NetNews Usenet Archive 1993 #3/NN_1993_3.iso/spool/soc/couples/4945

Text File | 1993-01-28 | 3.6 KB | 65 lines

Newsgroups: soc.couples
Path: sparky!uunet!charon.amdahl.com!pacbell.com!unet!wendy!linda
From: [e-mail] (Linda Hill)
Subject: Re: A Question...
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Keywords: last names
Sender: [e-mail]
Nntp-Posting-Host: wendy
Organization: Network Equipment Technologies
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Date: Tue, 26 Jan 1993 21:09:05 GMT
Lines: 51

I was married in January, 1991 and I did not change my name.  I've always
felt strongly about keeping my name (it's _my_ name!), and I never gave
serious thought to changing it.  My husband felt I should do whatever I felt
most comfortable with, so there was not much discussion about it.

My mother gave me dire warnings about how difficult it would make any future
business transactions (she's a realtor), how complicated the paperwork would
be, etc.  I couldn't see how this would be a problem for _me_ - maybe for the
businessperson, but not for me.  :-)  My husband and I have since purchased
a 33' sailboat (which involved applying for a loan), and I didn't notice any
additional difficulties due to our different names.

I am not a "professional", so my name is not critical to my work identity.
I continued to use my name and as people learned of the marriage (I didn't
publicize it, and only a few close friends from work were invited), if they
had any question about it, they simply asked, "Are you keeping your name?".

We have both full names on our return address labels so anyone who knows us
(friends and family) can see that my name is the same.  I am amused by
the fact that his family persists in attaching his name to mine because they
are very conservative.  The same often happens with my parents friends.  It
doesn't bother me because I know they are coming from a different era or
perspective and I want them to feel comfortable.  It would bother me if a
peer or contemporary ignored my name because I feel they should know better,
and in that case I would make a point of correcting them.  But it hasn't been
what I would call an "issue".

We both wear wedding rings so I feel that that is enough of a "sign" of our
status when introductions are made to people we are meeting for the first
time (although why people's marital status is anyone else's business is
something I have a hard time understanding).  If I sense people need to refer
to my partner other than by name (as in "your husband/boyfriend"), I will
generally help them out by referring to him as my husband.

We will not be having children so we don't have to consider that aspect,
although if I had to wager a guess I would say that any we might have had
would have been given his name.  I don't feel that because children take the
father's name that their identity is more closely linked to his than to the
mother's, and I don't have any feelings about wanting to pass on my father's
name.  And I think making up a name is contrived.  I think it's great if other
people want to do it, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

I guess what it boils down to is that I'm used to my name and I would feel
weird having to go by any other.  Changing it just because you marry someone
seems like a very silly, outdated concept to me.  And don't you find yourself
still thinking of old friends by their maiden/birth names anyway?  :-)
--
Linda V. Hill                           "Nakia", Hans Christian 33
Network Equipment Technologies          Email: [e-mail]
800 Saginaw Drive, 23.2.3               Phone: [phone]
Redwood City, CA 94063             Fax:   [phone]