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- Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor
- Path: sparky!uunet!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!news.acns.nwu.edu!nucsrl!ddsw1!gagme!gagme!pv
- From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
- Subject: A Conservative Saga
- Message-ID: <1993Jan5.171609.6870@gagme.chi.il.us>
- Followup-To: talk.bizarre
- X-Review-1: "Hogwash! What an inane piece of garbage."
- Originator: pv@gagme
- X-Review-2: "Bush isn't really a conservative."
- X-Review-3: "It may have just failed to turn me on."
- Keywords: politics, fictional, satire
- Lines: 573
- Sender: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
- Organization: Inline Software Creations
- Date: Tue, 5 Jan 1993 17:16:09 GMT
-
- What if all the terrible things that the far right have been telling us would
- happen under a Democratic administration actually were true? What happens
- when a pinko liberal political junkie goes 36 hours without sleep, and feels
- a tinge of pity for George Bush on election day? While these questions might
- seem painfully obvious to the readers of my "Conservative" saga, several very
- confused letters accusing me of being to the right of Rush Limbaugh demand I
- be explicit.
-
- What follows is the entire series, more or less as I posted it*. Part IV
- (the denouement** of the story) and the credits have not been seen on
- the net before.
-
- Why am I sending the whole thing? 1) I have this self-deluding attitude that
- I might get requests for reposts of earlier episodes if I didn't.
- 2) It makes no sense out of context, and the last chapter was almost a
- month ago. 3) It will really annoy a few people who shall remain nameless.
- If you don't want to read through the old material, I have simultaneously
- posted the last parts under "A Conservative's Finale". Wimp.
-
- This document is ego-boostware. If you like it, drop me a note at
- pv@gagme.chi.il.us. If not, go surfing on the event horizon of a black hole.
- PV
-
- * Actually, I am very obsessive about wordchoice, and I couldn't resist
- making a few typographical and grammatical fixes which don't affect the
- story, but make me look slightly more coherent. Also, Dan Quayle has an
- extra line in Part II.
-
- ** I have no comment, I just like using pompous words like "denouement"
- and wanted to draw extra attention to it.
-
-
- ##########################################################################
- From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
- Organization: Inline Software Creations
- Subject: A Conservative's Nightmare
- Summary: Reductio de absurdium
- Keywords: Election, Politically Incorrect
- Date: Thu, 4 Nov 1992 07:00:00 GMT
-
- READER WARNING: The following article contains smug, heavy handed, and
- overwritten satire. Deal with it; I have an NEA grant and
- know how to use it.
-
-
- [The scene: George Bush is sitting at his desk in the Oval Office. A bottle
- of Halcion has been dumped into a bowl which sits with a glass of water at
- the President's elbow. The phone rings]
-
- G: "Heh Hello, this is the President. [someone on the other end speaks
- briefly, and George sighs heavily] Got to let them in I suppose. They're
- the landlords now, ha ha." [hangs up]
-
- [Loud noises are heard from outside the office. The door slams open. Two men
- stroll in and look around]
-
- D1: "Oh, look! [points to a small alcove in which hangs a portrait of Ronald
- Reagan] What a perfect place for a Bob Mapplethorpe."
-
- D2: "Just none of that icky Lisa Lyon stuff, OK?" [both cringe at the mere
- thought. The Reagan portrait is tossed across the room and framed photos
- of leather goods and miscellaneous body parts are compared with two
- pairs of discerning eyes, and one pair of goggled ones].
-
- G: "Need to get some advice from above. [pauses] Naah, Jim is probably busy.
- Maybe the God guy can help." [George gets up]
-
- [Cut to the outer office. A woman in hiking boots and a plaid workshirt
- is aggressively hitting on the secretary. She looks pleadingly
- at the President as he runs through the door and down the hall, but he
- doesn't notice]
-
- [George pauses as he approaches the restrooms. A crash is heard as the
- dividing wall between the rooms is cut down. The male and female silhouettes
- on the doors have been removed. Dan Quayle, half paralyzed from fear of
- contracting girl cooties, stands nearby with his legs crossed]
-
- Q: "Come on, even *I* didn't actually believe this would happen. What am I
- going to do now? And why is my name written on the wall of one of the
- stalls after John Suunnu, Jesse Helms, Tom Foley, and Ted Kennedy?"
-
- G: "Got to get out of here. The big Cheese is waiting... Oh yeah, Jim is
- busy. Gotta go anyway!" [George knocks over Dan as he starts running
- again]
-
- [Tracking shot of George in the hallway. As he approaches the chapel, voices
- can be heard chanting]
-
- G: "Ah, feel better already. Nothing like a calming church service [Opens
- the door. A coven of naked women in blue body paint are turning the cross
- over and preparing to sacrifice a goat on the altar]. Oh my, is there no
- escape? Better find a phone." [George turns back towards his office,
- running somewhat slower now]
-
- [Clarence Thomas runs by the other direction screaming, pursued by two large
- African Americans in hair nets. Dan is still by the bathroom, arguing with a
- hippy type]
-
- Q: "What do you mean? You say you're the new drug czar and want to know
- where you can score the good er, stuff?" [George knocks Dan down again as
- he runs by]
-
- [Cut back to the Oval Office. Bill Clinton and Al Gore are at the file
- cabinets gleefully rubber stamping tax increases, import tariffs, and
- environmental legislation that George thought was securely locked away.
- Chelsea Clinton, wearing fishnet stockings, a mini skirt, a "Rock the Vote"
- T-shirt, condom earrings, and way too much makeup, is rifling through his
- desk. Ice-T's latest CD plays full blast from a huge boombox covering the
- desk blotter. George enters]
-
- G: "Young lady, what do you think you're doing? Hey! Give me that right now!"
-
- [Chelsea has found his "hunting" pistol in one of the drawers. She turns up
- the boombox even louder, briefly sights on the back of Al Gore's head, and
- shrugs]
-
- C: "Take it, [hands him the pistol] it's the wrong half of the family
- anyway. Hector! Where are you?" [a man in khaki military fatigues and a
- full beard enters the room and puts his arm around Chelsea. Bill and Al
- are paying no attention to any of this. Tax tax spend spend]
-
- G: "Who in H-E-Double hockey sticks are you?"
-
- H: "Hey there, I'm the new War Operations Officer."
-
- G: "The guy with the "football"? Bomb codes, communications frequencies, all
- that?"
-
- H: "Oh, we sent the nasty thing by FedEx to Boris Yeltsin a few minutes ago.
- It made all of us nervous having it around [George puts the pistol to his
- head in despair]. I'm afraid I'll have to take that sir. You can have it
- back after a seven day mandatory waiting period." [He wrestles George
- for the pistol. There is a loud bang]
-
- [Cut to the President's suite. George sits up, waking in a cold sweat.
- Barbara, on a trundle bed across the room, wakes up as well]
-
- B: "George dear, what was that noise? Did you hear something?"
-
- G: "Just a moment Bar, I think it came from outside."
-
- [They both get up and go to the window. A rainbow colored VW microbus with
- "Transition Team" stenciled on the side is parked on the grass].
-
- THE END [and fortunately, a new beginning]. PV
-
-
- ##########################################################################
- From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
- Organization: Inline Software Creations
- Subject: A Conservative's Wakeup Call
- Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor
- Summary: Part II, The Sequel
- Keywords: No, it wasn't just a dream
- Date: Fri, 4 Dec 1992 05:29:24 GMT
-
- READER WARNING: This is a piece of satire. Can you spell that? S-A-T-I-R-E.
- Certain stupid stereotypes and illogical prejudices are
- larger than they may appear in mirror. Void where
- prohibited, so long as it's nowhere near me.
-
-
- [The scene: It is early morning on January 20th. George Bush is fast asleep
- in his bed. Barbara is on a "trundle" bed across the room, also sleeping.
- The phone rings, George answers]
-
- GB: "Hello, this is the President. [looks at his watch] For the next couple
- hours anyway. What is it?"
-
- BC: [on phone] "Hi dude, this is Bill Clinton. I warned you about Jim Baker.
- He's still barricaded in his office. If he doesn't start acting
- reasonable in five minutes I'll have to take decisive action. This is the
- first day of the first 100 of the rest of my administration, you know."
-
- GB: "OK fine, rub it in. I'll give him a call and see what can be done at
- this juncture."
-
- BC: "You do that. Don't forget to make the bed before you leave. Bye!
- [click]"
-
- GB: "Don't have to make the gosh darn bed. Don't know how anyway. Not like
- this is a proper Presidential Suite." [George mumbles on in this vein
- for a moment as he looks tiredly around the room. It is apparent
- that the decorators have been all over the place. What once was a
- tasteful combination of Northeastern Fisherman and South Texas Urban
- Cowboy motifs is now a violently colorful collection of futons,
- psychedelic Peter Max posters, and Native American rugs and blankets.
- The washroom is screened off with a curtain of plastic beads. A Sitar
- and an Alto Sax hang on one wall. A table lamp with the shade removed
- has a black light screwed into it. Several stacked milk crates (the
- perfect bookcase building material) are overflowing with an extensive
- set of sex manuals and CDs of "The Devil's Music." George dials, and
- quickly moves the phone away from his ear.]
-
- VOICE: [way over-amplified and heavily echoed, reverberating through the
- handpiece] "WHO PRESUMES TO INTRUDE UPON THE GREAT AND POWERFUL
- CHIEF OF STAFF?!"
-
- GB: "Jim, can you please turn off the special effects? We need to talk."
-
- JB: [if anything, louder] "YOU MAY PETITION TO MY SERVANT FOR AN AUDIENCE."
-
- GB: "You know as well as I do that the entire White House staff has been
- fired, and that you're alone in your office. I'm coming over." [Hangs up
- before Jim can start screaming again.]
-
- [George gets up, and steps over Barbara's still sleeping form to reach the
- closet, where he puts on a sweatsuit with the Presidential seal on the
- front, and "read my hips" on the back. He exits.
-
- Cut to the hallway. Millie, the Lame dog, is being hotly pursued by the
- first cat, Socks. Socks has a huge chunk of one of Millie's ears hanging out
- of her mouth. Both of them crash into a passing Dan Quayle's legs, knock him
- flat, and scatter.]
-
- DQ: "Damn it PV, why can't you just go with the 'potatoe' jokes like
- everyone else on the planet? I'm going to be in favor of national health
- care by the time this is over."
-
- [George enters the hallway, and climbs down four flights of stairs to the
- basement. The level tees off. One branch is marked "Dungeon," and the other
- "To Chief of Staff's office." Two differently abled bricklayers are doing an
- excellent job building a wall across the front of the second branch.]
-
- GB: "What the heck are you doing?"
-
- BL1: "Boss's orders. He said to close this wing. President Clinton will be
- his own chief of staff."
-
- BL2: "See, I made a sign to put on the new wall. It says "Do not open
- until the next Republican President."
-
- BL1: "We're putting in a lot of food. He should be fine for years."
-
- GB: "Don't do anything until I get back." [George walks down the hallway. At
- the far end is a heavy steel door, with a small speaker mounted on it at
- eye level and a button underneath. The outline of the words "Secretary
- of State" are clearly visible behind black stick-on letters which read
- "Chief of Staff." George pushes the button.]
-
- VOICE: "PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE PRESIDENT. THERE IS NOTHING
- WRONG WITH THE ECONOMY. ANNOY THE MEDIA. [the voice trails off,
- except for the word "trust" repeating almost inaudibly during the
- rest of the exchange which follows.]
-
- GB: "You're going to have to come out of there. Admit it, it's over.
- Sometimes the good guys lose."
-
- VOICE: "THIS WILL NOT STAND. AS YOU MAY KNOW, COUPS CAN FAIL. WHO DO YOU
- TRUST?" [trust. trust. trust...]
-
- GB: "Oh, this is useless. Maybe that bozo has the right idea. It wasn't like
- he was very effective anyway."
-
- VOICE: "THAT KIND OF COMMENT CUTS INTO THE DIGNITY OF THE NATION. I JUST
- CAN'T AGREE WITH IT. MAYBE YOU DO, BUT *I* DON'T."
-
- [George leaves, and gives the workmen a nod on his way back].
-
- CMB: "Excuse me please."
-
- [George's mouth drops open as freshman senatrix Carol Moseley Braun walks
- past him towards the "dungeon" branch, with Clarence Thomas on a choke
- chain following at her heels. Clarence looks up for a moment.]
-
- CT: "This is all yo -- Gack!"
-
- CMB: "I didn't give permission for you to speak! You have to pay for that
- abortion rights vote you ducked out on the other day, you worm! I've
- gotcha jurisprudence right here!" [yanks the chain again]
-
- CT: [unintelligible].
-
-
- Coming soon to a net near you - "A Conservative's Last Hurrah." Part III, the
- swearing in. If I can think of something, anyway. PV
-
-
- ##########################################################################
- From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
- Organization: Inline Software Creations
- Subject: What The Conservative Saw
- Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor
- Summary: a somewhat short Part III
- Originator: pv@gagme
- Keywords: "Last Hurrah" sounded too pretentious
- Date: Sun, 6 Dec 1992 02:55:02 GMT
-
- READER WARNING: Satire performed by trained professionals. Kids, don't try
- this at home! Serious injury or a wedgie every day for the
- rest of your life could result. This article is rated NC-17,
- so you shouldn't be reading it anyway.
-
- [The Scene: George Bush is walking back up from the basement after a failed
- attempt to talk sense into his Chief of Staff, who has now been bricked into
- his office until the next republican administration.]
-
- GB: "If ever there was a Halcion moment, this is it. The party mix is still
- in the oval office... That is, if Bozo or Ozone haven't replaced it with
- loco-weed."
-
- [George reaches the top floor, and turns towards his office. Dan Quayle,
- furtively carrying a pickle jar half full of a yellow liquid, plasters
- himself against the wall until George passes.]
-
- DQ: "Whew! That was close." [Dan turns down another hallway, trips over a
- pair of panties mysteriously left lying on the floor, and spills the
- contents of the jar on himself]
-
- DQ: "Bleeeagh! That's it PV! Kiss any Illinois wetlands goodbye. Your state
- has a republican governor, you know."
-
- [Cut quickly back to George at the door to the oval office. It is closed,
- and soft, unearthly noises are coming from the other side. A garter belt is
- stuck under the door. George knocks]
-
- Voices: "Go away! Mmmph!"
-
- GB: "This is still my office for another hour. Don't have to take this kind
- of treatment. I'm not the Commander In Chief for nothing. AAAIIIIEEEEE!"
- [kicks door open]
-
- [Cut to Oval Office interior. Hillary Clinton, in a black robe complete
- with hood, is seated at the desk. Two feet wearing brown oxford shoes are
- sticking out from underneath it. A pair of black silk stockings are sitting
- on top of the "IN" box. In the "OUT" box is a huge pile of papers with
- "recinds past executive branch orders" stamped on them. George enters.]
-
- HC: "Can you come back later? Bill and I are umm, making some last minute
- preparations before the inaguration. Isn't that right, honey?"
-
- BC: "Mmm Hmmmph!"
-
- GB: [Pulling his collar and generally looking uncomfortable] "That's fine.
- About time to check by the ballroom anyway. Better run!" [leaves]
-
- HC: "Oh, Bill! How about Secretary of Defense instead? I love a man in
- uniform."
-
- BC: [unintelligible]
-
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------
- Coming soon, the final chapter of "A conservative's last days," If I can
- figure out how to write myself out of this. Also included are the credits,
- which are growing longer than the entire piece. Stay tuned, PV
- -------------------------------------------------------------------------
-
- ["Daddy, what was the man doing under the desk?"
- "Cleaning up the dust bunnies. Now go to bed."]
-
-
- ##########################################################################
- From: pv@gagme.chi.il.us (Paul Vader)
- Organization: Inline Software Creations
- Subject: A Conservative's Finale
- Distribution: world
- Newsgroups: talk.bizarre,rec.humor
- Keywords: Part IV. Enough of this already.
-
- PMRC ADVISORY: This article contains language and subject matter which may
- offend those without a life. A reality check is advised.
-
- Voiceover: "'Charles In Charge' will not be seen so that we may bring you
- this Special Report: Passing the Torch - The Clinton Inauguration
- [Cheezy music and graphic of an Olympic torch superimposed over
- George Bush's teary and somewhat dyspeptic face] Tom Brokaw and
- National Public Radio's Cokie Roberts reporting."
-
- [During the announcement, two off-mike voices can be heard very quietly in
- the background:]
-
- TB: "Larry King told me that during his interview, the producers flashed the
- word "loser" over George's face for 1/60 second."
-
- CR: "You'd be amazed what you can do with the mind of a half-awake radio
- listener at 6:00am. On November second we..." [Audio abruptly cuts off]
-
- [Scene shifts over to Tom and Cokie on the floor of the Presidential
- Ballroom. A section of the room opposite them is partitioned off with heavy
- black curtains.]
-
- TB: [looks somewhat sheepish] "Umm, Good afternoon. We're here at the White
- House to witness the inauguration the people's totally free,
- uninfluenced choice for the next President of the United States, Bill
- Clinton."
-
- CR: [Blushing] "We're all looking for President Elect Clinton's appearance
- with some anticipation. The inauguration ceremony has been, literally,
- shrouded in secrecy. Even President George Bush and his entourage
- [briefly pan to a section of seats near the stage where George Bush,
- Barbara Bush, Dan Quayle, and Marilyn Quayle sit fidgeting] seem to have
- no idea what is planned."
-
- TB: "Mr. Clinton's wife Hillary took charge of the planning some weeks ago,
- and... [Tom pauses and puts his hand over his ear for a second] I have
- just been told that the ceremony will begin in a moment. Our remote
- cameras should give the viewing audience an unimpeded view of the
- proceedings."
-
- CR: We wouldn't even think of cutting away or talking over the swearing in.
- That would be rude."
-
- [Cut to a perfect view of center stage. The curtain opens while Jimi
- Hendrix's arrangement of "The Star Spangled Banner" for screaming electric
- guitar plays. Hillary, still in the hooded black robe, stands at the left
- side of the stage. Twelve similarly dressed women holding candles are
- arranged around her. Bill Clinton is standing near the front of the stage to
- the right, at a podium with the Presidential seal. Al, Al Jr., Karenna,
- Kristin, Sarah and Mary Elizabeth "Tipper" Gore are behind him. Chelsea
- Clinton, wearing ripped jeans and a studded black leather jacket, is
- standing very close to Tipper, and repeatedly flicks a switchblade open and
- closed by her ear. "Me so Horny" is clearly audible through Chelsea's
- walkman headphones. Tipper appears ready to faint.]
-
- HC: "Sisters, we will begin."
-
- [Hillary moves to center stage, and the other women inscribe a large
- pentagram on the floor behind her. Once it is complete they put the candles
- on the floor at the points of the pentagram and start to walk in a slow
- circle around it, waving their hands over their heads at intervals.]
-
- HC: [CENSORED. The writer takes no responsibility for any property damage or
- eternal damnation resulting from the summoning of the Lord of Darkness.
- If you must know the text of this part, consult your local occult
- bookstore.] "...Owha Taboo Biam! Come forth, I implore thee!"
-
- [With a burst of sulfurous black smoke, Lucifer, impeccably dressed in an
- Armani suit, appears at the center of the pentagram. He steps right out of
- it.]
-
- L: "Excuse me ladies. Hillary! Babe! Great to see ya again. [They exchange
- "air" kisses]. Well, I suppose it's about time we get down to bidness [He
- turns to Bill]. William Beauregard Clinton, repeat after me:" [Bill
- places his hand on a thick black book bound in iron]
-
- L&BC: "I, Bill Clinton, do swear as President of the United States to raise
- taxes on the rich, give cushy jobs to every relative, special interest
- lobbyist, and political crony I can think off, defile every room of
- the White House with my depraved lovemaking, embrace and encourage
- alternative lifestyles far out of the American mainstream, roll over
- for any petty dictator that may come along, sell out the future of our
- children, and maintain a steady flow of addictive drugs into the
- country until they are available on every street corner. Nothing is
- forbidden, all is permissible. What thou wilt is the whole of the law.
- Oooh Mang."
-
- L: "Congratulations, Mr. President. [Pauses and looks around the room].
- Before I leave, I have a debt to collect on. Dan Quayle, you will come
- forward." [While he speaks a fiery pit forms in the center of the
- pentagram. Hillary and the other robed women put on Raybans and step well
- back from the edge. Dan goes up on stage, his legs making exaggerated
- movements as he walks]
-
- DQ: "It's not fair! This wasn't the deal at all! I never got to be
- President!"
-
- L: "That's not quite true, is it Dan? Remember when George Bush was having
- surgery? There you go."
-
- DQ: [Blubbers] "You know that isn't what I meant!"
-
- L: "What are you going to do, hire a lawyer? You burned that bridge quite
- nicely more than a year ago, and besides, they're all on my team anyway.
- Bwahahahaha! Down the pit with you! [Dan gives an excellent demonstration
- of the Doppler effect as he is thrown screaming into the void] Cheeky
- little bastard. Oh, and George! [instantly translocates so he is standing
- in front of George Bush] I just want to thank you for showing us
- democrats the way. Long life to you!" [hugs him]
-
- GB: "Wha I Well Ah Ner Thank you, I guess."
-
- L: "I'm outta here. Places to go, people to torture. You know how it is, huh
- George? [Lucifer elbows him in the ribs, then turns back towards Hillary]
- Bubeleh! Have your minions call my minions. We'll do Sabbat some time.
- Ciao!" [Lucifer disappears in a burst of flame. The entire front row get
- their eyebrows singed off.]
-
- MQ: [Loudly] "I was bored with the weasel anyway. Now are we going to
- celebrate, or do I have to drink you all under the table?"
-
- And so the four year party began. THE END.
-
- [Fade to black, Roll credits]
-
- C A S T
-
- Angry African Americans .......................... Rodney King, Mike Tyson
- Voice of James Baker ........................................ Frank Morgan
- Sen. Carol Moseley Braun (D. IL) .......................... Sister Souljah
- Tom Brokaw ....................................................... Himself
- Barbara Bush .................... Barbara Billingsley, before Nutri-System
- George Bush .................................................. Dana Carvey
- Bricklayer #1 ................................................ Stan Laurel
- Bricklayer #2 ............................................... Oliver Hardy
- Dana Carvey .................................................. George Bush
- Bill Clinton ...................................... The Pillsbury Doughboy
- Chelsea Clinton ........................................... Drew Barrymore
- Hillary Clinton ........................................ Rebecca De Mornay
- Decorator #1 .................................................. Don Knotts
- Decorator #2 ................................................. Mick Jagger
- Drug Czar ................................................... Cheech Marin
- Hector (W.O.O.) .............................................. Tommy Chong
- Lucifer, Lord of Darkness ................................ George Hamilton
- Millie ....................................................... Fred Basset
- Narrator ...................................................... Paul Vader
- Dan Quayle ....................... Robert Redford (Sort of, if you squint)
- Marilyn Quayle ................................................. Aeon Flux
- Cokie Roberts .................................................... Herself
- George's Secretary ......................................... Loni Anderson
- Secretary's Suitor ........................................ Lorie Anderson
- Clarence Thomas ............................................. Danny Glover
- Socks ....................................... Itchy, or was that Scratchy?
- Witches ..................................... Annie, Grendel, Jane Horvath,
- Amy S Kahn, Yong-Mi Kim,
- Catherine Roth, Morrisa Sherman,
- C J Silverio, Catherine Stanton,
- Ilana Stern, Tank Girl,
- St Theresa of the Net
-
-
- C R E D I T S
-
- Director ...................................................... Paul Vader
- Writer ........................................................ Paul Vader
- Assistant to Mr. Vader ................................... gagme.chi.il.us
- Distributor ..................................................... inews.nn
- Continuity *********************************** The Clinton Transition Team
- Typography ......................................... Message Composer [tm]
- Armourer .......................... Buddy's Shooting Range and Singles Bar
- Greatest sysadmin on the planet ............................... Greg Gulik
- Set Design ........................................................... {0}
- Makeup ..................................................... C L O U D I A
- Markup ............................................................... 10%
- Fuckup ................................................ big daddy hate box
- WareZ D00d ......>..>>.>>>.....>>.....>>...>.>.>.....>.>>.... BIFF@BIT.NET
- Dot abuse ................................................ alt.fan.warlord
-
-
- M U S I C
-
- "Cop Killer", Ice-T
- "Little Miss", The Spin Doctors
- "Legend In My Living Room", Annie Lennox
- "Suck My Kiss", Red Hot Chili Peppers
- "Guns In The Sky", INXS
- "Must be Crazy for Me", Melissa Etheridge
- "Love Is A Stranger", Eurythmics
-
- Soundtrack available from Slipped Disc Records
-
-
- A C K N O W L E D G E M E N T S
-
- "The Gore Family" appears courtesy of ILM, Animatronics Division
- Message Composer is a trademark of Inline Software Creations
-
- The writer would like to thank the talk.bizarre cabal, for
- corrupting his morals and generally being the coolest people on
- the net. Oh yeah, there is no cabal. Never mind.
-
- No animals were hurt, mistreated, or forced to proofread during
- the writing of these articles.
-
- Any resemblance to actual people living or dead is a figment of
- Patrick Buchanan and the far right's sick imaginations.
-
-
- A C o n s e r v a t i v e ' s L a s t D a y s
- November 1992 - January 1993
-
- --
- Paul Vader systems analyst, hell's cavenewt, rollerblader,
- pv@gagme.chi.il.us FOAF, smartass liberal democrat
-