home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
ftp.wwiv.com
/
ftp.wwiv.com.zip
/
ftp.wwiv.com
/
pub
/
BBS
/
RAH9501R.ZIP
/
5
< prev
next >
Wrap
Text File
|
1995-01-01
|
4KB
|
93 lines
The Dating Game
by Greg Borek
Him: Where is that damned waiter?
Her: Please, don't swear, it's not very polite. Besides, he's busy.
He'll be along in a moment.
Him: The service here really stinks. I don't know why we ever came
to this fern dump.
Her: This is my favorite restaurant. The atmosphere is so quaint in
here. I really enjoy the ferns and antiques. I would have decorated
it exactly the same way myself. And besides, the food is so
interesting.
Him: What, the tiny piles of cleverly arranged, overpriced vegetarian
scraps? There isn't enough wimpy food in the portions here to keep a
man going for ten minutes. Now, give me a good, thick, bloody
steak,...
Her: AAUGH!
Him: ...preferably something I've killed myself. Don't you find that
the meat you kill your self always tastes better for some reason? I
often go out on the weekends with my NRA buddies, shoot a few bambis,
and drink couple of cases apiece.
Her: I don't think it's very clever to drink too much, especially
common and vulgar beer. It's much more civilized to always be in
control. We never have anything alcoholic to drink at our "Rabid
Friends of Animals" meetings. Sometimes we have a little wine at our
Ballet appreciation nights, but those are special occasions. Do you
attend any cultural activities?
Him: I go to all of the Jean-Claude Van Damme and Stephen Segal
movies as soon as they come out, if that's what you mean. Oh, and
give me a good Death Wish or Dirty Harry movie any day. Where is
that damn, oops, sorry, f-ing waiter?
Her: Um,...I don't want to state the obvious but I don't think this
is going to work out between us.
Him: Well, you're probably right but it's a shame we didn't get
along. You are not that bad looking.
Her: NOT THAT BAD LOOKING?
Him: I mean you don't look that heavy.
Her: NOT THAT HEAVY?
Him: For a woman of your age.
Her: FOR A WOMAN OF MY AGE? This has got to be the worst blind date
I've ever been on. I can't imagine what the computer was thinking
when it matched us up.
Him: Computers are finite-state machines: they do not think. Someone
input the wrong data into the program, that's all.
Her: We have absolutely nothing in common. Besides, you have all the
manners and social graces of a 5th level Scrubbletrang.
Him: A 5th level Scrubbletrang? Scrubbletrangs are very rare below
the 3rd level unless...wait a minute, how do you know about
Scrubbletrangs? Do you play "Voyage to the Plane of Death"?
Her: Play? I'm a "Voyage" master. I've completed all 12 levels in
all three sequels to the game. Did you hear that they will be coming
out with another sequel in two months? You don't seem the "Voyage"
type?
Him: Are you kidding? I love the game. Can't get enough of it!
Wow! It is amazing to find someone who knows so much about the most
perfect computer game ever written. How long did it take you to
figure out to use the candle to subdue the evil...
Waiter: Will there be anything else this evening?
Him: Go away! Can't you see I'm having an intimate conversation with
my girlfriend here?
Her: That's right! Go away and leave us alone. What were you
saying, dear? {RAH}
--------------
Greg Borek is a C programmer with a "Highway Helper" (OK, "Beltway
Bandit" - but don't tell his boss we told you) in Falls Church, VA.
He has previously been mistaken for a vampire. Greg can be reached
via email at: gborek@dreamforge.com