Horror Sensation/HORROR.iso/texts/list__m1.txt

Internet Message Format | 1994-11-15 | 109KB

Path: bloom-beacon.mit.edu!gatech!swrinde!pipex!sunic!trane.uninett.no!astfgl.edb.tih.no!larsa
From: [e-mail] (Lars Jorgen Aas)
Newsgroups: rec.arts.movies,alt.cult-movies,rec.arts.sf.movies,alt.quotations,rec.answers,alt.answers,news.answers
Subject: LIST: Movie Quotes (Part 1/2)
Supersedes: <[e-mail]>
Followup-To: rec.arts.movies
Date: 13 Nov 1994 22:55:13 GMT
Organization: Trondheim College of Engineering
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Expires: 13 Dec 1994
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
References: <[e-mail]>
Reply-To: [e-mail] (Quotes List Filter)
NNTP-Posting-Host: oversoul.edb.tih.no
Summary: This posting contains a list of memorable quotes from movies.
         Mostly funny quotes, but also quotes that are memorable for
         some other reason.  It is used in Colin Needham's rec.arts.movies
         movie database, and also Cardiff's Movie Database Browser.  More
         info: rtfm.mit.edu:/usenet/news.answers/movies/movie-database-faq
Keywords: movies quotes database
X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
Xref: bloom-beacon.mit.edu rec.arts.movies:125699 alt.cult-movies:48411 rec.arts.sf.movies:22948 alt.quotations:15417 rec.answers:8415 alt.answers:5671 news.answers:29329

Archive-name: movies/quotes/part1
Posting-Frequency: monthly
Last-modified: 11/13/94
Version: 1.11

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

                          This is the QUOTES LIST
                      (Memorable Quotes from Movies)

        Maintained by: Lars Joergen Aas <[e-mail]>

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

APOLOGY:
    Sorry for the long dealy since last posting.

FACTS & FIGURES:
*) This list is supported by the Col Needham's movie database v2.9 and
   upwards (current release: 3.0) and Cardiff's Movie Database Browser (WWW).
   The latter includes hypertext links which isn't easy to implement in
   ASCII-files ;)
*) This list has now quotes and poetry from 396 different movies.
*) It contains 836 individual quotes involving at least
   648 different actors.

New titles:        Advise and Consent
            Apartment Zero
            Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
             Bad Girls (1994)
            Benny & Joon
            Biloxi Blues
            Blood Beach
            Boys Next Door, The
            Boys in the Band, The
            Butley
            Caged Heat II: Stripped of Freedom
            Caine Mutiny Court-Martial, The (TV)
            Cape Fear (1991)
            Cry in the Dark, A
            Gardens of Stone
            Ghostbusters II
            GoodFellas
            Hot Shots! (1991)
            Hudsucker Proxy, The
            I'll Take Sweden
            Jungle Fever
            King of Comedy, The
            Manchurian Candidate, The
            Manhattan Murder Mystery
            Mask, The (1994)
            Mean Streets
            Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House
            Night at the Opera, A
            Once Upon a Time in the West
            Puppet Masters, The
            Raging Bull
            Sex with a Smile
            Speed (1994)
            Still Not Quite Human (TV)
            Touch of Evil
            Toys

CONTRIBUTIONS and CORRECTIONS to this list is welcomed at [e-mail]
with the subject "ADD" and the keyword "QUOTE" above all individual quotes.
To find out how to use the email-server use the subject "HELP" instead.

* Include which movie the quotes are taken from.  I would appreciate if the
  movie title is consistent with the movie database, including the optional
  year of release.  Avoid AKA-titles.
* Write in a script-like way (see the list below) and include both the actors'
  real names and the character names.  Both is needed to create hypertext
  links on the WWW browser at Cardiff.  You should at least include one of
  the names.
* Keep narration brief, but do narrate if necessary.
* Don't submit any quote.  Please try to avoid spoilers, and only submit
  quotes which have a certain point to them.  It doesn't need to be a funny
  quote (but they most often will be), but it should be memorable (like Roy's
  last words in `Blade Runner').
* Keep the QUALITY UP and the QUANTITY DOWN.
* The quotes should be correct.  Correct spelling and written _exactly_ as
  it's said in the movie.  When this is not the case, I'm not necessarily the
  one to blame, but I am the one you should notify.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rec.arts.movies database consists of the following lists:

 List                 | Maintained by                              | Updated
 ---------------------|--------------------------------------------|----------
 Actors               | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 11/11/94
 Actresses            | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 11/11/94
 Alternative Names    | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 11/11/94
 Alternative Titles   | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 11/11/94
 Biographies          | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Certificates         | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Character Names      | Steve Hammond <[e-mail]>      | 10/28/94
 Cinematographers     | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 11/11/94
 Color Information    | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Composers            | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 11/11/94
 Costume Designers    | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 11/11/94
 Countries            | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Crazy Credits        | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Directors            | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 11/11/94
 Editors              | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 11/11/94
 Genres               | Lars J Aas <[e-mail]>     | 11/11/94
 Goofs                | Michael Gaines <[e-mail]>         | 09/02/94
 Misc. Filmography    | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 11/11/94
 Movies               | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 11/11/94
 Plot Summaries       | Colin Tinto <[e-mail]>          | 11/11/94
 Producers            | Andre Bernhardt <[e-mail]> | 11/11/94
 Production Companies | Rob Hartill <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Production Designers | Michel Hafner <[e-mail]>        | 11/11/94
 Quotes               | Lars J Aas <[e-mail]>     | 11/03/94
 Ratings              | Col Needham <[e-mail]>             | 11/11/94
 Running Times        | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Sound Mix            | Mark Harding <[e-mail]>            | 11/11/94
 Soundtracks          | Ron Higgins <[e-mail]>     | 10/21/94
 Trivia               | Murray Chapman <[e-mail]>        | 09/23/94
 Writers              | Jon Reeves <[e-mail]>            | 10/07/94
 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lists are available via anonymous FTP from:

  cathouse.org  in  pub/cathouse/movies/database

  ftp.funet.fi  in  pub/culture/tv+film/lists

  ftp.fu-berlin.de  in  pub/misc/movies/database

SEARCHING THE DATABASE
======================

The movie database frequently asked questions list contains more information
on the whole movie database project. For a copy send an e-mail message with
the subject "HELP FAQ" to <[e-mail]>. Here is a summary of the
ways to access the database:

(1) e-mail interface

    For details send a message with the subject HELP to <[e-mail]>

(2) WWW interface

    The database is available via the World Wide Web. Access is via a
    "browser". The two main WWW browsers are Mosaic and Lynx...

    Mosaic (X, MS-Windows, Mac, Amiga) ftp.ncsa.uiuc.edu  /Web
    lynx   (vt100)                     ftp.wustl.edu /packages/www/lynx

    From your browser, OPEN or GO to the any of the following documents:

      http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/        (European users prefered)
      http://www.leo.org/Movies/            (Open to everyone)
      http://www.msstate.edu/Movies/        (USA/rest of world prefered)
      http://ballet.cit.gu.edu.au/Movies/   (Australian users prefered)

    See the comp.infosystems.www FAQ for more information on the WWW.

(3) local installation (Unix/Amiga)

    The movie database package enables you to install the data locally and
    provides a variety of search tools. It is available via anonymous FTP:

     cathouse.org  in  /pub/cathouse/movies/database/tools/moviedb-3.1.tar.Z

     ftp.funet.fi  in  /pub/culture/tv+film/lists/tools/moviedb-3.1.tar.gz

     ftp.fu-berlin.de  in  /pub/misc/movies/database/tools/moviedb-3.1.tar.gz

    see the README file in the same directories for more information. The
    Amiga version is in the file mdb_Amiga_3.0.lha.

(4) local installation (MS-DOS)

    The CineBASE program provides an MS-DOS interface to the database and is
    also available via anonymous FTP:

     cathouse.org  in  /pub/cathouse/movies/database/tools/cb141.arj

     ftp.funet.fi  in  /pub/culture/tv+film/lists/tools/msdos/cb141.arj

     ftp.fu-berlin.de  in  pub/misc/movies/database/tools/cb141.arj

    (note: preloaded database files for CineBASE are available from the
      ftp.funet.fi site in the same directory as the program archive)

(5) telnet access via WWW

    There are several telnet'able WWW servers. Here are some examples;

     telnet info.cern.ch
        then type    go http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/
     telnet www.njit.edu          (login: www)
        then type    g http://www.cm.cf.ac.uk/Movies/
     telnet ukanaix.cc.ukans.edu  (login: www)  needs vt100
        then look under "by Subject" then "Movies"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

QUOTES LIST
===========


# 'burbs, The

[Last line]
Ricky Butler:  God I love this street.


# 'Crocodile' Dundee

Richard Mason:  Take care now.
Sue Charlton:  Don't worry.  I'm a New York'er!

Neville Bell:  Oh no, you can't take my photograph.
Sue Charlton:  Oh, I'm sorry, you believe it will take your spirit away?
Neville Bell:  No, you got the lens-cap on.

Michael J. (Crocodile Dundee):  Me and God - we'd be mates!

Michael J. (Crocodile Dundee):  For a minute there, "room-service" took on a
  whole new meaning.

Michael J. (Crocodile Dundee):  That's not a knife.  This ... is a knife.


# 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

Captain Nemo:  I wonder if you are familiar with utensils, Mr. Land?
Ned Land:  I'm indifferent to 'em.


# 2001: A Space Odyssey

Dave Bowman:  HAL?  HAL, can you hear me?
HAL:  I can hear you, Dave.
Dave Bowman:  Open the pod bay door, HAL.
HAL:  I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that.
Dave Bowman:  What are you talking about, HAL?
HAL:  This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.
Dave Bowman:  What's the problem, Hal?
HAL:  I think you know as well as I do what the problem is, Dave.  You and
  Dr. Poole were planning to disconnect me.  I cannot allow this to happen.
Dave Bowman:  Whatever gave you that idea, HAL?
HAL:  Although you and Dr. Poole took great caution to prevent me from
  hearing you, as you spoke in the pod I was able to read your lips.

[On Dave's return to the ship]
HAL:  Look Dave, I can see you're really upset about this.

HAL: I know I've made some very poor decisions recently.

[HAL's shutdown]
HAL:  Dave, my mind is going...I can feel it...I can feel it...My mind is
  going...There is no question about it...I can feel it....I can feel it...
  I can feel it...I'm afraid...Good afternoon gentlemen, I am a HAL 9000
  computer. I became operational at the H.A.L. labs in Urbana Illinois on
  the 12th of January 1992. My instructor was Mr. Langley and he taught me
  to sing a song.  If you'd like to hear it I can sing it for you?
Dave Bowman:  Yes, I'd like to hear it, HAL, sing it for me.
HAL:  It's called Daisy.  Daisy, Daisy give me your answer do, I'm half
  crazy all for the love of you. It won't be a stylish marriage, I can't
  afford a carraige, but you'll look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle made
  for two.


# 2010

HAL-9000:  Dr. Chandra, will I dream?


# 3 Men and a Baby

Jack Holden:  Wo-ow, Angela.  You look different.  What happened?
Angelyne:  I'm dressed.


# 39 Steps, The (1935)

Richard Hannay:  I know what it is to feel lonely and helpless and to have
  the whole world against me, and those are things that no men or women
  ought to feel.

Richard Hannay:  There are 20 million women in this island and I get to be
  chained to you.


# 48 HRS.

[First lines]
Jack's Girl:  You know, if you let me come over to your place once in a
  while you could put on a clean shirt in the morning.
Jack Cates:  What makes you think I got any clean shirts in my place?

Reggie Hammond:  You said bullshit and experience is all it takes, right?
Jack Cates:  Right.
Reggie Hammond:  Come on in and experience some of my bullshit.

Reggie Hammond:  Jack...  Tell me a story.
Jack Cates:  Fuck you!
Reggie Hammond:  Oh, that's one of my favourites.


# Abyss, The

Bud Brigman:  He's acting alone.  He's cut off from his chain of command.
  He's exhibiting symptoms of pressure-induced psychosis, and he has a
  nuclear weapon.  So as a personal favour to me, would you lay off him?


# Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

[Ace Ventura is trying to get his car started, while looking at somebody
  smashing it with a bat in his mirror]
Ace Ventura:  Warning!  Assholes are closer than they appear!

[Ace Ventura just got his car started]
Ace Ventura:  It's ALIVE.  IT'S ALIVE!

[When Ace enters a thrashconcert and asks a headbanger]
Ace Ventura:  Excuse me, can you tell me where greg is...  Thank you!!!

[When Ace sings to Emilio through his butt and Lt. Einhorn enters]
Ace Ventura:  Assholo mio!!!!  Oh, Sodomio!!!!

[Ace Ventura is chewing on sunflower seeds, periodically emptying the shells
  on the desk]
Melissa:  Would you like an ash tray?
[Ace Ventura got seeds all over his teeth]
Ace Ventura:  No, I don't smoke.  Disgusting habit.

[This is probably a reference to _"The Love Boat"_ (qv)]
[Ace Ventura arrives at a posh party when a bald butler dressed in white
  answer the door]
Ace Ventura:  Hello, Captain Stubing!  Permission to come aboard?

Ace Ventura:  I just visited Ray Finkles place.
Melissa:  And?
Ace Ventura:  Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lector.

Ace Ventura:  If Lt. Einhorn is a woman, AS SHE CLAIMS TO BE...  Then she is
  suffering from the WORST case of hemmorhoids I have EVER seen!
[Ace Ventura turns Einhorn around to reveal a "tucked back" peace of male
  anatomy]
Ace Ventura:  Thank you!  Thank you!  I'll be preforming here all night, be
  sure to tip your waitress.


# Adventures of Baron Munchausen, The

Baron Munchausen:  Your reality, sir, is lies and balderdash and I'm
  delighted to say that I have no grasp of it whatsoever.


# Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension, The

Doctor Emilio Lizardo/Lord John Whorfin:  Take her to the pit!  And this
  time use more honey; we must find out what she knows.

Buckaroo Banzai:  But just remember, no matter where you go. there you are.

PA system at Yoyo Dyne factory:  There are monkey boys in the facility.

Buckaroo Banzai:  I was ionized this morning, but I'm okay now.


# Adventures of Ford Fairlane, The

Ford Fairlane:  Hey, look.  Write down my number:  555-6321  Got it?
Twin Club Girl:  Yeah.  Wait a minute!  555 is not a real number!  They only
  use that in the movies!
Ford Fairlane:  No shit, honey.  What do you think this is?  Real life?

Ford Fairlane:  You're 10 seconds away from the most embarrassing moment in
  your life!

Ford Fairlane:  So many assholes...  So few bullets...

Ford Fairlane:  Clint Eastwood...  I fucked 'im!

Lt. Amos:  You think you are so hot 'cos you get in all the clubs, heh?
  Just because you have sex with great looking women...
Ford Fairlane:  You got to admit those are pretty good reasons...

Colleen Sutton:  Nothing disgusts me.  At the age of eleven I walked in on
  my father and the Shetland pony.  Does that excite you?
Ford Fairlane:  I don't know, I never met your father.

Ford Fairlane:  Some people play hard to get.  I play hard to want.

Ford Fairlane:  Johnny was the only guy who could out-disgust me.  When we
  were kids we had gross-out contests.  I coughed a pile of phlegm on a
  table, he said "Nice try!" and pulled out a straw...

Ford Fairlane:  Yo!  Snapperhead!

Jazz:  Well, that weekend was a mistake!
Ford Fairlane:  Hey, look.  I'm sorry I made you clean the toilets and the
  bathtubs, I mean, who did all the work in bed?

Ford Fairlane:  How much?
Ticket Guy:  300.
Ford Fairlane:  300??  You charged the chicks one!
Ticket Guy:  Hey, they blew me.
Ford Fairlane:  Heh!  300 coming up!

Lt. Amos:  I can't believe anybody can have so much fucking fun in a
  funeral, Fairlane.

Lt. Amos:  See, that's the difference between a great investigator like me,
  and a piece of spam like you.
Ford Fairlane:  Spam?  You're a piece of spam.  That's what I think of you.
Lt. Amos:  No, I call you a piece of spam, 'cos that's what you are.
Ford Fairlane:  Spam!

Ford Fairlane:  Conversation with Zuzu Petals was like masturbating with a
  cheese grater:  slightly amusing, but mostly painful.

Ford Fairlane:  Un-fucking-believable!

[At the "sisters'" house, surrounded by all the semi-nude women]
Ford Fairlane:  hibb..  hibbdy..  Maybe I did die in the explosion, you
  know.

Amiable Tourist:  Can you give us directions to Mann's Chinese Theatre?
Ford Fairlane:  Hey!  Go back to Iowa!
Amiable Tourist:  We're from Wisconscin!
Ford Fairlane:  Yeah, and I'm from my dad's penis.  Now fuck off!

Don Cleveland to Julian Grendale:  With friends like you, who needs
  enemies?


# Adventures of Robin Hood, The

Sir Robin of Loxley to Prince John:  I'll organize a revolt, exact a death
  for a death, and I'll never rest until every Saxon in this shire can stand
  up free men and strike a blow for Richard and England...  From this night
  on I'll use every means in my power to fight you!

Lady Marian Fitzswalter:  Why, you speak treason!
Sir Robin of Loxley:  Fluently.


# Advise and Consent

Robert Leffingwell:  Son, this is a Washington, D.C. kind of lie.  It's when
  the other person knows you're lying and also knows you know he knows.

Fred Van Ackerman:  What I did was for the good of the country.
Bob Munson:  Fortunately our country always manages to survive patriots like
  you.


# African Queen, The

Captain:  I know pronounce you man and wife.  Proceed with the execution.


# Airplane II: The Sequel

Buck Murdock:  They're beeping and they're flashing.  They're flashing and
  they're beeping!  I cant stand it anymore, they're blinking and they're
  flashing.


# Airplane!

???:  Johnny, what do you make of this?
Johnny:  This?  I can make a hat, I can make a brooch, I can make a
  pterodactyl...

Doctor Rumack:  When are we going to be able to land?
Ted Striker:  I can't tell.
Doctor Rumack:  You can tell me, I'm a doctor.
Ted Striker:  I don't know.
Doctor Rumack:  Well, can't you take a guess?
Ted Striker:  Not for another two hours.
Doctor Rumack:  You can't take a guess for another two hours?

Captain Oveur:  Joey, have you ever been to a Turkish prison?

Doctor Rumack:  What did they have for dinner?
Elaine:  They had a choice: chicken or fish.
Doctor Rumack:  Ah, I remember, I had lasagna.


# Aladdin (1992)

The Genii:  Rug-man!  It's been a few millennia.  Slap me some tassel!


# Alien (1979)

[Kane starts choking in the scene where the Alien bursts from his chest]
Parker:  What's the matter man, the food ain't THAT bad?!

Ash:  You still don't know what you're dealing with do you?  Perfect
  organism.  Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility...
  I admire its purity, a survivor; unclouded by conscience, remorse or
  delusions of morality.

[Last line (also used in _Alien 3_ (qv))]
Ellen Ripley:  ..., Ash and Captain Dallas are dead.  Cargo and ship
  destroyed.  I should reach the frontier in about 6 weeks.  With a little
  luck, the network will pick me up.  This is Ripley - last survivor of The
  Nostromo - signing off.


# Alien 3

[Ellen Ripley is looking for the Alien]
Ellen Ripley:  Don't be afraid, I'm part of the family.

[Last line (like in _Alien (1979)_ (qv))]
Ellen Ripley:  ..., Ash and Captain Dallas are dead.  Cargo and ship
  destroyed.  I should reach the frontier in about 6 weeks.  With a little
  luck, the network will pick me up.  This is Ripley - last survivor of The
  Nostromo - signing off.


# Aliens

Private Hudson:  Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Private Vasquez:  No, have you?

[When they are dropped over LV-426]
Private Hudson:  We're on the express elevator to hell - going down.

Bishop:  I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid.

[Lieutenant Gorman orders the troops to disarm all their weapons before the
  first alien encounter]
Private Frost:  What the hell are we supposed to use man?  Harsh language?

Private Hudson:  Yeah, but it's a dry heat!

Private Hudson:  In case you haven't been paying attention to current
  events, we just got our asses kicked, pal!

Private Hudson:  Let's just bug out and call it even, OK?
Ellen Ripley:  I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit.
  That's the only way to be sure.
Private Hudson:  Fuckin' A...
Burke:  Ho-ho-hold on one second.  This installation has a substantial
  dollar-value attached to it.
Ellen Ripley:  They can *bill* me.

[The drop-ship crashes]
Private Hudson:  Well that's great, that's just fuckin' great man, now what
  the fuck are we supposed to do?  We're in some real pretty shit now man...
  That's it man, game over man, game over!  What the fuck are we gonna do
  now?  What are we gonna do?

Private Hudson:  Dear Lord Jesus, this can't be happenin' man, this isn't
  happenin...

Ellen Ripley:  Hudson!  This little girl survived longer than that with no
  weapons and no training.  Right?
Private Hudson:  So why don't you put her in charge?

Bishop:  I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Private Hudson:  Well that's a switch.


# All of Me (1984)

Roger Cobb:  You bought me a grave-post for my 38th birthday?

Edwina Cutwater:  Guess what I'm going to do?
Roger Cobb:  What?
Edwina Cutwater:  I'm going to come back from the dead.
Roger Cobb:  Aaahhhh.  And what makes you think you can do that?
Edwina Cutwater:  Because I'm rich...

Burton Schyuler:  Are you strong enough to continue?
Edwina Cutwater:  What?  Oh, I'm fine.  Really.  I'm fine.  Tell them!
Dr. Betty Ahrens:  She could drop dead any minute...
Edwina Cutwater:  Don't mind her.  She is only trying to make me feel good.

Edwina Cutwater:  I can't believe this.  I can't even die right!

Peggy Schyuler:  Roger, you go to court tomorrow, we're through!
Roger Cobb:  If I don't, your father will have my balls.
Peggy Schyuler:  Then it's either me or your balls.  You can't have both!

Roger Cobb:  Women, eh?  Can't live with them.  Can't live without them.

Roger Cobb to Edwina Cutwater:  You know, it's just like a dead person to
  say something like that!

Tyrone Wattell:  Roger, exactly how do you plan pulling this off?
Roger Cobb:  Beats the heck out of me.
Tyrone Wattell:  Well, if I can be of any help at all, you are in worse
  trouble than I thought.

Prahka Lasa:  Backinbowl. Backinbowl.

Terry Hoskins:  I love it when you talk like a beer commercial.


# American Werewolf in London, An

David Kessler:  How could there have been witnesses, it was so dark.  We
  were running and I fell and Jack went to help me up and this thing came
  from nowhere.  I don't know what they're talking about.

Jack Goodman:  Stick to the Road.
David Kessler:  Beware of the Moors...
Jack Goodman:  Ooops.


# Angelfist

Victor Winslow:  This is Manila.  We do things differently here.


# Animal Crackers

Captain Jeffrey Spaulding:  One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas.
  How he got in my pajamas, I don't know.

Captain Jeffrey Spaulding:  You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way.


# Another Stakeout

[Bill Reimers and Chris Lecce call to Archie (a dog) who is chasing a
  neighbour's cat - Archie takes no notice]
Bill Reimers:  Come back here!
Chris Lecce:  Oh Stick 'em Archie.  Eat the cat!

[Chris Lecce is angry with Gina Garrett's because of her interference in the
  stakeout]
Chris Lecce:  If this assignment gets blown.  I want to go on record right
  now, that this is the most stupid, dim witted, idiotic, moronic piece of
  putrefied garbage that I have ever in my entire professional carrier, ever
  had the displeasure of being involved with.

Gina Garrett:  Cover Me!  I'm taking a bath.

[Gina Garrett asks Bill Reimers to shave his moustache to look younger]
Bill Reimers:  I don't think you understand the relationship a man has with
  his facial hair.

Captain Coldshank:  Your cover is you're renting the judge's house for a
  month of vacation.
Chris Lecce:  As what? ... friends or lovers?


# Another You

Eddie Dash to the angry dog, Duane, that is stopping George from getting out
  of the car]
Eddie Dash:  Hey, Duane.  Give the man a break.  Come on!  Hey, I'll let you
  hump my leg.  Come on, baby.
[Duane takes off]

[Last line (after credits)]
George:  Don't ever call my friend a "shithead" again, OK?


# Apartment Zero

Adrian LeDuc:  If that is a mask please take it off now, or keep it on
  forever.


# Apartment, The

Fran Kubelik:  When you're in love with a married man you shouldn't wear
  mascara.


# Apocalypse Now

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:  You either surf or you fight.

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:  I love the smell of napalm in the morning...
  Smells like victory.

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:  Some day this war's gonna end.

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore:  Charlie don't surf!

Captain Benjamin L. Willard:  Saigon.  Still in Saigon.  Shit!

Captain Benjamin L. Willard:  When I was here, all I could think of was
  being there.  When I was there, all I could think of was getting back.


# Armed and Dangerous

[Frank Dooley is being driven at high speed to the scene of the crime by
  "The Cowboy", a truck driver with a load of rocket fuel]
The Cowboy:  Slim, I ain't never seen a handgun that big before.
Frank Dooley:  Yeah, it's a 50 calibre...  They used to use it to hunt
  buffalo with...  Up close!  It's only legal in two states...  This isn't
  one of them.

Tanning Salon Woman:  Gosh, I didn't realize it was going to be this formal.
  If I had known it was going to be this kind of party I would have worn
  underwear.

Maggie Cavanaugh:  Just remember, when you pull the trigger, the bullets
  come out going VERY VERY fast...  So make sure to keep the weapon pointing
  away from you.  Now that's about it.  You are now armed [slight pause]
  guards.  God help us all.


# Army of Darkness

Ash:  Shop smart, shop S-mart!

Ash about his shotgun:  This ... is my BOOM STICK!!!

Ash:  You ain't leading nothing but Jack and Shit.  And Jack just left
  town.

[The girl wants to apologize to Ash]
Ash:  First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me.  Blow.

Ash to the Witch:  Yo, she-bitch!  Let's go!

Ash:  Don't touch that please, you primitive intellect wouldn't understand
  things with alloys and compositions and things with ... molecular
  structures.

[Upon getting the powered glove in place of his right hand]
Ash:  Groovy.

[In a passionate moment of romance]
Ash:  Gimme some sugar, baby.

Ash:  Clatu Verata Nicto.
Wise man:  Again.
Ash:  Clatu Verata Nicto.
Wise man:  Again.
Ash:  Look, I know your damn words!

[After shooting Bad Ash]
Good Ash:  I ain't that good.

Ash:  Clatu Verata N... N... It's definitely an "N" word!

Village Resident:  Are all men from the future loud-mouthed braggarts?
Ash:  Nope.  Just me baby...  Just me.

[As undead Ash stands triumphant on catapult]
Ash:  Buckle up Bonehead.  'Cos you're goin' for a ride!

Demon Lady:  I'll swallow your soul!
Ash:  Come get some.

[Last line]
Ash:  Hail to the king, baby.


# Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

Mortimer Brewster:  Insanity runs in my family...  It practically gallops.


# Arthur

Arthur Bach:  I'm so rich, I wish I had a dime for every dime I had.

[While Arthur Bach is taking a bath]
Arthur Bach:  God, Hobson, isn't life wonderful?
Hobson:  Yes it is, Arthur, do your armpits.
Arthur Bach:  A hot bath is Wonderful...  Girls are WONDERFUL!
Hobson:  Yes, imagine how wonderful a girl who bathes would be...  Get
  dressed.

Arthur Bach:  I race cars, play tennis, and fondle women, BUT!  I have
  weekends off, and I am my own boss.

Hobson:  Good afternoon.  If you and your undershirt will take two paces
  backwards, I could enter this dwelling.

[After Linda Marolla stole a necktie from a store]
Hobson:  Arthur, I see no reason for prolonging this conversation, unless
  you plan on knocking over a fruit-stand later this afternoon.
Hobson to Linda Marolla:  Good luck in prison.

[In Burt Johnson's den, looking at a moosehead mounted on the wall]
Arthur Bach:  Where is the rest of this moose?

Arthur Bach:  It's so small, they recently had the whole country carpeted.


# Baby Boom

doctor Jeff Cooper:  You know... you kind of remind me of a bullterrier of
  some kind.
J.C. Wiatt:  Yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls.


# Back to the Future

Mr. Strickland:  You don't have a chance, you're too much like your old man.
  No McFly ever ammounted to anything in the history of Hill Valley!
Marty McFly:  Yeah, well, history is gonna change...

[Repeated line]
Marty McFly:  If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything...

Dave McFly kissing George McFly on the head:  See ya pap.  Oooow, time to
  change that oil!

Doctor Emmet Brown: If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits
  eighty-eight miles per hour ... you're gonna see some serious shit.

[In 1955, Tab and Pepsi Free aren't "invented" yet]
Lou:  You gonna order something, kid?
Marty McFly:  Ah, yeah...  Give me a Tab.
Lou:  Tab?  I can't give you a tab unless you order something!
Marty McFly:  Alright, give me a Pepsi Free.
Lou:  You want a Pepsi, PAL, you're gonna pay for it!

Goldie Wilson:  I'll be the most powerful man in Hill Valley, and I'm gonna
  clean up this town.
Lou handing him a broom:  Good, you can start by sweeping the floor.

[Lorraine's parents are talking about Marty McFly, Lorraine's future son]
Stella Baines:  He's a very strange young man.
Sam Baines:  He's an idiot.  Comes from upbringing.  His parents are
  probably idiots too.  Lorraine, if you ever have a kid that acts that way
  I'll disown you.

[Dr. Emmet Brown is doubting Marty McFly's story about that he is from the
  future]
Dr. Emmet Brown:  Then tell me, "future boy", who is president in the United
  States in 1985?

[Marty McFly comes to his school in 1955]
Marty McFly:  Wow, they really cleaned this place up.  It looks brand new!

Marty McFly:  Wait a minute, Doc, are you trying to tell me that my mother
  has got the hots for me?
Dr. Emmet Brown:  Precisely.
Marty McFly:  Wow, this is heavy...
Dr. Emmet Brown:  There's that word again; "heavy".  Why are things so heavy
  in the future?  Is there a problem with the earths gravitational pull?

[The correct phrase is "So why don't you make like a tree and leave"]
Biff Tannen:  So why don't you make like a tree and get outta here.

George McFly:  Lou!  Give me a milk... [dramatic pause] Chocolate!

[Instead of "My destiny has brought me to you"]
George McFly:  Lorraine, my density has popped me to you.

[Marty McFly arrives late for his take-off]
Dr. Emmet Brown:  You got no consept of time!

Dr. Emmet Brown:  Don't worry!  As long as you hit that wire with the
  connecting hook at precisely eighty-eight miles per hour the moment the
  lightning strikes the tower ... everything will be fine!


# Back to the Future Part II

[After having so much trouble with Jennifer Parker in 2015, Doc Emmet L.
  Brown decides to destroy the time machine as soon as they get back to
  1985]
Doc Emmet L. Brown:  The time-travelling is just too dangerous.  Better that
  I devote myself to study the other great mystery of the universe:
  ...women!


# Bad Girls (1994)

Anita Crown:  If your laws don't include me, well then, they don't apply to
  me either.


# Bananas

Fielding Mellish:  I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in
  braille.  I used to rub the dirty parts.


# Barbarian Queen

Amethea:  I'll be no man's slave and no man's whore, and if I can't kill
  them all, by the gods they'll know I've tried.


# Basic Instinct

Gus:  Did you ever do drugs with Mr. Boz?
Catherine Tramell:  Sure.
Gus:  What kind of drugs?
Catherine Tramell:  Cocaine.  Have you ever fucked on cocaine Nick?  It's
  nice.
[Catherine Tramell uncrosses her legs and it can be seen she's wearing no
  underwear]
Detective Nick Curran:  You like playing games don't you?
Catherine Tramell:  I have a degree in psychology, it goes with the turf...
  Games are fun.


# Batman (1989)

[Repeated line]
Jack Napier:  Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

[Jack Napier is confronted with Batman for the first time]
Jack Napier:  Nice outfit!

[Joker gives someone a hand and electrocutes him]
Joker:  Oh, I got a live one here!

[Jack Napier looks through a pile of pictures and sees Vicki Vale for the
  first time]
Jack Napier:  Stop the press, who is that?


# Benny & Joon

Joon:  Some cultures are defined by their relationship to cheese.


# Best Man, The

William Russell:  T.T. Claypoole has all the characteristics of a dog except
  loyalty.


# Better Off Dead (1985)

Lane Myer:  Gee, Johnny, I don't have a dime.
Johnny Gasparini:  Didn't ask for a dime, 2 dollars.

Lane Myer:  I'm sorry your mom blew up, Ricky.


# Beyond the Call of Duty

Lt. Sam Henderson:  Well, now it's you and me and the barrel.


# Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Rufus:  ...and very important, DO NOT do your homework without wearing
  headphones.  Repeat...

Evil Robot Ted:  Aim for the cat, dude!  Aim for a cat!

Evil Robot Ted:  I got a full-on robot Chubby

[Evil Robot Bill and Evil Robot Ted arrives at 1988]
Evil Robot Bill:  Not bad...
Evil Robot Ted:  Yeah.  Let's make it bad.

[Dead Bill S. Preston almost falls down when climbing around in Hell]
Dead Bill S. Preston:  Ted, you know, if I die, you can have my megadeth
  collection.
Dead Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Dude, we are already dead.
Dead Bill S. Preston:  Oh.  Well then they're yours, dude.

Heaven's Gatekeeper to the Grim Reaper:  Don't I know you?

Ted "Theodore" Logan to God:  Keep up the good work.

[Bill and Ted wakes up after having been dead a while.  Bill picks out a
  worm from his ear]
Bill S. Preston:  Dinner's over, wormdude.

The Grim Reaper to The Smoker:  See you real soon.

Bill S. Preston:  You totally killed us, you evil metal dickweeds!

Ted Logan:  Dude, how are we gonna get out of this?  We don't got any time!
Bill S. Preston:  Yeah we do, dude.  Look, after we get away from this guy,
  we use the booth.  We time travel back to before the concert and set up
  the things we need to get him now.

The Grim Reaper rapping:  You might be a king or a little street sweeper,
  but sooner or later you'll dance with the reaper.


# Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Excellent!

[Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan are working on their report]
Bill S. Preston:  OK, Ted...  George Washington...  1) The father of our
  country.
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  2) Born on Presidents Day.
Bill S. Preston:  3) The dollar-bill guy.

[Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan meet themselves]
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  OK wait.  If you guys are really us, what number are
  we thinking of?
Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  69 dudes!
Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Woah!
[Quadruple air guitar solo]

Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Dude, are you sure we should be doing this?
Bill S. Preston:  Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as
  bodacious as what just happened.  Besides, we told ourselves to listen to
  this guy...
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  What if we were lying?
Bill S. Preston:  Why would we lie to ourselves?

[Just before time-traveling for the first time]
Rufus mounting on his sunglasses:  Gentlemen...  We're history!

Bill S. Preston:  Socrates; "The only true wisdom consist of knowing you
  know nothing".
Ted "Theodore" Logan:  That's us, dude!

[Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan have met themselves again]
Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan:  Catch you later, Bill and Ted!
Bill S. Preston:  That conversation made more sense this time.

Police Psychiatrist:  I don't know why you claim to be Sigmund Freud.
Sigmund Freud:  Why do you claim I'm not Sigmund Freud?
Police Psychiatrist:  Why do you keep asking me these questions?
Sigmund Freud:  Tell me about your mother.

[Repeated lines]
Abraham Lincoln:  Be excellent to eachother...  And party on, dudes!

[Last line (while Bill S. Preston and Ted "Theodore" Logan are "jamming")]
Rufus reassuringly to the camera:  They do get better.


# Billy Budd

Billy Budd:  Farewell to the Rights of Man!


# Billy Ze Kick

[The police are interrogating some witnesses]
Witness:  He looked very North-African and he had something oriental in his
  face; actually, he looked more like a Turk, like a Germanic Turk, with
  blue eyes...


# Biloxi Blues

Epstein:  Why do you think I'm a homosexual?
Eugene:  I guess it's because you never talk about girls.
Epstein:  I never talk about dogs either.  Does that make me a cocker
  spaniel?

Sgt. Toomey:  You would need three promotions to be an asshole.

Sgt. Toomey:  I never had men do push ups in bed before but I could start
  tonight.


# Birds, The

Cathy Brenner:  He's got a client who shot his wife in the head six times.
  Six times, can you imagine it?  I mean, even twice would be overdoing it,
  don't you think?


# Blade Runner

Deckard:  Sushi.  That's what my ex-wife calls me - Cold fish.

Sushi Master:  He say you are blade runner.
Deckard:  Tell him I'm eating.

Deckard:  I have had people walk out on me before, but not when I was being
  so charming.

Roy Batty:  Chew, if only you could see what I've seen with your eyes!

Roy Batty:  It's not an easy thing to meet your maker.

Leon:  Nothing is worse than having an itch you can never scratch!

Leon:  Wake up!  Time to die!

Rachael:  I'm not in the business...  I am the business...

Pris:  Must get lonely here, J.F.
J.F. Sebastian:  Not really.  I MAKE friends.  They're toys.  My friends are
  toys.  I make them.  It's a hobby.  I'm a genetic designer.

Tyrell:  The light that burns twice as bright burns half as long - and you
  have burned so very, very brightly, Roy.

Roy:  I have done ... questionable things.

Roy Batty:  Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?  That's what it
  is, to be a slave.

Roy Batty:  I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.  Attack ships on
  fire off the shoulder of Orion.  I watched C-beams glitter in the dark
  near the Tannhauser gate.  All those moments will be lost in time, like
  tears in rain.  Time to die.

Gaff:  It's too bad she won't live!  But then again, who does?


# Blaze

Earl Long:  Would you still love me as much if I wasn't the fine governor of
  the great state of Louisiana?
Blaze Starr:  Would you still love *me* if I had little tits and worked in a
  fish house?


# Blazing Saddles

Gabby Johnson:  I wash born here, an I wash raished here, and dad gum it,
  Iam gonna die here, an no  sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker
  croaker is gonna rouin me bishen cutter.

[The railway crew discover quicksand up ahead, and one of them offers to
  ride up ahead to check it out]
Taggart:  Fool!  We can't afford to lose no horses...  Send a couple o'
  niggers on a hand-cart.

[Taggart spots two workers on a hand-card sinking into quicksand]
Taggart:  Oh shit!  Quick!
[Lassos the hand-cart and drags it (but not the men) out of the quicksand]
Taggart:  Phew!  That was close!  Nearly lost a four hunner' dollar
  hand-cart!

Taggart:  Don't just stand there!  Take that shovel and put it to some good
  use!
[Bart grabs a shovel and advances on Taggart from behind]
Charlie:  Don't do it, buddy!
Taggart to his sidekick:  Now take a telegram to Mr Lamarr, and tell him I
  said  [gets hit on the head by the shovel]  ow!
Sidekick:  ...tell him I said "ow!".  Got it!

[The Governor is having trouble putting his pen back into its holder]
Hedley Lamarr:  Think of your secretary...
[The pen goes straight in]
Governor Lepetomane:  Thank you!  That's a good one!

Hedley Lamarr:  Give the Governor "harrumph"!
Startled Aide:  Harrumph!
Governor Lepetomane:  You watch your ass!

Taggart:  God dammit, Mr Lamarr sir, you use your tongue purdier than a
  twenny dollar whore!

[Bart returns unexpectedly after being sentenced to death]
Charlie:  They said you wuz hung!
Bart:  And they was right!

[Gabby Johnson (on the roof of the church) spots the new sheriff riding into
  town]
Gabby Johnson shouting:  The sherrif's a nigger!
[The last word is lost in the peal of a church bell]
Harriet Johnson:  What did he say?
Dr. Sam Johnson:  He said the sheriff's nearer!

[Dr. Sam Johnson (with laurel wreath in hand) greets Bart (the new sheriff),
  reading from a piece of paper, not realizing that Bart is black]
Dr. Sam Johnson:  As chairman of the welcoming comittee, it is my honor and
  priviledge to extend this Laurel and Hardy handshake to the town's new
  [finally looks up] ... nigger.

[Bart holds his gun to his own head]
Bart:  One move, and the nigger gets it!
Harriett Johnson:  Isn't someone going to help that poor man?
Dr. Sam Johnson:  Hush, Harriett!  That's sure to get him killed!
Bart:  Help me, help me!
[Bart maneuvers his hostage (himself) into an empty building]
Bart:  Oh baby, you are so talented.  And they are so dumb!

Bart:  You be my guest, and I be your host.  What be your pleasure, Jim?
Jim:  I don't know...  play chess...  screw....
Bart quickly:  Let's play chess!

[Describing how everyone wanted to duel him when he was The Waco Kid]
Jim:  One day I hear "draw!"  I turn around, and it's a six-year old kid.
  So I just walked away.  Little bastard shot me in the ass!

[Lili von Schtupp has lured Bart back to her room]
Lili von Schtupp:  Is it true how zey say zat you people are.... gifted?
[Lights go out, sound of zipper undoing]
Lili von Schtupp:  Oh!  It's twue!  It's twue!

[Lili Von Schtupp offers Bart a gigantic sausage]
Lili Von Schtupp:  Would you like another schnitzengruben?
Bart:  No, thank-you.  Twelve is my limit on schnitzengruben!
Lili von Schtupp:  Well how about a little [whispers in his ear]
Bart shocked:  Baby!  I'm not from Havana!

Jim to some Ku Klux Klansmen:  Looky what I got me here, boys!
Bart being held by Jim:  Hey!  Where's the white women at?

[Bart and Jim are wearing KKK outfits to infiltrate the enemy's lynch mob]
Jim spotting Bart's black hands:  How many times have I told you to wash
  your hands after burning them crosses?
[Taggart whips off Bart's hood]
Bart:  For my next impression, Jesse Owens!

[The lynch mob comes across a toll-booth in the middle of the desert]
Taggart:  Someone's gotta go back for a shit-load of dimes!

[Jim: The Waco Kid has just shot the guns out of the hands of a dozen
  henchmen]
Bart:  Don't just stand there clasping your hands in pain...  How about a
  round of appluase for The Waco Kid?

Adolf Hitler:  They lose me right after the bunker scene.

Buddy Bizarre:  Cut!  Cut!  Cut!
Taggart:  Fuck You!  I work for Mel Brooks!
[Shapes to punch Buddy Bizarre]
Buddy Bizarre:  Not the face!  Not the face!
[Taggart compiles, punching him in the stomach]
Buddy Bizarre collapsing:  Thank-you!

Hedley Lamarr:  You will be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an
  almost-certain Academy Award nomination for the Best Supporting Actor.

Jim:  Another twenty-five years and you'll be able to shake their hands in
  broad daylight.

Taggart:  I hired you people to try to get a little track laid, not to jump
  around like a bunch of Kansas City faggots.

Hedley Lamarr:  Unfortunately there is one thing standing between me and
  that property - the rightful owners.


# Blind Fury

Crook:  God damn!  That thing's got more holes than my daddy's rubber.


# Blood Beach

Pearson:  Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, you
  can't get to it.


# Blue Velvet

(Dennis Hopper):  Nobody fucks with me!
(Kyle McLachlan):  Oh - maybe if you find the right girl...


# Blues Brothers, The

[Jake Blues is released on parole and gets back all the things he wore when
  he was arrested]
Corrections Officer:  One timex digital watch - broken.  One unused
  prophylactic.  One soiled.

[Elwood Blues Jake Blues has a fight over the police car Elwood Blues got
  after he traded away the original bluesmobile for a microphone]
Elwood Blues:  You don't like it?
Jake Blues:  No I don't like it...
[Elwood Blues floors the pedal and jumps over an open bridge]
Jake Blues:  Of course it got a lot of pickup...
Elwood Blues:  It got a cop motor, a 440 cubicinch plant, it got cop tires,
  cop suspensions, cop shocks.  It's a model made before catalytic
  converters so it'll run good on regular gas.   What do you say, is this
  the new bluesmobile or what?
[A brief thinking pause while Jake Blues lights a cigarette]
Jake Blues:  Fix the cigarette lighter.

Jake Blues to Sister Mary Stigmata:  5 grand?  No problem, we'll have it for
  you in the morning.  Let's go, Elwood.
Sister Mary Stigmata:  No, no, I will not take your filthy stolen money!
Jake Blues:  Well then...  I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with a ruler for using that kind of
  language]
Sister Mary Stigmata:  I beg your pardon, what did you say?
Jake Blues:  I offered to help you...  You refused to take out money.  Then
  I said; I guess you're really up Shit Creek.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues with the ruler again]
Elwood Blues:  Christ Jake!  Take it easy man.
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues:  Oh shit!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Jake Blues]
Elwood Blues:  Jesus Christ!
[Sister Mary Stigmata hits Elwood Blues]
Jake Blues:  Shit!
[...]

Jake Blues:  You were outside, I was inside.  You were supposed to keep in
  touch with the band.  I kept asking you if we were gonna play again.
Elwood Blues:  What was I gonna do?  Take away your only hope?  Take away
  the very hing that kept you going in there?  I took the liberty of
  bullshitting you.

[Elwood Blues has just passed on a red light, and a police car rolls up
  behind them.  The words are said in the same rythm as a blues song
  ("Soothe Me") on the car stereo]
Elwood Blues:  Shit!
Jake Blues:  What?
Elwood Blues:  Rollers...
Jake Blues:  No!
Elwood Blues:  Yeah.
Jake Blues:  Shit!

Jake Blues:  First you trade the caddilac for a microphone.  Then you lie to
  me about the band.  Now you're gonna put me right back in the joint!
Elwood Blues:  They're not gonna catch us.  We're on a mission from God!

[While they are driving around in the shopping mall with 2 police cars on
  their tail]
Elwood Blues:  Baby clothes...
Jake Blues:  This place has got everything.

[Repeated line]
Elwood Blues:  We're on a mission from God.

Murph:  Tell me a little about this electric piano, Ray.
Ray:  Ah, you have a good eye, my man.  That's the best in the city
  Chicago.
Jake Blues:  How much?
Ray:  2000 bucks and it's yours.  You can take it home with you.  As a
  matter of fact, I'll throw in the black keys for free.

Elwood Blues:  What kind of music do you usually have here?
Claire:  Oh, we got both kinds.  We got country *and* western.

Jake Blues:  Book us for tomorrow night.
Maury Sline:  Hold it, hold it.  "Tomorrow night", what are you talking
  about.  A gig like that, you gotta prepare the proper exploitation.
Elwood Blues:  I know all about that stuff.  I have been exploited all my
  life.

Burton Mercer:  Who wants an orange whip?  Orange whip?  Orange whip?  Three
  orange whips!

Elwood Blues:  It's a 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas,
  half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.
Jake Blues:  Hit it!


# Body Heat

[First Line]
Ned Racine:  My history is burning up out there.

[Pick-Up Line]
Matty Walker:  You're not very bright, are you?  I like that in a man.


# Boys in the Band, The

Michael:  What is he - a psychiatrist or a hairdresser?
Donald:  Actually he's both.  He shrinks my head and then combs me out.

Donald:  Thanks to the silver screen your neurosis has got style.

Michael:  Beleive it or not, there was a time in my life when I didn't go
  around announcing I was a faggot.

Emory:  Who do you have to fuck to get a drink around here?


# Boys Next Door, The

Bo Richards:  I don't want to sound like a fag or nothing, but you are my
  best friend.


# Bram Stoker's Dracula

Vlad Dracula:  ... and I never drink ... wine.

Vlad Dracula to Jonathan Harker:  They say you are a man of good ... taste.

Vlad Dracula about the wolves that are howling:  Listen to them - the
  children of the night.  What sweet music they make.

Lord Arthur Holmwood:  Last week he wanted to marry her.  Now he wants to
  have her commited.

Vlad Dracula:  I have crossed oceans of time to find you.

Doctor Jack Seward:  You want to autopsy Lucy?
Van Helsing:  No no no, not exactly.  I just want to cut of her head and
  take out her heart.


# Breakfast Club, The

John Bender:  But face it.  You're a neo maxi zoom dweebie, what would you
  be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?


# Bride of Re-Animator

Herbert West:  I don't consider science *morbid*.

Dr. Graves:  Really, Lieutenant.  Who'd want to steal body parts?


# Brighton Beach Memoirs

[Eugene is explaining his intense desire to play for the Yankees]
Eugene:  I'll never make it with the Yankes.  All the great Yankees are
  Italian.  My mother makes spaghetti with ketchup - what chance do I have?


# Broadcast News

Albert Brooks:  Ok, I'll meet you at the place near the thing where we went
  that time.


# Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Coach:  OK people, they are psyching you out.  Let's not be so defensive out
  there, OK?  Now what do we say on the court, repeat after me;  I am a
  person, I have the right to the ball.

[The Coach is having the last pep-talk with his team, pointing at a piece of
  paper with an infinity-sign, some male / female symbols and the eye inside
  the pyramid]
Coach:  ...therefore, if we all work together, together we'll work out.  Are
  you with me?  Get out there!  All right!  Score some..  eh..  points!
  Hey, you missed practice again today!  I think you better sit down and
  think about how that made me feel...

[After getting his whole arm cut of]
Amilyn:  You ruined my jacket!  Kill him A LOT!

Pike:  Look!  Air!


# Bull Durham

[Crash Davies starts to walk out on Annie because he says he doesn't believe
  in quantum physics when it comes to matters of the heart]
Annie:  Well, what *do* you believe in?
"Crash" Davis:  Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small
  of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fibre, good Scotch, that
  the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent overrated crap.  I believe
  Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone, I believe there ought to be a
  constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturft in the designated hitter, I
  believe in the sweet spot, soft core pornography, opening your presents
  Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long slow
  deep soft wet kisses that last three days.  Good night.
[He laughs and walks out]
Annie:  Oh my.


# Bullseye! (1991)

[Lipton knocks his door and the entire front of the house collapses around
  him; the hole where the door was saves him from certain death.  He wanders
  away dazed.  Willie pulls up in her car]
Willie:  What's wrong?
Lipton:  I come from a broken home.


# Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Butch Cassidy:  I have vision, and the rest of the world wears bifocals.

Butch Cassidy:  If he'd just pay me what he's paying them to stop me robbing
  him, I'd stop robbing him!

[Last lines]
Butch Cassidy:  Wait a minute - you didn't see LaForce out there did you?
The Sundance Kid:  LaForce?  No, why?
Butch Cassidy:  Thank God for that.  For a moment there I thought we were in
  trouble.

Butch Cassidy:  Then you jump first.
The Sundance Kid:  No, I said.
Butch Cassidy:  What's the matter with you.
The Sundance Kid:  I can't swim.
Butch Cassidy:  Why you crazy, the fall will probably kill you.


# Butley

Ben Butley:  I'm a one-woman man, and I've had mine, thank God.


# By Dawn's Early Light (TV)

[Alice has just refused an order from the acting president]
Sam:  They'll shoot you for this general.
Alice:  Sam, old friend, I should find such an angel of mercy.

[Harpoon and Fargo try to advise the acting president on how to react to the
  nuclear conflict]
Harpoon:  Use the pause...  Settle things down.
Fargo:  The best defence...  Cut off the head of the Soviet chicken.

[President talking of the incompetent acting president]
President:  We got Alice in one plane and the mad hatter in another.


# Caddyshack

Carl Spackler:  I got to get into this dude's pelt and crawl around for a
  few days.  Who's the gopher's ally.  His friends.  The harmless squirrel
  and the friendly rabbit.

Carl Spengler:  This crowd has gone deadly silent, a Cinderella story outta
  nowhere.  Former greenskeeper and now about to become the masters
  champion.

Ty Webb:  Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball.  You're not being the
  ball Danny.
Danny Noonan:  It's hard when you're talking like that.


# Cadillac Man

[Joe is trading insults with a photographer]
Joe:  You know what you are --- you're an ass-half...  Takes two of you to
  make an ass-whole.

Molly:  ...you have no respect for women.
Joe:  I guess dinner and a blow job's out of the question.
Molly:  I guess.
Joe:  We'll forget dinner...


# Caged Heat II: Stripped of Freedom

Amanda:  I never get personally involved.


# Caine Mutiny Court-Martial, The (TV)

Captian Queeg:  Mr Maryk, you may tell the crew for me there are four ways
  of doing things on board my ship:  the right way, the wrong way, the Navy
  way, and my way.  If they do things my way, we'll get along.


# Cannonball Run, The

Fenderbaum:  We got a secret weapon.  God is our co-pilot!
Blake:  God is our co-pilot? Remember our car?
Fenderbaum:  Yeah?
Blake:  Two seats!
Fenderbaum:  Two seats...?
Blake:  Where's he gonna sit? Where?


# Cape Fear (1991)

Prison Guard:  What about your books?
Max Cady:  Already read 'em.

Max Cady:  Grandaddy used to handle snakes in church, Granny drank
  strychnine.  I guess you could say I had a leg up, genetically speaking.

Max Cady:  Counsellor, could you be there?

Max Cady:  I am like God, and God like me.  I am as large as God, He is as
  small as I.  He cannot above me, nor I beneath Him be.  Selatius, 17th
  Century.

[Max Cady bares his heavily tattoed body]
Lieutenant Elgart:  I don't know whether to look at him or read him.


# Casablanca

[Ugarte sells exit visas]
Ugarte:  You despise me, don't you?
Rick Blaine:  If I gave you any thought I probably would.

Ugarte:  Renault, think of all the poor devils who can't meet the Renault's
  price.  I get it for them for half.  Is that so ... parasitic?
Rick Blaine:  I don't mind a parasite.  I object to a cut-rate one.

Yvonne:  Where were you last night?
Rick Blaine:  That's so long ago, I don't remember.
Yvonne:  Will I see you tonight?
Rick Blaine:  I never make plans that far ahead.

Captain Louis Renault:  How extravagant you are, throwing away women like
  that.  Some day they may be scarce.

Captain Louis Renault:  What on earth brought you to Casablanca?
Rick Blaine:  My health ... I came to Casablanca for the waters.
Captain Louis Renault:  The waters?  What waters?  We're in the desert.
Rick Blaine:  I was misinformed.

Rick Blaine:  I stick my neck out for nobody.

[Of Victor Lazlo, who wants to escape from Casablanca]
Captain Louis Renault:  No matter how clever he is, he still needs an exit
  visa ... or should I say two?
Rick Blaine:  Why two?
Captain Louis Renault:  He is travelling with a lady.
Rick Blaine:  He'll take one.
Captain Louis Renault:  I think not.  I have seen the lady.

Captain Louis Renault:  My dear Ricky, you overestimate the influence of the

  Gestapo.  I don't interfere with them and they don't interfere with
  me.  In Casablanca I am master of my fate!  I am ...
Police Officer:  Major Strasser is here, sir!
Rick Blaine:  You were saying???
Captain Louis Renault:  Excuse me.

Rick Blaine:  I congratulate you.
Victor Lazlo:  What for?
Rick Blaine:  ... your work.
Victor Lazlo:  I try my best.
Rick Blaine:  We all try.  You succeed.

[When Sam doesn't want to play "As Time Goes By"]
Rick Blaine:  Play it!

Rick Blaine to Ilsa:  Who are you really?  And what were you before?  And
  what did you do?  And what did you think?

Rick Blaine:  Here's looking at you, kid.

Senor Ferrari:  It would take a miracle to get you out of Casablanca, and
  the Germans have outlawed miracles.

[After observing the gambling tables at Rick's]
Customer:  Are you sure this place is honest?
Carl:  Honest?  As honest as the day is long!

[As he goes to hand Renault a bribe]
Jay Brandel:  Captain Renault ... may I?
Captain Louis Renault:  Oh no!  Not here please!  Come to my office tomorrow
  morning.  We'll do everything businesslike.
Jay Brandel:  We'll be there at six!
Captain Louis Renault:  I'll be there at ten.

Rick Blaine:  How can you close me up?  On what grounds?
Captain Louis Renault:  I'm shocked ... shocked to find that gambling is
  going on in here.
[A waiter hands Renault a pile of money]
Croupier:  Your winnings, sir.
Captain Louis Renault:  Oh, thank you ... very much.  Everybody out at
  once!

Rick Blaine:  And remember, this gun is pointed right at your heart.
Captain Louis Renault:  That is my least vulnerable spot.

[After he watches Rick do the shooting, Renault gives orders to his police]
Captain Louis Renault:  Major Strasser has been shot.  Round up the usual
  suspects.

[Last line]
Rick Blaine:  Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful
  friendship.


# Cast a Deadly Spell (TV)

Bradbury:  If this is the future, I'll take vanilla.


# Citizen Kane

[First line]
Charles Foster Kane:  Rosebud...  Rosebud...

Charles Foster Kane:  I run a couple of newspapers.  What do you do?


# City Slickers

[First line (running through the streets in front of angry bulls,
  deliberately)]
Mitch Robbins:  Who's idea was this anyway???

Phil Berquist:  Where are you from?
Ben Jessup:  Baltimore.  We have a dental practice there.
Mitch Robbins:  Really, you're both dentists?
Steve Jessup:  Yes!  We're black AND we're dentists.  Let's not make an
  issue out of it.
Ben Jessup:  Eh, they're not making an issue of it.  You're making an issue
  of it.

Bonnie Rayburn:  Listen, it took a lot of courage to do what you did...
  Thank you.
Mitch Robbins:  I'm married.

[When Mitch are talking badly of someone]
Mitch:  He's right behind me, isn't he?

Curly:  I crap bigger than you!

[Ed Furillo accuses Mitch Robbins of flirting with Bonnie Rayburn]
Mitch Robbins:  I just said 'Hello'!
Ed Furillo:  That's not 'hello'.  That's 'Hi, I like your ass.  Can I use it
  as a hat?'.

Mitch Robbins:  Hi Curly.  Killed anyone today?
Curly:  The day ain't over yet...

[While Mitch Robbins is delivering the calf (Norman)]
Mitch Robbins:  You know, this was not in the brochure...

Phil Berquist:  You know you were right, Mitch.  My life is a "do-over".
  It's time to get started.
Mitch Robbins:  I hope I can help.
Ed Furillo:  Now I'm gonna go home, and I'm gonna get Kim pregnant.
Mitch Robbins:  I hope I can help.


# City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold

[When Mitch are talking badly of someone (like in _City Slickers_ (qv)]
Mitch:  He's right behind me, isn't he?


# Cliffhanger

Gabe Walker:  I've been working up in Denver.
BASE Jumper #1:  "Work"?  Don't say that word man!
Evan:  Man, I hate work.  Even when somebody else is doing it.

[The jet is about to make an emergency landing after they screwed up]
Eric Qualen:  Don't bother to buckle up - you may not want to survive this.

Travers:  Tucker and Walker!  We're missing 3 bags.
Gabe Walker:  What's in them?
Travers:  None of your fucking business!
Eric Qualen:  Suits, socks, 100 million dollars - the usual stuff.

Eric Qualen:  Kill a few people, they call you a murderer.  Kill a million
  and you're a conqueror.

Eric Qualen:  Do you know what real loove is, Kristel?
Kristel:  No.
Eric Qualen shooting her:  Sacrifice.

Eric Qualen:  Love is a killer, isn't it?


# Close Encounters of the Third Kind

Brad Neary:  I don't understand these fractions.
Roy Neary:  What's one third of sixty?
Brad Neary:  That's a fraction, I don't understand them.
Roy Neary:  Alright, lets say that this box car is sixty feet long, OK?, and
  one third of it is across this switch here, alright...  And now another
  train is coming...  Now, how far do you have to move this box car so that
  the other train doesn't smash it?  Quickly Brad, there are thousands of
  lives at stake...  Brad any answer...
[CRASH]


# Closet Land

Torturer:  We are both seekers of truth and in this quest I am your friend,
  philosopher and guide.


# Cocktail

Brian Hanagan:  You're offering me a job?
Doug Coughlin:  Aha. [meaning yes]
Brian Hanagan:  The waitresses hate me!
Doug Coughlin:  You wait till you've given them crabs...  Then you'll really
  know hatred.


# Colors

Danny McGavin:  You don't wanna get laid, man.  It leads to kissing and
  pretty soon you gotta talk to 'em.


# Commando (1985)

Matrix:  I let him go.

Matrix:  I'll be back, Bennett!

Matrix after killing a man in the plane:  Don't disturb my friend, he's dead
  tired.


# Conan the Barbarian

Conan:  Crom, I have never prayed to you before.  I have no tongue for it.
  No one, not even you, will remember if we were good men or bad.  Why we
  fought, and why we died.  All that matters is that today, two stood
  against many.  Valor pleases you, so grant me this one request.  Grant me
  revenge!  And if you do not listen, the HELL with you!

Valeria:  Do you want to live forever?

Thulsa Doom:  Now they will know why they are afraid of the dark.  Now they
  learn why they fear the night.

Subotai:  He is Conan, Cimmerian, he won't cry, so I cry for him.

Mongol General:  Conan, what is good in life?
Conan:  To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, hear the
  lamentations of the women.


# Contempt

Film Producer:  When I hear the word culture, I take out my checkbook.


# Coogan's Bluff

[Coogan is taking a bath, a busty woman is washing him, Coogan throws the
  soap, aiming for her cleavage, and misses]
Woman:  Need a bigger target?
Coogan:  There aint any in this county.


# Couch Trip, The

Hendricks:  He cares, that's the secret.  It's in his voice.  Do you know
  what that means to an advertiser.
Donald Becker:  Whoever wants the donuts without jelly, they're ready.


# Crimes of Passion

Wife:  Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you went to the
  bathroom?
Bobby Grady:  No, she taught me not to piss on my fingers.


# Crow, The

Albrecht:  You, don't move!
Eric Draven:  I thought cops always said "Freeze!"
Albrecht:  Well, I say don't move.  Move and you're dead!
Eric Draven:  And I say I'm dead ... and I move...


# Cry in the Dark, A

Lindy Chamberlain:  A dingo's got my baby!


# Dark Backward, The

Rosarita:  It's all over between the two of us.  I can't love a man with
  three hands.


# Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid

Rigby Reardon:  I hadn't seen a body put together like that since I solved
  the case of the Murdered Girl with the Big Tits.

Rigby Reardon:  Carlotta was the kind of town where they spell trouble
  T-R-U-B-I-L, and if you try to correct them, they kill you.


# Deep Red (1994)

Joe Keyes:  This is not a perfect world.  In a perfect world, evil loses.


# Dial M for Murder (1954)

Tony Wendice:  People don't commit murder on credit.

Tony Wendice:  Do you really believe in the perfect murder?


# Diamonds Are Forever

[Tiffany Case opened the door almost nude]
Tiffany Case:  I'll finish dressing.
James Bond as Feter Franks:  Oh please don't, not on my account.

Felix Leiter:  I give up.  I know the diamonds are in the body, but where?
James Bond:  Alimentary, my dear Leiter...

Driver:  The stiff, ehm, the deseased back there...  Your brother, Mr.
  Franks?
James Bond as Peter Franks:  Yes, it was.
Passenger:  I got a brother.
James Bond as Peter Franks:  Small world.

Plenty O'Toole:  Hi, I'm Plenty.
James Bond:  But of course you are...

[James Bond is lucky with the dices while gambling]
Plenty O'Toole:  You handle those cubes like a monkey handles coconuts...

James Bond:  That's a nice little nothing you're almost wearing.

[Plenty O'Toole is thrown out of the window by some goons perhaps from the
  10th floor, and lands in the middle of the hotel's swimming pool]
James Bond looking down:  Exceptionally fine shot.
Goon:  I didn't know there was a pool down there.

[A couple of oil workers open a hatch down to the oil pipe, and James Bond
  comes up to their surprise]
James Bond:  Thank you very much.  I was just out walking my round and I
  seem to have lost my way...

James Bond:  Good morning, gentlemen.  ACME pollution inspection.  We're
  cleaning up the world, we thought this was a suitable starting point.


# Die Hard

Special Agent Johnson:  Figure we take out the terrorists. Lose 20-25% of
  the hostages.
Special Agent Johnson:  I can live with that.

Deputy Chief of Police Dwayne T. Robbins:  We're gonna need some more FBI
  guys I guess.

John McClane:  Yippie-hi-yeah, motherfucker!


# Die Hard 2

[Just before John McClane recognizes Vito Lorenzo, the officer towing away
  his car earlier]
John McClane:  Excuse me officers.  This may sound like a wild goose-chase,
  but I think I just saw...
Vito Lorenzo:  Saw what???
John McClane:  Elvis.  Elvis Presley...

John McClane:  Oh man, I can't fucking believe this.  Another basement,
  another elevator.  How can the same thing happen to the same guy twice???

Grant:  You are the wrong person at the wrong place at the wrong time!
John McClane:  Story of my life.

John McClane:  I guess I was wrong about you.  You're not such an asshole
  after all.
Grant:  Oh, you were right about me.  I'm just your kind of asshole.

Grant:  Too bad, McClane.  I kind of liked you.
John McClane:  I got enough friends!

Holly McClane:  They told me there were terrorists at the airport.
John McClane:  Yeah, I heard that too.


# Dirty Harry

[After a frantic gunfight, Harry has his gun trained on a crook who's lying
  on the ground, trying to decide whether to try and grab his shotgun]
Harry:  Aha!  I know what you're thinking...  Did I fire six shots or only
  five?  To tell you the truth, I forgot it myself in all this excitement.
  This here's a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and it
  can blow your head clean off.  Now, you must ask yourself one question:
  "Do I feel lucky?"  Well, do you, punk?

[Harry Callahan is being hassled for shooting a man without knowing for sure
  he was going to rape a woman in the park]
Harry Callahan:  When a man is chasing a woman in the park, naked with an
  butcher's knife in his hand, I don't think he'll be collecting for the Red
  Cross!


# Doctor and the Devils, The

Doctor Thomas Rock:  I set myself up as a God over death.


# Doctor Dolittle

Ploynesia the Parrot:  I speak over two thousand languages, including Dodo
  and Unicorn.


# Doppelganger (1993)

[Elisabeth comments on how fast Patrick had begun sleeping with Holly when a
  guy comes out of her bedroom]
Patrick Highsmith:  What was that you were saying about 6 months of
  suffering?
Elisabeth:  OK, so I'm a slut, you're a slut, who wants coffee?


# Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb

The President:  You can't fight in here, this is the War Room!


# Dracula (1979)

Count Dracula:  Listen to them -- children of the night.  What music they
  make!


# Dragnet (1987)

[Last lines]
Friday:  Not that it's any of your business, Mr. National Enquirer, but I
  had the pleasure of spending a quiet evening in the company of Connie
  Swail.
Pep Streebek:  Wait a minute.  Connie Swail?  Don't you mean "The *Virgin*
  Connie Swail"?
[Friday turns his head slowly towards Pep Streebek]


# Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story

Linda Emery:  A philosophy major?  Now, what can you do with a philosophy
  major?
Bruce Lee:  You can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

[Bruce Lee in a wheelchair]
Vivian Emery:  How are you feeling, Mr. Lee?
Bruce Lee:  Oh, like half man, half car.


# Duellists, The

Armand D'Hubert:  I am going to be killed responsibly, on horseback, as a
  compliment to the cavalry.

Armand D'Hubert:  General Feraud has made occasional attempts to kill me.
  That does not give him the right to claim my acquaintance.

Armand D'Hubert:  We came here to kill each other.  Any ground is suitable
  for that.


# Easy Rider

George Hanson:  I mean it is real hard to be free when you are bought and
  sold in the market place.


# Empire Strikes Back, The

Han Solo:  Afraid I was gonna leave without giving you a good bye kiss?
Princess Leia Organa:  I'd just as soon kiss a wookie!
Han Solo:  I can arrange that!  You could use a good kiss!

C-3PO:  R2 says that the chances of survival are 725 to 1.  Actually R2 has
  been known to make mistakes - from time to time...  Oh dear, oh dear...

Han Solo:  I thought this smelled bad on the outside!

Yoda:  Do...  Or do not.  There is no try.

Princess Leia Organa:  I'll be back!

Princess Leia Organa:  I love you.
Han Solo:  I know.


# Escape from New York

Bob Hauk:  I'm not a fool, Plissken!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  Call me Snake.

President:  God save me.

Bob Hauk:  Remember, once you're inside you're on your own.
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  Oh, you mean I can't count on you?  Good!

Girl in "Chock Full O'Nuts":  You're a cop!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  I'm an asshole...

The Duke:  They sent in their best man, and when we roam out the 69th street
  bridge tomorrow, on our way to freedom, we're going to have their best man
  leading the way --- from the neck up!

Brain:  They're savages, Mr. President.

Bob Hauk:  We'd make one hell of a team, Snake!
S.D. "Snake" Plissken:  The name's Plissken!

[Last line]
The President:  Good evening.  Although I shall not be present at this
  historic summit meeting, I present this in the hope that our great nations
  may learn to live in peace...


# Eve and the Handyman

The Woman:  My mind raced like a hot rod along the drag strip of
  inspiration.


# Evil Dead II

[Upon gaining the chain saw in place of his lost right hand]
Ash:  Groovy.


# Evil Dead, The

[Sharyn has been hacked into several pieces]
Ash:  We can't bury Sharyn.  She's our friend.


# Falling Down

Korean Shop Owner:  Take the money!
William "D-FENS" Foster:  You think I'm a thief?  You see, I'm not the
  thief.  I'm not the one charging 85 cents for a STINKING SODA!  You're the
  thief!  I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer.

[William "D-FENS" Foster is sitting on a concrete ruin filled with grafitti,
  resting, and 2 non-american guys walk up to him saying he is trespassing]
William "D-FENS" Foster:  I didn't see any signs?
Dude #1 pointing at a graffiti skull:  What do you call that?
William "D-FENS" Foster:  Graffiti?
Dude #1:  No no, it's not fucking graffiti, that's a sign.
Dude #2:  You can't read it man.
Dude #1:  I'll read it for you.  It says this is fucking private property.
  No fucking trespassing.  That means fucking you.
William "D-FENS" Foster:  It says all that?
Dude #1:  Yeah.
William "D-FENS" Foster:  Well, if you maybe wrote in fucking English I
  would fucking understand you.

[William "D-FENS" Foster picks up the flat hamburger he jus ordered,
  comparing it to the picture behind the desk]
William "D-FENS" Foster:  Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this
  picture?

Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  Excuse me..  Hey, exCUSE ME!  I don't know if
  you have noticed it or not, but there are other people waiting to use the
  phone here.
William "D-FENS" Foster:  There are?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  Yeah!
William "D-FENS" Foster:  People want to use the phone?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  That's right, you selfish asshole!
William "D-FENS" Foster:  That's too bad.  You know what?
Annoying Man at Phone Booth:  What?
William "D-FENS" Foster firing a machine gun into the phone booth:  I think
  it's out of order.

William "D-FENS" Foster to The Golfer that is having a heart attack:  Yeah!
  And now you're gonna die, wearing that stupid little hat.  How does it
  feel?

William "D-FENS" Foster:  I'm the bad guy???  How did that happen?

Sergeant Prendergast:  Fuck you Captian Yardley.  Fuck you very much.


# Fast Times at Ridgemont High

Jeff Spicoli:  No shirt.  No shoes.  No dice.
Brad Hamilton:  Right.  Learn it, know it, live it.

Stacy Hamilton:  When a guy has an orgasm.  How much comes out?
Linda Barrett:  About a quart or so.

Jeff Spicoli:  So what this Jefferson dude was saying is: We left this
  England place because it was bogus.  If we don't get us some cool rules
  pronto, we'll just be bogus too.

Jeff Spicoli:  Relax, my old man is a TV repairman, he's got an ultimate set
  of tools.


# Father of the Bride (1991)

George Banks:  And don't forget to fasten your condoms!  ...Seatbelts, I
  mean seatbelts.


# Fearless

Laura Klein:  Why didn't you call and say you were alive?
Max Klein:  I thought I was dead.

Carla Rodrigo:  So what are you saying?  That there's no God, but there's
  you?


# Fearless Vampire Killers or: Pardon Me, But Your Teeth Are in My Neck, The

[A young woman tries to fend off Shagail, a Jewish Vampire, with a cross]
Shagail:  Boy have you got the wrong vampire.


# Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Ferris Bueller:  I did have a test today.  That wasn't bullshit.  It's on
  European socialism.  I mean, really, what's the point?  I'm not European,
  I don't plan on being European, so who gives a crap if they're socialist?
  They could be fascist anarchists - that still wouldn't change the fact
  that I don't own a car.  Not that I condone fascism, or any ism for that
  matter.  Isms in my opinion are not good.  A person should not believe in
  an ism - he should believe in himself.  I quote John Lennon:  "I don't
  believe in Beatles - I just believe in me".  A good point there.  Of
  course, he was the Walrus.  I could be the Walrus - I'd still have to bum
  rides off of people.

Ferris Bueller:  The key to faking out the parents is the clammy hands.
  It's a good non-specific symptom.  A lot of people'll tell you that a
  phony fever is a dead lock, but that can land you in a doctor's office,
  and that's worse than school.  What you do is, you fake a stomach cramp,
  and when you're bent over moaning and wailing, you lick your palms.  It's
  a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school.

Ferris Bueller:  Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck
  a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you would have a diamond.


# Field of Fire

Sgt. Duncan:  It's your life.  I can't teach you the bush over night.


# Final Analysis

[Isaac Barr and Alan Lowenthal are talking about Heather Evans before Alan
  Lowenthal has met her]
Alan Lowenthal:  I suppose now you're gonna tell me you have feelings for
  this woman?
Isaac Barr:  To tell you the truth I can't I can't stop thinking about
  her...
Alan Lowenthal:  Isaac, you know as well as I do that romantic love is a
  projection.  You're not seeing this woman
Isaac Barr:  Hehe, get out of here...
Alan Lowenthal:  It's a vision..  You're in a delusional state.
Isaac Barr:  It's not deliusional.
Alan Lowenthal:  Yes it is.  It's delusional.  There is no human being, no
  woman that's so beautiful - so special - that all of your normal thought
  patterns
[Heather Evans enters the room]
Alan Lowenthal:  Eh, can I help you?

Heather Evans:  Do you come out here a lot?
Isaac Barr:  No, just in moments of existential anxiety and when I want to
  impress a date.

Isaac Barr:  He thought I was from the justice department.  Is the dress
  that bad?


# Fish Called Wanda, A

Wanda Gershowitz:  You just wanted to get me into bed.
Archibald Leech:  I fell in love with you.
Wanda Gershowitz:  How come you dumped me then.
Archibald Leech:  I wasn't rich enough, remember.
Wanda Gershowitz:  Say something in Russian.
Archibald Leech:  No.

[Repeated line]
Otto:  Don't call me stupid.

Wanda Gershowitz:  I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses
  with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?


# Flatliners

[First line (first used in _Little Big Man_ (qv))]
Nelson:  Today is a good day to die...

Joe Hurley:  I don't know.  Not thinking about the past or the future.  I
  don't know it's difficult to explain, maybe impossible.
David Labraccio:  Yeah, dying is quite that way.

[This is an suix-indian war cry, meaning "Today is a good day to die"]
David Labraccio:  Hoka-hey

[Last Line]
Nelson:  It wasn't such a good day to die...


# Fletch

Fletch:  Did you steal this car?
Teenager:  I sure did!
Fletch:  Well, I'm not sure that's even a crime anymore, there've been a lot
  of changes in the law.

Fletch:  You know, if you shoot me, you're liable to loose a lot of those
  humanitarian awards.

Fletch:  ...and who would have known that the Vice President knew I was
  opening the door, but the Secret Service, they just *whack* [mimes door
  hitting him in the face], blood...

Alan Stanwyck:  You do own rubber gloves?
Fletch:  I rent 'em.  I have a lease with an option to buy.

Fletch:  For another grand, I'll let you take me out to dinner.

Pathologist:  Ever seen a sleen that large?
Fletch:  No, not since breakfast.

Fletch to Gail Stanwyck:  Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water
  buffalo.

Fletch:  This little proposition doesn't entail me dressing as
  little-bo-peep, does it?

Fletch:  I would have been here sooner, but a manuer-spreadder jacknifed on
  the Santa Anna.  You should see my shoes.

[Fletch is being interrogated by Chief Karlin and is giving him attitude]
Chief Karlin:  What's your name?
Fletch:  Fletch.
Chief Karlin:  What's your full name?
Fletch:  Fletch F. Fletch.
Chief Karlin:  What do you do for a living, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch:  I'm a shephard.
Chief Karlin:  Why are you doing this, Mr. Fletch?
Fletch:  I like men. I like to be manhandled. I like you.

[Fletch is being framed for drug posession by two very large cops]
Fletch:  Aren't you gonna read me my rights?
Cop:  You have the right to remain silent.  You have the right to have your
  face kicked in by me. You have the right to have your balls stomped on by
  him.
Fletch:  I think I'll waive my rights.


# Fly, The (1986)

[This is the originator of this quote]
Veronica "Ronnie" Quaife:  Be afraid.  Be very afraid.


# For Your Eyes Only

James Bond:  Now put your clothes back on, and I'll buy you an ice cream.


# Foreign Correspondent

Johnny Jones:  I'm in love with a girl, and I'm going to help hang her
  father.


# Forrest Gump

[Repeated line]
Forrest Gump:  Stupid is as stupid does.

[Repeated line]
Forrest's Mother:  Life is like a box of chocolates, Forrest.  You never
  know what you're gonna get.

Forrest Gump:  Sometimes, there just aren't enough rocks.

Army Sergeant:  Gump, what is your sole purpose in this army?
Forrest Gump:  To do whatever you tell me, sir!
Army Sergeant:  Gump, you are a @#$%&! genius...

[Repeated line]
Forrest Gump:  We were like peas and carrots, Jenny and I.

[Forrest's repeated phrase at the end of recollections of particularly
  sensitive incidents]
Forrest Gump:  That's all I have to say about that.

Forrest Gump:  I'm sorry for ruining your party, Lieutenant Dan.  She tasted
  of cigarettes.


# Four Weddings and a Funeral

[Charles comes running after Carrie]
Charles:  Ehm, look.  Sorry, sorry.  I just, ehm, well, this is a very
  stupid question and..., particularly in view of our recent shopping
  excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously
  not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just
  wondered...  ehh.  I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a
  clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was
  still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you", and eh, I-I
  just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to...  Eh...  Eh...  No, no,
  no of course not...  I'm an idiot, he's not...  Excellent, excellent,
  fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb...
  Better get on...
Carrie:  That was very romantic...
Charles:  Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just
  right.


# Frenzy (1972)

[Last line]
Inspector Oxford:  Mr. Rusk, you're not wearing your tie.


# Freshman, The (1990)

Carmine Sabatini:  Everything I say, by definition, is a promise.


# Fugitive, The (1993)

U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  What are you doing?
Newman:  I'm thinking.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a
  chocolate doughnut with some little sprinkles on top, will you?

Cosmo Renfro:  When I die, I'm gonna come back just like you.
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Oh, you mean happy and handsome?

Female Cop:  Care to revise your statement, Sir?
Prison Guard:  What?
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Do you want to change your bullshit story,
  Sir?

Dr. Richard Kimble:  I didn't kill my wife!
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  I don't care!

[Last line]
U.S. Marshal Samuel Gerard:  Don't tell anybody, ok?


# Gardens of Stone

Col. Hazard:  Opinions are like assholes - everyone seems to have one.


# Get Carter

Jack Carter:  You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like.
  Still the same.  Pissholes in the snow.

Jack Carter snaps fingers:  A pint of bitter ... In a straight glass!

Jack Carter:  You're a big man, but you're in bad shape.


# Getaway, The (1994)

Doc McCoy:  What happened to Hansen?
Rudy Travis:  He didn't make it...  And neither did you!


# Ghost Story (1981)

[Repeated line, including last]
Eva/Alma:  I will take you places you've never been.  I will show you things
  that you have never seen and I will see the life run out of you.


# Ghostbusters

Doctor Peter Venkman:  Back off man.  I'm a scientist.

Doctor Peter Venkman:  This chick is *toast*.

Doctor Peter Venkmann:  Egon, this reminds me of that time you tried to
  drill a hole in your head.
Doctor Egon Spengler:  That would have worked if you hadn't stopped me.

Doctor Raymond Stantz:  Well, this is great.  If the ionization-rate is
  constant for all ectoplasmic entities, we can really bust some heads...
  in a spiritual sense of course.

Dean Yeager:  This university will no longer continue any funding of any
  kind for your group's activities.
Doctor Peter Venkman:  But the kids love us!

Dr. Peter Venkmann:  Generally you don't see that kind of behaviour in major
  appliances.

Dana Barrett:  That's the bedroom, but nothing ever happened in there.
Doctor Peter Venkman:  What a crime.

[Doctor Peter Venkman is opening the refrigerator door to look for ghosts]
Doctor Peter Venkman:  Oh my God!  Look at all the junk food.

Doctor Peter Venkman:  He slimed me!

Janine Melnitz:  Do you believe in UFOs, astralprojections, mental
  telepathy, ESP, clairvoiance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement,
  full transmedium, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis?
Winston Zeddmore:  Ah, if there is a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe
  anything you tell me.

[The Gate Keeper, possessing Dana Barrett's body]
The Gate Keeper:  Do you want this body?
Doctor Peter Venkman:  Is this a trick question?

Winston Zeddmore:  Do you believe in God?
Doctor Raymond Stantz:  Never met him.

Winston Zeddmore:  Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!


# Ghostbusters II

Psychic:  I have a strong psychic belief that the world will end on New
  Year's Eve.
Dr. Peter Venkman:  Well, for your sake, I hope you're right.

[The Mayor's assistant has just been rude to Dr. Peter Venkman]
Dr. Peter Venkman:  You know, I'm a voter.  Aren't you supposed to lie to me
  and kiss my butt?

Dana:  You're much better than you realize.  You don't give yourself enough
  credit.
Dr. Peter Venkman:  I need to hear that kind of stuff.  You know, if I had
  this kind of stuff for like on a 24-hour basis, I could have myself
  whipped into shape by the end of this century.


# Gleaming the Cube

Brian Kelly:  I guess we all do unexpected things sometimes, don't we?

Brian Kelly:  Can I ask you something personal?
Tina Trac:  Sure...
Brian Kelly:  Where's the bathroom?


# Goldfinger

[A laser beam is slowly approaching a certain part of James Bond's body]
James Bond:  Do you expect me to talk?
Goldfinger:  No Mr. Bond!  I expect you to die!


# Gone with the Wind

Scarlett O'Hara:  Rhett...  If you go ... where shall I go?  What shall I
  do?
Rhett Butler:  Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

[Last line]
Scarlett O'Hara:  After all ... tomorrow is another day.

Scarlett O'Hara:  Sir, you are no gentleman.
Rhett Butler:  And you, Miss, are no lady!


# Good Morning, Vietnam

Adrian Cronauer:  Mantovani?  They feed Mantovani to insomniacs who don't
  respond to strong drugs!

Adrian Cronauer:  Goooooooood morning, Vietnam!  Hey, this is not a test!
  This is rock and roll!  Time to rock it from the Delta to the D.M.Z.!

Lt. Steven Hauk:  Furthermore, you are to stick to playing normal modes of
  music, not weird stuff.  Those who we'd find acceptable here would include
  Lawrence Welk, Jim Nabors, Mantovani ...
Adrian Cronauer:  ... Percy Faith ...
Lt. Steven Hauk:  Percy Faith ... good! ... Andy Williams, Perry Como, and
  certain ballads by Mr. Frank Sinatra.
Adrian Cronauer:  Would Bob Dylan be outta line?

[Lt. Steven Hauk uses Army jargon to refer to a press conference to be given
  by former Vice-President Nixon]
Adrian Cronauer:  Excuse me, sir.  Seeing as how the V.P. is such a V.I.P.,
  shouldn't we keep the P.C. on the Q.T.?  Cause of the leaks to the V.C. he
  could end up M.I.A., and then we'd all be put out in K.P.

Edward Garlick: "Captain Hauk sucks the sweat off of a dead mans balls."  I
  have no idea what that means, but it seems very negative to me.


# Good Morning...and Goodbye!

Narrator:  Angel, a monument to unholy carnality, and a cesspool of marital
  pollution, a shameless, brazen, bulldozing female prepared to humiliate,
  provoke, and tantalize, savagely seeking the tranquilizer of unrestrained
  fulfillment.

Angel:  You read the profit and loss statements like a vulture, and you play
  the stock market like a fox, but you store your nuts away like a
  squirrel.


# Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, The

Tuco Benedicto Juan Ramirez aka "the Rat" to (Clint Eastwood):  There are 2
  kinds of people in the world, my friend:  Those with a rope around the
  neck, and the people who have the job of doing the cutting...

[Tuco Benedicto Juan Ramirez aka "the Rat" is sitting in a bathtub with a
  lot of foam and the One Armed Man enters the room]
One Armed Man:  I've been looking for you for 8 months.  Whenever I should
  have had a gun in my right hand, I thought of you.  Now I find you in
  exactly the position that suits me.  I have lots of time to learn to shoot
  with my left.
[Tuco kills him with the gun he has hidden in the foam]
Tuco:  When you have to shoot - shoot, don't talk.

(Clint Eastwood) to Tuco Benedicto Juan Ramirez aka "the Rat":  You see, in
  this world there's 2 kinds of people, my friend:  Those with loaded guns
  and those who dig.  You dig.


# GoodFellas

Henry Hill:  As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a
  gangster.

[With the suitcase open on the desk, Henry counts out stacks of cash]
Henry Hill:  Thirty-five, forty, forty-five, fifty, sixty thousand.
Jimmy Two times:  It's gonna be a good summer.

[Henry, Jimmy and Tommy are digging with shovels to find Batts' corpse.
  Henry is sickened by the stench, but the others don't appear to be
  bothered]
Tommy DeVito:  Hey Henry, Henry, hurry up will you?  My mother's gonna make
  some fried peppers and sausage for us.  Oh hey, Henry, Henry.  Here's an
  arm.
Henry Hill:  Very funny, guys.
Tommy DeVito:  Hey, here's a leg.  Here's a wing.  [He laughs]  Hey, what do
  you like, the leg or the wing, Henry?  Or do you still go for the old
  hearts and lungs?
[Henry vomits]

Henry Hill (voice-over):  Anything I wanted was a phone call away.  Free
  cars.  The keys to a dozen hideout flats all over the city.  I bet twenty,
  thirty grand over a weekend and then I'd either blow the winnings in a
  week or go to the sharks to pay back the bookies.
[Henry leaves the witness stand and speaks directly to the camera]
Henry:  Didn't matter.  It didn't mean anything.  When I was broke, I'd go
  out and rob some more.  We ran everything.  We paid off cops.  We paid off
  lawyers.  We paid off judges.  Everybody had their hands out.  Everything
  was for the taking.  And now it's all over.
Henry Hill (voice-over):  That's the hardest part.  Today everything is
  different.  There's no action. I have to wait around like everyone else.
  Can't even get decent food.  Right after I got here I ordered some
  spaghetti with marinara sauce and I got egg noodles and ketchup.  I'm an
  average nobody.  I get to live the rest of my life like a schnook.


# Gotcha!

Sasha:  You must be Manolo.
Manolo:  You must be Sasha.
Johnathan:  You must be going.


# Grand Canyon (1991)

Davis:  We're talking about a religious experience here.  I might say 'doth'
  or 'thou' or a lot of things.

Davis:  All of life's riddles are answered in the movies.


# Groundhog Day

Rita:  Would you like to come to dinner with Larry and me?
Phil Connors:  No thank you.  I've seen Larry eat.

Phil Connnors:  So, did you sleep OK without me?  You tossed and turned,
  didn't you?
Rita:  You're incredible.
Phil Connors:  Who told you?

Phil Connors:  Do you ever have deja-vu Mrs Lancaster?
Mrs Lancaster:  I don't think so, but I could check with the kitchen.

Phil Connors:  Can I be serious with you with you for a minute?
Rita:  I don't know.  Can you?

[It's Phil Connors' second Groundhog Day in a row, but the rest of the
  people seems to have completely forgotten yesterday]
Phil Connors:  Well, it's groundhog day...  again.

Phil Connors:  Well, what if there is no tomorrow?  There wasn't one toay!

Phil Connors:  Can I talk to you about a matter that is not work-related?
Rita:  You never talk about work.

Phil Connors:  What would you do if you were stuck in one place and every
  day was exactly the same, and nothing that you did mattered?
Ralph:  That sums it up for me.

[Phil Connors drives (because Ralph and Gus are drunk) right through a
  mailbox]
Gus:  Hey Phil, if we wanted to hit mailboxes we could let Ralph drive.

Phil Connors:  It's the same things your whole life.  "Clean up your room!",
  "Stand up straight!", "Pick up your feet!", "Take it like a man!", "Be
  nice to your sister!", "Don't mix beer and wine, ever!".  Oh yeah?  "Don't
  drive on the railroad track!"
Gus:  Eh, Phil.  That's one I happen to agree with.

[Phil Connors is stopped by the police after some crazy driving]
Phil Connors:  Yeah, 3 cheeseburgers, 2 large fries, 2 chocolate shakes and
  a one large coke.

Paino Teacher:  Not bad... Mr Connors, you say this is your first lesson?
Phil Connors:  Yes, but my father was a piano mover.

Rita:  Have you ever had deja-vu?
Phil Connors:  Didn't you just ask me that?

Rita:  What did you do today?
Phil connors:  All same-o same-o.

Felix's Wife:  Dr.  Connors.  I want to thank you for fixing Felix's back.
  He can even help around the house again.
Phil Connors:  I'm sorry to hear that, Felix.


# Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

[Last line and Spencer Tracy's last movie line]
Matt Drayton:  Well Tillie, when the hell are we going to get some dinner?


# Guilty as Sin

David Greenhill:  ..see people like us Miriam, we're ... we're warm; but
  she's a ... she's an attorney.


# Hard to Kill

Mason Storm:  This is for my wife.  Fuck you and die!


# Hard Way, The (1991)

Nick Lang:  Ever killed anybody?
John Moss:  Counting today?
Nick Lang:  C'mon John.  Look, my character kills this guy.  It's probably
  an innocent by-stander.  I just want to know what that's like.
John Moss:  You can't.  Not by asking someone.
Nick Lang:  Will you open up?  I just want to know what it feels like to be
  inside your skin.
John Moss:  I DON'T WANT YOU INSIDE MY SKIN, YOU UNDERSTAND?  It's private!
  What's in there belongs to me!  You're not gonna learn what it meas to be
  a cop by eating hot dogs and picking your teeth and asking stupid
  questions.  We live this job.  It's something we are, not something we do!
  Every time a cop walks up to a car and has to give a speeding ticket, he
  know he may have to kill someone or be killed himself.  That's not
  something you step into by strapping on a rubber gun and riding around all
  day.  You get to go back to your million dollar beach house and your
  bimbos and your blow jobs and you get 17 takes to get it right.  We get
  one take.  It lasts our whole lives.  We mess it up and we're dead.
Nick Lang picking up a tape recorder:  Fuck was that great!  John.  Look.
  Can you just say that one more time for me, please?  John.

[After being shot in the chest]
Nick Lang:  Oh man, this is too real....


# Harvey (1950)

Elwood P. Dowd:  My mother used to say to me, "Elwood" - she always called
  me Elwood - "Elwood, in this world you must be oh-so clever, or oh-so
  pleasant."  For years I was clever.  I'd recommend pleasant - and you may
  quote me.


# Heathers

Heather Chandler:  They all want me as a friend or a fuck.  I'm worshipped
  at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.

Veronica Sawyer:  This may seem like a really stupid question...
Jason Dean:  There *are* no stupid questions.
Veronica Sawyer:  You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on
  the earth and say they will blow it up in 2 days.  What do you do?
Jason Dean:  That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

Courtney:  If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless.  Every
  cent.
Veronica Sawyer:  You're beautiful.

Jason Dean:  The extreme always seems to make an impression.

Veronica Sawyer:  I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

Veronica Sawyer:  All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be
  experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad:  I don't patronize bunny rabbits!

Jason Dean:  Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is
  my locker combination.

Veronica Sawyer:  If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a
  human being.  You'd be a gameshow host.

Veronica Sawyer:  Heather, why are you such a mega-bitch?
Heather Duke:  Because I can be.

Jason Dean:   Wanna go out tonight?  Catch a movie?  Miniature golf?
Veronica Sawyer:  I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather
  Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
Jason Dean:  Ah, now you're talking.  I can be up for that.  I've already
  started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you
  know what I mean?

Veronica Sawyer:  My teenage angst bullshit now has a bodycount.

Jason Dean:  The only place different social types can genuinely get along
  with each other is in heaven.

Veronica:  I just killed my best friend!
J.D.:  And your worst enemy.
Veronica:  Does that matter.

Veronica:  She's my best friend. God, I hate her.

Veronica after she shoots J.D.:  I blow guys like you out of my life.

Heather Duke:  Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica:  Thanks, I just got back.

Hippie Teacher/Counselor:  Whether or not a teenager decides to kill
  themselves is the biggest decision of their life.

Veronica Sawyer:  Heather, my dear, there's a new sheriff in town.


# Hellbound

[Calvin Jackson is examining a body]
Calvin Jackson:  Oh shit!  His heart's gone!
[Frank Shatter reassuringly, pointing to a corner of the room]
Frank Shatter:  No it isn't.  It's right there...


# Hero (1992)

Bernie LaPlante:  You gotta look out for Goddamn number-one,
  pardon-the-vulgarity.

TV Exec(uncredited):  What a crock o' shit.  Have you ever heard more
  bullshit or drivel coming from somebody who is not even the president?

Bernie LaPlante:  Prisons are for tough guys ... prisons are for guys who
  beat each other up, lift weights ... fuck each other.




# Highlander

[Just before the McLeod clan goes to war]
Kate:  Angus, you'll keep him in one piece, ya hear?
Dugal MacLeod:  And we all know what piece that is!

Ramirez:  Why does the sun come up, or are the stars just pinholes in the
  curtain of night?

Ramirez:  If your head comes away from your neck, it's over!

Kurgan to Ramirez:  Tonight you sleep in hell.

Candy:  Hi, I'm Candy.
Kurgan:  Of course you are...

Kurgan:  Forgive me father, I am a worm...

Kurgan:  Nuns.  No sense of humor.

Kurgan:  It's better to burn out, than to fade away!

Kurgan:  So now it ends...

[Repeated line by Ramirez, The Kurgan and Connor MacLeod]
Connor MacLeod:  There can be only one!

[Looking at the body lying next to its head]
Garfield:  What do you think the cause of death was, Lieutenant?

Connor MacLeod:  You only have one life!  Value it!


# His Girl Friday

Walter Burns:  Look Hildy, I only acted like any husband that didn't want
  his home broken up.
Hildy Johnson:  What home?
Walter Burns:  "What home"???  Don't you remember the home I promised you?


# Hitcher, The

[John Ryder is being interrogated by the police]
Interrogation Sergeant:  What's your name?  Come on.  What's your name?  Do
  you have a name?  Do you have a police record?  Where are you from?
John Ryder:  Disneyland.


# Holiday (1938)

Johnny Case:  When I find myself in a position like this, I ask myself what
  would General Motors do?  ...and then I do the opposite!


# Hollywood Shuffle

The guy from the dirty Larry Clip:  What you say, honky sucker pig head jive
  turkey fool?

(Robert Townsend Robert Townsend):  I believe this movie.  A dude could jump
  off a mountain and not hurt himself, cause he did brace himself.  And knew
  something about the levels of gravitivity and polarity.


# Hook (1991)

Peter Banning:  I'm not a pirate!  It so happens that I am a lawyer.


# Hot Dog...The Movie

Race Official:  And now for the rules of the International, Chinese
  downhill:  There are none.


# Hot Shots! (1991)

Officer:  I don't care how many missions you've flown!  I don't care how
  good you think you are!  You're nobody, and for the next 10 days - nobody
  takes a crap unless I say so!  Got it?

Topper Harley:  Those are some long legs...
Ramada:  I just had them lengthened.  Now they go all the way up.

[Admiral Benson comes into the briefing room in riding pants]
Admiral Benson:  Be seated!  Ah...  Many of you are wondering what's wrong
  with my pants, well they started running short on materials right before
  they got to the knees so don't give me any shit.  Ah.  I look out there on
  all you wonderful guys and I say to myself "What I wouldn't give to be 20
  years younger ... and a woman".  You know, I've personally flown over 194
  missions and I was shot down on every one.  Come to think of it, I've
  never landed a plane in my life.

Kent Gregory:  Hey everybody.  Drinks are on me.

Topper Harley:  So ... I guess you've been with a man before...
Ramada:   I'm a virgin.  I'm just not very good at it.

Ship Commander:  Admiral Benson!
Admiral Benson:  Really?  That's my name too.

Reporter:  Hey Topper Harley, now that you've killed the bad guy and made
  the world safe for democracy, what are you going to do to catch in on your
  new found fame?
Topper Harley:  I'm goin' to Disneyland.

Admiral Benson:  You risked the lives of some damn fine pilots ... and
  that's my job!


# How to Marry a Millionaire

[Referring to older men marrying young women]
Lauren Bacall:  Look at Roosevelt, look at Churchill, look at old fella
  what's his name in The African Queen.


# Hudson Hawk

Darwin Mayflower:  I'll torture you so slowly, you'll think it's a career.



# Hudsucker Proxy, The

Norville Barnes:  You know, for kids.


# Hunt for Red October, The

Jeffrey Pelt:  Listen; I'm a politician which means I'm a cheat and a liar,
  and when I'm not kissing babies I'm stealing their lollipops.  But ... it
  also means I keep my options open...

Captain:  What's his plan?
Jack Ryan:  His plan?
Captain:  Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan...

Captain on USS Dallas:  Central Intelligence Agency...  Now, there's a
  contradiction in terms.

Jack Ryan:  I'm not an agent, I just write books for the CIA.

Marko Ramius:  Ryan, be careful what you shoot at.  Most things in here
  don't react too well to bullets.


# I Love You to Death

Marlon:  If we're gonna waste the dude, we oughta get paid for it.  I mean,
  that's the American way, ain't it?


# I'll Take Sweden

[Upon seeing Erik's Volkswagen]
Holcomb:  Maybe we had better put the car in our luggage.


# I'm No Angel

(Mae West):  It's not the men in your life, it's the life in your men that
  counts.


# In the Line of Fire

Lilly Raines:  What makes you think he'll call back?
Frank Horrigan:  Oh, he'll call back.  He's got "panache".
Lilly Raines:  Panache?
Frank Horrigan:  Yeah, it means flamboyance.
Lilly Raines:  I know what it means.
Frank Horrigan:  Really?  I had to look it up...

Mitch Leary:  Watching the president, I couldn't help wondering why a man
  like you would risk his life to save a man like that.  You have such a
  strange job.  I can't decide if it's heroic or absurd.
Frank Horrigan:  Now, why would a man like you risk his life to kill a man
  like that?

Sam Campagna:  Frank, The President sent his limo for you.
Lilly Raines:  Well, that's the least he could do.
Frank Horrigan:  Good, I love public transportation.


# Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

Indiana Jones:  I'm like a bad penny, I always turn up.

[Indiana Jones is asking Henry how he could've slept with Elsa]
Henry:  I'm as human as the next man.
Indiana Jones:  Dad, I was the next man!

[Henry, Indiana Jones, and Sallah are discussing why Henry calls Indy
  'Junior']
Indiana Jones:  I like 'Indiana'.
Henry:  We named the *dog* 'Indiana'.


# Into the Night

Ed Okin:  Are we under arrest or what?
FBI Agent:  I think you fall into the 'or what' category.


# It's a Wonderful Life

George Bailey:  You call this a happy family?  Why do we have to have all
  these kids?


# Jaws

Hooper:  This was no boating accident!

Brody:  It's only an island if you look at it from the water.

Hooper:  Mr. Vaughan, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine,
  er... an eating machine.  It's really a miracle of evolution.  All this
  machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks and that's all.


# Jerk, The

Navin R Johnson:  I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but
  to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.


# Johnny Dangerously

[Vermin is showing off a .357 Magnum to Johnny Dangerously]
Vermin:  See this gun, Johnny?  It shoots through schools.

Danny Vermin:  I got something to stop him.
Dutch:  They made it for him special.  It's an .88 Magnum
Danny Vermin:  It shoots through schools.

Ma Kelly:  The Lower East Side... this really sucks.

Ma Kelly:  I know what you can't say.  You wanna get laid.  You wanna hump
  your brains out.  Vavoom, vavoom, vavoom!!

Lil:  And shelf paper!  Oh, Johnny, I *love* shelf paper!


# Jungle Fever

Charlie Tucci:  Are you fucking my sister?
Paulie Carbone:  What kind of question is that?
Charlie Tucci:  It's a good question.

Lou Carbone:  If your mother was alive ... she would turn over in her
  grave!

Lou Carbone:  You hate your own father!
Paulie Carbone:  I'd like to kill you, but I don't hate you.


# Jurassic Park

[Repeated line]
John Hammond:  I spared no expences.

[Dr. Ellie Sattler has dug through a pile of dino-droppings with her hands]
Ian Malcolm:  You will do remember to wash your hands before you eat
  anything?

[Ian Malcolm walks up to "some" dino-droppings]
Ian Malcolm:  Now that's one big pile of shit!

Lex:  It's a UNIX system!  I know this!!!

Ian Malcolm:  God creates dinosaurs.  God destroys dinosaurs.  God creates
  man.  Man destroys God.  Man creates dinosaurs...
Dr. Ellie Sattler:  Dinosaurs eat man.  Woman inherits the earth...

Ian Malcolm:  Oh no.  We're in the hands of engineers!

[After being chased by the T-Rex]
Ian Malcolm:  You think they'll have that on the tour?

Ian Malcolm:  Yes, John.  But when the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down,
  the pirates don't eat the tourists.


# Just One of the Guys

Terry:  You know, sometimes I just wish I was a guy.
Buddy:  No you don't!  The male body needs sex at all times!  It's a living
  hell!

[Buddy is trying to show Terry how to act like a guy by getting her to
  scratch her "balls".  She's not doing too good a job at it]
Terry:  Look, maybe my balls don't itch.
Buddy:  All balls itch!  It's a fact!

Terry:  I'm just so confused.
Buddy:  Of course you're confused.  You're wearing my underwear.


# Kelly's Heroes

[Oddball sees that the bridge he wants to cross is intact and is pleased
  with himself]
Oddball:  Still up!
[A plane flies over the bridge and bombs it.. direct hit]
Oddball:  No it ain't.

Oddball:  Arf arf arf...  That's my other dog impression.

[The heroes have found the bank with the gold,  but there is still one lone
  German Tiger Tank to be reckoned with.  Supply Sergeant Crapgame (a
  notorious hussler) makes the following suggestion to Infantry Sergeant Big
  Joe concerning the commander of the Tiger Tank]
Crapgame:  Try making a DEAL!
Big Joe:  What kind of DEAL?
Crapgame:  A DEAL, deal!  Maybe he's a Republican.  You know, "Business is
  Business".


# Kind Hearts and Coronets

[Louis Mazzini just murdered his relative, Lady Agatha D'Ascoyne, who was
  distributing suffragette literature from a balloon over London]
Louis Mazzini:  I shot an arrow in the air;  She fell to earth in Berkeley
  Square.

Hangman:  Even my lamented master, the great Mr. Benny himself, never had
  the privilege of hanging a duke.  What a finale to a lifetime in the
  public service!
Prison Governor:  Finale?
Hangman:  Yes, I intend to retire.  After using the silken rope ... never
  again be content with the hemp.
Louis Manzinni:  While I never admired Edith as much as when I was with
  Sibella, I never longed for Sibella as much as when I was with Edith.


# King of Comedy, The

Secretary:  Is {Mr. Langford} expecting you?
Rupert Pupkin:  Yes, I don't think he is.

Rupert Pupkin:  Better to be a king for a night than a schmuck for a
  lifetime.


# Klondike Annie

(Mae West):  Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I never
  tried.


# Kuffs

George Kuffs:  I got women to do, places to see!

[At the Police Academy]
George Kuffs:  Why are we doing so much running?  Aren't we all going to be
  in cars?

George Kuffs:  I'm looking for a really big gun which holds a lot of
  bullets.
Gun Salesman:  God bless you, young man.
George Kuffs to the camera:  I always wanted a gun...
Gun Salesman:  Is this what you had in mind?  It's a 9mm beretta.  15 in the
  clip, 1 in the pipe.
George Kuffs:  Got one that holds more?
Gun Salesman:  No.
George Kuffs:  I'll take two.

Ted Bukovsky:  Next time shit before you sign in.  Shit!  Sign in!  In the
  car!
George Kuffs:  Am I gonna be tested on this later?

Ted Bukovsky:  Now, if I'm gonna be killed on the job, it's gonna be by a
  fucking bullet, not a fucking bus.  Now turn this fucking car around and
  let's get back on your fucking patrol.
George Kuffs:  You may have a limited vocabulary, Ted.
Ted Bukovsky:  Fuck you!

George Kuffs:  What can they possibly see in a man who dresses that
  badly???


--
  The contents of this .signature is fictitious.  No similarity to actual
   .signatures, digital or hardcopy, is intended or should be inferred.

                    Lars Joergen Aas - [e-mail]