing or two to say about slayers that were
untrained as opposed to those who were.  In fact, she had a thing to say
about it, but what could they do in this 21st century where monsters were
creatures that lurked only in books, movies, games, etc.  "IàuhàI'm sorry
you think this wayàI wanted this to be much simpler, but I suppose that
isn't quite possible."

    "I don't even know why I'm letting you talk to me," the teenager
said shaking her head as she stood up.

    "Wait, Moiraàplease?" the Watcher tried as she bit her lower lip
in hesitation.

    Her expression softened and she sat back down again and looked at
the woman that sat across from her, "What?"

    "I want to tell you a story, about a slayer," said Cordelia and
about this time, Buffy had begun to peer from the door again, feeling the
tension in the kitchen a little too much for her to handle.

    The dark-eyed, blonde-haired slayer looked at her with a look of
disbelief, "You want to tell me a story?  What am I six?"

    "Just hear me out, 'kay?" she said getting somewhat tired with
this Summerseque attitude, or rather Summers-Harriseque, and wondered how
she was going to survive to see this slayer through.  "This young woman
was about your age when she found out that she was chosenàdestined to
fight the forces that dwell in the darkness.  This slayer grew up in the
popular crowdàthinking that that was her goal in life, but when she found
out her duties, that all changed.  All of the things that she thought
were so valuable to her became frivolousàmeaningless, except for the
objective of love.  Growing up, having courage to battle demons,
especially vampires, was the last thing on her mind, but she realized her
role.  Didn't want itàhated it at times, but in the heat of battle, when
she had killed her first vampire, she felt her importanceàshe knew that
this was what had to be done."

    "Oh, and now I suppose you're going to tell me that she saved the
world and I should do the same," Moira said with raised eyebrows.

    "She did save the world a few times over, but it took her awhile
to make the sacrifices necessary to do that.  As for me wanting you to
save the world, I'd rather prefer it if world-threatening situations did
not occur, but if it did, I'd want to you to try your best to save the
world.  Going on still, she moved from LA to a new place that
inadvertently sat on top of a Hellmouth.  She had thought that her days
of slaying were overàshe had wanted them to be over, but by moving here,
danger was far from gone and she was far from retirement.  It is there
she met her new Watcher and she met friends that accepted heràhelped
her."

    "But why did she let them help her?  You told me a slayer has
strength to the extreme, and they couldn't have possibly fought off those
vampiresànot that I believe they exist or anything."

    Cordelia nodded her head, "Yeahàyou're right, and it wasn't as if
she had asked them to help her.  They came on their own accordàthey
wanted to help heràafter all, they loved her, as she loved them, and they
didn't want her to die."

     Both Watcher and slayer alike turned when they heard the kitchen
door close, "And I wasn't about to let them dieà"




_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (21/?)
Date: 25 Jul 1998 12:58:12 -0700

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #21 Return and Remembrance
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
DESCRIPTION: Buffy/Xander fanfic series
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chronicles of the White Knight
#21 Return and Remembrance
By: Taygeta

    Peering through the porthole glass from the outside, Xander saw
the orb of Thesula illuminate and disappear.  Hesitantly, he entered the
tense atmosphere of the library, where their eyes rose and fell at the
noise of the door closing behind him.  So the deed was doneàthe spell
cast, but whether it worked or notàdespite the cool glowing orb thingàwas
another matter entirely of itself.

    He wondered what it was going to be like with Angel no longer
Angelusàas he saw it, even with the soul encumbered him, he was still a
walking, talking time bomb.  He hadn't wanted this and he had spoke
adamantly about it, but he had given in eventually and there wasn't
anyway his mind and reason would have been transferred to them.  Xander
disliked Angel and knew that that feeling would continue throughout,
despite anything that might occur in between.

    Buffy took Xander's hand when he stood beside her and she glanced
at Giles, "So, what are we going to do?  Just wait?"

    "Well, a flaw in our plan is that we haven't the slightest idea
where, he might - " Giles began as they heard the door open and close.

    All eyes rose, again, to a figure at the door, but this time, it
was a while before they strayed awayàif at all.

    "Angel," Xander heard Buffy's voice say in a hush whisper as she
let go of his hand and stood up, "Is it really you?"

    The figure clad in black backed away slightly as she approached
him but stationed his ground when she was a few feet away from him,
"BuffyàI feel reallyàreally strangeàwhat happened?"

    "You mean you don't remember?" she said as her forehead wrinkled
in thought.

    "N-not reallyàsort ofàI remember feeling pain and then turning
back toàoh, God, and thenà" Angel struggled with the memories that were
coming into light in his shadowed mind and he fell to his knees as they
gripped him with their ugliness and their evil.

    Buffy knelt down beside him, "It wasn't your faultàit wasn't
youàit was that demon that took overàand it was my fault that that
happened."

    He looked up at her and grasped her shoulders so that as he
stood, she stood too, "Noàit wasn't your faultàit could never be your
fault.  Don't say that."

    "But AngelàIà" she tried, but he held her close.

    "I love youà"

    Xander swallowed hard and he felt his heart beat accelerate in
wonderment of what she might say.  He knew she loved Angel, but in a
different manner, she had told him that much.  He trusted heràhe believed
herà

    Buffy was taken into the magic of his eyes and replied, "I love
you, tooà"

    àBut that was until he heard the tone of her voice.  His fingers
dug into the wood of the table he gripped as her words ripped through him
like a stake in the heartàand echoed in his mind in the remembrance of
words that were once hisà

_____________________________________________________________________
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Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: IOHM (5/?)
Date: 26 Jul 1998 00:35:03 -0700

TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #5 Oz
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG-13
DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

******************************
In Opacitatem Habitant Modo
#5 Oz
By: Taygeta

    "Hey," I said as I walked into the library and saw Xander sitting
beside a glowing lamp, apparently waiting for us.

    He looked up and mustered a smileàif you can call it that, "Hey,
back from patrolling already?"

    "Pretty muchàyeah," I said as I placed my bag full of crosses,
holy water and stakes on the table - now that's weirdànever would I ever
even owning a bag full of vampire-related stuff, let alone having it.

    "Soàvampire content?" he questioned as he stood up with a sigh.

    "Oneàthat's an upside since we bagged three the night before, but
what makes it an even bigger upside, we saw a really cool glow worm," I
replied.

    "Must have been fascinating, Oz," he said as he walked passed me,
"I'll see if Giles and Willow need help."

    "Uhàyeahàsure," I said as he left without another word and I
looked around me, "I'll just keep an eye on the - the books."

    I'm not sure what Xander has against meàI get the feeling he
thinks I'm violating on Willow's innocence.  I'm far from violationàall
I've done is kiss heràliked it extremely, but all the same, that's as far
as we've gone.  Still, I'm getting more of his cold shoulder than I did
before, but I think I know the answer to that one.  He isn't the type of
guy to disregard or forget that I was the one that was suppose to get
Giles to safety, but I couldn't and so Spike and Druscilla caught him.
I'm surprised that everyone - well, except for Xander - hasn't called me
on it in anyway, but most of all, I'm surprised at Gilesàhe hasn't said a
word.

    But just because they haven't said anything, doesn't exactly mean
they haven't thought it.  Although everything's okay between Willow and
me, once in awhile, when Buffy or Giles is especially around, I catch her
giving me these looks.  I'm not sure what to read out of them, were they
of disappointmentàsadnessàwhat if thoughtsà  I don't think I'll ever
knowàany of the looks they give me from time to time.

    If only I had paid more attention to the surrounding situation
and maybe then he would have been behind me as he was supposed to have
been.  I was so sure that he had been so the whole timeàbut he wasn't.
Somehow, we lost him in the winding corridors, and it had been my job to
keep an eye on him since he had a pretty nasty blow to the head only a
few minutes earlier.

    I could still hear Buffy's voice calling back to me, "Oz, look
after Gilesàmake sure he gets out okay."  These words echo to me at the
strangest timesàwaking me in the black of the night to glimpse into her
world, sitting in front of the television set, it even catches me in the
midst of playing a song.  It's like a shadow that hangs over me and then
drapes over my head whenever it pleases to make me remember pain that I
try to forgetàto make me feel the pain that I can't forget if I tried.  I
hadn't executed that singular request and because of my failure to do so,
Giles got caught, and because he got caught we had to come a second time
around, and although we got him back, Buffy lost her sight.

    How was it that I ended up leaving him in a dank corridor of the
mansion to be taken by those innate evil cretins where God only knows
what happened to him in there?  He has yet to tell us about his
experience, and I'm not sure he will.  He's a quiet and more complex than
I think any of us can believe, and even if he did tell us what occurred,
I'm not sure if I could stomach the explanation knowing that I caused it.
 I think I'd feel a lot like I do nowàseeing Buffy blind, and knowing
that if Fate didn't have such twists of power, she could see.

    The first day I saw her with her blank stare was in the hospital
and it made a pretty harsh impression for me.  The doctors were having
their little conferences about her eyes and they hadn't noticed that I
had crept inàjust to see her.  She was really groggyàprobably getting out
of her sedative when I saw her open her eyes.  It surprised me to see
them lacking that twinkle that Willow and I had dubbed "Slayer Shine."
The varying gleam I had come to know in the last few monthsàwas gone.
All that was left were lackluster eyes that could only reflect the images
of the world around heràthe world she couldn't see.  Eyes that could no
longer tell us of the Buffy we once knew, and I wonder, if because of me,
that Buffy no longer exists.

_____________________________________________________________________
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Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Who's on First.  Part 1/1
Date: 26 Jul 1998 16:27:45 -0700

Title: Who's on first.
Author: Jeff W  (Well maybe Author is an over statement. Let's say
adapter.)
Feedback. Sure, tell me anything.
Rating. Absolutely a G.
Distrubtion:  Sure just let me know.
Spoilers. None.
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whedon, Mutant Enemy prod, ect. The Who's on first comedy routine
belongs to... Well I'm not sure actually, Since Bud Abbott and Lou
Costello are both dead, maybe their estates. So I'll just say it wasn't
my idea. I'm not making any money from this.
Summary: You guys know what it's like. You get a silly idea and just
have to act on it. Well I acted and I thought I would share it. I think
you'll enjoy this one.
   Or if you want to just think of this as Xander and Willow rehearsing
for next years talentless show. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

****************************


Who's on First.  Part 1 of 1


Xander:  There you are Willow. I=92ve been looking all over for you.

Willow:  Hi Xand. I thought you were going to meet Buffy and I at the
cemetery last night.

Xander:  Sorry, Cordelia and I got=85

Willow:  I don=92t want to here about it.

Xander:  Then I=92m not telling. Well did anything happen last night?

Willow:  Yes it did. Buffy and I were attacked by a whole bunch of
Nasties.

Xander: Really. Do you know their names?

Willow: Of the nasties? Of course I do. Remember I=92m the one who looks
stuff up.

Xander:  Great then tell me the names of the vampires that attacked
Buffy.

Willow: Well, Who attacked first, What attacked second, and I don=92t kno=
w
attacked third.

Xander:  You know the vampires names.

Willow:  Certainly!

Xander:  Well who attacked first?

Willow:  Who!

Xander:  The vamp that attacked first.

Willow:  Who attacked first!

Xander:  Now what are you askin=92 me for?

Willow:  I=92m telling you Who attacked first.

Xander:  Well I=92m asking YOU who attacked first.

Willow:  That=92s the vampire's name.

Xander:  That=92s who=92s name?

Willow:  Yes.

Xander:  Well go ahead and tell me.

Willow: Who.

Xander:  The vampire that attacked first.

Willow:  Who!

Xander:  The first vampire.

Willow: Who was the first vampire.

Xander:  Have you got a computer file of the first vampire?

Willow:  Absolutely.

Xander:  Who is in the computer?

Willow:  Well naturally.

Xander:  When you search for the first vampire, who comes up?

Willow:  Every time. Why not? He=92s the vampire.

Xander:  Who is?

Willow:  His wife=92s a vampire too.

Xander:  Who=92s wife?

Willow:  Yes.

Xander:  All I=92m trying to find out is what=92s the name of the first
vampire?

Willow:  Oh, no- wait a minute, don=92t switch =91em around. What is the
second vampire.

Xander:  I=92m not asking ya who attack second.

Willow:  Who attacked first.

Xander: I don=92t know.

Willow:  He attacked third. Now we=92re talking about him.

Xander:  How did I get on the third vamp.

Willow:  You said his name.

Xander:  If I mentioned the third vampire=92s name, who did I say was the
third vampire?

Willow:  No- Who is the first.

Xander:  Never mind the first. I want to know what=92s the third vampire=92=
s
name.

Willow:  No What was second.

Xander:  I=92m not asking who was second.

Willow:  Who was first.

Xander:  I don=92t know.

Willow:  He=92s the third.

Xander:  Aaah! Would you please stay on the third vampire and don=92t get
away from him.

Willow:  What do you want to know?

Xander:  Now who=92s the third vampire?

Willow:  Now why do you insist on making who the third vampire?

Xander:  Why? Who am I putting there?

Willow:  Yes. But that wasn=92t him.

Xander:  What=92s the name of the third vampire?

Willow:  What belongs second.

Xander:  I=92m not asking you who was second.

Willow: Who was first.

Xander: I don=92t know.

Willow & Xander: THIRD VAMPIRE.

Xander:  Did you see any demons?

Willow:  Oh yes! We saw them on the left and right.

Xander:  The left demon=92s name?

Willow:  Why.

Xander:  I don=92t know. I=92d just thought I=92d ask you.

Willow:  Well I=92d just thought I=92d tell you.

Xander:  Alright, then tell me who=92s the demon on the left.

Willow:  Who was the fir-

Xander:  Stay away from the vampires. I wanna know what=92s the name of
the demon on the left.

Willow:  What=92s the name of the second vampire.

Xander: I=92m not askin=92 who=92s the second vampire.

Willow: Who was first.

Xander:  I don=92t know.

Willow & Xander:  THIRD VAMPIRE.

Xander:  The left demon=92s name?

Willow:  Why.

Xander:  Because.

Willow:  Oh, he=92s the demon on the right.

Xander:  Look. Did you see any creepy monsters last night?

Willow:  Well it just wouldn=92t be a night in Sunnydale with out creepy
monsters.

Xander:  The monster=92s name?

Willow:  Tomorrow.

Xander:  You don=92t want to tell me today.

Willow:  I=92m tellin=92 you now.

Xander:  Then go ahead.

Willow:  Tomorrow.

Xander:  What time?

Willow:  What time what?

Xander:  What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me what=92s the monster=92=
s
name.

Willow:  What=92s the second vamp.

Xander:  I don=92t know.

Willow & Xander:  THIRD VAMPIRE.

Xander:  Any weird monsters?

Willow:  Oh Absolutely.

Xander:  The weird monster=92s name?

Willow:  Today.

Xander:  Today and tomorrow are monsters?

Willow:  Now you got it.

Xander:  We=92ve got a couple of days for monsters.

Willow:  Well, I can=92t help that.

Xander:  Now suppose I=92m the slayer. Now its night and I=92m on patrol.=
 I
see one of the bad guys. Now being a good slayer, I grab my weapons and
I slay who?

Willow:  Now that=92s the first thing you=92ve said right.

Xander:  I don=92t even know what I=92m talking about.

Willow:  Well that=92s what you gotta do.

Xander:  Is to slay the first vampire.

Willow:  Yes.

Xander:  So, who=92s dead.

Willow:  Naturally!

Xander:  So if I attack the first vampire, somebody gonna be dead. Now
who is dead?

Willow:  Naturally.

Xander:  Who is dead?

Willow: Naturally.

Xander:  Who?

Willow:  Naturally!

Xander:  Naturally.

Willow:  Yes.

Xander:  So I take my stake and I slay Naturally?

Willow:  NO, NO, NO! You take the stake and slay Who.

Xander:  Naturally.

Willow:  That=92s right. There you go.

Xander:  So I take the stake and I slay Naturally.

Willow:  You don=92t.

Xander:  I slay who?

Willow:  Naturally.

Xander:  THAT=92S WHAT I=92M SAYING.

Willow:  You=92re not saying it that way.

Xander:  I said I take the stake and slay Naturally.

Willow:  You don=92t. You take the stake and slay Who?

Xander:  Naturally!

Willow:  Well say that.

Xander:  THAT=92S WHAT I=92M SAYING! I take the stake and slay who?

Willow:  Naturally.

Xander:  Ask me.

Willow:  You take the stake and you slay Who?

Xander:  Naturally.

Willow:  That=92s it.

Xander:  SAME AS YOU!! I take the stake and slay the first vampire. Now
who=92s dead?

Willow:  Naturally.

Xander:  Who is dead.

Willow:  Naturally.

Xander:  HE BETTER BE!  Now that the first vampire is gone. I grab
another stake and slay what. Then I kill I don=92t know. Now there are no
more vampires

Willow:  Yes.

Xander:  But there is still the demons. So I kill Because. Why? I don=92t
know. He was the third vampire, and I=92m don=92t care.

Willow:  What was that?

Xander:  I said I don=92t care.

Willow:  Oh, that=92s the name of the stake.


End of Part 1





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" Prologue
Date: 26 Jul 1998 19:02:42 EDT

"Starting Over" Prologue
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: The prologue is pretty much a summary of the end of Becoming to =
get=0Apeople who haven=92t the ep up to date on what=92s happening.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequel to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleXand=
er=0A([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcripts wh=
ich can be=0Aaccessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html.
***

=09After having fought Angelus, Buffy raised her sword to dispatch him, b=
ut=0Astopped herself when he suddenly gasped loudly and groaned in pain. =
She saw=0Ahis eyes glow bright red for an instant and go back dark. He lo=
oked up at her=0Abut quickly collapsed to the floor, crying. She stared d=
own at him, but still=0Aheld her sword in case he was faking. He raised h=
imself back up, his eyes=0Aheavy with tears, and looked into her eyes.
=09"Buffy?" he asked softly. "What's going on?" She just looked at him, c=
onfused=0Abut not yet ready to lower the sword. He looked around a bit an=
d got to his=0Afeet. "Where are we? I-I don't remember."
=09Finally Buffy realized that the curse has worked slowly lowered her sw=
ord.
"Angel?"
=09"You're hurt." He gently touched her arm and embraced her tightly. Oh,=
=0ABuffy... God." She still wasn't completely sure that it's true, but ac=
cepted=0Athe hug. "I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Finally=
 she accepted=0Ait, closed her eyes and breathed out a deep sigh. "Oh, my=
 God, everything's so=0Amuddled. I=85Oh, Buffy...What's happening?"
=09"Shh. Don't worry about it." They then embraced in a passionate kiss, =
the=0Avortex enlarging behind them. I love you."
=09"I love you."
=09"Close your eyes." She nodded reassuringly, and he closed his eyes. Sh=
e tried=0Ahard not to start crying, and kissed him again gently. Stepping=
 back, she drew=0Aback her sword and thrusted it into his chest. His eyes=
 whipped open in=0Asurprise and pain, and a bright light emanates from th=
e sword. She stepped=0Aaway from him. He reached out to her and looked do=
wn at the sword thrust=0Acompletely through him. He looked at her implori=
ngly, completely bewildered by=0Athis turn of events. She could only star=
e at the sword protruding from his=0Achest, and slowly stepped further ba=
ck.
=09"Buffy..." his last word was. Behind him the power of the sword began =
to=0Aswirl into the vortex. Buffy stepped further back, still looking onl=
y at the=0Asword in his chest and not into his face. He still holds out h=
is hand to her.=0AWhen the vortex finally met him it suddenly closed into=
 Acathla's mouth=0Awithout so much as a spark, taking him with it. Buffy =
stared at the stone=0Ademon for a long moment before breaking into sobs a=
nd tears.
=09Leaving the mansion, she walked to her own house.
***
=09"Buffy?" Joyce asked. She was confused by the clothes on Buffy=92s bed=
 and=0Afloor. Noticing a note on Buffy=92s bed, she picked it up and read=
 it. Suddenly=0Ashe started crying.
***
=09Giles, Willow, Cordelia, Xander, and Oz assembled in front of the scho=
ol to=0Atalk. Willow sat in her wheelchair while Giles stood there with h=
is broken=0Afingers and black-and-blue eyes.
=09In the distance, Buffy watched her friends talk. I=92m making the righ=
t=0Adecision, she thought as she started to walk away.
=09Without looking back, she left the school grounds.
=09Buffy sadly looked out the window of the bus as it passed by her house=
.=0ASitting there, silently, she thinks about her beloved Angel, her mom,=
 and=0Aeveryone she had left behind.
=09She looked out the window calmly as the bus drove on. As the bus left=
=0ASunnydale, she noticed a sign that said, "Now leaving Sunnydale. Come =
back=0Asoon."
***
End Prologue

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (1/13)
Date: 26 Jul 1998 19:05:00 EDT

"Starting Over" (1/13)
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
=09this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequel =09to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleX=
ander=0A=09([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcri=
pts which can=0Abe =09accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html=
.
***
=09"Anybody sitting here?" Buffy turned around at the sound of the voice =
and saw=0AWhistler in the seat next to her.
=09"What do you want?" she hissed. "And don=92t give me the =91I need a d=
ate to the=0Aprom=92 crap =91cause I=92m really not in the mood to play g=
ames."
=09"Fine, I=92ll cut to the chase. You have to get home," he said.
=09"No, I can=92t," she muttered back.
=09"Why not? They need you to protect them."
=09"Much good my protection did. It got my friend killed, Xander broke hi=
s arm,=0AWillow was knocked unconscious, Giles was tortured, and Angel wa=
s sent to=0AHell. I sent him to Hell. There, happy?"
=09"You made a mistake. But you fixed it the best you could. You did the =
right=0Athing. You found out who you really are."
=09"Yeah, well who=92s that?"
=09"It took a lot of strength to do what you did. You should be proud of=
=0Ayourself."
=09"Than why do I feel so lousy?" she closed her eyes for a moment, but w=
hen she=0Aopened them, he was gone. Just a dream, she thought. Just a dre=
am=85
=09"Excuse me, miss, may I sit next to you?" a voice asked. Buffy had bee=
n on=0Athe bus for almost twenty-four hours now, and she really didn=92t =
want anybody=0Aelse=92s company.
=09Turning around, though, she noticed that he wasn=92t half bad. His eye=
s smiled=0Aat her with a warmness that she hadn=92t seen for a long time.=
 When he smiled=0Ayou could see two little dimples. His voice was invitin=
g, not like most guys=0Ashe knew. She knew somehow that she could trust h=
im. Although he was older, he=0Aseemed to treat her as his equal. Buffy a=
lmost felt uncomfortable in her baggy=0Ajeans, worn-out tee-shirt, and ma=
ke-upless face. Almost, that is. "Yeah,=0Asure," she said, wearily.
=09"Hi, I=92m Andrew Potter," he said, putting his hand out. Buffy carefu=
lly=0Aaccepted it, still unsure of her feelings for him. "And you are=85?=
"
=09"Bu-Willow. Willow Harris," she lied.
=09"Willow," he said, "that=92s a pretty name. But then again, you=92re a=
 pretty=0Agirl. Where=92re you from?"
=09"Thanks," she said awkwardly. "I=92m originally from LA"
=09"So am I. What high school did you go to?"
=09"Hemery. But I moved the middle of my sophomore year to Sunnydale."
=09"I went to Hemery. I was the class of 1987."
=09Twenty-nine, she thought. That=92s not that old.
=09"What year did you graduate?" he asked.
=09She responded, "Oh, I didn=92t graduate yet. I just finished up my jun=
ior year=0Aat Sunnydale."
=09"Shouldn=92t you be in school still?"
=09"It=92s complicated. Let=92s not talk about me. What about you?"
=09"Me? Well, I went to college at Juliard. I always had wanted to be an =
actor,=0Abut it didn=92t work out."
=09"Why not?"
=09"I was destined to do something else in life. Now I=92m in between job=
s."
=09"I know what you mean. I=92m forced into this job that I totally hate.=
"
=09Before Buffy knew it, she and Andrew were the only ones left on the bu=
s.=0A"M=92am, Sir, we=92re at the last stop," the bus driver said as he p=
ulled up in=0Afront of a grave yard.
=09Buffy grabbed her bag while Andrew took his luggage and went off the b=
us onto=0Aa deserted dirt road. Both watched as the bus drove away.
=09"Where are you heading?" he asked. "I=92ll escort you there."
=09"I=92m not going anywhere in particular, just far away. And I can take=
 care of=0Amyself," she said defensively.
=09Suddenly a vampire rose from one of the graves. Andrew grabbed a stake=
 and=0Across and stood in a fighting stance. "Stay behind me, Willow. I=
=92ll take care=0Aof him."
=09Instead, Buffy took her own stake out. As the vampire started to charg=
e at=0Aher, she tripped him. Unfazed, he got up and threw a punch at her.=
 She fell to=0Athe ground, but when he leaned over her, she kicked his ch=
in, swung her legs=0Aaround, and stood up. She kicked him up against a gr=
ave, and he couldn=92t get=0Aup. Grabbing her stake, she shoved it into h=
is heart, and he exploded into=0Adust. Andrew just stood there in shock.
=09"You just ssslayed a vampire. You, you, you=92re Buffy Summers, the, t=
he=0AVvvampire Slayer," he said.
=09"What?! How did you know my name?"
=09"I=92m next in line to be a Watcher."
***
End Part 1

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion=0A




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: _-Sun-_ <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Charlotte Sometimes (part 48)
Date: 26 Jul 1998 22:35:25 -0700

Title: Charlotte Sometimes (part 48)
Author: _-SuN-_
Email Addie: [e-mail]
Rating: R (Well, I AM making someone insane here....)
Warning: There are lots of violent parts! And a coupe sexual scenes.
Nothing a 15 year old living in 1998 couldn't read I think - but I'm
just warning you.
Also: You think this is getting wild? Try experiencing it first hand!
(sympathy towards Drusilla may be sent after you read this) *g*
Feedback: Yes! Send it now!
Disclaimer: Drusilla and Angelus belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, Sandollar, 20th Century, the WB, etc. The Story and the other
characters cast are mine! :P~ (but they all die anyways soo...)
Summary: How *did* Drusilla become a vampire? And get your mind outta
the gutter! I know what your thinking about after the last chapter and
I'm gonna say right now you're gonna be disappointed! ;)


    He left her crying on the floor. After three hours of her sobs he'd
given up - so much for the meaningful conversation with his soul-mate.
    Lydia on the other hand had long ago awoken, and was in the process of
annihilating the house. Screaming and shouting at the top of her new
found lungs.
    Angelus watched as she lifted the chair, a good 3 times larger than her
and slammed it against the railing sending wood splinters everywhere. He
assumed it was actually quite a breath taking site to see such a small
child rip the house apart so effectively. But none-the-less rolled his
eyes as she ran into the bookcase.
    She'd awoken early, most vampires don't rise for a good 24 hours.. But
then Lydia was special.
    Like her sister.
    Angelus got up, grabbing the small child - successfully getting her
attention.

*
    Lydia stopped, the pain vanished as Angelus grasped her waist lifting
her into the air.
    Her eyes bolted to his, but she didn't see him. Stars had exploded from
the moment she'd awoken - and they'd not vanished since. The pain glozed
over her eyes making her head throb as she listened to the sounds of the
forest outside the cottage.
    "Are you insane?"
Lydia presumed it was not meant as an insult, his tone was playful. Yet
she wanted to cry. What had he done to her? And when would he fix it?
     She just blinked. Her red eyes trying to focus on his quite human
features - before sinking her new found teeth in his neck.

*

"Who will be left if I leave?"
    Sniffing she pulled herself up from the floor to look out window. The
reddening sky was a god send. The demon that haunted her every move was
held captive by the sun's gorgeous rays, and could cause her no harm.
    Drusilla's gaze shifted to the broken mirror, a splinter of glass
showing off her red face and swollen eyes.
    A hand ran over her face and through her soiled hair, and when she
managed to focus on the mirror again it was a pair of doll's eyes at
greeted her own.
    Bold glass pupils stared at her. Daring her to run. Daring her to help
her sister. Daring her to stand up to the demon she loved.
    "I can't" she whispered to the doll. But it didn't listen - didn't care
what she wanted only what she had to do.
    She blinked but image remained, adventurousness eyes discerned with
her, only wanting to get away, and to run from this horrid place.
    "It can't," Drusilla told the image "he'll find me. I can't run from
him!" She was crying again, just when she thought all will to cry was
extinguished she found a new horrible reason to be afraid.
    When she blinked again she saw a foggy picture in the glass. A large
wooden cross hanging high above a cement sanctuary...


--

_-SuN-_

Http://home.earthlink.net/~kbleyle/

Guardian of Spike's Need to be Violent to Others
And of Spike's *Need* to Torture people with Railroad Spikes.


_ - _Spikette _ Dru's Dolly - Mercenary_ - _
  _ - _ Head Dominatrix in the Evil _ - _
_ - _   Plan For World Domination, _ - _
  _ - _ With Chains and Stuff _ - _



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Kender Chaos (4/?)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 12:49:02 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
Author: Black Fire
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Buffy: Anything before WML1  Dragonlance: Chronicles and
Legends Trilogies.
Disclaimers:  I own neither sets of characters and I can't afford to
either.
Summary:  Tasslehoff Burrfoot and Fizban the Fabulous have found their
way to Sunnydale.

                            Kender Chaos Chapter 4

    "No!  He can't say here," Giles said again.
    In Tasslehoff's fit of boredom, he had found the weapons closet and
opened it while no one was looking.  Out of sight, out of mind, as the
case usually is, Buffy and the rest didn't notice what Tas was doing.
That is, until Buffy found herself catching an arrow that was whizzing
by her head.  This was accompanied by a quiet "OOPS" from Tas and a loud
clatter as he dropped a crossbow to the floor.
    Convinced, after this that it was a wise idea to keep an eye on the
little Kender, Willow sat Tas down in a chair next to her and mesmerized
him by showing him how her computer worked.  Giles, Angel and Buffy, in
the mean time convened in the librarian's office to decide what to do
with him until they could find a way to send him home.
    "He's right," Angel agreed.  "We can't leave him here by himself.
There's no telling what he'll do to the place."
    "And we can't send him home with you, Angel," Buffy said.  "He might
incinerate you.  As cute as he is, I might have to hurt him for that."
    Angel smiled a silent "Thank you," as he had no more wish to have the
Kender in his apartment than he had desire to be burnt to ashes.  Giles,
also, had sternly insisted that he could (or would not, rather) take Tas
back to his place.  They were running out of options.
    "We could let him stay in Snyder's office," Buffy smirked.  "Or we
could take him over to Cordelia's."
    "No," Giles said, hiding a smile, "Principal Snyder would probably send
him to the police or one of the Elementary schools."
    "And Cordy would probably kill him," Buffy nodded.
    "We could take him to Xander's" Angel suggested.
    "And give him *another* reason to kill you?" Buffy asked, raising an
eyebrow.
    Angel gave her a rare, sheepish look and Buffy shook her head.  The
three of them remained silent for a time, trying to decide what to do.
    "Well, I suppose I could take him to my house," Buffy sighed.  "My
mom's gone, after all.  I'll just have to lock up the knives and stakes
and stuff."  She sighed again and looked out the window at Tas and
Willow, "That is, unless Willow wants him.  They seem to be getting
along well."
    "I guess that settles it then," Giles said, looking relieved.  He
checked the clock on the wall, "You best, go home and get some sleep,
Buffy."
    "Yeah, I don't wanna get caught sleeping in class again," Buffy
groaned.  "I'll go give Will the 'good' news."
    Giles and Angel watched Buffy walk out of the office and over to talk
to Willow.  After some small discussion, it became clear who was going
to be the 'lucky' one to take Tas home.  By the time Angel and Giles
came out of the office, Tas was standing next to Buffy, ready to go and
Buffy had resigned herself to her fate.
    Angel gave her a sympathetic smile and offered to walk Tas and the two
girls home.

*   *   *   *   *

    The journey home took longer than usual.  They often had to stop while
Tasslehoff marveled over the cars, or the power lines, or the electric
lights, or something else.  All the while, he babbled on and on about
how these wonderful inventions actually worked, as opposed to Gnome
inventions.  Or how he simply had to tell his friends, Tanis and Caramon
about this or that.  Or how he had such wonderful new stories to tell
his friend Flint, who was waiting for him by a tree.
    Because of this, it took them almost an hour and a half to get to
Willow's house.  And, with Buffy's house still several blocks away and
sunrise coming in only a couple of hours, Angel was forced to pick Tas
up by the waste and carry him the rest of the way.  This produced a tiny
squeal from the Kender and a new commentary on how Angel was probably as
strong as his friend Caramon, even though he didn't look it.
    From there, Tas started relating stories of the great feats of strength
his friend had performed.  None of which was heard by Buffy and Angel,
but it soon became apparent to them that Tas was could be just as happy
talking to himself as he could be when faced with a audience.
    Needless to say, by the time they got to Buffy's house, Angel was in a
hurry to get as far away from Tas as possible.  So much so that he
hurried the other two inside, gave Buffy a quick peck on the cheek and a
"see you tomorrow," and left.  Though Buffy was disappointed at this,
she understood Angel's need to get away.
    Taking Tasslehoff to the guest room, she left him in there and ordered
him to get some sleep.  After repeating the order several times, Tas
finally complied and Buffy shut the guest room door, went to her room
and fell into bed.  She fell asleep, hoping that Tas would do the same.

*   *   *   *   *

This part is kind of boring, but I wasn't in much of a mood for
craziness today.  But I promise that more mayhem is on the way!!



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Kender Chaos (5/?)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 14:48:40 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
Author: Black Fire
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Buffy: Anything before WML1  Dragonlance: Chronicles and
Legends Trilogies.
Disclaimers:  I own neither sets of characters and I can't afford to
either.
Summary:  Tasslehoff Burrfoot and Fizban the Fabulous have found their
way to Sunnydale.

                      Kender Chaos Chapter 4

    Sleep, unfortunately, was, as usual, not a very pleasant experience for
Buffy.  As was usually the case, her sleep was troubled by strange
dreams.  But this time, the dreams she had were stranger than usual.
    In this dream, she saw Spike and Drusilla standing in a room next to a
befuddled, old man in brown robes.  Then, suddenly, Drusilla whispered
something to the old man and he raised his hand.  The old man raised his
hand over his hand and whipped it forward in a throwing motion.
    Before Buffy knew what was happening, a huge fireball was hurtling
towards her.  She threw herself to the ground and the ball of flame flew
over, just barely missing her.  Hair and clothing singed, Buffy looked
up.  But the three were gone.
    That was when she noticed a presence beside her.  She got to her knees
and looked up to find the old man standing right next to her.  As he
stared down at her, his befuddled appearance melted away and was
replaced, first with a stern look, as if he were studying her, and then
with a look of great kindness and compassion.
    The old man reached down and helped Buffy to her feet.  ôTas knows,ö he
said.
    ôTas knows what?ö Buffy asked him.  ôWho are you?ö
    The old man was about to answer when he was drowned out by a horrific
pair of screams coming from behind her.  Buffy turned around to look,
and found that she was standing outside, below a city in the trees,
watching a gathering storm.  She returned her attention to where the old
man had been, but he was gone.  She looked for him, but he had
completely disappeared.
    Then she heard the screams again.  They were coming from above her this
time.  She turned her face to the sky and watched as two huge,
terrifying forms flew over head.  They turned and made another pass,
then another, getting lower each time.  Until, finally, they swooped
down and landed only a few feet away from her.  They screamed again and,
this time she joined them, backing away in terror.
    As she did, she slipped on something and fell, hitting her head.  The
next thing she saw was darkness and, out of that darkness, she heard
something else.  But this wasnÆt a deafening scream.  This was a tiny,
high pitched voice calling her name.  Something was shaking her, and the
worried voice continued pleading, ôBuffy wake up!  Please, Buffy wake
up...ö
    That was when she realized that her eyes were closed.  Desperately, she
fought to open them again.  When she finally did, she found herself
looking into the face of a worried little Kender.

*   *   *   *   *

    Tasslehoff had been awakened from a light sleep by a scream coming from
the next room.  Wondering what on earth it could be, Tas jumped out of
bed and hurried to the next room.  The room he walked into was large,
compared to most rooms he had stayed in, and nicely decorated.  In fact,
he wouldnÆt have minded exploring it a little.
    And he was going to, but his attention was drawn away from the room to
the girl who was tossing, fitfully in bed.  This Tas found even more
interesting, until he saw the pained and fearful expression on BuffyÆs
face.  Worried (not fearful, mind you, as Kenders donÆt know the meaning
of fear), he ran over to his new friendÆs bedside and started calling
her name to try and wake her up.  When that didnÆt work, he started
shaking her and pleading with her to wake up.
    BuffyÆs eyes suddenly snapped open.  She stared at the ceiling for a
second and then looked at Tas blankly.  Recognition finally came over
her and she sat up.
    ôAre you ok?ö Tas asked.
    ôYeah,ö Buffy groaned, rubbing her head.  ôI just had a weird dream.  I
get those a lot.ö
    ôOh,ö TasÆs eyes widened.  ôI had a weird dream like that once.  I
died.  Actually, in it, all my friends died, except for Tanis and
Raistlin, but I let Tika die and then I got poisoned by a booby-trapped
lock I was picking.  And it actually happened too!  Except Tika was
alright and I would have died, but Raistlin saved me.  Raistlin had
weird dreams too, but he never told me about any of them.ö
    Buffy smiled as Tas continued, only half listening.  She was busy
concentrating on the dream and checking the clock.  It was 7:30.
    ôAaww man!ö she cried.  ôIÆm late!ö
    Grabbing Tas, who was already dressed, she stood him in a corner,
facing the wall while she changed.  She then grabbed her backpack, her
purse and Tas and rushed downstairs and out the door, dragging the
little Kender behind her.
    The two of them ran all the way to school, but Buffy didnÆt stop there.
She headed straight for the library, almost mowing down Oz, a few other
kids and Principal Snyder on her way.  Not stopping to listen to Snyder
yell at the two of them, Buffy dragged Tas down the hall and through the
double doors of the library.  Only then did she stop to allow Tas or
herself to catch their breaths.
    ôShouldnÆt you be in class,ö Giles said, as he walked out of the stacks
with his nose in a book.  However, when he looked up and saw the
expression on BuffyÆs face, he immediately regretted those words.
    ôI had one of my dreams,ö Buffy said between breaths.
    But before she could go any further, the library doors swung open and
Willow, Xander and Cordelia walked in.
    ôWe saw you run in here,ö Xander said.  ôWhat happened?  And who is
he?ö  Xander pointed at the Kender whoÆs hand was still tightly gripped
in BuffyÆs.
    ôThatÆs Tasslehoff, heÆs not from around here,ö Willow said quickly,
ôbut thatÆs not important right now, SnyderÆs coming.ö

*   *   *   *   *
Uh oh!  How are they going to get out of this one?  More to come!!



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (2/13)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 17:50:56 EDT

"Starting Over" (2/13)
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
=09this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus =09she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0A=09the WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the=
 show Buffy the=0A=09Vampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequel =09to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleX=
ander=0A=09([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcri=
pts which can=0Abe =09accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html=
.
***

=09Buffy=92s face turned red with rage. The one person that I could find =
that I=0Atrust betrayed me, she thought. "I know what you want, but I=92m=
 not going back.=0AI, I don=92t care what you say. I-"
=09He interrupted, "I=92m not trying to get you to return."
=09She eyed him incredulously, "You aren=92t?"
=09"No. Just come home with me. You can stay with me until you are on you=
r=0Afeet."
=09"Yeah, so you can contact Giles and have him come and pick me up. I=92=
m not=0Athat stupid," she hissed.
=09As she started to walk away from him, he grabbed her arm. "Look, I pro=
mise=0Athat I won=92t tell anyone anything about you. Please, come home w=
ith me. The=0Aworld needs a strong Slayer being trained, not one living o=
n the streets."
=09"It=92s not your job to protect me."
=09"Yes it is. As a Watcher, I am responsible for the Slayer. And since y=
ou=92re=0Anot with your Watcher, I am your new Watcher."
=09She thought it over for a moment. "Fine. But only temporarily."
=09"Wait, that=92s not the whole deal. You have to help me train my Slaye=
r,=0Aprepare her for the pain of her destiny."
=09"Isn=92t that your job?"
=09"She needs somebody that she can talk to, relate to. She has no friend=
s or=0Aschool or social life. She=92s completely alone in this world."
=09"Yeah, well, so am I."
=09"Please, just-"
=09"Nobody can prepare her for her destiny. When I was at Hemery, I lost =
all my=0Afriends, got kicked out of school, and was in the middle of my p=
arent=92s=0Adivorce. I thought that was terrible. But I started my life o=
ver in Sunnydale.=0AMade new friends who knew my secret, lived mostly in =
peace with Mom, and was=0Adoing okay in school. I even met Angel. But I l=
ost all that." Tears started=0Afalling down her cheeks. "With one mistake=
, Angel lost his soul, the demon=0Athat wore his face murdered the only l=
ove my Watcher ever had and left her in=0Ahis bed, I was kicked out of my=
 house after I finally told my mother who I=0Areally am, I got expelled f=
rom school because my principal hates me, I let my=0Afriend get murdered =
because I was stupid enough to be lured to the cemetery to=0Afight Angelu=
s while his friends bombarded the library, I am wanted for her=0Amurder w=
hich I didn=92t commit, and I had to send Angel to Hell just after he=0Ag=
ot his soul back. Nothing could have prepared me for that. Nothing!" She=
=0Awiped the tears from her face and calmed down. "Nothing will prepare h=
er for=0Athat."
=09"Don=92t you think it would be good to teach her not to make the same =
mistake=0Ayou did? Just because you=92ve had your life destroyed because =
of being the=0ASlayer doesn=92t mean she has to have hers destroyed as we=
ll. Please, Buffy,=0Ahelp her. Help me."
=09"Fine. But I=92m not going for you; I=92m going for her."
=09After walking two blocks to a parking lot, they drove in Andrew=92s sm=
all car=0Ato his house. During the ten minute ride, Buffy was silent, bro=
oding on how=0AAngel was probably suffering. She looked down at her ring =
and thought of the=0Anight he gave it to her.
=09//My people -- before I was changed -- they exchanged this as a sign o=
f=0Adevotion. It's a claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the c=
rown=0Arepresents loyalty, and the heart=85Well, you know. Wear it with t=
he heart=0Apointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody.//
=09This made Buffy think of later in the night. The one night she felt sa=
fe in=0Ahis arms. The one night that she wished she could take back.
=09//Angel, I, I feel like I lost you. You=92re right, though, we can=92t=
 be sure of=0Aanything.//
=09//Shhh=85Buffy, I=85//
=09//You what?//
//I love you, I try not to, but I can=92t stop.//
=09//Me too, I can=92t either.//
=09//Buffy, maybe we shouldn=92t=85//
=09//Don=92t-just kiss me.//
=09If only I could take back those words, she thought. If only I could-
=09Her thought was interrupted as the car pulled into the driveway.  "Wel=
l, this=0Ais it," he said. "I know it=92s not much, but-"
=09"It=92s fine," she said reassuringly. Realizing she had been so rude t=
o him=0Awhen he was opening up his home to her, she decided she would be =
a good guest.
=09They went in through the basement that looked like a gym/library. Book=
s lined=0Athe walls, and weapons lay on the floor. Stakes, crosses, garli=
c, and holy=0Awater sat in a large case. Upstairs, the house looked norma=
l. The only things=0Astrange were a stake and cross in each room.
=09Andrew led Buffy upstairs again to her room. The walls, carpet, and be=
dding=0Awere white and clean, like nobody ever stayed in this room. A lar=
ge cross with=0Aa replica of Jesus on it hung over the bed. A phone sat o=
n the night stand=0Anext to the bed. In the corner was a desk. The room w=
as only slightly larger=0Athan her old one.=09
=09"This is your room. The bathroom connects with Shy Walker, the Slayer=
=92s,=0Aroom.  If you need anything, just ask Shy or me," he spoke.
=09"Thanks," Buffy said.
=09After he left, she started to unpack.  When putting her personal belon=
gings=0Aaway in the bathroom, she noticed Shy reading. Buffy found it har=
d to believe=0Ashe was a Slayer. Only 13 years old, she had long brown ha=
ir and glasses.=0ABuffy thought she couldn=92t be any taller than five fe=
et and couldn=92t weigh any=0Amore than 95 pounds.
=09"Hi," Buffy said, walking into the bedroom. "Whatcha reading?"
=09"Um, uh, nothing," Shy said, trying to hide the cover of the book.
=09"=92The Slayer Handbook=92," Buffy said. "My Watcher didn=92t give me =
one of those,=0Aalthough he should have." The girl gave her a strange loo=
k. "Oh, I=92m sorry.=0AI=92m Buffy." When the girl was silently, Buffy as=
ked, "And you are=85?"
"Shy, the Vampire Slayer."
***
End Part 2

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion=0A




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (3/?)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 17:52:37 EDT

Andrew led Buffy upstairs again to her room. The walls, carpet, and beddi=
ng=0Awere white and clean, like nobody ever stayed in this room. A large =
cross with=0Aa replica of Jesus on it hung over the bed. A phone sat on t=
he night stand=0Anext to the bed. In the corner was a desk. The room was =
only slightly larger=0Athan her old one.=09
"This is your room. The bathroom connects with Shy Walker, the Slayer=92s=
, room.=0AIf you need anything, just ask Shy or me," he spoke.
"Thanks," Buffy said.
After he left, she started to unpack.  When putting her personal belongin=
gs=0Aaway in the bathroom, she noticed Shy reading. Buffy found it hard t=
o believe=0Ashe was a Slayer. Only 13 years old, she had long brown hair =
and glasses.=0ABuffy thought she couldn=92t be any taller than five feet =
and couldn=92t weigh any=0Amore than 95 pounds.
"Hi," Buffy said, walking into the bedroom. "Whatcha reading?"
"Um, uh, nothing," Shy said, trying to hide the cover of the book.
"=92The Slayer Handbook=92," Buffy said. "My Watcher didn=92t give me one=
 of those,=0Aalthough he should have." The girl gave her a strange look. =
"Oh, I=92m sorry.=0AI=92m Buffy." When the girl was silently, Buffy asked=
, "And you are=85?"
"Shy, the Vampire Slayer."
***
End Part 2

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion

"Starting Over" (3/13)
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
=09this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus =09she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to li=
ve with him=0Aand his =09Slayer, Shy.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0A=09the WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the=
 show Buffy the=0A=09Vampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequel =09to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleX=
ander=0A=09([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcri=
pts which can=0Abe =09accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html=
.
***
=09"Why are you here?" Shy asked resentfully.
=09"What?" a confused Buffy asked.
=09"Why are you here? Aren=92t you supposed to be in Sunnydale with your =
family=0Aand friends and your beloved boyfriend Angel having fun? Having =
a normal=0Alife?"
=09"I wish," Buffy said. "My life is nowhere near normal or fun. Not on t=
he=0AHellmouth. As for Mom, and Angel, I let them both down. Mom kicked m=
e out when=0Ashe found out my secret. I sent Angel to Hell-long story, do=
n=92t get me=0Astarted. And my friends-I couldn=92t face them after being=
 expelled from high=0Aschool and being wanted for murder."
=09"Oh," she said, "I=92m sorry. It=92s just that I-"
=09"It=92s okay. Almost really. I know what it=92s like to see everyone a=
round you=0Ahaving a normal life and having fun."
=09"Still, I shouldn=92t have-"
=09"Don=92t worry about it." Buffy smiled. "And how do you know so much a=
bout me?"
=09"Andrew told me about your life."
=09"That=92s funny," Buffy said with a small smile. "Giles never mentione=
d a thing=0Aabout you."
=09"He said that you had the life of a normal teenager, that you went to =
parties=0Aand had a boyfriend and friends that knew your secret. But your=
 family didn=92t.=0AMy family shipped me off to Andrew when I was twelve,=
 and I haven=92t seen them=0Ain a little over a year."
=09"Wow, that=92s rough. My mom didn=92t know that I was the Slayer until=
 a few days=0Aago. She totally wigged out. I don=92t-didn=92t-live with m=
y Watcher. He is the=0Alibrarian at the school library."
=09"I can=92t imagine having to go to school and be the Slayer. Then agai=
n, I=0Acan=92t imagine having friends or being in love."
=09"Having friends is great. I loved having people to talk to, to confide=
 in.=0AIt=92s nice to be able to depend on other people, not only yoursel=
f. Being in=0Alove is the best thing you could ever imagine. Especially A=
ngel. He was the=0Aone crazy thing in my crazy world that made sense. I t=
rusted him with my=0Alife."
=09"So what happened?"
=09"The Cliff=92s Notes version? I slept with him and he lost his soul. H=
e became=0AAngelus again."
=09"You slept with a guy? Andrew doesn=92t even like me talking to them. =
He says=0Athat they distract me from my duty."
=09"Giles didn=92t like Angel much either. Then again, Angel was a vamp."=
 She=0Asighed. "We have more in common than I thought we would."
=09"Yeah. It=92s nice to be able to talk to someone who understands what =
the other=0Ais going through."
=09"Your Watcher seems a lot more like Kendra=92s than mine, though. From=
 the way=0Ashe talked about him, I=92d die if I ever had to live with him=
. He was so=0Astrict."
=09"Kendra was the Slayer before me, right?"
=09"Yeah. I only met her twice, though. Once before Angel=92s transformat=
ion and=0Athe other before she died." A sad, guilty expression came upon =
her face.
=09"What=92s wrong? You look like you feel responsible."
=09"I am. It=92s all my fault."
=09"How can you say that? You weren=92t the one who killed her."
=09"Yeah, but if I was so stupid. If I had just thought about the last ti=
me-"=0Ashe felt close to tears. "Never mind. I=92m really tired. I think =
I=92ll crash.=0ASee you tomorrow?"
=09"Yeah."
=09Buffy went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. After she turned o=
ff the=0Afaucet, she her Shy reading something in Hebrew. Opening the doo=
r, she saw her=0Areading from a prayerbook.
=09"Yitgadal veyitkadash shemei raba bealma divera chireutei, veyamlich=
=0Amalchutei bechayeichon uveyomeichon uvechayei dechol bet Yisraeil, baa=
gala=0Auvizeman kariv, veimeru: amein. Yehei shemei raba mevarach lealam =
ulealmei=0Aalmay."
=09"What=92s that," Buffy interupted.
=09"It=92s a prayer for people who=92ve died. My mom passed away a couple=
 of weeks=0Aago, or so Andrew told me."
=09"Oh, I=92m sorry. I know what it=92s like to lose someone you=92re clo=
se to.=0AActually, more than just one person you=92re close to."
=09As Shy continued, Buffy sat on the bed, listening to the words and thi=
nking=0Aof Jenny, Kendra, and Angel. "Yitbarah veyishtabach, veyitpaar ve=
itromam=0Aveitnasei, veyithadar veyitaleh veithalal shemei dekudesha, ber=
ich hu, leeila=0Amin kol birechata veshirata, tushbechata venechemata, da=
aminran bealma,=0Aveimeru: amein. Yehei shelama raba min shemaya vechayim=
 aleinu veal kol=0AYisrael, veimeru: amein. Oseh shalom bimeromav, hu yaa=
seh shalom aleinu veal=0Akil Yisrael, veimeru: amein."
***
End Part 3

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (3/13) THE REAL VERSION! DON'T READ OTHER ONE
Date: 27 Jul 1998 19:20:25 EDT

I'm sorry about all the confusion, but I sent the other version here by=
=0Amistake.

"Starting Over" (3/13)
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
=09this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the
bus =09she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live with=
 him
and his =09Slayer, Shy.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,
=09the WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the show Bu=
ffy the
=09Vampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a
sequel =09to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleXander
=09([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcripts whic=
h can
be =09accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html.
***
=09"Why are you here?" Shy asked resentfully.
=09"What?" a confused Buffy asked.
=09"Why are you here? Aren=92t you supposed to be in Sunnydale with your =
family
and friends and your beloved boyfriend Angel having fun? Having a normal
life?"
=09"I wish," Buffy said. "My life is nowhere near normal or fun. Not on t=
he
Hellmouth. As for Mom, and Angel, I let them both down. Mom kicked me out=
 when
she found out my secret. I sent Angel to Hell-long story, don=92t get me
started. And my friends-I couldn=92t face them after being expelled from =
high
school and being wanted for murder."
=09"Oh," she said, "I=92m sorry. It=92s just that I-"
=09"It=92s okay. Almost really. I know what it=92s like to see everyone a=
round you
having a normal life and having fun."
=09"Still, I shouldn=92t have-"
=09"Don=92t worry about it." Buffy smiled. "And how do you know so much a=
bout me?"
=09"Andrew told me about your life."
=09"That=92s funny," Buffy said with a small smile. "Giles never mentione=
d a thing
about you."
=09"He said that you had the life of a normal teenager, that you went to =
parties
and had a boyfriend and friends that knew your secret. But your family di=
dn=92t.
My family shipped me off to Andrew when I was twelve, and I haven=92t see=
n them
in a little over a year."
=09"Wow, that=92s rough. My mom didn=92t know that I was the Slayer until=
 a few days
ago. She totally wigged out. I don=92t-didn=92t-live with my Watcher. He =
is the
librarian at the school library."
=09"I can=92t imagine having to go to school and be the Slayer. Then agai=
n, I
can=92t imagine having friends or being in love."
=09"Having friends is great. I loved having people to talk to, to confide=
 in.
It=92s nice to be able to depend on other people, not only yourself. Bein=
g in
love is the best thing you could ever imagine. Especially Angel. He was t=
he
one crazy thing in my crazy world that made sense. I trusted him with my
life."
=09"So what happened?"
=09"The Cliff=92s Notes version? I slept with him and he lost his soul. H=
e became
Angelus again."
=09"You slept with a guy? Andrew doesn=92t even like me talking to them. =
He says
that they distract me from my duty."
=09"Giles didn=92t like Angel much either. Then again, Angel was a vamp."=
 She
sighed. "We have more in common than I thought we would."
=09"Yeah. It=92s nice to be able to talk to someone who understands what =
the other
is going through."
=09"Your Watcher seems a lot more like Kendra=92s than mine, though. From=
 the way
she talked about him, I=92d die if I ever had to live with him. He was so
strict."
=09"Kendra was the Slayer before me, right?"
=09"Yeah. I only met her twice, though. Once before Angel=92s transformat=
ion and
the other before she died." A sad, guilty expression came upon her face.
=09"What=92s wrong? You look like you feel responsible."
=09"I am. It=92s all my fault."
=09"How can you say that? You weren=92t the one who killed her."
=09"Yeah, but if I was so stupid. If I had just thought about the last ti=
me-"
she felt close to tears. "Never mind. I=92m really tired. I think I=92ll =
crash.
See you tomorrow?"
=09"Yeah."
=09Buffy went into the bathroom and brushed her teeth. After she turned o=
ff the
faucet, she her Shy reading something in Hebrew. Opening the door, she sa=
w her
reading from a prayerbook.
=09"Yitgadal veyitkadash shemei raba bealma divera chireutei, veyamlich
malchutei bechayeichon uveyomeichon uvechayei dechol bet Yisraeil, baagal=
a
uvizeman kariv, veimeru: amein. Yehei shemei raba mevarach lealam ulealme=
i
almay."
=09"What=92s that," Buffy interupted.
=09"It=92s a prayer for people who=92ve died. My mom passed away a couple=
 of weeks
ago, or so Andrew told me."
=09"Oh, I=92m sorry. I know what it=92s like to lose someone you=92re clo=
se to.
Actually, more than just one person you=92re close to."
=09As Shy continued, Buffy sat on the bed, listening to the words and thi=
nking
of Jenny, Kendra, and Angel. "Yitbarah veyishtabach, veyitpaar veitromam
veitnasei, veyithadar veyitaleh veithalal shemei dekudesha, berich hu, le=
eila
min kol birechata veshirata, tushbechata venechemata, daaminran bealma,
veimeru: amein. Yehei shelama raba min shemaya vechayim aleinu veal kol
Yisrael, veimeru: amein. Oseh shalom bimeromav, hu yaaseh shalom aleinu v=
eal
kil Yisrael, veimeru: amein."
***
End Part 3

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,
maybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty rooms=
,
shuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -Angel, Passi=
on




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Disclaimer for "Starting Over"
Date: 27 Jul 1998 20:27:31 EDT

Sorry, everyone, to bother you, but I forgot to put a disclaimer on the first
parts of my story. Since I don't want to get sued, here's the disclaimer.

DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century Fox,
the WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the show Buffy the
Vampire Slayer. I just borrowed them for my story, "Starting Over."

 -Jaclyn



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Capeside: the Hellmouth (12/?)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 21:58:18 -0700

TITLE: Capeside: the Hellmouth #12 Seeing Is Believing
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Sure...just tell me where it's gonna go.
RATING: PG
SERIES: A Dawson's Creek/Buffy Crossover
DISCLAIMER: The characters and any other reference to Dawson's Creek are
the property of, creator, Kevin Williamson. The characters portrayed and
in reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to its creator Joss
Whedon, and it's owners Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises,
Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox.  In other words, they do not
belong to me and I am just borrowing them.  No copyright infringement is
intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Capeside: the Hellmouth
#12 Seeing is Believing
By: Taygeta

    Buffy roamed the halls towards the libraryàshe hated 6th period.
Being a junior, she didn't have anyone from the Scooby Gang in her
History class since Xander had the same class in 2nd and secondly, it
took the longest time to reach Slayer Headquarters.  Sighing and walking
as fast as her feet could carry, she tried to ignore the lovey-dovey
couples in the halls, which ultimately reminded her about her
non-existing romance statusàdefinitely not a comfort in her eyes.  Just
when she was about halfway towards the library, she met upon a couple she
*really* could have gone without seeing.

    "Xanderàhoney, you promised you'd stay with me until five,"
Druscilla said in a sugary-sweet voice that made Buffy want to retch
after she had silently mimicked her with a disgusted look.

    "I know I did, Dru, but Joey promised to help me in Trig and I
could use the help," he tried to explain so that she wouldn't get angry
with him.

    She sighed, "You *always* go to that stuffy libraryàI don't
understand itàand it's bad enough that you talk to Joey, but you have to
make it worse by hanging with that weird Summers girl?  Her clothes are
so last year and that make-upàshe needs to learn how to apply, and not to
mention - "

    Buffy smiled when she saw that Xander looked angry at the things
she was saying, "HeyàI've known her for a long while and we've been
through a lot of things togetheràeven before I came here.  She's one of
my best friends, the only best friend I really have right now, I wouldn't
trade her for the world, and I don't want you talking trash about
heràsoàdon't."

    Dru looked meek and apologetic, "I'm sorry, Xander, I didn't know
she meant that much to you.  I won't say anything about heràeven if my
friends say stuff."

    <That's my cue,> thought Buffy as she started towards them and
pretended not to see them as she walked by.

    "Buffyàheyàwhere to?" he called out to her.

    Turning to see him, she walk backwards, "Uhàthe usualàya coming?"

    "Hang for a sec," he called to her and she stopped to stomach the
kiss he gave Dru on her cheek before he walked towards her with a smile.

    "Why is it that no matter what dimension we end up being in, you
always end up with the strangest girl?"  Buffy questioned.

    "Dru's not strangeàshe's just Dru," he said with a shrug.

    "Of the evilly spooky former back home," she added.

    Xander sighed, "Okayàso back home she was wiggin-triggered, but
she's not like that here."

    "Well, as long as your of the happy Xander, and not the
depressive, I'm happy for you," she returned with a smile,  "Although I'd
be more of the happy if you showed your face around the slayer abode more
often."

    He glanced at her and protested, "I've so been abodedàyou're just
too preoccupied with you, you, you that you just don't see it."

    "Uh-huh, me, me, me, and what about you, you, you, and Dru, Dru,
Dru?" she said and laughed, "Xanderàyou and your threesies!"

    "HeyàI had one threeàyou're the one with the triple play," he
paused.  "We gotta get back to better sarcasm, Buffsteràor we won't get
to see the famous look we always do from our highly vocabularized
steroid-induced Scooby Gang and Giles, their leader."

    She gave him her raised eyebrow look, "Umà'highly vocabularized
steroid-induced' who are you and what have you done with Xander?"

    "I've been Joey-possessed," he said as they approached
Headquarters, "That girl can talk a storm if you let her, and use big
words in between.  Check this outàI've mastered Capeside and Giles
speakàor at least I can mock it for funàI've acquired a rather
exponential vocabulary in the miniscule time frame of my current
residency of this here, Capesideàwhat did you think?"

    Buffy looked at him blankly, "I thinkàI'm really scaredàI've
officially seen the spookdom when you, Xander, have lost the economy of
phrasing."

    He returned her blank look with a wide-eyed stare, "Noànoànot the
economy of phrasingàfor the love of all that is the lack of wordsàhelp."

    They entered the library and Giles greeted them in his trying
funny sort of way, "So glad you can join us," which surprised the
Sunnydale formers that Joey and Ms. Calendar actually laughed slightly.

    "So says the leader," nudged Xander to Buffy suddenly with a
smile.

    Pursing her lips tightly, she restrained a laugh at the pop
culture reference, that made Joey give them a strange look, "It wasn't
that funnyàwas it?"

    Buffy muttered sarcastically, "Tickled the funny boneà" just so
loud that Xander could hear and said brightly to the rest, "Inside
jokeàsoàhey when did the troops get diminished?"

    They glanced at her curiously and Xander said, "Diminished?"

    She said hotly, "HeyàI can make the Buffy vocab not totally
uber-suckàor wellàat least try."

    "Theàumàdiminishing of troops, as you stated, is due to the fact
that Oz and Willow are taking part in the funeral procession of the
Master Magician," explained Giles in his matter-of-fact tone.

    "And Mr. Master Magician Guy would beà" lingered Xander
carefully.

    Joey continued, "He's this renowned magic person who's not part
of the witches or the wizardsàkind of the supreme guy.  These kind of
things tend to make Witches and Wizards forget about their rivalry for
awhile."

    "Okayàthat explains our magic minion, what about Joey and De -
Angel?" he continued and hoped that no one, especially Buffy, notice his
slip of almost calling Angel, Dead Boy.  "He told me that he'd be jamming
here right after his class."

    As if on cue, the library's phone rang and Ms. Calendar who sat
behind the counter picked it up, "Sunnydale Library, may I
àwhoaàwhoaàslow down, Angel, what happened?  Uh-huhàokayàohmygodàgo onà"

    "Why do I get the feeling that this is not of the good?"  Xander
asked glancing at Buffy as Ms. Calendar jotted down information on a
nearby notepad.

     She squeezed his hand reassuringly, but replied, "Because it
never is."

Their eyes fell to their hands, and they met each other in a glance, but
they quickly looked away and Buffy reluctantly let go of his hand when
they heard the phone slam on its base.

    "Okayàwe gotta goàthat was Angel," Ms. Calendar said hurriedly as
she grabbed her coat and purse as she talked, "Seems that he was about to
get over here when there was a huge crash in front of Sunnydale U.  A
couple of students on the Sunnydale High field trip to the university
museum were walking back to the school when a drunken jerk rammed right
into them.  Most of them are okay, but about three of them were injured
and one of them is in ICUàandàumàit's Jen."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Buffy and her friends lingered in the waiting room for two hours
and, yet, there was no word of Jen's condition.  Angel could only say so
much, considering that the only things he knew were the one's being said
on the ambulance ride to the hospital.  Every minute without information
seemed like agony to them all and they all hoped that Mrs. Lindley would
receive Angel's message and get here soon.

    "Mrs. Lindley," Buffy said as she saw her step out of the
elevator beside the waiting room.

    "Buffy," she greeted her houseguest with a hug once she saw her,
"I came as soon as I got the message," and she turned to Angel who stood
silently by, "Thank you."

    The corners of his mouth lifted slightly as he shook his head,
"No problem."

    A doctor entered the dark room and walked towards Jen's
grandmother, "Mrs. Lindley, I'm Dr. Carlisleà"

    "Doctoràhow is she?" she demanded.

    He took a deep breath, "She's in emergency surgery at the moment,
and still listed as critical.  If you can sign these forms, Mrs. Lindley,
and we'll update you with every change in her condition."

    "Thank you," she said quietly and she sat down and busied herself
with the forms that he had handed to her.

    A few hours later, after the sun had fallen from the sky, Dawson
arrived to the hospital, "Any change since you called?"

    "She's gotten out of surgery, butàit's hard to tell," Joey
explained with a sigh and she muttered, "As if they tell us much."

    Dawson looked at her sympathetically, "It'll be all right Joey,
I'm sure she'll be okayàwhere is everybody?"

    "They all went to see JenàI couldn't stomach it," she replied,
"Funny, of all the things I've seen and I can't bear to see her look like
that."

    He wished he could stay, but he knew that any second now, Mrs.
Lindley would come back, "I have to goàtell Buffy, I'll take care of the
patrolling with Giles and Ms. Calendaràsee ya."  Dawson began to walk
away, but Joey grabbed his hand before he could leave and he looked at
her curiously.

    "Thanks," she said softly and gave him a warm smile and he
nodded.  They lingered a moment longer than necessary, before Joey let go
of his hand and he walked out of the room.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    The pale, limp body of Jennifer Lindley was connected to a
billion surrounding machines and her head and wrist were heavily
bandaged.  Every once in awhile a painful moan would come from her
swollen, dry lips, but she had yet to awaken.  They couldn't have
believed all the injuries the doctors had detailed, but once they had
entered the room and saw her, they believed.  It tore them that of all
the things that they had done for the world, they couldn't do anything to
help Jen.  Only sit idly by and wait, but with this in mind, they
wondered what it was they were waiting for?

    Mrs. Lindley gripped her granddaughter's hand tightly and glanced
at Buffy, "Oh, I don't know what I would do without her.  Ever since her
father and mother died and left her in my careàI couldn't imagine life
without her.  If she goesàthere won't be anyone left."

    "I'm sure she'll be fine," Buffy insisted as she stood beside
her, "The doctor said that there was a good chance of recovery."

    "I do hope the doctors are rightàbecause if they aren't, it'd be
like losing her mother and my son againà" she sighed as she removed her
necklace and opened its locket, revealing two pictures, "They died in a
car crash, y'know, when they went on their second honeymoon.  May the
Lord bless us and them and I pray that there are angels watching down on
us especially today."

    Buffy looked at the two pictures carefully, particularly the one
on the right of the golden heart.  She swallowed hard and asked, "M-may I
see that, please?"

    The woman handed her the necklace with a smile, "Wasn't Jen's
mother beautiful?"

    "Uhàgorgeous," she said quietly taking it into her hands.

    Xander, who was sitting down stood up carefully and stood beside
her.  He eyed her with much concern as he noted her forced tone and her
incessant blinking.  As he led her away from Mrs. Lindley he whispered,
"Buffyàheyàyou okay?"

    She looked at him carefully and he saw tears form in her eyes as
she showed him the locket, "Xanderàuhàlook how beautiful Jen's mom is."

    He glanced at the picture carefully and he heard himself in take
breath, and muttered slowly, "Oh my godà"

*******
End of Part 12

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From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Unforgettable (1a/1)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 13:01:22 -0700

TITLE:  Unforgettable (1a/1)
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: To be safe up until Becoming
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'm thinking ahead to what season 3 would be like and this
is near the end somewhere.  It's admittably a Buffy/Xander fic, but it's
BXNOsafe.
DISCLAIMER: The only thing in this story that is mine is the story,
itself.  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer
television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners,
Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and
20th Century Fox.  In other words, they do not belong to me. Copyright
infringement not intended.  The song, "I Will Remember You," is written
by Sarah Mclachlan, Seamus Egan, and Dave Merenda and is owned by Arista
Records.  The song, "Unforgettable," written by Nat King Cole.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Unforgettable
By: Taygeta

    A state of tranquility had set upon Sunnydale in recent weeks,
ever since old enemies and new alike had cease their attendance of the
said Hellmouth.  Still, Buffy went on her patrols as she had always done
in the times of Druscilla, Spike, and Angelus.  Exceptànowadays, there
was very little to contend with, and so her vigilance over the grave
markers for that of the undead had altered somewhat and was steadily
becoming a time of thought as opposed to a time of battle.

    Today was no exception to what was becoming the rule.  As she
trudged over stone slabs where ancient rites once occurred, her thoughts
drifted to Angel, who by now was somewhere in the hold of the so
adequately named City of Angels. The bloom of their relationship faded
not long after they were able to release him from the bindings of hell.
Perhaps that was why it was so easy for him to leave and for her to let
go.  He had left sometime ago, and although there were promises to
return, she knew it wouldn't be soon, and when he did come, it would be
in times of danger and fear, and not the times of love it had been in the
past

    Loveàthe word had not approached Buffy in awhile, but perhaps a
more accurate statement would be that *she* hadn't attempted to approach
it.  After the unpleasant results of her relationship with Angel, despite
unusual circumstances, she had been wary about anything that had to do
with it.  She missed itàloveàand this caused trips to the Bronze with her
friends to be rather depressing, because during those times, Oz and
Willow acted like their lovey-dovey cute selves and Cordelia and Xander
acted likeàwellà like Cordelia and Xander acted.  She supposed that that
was why she opted to go patrolling all of the time, maybe not to get away
from them, but to get away from what they all ended up representingàthe
one thing she had yet to truly acquire and hold on to.

    As she thought about her friends as couples, her mind drifted and
recalled that tomorrow night was the big nightàthe prom.  She was
seriously debating on whether or not to go because she had the feeling
she wasn't going to be much fun there and the fun there wasn't going to
feel fun to her.  She would be a third wheel, as always, in the
relationship of Oz and Willow, not to mention that of Xander and
Cordelia.

A strange loud noise occurred suddenly and Buffy fell out of her inner
thoughts and into full slayer mode as she looked around the graveyard.
She carefully walked towards the trees where the noise had sounded and
clenched the stake in her right hand so tightly that her knuckles turned
bone-white.

    "Xander?" she said as she saw her goofy friend sitting in a bush
near the tree, and as she helped him up she continued, "What on earth are
you doing here?"

    "I'm fineàdandyàtotally peachy-keen, thanks for asking," he said
as he winced when he stood up, "Seriously though, I was trying to find
you all afternoon to see if you wanted to go Bronzing with me and Cordy,
but I couldn't find you.  So when I dropped her home after, I figured I'd
find you here, considering that nowadays you're *always* here.

    "Okayà" she said slowly, "but that doesn't explain what you're
doing hereàin a bush."

    He smiled at her sheepishly before saying, "I thought I saw a
snake, and when snake turned garden hose, and when garden hose met feetàI
met bush - that green thing, right thereànot the big cheese that held
office."  Xander saw Buffy smile lightly, but she didn't speak and so he
continued, "Thoughts on the promàmajor questionàya going?"

    She sat down on a cement bench that stood next to a grand and
graying mausoleum and shrugged, "I don't knowàI'm not too sure if I want
to go.  I know what I'm going to be doingàjust sitting there, and
stuffing my face like some porker."

    He walked over to where she sat and grabbed her hand suddenly,
pulling her up, and spun her around the bench a few times, and then in
his cheesy French accent he said, "Sit down?  I zink not, for you and I
will donce ze night awayà" and then Buffy, who had begun to laugh, got
another dose of surprise when he dipped her.  He grinned as his eyes met
hers and as their laughing began to die, they found themselves just
looking at each other.  An awkward silence began to form between them,
causing him to quickly bring her back up.

    " 'Donce ze night away,' huh?" she asked imitating his accent,
while trying to hold her composure.  "I think Cordy's gonna have a little
something to say about that."

    "Cordy's not going to have a little something to say, Buffàa lot,
definitely, but a little?  Nah," he said, "but let's not forget what we
were talking about earlieràyou have got to go to the prom."

    She glanced at him in disbelief, "Xander, you're acting as if the
prom is a life or death matter on my part."

    "Not everything in life is important because it's a life or death
matter," he said,  "All I'm trying to tell you is that one day, Buffy,
you're going to look back on your senior year.  So what if there were
vampires, demonic creatures, andàAngel?  They may be the first things
that come to your mind, but you'll also remember the promàthe one you
never went to."

    "It's just an overrated dance," she argued with a tired sigh,
feeling the effects of weeks of very little sleep.

    He glanced at her and said thoughtfully, "Overrated?  Maybeàbut
if you miss it, how will you ever know?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Buffy climbed out of bed tiredly and found that her mother was
fiddling with something on her closet door, "Mom?"

    "Honey, I'm sorryàdid I wake you?"  Joyce Summers asked stopping
what she had been doing, "I know you had a pretty late nightàdid anything
happen?"

    "All's well in Sunnydale, Mom," her daughter replied with a sigh
as she stood up slowly, "W-what are you doing?"

    Mrs. Summers stepped aside with a smile, "Well, I had this idea
for you to wake up and see this here, but I guess my timing was wrong.
Soàdo you think it'll be perfect for tonight?"

    Her eyes fell to a beautiful pale blue dress that hung on her
closet door, looking misplaced in the presence of her other clothing.
She stood up slowly and walked towards the gown for a closer look.  The
dress was made of off-white chiffon with a gauzy layer of lightly
shimmering azure lace.  It was a simple design that met with a cascading
willowy, floor-length skirt of the same material.  The silvery white trim
edged the top of the dress and was used as simple spaghetti straps.  The
beautiful silver silk wrap and white gloves her mother held in her hands
were perfect with the gorgeous dress.

"Oh, Mom, it's beautiful," she said in a hush voice as her eyes continued
to peer at the dress, inspecting and approving, "but how did you - I
didn't even - "

"Mother's intuitionàI guess," she replied, "I knew how busy you were with
everything that happened over this past year, and I realized that the
prom must have been the last thinking on your mind, and wellàI just
couldn't let you miss it.  I saw this dress while driving home from that
art show a few days ago, and it looked so perfect, that I knew I had to
buy it."

    Buffy contemplated for a moment as she looked at her mother's
happy expression, and she knew that despite any of her reasons before,
she had to go to this prom.  As of late, their relationship had begun to
grow stronger, but it was a slow and tedious process, and to not go might
make everything that they had worked so hard to crumble to pieces.

    "Thanks, Mom," she said walking towards Mrs. Summers and giving
her a warm hug, "You're the bestà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Buffy glanced at the blue dress carefully as she dialed a
well-memorized phone number, and she was about to rummage her closet for
matching shoes, but to her surprise, the phone was picked up on the first
ring.

    "Buffy?"  A hopeful voice said on the other line.

    "Xanderàdid you by any chance wait beside the phone for me to
call?" she asked as she pulled a few shoe boxes out of a row of shelves
and began to open them to see if any of her shoes went well with her
dress.

    He chuckled lightly, "Umàlet's just say my mom had to go to the
neighbors to use the phone, but enough about meàwhat about you? The
question still stands, Buff, are you going?"

    She sighed and replied, "Yes, I am, but not because of what you
told meàsomething else."

    "Whatever that something else is, I'm glad it made you want to
go," he said and a pause set in between them.  Both did not know what to
sayàwhat to do, and then Xander quickly rushed, "I gotta get my tuxàso
Cordy, Will, Oz, and will be around your house at 5:00, okay?"

    "Yeahàisn't it kind of late to get a tux?  I mean, the day of the
prom?" she had to ask before he hung up.

    She could almost picture him smiling as he said, "Let's just say,
it's not your ordinary tuxà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Unforgettable (1c/1)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 13:01:35 -0700

DISCLAIMER AND INFO in 1a/1

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Unforgettable 1c/1
By: Taygeta

    Buffy sat at their table watching her friends dance as she drank
cups of cheap refreshment punch, the only remnants of their dinner buffet
an hour earlier.  She had been sitting in her seat ever since the prom
had started and with the exception of taking pictures in the beginning
that equaled to a very tiring three hours.

    "Having fun much?"  Xander asked as he and Cordelia walked
towards her.

    She smiled and said sardonically, "Oodles and oodlesàthe punch,
by the way, rocks."

    "Oh, yeah, nothing like a few sips of pure sugar to get you
going," he said and the band that played switched to a slow song, "So is
the slayer gonna slay the dance floor anytime soon?"

    "NahàI don't think dancing is my inevitable, although you guys
should definitely dance, you've been mingling with the chitchat for the
last half-hour," she replied.

    "Cordy?" he said glancing at her.

    "Sure," the dark-haired girl said with a smile as she stood up.

*******************
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
********************

    Xander and Cordelia began to dance and she sighed and swallowed
before pulling away from him, "Xander, we have to talk."

********************
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
********************

    They walked out onto the deck of the ship where a few couples
walked under the moonlight and the stars for a romantic stroll, however
this was not the purpose of their outing.

********************
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
********************

    "What's wrong?" he asked as he stood beside her.

    "Nothing's wrong, Xander," she said softly as she looked away
from him, "Nothing's wrongàexcept us."

    "What do you mean, Cordelia?" he asked as he tentatively touched
her shoulder.

    She turned around, "You know exactly what I mean.  I love you,
Xander, you know I do, but you don't love meàat least if you did, it's
not in the way I want you toà  The one you want, the one you loveàyou
think you can't have her, but you can."

    "Cordelia, I care about you, a lot more than I ever thought I'd
admit, but I guess I've been fooling myself this past year and a half,
and in doing that, I've hurt you," he said as he closed his eyes and
sighed.  "God, I never wanted to hurt you."

    "It's okay Xander, I've been quite a dip, too, and don't you dare
make a comment.  I knew you loved her, but I didn't want to walk away.  I
kinda hope that you'd eventually look at me the way you look at her, but
it's never gotten to be like thatàand it'll never be like that."

    "SoàI guess this is the end," he said and to her surprise he took
her into his arms, "I love you, Cordelia, I hope you know that."

********************
I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
********************

    "YeahàI doànow," she said as she closed her eyes and felt the
tears fall down her face, in which she quickly wiped away when she pulled
away from him, "So, what are you going to do about, Buffy?"

    "What exactly can I do?" he replied with a shrug walking in a
circular pacing pattern, "She thinks of me as Xanderàher buddyàpalàthe
guy that's just one of the girls."

    "You're more than that to her," she insisted and she couldn't
believe how ironic it was for her to be talking him into talking to Buffy
after she had just been his girlfriend five seconds earlier.

    "How am I more than that to her?" he asked reluctant to accept
false hope for an ideal he had always wanted to have, but had always
failed to achieve, "How do you know - how can you tell?"

    "Because Xander," she said approaching him, "She looks at you the
way you look at heràthe way Oz and Willow look at each otheràthe way I
wanted you to look at me.  Talk to heràyou have to."

    He began to walk back into the ballroom, but he turned around to
look at her, "Thank you, Cordelia."

    She smiled encouragingly before she turned away from him and all
of the tears she wanted to shed since she saw his expression earlier fell
from her eyes.  She never thought it would end like this, especially not
on the day of the prom.  All of her dreams and thoughts of what her prom
would be like seemed kind of shallow in the wake of things.  Was this
what a year and a half of dating, kissing, talking, hugging,
laughingàevery memory they made amounted to?  This sudden end and
inability to go anywhere, but forward?  She thought about it for awhile
and wiped her tears away, very thankful of the inventor of the waterproof
mascara.  There was one part of her prom dream that could still happen.
She grinned as she walked towards the loud music and the talking
classmates, thinking <Queen CordeliaàI like that.  >

********************
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
********************

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Unforgettable (1d/1)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 13:01:40 -0700

DISCLAIMER AND INFO in 1a/1
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Unforgettable 1d/1
By: Taygeta

    Xander after much exhausted searching found Buffy sitting on a
bench on the other side of the deck, where the couples hadn't needed that
far enough to roam.  He could hear the crowd cheering for the new prom
queen and he silently cheered for her, too, but what was really on his
mind was a beautiful young woman sitting just a few yards away from him.


    She turned to see what the yelling was about and her eyes fell
upon a handsome formally dressed youth that reminded her a little of the
Xander she had known for the past three years.  "Hey, what are you doing
out here - what's going on in there, anyway?"

    "Cordy got prom queenàumàJug Roots got king," he quickly
summarized as he approached her and sat down beside her.

    "Shouldn't you be in there cheering for your girlfriend?"  Buffy
asked as she glanced at him, "Instead of sitting here with me, Miss The
Life of the Party, herself."

    "I guess you should be the first one to knowàumàCordy and I broke
up tonight," he said looking at her face for a reaction.

    She frowned in thought, "What?  Tonight?  I don't understand,
though, why nowàwhy hereà"

    "It just seemed right, I guess," Xander replied with a shrug, "We
really weren't right for each other anyway, but I know that no matter
whatàwe'll still be friends and for thatàI'm glad."

    "Once a slayeretteàalways a slayerette," she said with a laugh,
"I understandàit's a lot like Angel and me."

    "What about you two?" he asked warily.

    "Angel and Iàwe cared about each otheràlearned to love each
other, but in the end it just wasn't right for us to be together.  It
wasn't about him being older or a vampire or other reasons, it was
becauseàit just wasn't meant to be, I guess." she shrugged and took a
deep breath.  "I meanàI still love him, it's justà"

    "Not the way you thought you did?"  Xander finished and she
nodded with a light smile.

    In the distance, on the stage, Cordelia saw them sitting outside
and smiled.  Harmony was practically screaming in her ear to request the
song they had discussed earlier if either of them had wonàbut as she
looked at them she forgot the title entirely.  Before she realized it,
she was requesting not a song for herself, but a song that was made
entirely for them.

    The soft music drifted loudly to the outside and Xander was taken
back at the song that was playing.  He knew what Cordelia had been
planning to request as the prom number, but this was definitely not that
song.  Glancing at her form lightly masked in the dimness of the distant
room; he smiled and silently knew that his initial thanks didn't mean
enough.

    As the music played along the night air, he placed his hand over
hers and stood up as he said, "Care to danceàmilady?"

    She looked from her hand to his eyes in surprise, but a smile
followed the expression and she warmly replied, "I'd love to."

    She stood up from her seat and eased into his arms, surprised at
how comfortable it was with him so close to her.  They had danced many
times before, but never had they danced this nearàand so isolated from
everyone else.  But such thoughts of this unfamiliar feeling, was quickly
brushed aside as both found themselves wishing the song would never
endàthat they could truly dance the night away.

********************
Unforgettable, that's what you are
Unforgettable though near or far
Like a song of love that clings to me
How the thought of you does things to me
Never before has someone been more

Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
********************

    "Xander?" she whispered quietly as the instrumental began, not
lifting her head from his shoulder.

    "Hmm?" he asked looking down at her slightly with his eyes.

    She sighed and wondered why her heart was beating so rapidly
before answering, "Thank you."

    Buffy noted the confusion in his voice as he replied, "For what?"

    She moved reluctantly away from him to meet his eyes, "For being
thereàfor being my friendàfor watching out for me."

    "I thought that you're the slayeràthat you don't need to be
looked after," he said with a grin.

    Buffy laughed and she paused before continuing, "I don't, but I
appreciate the effort."

    "Will you ever admit that you need me, Buffy?" he asked with a
smile.

    "Need youàfor what?  For laughsàfor friendshipà" she said, and
continuing on her train of thought, "For loàfor what?"

    He was taken back at her blunder, but his grin broadened as he
said, "For all the things I need you for."

    "And what's that?" she asked.

    He glanced up at the stars in the sky and as the universe seemed
to stand before him, his eyes met hers and answered, "For everything."

********************
Unforgettable in every way
And forever more, that's how you'll stay
That's why, darling, it's incredible
That someone so unforgettable
********************

    She smiled softly and looked at him thoughtfully.  Buffy said not
a word as she rested her head on his shoulder and his arms wrapped around
her again.  And as they continued to danced, for once, all seemed right
in the world as a shooting star grazed against the backdrop of the less
than perfect night, but a night truly unlike the rest.

********************
Thinks that I am unforgettable too
********************

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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Unforgettable (1b/1)
Date: 27 Jul 1998 13:01:30 -0700

DISCLAIMER AND INFO IN 1a/1

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Unforgettable (1b/1)
By: Taygeta

    Buffy gazed at her reflection critically, and looked at the shoes
on her feet, wondering if they were the best for the dress, and after
much indecision, she nodded in satisfaction.  They were silver with a
cross band design, and stood on 2 inch chunky heels, it had taken her two
hours to find them in all the shoes she bought in LA last summer.  Her
eyes glanced at her hair, which had been pulled into a high ponytail in
which strands of her hair and a few loose tendrils were curled.

Mrs. Summers walked into the room with a smile, holding a few of her
rhinestone ended bobby pin clips in her hand to put the finishing touches
on Buffy's hair.  She remembered she use to do her daughter's hair into
plait braids, but that was a long time ago, and as she saw looked at her
daughter's form and beauty and the stature she held as a young woman, she
couldn't help but feel so proud of her.

    "Buffy, stand still and let me put these bobby pins in," she said
as she walked behind her, and as she intertwined them with her hair, the
door bell rang, "That isn't them, is it?"

    "It shouldn't beàthey'd be an hour early," she responded as she
glanced at the clock, which read that it was a little after 4:30.

    Mrs. Summers walked downstairs, and Buffy heard footsteps walk
back up a few minutes later, and she turned around, expecting her mother,
but getting an eyeful of something totally different.  Cordelia and
Willow were decked out in their most formal best.

    Cordelia wore a sleeveless, tight fitting dress of red satin that
fell to her ankles, and had calve-length slits on both sides of her gown.
 Her long white gloves and her white silk wrap worked well with the deep
crimson.  Despite the simplicity of the dress, Buffy was sure it cost a
lot more than a pretty pennyàthat and the ruby and diamonds set of
necklace, earrings, and bracelet that she wore.  The red velvet shoes on
her feet made her already tall form look even taller.  Her dark brown
hair was pulled up high on the back of her head in an intricate twist,
much more complicated than her own do, and a thin band of hair was left
to round the right side of her face.

    Despite the fact that she looked more perfect than usual, it was
Willow's appearance that made Buffy stupefied.  Her shy, best friend was
decked out in perhaps the most non-Willow dress she had ever seen her
wear before.  It was a dark chocolate brown number of silk with a
singular right shoulder strap and a long skirt that extended all the way
to her ankles.  A slit that ran just a few inches above the knee on her
left side made the skirt's length only add to the style, and add nothing
to the side of convention.  The dress was tight at the waist and top, but
it was loose in a clingy sort of way below the waist.  Buffy also noticed
an intricate Chinese print gold and brown and brown wrap.  Her shoes were
dark brown velvet with a sling-back strap and a chunky heel with a
rhinestone decoration.  Willow's, now, shortly cropped hair was pulled
away from her face by rhinestone barrettes, and a few tendrils of hair
fell across her forehead and down towards the side of her face.

    "Wowàhottie alert," she said with raised eyebrows, "butàumàwhat
are you guys doing here so earlyàwithout dates?"

    "We told them to meet us here, it was Willow's idea," Cordelia
said with a shrug, "She wanted the guys to all see us in styleàwell you
guys in style and me in more style."

    "That's an interesting dress, Will, a new look for you," Buffy
couldn't help but comment as she ignored Cordy's last comment.

    "You don't think it's tooàwellày'know," she said with a voice of
concern over how not of her usual she looked, "'CauseàwellàCordelia
picked it out for me."

    The blonde slayer had to smile, as she thought that only Cordy
would think of giving this type of dress to give to Willow, "Noànot at
all, Will, you look niceàbesides I don't think Oz will have much to
complain about."

    Her redheaded friend flushed, smiled nervously at her words, and
automatically changed the subject to the obvious slayer, "UmàBuffyàyou're
dress looks greatàwhere did you get it?"

    "Mom bought itàI wasn't even gonna go, y'know, but umàyou know,"
she said lowering her voice as her mom walked into the room.

    Cordelia stepped right into action, "So, Mrs. Summers, you bought
Buffy that dress?"

    "Yes, that's right, although it's not half as nice as your
dressàI suppose," she replied as she eyed what looked to her like the
Calvin Klein dress from Vogue magazine.

    Cordy eyed her dress and realized that it must have cost a few
*times* more than Buffy's dress and with a weak smile she responded,
"WellàI don't know about thatàhers is just as niceàmaybe even more."

     "WellàI'll leave you girls alone, and prep the camera for all
those pictures I know I'm going to be taking," Mrs. Summers said with a
happy grin as she left her daughter's room, closing the door behind her.

    "Buffy, did your Mom happen to have just a little too much sugar
with her coffee this morning?" the tall brunette asked as she turned back
to them.

    The slayer smiled, "MaybeàI wouldn't rule it outà she's been like
this since morning, but I don't mind.  I haven't seen her this happy
sinceàwellàfor a long time."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "An interesting suit, Xander," Oz commented when he sat down in
the limousine that they had rented for the night to take them to and from
the Queen Mary where the prom was to be held.  "Kinda makes the
penguin-lookàumàlook decidedlyànot penguin like."

    "Ya think?" he said with raised eyebrows as he eyed his own
clothes.

    Although Oz was wearing a normal, formal black tux, Xander on the
other hand was sporting a tux of a whole other manneràof the classic
manner.  He was decked out in a black suit with long tails, complete with
white bow tie, dress shirt, and cummerbund.  In his white-gloved hands
held a black walking stick and a top hat, and as Oz talked to him, he
couldn't help but feel as if he were out of place in this modern society.

    "Hey, Oz, I've got an ideaà" Xander said with a smile as he
glanced at the two corsages that sat on one of the seats and took the
limousine phone in his hand.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Click!  Click!  Click!  The flashbulb of Mrs. Summer's camera
shone repeatedly as she took picture after picture of everyone - except
Buffy.

    "Willowàwow," Oz said as he saw his girlfriend and it was
followed by a wolf whistle from Xander who couldn't believe that this was
his best friend.

    "You look great, Cordelia," he said turning to her as he kissed
on the cheekàclickàand placed the corsage on her wrist.

     "So do you.  How on earth did you come up with this getup?" She
couldn't resist asking as she placed a boutonniΦre in his lapel.

    He grinned, "Let's just say the costume store doesn't charge
quite as muchàreally though, I thought I'd go and be an individual, as
opposed to aàsheep?"

     Cordelia began to laugh, but her laughter faded before it had
yet to begin as she saw that Xander's mind had wandered - or rather his
eyes - to some place - some plane - that had nothing to do with her.  A
lumped formed in her throat and a heavy feeling in her heart, as she saw
his expression - eyes shiningàa soft smile reserved for that one special
someoneàsomeone that just happened not her.

    "WowàBuff, you look wonderful," he said as she descended the
stairs and Cordy couldn't help but wonder how much more did he mean by
saying 'you look wonderful,' as opposed to her, 'you look great.'  Yet,
she didn't have to wonder, at the sound of his voice, she knew that what
was said for Buffy was said in awe, and hers in polite complimentary.
Sighing, she just wished she didn't know.

    "Thanks," the slayer replied with a smile, "You look very
handsomeàin a classic Xander-like way."

    He laughed and took her response in good-stride and bowed waving
his top hat with a funny flourish air, "Thank you, milady," àclick

    Willow turned to her best friend and said, "I don't think they
said 'milady' in the early 1900s."

    "That's one of the many thing I've always been able to count on
about you Will," Xander said as they were exiting the house, "You'll
always stand by me and give me historical facts that make everything I
say become absolute mush."

    Cordelia got out of her state in time to say, "Wait a minute,
everything you say is already mush!"

    As everyone laughed, Mrs. Summers stood on the front steps with
Buffy and said, "Have fun, sweetheartàand remember you have a curfew."

    "Mom!" she protested, "it's the prom!  You give me until sunup
for patrol nights!"

    "Prom and patrolsàparent controlled fun as opposed to duty
enforced by a rather absurd Watcher.  One thirty, latestàgot that?" she
said with her eyebrows raised and she waited until her daughter nodded in
reluctant agreement.

    "Hey, almost forgot," Xander said as he ran up the steps to where
they stood holding a corsage of a white carnation and silver and blue
ribbons in his hand, "Camera up, Mrs. Summers, picture op."

    "What's this?" Buffy asked as Xander took hold of her left arm
and placed the beautiful flower on her wristàclick.

    He looked up at her with a grin, "A gift from Oz and me to
youàcome on, we're going to be late."

    "Thanks," she said giving him a soft smile and squeezed his hand
lightly, so as not to crush any weak normal mortal fingers.

    "No problem," he said and noticing that he was just staring into
her eyes he coughed and finished, "Well, 'cause, Oz took the tab."

    Before they could get to the limo, Mrs. Summers stopped them,
"Hold on you twoàone more picture!"

    "With the two of us?" he squeaked with widened eyes.

    "Do you see any other two here?" she asked and she motioned at
them to stand by each otheràclick, "Now was that so hard?"

    He said uncomfortably, "Umàwe better get going, Mrs. Summers,
we'll get Buffy home by two."

    Before she could protest, they dashed into the car and as they
drove away, the window rolled down and a loud, "Bye, Mrs. Summers," could
be heard from the black vehicle.  Joyce stood with a smile and waved
good-bye, all the while thinking that her daughter better get home by
one-thirty or there would be one more things to worry about than the
Hellmouth beneath them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Kender Chaos (6/?)
Date: 28 Jul 1998 12:07:46 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
Author: Black Fire
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Buffy: Anything before WML1  Dragonlance: Chronicles and
Legends Trilogies.
Disclaimers:  I own neither sets of characters and I can't afford to
either.
Summary:  Tasslehoff Burrfoot and Fizban the Fabulous have found their
way to Sunnydale.

                        Kender Chaos Chapter 6

    More afraid of what Snyder would do when he found Tas than any
reprimands he might give her, Buffy looked around for a place to hide
the Kender.  Hurriedly, she tried to think of a place to stash him but,
there was no way of knowing if he would stay hidden or what he might get
into.  No.  Hiding him was no good.
    "He's almost here," Xander said, looking out the small windows in the
library doors.
    Buffy quickly studied Tas.  For the most part, he looked like an
ordinary human child.  There was only one problem: his pointy ears.  In
an instant of brilliant thinking, Buffy fished a small hair brush out of
her purse.  Sitting Tas down in a chair, she undid his topknot, which
caused a great amount of protest on his part, and brushed his hair down
and back so that it covered his ears.  Buffy pulled the Kender's hair
into a loose pony tail at the nape of his neck and refastened the
leather strap around it.
    Buffy was promising to put Tas's hair back the way it was as Snyder
pushed through the door.
    "Miss Summers," the principal said in his usual, asinine manner, "I
trust you have a good reason for tearing through the halls, as you did
just now."
    "One of my... ahh aunts dropped my cousin by my house last night,"
Buffy explained.  "My mom's out of town and he can't stay home by
himself, so I decided to take him with me and by the time I got both him
and me ready, we were late.  We ran all the way here and I was just
about to leave him with Mr. Giles when you came in."    "Really," Snyder
said, nodding his head in that manner that usually meant that he didn't
believe a word.  "Well, Miss Summers, high school is no place for
children his age.  I suggest that you take him home."
    This resulted in a disappointed cry from Tas, who had been watching the
proceedings with an unusual amount of patience, for a Kender.  Before
Giles could grab him, Tas leapt out of the chair and ran to Buffy's
side.
    "But I like it here," he whined, "this place is so much fun.  I'm
aahh... Flint Summers, by the way.  Nice to meet you."  Tasslehoff
extended his hand to the now fuming principal.
    "Um... Flint?" Buffy said, squeezing his shoulder, "not now."
    Ignoring Buffy, Tas went on, "You know, you look very familiar.  You
do!   You really do.  But I can't quite place it.  Of course you would
be from where I'm from, I'd know it if you were."  Tas's eyes widened as
the idea finally came to him.  "Oh I know!!  You remind me of Fewmaster
Toede.  Except you're much better looking that he was, but then,
Hobgoblins are usually a lot uglier than humans anyway.  But you act
like Toede.  Are you a....."
    "That's enough, Flint," Buffy said, clamping her hand over his mouth.
"He has a very vivid imagination.  He once thought I looked like a giant
he knew."
    "I see," Snyder retorted, his face slowly losing the redness caused by
his anger.  "When did you say his mother was going to pick him up?"
    "In a day or two," Buffy lied.  "She said she had some meetings to go
to and needed someone to watch Flint for a couple of days."
    "Well, consider yourself suspended until then," the principal hissed.
"Now go home and take him with you.  And the rest of you," turning his
attention to Willow, Xander and Cordelia, "get back to class.  Well?
What are you waiting for, Summers?"
    "I'd like a word with her, if you don't mind," Giles spoke up.
    "Fine," Snyder sighed.  "But she'd better be out of here in ten minutes
or else."
    Snyder turned back to the three standing in the doorway.  After a stern
glare from him, Buffy's friends made a hasty retreat out of the library
and headed for class.  The Principal turned back to Giles, pointed at
his watch and left as well.
    "Now about this dream of yours?" Giles said when Snyder left.
    "It was very weird and too long to tell right now, it seems," Buffy
said.  "I'll come back tonight."
    "No that might not be such a good idea," Giles shook his head.  "I
overheard Principal Snyder say something about working late tonight."
    Buffy sighed, trying to think, "Then I guess we'll have to meet at my
house tonight.  Mom's supposed to be gone for another couple of days."
    "I guess that will work," Giles conceded.  "I'll collect some books
that might be helpful and I'll tell the others."
    "And I'm gonna call Angel," Buffy nodded.  "I have a feeling we might
need him."
    By this time, Tas had wriggled out of Buffy's grasp.  "Hey!  What about
my hair," he sobbed.
    "I'll fix it when we get home," Buffy told him.  Annoyed that he had
caused her to get suspended.  Taking him by the hand, she mumbled a
quiet "let's go," and led him out of the library.

*   *   *   *   *

The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 28 Jul 1998 16:16:45 -0400

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
to Buffy.  Crossovers are great, and expected, but general
vampire/monster stories that aren't in the Buffy universe and don't
use Buffy characters belong somewhere else.

2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist.  Please put
"DISCUSS" in your subject line.  Requests for missing story parts
should go directly to the author, and not be posted to the list.

Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
to the general Buffy list.  Discussion of fiction is expected to
follow common netiquette guidelines and use PG-13 language.

3. No advertising of <any> items or services, Buffy related or not,
and no posting of non-story items such as .gifs, sound files, etc..
No attached files of <any> kind-- if your mailer makes your fiction
into attached files, you need to find another way to get it to the list.

4. If you're writing a story and including advance information on a
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viewing time, please:

     **Mark the post as a "spoiler" in the subject header.
     **Leave about twelve lines (blank or with non-spoiler info) at
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
ahead of time is "protected."  :)   The blank space is for people whose
mailers automatically open up the next piece of mail, without giving
them a chance to see "spoiler" in the header.

Spoiler warnings are not necessary after the start of the episode's
national viewing time, which is currently set at 9 p.m. Mondays,
Eastern Standard Time.  Spoiler warnings are not necessary for reruns.

5.  This list is absolutely NOT for erotic fiction.  <Nothing> stronger
than sexually PG-13 material is to be posted to the list under any
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If you have a question about something's suitability for posting, feel
free to ask one of the listowners.  Sending sexually explicit material
will get you immediately and permanently unsubscribed.  No exceptions.

6.  By subscribing and/or posting to this list, you acknowledge that
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7.  When posting stories to the list, please follow the following
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or weird symbols
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8. If a story is rated "R" for language/violence, indicate this in an
introduction.  For example, "There's a really bloody fight scene at
the end of this part" or "if you don't like dismemberment, stop
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9.  And last, but not least, the listowners reserve the right to deny
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PLEASE NOTE:  not following any or all of these rules will get you
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**First offense:  offender is unsubscribed for one week.
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**If the offender returns and does it again, they're offlist
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As noted above, posting sexually explicit material is the exception --
you go straight to permanent unsubbing.

Again, welcome!  If  you have any questions about these rules, please
contact either one of us offlist.  If you have subscription problems or
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Jill Kirby ([e-mail])
 &
Sharon Himmanen ([e-mail])
Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List
[e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  Free email address Policy (reminder)
Date: 28 Jul 1998 16:16:51 -0400

Please read this.  It's very important.

Effective immediately, anyone who wishes to s*bscribe to any Buffy list on
a "freemail" account (Geocities, Hotmail, etc.) will be required to
provide us with a "permanent" e-mail address as a backup.

We will <not> under any circumstances reveal this permanent e-mail address
to anyone.  This is for our reference <only.>

This new policy has become necessary because of the problems we've
experienced with freemail accounts.  They're too easy to set up and
cancel, and there is so little recourse if the individual with the
freemail account causes problems, that we have no choice but to enact this
policy.

The s*bscription information pages will be changed to reflect this policy.

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY S*BSCRIBED UNDER A FREEMAIL ADDRESS:  as long as you
stay s*bscribed, you do not need to provide us with this information.
However, if you uns*b and want to res*b at some point, you will have to
give us this information even if you were previously a s*bscriber through
a freemail account.  If we have to uns*b you for bouncing mail, again,
you'll have to provide the information to res*b.

If you have any questions regarding this, please contact us offlist.
Thanks.

sah and Jill
[e-mail] and [e-mail]

--
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"Armageddon might be thirty seconds after some guy puts his hand down my
shirt."                                        --Jill Kirby



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:  Kender Chaos (7/?)
Date: 28 Jul 1998 13:57:52 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
Author: Black Fire
Email:[e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.
Rating: PG
 Spoilers: Buffy: Anything
before WML1  Dragonlance: Chronicles and Legends Trilogies.
Disclaimers:  I own neither sets of characters and I can't afford to
either.
 Summary:  Tasslehoff Burrfoot and Fizban the Fabulous have found their
way to Sunnydale.

                                Kender Chaos Chapter 7

    "I'm sorry I got you into trouble, Buffy," Tas said as they walked
home.  After they left school, Tas had started feeling really bad about
what had happened.
    "It's alright," Buffy sighed.
    "I just seem to have this habit of getting my friends into trouble," he
continued.  "I don't know why.  Usually just *seeing* my friends
traveling with me gets us all into trouble.  But then, Kenders are
always treated badly.  We are!  People think of us as children or...
thieves.  I hate that word, by the way."
    Tas talked on and on, all the way home.  Buffy smiled, only half
listening but, somehow, listening to the Kender's cheerful voice made
her feel better.  With Tas with her, and on his best behavior, the walk
home seemed to take almost no time at all.
    Once there, Buffy, as promised returned Tasslehoff's hair to his
beloved topknot.  But not before taking it upon herself to was and trim
it first.  She later laughed to herself at the very idea that Tas
thought Principal Snyder was comparable to a hobgoblin.  There were
times, in fact, when she could have thought so herself.
    Tas's hair fix once more, Buffy made a quick call to Angel to let him
know about the meeting.  She then resigned herself to waiting for her
friends and nightfall to come.  A task not made easy for her.  For, as
she soon found out, Kenders get bored very quickly.

*   *   *   *   *

    Meanwhile, on the other side of town, others were also eagerly awaiting
sundown.  Most of the vampires in the wherehouse were sleeping.  Others
were doing various meanial tasks, busy work, in order to keep themselves
occupied durring the day.
    Spike had returned to pacing the floor near the newly replaced table.
He was getting very worried about Drusilla.  She was growing weaker
every day.  She had refused to eat a thing the last few days.  And now,
she had found this weird preoccupation with this strange old man who had
wondered in last night.
    Fizban had truely facinated her.  She kept saying that the old man had
a tremendous amount of power in him, but all Spike could see was a
befuddled old man who yelled at inanimate objects, threatened them with
ridiculous threats and couldn't even remember his own name half the
time.
    No.  Unless this was all just an elaborate act, the old geezer could be
of no use to them.  Still, he kept Dru happy and amused.  They might as
well keep him alive and around... for a while anyway.
    Dru's laughter echoed from her room.  Fizban was, currently yelling at
a stool he had tripped over.  He was threatening to turn it into a rat
or something or other.  Now and again, he mumbled something in a
strange, spidery language, saying he was trying to remember the "Rat
Spell."
    Dru watched as Fizban went into deep concentration, trying to remember
the Rat Spell.  Suddenly, his eyes lighted up and he jumped up and down,
saying "I got it now!"  Dru watched in amazement as the old man started
chanting some words and making elaborated jestures with his arms.
    However, the spell Fizban remembered was, as was sometimes the case,
not the one he had wanted.  Dru watched in awe as energy began to gather
around his hand and turned into a decent sized ball of fire.  However,
instead of aiming the spell at the chair, as the old man intended, his
hand found itself pointing a the doorway.
    Spike, who was pacing outside, wasn't paying attention.  He was so lost
in thought that he didn't see weird light building up in the other room.
That is, not until he started smelling smoke.  He looked up just in time
to see the fireball fly out of the room, right at him.  Quickly, he
jumped out of the way and the ball flew past him and hit the table, dead
center causing it to burst into flame and disintigrate.
    "What the bloody hell was that?!?!" Spike yelled, staring at the table
in shock.
    But this time, Dru and Fizban had made their way to the door to see
what had happened.  Dru jumped up and down, clapping like a gleeful
child.  "Do it again!" she begged the old man.
    "Now where did that Fireball Spell come from?" Fizban asked himself as
he reached up to wipe his forehead.
    "Would *somebody* like to tell me what's going on?" Spike asked.
    "I told you, luv," Dru said happily, "This one has great power."
    Fizban smiled at her and reached up to scratch his head.  All of a
sudden he started yelling, "My hat!!  Who took my hat?  Give me back my
hat!  Now what was that Rat Spell again?"
    Dru laughed at him.  Spike and the others just stood there, bewildered
and fearing for their lives.

*   *   *   *   *

In the words of Tasslehoff: "Oops!"


The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"
______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (2/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:37:32 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the second chapter of my first fanfic. Be gentle!
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. A council of war is held in
the Sunnydale High library; Xander must face his deepest fears; a
surprise guest makes an appearance.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Two
From Humble Beginnings


        Xander's apprehension hung about him as a dark cloud, an almost
physical presence, as he entered the library of Sunnydale High. He
pressed past the swinging doors and tried to make his gait a natural one
as his friends--and Giles--came into view at the large table which
dominated the center of the lower level. Their eyes were upon him as his
mouth curved upward in a smile that didn't touch his eyes.
        "Waiting for me? That's new," he quipped easily enough, being so
used to hiding his feelings that his nervousness just appeared to be his
usual self-consciousness. "So, guys, what's up? Or down, as the case may
be?"
        His dark eyes scanned the table. There, on his left, was Willow,
probably his best friend in the world, her hand tightly gripping that of
her boyfriend, werewolf lead guitarist Oz. On his right, the impeccably
British Rupert Giles, a man whose facial expression and walk made him
seem as though he were continually slightly constipated. The only faces
noticeably absent from the gathering were those of Xander's on-again,
off-again girlfriend Cordelia Chase, and of course Buffy Summers, the
Vampire Slayer.
        Xander's gaze was drawn to Giles as the older man gave a slight
exhalation and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
        "Xander, as stimulating as your brand of repartee is, I'm afraid
we have more serious things to discuss. I was going to wait until you
and Cordelia arrived before I began so that I wouldn't have to repeat
myself..." He broke off, seeming to notice for the first time that
Xander was alone. "Where is Cordelia, by the way?"
        "Oh, she's got some sort of cheerleading thing going on," Xander
replied. "I'd be there with her--you know, for moral support--" Willow
passed Oz a look that Xander didn't miss but chose not to say anything
about, "--but she gets this whole 'jealous-girlfriend' routine when I
hang around. Either that, or the whole 'embarrassed-girlfriend' routine.
I get them mixed up."
        Giles sighed again. He really didn't need this, not right now,
and Xander's flippancy was just making the situation harder on him.
        "Xander, sit down." The tone of command in Giles' voice brooked
no room for argument, and the look in his eyes silenced the wisecrack in
Xander's throat before it could break free. He placed himself at the
opposite end of the table from Giles and tried to look dejected. Willow
glanced sympathetically at her friend and smiled before she turned to
Giles to ask him the question that had been on her mind for almost
fifteen minutes.
        "Okay, Giles, why are we here?" Now this one Xander couldn't
pass up.
        "Well, Willow," Xander started in, "you see, people have been
asking that question since the beginning of time. Why are we here? What
is our purpose in life? Are there any reasons at all? The simple version
of the answer goes like this: When a boy and a girl like each other a
lot, they want to express that affection..."
        Giles' face was turning a bright and interesting shade of red,
and it looked as though he were about to suffer an attack of something
or other. Willow and Oz were trying to suppress giggles and not doing a
terribly good job at it. Xander's devil-may-care grin grew as he watched
Giles' reaction. Any joke he could use to annoy the G-Man, he knew, was
a truly successful one. His dark mood had started to lift; maybe today
wouldn't be so bad after all.
        Finally, Giles decided that he had had enough. He brought down
his palm on the hardwood table as hard as he could, which was quite hard
considering that he spent most of his time either lifting stacks of
books or sparring with a Slayer. The resultant loud crack made Willow
jump slightly, Oz move instantly to comfort her, and Xander to close his
mouth with an audible click as his teeth met.
        "I have had more than my fill of your foolishness for one day!
Now be quiet and listen! This is serious!" Giles' color had begun to
return to normal but his breathing was harsh and ragged as one who had
been performing a heavy aerobic regimen. Xander was silent now, both
from acute shame and from the knowledge that Giles never lost his cool
like this unless it *was* serious.
        "Sorry, Giles," Xander said, real hurt and surprise in his voice
now. "What's going on?" Xander's face was a mass of contradictions; he
knew precisely what was going on, why they were all here today, but he
kept telling himself that he was being paranoid, kept hoping against
hope that he was wrong.
        Giles cleared his throat and began.
        "Buffy still has not returned to school, nor has she contacted
me--nor, I assume, any of you." He paused to look at the assembled
youths as they gravely shook their heads. "I spoke to Principal Snyder
today, asking when Buffy was expected to return. According to him, she
is not."
        "What?" asked Willow, more than a bit shocked and worried.
        "The principal informed me that he personally expelled Buffy the
night of Angelus's attack. He found her here, in the library, looking
around, called the police, and then simply expelled her." Giles face was
a mask of indifference as he spoke, his crisp British accent striving to
report the facts without emotion and only just succeeding.
        "But that means..." began Willow.
        "That she knew she wouldn't be coming back to school? Yes,
indeed," Giles finished for her. "Why she would keep this vital fact
from us, I don't know, but I have my suspicions. Possibly, she had
already planned leaving Sunnydale after she, um, finished Angelus. More
likely, she did not wish to burden us with her own problems, which I can
suppose were weighing heavily upon her."
        "Wait, wait, wait," interrupted Xander. "Leave Sunnydale? What
are you talking about, G-Man? She's the Slayer, remember? She can't
leave Sunnydale. Can she?"
        "Well, um, the- the force which empowers the Slayers may have
decided that her tenure in Sunnydale was at an end with the
destruction--or reform--of Angelus and permitted her to leave. Or,
possibly, Buffy is no longer the Slayer and she is no longer required to
fight the forces of darkness. There are records of Slayers retiring
after dealing with one last major threat, rather than dying in battle.
With her responsibility over, she could have decided that it was time to
start over someplace else."
        "Aren't we just grasping at straws here?" interrupted Oz's cool,
slow voice. "I mean, how do we even know that she's gone anywhere? She
could still be here in town, recovering from the fight. Isn't that what
you said the other day? That she and Angel are someplace quiet, getting,
uh... reacquainted?"
        Giles nodded. "That was the original theory. Now, however, I
know differently. Since Willow was released from the hospital, I've been
doing some digging, and what I've found does not inspire me to be
hopeful. In addition, my own injuries and general state of confusion
slowed the search and made me leave one important source until last:
Mrs. Summers."
        "Buffy's mom," said Xander by way of stating the obvious. "Cool.
If anyone can clear this up, she can."
        "Actually, no. Mrs. Summers was somewhat less than helpful."
Giles frowned in memory of the confrontation between himself and the
distraught Joyce Summers. "She was, in fact, rather close to hysteria.
Apparently, Buffy revealed her secret identity to her mother, and they
had some sort of argument. The details I managed to glean from her were
sketchy at best, but from what I did get, Joyce... threw Buffy out of
the house."
        "What?" asked Willow and Xander at the same time, startling
Giles out of his "lecture mode." They both began to babble incoherently
at the same time, leaving Oz in confusion and Giles at the focus of the
cacophony. Even through the din, it was obvious that both were
concerned, though Willow's tone was closer to panicky worry and Xander's
was closer to moral outrage.
        The group fell into a shocked silence as the library doors
opened noisily, as though someone who had been listening to them had
decided to make a dramatic entrance.
        "Well, well, well," said the stranger, a small, oily-looking man
dressed all in black as he removed his sunglasses and hat, "the infamous
Slayerettes. So we meet at last. Too bad it's gotta be under these
circumstances. I had hoped to sit down with a cappuccino or a foot-long
and talk to you, but they don't allow them in here." He looked over at
the English librarian and smiled crookedly. "Sorry 'bout the stuff I
snitched from your fridge, Rupe, but a demon's gotta eat."
        At the word "demon" the gathered group reacted. Giles instantly
headed for the weapons case in his office, while both Oz and Xander
moved to place themselves between the man(?) in the rumpled fedora and
their still-injured friend. Xander in particular cut a
less-than-imposing figure with his jittery look and his good arm still
in a cast.
        "Oh, stop it," reprimanded the stranger. "For one, none of you
can do squat against me--I'm kind of immortal--and for another, I'm here
to help you, so just sit down and calm down."
        His words had a reassuring effect on the friends, and Xander and
Oz both visibly lowered their guard, Xander somewhat slower than the
good-natured werewolf. Willow's tremors subsided gradually, and Giles
made his way back to the table, though he kept hold of the bottle of
holy water he had managed to grab.
        "Who the devil are you?" asked Giles cautiously.
        "Nice choice of words, G-Man," interjected Xander nervously.
        The stranger smiled. "That's why I like you, kid, a quip for
every occasion." The man's dark eyes bored into Xander. *He knows*,
Xander thought to himself in a panic, *he knows everything*. If
anything, the stranger's smile became larger, more amused, as though the
world were a joke and he were the only one to understand the punchline.
        "As for who I am... you can call me The Whistler."


END CHAPTER TWO


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (1/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:35:18 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first fanfic, and as the title might suggest,
it focuses mainly on Xander. Please let me know what you think of it,
else my poor, battered ego might just give up the ghost.
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. This chapter is just sort of
an audio journal thingie describing Xander's emotions and state of mind
following the "Becoming" debacle.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter One
Became


Excerpt from the audio journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris:

        "They say you always hurt the ones you love. Whoever 'they' are,
they had a point.
        "I've hurt, and been hurt by, virtually everyone I've ever cared
about--parents, friends, girls, it didn't matter. I'm an equal
opportunity jerk. Not to say that I'm completely blameless in my
actions; living on the Hellmouth isn't exactly a way to develop empathy
for your fellow man.
        "Living on the Hellmouth *is* a good way to die young, unless
you pick up survival skills real fast. My way of making it through life?
Never let anyone get close, that way you don't have to deal with it when
they stop caring, or move away, or die. Keep them away with harsh words
and mean wisecracks and a devil-may-care attitude and a slacker image.
Just... don't let anyone care.
        "All things considered, I was pretty lucky to have even two
friends left by the time I got to Sunnydale High, but they weren't safe
from my personality problems either. Willow was in love with me, and I
was too busy being hormone-boy to even notice her, what she was going
through for me. And Jesse... Jesse was my bud for the longest time, and
how do I repay him? I killed him. Okay, he was a vampire at the time,
but in my mind, it's still the same thing.
        "The only good thing to come out of that whole
first-brush-with-the-Hellmouth bit was Buffy. Buffy Summers, a girl I
quickly grew obsessive about. A girl who just happened to be the Slayer,
destined to fight the forces of darkness... and eventually lose, though
you'd never believe it watching her in action. I fell in love the first
time I saw her; then I fell off my skateboard, proving the 'love hurts'
thing yet again.
        "In the first year Buffy lived in Sunnydale, I had more brushes
with death than I had in a decade of eating cafeteria food, but it
didn't matter because she was there, because she always had everything
under control. Sure, I was a bit shaky after I got possessed by a
demonic hyena spirit, but there was no real damage--except to my pride,
which had never been that well-developed in the first place.
        "After that, things went straight downhill: Buffy started dating
a vampire when I couldn't get my courage up enough to ask her out;
Willow started seeing that long-haired freak Oz, and he turns out to be
a werewolf; I nearly get eaten by various monsters--I mean, come on! how
many mantis-ladies and worm-assassins can there be out there?--and then,
for some reason I still don't get, Cordelia decides to make me her
cuddle-monkey, which may sound good on paper, but...
        "And through it all, there was death and disaster, and Buffy to
save us from it.
        "When she died in the Master's lair, a part of me nearly died
too. Thank god for CPR. But it was that night that I realized, I didn't
stand a chance in Hell with her. I released my hope, and it was like I
was free. Then Angel became one of the big, bad things in the dark, and
there was hope again, hope that Buffy would see me. But no, she was
still obsessed with tall, dark, and annoying, even after he kept trying
to kill her. The worst thing wasn't rejection--I've been rejected most
of my life. No, the worst thing was having hope, and then having it
stolen away again.
        "The way he hurt her... I wanted to see him dead. I would have
done anything to be the one that staked that bastard to the ground. And
the more he hurt Buffy, the more I wanted him dead. So when Willow--of
all people, Willow--announced that she could give Angel his soul back, I
freaked. I admit it, I went off. After all the things he had done, all
the people he had murdered, everything would just be forgiven and
forgotten, and Buffy and Angel could be together again... The idea made
me sick.
        "And, I suppose, there was just a touch of jealousy in there
too, that Angel could loot and plunder and terrorize and Buffy still
loved him, and I did my damnedest to be perfect and I was just part of
the scenery to her. Something in me broke, a part of me really did die
then.
        "After Kendra was killed and Willow was put in the hospital, for
the first time in our friendship, I lied to Buffy. At the time, I
rationalized it, told myself it was to protect her, that if she
hesitated Angel would kill her, that it was for her own good. I told
myself that I was protecting her. But it was all just a bunch of bull, I
know that now. Right then, when I lied to Buffy, my motivation wasn't to
protect her. It was revenge, plain and simple. I wanted to get Angel
back for all the things he had done, wanted to make him pay for all the
pain he had caused, for hurting Willow and Buffy, but most of all, I
wanted to see him die for keeping me and Buffy apart.
        "The part of me that floats above the hormones--just a tiny
piece of me, like the tip of an iceberg--knows that I never really had a
chance with Buffy, but the rest won't give up the idea. I won't make
excuses for my actions, won't make up some lie about Angel's death being
for the 'greater good.' The ritual worked, and Angel wouldn't have been
evil anymore. What I did was selfish, totally and utterly selfish. And I
don't know if it can ever be forgiven.
        "The others think that Buffy and Angel are off someplace,
celebrating the return of his soul. And maybe they are, maybe I'm going
wiggy over nothing. But I don't think so--I know I'm not. Angel's dead,
and Buffy could be too. I hope she's okay, but part of me is afraid. I'm
scared to death that, wherever she is, she hates me, hates what I've
done. I mean, she's been angry at me before, and it always hurt until
she got over it, but I don't think I could take it if she ever really
hated me.
        "Because that would make two of us.
        "However much Buffy might hate me, I hate myself even more. One
lie, one single lie that hurt her more than Angel's hardest punches and
cruelest taunts ever did. I hated Angel because he hurt Buffy, said he
was a monster because of it, but what does that make me now? Am I a
monster? If I am, I became one so quietly I never even noticed it.
        "If only I knew where Buffy was, how she was. I just wish I
could talk to her, admit my guilt, try to absolve myself of some of this
pain. But I can't, and the pain just keeps eating at me, swirling around
in my gut until I think I have to scream or I'll burst, but I don't
burst.
        "I have to find Buffy. I know that now. I pray that she'll
forgive me, but in my heart I know that forgiveness is probably beyond
my reach, that I'm now one of the damned. And when I do find Buffy, I'll
tell her everything, beginning to end, and maybe if she can't forgive
me, she'll at least come back with me to Sunnydale, where they need her
most.
        "And Willow will smile, and Giles will make some tea, and Oz
will get her to listen to the newest riff he's thought up, and Cordy
will insult her hair. And it'll be just like old times, except for me.
If Buffy can't forgive me, can't accept me, I'll leave. I don't know
where I'll go, what I'll do, but I couldn't stand to stay here--either
without Buffy, or with a Buffy that hated me.
        "I'll talk to Giles and the others tomorrow and let them know
I'm going after her. I'm not sure how to start just yet, but I'll think
of something.
        "End journal entry for May 23, 1998."


END CHAPTER ONE


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (2/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:37:42 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the second chapter of my first fanfic. Be gentle!
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. A council of war is held in
the Sunnydale High library; Xander must face his deepest fears; a
surprise guest makes an appearance.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Two
From Humble Beginnings


        Xander's apprehension hung about him as a dark cloud, an almost
physical presence, as he entered the library of Sunnydale High. He
pressed past the swinging doors and tried to make his gait a natural one
as his friends--and Giles--came into view at the large table which
dominated the center of the lower level. Their eyes were upon him as his
mouth curved upward in a smile that didn't touch his eyes.
        "Waiting for me? That's new," he quipped easily enough, being so
used to hiding his feelings that his nervousness just appeared to be his
usual self-consciousness. "So, guys, what's up? Or down, as the case may
be?"
        His dark eyes scanned the table. There, on his left, was Willow,
probably his best friend in the world, her hand tightly gripping that of
her boyfriend, werewolf lead guitarist Oz. On his right, the impeccably
British Rupert Giles, a man whose facial expression and walk made him
seem as though he were continually slightly constipated. The only faces
noticeably absent from the gathering were those of Xander's on-again,
off-again girlfriend Cordelia Chase, and of course Buffy Summers, the
Vampire Slayer.
        Xander's gaze was drawn to Giles as the older man gave a slight
exhalation and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
        "Xander, as stimulating as your brand of repartee is, I'm afraid
we have more serious things to discuss. I was going to wait until you
and Cordelia arrived before I began so that I wouldn't have to repeat
myself..." He broke off, seeming to notice for the first time that
Xander was alone. "Where is Cordelia, by the way?"
        "Oh, she's got some sort of cheerleading thing going on," Xander
replied. "I'd be there with her--you know, for moral support--" Willow
passed Oz a look that Xander didn't miss but chose not to say anything
about, "--but she gets this whole 'jealous-girlfriend' routine when I
hang around. Either that, or the whole 'embarrassed-girlfriend' routine.
I get them mixed up."
        Giles sighed again. He really didn't need this, not right now,
and Xander's flippancy was just making the situation harder on him.
        "Xander, sit down." The tone of command in Giles' voice brooked
no room for argument, and the look in his eyes silenced the wisecrack in
Xander's throat before it could break free. He placed himself at the
opposite end of the table from Giles and tried to look dejected. Willow
glanced sympathetically at her friend and smiled before she turned to
Giles to ask him the question that had been on her mind for almost
fifteen minutes.
        "Okay, Giles, why are we here?" Now this one Xander couldn't
pass up.
        "Well, Willow," Xander started in, "you see, people have been
asking that question since the beginning of time. Why are we here? What
is our purpose in life? Are there any reasons at all? The simple version
of the answer goes like this: When a boy and a girl like each other a
lot, they want to express that affection..."
        Giles' face was turning a bright and interesting shade of red,
and it looked as though he were about to suffer an attack of something
or other. Willow and Oz were trying to suppress giggles and not doing a
terribly good job at it. Xander's devil-may-care grin grew as he watched
Giles' reaction. Any joke he could use to annoy the G-Man, he knew, was
a truly successful one. His dark mood had started to lift; maybe today
wouldn't be so bad after all.
        Finally, Giles decided that he had had enough. He brought down
his palm on the hardwood table as hard as he could, which was quite hard
considering that he spent most of his time either lifting stacks of
books or sparring with a Slayer. The resultant loud crack made Willow
jump slightly, Oz move instantly to comfort her, and Xander to close his
mouth with an audible click as his teeth met.
        "I have had more than my fill of your foolishness for one day!
Now be quiet and listen! This is serious!" Giles' color had begun to
return to normal but his breathing was harsh and ragged as one who had
been performing a heavy aerobic regimen. Xander was silent now, both
from acute shame and from the knowledge that Giles never lost his cool
like this unless it *was* serious.
        "Sorry, Giles," Xander said, real hurt and surprise in his voice
now. "What's going on?" Xander's face was a mass of contradictions; he
knew precisely what was going on, why they were all here today, but he
kept telling himself that he was being paranoid, kept hoping against
hope that he was wrong.
        Giles cleared his throat and began.
        "Buffy still has not returned to school, nor has she contacted
me--nor, I assume, any of you." He paused to look at the assembled
youths as they gravely shook their heads. "I spoke to Principal Snyder
today, asking when Buffy was expected to return. According to him, she
is not."
        "What?" asked Willow, more than a bit shocked and worried.
        "The principal informed me that he personally expelled Buffy the
night of Angelus's attack. He found her here, in the library, looking
around, called the police, and then simply expelled her." Giles face was
a mask of indifference as he spoke, his crisp British accent striving to
report the facts without emotion and only just succeeding.
        "But that means..." began Willow.
        "That she knew she wouldn't be coming back to school? Yes,
indeed," Giles finished for her. "Why she would keep this vital fact
from us, I don't know, but I have my suspicions. Possibly, she had
already planned leaving Sunnydale after she, um, finished Angelus. More
likely, she did not wish to burden us with her own problems, which I can
suppose were weighing heavily upon her."
        "Wait, wait, wait," interrupted Xander. "Leave Sunnydale? What
are you talking about, G-Man? She's the Slayer, remember? She can't
leave Sunnydale. Can she?"
        "Well, um, the- the force which empowers the Slayers may have
decided that her tenure in Sunnydale was at an end with the
destruction--or reform--of Angelus and permitted her to leave. Or,
possibly, Buffy is no longer the Slayer and she is no longer required to
fight the forces of darkness. There are records of Slayers retiring
after dealing with one last major threat, rather than dying in battle.
With her responsibility over, she could have decided that it was time to
start over someplace else."
        "Aren't we just grasping at straws here?" interrupted Oz's cool,
slow voice. "I mean, how do we even know that she's gone anywhere? She
could still be here in town, recovering from the fight. Isn't that what
you said the other day? That she and Angel are someplace quiet, getting,
uh... reacquainted?"
        Giles nodded. "That was the original theory. Now, however, I
know differently. Since Willow was released from the hospital, I've been
doing some digging, and what I've found does not inspire me to be
hopeful. In addition, my own injuries and general state of confusion
slowed the search and made me leave one important source until last:
Mrs. Summers."
        "Buffy's mom," said Xander by way of stating the obvious. "Cool.
If anyone can clear this up, she can."
        "Actually, no. Mrs. Summers was somewhat less than helpful."
Giles frowned in memory of the confrontation between himself and the
distraught Joyce Summers. "She was, in fact, rather close to hysteria.
Apparently, Buffy revealed her secret identity to her mother, and they
had some sort of argument. The details I managed to glean from her were
sketchy at best, but from what I did get, Joyce... threw Buffy out of
the house."
        "What?" asked Willow and Xander at the same time, startling
Giles out of his "lecture mode." They both began to babble incoherently
at the same time, leaving Oz in confusion and Giles at the focus of the
cacophony. Even through the din, it was obvious that both were
concerned, though Willow's tone was closer to panicky worry and Xander's
was closer to moral outrage.
        The group fell into a shocked silence as the library doors
opened noisily, as though someone who had been listening to them had
decided to make a dramatic entrance.
        "Well, well, well," said the stranger, a small, oily-looking man
dressed all in black as he removed his sunglasses and hat, "the infamous
Slayerettes. So we meet at last. Too bad it's gotta be under these
circumstances. I had hoped to sit down with a cappuccino or a foot-long
and talk to you, but they don't allow them in here." He looked over at
the English librarian and smiled crookedly. "Sorry 'bout the stuff I
snitched from your fridge, Rupe, but a demon's gotta eat."
        At the word "demon" the gathered group reacted. Giles instantly
headed for the weapons case in his office, while both Oz and Xander
moved to place themselves between the man(?) in the rumpled fedora and
their still-injured friend. Xander in particular cut a
less-than-imposing figure with his jittery look and his good arm still
in a cast.
        "Oh, stop it," reprimanded the stranger. "For one, none of you
can do squat against me--I'm kind of immortal--and for another, I'm here
to help you, so just sit down and calm down."
        His words had a reassuring effect on the friends, and Xander and
Oz both visibly lowered their guard, Xander somewhat slower than the
good-natured werewolf. Willow's tremors subsided gradually, and Giles
made his way back to the table, though he kept hold of the bottle of
holy water he had managed to grab.
        "Who the devil are you?" asked Giles cautiously.
        "Nice choice of words, G-Man," interjected Xander nervously.
        The stranger smiled. "That's why I like you, kid, a quip for
every occasion." The man's dark eyes bored into Xander. *He knows*,
Xander thought to himself in a panic, *he knows everything*. If
anything, the stranger's smile became larger, more amused, as though the
world were a joke and he were the only one to understand the punchline.
        "As for who I am... you can call me The Whistler."


END CHAPTER TWO


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (3/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:40:12 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the third chapter of my first fanfic. Please
don't hurt me.
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. The Whistler tells the gang a
bunch of stuff that may or may not be true; Xander reaches a decision;
Cordelia finally shows up.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Three
Whistling at the Darkness


        "All right, I've accepted that you know stuff," Xander said
sourly, "now how 'bout telling us where Buffy is?" The Whistler smiled
that annoying, enigmatic smile again.
        "No can do, kid," he said nicely enough.
        "Why the Hell not?" Xander shouted, finally losing his temper
with this fedora-wearing freak.
        "'Cause..." whispered Whistler, "there's a rule... Look, I know
you mortal types take this kind of thing real serious, but I gotta let
you know that the folks I work for don't. As far as they're concerned,
this world, all of you, you're just pieces on a board."
        "You think this is a game?" questioned Giles in stunned
contempt. The small man/demon shook his head slowly.
        "Not me, Rupe, never me." He sighed heavily. "Believe me, if it
was up to me, I'd give you directions, a map, and cab fare, but it
ain't. I'm a cog, a piece in the game, just like all of you. Maybe a
little higher up on the scale--a bishop instead of a pawn--but just
another piece. I've been playing this damn game for longer than your
species has been alive, and frankly I'm getting a little tired of it.
Unfortunately, my profession isn't one that you can just retire
from--kinda like the mob, only worse."
        "What is this game you keep talking about?" asked Giles,
genuinely interested now in spite of himself, his Watcher instincts
moving him into a phase somewhere between curiosity and interrogation.
        "Why, THE game, of course. Good and evil. Life and death. All of
that and more. The creeps you call demons are the opposition. Vampires
make up most of their forces on this world, but there's some biggy
demons too, like Moloch--you remember him?--and Azazel and, of course,
Acathla."
        "But you're a demon," interjected Willow, "you said so."
        "Technically, I'm a demon. I kinda like the title too--it makes
people a little nervous around you--but right now I'm playing for the
side you'd call good." His brow scrunched in concentration, as though
trying to think of a simple way to express what he was thinking. "Okay,
look at it this way: I'm a free agent in this game. I can play for
either side, depending on which I choose and for how long. Most always,
I pick good, simply 'cause I happen to like humans." A strange look
crossed the Whistler's face for a moment, only to quickly disappear.
        "The problem with good in this game is that it isn't always
good. There's other factors involved that make it a bunch more
complicated that 'good' and 'evil', though that's the easiest way to
think about it. Currently--that means for the last five or ten thousand
years--my bosses have been in an extended holding maneuver against the
opposition, trying to keep them from gaining ground in the multiverse."
        "Huh?" said Xander, erudite as ever.
        "The *multi*verse. All the universes--this one, and all the
parallels, and all the possibilities, and all the
worlds-as-myth--everything. For the last few thousand years, the game
hasn't been moving on its usual grand scale, but on a micro-level,
dealing with a world or two at a time. And in the last three millennia,
the playing field has dwindled to one world: this one.
        "See, real recent like, my bosses and the bosses of the
opposition got together and decided that trashing entire dimensions
wasn't fun anymore. A 'scorched-earth' campaign just wasn't efficient as
it used to be, and they were too evenly matched to really hurt each
other much. So in this big diplomatic conference--a good way to think of
it would be 'the Treaty of Midpoint'--they decided to choose one world
at the heart of the battlefield and duke it out one last time. They sent
in their troops, sealed off the planet from outside interference, and
started planning for the end.
        "Only problem was, evil cheated.
        "They threw in a couple of wild cards--vampires for one--and
just started laughing their asses off at good. After all, it's the
nature of evil to cheat, and good can't or they'd be just as bad, and
the game would fall apart. The referees went back and checked the
treaty, which in and of itself took one Hell of a long time, and found a
loophole that good could use to stem the tide and even things out again.
Most of the evil in the world got dumped down a big hole and locked
in--humans took to calling it Hell. The rest would still have been
enough to win, but good had one more card to play..."
        Xander and Giles could both see where Whistler was headed with
this line of history, and Willow wasn't far behind.
        "Are you telling us," said the Englishman, "that *you* are what
empowers the Slayers?"
        "Not me, Rupe, my bosses. They needed to beat the asses off evil
once and for all, and to do it they built a better human. Strong as the
supernaturals she fought, fast enough to keep up with them, tough enough
not to die from one punch, and resilient enough to accept the hazards of
her life and keep going. Better still, make a bunch of 'em. Sad to say,
evil called in their lawyers and exploited yet another loophole--only
one per generation--and the rest is history." The little man looked
extremely smug about all of this, as though it was by his hand that it
had all happened. Giles sighed; this day just kept getting worse.
        "Assuming we believe any of this," he said, "then I have just
three questions."
        "Fire away, Rupe."
        "First, how do you know all of this?"
        "Like I said, I work for these guys. And while I'm just a
playing piece to them, I'm a fairly well-informed playing piece.
Besides, who do you think figured out the loophole for good?" Disturbed
now, Giles nonetheless went on.
        "You said that the, um, game has moved to just our world. Why?"
        "Weren't you listening? In the way the high-ups measure space
and time, your place was just about at the dead center of the battle.
'Cause that one was so easy, I'll give you a freebie."
        "All right: Why are the Slayers female? From a biological
viewpoint, I should think that a male would be more appropriate for
combat against demons. Simply due to hormones and musculature, male
humans are more suited for physical violence than females."
        "That is so sexist," said a slightly miffed Willow.
        "Yeah," echoed Oz, "I happen to believe that Willow could kick
my ass if she wanted to." He paused for a minute. "That didn't sound
right."
        Whistler merely shook his head in amusement. "Yeah, for hormones
and bad attitudes, men take the cake, but women... I'm immortal, and I
wouldn't want to piss off even a normal one. Women are psychologically
more adaptable, their emotions are stronger, their spirits are harder to
break, and in general they're more interesting than men. Admittedly,
under normal circumstances, women don't fight as much as men, but when
they do, they're more deadly." He looked pointedly at Giles. "One of you
Brits said it better than anyone: 'The female of the species...'" He
shrugged. "You know the rest. Not bad for a freebie question. Last, but
I hope not least?"
        Giles cleared his throat. "You've already said that you can't
tell us where Buffy is. I've gathered from your history lesson that you
can't directly interfere in mortal affairs unless you are ordered to do
so. So... why are you here, now, talking to us?"
        "I wondered when you'd get to that." He lapsed into
uncomfortable silence for a few moments, obviously trying to figure out
how to say what he needed to. Finally, he spoke. "My bosses aren't
all-powerful or all-knowing. They can make mistakes, just like anybody
else, 'cept they don't screw up as often, and when they do, they screw
up big-time. I can make mistakes too. See, most times, I'm on my own,
following a general set of instructions until I get new ones.
        "Not long ago, by your standards, I'd gone recruiting for
someone I could use for the side of good without evil hearing about it.
It had to be someone completely hopeless, with no purpose in living.
Turns out, the guy I got wasn't living at all."
        "Angel," muttered Xander darkly.
        "Yup, Angel. He was a mess when I found him. I cleaned him up,
got him moving, gave him a purpose--Buffy--and I sorta set it up where
he'd fall in love with that purpose."
        Xander's face was stony, his eyes hard, as he listened. He was
shaking slightly in barely-held rage and anyone could see that he was
going to go off any minute.
        "He followed her here, and I kept him supplied with information.
Buffy is probably the best Slayer anyone's ever seen, and she's been
turning the tide for good in a major way. Without Angel, she'd probably
never have gotten as far as she did. Then evil pulled a hand I seriously
hadn't expected: Spike, Drusilla, and Jenny Calendar." He motioned for
Giles to be silent when he saw the other's eyes flare up in anger. "Ease
back, Rupe, she didn't realize. But because of her actions, Angel lost
his soul and went over to the other side. Unfortunately, I was out of
town at the time and didn't get back until Acathla was uncovered.
        "My talent, the one that makes me so coveted by good and evil
alike, is to read the future. Not absolutely predict--the future's
mutable and fluid--but to give probabilities based on incomplete
information that are almost always accurate. I knew that Angel would be
there when Acathla got dug up, but I thought he would be fighting the
demon, not helping free him. I checked my probabilities again, and I
figured that if I didn't move fast, the whole world would go to Hell and
evil would win by default. I did what I thought was best: I pitted Buffy
and Angel against each other, knowing that Buffy would win and Angel
would go to Hell in the world's place. Basically a stop-gap maneuver.
        "But, because I hadn't known about Angel being evil for the last
couple of months, I didn't accurately predict how badly Buffy would take
it, I didn't figure that she'd skip town, and I *really* didn't figure
that my bosses would schedule me in for an evaluation at the next
equinox." Xander's fragile control finally broke with this last
statement.
        "You mean this whole thing's been about you getting in trouble
with your boss?! You don't give one single damn about Buffy, do you?! Or
about this town, or this planet, or anything but your own worthless
hide! Well, get this--fuck you! Huh? Fuck... you! How 'bout that? Go
back to Hell, or wherever you came from, and just leave us alone!" With
some of the poison expelled from his system, Xander clenched his jaw
tight and walked over to the other side of the library. He punched the
wall as hard as he could with his unbroken arm, and immediately pulled
back his hand in pain, sucking away the blood from his torn knuckles.
        Whistler seemed somewhat abashed by this outburst.
        "You're right, kid. I am selfish, and I am a coward, and I am a
lot of other unsavory things too, but I'm also desperate. I can't
interfere directly, so I can't go get Buffy myself. But if she ain't
back in SunnyHell by the end of the summer, my ass is grass. The bosses
happen to like her, and from what I've picked up along the grapevine,
she's real important to the war effort too. If they find out that it's
my fault that she packed up and left--and it isn't really my fault, mind
you, but my bosses ain't real forgiving about this sort of thing--then
free agent or not, immortal or not, I am seriously going to regret the
last century of my life.
        "Which finally brings me to why I'm here. Someone's gotta go get
her, and that's all there is to it."
        "Then tell us where she is..." started Giles.
        "I can't! I would if I could, but I can't! That would be
interference, and that would piss my bosses off too. What I'm doing
right now I can get away with because I haven't technically done
anything to violate the Treaty of Midpoint--I'm pretty damn good at
loopholes--but the second I say anything specific..." His dark eyes
darted around in a manner that would have been funny on anyone else.
"And besides which, I'm not completely sure of where she is myself. Once
she left Sunnydale, my probabilities went right off the charts; she
could be as close as Burbank or as far away as Maine by now. I can point
you the right way, but then I've gotta go; I have stuff to do and things
to take care of before my evaluation committee shows up--picky bastards
that they are. But I need to know right now: will you do it?"
        Willow and Oz were silent, their tightly clutched hands showing
their fear and trepidation. Giles' lips were pursed together so closely
that his mouth appeared only as a bloodless line in a craggy face.
Whistler's eyes were on them intently, almost boring into their skin
with the heat of his anguish. Finally, the silence was broken from a
completely unexpected quarter.
        "I will," said Xander, so quietly that at first the others were
unsure they had heard him at all. "I'll do it. But not for you, and not
for your bosses, and certainly not for your damned game. My reasons are
my own, but I'll go. I'll find Buffy and I'll bring her home."
        Whistler's smile returned slowly, like the sun peeking out from
behind a bank of clouds. His dark eyes cleared and some of the good
humor returned to his face.
        "I thought it would be you, kid. At least, I hoped it would be.
Out of everyone here, you've got the best chance of bringing her back
alive." Xander didn't like the sound of that.
        "So what is my chance?" he asked cautiously.
        "Oh, a little less than fifty-fifty." Seeing the horrified look
on the boy's face, he laughed. "Don't ask me why, I just call 'em." He
paused for a moment as though listening to something far away. "I gotta
go now. Buffy left on a Greyhound bus the night she capped Angel. You
can find out which one without me. I think I'll go out the window. See
ya."
        With that, Whistler walked jauntily to the nearest window, flung
it open, and jumped out, landing easily on the soft earth below. He
dusted himself off and walked away. In the library, they were still
scratching their heads when the double doors swung open to reveal a
miniskirt-clad Cordelia. Everyone turned to look at her with an air of
anti-climax.
        "Did I miss anything?" she asked in her bubbliest voice. When
she was rewarded only with cold stares, her expression soured. "What?"

***

        The being who currently called himself Whistler was experiencing
a characteristic amount of smug self-satisfaction. And why not? Xander
was going to do his dirty work for him. He had managed to enlist the
boy's help without revealing anything important--or anything completely
truthful, for that matter--just by playing on his own existing fears.
Pretty soon the other Slayerettes would be too busy to interfere, the
Hellmouth would make sure of that. Whether or not Buffy was returned,
his bosses would be seriously pleased at his actions. He had managed to
preserve his own fragile moral equilibrium and obey orders at the same
time.
        And, last but not least, he had left before that snobby bitch
Cordelia had shown up.
        All in all, it was a pretty successful day for the
fedora-wearing demon.


END CHAPTER THREE


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Sorry about the double posting...
Date: 29 Jul 1998 12:15:40 PDT

     I would like to apologize for the double posting of Chapter Two of
"Xander's Incredible Journey." My bad!


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (1/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:35:18 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is my first fanfic, and as the title might suggest,
it focuses mainly on Xander. Please let me know what you think of it,
else my poor, battered ego might just give up the ghost.
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. This chapter is just sort of
an audio journal thingie describing Xander's emotions and state of mind
following the "Becoming" debacle.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter One
Became


Excerpt from the audio journal of Alexander LaVelle Harris:

        "They say you always hurt the ones you love. Whoever 'they' are,
they had a point.
        "I've hurt, and been hurt by, virtually everyone I've ever cared
about--parents, friends, girls, it didn't matter. I'm an equal
opportunity jerk. Not to say that I'm completely blameless in my
actions; living on the Hellmouth isn't exactly a way to develop empathy
for your fellow man.
        "Living on the Hellmouth *is* a good way to die young, unless
you pick up survival skills real fast. My way of making it through life?
Never let anyone get close, that way you don't have to deal with it when
they stop caring, or move away, or die. Keep them away with harsh words
and mean wisecracks and a devil-may-care attitude and a slacker image.
Just... don't let anyone care.
        "All things considered, I was pretty lucky to have even two
friends left by the time I got to Sunnydale High, but they weren't safe
from my personality problems either. Willow was in love with me, and I
was too busy being hormone-boy to even notice her, what she was going
through for me. And Jesse... Jesse was my bud for the longest time, and
how do I repay him? I killed him. Okay, he was a vampire at the time,
but in my mind, it's still the same thing.
        "The only good thing to come out of that whole
first-brush-with-the-Hellmouth bit was Buffy. Buffy Summers, a girl I
quickly grew obsessive about. A girl who just happened to be the Slayer,
destined to fight the forces of darkness... and eventually lose, though
you'd never believe it watching her in action. I fell in love the first
time I saw her; then I fell off my skateboard, proving the 'love hurts'
thing yet again.
        "In the first year Buffy lived in Sunnydale, I had more brushes
with death than I had in a decade of eating cafeteria food, but it
didn't matter because she was there, because she always had everything
under control. Sure, I was a bit shaky after I got possessed by a
demonic hyena spirit, but there was no real damage--except to my pride,
which had never been that well-developed in the first place.
        "After that, things went straight downhill: Buffy started dating
a vampire when I couldn't get my courage up enough to ask her out;
Willow started seeing that long-haired freak Oz, and he turns out to be
a werewolf; I nearly get eaten by various monsters--I mean, come on! how
many mantis-ladies and worm-assassins can there be out there?--and then,
for some reason I still don't get, Cordelia decides to make me her
cuddle-monkey, which may sound good on paper, but...
        "And through it all, there was death and disaster, and Buffy to
save us from it.
        "When she died in the Master's lair, a part of me nearly died
too. Thank god for CPR. But it was that night that I realized, I didn't
stand a chance in Hell with her. I released my hope, and it was like I
was free. Then Angel became one of the big, bad things in the dark, and
there was hope again, hope that Buffy would see me. But no, she was
still obsessed with tall, dark, and annoying, even after he kept trying
to kill her. The worst thing wasn't rejection--I've been rejected most
of my life. No, the worst thing was having hope, and then having it
stolen away again.
        "The way he hurt her... I wanted to see him dead. I would have
done anything to be the one that staked that bastard to the ground. And
the more he hurt Buffy, the more I wanted him dead. So when Willow--of
all people, Willow--announced that she could give Angel his soul back, I
freaked. I admit it, I went off. After all the things he had done, all
the people he had murdered, everything would just be forgiven and
forgotten, and Buffy and Angel could be together again... The idea made
me sick.
        "And, I suppose, there was just a touch of jealousy in there
too, that Angel could loot and plunder and terrorize and Buffy still
loved him, and I did my damnedest to be perfect and I was just part of
the scenery to her. Something in me broke, a part of me really did die
then.
        "After Kendra was killed and Willow was put in the hospital, for
the first time in our friendship, I lied to Buffy. At the time, I
rationalized it, told myself it was to protect her, that if she
hesitated Angel would kill her, that it was for her own good. I told
myself that I was protecting her. But it was all just a bunch of bull, I
know that now. Right then, when I lied to Buffy, my motivation wasn't to
protect her. It was revenge, plain and simple. I wanted to get Angel
back for all the things he had done, wanted to make him pay for all the
pain he had caused, for hurting Willow and Buffy, but most of all, I
wanted to see him die for keeping me and Buffy apart.
        "The part of me that floats above the hormones--just a tiny
piece of me, like the tip of an iceberg--knows that I never really had a
chance with Buffy, but the rest won't give up the idea. I won't make
excuses for my actions, won't make up some lie about Angel's death being
for the 'greater good.' The ritual worked, and Angel wouldn't have been
evil anymore. What I did was selfish, totally and utterly selfish. And I
don't know if it can ever be forgiven.
        "The others think that Buffy and Angel are off someplace,
celebrating the return of his soul. And maybe they are, maybe I'm going
wiggy over nothing. But I don't think so--I know I'm not. Angel's dead,
and Buffy could be too. I hope she's okay, but part of me is afraid. I'm
scared to death that, wherever she is, she hates me, hates what I've
done. I mean, she's been angry at me before, and it always hurt until
she got over it, but I don't think I could take it if she ever really
hated me.
        "Because that would make two of us.
        "However much Buffy might hate me, I hate myself even more. One
lie, one single lie that hurt her more than Angel's hardest punches and
cruelest taunts ever did. I hated Angel because he hurt Buffy, said he
was a monster because of it, but what does that make me now? Am I a
monster? If I am, I became one so quietly I never even noticed it.
        "If only I knew where Buffy was, how she was. I just wish I
could talk to her, admit my guilt, try to absolve myself of some of this
pain. But I can't, and the pain just keeps eating at me, swirling around
in my gut until I think I have to scream or I'll burst, but I don't
burst.
        "I have to find Buffy. I know that now. I pray that she'll
forgive me, but in my heart I know that forgiveness is probably beyond
my reach, that I'm now one of the damned. And when I do find Buffy, I'll
tell her everything, beginning to end, and maybe if she can't forgive
me, she'll at least come back with me to Sunnydale, where they need her
most.
        "And Willow will smile, and Giles will make some tea, and Oz
will get her to listen to the newest riff he's thought up, and Cordy
will insult her hair. And it'll be just like old times, except for me.
If Buffy can't forgive me, can't accept me, I'll leave. I don't know
where I'll go, what I'll do, but I couldn't stand to stay here--either
without Buffy, or with a Buffy that hated me.
        "I'll talk to Giles and the others tomorrow and let them know
I'm going after her. I'm not sure how to start just yet, but I'll think
of something.
        "End journal entry for May 23, 1998."


END CHAPTER ONE


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (2/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:37:32 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the second chapter of my first fanfic. Be gentle!
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. A council of war is held in
the Sunnydale High library; Xander must face his deepest fears; a
surprise guest makes an appearance.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Two
From Humble Beginnings


        Xander's apprehension hung about him as a dark cloud, an almost
physical presence, as he entered the library of Sunnydale High. He
pressed past the swinging doors and tried to make his gait a natural one
as his friends--and Giles--came into view at the large table which
dominated the center of the lower level. Their eyes were upon him as his
mouth curved upward in a smile that didn't touch his eyes.
        "Waiting for me? That's new," he quipped easily enough, being so
used to hiding his feelings that his nervousness just appeared to be his
usual self-consciousness. "So, guys, what's up? Or down, as the case may
be?"
        His dark eyes scanned the table. There, on his left, was Willow,
probably his best friend in the world, her hand tightly gripping that of
her boyfriend, werewolf lead guitarist Oz. On his right, the impeccably
British Rupert Giles, a man whose facial expression and walk made him
seem as though he were continually slightly constipated. The only faces
noticeably absent from the gathering were those of Xander's on-again,
off-again girlfriend Cordelia Chase, and of course Buffy Summers, the
Vampire Slayer.
        Xander's gaze was drawn to Giles as the older man gave a slight
exhalation and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
        "Xander, as stimulating as your brand of repartee is, I'm afraid
we have more serious things to discuss. I was going to wait until you
and Cordelia arrived before I began so that I wouldn't have to repeat
myself..." He broke off, seeming to notice for the first time that
Xander was alone. "Where is Cordelia, by the way?"
        "Oh, she's got some sort of cheerleading thing going on," Xander
replied. "I'd be there with her--you know, for moral support--" Willow
passed Oz a look that Xander didn't miss but chose not to say anything
about, "--but she gets this whole 'jealous-girlfriend' routine when I
hang around. Either that, or the whole 'embarrassed-girlfriend' routine.
I get them mixed up."
        Giles sighed again. He really didn't need this, not right now,
and Xander's flippancy was just making the situation harder on him.
        "Xander, sit down." The tone of command in Giles' voice brooked
no room for argument, and the look in his eyes silenced the wisecrack in
Xander's throat before it could break free. He placed himself at the
opposite end of the table from Giles and tried to look dejected. Willow
glanced sympathetically at her friend and smiled before she turned to
Giles to ask him the question that had been on her mind for almost
fifteen minutes.
        "Okay, Giles, why are we here?" Now this one Xander couldn't
pass up.
        "Well, Willow," Xander started in, "you see, people have been
asking that question since the beginning of time. Why are we here? What
is our purpose in life? Are there any reasons at all? The simple version
of the answer goes like this: When a boy and a girl like each other a
lot, they want to express that affection..."
        Giles' face was turning a bright and interesting shade of red,
and it looked as though he were about to suffer an attack of something
or other. Willow and Oz were trying to suppress giggles and not doing a
terribly good job at it. Xander's devil-may-care grin grew as he watched
Giles' reaction. Any joke he could use to annoy the G-Man, he knew, was
a truly successful one. His dark mood had started to lift; maybe today
wouldn't be so bad after all.
        Finally, Giles decided that he had had enough. He brought down
his palm on the hardwood table as hard as he could, which was quite hard
considering that he spent most of his time either lifting stacks of
books or sparring with a Slayer. The resultant loud crack made Willow
jump slightly, Oz move instantly to comfort her, and Xander to close his
mouth with an audible click as his teeth met.
        "I have had more than my fill of your foolishness for one day!
Now be quiet and listen! This is serious!" Giles' color had begun to
return to normal but his breathing was harsh and ragged as one who had
been performing a heavy aerobic regimen. Xander was silent now, both
from acute shame and from the knowledge that Giles never lost his cool
like this unless it *was* serious.
        "Sorry, Giles," Xander said, real hurt and surprise in his voice
now. "What's going on?" Xander's face was a mass of contradictions; he
knew precisely what was going on, why they were all here today, but he
kept telling himself that he was being paranoid, kept hoping against
hope that he was wrong.
        Giles cleared his throat and began.
        "Buffy still has not returned to school, nor has she contacted
me--nor, I assume, any of you." He paused to look at the assembled
youths as they gravely shook their heads. "I spoke to Principal Snyder
today, asking when Buffy was expected to return. According to him, she
is not."
        "What?" asked Willow, more than a bit shocked and worried.
        "The principal informed me that he personally expelled Buffy the
night of Angelus's attack. He found her here, in the library, looking
around, called the police, and then simply expelled her." Giles face was
a mask of indifference as he spoke, his crisp British accent striving to
report the facts without emotion and only just succeeding.
        "But that means..." began Willow.
        "That she knew she wouldn't be coming back to school? Yes,
indeed," Giles finished for her. "Why she would keep this vital fact
from us, I don't know, but I have my suspicions. Possibly, she had
already planned leaving Sunnydale after she, um, finished Angelus. More
likely, she did not wish to burden us with her own problems, which I can
suppose were weighing heavily upon her."
        "Wait, wait, wait," interrupted Xander. "Leave Sunnydale? What
are you talking about, G-Man? She's the Slayer, remember? She can't
leave Sunnydale. Can she?"
        "Well, um, the- the force which empowers the Slayers may have
decided that her tenure in Sunnydale was at an end with the
destruction--or reform--of Angelus and permitted her to leave. Or,
possibly, Buffy is no longer the Slayer and she is no longer required to
fight the forces of darkness. There are records of Slayers retiring
after dealing with one last major threat, rather than dying in battle.
With her responsibility over, she could have decided that it was time to
start over someplace else."
        "Aren't we just grasping at straws here?" interrupted Oz's cool,
slow voice. "I mean, how do we even know that she's gone anywhere? She
could still be here in town, recovering from the fight. Isn't that what
you said the other day? That she and Angel are someplace quiet, getting,
uh... reacquainted?"
        Giles nodded. "That was the original theory. Now, however, I
know differently. Since Willow was released from the hospital, I've been
doing some digging, and what I've found does not inspire me to be
hopeful. In addition, my own injuries and general state of confusion
slowed the search and made me leave one important source until last:
Mrs. Summers."
        "Buffy's mom," said Xander by way of stating the obvious. "Cool.
If anyone can clear this up, she can."
        "Actually, no. Mrs. Summers was somewhat less than helpful."
Giles frowned in memory of the confrontation between himself and the
distraught Joyce Summers. "She was, in fact, rather close to hysteria.
Apparently, Buffy revealed her secret identity to her mother, and they
had some sort of argument. The details I managed to glean from her were
sketchy at best, but from what I did get, Joyce... threw Buffy out of
the house."
        "What?" asked Willow and Xander at the same time, startling
Giles out of his "lecture mode." They both began to babble incoherently
at the same time, leaving Oz in confusion and Giles at the focus of the
cacophony. Even through the din, it was obvious that both were
concerned, though Willow's tone was closer to panicky worry and Xander's
was closer to moral outrage.
        The group fell into a shocked silence as the library doors
opened noisily, as though someone who had been listening to them had
decided to make a dramatic entrance.
        "Well, well, well," said the stranger, a small, oily-looking man
dressed all in black as he removed his sunglasses and hat, "the infamous
Slayerettes. So we meet at last. Too bad it's gotta be under these
circumstances. I had hoped to sit down with a cappuccino or a foot-long
and talk to you, but they don't allow them in here." He looked over at
the English librarian and smiled crookedly. "Sorry 'bout the stuff I
snitched from your fridge, Rupe, but a demon's gotta eat."
        At the word "demon" the gathered group reacted. Giles instantly
headed for the weapons case in his office, while both Oz and Xander
moved to place themselves between the man(?) in the rumpled fedora and
their still-injured friend. Xander in particular cut a
less-than-imposing figure with his jittery look and his good arm still
in a cast.
        "Oh, stop it," reprimanded the stranger. "For one, none of you
can do squat against me--I'm kind of immortal--and for another, I'm here
to help you, so just sit down and calm down."
        His words had a reassuring effect on the friends, and Xander and
Oz both visibly lowered their guard, Xander somewhat slower than the
good-natured werewolf. Willow's tremors subsided gradually, and Giles
made his way back to the table, though he kept hold of the bottle of
holy water he had managed to grab.
        "Who the devil are you?" asked Giles cautiously.
        "Nice choice of words, G-Man," interjected Xander nervously.
        The stranger smiled. "That's why I like you, kid, a quip for
every occasion." The man's dark eyes bored into Xander. *He knows*,
Xander thought to himself in a panic, *he knows everything*. If
anything, the stranger's smile became larger, more amused, as though the
world were a joke and he were the only one to understand the punchline.
        "As for who I am... you can call me The Whistler."


END CHAPTER TWO


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (3/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:40:12 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the third chapter of my first fanfic. Please
don't hurt me.
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. The Whistler tells the gang a
bunch of stuff that may or may not be true; Xander reaches a decision;
Cordelia finally shows up.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Three
Whistling at the Darkness


        "All right, I've accepted that you know stuff," Xander said
sourly, "now how 'bout telling us where Buffy is?" The Whistler smiled
that annoying, enigmatic smile again.
        "No can do, kid," he said nicely enough.
        "Why the Hell not?" Xander shouted, finally losing his temper
with this fedora-wearing freak.
        "'Cause..." whispered Whistler, "there's a rule... Look, I know
you mortal types take this kind of thing real serious, but I gotta let
you know that the folks I work for don't. As far as they're concerned,
this world, all of you, you're just pieces on a board."
        "You think this is a game?" questioned Giles in stunned
contempt. The small man/demon shook his head slowly.
        "Not me, Rupe, never me." He sighed heavily. "Believe me, if it
was up to me, I'd give you directions, a map, and cab fare, but it
ain't. I'm a cog, a piece in the game, just like all of you. Maybe a
little higher up on the scale--a bishop instead of a pawn--but just
another piece. I've been playing this damn game for longer than your
species has been alive, and frankly I'm getting a little tired of it.
Unfortunately, my profession isn't one that you can just retire
from--kinda like the mob, only worse."
        "What is this game you keep talking about?" asked Giles,
genuinely interested now in spite of himself, his Watcher instincts
moving him into a phase somewhere between curiosity and interrogation.
        "Why, THE game, of course. Good and evil. Life and death. All of
that and more. The creeps you call demons are the opposition. Vampires
make up most of their forces on this world, but there's some biggy
demons too, like Moloch--you remember him?--and Azazel and, of course,
Acathla."
        "But you're a demon," interjected Willow, "you said so."
        "Technically, I'm a demon. I kinda like the title too--it makes
people a little nervous around you--but right now I'm playing for the
side you'd call good." His brow scrunched in concentration, as though
trying to think of a simple way to express what he was thinking. "Okay,
look at it this way: I'm a free agent in this game. I can play for
either side, depending on which I choose and for how long. Most always,
I pick good, simply 'cause I happen to like humans." A strange look
crossed the Whistler's face for a moment, only to quickly disappear.
        "The problem with good in this game is that it isn't always
good. There's other factors involved that make it a bunch more
complicated that 'good' and 'evil', though that's the easiest way to
think about it. Currently--that means for the last five or ten thousand
years--my bosses have been in an extended holding maneuver against the
opposition, trying to keep them from gaining ground in the multiverse."
        "Huh?" said Xander, erudite as ever.
        "The *multi*verse. All the universes--this one, and all the
parallels, and all the possibilities, and all the
worlds-as-myth--everything. For the last few thousand years, the game
hasn't been moving on its usual grand scale, but on a micro-level,
dealing with a world or two at a time. And in the last three millennia,
the playing field has dwindled to one world: this one.
        "See, real recent like, my bosses and the bosses of the
opposition got together and decided that trashing entire dimensions
wasn't fun anymore. A 'scorched-earth' campaign just wasn't efficient as
it used to be, and they were too evenly matched to really hurt each
other much. So in this big diplomatic conference--a good way to think of
it would be 'the Treaty of Midpoint'--they decided to choose one world
at the heart of the battlefield and duke it out one last time. They sent
in their troops, sealed off the planet from outside interference, and
started planning for the end.
        "Only problem was, evil cheated.
        "They threw in a couple of wild cards--vampires for one--and
just started laughing their asses off at good. After all, it's the
nature of evil to cheat, and good can't or they'd be just as bad, and
the game would fall apart. The referees went back and checked the
treaty, which in and of itself took one Hell of a long time, and found a
loophole that good could use to stem the tide and even things out again.
Most of the evil in the world got dumped down a big hole and locked
in--humans took to calling it Hell. The rest would still have been
enough to win, but good had one more card to play..."
        Xander and Giles could both see where Whistler was headed with
this line of history, and Willow wasn't far behind.
        "Are you telling us," said the Englishman, "that *you* are what
empowers the Slayers?"
        "Not me, Rupe, my bosses. They needed to beat the asses off evil
once and for all, and to do it they built a better human. Strong as the
supernaturals she fought, fast enough to keep up with them, tough enough
not to die from one punch, and resilient enough to accept the hazards of
her life and keep going. Better still, make a bunch of 'em. Sad to say,
evil called in their lawyers and exploited yet another loophole--only
one per generation--and the rest is history." The little man looked
extremely smug about all of this, as though it was by his hand that it
had all happened. Giles sighed; this day just kept getting worse.
        "Assuming we believe any of this," he said, "then I have just
three questions."
        "Fire away, Rupe."
        "First, how do you know all of this?"
        "Like I said, I work for these guys. And while I'm just a
playing piece to them, I'm a fairly well-informed playing piece.
Besides, who do you think figured out the loophole for good?" Disturbed
now, Giles nonetheless went on.
        "You said that the, um, game has moved to just our world. Why?"
        "Weren't you listening? In the way the high-ups measure space
and time, your place was just about at the dead center of the battle.
'Cause that one was so easy, I'll give you a freebie."
        "All right: Why are the Slayers female? From a biological
viewpoint, I should think that a male would be more appropriate for
combat against demons. Simply due to hormones and musculature, male
humans are more suited for physical violence than females."
        "That is so sexist," said a slightly miffed Willow.
        "Yeah," echoed Oz, "I happen to believe that Willow could kick
my ass if she wanted to." He paused for a minute. "That didn't sound
right."
        Whistler merely shook his head in amusement. "Yeah, for hormones
and bad attitudes, men take the cake, but women... I'm immortal, and I
wouldn't want to piss off even a normal one. Women are psychologically
more adaptable, their emotions are stronger, their spirits are harder to
break, and in general they're more interesting than men. Admittedly,
under normal circumstances, women don't fight as much as men, but when
they do, they're more deadly." He looked pointedly at Giles. "One of you
Brits said it better than anyone: 'The female of the species...'" He
shrugged. "You know the rest. Not bad for a freebie question. Last, but
I hope not least?"
        Giles cleared his throat. "You've already said that you can't
tell us where Buffy is. I've gathered from your history lesson that you
can't directly interfere in mortal affairs unless you are ordered to do
so. So... why are you here, now, talking to us?"
        "I wondered when you'd get to that." He lapsed into
uncomfortable silence for a few moments, obviously trying to figure out
how to say what he needed to. Finally, he spoke. "My bosses aren't
all-powerful or all-knowing. They can make mistakes, just like anybody
else, 'cept they don't screw up as often, and when they do, they screw
up big-time. I can make mistakes too. See, most times, I'm on my own,
following a general set of instructions until I get new ones.
        "Not long ago, by your standards, I'd gone recruiting for
someone I could use for the side of good without evil hearing about it.
It had to be someone completely hopeless, with no purpose in living.
Turns out, the guy I got wasn't living at all."
        "Angel," muttered Xander darkly.
        "Yup, Angel. He was a mess when I found him. I cleaned him up,
got him moving, gave him a purpose--Buffy--and I sorta set it up where
he'd fall in love with that purpose."
        Xander's face was stony, his eyes hard, as he listened. He was
shaking slightly in barely-held rage and anyone could see that he was
going to go off any minute.
        "He followed her here, and I kept him supplied with information.
Buffy is probably the best Slayer anyone's ever seen, and she's been
turning the tide for good in a major way. Without Angel, she'd probably
never have gotten as far as she did. Then evil pulled a hand I seriously
hadn't expected: Spike, Drusilla, and Jenny Calendar." He motioned for
Giles to be silent when he saw the other's eyes flare up in anger. "Ease
back, Rupe, she didn't realize. But because of her actions, Angel lost
his soul and went over to the other side. Unfortunately, I was out of
town at the time and didn't get back until Acathla was uncovered.
        "My talent, the one that makes me so coveted by good and evil
alike, is to read the future. Not absolutely predict--the future's
mutable and fluid--but to give probabilities based on incomplete
information that are almost always accurate. I knew that Angel would be
there when Acathla got dug up, but I thought he would be fighting the
demon, not helping free him. I checked my probabilities again, and I
figured that if I didn't move fast, the whole world would go to Hell and
evil would win by default. I did what I thought was best: I pitted Buffy
and Angel against each other, knowing that Buffy would win and Angel
would go to Hell in the world's place. Basically a stop-gap maneuver.
        "But, because I hadn't known about Angel being evil for the last
couple of months, I didn't accurately predict how badly Buffy would take
it, I didn't figure that she'd skip town, and I *really* didn't figure
that my bosses would schedule me in for an evaluation at the next
equinox." Xander's fragile control finally broke with this last
statement.
        "You mean this whole thing's been about you getting in trouble
with your boss?! You don't give one single damn about Buffy, do you?! Or
about this town, or this planet, or anything but your own worthless
hide! Well, get this--fuck you! Huh? Fuck... you! How 'bout that? Go
back to Hell, or wherever you came from, and just leave us alone!" With
some of the poison expelled from his system, Xander clenched his jaw
tight and walked over to the other side of the library. He punched the
wall as hard as he could with his unbroken arm, and immediately pulled
back his hand in pain, sucking away the blood from his torn knuckles.
        Whistler seemed somewhat abashed by this outburst.
        "You're right, kid. I am selfish, and I am a coward, and I am a
lot of other unsavory things too, but I'm also desperate. I can't
interfere directly, so I can't go get Buffy myself. But if she ain't
back in SunnyHell by the end of the summer, my ass is grass. The bosses
happen to like her, and from what I've picked up along the grapevine,
she's real important to the war effort too. If they find out that it's
my fault that she packed up and left--and it isn't really my fault, mind
you, but my bosses ain't real forgiving about this sort of thing--then
free agent or not, immortal or not, I am seriously going to regret the
last century of my life.
        "Which finally brings me to why I'm here. Someone's gotta go get
her, and that's all there is to it."
        "Then tell us where she is..." started Giles.
        "I can't! I would if I could, but I can't! That would be
interference, and that would piss my bosses off too. What I'm doing
right now I can get away with because I haven't technically done
anything to violate the Treaty of Midpoint--I'm pretty damn good at
loopholes--but the second I say anything specific..." His dark eyes
darted around in a manner that would have been funny on anyone else.
"And besides which, I'm not completely sure of where she is myself. Once
she left Sunnydale, my probabilities went right off the charts; she
could be as close as Burbank or as far away as Maine by now. I can point
you the right way, but then I've gotta go; I have stuff to do and things
to take care of before my evaluation committee shows up--picky bastards
that they are. But I need to know right now: will you do it?"
        Willow and Oz were silent, their tightly clutched hands showing
their fear and trepidation. Giles' lips were pursed together so closely
that his mouth appeared only as a bloodless line in a craggy face.
Whistler's eyes were on them intently, almost boring into their skin
with the heat of his anguish. Finally, the silence was broken from a
completely unexpected quarter.
        "I will," said Xander, so quietly that at first the others were
unsure they had heard him at all. "I'll do it. But not for you, and not
for your bosses, and certainly not for your damned game. My reasons are
my own, but I'll go. I'll find Buffy and I'll bring her home."
        Whistler's smile returned slowly, like the sun peeking out from
behind a bank of clouds. His dark eyes cleared and some of the good
humor returned to his face.
        "I thought it would be you, kid. At least, I hoped it would be.
Out of everyone here, you've got the best chance of bringing her back
alive." Xander didn't like the sound of that.
        "So what is my chance?" he asked cautiously.
        "Oh, a little less than fifty-fifty." Seeing the horrified look
on the boy's face, he laughed. "Don't ask me why, I just call 'em." He
paused for a moment as though listening to something far away. "I gotta
go now. Buffy left on a Greyhound bus the night she capped Angel. You
can find out which one without me. I think I'll go out the window. See
ya."
        With that, Whistler walked jauntily to the nearest window, flung
it open, and jumped out, landing easily on the soft earth below. He
dusted himself off and walked away. In the library, they were still
scratching their heads when the double doors swung open to reveal a
miniskirt-clad Cordelia. Everyone turned to look at her with an air of
anti-climax.
        "Did I miss anything?" she asked in her bubbliest voice. When
she was rewarded only with cold stares, her expression soured. "What?"

***

        The being who currently called himself Whistler was experiencing
a characteristic amount of smug self-satisfaction. And why not? Xander
was going to do his dirty work for him. He had managed to enlist the
boy's help without revealing anything important--or anything completely
truthful, for that matter--just by playing on his own existing fears.
Pretty soon the other Slayerettes would be too busy to interfere, the
Hellmouth would make sure of that. Whether or not Buffy was returned,
his bosses would be seriously pleased at his actions. He had managed to
preserve his own fragile moral equilibrium and obey orders at the same
time.
        And, last but not least, he had left before that snobby bitch
Cordelia had shown up.
        All in all, it was a pretty successful day for the
fedora-wearing demon.


END CHAPTER THREE


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (2/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 11:37:42 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the second chapter of my first fanfic. Be gentle!
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right. A council of war is held in
the Sunnydale High library; Xander must face his deepest fears; a
surprise guest makes an appearance.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".


S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Two
From Humble Beginnings


        Xander's apprehension hung about him as a dark cloud, an almost
physical presence, as he entered the library of Sunnydale High. He
pressed past the swinging doors and tried to make his gait a natural one
as his friends--and Giles--came into view at the large table which
dominated the center of the lower level. Their eyes were upon him as his
mouth curved upward in a smile that didn't touch his eyes.
        "Waiting for me? That's new," he quipped easily enough, being so
used to hiding his feelings that his nervousness just appeared to be his
usual self-consciousness. "So, guys, what's up? Or down, as the case may
be?"
        His dark eyes scanned the table. There, on his left, was Willow,
probably his best friend in the world, her hand tightly gripping that of
her boyfriend, werewolf lead guitarist Oz. On his right, the impeccably
British Rupert Giles, a man whose facial expression and walk made him
seem as though he were continually slightly constipated. The only faces
noticeably absent from the gathering were those of Xander's on-again,
off-again girlfriend Cordelia Chase, and of course Buffy Summers, the
Vampire Slayer.
        Xander's gaze was drawn to Giles as the older man gave a slight
exhalation and rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance.
        "Xander, as stimulating as your brand of repartee is, I'm afraid
we have more serious things to discuss. I was going to wait until you
and Cordelia arrived before I began so that I wouldn't have to repeat
myself..." He broke off, seeming to notice for the first time that
Xander was alone. "Where is Cordelia, by the way?"
        "Oh, she's got some sort of cheerleading thing going on," Xander
replied. "I'd be there with her--you know, for moral support--" Willow
passed Oz a look that Xander didn't miss but chose not to say anything
about, "--but she gets this whole 'jealous-girlfriend' routine when I
hang around. Either that, or the whole 'embarrassed-girlfriend' routine.
I get them mixed up."
        Giles sighed again. He really didn't need this, not right now,
and Xander's flippancy was just making the situation harder on him.
        "Xander, sit down." The tone of command in Giles' voice brooked
no room for argument, and the look in his eyes silenced the wisecrack in
Xander's throat before it could break free. He placed himself at the
opposite end of the table from Giles and tried to look dejected. Willow
glanced sympathetically at her friend and smiled before she turned to
Giles to ask him the question that had been on her mind for almost
fifteen minutes.
        "Okay, Giles, why are we here?" Now this one Xander couldn't
pass up.
        "Well, Willow," Xander started in, "you see, people have been
asking that question since the beginning of time. Why are we here? What
is our purpose in life? Are there any reasons at all? The simple version
of the answer goes like this: When a boy and a girl like each other a
lot, they want to express that affection..."
        Giles' face was turning a bright and interesting shade of red,
and it looked as though he were about to suffer an attack of something
or other. Willow and Oz were trying to suppress giggles and not doing a
terribly good job at it. Xander's devil-may-care grin grew as he watched
Giles' reaction. Any joke he could use to annoy the G-Man, he knew, was
a truly successful one. His dark mood had started to lift; maybe today
wouldn't be so bad after all.
        Finally, Giles decided that he had had enough. He brought down
his palm on the hardwood table as hard as he could, which was quite hard
considering that he spent most of his time either lifting stacks of
books or sparring with a Slayer. The resultant loud crack made Willow
jump slightly, Oz move instantly to comfort her, and Xander to close his
mouth with an audible click as his teeth met.
        "I have had more than my fill of your foolishness for one day!
Now be quiet and listen! This is serious!" Giles' color had begun to
return to normal but his breathing was harsh and ragged as one who had
been performing a heavy aerobic regimen. Xander was silent now, both
from acute shame and from the knowledge that Giles never lost his cool
like this unless it *was* serious.
        "Sorry, Giles," Xander said, real hurt and surprise in his voice
now. "What's going on?" Xander's face was a mass of contradictions; he
knew precisely what was going on, why they were all here today, but he
kept telling himself that he was being paranoid, kept hoping against
hope that he was wrong.
        Giles cleared his throat and began.
        "Buffy still has not returned to school, nor has she contacted
me--nor, I assume, any of you." He paused to look at the assembled
youths as they gravely shook their heads. "I spoke to Principal Snyder
today, asking when Buffy was expected to return. According to him, she
is not."
        "What?" asked Willow, more than a bit shocked and worried.
        "The principal informed me that he personally expelled Buffy the
night of Angelus's attack. He found her here, in the library, looking
around, called the police, and then simply expelled her." Giles face was
a mask of indifference as he spoke, his crisp British accent striving to
report the facts without emotion and only just succeeding.
        "But that means..." began Willow.
        "That she knew she wouldn't be coming back to school? Yes,
indeed," Giles finished for her. "Why she would keep this vital fact
from us, I don't know, but I have my suspicions. Possibly, she had
already planned leaving Sunnydale after she, um, finished Angelus. More
likely, she did not wish to burden us with her own problems, which I can
suppose were weighing heavily upon her."
        "Wait, wait, wait," interrupted Xander. "Leave Sunnydale? What
are you talking about, G-Man? She's the Slayer, remember? She can't
leave Sunnydale. Can she?"
        "Well, um, the- the force which empowers the Slayers may have
decided that her tenure in Sunnydale was at an end with the
destruction--or reform--of Angelus and permitted her to leave. Or,
possibly, Buffy is no longer the Slayer and she is no longer required to
fight the forces of darkness. There are records of Slayers retiring
after dealing with one last major threat, rather than dying in battle.
With her responsibility over, she could have decided that it was time to
start over someplace else."
        "Aren't we just grasping at straws here?" interrupted Oz's cool,
slow voice. "I mean, how do we even know that she's gone anywhere? She
could still be here in town, recovering from the fight. Isn't that what
you said the other day? That she and Angel are someplace quiet, getting,
uh... reacquainted?"
        Giles nodded. "That was the original theory. Now, however, I
know differently. Since Willow was released from the hospital, I've been
doing some digging, and what I've found does not inspire me to be
hopeful. In addition, my own injuries and general state of confusion
slowed the search and made me leave one important source until last:
Mrs. Summers."
        "Buffy's mom," said Xander by way of stating the obvious. "Cool.
If anyone can clear this up, she can."
        "Actually, no. Mrs. Summers was somewhat less than helpful."
Giles frowned in memory of the confrontation between himself and the
distraught Joyce Summers. "She was, in fact, rather close to hysteria.
Apparently, Buffy revealed her secret identity to her mother, and they
had some sort of argument. The details I managed to glean from her were
sketchy at best, but from what I did get, Joyce... threw Buffy out of
the house."
        "What?" asked Willow and Xander at the same time, startling
Giles out of his "lecture mode." They both began to babble incoherently
at the same time, leaving Oz in confusion and Giles at the focus of the
cacophony. Even through the din, it was obvious that both were
concerned, though Willow's tone was closer to panicky worry and Xander's
was closer to moral outrage.
        The group fell into a shocked silence as the library doors
opened noisily, as though someone who had been listening to them had
decided to make a dramatic entrance.
        "Well, well, well," said the stranger, a small, oily-looking man
dressed all in black as he removed his sunglasses and hat, "the infamous
Slayerettes. So we meet at last. Too bad it's gotta be under these
circumstances. I had hoped to sit down with a cappuccino or a foot-long
and talk to you, but they don't allow them in here." He looked over at
the English librarian and smiled crookedly. "Sorry 'bout the stuff I
snitched from your fridge, Rupe, but a demon's gotta eat."
        At the word "demon" the gathered group reacted. Giles instantly
headed for the weapons case in his office, while both Oz and Xander
moved to place themselves between the man(?) in the rumpled fedora and
their still-injured friend. Xander in particular cut a
less-than-imposing figure with his jittery look and his good arm still
in a cast.
        "Oh, stop it," reprimanded the stranger. "For one, none of you
can do squat against me--I'm kind of immortal--and for another, I'm here
to help you, so just sit down and calm down."
        His words had a reassuring effect on the friends, and Xander and
Oz both visibly lowered their guard, Xander somewhat slower than the
good-natured werewolf. Willow's tremors subsided gradually, and Giles
made his way back to the table, though he kept hold of the bottle of
holy water he had managed to grab.
        "Who the devil are you?" asked Giles cautiously.
        "Nice choice of words, G-Man," interjected Xander nervously.
        The stranger smiled. "That's why I like you, kid, a quip for
every occasion." The man's dark eyes bored into Xander. *He knows*,
Xander thought to himself in a panic, *he knows everything*. If
anything, the stranger's smile became larger, more amused, as though the
world were a joke and he were the only one to understand the punchline.
        "As for who I am... you can call me The Whistler."


END CHAPTER TWO


Cutter Kinseeker
-Chieftain of the Wolfriders
-Holder of New Moon, artifact sword
-Slayer of the dreaded beast Madcoil
-Keeper of Xander Harris' half-kept promise, "You're gonna die. And I'm
gonna be there."

"AYOOOOOOOOAAAAAAHHH!!!!"
          --Cutter Kinseeker

"From famine to feast and back to famine again."
          --Skywise

Visit the Holt of Cutter Kinseeker
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Chamber/2234/


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Black Fire" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Kender Chaos (8/?)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 15:16:52 PDT

Title: Kender Chaos
Author: Black Fire
Email:[e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Buffy: Anything before WML1  Dragonlance: Chronicles and
Legends Trilogies.
Disclaimers:  I own neither sets of characters and I can't afford to
either.
Summary:  Tasslehoff Burrfoot and Fizban the Fabulous have found their
way to Sunnydale.

                     Kender Chaos Chapter 7

    By the time the others arrived at Buffy's house, she was a wreck.
Tasslehoff had gone through the entire house, looking and exploring and
picking things up.  Finally, after several hours of chasing the Kender
around and fishing things out of his pockets, Buffy found a rope and
tied him to a chair.  This made Tas very unhappy and depressed.  He sat
in his chair looking dejected and sad and, even though Buffy told him
that it was for his own good, it didn't help  For how could a person
from this world know that tying a Kender down was the worst form of
torture one could inflict.
    So, by the time the others got to the house, Tas had cried himself to
sleep in the chair and was looking rather pathetic.  Even Cordelia took
pity on him.  Buffy gently woke the Kender and, after emphatically
promising to be good, she untied him as well.
    That taken care of, they got down to business.   The rest listened as
Buffy told them of her dream.  All except Tas, who was intensely
studying something he had fished out of his pouches.  Eventually, the
others came to the conclusion that this had to be one of the weirdest
dreams Buffy's ever had.
    "Oh," Buffy concluded, "the old man said something about Tas."
    The voicing of the Kender's name caused him to finally look up and pay
attention.  "Really?" he asked.  "What did he say?"
    "He said, 'Tas knows,'" Buffy answered, looking at him.
    "I do?" Tas gasped, looking excited.  Then he frowned, "I know what?"
    "That's what I wanna know," Buffy said.
    "But what could shorty here have to do with an old guy who throws
fireballs at you?" Xander asked.
    "Hey!  Who you calling 'shorty?'" Tas yelled, glaring at Xander.  Then,
as if some kind of realization had just hit him, he turned back to
Buffy.  "He threw a fireball at you?"
    "Yes, I already said that," Buffy sighed.
    "Did he have a long, white beard, brown robes and a worn out hat?" Tas
asked rapidly.
    "Yes," Buffy stared at him.  "And he looked kind of crazy one minute
and serious the next."
    "WOW!" Tas exclaimed.  "You saw Fizban?"  Tas looked at her in awe.
    "You know this guy?" Angel asked.
    "Yes!" the Kender said, jumping up and down.  "His name is Fizban the
Fabulous.  Well, his name isn't really Fizban, it's Paladine.  But we
Kenders are allowed to call him Fizban.  He's a close, personal friend
of mine.  I was always helping him find his hat, which was usually on
top of his head.  And he was always trying to remember how the
'Fireball' spell worked."
    "Are you saying that this... Fizban is a wizard of sorts?" Giles asked.
    "Well..." Tas said, thinking of a way to explain it, "yes in a way.
He's a very powerful wizard, when he gets his spells right and his aim
isn't off.  He's even more powerful than Raistlin and Raistlin went up
against Queen Takhisis.  But, then Fizban *is* really Paladine, so that
wouldn't be surprising.  Paladine being a god and all..."
    "A what?!?!" the rest exclaimed.
    "A god," Tas repeated.  "You see, there's a whole bunch of gods when I
come from.  But the three big ones are Takhisis the five-headed dragon,
who's Queen of Darkness, Gilean the scales, God of Neutrality and
Paladine the platinum dragon, who's the god of good.  And Paladine
sometimes shows up as this old wizard named Fizban who, like I said, is
a close personal friend of mine."
    "Dragon?" Buffy asked absently.  "That's what I saw!"
    "You saw a dragon in your dream?" Tas asked, amazed.  "Where did you
see it?  What color was it?"
    "I was standing on a hill," Buffy said, "overlooking a city in the
trees..."
    "That would be Solace!!" Tas put in.  "How wonderful."
    "Shh.." Buffy hissed.  "There were two of them.  Both sort of metallic
in color.  And they were gold."
    "Oh those are the good dragons," Tas explained.  "Is that what you were
so frightened of in your dream?  That's really odd.  They being good
dragons and all.  But, I guess that if you haven't seen a dragon before,
they can be pretty frightening.  Not that I would know, of course.  Do
you think that Fizban might be here?  That he might have come to get
me?"
    "If he *is* here," Giles frowned, "then I'm afraid we have a problem."
    "What kind of problem?" the Kender asked.
    "If Buffy's dream is correct," Giles said, darkening even more, "then
your friend, Fizban is in the hands of some very dangerous people.  And
if really is what you say he is, then we may be in big trouble."

*   *   *   *   *



The Black Fire            | "Don't worry, I'm not here to eat."
[e-mail]   |                -Angel (IG)
         http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Shadowlands/4203
"But if they all forget me I will be here anyway, like an artifact
     of some lost civilization" -Vlad Dracula _The Dracula Tape_
"I'll see you there, Jekyll." -Edward Hyde "Jekyll & Hyde"


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (4/13)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 18:43:13 EDT

"Starting Over" (4/13)
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequel to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleXand=
er=0A([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcripts wh=
ich can be=0Aaccessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html.
***
=09Later that night, Buffy decided to call the library and tell everyone =
that=0Ashe was all right. As she dialed Giles=92s number, a nervousness c=
rept over her.=0AWhat if he doesn=92t care that I left? she thought. No, =
he cares about me.=0AStill, this is the right thing to do.
=09Brrrrng. Brrrrng. "Sunnydale High School Library," Buffy heard a voice=
 say.
=09"Can I please speak to Rupert Giles?" Buffy asked.
=09"Buffy Summers," she heard, now sure Snyder was on the other end of th=
e line.
=09"Give the phone to me," she heard Giles say in the background.
=09Snyder ignored him. "We=92ll find you, Summers. You can be sure about =
that.
=09"Put Giles on the line," she hissed.
=09"Since you are now expelled, you have no reason to talk to him. Don=92=
t call=0Aagain."
=09"Let me talk to him, damnit-" He hung up.
She decided to call his house and leave a message on the machine.
=09"This is Rupert Giles," Giles=92s taped voice said. "Please leave your=
 name,=0Anumber, and message after the beep. Thank you."
=09BEEP. "Hey, Giles. It=92s Buffy. I was just calling to tell you that I=
=92m safe=0Aand have a place to stay. I=92m sorry I left, but I had to af=
ter I sent Angel to=0AHell. I hope you can understand. Tell Willow thanks=
 for trying, and tell Mom=0Athat I love her. I=92ll talk to you soon."
=09In a way, Buffy was glad she didn=92t have to talk to Giles directly. =
She=0Awasn=92t ready to have a real conversation explaining everything.
=09Suddenly she heard a shriek coming from Shy=92s room. Running in there=
, she saw=0AShy against the wall with Drusilla holding her neck. "Look at=
 me," she heard=0ADru say. "Be in my eyes. Be in me."
=09Buffy threw Drusilla off Shy into the wall. Drusilla angrily got up. "=
You,"=0Ashe hissed, "you killed my Angel."
=09"How did you get in?"
=09"I was invited." An evil smile spread across her face.
=09At the sound of this, Shy ran downstairs. Drusilla scratched Buffy acr=
oss the=0Aface. Then, she hit her, knocking her to the floor. Buffy put h=
er hand to her=0Acheek and looked at the blood that pored down. Jumping t=
o her feet, Buffy=0Athrough a punch at Dru, which she blocked. Grabbing B=
uffy=92s neck, she shoved=0Aher against the wall. Suddenly, Buffy was hit=
 with a vision.
=09Suddenly a vampire came out from the stacks and attacked Xander from b=
ehind.=0AThe main doors flew open, and Kendra spun around to defend as tw=
o more=0Avampires walk in. Giles pointed to the steps and yelled at the g=
irls as a=0Afourth vampire appeared from the stacks.
=09Willow and Cordelia made for the stairs. Kendra punched two vamps. One=
 jumps=0Aover the mezzanine railing and lands on Giles' back, knocking hi=
m into the=0Atable. Cordelia and Willow ran up the stairs and see Xander =
elbow the vampire=0Aon his back, knocking the demon into a bookcase. Havi=
ng punched down the one=0Avampire, Kendra grabbed the other and shoves he=
r into the wall. The first one=0Agot up and rushed in to fight. Willow ra=
n around behind the stacks to try to=0Aescape. Giles grabbed a vase from =
the table and smashes it over his attacker's=0Ahead. Xander's assailant r=
ushed him again, but Xander sidestepped him. He spun=0Aaround, grabbed Xa=
nder and shoved him into a bookcase. The one down below=0Ahopped up onto =
the table, ran across it and lept over the railing above.=0AWillow hid be=
hind a bookcase. The vampire didn't stop and just pushed the case=0Aover =
onto Willow. The vampire Kendra is fighting ducked her swing. Xander's=0A=
opponent grabbed his arm, looped his own around it tightly and pulled dow=
n,=0Abreaking it. Xander yelled out in pain. Kendra ducked a roundhouse k=
ick from=0Aher enemy and blocked several swings. Xander grabbed his torme=
nter's hair and=0Asmashes his head down on the railing. Below Giles ducke=
d a swing and punches=0Athe vampire in the gut. Kendra lands two punches =
in the face of her attacker.=0AGiles pounded his assailant on the back, b=
ut he just roared and spun around=0Awith a punch to Giles' face, knocking=
 him out. Xander picked the dazed vampire=0Aup and shoved him into the ot=
her one going at Cordelia, knocking him down. He=0Agrabbed his broken arm=
 and winced in pain. Cordelia screamed and ran out=0Athrough the stacks. =
Xander watched Kendra's opponent punch her in the face,=0Abut Kendra duck=
ed and backed into her and came up holding back the vampire's=0Ahead. She=
 plunged her stake into her heart, and she bursted into ashes. Xander=0Aw=
inced again in pain. Willow lay prone under the fallen bookcase. Kendra=
=0Alooked around for her next target. She saw the one going for Giles, an=
d rushed=0Aover to pull him off. She shoveds him around to the floor. He =
tries to get up,=0Abut she just punched him back down. He tried again, an=
d she grabbed him and=0Athrew him through the window into Giles' office. =
Just then another one tackled=0Aher from the side. A vampire punched Kend=
ra, and she stumbled, but regained=0Aher footing. Up in the stacks the ot=
her one came at Xander and punched him in=0Athe face, knocking him out. B=
elow Kendra was hit by a roundhouse kick, and=0Afell. The library doors s=
wung open, and Drusilla walked in. The vampire triesd=0Ato kick Kendra, b=
ut she blocked it and swung out with her leg, tripping him,=0Aand got bac=
k to her feet to face the other two, the one that came down from=0Aabove,=
 the other one now back out of Giles' office. The third one was up again=
=0Aalso, and they close in on her, but before any more fighting ensued Dr=
usilla=0Aclaps her hands.
=09//Enough.//
=09She bid Kendra come hither with her waving fingers. The other three ju=
st=0Abacked off. Kendra faced Drusilla, ready to fight. Drusilla walked a=
round her=0Aand goaded her on. Kendra kicked at her, but Drusilla blocked=
 her easily, as=0Awell as two follow-up swings. She punched Kendra and se=
nt her spinning to the=0Afloor. Drusilla ducked a kick from Kendra and gr=
abbed her by the arms. She=0Aswung her around and shoved her away. Kendra=
 came back at her again with a=0Akick to the gut, and Drusilla doubled ov=
er for an instant. Kendra lunged at=0Aher, but Drusilla grabbed her by th=
e throat and forced her back against the=0Acounter, gripping hard and cho=
king her.
=09//Look at me deary.// Her long fingernails pointed to her eyes. //Be i=
n my=0Aeyes. Be in me.//
=09Kendra swayed with Drusilla. Dru started to get her fingers ready and=
=0Ascratched at =09Kendra=92s neck. Kendra fell to the floor.
=09//Night, night.// Dru blew an imaginary kiss into the air. //Let=92s g=
et what=0Awe came for, dears.// The vampires dragged Giles out of library=
.
=09Buffy was suddenly in the present, overcome with rage. Pushing away=0A=
Drusilla=92s hand, she hit her to the ground. She then kicked her in the =
stomach=0Aover and over. Picking her up, she rammed her into the wall and=
 hit her with=0Athe back of her hand. With all her strength, she then kno=
cked her through the=0Awindow and watched as =09Drusilla=92s body fell to=
 the ground. Quickly, she=0Ascrambled up and gave Buffy the evil eye befo=
re disappearing into the night.
=09Remembering Andrew and Shy, she ran out of the room. From the top of t=
he=0Abalcony, she saw Shy leaning over a lifeless looking body.
***
End Part 4

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (5/13)
Date: 29 Jul 1998 18:44:57 EDT

"Starting Over" (5/13)
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew is in=
jured.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleXand=
er=0A([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcrips whi=
ch can be=0Aaccessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html.
***
=09Buffy quickly ran down the stairs towards Shy and the lifeless Watcher=
 next=0Ato her. "Is he=85?"
=09"No," Shy said, "he=92s just unconsious. A lot of blood was lost." She=
 took a=0Atablecloth and pressed it against his wound. "That vampire-Drus=
illa did you=0Asay?-must have scratched his neck like your face." Buffy a=
gain stuck her hand=0Ato her face. She had forgotten the scratch. "She di=
dn=92t kill him, though."
=09"That=92s how she killed Kendra, by slitting her throat. Thank God you=
 came=0Adown when you did. I=92ll call an ambulence. I=92ll tell =91em th=
at he slipped and=0Afell on a knife or something."
=09Buffy quickly ran into the kitchen and dialed 911. "You have reached-"
=09"I need an ambulance sent over to 313 Moreno Drive. My cousin fell and=
 cut=0Ahis neck. He lost a lot of blood."
=09"We=92ll be right over."
=09"Thanks."
=09About ten minutes later, an ambulance arrived at the house. They quick=
ly=0Arushed Andrew into the ambulence with Shy and Buffy.
=09"What=92s the man=92s name?" one of the EMTs asked.
=09"Andrew," Shy answered, "Andrew Potter. Is he going to be all right?"
=09"I=92m not sure."
"Please, I need to know that he=92s going to be okay."
"Please calm down, m=92am. He=92ll probably be fine." He took a deep brea=
th.=0A"What=92s your name, and how are you related to him?" he asked mech=
anically.
=09"Shy Walker. I=92m his, um, niece. I live with him."
=09"Who=92s the other one?" he asked pointing to Buffy.
=09Shy started to answer. "Bu-"
=09"Ecky," Buffy answered. "Becky Swanson. I=92m Shy=92s cousin. I=92m ju=
st visiting=0Atemporarily."
=09"Do either of you know how Andrew cut himself?"
=09Shy gave Buffy a confused look, so Buffy started to answer. "Well, um,=
 I, I=0Athink he cut himself when he was, uh, cutting a steak. He slipped=
 and the=0Aknife cut his neck."
=09They soon entered the hospital. Buffy and Shy just watched as his body=
 was=0Awheeled through doors they were told they couldn=92t go through. T=
hat=92s when Shy=0Alost it.
=09As she tried to run through the doors, two male nurses grabbed her and=
 held=0Aher back. "No," she cried, trying to pull away from their grasp. =
"Let me go! I=0Aneed to see if he=92s alright. Get off of me." Suddenly s=
he sunk to the floor in=0Atears. Buffy ran over to her and signaled for t=
he nurses to go. She hugged the=0Afragile girl as the weeped.
***
=09A few hours later, Buffy and Shy were allowed to visit Andrew.
=09"How=92re you feeling?" Shy asked.
=09"I=92m okay. A little light-headed. The doctors say I=92ll be able to =
go home in=0Aa couple of days."
=09"Thank God," Shy said. "I=92m sorry. I'm sorry I wasn=92t able to sens=
e her=0Adownstairs."
=09"It=92s not your fault. I should have been more careful."
=09"You couldn=92t have known," Buffy said. "You=92re not the Slayer."
=09A nurse came in. "Visiting hours are over."
=09"Okay," Buffy said, "we=92re going." After the nurse left, she spoke t=
o Andrew,=0A"I=92ll take care of her until you=92re better."
=09"Thanks," he whispered back. "I=92ll call you tomarrow."
=09When Buffy and Shy arrived home, they found the door partially open. "=
Wait=0Ahere," Buffy said.
=09"No, I=92m a Slayer. I can handle whatever=92s in there."
=09"Fine. But stay behind me."
=09They slowly walked through the foyer to the living room. Buffy sensed=
=0Asomething behind them, so she turned around with a stake in hand. She =
didn=92t=0Aexpect what she saw, though.
=09"Giles?" she threw herself into his arms. "Oh my God." After she pulle=
d away=0Afrom him, she asked how everyone was doing.
=09"Everbody is very worried. The police dropped the charges after Xander=
 and=0AWillow both said that you were not the murderer. Principal Snyder =
was forced=0Ato let you back in school after the Board of Education ruled=
 that there was=0Anot enough evidence to throw you out." He looked at her=
 sad face. "Buffy,=0Aaren=92t you happy?"
"How=92d you find me?" she ignored his question.
=09"Andrew called me. He, he, told me you were here. You were, um, stayin=
g with=0Ahim."
=09"What?! He promised me he wouldn=92t."
=09"It=92s was his duty, Buf-"
=09"Maybe I didn=92t want you to come. Maybe I don=92t want you to try an=
d take me=0Ahome."
=09"You have to come home. Xander, Willow, Cordelia miss you terribly, no=
t to=0Amention your mother."
=09"Giles, I let everyone down. I sent Angel to Hell. Not Angelus, but An=
gel. I=0Afinally got him back, and I stuck a sword through him. I can=92t=
 face that=0Aagain."
=09"Buffy, you have to put that behind you. You have to move on. You have=
 a duty=0Ato the rest of the world-"
=09She hit him hard. "How dare you! How dare you try and tell me to forge=
t what=0Ahappened. To forget Angel. Not once did I say, =91Get over Jenny=
.=92 Never. I knew=0Athat you-"
=09"Buffy, there=92s an easy way to put this all behind you what."
=09"Enlighten me."
=09"I=92ve found the ritual to bring Angel back from Hell."
***
End Part 5

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion







-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What The World Needs Now Is Love 1/1
Date: 30 Jul 1998 04:20:36 -0500 (CDT)

TITLE:  What The World Needs Now Is Love 1/1
FEEDBACK:  I would be thankful.
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT:  Ask and you shall receive.
AUTHOR:  Alex Queirolo
E-MAIL ADDY:  [e-mail]
SPOILER WARNING:  BBB, S/I..the whole Angelus fiasco.
RATING: PG...
CONTENT: Nah..maybe some mental imagery.
SUMMARY: "I let Buffy dress me," Xander said..
***

WHAT THE WORLD NEEDS NOW IS LOVE
By: Alex Queirolo

AUTHOR'S NOTE:This vignette takes place after the teaser of BBB but before the scene where Xander gives Cordy the
locket. This stays true to the actual aired ep.

DISCLAIMER:Joss is God. I am a peon. The title is taken from a song by Jackie De Shannon and the lyrics are by the
Eagles.

***

"You can't hide your lyin' eyes
And your smile is a thin disguise."

***

It was well after midnight when the third obnoxious ring from the cordless situated next to her bed brought her to her
waking senses. She glared at it as it sounded a fourth ring and then decided that a fifth would be daring her mother to
ground her again. Reaching across, she picked it up and jabbed at the "on" button. "What?"

"I'm naked."

She blinked. Her mind was foggy with sleep but something told her that those words were not ones that she should be
hearing. A moment later a bell rung in her head and she was able to put a name to the voice. "Xand, I think you hit the
wrong button on your speed dial. Number three is 1-900-Spank-Me."

"Buff, I'm serious," Xander Harris cried, sounding almost as if he were about to cry. "You gotta help me."

"Wait, are you still naked?" Buffy Summers asked as she sat up. "Nevermind...don't answer that. Are you okay? Where
are you?"

"I'm in my room and it's horrible. You've got to help me."

"What's horrible, Xand?" Buffy asked calmly, her mind slipping into Slayer mode. After all, she could detect panic in
his voice. Something was sure scaring the hell out of him.

"Valentine's Day." Xander said breathlessly. "I'm gonna..oh God...I have nothing to wear."

Buffy blinked again. "You have nothing to wear? You woke me up at.." she glanced at her clock, "Twelve thirty to bitch
about clothing."

"Buff, please. I don't want to look like an idiot." Xander pleaded. "I'll do anything."

She smirked, "Anything?"

"Anything."

"Alright. You're on." Buffy said with a grin.

                        ***

He smiled at her akwardly as he led her into his room. It was somewhat neat as long as you didn't look into the corners
where everything was piled. She saw the arm of an old broken GI Joe sticking out of his drawer. A second look revealed
there to be a small wooden toothpick embedded in it's chest. She grinned over at him. "Practice?"

"Something like that," he muttered, grabbing at the toy and shoving it into the drawer. He looked over at his bed and his
eyes went wide when he noticed that it was wrinkled. He chuckled nervously and then grabbed her arm and led her to
the closet. "Help."

"Calm down, Xand, I'll have you looking edible by the time you go to meet Cordy. Not that I would..uh..ya. So, this is a
nice jacket."

He stared at her a moment longer but she had already averted her eyes. With all that she was going through, was it
right of him to ask her for even the slightest bit of help?

"Here, try these on." She said suddenly, pressing a bundle of clothing into his hands. "Once we decide what you're
wearing,we can iron and all that."

"Iron?"

She laughed, "Don't worry, Xand-man, I'll take care of you."

                    ***

He was taking forever. Sighing dramatically, the little Slayer tipped backwards on her good friends' bed and rested her
head against his pillow. She closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts to sweep away. It was Valentine's Day...a
thought she neither needed nor wanted. Without Angel..well...it wasn't gonna be a day for the scrapbook.

Angel. Her beloved. Swept away in a night of passion and now just basically not a very nice guy. Love pretty much
sucked as of late.

"Um, I think it's too tight." Xander said, stepping out of the bathroom. Buffy blinked and turned her head. She coughed
as her eyes locked on his pants.

"Tight. Too. Ya. Ya." Buffy murmured, a chuckle seeping out. "Um, new pants." She turned quickly towards the closet
so he couldn't see the grin on her face. "We'll go, uh..darker." She grabbed at a pair of slacks and handed it to him.
Reaching back into the closet, she took out a nice silk shirt and then held it against the slacks. After a pause, she lifted
both against his face to see if the tone was right. Finally she smiled and with a nod of her head, urged him towards the
bathroom.

As soon as the door shut, she turned and sat back on the bed, her hand gently and absently stroking the soft comforter.
Her eyes strayed to a stack of piuctures on his nightstand. Leaning across, she picked them up. They were recent. Oh
God...

"This was the picnic," she murmured. Three days before her birthday, before they'd known anything about the Judge,
they'd all gone on a picnic at the beach in Santa Barbara. It'd been so beautiful and just after sunset, Angel had joined
them.

She picked up the first pic and blinked. It was of Cordelia and Xander. Huddled together. This was at least four to five
days before their secret had been revealed. God, how oblivious had they been? She ran her finger lightly over the
glossy paper. The looks on their faces were happy. Easy-going. Not cautious. They had no idea.

She looked at the next pic. One of her sleeping on Xanders' chest. The sun was still out and they both looked wet. A few
feet away in the pic, Cordelia stood watching as Willow built the beginnings of a sand castle. Buffy flipped a few more
pictures until she got to the one of all four of the kids working on the castle, covered in mud.

And Xander and Cordy helping each other. Giles or Ms. C must have taken the pic. Xander was looking at Cordy with a
dopey grin and now looking back, it was so obvious.

And yet she had missed it. Been so absorbed with her own world that she had missed the obvious signs of Xander and
Cordy getting together. She sighed and dropped the pictures back down. Closing her eyes once more, she laid back.

A few moments later, she heard the door open. Without looking up, she whispered, "Xand, do you love her?"

"What?" he asked, sitting down next to to her.

She sat up and rested her head on his shoulder, "Cordy. Do you love her?"

He blinked. "I..I dunno." He chuckled lightly. "I'm not sure what I feel. She drives me crazy but I'm always thinking
about her. Whether it's wanting to smack her upside the head or kiss her..I don't know."

She smiled at him,"You're a good guy, Xand." Then she took her head off his shoulder and looked up into his dark
eyes, "But be sure what you're doing. Whether it's just about kissing or maybe it's something more. Make sure you
know what you're doing."

He looked at her for a long beat and wasn't all that surprised to see that her eyes were becoming glassy. Reaching out,
he pulled the little Slayer into a hug. "It's gonna be okay, Buff. We'll make it through this. We all will."

After a moment, she pulled away and favored him with a smile. "I know." Then she frowned. "Your shirt's not buttoned
right."

He almost pointed out the lack of segue but then realized quickly enough that it was her way of coping with something
she was not yet able to completely deal with. Her hand moved forward with un-natural speed and began to rebutton his
shirt. She stood back and frowned again. "What?"

"We're missing something. The slacks and shirt look great..wait wait wait..I have just the thing. Drive me back to my
place."

He gave her a strange look and then nodded. As he reached for his car keys, his fingers glanced over the pictures
she'd been looking at and his eyes locked on the pic of he and Cordelia lying exhausted and covered in sand in the
surf. The signs had all been there. Denial was no longer an option. Perhaps Buffy was right. It was about more than
just kissing.

                    ***

He stepped into the Bronze, pulling at the collar of the jacket nervously. Buffy said it looked good. The mirror confirmed
it so why was he so sure that Cordy was gonna start laughing like a hyena.

The jacket had been the final touch. Hung with reverance in her closet. She'd pulled it out and said that it had been the
jacket her father had been wearing when he had taken her mom out on their first date eighteen years earlier. It  was
pretty fashionable but then it seemed that the Summers very much were.

Buffy had smiled at him, trying to be strong as she had draped it over his shoulders and then marveled at the perfect
fit. She'd told him to turn around and then whistled in appreciation. "Damn, Xand, you're pretty hot." Reaching up to
kiss him on the cheek she'd said, "Good luck."

And now here he was, tugging at the collar of Hank Summers' eighteen year old amazingly well-kept jacket and
wondering what the hell he was doing here. And why his heart was pounding so fast. She was just a girl. A simple girl.
So what that she was the one he's wanted to grab and throttle since they were kids. So what if he had wondered what it
would be like at times to kiss her just to shut her up. So what...a kissy here..a kissy there. What did it matter?

"Xander!" Willow called out, waving at him. He smiled at her, suddenly feeling very sick in the pit of his stomache. No,
he had to leave, he had to get out of there. This was insanity.

He pushed his fingers into the pocket of the jacket and felt his fingers graze the necklace. And then suddenly he
couldn't leave. Swallowing hard, knowing he was damned one way or another, he stared up at the band and rehearsed
what he was going to say to Cordelia once more.


-FIN










-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Do You Wanna Dance? 1/1
Date: 30 Jul 1998 04:13:13 -0500 (CDT)

TITLE:  Do You Wanna Dance? 1/1
FEEDBACK:  I would be thankful.
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT:  Ask and you shall receive.
AUTHOR:  Alex Queirolo
E-MAIL ADDY:  [e-mail]
SPOILER WARNING:  Um. None.
RATING:  PG..some mild language.
CONTENT:  A little bit of kissing. Some flirting and some playing.
SUMMARY:  A battle of wills between Buffy and Angel and the whole gang is looped on Mountain
Dew.
***

DO YOU WANNA DANCE


By Alex Queirolo


AUTHOR'S NOTE:This story takes place in the "I Will Survive" timeline and for now follows after "Even The Nights Are
Better". However I suspect that there will be a story placed between them.

DISCLAIMER:Joss is God. Yada yada. No sue. The title was taken from a Bobby Freeman song. The lyrics from a Don
Henley one.



***


 "All she wants to do is dance, dance, dance
and make romance."

***

"So, was it like I told you?" He asked softly, moving around so that he was sitting next to her on the bed. He picked up
his hand in hers and gave it a squeze. She smiled back. Her eyes twinkled with energy and life even though she
wasn't exactly looking her best.

"It wasn't fun."

"I imagine not. Hurts like hell. People don't do it for kicks." Angel replied with a chuckle. "I suppose telling you that
what you did was stupid wouldn't go over well."

"You're a sharp one," Buffy Summers replied, groaning as she stretched her body. "Besides, I don't want to talk about
me..."

"You just don't want to talk about what a stubborn mule you are," Angel said, grinning. He reached out and brushed a
strand of hair away from her blue eyes.

"I am not a stubborn mule," Buffy shot back.

"Of course not. What was I thinking. My bad."

"Oh, don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Say 'my bad'. It's like surfer talk..it's Xander talk. It's me talk.."

"I can talk like you," Angel replied defensively.

"You can but don't."

"What if I want to?"

"Don't argue with me, lover. I'm hurt. I get to win all arguments for awhile. By default."

"Says who? You're the one who got yourself shot with that idiot stunt.."

"Don't start again. Like you have any room to yell at me about loner stunts."

"I didn't say it was a loner stunt..but now that you mention it.." Angel started, lifting a glass of water up to her lips. She
drank from it and then shot him a dirty look.

"We won, didn't we?"

"Yeah..we won. We beat the big bad leprechaun and you got a whole in your stomache. I'm so proud."

"How the hell was I supposed to know that the little creep had been watching those Leprachaun movies?"

"Gee, maybe the fact that he was carrying around a rifle and a hunting knife woulda tipped me off. Hell, it was a dead
give away."

"That sucks," Buffy pouted. "Bad enough that I don't get to fight any cute demons.." The little Slayer flashed him a
brilliant smile, "Present company excluded." He nodded. "But now I also have to deal with psychotic demons who
watch too much television. Do they have V-Chips for demons."

"No, they make us all watch that Indian TV channel you all are so fond of. That's all it takes to muddle our brains and
make us looney."

"Oh..see now that makes sense," Buffy chuckled. Then she winced. "I'm sick of laying down."

"That's too bad."

"Angel..." Buffy said, allowing her lower lip to tremble. Her large blue eyes grew to roughly the size of plates and her
entire face took on a decidely little girl look to it.

"Nuh uh. Won't work. The power pout doesn't affect me. No wa.."

She reached out and grabbed him, pulling him to her and kissing him deeply. He moaned against her mouth and then
moved to deepen it. She pulled away.

"Let's go for a walk."

He growled,"Flag on the play, lover."

"Uh uh, this ain't touch football."

He narrowed his eyes,"Two can play this game."

"Oh shush. Stop being so sensitive. Just pick me up and let's go somewhere..the Bronze."

"You're in no condition to dance."

"Did I say I was gonna dance?"

"You didn't have to. I know you. No way."

"Please?"

"Nope. Nada. No way."

She traced a finger over his jawline and then whispered, "Please? I just want to spend some time out a club with my
boyfriend. Like two normal kids."

He sighed. She had him. She'd pulled out her ace and damn was it good. He recognized defeat looming about him.
"Fine, alright. But promise me you won't try to dance."

She smiled. Too sweetly. The victor. The Slayer. "Deal."

 ***


"Hey Wills."

"Hey Xand."

"No seriously."

"Okay seriously."

"Will you two knock it off," Cordelia Chase said with an impatient sigh. The Mountain Dew truck had come in earlier that
night and was giving away cases upon cases of free soda. And both Xander and Willow had taken full advantage of it.

Oz lifted an amused eyebrow,"I think she's trying to say..at least I think she is..is that what you're trying to say?"

"You didn't actually say anything," Cordelia muttered. Willow for her part nodded enthusiastically.

"That's exactly what I was trying to say. Exactly."

"I understand," Xander replied, looking as though the great secret to life had just been revealed to him.

"There's a first," Cordelia put in. Then she looked up, "Hi Buffy. Angel."

Angel sighed. "Mountain Dew Night at the Bronze?"

"More like idiot night. Why is she out of bed?"

Buffy threw her a look. "I may be..shot..but I can still dance."

"You said you weren't going to dance. You promised." Angel said quickly, tightening his grip around her arm.

"No, what I said was 'deal'. The word 'promise' was never actually in that sentence. But if it makes you feel better, I
have guilt about.."

"Lying?"

"I didn't lie...not technically."

"You lied." Cordelia said, lifting her hand and signaling for the waiter.

"No..I merely stated a misrepresentation of the acknowledged facts known as truth."

"You lied." Cordelia said again as the waiter approched.

"Ok, so I lied. Deal. Let's dance."

Angel shook his head. "Nope, you lied."

She frowned, "That blows. This is not over."

"What can I get for you guys?" the waiter asked, flashing all of the girls his brightest smile. Angel instinctively felt a
flash of jealousy but Xander just grinned back. Of course Buffy returned the smile, very much enjoying the fact that
Angel wasn't pleased by her flirting.

"Prozac," Cordelia muttered as Willow reached up and grabbed the waiters' shirt.

"Mountain Dew."

"For me too." Xander said, still grinning like an idiot. Angel felt a compulsion to smack the boy upside his head. Like
that was anything new.

"Hey, you're a  poet..." Willow chirped.

"And he doesn't know it," Oz said nodding.

"Wow..I'm a poet!" Xander yelled, raising his arms in victory. Cordelia smiled up at Angel and Buffy.

"Oz hasn't even been drinking that toxic stuff."

Oz laughed, "Nah, but it's fun."

"As long as you believe that. So Buffy, why are you out of bed. If Giles finds out, he'll go postal."

"Giles is a postman?" Xander asked.

"Shut up, dork boy," Cordelia said quickly.

"Hey, it's not my fault Giles is a postman. Not the career path I would have picked.."

Cordelia snorted derisevely and then looked back up at the waiter, "Tea. Thanks." He nodded and moved away.
"So..Buffy..for the third time..this time without help from the peanut gallery.."

"I wanted to get out and party. With my buds."

"I thought we were the Scooby Gang?" Willow asked, looking at Xander as if her life was falling apart. "Aren't we the
Scooby Gang?" Then she looked at Oz, "Aren't we?"

"Yes,baby, we're the Scooby Gang."

"Either that or we're the Planeteers." Xander put in, cracking open another can and tossing it back.

"This is insane," Angel said, wide-eyed.

"Oh I dunno, I kinda like it." Buffy said grinning. "Of course, if you wanna get away, we can always dance."

"Nope," Angel said. "I can put up with this."

"As long as you believe that, lover. But remember, I always win. And if I win tonight well.." she reached up and grabbed
his ear and pulled him down to her. Grinning wickedly, she whispered into his ear. Almost immediately, his eyes went
wide.

"Buffy!" Then he choked. "Um..no..we can't..you're hurt."

"I'm shot."

"That's right. So..I win."

She laughed. "Not in this life-time." Then she winked, "And that's the only one that counts."

"You know she's gonna win, bro." Oz said as he opened a can for Willow and then poured it into a shot glass. He did
the same for Xander and then counted out three fingers on the table. They both knocked them back and dropped the
shot glasses to the table.

"I need a chaser!" Xander cried out.

"It was Mountain Dew," Cordelia said, not quite believing that she was still caught up in the middle of this insanity.

Leaning over, he grabbed her and kissed her. Then he backed away and grinned. "Chaser..Chase..works for me."

"Oh yuck, Mountain Dew breath." Cordelia said, grabbing at the glass of tea that the waiter had brought. Absently she
wondered when he had come and gone. Not that it mattered.

Then again, maybe he hadn't come and *gone*. Cordelia craned her head over to where Buffy and Angel were standing.
He was looking annoyed, even frustrated. She was having a ball. Flirting with the waiter like mad. The girl was good.

"So, you're name is Todd. Hi Todd." Buffy said, smiling. She reached out and took the glass of soda from him, lingering
just a moment too long and yet grinning at the same time. Her other hand reached out and gave Angel's bottom a
playful squueze. His eyes widened and before he knew it, he had squealed.

"Okay that was embarassing," Cordelia said.

"I agree, bro. I feel embarassed and I'm not the one who just squealed like a stuck pig." Oz put in.

"Aw..did da big bad dead geriatric guy squeal like a baby?" Xander taunted, his eyes never leaving the shot glasses
as Oz filled them up again.

"I didn't squeal." Angel hissed.

Buffy looked away from Todd long enough to say over her shoulder. "You squealed. That's okay, usually you're
louder."

Angel coughed loudly. "You wanna dance?"

She smiled. "Yes. with Todd. Todd, would you like to dance?"

Todd smiled, "Sure. Great. Cool. Let me get Jonathon to cover me for a few minutes." He grinned at Angel and moved
away.

"Buffy," Angel started.

"No no. If you won't dance with me and take care of me like I deserve..then I'll just have to find me a man who will. And
who doesn't squeal." She reached over and gave him a peck on the cheek and began to move away.

Reaching out, he caught her arm. "You're hurt. You've got a hole in your stomache. Be sensible." Taking her hand, he
brought it down to where the bullet-hole was taped over. She winced and pushed his hand away.

"I am sensible." Buffy said with a smile. She winked at him and then moved towards Todd.

"This is a night of firsts," Cordelia muttered, reaching out and taking the shot from under Xanders' nose. Oz gave her a
look and then shrugged and counted out the beats. She knocked it back hard and then smiled. "More."

"Are you sure?" Oz asked. "This stuff..it can do dangerous things to a person..sometimes you don't recover."

"More. If I have to be stuck in the middle of Tweakos R Us..well."

He nodded, understanding. "More."


 ***


"Do you really squeal?" Xander asked, sauntering up to the tall vampire. Angel turned and shot him his most effective
"I'm gonna rip your throat out" look but the boy seemed unperturbed. "I never would have guessed you for a squealer."

"This really isn't a conversation you want to have with me."

Xander shrugged. "Oh I don't mind."

"Isn't that special." Angel grunted, eyes locked on the fluidly moving form of the Slayer. She was on the dance-floor,
moving in time with Todd. He might as well have been Don Juan.

"They're cute. They make a cute couple. I bet he doesn't squeal."

"I'm going to kill you." Angel hissed, clenching his fists. Damn girl. She was so stubborn. She always had to win. He'd
thought that her injury, the one she'd sustained after she'd flipped a coin to decide whether or not to rush the little
demon leprachaun dude, would allow him to gain the upper hand. But no...damn girl.

"Hmm. Not tonight. I have plans. But I can pencil you in for Wednesday. I have just one request."

"What's that?" Angel growled in reply, his eyes still locked on Buffy. Todd was moving his hands. Not too much but
enough.

"Promise me you won't squeal when you kill me?"

Angel reached over and grabbed the boy by the lapels and was about to shake him when he felt someone tap his
shoulder. Oz.

"What?"

"Um, that might be an idea that's well..not of the good."

"Oh but I would like it," Angel muttered.

Oz shrugged,"Ya, but think of the blood everywhere. On your clothes. On your shoes. Those look new. Are they new?"

Angel looked down at his leather boots. Then he nodded. "Bought them a couple days again."

"Then it would be of the suck to get them stained with Xander blood."

Angel nodded and dropped the boy. "Only because I like my leather."

"I bet you do." Xander said, moving to a distance. He crossed behind Cordelia. "Leather and squealing. Well that fits."
Angel narrowed his eyes at Xander but then looked away and back at Buffy.

Who was walking away from Todd, smiling but holding a hand at her side. She crossed over to the table and gave
Angel an amused look. "What's the matter, lover?"

"What's the matter? She says what's the matter?" Angel ranted.

"She said what's the matter." Willow and Xander said at the same time. They looked at each other and whispered, "She
said what's the matter."

"Are you people sane?" Angel asked.

Willow and Xander looked at each other and then looked across the table to where Buffy was sitting. She'd pulled out a
nail file from God only knew where and was casually going about filing down her painted nails. "Buff, are we sane?"

"No," she answered instantly. "But that's okay."

Cordelia looked up, "Says you. I'm sane."

Buffy lifted an eyebrow. "Uh huh, right. Okay, Cordelia's sane."

"Thank you."

"Anytime," Buffy chirped back. Then she looked up at Angel. "Ready to admit absoloute defeat."

"Never."

"That's too bad. I was really looking forward to doing that thing I told you about. I had..ideas."

Angel swallowed hard. "I will not surrender."

"Oh but why not? My terms are always..humane."

"Says you.Oh God..i didn't say that. I'm hanging around you people way too much." Angel replied, looking down at his
leather boots. The ones that had kept him from killing Xander. Who was now cackling at him.

She lifted an eyebrow. "Fine. I'm gonna go dance again."

"Buffy, come on.."

"White flag, lover. Wave it and we'll talk."

"Not gonna happen."

"Your choice." Buffy said with a smirk. Reaching out, she grabbed both Willow and Xander's hands. "Dance with me
guys."

Angel looked at Willow for help but saw quickly that the girl was bouncing off too many walls to be the voice of reason.
Dammit.

Buffy led her friends towards the floor, followed by Cordelia and Oz. Angel scowled and then fell into the seat that
Willow had vacated. Picking up the green can of soda, he began to idly drink from it.


***

By midnight, the caffeine was wearing off. They were young and the energy highs didn't last long. Sighing, Willow
wrapped an arm around her best friends' shoulder and helped her over to the table. Where Angel was sitting. Building
a castle out of Mountain Dew cans.

"Whatcha doing, lover?" Buffy asked, curling against him. She was tired and her stomache hurt. All she wanted to do
was wrap herself in his embrace and fall asleep.

He looked up at her with a goofy grin. "I'm building. It's fun. I'm building." He stood up abruptly and she fell from his
lap. She would have slid to the floor if Xander hadn't grabbed her arm.

"Angel?"

"Hey, Buff..let's dance." Angel said, grinning. "I want to dance. You win. I want to dance."

"Well I don't want to anymore. And I know I win. Duh, I always win." Buffy moved over to him and pulled his arms
around her. "So let's go back to your place.."

"Later. I want to dance." He grabbed her arm and spun her. She winced and fell against his chest.

"What's up with you?" She asked, glaring at him. He smirked and leaned over so that his lips were brushing against
her ear.

"You left me alone with the caffeine. Now it's time to play." He ran his tongue across her ear and she shivered.

"Ugh. I'm going home," Xander muttered. "Make out sessions of the the Slayer and the Dead Man aren't my idea of
good prime-time."

"Angel, love..I need to get home and rest. Remember..me..bullet hole in stomache. Giles finds out I was out and about,
he'll skin me."

"You should have thought of that earlier," Angel whispered, still nibbling on her ear.

"Okay, I think you two just defined the PDA. Gross." Cordelia muttered, picking up her purse and grabbing Xander's
hand. "Let's go. This night is already a future therapy bill."

"The night is young," Angel whispered, his hands moving too fast. His feet were barely touching the ground as he held
Buffy tighter. Yup, definate caffeine high. Oh boy.

"Angel, lover, honey..we're gonna go home and we're gonna go to bed and you're gonna sleep off this weird..whatever
this is..and then I'm banning all of you.." She looked at Willow and then at Xander, "All of you from caffeine. You people
are far too dangerous."

"But.." Willow began.

"No."

"Buffster.." Xander protested.

"No way."

"Honey.."

"Let's go, Dead Boy."

"Hey!" Angel cried indignantly. She reached around and grabbed him by the ear.

"You're cute when you're caffeinated. Almost like a little boy. Did I ever tell you I hate kids?" She smiled at him. "Now
take me home. I want to sleep."

"What about..that thing you were gonna do to me. You know the part where you.."

"Angel, shut up or I swear to God, I'll stake you."

"But..I mean all you do is.."

"Don't push me."

"I wanna know..what does she do?" Xander asked. Cordelia grabbed his hand harder and led him out into the street.

"Just hit him, Buffy. He won't know the difference. They never do," Cordelia shouted over her shoulder before she
yanked Xander towards her car.

"I don't get it," Angel said innocently, still hopping on the balls of his feet. "Before, you were all hot to..."

She grabbed his ear and pulled him down to her. She pressed her lips against it and hissed something to him. He
blinked. "I'm shutting up."

"I knew you'd see it my way. I win again. Let's go." Buffy said, wrapping his arm around her. He sighed and helped her
outside.


***

"Do you feel better?" The little Slayer asked, gazing up at him as he exited the bathroom. He was wearing only a pair
of loose sweat-pants and his hair was wet.

"That was..unique." Angel replied, settling down next to her on his bed. He wrapped his arms around her and pressed a
kiss to her neck. "I felt like I was seventee again. And a total idiot. I felt like what Xander must feel everyday. God, what
a horrifying reality."

"Be nice," Buffy said with a chuckle.

"No. He..you...you humilated me."

"You liked it," she said, kissing him hard. "Grab me that first aide kit."

He grabbed it off the counter and brought it over next to her. Lifting her shirt up, he began to inspect the small circular
wound. "I didn't like being asked if I squeal."

She chuckled, "I think it's cute. You don't hear me objecting."

"You said you had to find a real man.."

This time she full out laughed. "Oh come on, Ange. Don't tell me you're such a baby about all this. I was having fun.."

He grinned. "So was I. Until you started dancing with Groping Boy."

"Todd never groped me."

"His hands were near your butt."

"My hands were near yours."

"Your hands were *on* mine."

"Your point? It's a nice butt."

"What would you have done if I'd let someone besides you squeeze my butt?"

"Todd didn't squeeze my butt."

"Flag. Aversion."

She scowled at him and then said simply. "Depends on who it was. If it'd been Xander, I would have cheered him on."

"You're sick, you know that?"

"I know. You love me."

"I do. Okay, what if it had been...Cordelia?"

"We would have compared your butt and Xanders'."

"You've touched his butt?" Angel asked indignantly.

"No comment. Do you have anything to drink?"

"Lay down. I'm not finished with you."

"Ooh. Sounds kinky."

"You wish. I need to finish changing this dressing. You touched his butt?" Angel said, looking at her as he cleaned the
wound.

"Only a little."

"Only a little meaning?"

"Are you worried that I liked his butt better than yours?"

"I'm not jealous of Xander!"

"You are. Oh God...that's rich. you're not jealous of Xander..you're jealous of his butt."

"Am not!"

She leaned forward and kissed him, lingering for a few moments. "Are too. It's okay. I'd be jealous of his butt too. It's a
nice butt."

"Can you stop saying butt?"

"But.."

"Dammit! Mine is better!" Angel growled as he finished taping the gauze pad down.

Buffy lifted an eyebrow,"You've been comparing butts? And you say I'm sick."

"As a matter of fact, yes I do and yes I have."

"Who?"

Angel swallowed. "Uh..you and..Cordelia and Willow's."

"What?" She looked momentarily shocked and then said, "Well?"

"Um, they're..nice.." Angel stammered.

"But?"

"Would you stop saying that?" He pleaded, kissing her hand.

She shrugged, "Okay. We can always compare other body parts."

"What? Where else have you touched Xander?"

She laughed,"Ooh..you are hot when you're jealous."

"What?"

She winked at him. "And so terribly predictable." Reaching across, she pulled him to her. "I just wanted to see if I could
get yout all hot and bothered."

He blinked,"Hot and bot.."

"Yep. G'night, lover." Buffy said, grinning as she pulled his blanket over her and laid down on his bed. She winced
slightly but willed the smile to stay in place.

He scowled at her for a few minutes, running through the possibilities in his head. Everything from rolling her out of
bed to jumping her to just wrapping his arms around her and going to sleep crossed through. Finally, with a sigh he did
the latter. Kissing her forehead, he rested his chin against it.

"Angel?"

"Hm?"

"I love you even if Xander does have a better butt," Buffy said with a giggle.

He lifted his head and stared down at her in disbelief. Shaking his head, he sighed. "Go to bed, Buffy."


                        -FIN









-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Soul of Good & Evil (1/?)
Date: 31 Jul 1998 00:39:36 EDT

Title: The Soul of Good & Evil (1/?)
Author: Michelle
E-mail: [e-mail]
Rating: PG-13 just to be safe. It gets kinda gory and a bit intense
but nothing the mature Buffy audience can't read.  Just a bit of mild
language.
Author's Notes: Okay, everyone can start yelling at me now. I'm
putting "Deadly Instincts" on hold because, frankly, I didn't like the
story at all.  I will eventually finish the story when I can come up with
a good way to do so.  So, I rewrote it with a completely different plot.
Basically, everyone is a vampire, with a soul except Spike and Drusilla.
Buffy, Willow, Xander, Angel, Giles, Joyce, everybody.
Spoilers: Plot has nothing to do with real series except for characters
that are used.
Feedback: You may hate or love the idea of the story so please let me
know what you think.

*****

The young slayer reached up to feel the two holes on her
neck.  < Damn. I'm loosing too much blood. >  She struggled
to her feet but quickly lost her balance and landed on
the cold grass again.  Another vampire was walking slowly
towards her. She sloppily threw a broken piece of wood at
the creature from her spot on the ground.  The stake found
it's way to the vampire's stomach a lodged itself deep within.

"How many times do I have to tell you people! I'm not bad.
I don't bite!" Buffy doubled over, trying to pull the stake
out of her gut without breaking it.

"Yeah, sure, I believe you." The slayer gathered all her
strength and tackled the vampire to the ground.  She pressed
her foot firmly onto the stake, impaling it deeper into her
skin.

Buffy let out a high pitched cry into the night sky.

"No one can here you. I just killed all your little friends.
Now, guess who's turn it is?" The slayer pulled out another
stake from behind her back and knelt down beside Buffy's body.

"Oh, Slayer!" A quiet voice called from behind a tree. The
girl turned herself around. "Here slayer, slayer," the voice
whispered again from somewhere in the shadows.  The slayer
stepped to her feet and tried to focus on the moving object
in the dark.

Buffy reached down and began working on the stake stuck in her
stomach.  She kept tried to keep herself calm as so not to
alert the slayer.

"Show yourself!" The slayer demanded, turning quickly in circles
trying to focus on her accoster's location.

"Okay," the voice said calmly. The slayer turned around to face
him, but nothing.

< Xander? > Buffy thought to herself. < Nah. It couldn't be. > Her
thoughts raced as she struggled to pull the stake out. Finally
she gave up, realizing she couldn't do it by herself.

"Where are you!" The slayer yelled, growing annoyed and scared.

"Here." The slayer turned around to see a tall, dark vampire
towering above her. "Boo!" Xander said, laughing. He picked her
up by the throat and lifted her off her feet.  His grip tightened
around her neck, but not enough to kill her.

The slayer gasped for air while lashing out with her hands and
feet.

"You leave her alone, and I'll leave you alone. Deal?" Xander
held her away from his body so that she was unable to hit him.
"Deal?" He asked again, gently shaking her body.

"Deal," the slayer choked out before being thrown across the
park. She stumbled back to her feet and ran off. "This isn't
over!" She screamed over her shoulder.

"Sure. That's what they all say!" Xander turned to see a
vampire lying lifelessly on the ground.  "Buffy?" he asked as
he walked over to her body. Blood poured out of her stomach
and she struggled to keep conscious.

"Xander?" Her eyes opened just enough to reveal his sweet,
demonic face looking down at her.

"Yeah, it's me. Small world, huh?" He examined her wound
and then wrapped his fingers around the stake protruding
from her. "Just hold on while I take this out."

Buffy nodded and then slipped into unconsciousness as the
stake was ripped from her gut.

*****
End Part 1 - What did you think?



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The News
Date: 31 Jul 1998 18:36:02 -0700

DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and its characters belong to Joss
Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, WB, and Fox.... I'm Just borrowing
them.

Time Line:  Her Darkest Hour Parts 1-3 / The Invasion
Her Darkest Hour epilog / The News / Buffy & Godzilla Vs. Space Vampire
& The Final Battle

Feed Back Please: [e-mail]
*************************************************************
The News
By NightHunter

Buffy was thinking how Sunnydale had been quite for the past few weeks.
They had just returned from their honeymoon in Hawaii were she had to
fight a ancient Lava God.  But now, she had important news to share with
her new husband.

When he heard Buffy come down the stairs Xander turned away from the
show
he was watching. Thinking to himself that he was very lucky to have a
wife
as beautiful as Buffy. As Buffy looked at Xander she wondered how he
would
take the news.  But before she could make it to the bottom stairs she
felt
herself being lefted up in a strong embrace. Xander had moved across the
room faster then she could blink an eye.  Buffy thought WoW! there is
something to be said for vampire strength.

A smile broke across Buffy's face as she wrapped her arms around her
husbands neck. She lightly kissed him, then playfully hitting him on
the head she said, "Xander Put me down I can walk you know."

"Yes I know, but this is a lot more fun." Replied Xander
smiling back at her.

After kissing they both fell in a tangle of limbs onto the
couch. Buffy reached into her pocket and pulled out a test
strip.  She handed it to Xander and asked, "Do you know what
this means?"

"Yes!" Replied Xander with a grin on his face "We've got hard
water."

It took a second for Buffy to realize what Xander had said.
She grabbed a cushion and started hitting him over the head
saying, "No Dummy it means...."

"Buffy, I know what it means.  But Giles always said that
vampires couldn't father children." Said Xander

"Well, that maybe so but, just remember that you are not like
other vampires.  I mean you never died.  And how many other
vampires do we know thats had a wooden stake drove into their
heart.  And simply turned around and pulled it out and went on
with their life." Buffy Answered

No other words were spoken.  Xander grabbed Buffy in a loving
embrace.  Tears of joy run down his face. <we're going be a family>
Xander thought.  As his demon renewed its pledge that nothing and
noone would ever hurt his family, never.


The End?

I am working on Buffy & Godzilla, The Invasion & The Final Battle
if anyone would like to proof them for me let me know
[e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Soul of Good & Evil (2/?)
Date: 31 Jul 1998 21:55:54 EDT

Title: The Soul of Good & Evil (2/?)
Author: Michelle
E-mail: [e-mail]
Rating: PG-13 just to be safe. It gets kinda gory and a bit intense
but nothing the mature Buffy audience can't read.  Just a bit of mild
language.
Author's Notes: I forgot to mention where you can find previously
archived sections to this series. This story follows directly after my
two others, "Vengeance," and "Lost & Found." I rewrote the third
part with a completely different plot. Basically, everyone is a vampire,
with a soul except Spike and Drusilla.  Buffy, Willow, Xander, Angel,
Giles, Joyce, everybody.
http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html
Spoilers: Plot has nothing to do with real series except for characters
that are used.
Feedback: You may hate or love the idea of the story so please let me
know what you think.

*****

Chains wrapped around her limps kept her from moving. Her body,
a mess of gashing wounds was defenseless. Metal bars surrounded
her, holding her prisoner.

"How's it feel to see your friend like this?" Willow. Her body
a pale white, just laying in his arms. Xander's teeth sinking
into her flesh and taking away her life.  He held her fragile
body every so gently as his blood dripped down her throat.
Filling her veins with a new eternal life.

"NO! Willow!" Buffy screamed, jolting up to a sitting position.
Her body was tangled up in the blanket that loosely surrounded
her.

"Still having nightmares?"

Buffy's head turned sharply to the side. Xander was sitting
in a chair in front of the window. The drapes were closed
to protect them from the sunlight.

"Yeah," she mumbled, trying to gain her composure. "They
never stopped." She reached down to her stomach were the wound
was still healing.

Buffy glanced downward to see that the blanket was all she
was wearing. "Uh, where are my clothes?" Buffy asked.

"Oh. I washed the blood out of them. They're drying in the
bathroom."

"Oh..." As Buffy realized what he had done and a wave of
uncomforted struck her for a brief moment. She brushed the
thought aside as he began to speak again.

"There're some clothes there," he said pointing to a shirt and
shorts at the foot of the bed.

"Thanks," she said almost silently. Grabbing the shirt, she turned
her back to Xander.  She had no reason to be embarrassed around him
but she felt it would be wrong to do otherwise.

Buffy kept her head turned, not wanting to look at him. "Why are you
here?" Buffy spoke quietly, hoping he might not hear her. She threw
the shirt and pulled her long blond hair out from the colar.

"I thought I was saving you."

"I would have been just fine without your help."

"Oh, yeah, that gaping hole in your stomach with a stake centered
in it, was nothing."

"That stake was...I was just...Look, the point is I didn't need
you to come and help me out."

"Oh, yeah, that's right. You've got the all-mighty Angel to do
that for you!" Xander rose to his feet but fearfully kept his
distance from Buffy.

"I don't need Angel to save me! Or you for that matter!"

"You know, you never change do you? Always have to do everything
on your own." Xander paused to see how his words were taking effect.
"I didn't come here for this. I came here because we need to talk.
And if all you're going to do is yell, then forget it. I'm walking
out that door as soon as the sun sets!"

Buffy stopped and dropped her head.  He didn't deserve the way
she was treating him. "I'm sorry. It's just...it's just...life's
been hard since you and Willow left."

"What do you mean?"

"I only made you guys good because I knew you didn't deserve
being evil. I know it probably wasn't the best, but it was the
choice that I made."

"Buffy..."

Tears rushed down her cheeks as she forced herself to continue
on. "I didn't mean for everything to end up like this. I just
wanted you and Willow to be happy together. I didn't mean for
you two to suffer." Words flowed out of her mouth in a confusing
ranting. "God, I just wanted to live my life with Angel and my
friends. And now, he's gone. I've got nothing left."  Buffy sighed
and took a deep breath trying to force her tears away.

"What?" Xander's jaw dropped as he tried to focus on the words
that just left her mouth.

"I haven't heard or seen from Angel in six months. I don't know
what happened or..."  Tears flooded out of her eyes and Xander
rushed over to console her.

~ ~ ~
End Part 2. Is this going okay, or am I wasting my time?



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Cursed (2/?)
Date: 31 Jul 1998 20:49:04 -0700

TITLE: Cursed #2 Confrontation
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty Please!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG-
SPOILERS: Everything up till Surprise/Innocence
DESCRIPTION: Takes place before Surprise/Innocence and someone's out to
kill Angel.  A Buffy/Angel relationship story.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sanddollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cursed
#2 Confrontation
Idea by: Slayer01
Written by: Taygeta

    Angel skimmed through the Latin in the book with ease and turned
the pages quickly.  He had long ago noted that old text was repetitive
and he disliked to read the dusty, old volumes, but he did so as a favor
to the slayer he loved and the Watcher that helped him keep his Love
alive.  This time, was differentàthis time the ancient written page were
not a forbearance for those he cared about, but rather one that meant the
end of him.

    "Soàwhat does it say?"  Buffy asked softly as she touched his arm
tentatively.

    He glanced at her and reluctantly read aloud the translation,
"Uhàone will come for the demon no longer to seek for his ultimate death.
 A curse to meet to curse and the eventual is the destruction of one or
the other."

    "Demon no longeràthat's youàisn't it?" she said with widened eyes
and she turned to her Watcher.  "So that's why you wanted him hereàyou
found a prophecy that said he was going to die!"

    "Buffy, hold onà" said Angel who knew that at 16, he had had the
tendency to be impulsive and accusatory, but that was awhile ago,
"Nowhere does it say that I'm going to die.  All it says is that
someone's going to tryàI can fend for myselfàI won't die."

    She met his eyesàhis grasp on her hand may have been cold, but
his eyes held so much warmth that his touch needn't matter.  If he were
to disappearàto goàto dieàa part of her would have gone with him and even
thinking of life without him scared her until no end.  Her heart ached at
the thought and pounded hard in her chest as the images fluctuated in her
mind and suddenly she took him into her arms.

    "You promise you'll be careful?" she whispered, as she took in
his familiar "Angel" musky scent.

    He stroked her head softly and kissed the top of her head
lightly, "I promiseàI'll never want to leave you, Buffyànot for
anything."

    Willow smiled at the touching moment and she couldn't help but
wish that she might have someone to love her like that one dayàsomeone
who would never want to leave her side.  She glanced wistfully to a bored
looking Xander and for some reason, she couldn't see it being with himàas
if past romantics had fallen short of their ill-fameàas if the bridge to
the castle of Chance had been pulled upànever to open again.  At least as
far as Xander was concerned.  Oz, on the other handànow there was a name
that held distinctive possibilities.

    Xander glanced at the couple with much reluctanceàdespite his
relations with Cordelia - whatever that meant - he still couldn't help
but feel a twinge of jealousy whenever he saw their attractionàtheir
romanceàtheir love.  All the things that he had wanted with Buffy and all
the things he had yet to have found shared with her.  With a silent sigh,
he concluded that whatever the circumstances, whatever the complications
in Angel and Buffy's relationship, Dead boy was a lucky man - of sorts.

    "A vampire in love with a slayerà" the thought still preceded to
intrigue Giles no matter how long such a relationship had occurred before
his eyes.  Indeed it was rather one of poetic implements, but despite its
classical thematic trend, he hadn't a clue as to what to determine for
this delicate situation.  It wasn't much that he didn't really know
whether to approve or rather not to approve, but it was more on the lines
that he knew that no matter he said, Buffy would go about doing as she
wished.  Although it gave the slayer so much more of a free spirit, it
didn't do much for the already-thrashed nerves of her Watcher.

    "I better go," Angel said as he hesitantly pulled away from her,
unaware of the eyes that analyzed them, "The sun's going to come up in a
couple of hoursàbetter to be safe than sorry."

    "Okay," she said softly, very much aware of the Scooby Gang's
prying eyes, but not very much caring about anything but Angel.

    His lips brushed hers softly and he smiled his especially
reserved "Buffy" smile and walked out the door.

     "I'm telling you Buffy, that's the form of a player," Xander
kicked into his sarcastic demeanor.

    She turned to him and said, "The way I see it, Xander, that's the
form of the intensely romantic."

    He rolled his eyes, "If you're going to justify it like that -
heyàwhere's the slayage 'cause the Slayer's burning tracks."

    "Buffy, I'm pretty sure that all in all, Angel's not really of
want of your assistance," Giles said as he replaced his glasses on his
face after his periodical clean.

    "Of course, he doesn't want me to help," she said with raised
eyebrows, "he may be a vampire, but he's about as arrogant as any guy."

    "Whoa - whoaàhold on!"  Xander said defensively, "Why is it that
you always find the need to debunk my gender in your compare and
contrast?

    "I'd kind of like to know that answer myself," Giles agreed.

    Buffy smiled and said brightly, "Debunkàcan you do anything but?"


    "Wha - " Xander began, but she had already walked out the door,
"Once again, on behalf of my genderàHey!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Angel took a deep breath as he trudged across the sheath of
darkness that still held over the never peaceful town of Sunnydale.  He
recalled the Tidier curseàa consequence of his actions as Angelus when
his teeth puncturing the neck of the Mishala Rtyira.  A week or so later,
he had been given a soul and it was a week or so later too late.  They
had taken him into their home and trusted him and what did the demon
inside him do, but give them an ongoing curse that meant his death?  He
had managed to avoid the Cursed Tidier of each generation and he knew
that by avoiding him they led a miserable life of searching and seeking
that resulted in a painful death every time a new generation was spawned.
 He felt each deathàhis mind was connected to them and every time one of
them died, he felt himself die a little too.

    Now, he would soon become faced-to-faced with a Tidier who
probably loathed him for destroying their potential life.  He could
relate recalling the night over two centuries ago his life had ended, but
he had been reborn from then until now.  He could only hope that the same
could be done for a Tidier.

    "Angelus," a voice said from behind him.

    He turned slowly and knew that prophecy was drawing a lot nearer
than he originally thought it would.  Angel swallowed hard as he saw that
it was just a young girl who had so much of her life in front of her
until this duty had to overtake her and for a second the image of Buffy
flashed in his mind.

    "Who are you?"

    "Oh, don't play games with me, Angelusàyou know who I am," she
said as he saw the fire of hate and of hurt flicker in her eyes, "Very
wellàI am Leifa Tidier and I am going to kill you."

_____________________________________________________________________
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