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- | | c o m m u n i c a t i o n s | |
- | |________________________________________________________________| |
- |____________________________________________________________________|
-
- ...presents... The B!G Envelope Stuffing Scam
- by Hanover Fiste
-
- >>> a cDc publication.......1993 <<<
- -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc-
- ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____ _ ____
- |____digital_media____digital_culture____digital_media____digital_culture____|
-
- You wanna earn more money? Sure, we all do.
-
- If you read any of the tabloids, newspapers, or magazines you sometimes
- run across advertisements in the classifieds that look similar to this:
-
- "Earn up to $500 per week assembling products at home. No previous
- experience."
-
- Or this:
-
- "Earn $200 to $500 a week stuffing envelopes."
-
- Well they're SCAMS! Yeah, no shit. I'm going to explain how it works;
- and if you're willing to invest a good $40 you can get it going. This file
- outlines everything that you would get from responding to one of those
- advertisements and more!
-
- HOW THE WHOLE THING WORKS:
-
- You write the people a letter requesting information, or in some cases you
- call their answering machine. However you reach them, you will end up with be
- a brochure mailed to you. I've never called one of the numbers, but I assume
- it's the same scam.
-
- The brochure (see brochure below) basically says how much money you'll be
- earning without working hard. It may describe some kind of home mailers'
- program. It's a lot of bullshit that tells you mostly nothing.
-
- There is a coupon, saying you can buy the complete plan for a mere $20...
- chump change once you get the thing going. You can also include an extra $2.00
- for rush delivery, but that box being checked is surely to be ignored.
-
- Once you give them the $20, they mail you a couple pages of photocopied
- material. It outlines the plan, gives you advice, and addresses.
-
- The plan is to put an ad in an tabloid offering $500 weekly for stuffing
- envelopes. When people answer your ad, you send them a brochure. When they
- send you $20, you send them a copy of the plan.
-
- There is alternative way, in which the person buys five-hundred names from
- an address supplier and mails brochures to opportunity seekers from a mailing
- list.
-
- The best thing about the plan is that the majority of people who send $20
- for the booklet won't actually go out and do the business.
-
- If you decide to do this, you have some significant advantages over the
- chump whom paid for the scheme:
-
- 1. You are not out $20 for the big plan.
-
- 2. You own a computer:
- a. You can use your computer to print some fancy brochures that might
- just hook anyone.
- b. If you have a printer, you can print everything at home, thus saving
- you the time and money of going to a print shop.
-
- 3. You have someone else's insight on the plan, as opposed to rough plans.
-
- IS IT ILLEGAL?
-
- No. It's not illegal like the pyramid scams where someone sends for a
- report from everyone on the list. It is not mail fraud, because you are
- actually selling a booklet.
-
- However, if you don't pay taxes on your earnings (BOX 2, 1040EZ), it might
- be considered tax evasion. Remember, the IRS took down Al Capone. Just keep a
- record of profit and loss.
-
- If you do this, you might want to actually set up a legitimate business.
- You'll be able to buy products wholesale without paying sales tax, and maybe
- eligible for Small Business Loans.
-
- Here's a sample brochure which you would mail someone who sends you a SASE
- in response to your ad:
-
- --*--
-
- _YOU_ _WILL_ _RECEIVE_ _$3.00_
- FOR EACH ENVELOPE YOU STUFF
- AND RETURN ACCORDING
- TO OUR INSTRUCTIONS
- Now! As an Independent Mailer YOU earn MONEY and RESPECT.
- SIMPLE-PLEASANT-PROFITABLE-STUFFING-MAILING ENVELOPES
- at home!
- HELP SOLVE YOUR MONEY PROBLEMS
-
- -----------------------------------------------------------------
- You will RECEIVE $3.00 for each and every circular you stuff and
- return. NOT a commission based on whether or not you get orders,
- but simple $3.00 for every envelope you send per our instructions.
- -----------------------------------------------------------------
-
- =================================================
- =$500.00 to $1500.00 PART TIME WEEKLY AT HOME!!!=
- =================================================
-
- Send 25 - you will RECEIVE checks for $75.00. Send 150 - you will RECEIVE
- checks for $450.00. You will be reimbursed your cost of shipping envelopes!
- Never before anything quite like this!!
-
- TIME IS MONEY. YOU CAN BEGIN NOW BY PUTTING YOUR TIME TO THE BEST OF USE. THE
- NEXT FEW MINUTES CAN LITERALLY CHANGE YOUR LIFE. DON'T LET THIS EXTRAORDINARY
- OPPORTUNITY PASS.
-
- You need no special skills. We will teach you - in simple language - how you
- can start making money and continue day after day, week after week, year after
- year.
-
- ***************************************************************
- * YOUR name never appears on any of the printed circulars. *
- * You will never mail anything objectionable or pornographic. *
- ***************************************************************
-
- There are millions of people in the United States and Canada that we would
- like to send our offers to, but could never be expected to reach all of them,
- even if we worked round the clock. However, by you and many others helping
- from home, we are able to contact many thousands of potential customers in a
- shorter time.
-
- - NO EXPERIENCE OR SPECIAL SKILLS REQUIRED -
- OUR SYSTEM OF STUFFING ENVELOPES IS VERY EASY TO OPERATE.
-
- For as long as you wish to participate, by following our instructions you will
- receive pre-addressed envelopes with postage stamps already affixed. As you
- can see, the biggest part of your work will be securing envelopes, stuffing
- them with circulars and sending them back for payment. We want you to work.
- We also want you to remain active for many years in this terrific program.
-
- .---------------------------------------------------------------------------.
- | IN ORDER TO GET YOU STARTED IMMEDIATELY, we must require a one-time |
- | payment of only $20.00. This covers our expense in showing you what to |
- | do and you can work as long as you desire. There is nothing else to ever |
- | buy from us in order to get started and keep going for years. In as |
- | much as we would like to send you our program without the small charge |
- | of $20.00, we must protect ourselves from those few who are not serious |
- | and have no intention other than to satisfy their curiosity. Naturally, |
- | no business can afford to send out costly material to everyone who |
- | writes in asking for it. This small charge assures us that you are |
- | serious about wanting to earn money at home. |
- .---------------------------------------------------------------------------.
-
- Please do not ask we send you the program without the payment and later deduct
- it from your first check. We do not operate in such a manner because there are
- far too many people willing to pay in advance. Furthermore, it creates an
- unnecessary bookkeeping problem if we have to keep records to remind us to make
- such deductions.
-
- NOW IT'S ALL UP TO YOU!
- ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
- START NOW by mailing the following order blank IMMEDIATELY, and start taking
- those first important steps on the road to working from the comfort of your own
- home! Don't put off another minute. No further information can be given
- without an order for our program. All requests must include full payment.
-
- Don't Miss This Once In A Lifetime Opportunity! MAIL THIS BLANK TODAY!
-
- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
- | $ ENVELOPES FOR BIG MONEY $ |
- | DON'T DELAY-START IMMEDIATELY!!! |
- | YOU CAN BEGIN NOW |
- vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
-
- @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ MAKE ORDERS PAYABLE TO {insert name/address here}
- @@@ @@@ $20.00 enclosed. Register me in your programs as
- @ --COMPLETE-- @ described above. [] Cash [] Check [] Money Order
- @ -HOMEMAILER'S- @ [_] Extra $5.00 for Fast Priority Service
- @ ---PROGRAM!--- @ NAME/ADDRESS/CITY/STATE/ZIP__________________
- @@@ @@@ SIGNATURE_______________________
- @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ I want to earn weekly [] $500 [] $1,000+
-
- --*--
-
- The above text was copied verbatim from an actual brochure. However, I
- did remove one paragraph because I felt it was misleading and could be
- considered false advertising. It said you'd get a $3.00 check per envelope,
- which is not true. I think the writer of this brochure should have said
- something to the effect that your earnings average out to $3 per envelope; for
- every seven people who send for the brochure, one person responds making
- approximately $2.86 per envelope. It is your best bet to redo the whole thing
- using some desk top publishing skills.
-
- The actual plan says people will be sending SASE's. However, you could
- charge them $1 or so for the brochure and still make them send a SASE.
- Including a charge like that will result in a smaller response, thus fewer
- people knowing exactly how much they could be earning at home.
-
- Can you see how people would realize that twenty dollars is nothing
- compared to the money they could be earning? Doing without Ron Popeil's latest
- food dehydrater is worth earning the money that Sally Struthers spoke about
- without setting foot in a school.
-
- Here's the actual program which is mailed out once you've received the
- $20:
-
- --*--
-
- {PAGE ONE}
-
- [ COMPLETE HOMEMAILER'S PROGRAM ]
-
- {PAGE TWO}
-
- INTRODUCTION:
-
- WE WELCOME YOU TO OUR COMPLETE HOMEMAILER'S PROGRAM. THIS PROGRAM WILL SHOW
- YOU HOW TO MAKE SUMS OF MONEY YOU NEVER BEFORE DREAMED POSSIBLE.
- CONGRATULATIONS!! YOU HAVE NOW TAKEN THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS FINANCIAL FREEDOM.
- NOW, YOUR SUCCESS ENTIRELY DEPENDS UPON YOUR EFFORTS.
-
- THERE ARE MANY MAIL-ORDER COMPANIES, LOOKING FOR HELP FROM HOMEMAILERS. WE ARE
- ONE OF THOSE COMPANIES. IT IS MORE PROFITABLE FOR US TO USE YOUR HELP TO REACH
- THOUSANDS OF PROSPECTIVE CUSTOMERS THAN TO HIRE A LARGE STAFF AND TRY TO REACH
- THEM BY OURSELVES. WE WANT YOU TO SUCCEED BECAUSE YOUR SUCCESS IS OUR SUCCESS.
-
- HOW TO START:
-
- FIRST STEP: CHOOSE THE NAME FOR YOUR OWN BUSINESS. THIS NAME IS UP TO YOU.
- SO BE CREATIVE AND TRY TO FIND AN ATTRACTIVE ONE. YOU ALSO CAN
- USE YOUR OWN NAME FOLLOWED BY "COMPANY" OR "ASSOC." MANY EXAMPLES
- CAN BE FOUND IN THE CLASSIFIED ADS OF SUCH MAGAZINES AS THE
- _NATIONAL ENQUIRER_ AND _GLOBE_.
-
- SECOND STEP: YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT TO USE FOR YOUR BUSINESS CORRESPONDENCE:
- YOUR PERSONAL ADDRESS OR A POST OFFICE BOX. TO RENT A POST OFFICE
- BOX IS CONVENIENT AND INEXPENSIVE.
-
- THIRD STEP: YOU HAVE TO ORDER RUBBER STAMPS WITH THE NAME AND ADDRESS OF YOUR
- LOCAL BUSINESS IN A LOCAL PRINT SHOP.
-
- {PAGE THREE}
-
- INQUIRES:
-
- PLACE AN AD SIMILAR TO THE ONE TO WHICH YOU RESPONDED IN THE CLASSIFIED ADS
- SECTIONS OF MAGAZINES. MAGAZINES WILL CHARGE FROM $1.50 TO $9.50 PER WORD.
- THE MORE CIRCULATION THE MAGAZINE HAS, THE MORE EXPENSIVE THE AD WILL BE.
- WRITE TO MAGAZINES AND REQUEST INFORMATION ABOUT ADVERTISING. RUN YOUR AD
- UNDER "BUSINESS" AND "MONEY-MAKING OPPORTUNITY" SECTIONS. WE DO NOT SUGGEST
- DAILY PAPERS AND RECOMMEND ADVERTISING IN _THE NATIONAL ENQUIRER_ OR _GLOBE_.
- IF THEY ARE TOO EXPENSIVE, USE PAPERS WITH CIRCULATIONS OF 10,000 OR MORE. IF
- YOUR AD DOES NOT PULL INQUIRIES ENOUGH TO MAKE A PROFIT, CHANGE MAGAZINES AND
- TRY AGAIN.
-
- IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU KEY YOUR ADS TO KEEP TRACK OF HOW EACH MAGAZINE
- PULLS. "KEYING ADS" SIMPLY MEANS THAT YOU FOLLOW THE PROGRESS OF ADS AND KEEP
- THE ADS THAT MAKE A PROFIT AND DROP THE ONES THAT DON'T. ALL NEWSPAPERS IN THE
- UNITED STATES ARE LISTED IN AYER'S DIRECTORY; AVAILABLE IN PUBLIC LIBRARIES.
- YOU CAN GET A FREE USEFUL ADVERTISER'S GUIDEBOOK FROM MORLOCK ADVERTISING
- AGENCY, 188 W. RANDOLPHS STREET, CHICAGO, IL 60601.
-
- HOW TO WRITE ADS THAT PULL:
-
- IT IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT THAT YOU USE KEY WORDS IN YOUR ADS TO ATTRACT THE
- INTEREST OF YOUR READERS. TO LEARN MORE ABOUT WRITING CLASSIFIEDS, YOU MAY
- OBTAIN A COPY OF "PROFIT FROM CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING" (COST $1) AVAILABLE
- THROUGH: POPULAR MECHANIC, ATTN: CLASSIFIED ADVERTISING MANAGER, 224 W. 57TH
- ST., NY, NY.
-
- WORDS LIKE "AMAZING," "INSTANT PROFIT," "GET RICH," ETC. MAY BE HELPFUL.
- SOMETIMES THE AD CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE AS TO WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE SUCCESSFUL.
-
- {PAGE FOUR}
-
- MAILING LISTS:
-
- INSTEAD OF RECEIVING INQUIRES THROUGH CLASSIFIED ADS, YOU CAN USE MAILING LISTS
- TO REACH A POTENTIAL CUSTOMER. YOU CAN OBTAIN THESE LISTS FROM A MAIL LISTS
- BROKER, WHICH YOU WILL FIND IN A LOCAL YELLOW PAGES. WRITE TO THESE BROKERS
- THAT YOU ARE INTERESTED IN FOR LISTS OF OPPORTUNITY SEEKERS. BROKERS CHARGE
- YOU $15 TO $20 PER THOUSAND NAMES. GOOD MAILING LISTS ARE AVAILABLE FROM THE
- COMPANIES BELOW. SEND AN INQUIRY ASKING FOR INFORMATION AND ENCLOSE A SASE.
-
- ADDRESSES UNLIMITED ACCREDITED MAILING LISTS, INC
- 14621 TITUS ST. 5272 RIVER RD.
- VAN NUYS, CA 91402 WASHINGTON, DC 20016
- (818) 873-4114
-
- BELTH ASSOC., INC. BENWAY MARKETING, INC.
- 971 RICHMOND AVE. 474 2ND ST.
- EAST MEADOW, NY EXCELSIOR, MN 55331
- (516) 483-3030 (612) 474-1138
-
- METROMAIL CORP. BUSINESS MAILERS, INC.
- 901 W. BOND ST. 640 LASALLE ST.
- LINCOLN, NE 68521 CHICAGO, IL 60610
- (312) 943-6666
-
- CREATIVE MAILING LISTS DIRECT RESPONSE PRODUCTS, INC.
- 1100 STEWART AVE 3300 N. E. EXPRESSWAY
- GARDEN CITY, NY 11530 ATLANTA, GA 30309
- (516) 832-2510
-
- MARKET DEVELOPMENT CORP.
- 41 KILMER DR.
- HAZELWOOD, MO 63043
- (314) 878-4212
-
- {PAGE 5}
-
- THE PROGRAM:
-
- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO RESELL THE PROGRAM TO OTHERS. YOU HAVE PAID $20.00 AND
- NOW YOU CAN REPRODUCE ALL MATERIALS WHICH YOU RECEIVE FROM US. YOU HAVE
- CIRCULARS PRINTED WITH YOUR BUSINESS NAME AND ADDRESS IN THE SPACE PROVIDED ON
- THE APPLICATION FORM, WHICH ARE THE SAME AS THE ONE ENCLOSED. YOU HAVE A
- THOUSAND PRINTED UP AT YOUR LOCAL PRINT SHOP. WHEN YOU RECEIVE SELF ADDRESSED
- STAMPED ENVELOPES YOU STUFF THEM WITH CIRCULARS AND SEND THEM THE SAME DAY YOU
- RECEIVE INQUIRES. OR, YOU MAIL CIRCULARS DIRECTLY TO POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS FROM
- MAILING LISTS YOU BOUGHT FROM MAIL LISTS BROKERS.
-
- RECORD KEEPING:
-
- RECORD KEEPING PLAYS THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE, BECAUSE IT SHOWS YOUR PROGRESS;
- IT INDICATES NECESSARY CHANGES. IT ENABLES YOU TO PREDICT YOUR FUTURE. EACH
- NAME MUST BE RECORDED IN YOUR LOG-BOOK BECAUSE YOU WILL BUILD YOUR OWN MAILING
- LISTS WHICH CAN BE SOLD OR RENTED.
-
- PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR A REFUND IF YOU DO NOT USE THIS PROGRAM AS STATED.
- FAILURE TO FOLLOW THIS INSTRUCTION WILL NULLIFY THE AGREEMENT. THIS PROGRAM IS
- ABSOLUTELY LEGAL. A LEGITIMATE MAILING PROGRAM REQUIRES SOMETHING TO BE SOLD
- WHICH THE BUYER CAN USE AND RESALE TO A USER. ALL INFORMATION AND FACTS IN
- THIS PROGRAM CAN BE USED BY ANYONE TO START A LEGITIMATE MAIL ORDER BUSINESS IN
- THE HOME.
-
- --*--
-
- HANOVER FISTE'S METHODS OF MAKING THIS WORK:
-
- If you seriously want to do the above plan, don't follow the exact
- program, since it's obviously designed for idiots. Why else would the copy I
- got be typed in all caps?
-
- 1. Rent a PO Box, if you don't already have one. Even if you don't plan
- to do the scheme, it's a good idea to have one. You can have shit sent
- to you without people having your real address.
-
- 2. Get your computer running. Make some fancy kick-ass brochure. Also
- make a really sucky one that doesn't have an address. This lame one
- will be the one you send with the instructions. Print them out. Have
- at least fifty copies of them ready. Hint: Make your brochure's coupon
- so that the person's address can be placed into a window envelope, thus
- saving you the trouble of having to re-write it.
-
- 3. Get your editor running and make twenty copies of the homemailer's
- plan, along with the lame brochure.
-
- 4. Put an ad in a magazine. This will be your only true expense. Be sure
- it will pull in suckers. When the responses come, shove the good
- brochures in them. If you want, you could get the rubber stamp and put
- return addresses on 'em. Or, you could use your printer and some
- labels. Since it's their stamp, you might just say, "fuck it" and
- don't put a return address on it.
-
- 5. When checks come for $20, wait for them to clear before you send
- anything. After all, if someone is desperate enough to believe they
- could make incredulous amounts of cash, they might forget their bank
- balance. Depending on what percent they charge, you might go to a
- "checks cashed" place.
-
- 6. Send the cheese brain, er Prospective Entrepreneur, the plan.
-
- OTHER OPTIONS:
-
- When the big bucks start pouring in, consider an investment in a mailing
- list from one of the companies in the plan. You then send copies of the
- brochures to people on the mailing list. Here's a formula to estimate the
- cost:
-
- Printing 500 brochures + ordering 500 names from an address broker + 500
- stamps would cost somewhere between 200-300 dollars, but think of this: if one
- out of seven people respond it would be approximately seventy-two people.
- 72 x $20 = $1440 - $300 (your cost) = $1140 profit.
-
- You might also be able to trade address lists you've collected from people
- who've ordered from you. You might not get much for them, but it is a discount
- compared to buying a mailing list straight out.
-
- You can also use those addresses for some twisted, ILLEGAL pyramid plan;
- the decision is up to you. The person gave you their address and the worst
- they can do is request it be removed from the list.
-
- HOW TO SPEND YOUR NEW INCOME:
-
- Not that it's my business, but here are some suggestions:
-
- * Donate it to cDc! Why not, we provided you the how-to of it. Five
- bucks feeds S. Ratte' for a day! Yeah, feed the children. Cash only!
- Send to: cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, Lubbock, TX 79453.
-
- * Subscribe to Money or Inc. magazines and find out where the real action
- is.
-
- CONCLUSION:
-
- Good luck and have fun. This plan is almost too good to give away for
- free, but I'm big-hearted and that's the way cDc is. Yeah. E-mail me about
- your progress and come up with your own scams.
- _______ __________________________________________________________________
- / _ _ \|Demon Roach Undrgrnd.806/794-4362|Kingdom of Shit.....806/794-1842|
- ((___)) |Cool Beans!..........510/THE-COOL|Polka AE {PW:KILL}..806/794-4362|
- [ x x ] |The Alcazar..........401/782-6721|Moody Loners w/Guns.415/221-8608|
- \ / |The Works............617/861-8976|Finitopia...........916/673-8412|
- (' ') |ftp - zero.cypher.com in pub/cdc |ftp - ftp.eff.org in pub/cud/cdc|
- (U) |==================================================================|
- .ooM |1993 cDc communications by Hanover Fiste 04/01/93-#223|
- \_______/|All Rights Drooled Away. SIX GLORIOUS YEARS of cDc|
-
-