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Text File  |  1997-01-16  |  9KB  |  184 lines
  1. 066010303050001132002006006010000
  2. 11
  3. 2#1
  4. F0110000001
  5. 9[....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆....◆...]0010
  6. Ç
  7. [O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O]
  8. -BREAKOUT-
  9. ByThomasHaines
  10. [O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O][O]
  12. THREE!TWO!ONE!ZERO!BREAKOUT[ByThomasHaines]has
  13. arrived!Hurr-waitaminute...([amusingthoughtfulsilence
  14. ensues]BreakOut..Breakout..Arkanoid,Batty,Brick-out,Multi-
  15. Briques,ArkanoidII-theRevengeofDoh,GemBreakout..)hmmm..that
  16. nameseemsfamiliar.Breakout.Breakout.Yes,andeven
  17. afterthat*dramatic*countdown,Ifeelsomewhatletdownbecause
  18. it'sYETanotherBreakoutclone.Andwhatabobbinsgameitis.
  19.  
  20. Letsbeginwiththetitle.'BreakOutbyThomasHaines'(sickof
  21. ityet?).It'snotexactlythemostcatchy,originaltitleeverto
  22. graceaFalconGame.Butthespacebetween'Break'and'Out',I
  23. think,isanoriginaladdition,achangefromtheold,well-flogged
  24. 'Breakout'roll-off-the-tongue-style.Butseparating'break'and
  25. 'out'maybeThomasHaines'onlybreak(Ohplease-Ed)from
  26. tradition.ThisisnottheGreatEscape,thisisnoteven
  27. Cops'n'Robbers,thisisinfactBreakOut-abat,aball,some
  28. bricksetvoila!...
  29.  
  30. ..BreakO
  31. u
  32. t
  33. t
  34. .t.
  35. ..t.
  36. .\.t./.
  37. .\t/.
  38. Beforeweareflung,kickingandscreaming,intothe
  39. 'game',weare*treated*toanintro.Andwhatanintro.A
  40. scannedpictureofasunsetoverthesea,withablack,thinand
  41. veryunantialiasedlogo,isdrawnontothescreenwithasortof
  42. circular,clockwisewipe.*Truly*beautiful.Then,insyncwith
  43. Çthemusic(rippedfromthePlastikkdemo)a3,2,1,0countdownensues,
  44. perhapsinapatheticattempttocreatesometension,ormaybe
  45. toloadthe'effect'.Thiseffectisthreerotating2Dvector
  46. squares,spinninginsideeachother,withabluepacmanchomping
  47. jerkilyinthemiddle.WhyPacmanhasmadeanappearanceisa
  48. littleunclear.Thecodermayhavehopedtothrowanetofillusion
  49. acrossourimpressionableeyeballs,thinkingwewouldbeconfused
  50. andforgetthatthegameisactuallycalledBreakOut.However,he
  51. doesnotsucceedandthewholeeffectjustincreasesthefeelingthat
  52. thisgameispasseandwasprobablyplayedbyboredcavemen,witha
  53. rockandthebonesoftheirlastmeal.
  54.  
  55. Okay,introoverwehitspaceandareunceremoniouslythrustinto
  56. thethickofthegame.Oursensesrevoltatthesightthatgreets
  57. us.Yes,it'souroldfavourite,theuninvitedvisitor:theGemFill,
  58. splendidlyresplendentinwhite.WenowwonderifMr.Hainesis
  59. actuallytryingtocreatetheatmosphereofanancientAtariFREE
  60. Gemgamespecial,becauseheiscertainlysucceeding.[Except
  61. thateveryoneknewwhenAtarimadecrapgamestheywereactually
  62. onlycallingadoubleblufftooutfoxBillGatesandgethimtocopy
  63. thegamesandsokillMicrosoftofffrominside.Orsomething.]
  64.  
  65. Therearetwodifferenttileswhichyoumusthitwiththe
  66. ball.OneofthemiswhiteandfilledwithabobblyGemFill
  67. (thistileneedstwohits(usually,buttherearesomebugs))and
  68. theotherisaninsipidmarooncolourwhichhardlyshowsupagainst
  69. thebackground.Andtalkingofthebackground,it'sthatold
  70. favouritescannedtruecolourpictureofamountainandsomewater
  71. usedintheCamerademobySentryandanImpulsedemocalled
  72. Angest..well'hackneyed'seemstobeThomasHaines'middlename,so
  73. Iguessweshouldn'tbesurprised.
  74.  
  75. Thebatisacrudelump,filledwiththeohsodelicatewhite
  76. GemFill(cyclingaswellthistime..mmmmmmmm)andtheballisa
  77. hideousluridgreencolour.Itallbringsanewmeaningtothe
  78. phrase:'assaultingthesenses'.
  79.  
  80. ÇSo,ontothegameitself..itstartswiththeballonthebat,
  81. rightmousebuttonreleasesitandleftmousebuttonpausesthe
  82. game..?!!Thebat'smovementisverysensitive,sowearesoon
  83. beingtreatedtothelegend:'LifeLost'."Onedown,onlytwomoreto
  84. beendured,"wemutter.
  85.  
  86. Thebounceoftheballissoconsistentthatasthegamedrawsto
  87. aclose-therebeingperhapstwoorthreetilesleft-itbecomes
  88. verydifficulttohitthemandwhetheranyonecanbebotheredto
  89. spendthetimeneededtoachievethecompletionofthelevelishighly
  90. doubtful.IwasreachingfortheresetbuttonwhenIrememberedmy
  91. obligationasagamesreviewerandthesacrificesImustmakefor
  92. thegreatergood,soonIbattled..(thatisbattledwithmy
  93. eyelids..).
  94.  
  95. EventuallythelevelwascompletedandIwasrewardedwitha
  96. fanfare-ishsampleandsomewordssomundanethatI'veforgotten
  97. them,buttheywereprobablyakinto:YouWin!Andthatwasthat.
  98. Thefirstlevelturnedouttobetheoneandonlylevel.Butwe
  99. shouldatleastthankthecoderforputtingusoutofourmisery
  100. reasonablyquicklyandnotprolongingoursufferinganymorethanhe
  101. alreadyhasbybeingborn.
  102.  
  103. So,youmaythinkthereviewendshere.Butyouwouldbe
  104. SOwrong.BecausethereismoretoThomasHaines'BreakOutthan
  105. merelyonelevel,doneonarippedbackground,withGemfilledtiles
  106. andrepetitivesampleswhichgiveyouaheadacheaftertenseconds
  107. because...
  108.  
  109. ...thereisanoptiontocreateyourownBreakOutlevels!
  110. HoweverIfearthatMr.Hainesmusthavebeensomewhatshyofthis
  111. featurebecauseIonlyfounditoutafterextensivereadingand
  112. decipheringofthereadme_1sttextwhichcomeswiththegame(in
  113. whichyouwillalsofindashortstorywhichONNOACCOUNT
  114. shouldyouread).Inthistextwearetoldthatbutton'c'will
  115. accesstheleveleditor,andshouldbepressedonthe'intro'part
  116. (whichincidentally,thegamerevertstowhenyouhavelostall
  117. Çyourlives).SoIdulyplayedandlostagameofBreakOutandthen
  118. waitedfortheintrotoreappear.Afteranunreasonabledelayit
  119. creptbackguiltily,doublysobecauseIhadtositthroughthe
  120. *exciting*countdownbitagain.SofinallywhenPacmanwasrestored
  121. tohisplaceofhonourIpressed'c'.
  122.  
  123. Iwaited.
  124.  
  125. Iwaitedsomemore.
  126.  
  127. Ipressed'c'asecondtime.StillPacmanchompedawayundisturbed,
  128. musingonthenuancesofhislifeasaminorcharacterinaminus
  129. game.
  130.  
  131.  
  132.  
  133.  
  134.  
  135.  
  136.  
  138. [Sometimelater.]
  139.  
  140. Aha!Mr.Pinkhasjusthadtheideathatmaybe'CapsLock'hasbeen
  141. turnedonandthecodeisnotrecognisingacapital'C'asthe
  142. requisitesmall'c'.Ifso,itmustbeaniceVGAspecificbug
  143. [withthegame]becauseonMr.Pink'sniceRGBAtarimonitorhe
  144. doesn'thaveanytrouble(apartfromthatcausedbythe
  145. aforementionedgame).
  146.  
  147. Pressing'CapsLock',then'c'meetswithsuccess,butI'mafraid
  148. thisgamehasalreadyfaileditstestongroundsofbeingcompletely
  149. bobbins.
  150.  
  151. TheBreakOut'leveleditor'isnoslickReservoirGods'
  152. DoubleBobbleEditor.Ithasobviouslybeenbundledtogetherasa
  153. lastgaspresorttospiceupadone-to-deathgameandismorecrude
  154. ÇthantheentirerepertoireoftheVizcastintheeyesofMary
  155. Whitehouse.Rightmousebuttoncyclesthroughthethreeavailable
  156. tiles,(oneofwhichisablanktiletodeletewith)whichare
  157. displayedatthebottomrightcornerofthescreenandthatmemorable
  158. greenballmakesareappearanceasthemousepointer.Youdraw
  159. whateverdesigntakesyourfancy,then'Return'willsavethenew
  160. leveltodisk(itactuallysavesoverThomas'originallevel.
  161. **What**ashame.)andthenyouplayit.Youcanseethefruitsof
  162. myeffortaswellasmyverdictonthisgamebyclickingonthe
  163. littleSEEPICicon.Goon,youknowyouwantto,[asTheDivine
  164. Comedymighthavesaid].
  165.  
  167. HHIGGGHHSSSS
  168. HHHHIGHHHHSS
  169. HHIGGHHSS
  170. HHIGGGGHHSSSS
  171. o...um...
  173. LOOOOWWSSSS
  174. LOOWWSS
  175. LOOWWWSS
  176. LLLLOOOOWWWWSSSS
  177. [OhGodIcan'tbebothered,soI'llburninhellbutwhat'snew?]
  178. oEVERYTHING.
  180. Peoplewhowishtogetholdofacopyofthisgameare
  181. advisedtoseeapsychiatrist.
  182. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  183. Ripley/ReservoirGods.
  184.