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Internet Message Format | 1998-08-30 | 851KB

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" 6/13
Date: 01 Aug 1998 08:06:59 EDT

"Starting Over" (6/13)
Section 1
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
=09this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus =09she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to li=
ve with him=0Aand his =09Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew=
 is injured and in=0Athe hospital. =09Giles comes to bring Buffy back to =
Sunnydale, telling her that=0Ahe knows how to =09bring Angel back from He=
ll.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0A=09the WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the=
 show Buffy the=0A=09Vampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal =09to this under the same name. Also, special thanks to AleX=
ander=0A=09([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep transcri=
ps which can be=0A=09accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.html.
***
=09"What?" Buffy asked, not believing what she heard.
=09"Xander actually found the ritual to bring Angel back, not me," Giles =
said.=0A"He said that he felt guilty for some reason."
=09"Angel," she whispered. Tears of joy started to roll down her cheeks. =
Reality=0Athen started to seep in. How can I face him after what I did to=
 him? she=0Athought to herself.
=09"Buffy, are you alright? I thought you=92d be happy at the news."
=09"I am. I am."
=09"Well, then, let=92s go."
=09"I, I can=92t."
=09"Why not?"
=09"Shy." They both looked at her. "Andrew is in the hospital. We had a v=
isit=0Afrom Drusilla. I=92m taking care of her."
=09"Go," Shy said. "I can take care of myself. You deserve to have Angel.=
"
=09"No," Buffy said, "I told Andrew that I=92d take care of you, and that=
=92s what=0AI=92ll do."
=09The phone rang, and Buffy rushed to pick it up. "Hello?"
=09"Hi, Buffy. It=92s Andrew."
=09"Andrew. Guess who=92s here? Giles. Gee, I wonder how he knew that I w=
as=0Astaying with you."
=09"Look, I=92m sorry, but it was my duty. I-"
=09"Hey, no biggie. Water under the bridge. There=92s just one problem."
=09"What?"
=09"He wants me to come home with him so that we can bring Angel back fro=
m Hell.=0ABut I don=92t want to leave Shy."
=09"Why don=92t you take her with you."
=09"To Sunnydale?"
=09"Yeah. She can see how you live for a while. And after I am well again=
, I can=0Atake her back with me."
=09Buffy didn=92t hesitate. "Okay. Yeah, that=92s great. I=92ll have her =
call you when=0Awe get there."
=09"I=92ll talk to you soon."
=09"Bye."
=09As soon as Buffy hung up the phone, she picked it up again and dialed =
her=0Amother=92s number.
=09"Hello, you=92ve reached the Summer=92s home. We=92re unable to talk r=
ight now, but=0Aif you leave you=92re name, number, and message, we=92ll =
get back to you as soon=0Aas possible."
=09"Hi, Mom," Buffy said. "It=92s Buffy. I was just calling to tell you t=
hat I am=0Acoming home. I am coming home."
***
End Part 6

End of Section 1

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (7/13)
Date: 01 Aug 1998 08:09:06 EDT

"Starting Over" (7/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
=09this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus =09she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to li=
ve with him=0Aand his Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew is=
 injured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles =09comes to bring Buffy back to Sun=
nydale, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get =09Angel back from Hell. T=
hey take Shy with them.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0A=09the WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the=
 show Buffy the=0A=09Vampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal =09to the first section under the same name. Also, special t=
hanks to=0AAleXander =09=09([e-mail]) for the use of his wonde=
rful ep transcrips=0Awhich can be =09accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/=
transcript.html.=09
***
=09Buffy took a deep breath before entering the library. How can I face m=
y=0Afriends after leaving? she thought. As she pushed through the doors, =
she saw=0AWillow and Oz by the computer, Xander huddled over a book , and=
 Cordelia=0Afixing her lipstick.
=09As soon as Buffy stepped foot in the library, everyone looked up. Xand=
er was=0Athe first to stand up, and Buffy ran to him and hugged him. For =
one of the=0Afirst times in his life, Xander was speechless.
=09"Buffy," Willow said. "Where were you? We were so worried."
=09"Long story," Buffy said. "It=92s not important." She sighed as she pu=
lled=0Aaway. "God, it=92s good to be back. I=92ve missed you guys so much=
."
=09"Where=92s Giles?" asked Cordelia.
=09"He took Shy, the Slayer, to his house. She=92s going to be spending a=
 couple=0Aof days with us."
=09"I=92m sorry," Willow started, "that I did the curse a second time so =
that=0AAngel went to Hell."
=09"Don=92t be. It wasn=92t your fault. I should have stopped him from ta=
king out=0Athe sword."
=09"But that=92ll all be better now, =91cause I found the ritual," Xander=
 said.
=09"Thank you so much, Xander. You have no idea how much this means to me=
."
=09"Oz and I talked to some of Ms. Calendar=92s friends from her technopa=
gen=0Asights. We=92ll be able to pull this off."
=09"We=92re so glad you=92re back," Cordelia said. "You don=92t know how =
scared I=92ve=0Abeen to be in this library without any protection."
=09"Hey," Xander said defensively.
=09"So, what do we have to do?" Buffy asked.
=09"Well," Willow said, "we need to reawaken Acathla and open the vortex.=
=0ASomeone has to retrieve Angel from Hell by passing four tests: loyalty=
,=0Afriendship, strength, and forgiveness. If the person fails one of the=
 tests,=0Ahe is trapped in Hell for eternity. But if they pass, they reac=
h Angel. The=0Aonly way that they can get out is if they have this." She =
held up the knife=0AAngel had cut his hand with. "Since Angel=92s blood o=
pened and closed the=0Avortex, it will free him from Hell, as well as any=
one with him."
=09"Any volunteers?" Cordelia asked.
=09"I will," Xander said.
=09"No," Buffy spoke sternly, "you can=92t. I won=92t let you go into Hel=
l and=0Apossibly not survive because of what I did. I=92m the one that=92=
s going."
=09"I deserve to," said Xander.
=09"You weren=92t the one who sent him to Hell, Xander."
=09"No, but I could=92ve stopped you." He took a deep breath. "Buffy, rem=
ember=0Awhen I came to help you get Giles? I said that Willow wanted me t=
o tell you=0Asomething."
=09"So?"
=09"So, she wanted me to tell you she was trying the curse again, not to =
kick=0Ahis ass."
=09Buffy=92s expression changed. She opened her mouth to say something, b=
ut=0Anothing came out. Looking at him, realizing that he was also respons=
ible for=0AAngel, she hit him and walked out of the library.
=09"Buffy, wait! I can explain!" Xander called after her. But she wasn=92=
t=0Alistening.
=09"Xander," Willow said. "I thought you were my friend. I thought you we=
re her=0Afriend. But no, you=92re so selfish that you put your happiness =
above hers.=0ABuffy deserves to be with Angel. She loves him. I you reall=
y loved her, you=0Awould have let her have him. You=92re so caught up in =
your own jealousness that=0Ayou didn=92t even think what this would do to=
 Buffy. Or worse yet, you didn=92t=0Aeven care. Xander Harris, you=92ve d=
one some pretty low things before, but this=0Atops them all. I=92m going =
to go make sure Buffy is okay." Willow started to=0Awalk out of the libra=
ry with Oz following her.
=09"You still love her, don=92t you?" Cordelia asked. "Why can=92t you ju=
st be happy=0Awith me?"
=09"Cordelia-"
=09"Spare me," she hissed. "Y=92know, I thought you were different from t=
he other=0Aguys, but I guess I was wrong." She grabbed her purse and stor=
med out of the=0Alibrary.
=09Xander just stood there, regretting what he said. Looking over to the =
table,=0Ahe saw the knife and the book he of the ritual. Picking them up,=
 he started to=0Aleave the library. I have to make it up to her, he thoug=
ht. Well, here=92s my=0Achance=85
***
End Part 7

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead."  -A=
ngel, Passion





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: REVISED: Chronicles (1/?)
Date: 01 Aug 1998 12:21:32 -0700

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Although I am not done with the Chronicles series, I am
currently revising what I found to be unsatisfactory early
installments...  I suppose revising is not a good word, but rather
re-writing in hopes to establish a better foundation to this story which
has reached into installments of 20s.

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #1 Loving in the Shadows
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG-13
DESCRIPTION: Buffy/Xander fanfic series
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chronicles of the White Knight
#1 Loving in the Shadows
By: Taygeta

    Angelus had once called him, Buffy's White Knight, and as he
contemplated, he supposed that he had been something of the sort to
Buffy, but all he had been doing was first and foremost being her friend,
although, there were many who would probably think otherwise.  He cared
for Buffyàit was as simple as that, but obviously, his feelings were
unencumbered by the boundaries of friendship.  He wished for more than
just simple talks and inside jokes, all in all, he loved that he had
those moments with her, but that didn't draw from the fact that he was
*in* love with her and that she didn't love him back.

    She would never see him beyond the Xander, the guy who was just
one of the girls, complex she had bestowed on his unlucky head.  There
were momentsàthere are *always* momentsàin which he thought he saw the
possibility of her caring more for him, but they were fleeting increments
of time that he had convinced himself meant nothing.  They couldn't
*mean* anything so long as she was in love with Angel.

    The moment Xander had realized what Angel represented to heràthe
love and romance he wanted to have signified in her lifeàthat window of
friendship closed.  He resented Angel until no return and despite an
established median of understanding between them, a friendship could not
exist.  They were inclined to hate each otheràthey both wanted what only
one could haveàBuffy's love, and guess who got the short end of that?

     Beneath any of his negative feelings about Angel, he knew that
deep down he was happy for Buffy because she found love, the rarest of
the rare, despite its impending restraints.  He didn't necessarily
approve nor did he like the relationship so often and inadvertently
thrown in his face, but he had accepted it as fact.   There was nothing
he could do about it and rather than make the trouble he'd accept it as
mundaneàit was mundane if you considered the locale and it's locals.

    But that was then, and this is nowàAngel was no longer Angel.
The demon inside him had been relinquished when he had lost his soul, and
thus Angelus took reign.  With him, Buffy no longer met happiness and
only faced the evil and darkness and pain that he was determined to
revenge upon her for making him feel so human.  Despite her strong
demeanor, Xander could see her sorrow in her eyes and it hurt to know
that he couldn't do anything to make it go away.

    "XanderàCordelia is on the phone," he heard his mother say from
downstairs.

    "Tell her I call her back, Mom," he said with a sigh.

    Cordelia Chase placed quite a dilemma in his mind.  What was this
*thing* that he had with her?  A year ago if someone had told him he
would be dating Cordelia, he would have laughed his head offànow he
didn't know whether to laugh or kill himself before she killed him.  Not
that Cordy was bad for his health, but he didn't know the whichever way
that they were going towards and not to mention there were his feelings
of Buffy that didn't easy matters much.  Sometimes, no matter how many
times they had their 'meetings' in closets, he didn't think it felt all
that rightàas if he was pulling some sort of charade.

    Determining what he felt for Buffy was simpleàeverything, even
the hesitance of the possible lost of their close friendship said yes.
Every time he looked at her, he felt like never wanting to look away, but
always knowing that he would always have to.  Cordelia, on the other
hand, was the equivalent of a million possibilities that never could
equal yes or no, but was dormant somewhere in the haze between.  So,
maybe he would never have Buffy's love and maybe dating Cordy was the
right thing to do, but the keyword was maybe.  He didn't know and wasn't
sure he wanted to know what lay beyond that.

    And that was what was left in his daily contemplation, an uneasy,
unsettling void that could never be filled until an ultimate conclusion
on want and what have could be made.  Until then, *always* until then, he
would have to make do with a love too scared to be presentedàwith a heart
fearful of pain too often feltàwith the wish that the shadows that hid
all this would some day no longer be.

_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions (16/17)
Date: 01 Aug 1998 15:10:11 PDT

Title: Repercussion, 16/17
Author: Andrea
E-mail: [e-mail]
Disclaimers: The characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where
Feedback: Please. Good, bad, whatever.
Summary: Well, Xander found Angel and Buffy knows what Xander is doing.
Thanks: To Rachel and Jenn.



Angel's Apartment
9:30 p.m.
August 21, 1998


Running desperately through the deserted streets, Buffy prayed that she
would get there in time, that she would be able to stop Xander before he
got hurt. Her pulse quickened at the thought of losing both Angel and
Xander because of her mistakes. But while she worried about stopping
Xander from going to Hell her heart was singing at the thought of going
there herself.  She could feel hope running through her again as she
realized she may have a chance to undo what she had done to Angel.

Turning onto his street she quickened her pace, afraid suddenly that she
was too late, that the moments she wasted feeling hope would come back
to haunt her. Pulling the door to the building open she flew inside,
taking only two leaps to reach the bottom of the stairs. She stopped,
her hand on Angel's doorknob, visions of the last time she had been here
swarming through her mind, the cruel words spoken in his voice.
Shrugging them off, reminding herself that it hadn't been Angel she
quickly went through the door.

She stopped just inside the room, the look on Cordelia's face as she sat
on the edge of a circle drawn on the floor telling her that her fear had
been justified. Her eyes drifted to Whistler who was sitting with his
feet on Angel's desk. His expression causing her fear to settle like a
rock in her stomach, his whole demeanor letting her know that he was in
charge. Her eyes swung towards the bathroom, her last hope fading as she
prayed that Xander was inside. Seeing that the door was open she turned
back to Cordelia, furious that the brunette  had let her stand outside
this apartment and try to destroy Xander without saying anything to her
of his plan. "You let him go? What were you thinking?"

Cordelia stared at her, climbing to her feet, the worry on her face
disappearing as she let her anger show. "Me!? What was I thinking?"
Pausing Cordelia took a deep breath and balled her hands in fists. "I
was thinking that Xander was heartbroken over what happened to you. He
felt responsible because he's a good person. But we both know that it
isn't his fault. He didn't sleep with Angel, he didn't stand by while
Angel killed people, killed Ms. Calendar. All he did was try to make you
do what you should have done months before. And now Xander's risking his
life to make everything better for you. So don't look at me. If you had
taken one second to talk to him instead of condemning him you would have
known." Cordelia stopped, her breath ragged, tears streaming down her
cheeks.

Buffy stood there, letting Cordelia's words burn through her. Ignoring
the sudden churning in her stomach and the pain that filled her as she
realized that she once again had failed a friend who needed her, once
more had put her emotions ahead of who she was. The guilt fighting with
her instinctive desire to protect herself she opened her mouth to defend
herself against Cordelia's words. But looking into Cordelia's face she
understood that they were all true. Dropping her eyes she moved towards
Whistler. Glaring down at him, angry to see this demon once again
invading the home of someone she loved. "How did it work? Can I go in
after him?"

"No. I've got him. Don't worry." Whistler leaned back in the chair,
slowly crossing his legs. He stared at her, his expression relaxed.

"Got him?" Buffy leaned closer to Whistler, wanting to intimidate him,
but Whistler's expression didn't change, he just sat there looking
confident and untroubled. She was only inches away from his face, her
jaw clenched and the pulse in her neck throbbing at his cavalier
attitude. Whistler remained unruffled, watching her as if she were
nothing more than a minor irritation.

Cordelia answered, her voice shaky, "Xander's connected to Whistler,
some spell or something. Whistler can help him if Xander gets into
trouble."

Buffy glanced at Cordelia, digesting her words then turned back to
Whistler, "And he's okay? You can feel that?"

"He's fine." Whistler spoke shortly, "He should be back soon, he's
closer now."

Buffy hesitated, shocked at his response, not knowing what that meant
for Angel, swallowing she spoke, "And Angel? Is...is Angel with him?"
She closed her eyes, terrified of the answer.  She tried not to hope,
tried not to want it so badly. She could feel the goosebumps rising
along her arms, the fear that held her heart and caused it to pound so
loudly in her ears. She watched Whistler barely able to breath, fully
aware that his answer held her future

"Xander wouldn't come back without him." Cordelia spoke with a resigned
certainty, her face ravaged by fear.

Buffy stared at Cordelia, taking in her words and the terror in her
eyes. She felt a chill run down her spine at the finality in Cordelia's
voice. She understood then, how much pain Xander had felt. She waited
for the rush of anger to follow, but it was gone. Swept away as she
realized how much he was willing to sacrifice for her. How much he was
always willing to sacrifice for her. She opened her mouth to tell
Cordelia that she understood and that she was sorry when the door flew
open and Willow ran in followed by a very out of breath Giles.

Buffy watched helplessly as Willow took in Angel's apartment, the
hopeful expression in the redhead's eyes disappearing as she stared at
Cordelia's face. Willow's fair skin became even paler as she stumbled
over to the couch and collapsed into it. Struggling to hide her fear
Willow spoke softly, her eyes never leaving Cordelia's face, "When?
How?"

"Three hours ago." Cordelia's voice broke as she spoke. Buffy watched as
Cordelia stared at Willow for a moment and then the brunette slowly
walked over and sat down on the couch beside her. Willow stiffened, then
relaxed, taking Cordelia's offered hand and holding it tightly.  Buffy
took a deep breath, glad they could comfort each other. Turning away
from the two girls on the couch Buffy led Giles over to where Whistler
sat.

"Giles, Whistler. Whistler, Giles." Buffy made the introductions, her
voice tense. "Whistler has played a big role in tonight's mistake. He
helped Xander go to Hell."

"Well, if you hadn't run away..." Whistler left the words hanging in the
air.

Buffy swallowed, a fresh wave of guilt crashing in on her as she
realized Angel had suffered in Hell longer than he had to. Cursing
herself once more for her inability to get anything right she
straightened her shoulders, unable to waste any more time punishing
herself. "I know. So, can I go in now? I can bring them both back."

Whistler shuddered, his face suddenly concentrating on something she
couldn't see. She looked to Giles for advice, her heart pounding, but he
looked just as confused as she felt. At Willow's gasp Buffy swung
around, to see Willow pointing at the circle. Buffy watched it, seeing
the air change texture, become thick and wavy. Her pulse raced as she
walked closer to it, ready to defend the occupants of the room.

"Xander." The name whispered from Cordelia's lips. Buffy quickly looked
at her then turned her full attention to the shimmering air.

"Is that...?" Buffy whispered, her stomach knotted. "Is that Hell?"

"Yup." Whistler jumped up from his chair and strolled over to join the
rest of the group by the circle.

Cordelia stared straight into the circle, her voice breaking as she
spoke to Buffy, "If he doesn't have Angel...Buffy you'd better not make
things worse for him. He did this for you. For you and for Willow."

Buffy glanced at her, her eyes filled with tears. She nodded in
agreement, her eyes coming back to the shimmering portal that was
opening, her mind struggling with the thought that Angel could come
back, that he didn't have to spend eternity in Hell. Swallowing she
reached out and grabbed Willow's shaking hand. They were all frozen
watching, waiting.

A hand appeared through the air, suspended by nothing. Cordelia gasped
as Buffy dropped Willow's hand and took up a defensive stance in front
of the arm. Slowly the arm waved around the room, a shoulder following
it. A leg stepped out of the waving air, followed quickly by the rest of
Xander's body. Cordelia sunk to the floor, sobbing in relief, Willow
slipped down beside her, supporting her. Buffy waited, trying to be
happy that Xander himself was safe, telling herself that they knew the
way into Hell now, and she could rescue Angel herself. She moved forward
to help him up, to tell him it was all right as Xander stuck his arm
back through the portal and pulled another arm back with him.  She stood
there, frozen, silently watching as Xander pulled Angel the rest of the
way through and collapsed with him onto the floor.

'Her life. Xander had brought back her life' The words ran as if they
were a song through her head, no thoughts of the horror that was behind
them or what might lie ahead. All she knew was that he was back.
Standing there she stared mesmerized at Angel, at the face she thought
she had condemned forever, her heart pounding at the chance she had
gotten back.

Xander slowly separated himself from Angel, looking up at the occupants
of the room. He winked at Cordelia, his eyes shining. Seeing Willow next
to her, his expression froze, became wary, his eyes swinging around the
room until they came to rest on Buffy. Nodding towards Angel he smiled
carefully at her. She nodded back, tears streaming down her face. Her
mouth formed a silent thank you as she crawled over to where Angel lay,
face down on the floor. She knew it wasn't enough, he deserved an
apology and so much more, but she needed Angel right now. Wrapping her
arms around him she lay her head on his back, the tears falling in full
force onto his back.

She could feel Xander watching her as she hugged the unmoving vampire,
felt when Xander moved away from them and got slowly to his feet and
walked over to Cordelia. Turning her head slightly Buffy watched from
Angel's shoulder as Cordelia threw her arms around Xander's neck and
held him as if she would never let go again. Cordelia's sobs were
muffled until she pulled her head from Xander's neck only to join her
lips with his as if she needed more proof that he was really back with
her. Buffy watched Xander's shoulders relax as he kissed his girlfriend
and took strength from her. Buffy held her breath as she saw Willow
moving closer to the pair. She tensed as Xander took in Willow's
approach his body freezing as Buffy silently begged fate to make it okay
between the two of them. They stared at each other, not saying anything
until Willow smiled, her eyes filling with relief. He held out his arm
and Willow joined their embrace. The three of them crying openly. Buffy
let out her breath, turning her attention back to the man underneath
her, to the hardness of his body and the pain she knew he felt. Willow,
Xander and Cordelia would be fine, she could worry about Angel now.

She felt Angel stiffen beneath her as Giles cleared his throat. Running
her hands softly along Angel's back she murmured words of love to him,
wanting to protect him from any more pain. She listened as Giles spoke
quietly to Whistler, his voice unsure "It is Angel? He has a soul?"

"Yes." Xander answered for Whistler, his voice soft.  Buffy watched
amazed as Xander untangled himself from Cordelia and Willow to defend
Angel. She leaned against Angel's shoulder enjoying the feel of him
against her as Xander turned to Whistler, his voice strong.  "He's
Angel."

Whistler grinned at him, nodding his head, "You did good kid." Speaking
to the entire group he motioned towards the door, "We should leave them.
My man Angel's not gonna be able to handle seeing all of you."

Buffy nodded at his words. She wanted to be alone with Angel, needed to
be alone with him. She had to convince him that things would be okay,
that they still had each other.

Xander nodded, still hanging onto both Willow and Cordelia as if they
might disappear. Looking to Giles he spoke softly, "He really couldn't
handle you Giles. The guy's beating himself up way too much as is."

Buffy almost gasped at his words, this was Xander, defending Angel, to
Giles. She looked up into Willow's eyes which were mirroring the shock
in hers.  Both breaking contact to stare, stunned at Xander.

Xander smiled at Willow, his voice unsure, "What? Spend some time with a
guy in Hell and you're gonna bond." The redhead flashed him a quick
Willow-grin in response. Buffy watched the tears of relief filling his
eyes until he dropped his head onto Cordelia's shoulder.

Giles looked for a long moment at his Slayer and the vampire who were
huddled together, unmoving on the floor. She kept her eyes down as her
Watcher looked at them, knowing the pain he must be feeling, but unable
to help him. She loved both of them, but leaving Angel wouldn't lessen
Giles' pain. She looked up as he slowly turned and walked from the room,
his gait unsteady, Whistler following close behind him. Willow followed
them, allowing herself one quick look back at the pair on the floor, her
eyes filled with tears. Meeting Buffy's eyes the Hacker smiled at her
before slipping out of the door.

She held Angel tightly, feeling the silent sobs that racked his body as
Cordelia and Xander walked towards the door. Cordelia smiled brightly at
Xander as he grabbed the handle to pull the door shut, "You did it."

Looking back Xander met Buffy's eyes, smiling sadly, "It's not finished
yet." Staring down at Angel's shaking body for a moment before looking
back at Buffy again.

She smiled through her tears, gratitude for what he had given her
overwhelming her, "It's okay Xander. I've got him now."

He nodded slowly at her, and taking one last glance at Angel he turned
back to his girlfriend and pulled the door shut behind him. Buffy took a
deep breath as she listened to their footsteps heading up the stairs.
Turning back to the vampire wrapped in her arm she leaned down and
kissed the tattoo on his back. Letting her tears fall freely she wrapped
her arms tightly around him and closed her eyes.


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Sara B." <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: site addy
Date: 01 Aug 1998 16:00:04 PDT

Can anyone *please* give me the addy to Aeja Kim's BtVS fan fiction
site?  I need this addy!!

Thanx,
Sara
[e-mail]
http://www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Studio/8502/mainbuffy.html

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Moment Of Truth (1/1)
Date: 01 Aug 1998 21:49:34 EDT

Title:  Moment of Truth (1/1)
Author: Nastassia
Email Addy: [e-mail]
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler: Not really, before What's My Line
Feedback: Please please please!
Distribution: Maybe if you ask nicely.
Disclaimer: Buffy and Spike belong to Joss. The song "Iris" belongs to the Goo
Goo Dolls. I'll give them back once I'm done playing.
Summary: Nope, I'm not giving this one away. You'll just have to read it.


I'm such a _huge_ Buffy/Spike 'shipper, and I came up with the premise for
this story while listening to "Iris" in the car. Oh and this isn't part of my
series.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Moment of Truth (1/1)
by Nastassia
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


I don't really know what drew me to the Bronze that night. It wasn't hunger or
the desire to kill. I don't know what it was, but it pulled me towards the
club like a beacon in the night.

I pushed open the door to the club and paused in the doorway. My eyes scanned
the dance floor, and that's when I saw her, a vision in white. The Slayer. The
woman who haunted my every thought.

She didn't even notice as I walked towards her. "Slayer," I breathed.

She whirled around, suddenly prepared to attack. "What do you want?" she
asked.

I smiled as I heard the first strains of music from a slow song echo through
the Bronze. "Only a dance," I said, offering her my hand.

Suspicion clouded her features for a moment as she, no doubt, engaged in an
inner debate with herself. "Okay," she said, softly. I was shocked that the
mighty Slayer seemed almost shy. I was until I realized I felt the same way.

I slid my arms around her waist as the first lines of the song were heard.


        And I'd give up forever to touch you
        Cause I know that you feel me somehow
        You're the closest thing to heaven that I'll ever be
        And I don't want to go home right now


I allowed myself to indulge our closeness for the first time. It seems as
though everytime we would fight I would wind up with her body pressed against
mine, her heart racing, making me think of other ways I wanted to make her
heart race.

Now we were closer than we had ever been. I could feel her heartbeat through
the thin fabric of her dress. She buried her face in my neck, and I shivered
as I felt her warm breath.


        And all I can taste is this moment
        And all I can breathe is your life
        Cause sooner or later it's over
        I just don't want to miss you tonight


I must be losing my mind. 'She's the bloody Slayer, Spike!' I told myself, but
it was no use. 'I need her. I want her.'

'God, I think I'm in love with her.'

One of my hands left her hip as I gave into the urge to thread my fingers into
her golden hair. It was like silk on my fingertips.

She pulled away from me abrubtly. "What do you want, Spike?" she whispered,
"Really?"

"Only you, Slayer," I purred, pulling her closer. "Only you."


        And I don't want the world to see me
        Cause I don't think that they'd understand
        When everything's made to be broken
        I just want you to know who I am


She smiled coyly. "Is that all?"

"I want you, Slayer."

She smiled again and ran her fingers over my face, tracing the lines of my
cheekbones and running her fingers through my hair. Her lips touched mine, and
a feeling of pure electricity flowed through both of us at that touch.

Hours seemed to pass as we remained locked in that embrace. The world could
have burned to the ground and I wouldn't have given a damn. All I knew was her
lips against mine, her tongue seeking mine, her body so close......


        And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
        Or the moment of truth in your lies
        When everything seems like the movies
        Yeah you bleed just to know your alive


We drew apart, regretful that this moment had to end. I took her hand and
pressed my lips to her palm, closing my eyes in an effort to find the strength
for the words I needed to say. "Buffy," I whispered, "I-"

"I know, William."


        And I don't want the world to see me
        Cause I don't think that they'd understand
        When everything's made to be broken
        I just want you to know who I am


I opened my eyes, and it took me a moment to recover from the shock of where I
was. I was in the warehouse, not the Bronze, and Drusilla was sleeping next to
me. It had been a dream. Just a dream.

But as I turned away from Drusilla I swear I could hear the last words of that
song....


        I just want you to know who I am


*END*
Send questions, comment, flaming stakes, or Buffy/Spike fanfic (better than
any other prize!) to me at [e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Elizabeth Palmer <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: For When Darkness Falls (2/2)
Date: 02 Aug 1998 00:49:31 -0300

Title: For When Darkness Falls (2/2)
Author: D.L. Powers
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.  I'll pass them on to the author who is too shy to
post this herself.  <eg>
Rating: PG
Spoilers: This story was written a long time ago, before we knew Angel's
past.  Please take that into account.
Disclaimers:  I own the character of Devon any other characters not found
on Buffy: TVS.  All others belong to our leader, Joss and the WB.
Summary:  A new Sunnydale student has ties to Angel and gives a whole new
look on one way his past might have played out.


******************

"But I thought that vampire's couldn't...you know, procreate...in the
normal sense of the word, anyway."  They were all sitting in the boiler
room, to avoid being discovered by the janitor, and waited for the sun
to set.  But, in the meantime, there was plenty of time for
explanations.  Buffy wasn't going to let this one go unexplained.

"They...we can't.  I was human once."

"But, wasn't that, like, a few hundred years ago?"  She turned to Devon.
"My you've aged well, haven't you?"

"I guess I really take after my papa," she leaned back with a smirk
across her face.  "It seems we both have a little secret to share.  I'll
tell you mine, if you tell me yours."

"Angella!"  Angel snapped instinctively at her sauciness.  "That's
enough."  His outburst, caused Buffy to look at him in a new light.
She'd never pictured him as a father before.  She had to hide her smile
at that thought.

"No, father, it's not nearly enough.  Why didn't you ever tell me?"
Angel looked at her, wanting to give her some simple, comforting
explanation, but the words were lost to him.  "When you left, the family
was gone.  I had nothing left.  I looked for you, for months.  And I
started to get close to finding you, but not nearly close enough...well,
I had no idea you had become a vampire.  It didn't even occur to me, I
had never believed in fairy tales."

"But, what confuses me," Buffy intervened, wondering as she did, if it
was a mistake, "is that you are not a vampire, I saw you outside today.
How can you still be around, and...younger than me?"

"The simple explanation to that is I'm not a vampire.  The not so simple
explanation is that I'm immortal.  This could take some time to
explain."  She stopped, and looked at Angel, her expression changing
from cold and accusing to soft and forgiving.  "My life is no simpler
than yours.  I have to fight to keep my life, and every time I go to a
new place, friends are always difficult to make, and keep."  She went
over to him and tried to lean against his shoulder, but he firmly held
her away from him.  She stalked back over to the boiler.  "You killed
me," she lashed out, wanting to hurt him again.  "You know.  It was you,
when I was searching the world for you, you responded by killing me.  I
was thirteen years old!"  He stared at her, his expression not
changing.  He shook his head slowly.  "You can deny it if you want, but
it's the truth."

Buffy was starting to feel like she was in the way, and began to back up
towards the door, hoping to leave unnoticed.  Angel saw her and opened
his mouth to speak.  "No," she held up a hand.  "No, I don't want to get
in the middle of family matters.  You just work this out, and uh...you
know where to find me when you do, okay?  Okay.  It was nice meeting you
Dev- uh, Ang...uh, well anyway, I'll see you in homeroom tomorrow, I
think.  Okay, I'm going now."  She practically dove out the door,
leaving Angel alone with his daughter.

When he turned back, she was leaning her forehead against the wall.  He
waited for a moment, and when she didn't move, he coughed into his hand,
trying to catch her attention.  She laughed.  He frowned.

Turning, she spoke bitterly to him.  "How can you be so human?  You were
never so human when you really were human.  I've never met a vampire
like you before.  The few that I have met, were not concerned with
innocent lives, and the consequences of their actions.  They were
certainly not concerned with being polite to strangers."  The last
comment bit deep, and Angel winced.

"It's part of my curse.  I feel the complete loss of the lives I have
taken.  I can see each and every one of my victim's faces.  I have to
live with this pain and guilt.  There's nothing I can do about it." He
looked down, to avoid her eyes.  "So I help the slayer when I can.  As
often as I can."  Devon hesitated, but only for a moment.  She went over
to him, and put her arms around him.  He let her, but was unsure what to
do with his own hands.  He wasn't really sure what he was
doing.  "Angella," he pulled her away so she could see his face.  "I
don't know who you've been talking to, or what you think you remember,
but I didn't kill you.  It wasn't me."

Sighing, she looked up at him.  "It was in July.  There was a full moon,
that was one of my last mortal sights.  I had heard you were in Rome, so
I went there.  I made so many contacts, I could have started my own mob.
If I'd known how."

"But, you were a...just a little girl.  How did you manage to...and what
happened to your mother?"

She chuckled at his sudden interest.  "I left London the year she
married the Duke of Strathmore, more than ten years after you left, I
think.  He wanted me dead, at least, that's what he told mother.  I ran
away, with her blessing, and prompting even.  I had to cut my hair and
dress like a boy, but it got me odd little jobs and I made enough money
to get to Rome.  You must have heard that someone was looking for you.
It must have worried you that someone had been able to track you through
three countries and in almost two years.  Two vampires, I didn't know
they were vampires at the time, found me.  They said you had sent them.
They killed me, ripped my throat out and gorged on my blood.  Not a
pleasant way to die."  She paused, her eyebrows coming together in a
frown, as she remembered.  "But when I woke up, I was whole and
unbruised from my experience.  A woman had discovered me, and took care
of me.  She was someone like me, and she taught me to survive, and how
to use my skills to keep one step ahead of the male population.  I
stopped looking for you, and got on with my life."

There she stopped and studied his face to gauge his reaction.  He didn't
seem to react at all, not moving, not looking at her.  She wondered if
he would ever move again.  He didn't even blink, and he wasn't
breathing, she hadn't noticed until that moment.

"Angelus?"  He didn't move.  "Father?"  Nothing.  She began to see what
he was saying, by not saying anything.  "I didn't tell you this to make
you guilty.  I wasn't even looking for you.  It's just
coincidence that we ended up in the same town at the same time.  I
thought you didn't want me to find you.  I'll leave, and...I'll just
leave.  Okay?  I'll leave."  He still wasn't moving.  She let go
of his hand and walked away.

Devon got a full three blocks from the school before she realized how
disappointed she was.  Even though she had gone more than two centuries
without seeing him, having him directly reject her was worse than not
knowing.  She sat down on the ground where she stood and let her sorrow
and self pity wash over her.  She was too engrossed in her thoughts to
notice that someone was watching her.  The sensation of meeting another
immortal didn't break through her concentration until it was almost too
late.  She saw the blade flashing in the early moon light, and managed
to roll out of the way before it sliced her head off.  It whistled above
her head by only centimeters.

Collecting herself was easy, as she tapped into her training and
instincts.  Her own sword was produced from a hidden sheath down the
back of her coat.  But as she danced around, vying for the best position
with the stranger, she began to lose interest in wanting to win.

"I don't know who you are, and I don't really care.  However, I'm going
to have to disappoint you if you were interested in a nice long sparring
match.  I'm not in the mood."  With these words, she dropped her sword
at her feet, and waited.  The stranger stared at her for a moment, and
then smiled.

"Well, it's just like Christmas for me tonight, isn't it?"  He stepped
toward her and brought his broadsword up.  Devon closed her eyes.  The
blade whistled through the air again, and Devon braced herself for the
impact.  She could almost picture it, in slow motion, but when the
searing pain she expected didn't come, she opened her eyes.  Angel was
tackling the stranger and holding him pinned to the ground.  He pried
the sword out of his hand and tossed it far, then clasped onto his neck
with an iron tight grip.

"Angel!"  Devon ran over to him and tugged on his arm.  "Stop it!"
Angel turned his face toward her, and she jumped back.  His face was
distorted, angry and feral.  Vampiric.  His teeth protruded into
alarmingly sharp points, and they wanted blood.  He snarled and turned
back to the stranger.   Without warning, he lunged for the neck, and the
surprised man let out a garbled scream.

Angel stood and brought the man with him.  "Run away."  He growled.

They watched as he scrambled away from Angel and only paused to collect
his sword, and then he was gone.

"Angella," his face was still grotesque, and Devon kept her distance. "I
won't hurt you."

"I don't think you could, but thank you for the thought."

"Angella, don't run away from me," as he spoke, his face returned to a
normal smooth human expression, and except for the blood on his lips, he
looked perfectly normal.  She took another step away from him.  "Okay, I
deserve that."  He turned and started to walk away.  He spoke over his
shoulder.  "You don't have to leave town, I will."

Devon stood there, alone, in the dark.




"Angel," Buffy tried to follow him, but he kept being in another spot
when she got to him.  "Angel, what are you doing?"  He stuffed another
handful of things into the bag.  "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere but here.  I just have to go, I can't explain."

"Does this have to do with Devon?  Are you leaving because of her?"
Angel stopped what he was doing, and threw the porcelain figurine of an
angel, that was in his hand at the time, into the corner with great
force, and looked darkly at Buffy.  The shattering sound precipitated
silence.

"I think you better go," he said softly after the staring match got
boring.

"Okay, fine.  I'll go.  I think you're making a mistake, but if that's
the way you want to be, fine.  I'll see you in the next life time."  She
spun around and stalked back to the door.  Angel started to say
something, but Buffy had already yanked the door open.  Devon stood
there.  "I was just leaving," Buffy said, and slipped out, glancing once
more at Angel before she was out of sight.




Buffy sat on her bed, and listened to Willow prattle on about what she
had discovered about the new girl from the school database.  It was
somewhat interesting, but incredibly lacking in information.  "Uh,
Willow, I don't think I need all the details about how you got into the
system.  Plausible denyability and all that."

"Oh," Willow turned and stuffed all the blank forms back into the
folder.  "Buffy, is there some reason you asked me to get this infor--
oh my there's a man standing at your window."  Buffy frowned and looked.
One strategic swipe, and the curtains were swept aside, revealing a very
sorry looking Angel.

"Well, aren't we suffering from severe mood swings.  What happened now?"
Angel's face was enough to break the heart of any man of steel. A squeak
came from Willow's side of the room.  When Buffy looked over, she was
looking extremely sad.  "Willow, what's wrong?"

"I don't know," she sniffed.  "But he just looks like a little beagle
puppy that someone kicked."

"Angel," Buffy turned back to him, and saw where Willow's emotion was
coming from.  "What happened?"  Her voice cracked a little.  "Tell me
before I start crying."

"She's gone."  There was no emotion in his voice, it was all in his
eyes.  "She came to tell me that it wasn't fair for me to have to leave.
Her papers were overdue anyway, so it won't be hard for her to pack up
and go.  She left."  Buffy opened her mouth to tell him he was an idiot
to let her go, but Willow squeaked again, and glanced quickly away when
they looked at her.

"But...but," Willow stuttered, trying to find the right words, "but why
can't you both stay here?  True, you've been estranged for two hundred
years, but that's no reason you can't work thing out." Angel looked at
Buffy, expecting assistance.

"Hey, don't look at me," she shrank back slightly.  "She has a point."
"Besides," she continued, "take it from me, I know what's it's like to
not have a father around.  And why exactly didn't you think of that, Mr.
'I've been around long enough to know better'?"

"You're ganging up on me."

"And you're a little old to be pouting over this.  Go get her before the
bus leaves."





Devon tapped her fingers together nervously, waiting for the bus to
arrive.  It was ten minutes late already.  She paced the length of the
building, kicking rocks as she went.  Glancing at her watch, the bus
finally pulled up.  Sighing in relief, she reached for her suitcase and
started over to the doors, but there was suddenly a line where once
there had been no one around.  Scowling, she trudged to the end of it.
It took forever, but eventually, she made it to the door.  The bus
driver looked at her suspiciously as she put one foot up on the step.

"Sorry, we don't got no more seats, little lady.  Try the next bus,
okay?  It'll be along shortly."  He closed the door, barely giving her
enough time to get her foot out.  Without further explanation, the bus
started away, leaving Devon standing there alone.

But the bus moved away to reveal Angel standing on the other side,
directly across from where Devon stood.  Surprised, she let go of the
suitcase.

"What do you...  Did you...do that?"  She pointed to the vanishing bus.

"I don't want you to go Angella."  She didn't move, or betray any
emotion on her face.  Even when he came closer and pushed the wayward
hair out of her eyes.  "Please don't leave."  Devon couldn't hold it
back any longer.  Her face crumpled and her tears gushed down her
cheeks.  He pulled her forward into his arms, and comforted her.  Like a
father should.

The end.
***********************





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Elizabeth Palmer <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: For When Darkness Falls (1/2)
Date: 02 Aug 1998 00:49:45 -0300

Title: For When Darkness Falls (1/2)
Author: D.L. Powers
Email: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes, please.  I'll pass them on to the author who is too shy to
post this herself.  <eg>
Rating: PG
Spoilers: This story was written a long time ago, before we knew Angel's
past.  Please take that into account.
Disclaimers:  I own the character of Devon any other characters not found
on Buffy: TVS.  All others belong to our leader, Joss and the WB.
Summary:  A new Sunnydale student has ties to Angel and gives a whole new
look on one way his past might have played out.


***************
Devon looked up at the sky, and then back down to her shoes.  It was a
beautiful sunny day, but her mood was cloudy.  It was her first day at a
new school, not exactly her idea of the perfect birthday present, but so
far, everyone had simply ignored her.

"Oh, great, another freak show coming to our school.  Why do they always
come here?"  The voice was hushed, but the person was standing too close
for the effort to have worked.  Devon turned to see who had spoken.  Not
so much to confront her, but so that she could avoid her in the future.
It was a tall dark haired girl, wearing a short brown skirt and matching
blouse.  She was talking to a group of her friends, making them giggle
hysterically.  She turned to see Devon, but instead of making the effort
to patch up her bad manners, she turned and walked away with her friends
trailing behind.  Devon turned and tried to find her first class.

Finding her first class wasn't as easy as it sounded.  Devon had only
been to the building once, and all the halls looked pretty much the
same.   She wandered around a corner, and saw the Library for the fifth
time.  Sighing, she turned around to start again and walked face first
into a blurred figure.  They both went down.

"Oh, I'm sorry, didn't see you..." Devon tried to smooth over the first
impression.  "Sorry."  She picked up the other girl's books and handed
them over.

"Are you lost?  What class are you looking for?"

"Physics, with Donaldson.  I thought it was around here, but I keep
ending up back at the library."

"Wow, you doing physics?  Even after missing the first half of they
year?  You're braver than I am. You're new here, aren't you?"  Devon
smiled shyly, nodding.  "I thought so.  No one walks in circles better
than a new student.  I know, from personal experience."

"Oh, you're new?"

"I was new three months ago.  Now I'm old."  Devon laughed.  "Well, I
think you're looking for room 23D.  Down that way, take one right, and
then a left.  It's right there, you can't miss it."  She indicated the
direction with a gesture.  "I'm Buffy Summers.  Maybe I'll see you
around?"

"Sure, thanks.  I'm Devon.  Devon Roberts.  Well, I think I'm a little
more than fashionably late, so I better go now.  Thanks."  Devon turned
and hid her humiliated pride from what she hoped was a new friend.

Showing up late for class was least of her worries.  The physics teacher
was a large, overpowering man, who called on her three times, all of
which Devon had to claim ignorance.  She could feel everyone looking at
her, and had to remember to breath slowly, and not let go of her temper.
She managed, keeping in mind the memory of her first experience in a
school.  That first day was disastrous, and she had nothing to complain
about here.  When the bell rang, she was the first one out the door.

The rest of the day passed less eventfully than the first part.  Devon
spoke to no one, except for teachers who asked her questions, and to say
'excuse me' to people who bumped into her.  She might as well have been
invisible.  Until the final bell rang, and everyone crushed for the
door.  Devon was at her locker when she felt the hand on her shoulder.

"Miss Roberts?"  It was principal Snyder.  "I'd like to have a word with
you, in my office."

"Yes, sir," she replied blandly and closed her locker again.  He walked
stiffly, in front of her, not looking back to make sure she was
following him.  Her footsteps were soft, and she could tell he
was fighting the urge to assure himself of her presence.  He led her
directly into his office and sat down without a glance at her.

"It has come to my attention that there are a few documents missing from
your permanent record.  In a nutshell, all of them.  We have no grades,
or letters from your old school, or even that you attended a school
previous to this one, we don't even have proof that you exist, except
for our documents you and your parents signed last week.  Could you
offer some explanation for this?"

Devon sat across from him, nervously tapping her fingers together.  She
was afraid something like this would have happened.  Her instincts told
her not to trust a guy named Gargarelli.  Something in his greasy
appearance should have made her ask a few more questions.  Her mistakes
were bound to catch up to her.  "I'm sorry sir," she began, slowly,
"It's all my fault.  I only confirmed the documents to be sent once.  I
should have called at least three more times.  I can have them in by the
end of the week."  She stopped to see his reaction.  He didn't move,
except for the one vein on his forehead.

"Well, I suppose, if that's the best you can do, I can't very well kick
you out of classes your first week."  His tone indicated that he would
very much like to have done just that.  "But I'm going to
keep a close eye on you until I get your permanent record.  Keep that in
mind."

"Yes, sir," she stood up to leave, but Snyder held up his hand.

"Hold on, Miss Roberts.  We're just getting started."  Reluctantly, she
sat back down, and two hours later, she finally stumbled out into the
hallway again.  Snyder had broached every subject from her course
choices to her parents occupations to her own extra-curricular
activities, to her hair style.  He finally let her go, when she said
that her parents were expecting her home for dinner.

Limping on a half-asleep foot, Devon made it back to her locker, and as
she stared at the emptiness within, she heard voices from nearby.
Someone else had stayed late and did not realize she was there, or they
would not have been discussing what they were discussing.
Especially not as loudly as they were.

"Angel, what are you doing here?  How did you even get here?  The sun's
not even down."  Devon's ears perked up and she padded over to the
corner and listened.  There was a mumbling response, and she only caught
the last few words.

"...been around long enough to know better than that."  Devon recognized
Buffy's voice, but the other voice was only vaguely familiar.  She moved
closer to the edge and listened for more.  "I
have something to say.  Are you going to lecture me some more, or do you
want to hear it?"  Buffy was silent, so Devon surmised that she must
have nodded.  "I've received some underground information.  There's
something here.  I don't know what it is, but it's not human,
and not vampire, that I know of, anyway.  They didn't say if it was
dangerous, but I'm not happy about the news.  Be alert."  Devon didn't
hear anything else that was said, her mind took her back to when that
voice was part of her life.  It had been so long, she didn't think her
mind had kept such memories.  As a little girl, she remembered seeing
him smile down at her.

Devon forgot where she was, and stepped out into the hallway.  She had
to see.  He stood there, same as he had always looked.  His clothes were
the same.  Dark and inconspicuous, like his eyes.  But they were
different.  He looked at her, and she felt him staring at her, she could
almost hear his thoughts as he tried to place her in his memories.
Then, she saw the horror on his face when he recognized her.  Devon
turned and disappeared back the way she had come, returning to her
locker.  That was where they found her.  She knew there would be a
confrontation.

"You know, it's really not nice to eavesdrop.  Did your parents ever
teach you it's not polite?"  Buffy looked indignant, but Angel still
stared at her in silence.

Devon paused, keeping her expression docile and calm, looking from Buffy
to Angel, who appeared to have lost the capacity to keep his own
expression neutral.  "Are you okay?  You're not going to pass out are
you?"

"We'll see," he replied, no louder than a whisper.

Looking back to Buffy, Devon didn't bother to smile at her.  "To answer
your question, actually, my parents taught me how to eavesdrop. Didn't
you Daddy?"

Angel now had Buffy's undivided attention.

*********
(continued)





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Sarah Douglas)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Cure" (13/14)
Date: 02 Aug 1998 15:53:17


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy or any of the other wonderful characters in
the Buffyverse.  I am using them without the permission of the people who
do own them who are not going to sue me because I am not making any money
off this.  Joss Whedon, WB, Mutant Enemy, Kusui and Sandollar own the Buffy
characters.

DISTRIBUTION: Just ask.

RATING: Probably PG

FEEDBACK: I would love to know what you all think of this.  Please send me
feedback.  Pretty please.  <[e-mail]>

SUMMARY:  Okay, well this takes place while Ms. Calendar is still alive,
but Angel is evil, so probably Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.  It's
another "Angel gets his soul back" story which I wrote to convince myself
that Angel could be good again.  It's kind of long and I'm sorry about that
you all.

AUTHOR'S MESSAGE: I'm back.  I know it took a while.  Okay, a very very
long time and I'm sorry about that.  I'm not going to bore you with the
details.  I want to thank the people who e-mailed me asking for the last
parts, they got me off my lazy butt.  Since it has been a while, if you
don't remember the story or you never read it, e-mail me and I'll send you
the other parts.

On with the show.

*********************
The Cure 13/14
*********************

"We are done!" the elderwoman announced.

"Thank God," Cordelia replied.

"Move this table," the elderwoman directed.  Xander and Oz each grabbed an
end.  Willow picked up a chair and Giles did the same.  Cordelia stood with
her arms folded across her chest, watching everyone else.  Alice and the
elderwoman each grabbed a chair.  Finally Cordelia let out an annoyed sigh
and picked up a chair.

"Oh bravo, Cordelia," Xander said sarcastically, applauding as he spoke.
Cordelia shot him a dirty look.

Buffy and Jenny entered the room then.  Buffy was carrying Angel.

"All right, enough with the bickering, let's get this over with."

****************

Buffy sat on the counter, watching the scene closely.  At first Ms.
Calendar seemed quite nercous, but after the big breath Buffy saw her take
she calmed a little.  Buffy listened as Ms. Calendar spoke, sounding like a
parot reciting what it just learned, but after the first line, the words
came flowing and Ms. Calendar looked like she was in a trance.  Buffy
watched what was going on around her.  First the candles that had been
arranged lit themsleves on fire.  As Ms. Calendar continued, the herb
mixture also burned.  Finally, the wax on the floor lit on fire as a climax
to the spell.

Buffy jerked back as the wax lit on fire.

Ms. Calendar finished the spell ans everything extinguished simultaniously.

<<Wow>> Buffy thought.

***************

The smoke in the library cleared and Jenny came out of her trance.  She
opened her eyes and looked around the room.  She waved her hands in front
of her face to clear the smoke.

The elderwoman and Alice were looking around, clearing the smoke in front
of them.

"Is he...?" Buffy asked, jumping off the counter.  The elderwoman moved
forward.

"Yes, child, that is your Angel.  However, the power of the spell will
leave him unconscious temporarily.  Don't worry, it doesn't usually last
long.  He'll have plenty of time before sunrise."

Buffy smiled and walked over to the library phone.  She quickly punched in
a number.  She waited a minute.

"Hi Spike, it's Buffy.....yeah, the curse worked.....he can still get his
stuff, right?...and Spike?  Thanks.....Spike, as a thank you gift, I'm
offering you a Get-Out-Of-Sunnydale-Free card.  Take Dru and go....Well,
bye then."

Buffy looked over at Angel.  he was sitting up.

"What happened?"he asked, rubbing his neck.  Suddenly, he seemed to
remember.  "Umm....did I lose my soul after...and act like a jerk?"

"Yeah, if you want to use the nicest posible way to describe what you did,"
Xander replied, bitingly.

"I am SO sorry.  Oh my God, I can't believe I did that to you.  Is there
any way to make that up?  Especially to yu Buffy.  My God, what I put you
through," Angel said, the incredible remorse for having hurt them and the
unbelievable anger at himself apparent in every movement he made.

Everyone descreetly left the library, leaving Angel and Buffy together, alone.

"Buffy, I'm so sorry.  I hate myself for what I did to you.  Buffy, I still
love you," Angel looked at her, imploring her with his eyes to say the same.

Buffy turned away from him.  She felt confused.  This was what she'd hoped
for, what she'd dreamed of.  She'd spend the whole day thinking about this.
 Now that it was here, she just kept remebering everything Angelus had done
to her, to her friends.  She heard the demon's  words echoing over and over
in her head.  She turned to him and threw his words back at him.

"Yeah, I love you too.  I'll call you."

And she walked out of the room.

End part 13

feedback to <[e-mail]>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Sarah Douglas)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "The Cure" (14/14)
Date: 02 Aug 1998 15:53:26


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Buffy or any of the other wonderful characters in
the Buffyverse.  I am using them without the permission of the people who
do own them who are not going to sue me because I am not making any money
off this.  Joss Whedon, WB, Mutant Enemy, Kusui and Sandollar own the Buffy
characters.

DISTRIBUTION: Just ask.

RATING: Probably PG

FEEDBACK: I would love to know what you all think of this.  Please send me
feedback.  Pretty please.  <[e-mail]>

SUMMARY:  Okay, well this takes place while Ms. Calendar is still alive,
but Angel is evil, so probably Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.  It's
another "Angel gets his soul back" story which I wrote to convince myself
that Angel could be good again.  It's kind of long and I'm sorry about that
you all.

AUTHOR'S MESSAGE:  Here it is, the last part.  I hope you all enjoy it.  I
appologize for the cuel way Buffy behaved to Angel, but I was mad at him
for all the mean stuff he did when I wrote it, so she was mad too.  It gets
better.  I promise.

*********************
The Cure  14/14
*********************

Buffy walked into the library the next mrning with mixed feelings.  With a
deep breath, she went in.

"Buffy."

All heads shipped towards her.  They had seen her leave, and Angel left
shortly after.  They were all dying to know what happened

"So what happened?" Cordelia asked, in her usualy blunt way.  Today,
though, nobody minded.  They were all just as anxious to hear.

Buffy faced them.  Everyone was there: Willow, Xander, Giles, Cordelia, Oz,
Ms. Calendar, even the elderwoman and Alice.

"Well, first of all, thank you Ms. Calendar.  I can never thank you enough
for what you did, and you two too.  But as I was standing with him, all I
could htink of was how much he'd hurt us.  So I left.  I don't know what
I'm feeling.  It may take some time for me to figure things out," Buffy
explained.

Willow watched her best friend try to explain how she felt.  As soon as
Buffy finished, Willow gave Buffy a hug.

"It's going to be okay, Buffy," Willow whispered.

"Thanks Will."

****************

Giles put the weapons back in the storage area.  After Buffy and Angel had
left, the group had packed up everything at Oz's and brought it back to the
library.  Giles had spend most of the morning unpacking.

And worrying about Buffy.  <<She's already been through so much>> he
thought.  He decided to give her the night off.  <<She should go to the
Bronze with Willow and Xander.  She deserves a rest and she always seems to
have fun there.>>

Suddenly, Buffy came in.

"Hi Giles."

"Hello Buffy.  How are you?"

"I'm fine.  Giles, would you mind if I just hung out here?  I don't really
feel like being around lots of people right now."

"Yes, of course you can "hang out" as you put it."

Buffy picked up a book and put it away.  Then she went into Giles' office
and shut the door.

***************

"Bye Mom!" Buffy called over her shoulder, heading out the door to Oz's van.

"Hi Buffy," Willow greeted.  Buffy looked around and saw Xander and
Cordelia already sitting in the back.

"Hi guys.  Oz, what are you waiting for?  Let's go!"

"That was pretty cool of G-man to give you a night off," Xander said.

"Yeah, I can't believe it.  This is gonna be a blast!" Buffy said.

****************

Buffy sat at a table, sipping her coffee.  Willow and Oz were playing pool.
 Xander and Cordelia had gone to get themselves drinks.  The song ended and
a new one started.  A slow song.  Xander and Cordy started dancing.  Buffy
smiled as she saw Willow dancing with Oz.

<<Good for her>>Buffy thought, giving Willow a thumbs up sign.

Then Buffy saw him.  Angel was standing in the shaddows.  Buffy's gaze
locked on him.  Suddenly, she stood up, and began walking towards him, as
if drawn by a magnet.

Angel had felt her gaze resting on him.  When she came forwards, his heart
lept.  He walked to meet her.

"Hi," Buffy said, puttiing her arms around him as they began to dance.

"Hey."

All of the sudden, Buffy's mind was filled with all the wonderful things
he'd done for her and her friends.  She thought of the love they'd shared.
<<I love him>> she realized.  <<That wasn't him that did all those things,
but he'll be tortured by the memories as if it was.  It's time to put the
past in the past, where it belongs,>> she decided.

"Angel?"

"Yes, Buffy?"

"I love you."

Angel's heart soared at those words.

"I love you too, Buffy."

They drew together in a kiss that said everything.  Buffy felt all her
doubts melt, she knew this was right.  Angel was perfectly happy,
completely happy because she loved him.

"If another moment of true happiness will destroy the curse again, we're in
trouble."

"No," she replied," your curse is permanent."

They kissed again, the same way they had kissed at the post-fumagation
party long ago, but this time when the kiss ended, it wouldn't be goodbye,
it would be hello.

FIN

Okay, okay, I know I'm sentimental.  But I just had to do it.

Feedback to <[e-mail]>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Tracy Cain" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: OT; regarding
Date: 02 Aug 1998 19:59:32 PDT

   I realize that it has been a long time since I updated my story "the
Third Child;" this is both an apology and an excuse. I have decided to
discontinue this story for several reasons.

   If any of you have seen Star Hawk's story "Lost Angels," I want you
to know that it is almost exactly what I was planning to do with my
story. She began it long before I began mine, but only a few days ago
did I encounter it. I thought a long time to try to come up with an
original plot, and apparently, I failed. Incidentally, it's also much
better written than mine.

   I also have been struggling with writer's block and lack of feedback.
To any of you who were following my story, I'm sorry. Next time, I'll
finish it before I post it.

                                 -Rihanon

"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy
and good with ketchup."


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 8/?
Date: 03 Aug 1998 17:45:20 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  8/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans.
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôReflectionö is from the Disney movie Mulan and is sung
by Christina Aguilera.  All characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 8, Reflection

< Look at me
   You may think you see
   who I really am
   But you'll never know me
   Ev'ry day
   It's as if I play a part>

    Thrust, block, thrust, thrust...she stopped to help Giles up.
    ôYes,yes, very good.  I see you havenÆt lost your skill.ö  Giles mumbled.
She smiled at him, but the same question kept repeating itself in her head.
Finally, she decided to ask Giles.
    ôGiles, how do I kill Arcanus without killing Angel?ö  Buffy asked her
Watcher.  It was a good question, Giles had to credit her with that.
    ôI...I um, will have to consult my books...ö  He replied, already heading for
the stack of books he had brought with him.  Buffy smiled inwardly.  It was
good to have him here to say that, though she wished he had said something
more like æJust say please and everything will be ok.  Now, why donÆt you take
the next month off.Æ  Right, that was gonna happen.
    ôWell, what can I do?ö  She asked her Watcher yet another question.
    ôHave you eaten anything?  How about get some sleep.ö  he suggested.  æOh,
you mean be normal for a few hours.Æ she thought.  She couldnÆt. She was too
wired.  ôI think IÆm gonna go on patrol.ö  She said.  Giles looked at her long
and hard for a moment.  æShe *wants* to patrol?Æ  He looked down for a moment,
but by then she was gone.

< Now I see
   If I wear a mask
   To be myself
   I can fool the world
   But I cannot fool
   my heart>

    Nikolas watched her go.  He quietly followed her out.  He was able to keep
track of her until they reached the beach.  He spun around, she was nowhere to
be seen.  The next thing he knew, his face was in the sand.
    ôOh Nikolas!  IÆm so sorry!ö  She exclaimed, holding out a hand to help him
up.  ôI wasnÆt sure who was following me...ö  Nikolas inturrupted her
explaination.
    ôIÆm alright.  Could I join you?ö  he asked.  For some reason he wanted to
see how it was done.  He hadnÆt believed those stories his uncle had told him
about the Slayers, and now that he did, he found himself quite curious.  He
noticed her hesitaion, but she finally nodded her head.

< Who is that girl I see
   Staring straight back at me?
   When will my reflection show
   Who I am inside?>

    They enjoyed the boat ride to the mainland in silence.  She could tell there
were things that he wanted to know about her, about slaying.  She guessed that
he thinks that itÆs neat and makes you feel powerful.  She thought thatÆs what
it would be like at first.  Xander and Willow thought it would be cool to be
the Slayer, but now they all knew better.  The others would never ready
understand it the way she did.  She supposed that only a Slayer could
understand it they way that she does.  Slaying was exactly as she had
described it to her mother.  Lonely and dangerous.  She sighed inwardly before
speaking aloud.  ôGo ahead.ö  She said.

< I am now
   In a world where I have to
   hide my heart
   And what I believe in
   But somehow
   I will show the world
   What's inside my heart
   And be loved for who I am>

    ôWhat?ö  Nikolas asked her.
    She stopped walking for a moment.  ôNik, there are obviously things that you
want to know, go ahead.  Ask.ö  That should clear up any confusion he has, it
was very straight forward.
    They continued walking while Nikolas thought briefly about what she had said.
    ôI, youÆre right.  Uncle has told me of the Slayer before, but I never
believed what he was saying.  I suppose  now that I do believe, IÆm curious.
I know the story of you and Angel, but well...how did you find out that you
were the Slayer?ö  He said, finally deciding on a question.  She remembered
what that was like, how lonely it felt, and she tried to explain it to him.

< Who is that girl I see
   Staring straight back at me?
   Why is my reflection
   someone I don't know?>

    Buffy stopped mid-sentence.  ôStay behind me,ö  she ordered Nikolas.  A
vampire appeared to their right.  Nikolas was shocked at itÆs true, horrible
face.  It looked them both over for a moment.
    ôSslayer...ö  The demon hissed.
    ôSlayeeö  Buffy retorted.  They began combat.  The vampire threw a punch to
her head, which she easily blocked.  The Slayer then kicked it in the face,
knocking it backward.  She got out her stake, but the demon was quick.
Getting up, he tripped her and pinned her down.  She threw him off of her and
staked him in the chest.  The vamp exploded into a pile of dust.
    Buffy wiped off her hands and turned to make sure that Nik was alright.  He
was staring at her and the spot where the demon had stood not long ago.  ôAre
you ok?ö  She asked him.
    ôAm *I* ok?  You just fought a vampire, are you alright?ö  Nikolas asked in
return.
    ôSadly, I donÆt even consider it strange anymore.  IÆm fine.  Look, weÆve
been out here for a while, why donÆt we head back.ö

< Must I pretend that I'm
   Someone else for all time?
   When will my reflection show
   Who I am inside?>

    They walked back towards the docks discussing her training, which Nikolas
seemed to find fasinating.  When they arrived at the docks, Buffy elbowed him.
ôWhatÆs...ö  then he saw the two figureÆs sitting on the bench.
    ôSo, ô  Buffy began.  ôYou are privately tutored.  I know what thatÆs like,
do you find not being around others your age difficult?ö  She hated pretending
to be someone that she wasnÆt to protect her secrect.  Still, sometimes she
wanted to be someone else.
    Nikolas figured out what she was getting at.  ôNo, I like going at my own
pace with the tutor.ö  He said.  They continued this line of pointless
convorsation until they were on the boat, heading back to Spoon Island.

< There's a heart that must
   be free to fly
   That burns with a need
   to know the reason why
   Why must we all conceal
   What we think
   How we feel?

    ôThanks for playing along back there.ö
    ôHey, I understand why you have to keep what you do a secret.ö  Nikolas told
her.  He couldnÆt even imagine what would happen if everyone knew that there
were vampires.  Maybe people would be able to protect themselves better.  Or
maybe they would panic.  Buffy sawthe look on his face, and had an idea of
what he was thinking.
    ôDidnÆt you feel safer not knowing?  Before this, werenÆt you just a happy
citizen like I was, like Xander and Willow and Giles and my mother?ö
    He finally understood.  Though he would never understand as completely as her
friends or her Watcher, or even Angel, but he understood that this is not
something that she wants to do.  He knew that she was chosen, but never really
understood that she didnÆt get to choose.  He looked at her with a new
respect.  She looked at him, the realization of something visible in his eyes.

< Must there be a secret me
   I'm forced to hide?
   I won't pretend that I'm
   Someone else
   For all time
  When will my reflection show
  Who I am inside?
  When will my reflection show
  Who I am inside?>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Other Side of Midnight (1/1)
Date: 03 Aug 1998 23:41:53 EDT

Title: The Other Side of Midnight
Author: Noodlebrain
Distribution: Just ask me first, k?
Spoilers: You all know Buffy ditched Sunnydale.
Summary: Oh, just read it. Buffy doesn't return home in this one.
Disclaimer: Everything but the story belongs to the Joss-entity. The
lyrics belong to Screaming Fist.
Notes: I have never heard this song, but the lyrics just struck me so
much that I had to write.  Unfortunately, the song is not available on
any album.

// On the other side of midnight
Where shadows walk and walls are breathing
Sacrificing innocence, Mother-Satan leaves me bleeding
Child, scream the rage//

     --from "Scream the Rage" by Screaming Fist
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




It was a crash of thunder that defied the limits of simple sound.
It shook houses on their foundations; beams of wood and metal girders
squealing and rattling in protest.  Streetlights blinked out, their globes
of illumination flickering and dying like some bizarre harbinger of doom.
Car alarms went off as sonic aftershocks echoed through the air.  It
wasn't any simple thunder- this was the thunder of ungodly fury, in a
storm that no man would brave.

    It was a good thing that Buffy never seemed to be very much
in God's favor in the first place.

    Seated on a low stone wall on a darkened avenue in a storm-
battered small town, she held a stake in one hand, slowly twirling
the tip of it against the palm of her other.  She sucked in a
slow, measured breath, enjoying the way that the feel of the rough,
dull wood grinding up against the her comparatively soft and yielding
flesh kept her hyper-aware of stark reality.

    She kept grinding, almost believing that if she stopped, she'd
fall asleep.  Getting enough sleep was an awful task.  She hunted by
night.  Sometimes, she slept in the day.  Sometimes, she traveled in
the day.  Trying to accomplish all three activities in twenty-four hours
often left her feeling more exhausted than if she didn't sleep at all.  So
mostly, she just traveled and hunted.  Hunted and traveled.

     Buffy could imagine what the others were saying; could see
Willow, driven to tears by what were by now probably full-blown daily
arguments between Giles and Xander; could see Xander angrily
condemning her for ditching her responsibilities by running away and
leaving them to fend for themselves against the Hellmouth; could see
Giles angrily defending her, but being equally angry at her in his heart.

    What did they know?  Did they think she could actually stop
hunting?  They'd never seen it.  While they were sound asleep,
enjoying the relative luxury of nightmares, even being treated to an
occasional erotic fantasy dream, she was fighting.  Always fighting.
Midnight to them was then end of the day.  They'd never known what it
is was for her; would never know the other side of midnight.

    What should have been her comfort zone, the buffer between
each stressful "day in the life," was hell.  A hell she was condemned,
through no fault of her own, to repeat every day, most likely until she
died.

    Didn't matter what town.  Didn't matter whether she had
friends, lovers, or blood-sworn adversaries, or no one at all.  She'd
always have to fight, to hunt.

    It was just easier when there was no one.

    Looking down, she realized that she'd stopped grating the
stake up against her palm.  She'd drifted off into introspection,
regardless of the stinging raw skin where the grain of the wood had
abraded her.

    She felt the twinge in her conscious before she heard the twig
snap.  Stupid leeches, she thought.  Don't they ever watch horror
movies?  She exhaled loudly.  "I'm over here," she said to the to the
dark night, anxious to get the fight over with.  For tonight, at least.

    As the muffled sound of wet thuds and smacks filled the rain-
drenched air, Buffy cursed at no one in particular.  At the residents of
this small town, perhaps, who would remain ignorant of her fight for
their life.  Maybe at the powers that be, for casting her to this fate.  Or
even at her friends back in Sunnyhell, condemning _them_ for the
simple fact that they were once smack dab in the middle of her world,
they remained oblivious to it.  It wasn't their fault, of course, but she
had to rage at someone.  She had to scream, why had she been left
alone?  None of it would ever matter, though.

    She was forever abandoned on the other side of midnight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Full song lyrics:

"I will sing the pain
give voice to the madness
Of tearing flesh and unending sadness
Child, scream the rage

I want what you cannot,
Could never begin to give me
Tell me that you lied
Take it back
If you must apologize
Child, scream the rage

You cannot know, cannot begin to touch
The anger, pain, and fury
Deepest burning pits of hell
Cannot contain the torment I feel
Child, scream the rage

Guilty in the first degree
Of childhood, and being needy
Sentenced by a Judas-court
The goddess-whore is judge and jury
Child, scream the rage

'Reject it from the very start
to kill the child's soul and heart'
Insanity the legacy of drunkard, whore, and pederasty
Child, scream the rage

On the other side of midnight
Where shadows walk and walls are breathing
Sacrificing innocence, Mother-Satan leaves me bleeding
Child, scream the rage

I want back what's taken from me
Innocence, trust, and purity
How can you rape a child?
How can you steal a smile?
Child, scream the rage

The scars tell a story
'Mommy doesn't love me
and this world, this society's
got no place for me, no place for me'

I totally reject everything you ever put inside me
Throw it in your face, your demon-eyes, your lies, and pseudo-grace
Child, screamà

I will sing the pain, give voice to the madness
Of murdered souls and unending sadness
Childà"
   --Screaming Fist, "Scream the Rage"

lyrics used without permission


Feedback!!!!
Comments of any kind, [e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Azzy :)" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DIscuss: Fantasies
Date: 04 Aug 1998 10:36:54 -0500 (EST)

Hi there, I wanted to tell you all, that while the last few parts of the
Fantasies storyline is roaming around in my head, it's going to be a while
before I can get them to to the list. I'm moving, and I have to wait till
I get a new account before logging back onto the list.  But as soon as I
can I'll have the fantasies story finished up and ready for your approval,
or disapproval maybe. :)  Thanks for all the great input you've been
giving me!



:) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) :P :) ;)
The Universe has                Aislynn Denny
sense of Humor.                              [e-mail]
-Callista
     "Children of the Jedi"




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Secrets" (1/2)
Date: 04 Aug 1998 11:28:04 EDT

Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply.
Distribution: Eventually Sarah's archive. All others, check with me first,
please.
Feedback: To [e-mail], whether it be good, bad, or anything in
between.
Note: Takes place prior to "Angel".

~

                            "Secrets"

     Losing one's keys could be such a pain in the _ass_, Xander
thought silently. Especially when your parents were out of town for
the weekend and you had absolutely no way of contacting them. Buffy
was at Willow's, and he had been pointedly informed that this was
Girls' Night Out, and he was not welcome to attend.
     So he was stuck here until either very late at night, or
tomorrow morning. And he didn't _want_ to be, especially now that
darkness was falling. He was hoping there were no vampires out
tonight. At least, not over here. Maybe some would go terrorize the
shopping mall, or maybe they would decide to take a vacation.
Whatever, so long as he didn't wind up having to fight them armed
with nothing but the cross he'd taken to wearing under his shirt on
a thin gold chain.
     Somewhere past midnight, Xander found himself drifting to
sleep in the darkness, propped up against the back door. Lucky for
him, he thought, that it was a warm night.
     All was well until the moment he reached that point between
being awake enough to think rationally, and actually being lost in
sleep. At that point-- just as he teetered on the edge of
consciousness-- Xander heard something crack in the bushes, and he
shot directly upright.
     "No vampires. No. Uh-uh. No."
     He swallowed nervously, his eyes glued to the point in the
bushes where the sound had come from-- until a small squirrel ran
out from the bushes, pausing for a moment to meet Xander's eyes.
     The teen managed an uneasy smile. "See? No vampires. I'm going
to sleep now. Yes. Sleep good. Being awake and listening to every
sound that happens by, bad. Very bad."
     Repeating the mantra in his mind, Xander finally managed to
push himself into something resembling sleep.
                                *
     Quiet laughter snuck into Xander's dream, waking him only
slightly. It was several seconds before he realized that the giant
cheese that had been chasing him through his dreams had turned into
the blonde vampire who was now kneeling before him, and another few
seconds before he realized he was no longer dreaming.
     He choked. "Darla." The moment he realized who she was, he
felt his pulse quicken.
     She smiled, nodded. "That's right, kiddo..." She reached
forward, her fingertips brushing his neck, gentle for barely a
second before she jerked his head violently to one side, bending
and letting her lips touch his neck.
     An involuntary shudder swept through him, and Xander jerked
away from the light touch. His hands fumbled under his shirt and
pulled out the tiny cross, the chain snapping and flying out into
the grass while he clutched the metal of the charm itself.
     Hissing, Darla drew away, releasing him. Her game face melted
away, and Xander found himself staring up into her eyes once more,
shivering again.
     "Put that away," she snapped.
     "Yeah, right."
     "I don't need my _teeth_ to kill you."
     The glimmer of light on steel flashed in the corner of
Xander's eyes, and next thing he knew he was staring at the blade
of a large knife.
     "Impressive, isn't it?" Darla sighed, stroking the sharp-edged
blade with one finger, ignoring the thin stream of blood that began
to trickle down her palm as she finished the action. "I love
playing with knives...though so many people say it's not healthy."
She drew her hand from the blade, and pointed its tip toward him.
"What's your opinion?" she asked.
     Xander managed a weak smile, then shook his head. "Opinion? I
don't-- I don't have one, actually..."
     "Sure you do," she said with a slight smile.
"Everybody's...got..." She moved forward, and Xander's arm slowly
pulled back as Darla teased the blade out, back, out again-- always
with the hint of a threat to strike him around the cross, always
with the possibility that if he didn't pull back, she might not
cease her advances. As his back ran up against the wall, Darla hit
his wrist with the hilt of her blade, and he felt the cross drop
from his fingers. "...an opinion," she finished, letting the knife
rest against the soft, thin flesh of his throat.
     "Uh--" He licked his lips nervously. "Look, ah, maybe we
could, well, aren't you not supposed to, well, slit my throat,
because--"
     "Shh," Darla said, laughing a little. "I won't. Just wanted to
get some atten--"
     She broke off, and Xander heard a rustling in the trees. As
the knife left his throat, he felt Darla push him away and turn
toward the figure that leapt from the branches.
     "There you are!" the blond vampiress called with a smile,
speaking to whoever it was who had just appeared.
     Xander's eyes crossed the distance between himself and the new
arrival, and he breathed a sigh of relief mixed with annoyance when
he realized it was Angel. Relief, because now he wasn't going to
die. Annoyance, because he would now owe his life to Angel, of all
people.
     "Leave him alone," Angel called to Darla, moving toward the
porch and pushing Xander out of the way.
     "Whatever you say, dearest," Darla replied, laughing again.
     As the two, vampiress and man, circled each other, Xander
found himself staring slack-jawed. It wasn't until they had
maneuvered so that Darla had her back turned toward Xander that
Angel's eyes focused once more on the teen. "_Run_, you moron!" he
shouted.
     Xander's brow creased, but he fought the urge to repudiate the
charge of harboring moronic qualities, and instead he turned and
let his feet pound against the pavement in rapid-fire succession as
he sprinted away from his back porch.

~

More to come. Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Secrets" (2/2)
Date: 04 Aug 1998 11:28:12 EDT

Disclaimers: Standard disclaimers apply.
Distribution: Eventually Sarah's archive. All others, check with me first,
please.
Feedback: To [e-mail], whether it be good, bad, or anything in
between.
Note: Takes place prior to "Angel".

~

     Darla grinned at her childe as he shouted for the human boy to
run. She let a slight laugh pass her lips. "Forget the kid, Angel
baby."
     Nails sharpened to razor-like tips raked across his cheek as
Angel feinted, and he smothered a cry of pain at the burning sting
that rose along the paths Darla's nails had followed over his
flesh.
     She stepped back to admire her handiwork, and crossed her arms
across her chest as a smile slipped smoothly across her lips.
     "Come on," she repeated, her features still smooth-- a show of
the control she could exert over her vampyric qualities.
     "If I fight you, I'll win."
     A sharp, bitter laugh rang in Angel's ears a moment before he
felt Darla's stiletto heel embed itself in his stomach. He choked,
doubling over at the sensation-- it was as if someone had slammed
a sledgehammer into his gut.
     As he tried to overcome the sensation, fight back against the
nerves that shot pain through his body-- even as he felt the
puncture wound from the stiletto begin to heal itself-- Angel heard
her give a sneering scoff.
     "I made you," Darla snapped as Angel began to straighten. "You
haven't got a prayer."
     His eyes met hers, his gaze cold and hard. "I haven't had one
of those in a long time," he replied, the pain slowly fading, the
only sign that there had been a wound being the newly-made hole in
his cotton t-shirt. "And it seems to me you'd be better off to quit
talking and see if you can back up your words with something a
little more substantial than a high heel."
     Darla rolled her eyes and shook her head, then took a step
toward him and moved her hand to rest against his shoulder, though
it almost covered the place where his heart had once beaten without
the prompting of a recent feeding. Her face moved in next to his
own. "You wouldn't hit a lady, would you?" She offered him a slight
smile, though it contained more bitterness than Angel would have
expected from his old mistress, the one who had created him.
     In response to her question, he caught her wrist and shoved
her backward, slamming her against the wall of Xander's house, not
letting himself wonder where the teen had gone and how safe he
might be there. "I'd hardly consider you a lady, is the thing." He
was only centimeters from her then, and both of them had shifted
into the vampyric face while the words had been exchanged.
     "Then I guess I'm gonna have to prove it to you." Darla
smiled, whispering through her teeth and through slitted eyes.
"Fine by me." Before Angel had the opportunity to push away, he
felt her nails running over his shirt, pressing down and shredding
the fabric, and she moved closer to attach her teeth to his lips
and puncture his flesh.
     As her teeth penetrated his lips, Angel felt a rough jerk, as
though he were being pulled from the reality he knew into one
created specifically by his sire. A world in which the only logic
was hers, and the only reason to do anything at all was for her
approval. He knew what was happening, intellectually. He had heard
other vampires speak of how a sire could exert power over its
childe by another exchange of blood. But that had been long after
he had left Darla's side, and he had never thought she might come
back to do this to him. All the parts of him that Darla had put
there so many years ago began to cry out for that which had created
him.
     He was sinking into a rapture, knew no escape, and couldn't
have cared less had he discovered he would never find one. It was
enough for him to be simply here, joined to her across a bridge of
blood.
     Darla was slowly pushing against him, running her tongue over
his lips and letting the fingers of one hand run through his hair
while the other scored and tore at the flesh of his chest through
the t-shirt. Blood rushed upward from the tiny tears, toward the
air, toward freedom, and toward her. He could already feel the
wetness between himself and his sire as she sucked at him, her
tongue darting quickly in and out of his mouth, down his throat,
around his teeth, moving without pause.
     He was fighting, but not hard enough. He hadn't fed tonight,
he didn't have enough blood to sustain him if all she did was take.
     She pulled a hair's breadth away as he thought that, and she
smiled. "Right here, baby," she breathed, pushing him, and Angel
found that somewhere in the moment of the kiss she had moved around
him until he was the one with his back to the wall, and Darla was
the one pushing him against it, pushing herself against the
stickiness that had soaked through the tatters of fabric until it
was plastered against both their flesh.
     A low growl beginning in the back of his throat, Angel
yielded, letting Darla push him down toward the porch floor.
Letting her wipe away the messy, wet strips of cotton, the rags
that had once provided adequate covering-- and were now only a
reminder of an obstacle that had been no more than an illusion to
grant him a pathetic sense of security. Darla straddled him,
resting atop his body, no longer sucking blood from his lips but
instead simply letting her tongue slip across his blood-covered
skin, lighting the cold flesh aflame with the heat she had stolen
from his own blood.
     Everything about her hammered and pounded its way into his
mind, obscuring any ability he might have possessed in the way of
thinking clearly. The way she slit her wrist with one of the sharp
nails that had already shredded the skin of his chest and taken
tiny shreds of his flesh along when it moved on to its new
objective sent shivers up his spine. The motion of her lips, her
tongue, her hands, the scent of his blood pulsing inside her, the
way she pushed it against his lips and buried his face in her arm
and at the same time dipped her head to lap at the pool of blood
gathering upon his chest-- it was enough to send him into spasms of
euphoria. All of it assaulted him in a continuing whirl of emotion
and color and sensation he couldn't even describe, all of it
pulling him further and further into the sound of her newly gorged
heart beating, pulsing, her tongue darting in and out in quick
forays against his skin, the sounds, the steady rhythms beating
across the natural sounds of night.
     He wanted to cry out in ecstasy when her fangs pushed through
the already torn and mutilated flesh of his chest, but instead he
closed his own powerful jaw around her thin wrist, fangs splitting
four new holes around the slit that was already starting to heal.
Though vampyric blood lacked the sweetness of human, there was an
unmistakable bitterness that he hadn't tasted in decades, and the
flavor held an attraction all its own. In thick gulps, the nectar
filled his mouth, and his muscles worked like those of a baby to
pull it down his throat as quickly as he could.
     He could feel Darla's hair against his skin as she too gorged
herself on him, and it was already thickly caked with drying blood
when Angel felt a sudden absence of weight on his body. His mind
slowly began to recover from the clouds and haze that had swarmed
across and through it, and let itself open to the clarity of what
was unfolding around him. The lips that had worked to drink of her
flesh found themselves suddenly drinking in only the cool night
air, and in shock Angel heard the sounds of blows and heavy
breathing.
     He left the pathetic excuse for a shirt behind on the slatted
boards of the porch as he rose to watch the events crashing into
reality around him.
     "You-- little-- _skank_!" the Slayer shouted at the vampiress,
each word punctuated by a kick or a punch. From where he stood,
Angel couldn't see Buffy's face-- but he had the feeling he already
knew the way the fury in her eyes must be burning its way through
Darla's expression.
     Realizing her prey had regained his senses, Darla glanced
toward Angel for a split second, and he felt his heart leap into
his throat. His chest, all but healed, threatened to burst again
when he recognized the look in Darla's eyes-- the one that said she
had a secret, and she was willing to share it.
     He tossed another look toward Buffy, then glanced back at
Darla and shook his head, hoping his sire, so recently thwarted,
might show a shred of mercy and not unmask his true identity to the
girl he was more than a bit afraid he might be falling in love
with. He wondered if it was possible for Darla-- soulless, petty
Darla-- to understand something like love, to understand how much
he would be willing to do to keep from ruining whatever potential
he and the Slayer might have.
     "Angel."
     He glanced up at the voice, as Buffy ran a hand over his arm.
He looked around. Apparently, he had missed Darla's departure.
Buffy's hair was in a state of disarray, however, and her breath
was slightly quicker than usual. "Yeah?" he asked.
     "You okay?" the Slayer asked. "Xander, he came-- he said...and
it looked like that bitch was _mauling_ you or something..." Her
voice trailed off, and Angel found himself confronted with the
questioning gaze of a woman he cared for, respected, and admired--
and he realized he had no way to explain to her what had happened.
     "I'm fine," he replied.
     She sighed, shook her head. "Look," she said, "I realize
you're into the whole macho-vampire-killer thing, but Angel..."
     "I can take care of myself."
     "You're only human. I'm the Slayer. You shouldn't have--" She
cut herself off in midsentence, no doubt realizing that had Angel
not stepped in when he had, Xander would have made Darla's next
meal.
     "Everything was under control," Angel said, measuring his
voice carefully.
     "She was--"
     "It was _under control_," he said, cutting her off sharply.
Then he shook his head. "Buff, I'm older than you, and I know what
I'm doing."
     "You," she snapped angrily, "were _making it_ with a _vampire_
on _Xander's back porch_."
     Both of them fell silent. Angel stared at her, taking in
everything about her, everything from the pained light showing in
her eyes to the way her posture, defiant and strong, seemed to
scream that if he was going to do this to her, she wasn't going to
let herself take it. Part of him wanted to retract his earlier
statement, to tell her it wasn't something he had planned on
happening, that he had only tried to save Xander because he knew
what Darla was capable of and he knew losing the teen would have
hurt her too badly. But down the road of truth lay more than he was
willing to reveal.
     *I. Am. A vampire.*
     He winced at the thought, and at the realization that he could
never let Buffy learn his true nature. "I'm sorry," he said softly,
shaking his head and knowing there was no way he could make himself
say more than the paltry apology. Knowing that the chances of Buffy
accepting that were tiny, if not pathetic and almost non-existent.
     With a sigh, he took a step away from her.
     "So that's it?" she asked. "You try to fuck some vampire
bitch, I save your ass when she starts tearing you to pieces, and
you vanish into the middle of the night?"
     "I'm Mister Cryptic Guy, remember?" he heard himself replying,
his voice filled with enough acid to compensate for the way his
heart and soul were screaming at him to make things right, to admit
what he was and to make amends to Buffy in any way possible.
     "Oh yeah," she replied, shaking her head. "Forget I asked."
     "There're some things you're better off not knowing," Angel
snapped, before his mind could kick in and remind him that speaking
such a thought aloud, to Buffy of all people, was most likely not
something he should be doing.
     "Your sexual habits with _them_ being at the top of the list,"
she hissed back.
     As the Slayer turned her back on him, Angel had to bite down
hard on his lip to keep from moving after her. He was almost unable
to believe the strength of his desire to stop her from leaving, to
stop her from thinking he and his sire, who she didn't _know_ was
his sire, had been engaged in...what she thought they had been
engaged in. And he could hardly explain that, without letting her
know why it was that Darla was willing to knock him down, slash him
to bits, and all sorts of other things-- without killing him.
     As she vanished into the shadows of the nighttime, Angel
allowed himself only one statement: that the path he was taking was
the right one, that if Buffy were ever to learn of his true nature,
it would be the beginning of the end for all of them.
     Four words were the only reassurance he allowed himself.
     *It's better this way.*

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 04 Aug 1998 13:01:59 -0400 (EDT)

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
to Buffy.  Crossovers are great, and expected, but general
vampire/monster stories that aren't in the Buffy universe and don't
use Buffy characters belong somewhere else.

2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist.  Please put
"DISCUSS" in your subject line.  Requests for missing story parts
should go directly to the author, and not be posted to the list.

Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
to the general Buffy list.  Discussion of fiction is expected to
follow common netiquette guidelines and use PG-13 language.

3. No advertising of <any> items or services, Buffy related or not,
and no posting of non-story items such as .gifs, sound files, etc..
No attached files of <any> kind-- if your mailer makes your fiction
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     **Mark the post as a "spoiler" in the subject header.
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
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them a chance to see "spoiler" in the header.

Spoiler warnings are not necessary after the start of the episode's
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5.  This list is absolutely NOT for erotic fiction.  <Nothing> stronger
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If you have a question about something's suitability for posting, feel
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Again, welcome!  If  you have any questions about these rules, please
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 &
Sharon Himmanen ([e-mail])
Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List
[e-mail]


-





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  Subscribing a free email address policy
Date: 04 Aug 1998 13:02:05 -0400 (EDT)

Please read this.  It's very important.

Effective immediately, anyone who wishes to s*bscribe to any Buffy list on
a "freemail" account (Geocities, Hotmail, etc.) will be required to
provide us with a "permanent" e-mail address as a backup.

We will <not> under any circumstances reveal this permanent e-mail address
to anyone.  This is for our reference <only.>

This new policy has become necessary because of the problems we've
experienced with freemail accounts.  They're too easy to set up and
cancel, and there is so little recourse if the individual with the
freemail account causes problems, that we have no choice but to enact this
policy.

The s*bscription information pages will be changed to reflect this policy.

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY S*BSCRIBED UNDER A FREEMAIL ADDRESS:  as long as you
stay s*bscribed, you do not need to provide us with this information.
However, if you uns*b and want to res*b at some point, you will have to
give us this information even if you were previously a s*bscriber through
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you'll have to provide the information to res*b.

If you have any questions regarding this, please contact us offlist.
Thanks.

sah and Jill
[e-mail] and [e-mail]
--
sah * [e-mail] * [e-mail]
NatPack * BotCoS * Jungle Patrol * BBPGrrl:TGLIL * Bishop * BTVS Listowner
Nat's B&B:    http://free.prohosting.com/~romana/natpack/html
My homepage:  http://free.prohosting.com/~romana/index.html
"Armageddon might be thirty seconds after some guy puts his hand down my
shirt."                                        --Jill Kirby



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 9/?
Date: 04 Aug 1998 18:27:59 EDT


Title~ Libidinous  9/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôOne Moment In Timeö belongs to Whitney Houston.  All
characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 9, One Moment In Time

< Each day I live
   I want to be
  A day to give
  The best of me
  I'm only one
  But not alone
  My finest day
  Is yet unknown>

    Buffy and Nikolas reached Wyndemere without further insident.  Giles and
Stefan were engaged in a convorsation on one end of the room, and on the
other, sat Xander and Willow.  They all looked up when they walked in, then
wrapped up their discussions.
    ôWhatÆs up?ö  Buffy asked anyone that was listening to her.
    ôIt seems that there has been another death.ö  Stefan reported to a shocked
Buffy and Nik.  ôValerie Easa, age 22, volunteer at General Hospital.  The
PCPD still says itÆs gang related.ö

< I broke my heart
   Fought every gain
   To taste the sweet
   I face the pain
   I rise and fall
  Yet through it all
  This much remains>

    Buffy sat down.  More deaths.  More casualties in her war.  She would not let
this go on.  She had once told herself she could kill Angelus, now she told
herself that she would kill Arcanus...even if it meant giving up Angel.  She
turned to look at Giles.  She just watched him for a moment, then finally
spoke.
    ôDid you find anything about how to kill Arcanus without killing his host?ö
    ôA spell must be performed.  Arcanus must be bound to a blessed object, then
to ensure that he cannot be freed, the object must be shattered.ö
    Buffy felt her hopes rise, that sounded easy enough.  ôGood.ö  Giles shook
his head.  ôNot good?  Why is this not good?ö
    ôNo one here can perform that kind of magic.ö
    The room was silent for a moment.  Willow was about to suggest she do it, she
had beem able to give Angel back his soul.  Someone beat her to it.  ôI can.ö
Buffy stated.

< I want one moment in time
   When I'm more than I thought I could be
  When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
  And the answers are all up to me
  Give me one moment in time
  When I'm racing with destiny
  Then in that one moment of time
  I will feel
  I will feel eternity>

    ôNo.ö  Giles and Willow said at the same time.  ôLet me.  I performed the
spell tio give Angel his soul back.ö  Willow said.  Buffy shook her head.
    ôI wonÆt let you put yourself at risk again.  When I was looking for the book
that would get Angel out of Hell, I came across some other books.  IÆve read
about magic and Merik and I worked on it a little...before he was killed.ö
She added softly.
    Giles gave a stiff nod.  Willow was about to protest, but was silenced with a
look from Giles.  He knew his Slayer.  He knew her well.  He also knew that
once she had made up her mind, there was no point in getting her to change.
He looked over at her.  She was smiling, a smile that didnÆt quite reach her
eyes.  There was still work to be done.
    ôThere are things that we must do to prepare.  I think we should get
started.ö  He was surprised when no one argued.

< I've lived to be
  The very best
  I want it all
  No time for less
  I've laid the plans
  Now lay the chance
  Here in my hands>

    The sun had just come up.  Nikolas found that he wasnÆt even tired.  He was
watching Buffy and Giles work together, the Watcher trying to prepare his
Slayer.  Fortunately, Arcanus did not have to be present for the spell to
work.  He turned away from the pair for a moment.  Xander and Willow seemed to
be looking for something.  He felt completely useless, and decided the least
he could do was help them find what they needed.
    ôIs there something that you two need help finding?ö  He asked them.
    ôActually, yes.  We were given the job of finding some kind of stone cross
that your uncle told us was blessed by a Roman priest.  I think he said it was
given to you as a gift on a trip to Rome.  I hope you donÆt mind that we use
it...ö  Willow rambled.
    ôOf course not.  I think I may know where it is.  Come with me.ö  Nikolas led
Xander and Willow to the attic to find the blessed cross.

<Give me one moment in time
  When I'm more than I thought I could be
  When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
  And the answers are all up to me
  Give me one moment in time
  When I'm racing with destiny
 Then in that one moment of time
 I will feel
 I will feel eternity
 You're a winner for a lifetime
 If you seize that one moment in time
 Make it shine>

    She took a deep breath.  She could do this, sheÆd do it for Angel.  Buffy
read over the spell again.  Giles had gone off to look for candles and herbs
and other spell things.  Xander and Willow were supossed to be finding some
blessed thing.  Nikolas was God knows where, and Stefan was watching her from
the other side of the room.  She could feel is eyes boring a hole into the
side of her head.  Finally, she stared him straight in the eye.
    ôCan I help you she said.ö  The annoyance seeping through her voice.  Stefan
said nothing.  ôWell are you staring at me for any special reason?ö
    ôJust noting your reaction to all of this.  You donÆt seem to enjoy your
work, but I see you have begun to take it seriously.ö  Stefan said.
    ôIt has serious consequences if I donÆt.  That was something I found out
*way* too young.ö  She turned back to her book.  She didnÆt want anything to
go wrong tonight.

< Give me one moment in time
   When I'm more than I thought I could be
   When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
  And the answers are all up to me
  Give me one moment in time
  When I'm racing with destiny
  Then in that one moment of time
  I will be
  I will be
  I will be free
  I will be
  I will be free>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 7/?
Date: 04 Aug 1998 22:38:45 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR:  Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  I need it to live.  PLEASE MORE!!!!  If  I don't get more feed back
soon, I'll kill a main character offà.HAHAHàI'm out of my mindà.so don't put
it past me!!!!!!!!!! Xander will Die!!!!!!!!
RATING:  PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT:  Angst, Confusion, the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story. It starts off the morning after
her suprise party. What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out that all that
happened from the time of her birthday to the time she sent Angel to hell was
just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named Joss
Whedon.
NOTE: I have no idea what on earth that I am doing, all I know is that the
fanfic must go on!

Part 7: Sometime You Just Got to Think

Location:  Library

Zeal is wandering the room thumbing threw the shelves.  The only other people
in the room are Angel and Giles.  Giles had sent the gang home to wait for him
to call them when they had rescued Xander.

"Giles I'm sensing something bad, how do you know Zeal will leave Buffy's body
after she defeats the Judge?"  Angel was wearing a concerned look on him face,
and could not help but repeatedly look over his shoulder at Buffy. There was a
feeling inside of him that the spell might have gone wrong.

"Angel calm yourself, we will know the out come when it comes.  Right now our
concern is to destroy the Judge."  Giles said as he removed his glasses to
clean the again.  Anyone who would have seen him would have noticed that he
was completely stresses out, and losing faith in the spell that they had used
to ensure the return of Buffy.

"I hope you both realize that I can here every word that you are saying."
Zeal said as she walked between the two.  Then turned to Angel and looked into
his eyes seemingly peering into his soul.  "And every thing that your are
thinking.  Do you mine if I speak to you for a moment."  She never broke eye
contact with him.  It seemed to unnerved him for a moment, but he still
couldn't help to look upon her as if she was Buffy.  Finally when she broke
eye contact with him, she looked at Giles and spoke.  "Alone."

Giles gave a concerned look at Angel, but Angel soon waved away Giles doubts
about leaving the two alone with a few simple words.  "I'll be fine."  With
that Giles left, and entered his office.

"What do you want?"  Angel questioned.

"A little harsh don't you think.  I want to talk about us."

"There is no us.  There is only me and Buffy, you might be in her body, but
your not her."

"O but I am.  She is still inside here screaming to get control.  She doesn't
like me very much in here.  I don't blame her.  I know all of her thoughts,
all of her memories, and all about what you two did lasts night.  Even that
little nightmare she had, or was it.  Knowing this helps me greatly, it will
make it easier when I make my mark, and change things.  But it still seems to
piss her off greatly.  She knows what I want to do.  She knows who I want."
With that Zeal cupped his jaw slowly lowering his face to hers.

"What do you want?"  Angel whispered.

"You."  Slowly their lips came together, but just as quickly, Angel had a
moment of clarity.  <What am I thinking?  Buffy is not in control here, I
can't do this, this is wrong. >  But before he could respond to his own
thoughts the Library doors burst opened and Zeal pulled away for the kiss.

Behind the door was Annabel in full game face.  <Hell, if I'm going to die
delivering some stupid note I'm going out with a bang. >  Annabel could not
help but think as she lunged at Zeal.
With one quick movement Zeal slammed her fist into Annabel's face.  Zeal could
not help but smile at Annabel's thought.  This pitiful young vampire was not
her goal, and she had no intention to destroy her.  "Get up.  NOW!"  With an
amused look on her face she helped Annabel up.  "So, you think you have come
here to die.  You shouldn't worry about that.  I'm not going to kill you.
Just give me the note and leave.  Before I change my mind."

Both Annabel and Angel had confused looks on their faces.  Angel for the fact
that Zeal was never known to be merciful.  Annabel because she didn't even had
a clue to what was going on.  With that Annabel dropped the note on the ground
an halled ass in the other direction.  Just in case it was a trick she was not
going to stick around to find out.

Slowly walking over, Zeal kneeled down, and picked up the note. It read:

Slayer, so you will be joining us soon.  Wonderful,
Come to the factory with Angel tomorrow night at
Sundown.   Fail to come, and your boy Xander will
Die.
            Spike

"What does it say?" With that Zeal handed him the note.  With a quick glance
at the note he had another questioning.  "What are we going to do?"

"You see they are playing my game now.  The sun will be up soon. You should
go; I'll come for you right before sunset.  We will go there at sundown, and
we'll bring them the death that they have asked for." With one more glance
into Angel's eyes, then finished her answer.  "To all of them."  With that she
turned her back to Angel, and walked into Giles's office to tell him what was
going on.

End of part 7

Personal note:

You should never suffer for the sins that you have committed, but the good
deeds you could have or should have done.
Azziel Savament



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened1-5/?
Date: 04 Aug 1998 22:40:43 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR: Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Yes, please.
RATING: PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT: Angst.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story.  It starts off the morning after
her suprise party.  What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out that all
that happened from the time of her birthday to the time she sent angel to hell
was just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named Joss
Whedon.
NOTE: I have no idea what on earth that I am doing, all I know is that the
fanfic must go on!

What just Happened?
By:  Azziel

Part 1: What?

Buffy awoke suddenly crying.  She did not realize that she was in Angel's bed,
and that Angel was laying right next to her.  All she could do was sit there
and sob.  Angel quickly sat up and started to confert her.  The first words
out of Buffy's mouth were.

"O my god Angel I thought I had lost you forever."

"Don't worry It was just a dream," He said while caressing her hair.

"Angel don't ever leave me," She said with tears rolling down her face.  She
could not shake the feeling that the nightmare that she had just had was real.

 "Don't worry, I will never leave as long as I live," He smiled lightly at her
hoping it would lighten the saddening mood in the room.

     With all of her strength, she was able to muster up a half-smile, and
stopped crying.  It felt like an echo through her mind, as all the emotions
from her dream came back to her in full force.  Then the tears returned as she
rested her head on Angel's chest.  Angel could not help but feel like that
there was something more to this dream, then being a normal nightmare.  It was
true that Buffy had not been sleeping well the past couple of nights, but he
never realized that it was this bad.  He knew that when night fell he and
Buffy were going to have to go to Giles and the gang to explain what happen to
them.  They had neglected to call or stop back when they had gone to the
factory.  They had been a bit tide up, and rather liked the idea of staying
with each other.

"Tonight we are going to have to talk to Giles," He whispered into her ear.
She slowly stopped crying by then, but her eyes were still glazed over as if
one wrong word would have caused her to break down again.

"OK, tonight" Was all she could manage saying without busting into tears
again.

Part 2:  Where

    When the sun finally set Angel and Buffy went to the Library to see Giles,
and to check in.  They both hoped that no one did anything stupid, and went to
find them at the factory.  The problem was Xander did and now was a the mercy
of Spike and Drusilla.  The fact remained that Xander still did not
trust Angel, even after all the times that he saved his life.  He could not
just sit there and wait for their return and now he was stuck.

Location: Library, an hour after sunset.

    Buffy enters the Library with Angel right behind her.  Everyone was siting
around the table, still look for a way to stop the Judge.  All except Xander.

"What happened to you both, we where all worried, and Xander went after you.
"Giles said while cleaning his glasses.

"What!!  You have got to be kidding me, why didn't you stop him.  He is no
match for them.  The Judge is assembled, and we almost got killed going in
there.  Xander could be dead!"  Buffy's tone was becoming more anger filled as
the word came to her."We have to go after him he might be still alive, and I
am willing to take that change.  "Buffy had to put all of the emotions aside
that she was feeling from before.  Even if it hurt, right now she could not be
concerned with dreams, only with the fact she had to save Xander.

From behind Buffy, Angel finally spoke up, "I don't think you should just go
storming in there without knowing how to stop the Judge.  We nearly got killed
when we went in there, and we had a plan.  What do you think will happen when
we going in there again?  "By then Angel and Buffy were looking only at one
another, like they where the only to in the room.

"Angel, I can't just sit here waiting for something to happened," by then she
was whispering.  As Angel slowly lowered his head, and was about to kiss Buffy
in an attempt to dispel the pain that he knew she was feeling.

"Hello Guys!!," Cordelia started. " I don't mean to interrupt your Kodak
moment, but we still don't know how to stop the Judge, and if we don't stop
him soon everyone will be dead.  God you to are acting like you too slept
together," with that Buffy and Angel gave her a look that would kill.  "O, I
see how it is, while you should have been saving the world and stopping Xander
from going off and getting killed, you were......"Cordelia was starting to get
angary because they were off having their fun while Xander was getting killed.

"You what?"  Giles was getting a little worried about what they were about to
say.  He always minded a little that she was with a vampire, even if it was
Angel.

"That is not important right now, right now we worry about saving Xander and
stopping the Judge."Buffy stated firmly, since she really did not want to have
to deal with having a talk about sex with her Watcher."Do you have any ideas
on how to stop him?"

"Well, yes, but I don't think you are going to like it."  Giles did not know
where to start but he knew that it was the only way to stop the Judge.

End of Part 2


Part 3:  Who?

Location:  Factory

    The Judge is knelling at a makeshift altar gathering his strength for his
task at hand.  Xander is chain to the adjacent wall struggling to get lose,
but is failing miserably.  While Spike and Drusilla just sit back watching the
show before them.  Suddenly Drusilla falls to the ground in pain, and begins
talking incoherently.

"Dru, luv, what's wrong."  Spike knew that it one of her visions coming, but
was still a little concerned.  Well, as concerned as Spike could get.

"My mind is swimming, it's all black, and they are screaming.  The sound is so
lovely!"

"Dru, what do you see?"

"Spike she's coming, all of the shadows will come and she will lead them."

"Who's coming luv, The Slayer?"  Spike had such a questioning; he loved when
Drusilla did this.

"Yes," Dru slowly stood up, walk over, and took Spikes' hand.  "But she will
no longer be pure, she will be as evil as we.

"I knew she was coming, she'll never be evil, she'll stop you all once and for
all," unfortunately for Xander this did not just get the two vampires
attention, but also the Judge.

"Quiet your whining, I will put you out of your misery and make the world
clean of all its goodness."  As the Judge got up to burn Xander, Spike stepped
in and stopped him.  "Why are you stopping me, he must be cleaned."

"Don't touch the bate, mate.  You don't get to kill.  At least not yet."  With
that Spike grinned widely at the thought of the slayer being evil.  He also
knew that if she became evil Angel would soon follow.  "I have the feeling
that the fun has just began."

Part 4: Hu?

Location: Library

    Giles is pacing back and forth fumbling with him glasses look for the right
words to say.  "Well."  He wanted to start off slow to let everything that he
was going to tell Buffy would sink in.  "There is only one way to really stop
the Judge without getting burned to death. You have to be able to get close
enough to disembowel him, and to do that you will have to have no humanity
left in you."  He stops to wonder for a moment the idea that he was going to
propose, but before he could continue Buffy spoke up.

"What are you saying Giles."  With a very concerned look on her face Buffy let
Giles continue.  <This better be a good idea>she could not help but think to
herself.

"The only person that was able to ever get close enough to the Judge to
disembowel his was the leader of the last army that went against him, she was
said to be soulless even though she was mortal, and had no attachments to
witch craft.  She was the one that actually disemboweled him.  What I am
proposing is that we resurrect her and put her spirit into your body.  That
way without losing your soul, you can go fight the Judge without being
burned."

"Your right I don't like this idea.  What happens when the Judge is gone an
this leader, he wants to stay in my body."  By then Buffy was becoming a
little upset and from the look on Angel's face he agreed with her. Yet stayed
silent like the others in the room.

"First of all it is not a he but a she.  To the surprise of me she was the
only person strong enough to defeat him.  At first I though she might have
been a slayer, but it mention the reason that she did not get burned was
because she was soulless.  A slayer can never be that evil without a demon
inside of them, but a normal human can.  Her name was Zeal. I was able to find
a spell of resurrection that would place her spirit into your body until her
goal is finished."  Before Giles could finish Angel interjected.

"I hear of her before, to my recollection she has been resurrected several
times.  Each time from what I heard she would not leave the host until it was
dead.  Giles I don't think that you should let Buffy do this, I mean how can
you be sure that, that spell of yours will ex spell Zeal before she makes
Buffy her new home.  I just think it's to risky."  To Angel's surprise Buffy
was the next to speak up.

"Angel, I don't like this idea just as much as you do, but there are really no
other choices.  While we are sitting here trying to decide what to do their
out they're right now killing, and are looking for the easiest way to kill the
most people."  Buffy could no longer hold back her emotions; tears began to
roll down her face.  Everyone in the room, except Angel had a confused look on
their face.  None of the others knew what she had been going through the past
few days, and now she didn't really what them to let them know.

As soon as Buffy began to cry, Angel went over to her an hugged her close.  "
Shh it'll be ok," Angel looks up at Giles for some answers that he knew he
could give.  "How can you be sure this thing won't take over Buffy?"

"Well actually we don't.  You see Zeal is a very powerful spirit, and has been
known to take over its host.  But I think I have found a spell that will keep
that from happening.  It will only resurrect her until her goal is done, after
that her spirit will be forced to leave."<God I hope this works> Giles did not
want to show the fact that he also was having doubts about the spell, but he
knew he could not let that be known.  "We will only have to hope that it
works."

"OK, I'll do it."  Angel could not help but stare at Buffy while she said
those words.  He was still hoping for her to oppose it, even though deep down
inside he knew she had to do it. "Let's get started before I change my mind."


Part 5: How?

Angel wanted to speak to Buffy in private before she went threw with this.
They both decided that Giles's office would be the closest thing to privacy
that they would get.

Location: Giles's Office

"I still don't want you to do this.  You could get hurt, I could lose you."
Angel did not want to upset her, but he really did not know what to say.  So
he did the next best thing, he went over to her and hugged her close as he
could.

"Angel, I love you."  That was all that she could say.  By then the tear had
started to fall again.

"I love you."  Angel slowly lowered his hand, and their lips began to meet.
All of a sudden Buffy collapsed and almost fell to the ground with a small
whimper coming from her lips.  She would have fell if he had not been holding
her so closely. "Buffy! What's wrong?"  Angel was a bit shock, and slowly
brought her over to the couch.

"I-I don't know, It feels like.  O god not again.  It's the dream. I can't
even really remember it, but it feels like if being emotionally fucked."  By
then she had her arms around him sobbing into his chest.

"Why did this come so suddenly?"

"It was the way you just said 'I love you' it just trigger something in me,
like, I don't know, like in the dream."  She was slowly regaining composer.

"So you have been dream of me saying that I love you, then the dream can be
that bad."  Angel grinned lightly hoping that his words would confert her.

"It's nothing that I can't deal with.  Right now we have to take care of the
current problem.  Now all I have to do is go out there and say 'Let's do
this.'  Buffy got up and walked to the door followed by Angel.

"Did I happen to mentioned I don't want you to do this."

"Ya, but I still have to."

Location: Library

Buffy sat across from Giles as he handed her a white candle, "Light this when
I begin to chant, and blow it out when I stop.  That is when Zeal will enter
you, you will still be in there, but Zeal will be in control.  Ready."

"Ready as I'll ever be." As she said this she looked at Angel and her gave her
a weak smile.  That was the best he could do given the pain he knew she was
going through.

As soon as Giles was finished casting the spell, Buffy got up as if nothing
had happen.  But the look in her eyes told a different story.  They were
expecting Zeal to be a bit confused once she entered Buffy's body, but the
looks that she gave every one was not the look of confusion, but of
understanding.

She slowly walked towards Angel and began to explain.  "I should warn you,
even though this is not my body I carry with me telepathic abilities.  That
means you should be careful what you think around me."  As soon as she said
this she locked her eyes with Angel's.  It was the kind of look Buffy gave him
when she would not take no for an answer.  Once she was standing right in
front of him she continued to speak.  "A vampire and a slayer together," she
paused momentarily to grin, "Kinky."

Finally Giles began to speak up when he saw the on Angel's face that was just
screaming 'HELP.'

"Now what do you want us to call you?"  Giles really did not want to piss such
a powerful spirit off; past experiences showed him that.

"Zeal will be fine," she began to pace the room, as she watched the people in
the room encircle her, and then continued.  "I already know my propose.  Why
is that?"

"Because as soon as your propose is fulfilled you will be ex-spelled from
Buffy's body," Giles answered sheepishly.  He knew that the spell would force
her to do her task no matter what, and as soon as possible. <He hoped. >

"Keep hoping."  She answered with a large grin.


Ends of part Five.

Personal Note
"You should never suffer for the sins that you have committed, but for the
good deeds you failed to commit."
Azziel Savament



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 6/?
Date: 04 Aug 1998 22:41:45 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR: Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Yes, please.
RATING: PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT: Angst, Confusion, the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story.  It starts off the morning after
her suprise party.  What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out that all
that happened from the time of her birthday to the time she sent angel to hell
was just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named Joss
Whedon.
NOTE: I have no idea what on earth that I am doing, all I know is that the
fanfic must go on!

Part 6: You got to be Kidding!

Location:  Factory

The Judge is pacing the room, now at full power.  Spike is at the table
writing some kind of ransom note.  Drusilla and another vampire are toying
with Xander by waving a glass of water in his face.

"Is the slayers' little friend getting thirsty!?"  Said the new vampire.

"No, I don't need anything from you demons."  Xander hadn't had anything to
drink in over a day.  He was about to give in to them, just to get a sip, so,
he turn his head away as they waved the glass.

"Then you will never except anything from your dear Buffy again."  Dru just
stood there silently as she mused on the thought of how the slayers' heart was
going to be engulfed in darkness.

"What are you talking about?  Buffy isn't a demon."  Xander was becoming a
little frantic since he thought Buffy should have come to save him by now.
<Maybe they were right, maybe she had become evil> But as soon as that thought
entered his head it left.

Spike slowly rolled over to Drusilla and the other vampire.  "You, Ann.  Come
here."

"Well, actually my nameà"  Before Annabel could finished, Spike continued.

"I don't care what your name is, I want you to take this note to the slayer."

"But any vamp that goes near the slayer gets staked.  I rather huge the Judge
then deliver this note."

By then Spike was getting a little pissed at this refusal from this know it
all vampire.  "I said 'want' which means you don't get a choice, " Spike went
and ran over her foot with his wheel chair.  "Now go before Drusilla gets a
craving for some eyes."

"I'm already gone."  That was the last thing that Annabel said before she
halled ass out of the factory.  She had this feeling that when she gave the
note to the slayer she was going to get staked.

Spike then turned his attention to Drusilla and Xander.  "Now, what is this
about the slayer becoming evil.  What else have you seen, luv?"

"Not becoming pet, is.  The darkness is eating her heart."

"Dru, what is this darkness."  Spike was slowly moving closer to Drusilla as
she spoke.

"The dark queen has returned."

As soon as Drusilla mentioned the words 'dark queen' the Judge ended his
pacing, and began muttering to himself.  "No, this can't be, she's dead."

Spike was becoming very confused, but Drusilla seemed to know exactly what the
Judge was muttering about.  "What the bloody hell are you both talking about."

"She's returned to rule.  The stars are screaming her name.  Zeal."  By then
Dru had walked over to Spike and sat down on his lap.  She just sat and mused
about the dark things this new evil could do.

The Judge got extremely freaked at the mentioning of her named and ended up
repeating it to himself.  'Zeal.'

"What's the matter with you?  If this is a new powerful evil, that's a good
thing.  You know help isn't on the way, and all that rot."  Spike could not
understand why the Judge would fear something evil.

"NO!  Her evil is twisted!  She believes that there should only be one evil.
Her.  She was the one who beheaded me, then her army dissembled my body.
Because of her I was unable to clean the world of goodness.  She had the
pieces scatted so that I could not reassemble.  She was mortal, and she
destroyed me!  How in hell is she ALIVE!"

Drusilla got up off of Spike and walked over to the Judge with a smile,
"Because they resurrected her in the slayer.  Now she is coming to my party."

Xander and Spike was floored by this knowledge.  All Xander could do was hang
there on the wall, but Spike knowing that the slayer was possessed by the one
spirit who destroyed the Judge originally worried him greatly.  A sudden
sinking feeling came over him, but decided to compose himself since Drusilla
was so over joyed at this event.  "Pet, why are you so happy about this?"

"Cause she's not going to kill him, this time."  Dru responded with a smile on
her face.

End of Part 6

Personal Note
"You should never suffer for the sins that you have committed, but for the
good deeds you failed to commit."
Azziel Savament



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles #22
Date: 04 Aug 1998 20:15:47 -0700

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #22 In Heart and Mind
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*****************************
Chronicles of the White Knight
#22 In Heart and Mind
By: Taygeta

    The room was engulfed in silence after Buffy and Angel had left.
All eyes fell towards Xander who was still sitting where he had been
before.  Shaking his head, he stood up from the table and looked at them
plaintively.

    "I guess all's right in the world, now, huh?" he said in a trying
attempt at his sarcasm, "At least in Buffy's worldà"

    Willow approached him with a sigh, "Xanderàyou have to - "

    "What, Will?" he asked as he met her eyes with his own, dark and
cold, "I have to just wait and let this thing blow over?  I have to just
sit back and let it all play out?  What well-meaning advice can you
possibly give me that can make me feel less of a fool than I already am?"

    She closed her eyes and gave him a steady glance, "You're not a
fool, Xanderàshe's justàit doesn'tàit's going to okay - "

    "Doesn't, what?!" he demanded again in his frustration, "Doesn't
mean anything?!  Doesn't matter?!  You say it's going to be okay, but I'm
seriously doubting the okainess of this situationàmy girlfriend just
walked out with her ex-boyfriend as if she and I never existedàindicate
the okay!"

    "I - Ià" she faltered realizing that her optimism had failed
heràshe couldn't find even the slightest okay.

    His hard expression softened at her face and he sighed, "I'm
sorry, Willow, I know you only trying to help, but I don't think it's
anything you can help me withàI don't think it's anything that even I can
even help myself with.  I think I better goàandàuhàif any of you see
Buffy, tell her to call meàtell her we need to talk."  And with that,
Xander left without another word, leaving the three remaining of the
Scooby Gang to sit once again in silence.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Restless, he turned off the television set and went into his room
to do his sulking.  Closing the door behind him, he sighed and walked
slowly to sit down on his bed.  As he sat there, he couldn't believe that
no more than 6 hours ago, he had been able to say with confidence,
"Buffy, loves me," and believe it as truthàknow it as fact, but now he
couldn't.

    The moment he heard her tell Angel those three little words that
he had once been directed to him in that very same, beautiful tone, it
was as if someone had taken his still-beating heart from his chest and
thrown it against a wall.  His brain had gone numb and he sat there
dumbfounded as she and Angel walked out of the room without very little
careàshe hadn't even rememberedàhadn't cared enough about him to even
look back.

    His eyes fell to a picture that stood on the table beside his bed
and he saw his goofy grin and her equally silly smile the day when they
doubled with Oz and Willow on one of their rare breaks to head over to
Disneyland.  So, they had encountered a monster during their "vacation,"
but that didn't detract from the rest - the good - of the day.  Although
he remembered the happiness and it felt good to remember it, he was
equally left with a feeling of distaste and of anger that in an instant,
she had forgotten the happinessàthat she hadn't even made a point to
rememberàanythingàexcept Angel.

    Placing the picture face down in an effort to lose a pain that
could not be so easily lost, he lifted the composition book that it had
stood upon.  He grinned as he read Mrs. Roslyn's commentary: *Tendency to
run on and repeat ideas, but overall, a heart-wrenching piece, Xander,
well done.  To touch the human heart is indeed the effort of an author.
For the first time and perhaps more days to come and increase, B+*

    He sighedàsomething about what he had writtenàhe didn't feel
quite satisfied with it as he had been before.  It lost the lackluster of
the first time he had put his thoughts on paper.  Grabbing a pen from the
backpack that he had carelessly thrown on the bed, he opened the
composition book to a new page.

    The moment the ink flowed from the tip of the pen on paper, was
the exact moment, his mind became the pen.  His thoughts were the pen
itself, and flowed from his mind like the ink and with every written word
stained on fading blue lines against white, was Xander.

    *I once said, "People don't fall in love with what's right in
front of them.  People want the dream - what they can't have.  The more
unattainable, the more attractive," and at the time I thought it was
true, and I still think it to be true, but I've come to learn that there
are exceptions to every rule.

    I was one of those exceptionsàat least for a time.  My
unattainableàmy most attractive want and dreamàI had itàand now I've lost
it.  It's funnyàI thought that not achieving the want was the worst
feeling anyone can have, but it isn't.  There's something worse than
thatàsomething more extreme than that so-called impossible wish that you
think can't be obtained.  It's when you have what you never thought would
be yours and you cherish that treasure until no endàand then it goes and
walks awayàwithout a second glance or a single word.  It leaves you
feeling so angry and frustrated, but at the same time so hurt.  In a
split second, it was gone as if I never existed, as if *we* never
existed.  No matter how many times I told her I loved her, no matter how
many times I told her I caredàI don't think it was enoughàI don't think
my loving her was enough.  If it had been, I'd still have her heart, like
she still has mineà*

    "Bring!  Bring!" the phone beside him shrilled bringing him out
of his thoughts and back into the darkness of reality.

    Closing his notebook, he reached the for phone with a sigh,
"Hello?"

    And he heard the familiar breathing and recognized the familiar
hesitance, as he leaned back against the pillow, waiting to hear the
similar words that had taken him into the dark before and would sustain
him there still, "Xanderàwe have to talkà."

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 10/?
Date: 05 Aug 1998 17:38:36 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  10/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôRhythm of the Saintsö belongs to Paul Simon.  All
characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 10, Rhythm of the Saints

< If I have weaknesses
   Don't let them blind me
  Or camouflage all I am wary of
   I could be sailing in seizures of laughter
  Or crawling out from under the heel of love
  Do my prayers remain unanswered
  Like a beggar at your sleeve
  Olodumare is smiling in heaven
  Smiling in heaven I do believe>

    Buffy took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.  This was her chance to save the
man that she loved.  Everything was almost in place.  Outside, the setting sun
cast long shadows, creating more places to hide.  Everyone was praying that
Arcanus didnÆt show up tonight.  The only æpersonÆ that she wanted here was
Angel.  æThis will work...Æ she repeated in her head for the hundredth time.
æThis is gonna be ok.Æ

< Reach in the darkness
   A reach in the dark
  Reach in the darkness
  A reach in the dark
  To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
  To glide away from the razor or a knife
  To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
  To dominate the impossible in your life>

    They were in the once empty ballroom.  The same room that had brought Angel
back from Hell.  Buffy Buffy and a single candle sat in the center of a circle
of candles, all unlit except the one in front of her.  Stefan, Nikolas,
Xander, Giles, and Willow made a circle around the candle circle.  All of the
lights were off.  Tension filled the room.The sun had only a few more moments
before it disapeared over the horizon.

< Always a stranger when strange isn't fashionable
   And fashion is rich people waving at the door
  Or it's a dealer in drugs or in passion
  Lies of a nature we've heard before
  Do my prayers remain unanswered
  Like a beggar at your sleeve
  Babalu-aye spins on his crutches
  Says leave if you want
  If you want to leave>

    It was time to begin.  Buffy glanced at Giles, who gave her the ægo aheadÆ
nod.
    ôPrompted by teachings of our sages, guided by tradition of the ages, I open
my mouth in petition.  There is but one to protect the land from evils, when
her battle has been won, all wicked shall vanish like smoke.  Then will the
righteous be glad, the upright rejoice, the pious celebrate in song.
    Divide the righteous and the wicked, conquer those that fall in the ways of
evil and sin.  Cast away all evil, for he is good.  Expel that which lie
within, bring him forth once again.ö  Buffy took a pinch of the herbs and
dropped them onto the lit candle.  Suddenly, all the other candles erupted in
flame.  Gently, Buffy picked up the blessed cross.

< Reach in the darkness
   A reach in the dark
   A reach in the darkness
   Reach in the dark
  To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
  To glide away from the razor or a knife
  To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
  To dominate the impossible in your life>

    Now holding the cross, Buffy continued.  ôBind the demon Arcanus, disperse
his pain and death.  Let the righteous go free, let the upright rule the land,
let the pious celebrate in song.ö  A breeze swept through the room, blowing
out all of the candles and sending the people in the room to a world of
complete darkness.
    ôItÆs over.ö  Nikolas said with relief.
    ôNo.ö  Giles started.  ôIt isnÆt.ö  Stefan had managed to find his way to the
lightswitch.  The room was illuminated in a glowing false light.  Only when
their eyes finished adjusting did they notice the Slayer, lying unconscious on
the floor.

< Reach in the darkness
   A reach in the dark
  Reach in the darkness
  A reach in the dark
  To overcome an obstacle or an enemy
  To dominate the impossible in your life
  Reach in the darkness
  A reach in the dark>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 8/?
Date: 06 Aug 1998 03:32:24 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR: Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  I need it to live.  PLEASE MORE!!!!  If  I don't get more feed=
 back=0Asoon, I'll kill a main character off=85.HAHAH=85I'm out of my min=
d=85.so don't put=0Ait past me!!!!!!!!!! Some of you have voiced to me th=
at you all want Xander to=0Adie, well put it this way if you want him to =
live tell me or in the next=0Asection his ass is dead.  Kay enjoy this ne=
xt part.
RATING: PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT: Angst, Confusion, the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story.  It starts off the morning =
after=0Aher suprise party.  What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out=
 that all=0Athat happened from the time of her birthday to the time she s=
ent Angel to hell=0Awas just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named J=
oss=0AWhedon.  Hay, wait a minute I created the spirit of Zeal, but every=
thing is=0AJoss's.
NOTE: I have no idea what on earth that I am doing, all I know is that th=
e=0Afanfic must go on!


Part 8: Think and the Stars will fall.

Location:  Angel's Apartment
Time:  An hour before sunset

Zeal was about to knock on the door, when Angel just opened it, and motio=
ned=0Aher to enter.  She looked at him with a confused look then spoke.

"How did you know I was there?"

"I could here your foot steps, and I can always tell when you're near.  I=
=0Amean, I can always tell when Buffy is near.  Where did you get that fr=
om?"=0AMotioning to the katana blade attached to her waist.

"O this old thing."  Looking up at him with a sarcastic smile playing acr=
oss=0Aher face.  "When I asked Giles for a sword this is what he gave me.=
  I never=0Arecalled swords being so light."  Saying as she pulled the ka=
tana out, and=0Aholding it level.

"It a katana, it's Japanese.  The blade is so light weight to make one on=
 one=0Acombat easier."  With that answer Zeal put the blade away.

"So, we do have some time before we have to go to the factory.  I can thi=
nk a=0Afew things that we can do in an hour, and it doesn't involve talki=
ng."  Before=0AAngel could step back, Zeal moved in closer invading his p=
ersonal space.  Zeal=0Ahad a look of sadness in her eyes, the same look t=
hat Buffy had when she awoke=0Afrom that nightmare.  "You know it's not c=
heating since this is her body, and=0Ashe is still inside."

"We can't, Buffy's not in control, and I'm not going to betray her like t=
hat."=0AHe could still see Buffy in those eyes, but had to keep reminding=
 himself that=0AZeal was the one in control.

"Fine, I understand what love means to you.  You see I'm not as soul less=
 as=0Aeveryone thinks."  By then it seem that Zeal had given up trying to=
 seduce=0AAngel, and had moved on to a conversation.

"What do you mean your not soul less."  As he spoke one eyebrow rose and =
he=0Amotioned for her to sit on the couch.  Moments later he sat beside h=
er,=0Awaiting for an explanation.

"You see, I was born with a soul, but life gave my heart so much pain tha=
t it=0Afroze.  I could not stand life any longer, so I just gave up.  Rat=
her then=0Akilling myself, I murdered the weak, and made the strong my ar=
my.  I killed=0Aany and all that opposed me.  I lived for the kill; I lov=
ed every minute of=0Ait.  I had rives of blood flowing at my feet.  But t=
hen something changed."

Angel had a questioning look on his face then spoke.  "What changed?"

"The Judge came.  He wanted to destroy the world; the empire that I had b=
uild=0Awas to be destroyed at his hands.  He offered me a place at his si=
de since he=0Aknew he could not burn me, when I refuse he sent me away wi=
th a small sect of=0Amy army.  The rest of my army died at his hand, or s=
hould I say burn.  The=0Aworld seemed to be ending; I could not take the =
madness any longer.  So I went=0Aback to find everything dead at my feet.=
  At a time I would have rejoice at=0Athe site, but this was my own, thes=
e were the people that I control, that=0Awould die for me=85"  Zeal's voi=
ce began to fade, but then she soon continued.=0AIt seemed her talking ab=
out her past cause her pain, but that didn't seem to=0Astop her.  "And th=
ey did.  Almost all of my army was dead, all except for the=0Asect that t=
raveled with me when I was exiled.  Then I faced him, we destroyed=0Aeach=
 other, I beheaded him, and he beat me to a bloody pulp.  With my last=0A=
breath I ordered my army ripe his body apart, and to take to pieces as fa=
r=0Aapart as they could be, to the ends of the Earth.  I had to ensure th=
at he=0Awould never return, even if it cost me my life."  She look away f=
rom him=0Atrying to cover her tear filled eyes.

"I had no idea."  Angel place his hand on her shoulder trying to con-fort=
 her,=0Abut it seemed to be failing.  Then she finally turned back to he,=
 and began to=0Akiss him passionately.  Only this time Angel was not thin=
king quick enough to=0Aremember that Buffy was not in control.  Zeal real=
ized this soon and started=0Ato take full advantage, and leaned in to dee=
pen the kiss.  Soon looping her=0Aarms around his neck and pulling him cl=
oser.  <What am I thinking, this is not=0ABuffy, I have to stop. > Angel =
soon pushed her off of him, and wiped his mouth=0Awith his hand in disgus=
t.  "We can't do this, I can't do this to her."

Zeal got up with an amused look on her face.  "O but you did."  She said =
with=0Aan amuse grin and began to laugh.  "You an all your kind are so pi=
tiful.  You=0Ahear a said story, and see a few tears; then you can't stop=
 yourself.  You see=0AI just want to see if I could push into you betrayi=
ng her, and I did.  You=0Ashowed that in the kiss.  Buffy had so much fai=
th in you that you hold your=0Aself back for a few days, but I guess she =
was wrong.  Now even she knows it,=0Aremember she's still in here."

Angel was angered to say the least, but he could not let her get to him. =
 He=0Agot up off the couch; he was tired of waiting to leave.  He decide =
that they=0Awould travel to the factory threw the sewers until the sun wa=
s fully set.=0A"Come on we're leaving."

"But the sun hasn't set."  Zeal knew what he was planing, but did not enj=
oy=0Athe idea of traveling threw the sewers.

"We're going now!"  Angel was still trying to contain his anger for her=
=0Aactions from before.  He knew that he had to keep his mind at the task=
 at=0Ahand, and that wasn't going to put up with Zeal's bullshit.

"Fine!"  Zeal answered, seemingly just as angered at him for not reacting=
 to=0Aher charms and tricks.  With that they both stormed out of the apar=
tment,=0Aheaded for the sewers.

End of part 8

Personal note:

What ever does not kill you makes you stronger.




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Love's Revival (20/?)
Date: 06 Aug 1998 11:31:32 EDT

Title: Love's Revival (19/?)
Author: Michelle
Email Addy: [e-mail]
Rating: PG
Spoiler: Nothing really...just a few spoiler hints...
Feedback: It would be nice to get some!
Distribution: Ask first, please.
Disclaimer: Savarah is mine! Buffy and the gang belong to Joss
Whedon, the WB, etc. The Story and the characters not part of the
regular cast are mine!
Sumary:  Buffy + Angel. Need I say more?
IMPORTANT: Sequal to The Dark One Series. This story is explained
as best as I could to fill in the blanks but you have to read
"The Dark One" to understand it. You can check it out as well as all
my other stories at: http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html

Yeah, I know it's been a while. I've been busy, okay?

*****

        A roundhouse kick connected with the side of Buffy's face,
sending her flying into a park bench. She quickly recovered and
lunged at her target again.  He swung at her but she dodged it and
planted her foot in his stomach.
        "Is it just me, or is she better than she was before?"
Xander watched with Willow from behind a large tree.
        "Um, you may be on to something there," Giles said as he
studied Buffy's every move.  He was stunned to see how flawless
her technique was.
        Buffy punched again, hitting his face several times.
Finally he blocked her and grabbed both her wrists. As she
struggled to break free he knocked her feet out from under her,
sending them both toppling to the ground.  Buffy pushed him off
of her and stood up. She waited patiently for him to get back to
his feet before kicking him in the face.  He stumbled backwards
a few steps before she kicked him again, in the groin.
        He fell to his knees and cried out in pain. "Come on, Buff,
did you have to do that?"
        "Oh, sorry. I just got caught up in the moment," she said
guiltily.
        "Don't worry about it. It's not like I can have children
anyway."
        "I said I was sorry. But at least I won."
        "Yes, you did. Good for you." Angel reached out and she
helped him to his feet. He leaned on her shoulder and they both
made their way over to the park bench. "You know, when I agreed
to be your tackling dummy, I didn't think it was going to be so brutal."
        "Oh, come on. You always love a good fight,"  Buffy
urged him on with her charming smile.
        After a few seconds he finally caved in. "Okay, okay."
        "Uh, well, that was very good," Giles said as he walked
over with Willow and Xander.
        "Very good? Is that all I get? I wailed on him. I would
have killed him if he wasn't Angel."
        "Why should that have stopped you?" Xander asked only
half-jokingly. He received glares from everyone. "Okay, no one
here has a sense of humor. Your loss."
        "Well, I better head home. It's almost sunrise."
        "I'll walk with you," Buffy said weaving her arms through
Angel's. "Goodnight guys."
        Willow, Xander and Giles headed off towards Giles' car
while Buffy and Angel walked to his apartment.

*****

        "You sure are improving.  I hardly stand a chance against
you anymore."
        "Well, I have a strong motive." Buffy smiled to cover
the anger that suddenly coursed through her body.  "Speaking of
the devil, you wouldn't happen to know how we contact her, would
you?"
        "No, but I know who would."
        "Who?"
        Angel smiled and looked down at her. The grin on his face
was all she needed to understand.
        "It's too late tonight. We'll head out first thing tomorrow
morning."
        "Sounds like a plan." Angel wrapped an arm around Buffy and
she rested her head against his chest as they walked in silence
the rest of the way to his apartment.

~~~~~
End Part 20. 21 coming soon. Send feedback, please?



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:  Libidinous 11/?
Date: 06 Aug 1998 17:39:01 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  11/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôTears In Heavenö belongs to Eric Clapton.  All
characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 11, Tears In Heaven

< Would you know my name
   if I saw you in heaven?
  Would you feel the same
  if I saw you in heaven?
  I must be strong and carry on
  'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...>

    Nikolas ran over to Buffy, lying on the floor.  Xander and Willow followed
him, with Giles and Stefan close behind.  Xander pushed Nikolas out of his way
and tried to find BuddyÆs pulse.
    ôShe has a pulse.ö  He said with relief.
    ôMagic is dangerous, I should not have allowed her to go through with it.ö
Mumbled Giles.
    ôAnd what would you have done?  Remember when you werenÆt going to let her
face the Master?ö  Xander asked.
    ôWell, well, yes...but she was going to die.  It was written...and she
did...ö  Giles spoke softly, almost to himself.  Nikolas, however was somewhat
confused, but remained silent.
    ôBut she still kicked your ass to keep you from going in her place.ö  Xander
pointed out.  Though Giles knew that he was trying to help, he was being
rather annoying.
    ôGiles, whatÆs happening?ö  Willow asked, suddenly sounding very afraid.

< Would you hold my hand
  if I saw you in heaven?
  Would you help me stand
  if I saw you in heaven?
  I'll find my way through night and day
  'Cause I know I just can't stay here in heaven...>

    They all turned to her, but she was staring towards Buffy.  They followed her
gaze to Buffy and the cross.
    ôI, uh, I donÆt know...ö  Giles began.
    ôWe may not have time for you to consult your books.ö  Xander snapped
    Nikolas began to walk towards Buffy, but Stefan held him back.ôThis could be
dangerous.  Stay back.ö  He understood his concern, but was unwilling to put
Nikolas at any sort of risk.
    GilesÆ eyes were still locked on Buffy and the cross glowing brightly in the
center of the room.  Xander tried to touch her, but received an electric
shock.  ôEeeooww!!ö  Xander yelled.  GilesÆ concern only grew.

< Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees
   Time can break your heart, have you begging please...
  Beyond the door there's peace I'm sure
  And I know there'll be no more tears in heaven...>

    They needed to think.  They needed to figure out what was happening.  They
needed to get Buffy out of there.  Someone needed to turnm away, but they
couldnÆt.  They were all captivated by the electrifying light containing their
friend.  Hearing a noise behind them, they tried to turn, but found themselves
unable.  They are frozen, just as she is in the center of the globe of light.
Finally, Giles slowly managed to move his head.  Then slowly, the others began
to snap out of it too.  Giles shiftedhis gaze to the doorway, where he heard a
noise.  A tall figure appeared.  Angel...or Arcanus?

< Would you know my name
   if I saw you in heaven?
  Would you feel the same
  if I saw you in heaven?
  I must be strong and carry on
  'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven...>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 9/?
Date: 07 Aug 1998 00:15:48 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR:  Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  I need it to live.  PLEASE MORE!!!!  If I don't get more feed =
back=0Asoon, I'll kill a main character off=85. HAHAH=85I'm out of my min=
d=85. So don't put=0Ait past me!!!!!!!!!!
RATING:  PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT:  Angst, Confusion, and the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story. It starts off the morning a=
fter=0Aher surprise party. What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out =
that all=0Athat happened from the time of her birthday to the time she se=
nt Angel to hell=0Awas just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named J=
oss=0AWhedon.
NOTE: I have no idea what on earth that I am doing, all I know is that th=
e=0Afanfic must go on!
Now that the people have spoken you'll now find out if Xander lives or di=
es.=0ARemember it all had to do with feedback whether he lived or became =
vamp food=0Ain this section.  Hell I was surprised when I was getting fee=
dback that wanted=0Ahim dead. O Ya, I want to thank end everybody that se=
nt feed back.

Part 9: Close your Eyes
Location:  Factory
Time:  Sunset

Annabel is sitting next to Drusilla, and is explaining to Spike why she c=
an't=0Afit in an ashtray.  The Judge is eyeing Xander like he is a piece =
of meat.

"Why the bloody hell would the slayer show mercy on you if you came at he=
r=0Afangs a blazing!?"   Spike was completely dumbfounded at what Annabel=
 had just=0Atold him.

"I couldn't believe it myself.  I thought it was a trick, but when I left=
 she=0Adidn't try to stop or stake me."  It seemed that she was just as a=
mazed as=0ASpike was, but Drusilla just sat there with a smile of victory=
 on her face.

"See Spike, I told you that she was coming to join us.  The stars told me=
 so."=0ADrusilla soon turned her attention back to the doll in her arms, =
and continued=0Ato comb its' hair.  Spike seemed to be getting a little b=
it tired of Dru's=0Acryptic talk, but would not dare raise his voice to h=
er.

"Dru, luv, I know you think that the slayer is going to join us, but if s=
he=0Ais, where is she?"  Dru barely looked up from her doll, and pointed =
to the=0Arafters.

"She's already here, pet."  Dru seemingly unfazed continued with her acti=
ons.=0AEveryone else in the room turned to the rafters, and saw both Ange=
l and what=0Aseemed to be Buffy climbing in the rafters.  Spike was a bit=
 pissed that his=0Aouter perimeter were so easily penetrated.  But the he=
 still was unfazed, for=0Athe fact that he was the one who sent for this =
battle.  The Judge on the other=0Ahand had a look of fear in his eyes, he=
 knew that this was not Buffy.

With one raise of Spike's arm, he waved the other vampires in the room to=
=0Aattack.  Even though Dru said the slayer was here to join them he was =
not=0Aabout to take any chances.  "Get them!"  He screamed.

Zeal and Angel both jumped from the rafters into the circle of vampires.=
=0ABefore anyone made a move Zeal pulled her blade out ready for combat. =
 Then=0Awith one quick movement Zeal had managed to behead every attachin=
g vampire.=0ASpike and Dru both fled at the site of their men being murde=
red.  They both=0Aknew if they didn't leave soon, they would be next.  Th=
e only other vampire=0Aleft in the room besides Angel was Annabel.  It se=
emed that watching all of=0Aher kinsmen being beheaded, and turned to dus=
t made her freeze.  She=0Aunconsciously inched her self back into the sha=
dows.  Even in her shock state=0Ashe knew if they saw her, she would be d=
ust.

 Zeal now turned her blade to the Judge, who was inches away from Xander.=
  She=0Ahad a murderous look in her eyes; she looked ready to attack at a=
ny moment.

"You!"  The Judge seemed so amazed at her presence, he did not see her as=
 Buff=0Ay, but who she really was, Zeal.  "Move any closer and the boy di=
es!"

"Ha, do you think I really care what you do to that boy.  To me he is jus=
t=0Aanother lamb, being lead to its' death.  He is an innocent, and you k=
now what=0AI did to those who I thought were innocent.  Go ahead, kill hi=
m."

The Judge thought for a moment at what his next move would be.  <It would=
 not=0Adistract Zeal if I killed this boy, > But in that one moment of he=
sitation=0AZeal made her advance.  In an even quicker move then before, t=
he Judge was=0Abeheaded, and the rest of him just seem to fall apart.  Ze=
al walked over to=0Ahis head, and picked it up.  His eyes still open star=
ing up into hers.  Taking=0Aher other hand she placed her palm over his e=
yes, and spoke.  "Close your=0Aeyes."

Flashes came before her eyes as she dropped his head to the floor, and fe=
ll to=0Aher knees.  Angel rushed to her side; he realized what was happen=
ing.  Zeal=0Afelt herself being pushed out of Buffy's body.  "NOOOOO!  I =
will not be casted=0Aout!  This is my body now!"  Zeal tried to fight wit=
h Buffy's soul, but in the=0Aend Zeal was exiled.  The room flashed with =
blue light, and Buffy became lip=0Ain Angel's arms.  He knew that Zeal wa=
s no longer inside of Buffy, but for=0Asome reason he could still feel he=
r presence.

Only one was left standing, but no one seemed to notice her.  It was Anna=
bel.=0AAnnabel slowly started to walk over to Xander, with an amused look=
 on her=0Aface.  The same one Zeal had when she had gotten Angel angered.=
  Then she=0Astarted to whisper something into his ear.  "Sorry about tha=
t, my goal was not=0Ato save you."

Xander could not believe what he was hearing, and reacted to her words in=
=0Aanger.  "What the hell are you talking about!?  You were the one with =
that=0Apsycho bitch Drusilla tormenting me!"  Xander was even more shocke=
d when she=0Areleased him.

Angel helped Buffy to her feet, and just watched in amazement as she free=
d=0AXander.  Annabel started to walk over to Angel and Buffy.  "Who are y=
ou?"  Was=0Aall Angel could say as she peered into his dark eyes, telling=
 him all he=0Aneeded to know.

Annabel walked directly in front of Angel, with an amused grin.  "Who do =
you=0Athink?"  With that she leaded up and kissed him on the cheek.  "It'=
s been=0Afun."  Then ran in the same direction that Spike and Drusilla ha=
d gone.

Angel could not help, but laugh aloud.

"What's so funny?"  Xander said as her stumbled over.  He really did not =
know=0Awhat had been going since his capture.

Angel just looked in the direction that Annabel had ran, and continued to=
=0Alaugh.  "I'll be damn, Zeal."

End of part 9

Hehehehehehehehehehehhe. ;-)

Personal Note:

When you what someone dead, just take a poll.
Azziel Savament






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (8/13)
Date: 07 Aug 1998 08:58:30 EDT

"Starting Over" (8/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***

=09How could he not tell me that Willow was doing the curse? Buffy though=
t as=0Ashe opened the door to her house.
=09As she went into her room, she noticed that nothing had been change. E=
ven the=0Anote was still there.
=09Slowly, Buffy started to unpack her bag, hoping her mother wouldn=92t =
be home=0Afor a while. She was definitely not ready to explain everything=
 to her mother.
=09"I see you=92re home," Mrs. Summers appeared in the doorway.
=09"Mom!" Mrs. Summer=92s hugged her daughter. "I=92ve missed you so much=
."
=09"Buffy, where=92ve you been?" she cried. "How could you just run away =
with=0Atelling me? I was so worried."
=09"I=92m sorry, Mom, but I didn=92t run away. You kicked me out."
=09"Oh, Buffy, I was just very upset that you wouldn=92t make time to exp=
lain. I=0Atalked to Mr. Giles, like you told me to in the note, so I know=
 what=92s going=0Aon. It=92s very hard to believe, though."
=09"I know."
=09"We need to have a talk."
=09"We do?"
=09"Yes, Buffy, we do. First off, I want you to know that no matter what=
=0Ahappens, no matter what you do, you can always come home. Second, Buff=
y, you=0Acan tell me anything. I=92ll try to be supporting and understand=
ing, no matter=0Awhat. I made a mistake by kicking you out. I thought I w=
as doing what was=0Aright for you, that you=92d come back. What I didn=92=
t know was why you had to=0Aleave. I still wish that you had stayed and t=
alked to me about being the=0ASlayer sooner. There=92s no excuse for not =
telling me-"
=09"Mom, do you know how many times I=92ve wanted to tell you? I couldn=
=92t, though,=0Afor your safety. I didn=92t tell because I was protecting=
 me. I was protecting=0Ayou. That=92s all I=92ve been doing for the past =
five months; protecting you,=0Aprotecting Giles, protecting my friends. I=
 wanted to tell you so much when I=0Atold you about Angel, but I couldn=
=92t. I wasn=92t allowed."
=09"Angel. He=92s another story. Why didn=92t you tell me what he was?"
=09"You think you would=92ve understood? =91Hi, Mom, I slept with Angel. =
Oh, yeah,=0Aand he=92s vampire=92? You can=92t know everything about my p=
ersonal life."
=09"Buffy, I care about you. I love you. That=92s the only reason that I =
want to=0Aknow what=92s going on in your life."
***
=09"Willow, slow down," Oz called after his girlfriend.
=09"He didn=92t even care what Buffy wanted or what I wanted. Just about =
himself.=0AHe was too blind to see this would make Buffy happy. He was al=
ways like this."=0ATears started streaming down her face. "He doesn=92t r=
ealized that he already=0Ahas a girlfriend that loves him."
=09"Willow, this all makes the kind of sense that=92s, well, not. What do=
es Cordy=0Ahave to do with any of this?"
=09"I=92m just really upset with him, that=92s all. He betrayed me. He be=
trayed our=0Afriendship. We used to be best friends; called each other up=
 every night, I=0Ahelped him pass trig, we listened to each other=92s rel=
ationship problems. But=0Atonight we lost all that."
=09"It appears that not telling Buffy is what=92s not bothering you, but =
him=0Aloving Buffy is. Do you still love him?"
=09"No," she answered quickly. "I don=92t." She thought for a moment and =
smiled.=0A"I don=92t love him anymore. I just want what=92s best for Buff=
y. I=92m completely=0Aover Xander Harris."
=09"Willow, I have something to give you."
=09"What?"
=09He took a little jewlery case out of his pocket. Opening it, she saw a=
=0Abeautiful saphire necklace. "I love you."
=09Willow smiled at him, tears of joy filling her eyes, as he placed the=
=0Anecklace around her neck. "I love you, too." She hugged him tightly. "=
I love=0Ayou." They stood there, kissing, in the moonlight.
***
=09Xander stood in the mansion on Crawford St. just staring at the statue=
. I=0Amust be crazy, he thought to himself. He had the urge to leave the =
mansion and=0Arun like Hell away from it, but he thought of how upset Buf=
fy had been and=0Awould be if he returned without Angel.
=09He took out the knife and opened the book. Nervously, he started to re=
ad.=0A"Acathla, I am cleansed here before you. My blood flowing before yo=
u makes me=0Aworthy as I demonstrate. Acathla, mundatus sum pro te necavi=
. Sanguinem meum=0Apro te effundam quo me dignum esse demonstrem." Taking=
 the knife, he sliced=0Ahis hand. After wincing in pain, he put the knife=
 into his pants pocket. "Now,=0Ayou will be free."
=09When close to the statue, he grabbed the sword. After waiting a few mo=
ments,=0Athe vortex started to open. Thinking of Buffy, he lifted the swo=
rd in the air.=0A"I love you, Buffy," he whispered before he stuck the sw=
ord through his=0Astomach. Pain shot throughout his entire body as he let=
 out a blood-curtling=0Ascream. Withing seconds, the vortex closed, and t=
he room was empty and silent.
***
End Part 8

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead."  -A=
ngel, Passion






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" 9/13
Date: 07 Aug 1998 09:00:33 EDT

"Starting Over" (9/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***

=09"Thanks, Giles. It=92s so kind of you to let me stay at your house," S=
hy said=0Aas she and Giles walked into the library.
=09"It=92s really my pleasure. I don=92t have guests very often," he repl=
ied. "Where=0Adid everybody go?" he asked. "When I dropped Buffy off, eve=
ryone was here."
=09"I=92m not sure," Shy said.
=09Willow and Oz came into the door. "Have either of you two seen Xander?=
" she=0Aasked nervously. "Oh, hi." She looked at the young Slayer.
=09"No, I, I haven=92t," replied Giles. "Oh, Willow, I have someone you s=
hould=0Ameet. This is Shy, Kendra=92s replacement."
=09"Hi," she said quickly. "I tried to call Xander, but his mom said that=
 he=0Awasn=92t home." Looking at the table and seeing the book and knife =
gone, she=0Aturned pale. "Oh my God," she whispered, almost in tears.
=09"What, Willow? What is it?"
=09"Xander. He, he=92s doing the ritual."
=09"We have to go," Giles said starting to leave the library.
=09They all went to the mansion as quickly as Giles little car could take=
 them.
=09"I just don=92t understand it," Ox said. "Why would Xander want to per=
form the=0Aritual by himself?"
=09"He loves her." She looked down at the floor of the car. "He still lov=
es her.=0AHe felt guilty about not telling her I was doing the curse. And=
 now he wants=0Aher to be happy. He really loves her."
=09"But still," Giles added, "even if he wanted to, he wouldn=92t be able=
 to=0Aperforn the ritual. He has no knowledge of the black arts."
=09"I told him. I showed him what he needed to perform the ritual. Smart =
of me,=0Ahuh?"
=09"You couldn=92t of known," Shy said. "You can=92t know what=92s going =
to happen."
When they got there, Willow saw the book on the ground and almost fainted=
.
=09"Willow?" Giles asked. "Are you all right? What is the matter?"
=09"Giles," she cried, "He did the ritual. He=92s gone, maybe forever." M=
y best=0Afriend is gone, she said silently. Tears started streaming down =
her cheeks.=0A"Xander is in Hell."
***
=09After the vortex closed, Xander hadn=92t felt an ounce of pain. Now, h=
e was=0Aconcentrating on passing the tests more that anything. Feeling wo=
rn out, he=0Aclosed his eyes. When opening them a moment later, he found =
himself in Buffy=92s=0Aroom, on her bed.
=09He heard Buffy behind the closet door. "Hey, Buffy, what am I doing he=
re?"
=09"You crashed about an hour ago on my bed after we were patrolling. Don=
=92t you=0Aremember? I killed Angelus."
=09"Oh," he said. It must have been a dream. But it felt so real.
=09After a few minutes, Buffy came out from behind the closet wearing her=
 black=0Araincoat and black spiked heels. All he could do was stare.
=09"What?" she asked, teasingly. "Don=92t cha like?"
=09"Buffy, why are you-"
=09"C=92mon, Xander, you can=92t tell me you=92ve never wanted this," she=
 giggled,=0Awalking towards him while kicking off her shoes.
=09"Buffy, I may have wanted it, even fanticized about it in the past, bu=
t I=0Adon=92t want it now."
=09She looked so disappointed. "Am I undesirable?"
=09"No, you=92re very, um," looking her up and down, "desirable, it=92s j=
ust that I=0Ahave Cordelia, now. And what about Angel?"
=09"Don=92t worry about Cordelia," she said, starting to undo her belt.
"Buffy, for the love of God=85"
"She doesn=92t love you the way I do. And Angel, well, he=92s gone. I don=
=92t love=0Ahim; I love you."
=09"No, you don=92t. You can=92t. You still love Angel; you have to. And,=
 therefore,=0AI can=92t do this."
=09"I thought you would be more of a man about this. That you would be ab=
le to=0Alove me.. " As Buffy moved even closer, he backed up on the bed. =
"Love me,=0AXander."
=09"Even if I did sleep with you, we wouldn=92t be making love. We=92d be=
 having=0Asex. =91Cause I don=92t belong with you." He knew this was a li=
e. He thought that=0Ahe and Buffy did belong together. "Angel is yours, C=
ordelia is mine." God, he=0Athought, she=92s so beautiful. If this feels =
so right, why won=92t I do anything?=0AI still love her. I still want to =
be with her. But I can=92t hurt Cordy.
=09She quickly crawled on the bed and started to pull off Xander=92s flan=
nel=0Ashirt. "I love you," she whispered in his ear. Three words he had w=
aited so=0Along to here from her.
=09I love you, too, he wanted to say back, but the words wouldn=92t want =
to come=0Aout. "I love Cordelia." He grabbed a robe and wrapped it around=
 her. "I can=92t=0Ahurt her; I can=92t hurt you. I=92m not doing this."
=09"Please, Xander, I need you. I want you. I can=92t live without your l=
ove. If=0Ayou have any feelings at all you=92ll make me happy."
=09"No," he said, getting off the bed. "No, Buffy."
=09Suddenly, he was back in Hell.
***
End Part 9

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion.






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Final Battle (1/3)
Date: 08 Aug 1998 03:08:13 -0700

DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and its characters
 belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, WB, and
 Fox.... I'm just borrowing them.

 Time Line:  Her Darkest Hour Parts 1-3 / The Invasion Her
 Darkest Hour epilog / The News / Buffy & Godzilla Vs. Space
 Vampire & The Final Battle

 Feed Back Please: [e-mail]
 *************************************************************
 The Final Battle 1/3

 By NightHunter





 It had been a year since Buffy had given up being the Slayer.  She
 and her husband were now living in New York.  They moved there
 after the destruction of the Hellmouth in Sunnydale. Willow, who
 was still learning how to control the change into a Werewolf, had
 moved in with them at Buffy's insistence that she could help her
 defend the children if Spike ever returned.

 In a dark underground cavern Spike and Druscilla were planing the
 death of the Slayer.  Spike had found one of the spell books left
 when Willow had killed the witch.

 "Spike, miss Edith says that HE'S coming back!"

 "Who's coming back, love?"

 "Why, Roller Boy, who do you think she's talking about. Like they
 said in that old movie; 'I'm back!"

 Then as the shadows parted an all to familiar form emerged.

 "You, but I saw Xander shoot you with a crossbow."

 "Well Spike" replied Angel drawing his chair close to him "In over
 200 years I've learn a few things, now meet the down fall of the
 Slayer"

 From out of the shadows steps a demon which Spike can sense is
 old: older then any other that he had ever encountered. Power
 radiated from him in waves of evil.

 The stranger places his hand on Angels' shoulder "Soon, my son, this
 world will once again feel the power of the DRAGON."

 Watcher HQ, London, England 3:45 A.M., Monday

 John entered the control room where a network of computers keep
 track of all possible future Slayers. When alarms started going off he
 watched in horror as lights on the center board signaled the death of
 a possible Slayer.  In less then 2 minutes over 40 lights had
 vanished.

 The Home Of The 1st Watcher, London, England 3:50 A.M.
 Monday

 An old hand reaches out pressing a button that causes one of the
 walls to open the inside walls are lined with the old Watchers
 Journals. Another button is pushed and the old journals move aside
 to reveal a large view screen.  On the screen is the face of young
 watcher.

 "My Lord, forgive me for calling this early, but our satellite
 monitors are showing the deaths of over 75% of all possible Slayers.
 What do we do?"

 "First thing, call me Giles.  I always hated that title Lord. Second
 thing, place the whole Network on call and send everyone we have
 to locate and protect the other possible Slayers.  As of this date, I'm
 invoking code Black!"

 Watcher Heli-pad, London, England 4:00 A.M. Monday

 Giles boards WATCHER 1 (The most powerful Craft in the
 Watcher Fleet) carrying only one old book. The helicopter takes off.
 "Lord Giles, it'll take us about 6 hours to reach Watcher Control
 New York." Said the pilot.

 As Giles sleeps his dreams take him back to the day that a rebellious
 young girl came into his library.  He wanted to show her the way of
 the Slayer: instead, she showed him that in this new world all the
 rules were changing.  Then she threw all the rules out by bringing
 others into the Circle of the Watcher & Slayer.  A smile appeared
 on his face as he remembered the first two who would be come the
 core group. Something bigger and better than had ever been before.
 Alexander (Xander) Harris joked about everything to hide his fear,
 but when he was needed he was always there for Buffy.  He  became
 her lifeline, helping her cope with everything that had  happened.
 He became her rock of strength and his love for her  never wavered.
 Then there was Willow, shy little Willow. Who we Sometimes thought
 would break, but, time and time again she proved that we needed her.
She could use those blasted machines like no one else.  After these
 two, more would come, Cordilla, Oz,  Miss Calendar, and finally,
 Joyce Summers.

 "Sir, we've just got clearance to land.  And a car is waiting for you."



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (11/13)
Date: 08 Aug 1998 09:07:03 EDT

"Starting Over" (11/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse. Xander, feeling guilty, d=
oes a ritual to retrieve Angel, and passes=0Atwo of four tests, where he =
didn=92t let himself get seduced by Buffy and staked=0AWillow in her vamp=
 form.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***
=09"Hello?" Mrs. Harris asked.
=09"Hi, Mrs. Harris, it=92s Buffy," Buffy spoke over the phone. After Mrs=
. Harris=0Adidn=92t say anything, she said, "Buffy Summers."
=09"Oh, yes," she said, remembering. "You=92re Xander=92s friend, right? =
He=92s not=0Ahere right now. In fact, I don=92t know where he is=85"
=09"I know. Willow still isn=92t feeling very well, so he and I are going=
 to stay=0Aat her house tonight and cheer her up."
=09"Why didn=92t Xander call himself?"
=09Buffy thought for a moment. "Well, um, he, uh, fell asleep. He was goi=
ng to=0Acall before, but Willow needed something, and he never got to cal=
l you. So=0Awhen he fell asleep I decided to call you so you wouldn=92t b=
e worried," she=0Arambled.
=09"Oh, that was very considerate of you. Well, tell Xander I love him an=
d that=0AI won=92t be home tomarrow morning to see him."
=09"Well, actually, we=92re kinda planning to stay with her until her fol=
ks come=0Aback from Pheonix in a few days."
=09"Alright then. Tell Willow that I wish her a speedy recovery. Thanks f=
or=0Acalling."
=09"No problem. Bye." Buffy hung up the phone. Whew, she sighed, covering=
 her=0Aface with her hands. How did I let him get into this? Better yet, =
she thought,=0Ahow am I going to get him out of this?
=09"Oh, boy," Willow cried from the computer. Everyone rushed over to whe=
re she=0Awas sitting.
=09"You found it, Willow?" Giles asked.
=09"No, not exactly," she replied, her foice choked with fear.
=09"Then what is is?" asked Buffy.
=09"=92Once someone enters Hell, they cannot come back unless someone pas=
ses the=0Atest and frees them. If he does not pass, then he will live a l=
ife of eternal=0Atorment, as well as all those who walk the earth.=92"
=09"So," Cordelia said, "what you=92re saying is if Xander doesn=92t pass=
 the tests=0Athan we all go to Hell? And there=92s no way to stop it."
=09All she could do was nod.
***
=09Xander pushed the vampire who had jumped on top of him off. Turning ar=
ound,=0Ahe saw that it was the vampire. He hit the vamp=92s jaw hard. Unf=
ased, the=0Avampire kicked his jaw, knocking Xander to the ground. Xander=
 kicked his=0Aankle, knocking him down as well. Both got up, and the vamp=
 threw Xander into=0Aa wall. It took Xander all his strength not to go un=
consious. The vamp quickly=0Apulled him up from the back and held him tig=
htly. As the vampire tried to bite=0Ahis neck, Xander snapped his head ba=
ck. Oh, man, that hurt, he thought as=0Atheir heads collided.
Seeing the vampire on the ground, Xander seized the opportunity and kicke=
d him=0Ain the stomach. As he looked up, Xander noticed that it was the v=
ampire that=0Ahad knocked the book case on Willow. In a fit of rage, he p=
icked him up and=0Ashoved him against the wall. His fist clenched, he num=
erously hit the vamp.=0AGrabbing a bottle of holy water, he shoved it dow=
n his throat. As the vampire=0Achoked on the steaming liquid, he grabbed =
a cross and smacked him across the=0Aface. Taking the knife from his coat=
, he hacked away at the vampire=92s throat=0Auntil it was beheaded.
=09Xander took a deep breath and closed his eyes as the vampire turned to=
 dust.=0AOpening his eyes, he saw Angel chained up against the wall. One =
more test=85
***
End Part 11

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion.





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (10/13)
Date: 08 Aug 1998 09:06:14 EDT

"Starting Over" (10/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse. Xander, feeling guilty, d=
oes a ritual to retrieve Angel, and passes=0Aone of four tests, where he =
didn=92t let himself get seduced by Buffy.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***
=09"Where is he?" Cordelia cried, running into the library.
=09"Xander?" Giles asked.
=09"Where is he? I need to talk to him," Cordelia said.
=09Willow took a deep breath. "Um, you know the ritual that will bring ba=
ck=0AAngel from Hell?"
=09"Willow, I don=92t have time for your boring little chit-chat. I need =
to talk=0Ato my boyfriend. It=92s an emergeny! "
=09"Xander=92s in Hell," Willow blurted out.
=09"What?" Cordelia asked, her face full of shock, then anger. "I=92ll ki=
ll him!=0AHe went to Hell just to make Buffy happy =91cause he loves her?=
 I=92ll kill him."
=09"Cordelia," Giles said impatiently, "I think you are missing the point=
.=0AXander is in Hell, and he may never come back."
=09She slowly sat down in one of the chairs near the table. "He wasn=92t =
always=0Athe perfect boyfriend. I mean, he wasn=92t popular or cool or ha=
d a keen fashion=0Asense, but he was a good kisser. He never once cheated=
 on me, or pressured me=0Ato go further than I wanted to. We really cared=
 about each other. I love him."=0AFor the first time in her life, Willow =
saw Cordelia cry over a guy. "And I=0Anever got to tell him."
=09"It=92ll be alright," Giles comforted her. "There=92s still a chance t=
hat Xander=0Amay be able to come back and bring Angel along with him. If =
not, there must be=0Asome way to retrieve him."
=09"What?" everyone turned towards Buffy=92s shaky voice. "He went to Hel=
l just to=0Asave Angel?"
=09"Buffy," Giles asked, "are you-"
=09But Buffy ignored her. "I shouldn=92t have blown up at him like that. =
Maybe=0Athen he wouldn=92t have gone. I should be the one in Hell, not hi=
m. He, he=0Adoesn=92t deserve that punishment. He was doing what he could=
. Like how I=0Acouldn=92t stake Angel in the mall and prevent Ms. Calenda=
r=92s murder."
=09"You can=92t blame yourself," Willow said. "If anything it was my faul=
t. I=0Areally lost it after you left. I think I pushed him over the edge.=
"
=09"It doesn=92t matter who caused him to do this. We just need to find o=
ut how to=0Aget him back. Willow, I want you to go on the internet and fi=
nd what you can.=0ABuffy, call Xander=92s mother and make up an excuse wh=
y he won=92t be home for the=0Anext few days. Cordelia," she looked up at=
 him, and he realized she would be=0Ano help, "um, cheer up."
***
=09Suddenly, Xander found himself in the graveyard. Looking down, he saw =
a fresh=0Agrave. "Willow Rosenberg, 1981-1998," it read.
=09"No," cried Xander. "Willow! You, you can=92t leave me. You=92re my be=
st friend.=0AI can=92t live without you." Tears started flowing from his =
eyes. "Will, you=0Ahave to be alive. I need you, not just to help me pass=
 trig and talk on the=0Aphone to, but=85" He took a deep breath. "I love =
you."
=09As he buried his face in his hands, he heard a voice. "I love you, too=
,"=0AWillow hissed in vampire form.
=09"Willow?" He looked up and saw her in her vampire form. "Ohmygod," he=
=0Amuttered. "This can=92t be you."
=09"Why not? Because now you love me? I loved you for years, and you didn=
=92t even=0Arealize it. But now you finally have. Well, we can finally be=
 together."
=09"What? We can never be together. You=92re a=85"
=09"Vampire, lonely one, undead American. Yes, I know. And it=92s wonderf=
ul. Now=0AI=92m not some meak little girl who has to depend on her friend=
s to protect her=0Afrom the big, bad demons. Now, I=92m one of them. Oh, =
Xander, how do you feel=0Aabout us being together? To have what we never =
got to have. Wouldn=92t that have=0Abeen wonderful?"
=09"Will, you were my best friend, nothing more. I love you as my best fr=
iend. I=0Adidn=92t want anything to change that. Even if you were human, =
we couldn=92t be=0Atogether."
=09"But we will. For an eternity."
=09She grabbed him, pushing his head to one side. Slowly, she lowered her=
 fangs.=0AXander easily pushed her off of him, grabbing a stake. "Will, p=
lease, don=92t=0Amake me do this."
=09"You can=92t stake me. I=92m your best friend. You don=92t have the co=
urage to do=0Ait."
=09"Willow," he said, louder, "I=92m warning you. If you leave Sunnydale =
and never=0Areturn, I won=92t have to do this."
=09"Come on, Xander," she laughed. "We both know that you won=92t stake m=
e, that=0Ayou love me. Plus, even if you tried, I know have ten times the=
 strength I=0Ahad. So just try."
=09"I=92m sorry, Willow," he whispered. Quickly, he grabbed a bottle of h=
oly water=0Afrom his jacket and opened the lid. He cringed as the liquid =
hit her face and=0Ashe fell to the ground. He seized the moment to grab h=
is stake and stick it=0Athrough her back.
=09As fast as she could, she turned around and looked at him. "Xander?" s=
he=0Aasked before she turned to dust.
For a moment he just stood there. Finally, he started to cry. He had kill=
ed=0Athe one person he felt like he could talk to. He could depend on her=
 no matter=0Awhat, through the good times and the bad. No, he thought, re=
member everything.=0AI didn=92t kill her. I am in Hell. Buffy and Willow =
can=92t be in here with me.=0AAnd since when did Hell seem to be the Sunn=
ydale Cemetary and Buffy=92s bedroom?=0AHe thought for a moment. The test=
s! It has to be the tests. Well, two down,=0Atwo to go. If I remember cor=
rectly, the next one is on strength.
Suddenly, from nowhere, something jumped on top of him, knocking him to t=
he=0Aground.
***
End Part 10

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion.






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 12/?
Date: 08 Aug 1998 21:25:56 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  12/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôForever Homeö belongs to Wally Kurth and can be found
on the General Hospital CD.  All characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 12, Forever Home

< Sleep, baby sleep,
   While the world passes by
  I'll be the keeper
  of your dreams tonight
  I'll be your eyes
  until you can see.
  I'll be your voice
  until you can speak.
  In this land of strangers>

    Angel ignored the stares from the other people in the room.  He slowly walked
over to where Buffy lay.  He had no idea what had happened.  All he knew was
that Arcanus was no longer inside of him.  æIÆll get you out of there.Æ  He
promised silently.  He took a deep breath and released it slowly.
    ôWhat happened?ö  The question was directed to anyone that could answer it,
and apparently, no one could.

< I'll be the one
   to love and protect you,
  guide and respect you,
  In my arms you will be
  In my arms you will be
  forever home.>

    Giles stepped up next to Angel.  He had lost the woman that he loved, and he
wasnÆt going to let that happen to the man next to him.  For the first time,
it hit him that the man next to him was not the man that had killed Jenny.
Angel finally looked up at him.
    ôShe, she performed the binding ritual, to bind Arcanus to a blessed object
without risk of destroying you.  It, it knocked her unconscious...and then she
and the cross were surrounded in that globe of light.  We donÆt know what it
is.ö  Giles said.  ôIt electrified Xander when he tried to get to Buffy.
Before she was in there, we know that she had a faint pulse.ö  He finished.
    ôI have a pulse too.ö  Angel said.  They stared at him in disbelief.  ôI
donÆt understand it.  I donÆt know how my body could still be alive without
the demonÆs imortality, but IÆm breathing.ö  Angel turned to Buffy, æYou hear
that?  IÆm human, but IÆm not really alive without you.Æ

< Sleep, baby sleep,
   In an ocean of love
  No way of knowing
  What you're thinking of
  Close to the heart
  That's where you belong
  You're part of my spirit
  Part of my song
  First last and always>

    Nikolas could not believe this.  First she looses him.  Then, she gets him
back.  Then, she looses him.  then, he comes back and looses her.  This would
be all over for Nikolas in a day or two, but for Buffy and her friends it was
everyday life.  Everyday she puts her life at risk to save people that donÆt
even know that theyÆre in danger.  He sighed.  His uncle wouldnÆt let him
become very involved.  In a way Nik felt relieved, but he also felt helpless.
    ôAre you ok?ö  Nik asked Angel.  They hadnÆt really become friends, but they
got along.
    ôAs soon as sheÆs ok, IÆll be alright.ö
    Nik gave a nod and Angel turned away.  This was definately an expirience he
would never forget, it was something that he didnÆt want to forget.  He would
remember this and these people always.

< I'll be the one
   to love and protect you
  guide and respect you
  In my arms you will be
  In my arms you will be
  In my arms you will be
 In my arms you will be
  forever home>

    Giles forced himself into Watcher mode.  Buffy was like a daughter to him.
She was his Slayer.  She *is* his Slayer.  He had read in the Watcher diaries
that many Watchers avenge the death of their Slayers, then either choose to
provide as much information as possible to new Watchers...or commit suicide.
He liked top think that he would be able to go on, but sometimes even thought
was too much to bare.  He continued to flip through the book that he had been
reading.  He was chosen to protect her, and thatÆs what he planned to do.
    ôAngel?ö  They heard Buffy say.  ôAre...you told me that you were human...ö
They stared at her in disbelief.

< Have you come to show me
   what love's all about?
  To lift up my faith
  higher than doubt?
  In my arms you will be
  In my arms you will be
  In my arms you will be
  In my arms you will be
  forever home.
  Forever home.
  Forever home.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: BBETA: this is not a fanfic, just a  reguest
Date: 08 Aug 1998 22:39:14 EDT

This is a multi-part message in MIME format.

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please reply to the following reguest here, [e-mail]

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sorry im not as desperate as the subject title sound, but i am looking for the
best of the best of the best fanfic out there for my new  page
<A HREF="http://members.aol.com/buffyl0ve/fanfic.html">My Buffy Fan Fictions
</A>, so if you have a fic u written or read of that u think are real good,
please email to me if its not on a page or send me the link to that story
page. please include the email address of the author if the fic isnt yours so
i can get consent to post the story, if u are the author and your story is on
someone else's page, please include their email addy too so i can get
permission and also include your name, rating of the story with it. If the
story is not by you but u thought it was great, please include the author's
email addy and whatever other info u can give me. Last of all, if u are
emailing the story directly cuz its not on a page, please add the hmtl of the
end of the paragraph-"p" to save me alot of trouble.

Thanx all,
Peggy
 <A HREF="http://members.aol.com/buffyibee/mybuffy.html">Buffy the vampire
slayer</A>

--part1_902630355_boundary--

--part0_902630355_boundary--



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Invasion (1/5)
Date: 10 Aug 1998 05:44:58 -0700

The Invasion (1/5)

By NightHunter <[e-mail]>

DISCLAIMER: Buffy The Vampire Slayer, and its characters
belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, WB, and Fox....
I'm Just borrowing them.  The story how ever is all mine.

Rating  PG

NOTE: I Know the characters may look like their not quite their
selves but bear with me it will all work out.

Time Line:  Her Darkest Hour Parts 1-3 / The Invasion / Her
Darkest Hour epilog / The News / Buffy & Godzilla Vs. The Giant
Space Vampire / The Final Battle
*****************************************************

Giles enters the library to find Buffy and Xander in a lip lock.  As
usual he grabs her shoulder and spins her around.

"Enough! It's time to get to work" he started to say.

Buffy, using her slayer strength, threw Giles across the room.  The
sound of broken bones crunching then, doing a double back flip,
lands right in front of his face (giving him a good view of just how
short her skirt was).

"Listen G-man, I'm the Slayer and your the Watcher, so unless you have
some
news about how to help us take over this rat infested town then shut the
hell
up and watch" said Buffy as she reached around behind her and pulled
Xander
back into the kiss.

"Remember what I told you Xand.  My place tonight.  Another
damn day of this school, I need a little lover tiger." said Buffy as she
walked out the door her hips swaying from side to side in a very
provocative way.

After she had left Xander reached down to help Giles up.

"Man I  wish she had never seen me.  I mean I like sex just as good as
the
next person but my god eight times in one night!  It kinduh makes
me wish that she hadn't killed her mother."

"Well Xander, I may just have found a way to make her very happy."
said Giles.

At that moment Willow Walked in the door wearing outfit that was
illegal in 49 of the 50 states.

Xander ran over to Willow and give her a very passionate kiss
which she started to return after a few seconds.  Willow pushes
Xander back

"God Xander what if she seen us." said Willow

"I know, but it's so hard.....to see you everyday and not be able to
hold you like I use to." said Xander, tears starting to run down his
cheeks.

Meanwhile in a warehouse across town:

Spike enters the room to see Angel holding a bottle of blood.
"Bloody Slayer she should have just killed me. I mean, I loved her,
and she cut off my damn legs" yelled Angel throwing the bottle
across the room at Spike.

"Angel, shut up!" yelled Spike.  "If she ever hears what you said she
may cut off something else that you would really miss."

"I don't care if she bloody..." Angel started to say when a arrow flew
through the air and into his heart, causing him the exploded into
dust.

Buffy does two back flips from the top of the warehouse landing in
front of Spike

"Well Spike, it seems you were right. Angel was talking about me.  Oh
well I
will need someone to be in charge of the order.  How about you Spike?"
Buffy
asked turning toward him with an evil gleam in her eyes.

"Whatever pleases you Slayer, I am and always will be your humble
servant." Spike replied as he lowered his head.

When he raised it seconds later Buffy was gone. She arrived home
just a few minutes before Xander arrived.

When Xander arrived at Buffy's house he slowly opened the door
shut and locked it.  He started up the stairs, when he reached
Buffy's room he opened the door to see her standing there in a tight
leather body suit.  It hugged her in all the right places, she quickly
grabbed Xander and through him on to the bed ripping off his
clothes.  She started to kiss him. She stopped suddenly and slapped
him across the face hard.

"Damn you, you've been with her again haven't you.  I may just have to
get rid of the competition."

"No! I'm sorry. I promise I'll never kiss her again, just please don't
hurt her!" cried Xander

"Well, that depends on just how good you are tonight." said Buffy.

Two hours later the phone started ringing, after the tenth ring Buffy
reached over and picked up the phone.  "There had better be a
damn good reason for this call OR!" said Buffy

"We have a problem, Dru has just found a spell that allowed her to
located an alternate reality.  Your not going to believe this, but it
appears that this Earth has a Slayer to and she's miss Goodie Two
Shoes." said Spike

"Ok, Get her over to the library.  And on the way pick up that
damn Willow girl.  Tell her it's time to show if she's worth keeping
alive.  I'll be there in about..." Buffy turns looking at Xander "Ten
minutes.  Looks like the Xand man may be good for one more time
around the block." Buffy said grabbing Xander and pulling him
under the covers.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 13/?
Date: 10 Aug 1998 17:49:11 EDT


Title~ Libidinous  13/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôI Have Nothingö belongs to Whitney Houstonand can be
found on the bodyguard soundtrack.  IÆve cut the song a bit, it repeats and
makes it really long.  All characters of General hospital belong to ABC.


Chapter 13, I Have Nothing

< Share my life,
   Take me for what I am.
   'Cause I'll never change
  All my colors for you.>

    ôAngel?ö  They heard Buffy say.  ôAre...you told me that you were human...ö
They stared at her in disbelief.  ôWhat?ö  She asked.
    Angel walked over to her.  He reached out to touch her cheek, but his hand
went all the way through her face.  She stepped back, frightened and confused.
She turned away from him and gasped.  Buffy found herself standing in front of
the globe of light, containing her body and the cross.

< Take my love,
   I'll never ask for too much,
  Just all that you are
  And everything that you do.>

    The room was completely silent.  Once again everyone was fixated on the
glowing image before them.  Buffy was the first to break the silence.  ôHow, I
mean...Giles, IÆm here, but IÆm there...Angel put his hand right through me.
Am I a ghost?  Am I even me?ö
    ôYouÆre not a ghost.ö  Giles told her.  ôAt least I donÆt think you are.ö  He
added under his breath.  ôWeÆll work this out, at least Arcanus is gone.ö  He
said, trying to lighten the mood.
    Buffy nodded.  æSure weÆll work it out.  HowÆs he gonna pull that off?Æ  She
kept her mouth closed and walked away.  Angel watched her go, then took after
her.  She was still Buffy, and he loved her.  He just thought maybe she needed
to be reminded...

< I don't really need to look
   Very much further/farther,
   I don't wanna have to go
   Where you don't follow.
   I will hold it back again,
  This passion inside.
  Can't run from myself,
  There's nowhere to hide.>

    ôBuffy...wait.ö  Angel said, catching up to her.
    ôAm I Buffy?  Am I really?  How do we know that?  I canÆt even touch you.ö
She said, her voice lowering to a whisper.  She put her hand through his, a
shimmering tear running down her cheek.
    ôYou are.  WeÆll figure out a way, Buff.  I wonÆt rest until we do, until I
can touch you again.  Remember... æIÆm human, but IÆm not alive without you.Æö
He wanted to kiss her, to hug her, to wipe the tears from her face.
    ôI love you.ö  She whispered.  ôI love you.ö

< Don't make me close one more door,
   I don't wanna hurt anymore.
   Stay in my arms if you dare,
  Or must I imagine you there.
  Don't walk away from me.
  I have nothing, nothing, nothing
  If  I don't have you>

    He smiled at her.  ôI love you too sweatheart and weÆre going to fix this.ö
She was laughing, it was good to see her laugh.  ôWhat?ö
    She smiled again.  ôYouÆve never called me sweatheart.  DonÆt get me wrong,
you can call me whatever you want...if youÆre good.  I just didnÆt peg you for
the sweatheart kinda guy.ö
    ôYou bring out some...interesting sides of me...ö
    ôOk, enough.  LetÆs get crackinÆ on the books.ö  Xander interupted.  He still
hated Angel for keeping he and Buffy apart.  They both shot him nasty looks,
but walked towards the others anyway, her hand through his.  For a moment,
they were happy.

< You see through,
   Right to the heart of me.
  You break down my walls
  With the strength of your love.>

    That moment didnÆt last long.  Giles had a look on his face.  One of those
looks that said æWeÆre in trouble, but I donÆt want you to panic.Æ
    Buffy looked at everyone in turn.  Xander and Willow looked as if they were
bracing themselves for the worst.  Nikolas and Stefan just looked at
eachother, both a bit æout of the loop.Æ  Angel looked at her, a mixture of
concern and love in his eyes.  She finally looked at Giles.  The same look
still on his face.  ôCome on Giles, are you going to make us guess?ö  She
asked him, knowing that if she didnÆt say something, no one would.
    ôWell, it seems that some how, this is related to....um, the Masterö

< I never knew
   Love like I've known it with you.
  Will a memory survive,
  One I can hold on to?>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles #23
Date: 10 Aug 1998 22:51:09 -0700

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #23 Saying Goodbye
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chronicles of the White Knight
#23 Saying Goodbye
By: Taygeta

    The Bronze, as usual, was a misty atmosphere and everyone looked
in the boundaries of Happyàexcept for three particular teenagers that sat
at their regular table.

    "Oh come on, man, cheer up," Oz tried as he looked at Xander's
depressed expression that was slowly, but surely becoming permanent, "You
can even make wolf jokes at me.  Give me your best shot."

    Xander gave Oz a Look, "As tempting as that sounds, Wolf Boy, I'd
rather notàI don't even know why I let you guys drag me to the Bronze,
anywayà"

    "It was for your own good," insisted Willow with a sigh, "We
wouldn't have had to 'drag' you if you had come willingly.  You've been
cooped up in that room of yours for God only knows how many weeks.  I
mean, even your parents called me because they were worried.  I even
heard a rumor from the teachers that you're actually doing your
homework."

    "Maybe it's because I amàwhat do you think I'm going to do for
hours on end by myself?" he said.

    "Precisely why you're here," she retorted, "I'm all for you doing
better in school, Xander, but I'd rather have you getting your usual C's
and D's and be nominally sane then how you are nowàbesides I think you're
wigging out the teachers."

    He sighed as he turned the straw in his glass of soda and then
looked up at them and stood up, "I know you guys mean wellàand I know I'm
acting like Sunnydale's Resident Recluse, but I don't need this right
now.  I don't need *people* right nowàeven if some times they are a
werewolf and a witch.  I just need to be alone.  I'll eventually pull
myself out of the trenches, and when that happens, I'll make sure to give
you guys a call.  Catch ya later."

    As he walked slowly away from them Oz turned to Willow, "You
think he's gonna be okay?"

    "Eventually," she nodded, "except he won't be the same Alexander
Harris I've known all my lifeàthat's all."

    The back door of the Bronze slammed loudly behind himàtwiceàand
curiously, Xander turned to see who was following him.

    "Cordelia," he said.

    "Xander," she returned as she walked towards him, "Haven't seen
you about the Bronze much.  Surprised me, today, to see that you climbed
out of the rat hole you dug yourself into a few weeks agoàalthough
judging by your clothes, I don't think you found your way to a store
before that."

    "As charming and charismatic as ever," he concluded, "What do you
want, Cordelia?  Do you want to throw your windbag comments at me, about
how you knew it wouldn't last or about pitfalls or did you just feel that
age-old impulse to insult me?  Whatever it isàI don't careàI really
don't.  So, why don't you just go back to doing your "popular girl at the
Bronze" faτade and don't even bother?"

    With that he began to walk away, but turned when he heard her
say, "I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

    He frowned, "Sorryàfor what?"

    "For just about everythingàfor Colin, for that stupid 'pitfall'
line, and believe it or not, about you and Buffy," she replied sincerely,
"I kinda saw a certain permanence to it."

    "Wowàa rarity from Cor - never mindàthanks," he said, "I better
go, maybe I'll see you around?"

    "If you find yourself outside, again, you can count on it," she
nodded, "AndàumàXander?"

    "Yeah, Cordy?" he said smiling lightly as he used his coined
nickname for her.

    Her eyes met his warmly, "No matter what's happened, no matter
who she's with right now, I really do think she still loves you."

    Xander nodded in neither agreement nor argument, but just
acceptance and continued to tread where he had began initially.  As his
feet pounded on the sidewalk bounded for home, he thought about what she
had told him, about how she was sure that Buffy loved him.  As much as he
wanted to believe so, despite how Buffy had hurt him, but he couldn't.
Not after what happened after that phone callànot after meeting her and
talking her for that short, painful period of time that ended in
good-byesà

    àHe exhaled deeply as he saw her in the distance in the usual
graveyard setting.  He didn't know why he agreed to come meet with her on
her patrol when he knew that it would have been just as easy for what was
inevitable to occur on the phone.  Xander had told her he'd think about
it, but as usual, he obliged.

    "Hey," he said softly a few feet away from her.

    She turned to see him and the corners of her mouth lifted
slightly, "Hey, yourselfàI was beginning to think you wouldn't show."

    "Y'know I'd do anything you ask of me," he replied looking
straight into her eyes and when she noted that he meant what he said she
looked away.

    She laughed nervously, "You're probably wondering why I asked you
here, right?"

    "Actually, I have a pretty good idea as to why I'm here, but just
for the hell of askingàwhy am I here?"  Xander said.

     Her eyes fell from the floor and to his eyes, "I - I wanted to
explain myselfàwhat I did earlier."

    "Explain?  What's there to explain?" he asked with a shrug.

    "Xander, don't be like this - "

    "Don't be like what?  Angry?  Hurt?" he said as he shook his
head, "I'm sorry, Buffy, but I don't have your ability to make feelings
just go away."

     "T-that's really harsh - " she tried to begin again, but
Xander's anger got the better of him.

    "You want to talk about harsh?  What do you call telling your
undead boyfriend former that you love him in front of your boyfriend and
then taking off without telling me anything?  A simple, 'I'm sorry,'
would have sufficeàit would have hurt, but at least, it would have meant
you knew I was alive, or do you not care about the living anymore?  What
you did was unexplainableàthere is nothing you can say to me that makes
it explainable."

    Buffy took a deep breath as she looked at Xander's hard-lined
expression, "I care about you, Xander, and I realize that no matter how
hard I try to explain what I did, I wouldn't be able to because it was
wrong.  I don't even know why you're hereàyou must hate me so much for
doing thatàfor leavingàwith Angelà"

    She stopped as he gently lifted her chin so that her eyes met
eyes no longer angered, but soft and sadàhis eyes, "I don't hate you,
BuffyàI could never hate youàI lo - I could never hate you."

    "I'm sorry, XanderàI am so sorry.  I don't know why I did what I
did, but I saw him there and I justàeverything just kinda made my mind
all fuzzy.  I justàI don't know how toà" she trailed off and turned away
as she felt her throat tighten and the onslaught of tears that were just
as soon blinked away.

    He hadn't realized how much this would all hurt.  Ever since she
had called, he had played this event in his mind, but there was nothing
that could have made him feel anything then, except for the numbnessàthe
coldness that had preceded his initial pain when she left with Angel.
And that pain couldn't even compare to how he felt now.  He finally
perceived that he was really going to lose her and that no matter what he
did or say, there was nothing he could do about it.  Nothing.  Knowing
thatàand *feeling* thatàthe world - his world - stood at a standstill.
He didn't know how he was going to wake up in the morning anymore or what
he was going to think about when he went to sleep because for the longest
time it had been her.  In these past few months, he had been able to
sayàto thinkàto feel in those moments that she loved him.  And it seemed
to him that his first and last conscious thoughts of the day, not to
mention the countless in-between, would continue to be of heràof how much
he loved her, wanted her, and needed her.  Just like it had been before,
except this time, he would be left with the knowledge that for awhile she
had loved him, but now she didn't.

     "I don't want toàthis isn'tà" she continued to try and as Xander
saw her in this state, he just wanted to walk over to her, hold her, and
try to take away the pain he realized she was feeling in doing this.  As
much as he wanted to hate her for what she was about to do to himàhe
couldn't.  Even though he knew that he was the cause of her struggle and
knew whatever it was she was going to say to himàhow much it was going to
hurt himàhe wanted so bad to hold her and make it betteràand he did.

    For a rare moment in his life, Xander acted on impulse.  He
walked behind her, held her close, and took the time to remember the
moment that would probably be the last time she would ever be this close
to him, before whispering in her ear, "Buffy, just tell me
good-byeàthat's all you have to do.  Tell me good-bye and I'll go.  Not
because I want to, but because I want you to be happyàeven if it's not
going to be with me."

    Buffy closed her eyes and took in the warmth of his embrace and
as she felt her eyes give way to her tears and slowly wiped those that
had fallen away from the sides of her face, she whispered,
"Good-byeàXander."

    Reluctantly, his arms let go of her and immediately she felt a
chill and shivered, but only for a moment as she felt a familiar
Xander-scented jacket wrap over her shoulders.  She turned around to
thank him, but he was gone.

    Sighing, he finally looked back at her some distance away and
felt cold.  Not from the lack of his jacket, but from the fact that he
felt something missingàwhether it was part of his heart or his whole
heart that was gone, he wasn't sure, but he was betting on the latter.
And before he continued the lonely tread home without her and his heart,
he whispered in the night, "Good-bye, BuffyàI love youà"

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: lise <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Tears that will never fall (1/1)
Date: 11 Aug 1998 01:23:31 -0700

Title: Tears That will never fall
Author: Lise ([e-mail])
Summary: I suppose a look back...waaay back..... at the events
surrounding Buffy's 17th year of living. (from Buffy's POV)
Disclaimer: Buffy et. al. belong to Joss Whedon, not me.
Feedback/Dist.: Sure, ask and ye shall get many thanks *g*

Notes: This is done in two pieces, and the parts are mixed up.  (In
other words, a separation designates a jump in time from one to the
other...) This isn't the way Buffy is normally pictured in the show, or
in fics for that matter.  In other words, I'm sorry in advance for
what's happened to her.... This is when she's twenty-seven (ten years
after "Becoming")-- she's fought, cried...what else is there?

TEARS THAT WILL NEVER FALL

She sat down quietly, and took a little breath.  Watching the world walk
past her through dark glasses, the sun set slowly, she could almost
imagine that none of it was real, that none of it weighed anything.  She
could almost just sit down, enjoy her drink in solitude, and absorb
without comment the events passing around her.  She could almost push
from her mind the knowledge that the two men in the corner were made of
evil, and that she had to stop them.  She gazed off in the distance,
then stood up to finish them off.  It was her duty to, and she didn't
have anything else left.

=====
Legs rubbery, she let none of the nervous, frightened energy swirling
around her gut onto her face, leaving it instead deep down and surfacing
only in the trembling of her fingers.  Retching wasn't an option, and
she told her stomach this fiercely.  The man, was he a man?, sitting
next to her said nothing, and she refused to look in his eyes, the pain
and hurt too open.  She could ignore her heart, and her emotions...but
not if she looked into his eyes.  It was on her porch, the moment when
the last rays of sun were just fading, that they bathed in.  Ignoring
everything else around her, she managed to put out a completely
emotionless facade, masquerading as the perfect statue.  It was to let
him decide his course in life-- something she couldn't influence at
all.....
=====

Creeping up on the men silently, she pulled a knife out of her black
boot.  Years of nothing but training made her stealthy, cunning, like a
panther-- a hunter looking for the kill.  The only difference between
her and the ones she killed was that they-- by some force of magic or
sorcery-- were not fit to live.  They were evil, demons.  She sometimes
wondered if some of the demons she killed weren't like Whistler, but she
really didn't care any more.  Each day, and each night, brought more of
the same, and for years the routine hadn't changed.  She hadn't really
wanted it to.  She existed.  At one time, she had wanted to live.
=====

He pulled her close, and talked to her softly, trying to provoke some
type of response from her lips.  She knew that it was tearing him up--
his emotions were far too visible to be completely ignored.  But still
she refused to speak, refused to give.  He wanted her to tell him how
she felt, but it would be by his decision alone that he choose to stay.
She wouldn't influence him.  She succeeded in frightening him with her
lack of emotion.  The truth was that she had cried, poured, given, and
given until she was wrung dry of everything.  There was nothing left in
her heart but a gap.  She couldn't let anything fill it until she knew
he wanted to stay, and that decision couldn't be based on her feelings.
If he chose to stay, then she might have a chance to heal.  If not,
there were worse things than dying.
=====

The demons didn't have a chance-- her skill was honed, and ready at all
times.  There were pitifully little people or fiends to challenge her
talent at fighting anymore.  Nothing could beat her at the game, because
it was all she had.  She didn't live for people, for contact.  She spent
the last ten years doing nothing but Slaying.  And she was likely to
continue that way.

Pulling the curved knife from the back of its skull, she wiped the blade
and re-sheathed it in her boot.  Adjusting her leather jacket and her
sunglasses, she stepped back out onto the busy Parisian street.
Twilight crept in and hugged the people milling around, the people going
into the discos, the ones hurrying home.  She walked absently towards
her room, keeping her senses open for any other demons or potentially
evil prey.  It was habit, more than anything, that drew her into the
alley beside the shop, and it was instinct, a primal level of behavior,
that made her push the stake into the heart of the vampire hiding
there.  Her mind was quietly elsewhere, drifting without real thoughts.
As calmly as she staked the creature, she brushed the dust from her
coat, and continued walking-- as always, in perfect form.
======

She waited for him to give some hint of his intentions-- some sign, some
word or clue....but nothing was forthcoming.  She hugged her knees
lightly, trying desperately not to strain, but on some subconscious
level, she was already slowly letting everything go.  It was only his
answer she waited for, only him that would stop this slow
transformation.  When she'd died and he'd brought her back to life,
she'd been grateful, feeling stronger.  When they kissed, she'd felt
safe.  When they'd made love, she burned with love and passion.  When he
reverted back to form, she sobbed.  When he taunted her, laughed in her
very face, she got angry, and vowed to fight back.  When she was forced
to kill him, her lover instead of a monster, she broke down, confused
and helpless.  And when he came back, it was too much.  She thought, and
cried, and thought, and tried to choose what to do, what course of
action...then realized that it wasn't her that needed to decide.  Fate
had brought him to her doorstep again, and there were several paths they
could take-- but he needed to choose his path first.  She could say
whatever she wanted, but he needed to decide where to be-- and he needed
to have the freedom to decide without her.  They sat in silence for a
moment, and she could feel the tears on his cheeks from where she was
sitting.  It hurt what little of her was left to know he felt this way,
because she loved him completely.  Part of her screamed to wipe them
away, to comfort him and draw him close....
======

She reached the room she'd rented without any more incidents, which was
a little surprising.  She lay down for her three hours of sleep in the
quiet nighttime hours, and drifted off.  No dreams filled her mind and
tickled her senses, and no nightmares pulled at her sanity and made her
run from phantoms.  She ceased to dream long ago-- the moment she ceased
to feel.  Whatever mental process that had brought her to this present
form happened a long time ago...and it was far too late to reverse the
damage.  It wasn't a thought that she really minded-- being numb had
many advantages, and being dead inside made doing her duty almost easy.
Nothing to worry about meant nothing on her mind but the destruction of
her target.  She'd found that she'd doubled her strength in both
physical and mental talents.... compensation for losing her heart.
She'd killed the love and light in her life twice in twelve months, and
not even twenty years old.  Most people would go mad after the pressure
of those events.  She hadn't broken.  Most people would break under the
constant threat of a stalker with no soul.  She'd been ready to kill him
and smiled when she said it.  Most people would grieve unhealthily when
they lost someone they loved dearly such a violent way-- killed them so
fiercely.  She'd run, then recovered, understood, and come back.  Not
one event in that year made her break.  Not one event killed her.  Then
he came back........
======

Part of her wanted to pull him in her arms and never let him go....

And then it was too late.
======

Opening her eyes just as the clock hit midnight, she thought for a
moment that she saw the bus pull away from her street again like it had
ten years ago.  Blinking, the vision of him faded from her eyes, and sat
up calmly.  She took her bag down from its place, and began to fill it
methodically with the night's weapons.  Her hands, guided by instinct
and led by practice, went through the motions they did every night.  Her
body was propelled down the street by some unseen force, seeking out the
monsters in the shadows and ridding the earth of them one by one.
Practice, and training, led her through her life.  The autopilot was
working excellently, and there was no real reason in the near future for
anything to change.  That bus had taken her last hope away ten years
ago.  As it drove away, her emotions froze forever, and she just turned
back to go into the house, a blank look on her face.  The rest of her
was sinking into the ground..... six feet under, buried and gone.  She
didn't weep that he chose to go.  She didn't weep that her mother
misunderstood why she was leaving again.  She didn't weep for the lost
chance that they might have been happy together someday.  She sat, and
didn't cry that he chose to leave her-- instead of him being savagely
ripped away.  This time, it was a conscious choice of his, and she
accepted it because she loved him.  But she didn't weep at all.  No
tears fell from her faded blue eyes that day..... and none have fallen
since.

FIN


Manager of Sector Zeta  www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Set/5713
Listowner of the [e-mail]
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/spikelist
"...You want to go a few rounds, I'm all for it.
  You want to stop your boyfriend, we're gonna
  have to play it a different way..." --Spike to Buffy, "Becoming II"




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 11 Aug 1998 11:53:52 -0400

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
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Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
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Again, welcome!  If  you have any questions about these rules, please
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 &
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-





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  Free email policy
Date: 11 Aug 1998 11:53:51 -0400

Please read this.  It's very important.

Effective immediately, anyone who wishes to s*bscribe to any Buffy list on
a "freemail" account (Geocities, Hotmail, etc.) will be required to
provide us with a "permanent" e-mail address as a backup.

We will <not> under any circumstances reveal this permanent e-mail address
to anyone.  This is for our reference <only.>

This new policy has become necessary because of the problems we've
experienced with freemail accounts.  They're too easy to set up and
cancel, and there is so little recourse if the individual with the
freemail account causes problems, that we have no choice but to enact this
policy.

The s*bscription information pages will be changed to reflect this policy.

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY S*BSCRIBED UNDER A FREEMAIL ADDRESS:  as long as you
stay s*bscribed, you do not need to provide us with this information.
However, if you uns*b and want to res*b at some point, you will have to
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you'll have to provide the information to res*b.

If you have any questions regarding this, please contact us offlist.
Thanks.

sah and Jill
[e-mail] and [e-mail]




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 10/?
Date: 11 Aug 1998 21:29:05 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR:  Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  I need it to live.  PLEASE MORE!!!!  If I don't get more feed back
soon, I'll kill a main character offà. HAHAHàI'm out of my mindà. So don't put
it past me!!!!!!!!!!
RATING:  PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT:  Angst, Confusion, and the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story. It starts off the morning after
her surprise party. What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out that all
that happened from the time of her birthday to the time she sent Angel to hell
was just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named Joss
Whedon.
NOTE:  Now I can have some real fun now that I have explained what happened to
the Judge and Have Zeal in the storyàà.out of Buffy's body.


Part 10: Be Careful What You Wish For

After the dust had settled, and Buffy was back to normal they returned to the
Library.  Xander was just a little thirsty, but besides that he was fine.
They had not really tortured him, even though he was a bit angered over the
fact that they taunted him with water.  All in all he was fine.  Buffy on the
other hand was not, she clamed that she was all right from the whole ordeal,
but Angel was the only one who seem to realize different.  He could see that
everything that happened had effected her, and he was not going to let her get
away with not telling him what was bothering her.  They had both forgotten to
tell Giles about the dream, it seem not as important to them.  They had other
things on their minds.

Location:  Angel's Apartment
Time:  The night after

Angel was sitting on his recliner with Buffy in his lap sharing a passionate
embrace.  When suddenly she pulled back from the kiss.  Angel knew something
had been wrong after the events of the past few days, but he really did not
want to push the issue.  He was going to wait until she was willing to talk
about it, or until he got tired of waiting and asked.  But one thing he did
have was patience.

"What's wrong?"  He really did not what to push her, but the question was not
that harsh so he did not censor himself.

"It's nothingàà" With the fading of her words she turned away from him.  "It's
just when Zeal was controlling my body she could read all of my thoughts, I
could read all of hers.   Also I could read the thoughts of the people around
me; I know that she was the one controlling that power, but it was still
really weird.  Plus some people's thoughts I really didn't want to know, like
Xander's."  She made herself and Angel smile with that comment, and then
turned back and faced him with a serious.  "I could also hear your thoughts,
and now I know why you didn't even want to tell me everything about your past.
I understand though, I realize all the horrible things you did wasn't you, but
the demon.  Now they're no secrets between us.  I hope your not mad that now I
know everything."   She said, looking at him with a mischievous grin.

"I'm glad, I want you to know everything, even though I want to tell you it
myself."  Angel thought to him self for a moment.  "Actually it makes it
easier now that I don't have to."  With those last few words they returned to
their actions from before hand.

Then she pulled back again; "I should go."

"What's wrong?"  Angel had thought that he had resolved the issues about Zeal
with her, but it seemed that there was more.  Something more then just the
fact that she knew everything he did, but something deeper.  But he still was
not going to push her.

"I should go home, I haven't really gotten much sleep in the past few days.
That's all."  It's seemed that she was trying to convince herself more then
him.

Angel understood that she needed some time, and he would not force her to
stay.   "I understand, do you want me to walk you home?"  He still wanted to
stay with her as long as she would let him, and he was hoping that she would
let him walk her home.

With a small smile, she got up off of him and pulled him with her to the door.
"Sure, I'd like that."  As Buffy spoke these last words they walked out the
door hand in hand headed for her house.  Both not even know the happenings
across town.

Location:  Factory
Time:  Same time

Spike and Drusilla returned that night, realizing that it was empty of
everyone, vampire and mortal alike.  He was pissed to say the least; almost
all of his men had been destroyed, or had fled during the fight against the
slayer.  He still could not understand how she could be so merciless in her
fighting.  Spike had seen the slayer fight before, full of witty comments, and
used a stake rather then a sword.  He also noticed a look of fear in the
Judge's eyes when he saw her the second time. The Judge was scared of a
slayer, the same slayer, only days before that trembled at the thought of
being burned by him.  Spike couldn't really figure it, but before he could
finish his thoughts Annabel walked in.  She was dressed like the stereotype of
a witch.  Long black velvet dress, with sleeves that flared at the bottom.
Spike was a bit confused from what he knew of her, which was very little, was
that she was a smart-ass that dressed like a normal teenager since she was
one. He was also kind of glad that at least one of his vampires had the nerves
to return. Most would not from fear of the slayer coming back, or having to
dealing with Spike.

Zeal waltzed in like she own the place, she soon realized that Spike still
thought this poor vampire's demon was in control, not even knowing about her.
She had to laugh aloud. She slowly walked over to Spike and Dru with an amused
grin.  "Well I seen you two have returned, I've been looking for two every
where.  I see my search was not in vane."

"I thought of all my vampire you'd be dead by now, but it seems you have a few
surprises, Annabel."  <Wow I remembered her name.  Well she is the only one to
who come back; the least I could do is know her name. > Spike just grinned at
the thought of out of all his men; she was the one to come back.

"I'm glad you finally know my name, but I have a little secret for you."  She
leaned in closer, and whispered into his ear.  "Not Annabel, Zeal."  She
pulled back from him with a smile.

Spike remembered that Drusilla said that this would be their new powerful
ally, and returned the smile.  "Welcome to the family."

"Not family, servants.  You server me now."  She turned away from them both,
and started to walk away.

"What the bloody hell do you mean, servants!?"  Spike was a bit angered at her
cockiness.   He was not about to take orders from a newly made vampire, even
if she was possessed some spirit.

"I'll tell you both this, but only once, If either of you cross me, even once.
I'll kill the other, just to see one of you to suffer, even if it is not the
betrayer."  With that she continued to walk to the doors, then turned back
once more.  "O ya, keep in mind, I know what you're thinking."  Then with that
she left, leaving Spike with a confused and angered look on his face.  Still
during all of this time Drusilla was unfazed by all of these happenings, she
seemed to understand everything that was going on.  That seemed to be the most
unnerving thing to Spike.

End of part 10



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: My Moira (9/?)
Date: 11 Aug 1998 20:43:00 -0700

TITLE:  My Moira #9
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Pretty please with a cherry on top!
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
DESCRIPTION: It's about 20 years after graduation...Buffy's married to
Xander...they have a 15-year-old daughter named Moira...who just happens
to be the slayer!
DISCLAIMER:  The characters of Moira Summers-Harris, Deidre Lindley,
Jacob Ross, and Scott Thomas are my own. Other than that, the characters
and any other such reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television
series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant
Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar Productions, and 20th
Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright
infringement not intended.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My Moira #9
By: Taygeta

    The fifteen-year-old slayer sat on her parents' bed and eyed them
critically.  After much impending silence she said, "You guys, cannot be
serious about all this stupid Hellmouth stuff."

    Buffy realized that what had been said was more of a statement
than a question as she recognized the shared stubborn streak of her
daughter.  She never thought that she would have to explain to Moira
about 'Hellmouth Stuff,' always figured she would do the same as her own
motheràtalk about boyfriends and parties and school.  This had to go
beyond the expenditures of a parent's past experienceàfar into a world
she had vowed long ago to forget, but as much as she tried it to push
them aside, they would always continue to haunt her.

    "Buffy, you have to tell heràyou're the only one that can,"
Xander whispered to her as she faced the door that she had closed.

    She nodded slowly as her eyes lifted to meet his, worried, but
assuring, eyes.  She placed a hand on the side of his face as he had done
earlier and felt the stubble of his chin beneath her fingers.  Nodding
again, and taking a deep breath, she walked towards the bed.

    Sitting beside Moira, she took her hand and began, "I never
thought you were going to have to know this part of my lifeàit was so
long ago, but those times are some of the most vividàand painfulàmemories
of my life.  Maybe that's why I only let them come out of my work."
Buffy opened a drawer beside the bed and revealed one of her latest art
books, published by the successful efforts of Giles' small publishing
company in New York.  "A picture may be worth a thousand words, but
they're also worth a thousand memories."

    The glossy new pages crinkled as she turned past the pages of the
introduction Xander had written, past the first pages of her small
biography, and stopped at the first page of the chronology of her work.
The first was a painting of the Master exploding into ashes, titled
"Skeleton of My Nightmares."

    "H - he was real?"  Moira hesitated as she eyed the picture on
the page.

    Looking at the picture, she remembered that night, when she had
died and swallowed before answering, "As real as anything can be, after
allàhe killed me."

    Her daughter did a double take and her eyes widened with concern,
"W-what?  How can that be?  You're hereàyou're not deadàyou're - "

    "ShhhàMoira, it's okay," Buffy assured her, "I was sixteen and
there was a prophecy that told me I was going to die, but thanks to
someone very close to me...I didn't die...totally.  See what happened
wasà"

    And thus the stories of the woebegone days of yesterday cameàof
prophecies, villains, and the life of a slayer.  Xander sat aside and
listened intentlyàremembering those times as if it had been yesterday,
and realized that something was missing in those talesàAngel was
missingàAngelus was nowhere to be heard.

    He stood up promptly when someone knocked on the bedroom door.
Cordelia smiled weakly, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Moira's friends are
downstairs andàuhà"

    "OhàI'll handle it, tell them I can't go with them tonight," she
said standing up from the bed.

    "Hold onà" Xander said with raised eyebrows, "Can't go where
tonight?"

    She smiled sheepishly, "Ohàthe parental toneàumàScott was going
to take the three of us to a club."

    "Where?"  Buffy probed.

    "He was going to take us to a club inàthe very, very close and
not let us stay late place ofàSan Diego?" Moira said.

    "Like sure he was," Buffy said standing up, "What makes you think
we were going to let you roam the streets of San Diego, tonightàa school
night, no less?"

    "IàI was hoping that my two wonderful, esteeming, parental units
would be so kind andà" she faltered under her parents' eyes.

    "Honey, we're still very wonderful and esteeming parents, and
that's why you are in no way heading to San Diego with your friends,
period.  I'm thinking the same for Deirdre and Jacob," Xander continued,
"So, unless, you want me to phone some parents and let them in on what
I'm guessing was your Round Robin scheme, you better tell them the same."

    "Yes, Dad," she said reluctantly as she left the room,
"Sheeshàone minute you're discussing the dreaded realm of a slayer and
the next I'm getting reprimanded."

    "She's not taking all of this very seriously, is she?"  Cordelia
said despite the fact that she found the entire "parental tone" scene all
too laughable.

    Buffy glanced at her and shook her head, "No, she isn'tàat least,
not yet anyway, but it's not going to take discussion to get her to see
how important it is."

    Xander eyed her carefully, "Then what's it going to take?"

    Exhaling deeply she said, "Experience.  It's going take her that
to realize that she's not only fighting for her own survival, but for the
world, as well, and in order for that to begin, she's going to have to
fightàgoing to have to kill her first vampireà"

_____________________________________________________________________
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Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: XtVS 2. The Sequel
Date: 11 Aug 1998 23:16:24 -0700

Title: Xander the Vampire Slayer. Part 2. The Sequel.
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Because almost everybody who responded asked that I do a
sequel, I did, so you can blame them.
Rating: G for general.
Time line: Sometime
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon ect.
Authors note:
1.  Despite the title this is not the second part of a story, it is a
Sequel to a previous story But it can stand on it's own.. This may seem
to be a contridiction but when you read the stories it will make more
since. If you have not read the first part just email me and I will send
it to you.
2.  Text between vvvvv and ^^^^^^^ is what is being typed by the
character.
__________________________________
Xander the Vampire Slayer.  Part 2. ( 1/3 )
By JeffW



=93Xander. Xander!=94

=93Huh!=94 Xander said, waking with a start. =93Huh?=94 Xander looked up =
to see
his friend Willow shaking him awake.

=93Xander. Wake up. It=92s time to go to class.=94 Willow said, reaching =
out a

hand to help her friend up.

Xander took the hand and pulled himself to his feet, and said, =93Sorry, =
I

guess I drifted off.=94

=93I=92ll say. What did you do last night after I talked to you?=94 Willo=
w
asked not totally sure if she wanted to hear the answer, as they started

to walk towards class.

=93Aaa, last night. I-I just watched some TV.=94 Xander replied hoping th=
at
he sounded convincing.

=93Oh, I thought you were going to try to write a story, or something.=94

=93No. I tried to, but I couldn=92t think of anything to write about.=94
Xander lied. In fact, Xander did think of something to write about. And
he had enjoyed writing his story more that he expected. The thing was
that he was a little embarrassed with the thought that someone else may
read his story. =93Then as I thought about it, it seemed to be to much
like homework.=94

=93Then why are you so tired today?=94 Willow asked somewhat relieved. On=
e
of the last things that Willow had said to Xander last night while
trying to convince him to write something on his computer was, =93Write
about your wildest fantasies.=94 Then later when she thought about the wa=
y

she had phrased that statement, she regretted it. She just knew that
Xander would come up with something, something too Xanderlike. Which
could be many things that Willow didn=92t want to think about.

=93I just watched TV.=94 Xander said.

=93Oh, Xander.=94 Xander heard Willow say from a slight distance.

Xander turned to look at Willow. Unlike he expected, she was no longer
standing next to him. She was a few feet away facing up an intersecting
hallway, with her head turned towards him.

=93Class is this way Xander.=94 The petite redhead said, pointing up the
other hall.

Xander turned to rejoin Willow as he said. =93I knew that. I was just
seeing if you were paying attention.=94




Ms Polk=92s science class was boring as usual, Xander thought as he
listened to her drone on, and on. Why did we need so many elements
anyway? And who gave a darn how many protons and neurons they had
anyway.

=93Xander, I asked you a question.=94 Xander turned with a start when he
realized that Ms Polk was speaking to him.

=93Yes ma=92am.=94 Xander said as he sat up in his chair.

=93Well, do you have an answer?=94

Xander felt his neck turn red as everybody in class turned their
attention to him. So Xander said the first thing that came to his head,
=93Ah, 42.=94

Xander felt like he wanted to melt into the seat, as he listened to the
sound of laughter from the class.

=93Xander,=94 Ms Polk asked. =93Do you even know what I asked you?=94

=93Yes, yes I do.=94

=93All right then tell me, What was my last question.=94

=93Your last question?=94 Xander paused. =93Your last question was, did I=
 have

an answer.=94

The class roared with laughter. However, Ms Polk was not so amused.
After the laughter died down she said, =93Mr. Harris. See me after class.=
=94

As Ms Polk turned away from him, Xander looked around to see if there
was a hole somewhere near by that he could crawl into.





=93Oh no.=94 Willow said.

Xander looked at Willow who was standing behind him in the lunch line,
and asked, =93What s=92matter Will?=94

Willow wrinkled her nose and said, =93They=92re serving spaghetti again.
Remember the last time they had spaghetti? It turned into snakes.=94

=93Yeah Will,=94 Xander said. =93But it was an improvement in the food.=94

=93It=92s tough to argue against that Willow.=94 Buffy said from behind
Willow.

=93Still, I think I=92ll skip the spaghetti.=94 Willow said.

Xander took the spaghetti, mostly to annoy Willow. Pretending not to
notice Xander=92s choice, Willow took the imitation cheeseburger, and
cardboard french fries. After paying for his food, Xander waited for
Buffy, and Willow to catch up. Then he said, =93Come on Cordy=92s already
got a table.=94

=93Harris!=94 Xander heard from behind him. When he turned around, he had=
 to

tilt his head down slightly in order to address the person who had
spoken. =93Principle Snyder. Nice to see you today.=94

=93Cut the bull Harris. I have a special project I want you to volunteer
for.=94

Someone should explain to El Shrimpo the meaning of the word volunteer,
Xander thought to himself as he said pleasantly. =93Whatever I can do to
be of assistance sir.=94

=93You=92re not fooling me with your little cooperation act Harris.=94 Sn=
yder
said with a sneer. =93Meet me in front=85=94

Suddenly Xander felt something shove him hard from behind. Caught off
guard, Xander stumbled forward into Snyder, causing his food to dump
over the principal. Xander stared in horror as he looked down at the
front on Snyder=92s suit, now covered with spaghetti and sauce. Snyder
looked up from his pasta-covered chest to Xander.

Xander tried to speak, but all he managed was, =93I=85 I=85=94

After the initial shock of the event wore off of the crowd, a ripple of
laughter passed though. Snyder turned a deep shade of red. He fixed
Willow with a stare as she tried to stifle a giggle. Willow=92s eyes got
big, and she turned a little pale at the sight of Snyder=92s expression.
Her mouth opened and closed once, then she said, =93Not laughing. This is
me not laughing.=94

Snyder turned his glare back to Xander and said, =93My office. Now!=94 Th=
en
he turned around and walked out of the cafeteria. Xander stood there for

a moment staring at the door that Snyder had gone through. Then he
turned around to look at Willow and Buffy.

=93You know,=94 Buffy said, =93I don=92t think I=92ve ever seen anyone tu=
rn that
shade of red before.=94

Xander turned to Buffy and said, =93Well that=92s a lot of help.=94

Buffy smiled apologetically and said, =93Sorry. Do you want me to go with
you?=94

=93No thanks. No need both of us getting an any trouble.=94 Xander said, =
as
he turned around and headed for the door.

As Xander approached the principal=92s office he met Snyder coming out of
a restroom, the front of his suit wet where he had apparently tried to
wash out some of the sauce. Xander opened his mouth to speak. Snyder
held up a finger and said, =93Not a word.=94 Then with his head Snyder
motioned Xander towards the office.

They had just entered the office when Mr. Dale and a boy that Xander
didn=92t recognize, walked up to Snyder. Mr. Dale whispered something to
Principal Snyder. While Mr. Dale spoke to him, Snyder glared at Xander
nodding his head. Then Principal Snyder pointer to a chair and said to
Xander, =93You. Sit down. Wait right here. Do not move.=94 Then he led th=
e
way into his office with Mr. Dale, and the unknown boy in tow.




=93HARRIS! Wake up.=94

Xander woke with a start to see Principal Snyder standing over him with
his hands on his hips. =93Who gave you permission to sleep?=94

A groggy Xander started to speak, but Snyder cut him off saying, =93Shut
up, Harris. Who told you to speak? Now get into my Office.=94

Xander hurried to comply. Snyder followed him into the office and told
him to sit down, as he shut the door.

Xander took a chair and said, =93Principal Snyder, I sorry about what
happened, but somebody pu=85=94

=93Harris,=94 Snyder said. =93Didn=92t I tell you to shut up?=94

Xander responded with a nod of his head.

=93Then why are you speaking?=94 Without waiting for a reply, Snyder
continued to speak. =93You=92re off the hook. Mr. Dale saw Carl Thompson
push somebody into you.=94

Xander started to breathe a sigh of relief, but stopped short when
Snyder said, =93The boy has confessed, and said you had nothing to do wit=
h

it. But I=92m not totally convinced. You=92re one of those people that
always seem to be around when there=92s trouble. I should give you
detention just for breathing my air.=94

Principal Snyder stared at Xander who meekly stared back. Then Snyder
said, =93Now get out of my sight before I change my mind.=94

=93Y-Yes sir.=94 Xander said as he stood up.

=93And If I even think you=92re causing any more trouble today,=94 Snyder=
 said

pointing, his finger at Xander. =93I=92ll give you so much detention that
your children will be in detention.=94

=93Yes sir.=94 Xander said as he quickly got out of the principal=92s off=
ice.

Once into the hall Xander realized that he was hungry. He looked at his
watch and said, =93Damn. That little undersized midget made me miss
lunch.=94 Xander headed down the hallway in search of a snack machine,
while thinking pleasant thought=92s about the many terrible things that
should happen to Principal Snyder.



Later Xander was walking into the library. He smiled as he met Cordelia
on her way out.

=93Hi.=94 Xander said to his girlfriend, as he took her hand. She smiled
weakly back at him. =93Hay have you seen Willow around? I needed to ask
her something.=94

Cordelia glared at Xander, as she jerked her hand away, and said, =93What
do I look like? Some kind of secretary.=94 Then she turned her back to hi=
m

and stormed out the door, leaving Xander standing there with his mouth
open.

Finally, Xander got over his shock. He turned around and saw Giles
standing near the table trying to act as he hadn=92t been watching. As
Xander approached Giles he pointed back over his shoulder and asked,
=93Wh-What did I say?=94

=93Oh, you mean Cordelia.=94 Giles asked as he took off his glasses and
began to clean them. =93I=92m afraid I don=92t know. She did seem somewha=
t
pre-occupied while she was here.=94

Xander hit him self in the forehead with the palm of his hand as he
said, =93Of course. I should have remembered.=94

=93Remembered what?=94 Giles asked.

Xander smiled and said, =93It=92s nothing that won=92t pass in a couple o=
f
days, Giles.=94

=93Oh, I see.=94 Giles said, in a tone that clearly said that he didn=92t.
Then as he returned his glassed to his head realization struck him and
he said. =93Oh! I see.=94

=93Anyway, I was looking for Willow,=94 Xander said. =93But maybe you can=
 help

me, Giles? I have this extra science project I have to do, and I need to

know=85=94

***
End of Part 1/3





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: XtVS 2. The Sequel (2/3)
Date: 11 Aug 1998 23:19:04 -0700

Title: Xander the Vampire Slayer. Part 2. The Sequel.
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Because almost everybody who responded asked that I do a
sequel, I did, so you can blame them.
Rating: G for general.
Time line: Sometime
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon ect.
Authors note:
1.  Despite the title this is not the second part of a story, it is a
Sequel to a previous story But it can stand on it's own.. This may seem
to be a contridiction but when you read the stories it will make more
since. If you have not read the first part just email me and I will send

it to you.
2.  Text between vvvvv and ^^^^^^^ is what is being typed by the
character.
__________________________________
Xander the Vampire Slayer.  Part 2. ( 2/3 )
By JeffW


=93Thanks a lot Giles.=94 Xander said as he headed out of the library. Ju=
st
before he reached the doors, they were pushed open allowing Buffy and
Willow to enter.

=93And here is the man himself.=94 Buffy said. =93Now we can ask him.=94

=93Ask me what?=94

=93Willow and I were talkin=92 about Bronzin=92 it tonight.=94 Buffy said=
 =93And
we wanted to know if you were interested.=94

Xander shook his head and said. =93No thanks. I=92ve had a really bad day=
,
and I just want to go home and do that veg thing.=94

=93If your day=92s been that bad you need a trip to the Bronze.=94 Buffy =
said.

=93You can even bring Cordy if you want.=94

Smiling Xander shook his head and said, =93I don=92t think Cordy feels mu=
ch
like socializing either.=94

=93What=92s the matter with Cordelia? Is she sick?=94 Willow asked.

Although Willow was Xander=92s closest and oldest friend he felt
uncomfortable answering her question, so he just looked at her.

Willow realized immediately what Xander wasn=92t saying. Her face reddene=
d

slightly as she said, =93Oh.=94





Xander hadn=92t been totally truthful with Willow and Buffy. He was a
little tired, and it really had been a rotten day. But the real reason
he wanted to go home was to try to write another story. So as soon as he

got home he headed up to his room and turned on the computer. Then he
sat there for the next twenty minutes starring at the blank screen.

=93I don=92t understand.=94 Xander said aloud. =93Why is getting started =
so
hard?=94

Xander tried to think about what he had done last night to get started.
Let=92s see, he thought. First, there was the title.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Xander The Vampire Slayer. Part 2. The Sequel.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Well that=92s a start, Xander thought.

=93Oh, I know what I left off.=94 Xander said before he typed the next li=
ne.

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

By Xander Harris
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Xander liked the look of his name on paper. Then he remembered that the
best thing to do is just start typing.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

It was a beautiful morning. The sun rose in the east. Again. The
sunshine was warm. It was good that it was sunny. Because this was
Sunnydale. So Sunshine was expected. Sunshine is good because it makes
the day different from the night. The day was better because it was warm

and sunny. Because the sun was out.

Sun shine was also good because it hurt vampires. Vampires are bad. And
the sunlight was good. So Vampires didn=92t like sun. It hurt them becaus=
e

it was good and they were bad. And vampires were evil. All vampires are
evil. All of them. Even if they do have a soul, they are evil. Because
they are vampires. And they are evil. Because they don=92t like the Sun
and the sun was good.

Many evil vampires lived in Sunnydale. You=92d think that with a name lik=
e

Sunnydale vampires would stay away. But The Hell mouth was in Sunnydale.

It is a major psychiatric place where evil was. It attracted the
vampires, demons and other evil things. Because they were evil
creatures. And They liked evil places. Even if the place had a nice non
evil name like Sunnydale.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Sounds like my kinda town, Xander thought as he continued to type.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

But not just evil things lived in Sunnydale. Xander Harris lived in
Sunnydale. And he fought against evil. He is the chosen one. To be good
and fight evil and kill vampires and demons and all the bad things that
are evil. Xander was chosen to be slayer. So he was called Xander the
Vampire slayer. Because vampires are the evilest of the evil creatures
in Sunnydale. So Xander slayed them because he was good and chosen to
destroy evil.

Xander liked to live in Sunnydale. Even if had evil vampires in it.
Because it was sunny. Maybe that is why they call it that. Because it
was sunny and it had a dale.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
=93What=92s a dale anyway?=94 Xander wondered aloud as he typed. =93Oh ye=
ah. I
think Dale was Roy Roger=92s horse.=94
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Xander was driving to school in his Ferrari Testament. He liked his
Ferrari. It was a cool car. Everybody looked at him as he drove down the

street to school. Like he did on most mornings. He liked to drive in the

morning when the sun was out.

Xander arrived at school and pulled the Ferrari into a parking space
reserved for him. Xander got out of the car closing the door. When he
parked the car, many people began to gather around. Some because of the
cool car. But most were there because Xander was very popular, and very,

very cool.

Xander said hello to all the people who came to see him. Then he walked
around the car to open the other door for his passenger. It was Willow
Rosenberg. His oldest friend.

Willow looked at Xander as she got out of the car. She said, =93Thank you
so much for the ride to school Xander.=94

Xander bowed and said, =93Happy to be of service to my friend. Did you
remember to bring your math homework Willow.=94

=93Yes. I have it right here. And thank you very much for your help with
it Xander.=94 Willow said. =93I just don=92t know what I would do with ou=
t
your help with my classes.=94

=93Think nothing of it willow. I=92m sure that you would do the same for =
me
if there was something that I needed help with.=94

=93Oh, but Xander. What could I possibly help you with?=94 Willow asked.

=93Nothing that I can think of.=94


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
=93It=92s so tough to be humble,=94 Xander said to himself.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Mrs. Pelk stood at the front of the Science class saying. =93Don=92t forg=
et
class the most important thing about mercury is that it break at minus
25 degrees.=94 Xander sat at the back of the class and shaking his head.
=93Pardon me Mrs. Pelk. But I believe your mistaken. Mercury breaks as
minus 52 degrees.=94

=93Excuse me, mr. Harris. I believe I=92m the teacher in this class. I=92=
m
sure that I do not need any help from you.=94

Xander ran a hand through his black hair. And Said. =93Yes ma=92am you ar=
e
the teacher. I just think you need to teach stuff that=92s not wrong.=94
Many in class laughed. Mrs Pelk got mad. She said, =93I assure you that I
am a educate teacher. I know my subjects.=94

=93Obviously not very well.=94 Xander said. Many guys and guys laughed an=
d
laughed. Very hard. Mrs. Pelk got mad and madder.

=93Mr Harris do we need to see principal Cider?=94

=93Before we walk all that way don=92t you think you should look at your
book of science?=94 Mrs Pelk crossed her arms across herd chest. She
stared at Xander very very madly. She had much madness.

=93Very, well mr. harris. Just to show you how much wrong you are.=94 Mrs
Pelk grabbed a book from the nearest student. She jerked it from his
hand. Xander said. =93I believe your looking for page 123.=94

Ms Pelk turned the book open. She looked the page 123. She looked very
pale as her face got red with angry. After moment she got a smile on her

face. =93Well I see that you passed, my little test Mr. Xander. See what
happens when you study students.=94


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
As Xander reread the preceding paragraphs he smiled and said, =93Well,
we=92re not so smart now are we Mrs. Polk=85 I mean Pelk.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

After Lunch, Xander Harris walked into the Library right after launch.
He saw Mr. Giles there. He was the school librarian, who took care of
the books in the library. He was also called a watcher. That was
somebody who worked for the slayer. Helping him to look things up about
evil vampires, nasty demons, and creepy-weird monsters.

Also in the Library were Xanders other good friends called Buffy
Summers, and Cordelia Chase. They sat at the table with Giles. =93Hello
Xander.=94 They said at the same time.

=93Good afternoon my friends.=94 Xander said. =93Do I have any messages?=94

=93Cordelia jump up from her seat. She said, =93Oh yes, yes Xander. I hav=
e
some messages. For you.=94

Xander waited for a few seconds look at Cordelia. Then he said, =93And
what would those messages be.=94

Cordelia chase smiled and said, =93Oh I=92m sorry. I forget.=94 Then she
picked up a note book. And opened it and said. =93Here are the messages.
Would you like me to read them.=94

Smiling, Xander said, =93Please.=94

Cordelia looked at the notebook and red, =93Eddy Van Halen called. He
wants to know if you could come to LA one day next week to help the band

with their new album. The manager of the dodgers called to ask if he
should pitch to McGwire or walk him. The owner of the 49ers called from
San Francisco. He wanted to know if they should draft the defensive
lineman or the halfback in this years draft. And Steve Spielberg called.

He wanted to your opinion about his Idea for a sequel to the Color
purple.=94

Xander sat down at the table and said. =93How about Tuesday. Pitch. Go fo=
r

the wide receiver. Hated it, Do ET instead. Got that?=94

=93Got It Xander.=94

=93Good. Now Giles, did you find anything out about that prophecy I was
talking about.=94 Giles pushed his glasses up and said. =93Yes I did Xand=
er.

You were right. The Evil demon Cinder is going to try to open the hell
mouth. I found it in one of my books.=94

=93I was hoping I would be wrong this time.=94 Xander said.

=93But Xander your never wrong.=94 Giles said

=93Yes i know.=94 Xander said. =93Dose it say when this will happen.=94

=93Well Xander.=94 Giles said, I think it gives a date. But I=92m afraid =
I
have been unable to translate that part. I thought maybe you could take
a look at it for me.=94

=93Oh course I would good man.=94 Xander said. =93Here let me see it.=94 =
Xander
took the book from Giles. Xander glanced at the book. He said, =93I see
why you had problems Giles. This has been translated from Latin, to
Greek. Then back into Latin. Very tricky. According to this the Evil
demon cinder will try to open the hell mouth on.=94

Xander paused while he sat the book down, then he looked up and said. On

April 1st of this year.=94

=93Oh my. That was most impressive translating Xander.=94 Said Giles as h=
e
began to clean his glasses. Then his mouth fell open and he said, =93My
goodness. Today is April 1st.=94

=93Yes, I know.=94 Said Xander.

Buffy said. =93Oh dear.=94 Cordelia said. =93What ever will we do Xander.=
=94

Xander smiled reassuringly at the too scared girls. Xander said,
=93Nothing to worry your pretty heads about ladies. This is something I
have to take care of. After all I am the chosen one. Who has been chosen

to protect the world from, vampires, demons, and whatever other nasty
things that come to Sunnydale.=94

=93Giles began to clean his glasses and said, =93But Xander how will you
know the demon when you see it. It could be anyone.=94

=93I=92ve already got that all figured out Giles. Just leave everything t=
o
me.=94

=93I knew that I could count on you Xander.=94


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
=93Humm.=94 Xander said. =93I wonder who the demon is?=94

End of part 2/3




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Jeff Weitkamp <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: XtVS 2. The Sequel (3/3)
Date: 11 Aug 1998 23:21:24 -0700

Title: Xander the Vampire Slayer. Part 2. The Sequel.
Author: Jeff W
E-Mail: [e-mail]
Feedback: Yes please. Tell me anything. Was is good, bad, or what.
Distribution: Please ask and I'll say yes.
Spoilers: None
Summary: Because almost everybody who responded asked that I do a
sequel, I did, so you can blame them.
Rating: G for general.
Time line: Sometime
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Joss Wheadon ect.
Authors note:
1.  Despite the title this is not the second part of a story, it is a
Sequel to a previous story But it can stand on it's own.. This may seem
to be a contridiction but when you read the stories it will make more
since. If you have not read the first part just email me and I will send

it to you.
2.  Text between vvvvv and ^^^^^^^ is what is being typed by the
character.

__________________________________
Xander the Vampire Slayer.  Part 2. ( 3/3 )
By JeffW


=93Humm.=94 Xander said. =93I wonder who the demon is?=94
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Xander stood up. He pulled up the Zipper on his incredibly cool leather
jacket, so that he looked his most coolest. Then he took his sunglasses
from his jacket pockets. And put them on. Then he walked out of the
Library saying. =93Don=92t worry about anything. I=92ll take care of
everything.=94

=93Oh Xander. Please be careful.=94 Buffy Yelled.

=93Don=92t let anything happen to your handsomely good-looking face,
Xander.=94 Cordelia said.

Xander walked into the hallway. He heard somebody yell. =93Oh no. Please
don=92t.=94 Xander ran to where he heard the yelling. He saw principal Ci=
der

yelling at Larry. Larry said, =93No please principal cider. Don=92t give =
me
dentition. I=92ll never do it again.=94

Principal Cider pointer at Larry a finger. He said. =93Maybe you=92ll lea=
rn
not to chew gum in my school. 20 hours detention.=94

=93Oh Nooooooooo!=94 Larry said. =93My life is over.=94

Principal Cider smiled a evil smile.

Xander put his hands on his hips and looked at the ugly little man with
a bald head, ugly teeth and just plain bad breath. He said. =93Don=92t yo=
u
think you should pick on someone your own size Principal Cider. Or
should I say, Cinder. You know this brings a whole new meaning to the
phrase Principal from Hell.=94

The demon turned to Xander and said, =93So you finally figured it out
Slayer.=94 Then his body began to shift around. He grew long curly-pointy
horns. His teeth grew long ugly fangs. His cloths disappeared and he had

ugly brown and grey skin.

Xander smiled at the principal from hell. Then he moved his sunglasses
to the top of his head. Then he smiled and said. =93This new look of your=
s

is a big improvement Principal Cider.=94

The demon snarled angrily.

=93But you know what?=94 Xander said. =93You=92re still short.=94

Cinder snarled and charged at Xander. Xander easily side stepped the
charging demon. As the demon pass by Xander grabbed his arm and swung
the demon. Causing it to crash into the wall.

The demon stood up shaking it head. Then it look at the slayer and
jumped at him. Cinder tried to scratch Xander with his sharply sharp
claws. Xander easily blocked the claws with his hands. Then the demon
snarled and tried to bite Xander.

Xander avoided the teeth. Then he swung up with his fist striking Cider
under the jaw. The demon flew up and back. And landed on it=92s back a fe=
w

feet away.

The demon leaped to his feet and charged at Xander. Xander kicked the
charging monster in the face. Then he grabbed the creature by the arm
and flipped it onto it=92s back.

Cinder sat up and snarled at Xander. Then suddenly it reached out it=92s
arm. The arm stretched out 20 feet. It grabbed hold of Xander=92s oldest
friend Willow. She screamed.

Cinder pulled the frightened girl to him. Cowardly using the girl as a
shield. Willow screamed. Cinder smiled and said, =93Stay back slayer. Or =
I

will hurt your little friend.=94

=93Oh, Please Xander.=94 Willow said. Please don=92t let him hurt me.=94 =
As
Cinder put his hand on her throat.

Xander shook his head at Cinder and said, =93All you evil creatures are
the same. Always hiding behind some frightened girl.=94 Don=92t worry
Willow. I won=92t let this short ugly excuse for a principal with bad
breath hurt you.=94

Cinder laughed and said. =93Not so tough now are you Slayer.=94

=93Looks like you got me beat demon.=94 Xander said. =93Sorry Willow.=94

The demon laughed it=92s hellish laugh.=94

Then Xander pointed behind Cinder and said, =93Hey look. It=92s the Bad Y=
ear

Blimp.=94

Cinder turned to look where Xander was pointing. He said, =93I don=92t se=
e
anything.=94 When Cinder turned back around, he found himself looking int=
o

Xander fist hurtling towards his face. The fist hit the demon with the
force of a hammer.

The demon=92s arms fell to it=92s sides. For a moment the demon stood the=
re.

Eye=92s dazed and swaying back and forth.

When Willow realized that Cinder was no longer holding her, she jumped
into Xander=92s Arms. She said, =93Oh Xander. You saved me.=94

Xander looked at the demon. Then he took his finger and gently pushed
the demon. Slowly he fell onto his back. Then suddenly in a flash of
light the demon disappeared. And where it was just smoke.

Xander looked at the smoke and said, =93And don=92t come back!=94

Every body standing in the hall began to clap and cheer for Xander.
Xander accepted their applause with a smile.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
=93Now that was cool If I do say so myself.=94 Xander said to himself.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

Later back in the Library after Xander had told everybody what had
happened, Buffy asked, =93Gee Willow. You must have been terrified.=94

Willow smiled at Xander and said, =93Nope. I knew that Xander wouldn=92t
ever let anything happen to me.=94

=93Wow.=94 Cordelia said. =93You know. The next time the school principal
turns into a demon from hell, I hope that I get captured so Xander can
rescue me. You will rescue me, won=92t you Xander?=94

=93Of course I will Cordelia. Nothing would make me happier=94

=93That=92s My Xander.=94 Willow said. =93Always thinking about others. T=
hat=92s
why I love him.=94

Then Buffy said. =93And I love him because he=92s so brave and strong.=94

=93And I love Xander because,=94 Cordelia said. =93Because, because=85 be=
cause
he=92s so Xander.=94

Then Giles said, =93And I love you Xander because


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
=93Whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!=94 Xander said as he looked around to be sure
that no one saw what he just typed. =93What am I typing. Eccchhhh!=94 The=
n
Xander began to press the backspace key totally wiping out the last line

he had typed. =93As a matter of fact,=94 He said. =93It never existed. I =
never

saw it. There is no way I could have typed, what I didn=92t type. That=92=
s
my story and I=92m sticking to it.=94

Then Xander typed a new line to replace the one that never existed.
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

And Giles was totally in the other room. Looking stuff up.

The End.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Xander saved his story to the hard drive. But before he shut down the
computer, he decided that he might like to have Willow read his stories.

So he copied the story to a floppy. Then he stuck the disk into his book

bag.



The next morning before classes Xander was in the Library with Buffy,
Willow, and Cordelia talking. Several times, Xander almost took the
diskette from his bag to show to Willow. But, the more he thought about
it, he couldn=92t stand the thought of somebody reading what he had
written. He just wasn=92t ready. So he left the disk in the bag. Or so he
thought.

Towards the end of his last class of the day, Xander went to put his
books back into his bag. That was when he realized that the diskette was

missing. He started to panic. Where did he lose it? When was the last
time he saw it?

As he thought about it, the last time he remembered seeing it was in the

library when he got a piece of paper for Cordy. =93Oh no.=94 he said soft=
ly.

=93The library.=94

As soon as class was out Xander raced for the library. He slowed just
before he arrived. After pausing for a few seconds, he got his breath
under control and walked in. Everybody was there. Giles was pacing back
and forth studying a book in his hand. He looked up and absent-mindedly
said, =93Oh, hello Xander.=94

=93Hi Giles,=94 Xander said trying to hide his nervousness. =93Anything g=
oing
on?=94

=93Oh, aaa, nothing pending. We=92re just researching a prophecy.=94 Gile=
s
said before looking back at his book.

Xander knew that the diskette should be near the table so he tried to
walk casually in that direction.

=93Hi Xand.=94 Buffy said from on the counter as he walked by.

Xander jumped at the sound of her voice and said, =93Nothing.=94

=93Nothing what?=94 Buffy asked.

=93Nothing, nothing.=94 Xander said. =93Just nothing.=94 Then he smiled, =
waved
his hand, and said, =93Hi.=94

Buffy smiled and shook her head, before she returned to her book.

Xander continued towards the table. Willow sat on one end with her
computer open, working away. Cordelia sat on one side looking through an

old book. Xander tried to appear calm as he neared the table. =93Hi,
Cordy, Willow.=94 Xander said as he reached the table.

=93Hi.=94 Echoed the girls.

Xander walked over to stand next to Cordelia=92s chair, and kissed her on
the top of the head. Then he tried to appear casual as he looked all
around the table for the diskette.

=93Did you pass your history test, Xander.=94 Cordelia asked.

=93Fine.=94 Answered Xander.

Then he spotted the Diskette on the floor half hidden by some papers.
=93Good.=94 Xander thought, =93Nobody found it.=94

Very coolly Xander smiled at the girls at the table and said, =93My shoe.
It=92s come untied.=94

=93Don=92t you just hate it when that happens?=94 Willow asked with a ver=
y
serious tone.

=93Yeah.=94 Xander said. =93I guess I=92ll have to tie it. I think I=92ll=
 tie it
now.=94 Then Xander bent, down, quickly untied, and then retied his shoe.
Just before he stood up Xander reached out, grabbed the disk and stuck
it in his book bag, hanging from his shoulder, thinking, =93Ha, I got it.=
=94

Then Xander stood up and said. =93Well I can see that you are all busy, S=
o

I=92m going to leave. So, Bye.=94

Xander received a round of farewells from the people in the library.
Then he turned and headed for the door, passing Buffy who was heading
towards the table on the way. Then he stopped, turned around and said,
=93Hey, are we Bronzin it tonight guys?=94

=93Today is Wednesday, calendar boy.=94 Cordelia said. =93The Bronze is
closed.=94

=93Oh yeah, Wednesday,=94 Xander said. =93I knew that.=94 Then he turned =
to
leave.

He almost had his hand on the door when he heard Buffy=92s voice behind
him say, =93Oh, Xander, one thing before you go.=94

=93Sure. What=92s that?=94 Xander asked. As he turned around, he saw Buff=
y,
Willow, and Cordelia all standing at the end of the table looking at
him. Suddenly Xander had a cold feeling in his stomach.

The girls stood there for a moment just smiling. Then simultaneously
they smiled and said sweetly, =93We love you, Xander the Vampire Slayer.=94
Then they all began to giggle.

Xander rolled his eyes to the ceiling and thought, =93It=92s going to tak=
e
me a while to live this one down.


THE END

******
End of part 3/3




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part One: If Not For Misery" (1a/9)
Date: 12 Aug 1998 02:13:03 EDT

Feedback: YES! I've spent two months on this story, and I'd really, really
like to know what people think of it.
Vampyric Lore Disclaimers: "Wyrm" and "Garou" are both terms from the White
Wolf Roleplaying universe. The rest of the Buff-stuff belongs to the Great God
Joss, and anything that you don't recognize outside of that is mine.
Lyric Disclaimers: "If Not For Misery" is copyright The Rembrandts, off their
first CD. "Happy New Year" is copyright Semisonic, off "Feeling Strangely
Fine". "The Path Of Thorns", "Elsewhere", "Fear", and "Circles" are copyright
Sarah McLachlan. "The Dreaming Tree" is Dave Matthew's Band's. "Firecracker"
and "How" belong to
Lisa Loeb. And finally, "Ode To Family" belongs to the Cranberries. Even
though they'll likely never see this story, I'd like to thank each of these
artists for their amazing, inspiring songs.
Thank Yous: To Sarah and Nastassia, for beta-reading. Also, to Jen for beta-
reading and for crying at this one. And to Alex, for the title.
Distribution: Not without my permission, please.
Timeline: Begins a few days before New Year's Eve, 1998 -- the fall after the
events of "Becoming, II"

~

                              "Faith"

                  "Part One: If Not For Misery"
                         By Rachel Brody

             //So hard we try to make it like before
         Beyond these walls there must be something more
        Where love won't die, it's time to say good-bye.
     We need to let it go, it's not the love we used to know
                    Oh listen, can't you see?
       If not for misery, we'd have nothing left at all.//
              -The Rembrandts, "If Not For Misery"

     "Will?"
     Willow glanced up from her desk, toward the window-- and saw
Angel there. She offered a weak smile. "Hey," she said quietly.
     The smile Angel returned was even weaker, and Willow felt her
heart sink. "Didn't go too well, did it," she said. It wasn't a
question.
     Nonetheless, Angel shook his head. "Not...no." He swallowed.
     Standing, Willow moved to the window, her steps soft on the
carpet. She sat on the bed, looking toward the vampire, wondering
at all that had passed since last spring. After Whistler had gotten
Angel out of Hell, the vampire had brought Buffy home, and they had
all assumed everything would be as it had been. Before.
     They'd been wrong.
     Scared and scarred, Buffy had refused every attempt any of
them had made at contact. Angel had gone to her, tonight, at
Willow's urging...Willow had hoped he would have been able to talk
sense into Buffy before she and Giles left Sunnydale to pursue what
Buffy called "a more traditional Slayer lifestyle, you know?"
     From the red stains that laced Angel's cheeks, starting at his
eyes and running over his pale skin in a downward direction, Willow
could see things hadn't gone as she had hoped at all.
     "What happened?" she asked, though she wasn't entirely sure
she even wanted to know.
     Angel shook his head, and when he spoke, his voice shook. "I
hurt her too badly," he said quietly.
     "Oh, no," Willow told him quickly, shaking her head and
reaching out for his hand. "Angel, you didn't, I mean, we all knew
it, it wasn't you, because you'd never hurt her--"
     "Willow," Angel stammered, turning his mournful gaze upon her
once more. "Stop. Please."
     She fell silent, then sighed as her gaze moved to the floor.
     "It was my fault. All of it," Angel said. "From the moment I
asked Darla to show me her world...all of it's been my fault."
     Willow swallowed, then looked at him and shook her head. "It's
not," she said quietly. When it looked as though he might interrupt
her, Willow pressed on. "Angel, you were one of her closest
friends, she can't just push you _away_ like that, you know. She
cares about you too much."
     "She _doesn't_!" Angel burst out, his voice coming sudden and
almost harshly. Willow pulled away, and her quick motion caught his
attention. He sighed. "Sorry," he said. "But Willow..." He shook
his head. "You shouldn't have brought me back," he said.
     Confused, Willow shook her head. "But Whistler's the one--"
     "Before that," he interrupted. "You should have let her kill
me." He sighed, looking at his hands, then running one nervously
through his hair. "She would have killed me and it all woulda been
okay, then."
     Willow bit her lip, watching him. Wondering. She'd been so
hopeful, at first, that everything would be okay between Angel and
Buffy, because she had tried so _hard_ to help them be together,
because they were so _perfect_ with one another...she could
remember all the nights she and Buffy had stayed up on the phone,
back before Angel and Buffy had gotten together, when Buffy would
just go on and on for hours on end, talking about him. And of
course, every time Willow stopped to say that maybe Buffy liked
him, the Slayer would deny it with a giggling sort of vehemence
that put them both into stitches. Later, Willow had stood by and
been there while Buffy told her all about the relationship, all
about what was going on. Buffy had done the same for Willow when Oz
came around. Even though by that point, the she was being forced to
deal with the sudden death of her own relationship.
     Now...Willow had thought that by bringing Angel back, she
would be able to make Buffy happy. She'd seen her friend dying,
being killed by inches, and thought that if she could restore Angel
it might make some sort of difference.
     It had, just not the sort she had wanted it to make.
     She sighed, and looked at Angel, her voice suddenly far more
quiet than it had been before. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just
thought it would help."
     Angel looked up at her, confusion on his face for a few
seconds before he shook his head. "No!" he said. "Willow, I didn't
mean I'm blaming you or anything. Don't think that, okay?" And the
feelings behind the words were genuine.
     Taking them at face value, Willow nodded. "'Kay," she said. A
few seconds later, she sighed. "But...you couldn't talk her into
staying?"
     Angel shook his head. "She told me she didn't want to see me.
Ever again."
     Willow swallowed. That _was_ worse than she had expected.
"What about Giles?" she asked.
     "His first responsibility is to her welfare," Angel sighed.
"And even if he wants her to stay here, at this point in time he's
probably right...getting away from me is best for her."
     "Her mom?"
     Angel gave her an almost rueful look. "She hasn't talked to
her mom since she got back," he reminded her.
     Willow nodded, she knew that. It was just that she had
thought, maybe something might have changed since the last time she
had seen the Slayer. Maybe Buffy's mom would be willing to have a
mind that was a little more open, maybe the Slayer herself would be
willing to give Mrs. Summers a little more time to assimilate what
was going on. But they both had blind expectations of each other,
ones that far outstretched what either was capable of in the
immediate future. Which left Buffy staying at Giles' apartment
while he quit his job as Sunnydale High's librarian to stay there
and train her.
     Realizing that the silence in the room was growing more and
more prominent as the seconds passed, Willow glanced up from the
floor and looked back to Angel.
     Or at least, where he had been sitting. Like he had done so
many times before, the vampire had simply vanished into the
darkness outside.
     Willow sighed, glancing back toward her desk. She couldn't go
out this late at night, her mother would kill her. She had tried
sneaking out last night and gotten caught. If Giles and Buffy were
packing, they wouldn't answer the phone. But...she needed to talk
to them.
     Standing, Willow crossed the room to her telephone, then she
lifted the receiver off the hook and dialed the first number she
had ever memorized after her own. The phone rang four times, and
then he picked up.
     "Hello?"
     "Xander?" Willow said, her voice shaking a little, "we need to
talk."
     "Sure, Will, shoot."
     "Angel was just here."
     There was momentary silence on the other end, no doubt Xander
was trying to keep himself from saying anything more until he knew
exact circumstances.
     Willow pressed on. "He says Buffy and Giles are leaving."
     Another silence, but this one broke far faster than the last.
"How's he know?"
     "He went to try and patch things up," Willow replied.
     On the other end of the line, Xander sounded uneasy. "You want
to go check things out?" he asked.
     Willow nodded, though she knew he couldn't see the gesture.
"Yeah," she said. "If you can."
     "Sure. Cordie's here. She can give us a lift."
     Willow nodded, and they quickly exchanged good-byes before she
hung up and moved to tell her parents she had forgotten, but Xander
had wanted her to come over and tutor him for tomorrow's exam
in...her thoughts raced as she tried to come up with a good
class...the pre-calc exam. She sighed. Like her parents would
accept that Xander, having fulfilled the math requirements he
needed for a diploma, would subject himself to pre-calculus.
     Maybe, she thought to herself, they would just accept it this
time. She hoped.
                                *
     "Buffy," Giles sighed, watching as his charge piled jeans and
t-shirts into a suitcase, "don't you think this course of action
may be a bit rash?"
     The Slayer shook her head, pushing the top of the suitcase
down and effortlessly pulling the zipper so it closed. "No," she
said. "I've been here three months. What better place to start a
new year than _somewhere else_?"
     Giles sighed again and moved to assist her with the suitcases,
only to have her lift them effortlessly in a gesture that clearly
told him just how obsolete his chivalry was when he was dealing
with a child of the 90s. "Perhaps," he acquiesced, "and yet Angel
did seem quite sincere, and I know--"
     "Don't say that," Buffy said sharply, coming back up the
stairs and moving back into the room he had given her when she had
realized she wasn't going to be able to fit back into the mold her
mother had created for her daughter's return.
     Giles' brow knit in confusion. "What?" he asked.
     "His name," Buffy replied. "Don't say it."
     Giles sighed, nodded. "Very well," he said. "But you realize
that you're simply running away again."
     "So stop me," she said, her eyes flashing angrily at him.
"Make me stay."
     "Buffy, that's not at all the point--"
     "Then what's the point?" she asked, her voice oddly calm. She
shook her head when Giles didn't answer, and looked around the
room. "This...Sunnydale's a place I don't wanna be right now. Or
ever, if that can be swung. It's nicer out in the woods. And you've
always told me I needed to concentrate more on my duties as a
Slayer, right? So where's your complaint here? I'm gonna work and
I'm gonna be the best. End of problems."
     "It's not quite that simple," Giles said. "You've been
debating this for several weeks now, you know I'll back you
whatever your final decision, and yet--"
     "Pass me that outfit over there, would you?"
     Giles passed the tank top and cutoff jeans before continuing.
"--and yet it's quite clear that the event that cemented this plan
of action, for you, was the fact that An-- that he came to speak
with you tonight."
     Buffy scoffed, turning back to him. "You think he's got that
kind of effect on me anymore?" She shook her head, her voice
falling slightly. "I'm numb to him, Giles. Him and everything he
does." She swallowed, suddenly looking like the same vulnerable,
scared girl-child she had been when Angel had first brought her
back from her five months of self-imposed exile from Sunnydale.
"It's a dam I'm not gonna open up again. Feeling anything. About
him."
     Giles sighed, moving toward her with a sigh, giving her a
slight hug before taking a step back. "Buffy," he said, lifting her
chin slightly so she was meeting his eyes instead of looking at the
floor. "I realize this is painful. But I don't want you to make any
decisions you're going to regret later on."
     She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please," she said. "What is there to
regret? Education? No, since I got expelled. Friends? No, I keep
getting them in trouble. A life? I think we scratched that one off
the boards _way_ back there." She straightened slightly, her
posture improving as her eyes took on an air of defiance. "This is
what's best for me," she said.
     "For now."
     "For now," she agreed.
     "And if, at any point in the future--"
     "--if I get prepared to let things get complicated again,
yeah, we can come back. But I don't think that's gonna happen and
I know it's not that kind of time, now."
     Giles looked at his Slayer, wanting for all the world to say
something that would make her understand that running away was the
furthest from the best thing for her to be doing right now. But he
had tried every strategy he knew of, short of going to Willow and
Xander himself and having them come to say something to her. That
would have been far too much a betrayal of trust, and trust was
something Buffy had a hard time giving these days. He wasn't
willing to risk losing it over something that could easily hurt
more than it would help.
     As Buffy picked up the final suitcase, then left the room,
Giles turned back to look at it. Bare, empty, it reflected nothing
of the personality of the person who had just finished cleaning it
out, which would have made him feel nostalgic if not for the fact
that Buffy had never put up posters or pictures anyway. The room
had been bare since she had moved into it, and in the past three
months she had shown no indication of wanting to change that.
     As he left the room, following her, Giles refused to let
himself notice the lack of decoration about the place. Boxes filled
with his books, his weapons, his furniture, and everything else
that had once made this apartment feel anything close to a home
lined the walls of the front hall, waiting for the movers who would
come and take them the next day.
     Buffy was right, in some ways. Living in the cabin the Network
had secured for them would certainly give her more time to perfect
her methods. It would allow him the luxury of having her attention
twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, and for once he felt no
tredeptation regarding whether or not she would be capable of
putting forth the required concentration for her studies as the
Slayer.
     The problem, Giles thought silently as he pulled the door of
his apartment closed, locked it, and turned to go to the street
where Buffy was already waiting in the car, was that he wasn't sure
if her newfound myopia was a good sign, or quite the opposite.

~
(More to come)
~
Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part One: If Not For Misery" (1b/9)
Date: 12 Aug 1998 02:13:13 EDT

See part 1 for disclaimers and notes.

~

     Cordelia's car had barely pulled up in front of Giles'
apartment building when Willow pushed the door open and ran toward
the door. Xander arrived behind her a split second later, and once
she had parked, Cordelia was close behind.
     "Are they in there?" she asked.
     Willow turned back, shook her head. "The lights are out."
     Xander rattled the doorknob. They couldn't be gone, couldn't
be. He and Cordelia could have moved faster, they could have found
some way to get here sooner, and if they had, maybe they'd have
still been here-- and yet, if he let himself think that way, he
would become too weighed down by guilt to function as the situation
required.
     So instead, he fought down the guilt and turned to Willow.
"Did Angel say where they were going?" he asked.
     Willow shook her head. "Some cabin," she replied.
     "Well, what are we, you know, waiting for...right?"
     Xander and Willow turned toward the third, and Xander felt a
flush of pride in Cordelia's suggestion. Damn, but she had come
far. Unfortunately... "We don't know where the cabin is."
     Cordelia's cheeks turned bright red, matching her lipstick.
Which had almost completely worn off. Xander grinned inwardly for
a moment, before shoving his thoughts back into line. He had no
business thinking about _that_ while Buffy and Giles were splitting
town.
     "Angel might know," Willow piped up.
     "Yeah, but what makes you think Dead Boy would help us?"
Xander asked. When Willow gave him a hurt look, he sighed.
     "He might tell me," Willow replied.
     "He might. If you could find him. Which, unless he wants you
to, you won't." Xander felt an inward wince at his tone, but knew
there wasn't a hell of a lot he could do to stop it. He couldn't
help his feelings toward Angel, nor could he help that knowing
Angel might be able to help when he couldn't made him feel...well,
jealous. Slightly.
     "Maybe the Bronze?" Cordelia asked.
     Willow shook her head. "He's been avoiding it," she said. "Too
many memories, he says."
     "And yet he wants to pick things up with Buffy. Not too many
memories there, huh?" Xander swallowed at the look Willow gave him,
one that clearly said if he didn't cut the attitude, she would
cause him bodily harm. "Actually, maybe I'll shut up now."
     Willow looked back at Cordelia. "We could try it anyway," she
said.
     With a nod from Cordie, the three were moving back to the car,
which soon pulled away from the curb once more.
                                *
     Tracking wasn't a skill Angel had practiced in a while. Not as
himself, he thought as a memory of stalking Buffy through someone
else's eyes snapped into his head. He shook the memory away, not
wanting any part of the demon who had caused both him and those
around him so much pain. Luckily, with his extrasensory abilities,
Angel found it was like riding a bike-- he had done it before, and
it was easy enough to pick up again now. And it wasn't as though he
could ever forget Buffy's scent, or the way his intuition had
kicked him in the gut every time he'd ever been near her.
     Tracking someone while riding a motorcycle, now that was new.
The fundamentals were the same, but he had to react so much faster
than he was used to, and being a vampire that meant split second
and then some.
     The two-lane highway Buffy and Giles had used to get out of
town was easy enough to ride along, in a silence that was absolute,
except for the roar of his bike. It was mid-winter, the nights were
long, and he had at least six hours before the sun would come up.
Angel was praying like he hadn't done since he was human that he
would find them before the sun rose, because there was nowhere to
hide out here and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to pick up a day-
old trail even if he did somehow manage to survive the sunlight.
     The biggest problem, Angel soon found, was that the memories
were threatening to wear him down the same way the rest of his life
had been trying to do for over two hundred fifty years. Every
breath he took, something reminded him of Buffy in the worst of
ways. Even the bike. Remembering the first time she'd seen his
Harley, her reaction, the joking tone in which she'd said
motorcycles were a definite turn-on...it had been ages before they
had done anything to pursue the "on", and yet still, remembering
the wicked, playful look in her eyes, Angel couldn't help but
wonder why he had wasted the time in getting to the point of
things.
     But then again, he'd wasted so much time over the span of his
life, he supposed a few months, even a few years or decades,
shouldn't make any sort of difference. But...there _was_ a
difference in Buffy's case. Because she was the Slayer. Forbidden
love was always the most fulfilling, or so Angel had thought. Now
it was more a matter of keeping himself from dwelling on what would
happen when, inevitably, Buffy began to grew old. If she grew old.
Or, more inevitably, when she died.
     He shivered at that thought, the motion jostling the bike a
little. Angel shifted his weight to keep control of it, ignoring
the wind in his face in favor of the thoughts in his mind.
     She would grow old, or die, or both, and sooner or later he
would be without her. He couldn't make her a vampire, she would
never let him. He didn't want her as a vampire, either. He wanted
her. Buffy. As his. Or better, as a part of him.
     Fat chance, he thought ruefully, after everything Angelus had
done to her.
     The road curved, and Angel took it tight, feeling the cycle's
wheels skidding under him, threatening to throw the bike out of
control. He found, oddly enough, that he hardly cared. So what if
he went over the edge of the road, into the woods? Who would be
around to care? Not Buffy, she had made that abundantly clear. He
snorted to himself, disgusted with the way things had turned around
on him. When Whistler had told him he could leave Hell, Angel's
first reaction had been to say he didn't deserve to leave, he
deserved to rot. Whistler, of course, hadn't seen it that way...no,
he had told Angel that there were people back on Earth who needed
him and to get his ass off the lava and back into the real world.
Things had been fine-- at first. Then they had rapidly soured as
everyone involved realized they were trying to hard to make
everything go back to how it had been before.
     Fights. Screaming. Threats. "If you hadn't"'s. "If I had--"'s.
Accusations, skeletons coming out of closets people hadn't even
realized existed. And always, he and Buffy were on different sides.
When Xander accused him of being a soulless, selfish bastard, Buffy
had agreed that _Angelus_ had hurt them all. When Willow had found
out Buffy was trying to leave, Cordelia had been backed up by
Xander when she said maybe Buffy needed a little break-- and then
the three of them and Angel had found themselves trying to pound
that through the head of a Slayer too distraught to listen. None of
them could seem to get through to Giles, these days. Angel
shuddered. Giles, at least, tolerated him. God knew how, because
Angel had probably caused him the most pain of all of them, except
for Buffy herself. But tolerating him, apparently, had nothing
whatsoever to do with listening to his suggestions or letting him
near the Slayer.
     And tonight, Angel knew, he had done it for good. Things were
over, and yet he still couldn't let go. He still needed to know
that, if she wasn't going to let him be near her, she would at
least be safe. He couldn't be sure of that when she was with Giles,
only. And though he was sure he would feel it if anything ever
happened to her, he couldn't make himself believe it enough to let
Buffy off on her own somewhere.
     As the road dodged through and into a small forest, the trees
dense and dark, Angel felt a chill run through his body. Garou
might be out here, and he didn't want anything less than he wanted
to be found, alone and unarmed, having to face a pack of werewolves
on their own turf. Oz was one thing, immature and incapable of
harnassing what he really was. A pack was something entirely
different.
     Thanks to the chill, he nearly discounted the twist in his
stomach. But then it came again, stronger. Buffy. He gunned the
bike's engine, feeling the wind pick up even more as he zig-zagged
through a few more sharp curves.
     Then, up ahead, he could make out light. Flickering and
unsteady, but blazing in the darkness. A knot rose up in his throat
as he saw where the light was coming from.
     "Oh no. No, no..." Angel heard someone saying, in his voice,
as the motorcycle squealed to a stop and he practically jumped off,
running the last twenty meters to the edge of the blaze that
surrounded not only a large, dead tree...but an old, beat up,
outdated clunker of a car, as well.
     He didn't stop until he could almost feel the flames licking
at his flesh, and when it came to that point Angel realized he
could go no further. "Buffy," he whispered, for the car was
unmistakably Giles'. No one else drove a heap of junk like that.
     Yet when he reached the edge of the flames, so that he could
almost feel them licking at his boots, he could go no further. The
fire was too deep to see in further than the end of the car's hood,
the paint blistering and the metal twisted, glass shattered and
melting on the road.
     Angel took another half-step forward, knowing he couldn't just
leave her in there. Even if she was nothing but ash, he had to get
her out. It wasn't until his foot left the ground to take him into
the flames that a hand fell on his shoulder.
     "You'll serve no purpose, going in there, friend."
     Angel jerked around, and felt a violent shudder run through
his body as he faced what he had feared meeting in the forest-- a
Garou, in human form. It was only the eyes that made it clear what
the Garou was-- long, yellow slits instead of normal human irises.
     Angel tossed glances around the edges of the darkness where
the flames from the care ended, but saw no other shadows. He looked
back at the Garou, swallowing, telling himself he could take on
just one of these easily enough. "I've got a friend in there," he
said.
     The Garou looked at him gravely, and shook his head. "No," he
said. "We have her. And the old one."
     Angel raised an eyebrow. "Where?" he asked.
     "With the pack," the Garou replied, cocking his head slightly
and looking at Angel with the same wolfish look that Angel had seen
in all their expressions, every time he had met one. They were
almost as suspicious as vampires, almost as exclusive a club to
join, and far more loyal to one another than anything Angel had
seen in vampire covens. And they hated vampires with a passion. So
it was no wonder a pack had saved the Slayer. But then, why was he
being told she was safe? They had to know who he was, or at least
what he was.
     "You know what I am, right?" he asked. When the Garou nodded,
Angel took a quick breath. "I don't want an ambush, Garou," he
said, his voice rough.
     "There will be none. I've called you Friend." He said it as
though it should be taken for granted, then offered a hand.
     "On whose authority?" Though he was far from well-versed in
the intricacies of the Garou honor code, Angel knew at least that
as far as calling another-- especially one infected with what they
knew as the Wyrm, and Angel's kind called a demon-- Friend could be
a big deal. And not one that would be honored if done improperly.
     "My own," the Garou said, his voice remaining calm.
     Angel looked at him for a few long seconds, then nodded. It
wasn't as though he had a choice, if Buffy had been taken by the
Garou. As sure as he was that they would take care of one of the
world's most potent weapons against the Wyrm, he couldn't take
something as important as Buffy's safety on faith.
     Not from a Garou, at any rate.
     "Fine," Angel finally acceded. "Let me get my bike." He moved
toward his motorcycle, then stopped as he heard a snarl. He turned
back to the Garou, who was glaring at him. "Come _on_," he sighed.
"It's faster."
     "And it causes harm to Gaia. Leave it here."
     For a moment, Angel considered refusing. He felt the blood in
his veins, which had been reacting to the presence of the Garou
since he had first realized it was here, run a little faster, a
little harder. Then he fought the urge to attack the thing, and
veered away from his bike. "Alright, it stays." The Garou's lips,
which had been curled back in a snarl, relaxed and closed. Angel
nodded toward the woods. "So let's go," he said.
     Without another word, the Garou nodded and moved away into the
darkness.
                                *
     "Take her to a hospital."
     "We can help her here. _They_ can help her more?"
     "More than your-- than this ridiculous nature-healing crap you
idiots are trying to pull!"
     The angry voices, escalating, hurt her mind. The very air
itself hurt her body. Everything else, it seemed, hurt her soul.
     Beside her, someone was talking softly. Further away, she
could feel soft hands rubbing some sort of cream onto her arm. And
someone else was chanting in a voice so low as to be almost
inaudible.
     Giles, where was he? What had happened? She couldn't crack her
eyes open, the flesh hurt so badly, and so she was stuck watching
the movie that kept replaying those last few seconds on the road in
the Imax of her mind.
     Her own voice, shouting as something had rushed across the
road, Giles jerking beside her and the wheel going to one side, her
swearing, the shattering of glass, Giles suddenly unconscious
beside her. Her seatbelt had been stuck. Her legs, trapped in the
mangled mess that had been the dashboard of the car. The nearly-
non-existent crumple zone of the hood smashed up all around the
front hood. A pain in her side, in her stomach. A broken rib,
perhaps. It still ached, but not as badly as the rest of her. She
couldn't remember what had come next, until strong, warm arms had
lifted her from the unconscious stupor that had settled over her
and she murmured his name, knowing it couldn't be him, because she
had sent him away.
     That thought brought out a half-formed sob, which in turn
wracked her body and made her want to scream in pain. The voices
were still speaking.
     "She needs medical care. Like, from somebody with a _degree_."
     "She cannot be moved."
     The first voice was so familiar, laced with pain and caring,
and when Buffy realized who it was that was speaking she wished she
was still stuck in the neverland of semi-consciousness.
     "She _has_ to be!"
     "They would pollute her body the same way they have polluted
the Mother. She must stay here. We will keep her pure."
     There was a pause, and then Angel's voice again. "I don't want
her pure, I want her _alive_, dammit!"
     She moaned softly at the tone of his voice. That frustrated,
caring, and yet not understanding way Angel had shown so
prominently since he had returned from Hell. When he would listen
to her and still not hear what it was she was saying, when she
would have to resort to screaming to make him hear anything at all.
And now he was using it with whoever this other person was.
     "It is light out now, Childe of Cain. Do you wish to take her
back with you and make it no further than the door of the pack's
dwelling? Or would you prefer to wait, give us the hours; we will
keep her safe until then."
     She heard someone make a half-hearted scowling noise, almost
a growl and yet not quite. Then she heard footsteps. Her eyes still
closed, she could tell they were coming toward her.
     A thin hand fell upon her forehead, and she gasped in pain
when the palm touched the cut on her forehead. The touch didn't
lighten as she had hoped it would, rather it stayed firm. She heard
a soft voice, a calm one. "You will live to see sundown, child."
     Fighting the burning pain in her throat, Buffy forced herself
to speak, despite the way everything that was her screamed when she
so much as took a breath. "Giles...okay?"
     There was a soft chuckle above her. "He should awake before
sunset, as well."
     Then, as suddenly as it had come, the hand left her forehead
and she heard the owner of the voice walking away. At the same
time, the chant died, and the hands that had been on her arms left.
Two more sets of footsteps slowly left the room, and Buffy was
alone.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Two: Happy New Year" (2/9)
Date: 12 Aug 1998 11:44:57 EDT

Feedback: YES! To [e-mail]. No flames, please, but constructive
criticism is eagerly awaited.

See part 1a for all notes and disclaimers.

~

                   "Part Two: Happy New Year"

            //New Year's Eve and it's hard to believe
                  Another Zodiac's gone around
             While you drank yourself high on hoping
          And watched the ceiling spin from the ground
                Counting down from ten it's time
                   To make your annual prayer
                    "Secret Santa in the sky
                  When will I get my share?"//
               -"This Will Be My Year", Semisonic

     She would be alright. Angel kept repeating the words in his
mind as he pretended to nurse the cup of coffee from the hospital's
cafeteria. Every so often, he would look up at the Watcher, who was
seated on the other side of Buffy's bed. Giles' eyes had been
trained on him the entire evening. Angel didn't like the scrutiny,
and he had nothing to say, yet there was no way around the
proximity. Neither he nor Giles was willing to leave Buffy with the
other, alone. And so they remained this way.
     The older man had recovered better than Angel would have
thought possible, given the extent of the concussion the Garou had
found him with. Grudgingly, and only to himself, Angel admitted
that the pack's methods might not have been entirely unproductive.
     Buffy was another story. Though she had been badly burned, so
had Giles, and Buffy had even her Slayer's healing abilities
working on her side. The Garou had said their faith/nature healing
wouldn't work because she had no faith left to spend on her wounds.
That was fine with Angel. He had more confidence in the Sunnydale
Hospital and their science than he did in the Garou's faith.
     Under the careful ministrations of Sunnydale's emergency team,
Buffy was recovering. Her life wasn't in danger, though Angel had
found his threatened when the doctors had realized how much time
had passed between the occurrences leading to the injuries and when
Buffy and Giles had been brought in. Angel couldn't remember the
story he had made up to appease them, only that they had bought it.
     He glanced up again, saw Giles' eyes on him, and looked back
down. It was only a matter of seconds before he shook his head. He
wasn't a coward, he wasn't going to behave as though he had done
wrong. Because he hadn't, not now. In the past, he had done all the
wrongs in the book and more...but these days, he was living as best
he knew how, trying to put the life he might have once had back
together. Failing miserably, but trying.
     So he looked up again, and this time when he met Giles' eyes,
he didn't look away. Instead, he cleared his throat, making his
voice careful, deliberate, and low. "What happened to you two?"
     Giles was the one who looked away, this time. "I was
careless," he admitted. "Something ran across the road. I lost
control of the car."
     Angel nodded slowly, waiting a few more seconds before he
spoke again. "She'll hate me, won't she."
     Giles remained silent. It was all the answer Angel needed.
     "I need to call Willow," Angel said quietly. "So she'll stop
looking." He shook his head. "You shouldn't have let her run," he
murmured, half to Giles and half to himself, as he stood and left
the room.
                                *
     "She's at the hospital," Willow breathed with a sigh of relief
as she hung up the phone and turned to look at Xander and Cordelia.
"Angel found her. She and Giles were in a car accident. They're at
the hospital and she'll be okay."
     Xander nodded, already moving toward the door.
     "Angel said we shouldn't go," Willow said quietly.
     Xander froze, looking back at her. Cordelia, too, looked
surprised.
     "He says there are things he and Buffy need to work out," she
said.
     For a few seconds, Xander just gaped at her. Then he spoke.
"You're not gonna _listen_ to him, are you?"
     Confused, Willow nodded. "I was planning to...why?"
     "Yeah," piped up Cordelia. "Why shouldn't she listen to him?"
     "Because," Xander stammered. "It's, he's..."
     "Giles is there," Willow reminded him. "And we know she's
safe, and it's late, and we were out all night last night and my
mom will kill me if we're out again tonight."
     "So what do we do, then?"
     "Wait," Willow said. "For him to call back."
     "How do you know he will?"
     Willow sighed, shook her head. "Xander," she said, "don't
_worry_. It'll be okay."
     With a shake of his head, Xander acceded. "Hope so," was his
only verbal response.
                                *
     Hanging up the phone with Willow, Angel turned to go back to
Buffy's room. It wasn't until he had reached the door and started
to open it that he heard two voices inside, speaking. One was
Giles', strong yet quiet. The other, the weaker one, was Buffy's.
     "I don't want him near me," she was saying. "Please, Giles..."
     "He cares for you, Buffy. Deeply."
     Angel was surprised at the tone of the Watcher's voice. He
hadn't realized Giles was on his side, if such a thing were to be
had, in this...this.
     "I don't care about him," Buffy said, her voice getting thick
with emotion. "Giles, keep him away. Please. I'm not ready. You
know that."
     Part of Angel wanted to leave, now. To fade into the darkness
of night like he'd always done, and seek shelter in the shadows. It
made things so much easier to exist like that, on the fringe.
Simpler, somehow, when you only had to face so much as you could
handle. The other part of him quickly brought up a point-- he
wanted Buffy to face him, and apparently she didn't think she was
ready.
     Maybe, he barely let himself think, maybe it would go better
than their conversation the night before.
     "Somebody say something about me?" he asked, pushing the door
open and stepping carefully into the room.
     Buffy was sitting up, Giles seated on the edge of her bed, and
they looked as though they had been in deep conversation. Her face,
which held an expression of pain when he pushed the door open,
smoothed over immediately. And there, Angel could see, he had
ceased to exist for her in any emotional meaning of the word. When
she looked at him, the anger was smoldering deep in her eyes, and
when Giles' gaze fell on him he could tell that the Watcher had
tried his best.
     He swallowed, looked at her. "I wanted to say I'm sorry," he
said, though that hadn't been what he had come in here for at all.
     Buffy glared. "You always are," she replied.
     "Buffy--"
     "Angel, I told you. I need some time. I haven't had enough
yet."
     "But--"
     "I'll tell you when I've finished healing," she said, her tone
sharp and her voice firm, though it was obvious enough that the
strength was a thin facade. "Until then, stay away from me."
     Angel cast a glance to Giles, but the Watcher refused to meet
his gaze. "Giles," he said quietly.
     The Watcher and his charge exchanged glances, then the older
man rose and walked to the door, which he held open as he ushered
Angel out, following him.
     The moment the door had closed behind the Watcher, Angel
spoke. "She doesn't understand, I just want to help," he insisted,
his eyes searching Giles' face for some sign that even if he wasn't
getting through to the Slayer, her Watcher might have some clue as
to how deeply he needed to be able to be there for the woman he
loved.
     "On the contrary," Giles said, taking the half-breath he
normally took only when he was saying he knew the listener would
find unsatisfactory. "She understands...quite well." He shook his
head. "But I think she may be right," he continued, before Angel
could speak. "And it might be best if you gave her time to recover
from the last year."
     His lips parted, but Angel found he had no words to offer.
What Giles had said, in his firm, British way, was that Angel had
to stop trying. That hope for reconciliation, at least at this
point in time and for a long time to come, was dead.
     A dark red began to swim in the mist that had come over
Angel's eyes as he nodded slightly, the knowledge that there was
honestly no hope for him becoming plain, rapidly. In that moment,
as his eyes and Giles' met for the briefest of seconds, it was
clear to Angel that the Watcher understood each other, perfectly.
     And that he had no other choice, now, but to listen to Buffy's
wishes and go.
                                *
     His heart trembling, Giles turned away from the hallway Angel
was walking quickly down, back to the door of Buffy's room. The
Slayer hadn't moved, he found when he opened the door. She was
still sitting there, just as he had left her, looking for all the
world as though she were going to begin crying any moment.
     His heart went out to her, even though he knew it was only
outwardly that Buffy appeared so vulnerable, so hurt. She was
stronger than any of them knew, and once the burns and sprains and
breaks from the accident healed, she would be up and about and
ready to, as she had once put it, "open a can of pink fluffy whoop-
ass on those vampire bastards". While questioning her method of
verbal expression, Giles felt completely in synch with the emotions
behind the words.
     "Is he gone?"
     He looked at her for a moment before nodding slightly. "Yes,"
he replied. Then he sighed. He had never understood Buffy's
relationship with Angel, except for the knowledge that they had
cared deeply for each other before his change, that he had hurt her
more than anything she had ever known before while he had been
evil, and that their attempts at reconciliation since his return
from Hell had been nothing but failures.
     "Good," she whispered, curling up a little, wincing in pain as
she stretched complaining muscles and bumped bruised bones.
     "Buffy..." Giles breathed, moving back to where he had been
sitting on the bed next to her, "...I told him that when you felt
you were ready to speak with him, you would do so on your own
initiative. I hope that's what you wanted." It wasn't said in a
bitter tone, or an angry one, but a genuine one. He wasn't looking
to rub anything in her face. He was looking for sincere
confirmation that what he had done was the right thing.
     Buffy nodded, slightly. "Yeah," she said softly. Another few
moments passed. "Hey," she said, looking at him. "How long were we
in the woods?"
     "It's New Year's Eve, if that's what you mean," Giles replied.
     "Good," Buffy said softly, though there was no joy in her
voice.
     Sensing there was more, Giles kept silent.
     "When I was little," Buffy said quietly, and Giles was unsure
of whether she was speaking to him, or to herself, "Mom and Dad
used to tell me that New Year's was when you got another chance."
She looked up at him, her eyes haunted and seeking something it
appeared she thought she would never find. Shelter, perhaps. "To
start over, fix what you did wrong the year before."
     "Many people feel that way," Giles replied, but he kept
himself from saying anything more.
     "I made a lot of mistakes last year," Buffy sighed. "A lot."
She shook her head. "Time to put 'em right now, though, right?" At
Giles' nod, she continued. "So, the biggest one was neglecting my
duties. As the Slayer." She shook her head. "I'm not gonna do that
this year. And the thing with Angel, that got in the way."
     Giles nodded again, realizing that this wasn't Buffy making
empty promises-- she meant what she was saying. That frightened
him, though he realized full well that she expected him to approve
wholeheartedly.
     "So this year..." She looked at him. "I know the thing with
the cabin didn't work out, but maybe if we drove in the day, would
that work?"
     Giles sighed. "Buffy--"
     "Giles, I'm trying to do my thing here, for once. You know,
the whole deal. Please don't make it any harder."
     Holding his breath for a moment, Giles finally sighed and
nodded. "I won't," he assured her, reaching out to take her hand.
"Buffy, I promise, whatever you decide to do, so long as it makes
you happy and allows you to pursue your responsibilities as the
Slayer at the same time, I will stand behind you, one hundred
percent."
     That actually got a smile out of her. Relief, however
temporary, flooded through Giles' mind, undoing the knot that had
been his stomach for a good portion of the evening.
     Sliding across the bed, Buffy reached out and picked up the
remote control for the television that was perched in the corner of
her hospital room's ceiling. She hit a few keys, just in time to
catch a report on how the ball-dropping had gone in Time's Square,
an hour earlier.
     "Wow," she said. "New Year out there already."
     Giles looked at the screen, then nodded. "It would seem so."
     She checked her watch. "Two more hours. It's only ten."
     "Again, an accurate call." He smiled at her slightly.
     "Gonna be a big year," Buffy said quietly, as though half-lost
in thought.
     "Perhaps you should get some rest?" her Watcher suggested.
     The Slayer's expression changed as she shook her head, giving
Giles the look that asked just what planet it was he came from.
"I've never missed a ball drop in my _life_," she said. "Not gonna
start _now_."
     He smiled faintly. "If you want to sleep, I would be more than
happy to wake you up prior to midnight."
     She smiled a little. "Promise?"
     Giles nodded.
     "Okay then," Buffy said with a yawn, and before Giles realized
what she was doing, the Slayer had turned around in the hospital
bed so her head was resting in his lap, her knees tucked into her
chest. Her eyes were already closed, and Giles quickly realized
that it had taken her all of two seconds to fall asleep. So here he
was, unable to move because he would wake her, and it was quite
obvious that she needed the rest.
     It wasn't as though he had anywhere else he needed to be,
however, so Giles was quite content to stay put, where he was, and
remain perfectly aware of his Slayer sleeping while he watched the
report on how the masses in Time's Square, New York City, were
busily cheering the New Year in.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Three: The Path of Thorns" (3a/9)
Date: 13 Aug 1998 00:39:05 EDT

Feedback: YES! Please! I eagerly await it!

See part one for all disclaimers and notes.

~

                "Part Three: The Path of Thorns"

     "Here we are, then," Giles said, closing the doorway of the
new car the Network had purchased for whatever needs he and Buffy
might have in the way of transportation. He missed his old car,
clunker though it may have been. Not even the built-in compact disc
player in the new one made up for the fact that the sports car was
more on the order of something Cordelia would purchase than
something that suited Giles' own tastes. He glanced up, watching as
Buffy walked toward the cabin. It wasn't really a cabin, he
supposed, in that it had running water and electricity. It was more
of a cottage in the woods.
     Ahead of him, Buffy was ambling slowly down the path to the
doorway, not speaking until she tried the door and it refused to
give. Then she turned back to look at him. "Do you have a key?" she
asked.
     Giles nodded. "Of course," he replied, fishing the key ring
out of his pocket, then tossing it to her when she came near enough
to catch it.
     She caught it, turned, and went back to the porch, where she
opened the door and vanished from his sight. Giles glanced back at
the road, then checked his watch. The movers should be here within
a few hours, with the furniture and suitcases. Until then, he and
Buffy had time to explore the grounds and make themselves at home.
     He followed her into the house, looking around. The paint was
new, the rugs were new; it seemed as though the whole cottage had
been refurnished for their arrival. Perfectly possible, he knew,
given that the Network was as eager as anyone else involved to see
Buffy returned to functional duty as their Slayer, their champion.
     From the top of the stairs, Buffy's head appeared. Giles felt
his heart leap when he saw the expression on her face-- a smile
that reached all the way to her eyes, one that showed genuine
emotion. Mentally thanking God that Buffy seemed to be on the road
to recovery already, even while he reminded himself of all the
other times he had thought that since the past fall, Giles moved to
join her upstairs.
     "You've gotta see this," she was saying, already moving down
the hallway as he nodded and walked behind her. She reached the
room at the end of the corridor, entered, and crossed it to the
window sill. "Out there," she said, nodding.
     Giles followed her gaze to the sight outside, and took a quick
breath as he saw the view. Truly amazing, he thought to himself.
     Outside the cottage, there was grass for perhaps twenty meters
all around, then the woods closed in around the building's grounds
on all sides but one. On the final side, there was a river with a
small, sandy beach. Giles didn't doubt that the water was safe for
swimming, even if only in the immediate vicinity. The Network would
have made sure of that.
     "When I was little," Buffy was saying, "we had this place on
the beach where we'd go on weekends. I was in like, third grade,
and it was the best time...dad would take me out on this
motorboat..."
     Giles nodded, the smile on his own face mirroring the one on
Buffy's as they stared silently out into the sunlight, the water,
and the woods.
                                *
     By nightfall, the movers had arrived. The house was now,
instead of being empty, full to the gills and then some. Giles
hadn't realized how much of his things he had kept in Sunnydale
High's Library and then in storage, nor had he understood fully
just how much Buffy was capable of keeping in the one room she had
been using at his apartment.
     After a sparse dinner consisting of pasta and salad, Buffy had
gone out to sit on the porch swing, and Giles had stayed inside to
tidy up and read. He had completely lost track of time, surprised
by how easily he had lost himself in the texts, until the clock
chimed midnight. Looking up from his research, the Watcher realized
that Buffy was still out on the front porch. A quick glance out the
window confirmed the notion, and not wanting to wake her, Giles
decided it would be easy enough to simply bring a blanket out to
ward off pneumonia or a cold, and let her spend the rest of the
night in the cool night air.
     He rifled through one of the boxes until he found the
bedclothes, then took the thick quilt Buffy had appropriated months
ago and moved toward the doorway, opening the heavy door with extra
care, hoping he wouldn't wake her.
     She was curled up on the swing, which in turn was moving back
and forth, back and forth, slowly in the night breeze that came off
the water. Her hair, pulled back in a ponytail since they had left
Sunnydale that morning, was blowing gently in her face. Her
expression was one of happy contentment. The lack of fear, the way
years of pain and fear fell from her features when she was unaware,
was startling at first. Giles had seen her sleeping, however,
enough to know that at least now, she was safe, not fearing
anything.
     He was glad she could feel that way here, so easily, and
supposed it had to do with the Network's placement of the cottage.
They tended to select psychic "blind spots" to build in, areas that
for whatever reason, be it physical features or connections with
the spirit world, were quieter in all mystical ways than the
general environment a human or Slayer would live in.
     As Giles moved to put the blanket over Buffy's sleeping form,
he heard something whisper in the trees behind him. Letting go of
the blanket, he turned and looked up to the edge of the clearing
that surrounded the house. "Someone there?" he called, keeping his
voice low, but strong.
     "One," came the response.
     Giles raised an eyebrow. The voice was neither threatening nor
commanding, but simply present. "Who?" he asked, his mind already
racing to try and determine what sort of person or thing could be
here.
     "Quirin," was the answer.
     Giles nodded slowly. "Step into the light," he said, keeping
his eyes trained on the new arrival. The mystery visitor did as
ordered, taking a step into the light that shone through the
windows of the cottage's living room. And as soon as he did, Giles
felt his breath catch in his throat.
     Garou. Flesh-eater. Hunters of the Wyrm. The bastard children
of Gaia. The words, labels he had read in book after book over the
years, blazed across Giles' mind as he took a step back toward
Buffy. It was a full second before he remembered that second only
to their objective to keep Gaia pure, the Garou were dedicated to
the eradication of the Wyrm.
     And that they had saved both himself and Buffy, only a few
weeks before.
     Putting away the prejudices that had been burned into his mind
years ago, Giles cleared his throat and offered the Garou, Quirin,
a smile which showed no teeth. Like a wolf or a large dog, the
Garou took the baring of teeth to be a challenge to their
authority, and Giles was far from prepared to challenge an aging
werewolf to a battle of supremacy.
     "She is well?" Though in human form, the Garou still displayed
the shaggy, unkempt, yet somehow dignified look common to the
eldest of it's kind. The words weren't so much as question as they
were a greeting, a way of establishing that the two had met
previously. Perhaps, Giles thought, a way of expressing that the
Quirin meant neither him nor Buffy harm.
     And yet, if he was in human form, then he must have eaten
human flesh. Recently.
     As though following Giles' thoughts from his expression, the
Garou smiled slightly, also not showing teeth, and shook his head.
"There are always deaths," he said quietly. "Embalming chemicals
are at odds with Gaia, and so we purify them."
     Grave robbing, then. Giles felt a shudder of disgust run
through him before he squelched the labeling instinct and nodded.
"Of course." After all, it was the fact that they had been in human
form when he and Buffy had needed their assistance New Year's Eve
that had kept both Watcher and Slayer from death.
     "She is well?" the Quirin asked again.
     Giles followed the Garou's glance to the Slayer, and nodded.
"Physically, at least," he replied.
     The Garou nodded, with what might have been an expression of
regret. "She hurts, inside. She has no faith to heal."
     "In all honesty," Giles said, his voice soft, "I don't think
she has the faith to do much of anything but fight, these days."
And even that, he doubted. Why he was sharing this with a Garou, he
didn't know. Somehow, it seemed that perhaps the other could
understand. Something in the way the werewolf carried himself, the
way his eyes seemed expressive and aware not only in the way of
humans, but also in the same way as dogs Giles had kept had seemed
at times. Caring, loyal. Though, Giles reminded himself, thinking
of the Garou as mere house-pets had led more than one man to his
death in the past.
     "I see," was Quirin's only response. A few seconds passed,
both Giles and the Garou looking at Buffy's sleeping form, before
the Garou spoke. "Perhaps she needs something to believe in," the
Garou offered.
     Giles smiled slightly, a sort of bitterness in the expression.
"Perhaps," he said. But what? She had already been betrayed by
friends, by life, by fate itself when it she had been called as the
Slayer. What more was there? "Believing in herself isn't something
that comes easily for her," he said.
     "In the end," the Garou said, his voice quiet, "she is all she
has to believe in."
     "No," Giles replied. "There are people, such as myself, who
wouldn't have her in pain for all the world." The sudden
recollection of the look in Angel's eyes at the hospital on New
Year's Eve rushed back at him, and Giles had to push it away. "But
even we can't keep pain from touching her."
     "Then she lives as Gaia would have it," Quirin said quietly,
"and she must learn to deal with that fact."
     Giles shook his head, brushing a lock of hair from where it
had fallen across Buffy's eyes. "You think nature could be so
cruel?" he asked.
     "Nature," the Garou told him, his voice passionless and
accepting, one which believed so fully in the words he was
speaking, "can be the cruelest force around us. She can also be the
kindest, the one that most makes us realize our strengths and the
strengths of those around us." Taking a few steps closer, Quirin
nodded to Buffy. "Gaia and the Fates work closely," he said. A
trace of approval entered his voice. "It is good that you brought
her here. To us."
     "I brought her here for her training," Giles said. "Because
the Network gave us this place."
     "It is land, how can they give that?"
     "They purchased--" Giles broke off, remembering that the Garou
acknowledged no claim of ownership on Gaia's mysteries. "I brought
her here to heal," he amended.
     Quirin nodded in what might have been approval. "Then she will
heal," he said.
     There were a few seconds of silence, then Giles nodded. "I
hope so," he said.
     "She will," Quirin repeated. Tossing a glance back over his
shoulder, the Garou shook his head. "I must leave," he said. "One
of the she-wolves brings a child into Gaia's glory, tonight." He
offered a slight smile. "You understand."
     Giles nodded.
     "Tell her she will heal," Quirin said softly, the smile that
pierced through his almost wolfish features easy to see. "Tell her
to nurture her faith."
     "I will," Giles replied. It was all he had done, all he would
do until she healed.
     With a nod of approval, the Garou turned and vanished into the
shadows.
     Giles cast a look down at his Slayer, surprised that she
hadn't so much as stirred during his conversation with Quirin.
Perhaps, he thought, it would be best if they both spent the night
inside tonight. It wasn't that he distrusted the Garou, he told
himself, though he in no way believed that assertion. It was simply
that he wanted to keep her safe. "Buffy," he said, shaking her
gently. "Buffy, wake up."
     She stirred under his hands, her eyes opening as she looked at
him. "Whuh?" she said quietly.
     "I think you'd best go inside," Giles said, offering her a
hand so she could get herself out of the porch swing. "You've
fallen asleep."
     Buffy nodded slightly, tiredly, letting him raise her up from
the swing and guide her inside, then upstairs to the room she had
picked as her own earlier in the day.
     By the time he had put the Slayer to bed, Giles realized it
was well past midnight, and so he too went to sleep.

~
(More to come)
~

Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Three: The Path of Thorns" (3a/9)
Date: 13 Aug 1998 01:32:16 EDT

Feedback: YES! Please! I eagerly await it!

See part one for all disclaimers and notes.

~

                "Part Three: The Path of Thorns"

     "Here we are, then," Giles said, closing the doorway of the
new car the Network had purchased for whatever needs he and Buffy
might have in the way of transportation. He missed his old car,
clunker though it may have been. Not even the built-in compact disc
player in the new one made up for the fact that the sports car was
more on the order of something Cordelia would purchase than
something that suited Giles' own tastes. He glanced up, watching as
Buffy walked toward the cabin. It wasn't really a cabin, he
supposed, in that it had running water and electricity. It was more
of a cottage in the woods.
     Ahead of him, Buffy was ambling slowly down the path to the
doorway, not speaking until she tried the door and it refused to
give. Then she turned back to look at him. "Do you have a key?" she
asked.
     Giles nodded. "Of course," he replied, fishing the key ring
out of his pocket, then tossing it to her when she came near enough
to catch it.
     She caught it, turned, and went back to the porch, where she
opened the door and vanished from his sight. Giles glanced back at
the road, then checked his watch. The movers should be here within
a few hours, with the furniture and suitcases. Until then, he and
Buffy had time to explore the grounds and make themselves at home.
     He followed her into the house, looking around. The paint was
new, the rugs were new; it seemed as though the whole cottage had
been refurnished for their arrival. Perfectly possible, he knew,
given that the Network was as eager as anyone else involved to see
Buffy returned to functional duty as their Slayer, their champion.
     From the top of the stairs, Buffy's head appeared. Giles felt
his heart leap when he saw the expression on her face-- a smile
that reached all the way to her eyes, one that showed genuine
emotion. Mentally thanking God that Buffy seemed to be on the road
to recovery already, even while he reminded himself of all the
other times he had thought that since the past fall, Giles moved to
join her upstairs.
     "You've gotta see this," she was saying, already moving down
the hallway as he nodded and walked behind her. She reached the
room at the end of the corridor, entered, and crossed it to the
window sill. "Out there," she said, nodding.
     Giles followed her gaze to the sight outside, and took a quick
breath as he saw the view. Truly amazing, he thought to himself.
     Outside the cottage, there was grass for perhaps twenty meters
all around, then the woods closed in around the building's grounds
on all sides but one. On the final side, there was a river with a
small, sandy beach. Giles didn't doubt that the water was safe for
swimming, even if only in the immediate vicinity. The Network would
have made sure of that.
     "When I was little," Buffy was saying, "we had this place on
the beach where we'd go on weekends. I was in like, third grade,
and it was the best time...dad would take me out on this
motorboat..."
     Giles nodded, the smile on his own face mirroring the one on
Buffy's as they stared silently out into the sunlight, the water,
and the woods.
                                *
     By nightfall, the movers had arrived. The house was now,
instead of being empty, full to the gills and then some. Giles
hadn't realized how much of his things he had kept in Sunnydale
High's Library and then in storage, nor had he understood fully
just how much Buffy was capable of keeping in the one room she had
been using at his apartment.
     After a sparse dinner consisting of pasta and salad, Buffy had
gone out to sit on the porch swing, and Giles had stayed inside to
tidy up and read. He had completely lost track of time, surprised
by how easily he had lost himself in the texts, until the clock
chimed midnight. Looking up from his research, the Watcher realized
that Buffy was still out on the front porch. A quick glance out the
window confirmed the notion, and not wanting to wake her, Giles
decided it would be easy enough to simply bring a blanket out to
ward off pneumonia or a cold, and let her spend the rest of the
night in the cool night air.
     He rifled through one of the boxes until he found the
bedclothes, then took the thick quilt Buffy had appropriated months
ago and moved toward the doorway, opening the heavy door with extra
care, hoping he wouldn't wake her.
     She was curled up on the swing, which in turn was moving back
and forth, back and forth, slowly in the night breeze that came off
the water. Her hair, pulled back in a ponytail since they had left
Sunnydale that morning, was blowing gently in her face. Her
expression was one of happy contentment. The lack of fear, the way
years of pain and fear fell from her features when she was unaware,
was startling at first. Giles had seen her sleeping, however,
enough to know that at least now, she was safe, not fearing
anything.
     He was glad she could feel that way here, so easily, and
supposed it had to do with the Network's placement of the cottage.
They tended to select psychic "blind spots" to build in, areas that
for whatever reason, be it physical features or connections with
the spirit world, were quieter in all mystical ways than the
general environment a human or Slayer would live in.
     As Giles moved to put the blanket over Buffy's sleeping form,
he heard something whisper in the trees behind him. Letting go of
the blanket, he turned and looked up to the edge of the clearing
that surrounded the house. "Someone there?" he called, keeping his
voice low, but strong.
     "One," came the response.
     Giles raised an eyebrow. The voice was neither threatening nor
commanding, but simply present. "Who?" he asked, his mind already
racing to try and determine what sort of person or thing could be
here.
     "Quirin," was the answer.
     Giles nodded slowly. "Step into the light," he said, keeping
his eyes trained on the new arrival. The mystery visitor did as
ordered, taking a step into the light that shone through the
windows of the cottage's living room. And as soon as he did, Giles
felt his breath catch in his throat.
     Garou. Flesh-eater. Hunters of the Wyrm. The bastard children
of Gaia. The words, labels he had read in book after book over the
years, blazed across Giles' mind as he took a step back toward
Buffy. It was a full second before he remembered that second only
to their objective to keep Gaia pure, the Garou were dedicated to
the eradication of the Wyrm.
     And that they had saved both himself and Buffy, only a few
weeks before.
     Putting away the prejudices that had been burned into his mind
years ago, Giles cleared his throat and offered the Garou, Quirin,
a smile which showed no teeth. Like a wolf or a large dog, the
Garou took the baring of teeth to be a challenge to their
authority, and Giles was far from prepared to challenge an aging
werewolf to a battle of supremacy.
     "She is well?" Though in human form, the Garou still displayed
the shaggy, unkempt, yet somehow dignified look common to the
eldest of it's kind. The words weren't so much as question as they
were a greeting, a way of establishing that the two had met
previously. Perhaps, Giles thought, a way of expressing that the
Quirin meant neither him nor Buffy harm.
     And yet, if he was in human form, then he must have eaten
human flesh. Recently.
     As though following Giles' thoughts from his expression, the
Garou smiled slightly, also not showing teeth, and shook his head.
"There are always deaths," he said quietly. "Embalming chemicals
are at odds with Gaia, and so we purify them."
     Grave robbing, then. Giles felt a shudder of disgust run
through him before he squelched the labeling instinct and nodded.
"Of course." After all, it was the fact that they had been in human
form when he and Buffy had needed their assistance New Year's Eve
that had kept both Watcher and Slayer from death.
     "She is well?" the Quirin asked again.
     Giles followed the Garou's glance to the Slayer, and nodded.
"Physically, at least," he replied.
     The Garou nodded, with what might have been an expression of
regret. "She hurts, inside. She has no faith to heal."
     "In all honesty," Giles said, his voice soft, "I don't think
she has the faith to do much of anything but fight, these days."
And even that, he doubted. Why he was sharing this with a Garou, he
didn't know. Somehow, it seemed that perhaps the other could
understand. Something in the way the werewolf carried himself, the
way his eyes seemed expressive and aware not only in the way of
humans, but also in the same way as dogs Giles had kept had seemed
at times. Caring, loyal. Though, Giles reminded himself, thinking
of the Garou as mere house-pets had led more than one man to his
death in the past.
     "I see," was Quirin's only response. A few seconds passed,
both Giles and the Garou looking at Buffy's sleeping form, before
the Garou spoke. "Perhaps she needs something to believe in," the
Garou offered.
     Giles smiled slightly, a sort of bitterness in the expression.
"Perhaps," he said. But what? She had already been betrayed by
friends, by life, by fate itself when it she had been called as the
Slayer. What more was there? "Believing in herself isn't something
that comes easily for her," he said.
     "In the end," the Garou said, his voice quiet, "she is all she
has to believe in."
     "No," Giles replied. "There are people, such as myself, who
wouldn't have her in pain for all the world." The sudden
recollection of the look in Angel's eyes at the hospital on New
Year's Eve rushed back at him, and Giles had to push it away. "But
even we can't keep pain from touching her."
     "Then she lives as Gaia would have it," Quirin said quietly,
"and she must learn to deal with that fact."
     Giles shook his head, brushing a lock of hair from where it
had fallen across Buffy's eyes. "You think nature could be so
cruel?" he asked.
     "Nature," the Garou told him, his voice passionless and
accepting, one which believed so fully in the words he was
speaking, "can be the cruelest force around us. She can also be the
kindest, the one that most makes us realize our strengths and the
strengths of those around us." Taking a few steps closer, Quirin
nodded to Buffy. "Gaia and the Fates work closely," he said. A
trace of approval entered his voice. "It is good that you brought
her here. To us."
     "I brought her here for her training," Giles said. "Because
the Network gave us this place."
     "It is land, how can they give that?"
     "They purchased--" Giles broke off, remembering that the Garou
acknowledged no claim of ownership on Gaia's mysteries. "I brought
her here to heal," he amended.
     Quirin nodded in what might have been approval. "Then she will
heal," he said.
     There were a few seconds of silence, then Giles nodded. "I
hope so," he said.
     "She will," Quirin repeated. Tossing a glance back over his
shoulder, the Garou shook his head. "I must leave," he said. "One
of the she-wolves brings a child into Gaia's glory, tonight." He
offered a slight smile. "You understand."
     Giles nodded.
     "Tell her she will heal," Quirin said softly, the smile that
pierced through his almost wolfish features easy to see. "Tell her
to nurture her faith."
     "I will," Giles replied. It was all he had done, all he would
do until she healed.
     With a nod of approval, the Garou turned and vanished into the
shadows.
     Giles cast a look down at his Slayer, surprised that she
hadn't so much as stirred during his conversation with Quirin.
Perhaps, he thought, it would be best if they both spent the night
inside tonight. It wasn't that he distrusted the Garou, he told
himself, though he in no way believed that assertion. It was simply
that he wanted to keep her safe. "Buffy," he said, shaking her
gently. "Buffy, wake up."
     She stirred under his hands, her eyes opening as she looked at
him. "Whuh?" she said quietly.
     "I think you'd best go inside," Giles said, offering her a
hand so she could get herself out of the porch swing. "You've
fallen asleep."
     Buffy nodded slightly, tiredly, letting him raise her up from
the swing and guide her inside, then upstairs to the room she had
picked as her own earlier in the day.
     By the time he had put the Slayer to bed, Giles realized it
was well past midnight, and so he too went to sleep.

~
(More to come)
~

Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Three: The Path of Thorns" (3b/9)
Date: 13 Aug 1998 01:33:10 EDT

Feedback: YES! Please! I eagerly await it!

See part one for all disclaimers and notes.

~

     "Recovery," Laisa began, "is never something simple."
     "She fights the Wyrm," Quirin repeated, for what might have
been the hundreth time this meeting of council.
     "You propose that she could recover with such little help,"
Laisa said, her tone saying plainly that she thought such a claim
ludicrous.
     "Not with little help," Quirin corrected, "but rather, with a
small amount of the correct variety of help. For one so strong, so
vital to the destruction of Caine's breed--"
     "Another would come in her stead," came another voice.
     Quirin shot an angered look across the room, shaking his head.
Tambrin was intelligent, yet at the same time so short-sighted.
Luckily, the other Garou was young and held in a regard that was
far less than what Quirin had at his disposal. "It would mean one
dreamwalking," he said. "And it would expose the Slayer to the ways
of the Garou. Such knowledge can only help her in her battle."
     That brought the conversation to a halt. Quirin allowed
himself a slight, inward smile. If the other Garou did not help
him, he would simply go against council's ruling and assist the
Slayer on his own. They had to understand that, if nothing else.
And his skill and age would make them realize they could not act
easily against him. He smiled slightly, letting the barest hint of
a curved fang show.
     The gesture was not lost on Laisa. "You would challenge us,"
she said simply.
     "I think this a worthy cause," Quirin replied.
     The matriarch of the pack looked at him for a few long
moments, before breaking gaze. When she did so, Quirin felt a pang
of satisfaction. That was all there was to it, in such dealings as
these. He had his way, the Slayer would be given the assistance of
the Garou and all they held dear.
     In time, she would heal.
                                *
     Weeks in the country air had left Buffy feeling stronger, more
centered than she had in a long time. Though there was still a knot
of pain, of self-hatred deep inside her, she could push it aside
these days in favor of her training and of the life that happened
all around her, constantly.
     What she couldn't put behind her was the dreams.
     She sipped a cafe mocha while Giles stirred his tea across the
table, and when she sighed slightly, he looked up. "Something
wrong?" her Watcher asked.
     "I had another one of those dreams," Buffy confessed, knowing
Giles would worry, but also knowing that out here, away from
everything she had known growing up, she had to trust the only
other person around her.
     Giles gave her an interested nod, though Buffy could tell it
wasn't what she would have received if he still wasn't worried that
she would take off on him. She sighed inwardly, wondering how long
it would be before he realized that she wasn't going to ditch him
again. She had tried it once, when she had run away after sending
Angel to Hell. It hadn't worked. She wasn't going to try it again,
thinking something might change so she could run away from her
past.
     "I was in the faerie circle," she said, referring to the
circle of violets that grew about a half-mile from the cottage,
which she and Giles had found on a hike one day. He had told her
how in ancient myths and legends, a circle of violets meant that
the faerie had blessed a place, left their mark to prove their
existence to the world. It had become the place she went when she
needed time alone, away from even her Watcher.
     "And?"
     "There was someone else there," she continued, "but I couldn't
see who."
     "Male or female?"
     "I'm not sure," she confessed as she took a sip of her coffee,
"but if I had to, I'd say it was male." She waited for Giles to
nod, then continued. "And it told me--"
     "What was the voice like?"
     "Quiet. Soothing. It told me to look for light in darkness."
     Giles nodded, looking at her across his tea as he sipped it.
"I see."
     "So," she asked, "what do you think it means?"
     Her Watcher was silent for a long time, and as Buffy watched
him she wondered what it would be like to have so much information
on call. She didn't need to know things-- Giles knew them, so she
could get information on request at simply a word. It spoiled her,
but it was also far too convenient for her to try and improve her
own knowledge base.
     "It wasn't a Slayer dream," she said quickly, adding that bit
of information. Most of the time, when she dreamed, it was of
horrifying and bloody things, people she didn't know, times she had
never been aware of. Slayer's dreams. It was rare that she dreamed
like this, without vampires or blood or terror. The night before
had held only a calm. Something she had been encountering more and
more since she and Giles had moved to the cottage.
     Giles nodded slowly, clearly thinking hard about what she had
told him. "Can you tell me anything else, about the other person in
your dream?"
     Buffy thought another moment, closing her eyes and trying to
remember what more there had been. Grass, the violets, the presence
of another. The warm feeling of another body beside hers, and the
knowledge that she was anything but alone, despite the lack of
clear figures around her. "His eyes," she said softly as two bright
orbs of blackness popped into her mind's eye. "They were black.
With...yellow slits. Irises."
     Across the table, she could hear Giles take in a quick breath.
"I see," he said.
     She opened her eyes, looking at him. "What?" she asked.
     "Nothing," he replied.
     She shook her head. "No," she said. "You only make that kind
of noise when you hit something...what?"
     Giles was silent, and Buffy set her jaw. "Giles," she said,
"You agreed, no shielding me from things anymore. You have to tell
me."
     For a few seconds, she was afraid her Watcher might refuse.
Then, he sighed and nodded. "Very well," he aquiesced. "It might
have been a dreamwalker."
     "A which?"
     "Dreamwalker," Giles repeated, taking another sip ofh is tea.
"They're specific members of a Garou community, charged with--"
     "Garou?"
     "Werewolves, of a sort," Giles explained. When he saw Buffy's
look of utter incomprehension, he elaborated. "Oz," he said, "will
eventually become a Garou, provided that he accepts and learns to
control the beast inside him."
     "And that means...?"
     "Garou are...mature werewolves," Giles explained, clearly
stumbling for a way to communicate the ideas Buffy wanted to
understand. "They accept the supremacy of Gaia over all nature, and
vow to protect her. They are, are extremely in touch with the world
around them, and live in places like this forest." His nod took in
the house, as well as the woods that surrounded it.
     "Okay," Buffy said, setting her coffee down and watching him.
"What else?" Giles was clearly squirming, at least a little, and
Buffy had the feeling it was important to get this information out
of him, this time at least.
     "They kill vampires," Giles continued. "They also eat human
flesh to retain their human forms during the full moon."
     Buffy felt her expression twist into one of disgust as she
connected that with what Giles had said earlier. Oz would become a
Garou, therefore...*_Oy_,* she thought, before putting the thought
out of her mind. She would cross _that_ bridge when she came to it,
and not a _second_ before. "What's any of that got to do
with...what'd you call it?" she asked, trying to distract herself
from the train of thought that seemed to be preparing to chug along
in her mind at full speed.
     "Dreamwalkers," Giles continued, going into full-lecture mode-
- something Buffy hadn't seen him do in close to two months-- "are
Garou who walk the world of dreams in order to influence those
around them. Many times, their influence on political forces
involving environmental issues and the like has been suspected by
the Network. But if they're coming to you," he continued, "then I,
I would have to say it was not their sole arena of influence."
     "But what would they want from me?" Buffy asked, giving Giles
a confused look.
     He shook his head. "I don't know," he said. "But..."
     Buffy looked at him, realizing immediately that the look of
discomfort in Giles' eyes was far from something she should
discount. "But what?" she asked.
     Giles shook his head. "You could attempt to contact them," he
said. "But Buffy," he continued quickly, "you must understand, they
have a very odd sense of honor and codes of behavior that mystify
even the most adept members of the Network, there are those who
study Garou customs for years before attempting to make contact,
and even then there are times when the attempts fail and the one
who has tried to make them become--"
     "Giles," Buffy broke in as her intuition sparked, "no lecture-
mode, okay?"
     He looked at her, then sighed. "Buffy," he said, "if the Garou
have been in your dreams, it's altogether possible that the choice
to contacting them isn't your own."
     That was a chilling thought, Buffy had to admit, and yet
somehow she couldn't believe that her own impulses could be so easy
to control that it would be possible to accomplish with a few
dreams and a little hoodoo. "Where can I find them?" she asked.
Giles looked at her for a long moment, and as she stared into his
silent, stony eyes, Buffy realized he had no intention of telling
her. "Giles..." she said, letting the barest hint of warning slip
into her voice.
     "Buffy," he said, "you must understand--"
     "I do," she said. "But this feels like it's something I should
do. I mean, I've been having dreams, right? So maybe it's something
I should--"
     Giles shook his head. "No," he replied.
     "But--"
     "Buffy!" he said suddenly, sharply, shooting up out of his
seat and leaving his teacup behind. "_No_! I will not have you
going off to do-- to meet them."
     "Why not?" she asked.
     "Because," he said, "I don't think it would be a wise
decision."
     "But if they're in my dreams--"
     "Buffy," Giles said, his voice staying firm, "In my capacity
as your friend, not to mention as your Watcher, I am _forbidding_
you to take measures to contact the Garou."
     Buffy stared at him, her eyes wide. A voice in her mind asked,
why would Giles have such an explosive reaction? But she could see
clearly enough, any questions she asked would be refused an answer.
She swallowed, feeling the barest nagging of her conscience as it
realized what she was about to do. She looked at Giles, the
knowledge that this was the first time he had ever given her an
outright refusal sinking in fast. It was a long few seconds before
she nodded, letting her expression slacken a bit. Letting herself
look to be conquered. She gave him nothing but a slight nod.
     Giles' expression softened, and he sighed, walking around the
table to her. "I didn't mean to shout," he said, putting a hand on
her shoulder.
     "I know," Buffy replied softly. She swallowed. "I won't go."
     The bile that rose in her throat as she lied to Giles, the
first big lie she had ever told him, was enough to make her sick.
Then again, she thought, she had been making herself sick for
months. Surely, one more reason to feel this way wouldn't matter.
     Giles squeezed her shoulder a little, then walked out of the
room, saying something about how they had to train today, how she
was improving so much since they had come here. Buffy found herself
deaf to his words, and made no effort to try and pay attention.
                                *
     In the kitchen, washing the plates they had used for their
toast and his own tea cup, Giles fought down the nausea that had
come over him when Buffy had suggested going to the Garou. True,
both he and the Slayer owed the wolf-people their lives, and the
one he had seen their first night here had been nothing but
cordial, but Giles had been taught from the beginning that the
Garou were not to be trifled with. Neither he nor Buffy knew enough
about them to chance a visit. Neither of them was strong enough to
defend themselves, if a mistake were made in communications.
     Luckily, he thought to himself, the fact that she had been
through so much pain hadn't made her want to defy him. He had never
told her that before, never expressly stated the authority that he
had over her. He hoped to God it wouldn't make her stop trusting
him.
     He turned off the water faucet, then picked up the towel to
dry the mug and plates off, and once that had done he opened the
cupboard door to put the dishes away.
     "Blast!" he exclaimed, as one of the plates slipped from his
hand, shattering on the floor. Shards of glass went skittering
across the floor, several clearing the kitchen and going through
the doorway to the dining room, where he and Buffy had been sitting
a few moments ago.
     "Buffy," he called as he crouched to gather the shards closest
to him, "Would, would you mind just bringing those pieces in here,
the dish..."
     He trailed off when he realized there was no response from the
other room. "Buffy?" he called again.
     Again, no answer.
     Not quite knowing what he should think of her sudden silence,
wondering if it were possible that his refusal to allow her to
speak with the Garou might have had more of a negative effect on
his Slayer than he had intended, Giles stood, dropping the shards
of glass he had already gathered in the garbage can as he passed it
on his way into the dining room.
     Giles' eyes widened as he looked around the now-empty room,
realizing that Buffy was no longer seated and her coffee had been
left behind.
     "Buffy..." Giles whispered as the realization of what had just
happened hit him at the speed of light, with the force of a load of
cement. He shook his head, his heart already having sunken into his
stomach. "Damn it, Buffy," he whispered again.
     She had lied to him. Though there was no evidence that she had
done anything but go for a walk, Giles somehow knew, felt it deep
inside. She had lied to him. She had gone to meet the Garou.
     Forgetting the mess that had been left behind, forgetting
anything but that his Slayer had left and was possibly in a great
deal of danger, Giles took only the time necessary to pull on the
pair of sneakers he had brought with him before going out the door,
running as fast as he could despite knowing he couldn't outrun the
Slayer, toward the faerie circle that was located a half-mile away.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Four: Circles" (4/9)
Date: 13 Aug 1998 10:55:14 EDT

Feedback: To [e-mail]. Positive, or constructive criticism, whatever
you think about it, I want to hear!

See part one for all notes and disclaimers. Feel free to e-mail me for missing
pieces.

~

                      "Part Four: Circles"

            //What kind of love is this that keeps me
                           hanging on
              Despite everything it's doing to me?
             What is this love that keeps me coming
                          back for more
               When it will only end in misery?//
                   -"Circle", Sarah McLachlan

     Falling into the soft mat of grass and violets, Buffy breathed
deeply, taking in the sweet scent. She let herself hit the ground
hard, not bothering to try and break her fall. Whatever abuse her
body took from the ground, it would heal. And after lying like that
to Giles, she deserved whatever pain came.
     Her chest heaved with the deep breaths she took as she kept
breathing in the air, wishing somewhere outside her consciousness
that what Giles had told her about this was true-- except she
wanted for the faeries to decide to come back here, come back and
take away her pain. Or for the fragrance of their flowers to purify
her.
     To be clean, free of this aching desperation, that was what
she wanted. All she wanted. To be able to make herself forget all
the wrongs she'd done to those she loved. Forget how she'd
selfishly caused the act that had stolen Angel's soul, forget how
she hadn't been able to defend Ms. Calendar from the demon, forget
how she'd driven Xander to lying to her by being too weak to kill
Angelus before everything came to a grinding halt the summer
before. Forget that she had failed to save all of them from the
horrific results of calling themselves her friends. They had all
counted on her, and the only thing she had done in return was make
her life one gigantic cop-out.
     She smiled bitterly, the flowers tickling her skin as she
curled into them, still facing the ground.
     While the rest of them had been desperately struggling to save
the world, she had been content to be the good guys' "secret
weapon", sitting back until the situation went too far and there
was nothing more to do but explode on all the universe with her
fear and her vengeance, lashing out at everything around her just
to keep it all from falling to pieces in her wake.
     She still had herself, she had told herself, those nights when
she had been on the road and running. Too soon had come the
realization that all she amounted to was a tight knot of pain and
denial. Always hurting, always seeking shelter, ready to accept
help from anyone so long as they didn't ask for anything back and
gave her no more than a meal or a place to stay for the night. By
the time Angel had found her, she hadn't been able to put up a
fight, and she'd had to let him bring her back to Sunnydale.
     Some Slayer she was, she thought ruefully. Pathetic. First she
ran from her duty, now she was defying her Watcher for the first
time ever, fleeing to a faerie circle in the hopes that someone
from a dream might come and heal her. She laughed a little, to
herself, at that thought. She was waiting, then. Was this faith? It
had been so long since she'd had it, perhaps she was mistaking the
feelings of expectation for something more than what they actually
were.
     Her lips slid easily into a practiced frown, her brow
furrowing. Pushing herself up until she was sitting, her knees
curled up to her chest and she let her chin rest upon them. Slowly,
gently, she closed her eyes and used her ankles to push herself up
and create leverage, using it to rock herself gently, back and
forth. Back and forth. Evenly, in time to the sounds of the river
water lapping at the banks.
     Half a mile upstream was the cottage. She and Giles had found
the faerie circle on a hike one day, following the edge of the
water. Giles had kept up a steady stream of information,
enlightening Buffy as to the world around them. Which trees had
magical properties, which ones she could use to create more potent
devices for battling vampires. He had pointed out several herbs, as
well. Wolfsbane, Buffy remembered suddenly. He had said there was
a patch of Bella Donna, but that had been back up the river toward
the cottage.
     The memory failed to move her. It simply gave her something
new to think about as she sat, rocking. Absently, as though it were
simply an abstract concept, Buffy wondered how long it would take
Giles to find her. He was in good shape, she knew from countless
sparring sessions, and though he couldn't match her speed when she
ran her fastest, it wouldn't take him more than a few minutes to
run half a mile. If he ran. Of course, she thought, maybe he
wouldn't run. Maybe he had finally given up on her, maybe he was
sitting back at the cottage glad she had left and he was through
with her. She wouldn't blame her, if he gave up. Hadn't her mother
done the same thing? She was a difficult person to be around,
that's what most of the adults in her life thought of her...why not
Giles, too? She had probably pushed him the hardest of all of them.
     She swallowed, biting back on a sudden sob that rose in her
throat, but the action couldn't push away the thoughts. She was a
failure. That was part of the reason they had come out here, wasn't
it? Because she couldn't heal herself, because she was too damn
weak to make herself do what she was supposed to do. Too weak to
kill vampires, too weak to talk to the one that had hurt her the
most. And she was worthless as far as doing anything else was
concerned, she knew, because why else would the Network let her
leave the Hellmouth? If it wasn't for the fact that Kendra was
dead-- something else Buffy had been responsible for, she thought
bitterly-- they probably would have dropped her a long time ago.
     Hardly aware of the tears that were rolling down her cheeks,
Buffy curled up tighter, her arms hugging her knees tightly. She'd
been such a stupid little fool, and while that had served her
purposes fine back in Los Angeles, a lifetime ago, these days all
it did was hurt people and get them killed.
     She was shaking hard, the violets around her hardly a part of
her awareness, her tears falling the way they had wanted to for so
many months. She was helpless, hopeless. *Never gonna heal.
Nevergonnafeelwhole.* Empty, she'd always be empty, because she
couldn't do what she was supposed to do and the end of the world
would come before she ever recovered from everything she had been
put through.
     She lost all sense of time before she felt footsteps coming
close, someone reaching down toward her. She jerked away, not
wanting to feel Giles' touch, not wanting to have to face the fact
that he might not have forsaken her after all. Nobody could be that
forgiving, nobody could care that much. Curling up tighter, trying
to fold in on herself, Buffy felt the hand fall on her shoulder.
"Get away," she whispered.
     But he didn't move away, and his hand stayed on her shoulder.
"Come with me, young Slayer," said a voice that didn't belong to
her Watcher.
     Feeling her tears slow, Buffy wiped at her eyes, turning
toward the voice as she realized it didn't belong to Giles.
"Who..." she began, before her eyes met with two bright, warm,
yellow-irises.
     She swallowed, pulling away and staring as she pushed herself
to her feet. The man who stood before her wasn't her Watcher, not
by a long shot. Her eyes widened slightly as she glanced over him
and she realized his sleek, muscled body wasn't sporting a shred of
clothing. Quickly averting her eyes, Buffy managed a slight,
nervous chuckle. "Uh, hey," she said softly, her voice cracking
from the tears she had shed.
     The Garou was watching her, carefully, and Buffy could feel
the heat of his eyes on her even though she wasn't looking at him.
From the quick glimpse she'd had of him before looking away, she
knew that nothing about him betrayed the least embarrassment or
shame.
     Giles. Her mind clicked into operation with the thought of
that one word, and she thought about what he had told her. That she
was in danger, that the slightest mis-movement could lead to her
getting hurt or worse.
     "I put you ill-at-ease."
     She looked up at the voice, a rich one, full of life. Her eyes
met with his immediately, and she was instantly aware of how the
bright orbs seemed so alive, more so than she had thought possible.
"I..." she said softly. "My dreams."
     He smiled slightly, a kind smile. Buffy found herself
wondering what it was about these people that Giles had felt it
necessary to warn her from. It didn't seem as though she had
anything to worry about, not from the way this one was behaving.
With a nod, the Garou seemed to be confirming what she and Giles
had suspected-- that the dreams she'd been having were a direct
result of his manipulations.
     "One is coming," the Garou said, turning his head slightly to
look back into the woods. "We must not let time be wasted."
     "What--" Buffy began, but a single look from the Garou
silenced her. She took a step backward as he moved toward her, her
earlier tears all but forgotten and her entire mentality caught up
in what was going on around her. The air had stilled, somehow, as
happened before a thunderstorm.
     Or, she thought, her unease increasing, like prior to a
hurricane.
     "He is coming," the Garou said with increased urgency. "Permit
me entrance?"
     He was looking at the edges of the faerie circle, Buffy
realized. She glanced back at him, wondering suddenly if it was the
same for werewolves and faerie circles as it was for vampires and
buildings. She felt a chill rush through her as the thought struck
her, and opened her mouth, intending to refuse the request.
     "Permitted," she heard herself say instead, in a short,
clipped tone. The Garou nodded and took steps into the circle, even
as Buffy's eyes widen with surprise at what she had said.
     As he crossed the boundary of flowers, the Garou seemed to
shimmer, his form shifting. Suddenly, instead of the human form she
had faced a few moments ago, Buffy found herself staring into the
yellow-slitted eyes of a large grey wolf. And yet, somehow, it was
not a wolf, and she could still see the hints of the Garou-man in
the way the beast's tongue lolled out at her when it grinned up.
     Coyote, she thought, her mind flashing back to one of the
times Giles had sat up with her in front of the fireplace when she
couldn't sleep because of the dreams. Telling her about Coyote, the
trickster of Native American legends, the wise one. It was funny,
when she actually paid attention to Giles' lectures, she learned
enough so they could carry on coherent conversations.
     Giles, she thought, pain eking through the remembrance of what
she had done, and then she pushed the thoughts aside in favor of
the Garou-beast. It was no coyote, and yet it still had the air of
good humor and trickery about it.
     It padded over to her, nuzzling at her ankles slightly,
looking upward at her. Buffy quickly lowered herself to its level,
so that she was no longer looking down on it. Him. She found
herself confused as to what to think of it as.
     Sef, came a thought, clear and simple in her mind. Yesterday.
A name, Buffy realized, though she hadn't heard the Garou speak
aloud. Just as easily as the first, a second concept rose into her
thoughts, and she nodded to the Garou-beast. She would follow him.
Though she wondered, looking around, where it was she was to follow
him to. She cast another look back at the lupine, realizing when
she did that it had already begun to move away.
     "Wait," she called out.
     The beast stopped, turned back to her, waited as she stood and
followed it quickly. When she reached its side, the Garou-beast
began to move again, and this time Buffy stayed close behind. Why
she wasn't questioning this, she had no idea. And yet, something
deep within her was telling her she could do this, she could trust
Sef enough to follow him, for now if not for longer.
     No other thoughts entered her head as she moved silently
through the forest, away from the faerie circle.
                                *
     It was empty. Giles breathed deeply, his chest drawing the air
in as quickly as it could. He had kept in shape by training Buffy,
but that in no way meant he was any sort of match for her,
physically. The half-mile run had him thoroughly winded, and now he
was here at the circle and it was empty. He had been so sure she
would come here...
     He moved forward, as though by approaching the place he could
somehow make her appear. He let second after second pass, refusing
to believe he could have lost her as he had almost let himself
refuse to believe she might have left the cottage in the first
place. When he reached the center of the faerie circle, he saw an
area where the flowers had been crushed beneath someone's body,
where a small lump of a person had curled up in them, and he felt
his heart catch in his throat. Then she had been here, and had
simply moved on.
     Scanning the edges of the circle, Giles caught sight of a few
broken flower stems leading in from the woods opposite the circle,
on the side of the clearing that led even further from the house.
     He moved quickly, past a toppled tree until he saw what lay in
the dirt that was beneath it.
     Wolf tracks.
     Feeling a shudder rip through his body, Giles ignored the
screams of his protesting lungs and muscles, and began running
again, moving as quickly as he could, praying he wouldn't
inadvertently alert the Garou to his pursuit at the same time he
knew such prayers would be useless.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Leslie S." <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: It was a Dark and Stormy Night...
Date: 13 Aug 1998 14:54:34 PDT

TITLE: It was a Dark and Stormy Night Or What Really Happened to
Willow's Barbie (1/1)
AUTHOR: LilS, Tay, Kira, Stinger, Shalona
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Who would possibly want it?  I would fear them!
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: Willow finally decides it time that Barbie came home
DISCLAIMER: All characters are borrowed from Joss Whedon and crew.  No
infringement is intended.
FEEDBACK: Usually a good thing, feared in this case!

NOTE:  This little ditty (Round Robin) is a "badfic"   A really BAD
badfic!  It was spawned one evening due to the fact that our real-time
on-line Buffy role playing group was short a few players for our most
recent attempt!  Hence this travesty of literature was spawned!!!

If you are interested in Buffy chat or want more info on joining our
role-playing group, please check out
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Shores/4145/

{{Anything enclosed like this indicates comments from the peanut
gallery}}

*****

It was a dark and stormy night.  Exactly the kind of night that made
Willow very nervous. She was particularly afraid this night since the
thunder was very thunderous.  She hated storms so much because when she
was five years old

As she tried to sleep, the wind howled past her window and the birch
tree outside the downstairs window made the scrrrr-rap-rap-rap that
scared the begeezus out of most kids her age.

Her mood wasn't helped by the fact that little Xander Harris had stolen
her Stormy Weather Barbie (with detachable umbrella accessory) that
morning.  The little thief had sneaked in her dollhouse and kidnapped
her, and she couldn't sleep without her favorite Barbie...she had to get
her back

Willow looked at her fish tank and discussed a plan, gathering all her
courage to retrieve her favorite doll in hopes of getting some sleep
that night...after all a 5 year old needs sleep.

That's when she realized that she had forgotten to feed her fish....for
the last week. Paul, Ringo, John, and Bob were floating on top if the
water.  She screamed out loud as a loud thunder clap sounded shattering
the tank and sending her beloved fish sprawling all over the floor.

It was the same kind of storm as was brewing right now,  and she was
scared.  Willow thought momentarily about her fish, Eric, Eric, Eric,
and Frank (they looked a lot alike) and gave herself a little reminder
to feed them when she got home.

Suddenly the cloud broke open like a bloated radiator hose and drenched
Sunnydale, and our heroine Willow, with a stiff sheet of rain.  Thunder
clapped and lighting turned her block into a bad disco revival night at
the Bronze for a second as she sprinted up the stairs to her house.
Digging into her pocket, she fished (literally) out her keys and was
about to open her door when slipped backwards and feel down the stairs
into a rather large muddy puddle...now soaking her and her books.

As the thunder clapped again she jumped to her feet running back to the
door and managing to get it open.  Walking in the door she left muddy
foot prints down the hall as she ran to feed Eric, Eric, Eric, and Frank
thinking they might be dead...her memories of being 5 strong in her
mind's eye

When she got to her fish tank, she was relieved to discover that at
first glance Eric, Eric, Eric and Frank were indeed just fine. As she
started sprinkling in some fish flakes she started reminiscing about her
beloved Barbie.  She then realized that she never managed to pull off
her rescue efforts.  The incident with Paul, Ringo, John, and Bob left
her just a shell of the girl she once was.  She then realized that had
it not been for Xander, she might actually have managed to be popular
and outgoing.  Instead, she was reduced to being meek and mousey.

{{aint that a stab in the heart}}

But as thunder struck, she realized what she had to do.  Xander must
die!

So with that thought in mind, she climbed into her jammies and decided
that she had to do this in a very methodical manner.....but, as she just
started her planning, she sniffed at the air.....something foul smelling
was in the air and it was coming from the fish tank...

She strolled back over to the fish tank and discovered that the water
hadn't been changed in over a month.....PeeYew!

Willow pulled a small fan out of the closet and turned it on to try and
get the air circulating...not to mention got the Lysol out of the
bathroom to kill a bit of the smell.  But as another crack of thunder
shook the windows, she reconsidered...killing Xander is a little harsh.
But damn it, she was gonna get that Barbie back!  Tonight!!

Willow made her way to Xander's house.  She was gonna settle this once
and for all!

Meanwhile....at Xander'sàà.

Xander sat on the floor of his room as the storm raged outside with
Barbie in one hand and a badly dressed Ken in the other.  "Aha," he
voiced, "I have you now Buffy!  I, the evil Angel, will kill you and
drink your blood slowly."

"Oh, I don't think so, buddy," he said in a bad female voice, "I'll kick
your ass so hard that the vamps down the street will feel it!"  Xander
proceeded to mock fight Buffy-Barbie and Angel-Ken to the death.
Naturally, his savior Buffy won hands down, dusting the plastic-haired
vampire by using  the detachable umbrella accessory as a stake!

Xander reached over and grabbed a different Ken.  "Oh Buffy," he said in
his own voice, "Thank you so much for ridding the world of Angel...I
knew you always loved me."

"Yes Xander," the Buffy-Barbie said, "You always had a way to turn me
on...make love to me here, you wild man!"  Xander, sick though it may be
to say, proceeded to mock in a rather unflattering way a bit of nookie
action between Xander-Ken and Buffy-Barbie.

When Willow arrived at XanderÆs house, she let herself in the backdoor
using the spare key under the mat.  She then carefully made her way up
the stairs to Xander's Bedroom.  She carefully and quietly opened the
door just a crack, just enough to see Xander manipulating the dolls in
ways that were not humanly possible. At least not in the back of Oz's
van.  (But that is another story all together!)

Suddenly Xander had the feeling he was being watched.  He slowly turned
his head toward the door, and realized he was not alone.  His terrible
secret was no longer his alone.

Xander saw Willow peeking in the door and came to the conclusion that
Willow must die!  She can't live to spread his terrible secret!  He
reached under his bed and pulled out a baseball bat.

But then a crack of thunder brought him back to his senses.  Maybe
killing was going a little too far.

"Willow, would you like to play with us?"  Xander asked, waving the
Barbie and Ken dolls in the air.

"Play?" Willow stepped into the room, "Oh you bet I'll play."

Xander backed up slowly, "Ahhh, now Will...let's not get out of hand
here...I mean, how..how much did you see?"

"Oh wouldn't you like to know...." Willow looked downright evil in the
lightning flashes, "You'd like to know how much of your perverted game I
saw....how many years have you been doing this?  How many years have you
*used* my Barbie like that?!"

Xander stammered, "Well, like that...um, ever since I watched the Spice
Channel late one night...gulp!"

Willow grabbed her Barbie back.  "Xander!  You cut her hair!!!!! She's
ruined! For this, you must die!"

{{oh no...not again!}}

Xander gulped audibly, and said a short prayer. Meanwhile, Willow
started talking to the Barbie and stroking its hair. "Did the bad man
hurt you?"

Willow shot Xander an evil look,  She was reaching for the bat when all
of a sudden a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning brought her back
to her senses.

Willow stroked Barbie's hair gently and left Xander's house and ran back
to her own.  Now she could get a good night's sleep for the first time
in 12 years.

Meanwhile, Xander wondered how late Toys R Us was open....perhaps they
now had a dark-haired Barbie that he could use as Cordelia.....

(the end?)



****************************************************

Check out the Garden Patch (includes 3 whole fan fics I have written
plus any works in progress)
http://beavis.intercom.net/~lilsprout


______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Five: The Dreaming Tree" (5a/9)
Date: 13 Aug 1998 23:54:19 EDT

Comments to [e-mail], as well as requests for missing pieces.

See part one for notes and disclaimers.

~


                 "Part Five: The Dreaming Tree"

         //"Daddy come quick, the dreaming tree has died
      I can't find my way home, there is no place to hide.
                  The dreaming tree has died."
                 Oh, if I had the strength to...
            Take me back, take me back, take me back
                        Save me please.//
            -"The Dreaming Tree", Dave Matthew's Band

     Crashing through the underbrush, Buffy could feel branches
whipping against her arms and legs, raising stinging welts on her
flesh. Ahead of her, the Garou-beast was still moving effortlessly
through the woods. She had been running for hours, it seemed, and
though there was no sign that she would be allowed to slow soon,
nor did she feel winded or tired.
     Suddenly, she found herself skidding to a stop, grabbing tree
branches that sliced through her palms in order to stop before she
went too far and tripped over the lupine, where it stood before
her. The look it had turned upon her was almost a lazy one, tongue
lolling out and its lips curled back in something approximating a
smile.
     Buffy swallowed, looking at the beast for a few seconds before
it turned its gaze on something else. Look, came a voice in her
mind, and she moved her gaze upward. They were on the edge of a
clearing.
     At Sef's mental command, Buffy turned her eyes further
outward, seeking substance in the shadows along the trees. She
glanced upward as storm clouds moved across the sky, then looked
back toward the ground. Her eyes traced the line of grass as it
came to crushed leaves and mud under the trees on the other side of
the clearing, and then she looked back at the lupine. What was
going on, she wanted to ask, but something in Sef's eyes, despite
the fact that his form was one of a wolf, spoke volumes. Telling
her not to speak, that all would come clear in the end.
     As she looked around, Buffy felt a chill breeze pass over her
flesh, raising goosebumps. She hugged herself, shivering slightly
and watching the Garou-beast as it took a few slow, unconcerned
steps away from where she was standing. When she moved to follow
it, it turned its head back toward her with what she could only
assume was a warning look.
     "Buffy?"
     Her eyes flew wide open as Buffy spun around toward the
direction she had come from, and she found herself standing face to
face with the demon she would never outrun, that she would never be
able to outrun. Her personal devil, but her lover as well.
     She took a step back, ignoring the sound of a low growl from
behind.
     "Buffy, don't--"
     "Get away from me," she snapped, her voice thick with anger
and tinged with fear. She took another step backward, feeling as
though something were pressing her to hold her ground, not caring
enough to do as it told.
     "Buffy," Angel said quietly, reaching out toward her, "You
don't understand, you can't--"
     She knocked his hand away with a sharp blow, her eyes flashing
angrily. "You can't tell me what I can and can't do, Angel. You're
not even supposed to come near me." Her stomach twisted with the
words, and she heard the same warning growl from behind her. From
the look on Angel's face, that expression of sadness mixed with
hope, she could tell he wasn't going to let things be.
     Fine, then, she told herself. She wasn't going to wait around
and let him lecture her, let him try and make whatever point it was
he had come to give her. She didn't care, he had to learn that. She
blinked back the tears that threatened to overwhelm her,
desperately forcing herself to stick with those thoughts. She
didn't care. He couldn't touch her.
     "_Buffy_!" she heard him shout as she turned, a moment before
he grabbed her arm and pulled her back, and she was left staring at
the place where the lupine was standing.
     She felt her heart leap into her throat, her eyes growing big
as she realized the lupine was no longer assuming an easy, carefree
posture, but rather it was snarling-- at her. Its lips were pulled
back over its canines in an expression of clear aggression, and the
hair along its back was on end. From its throat was coming a
rumbling sort of growl. Swallowing, Buffy jerked away from Angel,
determined not to let him have the satisfaction of rescuing her--
again. He had done quite enough of that.
     "Stop it," he said from behind her, his voice almost directly
in her ear.
     "Leave me al--" She broke off as the werewolf's growl
intensified, falling silent.
     "You can't...leave," Angel said softly, whispering. She could
feel his breath on her ear, and he had pulled her back against him.
"It won't let you. Not until you face yourself."
     Before her, the Garou-beast's eyes were alive with fire, and
the feeling in her mind did nothing to contradict what Angel was
telling her.
     "What..." she asked, confusion in her tone, "...what are you
talking about?"
     "Will you talk to me?"
     Buffy tossed a half-glance over her shoulder, barely able to
make out the shadow of Angel's face before she spoke. "What's going
on," she asked, her voice soft.
     She could feel Angel shake his head beside her, and she felt
herself shiver a little as his cool skin brushed against her own.
"Look for light in darkness," he whispered.
     Buffy jerked violently, and again the Garou-beast snarled at
her, but she was oblivious to the threat as she stared at Angel. It
hadn't been his voice in her dreams, but the words were the same,
how could he know her dreams?
     Angel gripped her tighter, his gaze on the Garou. "Buffy," he
said quietly, his voice giving her something akin to a warning,
"you have to believe in me."
     *"In the end, you're always by yourself. You're all you've
got. That's the _point_,"* she heard suddenly. Whistler's voice in
her mind. Her expression hardened and she pulled away slightly. "I
don't believe in anybody but me," she said quietly, almost unable
to believe she was actually saying this, to Angel of all people.
For various reasons. Not the least among them was the fact that she
had once counted on him for everything-- her emotional support, her
listening ear...she had once thought he was the only solid thing in
the world. Even over people like Giles or Willow. She felt a quake
of self-hatred inside, passionate and threatening to boil over.
What an idiot she had been.
     More important than that, perhaps, was that Angel had betrayed
her. Not of his own accord, but she had never known real pain until
waking up alone in bed, until she had realized she'd given herself
to someone who was only going to betray her.
     *And that's the problem, isn't it,* she heard in her mind, not
recognizing the voice as her own. Shocked and surprised, not to
mention a bit frightened, Buffy fixed her gaze on Angel-- barely in
time to see him fade from sight into mist.
     Her heart pounding fast in her chest, Buffy turned around to
stare at the Garou-beast before her. Her mouth hung open in clear
disbelief as the thing wagged its tail in a manner not unlike that
of a pet dog, then suddenly began to...change.
     Its form shifting, the lupine was slowly changing from the
form it had used to lead her here. It had been sitting on its hind
legs, which began to elongate, to stretch, as its torso moved
upward and its forelegs changed form, becoming arms. The long
muzzle slowly shortened, squashing back into the animal's face--
     --and Buffy found herself staring into the pale, blue eyes of
the vampire whose alliance she had been forced to accept in order
to send her lover to hell.
     "Spike," she whispered in disbelief. She hadn't seen hide or
tail of the british vampire since he had fled the mansion the
spring before.
     The werewolf-turned-vampire-master smiled, one of those cocky,
annoying smiles Spike had used on her when he had first knocked out
the policeman and called her "cutie". She flinched inwardly, a
shudder of disgust pulsing through her body as she remembered the
other emotions that had coincided with the relief at knowing she
wasn't going to be arrested and taken in by the Sunnydale Police
Force.
     "What...what's going on?" she asked, her voice shaking
slightly as she took a step backward.
     Spike-- the lupine?-- shook his head slightly. When he spoke,
the voice was that of the vampire master she had fought against,
fought with. "You need to 'eal, Slayer," he said, his features
shifting from the smirk to an expression filled more with genuine
concern than anything else. Staring, Buffy found it difficult to
believe that the man she was looking at held the same form as the
one she had banished from Sunnydale. "Too damn 'ung up on what that
bloody demon said, not 'avin' faith in anybody else."
     She glared at him bitterly. "You're not the one I would take
advice from," she snapped.
     Spike shrugged, and with the motion the leather jacket he had
worn seemed to fall away into nothingness, or perhaps it too just
shifted form-- and took along with it the appearance of the master
himself. Buffy was now looking at Angel, mournful and hurt. "You
never trusted me, Buffy," he said softly.

~
More to Come
~

Comments to [e-mail], please.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Five: The Dreaming Tree" (5b/9)
Date: 13 Aug 1998 23:54:07 EDT

Comments and requests for missing pieces to [e-mail], please!

See part one for notes and disclaimers.

~

     At the words, Buffy felt a shiver of recognition pass through
her. She could discount a spectre of Spike, she had never known him
and never cared about him. He had never betrayed her the way Angel
had, he had never hurt her--
     "He never gave a damn 'bout you, either, princess," came a
suddenly cocky voice from behind her.
     Buffy whirled, and found herself face-to-face with Whistler,
though by now she was fairly certain he was anything but the real
deal. "This is sick," she snapped.
     "Well," the demon said with a shrug, "s'true. Angel hurt you
'cause ya let him-- Spikey over there," he gestured back to a point
behind Buffy, and she didn't turn to face it, "well, he jus'
didn't."
     "What's that got to do with _anything_?" Buffy demanded
through her teeth.
     "Nothin'," the demon said with a half-grin. "Only that you
gotta stop lettin' other people play fast an' loose wit' th'way you
see things."
     "Go to Hell," Buffy snapped, turning and stalking back, the
fact that the spectre of Angel was no longer standing behind her
not even registering.
     "Already been there, sweetness," Whistler replied from behind
her.
     Buffy turned back, ignoring the ripping sensation in her
chest, intent on tearing the demon's immortal throat out. Instead,
she found herself face-to-face with another Garou-- this one
dressed in loose, ripped jeans, she noted with something akin to
relief. He reached out one hand toward her, and it wasn't until the
fingers touched her cheek that Buffy realized he wasn't in human
form or lupine, but somewhere between the two.
     "Trust in Gaia," he said, a moment before he leaned forward to
place a light kiss on her forehead.
     Buffy tore away, taking a fast step backward, tumbling into
someone's waiting arms. "Careful there," said a kind, gentle voice.
     Buffy felt tears prick her eyes as she recognized it, choking
on her breath as arms encircled her. "Xander..." she whispered,
trying to push away. The anger that had haunted her all the times
she had seen him since coming home was suddenly gone, she was
simply relieved that Xander was here, something constant, someone
she knew, someone who, while he had betrayed her, hadn't done
anything she shouldn't have been able to see coming. Xander's
betrayal, out of all of them, had at least been motivated by love,
because he had cared about her, because he thought what he was
doing was right.
     "You're gonna hurt yourself," the dark-haired teen said,
pushing her to arms' length but still holding her arms. "Buff, you
gotta learn you can't fix everything."
     Buffy felt a twisting inside her, wanting to shove herself
away from him again, still failing because she couldn't muster the
strength to be as rough as she would have to be to get Xander to
forsake her. Despite his selfishness, he would never leave her--
and he had always tried to do what he thought would be best for
her. Which was more than she could say about a lot of people.
Willow and Giles were the only ones she trusted more.
     Xander reached forward, wiping a single tear from the corner
of her eye before it had the chance to trickle down her face.
"Hey," he said, "why so glum?"
     Buffy shook her head, pulling away slightly, not wanting him
to touch her. Not wanting the memories that came with the contact.
     "You can't deny everything that's ever happened to you,"
Angel's voice sounded from behind her.
     Buffy turned to look at him, feeling Xander's hand on her
shoulder. "Don't," he whispered. "Don't listen to him."
     "Why not?" Angel asked. He looked at Buffy, and his eyes were
full of questioning concern. "Buffy, you can't live like this,
denying that you loved me, refusing to admit that--"
     "--that you hurt her?" Xander's voice was rife with fury.
"That you tore out everything that made her feel like she might be
a normal, happy person, and replaced it with an ache she doesn't
know how to get rid of?"
     "It wasn't my fault!" Angel objected, and Buffy could see
blood tears beginning to form in the corners of her dead lover's
eyes. "I never meant to hurt you, Buffy, you've got to believe
that!"
     Buffy swallowed, pressing herself backward into Xander's arms,
turning so she wouldn't have to face Angel's eyes, the ones that
had stared to her, full of betrayal and pain as she had shoved a
sword through his stomach and pushed him into hell. The eyes that
had been watching her from the shadows in the back alleys of Los
Angeles while she'd been on the run, the eyes that had made contact
with her own just as she was about to cut the pain out of her life
because it had seemed like she would never be able to get rid of it
any other way. The eyes that had taken in the unwashed hair, the
dirty razors, the torn clothes, and the haunted air that had
surrounded her, and told her that wasn't going to be how things
would end. That she was the Slayer, and the last thing in the world
she was supposed to slay was herself.
     But even barely thinking of the memories was enough to bring
them rushing back, and Buffy felt her chest heave with a sudden sob
as Xander's arms encircled her, holding her close. "Don't-- don't
let him--" she cried softly, fighting to get the words out.
     Xander stroked her hair, making soft noises to calm her for a
few seconds. "I won't, baby," he said softly. "I won't let him hurt
you."
     Something in his voice sounded strangely flat, but through her
tears, Buffy was barely aware of the sudden change.
     "Buffy," Angel's voice came again. "Buffy, get away from him,
you don't know what's happening--"
     Tearing herself away from Xander as the rage in her chest
forced itself outward, Buffy whirled, her voice far louder than she
had intended. "Leave me the fuck _alone_!" she screamed, watching
Angel as he didn't so much as flinch away. His refusal to let her
cow him only angered her further. "You just walked into my _life_,
you changed _everything_, dammit, you made me _love_ you and then
you just _walked the fuck out of everything_!" She felt her breath
catch in her throat, and choked slightly, taking a step toward him.
"You thought everything would be _okay_ when you came back from
Hell?" She shook her head. "It _wasn't_! It _isn't_! I spent three
_months_ hating myself, and you act like it was _nothing_! That
you're the only one who regrets what happened!"
     When she paused to take a breath, Buffy was surprised to hear
Xander's voice, from behind her, picking up where she had left off.
"You expect her to trust you again?" the teen asked of the vampire,
his voice cold, demanding, and leaving no room for a response. A
dark, bitter chuckle sounded. "You expect her to trust _anybody_
again? When she could see pieces of you in him?"
     Buffy turned back, away from Angel, just in time to see a
malicious smile spread across Xander's face as the teen morphed
once more, and she found herself face-to-face with her deepest,
darkest nightmare.
     "Pieces of me," said the demon who once again wore her love's
face, "in you?"
     Buffy felt her heart quicken, the pounding pick up speed as
Angelus shot her a sneering glare and walked past her to where
Angel stood, his expression one of guilt and shock. She could feel
her skin pricking where it had touched the other, crawling with
disgust for what the demon was and everything it had done.
     Several meters away, Angelus was circling his better half, the
grin on his face one of contempt and amusement. "You poor _sap_,"
came the same voice that had only moments before been pleading with
Buffy to forgive him, to trust him again. "You thought just because
you got away from me, she would forgive everything?" He shook his
head, chuckling. "Not even close." He glanced back at Buffy, a
mock-sympathetic pout taking over his features. "Hey there, lover,"
he said, "miss me much?"
     "Burn in Hell," Buffy hissed.
     "Eh...no," the demon replied. Then a sudden smile took over
his features, and he made a sharp, sudden gesture. "You, on the
other hand...payback's only fair, don'tcha think?"
     "_No_!" came a scream from the spectre of Angel as it launched
itself at its unholy doppleganger, knocking the demon to the
ground.
     But it was too late, Buffy realized as the ground fell out
from under her feet and she felt herself falling. Too late, because
it was time for the world's retribution against her and she'd
accumulated enough of an interest on her debt as it was.
                                *
     "_Damn_ you!" Giles shouted, struggling against the grip of
the Garou, his gaze burning and full of hate as he stared at the
vampire and the werewolf who sat across the way. He wasn't sure
which of them he was more furious with: Quirin, who was holding him
back; Sef, the pack's dreamwalker, who was currently in a trance
state; or Angel, also in a trance, whose expression was shifting
faster than light on the surface of rippling water.
     "Hush," said one of the older werewolves, the one Giles took
to be the matriarch of the pack, the one who had refused to give a
name when he had demanded one. "You'll distract him."
     As Quirin's grip on him became tighter, Giles realized he had
no chance of getting out of the cave at this point. Not when he was
surrounded by Garou and a vampire, not when they had his Slayer,
not when Buffy was--
     His thoughts broke off abruptly as he heard her scream. A
chilling, bloodcurdling scream, the likes of which he had never
heard come from her mouth before, in all the time he had known her.
And like that, he was struggling again, desperate to break Quirin's
hold on him so her could go to her side and assure himself Buffy
was alright, breathing, safe, that the pack's dreamwalker and Angel
hadn't done anything to her they wouldn't be able to repair.
     He heard the female bark something to Quirin, in a tongue he
didn't understand, and next thing he knew he was being dragged out
of the room, through the cave-tunnels and back into another room.
Behind them, he could hear someone pushing shut doors that had been
made with pegs, cordage, and wood that had fallen in storms.
     When the older Garou finally released him, Giles realized he
was blocking the way to the door, and there was no way he would be
able to fight his way by. Sudden feelings of failure and inadequacy
rose up in his chest, only to be pushed down, told Giles had no
time for self-hatred now. Not when his Slayer was in danger, being
ministered to by a pack of miscreants she had no business being
near.
     "Stay away from her," the Garou rumbled in a tone that could
only be described as one of warning.
     Giles felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle as he
heard another scream, and he moved to shove past the Garou. No one-
- _no one_-- told him what he could and could not do as far as his
Slayer was concerned.
     The Garou had other ideas, pushing Giles back against a stone
wall of the cave with a snarl. "These are _not_ your affairs,
_Watcher_," it hissed.
     Giles felt his heart pumping madly beneath his chest, and
commanded the fight-or-flight instinct down in favor of the one
that told him now would most likely be a good time to be a calm,
rational person. No matter how loathe he was to pursue such a
passive course of action. It wouldn't do Buffy any good to come out
of that damnable trance-state the Garou had put her in to find that
Giles had been ripped to pieces by frustrated members of the pack
in her absence.
     Taking a calming breath, Giles fixed an icy glare upon Quirin,
refusing to give any other sign of having heard the words that he
had spoken. Many times, Giles had heard his title used as an
insult-- he had done it himself, back in college, when he had been
running from the Network and into the arms of the demons of
darkness, back when he had thought rebelling against the system was
the cool thing to do-- but never had he heard it done in quite the
way this Garou had just done, in a tone that seemed to dehumanize
both the title and the one who bore it. Never before had someone
used the job he took such pride in as a way of cutting through to
him before.
     As he heard a third scream from behind the locked door, and
caught the look of warning cast him by the aging Garou, Giles
forced himself to swallow anything resembling indignation or pride,
taking it all inside, nurturing it deep. Reassuring himself with
the knowledge that Buffy would be alright if he could only have
patience.
     And after that ceased to convince him, Giles quieted his
desire to be with his Slayer by telling himself that if anything
happened to her, then both the Garou and Angel would learn--
firsthand-- of a revenge far more potent than the one the gypsies
of Rumania had visited upon a bloodthirsty vampire over a hundred
years ago.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: IOHM (6/?) Willow
Date: 13 Aug 1998 22:11:52 -0700

TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #6 Willow
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Yes...please...whatever the complaint
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG-13
SERIES DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs
INSTALLMENT DESCRIPTION: Willow's perspective
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: To tell everyone the truth...I do not really feel all that
great about this installment and I'm very unsure about sending this out.
Willow isn't exactly one of my stronger characters to portray...even if
this is my 3rd first person account her..goes to show you what I think
about my other story! Feedback would be of the definitively appreciative.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
In Opacitatem Habitant Modo
#6 Willow
By: Taygeta

    "Hey, Will," Xander said as he met me in front of the school,
"Need help?"

    I glanced at Giles who looked like he was doing fine with a box
of our Slayer Stuff, "I think we got itàumàis Buffy still here?"

    "UhànoàCordy stopped by to take her home awhile agoà about ten.
Good thing, too, she took a 10-minute power nap and give or take a few
minutes more, I'm pretty sure she would have looked about ready to steam
roll the undead," he sand and continued with a sigh, "I'm really worried
about her."

    "We all are," I said softly, "She wants so bad to get back at
Druscilla as if killing her will make everything all better.'

    "Yeah, I knowàthere's this gleam in her eye  - I mean - " he
faltered and hesitated.

    "I know what you mean, Xanderàon second thought, Giles does look
like he could use some help," I said glancing back at the Watcher,
wanting to make the awkwardness go away.

    "Then call me Helpà" he replied with his usual Xander grin, "I'll
meet you inside."

    Shifting the bag I carried from my right shoulder to the left, I
continued my walk into the school.  I often wondered why it was that the
janitors never considered why were at school so late sometimes, but I
guess Giles has some type of deal with themànot that they're around
muchàalthoughà

    What really plagues my mind, especially now, is what we would do
without Giles, and I guess that's what had me scared that night when he
had been taken prisoner.  If only he hadn't pushed me out of the way, he
wouldn't have gotten that concussion that caused him to be later
unconscious.  I know I shouldn't be blaming myself for that, but I can't
help but think that I am to blame.  I mean, if I had just been on the
defensiveàI would have been able to get out of harm's way before that
vampire leapt out of nowhere.  I remember the British accented voice
calling out to me, "Willow, look out!" like it had been shouted a second
before.  That 10-second event still occurs in horrific slow motion in
nightmares that derive themselves from those days of living Hell.  Even
though, my nightmares plague my mind at night and day, I wonder what
Giles' sees in his own, since he had to sit in that hellhole and live in
that dank darkness and breath those putrid odors and ghastly smellsà

    Giles once told me how the smell of something is remarkably
powerful in memorization and even though I had known that fact for years,
the way he had said it made me think it was the most wonderful sense to
have.  Now, I have much to debate on the greatness of the natural
abilities that we call 'senses.'  Two pending factors have made me think
otherwise of smell.  How could something be so wonderful be a double-edge
swordàthe other side filled with sadness, disgust, and angerà?

    The stench of the box of a room that they had locked Giles in was
brimmed with the foulness of death when Oz and I had arrived to execute
the rescue plan.  My stomach, already knotted as it was, churned in
disgust, especially when we managed to get the door open after we had
retrieved the key from a dusted vampire who had been standing guard.

    I stood frozen when I saw the bloody and torn state he was in and
I almost thought he was dead until he opened his eyes slightly and moaned
painfully, "WillowàOzà"

    I couldn't begin to say how glad I was to hear his voice, no
matter its ravaged stateàand for a minute during that day, my guilt had
disappeared, knowing that in the end he was okay, but only for a minute.
I even smiled slightly as we carried Giles out and met the rest in the
room where they had been, hoping that they had defeated Druscilla and
Spike.  My smile faded as quickly as it came when we reached the room and
found Buffy lying unconscious on the flooràXander not too far off in the
same state, but was coming to.  Cordelia was a nervous wreck as she sat
there helpless at what to do, and Giles, despite his state took
commandàas he always did.

    He asked no questionsàthere was no time considering that vampires
were up and about in the castle and would come to the room at any moment.
 Xander and Giles, despite their own major injuries both insisted on
bringing Buffy to safety, even though Oz, Cordelia, and I had only a few
bruises from our last confrontation.  We knew better than to argue, but I
sure felt weird about it, as if I wasn't doing enough for our groupàI've
always felt that and that day, even more so then ever.  Especially when
we found out later that Buffy lost her sight.  It was then that I
realized that if only Giles hadn't needed to take me out of harm's way,
Buffy would be able to still see, Giles wouldn't feel as if he had failed
her - us - in any way, and everyone else wouldn't feel so disappointed.

    We haven't actually opened up to each otherà not that we ever did
*really* before.  Still, ever since Buffy lost her eyes, we seem to have
all lost a little bit of our faith in ourselves, in the world, and
perhaps in just about everything else.  I used to be able to think and
live on the concept that everything was going to be okay in the end or
that it wasn't as bad as it seems to be, but this *is* bad and as far as
I can see we're never going to be okay.  And in a way, I'm glad that a
lot of that optimistic faith I once I had is gone.  Losing that and
everyone else's loss has caused us to be even closer than ever.  Maybe it
was how it's suppose to beàI'm not sure how to explain it, but I think
we're all better friends, despite what guilt we harbor from everything.
We all have guilt, I can see it in my face and being able to do that, I
can see it in their eyesàexcept for Buffy, I can see it in her wantàin
her fight.  I want what the rest of them wantàto be able to live again,
but we're not going to be able to do that, at least not until we've all
come to terms with all of this.  The only way that's going to happen is
that Druscilla and Angelus must die, and I for one am willing and able to
take on that task with everyone else if it means that at least some of
that lost faith is restored.

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 11/?
Date: 14 Aug 1998 01:48:39 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR: Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  I need it to live.  PLEASE MORE!!!!  If I don't get more feed =
back=0Asoon, I'll kill a main character off=85. HAHAH=85I'm out of my min=
d=85. So don't put=0Ait past me!!!!!!!!!!
RATING:  PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT:  Angst, Confusion, and the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story. It starts off the morning a=
fter=0Aher surprise party. What happens when Buffy wake's up to find out =
that all=0Athat happened from the time of her birthday to the time she se=
nt Angel to hell=0Awas just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named J=
oss=0AWhedon.
NOTE:  Now I can have some real fun now that I have explained what happen=
ed to=0Athe Judge and Have Zeal in the story=85=85.out of Buffy's body.  =
In the next=0Asection someone is going to die.  HEHEHHE  Guess???????

Part 11: You Just Might Get it

Location:  Buffy's House

Buffy and Angel were on her porch talking nonchalantly, both not trying t=
o=0Abring up the happenings of the past few days.

"Do you want to go to the Bronze tomorrow night?"  Buffy always enjoyed=
=0Apartying, and after what had happened she believed she deserved to.  I=
t always=0Amade her happier when Angel came with her, and now that they h=
ad moved their=0Arelationship to the next level she was planning to spend=
 a lot more time with=0Ahim.  <Maybe one day I'll tell him. > She looked =
into his deep brown eyes,=0Awaiting for his response; she loved him so mu=
ch she couldn't help herself.

"Sure, I'd love to."  With that Angel slowly lowered his face to hers, an=
d=0Atheir lips soon united.  It started off slowly, but as always their p=
assion=0Agrew.  Her arms encircled his neck to pull him in, and to deepen=
 the kiss.=0AHis arms wrapped around her waist, quickly pulling her close=
r.  Both seemingly=0Anever wanted to part.

Unfortunately for them, her front door flew open, and her mother was stan=
ding=0Athere in awe of what her daughter was doing.  "What the hell do yo=
u think you=0Aare doing to my daughter!"  Her mother had a very irritated=
 look on her face.=0AMiss Summers soon grabbed her daughter buy her arm, =
and pulled her away from=0AAngel and into the house.

Angel was only able to get one word out before Miss Summers slammed the d=
oor=0Aon his face.  "Buffy!"  He cried.  Angel soon learned that his call=
ing her=0Aname just infuriated her mother more as he heard the sound of t=
he dead bolt=0Alocking.  He decided to go around back threw her window, a=
nd wait for her in=0Aher room.  He hoped Buffy was able to explain to her=
 mother how much that he=0Aloves her and that his intentions are only the=
 best.  But something in the=0Aback of his mind told him from her reactio=
n he was screwed.

Location:  Living Room

"Buffy who the hell was that?"  She was enraged, not over the fact that s=
he=0Acaught them on the porch, but at the fact that Buffy had never told =
her about=0Aa boyfriend.  Before Buffy could answer her mother continued.=
  "Where have you=0Abeen all day, you didn't even call yesterday.  All I =
got was a phone call from=0AWillow saying that you'd be staying over her =
house for the night.  Now you=0Adon't even come home till=85" She quickly=
 looked at her watch then continued.=0A"11:30, Where were you!?  I'm taki=
ng it you weren't at Willow's last night.=0AWere you with this boy!?"

Buffy was in such shock at her mothers' accusations, she couldn't help bu=
t=0Atell the truth.  All that kept playing over and over again in her hea=
d was=0Athat it was true.  She had finally made love to Angel, and it see=
med that=0Aeveryone was finding out about it.  "Yes."  Was the first thin=
g that came out=0Aof her mouth, she was even more shocked that she was ac=
tually telling the=0Atruth.

"You know he is only after one thing."  By then her mother was pacing the=
=0Aroom.

Under her breath Buffy muttered, 'Well he already got that,' before she w=
as=0Aable to censor herself.  Worst of all, it seemed her mother had hear=
d some of=0Aher mutterings.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing.  It's not like that with Angel; we love each other."  The look =
on=0Aher mother's face seem to soften at the mentioning of the word 'love=
.'

"I just don't want to see you get hurt."  With those last few words she=
=0Amotioned her daughter at the stairs, and finished her last thought.  "=
Go to=0Abed, we'll talk more about this in the morning, by then I'm sure =
I won't be as=0Aupset."

"Sure."  She quickly took her mother's advice, and went to her room.

When she entered the room she was meet by an interesting site, Angel asle=
ep on=0Aher bed.  She has not realized that the argument had taken so lon=
g.  Her=0Amother had said that it was only 11:30, but the clock in her ro=
om told her=0Adifferently.  She could not help but laugh to herself, her =
mother's watch must=0Ahave stopped, it was almost 1:00am.  Good thing or =
her mother would have=0Areally been pissed.

Buffy did not have the heart to wake him so she decided to write in her d=
iary.=0AShe had not written in it in over a week, and since she was reall=
y not tired,=0Ashe thought it was about time.  She made herself comfortab=
le on her floor,=0Awith her back to her bed.  She opened the book to an e=
mpty page and began to=0Awrite.

Dear Diary,

< I know its' been a while since I've wrote in you, but I've been busy.  =
So=0Amany things have happened, I don't even know were to begin.  (She lo=
oked up=0Afrom the page, and thought to herself for a moment.  Only one t=
hing could come=0Ato her mind, Angel.)  I know!  I finally made love with=
 Angel.  Angel, every=0Atime I even think of him it sends shivers down my=
 spin.  (But with the thought=0Aof Angel also came the thought of the nig=
htmare that came right after their=0Atime together.)  Ya know what the sa=
ddest part of it all was, that even in the=0Aarms of the man I love, I st=
ill had a nightmare.  Well, kind of a nightmare.=0AYou see I have learned=
 a lot in the past few days.  Think you can't help but=0Alearn a few thin=
gs when you're possessed, especial when you are possessed by=0AZeal.  I h=
ate her for what I've learned, or maybe I hate myself a little for=0Awhat=
 I know now.  The whole thing leads me to a poem I once read:

The tape on her mouth
Silences her mind,
Unable to think forbidden
Thought.
It's happened before
Silently cursing
The oppressor, its existence;
Conformity
Unbearable pain
And harsh warnings
The tape, torn off, leaving
Small flecks,
Vermilion.
Intense fear, scared
Alone she stands up
Never again will they steal her
Identity

Ha, never again my ass, you know what they say what goes around comes aro=
und.=0AI'm not saying that the whole experience was bad, I just hated the=
 fact that I=0Ahad no control over what Zeal was doing.  Note to self: Th=
ank Angel.  I did=0Alearn one thing, I know what the dream means.  I have=
 been such a fool.=0ASometimes you should be careful what you wish for, b=
ut even now I don't regret=0Awhat I've done.  I just don't know if I'll e=
ver be able to tell Angel what=0AI've learned. >

She slowly closed the book, still lamenting on her recent thoughts.  She=
=0Adecided to get some rest, and climbed into bed beside Angel.  She quic=
kly=0Afound comfort by snuggling up in his arms, and rested her head on h=
is chest.=0A<Maybe. > With that last thought she slipped into sleep.

End of Part 11

So are you confused yet?
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEH






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, epilogue
Date: 14 Aug 1998 06:35:58 PDT

Title: Repercussions
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimers: None of these characters are mine,they are the property of
Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, the WB, etc...
distribution: Sure, just tell me where.
feedback: I would be very grateful.
thanks: To Rachel, who helped me write a much better story than I could
have on my own, to Christine, who kept me inspired to finish it, and to
Jenn who helped me with grammar and also morale-boosting. :)


The Bronze
August 23, 1998

The two girls walked confidently into the Bronze, their faces young and
worry-free. The blond-haired Slayer followed only slightly behind her
red-headed friend, and the sadness that remained in her eyes was well
hidden. Laughing overly loud at a joke Willow told, the Slayer wrapped
one arm over her companions shoulder as they headed towards the bar to
get a drink. Buffy kept a steady stream of chatter flowing as they
waited for their drinks, the conversation deliberately light. Asking
after the hackerÆs summer and how things had been progressing with Oz.
Not one serious comment slipped from either of their mouths until they
had their drinks and were headed towards a table near the stage.

"You're sure you're ready for this?" Willow questioned Buffy as they
settled into their seats, her eyes sweeping the room to see if Oz had
arrived yet.

"I'm sure, besides, I want to see Oz play.ö Buffy nudged Willow and
grinned at her. ôI wanna be a groupie too.ö  Smiling helplessly, Willow
let Buffy pull her back into the lighthearted conversation the Slayer
seemed to need.

Sipping her drink slowly while waiting for Oz to play,  Willow leaned in
close to Buffy, her face worried, "What if Xander shows? Are you okay
with that?"

Buffy stiffened for a moment, her eyes clouding with remembered pain.
Then taking a deep breath she relaxed her shoulders and stuck her tongue
out at Willow. "He brought my boyfriend out of Hell. How can I hold a
grudge after that?"

"Buffy! Be serious. Can you forgive him? Have you?" Willow watched Buffy
anxiously, her fingers tapping unconsciously  on the table.

"Have you?" Buffy turned on her, her eyes curious, "He betrayed you too.
Have you forgiven him?ö The Slayer watched Willow, all traces of joking
gone from her face.

Staring at the empty stage for a moment Willow seemed lost in thought,
then turning back to Buffy she spoke slowly. "When I thought we would
lose him...that he would be trapped in Hell...I realized I still loved
him. Not in the way I once did, but because he is Xander and he does
stupid stuff before he thinks about the consequences. I still think he
made the wrong choice, but he more than made up for it. I mean he even
defended Angel."

Buffy winced as Willow spoke Angel's name, but nodded at her words, "I
agree. He certainly tried harder than I did to fix what I had done."

"Buffy, you promised, no guilt-trips. You're worse than Angel." She
grinned as she said the words, hoping Buffy wouldn't take it the wrong
way.

"Is that possible?" Smiling sadly she fiddled with the straw in her
drink, lost in thought, then looking at Willow she spoke quietly. "Angel
suffered in Hell much longer than he would have if I hadn't lost it.ö

"Buffy, you have to learn to live with it.ö Willows voice was cautious,
her expression telling Buffy that she would fix it for her if she could.
ôYou can't know the right answer all the time.ö Willow watched Buffy
carefully, not wanting to say too much and push Buffy away again. ô Now,
Oz is going to be playing soon. Willow straightened her small frame and
tried to look sternly at Buffy. ôSo lets lighten up and have fun."

Saluting her, Buffy smiled, "Yes, Sir. Having fun, sir."

Giggling at Buffy's joke Willow turned towards the stage as Oz's band
started setting up. Catching his eye she motioned towards Buffy and
flashed a huge smile at him. He blew her a kiss before turning back to
the band. Bouncing around in her seat to grin at Buffy, Willow froze as
she saw Xander and Cordelia entering the Bronze. She sat there looking
like a deer caught in the head lights until Buffy turned to see what was
freezing her.

Cordelia saw them before Xander did, her face falling as her shoulder's
stiffened. She turned to Xander, grabbing his arm and saying, "We could
go see a movie?"

He started at her like she had asked him to go to the moon, "You were
the one who said you needed to dance. So we're here and we'll dance."

He started to walk towards the dance floor then stopped as he saw the
two girls staring at him. His face suddenly tense he looked at Cordelia
for reassurance. Smiling at him she walked over to where Buffy and
Willow sat. Staring at Buffy and Willow with a warning in her eyes she
spoke to them. "Buffy, Willow, how nice to see you. Is Oz playing
tonight?"

"Um..yes." Willow replied, her voice nervous as she waited to see the
SlayerÆs reaction.

Buffy and Xander stared at each other silently for a long minute,
Xander's face red and the pulse in Buffy's neck jumping. Then Buffy
smiled cautiously, her voice stiff, "You guys should sit with us. We've
got much catching up to do."

Xander let out a shaky breath and moved to sit down, ignoring Cordelia's
glances at the stool in front of her.  Willow and Buffy smiled at each
other as Cordelia pulled her stool out herself and glared at Xander.
"Nice manners, Xander."

"What...oh...sorry." Xander said,  looking perplexed as Buffy and Willow
smiled knowingly at each other.

After sitting in an uncomfortable silence for a while, they began
speaking slowly, friends who havenÆt seen each other for a couple
lifetimes. Xander made fun of CordieÆs shopping addiction and Willow
bragged about her new computer.  They even laughed a few times. stilted
laughter that became more relaxed as the night went on.

Cordelia leaned against XanderÆs shoulder as they talked, her expression
wistful. ôI wish school wasnÆt starting again so soon. This summer was
such a bust.ö

As soon as the words left her mouth XanderÆs hand covered it. Shaking
his head at her he looked to see BuffyÆs reaction.  Her face suddenly
serious she straightened her shoulders and hid the hurt in her eyes.
Speaking lightly she brushed off the issue. ôWhat? Like I had time for
school anyway. Plus, I mean, I had a rough summer. I sent my boyfriend
to Hell and went crazy. Who needs school after that?ö

Grinning at her Xander retorted, ôSee, you get all the breaks when
youÆre the Slayer. I went to Hell and I still have to go.  I think the
slayeretteÆs get a bad deal.ö

Laughing at XanderÆs words Cordelia chimed in with, ôI agree, I mean I
fell in love with Xander. ShouldnÆt I be considered crazy too?ö

They all sat at the table, truly laughing for the first time in a long
time when Willow chimed in with, ôWell, I gave Oz a gold star.ö

Cordelia and Xander stared at her like she was insane while Buffy lay
her head on the table laughing helplessly.

Standing hidden in the shadows Angel turned to the man beside him.
ôSheÆs laughing again.ö His voice was filled with wonder.

ôYeah, your girl, she sure recovers fast. It wasnÆt a week ago that she
was screaming in graveyards. Makes you wonder?ö Whistler spoke
flippantly, trying to cover the anger in his words.

ôWhat are you saying?ö AngelÆs voice was defensive.

Shrugging the demon looked from the group of teen-agers to the vampire
who stood beside him with his eyes glued to the Slayer. Turning back to
the group he answered casually. ôI just thought maybe sheÆd feel a
little guilty still.ö

Angel turned to Whistler his voice angry, ôShe shouldn't feel guilty.
She did nothing wrong."

Whistler raised his eyebrows at him, speaking in a voice that was tinted
with anger, "Really? You could have been out sooner if we could have
found her."

Glaring at him Angel spoke in a low voice, "Don't ever say anything like
that again. You and I had a choice about this, she didn't. She never got
a choice. We should be happy that she even does this. She's only 17. And
she feels guilt, more guilt than she deserves."

ôTouchy, touchy.  I wasnÆt saying she wasnÆt a great girl, I just...ö

ôDonÆt. DonÆt say anything else.ö Turning away from the four teenagers
he moved towards the door. "LetÆs just get out of here. WeÆve got a lot
to do."

"Well, you were the one who had to spend tonight watching your Slayer. I
would have left as soon as the sun had set." Whistler followed him, his
step hurried to keep up with AngelÆs long strides.

ôI needed to know she was okay.ö Stopping suddenly, causing Whistler to
walk into his back Angel turned towards Buffy once more. His face
worried he spoke cautiously, "Should I do this? Come back to her? What
if I hurt her again?"

Shaking his head the man answered him, "You wonÆt. IÆve got people
looking into the curse. I donÆt think it has a happy-clause. And anyway,
didnÆt she promise?"

AngelÆs face was sad as he replied, "That would help me, but it would
still hurt her."

Whistler shook his head in annoyance. "You worry too much. ItÆs not your
best trait."

"I donÆt worry too much. If I did none of this would have happened."
Angel spoke in a loud whisper, his voice stiff. "I just donÆt want to
hurt her any more." Angel stood quietly staring towards Buffy, his
expression wistful.

Looking towards the door Whistler tried to move past the vampire towards
it. "Well then shouldnÆt we get going? None of this is going to get
fixed with us standing here. If we want any chance of doing this your
way..."

"We have to go now. I know." Angel closed his eyes as a wave of pain
crossed it then stared wistfully at the group sitting at the table.
"She's amazing isn't she?" His voice was soft with love.

Taking Angel's arm he pulled him towards the door. "Yup. But had I known
when I met a stinky, starving vampire with a soul that all this would
happen I would have taken a vacation instead."

"Liar. You like being the new cryptic guy."

Whistler smiled at him as they walked out of the Bronze, "Come on then,
lets see if we can fix this mess up so you can get back to your Slayer."

***********




______________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Cursed (3/?)
Date: 14 Aug 1998 12:20:04 -0700

TITLE: Cursed #3 The Options of Death
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Angel
DESCRIPTION: Someone's out to kill Angel...it's a whole Curse thing...
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Cursed
#3 The Options of Death
Idea by: Slayer01
Story by: Taygeta

    "LookàI'm not who you think I amà" Angel tried as he backed away
from Leifa warily.

    "I know who you areàI've been trained for too long not to," she
said, "Nowàare we going to stand here and talk until sun up and have you
die that way, or are we going to fight?"

    "Can we sayàneither?"  Buffy said from behind her.

    Leifa turned around and eyed the petite blonde that had arrived
critically, "Who are you?"

    "I could ask you the same, but figuring that you're trying to
kill my boyfriendàI don't really think it matters," she replied and
continued with a shrug, "But if intros are your thing, I'm Buffyàthe
vampire slayer."

    "Leifa Tidier," she said simply, "Vampire Slayer, huh?  I've
heard about your kind, but I've never heard of one being in love with a
vampireàyou do realize that he's a vampire, right?"

    "Is the word, STUPID, stamped on my forehead?"  Buffy replied as
she rolled her eyes, "Of course I know that he's a vampire, but no matter
what you think you know, he's not a baddy."

    A frown wrinkled her forehead, "A what?"

    "Y'know of the badàbad guyànon-cursed vampire?" she explained
with a sigh.

    The girl looked at her and then glanced at Angel and backed away,
"FineàI'll leave him aloneàfor nowà" and with that, she left as quickly
as she had come.

    As they watched her disappear into the night, Buffy turned to
Angel and said, "I'm guessing not a disgruntled ex-girlfriend?"

     "It's not a joking matter, Buffyàshe's been cursed to kill me,
or die tryingàI've been able to avoid them up until now, but I've guessed
that I've stayed put too long," he said as they began to walk to his
apartment.

    "Rewind and rephrase, please, because I'm not getting this and
I'd like to get why someone's got bounty on you," she said.

    "Years before, when I was Angelus, I entered the home of a family
that lived in the Hykalr Societyàdescendents of gypsies, some of who
retained their magical powers, and for what I know, still have most of
them, today.  I stayed with the Tidier family, and back then trust was a
big factor of life for the Society, and they trusted almost everyone
until after I came along.  I arrived late in the night, and any person
would have been wary to accept me, but like I said, trust.  They were
suspicious when I wouldn't eat and came out of my room only at night, but
they respected privacy and didn't question my actions.  Then, one day a
member of the Rtyira family, Mishala Rtyira, came to the Tidier
homeàseeking for a husband.  Back then, to be seventeen in Hykalr Society
and unwed, was at the brink of being an old maid."

    "And obviously this Mishala girl had heard of the dark,
mysterious hunk staying with the family across the way," interjected
Buffy with a slight smile, "Sorry, go onà"

     Angel grinned lightly, but his face grew somber, "Yes, Mishala
came to visit meàand back then the Rtyira were the strongest magicians in
the Society.  That and the fact that she wasn't the nicest girl opted her
to be desperate for a husband for fear of embarrassing her family.  I
talked to her, walked with heràpretended I cared, and then when we were
far enough, I killed her.  I had got what I wanted, the blood of
magicàand so I left without a word.  From what I heard of the first
Tidier that came to me, they had realized I had killed Mishala and her
family blamed it on the Tidiers, and as a result, they were cursed.  The
first child of the main lineage was hexed to try and kill me and when
they diedàthe next was called, and so on.  When I was evil, I killed like
they were nothing, but once I got cursed, I just ran away, even though I
knew that they would suffer the curse's consequences for those that
didn't fulfill it."

    "And what were the consequences?"  Buffy asked.

    He closed his eyes and looked away from her, "To go stark raving
mad."

    "Oh my Godàthat girlàif she doesn't - " she said under her
breath, "Well we can't let it happenà"

    "No, we can't, but the only way to break the Tidiers from the
curse is if I die, but I came to a point in my life when I told them to
kill meàtold them go ahead and put me out of my misery, and they
couldn't.  One after the other, no matter how much I pleaded at them to
get rid of me; they couldn't kill meàthey'd rather have gone mad than
kill someone who was innocent.  She's the first of the them that I have
met in a long while, that doesn't know that I have soulàthat I've also
been cursed."

    "So what are you going to do, Angel?" she asked, "Because I
personally would like you alive and that Leifa Tidier to not go Looney
Tunes."

    "I'd like that too, but I don't know if that's possible," he
said, "Either I'm going to die or she's going to lose her mindàyou heard
the prophecyàthat's the definitive line."

    Hiding beneath the trees as she followed them, Leifa heard her
heart beating hard beneath her chest and she realized that killing him
was not an option anymore.  She couldn't kill him, despite what a normal
life meant for heràshe would killing someone who had nothing to claim for
in the past, but a demon that was not of his control, but if she didn't
kill him, what was left?  Only one thing was left, a life spent spiraling
into a dark abyss where her mind would be lossàher control would be loss,
where in the eventual she would probably do as her ancestors before her
had done.  A knife to the throat or a gun barrel to their own heads in
order to end it all.  She didn't want to end it allàshe didn't want to
lose her mind and by doing that lose her lifeàshe wanted to live, but as
it was, she was going to dieà

_____________________________________________________________________
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From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Six: Stepping on Sparks" (6/9)
Date: 14 Aug 1998 23:30:18 EDT

See part one for notes, disclaimers, and so on. Comments (good and bad) to
[e-mail], please, and the same goes for missing-pieces requests.

~

                 "Part Six: Stepping on Sparks"

     She had expected it to be hot. She had expected to burn. To
feel the searing hatred of everything she had ever touched as it
streamed past her. Or perhaps she had expected fire and brimstone,
the sort of Hell that crept up from the dark crevices of the human
psyche. Perhaps a gathering of demons would have been more in
accordance with what Buffy had expected to encounter in the Hell
Angelus had sent her to.
     Whatever her expectations had been, she realized within half
a breath that they were far from about to be met. Instead of
externally inflicted pain, all she felt was a dull ache in her
chest and the stagnant touch of unmoving air all around her.
     More acutely she felt the searing sensation of harsh, sterile
white light, enfolding and surrounding her. Coming directly toward
her from all angles.
     "Buffy?" she heard someone whisper from behind her.
     She turned immediately, taking an immediate step back when she
saw who stood at her side.
     "Willow," she said softly.
     The red-haired teen nodded, a bright smile crossing her face.
"Are you alright?" she asked. "Do you need help?"
     Buffy shook her head. "No," she said softly. "No help."
     "You need my help," Willow said, reaching forward at the same
time Buffy shied away. "Buffy," she said insistently, "let me
_help_!"
     "_No_!" Buffy shouted, pulling away. "I can't do this! Not to
you, not to anybody, I won't be responsible for destroying any more
lives!"
     For a few seconds, there was a silence between them. Then it
began to draw itself out, almost of its own volition, as if the
lack of noise was something that had suddenly gained a sentience of
its own.
     "It's my fault," Buffy whispered when the silence began to
threaten to overwhelm her.
     Before her Willow gave a slight smile. "No it's not," she
said, her tone almost one of encouragement.
     "Yes it is," Buffy said, feeling her throat constricting and
her breath become slightly more labored. "I hurt you," she said
softly. "All of you. This never would have happened if it wasn't
for me."
     "You never asked for the responsibility," Willow pointed out,
taking a step toward her, reaching out.
     Buffy flinched away and shook her head. "That doesn't matter,"
she said, her voice soft. "It just...doesn't matter. It's mine.
It's not a choice I have, it's something that has to be done, I'm
the only one who can do it."
     "You're destroying yourself."
     "Then maybe I should make way for somebody else to take over."
     A slight chuckle from her companion, and Buffy's eyes drifted
toward the floor.
     "You give yourself too much credit," Willow said quietly.
     Buffy glanced up. "What?" she asked.
     "Everyone feels pain. Everyone hurts. Everyone dies." She
shook her head. "All we can ask for is to find people along our
paths to help us make it through the hardships that fate throws in
our way."
     "But--"
     Willow shook her head, reaching out to touch Buffy's cheek
gently with her fingertips. Buffy fell silent at the gesture, and
this time did nothing to move away.
     "There are others who need your explanations," the red-haired
teen, or at least her facsimile, said.
     "Who...?" Buffy asked, her voice trembling with the words.
     Willow shook her head. "Look for light in darkness," she
whispered, something flashing deep within her eyes as she faded
from sight and Buffy realized that once more, she was alone.
     A few seconds later, she realized that the ache in her stomach
had intensified. But at this point she hardly cared, and instead of
moving forward Buffy allowed herself to sink to the floor, arms
wrapped tightly around herself, sobs wracking her body as the
memory of Willow's all-too-forgiving touch melted away to nothing.
                                *
     "Wake her up," Angel said softly, glancing at Sef.
     The Garou shook his head, his eyes on his herbs and medicinal
tools, not going near the young Slayer. "No," he said. "She is far
from ready."
     Angel winced as Buffy's muscles tightened, and her chest began
to rise and fall in short, gasping breaths. "I didn't think it
would be like this," he whispered.
     The Garou dreamwalker turned back to him, anger blazing in his
yellow eyes. "And what did you think, Childe of Cain?" he asked,
standing and walking toward the vampire. "That it would be simple?
Like the medications the humans use? Electroshock therapy,
perhaps?"
     Angel shook his head. "No," he said. "But I didn't want her to
hurt..."
     "It takes pain to alleviate pain," Sef said as small cries
came from Buffy's lips. Still, he didn't look at her, his eyes
instead focused on Angel. "When they feel pain, their nerves are
trying to reroute the damage. It is the same with the tears in her
soul. She must walk through them, around them, experience them. She
must find the best way to survive with it."
     "I don't _want_ her to have to live with it!" Angel shouted,
the emotions too much for him to control. "I want her to be _happy_
again!"
     His lips curling back in something akin to a cruel smile, Sef
shook his head. "She would be someone else," he said. "Someone you
didn't know."
     Angel looked at him, shaking his head. "No," he said. "She'd
be the Buffy I fell in love with."
     With a cold laugh, Sef shook his head, walking back to his
medicines and herbs. "She was never happy when you fell in love
with her," Angel thought he heard the wolf-man murmur as he turned
away, but the roar of the fire in the corner of the cave was too
loud for him to be certain.
                                *
     "They used to slaughter people as weak as you are," he said
from somewhere above her. "Leave them out on hillsides to die. They
did that with a lot of girl babies, too. Useless. Just like you.
Buff, you think if we left you out on a hillside somewhere, you'd
die?"
     Suddenly, a hand reached down and yanked her up, nearly
jerking her shoulder from its socket. Buffy felt her breath catch
in her throat as her head was knocked against the wall of the room
Willow had left her in.
     "Come on, lover," he hissed at her. "Just say it. You're weak.
You give up."
     She didn't have the will to fight him on either count. "Leave
me alone," she whispered. "You win, you've always won, you've won
every time."
     "Not good enough," he snarled, moving a step closer, shaking
his head. "I already know I'm the shit, Buff, so now what I want
you to admit is that you _are_ shit-- in my world, your world, and
any other world that happens to pop into existence."
     Offering barely any struggle, Buffy remained silent.
     "You know what this is?" Angelus asked, moving so that his
face was only centimeters from her own. "This is _pathetic_." He
shook her hard, once. "That you're in here, you're crying, you're
letting that little red-headed bitch get to you and you can't even
make yourself admit it!" He shifted his weight slightly so he was
pressing her up against the wall with not only his arms, but his
entire body. Buffy felt a shudder of disgust, sick and violent, run
through her body. He laughed at that, shaking his head and running
his hands up her arms, then jerking her neck so she had no choice
but to look straight at him. "Why do I even bother with you?" he
asked. When she said nothing, he shook her and shouted into her
face, "_Well_?"
     Buffy didn't answer, letting her eyes fall shut instead.
Through the darkness, she felt Angelus' weight suddenly move again,
his cold fingers wrapping themselves around her arms, and then
suddenly the wall was no longer at her back and he had cast her
down on the floor. She didn't open her eyes until she had hit the
hard ground, and then only to look at the floor.
     Her hair trailed in her eyes, dirty and stinking of the
street. Beneath her fingers, which were suddenly chapped and
cracked, there was dirt and grime, and cement. Her clothes, wet
from the rain, had plastered themselves to her body. From the
periphery of her vision, something caught her eye. The glint of
steel, shining in the moonlight.
     She felt her breath catch in her throat. Not here. Not
tonight. Not like this. Not back to this. Not to the weak thing she
had been when she had lost all hope, when she'd been unable to stop
herself from spending her last few dollars on a couple razors from
a shooter, a boy a few years younger than herself who had been more
than happy to take the money.
     She smelled like death, Buffy realized. She smelled like a
rotting corpse, and she didn't want to die.
     She didn't have a choice, she realized as she reached out,
picking the razor up and holding it in the moonlight.
     So weak, she thought, almost abstractly. Watching her body
move, having no control over the actions. She was the spectre now,
a viewer as someone she no longer was took the razor and placed it
on her wrist. And more than worrying about the way the razor
tickled her flesh, she worried about what she knew what was coming
next.
     A hand fell on her arm, suddenly and sharply.
     "_Buffy_!" he screamed.
     At the voice, the sobs broke loose, and her knees buckled. She
felt herself sink into him, the yielding body of the man who would
tell her later how much he had missed her, that he loved her, that
he had never wanted her to hurt like that, and how could she have
even thought of doing such a thing, didn't she know how upset
everyone who cared about her had been, and yes, they still all
cared about her, no one hated her, they wanted her to come home, he
wanted her to come back, he didn't blame her, he loved her, he
always would.
     "Buffy," Angel whispered, for now content to just hold her,
pull her close, kiss the hair she hadn't washed for weeks. Content
just with the closeness.
     Her body betrayed her, and despite the protests she made to
herself, Buffy could feel herself melting against him as he
whispered her name over and over, stroking her hair with one arm as
the other wound itself around her waist and pulled her as close as
they could come without becoming one being in fact, as well as
spirit.
     "I'm sorry," she heard herself saying, "I'm sorry, I'm
sorry..."
     "Shhh," Angel soothed, shaking his head. "It's alright. Thank
God I found you in time, thank God you're alright..."
     And though she wanted to protest, wanted to tell him she
wasn't alright and that things would never be alright again, Buffy
could find no strength but what it took to let him hold her.
                                *
     "What-- what's going on?" Angel asked hesitantly, glancing at
Sef as Buffy's sobs, which had intensified only a few seconds
earlier, suddenly shifted and became shallow breaths.
     There was no answer from the Garou.
     Alarm rising in his chest, Angel took a step toward the
Slayer, reaching out to put a hand on her arm. "Buffy?" he
whispered.
     There was no response. Angel swallowed, then looked back at
the dreamwalker. Sef was still engaged in the ritual-- another
break in events must not have come yet. Softly, Angel swore, then
glanced back toward the doorway. Giles had been here earlier. Angel
had heard shouting outside the room where he and Sef were trying to
heal Buffy. Giles' shouting. Laisa, Quirin...his extra-sensitive
hearing had compensated for the thick rock walls of the caverns.
     Giles. He had to talk to Giles. Explain what had happened.
Pray the Watcher might forgive him for this, for taking the offer
of help when the Garou had made it.
     He glanced back at Buffy and Sef, but neither paid him any
attention. Buffy, because she was unconscious. Sef, because he was
in the herbally-induced trance of a dreamwalker, existing only
mentally, and then only on some plane between this one and the one
Buffy was caught in. Existing alongside her, guiding events as
carefully as he could. Taking the Slayer past her fears, past her
pain.
     Shaking his head, turning away from the scene, Angel pushed
open the heavy door of the room and moved into the outer room,
catching the eye of a few of the younger Garou. "Where's the
Watcher?" he asked.
     One of them pointed the way, and Angel walked quickly past the
group, through a few dozen feet of cave tunnels, until he reached
a heavy door. Taking a breath, he pushed it open.
     "Giles?" he asked softly.
     "You." The voice was bitter. Icy. As cold as any Angel had
ever heard, and over his lifetime he had been given quite a few
brush-offs.
     "Yeah," he said softly, moving into the room, pulling the door
shut with a soft _click_ behind himself. He turned to Giles, not
meeting eyes with the Watcher, keeping his gaze trained firmly on
the floor. He didn't want to see the kind of hatred that would be
in the other man's eyes, if the tone of his voice was any sort of
measure.
     "Look at me, damn you," Giles snapped harshly, his tone full
of disgust and anger.
     Slowly, Angel forced his gaze upward-- and met with not only
all the anger and hatred he had expected, but more. Immediately, he
moved to apologize.
     Giles cut him off, his voice full of ice. "This is your fault,
isn't it. Don't-- don't answer. I don't want to hear your voice."
He paused, then shook his head. "So help me, but if anything
happens to her--"
     "If anything happens to her, I won't be around long enough for
you to do anything," Angel broke in gently, softly. His throat
ached at merely speaking, but he did so anyway. "I didn't know it
would be like this."
     "What were you _expecting_?" Giles demanded, in an uncanny
echo of Sef's earlier words. "A healing ritual isn't all sunshine
and-- and _lollipops_, especially not when done by a society that
feels pain is beneficial and strengthens the soul and body!"
     "I didn't _know_!" Angel protested. "I thought it would help
her!" He swallowed, shaking his head, trying to find the words to
tell Giles how sorry he was, how much he wished he had simply
brought Buffy home and then left again. "I didn't think, and that
was stupid of me. But Sef says she'll be alright, if he has enough
time."
     "How reassuring." The tone was chillingly even.
     Staring at the Watcher, barely able to keep his eyes level
with Giles', Angel finally gave up and shook his head. "I'm sorry,"
he said quietly. "That's all there is for me to say anymore. But
I..." He shook his head. "I love her, Giles. I can't watch her
being in pain and not letting me help her."
     "It would help her a touch more if you'd listen to her wishes
and leave her alone."
     "You don't believe that!" Angel exclaimed, shaking his head
and stepping close to the other man. "You don't-- you _can't_
believe that, you've said so to me, to Willow, you've said you
think if she would just open up, just trust me again, it would be
okay again!"
     "I believe my exact words were more that if she would trust
_anyone_ again, she might begin her recovery." The Watcher shook
his head, his eyes narrowing. "But I wonder if it isn't something
you tore away from her, the ability to trust."
     The words cut through him, and Angel shook his head. "I didn't
mean to hurt her."
     At that, Giles' expression softened slightly, and he sighed.
"Intent was never an issue," he said quietly.
     In the time it took for a few seconds to pass, Angel realized
that was all the Watcher had to say. All his intentions, everything
he had come here meaning to say, had fled his mind, and he shook
his head. "I'll let you know when she wakes up," he murmured softly
as he turned and walked out of the room.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Thinking to Much Can Hurt 1/1
Date: 15 Aug 1998 04:24:24 EDT

TITLE: Thinking to Much Can Hurt
 AUTHOR: Azziel Savament
 EMAIL:  [e-mail]
 DISTRIBUTION:  Ask, and all the people who have my other stuff archived
 RATING: PG-14
 SUMMARY: Buffy has become sick and all Angel can think of is death.  Angel
POV.
 FEEDBACK: I live for it if you don't send it, I'll jump.  I'm not playing
I'll jump and that will be the end of all my stories
 DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to an evil man named Joss Whedon.
NOTE: All I can say is, Fluff.

Sometimes I wonder why I am here, who am I, and why was I chosen to be
immoral?  I ask myself those questions every day.  I can help but wonder, but
when those thoughts enter my mind so do the thoughts of what I have done.  All
the hurts that I've caused, then I brood.  For days sometimes, or until I see
her.  Buffy.  When I see her all the pain, all the guilt, and the sins that I
have committed just washes away.  I don't know what I would do without her, I
still can't figure out how I ever lived without her.  But today I got the
scare of my life.

It was just after sun set Giles called me, and told me that she was in the
hospital.  I didn't even listen to him to find out why, all I knew at that
moment was that she was there, and I had to go to her.  Good thing the sun was
set, or I would have been in an ash tray for my carelessness.  As I rushed
there, all I could think was, 'O my go she's dying.'  As soon as entered the
hospital I meet by the sent of death, and my heart froze.  I begged to god
that I don't sense that when I see Buffy.  What an irony a demon begging to
god.

I soon saw Giles sitting in the waiting room nursing a cup of coffee.  With
supernatural speed I went up to him, and begin.  "Where's Buffy?"

"Angel, I think you should sit down first, I don't think she is ready to seen
you yet."  Giles seemed unfazed at the face that his slayer was in the
hospital.  So against my better judgment I sat down.  I needed to know what
was wrong, and why wouldn't she want to see me.

"What Happened?"  Was my next question?  I had neglected to find out before
when Giles had called, and now was a good time as any.  Even though in the
back of my mind something was screaming, 'DON'T ASK THAT QUESTION!'
but I still did.

"Well, today during school Buffy collapsed.  At first the when we brought her
to the hospital the doctors could not find anything wrong with her, but
then..."  Why did he stop?  Doesn't he know that I would rip my own heart out
for her, and serve it to her on a silver plater!  "I don't know how to say
this Angel, but..."  Again with the stopping, this is driving me crazy.  So
instead of waiting for Giles to finish I got up, and went over to the front
desk and ask for her room number.  The women gave me Buffy's room number with
a smile, and before Giles could have stopped me I was off.  But you know what
the oddest thing of all was, Giles never tried to stop me.  Hell he didn't
even get up when I did.

When I finally reached her room my heart had stopped, figuratively of course.
As I placed my hand on the door knob I silently prayed that she wasn't hooked
up to any machines.  I didn't know if I could have bared to see her like that,
but when I enter the room I saw none of that.  Matter of fact she was getting
dressed.  She quickly turn when she heard the door open, and when she saw me
she launched herself into my arms.  It seemed she was grasping me for dear
life.

All I could think about was 'If she is fine what is she still doing in the
hospital?'  "What's wrong?"  I whispered in her ear and slowly pulled her off
of me.

She looked up at he with big innocent eyes and spoke.  "Guess what?"

I was a little upset by then, but as she looked at me with those eyes, and I
couldn't help myself.  So I gave in to her little game.  "What?"  I said with
an amused grin.

"You are going to be a daddy?" 'WHAT!!!!!!'  Was all that I could think.  I'm
a vampire for Christ sake, and she is the slayer.  O no, that explains it,
only in this screwed up world could a vampire have a child, but only with the
slayer.  Making the impossible happen.  All I did was stare at her, I think
she was getting a little angered at my silence.  "Angel, didn't you hear me,
I'm pregnant with your baby."

I really did not want to piss her off, but before I could censor myself with
my reaction, it came out.  "WHAT?"

"You heard me pregnant.  Aren't you happy."

I looked at the floor for a moment and re-asked myself that question 'Was I
happy?'  Yes, I was, but I was still so floored by the whole thing I could not
react.

"ANGEL!"  O shit, she was getting piss.  One thing a vampire never wants to do
is piss a slayer off.  So only one thing came to mind, the only thing I knew
that I could do to show her how happy I was, and how much I love her.

Before she could say my name again I grabbed her and kissed her passionately.
I still didn't know what to say, so I said the first thing that came into my
head.  "I love you."  With those last words my fear left me, and for the first
time in 240 some odd years in was really confused.

;-)The End

HEHEHEEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHHHEHH







-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (17a/17)
Date: 15 Aug 1998 01:56:20 PDT

Title: Repercussions
Author: Andrea
e-mail: [e-mail]
disclaimers: These characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant
Enemy, the WB, etc. They are not mine.
distribution: Sure, just tell me where.
feedback: Please, please, please. :)
thanks: To Rachel, for making this a much better story than it started
out being. To Christine for keeping me inspired to finish it, and to
Jenn, for all the grammar help and morale boosting. :)

Note: This was supposed to be posted before the epilogue, but it doesn't
appear to have been sent.


Angel's Apartment
August 21, 1998

Buffy stared at Angel's back for a long time after the door closed
behind Xander and Cordelia, the words Xander had said echoing through
her head as she realized that he was right, the ordeal was nowhere near
over yet. Angel had suffered so much that she wasn't sure if he could
readjust. She tried to ignore the fear that wanted to overtake her. Not
a fear of Angel, but for him. Her stomach rolled at the thought of the
torture he must have gone through in the last few months. Closing her
eyes she tried to ignore the new guilt she felt over the time she had
wasted by running away.

She ran her hands along his sides, wishing he would move, make some
sound that she could respond to, or that she could turn him over, look
into the eyes she had never thought she would see again. Fresh tears
slipped out of her eyes as she realized she couldn't do it. She couldn't
face him. There was no way to apologize to him for what her actions had
put him through. The memories of what happened in the months when the
demon was in control would live forever, he would always feel guilt for
them. Holding back the sobs that wanted to escape she touched him
everywhere she could reach, wanting to soften the tenseness she felt in
his muscles, take away the pain that caused his body to tremble.

*I'm sorry* The words she needed to say to him kept running through her
head. She whispered the words softly into his back, and then chastised
herself, knowing that she owed it to him to say it to his face, not
muttered into his back like a coward. She pulled back from him slowly,
unwilling to let go completely, but needing to do it before she lost her
courage. Pulling on his shoulders, she turned him to face her, her heart
pounding. He didn't open his eyes, but his face was set with pain.
Holding back her own tears, she traced the line made by his on his face.
Her lips trembling at the misery she knew he felt and struggling to hold
back her own guilt she started to speak. "Angel, it's me... Buffy. I'm
sorry." Her voice caught on the smallness of the words, as if there were
words big enough to show him how sorry she was. "I...I...I'm just so
sorry."

She could feel him stiffening under her arms, mentally pulling away from
her before he made a sound. She held on tighter, refusing to give him
the freedom he wanted. He opened his eyes and she pulled back, ripped
apart by the pain she saw there. Pain she was responsible for. How could
she ever fix anguish this immense? Her heart shattered at the torment in
his eyes, the despair she could see there.  The tears started to roll
slowly down her face again, her chin trembling as she struggled to keep
her eyes locked on his. She wanted nothing more than to turn away and
hide from her guilt. Instead she watched him search for words, his mouth
opening slowly only to shut again as fresh tears rolled down his face.
Then finally, his words choked out between tears, "No. Nothing to be
sorry for. It's my fault. All of it."

She stared at him, wondering why the world had been so unkind to him.
She felt dread running through her, she was so afraid that he would
never believe he wasn't responsible for everything. Forcing a smile she
spoke reassuringly to him, needing him to understand that he should be
angry with her. "No. The demon was responsible for what was done to you.
I was responsible for letting the demon free.  It's mine."

Angel pushed her away abruptly, surprising her with the force he used.
Struggling to his feet he walked away from her, his face contorted.
"Buffy, never. I was a vampire long before you were born, I was a
vampire before your parents were born and soul or not I knew that I
should never get close to anyone, ever." He stared into her eyes, his
entire body tense. The despair on his face increasing as he continued. "
I never deserved to feel love again. I knew that and I forgot it and you
paid. You all paid because of my selfishness. And I will never forgive
myself that. Never."

"No." Buffy's voice was taunt, her face set. "This is not your fault. I
know you Angel, I know who you are. You didn't hurt me. You didn't hurt
anyone."

"I killed Jenny Calendar." His voice broke as he spoke the words.
Running his hands through his hair he looked wildly around the room, his
eyes searching out every corner, searching for escape.

Buffy took a shaky breath and spoke, "You didn't. The demon did. When
you were in control you saved her life."

Angel laughed, his voice bordering on madness. Spinning around he walked
over to the desk and picked up a scrapbook. Opening it he brought it
over to Buffy. Holding it, he shook it at her, as if it was the proof he
needed. Then he threw it on her lap, as if he couldn't bear to touch it
for one second longer.  "See? I am the demon. The same hand that drew
those pictures drew the ones meant to terrify you and destroy Giles."

Buffy opened the book slowly, her heart pounding. She gasped as she
looked at the first picture, tears spilling down her cheeks as she
looked through the rest of the book. Pictures of her filled almost every
page,  of her alone, her with Willow and Xander. Looking up from the
pages Buffy smiled softly at him as she whispered, "Have you looked at
these?  These pictures were drawn with love, not hate. That's the
difference." Standing she walked over to him, grasping him by the
shoulders. "Angel, it wasn't you."

"Yes it was." He spoke quietly pulling away from her; and going over to
the bed and sitting on it. "It was all mine."

Still holding the book she walked over to him, sitting down beside him.
As her leg touched him, he flinched away, and Buffy ignored the pain she
felt at his withdrawal. Opening the book to a picture of her sitting
with Xander and Willow at the Bronze she pulled his hand towards the
page until he was touching the picture. "Look. Look at Willow, you
captured everything about her.  Her innocence and her beauty, and her
strength. And Xander, you have his bravado and his kindness." She looked
from the picture to him, wanting him to understand what she saw in the
pictures. " No demon could put that much love into a drawing, no demon
could feel that much love."

"You forget I remember drawing you while you slept. I remember sitting
beside you and being so happy thinking about the fear you would feel in
the morning."  His voice was dull.

Carefully she put her hand over his and looked down, wrapping her
fingers with his she slowly traced over the image of her face drawn in
pencil on the page, "Well,  then remember it. Did I look like this?" She
calmed her voice, speaking softly. "You make me look strong and brave
and loved. Every line shows how much I was loved." She stared at him,
her eyes begging him to see what she saw on the page in front of her. "
Can't you see it?"  Her voice was pleading now, but she didn't care. Her
only purpose was to make him see that it wasn't him. She had been given
another chance, they both had and she had to convince him to take it.

"I can see all of it Buffy. I see the poetry written by a lovesick
killer, the pretty pictures drawn by a monster. I see what I stole from
you. The innocence I stole from Willow, the heart I stole from Giles. I
see everything."  Grabbing the book from her he hurled it across the
room and then rising quickly from the bed he walked over to his desk.
Picking up the piles of papers that lay on it he began ripping them up,
letting everything fall to the floor. When he spoke again his voice
sounded like a stranger's, totally without hope. "Most of all I see the
love I stole from you. Love I didn't deserve. Can't you see what I took?
You should look at the picture. See the beautiful girl I drew." Pausing,
the anger in his expression changing to sadness.  "The one whose eyes
weren't haunted with regret and pain."

"Angel..." Her voice whispered weakly towards him, then faded away,
letting him continue.

"I can't say sorry and make everything go away." His voice was thick
with pain now, his whole body defeated. " I can't pretend I'm not a
killer. Or that I deserve to love." He stood across the room from her,
his eyes pleading with her to walk away.

"Angel." Her voice was begging him now, "I love you."

"And I love you." He walked closer to her, the words of love having no
effect on the pain in his face,  the despair in his eyes.  Standing
inside the circle that he had come back through he spoke, his voice
harsh. "That doesn't mean that all the horror didn't happen.  What do
you want? Should we just ignore it?" He stared at her as if she was a
stranger to him. " I get to kill without retribution?  There are no
consequences?"

Buffy stared at him for a moment, her face disbelieving. Then she jumped
to her feet, pacing around the apartment, anger raging inside of her.
How dare he pretend that neither of them had paid? He had nothing to pay
for and he still paid.  She stopped suddenly, turning to face him,
speaking loudly, her voice furious. "No consequences? None? You went to
Hell. I went crazy. There were consequences. And we have to live with
it. With all of it. But that doesn't mean we can't be together. Nothing
means that to me." She stopped talking, her body heaving.

She watched his face carefully to see if her words could break through
the pain he was wrapped in. He didn't say anything so she pressed on,
her voice no longer angry.  "I live with death every day. I live with
every death the demon caused. I live with the fact that I didn't destroy
your body as soon as you left it." She waited for some sign of
understanding, some sign that he could hear her.  She had to be able to
tell him this, here and now.  She needed him to understand that the
guilt should always be hers. Speaking softly she continued. " I betrayed
my duty when I didn't kill you. And the fault is mine, not yours, so
don't try and take it. I'm the slayer and I failed." She paused for a
moment feeling the guilt surge through her, but ignoring it she finished
her confession. "And I'm happy about it. I'm glad you're back. I'm glad
I still have you to love. If I can live with that, why can't you live
with something that isn't your fault."

"Buffy...I'm so sorry" His face was crumbling and she cursed herself for
her careless words. She should have known he would take them as more to
feel guilty about.

Taking a deep breath she tried to explain what she had meant, in a way
that he couldn't blame himself for. Her hands reached towards him as she
spoke.  "Angel, listen to me please. You have to hear me. You were gone
and I didn't kill the demon." The tears spilled down her face as she
spoke. The horror she felt at causing him more pain pushed aside so she
could keep her voice calm. "I wanted you back too badly and I didn't
think there was anyway for you to come back and I still couldn't kill
you." Her hands touched his arms and he stood looking down at her. She
stared up into his eyes, her eyes pleading desperately for him to
believe her words. "That isn't your fault, it can't be. You weren't
there. I waited.  I hesitated, you did nothing wrong."

Angel stared at her for a moment before carefully backing away from her.
Walking slowly over to the bad Angel collapsed onto it, his face shaken,
"I'm so sorry you have to live with that Buffy. I'm sorry I put you
through that."

Buffy stood silent for a moment waiting for him to continue speaking.
She watched him carefully, but as he dropped his head into his hands and
began crying she realized he wasn't going to say anything else. Her
voice was soft with sadness as she spoke to him again. "Sorry? Put me
through it? And how did you do that?" She paused, struggling to control
the sudden surge of anger she felt. Her hands were clenched into fists
at her side as she continued speaking, her voice laced with a trace of
anger that she couldn't hide. " You knew that if we had made love you
would lose your soul? You planned it?" She stood directly in front of
him now, her face red with anger. "You made me fall in love with you so
that when you started killing my friends it would hurt more?" She
paused, panting for breath, shocked at the depth of her anger.

"Buffy." His voice was a plea.

"No. Angel. You owe me this." She stared at him, her sudden burst of
anger forgotten. She closed her eyes, fighting for control. She couldn't
lose it in front of him, couldn't give him even one more thing to blame
himself for. "I lost everything and now I have a chance to have it back.
I won't give it up, not for something that was beyond our control."
Buffy blew out a breath, trying to calm herself. Telling herself that
losing her composure or bursting into tears was not going to help her
convince him that he could live with what had happened.

He sat quietly for a moment, his face still hidden in his hands.
Shifting from foot to foot she waited for him to speak, afraid that she
had pushed him even farther away. Lifting his head slowly he looked at
her, his face questioning, "Why do you still want this?"

******

______________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Andrea Newbery" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Repercussions, (17b/17)
Date: 15 Aug 1998 01:57:33 PDT

disclaimers in part 17b.

****

Her heart raced at his words, but how could she convince him that life
without him wasn't possible for her? Tell him that she'd tried life
without him and didn't ever want to do it again? Tell him that he was
the only person who she could run to when everyone else ran to her? Tell
him that he was her safety and her protector? That he made her pulse
race and her heart sing? How could she tell him that there was nothing
that could make her stop loving him, nothing that would make her turn
away from him.  Her voice shaking with the conviction in her words she
spoke clearly, "Because I love you. I'll always love you."

Angel looked at her, his face showing his conflicting emotions, the war
he was raging with himself. Speaking carefully his voice frightened, he
whispered the words so softly she barely heard him. "I love you too.
Always." Reaching up he touched her hand, holding onto her fingers as if
they were his lifeline. His voice was louder when he spoke again. " But
what if I hurt you again? I can't take that chance. Ever."

Buffy listened to his words, trying to keep the joy she felt off her
face. Kneeling down in front of him she took his hands and placed them
on her chest. "Do you feel my heart? It's beating because you saved my
life. I would have been dead long before we ever fell in love if you
hadn't saved me."

"Buffy." He spoke quickly, trying to pull his hands away, but she held
them tightly to her.

"No, Angel. Listen to me." Her voice was more forceful now. She needed
him to remember all the good things he had done. "If you hadn't told me
about the Harvest Giles wouldn't have known what to look for. And what
about the Three? I would have died for sure. And the night I did die..."

"Xander saved you. I couldn't, I'm dead." Angel's voice was tight, his
self-hatred showing on his face.

"Xander never would have found me without you." Tightening her grip on
his hands she pulled them up to her lips, allowing herself the pleasure
of kissing him, feeling his skin under hers.  When he tried to pull them
back she just held tighter, refusing to give him up. Her voice muffled
against his skin she continued, "Angel, think of all the times I would
never have made it without back-up? Are you just going to leave me on my
own?"

She watched his face as he realized what she was saying. His voice angry
he spoke, "You're trying to say that if I leave and you die it's my
fault."

She pulled away from his hands, her expression defiant. Speaking in a
voice that was much more confident than she felt she answered him, "You
can take responsibility for everything that happened when you were gone,
then you can take responsibility for everything that happens after you
leave."

Violently pulling his hands away he glared at her.  Then staring into
her eyes he whispered, "I was never going to go far. I'll always be
here, watching you. I'll just stay in the shadows and not interfere in
your life. You should love someone like Xander, have babies and grow
old. I can picture you on your porch having lived a long life with your
children and grandchildren surrounding you."

She could feel the tears welling in her eyes again. Shaking her head at
him she refuted his words. "Even if I didn't love you, that would never
happen. You know that Angel. I'm not going to grow old, I'm not going to
have babies. Some night, I'm not going to win against the bad guys. I'm
not going to pay enough attention or maybe I'll be overmatched. I don't
know how, but I will die. And when I do, I want to die knowing that we
loved each other. I want to die knowing that I loved completely and that
I was loved completely. Angel, I don't get the babies and the porch and
the growing old, but I have love. And I'm not going to give that up
too." She stared at him, refusing to let him look away from her.

"Buffy, all I can offer you is death and pain." Angel's voice was ragged
with emotion. Reaching out he touched her hair, his hands shaking as he
touched her.

"No, that's all my duty offers me." She leaned into his hand, feeling a
burst of joy run through her because he had touched her. Smiling
tentatively she continued. "You offer me joy and hope. The guilt and
regret we've got to face down can be gotten through, but I can't do it
on my own and I don't think you can either." She watched him, not
knowing what she would do if he turned her away now. She didn't know
what else she could say to make him understand. Her entire body
trembling she waited for him to speak.

He slowly put his hands on her face, his eyes tormented. Gently he
touched her face, cupping it in both his hands. His voice was unsure as
he whispered his words. "I can't do it. I can't leave you. I should, but
I can't."

Buffy let out the breath she hadn't realized she was holding, feeling
the fear leaving her. She cried then, dropping her face onto his lap.
Her arms wrapped around his waist she sobbed uncontrollably, feeling his
hands on her back, comforting her. When she could finally contain her
tears she pulled back from his lap, taking big gulps of air as she tried
to speak.  His face was shuttered again, the guilt surrounding him so
heavily that she could almost see it.  She smiled shakily at him, her
voice husky and low. "I was so afraid that you wouldn't give us this
chance. I was so afraid that I would never get to see you again." The
tears streaming down her face again she climbed up on the bad beside him
and wrapped her arms around his neck, whispering her words into his ear.
"I didn't think I would ever hold you again."

His arms moved slowly around her back, his touch light at first, but as
she continued hugging him his arms tightened. Until finally they were
holding each other in an embrace so tight that Buffy was struggling for
air. He released her slowly, pushing her away so that he could look into
her face. He smiled then, letting his love for her shine through the
guilt that lined his face.  He reached out and gently wiped her tears
away, his fingers lingering on her face. His voice was thick with
emotion when he spoke to her.  "I...I love you. You are everything to
me."

She couldn't speak then, she just nodded as she folded her arms around
him again, her head laying on his shoulder. She closed her eyes and let
herself forget everything that was still ahead of them. All the guilt
and pain that still had to be dealt with, but she couldnÆt think of it
now. She let herself relax and feel safe for the first time since Angel
had lost his soul. His arms around her were strong and they promised to
protect her.

He loosened his grip so slowly she wasn't aware of it until his arms
released her and he got up to stand in front of her. She stared at him,
her face puzzled. His hand reached out to touch her face again, as if he
needed to touch her to prove she was real. His voice regretful he began
to speak. "I have to leave. I'll be back, I...I just need to fix some
things."

She stared at him, her stomach dropping.  Her mind raced with images of
a life spent alone, of him never coming back to her. Wrapping her arms
around herself to ward off the sudden chill she felt she nodded at him.
Her heart was breaking at the thought of him leaving her, but she kept
the pain out of her voice as she questioned him. "What do you need to
do? I can help you." Her voice broke as she spoke. "Please don't go. I
just got you back. I need you here. Angel..."

"I need to do this Buffy. I'm coming back, I promise. I will never leave
you again, but I have to do this. I have to." His voice was calm and
reassuring as he spoke, his hands cupped around her face, forcing her to
look at him. "If I can make just one thing better for you, I have to do
it. And I need to talk to Whistler."

"Why?" She couldn't keep the pleading from her voice as she stared up at
him. Climbing to her feet she stood in front of him, their bodies only
inches apart.

"The curse. I have to know if the curse has an escape clause." He looked
down at the floor as he spoke the words, his voice full of shame.

"But Willow did the curse. She could tell you. I don't think it has a
moment of happiness clause." She looked at him, reminded once again of
the pain they had to work through. She dropped her arms down to her
sides, not saying that she doubted that anything could make him happy,
make him forget the new guilt he felt. The other guilt had been a
hundred years old, this guilt was new and it involved her. As much as
she wanted him to believe it wasn't his fault she knew every time he
looked at her he would remember.

"Whistler will know. I have to be sure Buffy." He looked up at her, his
eyes begging her to understand how afraid he was of hurting her again.
He hesitated for a moment before continuing. "But if it ever breaks, if
I ever lose my soul again, promise me that you'll kill me quickly Buffy.
Give me your word."

She looked at him, her face horrified, "But...we know the curse now."

"Promise me that you will never let me take another life, please Buffy.
I can't live knowing there is that chance." His face was set. "I have to
be sure that what happened before will never happen again. I can't do it
again." His jaw was stiff as he waited for her answer.

"I promise." Reaching up she hugged him to her, her voice clear. Holding
him tightly to her she let fresh tears fall. "I promise."

His arms tightened around her and she could feel some of the tenseness
leaving him. Huddled together they held onto each other, letting the
words wait until he returned. He pulled away first, his face regretful.
"I have to go."

She shut her eyes for a moment then opened them and looked at him. "Will
it be long? Will you be back soon?"

"As soon as I can." He pushed the hair that had fallen onto her face
away and slowly leaned towards her. Kissing her lightly on the forehead
then resting his face in her shoulder for a moment before stepping away
from her.

She moved closer to him, closing the distance he had created between
them. Reaching up her hand to touch his face she ran her fingers along
his lips before standing on her toes to press her lips against him.  He
shuddered when her lips touched his and then his arms closed around her,
pulling her tighter to him. They melted into each other, forgetting
everything but how much they loved each other. Angel broke the kiss, his
eyes soft with love. Running his hand along her cheek he looked at her,
"We have a lot to talk about. We can't ignore it."

"I know. When you get back. I love you.ö Trying not to cry at the
thought of letting go of him for even a moment, she forced a small smile
onto her face.

"I love you." Quickly kissing her on the cheek he disappeared through
his door leaving her standing alone in his apartment.

She looked around the room, at the old memories and the new ones they
would make. She couldn't think of the problems that were in front of
them, tonight she was too thankful that they had a future together to be
anything but happy. Wiping the few tears that had escaped off her face
she walked towards the same door, heading home to face her mother.
Smiling to herself she realized it was after three. Shaking her head she
walked away from Angel's apartment, "I guess it's back to climbing in
through windows already."

*********



______________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Sara B." <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Poem (untitled)
Date: 15 Aug 1998 11:56:28 PDT

Author:  Sara B.
Email:  [e-mail]
Title:  Undecided.
Feedback: Yes, please!


The shadows danced
Upon the wall
With the flame
Flickering so bright;
Through my window
TÆwas the moon
Dispelling luminescent light.
In the dreary
Dark of Night
I stared upon your figure;
Tall and grand
So self assured
As perfect as a picture.
You took my hand
To your lips
And kissed it
Oh so sweet;
You stared at me
With a gleam in your eye
Of a lover
Who once made me complete.
Your dark red lips
Were stained in crimson
As they often were;
The smell of a women
Drifted from you
You took that blood from her.
I felt the tears
Fall from my eyes
As they had before;
I felt the pain
stab my heart
Because my life you tore.
With a flash
You grabbed me tight
Holding me with fierce;
You kissed my lips
With such a passion
I felt your sharp teeth pierce.
I pulled away,
And felt the blood
Trickling from my face;
You left my room
With one last grin
And against the sun you raced.
I stood and watched
You disappear
Into the shadows of night;
Feeling as if
I could die
As I watched you leave my sight.
I felt the stake
Lie in itÆs sheath
Underneath my arm;
I should have stuck it
In your heart
But to you I can do no harm.
But be warned
Because one day
Within me the strength I will find;
To tear myself
Away from you
And break the holding bind.
And upon that day
YouÆll no longer be
Taunting me at night;
And IÆll take that stake
And send you to hell
Ending our last fight.


The End.

______________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Seven: Reaching Out" (7b/9)
Date: 15 Aug 1998 16:03:14 EDT

See part one for all notes and disclaimers. Comments and requests for missing
pieces to [e-mail], please.

~

     Silent, because the Garou had threatened to bar him from this
room if he so much as coughed, Giles watched the ritual taking
place between Sef, Angel, and Buffy. The two willing participants
were both lost deep in a trance, and Buffy was-- as she had been
since he had come here-- unconscious.
     Giles shook his head, fighting the feeling of helplessness
that had been threatening to overwhelm him since Angel had first
staked the claim to the right to saving Buffy. The bitterness that
had washed over him when he had realized it meant that his Slayer
would be saved by someone other than himself had surprised Giles.
He had thought it was the idea that he himself wouldn't be the one
who pulled Buffy back from the brink of whatever insanity it was
she was teetering on that had bothered him, but as time passed and
he analyzed his feelings more intensely, he realized that wasn't
it.
     The truth, he had decided, was that it was Angel who would be
doing the saving, and the vampire had no right to make that sort of
sacrifice for Buffy. She would wake up, Giles knew, feeling as
though she owed Angel something for going onto the dreamscape and
saving her. The rational, thinking mind she was capable of
displaying would take yet another one of its Angel-induced
vacations, and she would either blow up at the vampire and then
seal herself off from all of Giles' attempts to make her face what
had happened and acknowledge that she had indeed been made to
_feel_ by her former lover, or else this act would finally bash
through the barriers she had erected long ago, and she would
undergo a complete nervous breakdown brought on by the idea that
she had finally lost the battle and her involvement with Angel was
something she had no way of avoiding. Being trapped, or feeling
that she was, would only hurt her. And as Giles had told Quirin on
that night at the cabin that seemed as if it had taken place years
ago, he would do anything it was in his power to do, and quite a
few things it wasn't, to keep Buffy from being hurt.
     Not, he berated himself silently as he heard one of the three
participants in the ritual give a slight gasp of pain, that he had
done a particularly good job of keeping her from being hurt in the
past. But down that way was madness and the same sort of
predicament he was now trying to extradite Buffy from, he reminded
himself, and so he quickly ceased to allow himself to contemplate
that line of thought.
     The thing that was so utterly maddening about the situation,
he knew, was that he was powerless to do anything that would really
contribute. He was too weak to fight the Garou and simply remove
Buffy by force, and even if he called the Network-- presuming the
Garou would let him get to a telephone-- he couldn't gain
assistance for several days at the least. He wasn't even in the
position of knowing what was going on and being unable to affect
it. He simply knew something important, earth-shakingly so, was
taking place-- and he had no access to any knowledge but that.
     With a slight, soft, bitter sigh, Giles adjusted his position
in his seat, and waited for something more to take place.
Something, he hoped, that he would actually be able to act on,
instead of something he would be forced to simply observe.
     On that note, Giles sighed, resuming his watch of Buffy and
the events taking place around her.
                                *
     The darkness of the forest was unbroken as Angel sprinted
through it, following the girl who wasn't making any sort of effort
to conceal that she had passed through here.
     His ears still stung from her words, and his heart from the
look on her face when she'd spoken them, and yet Angel couldn't
make himself stop-- even though he knew full well that at this
point, there was likely little he could do to fix anything at all
from the myriad of relationships and people he'd broken.
     And then, suddenly, he stumbled onto the bank of the river
that, were this the real world, would have flowed past the cabin
Buffy and Giles were staying in. Angel cast glances both ways down
the bank, and caught sight of a set of footsteps. The light, which
was already disorienting him to some degree, streamed down from the
sun and illuminated everything around him, dancing on the water and
reflecting from the leaves and grass at the edge of the river.
     Angel took a breath, stopped for a few seconds by the sheer
beauty of the world around him, the beauty he had only observed
from car windows twice since he had been changed. Too much,
something inside him whispered, it was all too much. Too much
beauty, too much light.
     Almost overcome by the radiance of the light and the way it
made everything it touched seem perfect, Angel was jerked from his
reflections when a small stone hit the water at midstream. He
glanced up, seeing the ripples as they ran swiftly over the water's
surface, his gaze tracing back to the figure of a young woman,
kneeling on a rock a few dozen feet away.
     Buffy appeared to be completely absorbed in her actions,
paying no attention to the water or its reactions to her motions.
Granting him no attention, either, Angel thought, but perhaps that
was for the best.
     Still, he couldn't simply leave her here and say nothing,
despite what she had said earlier and despite the knowledge that
anything he said would most likely meet with a cold rebuff.
     "Buffy," he said quietly, first surprised when she looked up
at his words, then surprised again when she offered him a small
smile.
     "Angel?" she said, her voice soft and full of hope.
     Suspicion, though he tried to push it away, crowded his mind
at her words. After the reception she had given him back in the
clearing, that she would sound almost glad to see him was something
he couldn't make himself just accept. Cautiously, he took a few
steps forward, making sure to stay several meters away from her.
     "You're not running," he said quietly, struggling to make the
words come.
     She shook her head and looked at him, confused. "Why would I
run?" she asked.
     He closed his eyes for a brief moment, fighting back the
feeling of a sudden weight being lifted from his chest, then he
opened his eyes again and looked at her. "You always do," he
replied.
     She shook her head, the confusion seeming to grow. "I'd never
run from you," she said quietly. "I've been waiting for you."
     Laboring to understand why she wasn't angry with him, why she
was speaking to him at all, Angel realized he was unable to
reconcile this Buffy with girl he had spoken to back through the
woods, in the clearing.
     Fine then, he told himself, he wouldn't try to reconcile. He
would simply be. With her. He took a few more steps, closing the
distance between them, not letting himself think about the way that
the entire situation was making little to no sense. "I-- I don't
understand," he said quietly.
     She rose slightly from where she was seated on the rock,
reaching out a hand to take his own and then backing away slightly,
just far enough so he could sit beside her. When she looked at him,
her eyes were glowing with love and trust. Emotions Angel had
thought he would never again see in them, and the image was almost
too much for him to bear. Without warning, memories of other times
flooded him, and he looked away, unable to see her this way when in
his mind's eye he was watching her hate-filled expression scream at
him for trying to make her see that he still loved her more than
anything else in the world.
     "Don't cry," she said softly, the soft touch of her fingertips
brushing his cheek gently, offering the smallest amount of pressure
until he turned his face and met her gaze again, though the sight
was nearly enough to tear his heart to pieces.
     "I--" he began, then he realized his voice was thick with
tears, and shook his head.
     "Shhh," she whispered, leaning forward until their foreheads
were touching, "don't cry." The smile on her face was evident in
her voice when she continued. "I've been waiting for you for so
long. Please don't cry. I love you."
     "But-- but--" He struggled with the words, shaking his head as
he spoke. "I thought you-- that you hated me, you said, and Buffy,
I didn't--"
     "Shh," she soothed again, squeezing his hand while she put a
finger to his lips. "I've been waiting for you. Hoping." This time,
she didn't give him time to protest before she continued. "Waiting
for so long. God, it's been so long..."
     He felt something warm and wet running down his cheeks, and
for a moment thought it was his own tears-- but when he opened his
eyes he realized she was crying, too. Her delicate fingers were
trembling as they stroked his cheek, the flesh staining red when it
touched the blood that trickled down his cheeks. He could almost
smell, almost taste the salt in her own tears, and the warmth from
her fingers passed through his skin with ease.
     Though he knew he didn't deserve the forgiveness she was
giving him, he had wanted it badly enough for long enough that the
earlier doubts, the ones had resulted from the way she had rebuffed
him in Sunnydale, run from him in the clearing earlier, melted away
without leaving any hint of ever having been present. His was not
to reason or question or look for an explanation, his was simply to
thank God she had found it in her soul to forgive him.
     Time lost meaning as he sat there with her, losing himself in
her closeness, in the feelings and sensations that had been denied
to him for so long.
     And then suddenly, the idyllic silence, interrupted previously
only by her occasional breath, or his shuddering attempt to speak,
was shattered. A footstep fell from several dozen paces away, and
though he might not have noticed it otherwise, the one who had
caused it spoke in a voice he couldn't ignore.
     "You sick, disgusting son of a _bitch_."

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Seven: Reaching Out" (7a/9)
Date: 15 Aug 1998 16:03:08 EDT

See part one for all notes and disclaimers. Comments and requests for missing
pieces to [e-mail], please.

~

                   "Part Seven: Reaching Out"

                    //I didn't come this far
               For you to make this hard for me.//
                        -"How", Lisa Loeb

     "I need to be with her," Angel said softly, his eyes seeking
some sort of understanding from the elder Garou.
     There was no flicker of emotion from Quirin's eyes, and to the
other side, Sef remained as impassive as he had been from the
moment Angel had first made his request.
     "Be with her, how?" came Laisa's firm voice from where the
matriarch stood before him.
     "No," came a fourth.
     Angel turned back toward the last voice, ignoring Laisa when
he saw who had joined him with the Garou in the council chamber.
"Yes," he said, his pleas to the Garou drifting away as he took a
step closer to Giles. "I have to."
     The Watcher's eyes narrowed. "Don't you _dare_," he hissed
angrily. His eyes darted back toward the Garou. "If you let him go
into this, this dreamworld you have her in, and something-- if
anything happens to her because of him, I'll hold you all
responsible. As will the Network."
     A soft chuckle from Laisa. "You think we fear your Network so
much?"
     Giles appeared to be unafraid of her lack of respect for the
organization that stood behind him. "You'd have reason," was his
only answer.
     Angel felt the chill inside him deepen, knowing full well that
the arguments these people had gotten into with each other were his
fault, and his alone.
     "Untrue," Quirin proclaimed when he voiced the sentiment. "I
called you Friend, it is my responsibility as--"
     "It's _not_," Angel interrupted, his words still directed more
toward Giles than toward the rest of the room's occupants. "It's
me. I was the one who killed that gypsy, I was the one who was
cursed. I was the one who let myself fall in love with her. And
hurt her."
     "You knew not the results of your act--"
     "It doesn't _matter_ that I didn't know!" Angel shouted,
turning on the pack's matriarch. Laisa looked slightly stunned by
the outburst, and Angel was more surprised that he had been able to
tear his attention away from Giles than anything else.
     The Watcher wasn't about to be so easily forgotten, though.
"You have no, no _right_ to take responsibility for her," he
snapped, his voice cold and condemning.
     "I'm taking it anyway," Angel said quietly, his own voice
becoming stiff and chilled as he turned to look back at Giles.
"She's mine, I claim the right." He turned back to Quirin. "Soul
Rights," he said quietly.
     "Now hold on there a blasted _minute_!" Giles shouted, taking
another step into the room. "She's not some kind of-- of
_property_, damn it, she's the _Slayer_, and what in the name of
God makes you think you can do something as stupid and archaic as
claim sole _rights_ to her?!" Flustered, and obviously quite
perturbed, the Watcher fell silent-- though he continued to glare
at Angel as the vampire exchanged glances with the Garou.
     "Soul Rights," Quirin said to Giles. "The right a soul has
to..." He cleared his throat, looking at Sef.
     The younger Garou seemed to take the hint, nodding and
standing, walking to Giles' side. "The idea that mortals have, that
everyone has a perfect match, spiritually and emotionally,
somewhere in the world...a soul mate, if you will...although
somewhat romantic, seeped into our lore several hundred generations
ago." He shook his head. "If one person sees in another the
possibility that they are one another's...perfect match..."
     Angel watched the expression on Giles' face shifting slowly as
he first comprehended what Sef was telling him, then as he realized
what Angel had done in invoking Soul Rights in regards to Buffy. It
was something even Angel himself hadn't recognized the true
significance of when the words had been bubbling around in his
thoughts. He knew what it meant, in theory. He hadn't realized how
deep a bond soul matches were considered by the Garou, and by
effect how deeply they were when constructed between two people.
     Despite that, as the Garou finished educating the Watcher,
Angel realized there was no better term to describe what Buffy was
to him-- his everything. She was his sun, his moon, his every
thought. Had he still been able to breathe, she would have been
that too. All he ever cared about, his reason for being.
     He wondered, fleetingly, what would have happened if he had
never changed, never become. If he had stayed the mortal he had
been that night in Galway when Darla had offered to make him what
he was nowadays. Would he have found someone else, just like Buffy?
Or would he have gone through his entire life, knowing there was
something missing and yet never able to put his finger on it,
starting every time he recognized something that might somehow be
incorporated into the girl that would be born nearly two and a half
centuries after himself. He couldn't imagine anyone like her,
either in the past or the future.
     "He can't do that," Giles was saying when Angel returned his
entire attention to the room.
     "I can. And I have," he said, his voice more even than he had
expected it to be. Before the Watcher could protest again, Angel
shook his head and took a step toward the door. "And I need to be
with her."
     "She doesn't need you, she doesn't want you."
     The sting of the words was a harsh one, and it was all Angel
could do not to round on the Watcher and shout at him that wasn't
true, that Buffy needed him as much as he needed her, that without
each other both of them were incomplete. But he quelled the animal
inside him that urged him to action, and instead remained silent,
communicating to Sef with a glance that there would be no more
deliberations, no more consulting with the other two members of the
pack over matters that had been decided the moment he had invoked
the right of his soul, his being, to go to hers.
     With only a gentle nod, the Garou turned with him, and they
left the room. Neither Laisa or Quirin moved to stop them. Giles,
Angel was already telling himself, had already condemned him. There
was no reason to worry about the Watcher's opinions of anything
else that might transpire until Buffy was safely conscious, and
safely in his arms.
     Silent, letting the Garou lead him back to the room where
Buffy had been laid out, Angel waited in silence as Sef took a
piece of rock from a shelf and passed it to him.
     "Focus on this," he said quietly. "And sit."
     Angel glanced at the rock, lowering himself to the floor.
"What is it?" he asked.
     The Garou shook his head. "Focus on it," he said. "It will
make your soul's passage easier."
     With a silent nod, Angel did as he was told.
     "Close your eyes," Sef whispered.
     Swallowing at the memories evoked by the words, Angel again
obeyed the order.
     Almost immediately, his heart dropped to his stomach and he
heard an onslaught of air rushing past him. He wanted to release
the stone in his hands, use them to cover his ears instead of to
carry this dead weight. Use them to shut out the screams that
assaulted him from all sides, carried by the wind.
     Some of the voices he recognized. Some, he did not. Some of
the words screamed at him were cries of agony, guided only by the
flow of the wind, dying as he himself moved away from them.
     He could hear the cries of people he had killed, and he
remembered the times he had spent murdering. The slaughters. The
bloodbaths. Tiny hands pawing at him as he lifted children into the
air and dashed them down upon hard cobblestones. Women's nails
raking his cheeks as he laughed and the flesh grew back, leaving
him undamaged.
     Images came, next. A thousand faces, two thousand terrified
eyes staring at him in their last glowing moments.
     *Give up your hold,* came a whisper bourne upon their voices.
Refusing to let himself be swayed by the pain being projected
toward him, Angel gripped the stone tighter and focused harder, and
then he felt another voice whisper into his ear.
     *Look for light in darkness,* it said.
     And then all motion ceased, and Angel found himself still. His
eyes were still closed, and yet there was light streaming through
his eyelids, hitting his retinas. Bright, too, he could tell, not
knowing whether or not it was safe to open his eyes again. There
was a sort of pale pink to the shade that he was seeing. What if he
opened his eyes and all he saw was blood, the bodies of the people
he had killed, everything wrong he had done during his lifetime?
What if he opened his eyes and was reminded of the horrors and the
tragedy, instead of the love he was coming here to find?
     On the other hand, he knew well enough that unless he looked,
he would never find Buffy-- and though she would heal in time, he
wouldn't have been there for her and his duty because of the rights
he had claimed would remain unfulfilled. What's more, he would
never forgive himself.
     So slowly, unsure of what he should expect or what would
present itself to him, Angel let his eyes flutter open.
     He gasped first, dropping the stone Sef had passed him as he
pulled his hands in toward himself, trying to use them to shield
his face from the bright light streaming down-- because now, he
realized, it was sunlight.
     Sunlight, and it wasn't burning him.
     Forcing himself to take a deep breath, Angel next set his mind
on undoing the protective stance he had moved into the second the
source of light had registered with him.
     He cast his gaze downward, and it fell on a circle of violets
that stretched out from beneath his feet. He felt a smile passing
over his face as he stooped to run his fingers over them, then
stood again and looked over the landscape before him.
     A clearing. Flowers. And a small, bundled-up heap of a girl-
child, curled in a ball halfway between himself and the darkened
woods.
     "Buffy," he whispered, his lips barely moving and the words
barely forming themselves in his throat. She didn't hear, or simply
pretended not to.
     He took a few steps toward her, his hand reaching out to fall
on her shoulder. "Buffy," he said, a little louder. "It's me."
There was still no response. Angel swallowed. He had known this
wouldn't be easy, and yet he had hoped she might at least speak to
him...
     "Buffy," he said again. "Please. Listen to me. I'm sorry. This
is my fault." He shook his head, lowering himself to sit in the
flowers beside her, his amazement at how beautiful she was in the
sunlight, which was growing with each passing moment. So serene, so
calm. Motionless.
     Ignoring him, he felt something inside him snap in a cruel
tone of voice, but he pushed it away with practiced ease.
     "This...I did this," Angel said quietly. "I asked the Garou to
heal you. Buffy, you have to understand, I thought it would be for
the best, they didn't tell me it would hurt you to heal, they
didn't tell me everything about it..."
     Still, the Slayer gave him no answer.
     His voice catching in his throat, Angel reached forward
slightly, moving to take her hand in his. "I love you, Buffy, I
just seem to be really bad about figuring out how to tell you
that." He shook his head, closing his eyes for a bare second before
they opened again almost of their own accord, as though wasting
precious seconds of seeing her in the light of day were something
they couldn't abide by. Angel was surprised when Buffy made no move
to push him away, letting him twine his hand around hers, hold
it...
     A shudder wracked his body as he realized her hand was too
cold.
     She was warm, that was what he had first fallen in love with.
Afterward had come the emotions, the soul, the girl who was the
Slayer. At first, like with so many other human girls, what Angel
had fallen in love with was her warmth. The way heat radiated from
her body, emanating through her skin before dissipating into the
air around her. Even that was warm. Later, when she had let him
come close enough to feel the heat, he had never ceased to wonder
at the way her lips sent shivers of heat-- physical, not sexual,
though that was in the mix as well-- through him. The way her hand
on his arm, even through a long-sleeved shirt, was enough to make
him stop and wonder at the life she carried.
     But now her hand was cold.
     Horror creeping in at the edges of his mind, Angel quickly
pulled her up to him, turning her, feeling his throat constrict as
she offered no resistance to his motions. "Buffy," he whispered,
his voice already ragged. He shook her once, gently, then when that
brought him no response he shook her again.
     A split second later, a coppery scent hit him so hard he
nearly lost his grip on her. She would have fallen, he realized,
his eyes widening and his nostrils flaring at the scent, because
there was nothing beneath the glassiness of her eyes, there was
nothing there at all.
     "Buffy," he choked, a strangled cry as he sank back into the
faerie circle, cradling her in his arms, staring in horror at the
dried, red-brown stain that covered her clothing and her skin, the
cracked flakes of blood that had dried around the gaping slashes in
her wrists.
     "No, no..." he whispered, pulling her close as though if he
could only feel a trace of the warmth he was used to, she would be
alright, he wouldn't have been too late.
     He'd been such a fool, he thought, his memories flashing back
to what Quirin had told him-- that she might not be strong enough,
that dreamwalking was never a cure for life's ills. He had
protested. Insisted. Pleaded. Begged. Finally gotten his way. And
for what?
     He blinked, trying to keep the tears back, instead failing and
watching as two pinpoints of blood fell and marred the smooth
perfection of her cold flesh.
     It was then that he heard someone step into the clearing, from
across the way. A horrified breath, sharply taken, made him stand.
He held the body close as he rose and turned, then stared. Quickly,
his gaze darted from the form in his arms to the one standing at
the edge of the clearing, and he spoke softly, his voice charged
with confusion and disbelief. "Buffy?"
     The body in his arms was as solid as anything he had ever
touched, cooling by fractions of degrees with every passing second.
The same was true of the woman who had just stepped into the
clearing, the one who was staring at him and the body he held with
shock, confusion, and-- he couldn't miss the final emotion-- a
dull, weary sort of anger.
     Not knowing what to do with the body he held, not wanting to
put it down, Angel took it with him as he closed the distance
between them. Buffy did nothing for a few seconds, but as he neared
her, she took a few steps back. "No," she said, shaking her head,
her voice trembling with the word. "This...this didn't happen. I'm
not--" She broke off, then swallowed back whatever was preventing
her from speaking. "--that weak."
     Angel glanced down at the body, then back to her. Perfect in
every detail. He was on a dreamscape. It couldn't be real. Couldn't
be. But if it was, and it was only wishful thinking that had called
this image of her up?
     Suddenly, Angel realized why it was so important that one be
trained as a dreamwalker before one ventured into the haze of the
dreamscape dimension where they conducted their business.
     Carefully, gently, he lowered the body to the ground, then he
stood and looked at her. "Buffy," he said quietly, doing his best
to keep the hope from his voice. From the look on her face, he
could tell she was far from forgiving him.
     *If this is even her,* a doubting voice spoke up in the back
of his mind, *and not another delusion.*
     No, Angel told himself, this had to be her. She was too
perfect to be anything but. Her blood smelled the same, and the
rhythm of her heart was as it had always been.
     Besides, he thought with a rueful bitterness he hadn't
expected, if he was imagining her, then she would have been even
more upset with him than she appeared to be. She would have
screamed by now. Accused him of something. That's what it had been
like in Hell, hadn't it? Accusations flying from all sides, first
her screams of betrayal and then later the screams of the people he
had hurt, enveloped in a dusty cloud of shame and the knowledge
that he had lost something precious to him, the knowledge that he
had somehow wronged her, the knowledge that he had driven her to
the point where she would rather have killed him than kept him on
Earth any longer.
     Later, he had been told what had happened and realized why she
had sent him to Hell. The facts made sense. End of the world.
Closing a vortex. Blood sacrifice. Sword. Worthy. End of the world,
closing a vortex, saving the world, sacrifice, no choice, and more.
They had lined up in neat rows, little soldiers of reason marching
off to do battle with the demonic forces of emotion and pain.
     "Angel?" she whispered, looking at him.
     He reached toward her, wanting to touch her, feel her flesh
here in the sunlight and see if it was any different from when she
was shrouded in darkness and shadows.
     She shied away, shaking her head and staring at the body he
had just put on the ground. "What..." she started to ask.
     He shook his head, having no ready answer, no answer of any
sort at all. The apologies he had offered before she had come had
no place on his lips now, seeming somehow clumsy and meaningless.
What could he say that wouldn't be something he had already told
her a thousand times?
     "None of this is real," he said quietly.
     She looked at him. "What?" Her eyes were wide, staring at him.
     He shook his head, slowly, his eyes remaining trained on the
body. "None of it...it's a dream..." He looked over at her,
struggling to find a way to explain everything he had done.
     "The werewolves," Buffy said quietly. "I know."
     He looked at her for a few seconds, then realized that as much
as she thought she might be aware of the situation, she knew far
less than even the limited amount she thought there was to know.
"You don't, he said quietly. "It's not that easy."
     She shook her head. "No," she said, "I understand perfectly."
Her expression suddenly shifted, until she glaring at him, the look
full of anger and suspicion. "I understand that you thought you had
the right to dictate what was and wasn't _good enough_ in terms of
my recovery, I understand that what I'm feeling is nowhere _near_
as important to you as what you're feeling, what you want. I
understand that you don't give a damn about anything but your
guilt, I understand that nothing I ever say to you gets through for
the simple reason that you don't care enough about me to pay
attention." She shook her head, and Angel stared at her, stunned.
The Slayer didn't give him time to respond. "If you loved me," she
said bitterly, "you would take a few seconds to think about
everything you've done to me-- and then you'd realize there's _no
way in hell_ that I'm ever going to be able to trust you again."
     Though the tone in which she said the words made it seem as
though there were more to come, Buffy immediately spun on one heel
and stalked away from him, away from the circle of flowers and the
clearing, into the trees. Into the darkness.
     Angel watched her go, not knowing how to react or what to do,
or how he could do anything to stop her.
     *Look for light in darkness,* the voice whispered again in the
back of his mind.
     Not giving himself time to think, lest he lose the sudden
burst of initiative that had exploded in his gut, Angel took off at
a sprint, crashing through the darkness of the forest as he left
the light of the sun and the bloodied corpse of something that was
anything but the woman he loved behind.

~
More to come.
~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Seven: Reaching Out" (7a/9)
Date: 15 Aug 1998 16:49:48 EDT

I don't know if this got tothe list or not, so I'm reposting this part of part
seven. Sorry for any inconveniance.

~

See part one for all notes and disclaimers. Comments and requests for missing
pieces to [e-mail], please.

~

                   "Part Seven: Reaching Out"

                    //I didn't come this far
               For you to make this hard for me.//
                        -"How", Lisa Loeb

     "I need to be with her," Angel said softly, his eyes seeking
some sort of understanding from the elder Garou.
     There was no flicker of emotion from Quirin's eyes, and to the
other side, Sef remained as impassive as he had been from the
moment Angel had first made his request.
     "Be with her, how?" came Laisa's firm voice from where the
matriarch stood before him.
     "No," came a fourth.
     Angel turned back toward the last voice, ignoring Laisa when
he saw who had joined him with the Garou in the council chamber.
"Yes," he said, his pleas to the Garou drifting away as he took a
step closer to Giles. "I have to."
     The Watcher's eyes narrowed. "Don't you _dare_," he hissed
angrily. His eyes darted back toward the Garou. "If you let him go
into this, this dreamworld you have her in, and something-- if
anything happens to her because of him, I'll hold you all
responsible. As will the Network."
     A soft chuckle from Laisa. "You think we fear your Network so
much?"
     Giles appeared to be unafraid of her lack of respect for the
organization that stood behind him. "You'd have reason," was his
only answer.
     Angel felt the chill inside him deepen, knowing full well that
the arguments these people had gotten into with each other were his
fault, and his alone.
     "Untrue," Quirin proclaimed when he voiced the sentiment. "I
called you Friend, it is my responsibility as--"
     "It's _not_," Angel interrupted, his words still directed more
toward Giles than toward the rest of the room's occupants. "It's
me. I was the one who killed that gypsy, I was the one who was
cursed. I was the one who let myself fall in love with her. And
hurt her."
     "You knew not the results of your act--"
     "It doesn't _matter_ that I didn't know!" Angel shouted,
turning on the pack's matriarch. Laisa looked slightly stunned by
the outburst, and Angel was more surprised that he had been able to
tear his attention away from Giles than anything else.
     The Watcher wasn't about to be so easily forgotten, though.
"You have no, no _right_ to take responsibility for her," he
snapped, his voice cold and condemning.
     "I'm taking it anyway," Angel said quietly, his own voice
becoming stiff and chilled as he turned to look back at Giles.
"She's mine, I claim the right." He turned back to Quirin. "Soul
Rights," he said quietly.
     "Now hold on there a blasted _minute_!" Giles shouted, taking
another step into the room. "She's not some kind of-- of
_property_, damn it, she's the _Slayer_, and what in the name of
God makes you think you can do something as stupid and archaic as
claim sole _rights_ to her?!" Flustered, and obviously quite
perturbed, the Watcher fell silent-- though he continued to glare
at Angel as the vampire exchanged glances with the Garou.
     "Soul Rights," Quirin said to Giles. "The right a soul has
to..." He cleared his throat, looking at Sef.
     The younger Garou seemed to take the hint, nodding and
standing, walking to Giles' side. "The idea that mortals have, that
everyone has a perfect match, spiritually and emotionally,
somewhere in the world...a soul mate, if you will...although
somewhat romantic, seeped into our lore several hundred generations
ago." He shook his head. "If one person sees in another the
possibility that they are one another's...perfect match..."
     Angel watched the expression on Giles' face shifting slowly as
he first comprehended what Sef was telling him, then as he realized
what Angel had done in invoking Soul Rights in regards to Buffy. It
was something even Angel himself hadn't recognized the true
significance of when the words had been bubbling around in his
thoughts. He knew what it meant, in theory. He hadn't realized how
deep a bond soul matches were considered by the Garou, and by
effect how deeply they were when constructed between two people.
     Despite that, as the Garou finished educating the Watcher,
Angel realized there was no better term to describe what Buffy was
to him-- his everything. She was his sun, his moon, his every
thought. Had he still been able to breathe, she would have been
that too. All he ever cared about, his reason for being.
     He wondered, fleetingly, what would have happened if he had
never changed, never become. If he had stayed the mortal he had
been that night in Galway when Darla had offered to make him what
he was nowadays. Would he have found someone else, just like Buffy?
Or would he have gone through his entire life, knowing there was
something missing and yet never able to put his finger on it,
starting every time he recognized something that might somehow be
incorporated into the girl that would be born nearly two and a half
centuries after himself. He couldn't imagine anyone like her,
either in the past or the future.
     "He can't do that," Giles was saying when Angel returned his
entire attention to the room.
     "I can. And I have," he said, his voice more even than he had
expected it to be. Before the Watcher could protest again, Angel
shook his head and took a step toward the door. "And I need to be
with her."
     "She doesn't need you, she doesn't want you."
     The sting of the words was a harsh one, and it was all Angel
could do not to round on the Watcher and shout at him that wasn't
true, that Buffy needed him as much as he needed her, that without
each other both of them were incomplete. But he quelled the animal
inside him that urged him to action, and instead remained silent,
communicating to Sef with a glance that there would be no more
deliberations, no more consulting with the other two members of the
pack over matters that had been decided the moment he had invoked
the right of his soul, his being, to go to hers.
     With only a gentle nod, the Garou turned with him, and they
left the room. Neither Laisa or Quirin moved to stop them. Giles,
Angel was already telling himself, had already condemned him. There
was no reason to worry about the Watcher's opinions of anything
else that might transpire until Buffy was safely conscious, and
safely in his arms.
     Silent, letting the Garou lead him back to the room where
Buffy had been laid out, Angel waited in silence as Sef took a
piece of rock from a shelf and passed it to him.
     "Focus on this," he said quietly. "And sit."
     Angel glanced at the rock, lowering himself to the floor.
"What is it?" he asked.
     The Garou shook his head. "Focus on it," he said. "It will
make your soul's passage easier."
     With a silent nod, Angel did as he was told.
     "Close your eyes," Sef whispered.
     Swallowing at the memories evoked by the words, Angel again
obeyed the order.
     Almost immediately, his heart dropped to his stomach and he
heard an onslaught of air rushing past him. He wanted to release
the stone in his hands, use them to cover his ears instead of to
carry this dead weight. Use them to shut out the screams that
assaulted him from all sides, carried by the wind.
     Some of the voices he recognized. Some, he did not. Some of
the words screamed at him were cries of agony, guided only by the
flow of the wind, dying as he himself moved away from them.
     He could hear the cries of people he had killed, and he
remembered the times he had spent murdering. The slaughters. The
bloodbaths. Tiny hands pawing at him as he lifted children into the
air and dashed them down upon hard cobblestones. Women's nails
raking his cheeks as he laughed and the flesh grew back, leaving
him undamaged.
     Images came, next. A thousand faces, two thousand terrified
eyes staring at him in their last glowing moments.
     *Give up your hold,* came a whisper bourne upon their voices.
Refusing to let himself be swayed by the pain being projected
toward him, Angel gripped the stone tighter and focused harder, and
then he felt another voice whisper into his ear.
     *Look for light in darkness,* it said.
     And then all motion ceased, and Angel found himself still. His
eyes were still closed, and yet there was light streaming through
his eyelids, hitting his retinas. Bright, too, he could tell, not
knowing whether or not it was safe to open his eyes again. There
was a sort of pale pink to the shade that he was seeing. What if he
opened his eyes and all he saw was blood, the bodies of the people
he had killed, everything wrong he had done during his lifetime?
What if he opened his eyes and was reminded of the horrors and the
tragedy, instead of the love he was coming here to find?
     On the other hand, he knew well enough that unless he looked,
he would never find Buffy-- and though she would heal in time, he
wouldn't have been there for her and his duty because of the rights
he had claimed would remain unfulfilled. What's more, he would
never forgive himself.
     So slowly, unsure of what he should expect or what would
present itself to him, Angel let his eyes flutter open.
     He gasped first, dropping the stone Sef had passed him as he
pulled his hands in toward himself, trying to use them to shield
his face from the bright light streaming down-- because now, he
realized, it was sunlight.
     Sunlight, and it wasn't burning him.
     Forcing himself to take a deep breath, Angel next set his mind
on undoing the protective stance he had moved into the second the
source of light had registered with him.
     He cast his gaze downward, and it fell on a circle of violets
that stretched out from beneath his feet. He felt a smile passing
over his face as he stooped to run his fingers over them, then
stood again and looked over the landscape before him.
     A clearing. Flowers. And a small, bundled-up heap of a girl-
child, curled in a ball halfway between himself and the darkened
woods.
     "Buffy," he whispered, his lips barely moving and the words
barely forming themselves in his throat. She didn't hear, or simply
pretended not to.
     He took a few steps toward her, his hand reaching out to fall
on her shoulder. "Buffy," he said, a little louder. "It's me."
There was still no response. Angel swallowed. He had known this
wouldn't be easy, and yet he had hoped she might at least speak to
him...
     "Buffy," he said again. "Please. Listen to me. I'm sorry. This
is my fault." He shook his head, lowering himself to sit in the
flowers beside her, his amazement at how beautiful she was in the
sunlight, which was growing with each passing moment. So serene, so
calm. Motionless.
     Ignoring him, he felt something inside him snap in a cruel
tone of voice, but he pushed it away with practiced ease.
     "This...I did this," Angel said quietly. "I asked the Garou to
heal you. Buffy, you have to understand, I thought it would be for
the best, they didn't tell me it would hurt you to heal, they
didn't tell me everything about it..."
     Still, the Slayer gave him no answer.
     His voice catching in his throat, Angel reached forward
slightly, moving to take her hand in his. "I love you, Buffy, I
just seem to be really bad about figuring out how to tell you
that." He shook his head, closing his eyes for a bare second before
they opened again almost of their own accord, as though wasting
precious seconds of seeing her in the light of day were something
they couldn't abide by. Angel was surprised when Buffy made no move
to push him away, letting him twine his hand around hers, hold
it...
     A shudder wracked his body as he realized her hand was too
cold.
     She was warm, that was what he had first fallen in love with.
Afterward had come the emotions, the soul, the girl who was the
Slayer. At first, like with so many other human girls, what Angel
had fallen in love with was her warmth. The way heat radiated from
her body, emanating through her skin before dissipating into the
air around her. Even that was warm. Later, when she had let him
come close enough to feel the heat, he had never ceased to wonder
at the way her lips sent shivers of heat-- physical, not sexual,
though that was in the mix as well-- through him. The way her hand
on his arm, even through a long-sleeved shirt, was enough to make
him stop and wonder at the life she carried.
     But now her hand was cold.
     Horror creeping in at the edges of his mind, Angel quickly
pulled her up to him, turning her, feeling his throat constrict as
she offered no resistance to his motions. "Buffy," he whispered,
his voice already ragged. He shook her once, gently, then when that
brought him no response he shook her again.
     A split second later, a coppery scent hit him so hard he
nearly lost his grip on her. She would have fallen, he realized,
his eyes widening and his nostrils flaring at the scent, because
there was nothing beneath the glassiness of her eyes, there was
nothing there at all.
     "Buffy," he choked, a strangled cry as he sank back into the
faerie circle, cradling her in his arms, staring in horror at the
dried, red-brown stain that covered her clothing and her skin, the
cracked flakes of blood that had dried around the gaping slashes in
her wrists.
     "No, no..." he whispered, pulling her close as though if he
could only feel a trace of the warmth he was used to, she would be
alright, he wouldn't have been too late.
     He'd been such a fool, he thought, his memories flashing back
to what Quirin had told him-- that she might not be strong enough,
that dreamwalking was never a cure for life's ills. He had
protested. Insisted. Pleaded. Begged. Finally gotten his way. And
for what?
     He blinked, trying to keep the tears back, instead failing and
watching as two pinpoints of blood fell and marred the smooth
perfection of her cold flesh.
     It was then that he heard someone step into the clearing, from
across the way. A horrified breath, sharply taken, made him stand.
He held the body close as he rose and turned, then stared. Quickly,
his gaze darted from the form in his arms to the one standing at
the edge of the clearing, and he spoke softly, his voice charged
with confusion and disbelief. "Buffy?"
     The body in his arms was as solid as anything he had ever
touched, cooling by fractions of degrees with every passing second.
The same was true of the woman who had just stepped into the
clearing, the one who was staring at him and the body he held with
shock, confusion, and-- he couldn't miss the final emotion-- a
dull, weary sort of anger.
     Not knowing what to do with the body he held, not wanting to
put it down, Angel took it with him as he closed the distance
between them. Buffy did nothing for a few seconds, but as he neared
her, she took a few steps back. "No," she said, shaking her head,
her voice trembling with the word. "This...this didn't happen. I'm
not--" She broke off, then swallowed back whatever was preventing
her from speaking. "--that weak."
     Angel glanced down at the body, then back to her. Perfect in
every detail. He was on a dreamscape. It couldn't be real. Couldn't
be. But if it was, and it was only wishful thinking that had called
this image of her up?
     Suddenly, Angel realized why it was so important that one be
trained as a dreamwalker before one ventured into the haze of the
dreamscape dimension where they conducted their business.
     Carefully, gently, he lowered the body to the ground, then he
stood and looked at her. "Buffy," he said quietly, doing his best
to keep the hope from his voice. From the look on her face, he
could tell she was far from forgiving him.
     *If this is even her,* a doubting voice spoke up in the back
of his mind, *and not another delusion.*
     No, Angel told himself, this had to be her. She was too
perfect to be anything but. Her blood smelled the same, and the
rhythm of her heart was as it had always been.
     Besides, he thought with a rueful bitterness he hadn't
expected, if he was imagining her, then she would have been even
more upset with him than she appeared to be. She would have
screamed by now. Accused him of something. That's what it had been
like in Hell, hadn't it? Accusations flying from all sides, first
her screams of betrayal and then later the screams of the people he
had hurt, enveloped in a dusty cloud of shame and the knowledge
that he had lost something precious to him, the knowledge that he
had somehow wronged her, the knowledge that he had driven her to
the point where she would rather have killed him than kept him on
Earth any longer.
     Later, he had been told what had happened and realized why she
had sent him to Hell. The facts made sense. End of the world.
Closing a vortex. Blood sacrifice. Sword. Worthy. End of the world,
closing a vortex, saving the world, sacrifice, no choice, and more.
They had lined up in neat rows, little soldiers of reason marching
off to do battle with the demonic forces of emotion and pain.
     "Angel?" she whispered, looking at him.
     He reached toward her, wanting to touch her, feel her flesh
here in the sunlight and see if it was any different from when she
was shrouded in darkness and shadows.
     She shied away, shaking her head and staring at the body he
had just put on the ground. "What..." she started to ask.
     He shook his head, having no ready answer, no answer of any
sort at all. The apologies he had offered before she had come had
no place on his lips now, seeming somehow clumsy and meaningless.
What could he say that wouldn't be something he had already told
her a thousand times?
     "None of this is real," he said quietly.
     She looked at him. "What?" Her eyes were wide, staring at him.
     He shook his head, slowly, his eyes remaining trained on the
body. "None of it...it's a dream..." He looked over at her,
struggling to find a way to explain everything he had done.
     "The werewolves," Buffy said quietly. "I know."
     He looked at her for a few seconds, then realized that as much
as she thought she might be aware of the situation, she knew far
less than even the limited amount she thought there was to know.
"You don't, he said quietly. "It's not that easy."
     She shook her head. "No," she said, "I understand perfectly."
Her expression suddenly shifted, until she glaring at him, the look
full of anger and suspicion. "I understand that you thought you had
the right to dictate what was and wasn't _good enough_ in terms of
my recovery, I understand that what I'm feeling is nowhere _near_
as important to you as what you're feeling, what you want. I
understand that you don't give a damn about anything but your
guilt, I understand that nothing I ever say to you gets through for
the simple reason that you don't care enough about me to pay
attention." She shook her head, and Angel stared at her, stunned.
The Slayer didn't give him time to respond. "If you loved me," she
said bitterly, "you would take a few seconds to think about
everything you've done to me-- and then you'd realize there's _no
way in hell_ that I'm ever going to be able to trust you again."
     Though the tone in which she said the words made it seem as
though there were more to come, Buffy immediately spun on one heel
and stalked away from him, away from the circle of flowers and the
clearing, into the trees. Into the darkness.
     Angel watched her go, not knowing how to react or what to do,
or how he could do anything to stop her.
     *Look for light in darkness,* the voice whispered again in the
back of his mind.
     Not giving himself time to think, lest he lose the sudden
burst of initiative that had exploded in his gut, Angel took off at
a sprint, crashing through the darkness of the forest as he left
the light of the sun and the bloodied corpse of something that was
anything but the woman he loved behind.

~
More to come
~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Think can hurt to much(Clear up)
Date: 15 Aug 1998 18:58:14 EDT

I just want to let eveyone know that I was going for the word immoral, I was
just trying to be introspective, and a lot of people didn't get it, some sent
flames, I just wanted to clear that, since so many people thought I meant the
word immortal, which I did NOT, and for the person who sent the flame-ish
mail.  Yes, I do know how to use a spell check.  Much thanks to everyone
reading.

Azziel



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Short Grammer Notes
Date: 15 Aug 1998 19:47:44 EDT

Hey all. I'm gonna stick my stuffy head up from the writings I've been doing
the last week or so, and point out a couple bitty grammer things that might
help people who're having probs with certain words/phrases. :)

Contents:
       -Word forms
       -Punctuation in dialogue


1)  Which is correct?
a)"alot",
b)"allot",
c)"a lot"

The correct answer is "c"-- "a lot" is two words, not one.

2) Forms of "to/two/too"
a) to -- to _verb_. To do, to make, to see, to think, and so on. "_To_ look at
her face, Giles never would have thought the Slayer was mourning Angel's
passing."
b) two -- The number. "Xander was ready to die of happiness, thanks to the
_two_ beautiful women who were showering their attentions on him-- and then he
woke up."
c) too -- The same as "also". ""Watch out," Cordelia snapped, pushing Xander
out of the way, because she _too_ wanted a peek at the intense make-out
session going on in Buffy's room."

3) Forms of "their/they're/there"
a) Their -- Possessive. "The vampires didn't like the Scooby Gang in _their_
haven."
b) There -- Location. ""_There_ they are!" Xander shouted, pointing toward the
cowardly trio of vamps as they ran from the Slayer and her pals."
c) "They're" -- contraction for "they are". ""_They're_ trying to double-cross
you, Slayer," Spike hissed, struggling with the ropes Angel and Dru had tied
him up with."

4) Forms of "your/you're" (this is one I see a lot)
a) your -- Possesive. ""Your room is a mess. No Bronzing 'till it's clean,"
Buffy's mother sighed."
b) you're -- Contraction of "you are" -- "Giles shook his head at the Slayer.
"You're not going out until you finish training," he informed her."

Punctuation in dialogue:

When you end a sentance in quotations, it can go one of a few ways.

                             "I don't know," said Xander.

Even though Xander's statement would end in a period, there's more coming
after it-- the "said Xander". Because of this, you have to use a comma, then
end the quotes, then continue-- with a lowercase letter, because the sentance
never finished. However, in this statement:

                             Xander looked from Buffy to Willow, then
                             shook his head. "I don't know."

you can end it in the period. When ending with an exclamation or a question
mark, however, you would write it this way:

                             "Buffy, it's a _trick_!" screamed Cordelia.
                                                            or
                             "You don't actually trust them, do you?"
                             asked Jenny as she stared at Giles, then
                             to the vampires across the table.

Despite the fact that the sentance was finished, Cordelia's scream and Jenny's
question would be lowercase because the rest was in quotations. (If there's an
english teacher out there who could explain this, I would really appreciate
it-- I don't know the reason behind this one, I just know that's how I've
always been taught and what the style manuels say as far as I'm aware.)

And one more thing-- have people beta-read your work!!!! It's absolutely
invaluble, and no matter how good a piece is on the first shot, a good beta
reader will ALWAYS be able to find something you can improve!!!!

Other than that, and the usual "show don't tell" notes, I believe that's all I
have to say on the matter @ this point. I've been enjoying a lot of the fic
that's been posted, and would like to say that I'm not trying to pick on
anybody at all-- just wanted to make sure that some of the writers who haven't
been using words/punctuation properly did have the information at their
fingertips.

And anybody who knows better, feel free to correct anything I've said here--
I'm far from all-knowing in my abilities to work with grammer, spelling, or
punctuation, as my beta-reading pals will tell you. :)



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Wait(Poem)
Date: 16 Aug 1998 02:18:21 EDT

TITLE: Wait
AUTHOR: Azziel Savament
EMAIL:  [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION:  You know who has my fic's
RATING:  PG-14
SUMMARY: Buffy's suicide note, it's a poem to Angel.
NOTE: It's sad.

Wait for me
When the dust settles
Tears still not dry
Words left unsaid
Hearts left in pieces
We always will be part.

But now all is gone
Alone, in rooms
Corners covered in blood
Your promise broken
Along with my skin.

I still feel you
I still smell you
I still can taste you in my mouth
I still feel every part of you inside me.

I will never sleep
Wrist, broken skin
The blood will flow
Death I will greet
Screams, cries, death will seek.

Wait for me
When the dust settles
Seek me find me
i give, I will wait
I close my eyes

Death will greet
Screams, cries,
death I now will now meet.
My Angel, My Death.

The End



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (12/13)
Date: 16 Aug 1998 09:01:46 EDT

"Starting Over" (12/13)
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG-13
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse. Xander, feeling guilty, d=
oes a ritual to retrieve Angel, and passes=0Athree of four tests, where h=
e didn=92t let himself get seduced by Buffy, staked=0AWillow in her vamp =
form, and killed the vampire that knocked the book case on=0AWillow. He n=
ow has the final test to pass.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***

=09"Angel?" Xander asked, looking at the chained up figure. He now saw wh=
at Hell=0Areally looked like, not Buffy=92s room or the Sunnydale Cemetar=
y. It was a dark=0Aplace, bear and empty. Each soul defined it by what th=
ey feared or hated most.=0ATo Xander, it was a place without Buffy or Wil=
low or Cordelia, a place barren=0Aand lonely, a place without life where =
Angelus lived and tortured him.
=09"Xander," Angelus chuckeled.
=09"Angelus," Xander hissed. "Where=92s Angel?"
=09"It wouldn=92t be any fun if I told you, now would it?" He smiled. "Bu=
ffy=92s=0Awhite knite, here to save her beloved Angel whom she sent to He=
ll. You still=0Alove her."
=09"Leave Buffy out of this," he spoke, his fists clenched.
=09"Sweet Buffy.  I don=92t understand why the whore doesn=92t know how t=
o please a=0Aman."
=09"What=92d you call her?" He hit Angelus as hard as he could.
=09He ignored the punch. "C=92mon, Xander, tell me it isn=92t eating you =
up inside=0Athat she chose to sleep with a vampire, her worst enemy, rath=
er than with you.=0AThen again, who could blame her? Why settle for a hig=
h school virgin when she=0Acould have a real man?" As he laughed, Xander =
kicked him in the stomach. "Just=0Abetween you and me, she has a lot to l=
earn about men, though."
=09"Shut-up," was the only thing that came to mind. That wasn=92t at all =
pathetic,=0Ahe thought as he took a cross and stuck it against his face.
=09"What, you don=92t want to here about Buffy and me? How =91bout Jenny?=
 Now that=0Awas a fun night. Y=92know, I didn=92t even stay around to see=
 the look on Rupert=92s=0Aface? Seeing Buffy and Willow=92s was so much b=
etter. Y=92shoulda been. Hearing=0AWillow sob when Giles called..." Xande=
r took his last bottle of holy water and=0Adripped it down his chest and =
listened to Angelus scream. It took Angelus a=0Amoment before he could co=
ntinue talking. "Seeing Buffy=92s mom=92s face after I=0Atold her that we=
 made love was another good moment. She was so scared of me=0Auntil that =
second. The hate in her eyes was so rewarding. I really wish I had=0Aseen=
 her talk to Buffy."
=09Xander grabbed a stake, ready to thrust it through his heart. "Angel,"=
 he=0Aheard a whisper that he knew to be Buffy=92s. No, he thought to him=
self, I have=0Ato pass this test for Buffy. I can=92t stay here without h=
er. I can=92t let her=0Adown again. Using all his strength, he lowered th=
e stake and broke it in two.
=09Suddenly, a bright light caused him to cover his eyes. When he opened =
them,=0Athere was Angel, right in front of him.
=09"Xander," he asked, "what are you doing here? You have to leave this p=
lace."
=09"I=92m here to help you go back."
=09"I can=92t, not after what I did to Buffy and Giles and Jenny. I don=
=92t deserve=0Ato."
=09"It wasn=92t your fault," he tried to convince Angel as well as himsel=
f.
=09"What happened to Jenny was. I killed her and dozens of other innocent=
 people=0Ato upset Buffy. No matter how sorry I am, I can=92t bring them =
back."
=09"She needs you; she loves. She can=92t go on without you. You=92re the=
 only thing=0Ashe thinks about. She=92ll die without you. Maybe not physi=
cally, but=0Aemotionally. She=92s lost so much; she deserves to have the =
one thing she wants.=0AIf you don=92t go for you, go for Buffy."
=09"How could she forgive me?"
=09"She knows that it wasn=92t your fault. She doesn=92t blame you."
=09"Do you?"
=09"What?"
=09"Do you blame me for all the deaths?"
=09Xander couldn=92t lie. He did blame him. But he had to bring Angel bac=
k for=0ABuffy. "No, I don=92t."
=09"How is she?"
=09"Why don=92t you find out with your own eyes?"
=09"How can I go back?"
=09Xander took a deep breath before saying anything. "Give me your hand."=
 Taking=0Athe knife, he sliced Angel=92s hands. Before them, a large vort=
ex opened.=0ASlowly, Xander and Angel were sucked in. In a few moments, t=
here was only a=0Adeafening silence where they had stood.
***
End Part 12

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion.





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Starting Over" (13/13)
Date: 16 Aug 1998 09:04:43 EDT

"Starting Over" (13/13) Epilogue
Section 2
by Jaclyn Link


TITLE: Starting Over
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first, but I=92ll probably say yes.
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: None, but if you haven=92t seen Becoming, you might not want to=
 read
this.
SUMMARY: Buffy had left Sunnydale via bus after sending Angel to Hell. On=
 the=0Abus she met the next Watcher in line, Andrew, and decided to live =
with him and=0Ahis Slayer, Shy. After a visit from Drusilla, Andrew was i=
njured and in the=0Ahospital. Giles came to bring Buffy back to Sunnydale=
, telling her that he=0Aknows how to get Angel back from Hell. They took =
Shy with them. When Buffy=0Agoes to the library, she finds out Xander did=
n=92t tell her Willow was retrying=0Athe curse. Xander, feeling guilty, d=
id a ritual to retrieve Angel, and passed=0Athree of four tests, where he=
 didn=92t let himself get seduced by Buffy, staked=0AWillow in her vamp f=
orm, and killed the vampire that knocked the book case on=0AWillow, and d=
idn=92t stake Angelus after he said some pretty nasty things.
DISCLAIMER: Joss Wheden, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Telivision, 20th Century=
 Fox,=0Athe WB, Kuzui Productions, etc. own all the character from the sh=
ow Buffy the=0AVampire Slayer.
FEEDBACK: Please send it to me.
AUTHOR=92S NOTE: This story is in two sections. The second section will b=
e a=0Asequal to the first section under the same name. Also, special than=
ks to=0AAleXander ([e-mail]) for the use of his wonderful ep t=
ranscrips=0Awhich can be accessed at http://slayerfanfic.com/transcript.h=
tml.
***
=09Buffy sat in the library when suddenly a vision hit her. She saw Angel=
 and=0AXander together in a vortex at the mansion. "Angel!" she cried alo=
ud.
=09"Buffy," Willow asked, "are you-"
=09"I have to go," she said. "Tell the rest of the gang that it might not=
 be=0Aanything, but it could be something."
=09"Buffy, wait!" But it was too late.
=09Buffy ran as hard and as fast as she could to the mansion on Crawford =
Street.=0ARunning through the door, she struggled to remember how to get =
to the room=0Awhere Acathla lay. After what felt like hours of searching,=
 she finally found=0Ait. Much, to her disappointment, though, it was empt=
y. Oh well, she thought, I=0Ashouldn=92t have gotten my hopes up. As she =
turned to walk away, she noticed a=0Abright light. As she turned around, =
she saw a vortex open. Her mouth wide=0Aopen, she could only stared as Xa=
nder and Angel came out.
=09Xander stood up, healthy and strong, while Angel lay on the ground wit=
h tears=0Ain his eyes. The same look she had seen on his face when his so=
ul returned=0Aagain. "Buffy?" he asked.
=09"Angel," she cried, running into his arms.
=09"God, it=92s been so long since I=92ve seen you." Tears rolled down bo=
th their=0Acheeks. Buffy closed her eyes and held on to him tightly. "I=
=92ve missed you so=0Amuch. Buffy, I=92m so sorry. If there=92s any way I=
 can-"
=09"Shh," she whispered, putting her fingers on his lips. Slowly, she mov=
ed her=0Ahand across his cheek. Drawing him nearer, she kissed him passio=
nately. They=0Aheld each other in their arms, neither wanted to ever let =
go.
=09Xander just stood there and watched their reunion, almost regretting h=
e had=0Adone this. He felt like someone was stabbing a knife in his back =
every time=0Athey kissed each other. Although he tried to be happy for he=
r, he couldn=92t.
=09"I love you," Angel said, pulling away.
=09"I love you, too," she whispered. "I can=92t lose you again." They emb=
raced=0Aeach other lovingly.
=09Suddenly, the rest of the gang came into the room. "Xander," Cordelia =
cried,=0Arunning to him. After kissing, she cried playfully, "Don=92t you=
 ever do that to=0Ame again!"
=09Buffy pulled away from Angel and walked to Xander. "I could never than=
k you=0Aenough for what you did. You=92ll never know how much I appreciat=
e you doing=0Athis." She hugged him tightly. But not the way she had held=
 Angel. She would=0Aalways hug him like this, her best friend, not her lo=
ver. And Angel, Xander=0Athought, got what I deserve.
***
End Part 13
End Part 2
End of "Starting Over"

"It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passi=
on,=0Amaybe we=92d know some kind of peace. But we would be hallow. Empty=
 rooms,=0Ashuddered and dank. Without passion, we=92d be truly dead." -An=
gel, Passion




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: Re: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Short Grammer Notes
Date: 16 Aug 1998 12:46:05 EDT

Couple people pointed things out, so since it's just grammer I'm going to
reply publically... :)

>'allot' is correct as well, as in to dole out, e.g. allotment......

That's a different kind of allot, though. That's "to allot something", not "a
lot of something", so in that case it would depend on what you wanted the word
to mean.

Also, I was told I left out another one-- "it's/its" "It's" is a contraction
for "it is", as in:

                                     "It's about time you got here, Buffy,"
                                     Xander quipped as the Slayer ran toward
                                      her friends.

"Its", however, would be:

                                    Its jaws opened wide, and the big ugly
                                    monster took a big bite out of Principal
                                    Snyder.

There. Now, I really _do_ think that's all. :)

R



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Beta-Readers
Date: 16 Aug 1998 15:16:23 EDT

Hi. Sorry to disturb you, but I was wondering if anyone would be able to help
me by being a beta-reader for my stories. Thanks.

-Jaclyn
[e-mail]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (24/?)
Date: 16 Aug 1998 14:00:10 -0700

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #24 Again With the Magic
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*****************************
Chronicles of the White Knight
#24 Again With the Magic
By: Taygeta

    Cordelia sighed as she saw Xander disappear into the distance and
dark of the night and turned to reenter the Bronze.  She hesitated as her
hand reached the silver knob of the door.  Shaking her head, she began to
head to her car and go home.  Cordelia was tired of everything that was
going on in her life, tired of the "IN" parties, tired of the people who
called themselves her friends.

    Her hands gripped the steering wheel tightly as she sat in
thought about her conversation with Xander and she wondered what his nod
meant.  If only he knew what she knew about this present Buffy/Angel
situation, but as she thought about it, she wondered how he would react
to what she had seen and heard the other dayà

    à  "The blood of youth," chuckled Angel in the alley as he sank
his teeth into the body of the girl in his clutches.

    "Oh my God," Cordelia said in a hushed whisper as she hid in the
doorway of the Bronze.

    "Angel, this plan of yours is perfect," Druscilla said as she
came from behind him, "Cast a spell on the slayer to make her think that
she was in love with youàso when are we going to kill the slayer and have
her blood as our wine?"

    "Soon, Dru, soon, and when her blood is our wine, you'll have
that dinner party you've always wanted and then there will be a toast to
the Sorcerer for his spells and magic and all that junk," he said as he
gave her a kiss on the cheek.

    Dru laughed, "To think that all we had to do to protect you from
their soul spell was to cast a counter spell on your pretty little
headàhow I love magicàand all its darkly goodness."

    "Oh, and that expression on the White Knight's face," Angel said
with a laugh as they walked out of the alley arm in arm, "That was
pricelessàI wish you could have been there, you would have had such a
laugh!"  à

    àCordelia shuddered, she could imagine what his expression must
have been like, so much like it was earlier when she had mentioned Buffy
for the first time, but so much more worse.  She wished that he could
know that what she said, about Buffy still being in love with him, was
not only a matter of opinion, but a matter of fact.  There was no way she
could tell him about all of this magic <again with the magic!> without
him going off the handle of crazed, but she had to tell someone.

    With a sharp breath, she stepped out of her car and walked back
into the Bronze as quick as her heels could carry her.  Giving a
flirtatious smile at the Bouncer, she walked in without having to pay
again and headed to where Oz and Willow sat listening to the band.

    "WillowàOz?" she said carefully.

    "Cordeliaà" they said in surprise.

    "Double twinàmuch?" she said and winced, "Sorry, force of habit,
I've got to talk to you guysà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "Hold on," Giles said as he hushed the clamoring students in
front of him, "L - Let me get this straight.  Angel is not Angel, but
rather he is still in his demonic state, but with a humane faτade?  Buffy
is not in love with him, but rather been induced into a spell to make her
think such thoughts for him?  And s-someone known as the S-sorcerer, has
placed such spells and the counter spell for the soul into effect?"  They
all nodded solemnly and he sighed, "Dear God."

    "So, what's the plan?"  Cordelia prompted with raised eyebrows.

    "Bookàcomputersàresearch," he said as he grabbed a few volumes
from the shelf and handed it to them.

    Willow turned on the computer, "But Giles, what are we looking
for?"

    "I'm hopingàwe may not be able to create a counter spell for a
spell which has already been countered, but we may have a chance to be
rid of the love spell cast on Buffy," he explained.  "We must also find
more about the Sorcerer and how powerful he is."

    "What's with us and love spells?"  Cordelia said with a sigh as
she opened a book, "Figures that when we have a spell that actually works
and we're gonna have to dismantle it."

    "What are you talking about?  I only recall Xander's incident of
on Valentine's Day," the librarian said with a frown.

    Willow and Oz looked at her with warning glances and she quickly
replied, "UhàI'm probably just thinking about something elseàumàspeaking
of Xander, what are we going to tell him?"

    "Well, we can't tell him about the love spell, it's gonna make
things worse between him and Buffy later," Willow interjected, "So, why
don't we tell him that the spell that she's under just makes her think
that Angel's back?"

    "I don't know, aren't we all suppose to be under that
assumption?"  Oz said, "Doesn't that mean we're all under a spell?"

    "So, that's out of the question of an excuse," Cordelia said with
a sigh, "Okay, what about telling him it's some weird spell that's making
her think that Angel can do no wrong?  Like say when I saw him doing the
whole sucking thing, Buffy was around and she didn't slay or blink an
eye."

    "That's actually a good idea," Oz admitted in surprise.

    "See, I'm helpful," she smiled.

    "Astounding," answered Giles.

    Cordelia ignored his comment and continued, "Now that that's over
and done with, we just have one more problem to solve before we get into
this magic thing."

    "And what's that?"  Willow asked as Oz and Giles followed with
questioning glances.

    "Who's going to call him?"

_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 14/?
Date: 16 Aug 1998 19:51:22 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  14/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôAngelö belongs to Sarah McLachlan and can be found on
her Surfacing cd.  All characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 14, Angel

< Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
   For the break that will make it OK
  There's always some reason to feel not good enough
  And it's hard at the end of the day
  I need some distraction or a beautiful release
  Memories seep from my veins
  Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
  I'll find some peace tonight>

    Buffy coughed.  ôRelated how?ö  She was growing more impatient by the second.
The others in the room could feel the tension increase almost as if it were
physically surrounding them.
    ôThis book says that the, I guess we could refer to it as æspiritÆ, of the
Master will be able to walk the earth.  He will engage in battle with the
Slayer.  If he wins, he will take over her body and feed, becoming strong
enough to eventually lead the world to Armageddon.ö  Giles paused, looking at
everyone one in the room, but Buffy.  ôHe will follow after two creatures from
Hell.ö
    ôAngel and Arcanus.ö  Buffy whispered softly.  Giles forced himself to look
at her.  But now it was she that woudnÆt look at him.  ôHow do I kill his
æspiritÆ?  How do I kill him if IÆm a spirit myself...ö  He voice trailed off
in thought.  She thought she had rid herself of this part of the nightmare
that was her life.  She had died once, and wasnÆt prepared to let it happen
again.
    ôIÆm not completely certain.  Perhaps you must be in spirit form.ö
    Buffy barely heard him.  He head was spinning from the memories that rushed
at her.  Why hadnÆt she had dreams of the Master to warn her, as she had
before?  She didnÆt often allow herself to be afraid anymore, but this
terrifed her.  It scared her more than she would like to admitt.  He had
killed her.  She had *died*.  She didnÆt want to face that again.  She wasnÆt
sure if she could.

< In the arms of the Angel far away from here
  From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
  You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
  You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here>

    Angel watched her closely.  He knew how hard that had been on her.  He may be
the only one that realizes it, but itÆs the truth, none the less.  He touched
her shimmering hand.  She looked down at his hand through hers.  They stood
like that.  Thoughts of the Master momentarily gone.

< So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
  There's vultures and thieves at your back
  The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
  That make up for all that you lack
  It don't make no difference, escape one last time
  It's easier to believe
  In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
  That brings me to my knees>

    While Angel comforted Buffy, and everyone else searched for answers that
continued to elude them, Stefan was trying to help Nikolas understand things
as best he could.  Nikolas however, thought he understood perfectly well.
    Nikolas continued to nod at what his uncle was saying, though he had stopped
paying attention several minutes ago.  Eventually, he noticed that his uncle
had gone to help Giles.  Nikolas wanted to help.  He wasnÆt sure what to do,
but he felt it something he needed to do.  Angel had gone to help research.
Buffy was about to follow, but was approached by Nikolas.
    ôI...my uncle told me what happened with the Master.  I wanted to see if you
were ok.ö
    Buffy smiled weakly at him.  ôWhen I died...I thought I was ok with it,
especially after I killed the Master, but I wasnÆt.  I still have nightmares
about him.  He almost killed my friends too.  I...I just didnÆt know how to
express it...because I wasnÆt sure what I was feeling.  I didnÆt want it to
make me weak.ö  She turned to look at him.  ôI spent the summer in L.A. with
my dad.  I was really distant, and he didnÆt get why.  When I got back, I
pretended I was fine.  But...that feeling kept growing.  Eventally I became
closed off and bitchy and all of my friends almost died.  The vamps were
trying to resurect the Master, using his bones.  I ended up smashing them with
a sledgehammer and crying...I donÆt want to go throught that again.  *ThatÆs*
what really scares me.ö  She concluded, her voice in a soft whisper only half
talking to Nik.
    He looked at her.  So far, he knew that she had died, lost her boyfriend, got
him back to loose him again... æWhat other Hell has she been through?Æ  He
wanted to help, now more than ever.

< In the arms of the Angel far away from here
   From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
  You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
  You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
  In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 14/?
Date: 16 Aug 1998 19:51:22 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  14/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôAngelö belongs to Sarah McLachlan and can be found on
her Surfacing cd.  All characters of General hospital belong to ABC.

Chapter 14, Angel

< Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
   For the break that will make it OK
  There's always some reason to feel not good enough
  And it's hard at the end of the day
  I need some distraction or a beautiful release
  Memories seep from my veins
  Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
  I'll find some peace tonight>

    Buffy coughed.  ôRelated how?ö  She was growing more impatient by the second.
The others in the room could feel the tension increase almost as if it were
physically surrounding them.
    ôThis book says that the, I guess we could refer to it as æspiritÆ, of the
Master will be able to walk the earth.  He will engage in battle with the
Slayer.  If he wins, he will take over her body and feed, becoming strong
enough to eventually lead the world to Armageddon.ö  Giles paused, looking at
everyone one in the room, but Buffy.  ôHe will follow after two creatures from
Hell.ö
    ôAngel and Arcanus.ö  Buffy whispered softly.  Giles forced himself to look
at her.  But now it was she that woudnÆt look at him.  ôHow do I kill his
æspiritÆ?  How do I kill him if IÆm a spirit myself...ö  He voice trailed off
in thought.  She thought she had rid herself of this part of the nightmare
that was her life.  She had died once, and wasnÆt prepared to let it happen
again.
    ôIÆm not completely certain.  Perhaps you must be in spirit form.ö
    Buffy barely heard him.  He head was spinning from the memories that rushed
at her.  Why hadnÆt she had dreams of the Master to warn her, as she had
before?  She didnÆt often allow herself to be afraid anymore, but this
terrifed her.  It scared her more than she would like to admitt.  He had
killed her.  She had *died*.  She didnÆt want to face that again.  She wasnÆt
sure if she could.

< In the arms of the Angel far away from here
  From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
  You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
  You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here>

    Angel watched her closely.  He knew how hard that had been on her.  He may be
the only one that realizes it, but itÆs the truth, none the less.  He touched
her shimmering hand.  She looked down at his hand through hers.  They stood
like that.  Thoughts of the Master momentarily gone.

< So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
  There's vultures and thieves at your back
  The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
  That make up for all that you lack
  It don't make no difference, escape one last time
  It's easier to believe
  In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
  That brings me to my knees>

    While Angel comforted Buffy, and everyone else searched for answers that
continued to elude them, Stefan was trying to help Nikolas understand things
as best he could.  Nikolas however, thought he understood perfectly well.
    Nikolas continued to nod at what his uncle was saying, though he had stopped
paying attention several minutes ago.  Eventually, he noticed that his uncle
had gone to help Giles.  Nikolas wanted to help.  He wasnÆt sure what to do,
but he felt it something he needed to do.  Angel had gone to help research.
Buffy was about to follow, but was approached by Nikolas.
    ôI...my uncle told me what happened with the Master.  I wanted to see if you
were ok.ö
    Buffy smiled weakly at him.  ôWhen I died...I thought I was ok with it,
especially after I killed the Master, but I wasnÆt.  I still have nightmares
about him.  He almost killed my friends too.  I...I just didnÆt know how to
express it...because I wasnÆt sure what I was feeling.  I didnÆt want it to
make me weak.ö  She turned to look at him.  ôI spent the summer in L.A. with
my dad.  I was really distant, and he didnÆt get why.  When I got back, I
pretended I was fine.  But...that feeling kept growing.  Eventally I became
closed off and bitchy and all of my friends almost died.  The vamps were
trying to resurect the Master, using his bones.  I ended up smashing them with
a sledgehammer and crying...I donÆt want to go throught that again.  *ThatÆs*
what really scares me.ö  She concluded, her voice in a soft whisper only half
talking to Nik.
    He looked at her.  So far, he knew that she had died, lost her boyfriend, got
him back to loose him again... æWhat other Hell has she been through?Æ  He
wanted to help, now more than ever.

< In the arms of the Angel far away from here
   From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you feel
  You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
  You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
  In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: What Just Happened 12/?
Date: 16 Aug 1998 23:49:14 EDT

TITLE: What Just Happened?
AUTHOR: Azziel Savament
E-MAIL:  [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  I need it to live.  PLEASE MORE!  If I don't get more feed bac=
k=0Asoon, I'll kill a main character off=85.  AHHHH=85I'm out of my mind=
=85.  So don't=0Aput it past me!
RATING: PG-14 just to be safe.
CONTENT: Angst, Confusion, and the usual.
SPOILERS: The story is set after season two happened
SUMMARY: This is a Angel/Buffy what-if story.  It starts off the morning =
after=0Aher surprise party.  What happens when Buffy wake's up to find ou=
t that all=0Athat happened from the time of her birthday to the time she =
sent Angel to hell=0Awas just a dream, or was it??????
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these, they belong to an evil man named J=
oss=0AWhedon.
NOTE: Now I can have some real fun now that I have explained what happene=
d to=0Athe Judge and Have Zeal in the story=85=85.out of Buffy's body.  I=
n the next=0Asection someone is going to die.  HEHEHEHE Guess???????

Part 12: Secrets?
Location:  Buffy's Bedroom


She awoke entangled in his arms, the first night in weeks that she did no=
t=0Ahave a nightmare.  Buffy was glad of that, she felt safe, but only wi=
th him.=0ANow it was morning, and she was also glad at the fact that she =
remembered to=0Aclose the blinds before she went to bed or her one and on=
ly would have been=0Adust.  But none of that mattered now since she knew =
it was time to get up, and=0Aface her mother.  As she contemplated moving=
 she remember a silent pray she=0Asaid to herself the night before as she=
 got into bed with Angel.  'God, please=0Adon't let my mother get any ide=
as of make up with me tonight.'  She really=0Adidn't want to get caught w=
ith Angel in her bed.

Despite the fact the she was comfortable, and really didn't want to untan=
gle=0Aherself from Angel she still got up.  She went over to her closet a=
nd put her=0Aslippers on; it was right after dawn so she really didn't wa=
nt to get dressed.=0AWhen she looked back at the bed she noticed Angel wa=
s awake.  Buffy slowly=0Awent back over to the bed, and sat down next to =
him.

"Good morning."  She leaned in closer, and kissed him gently on his lips.

"Hey."  As he spoke he raised him arm so that he could cup her jaw with h=
is=0Ahand.  As he began to caress her face he continued.  "Sleep well?"  =
Angel was=0Astill a little concerned about the other night.

"Ya, actually I slept great, nightmare free."  With a slight smile she le=
aned=0Adown and kissed him again.  "As much as I hate to say this, but I =
have to go=0Aface the music."  She quickly got up, and started for the do=
or.  Without Buffy=0Arealizing, Angel copied her movement until he was ri=
ght behind her.  Since she=0Ahad fail to notice him movement, until she t=
urned around.  They found=0Athemselves separated by less then an inch.  S=
he looked up into his deep brown=0Aeyes, his arms encircling her waist, a=
nd before she realized it they were in a=0Apassionate embrace.  When the =
kiss broke, Angel whispered into her ear.

"Good luck."  With one quick peck on his lips, she turned, and left the r=
oom=0Aready of anything her mother was willing to throw at her.

When the door shut, Angel returned to his place on the bed.  Until he not=
iced=0Aa book on the floor, it was Buffy's diary.  He went over to it and=
 soon saw=0Athat it was still open.  With an even quicker movement, he gl=
anced at the=0Apage, and closed the book placing it on her nightstand.  A=
s he returned to the=0Abed, he thought back to his quick glance, and real=
ized that in that glance he=0Ahad seen his name.  He knew that Buffy wrot=
e about him in her diary, but his=0Acuriosity was getting to him.  Even t=
hough he knew that Buffy would stake him=0Aif she found out what he was d=
oing.  Finally, he gave into his own desire, and=0Apicked up her diary.  =
He opened it to the last page, the one he had glanced=0Aat, and began to =
read.

It started off like a normal diary entry, but then got interesting.  He w=
as a=0Abit surprised at the poem; he never knew that Buffy enjoyed poetry=
.  As he=0Aread on he learned that she was hiding something from him, but=
 the entry did=0Anot say what.  The whole thing left Angel with a questio=
ning that he knew=0Acould not be answered without piss her off.

Location:  Kitchen

As Buffy walked into the kitchen expecting to see her mother, but I was e=
mpty.=0A<Where could she be, I already checked her room. > As she thought=
 this she=0Awalked over to the stove, and found an envelope with her name=
 on it.   She=0Aquickly opened it to see that it wasn't her mother's hand=
writing at all.

=09Dear Buffy:

Now that the game has come full circle, I get to play.  Because of you I'=
m now=0Afree, you have my thanks.  <Great the girl who tried to seduce An=
gel is=0Athanking me. > (Quickly looking up from the letter with a sarcas=
tic grin then=0Areturned her eyes to the paper.)  You have more then made=
 me feel welcome,=0Aknowing your little secret helps too.  So now I have =
decided I must repay you=0Awith my game.  <Wonderful> Your mother has bee=
n more then happy to join in,=0Abut if she is to live threw it you and yo=
ur demon lover will join as well.=0ARemember if you try to pull anything =
I will destroy your hell whole of a town,=0Akilling everything you love a=
nd hold dear to go with it.
=09=09=09=09=09Best of wishes,
=09=09=09=09=09=09Zeal
PS Your mother saw you two in bed together.  HA, Just wanted to let you k=
now.=0A;-0

<O God. >

End of part 12




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Part Eight: Fear" (8/9)
Date: 17 Aug 1998 00:24:08 EDT

See part one for notes and disclaimers. Send all comments or requests for
missing pieces to [e-mail], please!

~

                       "Part Eight: Fear"

     Jerking abruptly away as the woman he held in his arms melted
away to nothingness, Angel's eyes widened as he turned toward the
source of the voice, and he stared in disbelief.
     "Buffy?" he choked.
     She was standing at the water's edge, glaring at him from
across the stream. Confusion flooded his every thought as he
realized that, for a few seconds, there had been two of them-- the
one in his arms, who had vanished, and the one now glaring at him
with so much fury.
     Immediately, Angel straightened, feeling something deep within
him harden in preparation for the verbal onslaught he was certain
he'd soon receive from his former love.
     Stepping out another few paces, Buffy's expression stayed as
hard and as angry as the feelings in Angel's soul. She shook her
head, her disgust more than evident. "I can't _believe_ this," she
gaped incredulously.
     For his part, Angel remained silent, already conscious of the
fact that it was perfectly possible that he had-- yet again--
encountered a "fake" Buffy-- an approximation of his love whose
only objective would be to hurt him. The small voice inside him
that once again screamed its so-called knowledge of this Buffy's
being the genuine article quickly found itself drowned out by the
rest, and Angel gave Buffy only the smallest amount of
consideration.
     "Come on," she challenged. "Aren't you going to say
something?" Her face was twisted into an expression of furious
expectation, one Angel couldn't easily discount.
     Buffy didn't so much as hesitate when it became clear that
Angel was going to refrain from arguing. Instead, she kept
speaking. Kept pounding away with that wonderful, horrible,
accusing voice of hers.
     "What," she demanded. "Now that I've actually got something to
say, now that I'm not going to just sit back and cry and let you
run everything about _us_, you won't even speak to me?" She shook
her head, her blonde hair swishing around her face and momentarily
obscuring her features. "You make me _so_ sick," she snapped.
"First with that whole shifting thing, and now I walk onto the
scene when you were just in the middle of god-only-_knows_ what,
and you're not even _speaking_ to me? I don't know what's worse--
you being quiet like this, or me having to hear your god-awful
_voice_!"
     Finishing with a flourish, Buffy turned, and Angel realized
she was going to stalk away. He wasn't sure what it was that caused
him to suddenly decide that silence had become so much less
important, but the next thing he knew, Angel was pushing himself up
and off the rock, and making his way after her. When he was only
inches from her and she showed no sign of slowing or stopping,
Angel rook a breath and reached out, grabbing Buffy by the shoulder
and forcing her to a stop.
     "Hold it a minute, would you?" he demanded, glaring at her.
Momentarily, Angel felt some of the old fury he'd felt during their
old arguments as it welled up inside him.
     "For two seconds, Buffy, would you mind very much taking a
look at things from _my_ point of view? If you're even actually
you," he tacked on quickly, "which I have no idea about." He shook
his head as the Slayer looked at him, ignoring the look of
confusion in her eyes. "I get out of Hell and I find out that not
only does the woman I love happen to be trying to 'atone' for what
she thinks she's done, which wasn't anything more than her sworn
duty and the _right_ thing, but she now hates be because I remind
her of all the pain she's supposedly caused?" He shook his head.
"I'm the one who's killed people here, Buffy, not you. I'm the one
who's done stupid things, I'm the one who's screwed up. You've
somehow managed to convince yourself that none of that's true, that
you can accomplish more by making yourself into some kind of
martyr-- and whether I'm talking to you or just another Garou
hallucination, I've got to say this. Because it's the truth." He
took her other shoulder, turning her toward him. "I love you,
Buffy. Nothing you've ever done has every changed that. No matter
how many times you push me away, I'm going to keep coming back,
because we're connected and I'm not about to let you break that
connection just so you can feel like you're paying the price for a
mistake you didn't make."
     For a moment, the Slayer only stared at him-- it wasn't for
several long minutes that she spoke. "I killed you," she finally
said. "I killed you and I sent you to Hell."
     Angel nearly laughed at the way she said it. So quietly, so
matter-of-factly. So ridiculous, he thought, that she should worry
about such things as cosmic justice when she knew damn well the
world was so far from fair.
     "You're also the closest I've ever come to heaven," he said.
"And the closest I'm ever going to get." He sighed, relaxing his
grip on her slightly as he realized she was no longer struggling,
no longer trying to get away from him. "Buffy," he sighed, "I want
you to heal. Whatever part of you I'm talking to right now...I want
you to heal. That's why I brought you here." He shook his head, his
eyes flitting over her flesh, her confused expression, and as the
sunlight danced on her pale skin he caught sight of the light,
buried deep in her eyes. The hope, deep within the fear that had
been all-too-present in the past year and a half. And then he heard
himself speak again.
     "It was a mistake, and I'm sorry for that...I can't heal
things for you. I guess..." He shook his head, then sighed. "You've
got to find your own light, Buffy. I can't do it for you because
nothing I say is anything you'll listen to." Carefully, slowly, he
bent forward and placed a light kiss on her forehead. "I love you,"
he whispered.
     At the same time, he could feel her fading from his grasp, and
the light that had surrounded them both was slowly replaced by the
darkness of the Garou cavern.
     He looked down. He was still seated where he had been earlier,
and across the way Giles was watching him coldly. Sef was by
Buffy's bed.
     As the Garou moved away from the cot, and the Watcher stood
quickly, Angel felt something inside him break. And then he had a
clear line of sight to the bed, and he saw that it was empty.
     He choked, turning to look at Sef, horror in his expression.
"Where is she?" he asked, his eyes wide and his tone full of
urgency.
     The Garou shook his head, and Giles took a step forward to see
the empty bed. Then he stopped dead in his tracks and turned to
glare at Angel.
     In all the years he'd lived, Angel had never seen a look so
full of fury, so full of hatred. "What did you do." The Watcher's
voice was cold fire.
     "I-- I didn't--" Angel turned to Sef, taking a step away from
the Watcher, already hyperaware of how the other was regarding him
and the sort of thought that was most likely running through Giles'
mind.
     "She has gone," Sef said, and though his tone seemed almost
mournful, it was also tinged with something Angel might have called
hope.
     "Where the bloody hell has she gone _to_?!" Giles demanded in
a near-roar.
     The Garou turned back to face them both. "To the dream-plane,"
he said quietly. "To discover her truths. To heal."
     "She can't--"
     "It is as you wished, Friend," Sef said quietly, before
turning to walk out of the room.
     Angel stared, watching him go, unable to find his voice and
unable to make himself move any further away from the Watcher as
the other stalked across the floor to stand toe-to-toe with him.
     Giles' voice was full of venom. "You were trying to help her.
For that reason-- and _only_ that reason-- I won't kill you where
you stand." He paused, his voice shaking with emotion, and Angel
forced himself to meet the other man's eyes. "But so help me God,
if I ever see you again, I'll kill you myself."
     Finding a response impossible, there was nothing Angel could
do but watch as Giles left the room. And then the only things in
the room were himself, the now-empty cot that had held his love,
and the dying embers of the fire Sef had used in the ritual.
                                *
     Buffy looked around herself, feeling tears biting at the
corners of her eyes as Angel faded away. This was too much, Buffy
knew. Far too much. To face the others, that had been bad enough,
to sit and listen while Angelus and Angel fought over her, to
listen to Spike's taunts, to hear as Xander defended and soothed
her.
     This was too much, though. To hear Angel telling her she was
a lost cause, that he knew no amount of his help was going to make
her realize she could still love him and still believe in him.
     He was right, of course, in that she had to find her own way.
She knew that. Part of the problem of their love had been that she
was always too eager to let Angel save her, to let him guide her.
She had always trusted him to guide her wherever she needed to be.
He had never meant to betray that trust, and yet it had been
betrayed all the same-- through her own actions-- and she could no
longer believe that everything he said was without flaw in intent.
     So she couldn't listen to him, she couldn't count on him for
direction.
     She sighed, sinking into the grass beneath her feet. The
faerie circle was nearby, she could find it if she tried. But she
didn't try. And she didn't rise from where she sat.
     If she couldn't find her own light, her own path back to the
real world, she knew she had no business expecting the Garou or
Angel, or anyone else for that matter, to find it for her.
     *Look for light in darkness,* she remembered the voice telling
her, and as she looked up at the forest that surrounded her, Buffy
realized that to find a way to claw her way out from the spiral she
had descended into, the habit of running away and shirking
responsibility, she would have to search for, and find, her own
reason for being. It was time to stop relying on those around her
for comfort and solace.
     It was time, she decided as she stood and turned to walk
deeper into the woods, for her to find her own light.

~

Comments to [e-mail], please!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: "Faith" -- "Epilogue: Ode To Family" (9/9)
Date: 17 Aug 1998 00:27:32 EDT

See part one for notes and disclaimers. Please send all comments and requests
for missing pieces to [e-mail], they're more than welcome.

~

                    "Epilogue: Ode to Family"

               //Unhappiness was when I was young
                    And we didn't give a damn
                       Cos we were raised
                       To see life as fun
                    And take it if we can.//
                        -The Cranberries

     Time passed so slowly these days, Giles reflected, sitting at
his desk and flipping through the latest listing of students who
had failed to turn in their library books, and as such would be
banned from taking their final exams. The policy was a new one,
instituted when the school administration had seen the lists for
the past two years, and the number of books that were taken out and
not returned over summer.
     He was so easily distracted from his task, though. Any thought
of how the days passed-- each one the same-- was enough to make his
eyes unfocus and the page before him blur.
     As time wore on, Giles had decided months ago, nothing
changed. It was only in instants that anything with any meaning
whatsoever could occur. Instants were the sorts of things one could
get lost in. Especially if one were a petite, blond-haired girl
upon whose shoulders rested the fate of the world.
     In the beginning, Willow and Xander-- sometimes even Cordelia-
- would walk in and try to make polite conversation with him. But
after a few tries, the three had come to understand that their old
friend was no longer open to approach, and they had ceased the
visits.
     Truth be known, Giles didn't care any longer. There had been
initial guilt, but when he had requested transfer, the Network had
refused. Their reason had been that if Buffy returned from the
dreamscape, she would need his guidance, and she would need to be
able to find him. There wasn't even another trainee awaiting his
teaching, since technically Buffy wasn't dead.
     No Slayer.
     For the first time in thousands of years, there was no viable,
usable Slayer. Because of that Giles had found himself working even
without the other half of the Slayer/Watcher team. Killing what
demons he could, putting up protective spells when he could do
nothing more than that.
     Sometimes, he caught himself wishing he had help, then he
remembered that the only man who might have been able to provide
adequate assistance in this sort of battle had been not only
banished from the Hellmouth, but was the reason for everything that
had already happened. Then Giles' heart would harden and he would
go back to his books and his methods, and continue to hunt those
vampires that came to Sunnydale seeking an easy way to gain power.
Most never left.
     He flipped the pages of the computer printout silently,
breathing an unconscious sigh of relief when he passed through the
"C" section of the list and saw there was no listing for "Chase,
Cordelia." Not, he reflected, that the girl was likely to have
checked out anything in the way of reading material during her stay
at Sunnydale High-- the stay that would be ending in only a few
short weeks.
     Similar sighs were given when he passed by "H" and "R"-- not
that he would have expected Willow to have failed to return a
library book-- without seeing names.
     It wasn't until he reached the "S" section that his pulse
quickened, because he knew what he would find there.
     "Summers, Buffy. Emily Dickinson: A Complete Collection." The
rest of the information was inconsequential. It was her name, the
book she had kept checked out for three years now. Through her
expulsion and her re-admittance to Sunnydale High, Buffy had always
kept that book with her, though Giles could never understand why.
Her relationship with Owen, he supposed, must be some sort of
reminder of what she could have had, could have been.
     He wondered where the book was now. If it was still packed
into the boxes of her belongings that sat in his basement, still
kept hidden from the rest of the world, and especially his eyes. He
couldn't stand seeing anything of hers these days. Even her name,
he realized, was bringing tears into the corners of his eyes.
     *Buffy,* he thought with a sigh, as he crossed off the name
and made a mental note to delete the record and replace the copy
from his salary.
     Six months were far too long for her to return, he had been
telling himself that for days. But if she was trapped, then
hypothetically she could stay alive on the dream plane for years--
and if that happened, then another Slayer might never activate, and
the world would be forever defenseless.
     *It doesn't matter, Rupert,* Giles told himself with a sigh.
Nothing _mattered_ these days, because he had failed completely in
the duty he had sworn to uphold.
     Shaking his head, with a slight, bitter sigh, Giles rose from
his desk and left the sheaf of paper behind. Slowly, with the air
of one weighed down by memory and regret, he made his way out of
the high school.
                                *
     His key slipped easily into the lock. It turned without a
struggle. The door, which was usually jammed, gave him as difficult
a time as ever as it squeaked open, the hinges complaining and
begging to be oiled.
     Giles shook his head. He had no time for that sort of thing,
even if the only commodity that seemed to be left in his life was
time. A different variety, he assured himself. His time was for
mourning, berating. Being disgusted with himself and the life he
was now leading, each facet of which was empty and meaningless.
     As he stepped into the living room, he avoided letting his
eyes drift to the chair she had loved so much, the one he had
gladly let her usurp because the back had been too sloped for his
tastes. He should have it removed, he told himself.
     *Except she'll want it when she comes home,* he thought, only
an instant before he chastised himself for letting such an idea
pass through his mind.
     She wouldn't come home. He had to come to terms with that.
     Another wave of hatred flooded his gut as Angel's image
appeared in his mind's eye.
     Putting the anger carefully away, he trudged up the staircase,
each step deliberate and planned. When he reached the top, he saw
the light switch, and he frowned. The lines that raced across his
forehead in creases were so practiced, he noted with an almost
academic sense of detachment. He usually made a point of turning
the lights off in the morning. Conservation of energy and all that.
     But now the light was on, and he would have turned it on, and
at any rate it wasn't as though eight extra hours of operation
would bring the world to its knees.
     Once, Giles somehow knew, he would have railed against this
sort of apathy in his own thoughts. He would have hated the feeling
of being so helpless, and even more he'd have hated the idea that
he would become so complacent as he harbored the feelings.
     Letting his briefcase fall beside his bed, Giles removed his
tweed jacket-- she had always given him such a hard time about
that, he reflected, same as he did every night-- and hung it in the
closet before he sat on the edge of his bed and bent to take off
his shoes.
     The moment his fingers touched the laces of the first, Giles
felt a chill travel up his spine. Someone was watching him.
     He closed his eyes, trying to attune himself to the feelings
of the room, to the auras of all the objects inside it. It was
never something he'd had a particular talent with, but it was a
skill he had practiced over and over again, and the practice now
gave him at least a slight edge.
     Several seconds passed before he straightened and turned to
the window, which was now open.
     He felt his breath catch in his throat. And the name wouldn't
come to him.
     "Giles?" she said, her voice soft, tinged with the slightest
hint of fear. "I-- Is that you?"
     The frown washing away immediately, Giles stepped away from
his bed, moving to her side and wrapping her in his arms, holding
her so tightly he would have been afraid of crushing her in his
arms-- had she not been strong enough to do the same to him.
     After a few long moments, he let her pull away slightly, and
she tucked a single strand of loose hair back into the loose
ponytail she was wearing. Somewhere behind her, Giles could all but
make out the figure of a man who looked to be in his early
twenties. He ignored it, focusing all of his attention on her,
instead.
     Her eyes glimmered brightly, unshed tears like stars over her
irises. For a few seconds, she was silent, and all they did was
watch one another.
     Then, the corners of her mouth turned upward in the barest
hint of a smile, and she spoke. "I'm home," she said quietly.
"And...I think I'm something resembling okay."
     Relief and love flooding his expression once more, Giles
resisted his instincts no longer, and once again he pulled his
Slayer close in a tight, almost suffocating embrace.
     And then neither Slayer nor Watcher was aware of the one
standing outside the window, and the vampire made no move to
initiate such an awareness.

THE END

Copyright 1998
Rachel Brody

~

Comments to [e-mail], please-- this ends almost three months of work
and I'd really, really like to know what people think of it, whether their
reactions be good or bad. :)

Rachel



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Capeside: the Hellmouth (13/?)
Date: 16 Aug 1998 22:09:12 -0700

TITLE: Capeside: the Hellmouth #13 Weird Happenings
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION: Sure...just tell me where it's gonna go.
RATING: PG
SERIES: A Dawson's Creek/Buffy Crossover
DISCLAIMER: The characters and any other reference to Dawson's Creek are
the property of, creator, Kevin Williamson. The characters portrayed and
in reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to its creator Joss
Whedon, and it's owners Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises,
Sandollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox.  In other words, they do not
belong to me and I am just borrowing them.  The only thing that is mine
is this weird story.  No copyright infringement is intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Capeside: the Hellmouth
#13 Weird Happenings
By: Taygeta

    "UhàMrs. Lindleyàcan you excuse us?"  Xander said uneasily,
giving back her locket as he quickly walked out of the room with Buffy.

    "X-XanderàJen's mom's - " Buffy tried to say, but she couldn't
bring the words to come out of her mouth.

    "Shhhà" he said softly, shaking his head as he looked at her with
concern, leading her to the elevator, "Come on, I think you need some
air."

    Joey approached them, "Guys, Dawson just came and he's going to
take care of patrolling with Ms. Calendar and Giles.  Buffyàare you
okay?"

    "I'm fineàI just need to get outta here for a sec," the slayer
mumbled as she walked past her.

    "Xanderàwhat's wrong?"

    He glanced at her and said, "I - I'll explain everything later."

     And so they headed towards the elevator, leaving a confused Joey
to contemplate the situation that was in occurrence.

    "It doesn't make sense, Xander!" said Buffy as she sat on one of
the benches outside of Capeside Medical Center, "She's *my* Momànot
Jen'sàJoyce Summersànot the other Mrs. Lindley!"

    Xander sat beside Buffy with a sigh, "I know it seems really
weird and it *is* really weird, but just like everyone else we used to
knowàWillow, Oz, Ms. Calendar, Druscilla, Cordelia, Spikeàthey're all
different.  I know it's not the same as finding out that your mom is
someone else's mom, but this isn't our world, Buffyàas much as we're
going to try and make things work for the betteràit's never going to be
our world."

    "Don't you think I haven't realized that before?" she said, "But
this goes beyond weird, Xanderàthis is like - this is my mom not being my
mom!"

    "And my mom's probably not my mom, either, but if I let it really
bug meàif I contemplate and digress tell no endàwhere am I going to be?"
Xander replied with a tired shrug.

    Buffy looked at him and shook her head, "You'd be Xanderàat least
the Xander that I could say I knew."

    With that she stood up and began to walk away and heard him call
out to her, "Where are you going?"

    "Patrolling!" she yelled as she continued to stomp away and she
heard him run after her.

    "Waitàdidn't you hear what Joey said - " he began as he touched
her should tentatively.

    She shrugged his hand away in frustration and looked at him with
blazing eyes, "Look, you may have changedàhell, I probably did a tiny bit
of the Kent/Superman switch myself, but one thing's for sureàI'm still
the slayer.  And I'll be damned if dimensions are going to take that away
from me.  I may have been the thorn of the century back home, but it's
the only thing I've got left of home, and I intend to keep that."

    "Hold on, what about Giles?  What about our friendship?" he asked
and although he didn't continue further, she knew he wanted to say, "What
about me?"

    Buffy turned around and said to him, "You don't understand,
Xanderàyou used to, but you don't anymoreà" and with that she left him to
stand in surprise and confusion.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Dawson rammed the stake into the vampire's chest and it shattered
into dust before their eyes, "Three."

    "W-what?"  Giles said as he looked at the good vampire.

    "I said, threeàthat's - as Buffy would say - three baddies in one
night, something's upàI can feel it," he said as he glanced at the
Watchers warily in their graveyard setting.

    "You can feel it?  I can feel it," said Ms. Calendar with a sigh,
"God, we haven't had to deal with this many vampires in one night
sinceàwell since never, what about you Rupert?"

    "We have seen in a night a few times before, but that was only
when a matter of definite evil urgency was at hand," said Giles,
"Something is definitely wrongàI best hit the books tonightà"

    "Research partyàthe life of a Watcher, count me in," she replied,
"and I promise not to spill coffee on anything, but we've got to finish
patrollingàDawson can't - "

    "I can take care of it," a voice said from behind them and they
all turned to see Buffy.

    Giles blinked in surprise before he said, "B-Buffyàh-how is Jen?"

    "She's stable, but still in critical condition," she said, "I
think she'll be okay, but if evilly spookily things are up and about,
whatever they are, I'm not too sure about us."

    "Gotcha," Jenny said with a nod, "Come on bookwormà"

    Giles and Jenny walked away and they could hear him say, "I
rather resent that particular nameà"

    "They like each other," Dawson said in a matter-of-fact tone.

    "Tell me about it," she replied, "Can they be more obvious?"

    "Sort of like you and Xanderà" he added shrewdly.

    Buffy gave him a Look, "Did your vampire perception go off the
scale of whacked?"

    "The cognition of my demonolatry has nothing to do with the fact
that you like Xander and he likes you," he replied.

    "Well excuse me if the 'cognition of your demonolatry' has
everything to do with it because you are so wrong," she said.

    Dawson's eyebrows raised slightly, "Am I really?  Are you trying
to tell me that you don't like Xander?"

    "You're good with wordsàdefine like," she said in a fleeing
manner.

    "You know what I mean," he said and this time he gave her a Look.

    Sighing, she rested against one of the various grave markers that
aligned the large expanse of cemetery ground, "I can say I do, but then
I'll be kind of lying because I don't really know him anymore, at least I
don't think I do."

    "Xander hasn't changed much from my initial meeting with him.
He's still got his sarcastic demeanor to hide behind, he's still as
aggravating to Giles as ever, and -  "

    "You've only known him for a few monthsàI've known him a little
longer thanà" she interjected.

    "And," Dawson continued, "he's still in love with you as ever."

    She glanced at him and answered, "Like you are with Joey?"

    "Oh, come on, Buffy, I'm a vampireàshe'sàshe's half werewolfàit's
like Fate's telling us we can never be."

    "Well, maybe there is no Fate, did you ever think of that?" the
slayer argued, "Do you suppose Fate caused me, Giles, and Xander to cross
dimensional paths - cross dimensional paths - I've definitely been
hanging around you guys too much."

    "Don't tell me youràumàwigged, now?"

    She stared at him for a second and then she patted his shoulder
lightly, "Dawson, that was just a little too spooky.  I don't think Fate
intended for you to use that word."

    "No, I don't think it didàheyà  I thought you didn't believe in -
" he began and all of a sudden, dirt covered arms grabbed his neck.

    His game face was instantly formed and he threw the demon forward
with all of his vampiric strength.  Buffy kicked him in the stomach, and
jabbed his face until he hit the mausoleum wall, where she thrust the
stake she held into his heart and his body shattered into ashes.

    "Four," she said in-between deep breaths and she swallowed,
"Something is definitely on the up."

    "Do you suppose Fate has anything to do with it?"

    "I don't know about that, but I'm pretty sure Cordelia and Pacey
have everything to do with itàwhatever *it* is."

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Broken Bonds (Part 10)
Date: 17 Aug 1998 20:54:19 -0500

Title: Broken Bonds (Part 10)
Author:  Northlight
email:  [e-mail]
Summary:  Giles disappears.  Buffy gets a new Watcher.  Bad things
happen.
Disclaimer:  Joss Whedon owns all recognizable characters.
Notes:  It's been forever since I posted this story, so if you've
forgotten what it's about head over to
<http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Lair/7493/buffy.html>

        Irene Blackwell strode through the rubble filled halls towards
the Watcher's Council, her lips compressed into a thin, unhappy line.
Things had been tense for months, and the explosion of those tensions
had proved to be anything than manageable.

        She stepped over a piece of shattered wall with a grimace.
Watcher's sought knowledge.  They fought their battles through
parchments and written texts, not with the violence that these halls had
recently seen.

        The ornate door to the Watchers Council chamber swung open
beneath Irene's overly zealous push, emitting her into the room.  The
room, once elegantly understated as befitting the studious and learned
men and women who occupied it, was now in shambles.

        What was far more disturbing than the physical destruction of
the chamber was the absence of some of it's members.  Irene still found
it difficult to accept some of the Watchers they had lost in the recent
fight.

        "Charles!" Irene said,  her voice harsher than she had expected.

        The man turned away from the overturned table he had been trying
to upright in order to face her.  "Irene," he nodded politely though his
face looked strained.  "I thought that you were organizing the search
for--"

        She cut him off with a brusque shake of her head.  "We have more
important things to deal with, Charles.  Namely, the Hellmouth."

        Charles blinked.  "What about it?  This crisis shouldn't have
affected Sunnydale -- we contained it here!"  He looked ill as Irene
shook her head once more.

        "Unfortunately, some of them made it to Sunnydale.  Simon just
contacted me -- someone was after Rupert Giles, forcing him to flee.
Tyler is now acting as the Slayer's Watcher, and Simon has seen hints of
several others within the town."

        "If he's right..." Charles trailed off unhappily.  "With the
texts and magics that they have and the power of the Hellmouth things
have the potential to become very messy."

        "That's why I'm heading to Sunnydale."

        "You're leaving?!"

        Irene smiled thinly.  "I don't have much choice.  Simon has been
out of the loop for a while now, and Rupert's been so busy with his
Slayer that I doubt that he's all that involved with Watcher news
himself."

        "Good luck, Irene," Charles said simply.  She was right, there
wasn't anything else that they could do.

        Irene turned on her heel and strode out of the chamber.  She had
a plane to catch and a crisis to avert.

~End Part 10~



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Do You? (1/1)
Date: 17 Aug 1998 20:57:57 EDT

Title: Do you?
Author: Meg R-C ([e-mail])
Feedback: I beg you, please! This is my first piece so I need to know how to
improve
Distribution: If you want it, take it, just send me the url
Rating: PG, maybe PG-13 (there is mention of rape, but nothing beyond that)
Content: Hospitals, angst, Buffy/Angel relationship, Angel/Joyce confrontation
Spoilers: set after Passion
Summary: Buffy was attacked and raped by college boys, and Angel is by her
hospital bed wondering why he didn't go to her right after the restoration of
his soul, when he had the chance

                                Do You?
                                    by Meg R-C
    I never had a chance to save her. Why couldn't she have waited like she was
supposed to? Why did she have to be so damned stubborn and loyal?
    Of all the things that would place her here, in this hospital, I never
thought it
would be a human. Against humans she's powerless, evil without a demon catches
her off gaurd.
    Everday she fights for them, and this is how they repay her. By tying her
down,
beating her, and, oh god, raping her one by one. How they hurt her, worse than
the
Master, or Spike, or even Angelus ever could. And they were demons, they had
an excuse for harming others, and she could kill them. But not a human being.
Not a living, breathing soul. And certainly not three young college boys, with
souls and feelings, and their whole lives ahead of them. Thats how they got
her. She couldn't understand how the very ones she was risking her life to
protect, could be the ones that destroyed her.
    And I wasn't there for her. I was off brooding, feeling sorry for myself,
lost in my
own guilt. I cut her off when I needed her the most, and consequentially I
wasn't there
when she needed me more.
    Ever since she restored my soul. One minute I was standing under a tree,
watching helplessly she and Angelus battled, and the next she was staring down
at me, and I was back in my body.
    So I ran. I pushed her away, and fled the pain in her eyes. I was so guilt
ridden
and intent on seeing the pain that I misses the love that came whenever she
looked at me. I missed the gentle tone in her voice as she spoke my name. I
blinded myself to see and hear only her pain and non-existant hatred.
    When I finally awoke it was too late. She wanted to show me her love and her
trust, and so she came to me. When they let her go, thinking her dying, she
fled to my apartment. Not the library, or the Bronze, both which were closer.
She didn't run home, to Willow, or to Xander, but to me. Because she loved me,
because she forgave me. It was her last attempt to show me what I could not
see on my own. And it came too late.
    Now she lies here, unconcious on this hospital bed. Next to her the heart
monitor beeps steadily.  What would I do if it stopped? I could never live
without her.  I could no longer exist without her presence. She was the light
that saved me from eternal darkness. Oh God, let her live!
    Suddenly I heard shouts from outside. Mrs. Summers, Giles, and the
Slayerettes had arrived.  I prepared myself to face Buffy's mom. How would she
react after our last meeting? I was about to find out.
    The door swung open.  Mrs. Summers rushed to her daughter's side, too wracked
with grief to even notice me.
    I felt Willow by my side. "What happened?" She asked, her large eyes brimming
over with unfed tears. "Was it...?" She broke off, aware Mrs. Summers was
listening
intently for my response.
    I shook my head, "No. From what I could gather from Buffy before she passed
out was that it was three college guys she recognized from the Bronze.  She
said they beat her and..." I fought back tears as my voice broke.  Willow
placed a comfoting hand on my arm. "And they took turns raping her."
    Mrs. Summers wimpered and tightened her grip on Buffy's hand. "My baby," she
murmered.
    "How did you find her?" Giles broke the silence that had fallen as we all
struggled to hold back tears.
    "I didn't.  She came to my apartment. I just had time to bring her inside and
find
out what had happened before she passed out."
    "She came to you?!" Mrs. Summers asked increduously. " I thought you two had
broken up."
    I smiled sadly at the simplicity of the statement/question, and the
complexity of its answer.
    "Technically, we did," I said, praying she would leave it at that, and spare
me from going into any farther detail.
    No such luck, "What do you mean 'technically'? The last time I saw you Buffy
was chanting Latin curses to keep you away from the house, and warning me to
avoid going out at night to keep from meeting up with you because you were
dangerous.  What exactly does 'technically' mean?!" Mrs. Summers looked like
she was about to wig out, not that I could blame her.  If I were in her
position I would have killed me a long time ago. And Buffy's current condition
had tripled her motherly instincts and increased herprotectiveness ten-fold. I
glanced at Giles for help.
    And to my surprise, it was Xander who came to my rescue.
    "Mrs. Summers, calm down. Angel would never hurt Buffy, when you saw him he
wasn't ... uh... quite hisself. But he loves her, and she loves him, and
that's why she went to him. No other reasons." That you can ever know, I added
silently to myself, shooting Xander a surprised look of thanks.
    He looked back at me and I could tell how much it had pained him to say that.
Butabove that was the trust, love, and faith in the tiny blond girl laying in
the hospital bed. He would do anything for her, even if it meant protecting me
when she couldn't. He loved her enough to defend his worst enemy, the not-
quite-man he feared, for her, because thats what she would want.
    That was why he was the one who found the curse, why he was the one to
restore my soul.
    I asked had him why he did it early that night, when he was walking home
alone
and our paths crossed.
    "OK, dead guy, see if you can get this. I have two choices, restore your
soul, or
"lose" the curse. Basically I'm choosing between you and Angelus, which do I
hate more?And the only reason Angelus won that round is because he killed Miss
Calender, tried to kill Willow, tried to kill me, and would have killed Buffy.
Because eventually he would have gotten her, she could never kill Angelus
because he wore your face. So in the end she would have died, and I'd rather
have Buffy alive and with you than no Buffy at all."
    I nodded at him, and turned to walk away.
    "I know we're going to lose her. She'll die and another Slayer will be
called.
Sooner or later she will be gone, and with Angelus around it would have been
sooner." He called at me.
    I turned to face him, "Angelus is still around."
    He shook his head, "Not according to the people that matter."

    Mrs. Summers sat back, subdued, and I returned my thoughts to the present.
    Giles patted her on the shoulder, "Come Joyce, lets get some coffee."
    She shook her head, "I want to stay here with Buffy."
    Giles motioned to the rest of us, "Lets leave her alone. We can get food in
the
cafeteria, and you can call your parents."
    "Angel can stay," Mrs. Summers said, her eyes boring into mine.
    "Very well then, come children," Giles ushered the three Slayerettes out of
the
room, leaving Mrs. Summers and I in uncomfortable silence.
    She was still staring at me when finally she spoke, "Is what Xander said
true? Did you love my daugher?"
    I looked back at her, knowing that she deserved the truth, at least as much
as I
could give her. "Yes," I told her honestly, "I love Buffy more than anything
else in this
world, and I would never hurt her."
    "But you did," she argued, "You did hurt her. She thinks that I don't see
things,
that I don't understand. But I know what heartbreak looks like, Angel, and I
saw it in my daughter. Everynight for months I fell asleep listening to her
sobs."
    Her words pierced my soul, even though I already knew everything she just
told
me. Angelus used to sit outside Buffy's window and watch her cry, reveling in
her pain. But to hear them spoken outloud by an outsider who really knew
nothing, hurt more than the memories. The memories weren't mine, they were
his, but these words were directed towards me, and well-deserved.
    Mrs. Summers changed tactics after failing to get a response from me, "I'm
going to talk to the doctor. See that your still here when I get back."
    After she left I leaned forward, knowing full well that if she were anything
like her
daughter she was just outside the door, listening to every word  I said. But I
didn't care. The love of my eternal life lay spread out before me on the white
hospital bed, in a coma that she might never awaken from. This could be my
last chance to right what I had wronged.
    "Buffy," I began, faltering, not knowning what to say, any excuses I might
have
had dying on my lips.
    "I understand. I'm just so afraid of hurting you." I took her tiny hand into
mine,
"I'm was so afraid of looking into your eyes and seeing my own self-hatred
mirrored in them. I couldn't have taken that, to know that you hated me when I
loved you so much. I know you blamed yourself for what happened, but don't.
None of it was your fault, you never could have known. And if it wasn't that
night, it would have been some other night.
    "It wasn't sex Buffy, I hope you know that. That wasn't the one moment of
happiness. Every time before that you had said 'I love you' I always had a
doubt. I never believed that you could ever love me. That night I finally
believed you. You made yourself completely vulnerable to me, put all your
faith and trust and love into me, even knowning what I was, and what I had
done. The moment that I finally realized that you loved me as much as I loved
you, that was the moment Buffy. That was the one true moment of happiness."
    I paused, "I love you more than anything else that has ever existed. I no
longer
regret telling Darla to 'show me her world' because it brought me to you. You
are the only reason that I exist, that I have yet to see the sun."
    "Did my daughter love you as much as you loved her?"
    I swirled around, shocked that I hadn't sensed her presence earlier. But
before I
could open my mouth to response the sweetest voice in the entire world beat me
to it.
    "Of course I do, Mom. What kind of question is that?"

                        ~End~

Okay,  this is my first piece of work so please be kind!



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Final Battle (3/3)
Date: 18 Aug 1998 05:16:09 -0700

See Part 1 for discliamer

Feedback Please <[e-mail]>


Final Battle (3/3)

 Xander let out an inhuman scream of rage that someone would dare to
take
 his children.

 "OK Giles, now what?"  Buffy asked holding a cloth to Willows side to
 try and stop the bleeding.

 "Now we fight back!" said Giles taking a communicator out of his
pocket.
 "This Watcher Prime, I need a full Med Evac and transport at my
 location NOW!"

 In less then a minute a loud roar was heard as the Watcher Med
 Carrier landed in front of the house.  The Medwatchers ran into the
house
 putting Willow on a stretcher.  As they stabalized her, they took her
back to
 the Med Carrier.

 A young girl in a blue uniform with the insignia of the Watcher Air
Core
 entered  the house.
 "Sir, Watcher Sat 1 has traced the teleport signature of the Demon.
 We have located their strong hold in the carpatheon mountains."

 "Alright, let's go.  Signal Watcher HQ to dispatch all units to that
 location.   Its time we fought back." said Giles as they, boarded the
 Shuttle.

 15 minutes later at the castle strong hold:

 "Sir, Watcher First Class Stewert reporting, all ground forces are at
 the ready and awaiting the orders of the Slayer."

 "Then move out!" ordered Buffy.

 No sooner was the command out of her mouth when the Watcher ground
forces attacked. Loud explosions could be heard from the hand grenades
and
missiles. The vampires were being blown to pieces and blood was
everywhere.
The ground forces begin to move forward when a loud roar was heard.  It
came
from the back of the castle. A giant Dragon demon stepped out its breath
of
fire lashing out causing  the ground troops to scream in pain as the
flames
burned them to ash.

 "Pull back!" yelled Buffy.  She then turned to Giles, "Now what?"

 "Watch!" replied Giles.

 "This is Watcher Airbase, we are now descending, prepare to engage
 enemy." came a voice from the communicator.

 Buffy eyes almost fell out of her head when she looked up to see the
Watcher
Airbase.  (It was the size of three super Carriers) descending.  Then,
she
watched as giant weapon batteries moved to target the creature.  She
could
barely blink before twin laser cannons fired powerful beams of light,
which
hit the creature, blasting off large chunks of flesh and bone.  The
blood
boiled faster then it could gush from the opens wounds.  The creature
roar in
pain as the weapons fired again and again until only a pool of smoking
gore
remained.

 "This is Watcher Airbase.  Prepare to receive armored attack core." the
 communicator relayed.

 The Airbase descended closer to the ground as armored men and women
 jumped to the ground.  They formed an armored battle line.  They
brought
their weapons to bear and fired at the castle walls which exploded
outward
leaving a large  hole.

 Buffy and Xander quickly moved and entered the castle heading right for
 the throne room.  They entered to see a large horned red demon sitting
on the
 throne.

 "So, you came to see the little ones die?" said the Demon with blood
 dripping from  its mouth and eyes blazing like fire.

 "Like hell you will!" yelled Xander letting the Demon within have free
 rain.  Buffy watched as Xander changed growing bat like wings.  They
burst
from his  back.  His face became demonic, twin horns pushed their way
from his
head and his teeth became sharp fangs.  Xander leaped into the air
attacking
the red demon, only to be thrown back against a wall.  The sound of
bones breaking
moved Buffy into action.  She threw herself onto the red demon.  As she
fought
to get a grip on it,  Xander launched himself once again at the demon.
His
blood pouring from the wounds left by the creatures claws.

 The Red Demon threw both of them from his person. "Asteroth, Join me
 once again!"  said the Demon to Xander.

 "Never! I'll see you returned to hell, even if it kills me!"

 As Asteroth/Xander made to attack once again, Buffy noticed that the
 crystal arm band she wore started to pulse, giving off a bright white
light
that  exploded.  Then in a flash a majestic creature with wings like a
dove
appeared.  It was holding a blazing sword of fire in one hand and chains
of
light in the other.  The chains flew from his hands and wrapped
themselves
around the demon which screamed in rage.

 "It is the decree of He who sits on high that you be taken from this
 place, to be chained at the center of this Galaxy and surrounded by a
great
barrier.  There you will remain with your demons for eternity" Said the
Winged One.

 The Red Demon Screamed as it vanished from sight.

 Another winged Creature approached Buffy carrying her two children.

 "Come!" Said the First Creature.

 As Buffy exited the castle she saw a massive place of light descending
 from the sky. It was surrounded by thousands of the winged creatures.

 Asteroth/Xander turned to the first creature and dropped to his knees.
 "I am ready to accept my punishment, Michael."

 "Rise, Asteroth, for your time of exile is over.  By the decree of He
who
 sits on high your place in the heavenly host is returned to you." said
Michael.

 With that Xander And Asteroth split into two beings.  Everyone watched
 in amazement as a white light descended.  The white light engulfed
Asteroth
and when it  vanished he stood once again, his proud white dove-like
wings
flapping.  He soared into  the sky; forgiven.

 "There is one more thing Buffy." said Michael moving over to her.
"This
 world has overcome the evil that was here and no longer needs a
Slayer.  Go
live, love, and be happy."

 Michael's wings begin to flap.  He returned to the sky and the place of
 light begins to ascend.  Before it vanished from sight one last beam of
light
hit the  Earth and when it faded they look to see Oz standing alone.

 Xander ran over clasping his back.

 "OZ, you old dog!  There's someone waiting for you"

 With that out, the heroes board the Watcher Carrier.  They left for the
 hospital to bring a very special get well gift to Willow.

 It the place of light a small black and white cat hops up into the lap
 of an old man  "Fizzgig last of the mages your place has been
prepeared."
Then in as  flash of light they come all the guardion Mages that had
even been.  And for the first  time Fizzgigg  knew that he was home, and
that the battle was over.


 Never The End



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Final Battle (2/3)
Date: 18 Aug 1998 05:09:41 -0700

Disclaimer in part 1

Final Battle (2/3)


 Giles arrived at the nondescript house in a suburban neighborhood.
 Who would ever guess that this was the home of the Slayer.  As the
 car came to a stop, the driver, a young girl, came around to the
 back door and opened it helping him out of the car.

 "Sir!, do you need any help?" the young girl asked.

 "No!, I'll be find.  These are old friends." Giles replied then using
 his cane he slowly moved toward the door.  <not quite as fast as I once
 was.> he thought.

 He arrived at the door and pressed the door bell.  After a few seconds
 the door was opened by a very beautiful girl.  She had long flowing red
 hair.

"Yes, may I.... Giles is that you?" shouted the girl grabbing him
in an embrace. "Come in!  Come in!" she said guiding him into the house
 to a chair.

 As he sit down Willow ask, "So, Giles, what brings you here from
 England?"

 "Willow, I need to speak with Buffy.  Do you know where she is?" asked
 Giles

 "Yeah! come on she'll be glad to see you." replied Willow leading Giles
 to a small sitting room off the dinning room.

 Tears started to roll down his eyes.  He beheld the most beautiful
sight
 he had ever seen.  Buffy was sitting in a old rocking chair holding two
 small babies, each one suckling at her breast.

 "Buffy you have a visitor." said Willow

 Buffy turned around surprise showing in her face.

 "Giles come here let me look at you." she said.

 As Giles came close he noticed that the two babies were both girls.
Both
 with hair as golden as their mothers.  And they both had laughter in
their
 eyes just like Buffy.

"Twins!" said Giles.

 "Yeah! I guess that some of the things in those old books were wrong."
 said Buffy with a smile on her face.

 Willow came over and took the girls from Buffy.  She carried them into
the
 house to put them down for their nap.

 "What are their names?" asked Giles.

 "Sarah & Michelle" replied Buffy. "So Giles what bring you this way?"

 "I'm sorry Buffy, but we have a very big problem.  There's a new
 vampire Lord.  We have no idea who he is, but his minions are moving
fast.
 Already the bodies of six possible Slayers have been found.  They were
ripped
 apart, two of them no more the six years old." Giles said his voice
 breaking with sadness and tears.

 Giles sit waiting for Buffy to say something when he heard a voice.

"Hey, G-man, what's up?"

 Giles turned to see Xander still in his police uniform, having just
 come off  the night shift.

 Before Giles could answer a loud roar is heard from the house.  Buffy
and
 Xander move with their supernatural speed.  They reached the door to
the
 children's room just in time to see a red werewolf come sailing through
 it.

 "Willow!" yelled Xander running over to her to see blood everywhere.
 Her arm was broken.

 "The babies!" yelled Willow thought a half-human, half-wolf roar.

 Xander's face quickly changed allowing the demon to come forth.  He and
 Buffy rushed into the room to find everything destroyed.  On the wall
 written in blood

 I HAVE YOUR CHILDREN, SLAYER, COME AND WATCH THEM DIE.

 S



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Trust of Enemies (1/1)
Date: 18 Aug 1998 02:45:38 -0700

TITLE: The Trust of Enemies (1/1)
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
SPOILER: Everything up to Becoming
RATING: PG
DESCRIPTION: Angel's leaving for L.A, but before he does, he has to chat
with Xander.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Trust of Enemies
By: Taygeta

    Angel lurked in the Bronze, eyeing Buffy and her friends
carefully.  Cordelia, Willow, and Oz were in a laughing conversation -
something that had to do with Giles and a computer -- at one of the
various tables in the dark, dank teen hangout.  He paid careful heed over
the smiling brunette whose expression faded as she turned to look at the
dance floor, and although he quickly held her composure and reverted to
her former state, he sawàhe knewàhe felt her pain.

    His eyes fell to where her glanced had strayed and although he
knew it to be mainly innocent, there was some part of what he saw that
read attraction, that read passion, both no longer of the singular, but
of a common bond.  That was the center of that painàthat was the source
of the ache in his heart.

    He took in the sight of heràa habit he had acquired since the day
he first saw her.  She had changed much in her exterior, but what always
remained trueàwhat will always remain consistent, was the heart of gold
he knew of her.  That she had once given to him, but he could never
receive it knowing that it wasn't meant for himàit would never be meant
for him to cherish.

    In looking at her, he could not avoid her dance partner, and he
couldn't help but think that in all of this time, they'd always been
enemies, and at this rate always would be.  He knew that Xander wanted
him dead, and he wanted himself dead, initially, maybe it would have all
worked out better if he hadàmaybe not.  Still, no matter what Xander
would always be foeàthe only one he could really count on to love the
slayer like he loved heràmaybe even more so.

    He recalled that night when Buffy died, when prophecy and duty
alike was fulfilled.  And with it, a confession of love for Buffyàthe
only near confession he knew of the kind from Xanderàhad resurfaced in
his mindà

    à  "I don't like you.  At the end of the day, I pretty much think
you're a vampire," said Xander bluntly as he lowered the cross from
Angel's face, "But Buffy's got this big old yen for you.  She thinks
you're a real person.  And right now I need you to prove her right."

    Angel paused and looked at him momentarilyàanalyzing him, the
intensity of his want to rescue the slayer, the seriousness that he had
never heard before in his tone.  He was beginning to see the other side
of Xander, the one that lacked the sarcastic faτade, the one who's eyes
flickered with the very name that made his heart beat rapidly as well.
He met those flashing eyes and in a voice with a mixture of disbelief and
surprise, he understood, "You're in love with her."

    "Aren't you?"

    àAs of late, Angel was beginning to think that despite
everything, he and Xander were very much alike.  In fact, the sarcastic
demeanor the 17-year-old boy reminded him a lot of himselfàbefore Darla
had entered his life.  Angel often wondered what would have happened if
he hadn't been drunkàhadn't walked down that alleyway.  What life would
he have had?  If was a little too late for what ifs, nowàa couple of
hundred years too late.

    He should have been in LA right now, meeting the Whistler, but he
had one last good-bye to give, one last request to issue, one last
meeting of the few with his mortal enemy.

*~*~*

    "Angel," was his immediate reaction upon seeing the vampire walk
out of the shadows.

    "Xander," the soul-inhabited demon replied as he approached him.

    "Shouldn't you be in LA, my friend?" he said as he fished his
keys from his coat pocket.

    "Friendàthat's funny, you've call me plenty of things, but never
friend," he said, "You are right, though, I should be in LA, but I have
to take care of some unfinished business."

    He dropped the keys back into his pocket, "Unfinished business?
Like what?  Killing the rest of us off?"

    Angel stiffened as he recalled how the demon within him had
killed Ms. Calendar, getting out of the consuming state before it began,
he met Xander's eyes, and said, "That wasn't me."

    "I'm sorry, Angel," he said shaking his head, "Force of habitàI
guess, but what is it that you exactly want from me?  Can't exactly think
that you have the need to say good-bye when we haven't been the best of
buds."

    "Yeahàmaybe not, but I need to ask you for a favor before I
leave," he inquired warily.

    He looked at the vampire curiously and reluctantly sighed, "What
do want from me, Angelàwhat's your game?"

"A promiseàeven though you'd probably make sure this happens without it,"
was his reply and he gave him a look and a grin, "Just wanted to make
sure anyway."

    Xander had to smile at his attempt at a joke, "Wellàwhat is it?"

    "I know you're still in love with heràBuffyàeven though
Cordelia's your girlfriend, after all, it's just a title if there isn't
anything to back it up - "

    "Look, man, I care about Cordy - "

    Angel interjected, "I know you doàI'm not saying you don't, but
obviously you're the one with the big 'yen' for the esteemed slayer, and
although you try not to, you're still in love with Buffy.  Just like me.
You and Iàlike it or not, are in the same boat, but unlike me, you can
still be around her, and that's why I'm asking that you take extra care
of heràfor me."

    He turned around and began to walk away, but Xander said, "Hold
on.  Last I recallàI hate you and you hate me which dissolves itself into
the fact that we hold like an ounce of trust in each other.  You know I'd
do anything for Buffy's sake, and I watch her like a hawk, as it is - I
mean - I look after her as much as I can, despite her need to not want to
be looked after, and you know that.  So what's with all of this chitchat?
 Care to enlighten those in need of enlightenment?"

    "You're right - for once.  I do hate you and you've told me
enough times for me to know that you share the same antagonism, but no
matter how much we dislike each other, there's this one factor that
always makes us work as a team, and that's Buffy.  She's that one-ounce
of trust we have in each other.  So, you want to know the point of me
telling you this?  The point is so that I can be damned sure that you
know that."

    "I knowàbelieve me," Xander said shortly.

    "Good," he replied and he was about to turn around, but he
returned his eyes to Xander's and continued, "I know I probably be the
last person to actually give you this advice, but tell her."

    The 18-year-old's face altered to an expression of confusion,
"What?"

    "Tell heràBuffyàtell her how you feel about her.  Maybe not any
time soon, but when you think it's the right time, when you feel it's the
right moment, tell her."

    "Why are you - I thought - "

    "I love Buffy, but I can't be with her, and I know you love her
and you'd do anything to make her happy.  And if you make her happy -
although I personally can't see why, but hey it's the Hellmouth - I can
truthfully say I wouldn't mind."

    With that, he began to walk away, again, but before he could,
Xander called to him, "Hey Angel?"

    "What?" he quipped as he looked at him again.

    Xander smiled and replied, "You're a good man, Angelàeven if - "

    "YeahàyeahàI know, even if you don't like me," he laughed and as
he continued to walk towards the distant darkness with only a lightly
glowing lamp post to shine the way, Xander turned towards his house.

    Pausing, he looked back at the sidewalk, and the street's lonely
light to catch one last glimpse of the soul-inhabited vampire, but he was
gone.  Smiling still, he walked up the path, knowing full well that he
hadn't seen the last of Angel, yetànot by a long shot.

_____________________________________________________________________
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From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 18 Aug 1998 16:30:27 -0400

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
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2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist.  Please put
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Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
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Spoiler warnings are not necessary after the start of the episode's
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If you have a question about something's suitability for posting, feel
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Again, welcome!  If  you have any questions about these rules, please
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 &
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[e-mail]


-




--
sah * [e-mail] * [e-mail]
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"Fun made this body."  --Drew Carey



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  Free email address policy
Date: 18 Aug 1998 16:30:26 -0400

Please read this.  It's very important.

Effective immediately, anyone who wishes to s*bscribe to any Buffy list on
a "freemail" account (Geocities, Hotmail, etc.) will be required to
provide us with a "permanent" e-mail address as a backup.

We will <not> under any circumstances reveal this permanent e-mail address
to anyone.  This is for our reference <only.>

This new policy has become necessary because of the problems we've
experienced with freemail accounts.  They're too easy to set up and
cancel, and there is so little recourse if the individual with the
freemail account causes problems, that we have no choice but to enact this
policy.

The s*bscription information pages will be changed to reflect this policy.

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY S*BSCRIBED UNDER A FREEMAIL ADDRESS:  as long as you
stay s*bscribed, you do not need to provide us with this information.
However, if you uns*b and want to res*b at some point, you will have to
give us this information even if you were previously a s*bscriber through
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you'll have to provide the information to res*b.

If you have any questions regarding this, please contact us offlist.
Thanks.

sah and Jill
[e-mail] and [e-mail]


-


--
sah * [e-mail] * [e-mail]
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"Fun made this body."  --Drew Carey



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: A Song on the Radio (1/1)
Date: 19 Aug 1998 00:11:25 -0700

TITLE: A Song on the Radio (1/1)
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
SPOILER: Everything up to Innocence
RATING: PG
DESCRIPTION: Xander dedicates a song to Buffy
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The descript may allude that it's gonna be a cheesy
BX...ah, my usuals...but Xander's only present by name and I just decided
to write this after listening to the Natalie Cole's Unforgettable CD for
the billionth time.
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.
The song "SMILE" is sang by Natalie Cole and the lyrics were written by
John Turner, and Geoffry Parsons and the Music is by Charles Chaplin.  I
am merely borrowing it for the fact that without that song, I would lose
a huge part of what I hope amounts to a story.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A Song on the Radio (1/1)
By: Taygeta

    Willow looked at her friend's sad expression with that of
sympathy and she said, "Are you okay?"

    Buffy glanced at her from her bed and replied exasperatingly,
"For the hundredth time tonight, WillàI'm fine.  Can you *please* stop
asking me if I'm okay?  Because I am."

    Despite the fact that she didn't believe her, Willow nodded and
said, "I'll stop asking you if you're okay, but that doesn't mean I'm not
concernedàI have my concerned face onàyou see?"

    "I see," Buffy said and her redheaded friend frowned at the lack
of even an attempt at thinking it be funny.

     Clutching the pillow on her lap, she continued to eye the slayer
critically and wondered with worry what was going on in her friend's
mindànot to mention to her heart.  It had been weeks since the Judge had
been obliterated and thus weeks since Angel had turned to the dark side,
but the wounds, particularly the latter event, had not yet healed and
Willow wasn't sure that they would ever heal completely.  What she did
know was that her friend was really wigging her and the rest of the
Scooby gang out.  They understood why she was the way she was, but
nonetheless, she wasn't acting like Buffy.

    With a sigh, her eyes drifted to the clock beside her and saw it
reading 9:57 in glowing red digits and she remembered what she had
promised to do earlier, "UhàBuffy, do you mind if I turn on the radio?"

    "Sure, go ahead," she responded tiredly, "I could use a little
music."

    She turned the clock radio switch to radio and with the tuning
she scanned the station until she reached exactly where she wanted to be.
 The last song was drifting to a close and the radio announcer's voice
faded in to close upon the oncoming silence.

    "And that was - "

    Buffy turned suddenly and said, "Is this that station that plays
those Love Thoughts constantly?"

    Willow backed away in surprise and blinked before responding,
"Umàyes."

    She threw a pillow on her head and said, "Then, can we please
turn the radio off?  I'm not in the mood for the words of wannabe
Casanovas."

    "Oh, I don't know," she said as she turned the radio slightly
louder, "I don't think the next dedication's actually on the lines of
Casanova."

    Buffy looked up from under her pillow, "How can you be so sure?
Do you have like some kind of ESP, I'm not entirely aware of?"

    "If I had ESP, I'd think I know," Willow laughed, "Shhhàlisten,"
and Buffy rolled her eyes and did so.

    "And now a *special* love - "

    "That means, he was bribed," interjected Buffy and with a
murderous glance from her friend she fell back into silence.

    "This particular love thought takes place right here in
Sunnydale, one that states the power of friendship.  This is from Xander
to Buffy," the announcer said with dramatic pause.

    "What?" the slayer stood, demanding first at the radio and then
at Willow, who gave her a sheepish shrug, and she sat back down to
listen.

    "Xander writes, 'Buffy, I know that this particular time for you
has been very hard, and seeing you in so much pain, makes me, and not to
mention all of our friends, hurt too.  We care about you, and we hate to
see you like this, but we understand.  I hope that from some miraculous
way, you're listening tonight because I want to tell you that I'll be
there with you through thick and thin with everyone else in our crazy
mold.  And hopefully, some time soon, I'll get to see that beautiful
smile shining on your beautiful face once more.  With Love, Xander."

    "Will, did you - "

    She shook her head, "I only knew that he was going to dedicate a
song for youàto maybe cheer you up, but I didn't know he was going to
write that," and she curbed the impulse to continue with, "I didn't know
he *could* write like that."

    "So, Buffy, I hope you're out there listening.  Here's one to you
from Xander, Natalie Cole's rendition of 'SMILE.'"

****************************
Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smileàand maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through
For you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
All though a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.

*********************

    As the song played, Willow could almost see a smile form on
Buffy's lipsàa real one, unlike the obvious fake ones she displayed in
front of her mother and sometimes in front of Giles.  And at that moment
in time, the antagonism she felt for Xanderàthe confusion that had been
in her heart and head for weeks on end, disappeared for the duration of
that song.

*********************

Ohàthat's the time, you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.

*********************
    Turning off the radio as the song faded into commercial, she
turned to Willow, and said "Do you mind sacking in early?"

    "No, it's fine," Willow replied as she stood up from where she
sat, "But I'm going to go grab a glass of milk first, okay?"

    She nodded and glanced at her friend as she turned off the light
and closed the door slightly before leaving the room.

    Buffy nestled her head in her soft pillow and closed her eyes,
hearing the tune of the song in her mind.  She opened her eyes and
glanced out her window where a tiny patch of the night could be seen.
With a sigh she whispered softly in the quiet of the room, "Thank you,
Xander," and closed her eyes once more, this time, with a smile.

_____________________________________________________________________
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Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (4/?)
Date: 19 Aug 1998 11:35:07 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Four
The Beginning of All Knowledge


        Xander packed as little as he felt that he could survive with,
fitting most of his life into a single backpack with room left over. He
went back over the items in his backpack: a few sets of clothes, his
mini-tape recorder, a couple of notebooks, his CD player, and a dozen
CDs. Tucked into the back pouch of the pack, wrapped in tissue, was a
bottle of holy water; nestled in beside it were a pair of stakes and a
large wooden cross. Leaving Sunnydale, he probably wouldn't have much
need of them, but better to be safe than sorry.
        All in all, it was pretty pathetic. Looking it over, he found
himself sliding once more toward sullen self-pity. He glanced around at
his room, the walls covered in posters and the floor in clothes; he had
spent most of his life surrounded by these four walls, so why didn't he
feel anything at all in leaving them?
        His parents were out of town--as usual--so there wouldn't be any
explanations, any big scene. Not that there would have been anyway. The
elder Harrises were notorious in ignoring anything that didn't fit their
world-view, and their precious Alexander running off across the country
in search of a missing vampire slayer certainly didn't qualify.
        To clear his head of the lingering doubts and get back on track,
he mentally reviewed the events of the last day--god, had it only been
one day? It seemed much longer...

***

        "Xander, you're not going anywhere, and that's final." Giles
finished his ten-minute-long rant, a record-setter for even the
notoriously argumentative Brit. The object of this rant sat passively at
the end of the library's conference table, having been both silent *and*
conscious for the past ten minutes--a record-setter for him as well.
        "Are you done?" asked Xander, his voice small and somehow dull,
as though all of his emotions had been bled out of him. His tone was so
bleak and pitiful that even Giles, furious as he was, paused for a
moment. By the time he recovered his wits, Xander had spoken again.
        "You do realize that you can't actually stop me, don't you? I
mean, sure, you can yell at me a lot and talk about what I can and can't
do, but in the end, it comes down to what I'm going to do anyway.
Doesn't it?" Giles recognized the tone in his voice from any number of
similar conversations with Buffy and almost gave up right then,
recalling how those particular arguments had gone.
        "I... I..." Giles stuttered for a moment, before continuing, "I
can call your parents. Yes, that's exactly what I'll do. I shall call
your parents, and-"
        "And what?" If Xander's tone had seemed detached before, now it
was downright cold. It was a voice Giles recognized as his own, the
voice he used when describing how the world would end, a voice he had
used to tell Buffy that she was going to die. "My parents are gone for
the week. By the time they come back, I'll be long gone. Short of
physical restraints, you can't do anything to stop me."
        Willow trembled slightly, seeing a Xander that was as unknown to
her as the most distant stranger, a Xander devoid of life, of love, of
light. Oz, sensing her discomfort with an almost animal accuracy but not
discerning the cause, moved closer to her to comfort her. Giles was
confused now; where were Xander's wisecracks, his jokes? Where was the
mocking child he had known for almost two years? Gone, as though he had
never been.
        Gone, like Buffy.
        Giles narrowed his brows in thought; somehow, Buffy's
disappearance was the key to all of this--this Whistler person, Xander's
changes, everything. And Xander? How could he be acting like this, going
after Buffy like some knight cavalier, giving them the cold shoulder,
unless... unless... unless what? Buffy's disappearance was the key,
Giles was sure. But Xander's behavior was that of a man condemned; how
did that track? Unless...
        Giles stood up straight, suddenly struck with an idea so
crystalline that he knew it had to be the truth. Xander's actions
weren't those of a man condemned--they were the actions of a man who had
condemned himself, a man eaten by guilt and remorse until only a shell
is left, a man so sure that he had committed a crime that he was ready
to sentence himself to death and enforce that sentence by means of slow
apathy. And Giles knew the crime Xander held himself responsible for: he
believed it was his fault that Buffy had disappeared.
        The older man sighed and removed his glasses, rubbing the bridge
of his nose. As adult as Xander often seemed, as calm as he was battling
the forces of darkness, Giles often forgot that he was actually little
more than a child. And as often as Giles was annoyed with Xander, as
angry at his juvenile humor and "slacker" attitude, the British Watcher
was just as often glad at the young man's presence for aid and
perspective. Where Giles would ignore practical concerns in favor of the
otherworldly, Xander was there to remind him that people still needed to
eat, to have fun, to live life.
        For just a moment, Giles pictured himself as Xander must see
him, and he was shocked at the image he got: stodgy, rigid, inflexible,
old. And he was saddened to realize that, much of the time, that picture
was correct; he *was* inflexible on many issues, he didn't have a
personal life, and he was decidedly older than Xander--to whom anyone
over twenty-five must seem ancient. The sad thing was, he could also see
himself at Xander's age and was more than capable of sympathizing; hell,
at that age, he was worse than Xander ever could be, and he had grown up
with far more advantages.
        Giles sat down, knowing that the time for the closed fist had
passed; there was no way that he could get through to Xander with
argument and blunt trauma. The time for the open hand had arrived;
Xander needed someone to listen to him, to understand him, and since no
one else was readily available, the job apparently fell to one Rupert
Giles, Assigned Watcher and Sunnydale High School librarian. Giles
opened his mouth and began to speak, letting the words come naturally.
        "Xander," he began, "I know you think that you did something to
drive Buffy away." Seeing the shocked look cross Xander's previously
impassive face, he knew he had hit the mark and continued before Xander
had a chance to interrupt. "I also know that you have already tried,
convicted, and sentenced yourself. I can see from the look on your face,
hear in the tone of your voice, that you consider yourself guilty of a
crime so severe that you deserve to die for it, that in your mind, you
are already walking down death row. All these things I know. Before you
begin to tell me that I can't know how you feel, that I don't understand
you, that that's not it at all, let me say this: I do know how you feel,
because I feel the same way.
        "How many times do you think I've asked myself in the last few
minutes, 'What could I have done differently? Could I have changed her
mind?' Do you think you have a monopoly on guilt just because you've
dealt with this particular guilt longer than me? I am her Watcher--I
should have seen it coming, should have known that she was hurting
inside. But I didn't..." Giles slowed, realizing that he wasn't just
talking about Xander's guilt anymore--he was talking about his own.
Before his rational mind could assert itself again and stop him from his
confession, he blazed forward. "But I didn't, and now I am left with
this guilt, this pain, the knowledge that I could have done something to
protect her from distress and did not. I am guilty of allowing someone I
care about deeply to be hurt, and for that crime-"
        "For that crime," Willow interrupted, "for *my* crime, for the
crime of causing pain to my friend, for the crime that is ours to bear
together, we deserve to be punished." Her eyes were slightly teary as
she continued. "In a just and fair world, we would be punished. But the
world isn't fair, is it? Because if we were punished, we would be able
to move on, to accept the pain and begin to deal with it. But we aren't,
and we can't, and the pain-"
        "The pain just keeps growing until I think I'll have to scream
or I'll burst," Xander said quietly, the suffering in his voice like a
jagged knife as he recited the words from his journal. "But I don't
burst... If I could, it would be so much simpler. I wouldn't have to
live with this pain, wouldn't have to live my life knowing that I had
hurt my friend... knowing... knowing..." Xander's voice broke off in
harsh sobs that echoed through the quiet library, swallowed up by the
emptiness around the table.
        The friends looked at each other for a moment, only a moment,
before they moved. Willow let go of Oz's hand and walked to the other
side of the table, where she put her arms around her friend. Cordelia
followed, not really understanding everything that had been said, but
knowing in her secret heart that Xander needed her at that moment more
than he had ever needed her before in their entire relationship. Giles'
sensibilities wrestled with his emotions before deciding in favor of
sentiment and embracing the three teenagers as though they were his last
anchor on sanity and reality. Oz felt out of place, knowing that he was
Willow's companion but feeling uncomfortable with her friends; finally
he walked around the table and awkwardly joined the hug.
        After several minutes, Xander's sobs subsided and the hug
reluctantly broke. He wiped away his tears and looked around thankfully
at his friends. He touched Willow's hand for a moment before turning and
giving Cordelia a small kiss on the cheek. He briefly lamented that he
and Oz had never become friends, knowing that if it hadn't been for his
own feelings for Willow, they could have been close buds. He even
managed to give Giles a lackluster smile before he started to apologize.
        "There are no apologies necessary, Xander," Giles informed him.
"I believe that all of us needed to release some of our guilt. Good for
the psyche and all that." Xander was amazed; in mere moments, Giles had
gone from snobby Brit to caring friend to psychoanalyst and back to
snobby Brit again. Sometimes Xander wondered if he would ever really
understand the man. Giles' face was serious again, though its craggy
features seemed somehow softer now. "Xander, you don't have to tell us
what happened to make you feel so terrible, but if you want to, you
can."
        "Yeah," chimed in Willow, "we all have problems, but sometimes
sharing them with our friends can make us feel better." All the others
looked at her, amazed that such a profound clichΘ could come from
someone so smart. Looking slightly sheepish, Willow shrugged. Xander
smiled again, a slightly more genuine smile this time; things were
finally getting back to a semblance of normality.
        "No," he said, his voice regaining a little of its usual warmth
and good humor. "No, I think I want to tell you." He looked around at
them all, his friends, knowing that no matter how he chose to say what
he needed to say, he would not be judged, would not be reviled, would
not be hated.
        "No matter how much I disliked Angel," he began, "it wasn't
until he lost his soul and became Angelus that I really started to hate
him..."

***

        Back in his room, remembering his friends' forgiveness of him,
Xander's self-pity was broken. He smiled broadly, for no one's benefit
except his own, and walked out, closing the door tightly behind him. He
rechecked the velcro straps on his new cast--one of those easy-remove
space-age deals made out of plastic and stainless steel; the old plaster
cast he had before went the way of the dodo thanks to comprehensive
health insurance--and tightened it slightly, making sure he wouldn't
lose it in the hours ahead.
        Walking down the steps, he began to go over his plan to get to
Bakersfield, the first stop of the Greyhound bus that Buffy had left
town on. He figured that he would have to be out of Sunnydale by
nightfall--Sunnydale's streets weren't safe to walk at night, and he
wasn't thinking of muggers either--but he should be able to thumb a ride
within a mile of the city limits. If he got lucky, maybe he wouldn't
have to walk more than a couple of hours total.
        All in all, his glad mood had only one dark blemish--Cordelia.
After his confession, but before he had returned home, they had gone off
for some quiet time together. It was only a few minutes, but in that
short time, they had somehow managed to get in yet another fight...

***

        How it started, Xander had no idea whatsoever, but for some
reason Cordelia had decided to go off on him. Being completely clueless
on women in general and Cordelia in particular, Xander chose (probably
correctly) not to actually argue with her, instead just looking serious
and nodding his head in the appropriate places. Every now and again he
would catch the words "Buffy," "relationship," "us," and the phrase
"chasing across the country." At one point, Cordelia said something that
Xander didn't quite catch but seemed quite important to him.
        "What did you just say?" he asked.
        "Which part? The bit were I call you a dunderhead for chasing
across the country after Buffy, who is more than capable of taking care
of herself, no matter what some greasy little guy in a bad hat says..."
Sensing that the conversation was about to get away from him again,
Xander stated that it was the other thing she had said. "Oh, you mean
the part where I ask you *how* you intend to chase off across the
country after Buffy, who-"
        "You know," he interrupted seamlessly, "that's a good question.
My parents have the car--they're gone for the week, you know; some sort
of convention or something. How am I going to follow that Greyhound?
It's not like I can afford to bus it all over the state, let alone the
country, if that becomes necessary..." At this point, Xander was pretty
much talking to himself; sensing this, Cordelia butted in on his spoken
thoughts.
        "You could take my car," she said, her voice dripping venom.
        "Really?" Xander asked, so far gone into his own private world
that he didn't hear her tone.
        "No! Puh-lease! Don't you know sarcasm when you hear it? You'll
get my car over my dead body. Every time you're in it, it seems like we
get attacked by werewolves, or vampires, or werewolf vampires, or some
other icky thing!"
        "Oh, okay," Xander muttered, the wheels in his head too busy
turning to do more than acknowledge Cordelia's existence, and that only
peripherally.
        Cordelia voiced a small roar of outrage and stalked away from
her boyfriend, leaving him to stew in his own thoughts. Now that the
others understood his reasons and wouldn't stand in his way, he'd be
damned before he allowed Cordelia's insane jealousy to stop him. He
broke out of his contemplation, wanting to say something placating to
his girlfriend, but she was already down the hallway and out of sight.
        Xander sighed heavily; if it wasn't one thing, it was another.
He still didn't understand why Cordelia had decided to go out with him,
why she stayed with him despite his obviously strong feelings for Buffy.
Some time before, he had begun to get a sinking feeling that she
actually loved him; he had looked inside himself and found that while he
wasn't "in love" with Cordelia, he did love her, and for now that was
apparently enough for both of them. He realized that their angry passion
wasn't enough to keep them together forever--it was barely enough to
keep them together through each day--but both of them were satisfied
with the arrangement. For now.
        If Xander could have gotten inside Cordelia's head--and not
immediately shot out the other side--he would have found her reasons
much the same as his: an animalistic physical attraction; short-term
security; a sense of being in a war with only a few people to choose
from for companionship; a need to be accepted by someone. Underneath
that, however, was something else, something that would have surprised
Xander greatly: Cordelia did love Xander, and was gradually falling in
love with him as well. If asked why, she couldn't have given any
specific reasons, only that it was so.
        And that, in a nutshell, explained why it hurt so much when
Xander fawned over Buffy like a puppy and ignored her. Cordelia hadn't
understood everything that Giles and Willow were talking about in the
library, but she understood the idea of pain: pain was her boyfriend
being in love with another girl; pain was the idea of losing someone who
was so sweet and kind and generous, all the things she herself was not;
pain was seeing Xander's longing gazes after Buffy and never seeing the
same kind of look for her. Pain was Xander going off on some fool quest
that would probably get him killed--all for Buffy--and then Buffy coming
back, so that it would be like losing the person she cared most about in
the world twice.
        Yes, Cordelia knew about pain. And to cover it up, like a she
would cover a blemish if her perfect skin ever had one, she layered on
the disdain, the cruel face she showed the world; she would put up the
shield she had long used to protect herself--a shield called pride. To
hide the pain, all she needed was a shopping spree at Neiman-Marcus; the
simple joy she felt in shopping was almost always enough to balm any
wound, but not now. In the time she had been dating Xander, Cordelia had
acquired about three thousand dollars worth of new dresses--almost none
of which he had noticed--and it cheered her up barely any at all.
        So while Xander was planning out his hitchhiking route to
Bakersfield in the hallway outside the library, Cordelia was restraining
tears in the girls' room--and not doing much of a job.

***

        The next day, early in the morning, Xander ate a large
breakfast--leftovers, yummy--packed, and prepared to leave the house.
Purged of almost all of his negativity, Xander was amazed at how light
and free he felt. He didn't like it at all and put on his headphones to
drown out such happy thoughts. He made very sure that everything in the
house was turned off, left a note for his parents--a completely made-up
story that they'd never bother to check anyway--and left the house,
locking the door behind him. As the bolt slid home, he was gripped with
a sense of his own mortality, the idea that this might be the last time
he ever laid eyes on his home.
        He paused. His home? Was it really? Sure, he slept here, but
could he say that he had any real emotional connection to the place?
Searching deep inside himself, Xander found that the answer was "No."
One of his favorite writers had once said, "Home is the place that, when
you have to go there, they have to let you in." If anyplace he knew of
fit that description, he couldn't think of it at the moment. His
thoughts as dark as the sky overhead, Xander walked away from the house,
slipping the key easily and casually into his pocket.
        As Xander walked, the sky above became darker, more violent, and
his thoughts turned from such heavy topics as the nature of home and
family to what he was going to do if the storm broke while he was still
walking. He was so caught up in his own worries that he barely noticed
when lightning began to flash across the clouds and thunder rolled
across the low hills around town. So wrapped up in himself he was, that
he didn't even see the car until it was almost right on top of him.
        Speeding up from a street ahead and to the right, the car's
driver displayed a disregard for the speed limit and the law so blatant
that Xander instantly knew who was behind the wheel despite the tinted
windows. Screeching to a halt less than two feet from him, the car's
window rolled down and Cordelia's head popped out.
        "Are you going to stand there all day, or just until it starts
raining? Get in already!"
        The passenger's side door opened, and Xander jumped over the
front end of the car and slid easily into the seat next to Cordelia. He
looked over at her, smiled, and touched her hand. Smiling back, Cordelia
told him to take off his headphones.
        Still smiling, Xander told her that he would take off his
headphones if she promised not to play any of that dance music she liked
so much. Cordelia began to drive out of town, asking what was the matter
with dance music. Xander tossed back that there was absolutely nothing
wrong with dance music, except that it sucked; in his opinion, people
like Soundgarden and Stone Temple Pilots were real music. Cordelia made
a disparaging remark and asked that, if that was the case, why was he
listening to Pink Floyd? And was that Patsy Cline she saw poking out of
the backpack? Xander returned that there was nothing wrong with Pink
Floyd, and country music is the music of pain, and furthermore...
        And so it continued all the way to Bakersfield, both of them
loving every minute they argued.


END CHAPTER FOUR

______________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (5a/?)
Date: 19 Aug 1998 11:36:42 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Five
First Interlude

*...In which Giles is rebuked by his Superior, Willow faces her Fears,
Buffy runs from hers, Oz overcomes his Weakness, and two mysterious
Strangers appear...*


Part One: Giles
*...In which Giles is rebuked by his Superior...*

        "...But I'm telling you, I don't *know* where she is! I've been
trying to tell you that for the last half-hour!" Rupert Giles' anger and
fear showed on his craggy face, anger at the insistence of the
questioner and fear for the safety and well-being of his young charge.
The man seated opposite the middle-aged British Watcher sighed and shook
his head.
        "The Convocation knows that you are ignorant of Miss Summers'
current whereabouts," the man stated archly. Giles bristled at the idea
of being considered "ignorant" of anything, but kept his thoughts to
himself. "If you knew her current location, you would be on your way to
meet with her or else would be in contact with her. That is not the
question. The question is this: do you know *why* she left the
Hellmouth? Your reports to the Convocation have been regular and
complete in all regards--save this one. Is there something you have been
leaving out of those reports, Rupert?"
        *There are*, thought Giles to himself, *a great many things I
have left out of my reports, but I'll never tell you that, you
self-righteous little prick. And there must be some things you yourself
are "ignorant" of, or you wouldn't be wasting your time with me;
instead, you'd be off chasing Xander, wherever he is--you or your
lackeys anyway.* But these thoughts Giles kept to himself, locked in the
passages and corridors of his own mind. To the small, hard-edged man
seated across from him, he said only this:
        "My reports to the Convocation are as truthful as any Watcher's
would be."
        The small man grimaced, knowing that Giles' answer was not any
answer at all. He began to flip through the sheaf of reports in front of
him, again searching for any possible inconsistencies, any holes in the
librarian's story through which he might launch a renewed offensive.
Finally, after several long moments of silence, he opened a folder
containing Giles' most recent report, written and turned in less than a
week prior. The small man adjusted his reading glasses--he never wore
them except in private, with other Watchers, because he felt them to be
a sign of weakness--and commenced to review the file.
        "Here, it says that the Slayer abandoned her duties after a
battle between herself and an unnamed vampire of great strength who had
threatened to, in your own words, 'bring about a premature Armageddon
through the resurrection of the demon Acathla, a being capable of
drawing the world into Hell simply by inhaling. The vampire who
unearthed Acathla was destroyed fighting the Slayer, thus closing the
vortex to Hell and saving the world from an untimely doom.'" He stopped
reading the file and grinned humorlessly. "This would seem to paint Miss
Summers as quite the hero, now wouldn't it?"
        Giles' fury threatened to explode, and he almost attacked his
toadlike inquisitor on the spot. He forced his anger back, knowing that
however much temporary satisfaction he might gain in smashing the small
man's face, he would pay for it in the long run, both in terms of his
stature with the Convocation and in his (mostly) unsupervised
Watchership of the Slayer. So far, he realized, he had been fortunate to
have only one supervisor in the region; under normal circumstances, an
entire branch of the Convocation would be placed in the home city of the
Slayer, much like FBI field offices. It was a sign of how well-regarded
he was that they saw fit to only monitor him with one administrator. It
was just too bad that they had picked someone this officious and
offending to do it.
        "I would like to remind you that Buffy *is* a hero," Giles said,
trying his level best to both keep his true feelings out of his voice
and phrase his reply as respectfully as possible. "She is, after all,
the Slayer. It is her destiny to be a hero, to stand against the
vampires, the demons..."
        "Yes, yes, I know. 'In every generation, there is a Chosen
One'--blah, blah, blah. Can every Assigned Watcher quote those words by
heart?" he asked sarcastically.
        "Well, yes, actually," Giles said, somewhat surprised at the
level of scorn he heard in the voice of his interrogator. The man was
talking as though he weren't a Watcher himself! Admittedly, he wasn't an
Assigned Watcher, but he was still of the Convocation, still sworn to
aid and protect the Slayers. For the last week, Giles had become more
and more puzzled at his coordinator's words and deeply concerned about
his actions. It was only in the last week that his superior's apparent
persecution of the Slayer had come to Giles' full attention. Before
that, he had simply assumed that there was a greater reason; now he
wasn't so sure.
        "Hmph. I'm not surprised in the least. Now, back to the report."
The small man's change of topic was so sudden that Giles was left unable
to interrupt. "You make mention earlier herein that the vampire who was
attempting to revive Acathla was allied with the vampires who killed the
nascent Slayer, Kendra. However, while you quite clearly name and are
obviously familiar with these other vampires--William the Bloody, aka
Spike, and Drusilla--you are always vague on the identity of the
ringleader himself. Don't tell me that a vampire of this level of power
and ability escaped your notice before now? Or that he simply cruised
into town and dug up Acathla for a lark? Please! What do you take me
for?" While sorely tempted to answer the coordinator's rhetorical
question, Giles stayed silent.
        "It is my belief--and thus the Convocation's belief--that you do
know the identity of this vampire and are hiding it for reasons unknown.
It is also my belief that this vampire had something to do with why the
Slayer has abandoned her post. Furthermore--" Giles could take it no
longer, and the words burst from him in a flood as he stood and pointed
an accusatory finger across the table.
        "How dare you! How dare you accuse me of dishonesty!" Giles had
indeed not told the whole story in many of his reports, but neither had
he ever directly lied. "How dare you insinuate anything against Buffy!
How dare you invoke the will of the Convocation to further your own
petty little plans! How dare you play the innocent when you yourself had
a hand in Buffy's disappearance! Why are you acting in this manner? Ever
since you became the coordinator for Sunnydale, you have been working at
cross-purposes with me, and I would like to know why!" His anger spent,
he sat back down and glared at the little man, who was staring in
shocked silence. Finally, the coordinator straightened his tie, cleared
his throat, and began to speak.
        "It is not your place to demand anything from me, Rupert. I am
the coordinator for this region. That makes me Convocation's spokesman
to all Assigned Watchers, not just for Sunnydale, but for all of
Southern California. If it weren't for the Elders' foolish decision to
leave you space, then I would have a proper administrative staff to
handle everything that goes on in and around this town, but I don't, so
I have to deal with problems personally.
        "As it stands, I have had to cover up every single incident we
have had since my posting here began, and I have had to do it all by
myself. In my own humble opinion, I have done a far better job than
anyone could have expected me to do under the circumstances. So don't go
asking me how 'I dare' anything; I have enough difficulties to deal
with, without my subordinates challenging me." He softened slightly--as
much as a cruel, ruthless toad such as himself could ever soften--and
started to speak again.
        "It is my opinion--and the opinion of a growing number of
Watchers--that we should start becoming more involved in protecting the
human race. That, instead of just watching and recording and training,
we should start waking society up to the danger that is all around them.
That, instead of wasting all of our considerable resources on protecting
just a handful of girls at a time, we should mobilize and militarize our
own people. That, instead of harboring a being as chaotic and
destructive as the Slayer, we should create a more organized front from
which to stop the so-called 'forces of darkness'... or possibly to work
a deal with them." Giles was sickened and enraged.
        "You're a collaborist!" he exclaimed, naming a long-rumored sect
of Watchers devoted to ending the battle with evil at any cost. That in
itself wouldn't have been so bad, except that the collaborists were
certain that evil was destined to win, so coming to an arrangement was a
tenable proposition. Giles' expression was somewhere between disgust and
hatred, his fists clenching an unclenching convulsively. If his
coordinator was a collaborist, who knew who else might be? And if his
coordinator had revealed himself, then it could only be to invite him
into the sect.
        "Don't say it like it's such a bad thing," the small man
rebuked. "It's not like we would actively betray the Convocation--we
just have somewhat different ideas about how it should be run."
        "You are a fool," Giles spat. "There can be no 'arrangement,' no
'deal,' with beings that see our species only as food or playthings!
Surely you can see that!"
        "I see no such thing," his opponent replied smoothly. "All I
know is that, as it stands, we are only stemming a tiny portion of the
tide of death and destruction that faces our planet. Certainly, the
worst of it is concentrated in two or three places, but how long until
it spreads? How long until the Slayers aren't enough? If it gets any
worse, society will fall apart completely and then where will we be? No,
our only chance to survive is to comply. Until the day when my faction
is in power, I will continue to serve the Convocation's current Council
of Elders--but I don't have to like it."
        Giles frowned at the little man's double-talk. He knew that he
was dealing with someone to whom any level of logic would be ignored,
processed through his own twisted perceptions. In short, Rupert Giles
knew that he was facing a fanatic.
        "Believe as you will," he said, doing a poor job of keeping the
contempt out of his voice, "but if I recall correctly, the Elders do not
take kindly to your 'faction'. Indeed, didn't the last Council brand you
all traitors?" Seeing the look on the other's face, he continued, the
low menace in his voice obvious. "I am going to take you before the
Council, and I am going to reveal you to them. And then you can kiss
your position, your power, everything, good-bye. I swear, I am going to
destroy you!"
        "Destroy me? With what? A bunch of unreasoning fears about the
collaborists? Accusations that I've abrogated my duties? Where's your
evidence? You have none." With that, he crossed his arms and smiled
smugly, but the tic at the corner of his eye betrayed his true fear.
"Besides which, you'll never get in to see the Council without going
through the proper channels--and I *am* the proper channels."
        "Then I suppose," Giles measured his words carefully, "that
there is nothing else for us to say to one another."
        "No, not until your next report." The small man stood up and
brushed off his lapels, then began to collect the folders. Giles stood
up as well and approached him.
        "Not even then, I should think." A surprised look came over the
other's face, quickly replaced by one of cocky self-satisfaction.
        "Will you be resigning then? Terrible shame. Just--"
        His false concerns were cut off in midsentence by a quick,
powerful blow to the kisser. With a cry of pain, his hands went to cover
his face, blood spouting like a geyser from his badly broken nose, his
glasses flying away and landing on the floor. Giles drew his fist back
again, and a second strong blow to the head drove the small man to his
knees, the crunching sound of a broken jaw echoing through the quiet
library like someone stepping on rice. Giles was tempted to lash out
again, to break the weasely creature before him, but his rational mind
asserted itself once more and he restrained his anger.
        "Fucker!" screeched the coordinator, his shattered jaw
undoubtedly the reason why the word came out as little more than a roar
of anguish. "You're going down for this, you Limey bastard! I'll see to
that! The Convocation will hear about this!" With that, the injured man
ran out of the library as fast as he could manage, presumably headed to
his office to call for an ambulance.
        "I certainly hope so," Giles said to the empty library, "because
then I'll be able to tell them all about you, and how you've been
abusing your position. I'll tell them all about how you are the true
reason behind the Slayer's disappearance, and then I will tell them
about the resurgence of the collaborists. So, I do hope that you run to
the Convocation with your tail between your legs." He looked at the
broken glasses on the library floor and picked them up.
        "Oh, yes, Snyder, I certainly hope you do."


END CHAPTER FIVE, PART ONE

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (5b/?)
Date: 19 Aug 1998 11:37:52 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Five
First Interlude

*...In which Giles is rebuked by his Superior, Willow faces her Fears,
Buffy runs from hers, Oz overcomes his Weakness, and two mysterious
Strangers appear...*


Part Two: Willow
*...In which Willow faces her Fears...*

        It was out there, Willow knew, out there in the darkness,
waiting for her. In her fear-heightened state, she could hear the
creature's rustling movements. From time to time, she would catch a
glimpse of it, a dark shape discernible from the darkness around it only
by the fact of its motion. From time to time, she would even catch a
brief sound that she was sure was the creature's raspy breathing.
        Willow tried to slow her own breathing by telling herself that
it could hear her, but that only made her hitching breaths come faster
and shallower. She realized that she couldn't keep this up much longer;
another couple of minutes and she'd begin to hyperventilate. She briefly
considered calling for help, but then she remembered that she was alone
in the house. Her parents had gone off to some town meeting or another,
leaving their daughter at home alone only after her stringent
protestations that she would be perfectly fine had won them over.
        Now, however, she was beginning to regret her brash statements.
Her head had begun to throb painfully only a few minutes after the elder
Rosenbergs had departed and Willow opted to turn in early. She took half
of a painkiller tablet the doctors had given her--some sort of codeine
derivative, she thought--and promptly went under. When she woke up an
indeterminate time later, it was fully dark, no light at all coming
through her curtained windows, marking it as being well past nine PM.
        Laying in bed, lounging in the drowsy after-effects of the
sedative, that was when she first knew that she was not alone in her
room. At first, she had chalked up her feelings to drugged
paranoia--lord knows, she wasn't used to this sort of thing--but had
quickly come to realize that she wasn't just having an anxiety attack.
The thing in the room with her was *real*, it was out there, and it was
going to come for her eventually.
        Her opponent was real--as real as her fear for Buffy, as real as
her worry for Xander. But try as she might, Willow found that she could
not prevent her thoughts from wandering. Focusing on the threat to her
life was hard; her sleep- and medication-addled mind, normally so keen,
was floating. If she didn't stay focused, there was a significantly real
possibility that she could die. Despite all of the fear flowing through
her, she found herself thinking about Buffy and Xander, or counting
ceiling tiles, or watching the flickering shadows at her window, or
playing "Anywhere But Here" against herself.
        Finally, her thoughts cleared, almost as though someone had
flipped a switch. One moment, she had been confused and half-asleep; the
next, her terror was so sharp that she could cut leather with it, but at
least she was thinking straight. Why hadn't it attacked yet? Deciding
that it didn't matter, her left hand quietly crept under the mattress,
seeking out the stake she had kept there since the night Angel had
mailed her fish to her. Her right groped as softly as possible for the
lamp beside her bed, grasping its pull-chain firmly.
        In the interminably long moments before the light came on, she
considered her options. Simply springing out of bed at leaping at her
attacker didn't sound good, so she picked plan B: keep as much distance
between it and herself as possible. At last, the chain reached the end
of its pull, and the light came on, throwing the room into sharp
contrast, the sparse furniture casting eerie shadows on the wall
hangings.
        Nothing. She looked again, trying to discern if there was
anything she had missed. Still nothing. Had she been wrong? Were her
reactions those of a frightened, injured teenage girl, jumping at
shadows? She frowned; after all that she had been through, Willow could
not accept that she was so easily cowed, that all it took to shatter her
nerve was a strange noise and an odd shadow.
        Movement--to her right! Willow pivoted off the bed, her long
nightshirt tangling in the blankets and impairing her motion. By the
time she had gotten free of the sheets and stood up, there was nothing
there. Willow starting walking backwards, a terrible notion in her mind;
there had been something familiar about that shadow, something that she
couldn't quite place. And had it crawled under her bed?
        Willow continued toward the door at a steady pace, not wanting
to startle whatever it was with a sudden movement. After what seemed an
eternity of slow walking, Willow reached the door, her path into the
safety of the hallway. She paused, consumed suddenly by a morbid
curiosity to look on the face of her stalker.
        *No, darn it*, Willow thought to herself, struggling to conquer
her treacherous body, *this is like a scene from a second-rate horror
movie! I refuse to fall to the clichΘ that the "helpless, young girl"
has to explore the dark, scary room alone. I'm going to go downstairs,
call Oz, then call Giles, maybe even call my parents and the police, and
to Hell with doing this myself!* But despite being a liberated nineties
woman unwilling to succumb to the done-to-death routine of slasher
films, succumb she did, moving away from the door and crouching to look
under the bed.
        As she lifted the edge of the comforter which had been pulled
off in her struggles, Willow hefted the stake in her right hand, ready
to impale whatever Hell-spawned monster might be lurking under there.
Gradually, the space beneath her bed became visible, inspiring a burst
of self-conscious laughing when Willow saw that the most dangerous
creature under there were dust-bunnies. Relieved and somewhat chagrined,
Willow made to stand up.
        When her eyes came level with the bed's surface, the laugh died
in her throat with a sound akin to strangling. Willow began to turn
slightly red, both with renewed terror and increased blood pressure. Her
legs quaked, and she tumbled backwards away from the bed, skittering on
all fours like a crab running from lemon and hot butter. Once her back
was against the far wall, she put the stake between herself and the
creature on the bed, hoping to intimidate it, but knowing it was
useless. Her opponent would never be afraid of something as pitiful as a
wooden stake.
        Willow stared across the room at the motionless creature,
watching it watch her. She took note of its horrible features, so
familiar and so frightening; saw its hideous mandibles and multi-faceted
eyes; saw the fangs glistening with their poison; saw the black, red,
and yellow sheen of its body. Willow had seen this kind before, but
never one so grotesquely large, never this close, and not for a very
long time. Willow faced her nightmare, here in her very room, a place
that was supposed to be her sanctuary from the creatures of the night.
        In short, Willow was looking at a black widow spider as big as
her head.
        Her fear of all spiders had stemmed from this very breed. Bitten
in a city park as a child, Willow had nearly died from the widow's bite
before she received the antivenin that negated its poison. Though only
seven years old, she remembered the doctor's admonition not to get
bitten by one again--the antidote could only be given to a person once
in their life. In retrospect, she supposed that the doctor hadn't meant
to frighten her so badly with this warning, but it had led to years of
nightmares and any number of worries to her over-protective parents. And
until now, she had never laid eyes on another black widow.
        Until now, when she was seeing what had to be the largest black
widow in the world.
        To calm herself down, she began to recite number theories in her
mind, counting binary number clusters for her programming class. It
helped greatly, both in terms of slowing her breathing and in calming
her tremors. She stood slowly, so as not to disturb the widow, and began
to edge sideways toward the door again. Willow kept her eyes on the
spider the whole time, looking at it analytically, doing her best to
keep her emotions (namely, mind-numbing fear) out of the assessment.
Finally, Willow reached the door, and let herself out as easily as
possible.
        Once in the hall, Willow dropped the stake and made for the
stairs, wondering the whole time how it had entered her room, where it
came from, and how it had managed to grow to that size. In the end
tally, she supposed that it didn't matter, only getting rid of the thing
mattered now. Consumed in a red haze of anger, Willow went over her
options, calculating the risks. There was only one course of action
available to her, or at least only one that appealed to her.
        She made her way to the kitchen, reached under the sink, and
pulled out the object she had been looking for. Smiling a grim, deadly
smile, Willow returned to the door to her room. She pulled the tab on
the canister, pushed in the button on top of it, and covered her mouth
with her shirt as the first of the mist began to leak from the object.
She opened her door, chucked in the bug bomb as though it were a
grenade, and slammed the door shut again before the spider could escape.
Listening to the hissing sound of the bug bomb through the door, Willow
couldn't help wondering if she had perhaps gone a bit overboard, maybe
used a level of force that could be considered excessive.
        *Nah.*
        Willow fell asleep on the living room couch. When her parents
came home, they found her dozing there so contentedly that they didn't
have the heart to move her. The smile didn't leave Willow's face the
whole night.


END CHAPTER FIVE, PART TWO

______________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Cutter Kinseeker" <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Xander's Incredible Journey (5b/?)
Date: 19 Aug 1998 11:39:37 PDT

TITLE: "Xander's Incredible Journey"
AUTHOR: Cutter Kinseeker
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK: Yes! Yes! Yes! Tell me what you think, but constructive
criticism only please. No "it sucks" type messages.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me first.
RATING: Mostly PG-13 for language and adult themes. A couple of parts
will be R.
DESCRIPTION: In the aftermath of "Becoming," Xander sets out after Buffy
and winds up "becoming" in his own right.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own jack. Correction--jack's probably the only thing
I do own. The rest belongs to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the Frog
Network.
SPOILERS: Everything up to "Becoming".

S   S
P   P
O   A
I   C
L   E
E
R


Chapter Five
First Interlude

*...In which Giles is rebuked by his Superior, Willow faces her Fears,
Buffy runs from hers, Oz overcomes his Weakness, and two mysterious
Strangers appear...*


Part Two: Willow
*...In which Willow faces her Fears...*

        It was out there, Willow knew, out there in the darkness,
waiting for her. In her fear-heightened state, she could hear the
creature's rustling movements. From time to time, she would catch a
glimpse of it, a dark shape discernible from the darkness around it only
by the fact of its motion. From time to time, she would even catch a
brief sound that she was sure was the creature's raspy breathing.
        Willow tried to slow her own breathing by telling herself that
it could hear her, but that only made her hitching breaths come faster
and shallower. She realized that she couldn't keep this up much longer;
another couple of minutes and she'd begin to hyperventilate. She briefly
considered calling for help, but then she remembered that she was alone
in the house. Her parents had gone off to some town meeting or another,
leaving their daughter at home alone only after her stringent
protestations that she would be perfectly fine had won them over.
        Now, however, she was beginning to regret her brash statements.
Her head had begun to throb painfully only a few minutes after the elder
Rosenbergs had departed and Willow opted to turn in early. She took half
of a painkiller tablet the doctors had given her--some sort of codeine
derivative, she thought--and promptly went under. When she woke up an
indeterminate time later, it was fully dark, no light at all coming
through her curtained windows, marking it as being well past nine PM.
        Laying in bed, lounging in the drowsy after-effects of the
sedative, that was when she first knew that she was not alone in her
room. At first, she had chalked up her feelings to drugged
paranoia--lord knows, she wasn't used to this sort of thing--but had
quickly come to realize that she wasn't just having an anxiety attack.
The thing in the room with her was *real*, it was out there, and it was
going to come for her eventually.
        Her opponent was real--as real as her fear for Buffy, as real as
her worry for Xander. But try as she might, Willow found that she could
not prevent her thoughts from wandering. Focusing on the threat to her
life was hard; her sleep- and medication-addled mind, normally so keen,
was floating. If she didn't stay focused, there was a significantly real
possibility that she could die. Despite all of the fear flowing through
her, she found herself thinking about Buffy and Xander, or counting
ceiling tiles, or watching the flickering shadows at her window, or
playing "Anywhere But Here" against herself.
        Finally, her thoughts cleared, almost as though someone had
flipped a switch. One moment, she had been confused and half-asleep; the
next, her terror was so sharp that she could cut leather with it, but at
least she was thinking straight. Why hadn't it attacked yet? Deciding
that it didn't matter, her left hand quietly crept under the mattress,
seeking out the stake she had kept there since the night Angel had
mailed her fish to her. Her right groped as softly as possible for the
lamp beside her bed, grasping its pull-chain firmly.
        In the interminably long moments before the light came on, she
considered her options. Simply springing out of bed at leaping at her
attacker didn't sound good, so she picked plan B: keep as much distance
between it and herself as possible. At last, the chain reached the end
of its pull, and the light came on, throwing the room into sharp
contrast, the sparse furniture casting eerie shadows on the wall
hangings.
        Nothing. She looked again, trying to discern if there was
anything she had missed. Still nothing. Had she been wrong? Were her
reactions those of a frightened, injured teenage girl, jumping at
shadows? She frowned; after all that she had been through, Willow could
not accept that she was so easily cowed, that all it took to shatter her
nerve was a strange noise and an odd shadow.
        Movement--to her right! Willow pivoted off the bed, her long
nightshirt tangling in the blankets and impairing her motion. By the
time she had gotten free of the sheets and stood up, there was nothing
there. Willow starting walking backwards, a terrible notion in her mind;
there had been something familiar about that shadow, something that she
couldn't quite place. And had it crawled under her bed?
        Willow continued toward the door at a steady pace, not wanting
to startle whatever it was with a sudden movement. After what seemed an
eternity of slow walking, Willow reached the door, her path into the
safety of the hallway. She paused, consumed suddenly by a morbid
curiosity to look on the face of her stalker.
        *No, darn it*, Willow thought to herself, struggling to conquer
her treacherous body, *this is like a scene from a second-rate horror
movie! I refuse to fall to the clichΘ that the "helpless, young girl"
has to explore the dark, scary room alone. I'm going to go downstairs,
call Oz, then call Giles, maybe even call my parents and the police, and
to Hell with doing this myself!* But despite being a liberated nineties
woman unwilling to succumb to the done-to-death routine of slasher
films, succumb she did, moving away from the door and crouching to look
under the bed.
        As she lifted the edge of the comforter which had been pulled
off in her struggles, Willow hefted the stake in her right hand, ready
to impale whatever Hell-spawned monster might be lurking under there.
Gradually, the space beneath her bed became visible, inspiring a burst
of self-conscious laughing when Willow saw that the most dangerous
creature under there were dust-bunnies. Relieved and somewhat chagrined,
Willow made to stand up.
        When her eyes came level with the bed's surface, the laugh died
in her throat with a sound akin to strangling. Willow began to turn
slightly red, both with renewed terror and increased blood pressure. Her
legs quaked, and she tumbled backwards away from the bed, skittering on
all fours like a crab running from lemon and hot butter. Once her back
was against the far wall, she put the stake between herself and the
creature on the bed, hoping to intimidate it, but knowing it was
useless. Her opponent would never be afraid of something as pitiful as a
wooden stake.
        Willow stared across the room at the motionless creature,
watching it watch her. She took note of its horrible features, so
familiar and so frightening; saw its hideous mandibles and multi-faceted
eyes; saw the fangs glistening with their poison; saw the black, red,
and yellow sheen of its body. Willow had seen this kind before, but
never one so grotesquely large, never this close, and not for a very
long time. Willow faced her nightmare, here in her very room, a place
that was supposed to be her sanctuary from the creatures of the night.
        In short, Willow was looking at a black widow spider as big as
her head.
        Her fear of all spiders had stemmed from this very breed. Bitten
in a city park as a child, Willow had nearly died from the widow's bite
before she received the antivenin that negated its poison. Though only
seven years old, she remembered the doctor's admonition not to get
bitten by one again--the antidote could only be given to a person once
in their life. In retrospect, she supposed that the doctor hadn't meant
to frighten her so badly with this warning, but it had led to years of
nightmares and any number of worries to her over-protective parents. And
until now, she had never laid eyes on another black widow.
        Until now, when she was seeing what had to be the largest black
widow in the world.
        To calm herself down, she began to recite number theories in her
mind, counting binary number clusters for her programming class. It
helped greatly, both in terms of slowing her breathing and in calming
her tremors. She stood slowly, so as not to disturb the widow, and began
to edge sideways toward the door again. Willow kept her eyes on the
spider the whole time, looking at it analytically, doing her best to
keep her emotions (namely, mind-numbing fear) out of the assessment.
Finally, Willow reached the door, and let herself out as easily as
possible.
        Once in the hall, Willow dropped the stake and made for the
stairs, wondering the whole time how it had entered her room, where it
came from, and how it had managed to grow to that size. In the end
tally, she supposed that it didn't matter, only getting rid of the thing
mattered now. Consumed in a red haze of anger, Willow went over her
options, calculating the risks. There was only one course of action
available to her, or at least only one that appealed to her.
        She made her way to the kitchen, reached under the sink, and
pulled out the object she had been looking for. Smiling a grim, deadly
smile, Willow returned to the door to her room. She pulled the tab on
the canister, pushed in the button on top of it, and covered her mouth
with her shirt as the first of the mist began to leak from the object.
She opened her door, chucked in the bug bomb as though it were a
grenade, and slammed the door shut again before the spider could escape.
Listening to the hissing sound of the bug bomb through the door, Willow
couldn't help wondering if she had perhaps gone a bit overboard, maybe
used a level of force that could be considered excessive.
        *Nah.*
        Willow fell asleep on the living room couch. When her parents
came home, they found her dozing there so contentedly that they didn't
have the heart to move her. The smile didn't leave Willow's face the
whole night.


END CHAPTER FIVE, PART TWO

______________________________________________________
Get Your Private, Free Email at http://www.hotmail.com



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fwd: BBETA: All Out of Love 1/2
Date: 19 Aug 1998 14:22:34 -0500 (CDT)





TITLE:  All Out Of Love 1/2
FEEDBACK:  I would be thankful.
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT:  Ask and you shall receive.
AUTHOR:  Alex Queirolo
E-MAIL ADDY:  [e-mail]
SITE: http://www.angelfire.com/co/alexfic/index.html
SPOILER WARNING:  Um. None.
RATING:  PG-13. Language and violence.
CONTENT:  Some swearing. Some fighting. Some angsting.
SUMMARY:  The continution of the Becoming Saga..even though Angel's
broken through Buffy's defenses, the Slayer is still falling apart.

THE BECOMING SAGA

             ALL OUT OF LOVE

              By: Alex Queirolo



AUTHOR'S NOTES: This little ditty takes place after Becoming Part 2.
It's a story about the future of B/A after her return. It comes after
the story "Against All Odds". Slowly, some of the details that were so
vague before are becoming known..

STORY NOTES: This is is the second part of what is "planned" to be a
four part series. Three stories plus an epilogue. However, you never
know, if I get disgruntled enough, I could just drop the series and
let the stories I have stand on their own. I'm whacky like that. ;-)

DEDICATION: To my sister who helped me decide where I was going with
this and then kicked me(and boy did that
hurt) until I wrote it. And to Erana because you just bloody rock.

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Buffy, Angel and the Scooby Gang belong
to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and his
AMAZING staff of writers. It also belongs to the WB, FOX, Mutant Enemy
and SandDollar and I'm sure there are a few other sorted characters
with their hands in the pie.

Also, the title comes from a Air Supply song. The song quoted
throughout this piece is "Can't We Try" by Dan Hill.



And long live the best romance on the show(you listening Joss?) B/A.



      "I see your face cloud over like a little girls
            and your eyes have lost their shine
    you whisper something softly I'm not meant to hear
              Baby, tell me what's on your mind"



She stood facing the bartender, her hands flat on the polished wood of
the bar. She could feel him behind her, hovering,
uncertain of what to say to her. Ever since their reunion of sorts,
she'd been so mercurial and he'd been accutely aware of
upsetting her.

She whispered something. Whether to him or the barkeep, her words were
simple. "I can't take this." She dipped her head down and away from
him. He stepped a foot forward and touched her shoulder, turning him
to her. "Please," she whispered before dropping her head to his chest.

"It's okay," Angel said softly, wrapping his arms around her. He
nodded to the barkeep who was wearing a look of concern and then
gently moved her away from the bar and towards the dance floor of the
Bronze. It wasn't his intention to dance but the table they all
usually sat at was at the other side.

"Home." She begged, half-way across the floor. "I don't..just take me
home." He could feel how lax her body was becoming in his grasp. Not
neccesarily relaxed so much as weak. The dreams again, no doubt.
They'd always plagued her; the Slayer was prone to nightmares. These
were worse. More personal. He had little doubt that something had
happened to her during her three month absense in the summer after her
junior year of high school. Unfortunately, his lover refused to talk
and he didn't want to push her anymore than he already had.

"Okay," he said. He led her over towards the door."I'll go grab your
jacket. You stay here." Angel said softly, reluctantly pulling her
arms away from his torso. He lifted her hand and kissed it and then
leaned forward and did the same to her lips. "I'll be right back."

She nodded and sank into a chair next to the door. She watched him
move across the floor towards the table where her best friends were
playing a rowdy game of poker. How little they knew. They walked on
egg-shells around her, afraid of breaking the little Slayer. How could
she possibly explain to them that she had been broken and rebuilt so
many times that she was beginning to wonder if all the pieces still
existed.



        "I don't care what people say about
        the two of us from different worlds
        I love you so much that it hurts inside"



"Hey Dead Boy, what's up?" Xander asked idly as Angel approached. To
his credit, he was doing his best to keep the open anomosity out of
his voice. Angel shot him an annoyed look and then reached for Buffy's
leather jacket. The one he'd given her.

"She's tired. I'm going to take her home." Angel replied, glancing
over Willow's shoulder at her cards. He frowned. "Fold."

She glared up at him and then reached into her pile of M&M's and took
out two red ones. "I see your one and raise you another." Angel
shrugged. Xander frowned, looked at Cordelia who was wearing a big
wolf of a grin and then sighed and tossed his cards. Willow giggled
and dropped hers down.

"Son of a..you had nothing!" Xander cried. He looked at Angel. "She
had nothing."

"I see that. Goodnight guys." He took the jacket and started back
towards Buffy, stopping half-way when he noticed that she had dropped
her head into her hands. The guilt was almost immediate.

They'd met in an alley a little over a year ago and from there
everything had exploded. They both knew that they should have enjoyed
that "last" kiss in the Bronze together and then walked away forever.
Their worlds were never supposed to mesh. He was a vampire, his demon
self vicious and brutal. She was the Slayer, a small insecure child
tangled up in a web of death and
pain that she could neither understand nor escape. And yet they were
both tied to each other. Forever. No matter how much it hurt.

And hurt it did. Everytime he held her while she cried or watched her
take out her anger and pain on her enemies, it tore at him. He wanted
so badly to just wrap her up in his arms and take her away from all of
it. Promise her the happy endings she more than deserved. But he could
never do that. And he could never offer her false hope. Because that
might hurt worse.

"Buffy?" He said quietly so as not to startle her. He heard a quiet
sniffle as she raised her blonde head to look at him through tired
eyes. Seventeen year old eyes that had seen more death and pain then
most people see in a lifetime. Blue eyes that were now wet with
unleashed tears.

"I'm okay." She said weakly, hoping that she could convince him even
if she couldn't convince herself. "Home. I'm in need of my home."

Angel nooded and wrapped a strong arm around her, supporting most of
her weight as he led the exhausted Slayer home. He only wished he
could do more.



                  "Are you listening?
                Please listen to me girl.."



He watched from outside the window as her mother fussed over her,
needing to make sure her little girl was alright. She was having as
much trouble as the others realizing that Buffy wasn't who she had
once been and maybe, just maybe, that small child of before no longer
existed.

He'd broken through. Hurt her with words. Brought her to her knees and
made her admit that she needed him as badly as he did her. Now was
harder. Her walls were still up, even if they now had windows. She
would let him in but if he pushed too hard, she'd close off beneath a
sheet of tears. And perhaps she even knew that he wasn't willing to
push much harder.

He wanted to talk to her. About anything. About everything. Like they
used to. About the way the sun burned her skin, about how her teachers
pissed her off, about the nightmares that kept her awake at night.
Anything more than just the demons that walked around at night in need
of an ash tray for a home.

But they never did. She kept him at arms' length, talking to him,
pretending to let him in. But he knew better. And he knew that she
wasn't hearing him either when he swore that he wouldn't ever let her
go.

Closing his eyes, he turned away from the window, leaving his lover in
the care of her mother. And yet he still didn't go far. He found a
dark spot on her roof and watched her from there, waiting for the
dreams to come and prepared to be there to help if she'd let him.



          "Can't we try just a little bit harder
           Can't we give just a little bit more
           Can't we try to understand that
             it's love we're fighting for?"



He had almost dozed off. That was dangerous in Sunnydale. He could
have woken up anywhere. Shaking the sleep from his tired body he
glanced toward Buffy's now darkened room. No noise came from the room,
but that wasn't neccesarily good. Creeping along the roof, he angled
himself toward her window. Of course that's when everything decided to
go topsy-turvy.

One moment he had been outside the next he was flat on his back inside
his lovers' bedroom with a very angry and potentially deadly Slayer
ready to turn him into dust. She raised the stake higher forcing the
need to think fast. He jerked his hips knocking her back in to the
wall. Moving quickly he grabbed her wrist forcing her to release the
stake. It dropped harmlessly to the
ground."Buffy!" Angel roared yanking her against him. He was vaguely
aware of the sounds coming from her stereo and it occured to him that
they were probably ensuring that Joyce Summers didn't hear the
struggle from her bedroom down the hall.

She struggled against his chest, her fingernails scratching down his
chest as she tried to pry herself loose. The more she struggled, the
harder he squeezed, grimacing against the pain she was causing. His
skin still hadn't completely recovered from first being numb and then
hyper-sensitive.

"Buffy, wake up." Angel hissed into her ear. He tried to shake her a
bit, hoping to bring her to her senses but stopped almost immediately
when he felt her nail pierce the skin of his forearm. Frustrated, he
pulled back and hit her across the face, leaving a large red point of
impact. Immediately he cursed himself when he saw her cringe away,
eyes now open and alert. Damn damn
damn. She'd come back to her senses right before he'd hit her.

He glanced down at his arm and saw a stream of blood dripping down it.
It hurt. It hurt like hell. He grimaced and then turned his attention
to his lover. "Buffy, are you okay?"

She blinked, "What are you doing here?"

He smiled shyly, hoping to get equal reaction. "I was just checking up
on you. I was worried."

"I'm fine. I..I just had a dream. It wasn't so bad."

"You were sleep-walking..and attacking. That's new."

"Sorry." She replied sheepishly. She rubbed her cheek absently. "Why
did you hit me?"

"You tried to stake me. By the way, assuming that I am the only
vampire allowed admittance to your room, why are you sleeping with a
stake?"

She gave him a funny half-smile. One that was somewhat amused but more
pained. "You never know what can happen."

He felt his body go cold. Angelus. Angel. They were still linked in
her mind. It explained the tension he could sometimes still feel when
he held her. "I thought...I thought we talked about that."

"We did." She looked down at her hands. "I trust you.."

"No you don't. Don't lie to me."

Fury sparked in her eyes. She took a step towards him, the stake
somehow back in her hand. He blinked wondering how the hell she'd
gotten it but didn't have long to contemplate it before she'd shoved
it up against his chest. "You'd be wise not to call me a liar."

"So is this how it's gonna be? You're gonna keep picking fights?"

"Me?" Buffy cried, inadvertingly pushing the stake harder against him.
He winced as it cut into his flesh.

He growled and shoved her away. "Go ahead, Slayer, play your games."
His face morphed into his vampiric visage and he growled, anger
yellowing his eyes. If he'd been thinking clearly, he would have seen
the fear flash in her eyes and known that he had better back down. But
dammit she pushed so hard. Growling once more, he leapt from the
window and disappeared into the night. She watched him, a single tear
trickling down her cheek.



        "Can't we try just a little more passion
         Can't we try just a little less pride
             I love you so much baby
            that it tears me up inside"



He paced angry circles into the carpet of his apartment. God, she
pissed him off so much. And only she could. She knew exactly where to
push and just how much force it would take. Just like he knew how to
infuriate her. And how to break her.

Idly he wondered if she was still hurt that he had done that to her.
Reminded her of what she had done. Reminded them both of what they had
been through.

Another thing they had yet to really talk to each other about. They
knew the facts. They had made love and it had changed him into
Angelus. Only that wasn't exactly true. Angelus was part of Angel but
not the whole. What their lovemaking had done was bring his evil self
front and center. And it had banished his soul to a place where all it
could do was watch.

Angelus had tried to break her. But what he had never realized, never
grasped in his lunacy was that the only thing that could destroy the
little Slayer was the love that had so driven her. Which meant that
only he could hurt her. He. Angel.

"Damn," Angel growled, removing his shirt and gazing down at the
bright red marks her fingers had grooved into his chest. He traced a
finger past one and winced.

There were times when all he wanted to do was throw her down and kiss
her but there was also other times when beating the hell out of her
appealed greatly. Anything to get through to her. To make her see that
the only thing that could save them both was what they already had.

But it all came down to pride. And fear. She was the Slayer. One girl
in all the world who was damned to destroy the forces of evil and
eventually die doing so. And he was her vampire lover. He shook his
head. It seemed that after all this time, things really
didn't change. The vampire thing did keep coming up.



     "I hear you on the telephone to God knows who
             Spilling out your heart for free
           Ever wanted someone you can talk to
             Girl that someone should be me"



"It's so hard Will. Evertime he's near I can't help but think of
Angelus and that somehow this is all a trick.. And God forgive me
sometimes I don't care." Buffy whispered into the phone. It was an
evening later and she had yet to muster the will to move out into the
night to hunt. So instead she sat on her window seat scouring the
streets below.

"Oh Buffy," Willow said sympathetically. "Have you heard from him
since last night?"

"No." It was so simple. So direct. Willow shiverered a bit at the ice
in her friends' tone. Perhaps because it bothered her that Buffy could
feel so much hurt for someone she loved so much or perhaps because she
realized that beneath it all, Buffy still cherished him with
frightening intensity.

"Maybe he just needs time so he doesn't go.. well you know..grrr...on
you again."

Buffy laughed at Willow's image of Angel turning into a vampire.
"Maybe. Sometimes I miss him so much and then there are times..when..I
don't know.."

"You just want to kick his cute vampire butt? " Willow said giggling
and was relieved to hear more laughter from her friend. It was
astonishly rare as of late.

"Yeah, except sometimes I really want to hurt him." Buffy sighed
wondering why she could tell Willow but not her lover of her feelings
towards him.

As if reading her thoughts, Willow said softly, "Talk to him Buffy. He
might feel the same way."

"You're probably right, Will. Thanks. I'm gonna get some sleep now.
It's been a long day. "Buffy said tiredly.

"Night." Willow replied. "Sleep well."

As Buffy put the phone on it's cradle and turned off her light she
missed the dark shadow in the corner of her room. It moved as if to
leave and then settled into a corner, not willing to leave quite yet.



           "So many times I've tried to tell you
                   You just turn away"



"You should be at home sleeping." Angel said softly, approaching from
behind, his boots making very little noise against the ground as he
walked.

She turned towards him, the bruises of the previous nights' fight with
Issac's boys still apparent on her face. She gave him a wary smile.
"My mom was getting a little over-protective. I think she thinks I'm
about ready to kill over."

He knew that she was trying to make light of it but he wasn't even
slightly amused. "You got hit pretty hard."

"I won," she said simply, a trace of annoyance slipping into her voice.

"Thanks to me," he challenged. He took a step forward but remained an
arms'length away.

"You're crazy. I had it under control until you decided to pull youir
Mr. Protector Guy routine. You know all the vampires must be laughing
their asses off at me. Slayer who needs help from her boyfriend.
Great. Does wonders for the rep. Thanks."

"Your rep is what you're worried about?" Angel shot back. "I would
think you might care more about your hide. Afterall, you left yourself
wide open several times. You were lucky I was there or else your mom
wouldn't be worried about you, she'd be identifying you."

"You're an asshole." She said, jumping to her feet. She reached down
and grabbed a rootbeer bottle off of the ground. "I don't need this.
If you have problems with my ability to do my job, take it up with
Giles. I'm sure you guys can all gang up on me and decide that I'm
just basically a fuck-up."

"Buffy.."

"No, that's what this is all about, isn't it? You don't think you can
trust me in battle anymore. You think I'm the weak link. Afterall, I
let Ms. Calendar die and I let Jude and Ms. Carpenter die.."

"Who?"

She swallowed hard, her words washing over her. "Just more people that
have died becuse of me." She looked away from him. "So maybe you're
right but you know what, deal with it. I'm doing the best I can."

"It has nothing to do with that. You're a damn good fighter. There's
no doubt about that," Angel replied evenly, his mind working to
explain why she had suddenly clammed up over the two names she'd said.

"Then what is it? Oh wait, have you decided that I still suck in bed?"

He hissed. Nevermind that the comment had come out of nowhere and
without preamble. It was a figurative stake straight to the heart. The
one set of words that Angelus had uttered to the Slayer that Angel
would do anything to make go away. "Don't be like this."

She smiled at him sweetly and stepped up and into his face, "Sorry
'bout that lover." She backed away from him, her eyes hard blue blocks
of ice. "Live and learn huh?"

He clenched his hands hard, once again overhwhelmed by the urge to
throttle her. Closing his eyes, he fought for control. When he opened
them again, she was gone.



                 "How did I know?"



Angel was still seething the next day. Damn her. He had tried to work
out his anger. He looked down at the broken punching bag that was now
filled with holes. Cripes, this was going to cost money.

"Kill another one, kid?" One of the older guys that trained the young
boxers asked as he rounded the corner towards the shower.

"Yeah," Angel said with a sheepish smile. He reached into the locker
and grabbed for a towel. A quick shower and then out into the night to
try to work everything out with his bull-headed lover. Try being the
operative word.

He had just stepped out into the warm night when he felt a presense
behind him. Instinctively he knew that it was a friendly one. He felt
a moment of hope at the thought that it might be Buffy coming to
apoligize. He glanced behind him and instantly felt that hope
dissipate. "Will," he said softly, trying not to let her see the
disappointment.

"Angel we need to talk." Willow said as she approached. She was angry.
He had seen her like this before and didn't like it. She was a
tigeress when she got pissed.

He sighed. "What's up, Will?" He knew she was here about Buffy.

"You guys have got to stop this." Willow said pacing in front of him.
"You need to stop being so mean and well Buffy needs..well I'm not
here to say what she needs. You need to be good."

Angel felt like a child who had disappointed his mother. He hung his
dark head."I'm sorry."

Willow stopped pacing and went to him. "I know it's hard but dammit
Angel, she needs your love and support.. not your anger."

He nodded again, unable to defend his actions.

Willow smiled at him. "Well good because I mean..you guys belong
together. And if you're both gonna be too stupid to realize that..well
then..I'll just have to take matters into my own hands. Bye ya." She
flashed him a wide grin and then disappeared back towards the Bronze a
couple blocks away.

He stared after her for a moment, and then against his will he felt
anger rise. Damn her for sending Willow. Willow was like a sister and
he could never say no to her. Ugh. He frowned. Well he'd already
destroyed the bag at the gym and there was still so much tension to
release. A smile flirted across his face as he thought about hunting
down a bad guy and kicking some ass.



            "My life is changing so fast now
               Leaves me lonely and afraid"



"Hey Will," Buffy said softly, looking up as her friend took a seat
next to her. Willow put a mug of coffee down next to the Slayer and a
cup of juice in front of herself. "So, how are you feeling?"

"I'm alright," Buffy replied, taking two packets of sugar from the
holder and shaking them. Willow's eyebrow rose as her friend continued
to shake them.

"Um, Buffy, that's not Angel."

The Slayer blinked. "What?" Then she chuckled nervously. "Wow, you
sure don't mesh words do you?"

"I used to but someone taught me that life is too short anyways. Here
and now, that's all we got." Willow said, taking the sugar packets
from Buffy and putting the contents into the coffee.

"Sometimes the here and now blows." Buffy replied, eyes lost in the
darkness of the liquid. The colour reminded her of Angels' eyes. So
full of mystery.

"Or is too painful. But you've got to face it. And him. Here take
these." Willow handed Buffy two more packets of sugar.

Buffy lifted an eyebrow. "Why? Are you trying to get me wired?"

"Nope. Put them on the table."

"Okay." Buffy did as she was told.

"Now talk to them as if they're Angel."

"There are two of them?"

"Okay, give me one back."

Buffy handed one back. Willow opened it and poured into Buffy's mug.

"You just put Angel in my coffee."

"That wasn't Angel. Angel is in the one in front of you." Willow
replied easily, as if it all made perfect sense. The Slayer rose an
eyebrow and then stared down at the one left on the table.

"This is silly. I can't talk to sugar."

"Yes, you can."

She sighed and frowned. "Okay. Okay." She chewed her lip thoughtfully
for a moment and then said softly. "Angel, I love you so much but I
don't know what's happening with us or if it's even worth it." She
looked up at Willow who nodded and urged her on. "We've been through
so much and I'm so...I don't know..but it's like sometimes all I want
to do is kiss you and be in your arms and everything is okay."

"And other times?" Willow asked softly, glad that she had decided that
Xander shouldn't come to impersonate the voice of Angel.

"Other times I want to shake you," Buffy said simply, picking up the
packet of sugar. " And I want to hurt you. As much as I can so that
maybe you know what I'm feeling."

"Buffy.."

"Sometimes I'd like to just punch and kick you until you bleed.."

"Buffy..um..stop..."

"And I want to hear you beg me to stop. And then I want to keep going."

"Buffy, Angel is dead."

She blinked. "Huh? What?" She looked up at Willow and then followed
her gaze downwards. Lying beneath her fingers was small tangle of
white paper and white grains. Sugar. Oh boy. Buffy smiled at up her
friend uneasly, "Oops."



                   TO BE CONTINUED...






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Fwd: BBETA: All Out of Love 2/2
Date: 19 Aug 1998 14:23:10 -0500 (CDT)






TITLE:  All Out Of Love 2/2
FEEDBACK:  I would be thankful.
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT:  Ask and you shall receive.
AUTHOR:  Alex Queirolo with Paige Daro
E-MAIL ADDY:  [e-mail]
SITE: http://www.angelfire.com/co/alexfic/index.html
SPOILER WARNING:  Um. None.
RATING:  PG-13. Language and violence.
CONTENT:  Some swearing. Some fighting. Some angsting.
SUMMARY:  The continution of the Becoming Saga..even though Angel's
broken through Buffy's defenses, the Slayer is still falling apart.

THE BECOMING SAGA

             ALL OUT OF LOVE

              By: Alex Queirolo and Paige Daro



AUTHOR'S NOTES: This little ditty takes place after Becoming Part 2.
It's a story about the future of B/A after her return. It comes after
the story "Against All Odds". Slowly, some of the details that were so
vague before are becoming known..

STORY NOTES: This is is the second part of what is "planned" to be a
four part series. Three stories plus an epilogue. However, you never
know, if I get disgruntled enough, I could just drop the series and
let the stories I have stand on their own. I'm whacky like that. ;-)

DEDICATION: To my sister who helped me decide where I was going with
this and then kicked me(and boy did that
hurt) until I wrote it. And to Erana because you just bloody rock.

DISCLAIMER: The characters of Buffy, Angel and the Scooby Gang belong
to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and his
AMAZING staff of writers. It also belongs to the WB, FOX, Mutant Enemy
and SandDollar and I'm sure there are a few other sorted characters
with their hands in the pie.

Also, the title comes from a Air Supply song. The song quoted
throughout this piece is "Can't We Try" by Dan Hill.



And long live the best romance on the show(you listening Joss?) B/A.
***

                "Don't be afraid"



Buffy walked slowly up the street toward her house. Her mom had left
earlier that morning for some conference involving artifacts of dead
people or something like that. Buffy had only half-listened after
Joyce had started prattling on about how she didn't want to leave but
had no choice. It seemed like now everytime Joyce left, she did so
deathly afraid that it would be the
last time she saw Buffy alive.

Since the house was empty and looming, she found that she had no
killer desire to head there but really where else was there to go?
Giles had, in a odd display of humanity, decided to relieve her off
her Slayer duties for the rest off the week. He was conviced she was
too fragile at the moment. So he and the rest of the Scooby gang sans
Willow were off picking up the slack for her. Oh well. She fought back
an urge to go to the cemetary to make sure they were okay. She really
wasn't in the mood to hear another rendition of, "You're in no shape
for this." The whole egg-shell routine was getting old.

Reaching her house, she started up to the door. Her Slayer senses came
alive the moment she took a step onto the stairs. "Angel?"

"Who else?" Angel asked coming out of the omnipresent shadows that
seemed to cloak him.

She gasped as she noticed his black eye."What happened?"

Angel just shrugged and stepped closer."I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Buffy replied as she brought her hand to his
face and traced the swelling."Oh Angel...."

"Drop it." He growled unwilling to tell her that he had gotten into a
fight to get out his frustration over her. Perhaps going into the
biker bar had been a bad idea. He'd been doing fine against the big
burly guys intil the chick in leather had left hooked him and
then looked up at him daring him to hit back. Of course he hadn't.
Damn. "I just wanted to see if you were okay."

She blinked, "I'm fine. Why?"

"No reason." Angel replied, stepping away from her touch. "I saw
Willow today. She wanted to talk."

"Really?"Buffy asked, wondering what her usually meek red haired
friend was up to."And?"

"She talked about you. I want to talk to you about you too." Angel
murmured, sitting on her front steps.

She followed suit, sitting down a few feet away from him but wanting
to move closer. "Angel...please just try to understand.."

He growled startling her, "I'm trying. Believe me I am but dammit
Buffy.. enough is enough." There was a long pregnant pause while he
waited for her to respond. When all he heard was the air swirling
around, he jumped to his feet and began to pace around on the porch,
running his fingers through his dark hair. "Look. I love you...but.."

"There's a but?!" She cried out, jumping to her feet. He took a step
towards her but was roughly pushed away. "Fine! Fine! Fine!" She moved
to the front door and unlocked it hastily.

"No! Buffy, wait! Come on!" Angel tried to stop her but found himself
facing her front door. Turning he growled and stomped down her front
steps. He needed to get away before he did something he might regret.
Then changing his mind he walked around to the back of her house. The
little Slayer had the bad habit of leaving the back door open and now
he was going to utilize it and end this whole mess once and for all.



         "Can't we try just a little bit harder
          Can't we give just a little bit more
          Can't we try to understand that
            it's love we're fighting for"



She looked like a five year old having a temper tantrum. She was
throwing objects across her room, the anger mounting with each object
that failed to crash and only fell noiselessly to the ground. Her
hands curled into fists as she began to pound against
the wall of her bedroom. Tears streamed down her cheeks. And yet the
anger remained.

Eyes blazing fury, she turned away from the wall and began to advance
upon her mound of stuffed animals. She reached down and grabbed the
first one. And then stopped as she stared back at the little stuffed
pig. Mr. Gordo. She swallowed hard and then flung him onto the bed and
reached for another. The turtle. Buh-bye.

"Does that make you feel better, Slayer?"

Buffy spun around, the turtle now clutched against her chest as if it
were the only thing standing between she and her furious lover. "You
don't get the meaning of go away, do you? You never have."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

She advanced on him, the turtle still in front. "You could have
stopped all of this."

His body went cold. He felt the distinct urge to crumble. To admit
that she was right and beg for forgiveness. But he knew better. They
both had to get through the anger they were feeling. And he'd be
damned if he was going to let her off the hook so easily.

He took two long steps and pulled her up into the air, his hands
grabbing the lapels of the leather jacket. He held her a good two feet
off the ground and then shoved her up against the wall. The part of
him that felt horror at his actions went to war with the other part
that delighted in finally seeing her raw. And she was, her blue eyes
terrified.

"Put me down," she hissed, struggling against him.

"Or what?"

Her eyes glittered, anger replacing the terror. "Don't say I didn't
warn you Dead Boy." Her foot lashed out, powerfully connecting with
his groin. His mind registered the connection before his body dead. He
swallowed hard and then dropped her.

They both fell to the ground with twin thuds.



         "Can't we try just a little more passion
         Can't we try just a little less pride
               I love you so much baby
               that it tears me up inside"



She recovered first and glanced over to where her lover was curled
into the fetal position. She almost felt guilt, but now that the anger
was released it overpowered everything. Including her love for him. At
this point she just wanted him to hurt like her. She
wanted him to feel the pain she had coursing through every part of her
like fire. "You deserved that."

He glared up at her, anger making his eyes as black as midnight and
just as deadly. Slowly he uncurled his long limbs and stood."Buffy.."

She threw a punch to stop him from talking. She didn't want to talk;
all she wanted to do was hurt him. It connected solidly with his jaw
and he spun back.

"Damn you!" Angel spat, involuntarily slipping into his game face. He
growled at her. Inwardly he noticed that she didn't cringe this time;
the anger radiating from her making her bold. He grabbed her and
tossed hard on to her bed.

She rolled and landed on her feet. Turning she reached for book and
threw it at his head."I hate you!"

He stopped, momentarily stunned. He had finally done it. Forced the
two parts of her apart. The anger and pain. This was the anger. Raw
and lethal. Now all he had to do was not let it get to him.

Too late. A book hit him in the face grazing the swollen eye, making
him see nothing but red. Damn her! He hurt too. And now she would know
how much. Slowly, he allowed the darker side of himself to emerge. He
advanced on her and backhanded her against the wall. "Likewise
Slayer!" Oh no no no....

"Vampire!" she hissed as if it was a dirty word. She she hit him in
the gut, doubling him over.

"Bitch!" Her eyes widened in fury and she took another swing at him.
But this time he was ready. Snarling he caught her wrist, twisting it
in his powerful grasp. She tried again with her other fist but much
like the Briar Rabbit, he caught that hand too and twisted it. Hard.
Eyes now showing pain, she let out an agonized yelp. Roughly he threw
her towards the wall. She hit it with a thud and fell to the ground.
He moved to the window and then turned to growl at her. "It's a damn
shame you're such a child, Slayer."

She rose her head defiantly, eyes unflinching. "Stay away from me or
next time, I don't care who the hell you are..lover or not...I
will kill you."

"Don't worry about me, Angel laughed, using the tone of Angelus.
"Worry about yourself if we should meet again before I calm down." He
stared her down once more and then turned and fled through her window.
The night swallowed him moments later.

Buffy slammed the window shut and slid down against the wall . She
felt drained, as if all the emotion had been ripped away. She felt
apathy settle over her like a blanket. A moment later, her head began
to spin and she was pitched into unconsiousness.



               "Don't let our love fade away
               Don't let our love fade away
                No matter what people say
            No matter, no matter what they say"



Sunnydale was safe once more. However this time had more to do with
fury at the Slayer than hers at the vampires. Angel finished dusting
his overcoat off and dropped a stake to the wood floor of one of the
more notorious vampire hang-outs. He looked around. "Anyone still
waiting to die?" Silence. "Fuck."

He turned and walked out into the street. The night was young and yet
already so much damage. Perhaps he'd gone too far, opened the wound
too much. He felt regret over allowing Angelus to taunt her. But
dammit she'd left him no choice.

He growled and kicked the wall. Then he winced. "Ow ow ow." His body
was beginning to explode in agony from all of the places she'd hit him
with her Slayer strength, not to mention all the beatings he'd given
himself. And the whole hyper-sensitivity thing sure wasn't helping.
Thank God that the adrenlyn had been pumping during the fight.

He closed his eyes and was immediately greeted by the mental image of
him with his hands around her throat, shaking her. Continuously. And
then he stopped. Because even in his mind, her eyes were filled with
fear. Of him. Of them. Of herself.

"Damn Slayer," he spat, as if even the words were poison. "I was just
fine until you came along." He kicked the wall again. "I gotta stop
doing that," he muttered.

He shoved his hands into his pockets and started to walk. Not sure
where but somewhere. And then he stopped. In front of a night club.
Not a boker bar. A club. Not the Bronze. He stepped in and walked over
to the bar. "Vodka."



            "I need you more and more each day
              Don't let our love fade away
               No matter what people say
            No matter, no matter what they say"



"Can I get you something?"Angel asked hesitantly, not really sure what
to do. He couldn't believe that he had actually brought someone home
with him. A human woman. Oh God was he fucked up.

The small blonde woman smiled up at him and shook her head "No,
sweets. Why don't we just try to get more comfortable." She stressed
comfortable just a tad bit too much for his liking. Made him feel dirty.

"Um..sure." Angel cursed the Slayer again and sat down next to the
woman. He had immediatly noticed her similarities to Buffy in the bar.
He realized that was why she was here now. But in the end she still
wasn't Buffy He stood back up You know what...I'm sorry.."

The woman smiled and nodded, "I know. Whoever she is, she's got you
good."

Angel sighed. "That she does. Look can I take you somewhere?"

"No thanks." She replied with a smile. She stood and walked to his
door. She opened it and turned to face him.."Good luck. You're a nice
guy. Try to behave." She leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips.

He took the friendly kiss. As he raised his eyes he noticed movement
behind her. Oh shit! "Buffy!"

The woman turned around, startled and faced a small tired looking
girl."Excuse me."

Buffy watched her leave with narrow eyes and then turned and glared at
Angel."You don't waste much time."

"It's not what you think..well sort off not..I mean..oh shit."Angel
stammered

"Look I don't care. We said good-bye. I just came to give you your
ring back." Buffy said with a lump in her throat.

Angel sighed. He couldn't fight anymore. Not now at least "Fine." He
took the ring, ignoring the burning feeling as she dropped it into his
hand. As he closed his hand around the metal band in his palm, he
could feel a searing pain inside his chest.

"Leave me alone," she whispered softly. Without anger. Just the pain.
She turned her back on him and started towards the stars back to the
street.

"Buffy?"

She stopped, but didn't turn around. She couldn't. Her heart was
breaking. She just had to make it home before the dizziness overcame
her, making her too sick to move. "Yes?" Tears started to flood her
eyes.

"What about my jacket?"

"I'll bring it to the cemetary tomorrow." Buffy whisperedhearing the
agony in her own voice. Her words clipped hard as she forced them out.
She waited a beat to make sure that she could still walk and then she
left; unable to see the tears rolling down his face.

Unable to see him fall to his knees, cursing his own lips for having
formed the words. Cursing his own heart for having fallen in
love.



           "Can't we try just a little bit harder
            Can't we give just a little bit more
            Can't we try just a little bit harder
           Can't we give just a little bit more"



She awoke to someone gently brushing hair away from her eyes. "Morning."

Buffy blinked and looked up and into the eyes of her best friend.
"Will? What are you doing in my room?"

"We're in my room." Willow replied, laying a wet cloth on her
forehead. "Xander and Cordelia found you passed out in front of the
Bronze. What happened?"

Buffy blinked, trying to remember. "I passed out? At the Bronze? I
thought that was my room."

Willow narrowed her eyes. "You lost consiousness before this?"

"No! No. I...I just..." She rose a hand to her eye to rub at it and
then stopped, her eyes locked on her knuckle. "Will,the ring."

"You must have forgotten to put it back on when you went out," Willow
soothed, helping her sit up.

"Angel. I gave it back to Angel." Bufy said softly, looking down. She
found that she was suddenly unable to meet her friends' eyes as her
own misted over.

Willow stopped."Why?"

"We fought." She touched her cheek where he had hit her. "I told him I
hated him. He said the same. I went to his apartment last night. I
don't know why but I needed to. When I got there, he had a girl with
him."

Willow swallowed hard. "Was she? Well..was she naked?"

Buffy shook his head. "I don't know what happened between them. I
don't think they did anything. It doesn't matter. All I know is that
he meant what he
said. I gave him back the ring."

"Buffy, that doesn't mean he's stopped loving you. He could never.."

"Will, he asked for the jacket back. He gave me that before I knew
anything about him. Don't tell me that's not saying he wants nothing
to do with me." She dropped into her friends' arms and began to shake.
"I've lost him."

"Buffy.."

"I kept trying to walk away. I kept trying to push him away. I guess
he finally got the message." Buffy whispered, burying her blonde head
into Willow's shoulder. Willow, for her part, tightened her hold.

"Don't give up," Willow urged. "You know he loves you."

"Do I?" Buffy asked, sitting up. She groaned immediately and fell back
against the pillow. Willow pressed the cloth to her temple. "I mean
come on, after everything I've done to him...after everything we've
been to..maybe love just isn't enough? And maybe it's time I face that."

Willow shook her head sadly. "You're sick. All of this has completely
wiped you out. You need sleep and rest. You'll think more clearly when
you feel better."

"I don't know.."

"Shush. Trust me. You always have in the past. Trust me now." Willow
said softly, turning away.

"Hey Will?" Buffy asked tiredly.

"Yeah?"

"Can you do me a favor? Will you return the jacket to his apartment.
I..I don't think..I don't think I can."

"No problem." Willow replied. She shut the door behind her and then
shook her head. It wasn't fair. Damn those two. They had more passion
and love than anyone and yet they had more between them than the most
star-crossed of lovers.Pride, pain, anger. It wasn't fair.



            "Can't we try just a little more passion
            Can't we try just a little less pride
                I love you so much baby
                  it tears me up inside"



She walked through the cemetary, shivers winding their way through
her. It was a reasonably warm evening and yet she felt cold. She
glanced at her watch. Ten thirty. Willow and the rest of the Scooby
Gang would be at the library with Giles until at least midnight. Which
gave her at least an hour before she had to slip back into her room
and pretend she'd been sleeping all
along.

She sighed and crossed over to the tomb of Jack Wilkes. She jumped up
on it and then rubbed at her arm. Her body ached with old injuries but
she chalked that up to probbaly having caught something.

"Slayer." A voice said from behind her. Only it more slithered than
actually spoke.

She turned and stared back into the passionless eyes of one of Issac's
boys. He held a long metal pipe in his clawed hands. "Oh what, am I
late for our appointment? Don't worry, I don't hold grudges." She
jumped off the tomb and wavered a bit as her ankle turned in the soft
mud. She cursed and then looked back up at the vamp. "Well come on, I
haven't got all day."

He shrugged and attacked, swinging the pipe at her. She ducked the
first blow and lashed out with her foot, tripping him. She fumbled in
her equipment bag for a stake, suddenly uncertain of where she had put
it. "Dammit, dammit, dammit."

"Problem?" The vamp asked, grabbing the pipe again and knocking her
smack in the knee cap. She fell over, clutching at the knee that had
been originally injured in the whole mess with the Order of Taraka.

"Nope," she hissed, reaching out and grabbing his ankle. She twisted
it until she heard a breaking noise. Then she pulled back and clocked
him in the face. Grabbing at his pipe, she smashed it against his
skull. "Thanks for the toy." She reached into his bag and pulled out a
stake. "But I'm on a serious time-schedule. Say hi to the other good
lads I've dusted." She shoved the stake into him and watched as the
air was filled with dust. She watched a moment and then let the stake
fall out of her hand.

Almost immediately the pain hit her. She cringed at the intensity of
it. It felt like every injury her body had sustained in the last few
months was flaring up. Holding her arms tightly around her, she rocked
her body against both the agony and the bone chilling cold. If she
hadn't been so absorbed in the pain, she would have heard him moving
towards her.

He couldn't help it. She still filled his mind, stole all of his
thoughts and flowed through his dreams. Her smile, her tears. Her
love, her hate. He couldn't keep himself from her. Ever since he'd
first seen her, she'd been his drug. He loved her with every part of
his heart and soul. And even if it was smarter to stay apart, he
couldn't stop himself from watching and protecting her
when he could.

Willow had come by earlier in the afternoon with his jacket and
several ugly and decidely un-Will-like words. And then she'd thrown
the jacket at him and said, "Something tells me that she needs you
more than ever right now."

It looked like she was right. From where he stood just a few feet
away, he could see the Almighty Slayer trembling like a baby, shaking
as if she were caught in a winter storm. She held her arm tightly and
clenched her teeth in pain. He frowned. Yes, she'd been taking more
hits than usual as of late but just the same, her Slayer powers should
be compensating. They weren't.

He crossed over to her and took off the jacket he was wearing. Her
jacket. He draped it gently over her shoulders and lifted her up. She
looked up at him questioningly, too drained to put up a fight. "I'll
take you home."

                       -FIN






------End forward message---------------------------






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Discuss: Nickel (vaguely OT)
Date: 21 Aug 1998 00:11:34 EDT

I was watching School Hard earlier and now I can't get the song "Stupid Thing"
out of my head...I checked my transcript, which lists the band as "Nickel".
The lyrics of the song went:

"I did a stupid thing last night
I called you
A moment of weakness
No, not a moment
More like three months of weakness
I'm one step away
From crashing to my knees..."

And so on. It was the song they played while Spike watched Buffy from the
shadows, right before he said "There's a guy out there trying to bite
somebody, call the police!" (or something like that, anyway) and I would very
much like to know if anybody knows whether or not I can get this CD, 'cause I
loved it and need the song for a fic I wanna write. Help appreciated, please
reply privately. Thanks!

Rachel



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Discuss: Nickel (vaguely OT)
Date: 21 Aug 1998 00:11:33 EDT

I was watching School Hard earlier and now I can't get the song "Stupid Thing"
out of my head...I checked my transcript, which lists the band as "Nickel".
The lyrics of the song went:

"I did a stupid thing last night
I called you
A moment of weakness
No, not a moment
More like three months of weakness
I'm one step away
From crashing to my knees..."

And so on. It was the song they played while Spike watched Buffy from the
shadows, right before he said "There's a guy out there trying to bite
somebody, call the police!" (or something like that, anyway) and I would very
much like to know if anybody knows whether or not I can get this CD, 'cause I
loved it and need the song for a fic I wanna write. Help appreciated, please
reply privately. Thanks!

Rachel



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Chronicles (25/?)
Date: 22 Aug 1998 16:48:17 -0700

TITLE: Chronicles of the White Knight #25 Relinquished
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Very muchly wanted (bad or good...whatever the complaint)
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
KEYWORDS: Buffy/Xander fanfic
DISCLAIMER:  The characters portrayed in this fanfic and any such
reference to Buffy the Vampire Slayer television series belong to their
creator, Joss Whedon, and their owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui
Productions, Sanddollar Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other
words, they do not belong to me.  Copyright infringement not intended.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chronicles of the White Knight
#25 Relinquished
By: Taygeta

    "Look Giles - " he tried to interrupt.

    "No.  You look," the Watcher demanded in an authoritative tone,
"Every minute we waste, Buffy will continue to fall into the depths of
grievous danger and those are deeper waters I wish not to tread.  I know
you are angry with her for hurting you, but I also know that you love
her, Xander, and would do anything for her.  That is why I am asking you
to comeàto come and help usàto come and help her."

    Xander thought of everything that had occurred in these past
weeks and as angry as he was, as hurt as he was, he had to admit that
what Giles said rang true.  No matter what he was feeling at the moment,
he couldn't deny that he still loved her, even more than he ever did
before.

    With a sigh, he said, "Okay, Giles, count me there tomorrow."

    "Well?"  Cordelia said when he hung up the phone, "Is he coming
tomorrow?"

    "He's coming," he replied with a satisfied grin.

    Cordy gave him a Look, "So, what?  You want an Emmy, now?"

    Before Giles could respond, Amy walked through the library doors
carrying a load of books, "Uhàa little help here?"

    "Oh, here," Oz said grabbing a stack of books and Giles taking
the other half.

    "Thanks," she replied, "Soàwhy did you guys want me to bring all
of these books from my mom's 'collection?'"

    "We're going to need your help, Amy," Giles said, "We've done
magic before, but we all lack in the capacity that we *are* magic, and if
we do this counter spell, we must have someone that has some of that
here."

    Amy looked at them, "I thought you told me to turn in my magic
apron?"

    "Yes, but this is a matter of urgency.  W-we're up against the
Sorcerer, which we found outàWillow?"

    The redhead turned to her computer printout and read, "The
Sorcerer, a 17th century vampire with potent magical powers who ran
rampant in the cities of Europe for 50 years.  He was consequently
trapped by his former colleagues, of wizards and witches, in a magical
box that was later tossed into the sea.  In time, it is warned, that the
Sorcerer, weakened by their magic, will regain enough strength to free
himself and roam the countries one more."

    "Hold on, I'm only a beginneràI can't deal with this guy!"
insisted Amy with wide eyes, "How am I suppose to - "

    "At the moment, we are not dealing with him particularly and I
would never ask you to go up against him, for now, we are attempting to
handle his spell - " Giles tried to explain.

    "Which is?"

    Cordelia turned to Amy and explained, "This Sorcerer guy put the
love whammy on Buffy to think that she loves Angel."

    "Who's Angelàand what's it with you guys and love spells?"

    "Second reference, I would kindly like to have some perception in
this supposed fact that we are cursed with love spells?"

    "Uhàsorry guys," apologized Amy as she sank back into her chair.

    "Giles, Cordelia paid Amy to do this love spell on Xander and it
didn't work," explained Willow.

    "But we fixed it," Cordy interjected, "Does that give us any
consideration points?"

    "It most certainly does not," Giles replied in more
disappointment than anger, "I have told you all never to mess with magic
for personal foolery.  The consequences can be extremely difficult to
reverse, b-but let's not divulge ourselves into this now, we've got work
to do."

    "But I still don't understand what exactly going on."

    "Willow will fill you in on the specifics, while the rest of us
get to work," the Watcher said and she stood up from the computer and sat
down beside Amy.

    "I guess the best way to start this would be to tell you that
Buffy's a slayer and there's one in every generationàwellà*was* one in
every generationà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Amy leaned back against her chair with a heavy book on her lap
and looked up at all those who were around her.  Hearing Willow's
explanation - and everyone else's in-between - she could now make sense
out of this group that hung out at the library, not that the sense she
gained was all that comforting.  Vampires, magical vampires, crazy
vampires, demons, werewolvesàand she couldn't help but feel that this
made her witch status not so much of a status anymoreàmore like a norm.

    With a sigh, she turned the page of the book and scanned the
pages carefully until she reached to the last spell and her eyes widened
as she read the spell over quickly and she sat up and said,  "This is
itàthis is itàI found ità"

     Giles walked over to her and glanced at the spell she was
pointing to and closed the book in his hand and looked closer, "Indeed,
you did."

    "Oh, thank God," Cordelia said as she closed the book in front of
her.

    "Ditto," Willow said tiredly, as she placed her book on top of
the many stacked on the table, "So, what's the plan?"

    "Well, we're going to needà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "You think he's gonna go for it?"  Oz said hesitantly.

    "Gonna go for what?"  Xander asked when he entered the library,
all the while, feeling odd to be in the familiar setting.

     "Gonna go for our plan," said Cordy.

    "And that plan isà" he prompted as he felt the oddity increase
when he saw that Cordelia and Amy were there.

    Giles finished, "That while we initiate the spell, you distract
Buffy."

    At that moment, Xander's oddity was replaced by absolute
incredulity, "Whoaàwhoaàyou did not say that this was going to require me
actually having to talk to her."

    "And I didn't say that you weren't going to, either, but you said
you'd help, and you are the only one who has a viable enough of a
situation at the moment to - "

    "Viable enough of a situation?  Whatàam I going to just call her
up and say, 'Hi, Buff, I'm suppose to distract you while the gang does a
spell, want to talk about our break-up?"

    Cordelia scoffed, "I almost forgot how big of dunce you are -
actually, no I haven't - but, hello!  You call her up, tell her you wanna
get all buddy-buddy with her again because you miss that thing you guys
called a friendship."

    "T-thank you, Cordelia for your reiteration ofàumàour plan,"
stammered Giles as he turned to Xander, "I can't believe I'm saying this,
but do exactly as she says."

    He gave the Watcher a look, "You can't believe you're saying it?
I can't believe your saying it!  How is this going to help?"

    "Part of this spell is made so that she goes away from the person
nearest to her, so that she can be alone, in which the spell will
continue to regenerate.  If you distract her, insist that she stays near
you, and she is strong enough to fight the urge to leaveàfight the painà"

    Giles' voice faded from his mind as he thought about Buffy and
what he had told her not too long agoà

    à"Xanderàwhat are you - " she began as her eyes looked at him
worriedly.

    He smiled and the expression faded with each of his words, "But
there's a stronger part of me still that will do anything to make you
happy, anything to see you smile.  I understand Buffy, and even if I
didn'tàI'll still stand by youà"

    àHe had given her that promise and he was very sure that he still
felt that way and so with a sigh, before Giles could finish his
explanation he replied, "Okay, I'll do itàI'll distract her."

    The Watcher stopped mid-sentence in surprise and realized that
whatever he had said and whatever he was going to say wasn't really going
to matter to Xander, but rather it was what Xander realized himself that
would make the difference.  Nodding, he smiled, "Good to hear."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    Slowly, Xander ascended the steps of the porch, feeling his heart
beat rapidly in his chest, and he wondered if he had done the better
thing on opting to go to her house as oppose to calling her.  Realizing
it was just a little too late for such contemplation, he took a deep
breath before he rang the Summers' doorbell.

    "Xander, it's nice to see you again," Mrs. Summers greeted him
with a kind smile.

    "Same here," he replied, "UmàI was wondering if I could talk to
Buffy?"

    Her face altered to a rather strained grin on a sympathetic
expression, "Come inàI'll - "

    "Xander," Buffy said as she descended the stairs rapidly and
stopped mid-way in surprise of his presence, "Hey."

    "Buffy," he said simply.

    "I have something in the ovenà" Mrs. Summers quickly excused
herself and walked to the kitchen.

    "Iàumàwas wondering if you'd like to take a walkàso that we can
maybe talk?" he asked uneasily.

    She nodded, "Yeahàsure," and grabbing her jacket, she called to
her mother, "MomàI'm going to go with Xander for awhile."

    "Go ahead, dearàbe back by - never mind, have fun," she replied
when she came out of the kitchen.

    Xander knew that this situation was variety of things, but it was
definitely not going to be about fun, and he had a feeling Buffy could
agree with that.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    The fire beneath the cauldron flickered and glowed in its
orange-red hue as Giles placed all of the necessary ingredients in it.

    "Ishtar, Astarte, Aphroditeàthose of which represent the old
realm of loveàI speak to thee," began Amy.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "So, what did you want to talk about?" she asked as they walked
down the sidewalk.

    Xander said, "Buffy, I miss you, and that friendship we used to
have and I know that we can't possibly get that back, but I'd like us to
start anewàbe friends again.  Do you think we can do that?"

    "YeahàI think we canà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "Take from the hexed one they call the Slayeràtake from her the
spell of the Sorcereràbe rid her of the darkness of your powerà"

    "Ishtar, Astarte, Aphroditeàwe beckon you," Giles said loudly,
"Lift away this tainted use of your powerà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Buffy froze suddenly and felt her head pounding and Xander felt a
grip on his arm so tight that he felt his bone was going to break,
"Buffyàare you all right?"

    "I - I have to goàI just rememberedà" she tried as she turned to
walk back to her house."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "Free her from his bondage spell of love unsoundàfree her from
your graspàrelinquish her heart and mind to a power she can call her
ownàI ask theeàI seek theeàmake her freeà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "No, Buffy, wait," he said taking a hold of her arm, "I wanted to
tell you something before you go."

    "Okayàmake it quick," she said as her head continued to grow
tighter with every passing second.

    "Iàuhà" Xander tried to think and he finally blurted, "Wanted to
tell you what I decided to try as a careerày'know, just in case that
abundant field of corrections doesn't work out."

    "Oh, really?" she said trying her hardest to sound interested,
"And what's that?"

    "A writerà"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    "Ishtar, Astarte, Aphroditeàhear our cries and answeràrelease
her!"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    A white cloud lifted from her body and immediately the pain
withdrew it's potency and she collapsed into Xander's arms breathing
heavily.

    He held her close as memories of the occurrences of the weeks
prior filled her mind and realization of her actions seized her and he
felt her hot tears wet his T-shirt and the muffled whisper, "Oh my God,
what I have done?"

_____________________________________________________________________
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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 15/?
Date: 23 Aug 1998 20:09:45 EDT


Title~ Libidinous  15/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôSearchinÆ My Soulö belongs to Vonda Shepard and can be
found on the Ally McBeal Soundtrack.  All characters of General hospital
belong to ABC.


Chapter 15, SearchinÆ My Soul

< I've been down this road walkin' the line
  That's painted by pride
  And I have made mistakes in my life
  That I just can't hide>

    ôWe meet again, young Slayer.ö  The Master stood, shimmering, in front of
her.  He walked behind her, as he had done before.  She tensed briefly.  He
took his shimmering hands and placed them on her shimmering shoulders.
Slowly, he bent his head to her neck.  In front of her stood Angel.  A tear
ran down his cheek, but he continued to watch, making no move to help.  Buffy
found herself shaking slightly.  Inhaling deeply, for what she believed to be
the last time, she slowly then exhaled, calming her nerves.  The pain shot
through her when the MasterÆs teeth punctured her flesh.  She fell to the
ground in a heap.  No amount of CPR able to save her this time.

< Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to bring
   Got myself together, now I'm ready to sing
  I've been searchin' my soul tonight
  I know there's so much more to life
  Now I know I can shine a light
  To find my way back home>

    Angel was standing over her when she opened her eyes.  ôWha...?ö
    ôYou fell asleep.  Are you alright?ö  He asked her, concerned.
    ôI..the Master.  He killed me again.  Has anyone figured out how to stop
him?ö
    ôWeÆre still working on it.ö
    She stood.  He followed her as she she walked to the group of researchers.
Giles looked up as she approached them.  She met his gaze and held it for
several moments before speaking.
    ôAnything?ö  Her Watcher shook his head.  She nodded and walked away before
he had the chance to say anything.  Buffy stopped at an open book on the
table.  Sitting down, she began to read.
    ôI worried about her.ö  Angel told Giles.  They both watched her.  Turning
back, Giles said,  ôAs am I, but weÆre doing all that we can.ö
    ôAre we?ö

< One by one, the chains around me unwind
   Every day now I feel that I can leave those years behind
  Oh, I've been thinking of you for a long time
  There's a side of my life where I've been blind and so...>

    ôDid you miss me?ö  Buffy turned, ending up face to face with the shimmering
form of the Master.
    ôNo, actually, I really didnÆt.ö  She responded.  They circled each other,
sizing up one another.  He came up behind her, as he had before.  He took his
shimmering hands and placed them on her shimmering shoulders, sending a chilll
thoughout her body.  He slowly lowered his head to her neck.  In front of her,
she saw Angel running toward them.  He didnÆt seem to be gaining any ground.
She took, what she thought to be her last, calming breath.  A sharp pain shot
through her as the MasterÆs teeth punctured her flesh.  She heard the
screaming of dust and wind.  She looked over to see a stone cross in her hand,
before everything went black.

< I've been searchin' my soul tonight
   I know there's so much more to life
   Now I know I can shine a light
  Everything gonna be alright
  I've been searchin' my soul tonight
  Don't wanna be alone in life
  Now I know I can shine a light
  To find my way back home>

    Xander yawned and rubbed his temples.  He had been staring st this book for
so long that it had begun to blur together.  There was nothing about the
Master in the book anyway.  He looked around him.  Giles and Angel seemed to
be getting along well.  A little too well for XanderÆs liking.  In fact,
everyone got along with Angel too well for XanderÆs liking.  Jenny was still
dead.  Had the previous months been erased from their minds?  An old lady came
up behind him, offering him a can of pop.
    ôMs. Summers suggested that you have these.ö  She said, offering a plate of
cookies, brownies and twinkies.  Xander pinched himself, making sure that he
was awake, before thanking her.
    ôThank you very much, Mrs. Lansbury.ö  He remembered her name.  Sometimes he
impressed himself.  she nodded before disappearing behind the door.  At least
now he had something to keep him going.  Sugar.  ôMmmmm...ö  He mumbled.

< Baby I been holding back now my whole life
   I've decided to move on now
   Gonna leave all my worries behind
  Oh I believe I am ready for what love has to give
  Got myself together now I'm ready to live>

    Buffy awoke, startled.  She was asleep atop the book she had begun to read.
She looked at her surroundings.  Maybe there was something to that
dream....She briskly walked to where Giles and Angel were going through a
stack of books.
    ôYes, Buffy?ö  Giles asked her, without looking up.
    ôI had another dream.  I was holding some sort of cross...the Master bit me,
then turned to dust.ö  *That* got GilesÆ attention.

< I've been searchin' my soul tonight
   I know there's so much more to life
  Now I know I can shine a light
  Everything gonna be alright
  I've been searchin' my soul tonight
  Don't wanna be alone in life
  Now I know I can shine a light
  To find my way back home>



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  List rules
Date: 25 Aug 1998 14:46:52 -0400

Welcome!  This list is for fiction related to "Buffy The Vampire
Slayer," both the TV series and the movie.  To ensure that we all get
to enjoy as much fiction as possible, please adhere to the following
guidelines, and please save them for future reference.

1. Fiction should have Buffy characters in it and clearly be related
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2. Discussion of posted fiction is permitted onlist.  Please put
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Discussion that is not related directly to the fiction should go over
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3. No advertising of <any> items or services, Buffy related or not,
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No attached files of <any> kind-- if your mailer makes your fiction
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     **Mark the post as a "spoiler" in the subject header.
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This ensures that anyone who doesn't like knowing about an episode
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Spoiler warnings are not necessary after the start of the episode's
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If you have a question about something's suitability for posting, feel
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 &
Sharon Himmanen ([e-mail])
Listowners, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fiction List
[e-mail]


-




--
sah * [e-mail] * [e-mail]
NatPack * BotCoS * Jungle Patrol * BBPGrrl:TGLIL * Bishop * BTVS Listowner
"The world hath gone mad.  I'm going to go move west, live in a one room
cabin, and mutter darkly about conspiracies.  But I'm still going to have
e-mail and TV."
                                                 --Jill Kirby




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: sah <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: ADMIN:  Free email policy
Date: 25 Aug 1998 14:46:50 -0400

Please read this.  It's very important.

Effective immediately, anyone who wishes to s*bscribe to any Buffy list on
a "freemail" account (Geocities, Hotmail, etc.) will be required to
provide us with a "permanent" e-mail address as a backup.

We will <not> under any circumstances reveal this permanent e-mail address
to anyone.  This is for our reference <only.>

This new policy has become necessary because of the problems we've
experienced with freemail accounts.  They're too easy to set up and
cancel, and there is so little recourse if the individual with the
freemail account causes problems, that we have no choice but to enact this
policy.

The s*bscription information pages will be changed to reflect this policy.

IF YOU ARE CURRENTLY S*BSCRIBED UNDER A FREEMAIL ADDRESS:  as long as you
stay s*bscribed, you do not need to provide us with this information.
However, if you uns*b and want to res*b at some point, you will have to
give us this information even if you were previously a s*bscriber through
a freemail account.  If we have to uns*b you for bouncing mail, again,
you'll have to provide the information to res*b.

If you have any questions regarding this, please contact us offlist.
Thanks.

sah and Jill
[e-mail] and [e-mail]


-





-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Lise <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Serial Lies (1/1)
Date: 26 Aug 1998 01:00:15 -0700

Author: Lise ([e-mail])
Title: Serial Lies
Disclaimer:  None of these characters belong to me (duh) and I'm not
making any money.
Plot:  Willow finds out a little more about Giles' past than they
realized-- his occult days aren't the only dark spots...
NOTE: Spoiler for 'Halloween' --A good deal of this story comes directly
from the episode 'Halloween', so if you haven't seen that one, this
might not make too much sense...
This has been rattling around in my head for quite some time...and I
thought that a story that had nothing to do with 'Becoming' might be
nice...

Serial Lies

Willow moved quickly, and walked out of the shop.  Then she stoped,
confused.  Giles wasn't acting like himself.  She thought about going
back in, and seeing if he was okay....but he'd told her to leave.  His
exact words were "Willow, get out of here now."  That didn't leave much
to interpretation.  She hesitated, then took a step fearfully back
towards the door that lead into 'Ethan's'.  If he caught her... he'd be
angry.  Thinking a bit she, she moved forward a little faster, more
confident.  This was Giles-- his angry didn't even approach a little bit
miffed compared to anyone else.  And she wasn't going to leave him in
case he needed her help.  Buffy wouldn't.

"Hello, Ripper."  Willow couldn't see Giles, but the man with him was
wearing a sneer.  She held her breath, afraid of making any noise that
would startle either of them and give her away.  The man-- presumably
Ethan-- paused a moment, then when Giles didn't say anything,
continued.  "What, no hug?  Aren't you pleased to see your old mate
Rupert?"

Willow frowned, not understanding.  His old mate?  That means they must
have known each other before...

"I'm just surprised I didn't guess it was you.  This Halloween stunt
stinks of Ethan Raine."  Willow still couldn't see Giles' face, but the
ice in his voice chilled her.

"Yes, it does, doesn't it.  Don't want to blow my own trumpet, but it's
genius."  His sneer grew wider, and proud. "It's the very embodiment of
be careful what you wish for."

The disgust in Giles' voice was clear.  "It's sick, brutal, and it harms
the innocent."

Willow shifted a little to get a better view of what was going on-- and
to be able to jump in if Giles needed it.  So far, they were talking,
but things could change quickly.  Ethan said with as much sarcasm as he
could muster, "Oh, and we all know that you are the champion of
innocence and all things pure and good Rupert."  Willow turned from
Ethan to Giles, and tried to see his face in the dark.  Ethan added,
"It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man."

The determination on the sliver of Giles' face that she could see was
like steel.  He wasn't going to break down.  "It's not an act.  It's who
I am."  The barely suppressed anger was evident on his face and in his
stance, but he pushed it down, settling for an icy glare.

Ethan almost laughed in his face.  "Who you are?  The Watcher?
Sniveling tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin?  I think
not...."  Willow could see the taunts on Ethan's face, and the anger
building in Giles'.  But Giles stayed perfectly calm, perfectly in
control.  Ethan continued, "I know who you are-- and what you're capable
of.  But they don't, do they?  They have no idea where you come from."

Giles interrupted, and Willow shivered at his transformation.  "Break
the spell Ethan, and leave this place and never come back."

Ethan mocked, "Why should I?  What's in the bargain for me?"  Willow was
scared, and Giles' next words took her by surprise.  She began to inch
towards the exit.

Giles, with a look of pure hatred yet perfectly calm at the same time,
said, "You get to live."  Willow-- having seen enough to know that she
could be in danger from friend and foe alike-- didn't wait.  She ran.

*****

She didn't know what to do.  The night had been okay, and things had a
happy ending... but... but...

"Will, you okay?"  Willow jumped, and then smiled at Buffy.

"I'm fine."

Buffy raised her eyebrows, and said, "Okay.... I'll leave you to it
then."  She walked away, and Willow breathed again.  She hadn't told
Buffy about what had happened in the shop because she didn't know what
to make of it.  Now, she was sitting in front of the computer two days
later, trying to get the courage to search for the information that
would fill in the gaps in Giles' past.  She hadn't wondered, but then
Ethan, and Ripper, and....

Willow input the search parameters "Rupert Giles" AND Oxford AND
Ripper... then paused before she hit enter.  Yes, she was doing the
research... but what would she do with it if she actually found
something?  She bit her lip, looking at the picture of Buffy on the
counter.  Giles really cared for the Slayer, he really took his job as
Watcher seriously.  Frowning, she tried to imagine what would change
their opinions of him.  He was homeless... he was a jewel thief... he
was a circus performer.... no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't
think of anything that would change him.  He was Giles now, no matter
who he was before.  In a fit of strength of character, she decided that
whatever she found, she would respect Giles' privacy and not tell
Buffy.  She hit enter.

And then her eyes widened.... in horror.

" Times: June 72: Another body was found in the same stance as the five
recent murders around Oxford university early this morning.  No suspects
have been brought into cusotdy as of yet, but the police have assured
university students that they are in no danger yet.  So far, all victims
have been from out of town, and no one need be alarmed.  This sixth body
was found like all the rest-- gruesomely dismembered, with several
artifacts of unknown origin surrounding the body.  It appears to be
linked to the recent occult happenings in and around the university, but
students in such faculties are outraged at the suspicions cast on them
and their professors.  One, Rupert Giles, went so far as to ridicule the
attempts of police to find the murderer.  His
exact words were, "It'll take more than a bloody bunch of Scotland Yard
idiots to find a demon..." Police refuse to acknowledge the possibility
that the magics 'engaged' in at the scenes are real, and have called the
murders an occult hoax.  There is no hard evidence yet, and aside from
several mocking notes from both Oxford students and murderer alike,
there have been no real leads.  It appears that this latest body will
join the rest as just another victim of Oxford's modern day Jack the
Ripper."


Manager of Sector Zeta  www.geocities.com/TelevisionCity/Set/5713
Listowner of the [e-mail]
http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/spikelist
"...You want to go a few rounds, I'm all for it.
  You want to stop your boyfriend, we're gonna
  have to play it a different way..." --Spike to Buffy, "Becoming II"






-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Bled (1/?)
Date: 26 Aug 1998 20:30:15 EDT

Title: Gone II: Bled (1/?)
Author: Meg R-C
Feedback: Please, but if you want to critique, try and make it constructive
critisism, suggestions or something I can use to make it better
Distribution: Sure, just send me the URL
Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone, Buffy tracks down Angel and Willow
Rating: this part PG, but the whole thing will never get worse than PG-13
Disclaimer: I own no characters, they all belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant
Enemy, I'm just borrowing them
Content: angst, Buffy/Angel, character death

    She stood on the stone doorstep, debating whether or not to knock. So much
had happened and she had worked so hard just to get to this point. Once again
she stood at a crossroads, so much laying on her decision, too heavy for her
twenty-two year old shoulders. Turning around and going home, pretending
failure, was the easiest choice, the least painful. But then she would have to
face his eyes, so dependent on her to fulfill his final and only request. But
to knock was to open all the wounds so carefully closed but never healed all
those years ago. It was coming face to face with her past, her guilt, and
everything else that so far had been banished from everywhere but her
nightmares, and the darkest corners of her soul.
    But staring at that door she knew she had no choice, there was only one path
she could take. And so she knocked, and thus she bled as the wounds opened and
the memories came rushing back.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Bled (2/?)
Date: 26 Aug 1998 20:44:35 EDT

Title: Gone II: Bled (2/?)
Author: Meg R-C
Feedback: Please, but if you want to critique, try and make it constructive
criticism, suggestions or something I can use to make it better
Distribution: Sure, just send me the URL
Summary: A sequel to Anya's Gone, Buffy tracks down Angel and Willow
Rating: this part PG, but the whole thing will never get worse than PG-13
Disclaimer: I own no characters, they all belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant
Enemy, I'm just borrowing them
Content: angst, Buffy/Angel, character death


    The knock startled Willow more than she would have liked to admit. With her
honed vampiric senses she should have felt the presence of her visitor long
before he announced his presence.
    Angel appeared at the top of the stairs.
    "Answer the door Willow," he told her.
    This confused her. They never opened the door, always allowing salesman to
find new victims and tourists to remain lost. Willow wondered what could be so
important about this visitor as to allow him entrance into the safe haven
Willow had come to call home. But she trusted Willow, knowing that he would
never risk her for anything, and would in turn risk everything for her. She
trusted him to protect her from the darkness that haunted them, as she had
once trusted Buffy to.
    And what she found standing there, or she found standing there, shocked her
and thrilled her more than anything ever had or ever could. After four, almost
five years, Willow had only dreamed of a reunion to her past.
    But there her past stood, in the form of Buffy Summers, vampire slayer.
    "Buffy," Willow whispered, overcome with joy at seeing her friend alive and
well, and standing on her doorstep.
    But Buffy did not return her joy, her relief, or seemingly any emotion at
all. Her eyes were cold as stone, her face passionless. While physically she
looked no older than the teen Willow remembered, so much in her demeanor, her
eyes, her being seemed to have aged countless generations. Her body was Buffy
Summers, but Buffy Summers seemed to have died from within.
    "Hello Willow," Even her voice was flat and emotionless, "may I come in?"
    "Of course," Willow opened the door wider and motioned her inside.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: DISCUSS: Beta Readers
Date: 27 Aug 1998 02:03:36 EDT

I'm writing my first fan fic and I need a couple Beta readers.  As a hint the
story revolves around someone using Miss Edith to get back at Dru.  E-mail me
if you are interested.

Cindy



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: The Soul of Good & Evil (3/?)
Date: 27 Aug 1998 22:27:27 EDT

Title: The Soul of Good & Evil (3/?)
Author: Michelle
E-mail: [e-mail]
Rating: PG for this part. Just answers a bunch of questions as to
what the heck is going on.
Author's Notes: This story follows directly after my two others,
"Vengeance," and "Lost & Found." I rewrote the third part with a
completely different plot (the story that this is an alternate for is,
"Deadly Instincts." Basically, everyone is a vampire, with a
soul except Drusilla.  Buffy, Willow, Xander, Angel, Giles, Joyce,
everybody.  http://members.aol.com/aglx/fanfic.html
Spoilers: Plot has nothing to do with real series except for characters
that are used.
Feedback: You may hate or love the idea of the story so please let
me know what you think.

*****

Buffy's head rested peacefully against his chest. She had
cried herself to sleep, unable to explain what had happened
with Angel.

Xander, however, kept his eyes open, despite his body's urging to
sleep.  He wanted to be there for her when she woke up.
Whatever had happened with Angel must have been big. < Angel
loved her too much to just leave her. Maybe he left her
because he loved her _too_ much? > Xander's thoughts were
interrupted as Buffy suddenly awoke and turned to face
him.

"Hey, sleep well?" he asked, trying to make any
kind of conversation he could.

"Do I ever?" Buffy rubbed her eyes open. She sat back
against the headboard next to Xander.

"So, what happened with Angel?" The words just flew out of
his mouth; he had to know what had happened, but he had also hoped
that he could ease into the subject, rather than simply blurting it out.

Buffy looked at him, a bit surprised. After brief consideration,
she sighed: "Drusilla."

"Our sire, Drusilla?"

"The one and only. She and Spike came looking for us a while
back. She was _very_ unhappy with the way things ended at the
villa.  Finding out that Spike was alive and I didn't kill him wasn't
enough to stop her. She wants me dead, and she'll stop at
nothing to get it done. Including destroying her relationship with
Spike."

Xander just watched her attentively, not wanting to interrupt.

"Convinced that Spike was still in alliance with me, and that
there was more going on between the two of us than there seemed
to be, she kicked him out." Buffy sighed again, holding back
tears that the demon inside of her refused to let show. "When
Drusilla came after me, Angel was convinced that he could lead
her away and finish her off himself. This is the part where I
know Drusilla was involved. He left, Drusilla stayed."

"So let me get this straight: Dru kicked out Spike, thinking you
and him had a thing going on, came searching to kill you and not
Angel. But Angel thought he could protect you by leading her away.
Now you haven't had contact with him for months, and you're life's
falling apart."

"Well, that's one way to put it. Yeah."

"But what about Spike?" Xander asked.

Buffy let out a quiet laugh. "That's actually the funny part
of the story.  After Drusilla kicked Spike out, he came to Angel
and I for help. Somehow, Spike thought I could convince Dru that
there was nothing more going on than what we'd told her.  A fight
broke out between the three of us, and Spike ended up unconscious."

"Hah. Did he really think he could take on an ex-slayer turned
vampire and the deadly creature that made him?"

"Told you it was funny. Anyway, Angel and I restored his soul and
then he took off. After Angel left, he came back to me, hoping to
work something out. So he's been the only help I've had against
Dru, and in the search for Angel."

Xander's smile faded as he finally realized how much trouble she was
in. "Buff, I'm sorry. If I had known..."

"Don't," Buffy interrupted. "I didn't want you to know about it.
I didn't think you or Willow wanted anything to do with me. The
way you two just _left_ led me to believe that you hated me. Can't
say that I could ever blame you."

"Buffy. Willow and I didn't hate you. We just needed to get away
from you, I mean, we helped make you a demon. You know what it's like
to have your soul returned. Every memory of every death or pain
you ever caused is brought back to you.  The thoughts, the images
of everything we'd done was too much to handle."

"I know," she whispered, just loud enough for his vampiric ears to
pick up.

"I'm going to call Willow. She's probably wondering what happened
to me."

"What?! You didn't tell her you were coming?"

"Technically no.  I, uh...well..." he said getting up from the bed
and walking over towards the phone. "She sorta kicked me out of the
house until I could work out my problems.  See, I was holding a bit
of a grudge against you and Angel for restoring our souls and uh..."

"Say no more, I get it."

"I don't anymore. I was just having such a hard time dealing with my
own problems that I decided to blame it on you two." He tried to
smile, hoping she would accept it.

"Thanks."

"You know what I mean..."

"Xander, go call Willow."

"Right, Willow. Calling now."

____

Did we like?



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: IOHM (7/?)
Date: 27 Aug 1998 08:45:37 -0700

TITLE: In Opacitatem Habitant Modo #7 Joyce
AUTHOR: Taygeta
E-MAIL: [e-mail]
FEEDBACK:  Yes...please...whatever the complaint
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just tell me first.
RATING: PG
SERIES DESCRIPTION: Buffy is blind, various POVs
INSTALLMENT DESCRIPTION: Joyce's thoughts on the mattera
DISCLAIMER:  The characters any such reference to Buffy the Vampire
Slayer television series belong to their creator, Joss Whedon, and their
owners, Mutant Enemy productions, Kuzui Productions, Sandollar
Productions, and 20th Century Fox. In other words, they do not belong to
me.  Copyright infringement not intended.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I think this is a *lot* better from my last installment.
I actually was able to sit down, start, and finish this in 2 hours...that
in itself is miraculous for me :)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
In Opacitatem Habitant Modo
#7 Joyce
By: Taygeta

    I remember holding her in my arms and thinking that she was the
most perfect daughter in the worldàmy healthy, little baby with her ten
toes and her ten fingers of her tiny, wrinkly hands and kicking feet.  It
was then that I vowed that I would never let anything harm her or hurt my
little girl, but things have hurt heràthings I can't even begin to
understand.  A mother is suppose to be able to perceive her child's life
to some degree, but where was my perception?  Where was my innate
understanding?  There must have been thousands of mothers before meàone
for each innocent girl chosenàhow could those that knew handle it?  How
could they stand idly by and watch their daughters leave their homes, not
knowing if they would ever come back to be held, to be kissed, to be
loved, again?

    I remember that two o'clock call vividlyàawakened from my slumber
and in the dark, I hobbled to grasp the phone beside me.  The strained
voice of Mr. Rupert Giles took me out of my cloudy stateà

    à"Mr. Giles, what are you - "

    "Ms. Summers, I realize that this is rather lateàvery late,
indeed, but this is a matter of urgency.  Buffyàshe's in the Sunnydale
General hospitalàs-she was attackedàs-sheàplease come right away," he
stumbled hastily.

    "Attackedàwhoàwhat?"  I demanded of him, "Tell me what happened?
The very least you can do is tell me if she's all right."

    "Y-yes, she's all right, but it has been saidàalthough not
entirely confirmed - "

    "Just tell meà"

    "Ms. Summersàthere's a chance that Buffy may become permanently
blindà"


    àAnd I dropped the phone and froze as my mind processed what he
had said.  My daughteràmy lifeàblind, that didn't seem *right* somehow.
All I could think is my daughter's healthy, she was my healthy baby girl,
and that it couldn't be as bad as he stated.  Those thoughts were said
over and over in my mind like a broken record that matched my breaking
heart, in my hope that this insanity would just go away.

    I was prepared for the worst when I arrived at the hospital, but
what I receive was a lot more than the worst.  After all, I got the whole
story about clueless and idiotic a mother I had been.  The blood in her
clothing, her strength, her late hoursàso many cluesàso many unanswered
questions answered with the duties of her titleàthe title of Vampire
Slayer.

    Vampires?!  Vampires?!  I hadn't thought of vampires since I saw
"Dracula" years ago, but they were never real, only in nightmares too
long gone to recallàtoo silly and wrought with superstitions to be
believed.  Yet, I believed that night and every day and night thereafter
because in the midst of those hours of my dementia, that was the only
concept that made sense to meàthe only concept that was believable.  Or
rather, it was more that I was more willing to think vampires and demons
hid in the shadows of our world than to believe that my daughter could
not see.

    A long while after that, in those weeks where Buffy lay barely
conscious and bandaged from head-to-toe, I was angryàat everythingàat
everybody, but mostly at myself and then at Rupert.  I blamed him for not
being there for my daughteràfor being irresponsible, and I realized that
he very much thought the same of himself when he said softly, "You're
rightàI am."

    The more I understood about that night, the more I understood
that as her Watcher, he had saved her countless of times, loved her like
a daughter, and looked after, and that it was vice-versa for Buffy.  He
wasn't to blameàno one was to be blamed for what happened.  I know that
now.

    Yet, despite all the knowledge I gained, I am still the mother of
a young woman who is still very much like that little girl I saw her
transform from.  I can't help but think that by her want to fight those
that did her wrongàthat harmed her and her life, she would lose the life
she was just beginning to learn to love again.  I want to tell her to
stop.  I want to tell her to just leave it alone and live her life, but I
know that no matter what I say, it's not going to stop her from fighting.
 I see the passion in her face and even catch a glimpse at her fiery
spirit flicker in her blank stares and I don't stop heràI can't stop her.
 I love heràshe's my daughter and whatever she decides to do, I'm going
to be there to make sure that she comes out of this alive.

_____________________________________________________________________
You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail.
Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com
Or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866]



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: "Leslie S." <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC:  The Good-Bye Girl (1/1)
Date: 28 Aug 1998 13:22:59 PDT

TITLE:  The Good-Bye Girl (1/1)
AUTHOR:  Leslie S.
EMAIL:  [e-mail]
DISTRIBUTION:  If ya want it, just let me know where you put it.
FEEDBACK: If you have a spare minute.
RATING: PG
SPOILER: Becoming
SUMMARY: This is a Buffy POV story in an in-between scene that we did
not see at the end of Becoming before she boarded the bus.
DISCLAIMER: I acknowledge that Buffy the Vampire Slayer and associated
characters were created by Joss Whedon. No copyright infringement is
intended. (In other words, please don't sue me.)

Many thanks to Melinda, Lynn, Kimly


I stood by a tree across from the school.  Thankfully, they were all
there.  Giles, Xander, Cordelia, Willow, and Oz, probably wondering
where I was.   In truth, I was wondering myself.  With the pain I was
feeling, with everything that had happened, I briefly wondered if
perhaps Angelus had won.  Was this actually *Hell*?

For me it was.

My life as I had known it had ended.  I was no longer Buffy Summers--
daughter, friend, high school student, vampire slayer.  I was Buffy
Summers--outcast, murder suspect and fugitive.

Part of me realized that the murder charges would be dropped.  The
Sunnydale Police Department was never known for its crack investigative
efficiency.  It, like the majority of  all Sunnydale residents, was in
denial.  I was sure that Giles and the others would be able to convince
them of my innocence.  Sunnydale's finest would probably use the
standard PCP/Gang scenario.  Again, can you say denial?

Being expelled?  No real worries there.  It's not like I'll *need* a
diploma for slaying.  It's not like I'm ever gonna have the chance to go
to college and have a really great career.  I once asked Giles if
Slayers ever got to retire.  It's not like I didn't already know the
answer, but I wanted...No...I needed to hear it from him.  I remember
the look in his eyes.  It was the same look that my mom had when she was
telling me that she and my dad were getting a divorce.  It was the look
of a parent having to tell a child something very unpleasant and final.

My mom,  now that's another story.  I'm sure that she didn't really mean
to kick me out of the house.  I'm really sorry that I did not have time
to explain everything to her.  But again, talk about denial...  I  hope
that Giles can explain things to her.

Giles.  He was another reason I was across from the school and not
hauling ass out of town.  I needed him to know what happened.  I owed
him that.  So after the bell rang, and everyone departed for their first
classes, I made way to the school through the sewer tunnels.  By some
miracle, I found the right access tunnel and was able to get to the
library through the stacks.

Since it looked like nobody was there, I figured I'd be better off
waiting in Giles' office just in case anybody suddenly had the desire
for a book or a quiet place to study.  Before I could get across the
room to the office, Giles popped out carrying a cup and saucer in one
hand, but I must have startled him because they went crashing to the
floor.

After a moment, he recovered and suggested I get into his office before
anyone saw me, leaving the broken cup and saucer for the moment.  I
quickly made my way into his office and collapsed on the couch, dropping
my bag on the ground.

"Thank God you're alright.  We were worried."

Giles looked at me, waiting for me to speak.  That's when the tears
started.  Again.    I was vaguely aware of him sitting down next to me
as he took me into his arms.  It was odd to have Giles hold me like
that, but I didn't fight it.  He stroked my hair and murmured soothing
words of comfort.  For all I know, he was reciting the alphabet.  After
a time, I finally felt I could let go, even if I didn't want to.

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a handkerchief.  I took
it and wiped my eyes and blew my nose.

When I found my voice I said, "I sent him to Hell."

"Angelus?"

"No." I swallowed hard and tried to form the name.  "Angel."

"An...Angel?" Giles said tentatively, as I fought to hold back the tears
that were threatening to spill over again.

"He pulled the sword from Acathla, and we were fighting.  Just as I was
abo-...about to kill him he doubled over in pain.  At first, I thought
it was a trick.  But it wasn't.  It was Angel.  My Angel."  I blew my
nose again.   "So there I am thinking that everything was gonna be OK.
Then I noticed the vortex opening.......*OH GOD GILES.  I HAD TO DO IT.*
I had to."

Giles wrapped his arms around me and just held me as I convulsed with
tears.  He rocked me back and forth telling me how sorry he was.  I have
no idea how we sat there, but I do remember that it was the first time
that I had felt safe in a long time.

When I was finally able to myself under control, I slowly pulled away.
It was the second hardest thing I had ever done.  I got up and started
pacing the room. Giles knew I wanted to tell him something, as he was
looking at me expectantly.

"I came to say good-bye.  I need to get out of Sunnydale for a while.
So much has happened, you know?"

"Buffy, I th-"

"No Giles," I began cutting him off.  "In case you forgot, I'm wanted
for murder.  Oh, and did I mention that my mother knows about me and
kicked me out of the house???  And of course, let's not forget that Herr
Snyder expelled me yesterday."

"These are all things we can deal with Buffy.  The others can attest to
the fact the you did not kill Kendra.  And well, I suppose it is time to
explain things to your mother.  As far as Snyder is concerned, he cannot
expel you without first calling a board of review."

"Please Giles," I pleaded.  "I just need to get away for a few days...to
sort things out."

"Think about it for a moment would you?"

"I have thought about it Giles.  Besides, I didn't come here to ask your
permission.  I came here to let you know what happened and to tell you I
was going."

"I see.  And have you thought about where you'll go?"

I shook my head no.  Giles stood and went over to his desk .  He took
his keys, opened up one of the drawers, and pulled out a manila
envelope.  "Since I doubt that any argument I might make will dissuade
you, you'd better have this."

The envelope Giles handed me bulged at the bottom.  I opened it and
dumped the contents onto his desk .  I was shocked to find a sizeable
stack of used $20s, an ID bearing my picture with a false name, an index
card with an LA address in on it and a key taped to it, and an open bus
ticket to Los Angeles.  I looked to Giles for an explanation.

"You can never be too prepared.  I always figured it would be a good
idea to have a bolt-hole for you in case things got too rough.  It seems
I was right."

"Good thinking," I replied as I shoved the contents of the envelope into
various pockets.   I examined the ID.  The picture of me wasn't that
great, but it looked real enough.   "How on earth did you get this ID?
Did Willow help?"

"Let's just say that I wasn't always a librarian and leave it at that
shall we?"

I nodded and reached down for my bag.  "Will you talk to my mom?
Explain things to her?"

"I had hoped it wouldn't ever come to that, but under the circumstances
I suppose there is no choice.  Now about the apartment...There is plenty
of canned food and those frozen, uh television, dinners.  The phone is
in working order, so I expect you to call me when you get there.
Understood?"

"Understood.  And Giles?"

"Mm?" Giles responded, looking at his watch.

"Thanks.  For everything."

"You're welcome Buffy.  Now if you hurry, you can catch the 10:30 bus to
Los Angeles."

Saying good-bye, I hugged Giles one last time, reveling in the safe
feeling it gave me.  When I pulled away, I asked him to let the others
know that I was OK, but not to let them know where I had gone.  He
nodded his agreement as he walked over to the door to make sure the
coast was clear.  I quickly made my way through the stacks and back into
the tunnels.

As I sit here now on the bus to LA, I look out the window reflecting on
the past few months.  I see the sign "Now Leaving Sunnydale-Come back
soon!" and I think to myself: Maybe.

-Fin-


****************************************************

Check out the Garden Patch (includes 4 whole fan fics I have written
plus any works in progress)
http://beavis.intercom.net/~lilsprout


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-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail]
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Libidinous 16/?
Date: 28 Aug 1998 19:07:44 EDT

Title~ Libidinous  16/?
Author~ Shani
Notes~ in psychoanalytlic theories, the libido is the driving force behind all
human actions
Summary~  A Buffy/Angel story with a few twists.  Involves characters from
General Hospital, but yoiu donÆt have to watch GH to understand this fic.  I
did change a thing or two around for you GH fans.  This oneÆs basically fluff.
Disclaimer~  All characters of Buffy the Vampire Slayer belong to Joss
Whendon, Mutant Enemy Productions, Kuzui Enterprises, Sandollar Productions,
and 20th Century Fox.  ôThereÆs No Me Without Youö belongs to Babyface.  All
characters of General hospital belong to ABC.
~Special thanks to Angie, who provided this song, inspiration and support.


Chapter 16, ThereÆs No Me Without You.

<There's no me without you
  There's no meaning to life without you
  Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair
  When I can't stop the thinking about you
  There's no moon without you
  There's no Saturday nights without you
  There's no walk through the park
  No beat in my heart
  No I love you, No I can't live without you>

    ôTurned ro dust?  A cross...ö  Giles mumbled.  ôBuffy, can you describe the
dream?ö
    She gave a quick nod, then told them of her dream.  Stefan and Nikolas joined
the group and listened along with the rest.  Giles was very excited about the
news.  He tried not to show it, but heÆs a watcher, not an actor.  The group
once again dispersed, this time with more information.  Willow went to her lap
top, hoping that some techno-pagen site would give her the knowledge they so
desperately needed.  Buffy went with Giles, Xander, Nikolas and Stefan each on
there own.  Angel, however, didnÆt move.

< You told me everything would be cool
  Said I wouldn't always feel blue
  How come I feel like a wreck
  How come the skies are all gray
  How come my eyes are all red
  Why am I alone in bed>

    He couldnÆt.  In both dreams she had seen him unable to help her.  The
thought horrified him to say the least.  He watched her.  She was bent over a
book, looking at something that Giles was pointing out.  She looked up at him.
She held his gaze for a moment, smiling through the fear and pain that she hid
so well.  Angel sat down at the table.

   ***    ôAngel?ö
    ôB...Buff?  Buffy?ö  He asked, not trusting his eyes.
    ôIÆm sorry.  IÆm so sorry.ö  Buffy began to cry.  He moved toward her,
shaking his head.
    ôIÆm so proud of you, thereÆs nothing to be sorry for,ö  He said gently.
    ôA...ö  Angel cut her off with a kiss. ***

    Angel opened his eyes, he hadnÆt realized that he had fallen asleep.  That
dream, those memories... He had been able to touch her, to kiss her then.  She
hadnÆt been worried or afraid.  She hadnÆt been in danger.  Angel looked at
her again.  She didnÆt see him this time.  He watched her read the pages along
with Giles.  She looked so perfect, and he didnÆt know what he would do if she
were to get hurt.

< You told me everything would be fine
   Why am I losing my mind
   How come I feel like a fool
   Why do I keep losing you
  Why do I love in despair
  When you're not there>

    There would be nothing that he could do.  What would be the point of ever
doing anything again?  A tear tricked down his cheek.  He felt something brush
against it.  Angel smiled.  Buffy æsatÆ on his lap as best she could in her
current state.
    ôItÆs gonna be ok.ö  She whispered to him.  ôEverythingÆs gonna be alright.ö

< There's no me without you
   There's no meaning to life without you
   Tell me why should I care 'bout doing my hair
   When I can't stop the thinking about you
   There's no moon without you
   There's no Saturday nights without you
   There's no walk through the park
   No beat in my heart
   No I love you, No I can't live without you>

    Giles watched from the table he and Buffy had been at.  Angel wasnÆt the only
one worried about Buffy.  Everyone continued to glance over at the pair,
thought they all felt differently about what they saw, they all wanted her
safe.  Their friend, their soulmate, their Slayer.

< So blue for you
   So deep in love with you
   So hard to say bye-bye
   When you know how hard I've tried
   I, I, I tried baby
   No No No No>




-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: NightHunter <[e-mail]>
Subject: BUFFYFIC: FB: Alternate Ending
Date: 29 Aug 1998 15:17:12 -0700

I was cleaning out some old files in my hard drive
and found this it was an alternate ending to
the Final Battle thought that some of you might
like to see where I could have gone.
If you read the first ending let me known which one
you liked better

NightHunter <[e-mail]>


Final Battle (3/3) Alternate Ending


The watcher task force lead by a very angry Buffy and Xander surrounded
the place of the new vampire Lord.  Preparing for an all out assault on
him because no one takes their children.

The door to the place opened and a legend of Vampires surged forth.
With one purpose on their minds total destruction of ever last human.

The Watchers attacked in masses using new weapons designed for the
purpose of destroying only Vampires the Sun Guns.

Soon the battle was joined hundreds died in the assault.

Buffy surged forth into battle, only to be stopped by a flash of light.
Fizzgag the last of the feline mages appeared.

"Buffy it's time.  Prepare yourself for the Final Battle who's out come
will
decided the fate of not only this world but the very Universe." Said
Fizzgag

Then in another flash on light Buffy and Xander find themselves inside
the
throne room of The Master.

The sight that greeted them was of their children.  Hanging from the
ceiling
by a rope over a ring of fire.

"No!" Yelled Buffy using her Slayer speed to leap high into the air
grabbing
her children.  But, just as she began her descent she feels an arrow
pierce
her heart.

"NO! DAMN YOU!" Yelled Xander his anger so great, that for the first
time, he no longer tried to fight.  His inner demon letting all of his
rage out. In a yell so powerful, that the battle that raged outside
came to a halt.

The Master looked on as a transformation begin.  Giant Wings begin
ripping out of Xander's back.  His hands became like steel claws.  For
the first time in many millennium The Master knew fear.  The last
vestige
of humanity faded from Xander's eyes leaving only rage.

Letting out a primal scream, the creature that had been Xander leaped
high
into the air, his leather wings flapping fast.  The Master was driven
back,
as he falls the creature lands on top of him.  It's claws digging deep
into
his undead flesh. Until, finally nothing but small strips of decaying
flesh
were left.  But still, the creatures rage was not sated.  Using it's
great
strength, it tore through the steel walls of the place.  Descending into
the
court yard it's claws ripping apart ever vampire it could find.  Until
finally,
there were none left.

As it's rage continued to burn, it felt a familiar presence behind it
and turned
to see Willow carring two very scared little girls.

"Xander you have to come back for their sake." Said Willow tears flowing
down her face

As Willow approached him he growled.  Then, in as flash of pure white
light Buffy appeared in front of him.  Her hand touched his face all the
rage
and anger disappeared leaving only a crying Xander.

"God Buffy! I need you, I can't do it by myself." Cried Xander

"Xander your not alone, ever, look!" Replied Buffy pointing to a crying
Willow.

When Xander turned and looked he saw everything clearly for the first
time, Willow was always there for him wanting to be noticed.

"She'll be there for you all the time Xander." said Buffy slowly moving
to
Willow.  She said, "Look after him Willow and treat our children as your
own.  Then I'll know that everything will be alright."

"I will Buffy, you were the best friend that I ever had.  I love you."
Said
Willow tears running down her face.  She started to brake down then she
felt a strong arm embrace her.

"Well, go on, Good-Bye Buffy, I will never forget you" Said Xander
holding Willow and his children tight against him.

As the light started to fade Xander swore that he could see Angel.
Waiting
for her in the tunnel of light.  He felt himself hoping that the real
Angel
was waiting for her.

As they turned to start home Willow looked down to find a crystal band
around her arm, then she heard a majestic voice.

"As one passes so is another chosen.  Go forth my child and know that
the
time of evil is over." Said the Voice

Then as everyone looked on.  The sky was ripped asunder as a place of
pure white light descend.  As the light dimmed, everyone could see them,
thousand upon thousand of Angels.  And for the first time all over the
world the peace that so many had fought and died for became realized.

The Human spirit had over come.  The forces of Good had been victorious
in this the Final Battle.  This Armageddon.
****************************************************

Well, I have finally brought to an end what I started in Her Darkest
Hour.
When I started this I was never sure where I was going. I begin to see
that
maybe some thing's were never ment to be.  So, things change, Buffy in
death is with the real Angel.  Xander and Willow have each other, though
where they will go.  Only time will tell and they'll both have their
hands full
with Buffy's two girls.  Will I ever come back to this Universe?  Well
never
say never.

Special Note: To those of you who read My first story Her Darkest Hour a
few things were changed from the original draft. Buffy's mother is
killed,
not in a coma.  It had a much darker ending but when a pissed off Slayer
holds a wooden stake to your heart-well, you re-write.



-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: [e-mail] (Charity C. T.)
Subject: BUFFYFIC: Poem: I Wonder, I Wish
Date: 30 Aug 1998 04:52:32 -0700

Title: I Wonder, I Wish
Author: Taygeta
E-mail: [e-mail]
Distribution: Sure, just tell me first
Feedback: Yes...please...whatever the complaint.  Poetry is rare for me.
I've only done two other poems that haven't counted for class credit.
Anything said is appreciated.
Disclaimer: Buffy is not mine.  Xander is not mine.  All the characters
do not belong to me.  They are the property of Joss Whedon, 20th Century
Fox, Kuzui Enterprises, Mutant Enemy, WB, and Sandollar Productions.
Therefore, no copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: Well, it's Buffy-related.  It was suppose to be a Xander
thinking of Buffy type of thing, but it could also be a Willow thinking
of Xander type of thing.  As well as anyone you actually could apply the
"loving from afar" type of thing. There isn't any name reference to BtVS
or it's characters, but I stuck a disclaimer in for the sake of it, since
it is a requirement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I Wonder, I Wish
By: Taygeta

I sit here and wonder,
Thinking only of you.
I continue to wish,
I continue to dream, dreams that may never come true.

I suppose I am a fool,
And love from you will never be mine.
But I can hope...
Can't I?

I watch you from afar,
And I know what you long for.
But do you know my dreams,
As I know yours?

I long for you to be in my arms.
I long for a love that I've wanted for so long.
I long for you to long for me,
And I long for days that at the moment shall never be.

You are the sun,
You are the moon,
The first and the last,
My thoughts synchronized.

You are my love,
You are my heart,
I have found you to be a part of me,
But that, too, has yet to be.

I think of you and I think of me,
I think of us,
As nonexistent as it may be.
You, me...us...
I wonder...I wish...


*****End...feedback?  Please?*****

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