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- [ The Paradox ] [ By Joseph ]
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- ____________________________________________________________________
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- The Paradox
- by Joseph
-
-
- One and every living soul would forget him. He knew for sure. A chinese
- saying he had read somewhere summed up his insights pretty well. Put your
- hand in a bucket of water, splash around; when you see the last waves die
- out, you understand how many traces you leave behind when you die. Of course,
- if you splash harder, the waves remain longer; but not forever. Like the
- ancient thinkers of China, he had come to the conclusion that it was no use
- splashing around.
- Dinner time. His woman served him his last meal without knowing about it.
- Rather depressing entertainment. Friday evening, and you just have to put
- in a little extra. So fucking ordinary. A bottle of wine to go with the
- meal, well, maybe not so ordinary after all. Most people have a good
- but embarrassing booze entailing the evening dinner, staring at the shows
- on television; ending the night with some soft porn. When the brain has
- contracted into a pink raisin inside the cranium and the eyes are as red as
- the cheap wine that went with the meal - it is time for the late night
- education programs. Naturally. And you are satisfied with it. Because you
- know you are waiting for the right moment. Some day, or more like one day,
- you will show them all. But not today. Today, they are showing that great
- film on television and, hey, maybe you even got to screw your spouse
- afterwards. Naturally, one keeps the job. The wheel of squirrels, too hard
- to learn, it is hard to know, hard to understand. Especially when you notice
- that you would not have a lot of company. If you know, you can, you do -
- well, then you cannot stand it any more.
- That was one of the reasons. Another was that he could not find an end to
- his sorrows. When he occasionally joined the people outside his home he did
- not find happy people. He saw the disabled. Old, ugly and stupid. Those
- which are despised. He saw sorrowness in the them, not pity, but something
- worse - outsiders. He could identify himself with those people. Those in
- a wheelchair. Those with a lazy eye. Those whom did not understand
- mathematics. You laugh at them. You laugh at them because they cannot do the
- things you can do. The laughing masses never ask themselves this question:
- these people, whom no one wants to have anything to do with, how do they
- compensate their shortcomings? Which talents, which we ignore, have they
- developed?
- But this was something that deeply disturbed him. Who gives a shit? All
- these despised people - in front of whom can they demonstrate their talents?
- The worst part was probably that those which despised were in majority,
- followed by those who felt sorry and then those who could not really see the
- difference. Those who could not see why a physical handicap could be a
- problem at all. Those who only saw the person. Not the leg, not the lazy
- eye. This group of people was so small that it almost did not exist. Anyway,
- he could not look these physical and social freaks in their eyes. He was
- ashamed of his fellows and himself.
- A more powerful reason was that he was always afraid. He could not go
- out at nights. He had seen and heard enough. You could die for a cigarette
- or a glass of beer. The very existence of people that performed such
- horrible deeds scared him. He was not ready to play with his life for a
- glass of beer or his cigarettes.
- And therefore, out of these simple and slightly neurotic reasons, he
- would do something these people would never be allowed to do to him. He was
- well aware of the paradox.
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