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- Voices In My Head
- MindVox: The Overture
-
- Copyright (c) 1992, by Patrick Karel Kroupa (Lord Digital)
- All Rights Reserved
-
- "...just as every cop is a criminal and all the sinners; saints"
- --The Rolling Stones (Jane's Addiction cover(*1))
-
-
- Prelude
- -------
-
- This article has its inception in several dozen people ask-
- ing the same questions with fairly consistent regularity. Namely
- those of, "where'd you guys go?", "what's the deal with MindVox?"
- and "what have you been doing for the last five years anyway?"
-
- Overture does a decent job of tying up all of the above and
- then some, while providing a general overview about who we are at
- Phantom Access and what we're in the process of doing with Mind-
- Vox. Sections of this article self-plagiarize heavily from my
- own writings in ENTROPY CALLING, which will be in a form suitable
- for publication sometime around the first quarter of 1993 at the
- rate things are going right now. My apologies for the perpetual-
- ly blown deadlines regarding this work, but something always
- manages to pop up that requires my full attention, in this case
- MindVox itself.
-
- I've done what I could to make everything understandable by
- even those who have no prior knowledge of who we are or what's
- going on, hopefully I have at least partially succeeded. If
- something is briefly touched upon and you don't understand its
- significance, then it probably means something to a smaller
- cross-section of people and you can safely ignore it.
-
- While this is in many respects a personal account of my own
- journey through Cyberspace and what it has meant to me and a
- handful of my friends, on a larger scale the underlying theme and
- basic premise of how the electronic universe began and has
- evolved is reflective of the experiences of countless people who
- have been traversing the endless pathways of possibility with me
- for most of their lives.
-
-
- First Light
- -----------
-
- A long time ago, in a thoughtspace far away, an event that would
- forevermore alter the shape of human interaction took place . . .
-
- But we're not here to talk about that, instead we're gonna dis-
- cuss computers and how a couple of guys named Ward Christianson
- and Randy Seuss wrote a program that would allow them to be set
- up as a kind of store-and-forward messaging system designed to
- allow their circle of friends to interact with one another by us-
- ing these things called modems . . . and how this event would
- prove to be the first truly accessible step into the uncharted
- territory of what was to become Cyberspace.
-
- From this empowering turning point in the late seventies, the
- ideas, dreams and fantasies that would transmute and amplify hu-
- man potentials and evolutionary possibilities, broke loose from
- the shackles that primitive technology had imposed upon them and
- began to spin the electronic universe into existence.
-
- Still in the very early stages of its development, Cyberspace, or
- the "modem world" as it is sometimes called, has until very re-
- cently remained a largely untapped forum unique within the histo-
- ry of our world. It is a rapidly shifting microcosm that in the
- early part of the 1990's seems poised to engulf the reality from
- which it was born, weaving together the threads of tens of mil-
- lions of diverse dreams, into one mercurial tapestry that encom-
- passes the collective consciousness of humanity and frees it from
- all constraints.
-
- The non-space of Cyberspace is a place where global changes that
- would take years or even centuries outside of the online domain,
- can occur in weeks or months. It is a place where participants
- from all over the world share a unique common-ground based on
- nothing less nor more, than a belief in the same vision of possi-
- bility. It is a land where people who scoff at "The Elements of
- Style" frequently write paragraphs, pages, and even novels, full
- of big words, huge concepts, and absolutely gargantuan amounts of
- emoting -- while actually saying nothing tangible. In a little
- over a decade, the online microcosm has managed to experience the
- equivalent of hundreds of years of evolution. Not to mention the
- creation of hundreds of words which have found their way into the
- online lexicon despite the fact that nobody is quite sure what
- they mean in the first place.
-
- During this turbulent period of rapid change the half-dozen sys-
- tems of 1978, had grown to 45 or 50 electronic villages by 1980.
- These were the original outposts of Cyberspace, running on hacked
- together systems, hooked into industrial 8" drives, and network-
- ing at the blinding speed of 110 baud. To be honest, there
- wasn't really a whole lot of high level philosophizing going on
- regarding the brave new world that had dawned. Actually, most of
- the conversation tended to focus on things along the lines of,
- "How do you hook an 8" drive onto an Apple ][?" and "ANY idiot
- can see that setting the 7th bit high on the xdef reg is the
- WRONG thing to do, OF COURSE it'll make the program crash, are
- you stupid or something?" It was a technological triumph, but
- one that was for the most part, still lacking many of the key
- participants that would shape the technology into designer reali-
- ties.
-
- As the seventies drew to a close, the sterility and bare-bones
- functionality that had predominated, began to make way for places
- created by people who truly wanted something unique and dif-
- ferent. The mere existence of the technology was no longer that
- exciting, and as a greater number of people gained access to the
- hardware needed to jack in, the first electronic tribes gathered
- and began erecting monuments to their own ingenuity.
-
- By the time the eighties were upon us, the handful of systems
- that had thrived during the latter half of the previous decade
- had multiplied rapidly, giving birth to new systems on an almost
- daily basis, and by 1982 there were close to a thousand outposts
- on the frontier. Hardware prices were falling, 1200bps modems
- were actually within the reach of many people who wanted to pur-
- chase them, and the online domain was beginning to attract a wide
- variety of participants from outside the technocratic elite.
-
- A second pivotal point came during the summer of 1983 when the
- movie WARGAMES was released. Within several months the modem
- world literally doubled in size. An entire new generation of
- people were about to take the plunge into electronic wonderland
- and set off an explosive growth rate that has not slowed since
- then. It was a major and irreversible nexus point that would be-
- gin the abrupt transition from taking Cyberspace from the realm
- of underground sub-culture to the forefront of mainstream media.
-
- In retrospect the early eighties were the "golden age" of Cyber-
- space. There truly was a new frontier just over the horizon, and
- we were standing at the edge. This period in the history of the
- electronic universe was unruly and chaotic, the first settlers on
- the frontier wouldn't arrive for another decade or so, and the
- only people here were a small collection of explorers eager to
- embark on the next adventure.
-
- Of course one of the problems with "standing on the edge" of any-
- thing, is the trail that led up to it. You are there for some
- reason, or usually a very complex series of reasons, that have
- shaped your life up until that point in time, and caused you to
- become disenchanted with -- or feel limited by -- whatever situa-
- tion you are locked into in the consensual reality that we all
- physically inhabit at present. In other words, the "real world"
- isn't making you happy, and you want outta there.
-
- Led by a an oddball contingent of misfits, dropouts, acidheads,
- phreaks, hackers, hippies, scientists, students, guys who could
- say "do0d, got any new wares?" with a straight face and really
- mean it -- and quite often -- people who managed to combine many
- of these attributes; the 1980's saw the rise of the first empires
- and kingdoms of Cyberspace.
-
- As romantic and wonderful as this seems, and was . . . a lot of
- the people involved had been brutalized by life, and much of this
- new reality was borne out of a tidal wave of pain and dissatis-
- faction. When I first became an active participant in this elec-
- tronic nervous system that was just beginning to experience its
- awakening; I was a little over ten years old. My early under-
- standings of what this "place" was, were shaped by a handful of
- people whose skills I admired and sought to emulate, yet whose
- lives I felt great pity and sadness for.
-
- There were of course exceptions, people who were so high on the
- potential of this technology and the completely new level of
- reality it could bring, that nothing more than a love of their
- creation drove them onwards. But these people were pretty uncom-
- mon, most of the pioneers were guys who were simply unhappy . . .
- or to be more exact, so unhappy that they had given up on finding
- joy in the "real world" and were constructing a rocket ship
- called Cyberspace to get them out of here as fast as possible.
-
- "Peace, love and happiness" was not exactly the driving force
- behind the rise of the electronic domains. A more realistic ral-
- lying cry was one of "Gee this technology is neat, and I'm gonna
- use it to make a whole new world where I can be happy and none of
- you can ever bother me again. You'll all be sorry, just wait and
- see!" They were building the cult of high technology in the
- hopes that it would somehow save them from whatever they thought
- had prevented them from attaining happiness anywhere else.
-
- Sadly enough "they" were not THOSE PEOPLE, "they" had become "us"
- and while the first steps into this place had been made possible
- by the phone phreaks and misfits of yesterday, the online world
- was exploding and changing at an incredible velocity, the rest of
- society was about to take notice in a big way, and a handful of
- disenfranchised teenagers had seized the reigns and were in the
- early stages of walking into the spotlight and taking the status
- quo for a big ride . . .
-
-
- The Fall
- --------
-
- Everything really was this big beautiful game, and here we were
- with an overview of the whole jigsaw puzzle, and the sudden power
- to do anything we wanted to do with it. For the first time in
- recent history you COULD reach out and change reality, you could
- DO STUFF that effected EVERYTHING and EVERYONE, and you were sud-
- denly living this life that was like something out of a comic
- book or adventure story. In a place filled with magical lands
- and fantastic people who you had only read about, and suddenly
- you WERE actually talking to Timothy Leary, or Steven Wozniak,
- and some guy who was just on the cover of a magazine was speaking
- with you and thought that YOU were cool, and then finally you
- were IN the magazines and at the forefront of an entire sub-
- culture that was being rapidly assimilated into the cultural
- mythos.
-
- It was a VERY interesting time and place in which to grow up.
-
- Of course the problem is a lot of us didn't grow up. At a cer-
- tain point in time having power that can have real and immediate
- effects upon all society, can do very strange things to your per-
- spective of the world. Instead of learning to deal with the nor-
- mal barriers that most teenagers in western culture find them-
- selves faced with, you discover that you can blow right through
- all of them without even slowing down. In this way you miss much
- of the growth and acclimation that people go through during their
- teenage years. Which is where a lot of old friends parted ways
- with reality and ceased to be explorers, becoming caught up in
- the real world implications of the power that was now at their
- disposal. In effect, they lost sight of the underlying theme
- that all our actions had been based upon, that of exploration and
- pushing the boundaries, and merely focused on the short-term
- end-result of what their abilities could bring them; in the pro-
- cess becoming the criminals that the Secret Service and FBI had
- said we all were.
-
- What had begun with the best intentions, as the ultimate exten-
- sion of human curiosity, had devolved into a cultural movement
- that had very little to do with the ideals that had inspired it.
- The term "hacker" had become synonymous with "criminal", and tak-
- ing a look around at the state of the underground, it looked as
- if much of it had in fact degenerated into crime cartels
- comprised of angry teens who had little understanding of the
- underlying mechanisms they were employing to play with reality.
- It was no longer the exhilaration of knowing that you could actu-
- ally reach out and touch a satellite . . . it had come down to
- the negative power trip of fucking with something for the sake of
- pissing people off or just showing the world how much power you
- really have at your disposal if you ever decided to throw a tan-
- trum.
-
- By 1988 what had replaced our outlook, was a mindset where the
- new generation saw two things: one of them was the potential to
- take advantage of holes in the system for personal gain. There
- was no longer any quest for knowledge, desire to learn, or need
- to push the boundaries of what was possible for the sake of ex-
- ploration. Instead there were a lot of people who couldn't get
- past making free phone calls, stealing things, and causing trou-
- ble by following an already well-established pattern of action
- and reaction.
-
- The second -- and perhaps biggest -- motivating factor had become
- the desire for personal attention in the form of self-
- aggrandizement: the ultimate hack had become the media machine
- itself. What was originally a by-product of our experiences, had
- become a goal in and of itself. And here is where things became
- REALLY twisted.
-
- The media in the latter half of the twentieth century has become
- a very strange distortion of reality instead of the reflection it
- was intended to be. Since this is not an essay on the evils of
- manipulation through the use of media, I will stick with a very
- simple outline of how events occur in the real world.
-
- A reporter, journalist, writer -- SOME PERSON who has their own
- desires and ambitions, wants to do an exciting story on something
- that will garner him or her a lot of attention and acclaim.
- Really they are operating from a point of view that has much in
- common with the "hacker's," which is the mindset of "I'm gonna
- get mine." So this journalist looks around at the headlines and
- realizes that there is a mounting wave of hysteria surrounding
- viruses and hackers and invasion of privacy and . . . gee,
- wouldn't it be a nice career move to do a story that will mix
- their name into whatever the hot topic of the next five minutes
- happens to be.
-
- If the journalist is attached to any even marginally important
- publication, they will then get their pick from one of the
- current four or five "names" doing the rounds. On the other
- hand, if the journalist is just starting out and connected to
- something much smaller, then the chances are they will simply
- show up at some user's group meeting, find the nearest thing they
- can to a "computer nerd," do an interview, and then write it up
- expressing whatever the current publicly-sanctioned viewpoint
- happens to be (the usual slant has become: hackers are evil and
- can look at your credit rating, fear them).
-
- I have been interviewed on many occasions and I know roughly
- twenty people who have done the interviews that comprise the
- basis of about 90% of all media that exists in relation to the
- underground; be it in newspaper, periodical, television segment,
- or book format. WITH *VERY* FEW EXCEPTIONS, there have been
- countless solicitations to perform illegal acts in the presence
- of journalists, these solicitations move all the way into coer-
- cion in some cases. There are reports containing sentences that
- were never spoken, quotes taken out of context, information that
- was invented . . . there's simply no end to it. The reporter
- profits first by stroking the hacker's ego and giving him the
- spotlight that he thinks he wants so badly, and then continues to
- profit as the hacker rides a bigger and bigger wave of publicity
- that in every case leads to a very unhappy ending if the hacker
- in question doesn't have the foresight to get off the ride before
- it derails.
-
- In any case, whatever happens, the reporter always wins. When
- the hacker's ride reaches its date with fate, the journalist in
- question can now write the closing chapter in the hacker's saga
- and tell the public how this nefarious evil-doer is being pun-
- ished by the long arm of justice. This is followed up by the
- journalist taking on the "official" mantle of "hacker expert,"
- doing the lecture circuit, perhaps writing a book, and then going
- out and finding a new horse to beat to death.
-
- Obviously nothing can ever be this black and white, there must be
- a need for both parties to play their roles. The reporter is not
- THE EVIL BAD MAN who has corrupted the INNOCENT ANGELIC HACKER,
- nor does this scenario apply to all journalists equally, off the
- top of my head; Bruce Sterling, John Markoff, and Julian Dibbell
- come to mind as extremely ethical exceptions to the norm.
-
- Usually the reporter who isn't quite so ethical is just somebody
- who is presented with a situation that can easily be twisted and
- misused if the desire for fame and fortune takes precedence over
- everything else. The reporter by the very nature of his job
- tends to be quite "slick" and worldly-wise, whereas the hacker in
- question is usually highly knowledgeable about computer systems
- while managing to retain an oblivious naivety about the workings
- of human beings in that elusive place called "the real world."
- This sets the stage for what transpires.
-
- And you see a lot of people who used to be your friends, get
- ground up in this endless cycle as it repeats itself over and
- over again until one day you wake up and come to realize that
- you're seventeen or eighteen going on 90. You understand that
- everything in the whole world is comprised of bits and pieces of
- lies and half-truths, everyone is inherently corrupt, including
- you; a lot of kids who used to be your friends are now all grown
- up with no place to go and getting busted for such things as
- fraud and grand larceny; and you have utterly lost touch with
- anything even remotely "real." And yet, you're still a teenager
- and have another 70 or 80 years left to hang around on this
- planet.
-
- This is right around the time that you're back in the media, only
- this trip around you're at the receiving end of law enforcement
- who have been prodded into a state of near-hysteria by the dawn-
- ing realization that a bunch of kids really can dismantle the
- building blocks of the infrastructure that makes most of
- present-day society possible. Naturally enough they're scared,
- and they're in the process of doing what people have done for
- ages when they are afraid: going on a witch-hunt. Guess who gets
- to play witch...
-
- So one day you find yourself wondering why you should bother buy-
- ing another computer system and trying to figure out what the
- point of it all was anyway; to glimpse the limitless potential
- and then fall back and only see your own flaws amplified to
- cartoon-like proportions.
-
- The 1980's were a time that saw the birth and death of the first
- dynasties of Cyberspace. Travelling through the electronic
- landscape of this period in time, was like traversing this sur-
- real range of mountains, where amongst the sheer outcropping of
- rock, lush valleys, and snow-capped peaks, a collection of rather
- obsessive dreamers had built some of the most beautiful castles
- that were ever created and opened their doors to a populace of
- pioneers. It was absolutely transporting and timeless . . . and
- unfortunately -- in the short term -- doomed.
-
- This has been an abbreviated summary of the atmosphere and events
- that started a kind of mass exodus out of the modem world for
- about twenty of us. We had spent our entire childhoods jacked
- into this alternate electronic universe, locked into playing our
- overly-developed personas, and almost no time figuring out who we
- were and what we wanted out of life beyond "further, better,
- more." This is nothing new or unique in and of itself, it was
- however something that gained a very tangible and immediate im-
- portance to many of us when we found that the thoughtspace in
- which we had lived a large portion of our lives had disintegrated
- and the people we had known and called friends, had largely
- disappeared and been replaced by every negative quality they pos-
- sessed.
-
- A lot of us dumped the remnants of this reality into a stack of
- boxes and took off for parts unknown. Whether college, work, a
- new circle of friends that didn't know who you were in Cyber-
- space, or even know what Cyberspace was; just about anywhere were
- we could start over and try to regain what had somehow been lost.
-
-
- Transformation
- --------------
-
- "Ya live your life like it's a coma,
- so won't you tell me why we'd wanna?
- With all the reasons you give,
- it's kinda hard to believe;
- But who am I to tell you I've seen,
- any reason why you should stay;
- Maybe we'd be better off without you anyway..."
- --Guns N Roses(*2)
-
- After coming to the realization that visiting The Tunnel for the
- fourteenth time in three weeks was not going to change my life
- for the better, and having no idea what I wanted to do with my-
- self, I dropped it all and got on a plane for the middle of no-
- where New Mexico. Where I proceeded to cycle through all my
- negative tendencies at an accelerated pace, first becoming
- utterly obsessed with bodybuilding, to the point of five hour a
- day workouts, insane diets, steroids, and a silly-putty like
- transformation of myself to 6'2" 215 pounds and 6% bodyfat.
-
- This was good for about ten months, before I found myself in the
- same mindset I had thought I could escape. Looking in the mirror
- and seeing a parody of who I used to be, wondering where to go
- from there. The answer was obviously to buy a Porsche and begin
- re-stocking my wardrobe with everything by Armani and Versace,
- yes I had it now, this WAS the right answer, I only had to look
- around at all the people I knew doing just this to see that . . .
- well, actually they were all pretty miserable, but again, it
- lasted for about nine or ten months.
-
- Around this time I realized that aside from the fact that I was a
- pretty fucked up person who probably needed a lot of therapy --
- which had never quite worked out the right way when I had it
- thrust upon me as a teenager -- I had become completely out of
- touch with my feelings. Not out of touch that I didn't have
- them, I had over a thousand pages of them sprayed across mega-
- bytes of disks where I wrote out all the things inside of myself
- driving me crazy; but out of touch in the sense that when I be-
- gan taking things apart and analyzing reality, I had stopped
- listening to anything I felt inside and just tuned in to what
- seemed logical.
-
- The problem being that the more you try to act out of logic, the
- more you find yourself applying logic to utterly emotional issues
- in an completely crazed and self-destructive way. When logic
- should be asking: "Why do I want to weigh 215 pounds of muscle?
- What the hell am I doing?" it suddenly finds itself in the posi-
- tion of contemplating "Ok, so if I want to gain 5 pounds in the
- next 2 weeks, how many CC's of Deca do I mix with X mg. of Ana-
- var, with what ratio of carbs/fat and what is the minimum PER of
- the protein I am going to consume in order to remain in an anti-
- catabolic state?"
-
- Welcome to real-life Alice in Wonderland, taking place in your
- head.
-
- At the age of twenty-one I had managed to attain a place where I
- possessed everything that I ever thought I wanted. Life is funny
- that way, you really do get whatever you desire. Endless hours
- spent reading thousands of books; the mix and match regimen of
- combinations of new nootropics and longevity agents; and the fi-
- nal combination of steroids and obsessive workouts had resulted
- in my achievement of the goal I had subconsciously been working
- towards for most of my life. I had succeeded in my efforts to
- become absolutely untouchable by anyone or anything.
-
- When you are no longer in the middle of a situation and have the
- comfort of hindsight it's very simple to deduce what the underly-
- ing problems behind anything happen to be, and why you are acting
- in a way that is physically, mentally and spiritually destructive
- to yourself. While there is nothing inherently wrong with any
- action I might have taken, it all comes back to the question of
- why are you doing something? And looking back upon my life, I
- had actually lived very little of it in an attempt to make myself
- happy. Almost everything had been some sort of reaction to those
- around me, and how I felt I had to respond to them.
-
- Despite my intellectual understanding of how brief moments of
- stimulus-response can shape a person's existence, like so many
- endlessly-referenced frames of film forever etched in their
- brain. Long-gone fragments of time that refuse to relinquish
- their hold on the present, telling people who they are, setting
- their limitations, and defining the boundaries of what they allow
- their lives to mean. In truth I had never managed to apply any
- of this knowledge to myself and had lived most of my life in ac-
- cordance with the patterns of self-destructive programming per-
- petually repeating a loop in my head.
-
- From childhood onwards I have been through a seemingly endless
- variety of extremes in my life; moving from levels of comfortable
- opulence, to near-poverty and back again, more times than I care
- to count. What I had learned from this was that being poor
- wasn't that much fun, and could really suck, therefore logic dic-
- tates that I must always have a lot of money and do whatever it
- takes to get it. In fact I'm going to be so unconcerned with mo-
- ney that I will start to feel anxious if I'm not wearing a $300
- dollar haircut and a $400 dollar shirt. I have felt controlled
- by situations beyond my reach in the past, therefore I am going
- to learn as much as I can about everything, so that nobody will
- ever be able to fuck with my head and attempt to control me
- through misrepresentation of the truth. I have been out-of-
- control with various addictions and done such stupid things to
- myself that through combinations of downers and alcohol I have at
- one point weighed over 300 pounds; therefore I will understand
- every fucking piece of biochemistry that is known about the human
- body, I will do whatever it takes to look into the mirror and
- gain my own approval even if it means working out with such fre-
- quency that a pleasant sport becomes a daily torture session that
- leaves me nauseous and physically incapable of performing simple
- movements because everything hurts all the time. I will look
- like someone has spray-painted skin onto a statue no matter how
- difficult it is to maintain this state constantly, I will force
- myself to eat 6,000 calories of protein and 400 calories of car-
- bohydrate, and if I can no longer think or move and my ultimate
- fantasy has become sleeping 18 hours a day, then that's what caf-
- feine and amphetamines are for. I live in hell therefore I shall
- use drugs to escape my hell by taking week-long vacations on opi-
- ates, but I will never be controlled by anything, so on the 8th
- day I will walk away from heaven and live through a couple of
- days of pain that hurt a little bit more than the rest of my
- life, but I will never be some fucking junkie, because I not only
- can do anything, I WILL do it, and I just dare the fucking
- universe to try and prove otherwise, because I can quit anything,
- I can conquer anything, I can do anything to prove anything to
- anyone and you can't stop me, because the entire world is full of
- weak, soft and stupid motherfuckers who talk much and do little;
- praise George Bernard Shaw and pass the Nietzsche.
-
- Coming down off the adrenalin and testosterone rush the memories
- I used to write that paragraph with have triggered, I'd like to
- take this moment to borrow a quote from one of the greatest
- poet-philosophers of our time: "Happy happy! Joy joy!"
-
- After endless repetitions of this cycle I had finally reached a
- state in which my internal programming ceased to function --
- there was simply nothing left I could apply it to. Over the
- years I had overcome most of my psychological barriers through
- direct mental or physical actions, that had brought with them
- physical rewards that I was utterly incapable of applying to my
- life at that time. Welcome to oblivion.
-
- Hitting absolute nothingness was the beginning of a very personal
- catharsis for me that finally led to turning inwards to see what
- was wrong, since externally, everything looked okay. I had at-
- tained a physical state that "corrected" everything my subcons-
- cious had said was "wrong" with me, yet for some bewildering rea-
- son I was not deliriously happy. A series of steps followed
- which eventually led to various experiments in the world of thea-
- tre and film, where I had the chance to re-connect with emotions,
- and get them back into some kind of perspective from the comfort-
- able vantage point and attitude of: "they're not really mine, I'm
- only playing them." All of which reached a pinnacle when I began
- experimenting with LSD for the first time.
-
- If you have never experienced what it is like to be on an acid
- trip, it will be difficult for me to convey the kaleidoscopic
- depth of experience you are presented with. It does nothing less
- nor more, than strip away every preconceived notion that you have
- ever had regarding what "reality" is. Beyond the special ef-
- fects, intellectual realizations, and creative opportunity it
- presents, it leaves you imbued with one very basic truth of the
- universe: No matter what the actual outcome of your actions,
- what matters is your intent. If what you are doing -- whatever
- it may be -- is being done out of any reason other than a desire
- to bring happiness to people; to help humanity as a whole reach
- some greater level of understanding; to uplift and inspire people
- to reach for something that is within everyone's grasp . . . then
- you are wasting your time.
-
- This is not exactly news, I mean it is the basic belief system
- that every religion on earth is founded on (with the possible ex-
- ception of Satanism, and a few other offshoots of this system of
- thought). The problem with religion getting such a bad rap most
- of the time is largely due to the fact that most people who act
- as spokesmen for any given religious cause, are only mouthing
- words they comprehend on an intellectual level. They are not ac-
- tually living in this state of internal alignment, so what they
- have to offer can be very suspect . . . how is someone who has
- not attained what he speaks of, supposed to help you attain it
- for yourself? While dogma may help a limited few, it will never
- reach most of those who posses the ability to think for them-
- selves. Nor is standing at a pulpit or in front of a camera and
- ranting about damnation, going to help anyone reach any kind of
- positive state.
-
- I obviously cannot speak for everybody, but from my own perspec-
- tive I had read the holy books of most religions on earth when I
- became interested in psychology and the theories of Carl Jung --
- who crosses over into mysticism and religious experience, going
- as far as the concept of "karma" with his theory of Synchronici-
- ty. Yet I never got anything from them other than an intellectu-
- al high of understanding how groups of people could be programmed
- to behave in certain ways . . . which isn't what it's about. The
- EXPERIENCE is what all religions are based on, how you choose to
- interpret it is entirely up to you. But a very simple thing that
- becomes apparent is the basic truth that wherever your inspira-
- tion is coming from, if it fills you with the need to motivate
- large groups of people to do SOMETHING, be that something in the
- name of "God" or anybody else . . . then somewhere, you got the
- wrong message. Because there really isn't all that much to say
- beyond the very simple and obvious, "give love and you will get
- it." The only thing that needs to be changed is your attitude
- and outlook on life. Making group_of_people(x) move twenty paces
- to the left while wearing black hats and reading from the Holy
- Book of the Arboreal Tree Sloth, isn't gonna make the world a
- better place.
-
- While this discourse is tangential to some of the issues at hand,
- in a great sense it is the underlying cause for all of them.
- Once you have seen the light as it were, or understood the bigger
- picture . . . it becomes very hard to go back to living life with
- blinders on regarding your own actions. Until it eventually
- reaches the place where I found myself. The point at which the
- only things I'm going to talk about are those that matter to me,
- things I believe in . . . things I believe will help people in
- some manner. Along with the realization that I cannot do a lot
- of things I used to do anymore. I cannot lie to people and
- present them with some image they want to see in order to get
- something from them -- because I mean, WHAT is there to "get"
- anyway? I can no longer be a politician or figurehead for causes
- that I do not believe in, and I will no longer waste my time tak-
- ing part in meaningless drivel that serves to do nothing but en-
- trench me in bullshit without end; I had already spent most of my
- life taking apart the rules and winning at whatever game I tried
- to play. What I never bothered to examine was the fact that I
- didn't "win" anything that ever brought me any happiness . . .
- what is the point in playing if you don't want the "prize?"
-
-
- Stagnation of the Electronic Frontier
- -------------------------------------
-
- Moving forward in time by about two years, this was the attitude
- that I had managed to retain as I returned to New York. Every-
- thing was the same, yet completely different. What had been per-
- vaded by Nihilism and vacuity only a short time ago, was now a
- pathway of infinite potential and limitless possibility. For the
- first time in almost six years I actually felt completely in-
- spired and excited by the possibilities that life in general and
- Cyberspace in particular had to offer.
-
- The summer of 1991 was a kind of "class reunion" for many of us.
- For the first time in almost half a decade we found ourselves
- back in New York City, the place where all of this had started
- for us such a long time ago.
-
- What happened was pretty much the expected; an endless stream of
- jokes and self-depreciating humor regarding who we used to be,
- the three-letter acronyms we used to affiliate with or have in
- revolution around us, the state of the universe and everything in
- it, and a general time of catching up on who had done what. It
- was a strange situation, since we really had disappeared, to the
- extent that most of us had not talked with one another in years,
- it was almost as if picking up the phone and speaking with some-
- one from back then would bring back all the bad things you were
- trying to get rid of.
-
- Out of this gathering, I found about a dozen people who I no
- longer knew. People who had become submerged in drugs, and be-
- come lost in different sub-cultures where they could live out
- reasonable facsimiles of their childhoods forevermore; people who
- had completely lost touch with what they used to be, and become
- stereotypical examples of what people tend to term "computer
- geeks," the sum total of their interest in life having been nar-
- rowed down to that new bug in X windows client-server architec-
- ture and what it would mean to the future of the OSF; people who
- hadn't changed at all and were still busy "getting over" on so-
- ciety in general; but perhaps most surprising, I found
- that about ten people I used to know had gone through a growth
- process very similar to my own, and actually succeeded in solving
- their quest and winning the prize we had all sought so badly.
-
- The correct solution to the "quest," is of course, that there is
- no solution. There is nothing you are looking for, except for
- you, and once you realize this, you win the big prize, you find
- yourself, and get to live happily ever after.
-
- After re-discovering that a group of us seemed to thoroughly en-
- joy each other's company, we eventually ended up having a weekly
- meeting where we'd get together and discuss various topics.
- Foremost amongst them was one that sprung up with increasing re-
- gularity as the weeks went by: getting back onto the frontier
- from a completely different angle. As years went by many of us
- had started completely different lives; some were in college,
- others had started companies or gone to work for companies they
- had once laughed at, and still more had started careers complete-
- ly unrelated to anything they had been doing in the past. But it
- had became clear that what we really wanted to do was take the
- incredible promise that had been shown to us during our youth
- when we had walked along the edge of a new reality unfolding, and
- channel it into a positive direction that would benefit every-
- body.
-
- As we found out, the hacker underground had continued with its
- headlong dive into oblivion. The underground had basically
- ceased to exist after the Operation Sun Devil sweep. Just about
- the only "hacker systems" still in existence were those catering
- to the teenagers whose priorities focused on ripping off phone
- companies, collecting VMB codes and pirating software.
-
- While this was slightly depressing, it was also a foregone con-
- clusion and didn't cause too much surprise. The main focus of
- our interest was what had become of the mainstream telecommunica-
- tions nets -- given half a decade to evolve, something really ex-
- citing must have happened by now. The hardware that we ended up
- sitting in front of, would have made possible an undreamed of
- variety of possibility when taken into context with what was
- available in the past. We were used to 64K Apple ][+ systems, or
- maybe tricked out //e's with 128K and PC's with 640K, and now we
- were sitting at a friend's house in front of a NeXT and an SGI
- Indigo. When you thought about the fact that 7 years ago you had
- paid about $8,500 for a 4.5megabyte Corvus hard disk, and now you
- could buy an entire NeXT with that . . . it was, fantastic.
-
- Before taking off on our expedition of present-day Cyberspace, we
- had spoken with some of our friends who were familiar with the
- terrain, and received somewhat tepid responses and a general
- dismissal of what was going on right now. Thinking the attitude
- was one of standard arrogance which we had all gone through, we
- didn't pay too much attention to it and set out to explore the
- new electronic nervous system of the world.
-
- A couple of hours later it became shockingly apparent that most
- of the potential of the bright new technology that now existed .
- . . that could have been used to create and house an infinite ex-
- panse of innovation, communication, and pooling of thought, lay
- dormant. Thus far it had seemingly been utilized to construct
- gigantic file servers that advertised their existence by digitiz-
- ing porno magazines and editing their dialup lines into the
- resulting scan.
-
- All those wonderful places that we had travelled in the past, and
- had dominated the landscape only half a decade before . . . had
- indeed been razed, paved over, and replaced by an endless elec-
- tronic expanse of snap-together tract houses that littered the
- landscape with numbingly identical systems. The frontier had
- packed up and moved back into labs where people like our friend
- with the workstations were working on applications that wouldn't
- see the light of day for another decade. And what was out there
- right now, was strikingly similar to a generic suburb of AnyTown,
- USA.
-
- Objectively a suburb is not a bad thing, it's planned out, logi-
- cal, it works, it doesn't need to be any different from any other
- suburb . . . in short, it's functional. It's also very different
- from the environment we had grown up in, where everything was a
- new step further out into the unknown, where anything could hap-
- pen, and nobody had ever been there before.
-
- From our vantage point it looked as if the explorers had indeed
- gone back to their ivory towers (or haunted dungeons as the case
- may be), and a lot of used car salesmen had set up shop cranking
- out the snap-together tract houses, when they realized they could
- make more money doing that, than say, selling used cars.
-
- It was truly a mind blowing experience to witness for the first
- time, systems that actually advertised themselves based upon how
- many lines they had, or how much storage. Attitudes that would
- have garnered a great deal of scorn and derision -- and in gen-
- eral made your advertisement the brunt of a lot of jokes -- were
- suddenly the accepted way in which systems chose to differentiate
- themselves from one another. Looking at them, it came down to
- the fact that the only difference between system (A) and system
- (B) was that one might have 16 lines while the other had 24, and
- system (C) was inherently superior to both (a) and (b) because it
- had 32 lines and 4 gigabytes of storage (used to house 10,000
- programs, out of which the same 200 are downloaded over and over
- again, as the rest of the junk sits there gathering dust).
-
- Even more frightening, on a system that had 10,000 messages on
- it, an average of 9,800 will be echoes of FidoNet or RIME or
- whatever-net, leaving a grand total of about 200 messages from
- the actual members. And frequently those 200 messages date back
- a year and a half . . . a couple of years ago a BAD one line sys-
- tem had that many messages in a week. A good one in a couple of
- hours.
-
- To a lot of people Cyberspace has become one big file server . .
- . strikingly similar to what television has devolved into. An
- entirely passive place where you press buttons and get enter-
- tained, no thought required, no input necessary.
-
- Realizing that we were merely skimming the surface, and might not
- know the whole story, we spent a couple of weeks becoming fami-
- liar with what had happened, and what the situation really was.
- Based upon several hundred conversations with various people who
- were involved with the current scene, we arrived at a couple of
- very basic conclusions.
-
- In order to run a system in the present environment, and have
- users, you needed to have a pile of hardware, many phone lines,
- some sort of marketing and bookkeeping ability, a lot of spare
- time, coupled with infinite patience to put up with people, since
- they are now your customers, not just your friends, and if they
- call you up asking the same goofy questions you cannot take the
- phone off the hook or tell them to go away.
-
- Where running a system in the past had meant giving up your
- second phone line, it presently involved a great deal of interac-
- tion with the department of Red Tape, and Bureau of Tasks You
- Really Aren't Interested In. This opened the door to the "used-
- car salesmen" people, since these were things they were used to
- doing every day. Conversely, it has almost universally been our
- experience that the guy who is a Unix wizard and can work magic
- with networking and programming, lives in deathly fear of signing
- paperwork, filling out his tax returns, or figuring out where he
- parked his car. And finally, the creative person whose main in-
- terest is making fantastic places, lacks the time and patience to
- write the code, and certainly has no interest in administrative
- duties.
-
- In effect, most people with the desire to do something better,
- did not have the necessary $25-30k laying around, and even if
- they did, they would never act on it because they'd be forced to
- spend a great deal of their time doing a hundred things they had
- no interest in doing. So the online world had begun to be dom-
- inated by the file servers, who didn't really have much of an in-
- terest in being anything other than file servers, since that made
- the most money with the least effort, and anybody with $25,000
- could toss up a snap-together MeSsyDOS based system with very
- little technical ability required.
-
- Thus began the era of the "tract-houses" where advertising and
- atmosphere consisted of rattling off hardware statistics and
- number of phone lines, along with the number of shareware pro-
- grams available for downloading (an extremely amusing concept,
- considering that there are literally TERABYTES of free software
- available for the taking on ftp sites all over the Internet,
- which cost NOTHING to download from).
-
- With the exception of two of three bright lights that had the
- right idea and were trying to do something different, most of the
- electronic frontier had indeed vanished. And it isn't so hard to
- see where a couple of years from now the same advertising agen-
- cies that sell brain-dead ads designed to induce you to crave one
- brand of beer over another, will be pushing SYSTEM X, because IT
- HAS 10,000 phone lines! Call now and leave your mind at the
- door!
-
-
- Transcendence
- -------------
-
- It has generally been our experience that people are neither stu-
- pid, nor shallow. Everyone has the potential to think for them-
- selves, to overcome adverse situations, and contribute something
- to this world. When placed in situations that offer these possi-
- bilities, people tend to come through with surprising regularity.
- In a fairly short amount of time you end up with a group of peo-
- ple doing something they themselves would have deemed improbable,
- if not downright impossible, if you had asked them at any other
- point in their lives.
-
- Virtual Reality has the potential to become the single most im-
- portant development in the history of human evolution. It is a
- technology that holds the promise of absolute liberation. It
- also holds the possibility of turning the world into the rather
- grim one that is the basis of much Cyberpunk fiction, a dark
- place where technology is used to oppress and suppress people.
-
- By its very nature, it is very difficult to ever imagine the
- latter. In order to have a police state, you need to amass a
- certain amount of power, yet Cyberspace is the ultimate equaliz-
- er. It is a place where one person can wield as much power as
- 100, 1,000, or 100,000 people. Physical limitations are cast
- off, and in the event of conflict the playing field becomes that
- of mind vs. mind. Sheer numbers and a mob rules mentality cease
- to have any meaning when you can create infinite numbers of elec-
- tronic organisms to do anything you want them to do.
-
- The hope is that it will never sink to such a level of stupidity.
- Games are wonderful, but there is no need for conflict, all
- struggle tends to be internal conflict that has become external-
- ized. When you want to convert the sinners, or prove you are
- right, all you're doing is having an argument with yourself. The
- beautiful thing about Virtual Reality is the fact that you are
- free to do that, for as long as you need, to work out that par-
- ticular set of problems -- without harming anybody.
-
- There is only one ultimate truth, which is BEING HAPPY and ex-
- periencing LOVE. How you choose to perceive it is a very indivi-
- dual matter. While it might mean blue to you, orange to that guy
- over there, and silver to me, it's all the same thing. In the
- real world if we held fast to those beliefs and behaved as people
- have been classically shown to behave, then we'd be killing each
- other over who has the right idea about love . . . Cyberspace al-
- lows everyone the freedom to co-exist without harming anyone
- else's world-view or belief system. And if you truly are given
- the opportunity to live in an environment conducive to you happi-
- ness, then if that heretic who thinks orange is the answer were
- ever to show up at your front door, chances are you would be able
- to tolerate him, and even, "God" forbid, express the love you
- claim to espouse.
-
-
- Phantom Access - The Ethereal Takes Shape
- -----------------------------------------
-
- There was never any solid dividing line where we decided that we
- really wanted to put together a system where we could have the
- freedom of expression we wanted, with the ultimate goal really
- being the very simple one of pushing the envelope further and
- further out there. All of us had obligations, school, and per-
- sonal commitments that would be difficult to integrate into this
- major change of plans. But inevitably the mass exodus out of
- college, the avoidance of unnecessary responsibilities, and the
- initial stages of planning were set in motion.
-
- Six months later we had close to a hundred thousand dollars,
- top-down system design, a fully designed multi-user simulation
- engine, a general idea of what we would do and how we would go
- about it, a team of our friends together one more time, only this
- time as a real corporation, and over one thousand megabytes of
- the collected history of Cyberspace, dating back to systems that
- existed in 1979, that had been laying in dusty boxes filled with
- old Apple DOS 3.3 disks.
-
- On April 1st 1992 MindVox went into its alpha-testing stage.
- Which loosely speaking means that we put everything together and
- watched it disintegrate repeatedly as the last 300-400 bugs were
- worked out of the system. Since then it has been running in pro-
- tected environment mode with a collection of our friends and as-
- sociates crash-testing the software, suggesting where rough-edges
- might be smoothed, and generally having a good time creating some
- of the atmosphere while trying to destroy the software in every
- conceivable way so that everything is solid upon inception.
-
- In May of 1992 MindVox will open it's doors to the public. As
- much as we'd like to say that it's going to completely change
- everything, it will not. All it can do is allow people who feel
- in rhythm with this vision of the world to converge together in
- one of the most interesting nexus points of Cyberspace. To ex-
- tend their reach, explore new levels of experience, and interact
- with some of the pioneers in the fields of computer science, net-
- working, science-fiction, music, the arts, politics, religion,
- altered states, and future reality.
-
- Our main priority is to create and continuously evolve an en-
- vironment that fosters an atmosphere of dynamic creativity, cou-
- pled with access to information and ideas, that present you with
- a far greater spectrum of possibility than you might otherwise be
- able to access.
-
-
-
- Thanks
- ------
-
- Nothing of this magnitude could ever take shape based upon the
- merits of any one individual. The entire Phantom Access Group
- has been a collaborative effort since it began some ten years
- ago; the MindVox project is merely the first confluence of the
- diverse talents that comprise the core of Phantom Access Techno-
- logies, that has been directed towards the electronic and socie-
- tal mainstream.
-
- Looking back over the years, there are very few of my friends who
- have not in some way contributed to the genesis of Phantom Access
- and the creation of MindVox, and I'd like to take this opportuni-
- ty to express my gratitude to all of them.
-
- People I would like to specifically thank, and without whom Mind-
- Vox could not have been launched in the manner we wanted, in-
- clude:
-
- First and foremost, my fiance Delia, who has made much of
- the last several years possible; who never knew about "Lord Digi-
- tal" when she met me; who has gone from "computers, uh, ugh,
- that's so . . . um, dull" to not only seeing the potentials in-
- herent in the capabilities the technology presents to all so-
- ciety, but actually extending many hundreds of hours of her time
- to scripting sections of the project and designing human interac-
- tion POV's based upon her lifelong experience with theatre and
- film. She has also shown remarkable grace by retaining a sense
- of humor when dealing with 2am anonymous calls from computer
- dudes who feel compelled to ask "so, what does Lord Digital do in
- bed?" questions.
-
- The second person to whom I owe a great deal is Bruce Fanch-
- er, my partner in this endeavor, as well as half a hundred pro-
- jects that have spanned over a decade. Without you many things
- would not have been possible, and those that were would have been
- a lot less fun. It has been an interesting experience watching
- someone grow into an adult who has retained all the qualities
- that made them so much fun to hang out with in our youth, yet
- managed to temper that childlike glee with responsibility, humor
- in the face of adversity, and that elusive quality called charac-
- ter. Here's to another couple of decades of Lord & Lord.
-
- I would like to thank every member of the Phantom Access
- Group for the thousands of hours spent designing, implementing
- and de-bugging the programs that make MindVox come to life.
- Respective of some people's desire to remain out of the
- spotlight, I will leave it at that. You know who you are & any-
- one who really cares to find that out can do so at any time they
- desire.
-
- Phiber Optik: For applying his considerable skills in a po-
- sitive direction and helping us make MindVox a very difficult
- fortress to lay siege to, while at the same time adding a tremen-
- dous amount of versatility to our networking and communications
- interface options. Most of all, thank you for having the courage
- to realize that the world is not always a logical or fair place
- and that no matter how intelligent you are or how noble your in-
- tentions, you can be dragged down by the stupidity and fear of
- those around you if you associate with people who do not share
- the same qualities you possess.
-
- Charles: For a great deal of assistance in updating many of
- us regarding the current status of new technology and what's just
- over the horizon, as well as providing tremendous aid by showing
- us functional examples of the state of the art in distributed
- electronic networking, and taking us on a fast-forward cruise
- through a wide variety of hardware platforms and development
- tools. Your friendship, advice, and persistent belief in our vi-
- sion, has been invaluable.
-
- Len Rose: For being a good friend over the years and always
- giving assistance with anything we have needed. Most of all
- thanks for coming out of everything you've been through with op-
- timism about the future and an intact belief system. Peace.
-
- George Gleason: For being a person who has become one of my
- close friends faster than anyone else ever did. For possessing a
- really beautiful outlook on life & everything in it, and for al-
- ways being a calming voice when things are completely crazy and
- the moon is full.
-
- Bruce Sterling: For his encouragement, support, and a real-
- ly funny talk at CFP-2. Most of all, the deepest appreciation
- for doing an admirable job of presenting the unbiased truth while
- chronicling some of the events that have taken place on the fron-
- tiers of Cyberspace.
-
- Mike Godwin: For putting up with many long and strange
- phone calls regarding a wide variety of topics; for helping us to
- avoid potential pitfalls and difficulty; for providing encourage-
- ment and advice, and in general, for being a really cool person
- who has gone out of his way many times to provide us with assis-
- tance.
-
- Thomas Dell: For writing code full of obscure jokes and
- weird ramblings that do wonders to wake you up and get your full
- attention when you are changing things at 3am, and for being an
- exceptionally gracious guy who is one of the limited handful of
- people that have maintained their sense of vision in the face of
- impending mediocrity and industrialization.
-
- Special thanks to Dan, SN, SR, D00f and everyone in DPAK and
- cDc, who comprise some of the very few who managed to grasp the
- obvious, and in turn make use of this knowledge in an entertain-
- ing and lucid manner. Additional accolades to DPAK for being the
- only eL!te duDeZ to use a four letter acronym instead of a three
- letter one. The vision, the sheer wow!
-
- Mega-Supra-Surfin-the-Ozone Thanks to Mondo 2000. Beyond
- the sea of screaming fluff and designer hyperbole contained
- within the covers of any issue of Mondo, there is also a great
- deal of truth to be found about Cyberspace, music, art, film, and
- life in general. Mondo has thus far shown itself to be beyond
- reproach as far as journalistic ethics and presentation of the
- facts are concerned. It is also to be commended as a publication
- with a sound belief in typing words at random and letting them
- fall where they may.
-
- Finally, tremendous gratitude goes to Jim Thomas. A person
- I do not know and have never spoken with, yet someone who has
- done an exceptionally important service to all of Cyberspace
- with the forum presented by Computer Underground Digest. Ir-
- respective even of CuD, I have heard nothing but praise and
- well-wishing from the many you have helped. Thank you.
-
-
-
-
- Additional thanks to: Paul, Yuri, Eric & Eric, Ken & every-
- one who has made the move to Phibro Energy, Drowned Fish, Andrew,
- Randy, Carl, The Plastics, TV, Eric Madeson, Richard, Harlequin,
- Dane, Jeff, The Galactic Knight, Laszlo Nibble, Colleen, Cereal
- "I live to be annoying" Killer, the cast & crew of LightStorm
- lighting and Manny "huh?" Riggs at Record Plant.
-
-
-
- Patrick K. Kroupa digital@phantom.com
-
- Phantom Access Technologies, Inc. +1 212 988 5987
- _________________________________________________________________
-
- *1 Lyrics are (c) Copyright, some year or another by Mick Jagger
- & Keith Richards, otherwise known as the Rolling Stones. The
- version I was listening to is a cover version done by
- Jane's Addiction.
-
- *2 Lyrics are (c) Copyright, 1991 by Guns N Roses music
- Uzi/Suicide Records.
-
-
-
-