NetNews Usenet Archive 1992 #27/NN_1992_27.iso/spool/alt/feminism/4487

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From: [e-mail] (rini)
Newsgroups: alt.feminism
Subject: sex in the good ol' days
Message-ID: <[e-mail]>
Date: 15 Nov 92 18:26:53 GMT
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Organization: University of Chicago Computing Organizations
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Back in the good ol' days, when men were men and women were women
(and we all realized the central role of the phallus), sex was a
totally different thing.

This is a set of instructions to the new bride, written by the wife
of a Methodist minister in 1894.

It's long, but it sure is interesting reading, IMO.

*****************************************************************************

INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE

(On the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of
the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament
and the Glory of God by Ruth Smythers, beloved wife of the Reverend L.D.
Smythers of the Arcadian Methodist Church of the Eastern Regional Conference.
Published in the year of our Lord 1894, Spiritual Guidance Press, New York
City.)

To the sensitive young woman who has had benefits of proper upbringing, the
wedding day is ironically, both the happiest and the most terrifying day of
her life.  On the positive side, there is the wedding itself, in which the
bride is the central attraction in a beautiful and inspiring ceremony,
symbolizing her triumph in securing a male to provide for all her needs for
the rest of her life.  On the negative side, there is the wedding night,
during which the bride must pay the piper, so to speak, by facing for the
first time the terrible experience of sex.

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth.  Some young
women actually anticipate the wedding night with curiousity and pleasure!
Beware such an attitude!  A selfish and sensual husband can easily take
advantage of such a bride.  One cardinal rule of marriage should never be
forgotten:  GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY.
Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of
sexual lust.

On the other hand, the bride's terror need not be extreme.  While sex is
at best revolting and at worse rather painful, it has to be endured, and
has been by women since the beginning of time, and is compensated for by
the monogamous home and by the children produced through it.

It is useless, in most cases, for the bride to prevail upon the groom to
forego the sexual initiation.  While the ideal husband would be one who would
approach his bride only at her request and only for the purpose of begetting
offspring, such nobility and unselfishness cannot be expected from the
average man.

Most men, if not denied, would demand sex almost every day.  The wise bride
will permit a maximum of two brief sexual experiences weekly during the first
months of marriage.  As time goes by she should make every effort to reduce
this frequency.

Feigned illness, sleepiness, and headaches are among the wife's best friends
in this matter.  Arguements, nagging, scolding, and bickering also probe
very effective, if used in the late evening about an hour before the husband
would normally commence his seduction.

Clever wives are ever on the alert for new and better methods of denying
and discouraging the amorous overtures of the husband.  A good wife should
expect to have reduced sexual contacts to one a week by the end of the
first year of marriage.

By the tenth anniversary many wives have managed to complete their child
bearing and have achieved the ultimate goal of terminating all sexual
contacts with the husband.  By this time she can depend upon his love for
the children and social pressure to hold the husband in the home.

Just as she should be ever alert to keep the quantity of sex as low as
possible, the wise bride will pay equal attention to limiting the kind and
degree of sexual contacts.  Most men are by nature rather perverted, and
if given half a chance, would engage in quite a variety of the most revolting
practices.  These practices include among others performing the normal act
in abnormal positions: mouthing the female body: and offering their own
vile bodies to be mouthed in turn.

Nudity, talking about sex, reading stories about sex, viewing photographs
and drawings depicting or suggesting sex are other obnoxious habits the
male is likely to acquire if permitted.

A wise bride will make it her goal never to allow her husband to see her
unclothed body, and never allow him to display his unclothed body to her.
Sex, when it cannot be prevented, should be practiced only in total darkness.
Many women have found it useful to have thick cotton nightgowns for
themselves and pajamas for their husbands.  These should be donned in
separate rooms.  They need not be removed during the sex act.  Thus, a
minimum of flesh is exposed.

Once a bride has donned her gown and turned off all the lights, she should
lie quietly upon the bed and await her groom.  When he comes groping into
the room she should make no sound to guide him in her direction, lest he
take this as a sigh of encouragement.  She should let him grope in the
dark.  There is always the hope that he will stumble and incur some slight
injury which she can use as an excuse to deny him sexual access.

When he finds her; the wife should lie as still as possible.  Bodily motion
on her part could be interpreted as sexual excitement by the optimistic
husband.

If he attempts to kiss her on the lips she shuld turn her head slightly so
that the kiss falls harmlessly on her cheek instead.  If he attempts to kiss
her anyplace else she should quickly pull the gown back in place, spring
from the bed, and announce that nature calls her to the toilet.  This will
generally dampen his desire to kiss in the forbidden territory.

If the husband attempts to seduce her with lascivious talk, the wise wife
will suddenly remember some trivial nonsexual question to ask him.  Once
he answers she should keep the conversation going, no matter how frivolous
it may seem at the time.

Eventually, the husband will learn that if he insists on having sexual
contact, he must get on with it without amorous embellishment.  The wise
wife will allow him to pull the gown up no farther than the waist, and only
permit him to open the front of his pajamas to thus make connection.

She will be absolutely silent or babble about her housework while he is
huffing and puffing away.  Above all, she will lie perfectly still and
never under any circumstances grunt or groan while the act is in progress.

As soon as the husband has completed the act the wise wife will start nagging
him about various minor tasks she wishes him to perform on the 'morrow. Many
men obtain a major portion of their sexual satisfaction from the peaceful
exhaustion immediately after the act is over.  Thus the wife must insure
that there is no peace in this period from him to enjoy.  Otherwise, he
might be encouraged to soon try for more.

One heartening factor for which the wife can be grateful is the fact that
the husband's home, school, church and social environment have been working
together all through his life to instill in him a deep sense of guilt in
regardst to his sexual feelings, so that he comes to the marriage couch
apologetically and subdued.  The wise wife seizes upon this advantage and
relentlessly pursues her goal first to limit, later to annihilate completely,
her husband's desire for sexual expression.

***************************************************************************

I think that the last paragraph particularly succinctly summarizes the
traditionally sanctioned contempt for men by women.

I don't know about y'all, but if I were male, I'd rather marry someone
who wanted cunnilingus (clearly devaluing the phallus!) than someone
who conspired to destroy my sexuality all together because she found
sex "at best, revolting".

rini