NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/rec/humor/34664

Internet Message Format | 1992-11-23 | 11.0 KB

Xref: sparky rec.humor:34664 alt.folklore.computers:16682 alt.cascade:3333 alt.best.of.internet:134
Newsgroups: rec.humor,alt.folklore.computers,alt.cascade,alt.best.of.internet
Path: sparky!uunet!cs.utexas.edu!asuvax!ncar!hao.ucar.edu!rsc
From: [e-mail] (Bob Campbell)
Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Sender: [e-mail] (USENET Maintenance)
Reply-To: [e-mail] (Bob Campbell)
Organization: High Altitude Observatory/NCAR, Boulder CO
References: <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]> <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 23 Nov 1992 21:43:07 GMT
Lines: 186

In article <[e-mail]>, [e-mail] (M.J.Davis) writes:
> Jacob Solomon Weinstein writes:
>    |Matt Welsh writes:
>    |>Brian Cash writes:
>    |>>Peter /\/\odin writes:
>    |>>|>[e-mail] (Jacob Solomon Weinstein) writes:
>    |>>|>
>    |>>|>>In article <[e-mail]>
>    |>>[e-mail] (MIGUEL BRAXTON FARAH) writes:
>    |>>|>>>THOMAS LUNDQUIST ([e-mail]) wrote:
>    |>>|>>>: In article <[e-mail]> [e-mail]
>    |>>(GUNNAR HORRIGMO) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (GUNNAR HORRIGMO)
>    |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>    |>>|>>>: >Date: Sun, 8 Nov 1992 18:53:02 GMT
>    |>>|>>>: >From: [e-mail] (Seth L. Blumberg)
>    |>>|>>>: >Subject: Re: Help with XMS mailer on my Game-Boy?
>    |>>|>>>: >Date: Fri, 6 Nov 1992 02:48:42 GMT
>    |>>|>>>: >
>    |>>|>>>: >[e-mail] (Randy Wong) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>[e-mail] (Steven Marcotte) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>[e-mail] (Babak Gohari) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>[e-mail] (Tilden-Master of Illogic) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>[e-mail] (David Lutz) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>[e-mail] (Daniel M Silevitch) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>[e-mail] (Brat Wizard) writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>Michael Schmahl [Black-Robe Mage] writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>22161-bunz writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Brett G Person writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>[e-mail] writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>IronEagle writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Matt Welsh writes:
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my
>    |>>Timex Sinclair!
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Top THAT!
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>>I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on
>    |>>my Sears PONG
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>>game.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX
>    |>>Mailer on my
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>Game-Boy.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the
>    |>>replies!
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>>slowing it down.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>I fear I will not be getting news any longer...  The
>    |>>batteries on my
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>>calculator-watch are running out.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>My calculator-watch is solar...  And if I turned off the
>    |>>lights, NO
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>>ONE would be getting news...
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA
>    |>>contract to run on
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm
>    |>>ALSO able to
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between
>    |>>commercials!
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>>Beat THAT!
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system
>    |>>out of 2
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the
>    |>>universe, accurate
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>>to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>And you guys think you are so great.  I just spent the last
>    |>>half hour
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>getting X11 to run on my slide rule.  I am still having problems
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>>suggestions.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds
>    |>>off of a
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>paperclip.  Not to mention the fact that I am designing a
>    |>>new form of
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>>television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue
>    |>>paper.  Next!!!
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>Man, that's baby stuff.  I'm running a particle accelerator
>    |>>utilizing
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating
>    |>>everything in
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>>the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a large
>    |>>glass of water.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this
>    |>>very moment,
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from now, while
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>at the same time calculating the heat produced from the new intel
>    |>>|>>>: >>>>Pentium.
>    |>>|>>>: >>>And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in a
>    |>>|>>>: >project
>    |>>|>>>: >>>which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple universes
>    |>>(To see what
>    |>>|>>>: >>>would happen if various constants change. Pi=8.4 is an
>    |>>interesting one.) My
>    |>>|>>>: >>>hardware consists of a single wooden pencil (no paper). With
>    |>>it, I can do
>    |>>|>>>: >>>real-time simulations of 2^32 universes in parallel.
>    |>>|>>>: >>You guys are wimps!!  I've just finished converting a microwave
>    |>>oven into a
>    |>>|>>>: >>paradimensional teleportation device.  The only problem I'm
>    |>>having so far is
>    |>>|>>>: >>that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!!  May have to eat it
>    |>>raw . . .
>    |>>|>>>: >
>    |>>|>>>: >Sorry, that's my fault.  I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
>    |>>|>>>: >negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which is
>    |>>|>>>: >currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6
>    |>>per picosecond,
>    |>>|>>>: >was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking your
>    |>>microwave's control
>    |>>|>>>: >panel.  It should work properly now.  Also, my cat Arthur was
>    |>>FTPing hundreds
>    |>>|>>>: >of terabytes of PD software from Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741
>    |>>A.D. over
>    |>>|>>>: >the faster-than-light Ethernet interface I built for him, and
>    |>>this may have
>    |>>|>>>: >been loading the Net a little yesterday.  My sincere apologies to
>    |>>everyone who
>    |>>|>>>: >noticed any performance degradation.
>    |>>|>>>:
>    |>>|>>>: Damn, I thought I was doin' smoe really advanced R&D. But I only have a
>    |>>|>>>: humble feather pen with build in spell checking. It checks all languages
>    |>>|>>>: since Adam & Eve plus a few forthcoming languages. But after what
>    |>>I've seen
>    |>>|>>>: here, thats not good enough for a Nobel Price..I have to work harder...
>    |>>|>>>: Maybe some of the languages from outer space will help ?? I just have to
>    |>>|>>>: use my FingerNail Time&Universe Transporter(tm) to get there and
>    |>>learn them.
>    |>>|>>>
>    |>>|>>>You're all a bunch of lazy pseudo-programmers. When you have, as I, set
>    |>>|>>>up an entire University Unix net (with Mail, IRC, more than 2 MUDs, ano-
>    |>>|>>>nymous ftp, etc etc etc etc etc ) on a Turing Machine, we'll talk.
>    |>>|>
>    |>>|>>Hahaha! Fools! You think that's impressive? I've wired together every
>    |>>|>>computer on the Internet with Quantum-Thin Wire (tm), and programmed it
>    |>>|>>to act like a really big abacus. Running 8 x 10^100^10^10^10^4
>    |>>|>>calculations a millisecond, I hope to solve the equation 5x = 10
>    |>>|>>by sometime next week. Now _that's_ progress.
>    |>>|>Then how about this: I've constructed the first computer ever made of one
>    |>>|>single Hydrogen atom. There are a couple of advantages with it; 1. it can
>    |>>|>be inhaled for transport; 2. it relies entirely on voice-detecting for input,
>    |>>|>and a hologram for output (that was the tricky part), and 3. it creates
>    |>>|>two copies of itself every second, allowing for multiple processes! I'm
>    |>>|>speaking this reply right now to a cloud in front of me, using a Voice
>    |>>|>Detection version (mine, really) of X-Windows in 3D. NEXT!
>    |>>|>--
>    |>>HA! You pikers are still using matter and energy?  I did a
>    |>>.5i rotate on a thumb-tack and some Skittles(tm), and I created
>    |>>a TRUELY complex machine! It does (60+135i) Gig ops per sec and
>    |>>has (as for as I can tell) infinite data store.  The entire machine
>    |>>is imaginary, except the power supply.  I control it via
>    |>>Mind Control Interface(tm) (I got a pat., so watch it! Or I'll
>    |>>get you on a look-and-feel suit!) and I am using it to win
>    |>>Spelling Bees all over the world! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
>    |>
>    |>SO? I run System V on my VIC-20!
>    |>Wait... I already said that...
>    |Silly boys and girls. I've used 3.5 billion years of evolution to
>    |develop self-regenerating tri-jointed extensions at the end of my limbs
>    |which I can use to count up to ten. My researchers are hard at work on a
>    |new breakthrough, and, if it pans out, I'll be counting _up to twenty_
>    |in a matter of weeks.
> Having successfully implemented a four-dimensional, totally intuitive GUI that
> transfers your files to a trashcan in hyperspace before you knew you wanted to
> delete them on a single M&M, I'm now using a whole _packet_ of the little
> blighters to carry out some *serious* parallel processing. The system has now
> worked out all of my assignments for the next 15 years (anticipating all major
> OS developments) even though I don't yet know what they're going to be.

Gee.  All I've got is laser I made from a No. 2 pencil with a copper wire wrapped
around it, a dead AA battery, and some spit (the important part).

--
#######################################################################
# Bob Campbell                 #  "Crayons can take you where no      #
# [e-mail].     #   Starship can go."                  #
#           colorado.edu       #                    -Guinan           #
# [e-mail]             #                     STTNG            #
#######################################################################
DISCLAIMER: "My views are not necessarily those of my employer."