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Text File
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1991-07-19
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10KB
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190 lines
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The Psychotic Elves From Hell
The Psychotic Elves From Hell (PEFH) is a small group of programmers based in
the Cedar Rapids, Iowa area. We program various things...BBS doors and
utilities, non-BBS games, and more. Some of our things are programmed as a
group, some in pairs, some by ourselves. With the exception of a few of our
programs, such as DoorGraph, our products are generally demented, strange,
humorous, useless, or all of the above. You'll begin to realize this
especially when you read through our "Future Releases" section.
As was stated above, some of our programs we're planning (such as our ultimate
zero-byte file maker, and our Russian Roulette game that's already out) are
honestly almost completely useless in every respect. However, we don't care...
the whole idea is to be fun and that maybe someone out there will get a good
laugh about it. Dont judge our programming abilitiy by those, since those
programs are simply supposed to be funny and used for comic relief more than
anything else. We're not formal, we're weird, and we're proud of it. So don't
yell at us. <grin>
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The current members of the Psychotic Elves From Hell are:
James Hogan Matt Richey
3409 Shasta Dr. NE 7216 Wilton Dr. NE
Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52402 Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52402-1461
BBS: (319) 365-5815 BBS: N/A
CompuServe: 70524,1343 CompuServe: N/A
Robert Hansen
His address is a matter of National Security, so don't ask. Ignoring this
request will result in spontaneous combustion of your liver.
BBS: N/A
CompuServe: 73727,3530
Just for clarification, we don't have a leader, and no one is a higher "rank",
or anything like that.
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Psychotic Elves Support BBSes:
The Fourth Dimension (Home of PEFH) 3/12/24 (319) 365-5815
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Psychotic Elves Distribution BBSes:
Cygnus X-1 3/12/24 (319) 895-6858
Midwest FOG 3/12/24/96/144 (515) 964-7937
Strawberry Fields 3/12/24/96/144 (615) 385-9328
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Okay, so it's not a big list...bit it's only our first few releases. And don't
expect it to grow very quickly in the near future, since we're brand new, and
in school, but we're working on it. Then on the other hand, maybe we'll all
lose interest. Maybe we'll never program anything else, and this company will
go to waste, and we'll have ended up rotting our brain cells worrying about it.
Maybe it'll be a complete waste of time, it'll never go anywhere, and you're
wasting your time reading this since it's no use to you.
But maybe not. Who knows...
The most recent release of every Psychotic Elves program should be available
on every one of the support and distribution BBSes listed above. There are
no access fess (at least, not to our knowledge at the time of this release)
on any of the boards listed above. Also, please note that the distribution
BBSes are very loosely related to the Psychotic Elves themselves. Most of
them are, in fact, BBSes we know are extremely big and have a large userbase
that we upload all of our programs to in the hope that they'll be distributed
to a wide audience. That's about it...there's no special area for Psychotic
Elves programs on these BBSes, or anything...we simply upload all of our latest
programs and releases here when they're ready.
The support BBSes, however, offer a lot more. Each support BBS has:
1) A separate file area for Psychotic Elves releases.
2) Full access to the Psychotic Elves file area on your first call.
3) A separate message base set aside for discussions about and questions
over Psychotic Elves stuff.
4) A mail forwarding service to any Psychotic Elf. All of the members (James
Hogan, Robert Hansen, and Matt Richey) have an account on each support
board, and you may leave mail to them there. Although we do not often
log on to every single support board, the SysOp there will forward any
mail to us.
*** SPECIAL NOTE: At the time of this release (7-3-91), The Psychotic Elves'
main support BBS, The Fourth Dimension, is currently down for maintenance.
It should hopefully be back up in around a month. It is _not_ down for
good, so keep calling.
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Psychotic Elves releases:
DoorGraph - A door usage graph for BBSes. Works on any and all BBS systems.
Simple to set up, and runs quickly...under 3 seconds. Creates
an ASCII and ANSI version of the graph. Supports up to 18 doors.
The Idiot Project - An extremely interesting and thought-provoking text file.
Raises some of the deepest philisophical questions that
mankind has puzzled over since the dawn of time. Worth
the small download.
QBBS2COA - A program that will convert DORINFOx.DEF (the door information file
used with QuickBBS, Remote Access, RBBS, and SBBS) to the file
(DOORUSER.DAT) that the door game Catacombs Of ASCII requires in
order to run.
Russian Roulette - This will undoubtedly be the stupidest game you'll play in
your life. And if it isn't, we'll give you an unconditional
money-back guarantee. A russian roulette game that is
written in batch language...yes, a batch file. The only
game of its kind! Completely useless, but that's beside the
point. However, it is only 1K, so it won't take much disk
space.
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Future Psychotic Elves releases:
Blob Wars - a multi-player BBS door game. Each player is a slimy, green blob
that oozes around a maze, eats jellybeans, and must rescue Bob the
Blob from an evil vacuum cleaner salesman who's been possessed by
the devil. Yes, it sounds weird, but it _will_ be a real game.
Guess The Number - A BBS door game in which the player gets to guess a number
from one to four hundred and fifty billion. No hints, and
the computer never says "Higher" or "Lower". Extremely
challenging, frustrating, and useless.
Movie Quotes - A simple but cute program that will show you one of 100 famous
or humorous quotes from a (usually) well-known movie. The most
common use of Movie Quotes is just to put it in your
AUTOEXEC.BAT when your system boots up. The registered version
will also allow Movie Quotes to be used as a BBS door...one
SysOp, for example, had his BBS automaically run this after
every time a user logged on.
VWF - A wrestling BBS game door. Choose lots of stats, tag teams, sneak
attacks, leagues, titles, managers, and more!
A few other ideas in the works that may or may not amount to anything are
StarTech (a serious, futuristic, non-BBS door wargame, similar to FASA's
BattleTech*), a game with something about roller coasters, some useless
utilities (including the ultimate zero-byte file maker), a grenade-eating
game, a literal ray-tracer, a modern-day BBS door wargame, a food fight BBS
door, a non-BBS dungeon adventure game similar to Hack and Rogue, a program
based on the same principle as Movie Quotes that selects a random DOS prompt,
a "message-to-next-caller"-type BBS door, a "Top Ten Users" bulletin generator
for BBS systems, and a "prank" communications protocol.
* BattleTech is a registered trademark of FASA, and is used here without
permission nor authorization. But I really don't think they care if we
just mention their game, since they apparently don't care about the people
that have written large and popular door games called "BattleTech"...
However, if you're wondering about the legality of our software...they're
all legitimate. We honestly do have a legal staff, and he does excellent
work.
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Last Words
Well, that's it...we'll continue to keep you posted. You can contact any
Psychotic Elf at any of the places listed above, or on any of the support
boards (and in some cases the distribution BBSes, although we rarely call
them). Remember to check the BBS you got this from for more Psychotic Elves
releases.
And by the way, you can possibly be a Psychotic Elf Support or Distribution
BBS, no matter what part of the country (I'd say world, but I'd be dreaming)
you're in...and possibly even a member (though only if you live in the Cedar
Rapids area). For more information and an application form, drop us a line at
one of the places mentioned above.
Well, this is it. The end of the text file. You must either be extremely
determined, demented, or insane in order to read through this thing without
getting an uncontrollable urge to hit ^C halfway through. Congratualtions!
Enjoy. 42! (Don't even ask...)
"Psychotic Elves - Because. Just because."
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