The World of Computer Software/World_Of_Computer_Software-02-385-Vol-1of3.iso/c/cfortune.zip/CROLL.SRC

Text File | 1989-05-25 | 716KB | 18,449 lines

"A loaf of bread", the Walrus said, "is what we chiefly need."
%%
"As a matter of fact" is an expression that precedes many an expression
that isn't.
%%
"Beware the [lobbyist], my son, the jaws that bite, the claws that
snatch" (with thanks to Lewis Carroll).  No matter how noble the cause
or well meaning its professional advocates, lobbyists are still paid to
get results.  They're subject to errors in judgement, shortcomings in
motives, and most of them don't even vote in your district.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
"But officer, I was only trying to gain enough speed so I could coast to
the nearest gas station."
%%
"Give us the man," shouts the multitude, "who will step forward and take
the responsibility."  He is instantly the idol, the lord, and the king
among men.  He, then, who would command among his fellows, must excel
them more in energy or will than in power of intellect.
                                -- Burnap
%%
"Go to Hell!" or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy question
deserves.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
"I don't think they could put him in a mental hospital.  On the other
hand, if he were already in, I don't think they'd let him out."
%%
"I must do something" will always solve more problems than "Something
must be done."
%%
"Lord, please let me find a one-armed economist so we won't always hear
'On the other hand...'"
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
"Right reason," by which Cicero meant an "immediate and intuitive
apprehension of moral and spiritual values," of what is right and just
and what is wrong and unjust, was in the nature of things placed by God
in all men; and no decree or legislative enactment could change what is
right and what is wrong.
                                -- Forrest MacDonald
%%
"Send for clips to see how I write.  If you don't, frogs will sneak into
your house and eat your fingers."
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
"The student in question is performing minimally for his peer group and
is an emerging underachiever."
%%
"Truth," I cried, "though the heavens crush me for following her; no
falsehood, though a whole celestial Lubberland were the price of
apostacy!"
                                -- Carlyle
%%
"When a fellow can't read, he's got to think."
%%
"Whom are you?" said he, for he had been to night school.
                                -- George Ade
%%
"Why should I?" is the cry of work dodgers.  Their aim is to just enough
to get by.  They are clock watchers who are afraid they will render more
service than they are paid to perform.  They are too lazy to think, too
selfish to put their shoulders to the wheel in a common cause.
%%
$100 placed at 7 percent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years
will increase to more than $100,000,000 -- by which time it will be
worth nothing.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
'Tis a common proof, that lowliness is Edward Young ambition's ladder,
whereto the climber upwards turns his face; but when he once attains the
utmost round, he then unto the ladder turns his back, looks into the
clouds scorning the base degrees by which he did ascend.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
'Tis better that a man's own works, than that another man's words should
praise him.
                                -- L'Estrange
%%
  'Tis distance lends enchantment to the view,
  And robes the mountain in its azure hue.
                                -- Campbell
%%
  'Tis easier for the generous to forgive,
  Than for offence to ask it.
                                -- Thomson
%%
  'Tis education forms the common mind.
  Just as the twig is bent, the tree's inclin'd
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
  'Tis home felt pleasure prompts the patriot's sigh;
  This makes him wish to live and dare to die.
                                -- Campbell
%%
  'Tis in my memory lock'd,
   And you yourself shall keep the key of it.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  'Tis late before
   The brave despair.
                                -- Thomson
%%
  'Tis not in mortals to command success;
   But we'll do more, Sempronius -- we'll deserve it.
                                -- Addison
%%
  'Tis not the fairest form that holds
    The mildest, purest soul within;
  'Tis not the richest plant that holds
    The sweetest fragrance in.
                                -- Dawes
%%
'Tis one thing to be tempted, another thing to fall.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  'Tis pleasant, sure, to see one's name in print;
   A book's a book, although there's nothing in't.
                                -- Lord Byron
%%
  'Tis strange the miser should his cares employ
  To gain the riches he can ne'er enjoy.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
'Tis the mind that makes the body rich.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
(a) Completion of any task within the allocated time and budget does not
bring credit upon the performing personnel -- it merely proves the task
was easier than expected;

(b) failure to complete any task within the allocated time and budget
proves the task was more difficult than expected and requires promotion
for those in charge.
%%
Handbook of Robotics, 56th Edition, 2058

    A robot may not injure a human being, or, through inaction, allow
    a human being to come to harm.

    A robot must obey the orders given it by human beings except
    where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

    A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection
    does not conflict with the First or Second Laws.
%%
... One sip of this will bathe the drooping spirits in delights beyond
dreams of bliss.
%%
... Survival demands collective action; "alone" is for gravestones in
hacker's cemeteries.
%%
... [concerning " marks] even if we DID quote anybody in this business,
it probably would be gibberish.
                                -- Thom Mcleod
%%
... and living was just a way of passing time until he died.
                                -- Hamish Sankov
%%
... and oftener changed their principles than their shirts.
                                -- Dr. Young
%%
... cost consciousness and sophisticated design are basically
incompatible.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
... high salaries equals happiness equals project success.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
... it is not through sin that he opposes God.  The Devil's strategy for
our times is to make trivial human existence and to isolate us from one
another while creating the delusion that the reasons are time pressures,
work demands, or economic anxieties.
%%
... persons who would be placed outside the pale of society with
contempt are not those who would be placed there by another culture.
                                -- Ruth Benedict
%%
... that peculiar disease of intellectuals, that infatuation with ideas
at the expense of experience that compels experience to conform to
bookish preconceptions.
%%
... the less management demands of engineers and scientists, the greater
their productivity.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
... there being nothing more evident than that creatures of the same
species ... should be equal amongst one another without subordination or
subjection...
                                -- John Locke
%%
11-PDP eht edisni deppart ma I !pleH
%%
7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog drinks
too much and kicks over the National Redwood Forest.
%%
7:30, Channel 5: The Bionic Dog (Action/Adventure) The Bionic Dog gets a
hormonal short-circuit and violates the Mann Act with an interstate
Greyhound bus.
%%
8:30 Chan. 7: Bewitched.  Tabitha gets carsick and turns Darin into a
plastic bag.
%%
90 percent of everything is crud.
                                -- Theodore Sturgeon
%%
9:00 Chan. 5: I Dream of Jeanie.  Jeanie and Major Nelson discover new
things to do with Jeanie's bottle.
%%
A "critic" is a person who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified
to judge the work of creative people.  There is logic in this; he is
unbiased -- he hates all creative people equally.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
A "pacifist" is a contradiction in terms.  Most self-described pacifists
are not pacific; they simply assume false colors.  When the wind changes
they hoist the Jolly Roger.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
A Democratic nation, at least when organized to secure the political
rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, can be a large
and populous nation.
                                -- Michael Scully
%%
A God alone can comprehend a God.
                                -- Young
%%
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
%%
A White House well filled, a little peanut field well tilled, and a wife
who will go to the Bronx are great riches.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
A army's effectiveness depends on its size, training, experience and
morale ... and morale is worth more than all the other factors combined.
                                -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Rule of Golf: A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the
tree.  Hitting a tree is simply bad luck and has no place in a
scientific game.  The player should estimate the distance the ball
would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from
there, preferably atop a nice firm tuft of grass.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
Rule of Golf:  A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted
and placed in the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried
or rolled into the rough.  Such veering right or left frequently results
from friction between the face of the club and the cover of the ball
and the player should not be penalized for the erratic behavior of the
ball resulting from such uncontrollable physical phenomena.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
A baseball player who makes a spectacular defensive play always leads
off the next inning as batter.
                                -- Bob Smith
%%
A bathroom hook will be loaded to capacity immediately upon becoming
available.  This also applies to freeways, closets, playgrounds, downtown
hotels, taxis, parking lots, bookcases, wallets, purses, pockets, pipe
racks, basement shelves, and so on.  The list is endless.
                                -- John Joyce
%%
A beautiful eye makes silence eloquent, a kind eye makes contradiction
an assent, an enraged eye makes beauty deformed.  This little member
gives life to every part about us; and I believe the story of Argus
implies no more, than the eye is in every part; that is to say, every
other part would be mutilated, were not its force represented more by
the eye than even by itself.
                                -- Addison
%%
A bee is not a busier animal than a blockhead.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
A bird in the hand is dead.
                                -- Rhonda Boozer
%%
A bird in the hand is finger-licking good.
%%
A bird in the hand is safer than two overhead.
%%
A bitter jest, when the satire comes too near the truth, leaves a sharp
sting behind.
                                -- Tacitus
%%
A bottle of sweat for every bottle of wine.
%%
A brave man is sometimes a desperado; a bully is always a coward.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
A brute kills for pleasure.  A fool kills from hate.
%%
A bureaucrat's castle is his desk ... and parking place.  Proceed
cautiously when changing either.
                                -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
A camel looks like a horse that was planned by a committee.
                                -- Vogue Magazine
%%
A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than
expected; a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.
%%
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
%%
A characteristic of the normal child is he doesn't act that way very
often.
%%
A chase always involves two parts:  first breaking contact, second the
retiring action to divorce oneself from the incident.
                                -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
A chicken doesn't stop scratching just because the worms are scarce.
                                -- John Peers
%%
A child miseducated is a child lost.
                                -- John F. Kennedy
%%
A Christian in this world is but gold in the ore; at death the pure gold
is melted out and separated and the dross cast away and consumed.
                                -- Flavel
%%
A christian is the highest style of man.
                                -- Young
%%
A clean limerick is a contradiction in terms.
%%
A clown is a clown and will always be a clown.
                                -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
A college education shows a man how little other people know.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
A column about errors will contain errors.
                                -- Bill Gold
%%
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
%%
A committee is a thing which takes a week to do what one good man can do
in an hour.
                                -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
A company is known by the people it keeps.
%%
A component's degree of reliability is directly proportional to its ease
of accessibility; i.e., the harder it is to get to, the more often it
breaks down.
                                -- Jonathan Waddell
%%
A compromise is the art of dividing the cake in such a way that each one
thinks he is getting the biggest piece.
%%
A consultant is an ordinary person a long way from home.
%%
A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
                                -- John M. Dyer
%%
A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
%%
A cow eats without a knife.
%%
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
                                -- Marvin Kitman
%%
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of
nothing.
                                -- Oscar Wilde
%%
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
A cynic is a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.
                                -- Edgar A. Shoaff
%%
A cynic is one who will laugh at anything so long as it isn't funny.
%%
A deaf ear is the first symptom of a closed mind.
%%
A diplomat and a stage magician are the two professions that have to
have a high silk hat.  All the tricks that either one of them have are in
the hat, and all are known to other diplomats and magicians.
%%
A diplomat's life is made up of three things: protocol, Geritol, and
alcohol.
%%
A disagreeable task is its own reward.
%%
A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
                                -- James H. Boren
%%
A dull mind, once arriving at an inference that flatters a desire, is
rarely able to retain the impression that the notion from which the
inference started was purely problematic.
                                -- George Eliot
%%
A fail-safe circuit will destroy others.
%%
A fake fortune teller can be tolerated.  But an authentic soothsayer
should be shot on sight.  Cassandra did not get half the kicking around
she deserved.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessable spot.
                                -- Theodore M. Bernstein
%%
A fellow-feeling makes one wondrous kind.
                                -- Garrick
%%
A few books are alright, like wine, but too much can be bad.  Books
break down brains.
%%
A fire eater must eat fire even if he has to kindle it himself.
                                -- Salvor Hardin
%%
A fit or anger is as fatal to dignity as a dose of arsenic to life.
                                -- Dr. Holland
%%
A five minutes before the hour, a student will ask a question requiring
a ten minute answer.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
A flattering painter, who made it his care to draw men as they ought to
be, not as they are.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
A fool in high station is like a man on the top of a high mountain:
everything appears small to him and he appears small to everybody.
                                -- Professor Leader W. Matsch
%%
  A fool, indeed, has great need of a title,
  It teaches men to call him count and duke,
  And to forget his proper name of fool.
                                -- Crowne
%%
A foot is a device for finding furniture in the dark.
%%
A free people always has the right to dismiss its rulers -- whom it
regards as its servants -- at any time.
                                -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular.
                                -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
  A friend in need
  Is a friend indeed.
%%
A friend of mine stopped smoking, drinking, overeating, and chasing
women -- all at the same time.  It was a lovely funeral.
%%
A friend to everybody is a friend to nobody.
%%
A friend will let you hold the ladder while he goes up on the roof to
install your new TV antenna, which is the biggest son of a bitch you
ever saw.
%%
A friend will refrain from telling you he picked up the same amount of
life insurance coverage you did for the half the price and his is
non-cancelable.
%%
  A gen'ral sets his army in array
  In vain, unless he fight and win the day.
                                -- Denham
%%
A generation which ignores history has no past -- and no future.
%%
A gentleman has ease without familiarity, is respectful without
meanness; genteel without affectation, insinuating without seeming art.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
A gentleman is a man who can support his own weight on his hands.
%%
A gift of flowers will soon be made to you.
%%
A good book is the precious life-blood of a master spirit, embalmed and
treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life.
                                -- Milton
%%
A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness.
                                -- Else Schiaparelli
%%
A good dinner sharpens wit, while it softens the heart.
                                -- Doran
%%
A good imitation is the most perfect originality.
                                -- Voltaire
%%
A good leader inspires others with confidence in him; a great leader
inspires them with confidence in themselves.
%%
A good name will wear out; a bad one may be turned; a nickname lasts
forever.
                                -- Zimmerman
%%
A good neighbor is one who will watch your vacation slides all evening
without telling you that he has been there.
%%
A good place to start is where you are.
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
A good teacher has been defined as one who makes himself progressively
unnecessary.
                                -- Thomas J. Carruthers
%%
A good word is an easy obligation, but not to speak ill, requires only
our silence, which costs us nothing.
                                -- Tillotson
%%
  A goodly apple rotten at the heart;
  O, what a goodly outside falsehood hath!
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
A grave, wherever found, preaches a short and pithy sermon to the soul.
                                -- Hawthorne
%%
  A gray eye is still and sly;
  A rougish eye is the brown;
  The eye of blue is ever true;
  But in the black eye's sparkling spell
  Mystery and mischief dwell.
%%
A great fortune is a great slavery.
                                -- Seneca
%%
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely
rearranging their prejudices.
%%
A great source of error is the judging of events by abstract
calculations, which though geometrically true are false as they relate
to the concerns of beings governed more by passions and prejudice than
by an enlightened sense of their interests.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
A guy has to get fresh once in a while so the girl doesn't lose her
confidence.
%%
A habit of sneering marks the egotist, or the fool, or the knave, or all
three.
                                -- Lavater
%%
A heart unspotted is not easily daunted.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
A house is never perfectly furnished for enjoyment, unless there is a
child in it rising three years old, and a kitten rising six weeks.
                                -- Southey
%%
  A hundred mouths, a hundred tongues,
  And throats of brass, inspired with iron lungs.
                                -- Virgil
%%
A journalist is a grumbler, a censurer, a giver of advice, a regent of
sovereigns, a tutor of nations.  Four hostile newspapers are more to be
feared than a thousand bayonets.
                                -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
A kick, that scarce would move a horse may kill a sound divine.
                                -- Cowper
%%
A king that would not feel his crown too heavy for him, must wear it
every day; but if he think it too light, he knoweth not of what metal it
is made.
                                -- Bacon
%%
A king's castle is his home.
%%
A leader is best when people barely know he exists ... When his work is
done, his aim fulfilled, they will say, "We did this ourselves."
                                -- Lao-Tse
%%
A lie in time saves nine.
%%
A lie should be trampled on and extinguished wherever found.  I am for
fumigating the atmosphere, when I suspect that falsehood, like
pestilence, breathes around me.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
A light heart lives long.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
A light supper, a good night's sleep and a fine morning have often made
a hero out of the same man, who, by indigestion, a restless night and a
rainy morning would have proved a coward.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
A lion among ladies is a most fearful thing; for there is not a more
fearful wild-fowl than your lion living.       -- Shakespeare
%%
A little ambiguity never hurt anyone.
                                -- Charles Suhor
%%
A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the
wrong time.
                                -- Tevye
%%
A little humility is arrogance.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
A little ignorance can go a long way.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
A little learning is a dangerous thing!
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
A little neglect may breed great mischief ... for the want of a shah,
Iran was lost; for the want of Iran, the hostages were lost; and for the
want of the hostages, I'd be lost.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
A little philosophy inclineth man's mind to atheism, but depth of
philosophy bringeth a man's mind about to religion.
                                -- Bacon
%%
A lost ounce of gold may be found, a lost moment of time never.
%%
A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological
rococo.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
A lover's like a hunter -- if the game be got with too much ease he
cares not for't.
                                -- Mead
%%
A man begins cutting his wisdom teeth the first time he bites off more
than he can chew.
                                -- Herb Caen
%%
A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.
                                -- Butler
%%
A man devoid of religion, is like a horse without a bridle.
%%
A man has no more right to say an uncivil thing, than to act one; no
more right to say a rude thing to another, than to knock him down.
                                -- Johnson
%%
A man he seems of cheerful yesterdays and confident tomorrows.
                                -- Wordsworth
%%
A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does, but he
is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he
does.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
A man must first govern himself ere he be fit to govern a family, and
his family ere he be fit to bear the government in the commonwealth.
                                -- Sir Walter Raliegh
%%
A man never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes
another's.
                                -- Jean Paul Richter
%%
A man said to the universe, "Sir, I exist."  "However," replied the
universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation."
                                -- Stephen Crane
%%
A man should be careful never to tell tales of himself to his own
disadvantage; people may be amused, and laugh at the time, but they will
be remembered, and brought up against him upon some subsequent occasion.
                                -- Johnson
%%
A man should be greater than some of his parts.
%%
A man should choose a woman and an ox from his own country.
%%
A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is
but saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was
yesterday.
                                -- Pope
%%
A man should not allow himself to hate even his enemies, because if you
indulge this passion on some occasions, it will rise of itself in
others; if you hate your enemies, you will contract such a vicious habit
of mind, as by degrees will break out upon those who are your friends,
or those who are indifferent to you.
                                -- Plutarch
%%
A man who can't mind his own business is not to be trusted with the
king's.
                                -- Saville
%%
A man who checks out of the express lane with seven items is the same
man who will wear Supp-Hose and park in the Reserved for Handicapped
spaces.
                                -- Erma Bombeck
%%
A man who cries is capable of any evil.
%%
A man who is always forgetting his best intentions may be said to be a
thoroughfare of good resolutions.
                                -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
A man who knows the world will not only make the most of everything he
does know, but of many things that he does not know; and will gain more
credit by his adroit mode of hiding his ignorance than the pendant by
his awkward attempt to exhibit his erudition.
                                -- Colton
%%
A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green.
                                -- Francis Bacon
%%
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
%%
A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is
never sure.
%%
A man without a God is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
%%
A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own.
                                -- Thomas Mann
%%
A man's errors are what makes him amiable.
                                -- Goethe
%%
A man's good breeding is the best security against another's bad
manners.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
A man's legs must be long enough to reach the ground.
                                -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
A man's reputation is the opinion people have of him; his character is
what he really is.
                                -- Jack Miner
%%
  A manager, name of ....
  Was sent to quash some revolts;
    Up Tewksbury way,
   Where, I would say,
  He could tell the nuts from the dolts.
%%
A manuscript for a market in which no textbooks currently exist will be
followed two weeks after contracting by an announcement of an identical
book by your closest competitor.
%%
A meeting is a place where people get together to talk about what they
should be doing.
%%
A meeting lasts at least 1 1/2 hours however short the agenda.
                                -- Denys Parsons
%%
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the
writer.
                                -- Dean Acheson
%%
A military disaster may produce a better postwar situation than victory.
                                -- Shimon Tzabar
%%
A mind content both crown and kingdom is.
                                -- Greene
%%
  A mother is a mother still,
  The holiest thing alive.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
%%
A narrow mind begets obstinacy, and we do not easily believe what we
cannot see.
                                -- Dryden
%%
A nation may lose its liberties in a day and not miss them in a century.
                                -- Baron de Montesquieu
%%
A necessary item only goes on sale after you have purchased it at the
regular price.
                                -- Sherry Graditor
%%
A new broom sweeps clean, but the old brush knows the corners.
%%
A new cask will long preserve the tincture of the liquor with which it
was first impregnated.
                                -- Horace
%%
A new idea is delicate.  It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can
be stabbed to death by a quip and worried to death by a frown on the
right man's brow.
                                -- Charlie Brower
%%
A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents, but
rather because its opponents die, and a new generation grows up that is
familiar with it.
                                -- Max Planck
%%
A nickname is the heaviest stone the devil can throw at a man.
%%
A nose that can see is worth two that can sniff.
                                -- Eugene Ionesco
%%
A pair of bright eyes with a dozen glances suffice to subdue a man; to
enslave him, and inflame; to make him even forget; they dazzle him so,
that the past becomes straightway dim to him; and he so prizes them,
that he would give all his life to possess them.  What is the fond love
of dearest friends compared to hie treasure?  Is memory as strong as
expectancy, fruition as hunger, gratitude as desire?
                                -- Thackeray
%%
A parade should have bands or horse, but not both.
                                -- Nancy M. Wells
%%
A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.
%%
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
%%
A pedestrian is a man who has two cars, a wife, and one or more teenage
children.
%%
A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
A person over age 65 who drinks says that his doctor recommends it.
                                -- Bob Smith
%%
A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he
resents.
                                -- G.C. Lichtenberg
%%
A person who can't lead and won't follow makes a dandy roadblock.
%%
A phenomenon known to anyone who has ever lit fires:  You can throw a
burnt match out the window of your car and start a forest fire while you
can use two boxes of matches and a whole edition of the Sunday paper
without being able to start a fire under the dry logs in your fireplace.
%%
A physician is not angry at the intemperance of a mad patient, nor does
he take it ill to be railed at by a man in a fever.  Just so should a
wise man treat all mankind, as a physician treats a patient, and look
upon them only as sick and extravagant.
                                -- Seneca
%%
A piano is a piano is a piano is a piano.
                                -- Gertrude Steinway
%%
A picture is a poem without words.
                                -- Horace
%%
A piece of electronic equipment is housed in a beautifully designed
cabinet, and at the side or on top is a little box containing the
components which the designer forgot to make room for.
                                -- Denys Parsons
%%
A pig ate his fill of acorns under an oak tree and then started to root
around the tree.  A crow remarked, "You should not do this.  If you lay
bare the roots, the tree will wither and die." "Let it die," said the
pig.  "Who cares so long as there are acorns?"
%%
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in
his mouth.
%%
A place you want to get to is always just off the edge of the map you
happen to have handy.
                                -- Denys Parsons
%%
  A pleasing trembling thrills through all my blood
  Whene'er you touch me with your melting hand;
  But when you kiss, oh! 'tis not to be spoke.
                                -- Gildon
%%
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
%%
A poet begins in delight and ends in wisdom.
                                -- Robert Frost
%%
A poet that fails in writing, becomes often a morose critic.  The weak
insipid white wine makes at length excellent vinegar.
                                -- Shenstone
%%
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
%%
A politician always abuses his own constituency and placates the
opponent's.
                                -- Bob Smith
%%
A politician will always tip off his true belief by stating the opposite
at the beginning of the sentence.  For maximum comprehension, do not
start listening until the first clause is concluded.  Begin instead at
the word "but" which begins the second, or active, clause.  This is the
way to tell a liberal from a conservative -- before they tell you.
Thus:  "I have always believed in a strong national defense, second to
none, but ... " (a liberal, about to propose a $20 billion defense cut).
                                -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
A poor man served by thee, shall make thee rich.
                                -- Mrs. Browning
%%
A pregnancy will never occur when you have a low-paying job which you
hate.
                                -- Erma Bombeck
%%
A present, over which you will shed tears of joy.
%%
A pretty woman is a welcome guest.
                                -- Byron
%%
A professor's enthusiasm for teaching the introductory course varies
inversely with the likelihood of his having to do it.
%%
A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow real
poverty.
                                -- Hume
%%
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience.
%%
A prudent question is one-half wisdom.  -- Francis Bacon (1561-1626)
%%
A public debt is a kind of anchor in the storm; but if the anchor be too
heavy for the vessel, she will be sunk by that very weight which was
intended for her preservation.
                                -- Colton
%%
A pun is the lowest form of humor -- when you don't think of it first.
                                -- Oscar Levant
%%
A putt that stops close enough to the cup to inspire such comments as
"you could blow it in" may be blown in.  This rule does not apply if the
ball is more than three inches from the hole, because no one wants to
make a travesty of the game.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
A quick response is worth a thousand logical responses.
                                -- Merle P. Martin
%%
A reactionary is a man whose political opinions always manage to keep up
with yesterday.
%%
A real friend is a person who, when you've made a fool of yourself, lets
you forget it.
%%
A realist lets circumstances decide which end of the telescope to look
through.
%%
A recent moralist has affirmed that the human heart is like a jug.  No
mortal can look into its recesses, and you can only judge of its purity
by what comes out of it.
%%
A recession is when my neighbor loses his job.  A depression is when I
lose my job.  A panic is when my wife loses her job.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
A record of data is useful -- it indicates that you've been working.
%%
A reform is a correction of abuses; a revolution is a transfer of power.
%%
A reformer is a guy who rides through a sewer in a glass bottomed boat.
%%
A reformer wants his conscience to be your guide.
%%
A religion can no more afford to degrade its Devil than to degrade its
God.
%%
A reserved lover, it is said, always makes a suspicious husband.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
A river flowing through one of our large Eastern cities is so polluted
it is considered a fire hazard!
%%
A rose by any other name would still be a flower.
%%
A rose is a rose is a rose, but junk is not junk is not junk.  It is
never quite what you think it is.
                                -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
A satirist is a man who discovers unpleasant things about himself and
then says them about other people.
                                -- Peter McArthur
%%
A scar nobly got is a good livery of honor.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
A school should not be a preparation for life.  A school should be life.
                                -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
  A secret in his mouth,
  Is like a wild bird put into a cage;
  Whose door no sooner opens, but 'tis out.
                                -- Johnson
%%
A seminar on Time Travel will be held two weeks ago.
%%
A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep
him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are
worth committing.
                                -- Samuel Butler
%%
A sentence well couched takes both the sense and the understanding.  I
love not those cart-rope speeches that are longer than the memory of man
can fathom.
                                -- Fletham
%%
A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
                                -- Joseph Stalin
%%
A slave has but one master; the ambitious man has as many masters as
there are persons whose aide may contribute to the advancement of his
fortune.
                                -- La Bruyere
%%
A smattering of philosophy had liberated his [Nero's] intellect without
maturing his judgement.
                                -- Tacitus
%%
A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section.
                                -- Raj K. Dhawan
%%
A soft answer turneth away wrath.
%%
A stagnant science is at a standstill.
%%
A statue lies hid in a block of marble; and the art of the statuary only
clears away the superfluous matter, and removes the rubbish.
                                -- Addison
%%
A stitch in time saves nine.
%%
A stranger at your gate is grateful for the hospitality of your house.
%%
A strong memory is generally coupled with infirm judgment.
                                -- Montaigne
%%
A study of the science of technology defines what is possible; a study
of the economics of technology establishes which of the possibilities is
practical and useful.
                                -- Montgomery Phister
%%
A successful person is one who went ahead and did the thing the rest of
us never quite got around to.
%%
A successful symposium depends on the ratio of meeting to eating.
%%
A sunny temper gilds the edges of life's blackest cloud.
                                -- Guthrie
%%
A suspicious parent makes an artful child.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
A system tends to grow in terms of complexity rather than of
simplification, until the resulting unreliability becomes intolerable.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of
humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
                                -- Jessamyn West
%%
A theory is better than its explanation.
%%
A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time,
and a courageous person afterwards.
                                -- Jean Paul Richter
%%
A toad-eater's an imp I don't admire.   -- Dr. Woolcott
%%
A touchstone to determine the actual worth of an "intellectual" -- find
out how he feels about astrology.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
A transistor protected by a fast acting fuse will protect the fuse by
blowing first.
                                -- David Ellis
%%
A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
%%
A true friend will see you through when others see that you are through.
%%
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
%%
A university is a place where men of principle outnumber men of honor.
                                -- Ernest May
%%
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper its printed on.
                                -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
%%
A weak mind is like a microscope, which magnifies trifling things, but
cannot receive great ones.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.
%%
A well regulated commerce is not, like law, physic, or divinity, to be
overstocked with hands; but, on the contrary, flourishes by multitudes,
and gives employment to all its professors.
                                -- Addison
%%
A well-bred dog generally bows to strangers.
%%
A winner goes through a problem; a loser goes around, but never past,
it.
%%
A winner isn't nearly as afraid of losing as a loser is secretly afraid
of winning.
%%
A winner makes commitments; a loser makes promises.
%%
A winner says "Lets find out."; a loser says, "Nobody knows."
%%
A winner works harder than a loser and has more time; a loser is always
too busy to do what is necessary.
%%
A wise man can see more from a mountain top than a fool can from the
bottom of a well.
%%
A wise man who stands firm is a statesman, a foolish man who stands firm
is a catastrophe.
%%
A wise ruler ought never to keep faith when by doing so it would be
against his interests.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
  A wit's a feather, and a chief's a god;
  An honest man is the noblest work of God.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end.
                                -- F. Shubert
%%
A word to the wise is unnecessary.
%%
A zygote is a gamete's way of producing more gametes.  This may be the
purpose of the universe.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
A.  Running a project in this office is like mating elephants -- it
takes a great deal of time and effort to get on top of things; B.  The
whole affair is always accompanied by a great deal of noise and
confusion, the culmination of which is heralded by loud trumpeting; C.
After which, nothing comes of the effort for two years.
%%
ACHTUNG:
        Das machine is nicht fur gefingerpoken und mittengrabben.
        Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und
        corkenpoppen mit spitzensparken.  Ist nicht fur gewerken
        by das dummkopfen.  Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen
        hands in das pockets.  Relaxen und vatch das blinkenlights!!!
%%
ADVANCED DESIGN: copy writer doesn't understand it
%%
ALL NEW: Parts not interchangeable with previous design
%%
ARTIFACT: Something only an art major would know.
%%
ARTIFACT: The only true fact in an experiment.
%%
Ability hits the mark where presumption overshoots and diffidence falls
short.
                                -- John Henry Newman
%%
Ability is of little account without opportunity.
                                -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Ability wins us the esteem of the true men; luck that of the people.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Abruptness is eloquence in parting, when spinning out the time is but
the weaving of new sorrow.
                                -- Sir John Suckling
%%
Absence and death are the same -- only that in death there is no
suffering.
                                -- Walter S. Landor
%%
Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind
extinguishes candles and fans a fire.
                                -- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
%%
  Absence of occupation is not rest
  A mind quite vacent is a mind distress'd.
                                -- Cowper
%%
Absolute freedom is being able to do what you please without considering
anyone except the except the wife and kids, the company and the boss,
neighbors and friends, the police and government, the doctor and the
church.
%%
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and to the pocket.
                                -- Horace Greeley
%%
Abuse is the weapon of the vulgar.
                                -- Samuel Griswold Goodrich
%%
Abuse: the bitter clamour of two evil tongues.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics,
because the stakes are so low.
                                -- Wallace Sayre
%%
According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never
dies.
%%
Accuracy is the twin brother of honesty; inaccuracy, of dishonesty.
                                -- Charles Simmons
%%
Accuracy is to a newspaper what virtue is to a lady, but a newspaper can
always print a retraction.
                                -- Adlai E. Stevenson
%%
Accuracy of statement is one of the first elements of truth; inaccuracy
is a near kin to falsehood.
                                -- Tyron Edwards
%%
Accurst ambition, how dearly I have bought you.
                                -- John Dryden
%%
Act upon your impulses, but pray that they may be directed by God.
                                -- Emerson Tennent
%%
Act well at the moment, and you have performed a good action to all
eternity.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without
action.
                                -- Benjaimn Disraeli
%%
Action to be effective must be directed to clearly conceived ends.
                                -- Jawaharial Nehru
%%
Actions of the last age are like almanacs of the last age.
                                -- Sir Thomas Denham
%%
Adaptability is not imitation.  It means power of resistance and
assimilation.
                                -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
                                -- Frederick P. Brooks, Jr.
%%
Administration maintains the status quo.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Adversity borrows its sharpest sting from our impatience.
                                -- Bishop Horne
%%
Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous
circumstances would have lain dormant.
                                -- Horace
%%
Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it.
                                -- Horace
%%
Adversity's sweet milk, philosophy.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Advice from an old carpenter:  Measure twice and saw once.
%%
Advise well before you begin, and when you have maturely considered,
then act with promptitude.
                                -- Sallust
%%
After I asked him what he meant, he replied that freedom consisted of
the unimpeded right to get rich, to use his ability, no matter what the
cost to others, to win advancement.
                                -- Norman Thomas
%%
After a raise in salary you will have less money at the end of each
month than you had before.
                                -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two
more for the unexpected, unexpected delays.
%%
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
%%
After all, what was MEDEA? Just another child custody case.
                                -- Frank Pierson
%%
After large expenditures of federal, state, and county funds; after much
confusion generated by detours and road blocks; after greatly annoying
the surrounding population with noise, dust, and fumes, the previously
existing traffic jam is relocated by one half-mile.
                                -- Alan Deitz
%%
After the correction has been found to be in error, it will be
impossible to fit the original quantity back into the equation.
%%
After wisdom comes wit.
                                -- Evan Esar
%%
Against stupidity, even the gods themselves contend in vain.
                                -- Isaac Azimov
%%
Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.
%%
Age is a tyrant, who forbids, at the penalty of life, all the pleasures
of youth.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Age sits with decent grace upon his visage, and worthily becomes his
silver locks; he bears the marks of many years well spent, of virtue
truth well tried, and wise experience.
                                -- Rowe
%%
Ah!  the youngest heart has the same waves within it as the oldest; but
without the plummet which can measure the depths.
                                -- Richter
%%
  Ah! curst ambition! to thy lures we owe,
  All the great ills that mortals bear below.
                                -- Teckell
%%
Airy ambition, soaring high.
                                -- Sheffield
%%
Alas! while the body stands so broad and brawny, must the soul lie
blinded, dwarfed, stupefied, almost annihilated?  Alas! this was, too, a
breath of God, bestowed in heaven, but on earth never to be unfolded!
                                -- Carlyle
%%
Alas, reason is not effective against faith, or against searches for
miracles by the desperate.
                                -- Dr. Michael B. Shimkin
%%
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that
was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
%%
All American cars are basically Chevrolets.
                                -- Herb Caen
%%
All bridge hands are equally likely, but some are more equally likely
than others.
                                -- Alan Truscott
%%
All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the
earth and never return.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
All cats are NOT gray after midnight.  Endless variety ...
%%
All ceremonies are, in themselves, very silly things; but yet a man of
the world should know them.  They are the outworks of manners and
decency, which would be too often broken in upon, if it were not for
that defence, which keeps the enemy at a proper distance.  It is for
this reason that I always treat fools with great ceremony:  true good
breeding not being a sufficient barrier against them.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
All committee reports conclude that "it is not prudent to change the
policy [or procedure, or organization, or whatever] at this time."
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
All countries hate their immediate neighbors and like the next but one.
(For example, the Poles hate the Germans, Russians, Czechs, and
Lithuanians, and they like the French, Hungarians, Italians, and
Latvians.)
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
All courageous animals are carnivorous, and greater courage is to be
expected in a people, such as the English, whose food is strong and
hearty, than in the half starved commonalty of other countries.
                                -- Sir W. Temple
%%
All files, papers, memos, etc., that you save will never be needed until
such time as they are disposed of, when they will become essential and
indispensable.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
All general statements are false.
                                -- R. H. Grenier
%%
All gods have feet of clay.
%%
All government programs have three things in common:  a beginning, a
muddle, and no end.
%%
All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast.
%%
All hierarchies contain administrators and managers, and they tend to
appear at alternating levels in the hierarchy.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
All interference in human conduct has the potential for causing
harm -- no matter how innocuous the procedure.
%%
All is but lip wisdom which wants experience.
                                -- Sir Philip Sydney
%%
All math classes begin at 8 AM; also, movies on Federal Government.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
All men are born naked.
                                -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
All men are created unequal.
%%
All men can be lead to believe the lie they want to believe.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
All men can be reached by flattery, even God can (what, after all, is
prayer?).
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
All men have the right to wait in line.
                                -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
All of whom are worth anything, spend our manhood in unlearning the
follies, or expiating the mistakes of our youth.
                                -- Shelley
%%
All other things being equal, a bald man cannot be elected President of
the United States.
                                -- Vic Gold
%%
  All our actions take
  their hues from the complexion of the heart.
  As landscapes their variety from light.
                                -- W. T. Bacon
%%
All philosophy lies in two words, sustain and abstain.
                                -- Epictetus
%%
All policy interventions in social problems produce the intended effect
-- If the research is carried out by those implementing the policy or
their friends.
                                -- James Q. Wilson
%%
All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every
organism to live beyond its income.
                                -- Samuel Butler
%%
All real programs contain errors until proved otherwise, which is
impossible.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
  All right, go lie upon the beach,
    To bake beyond the water's reach;
  But if you're blistered when you quit,
    Remember that you basked for it.
                                -- Anthony B. Lake
%%
All roads lead to Rome.
%%
All roads lead to Trantor, and that is where all stars end.
%%
All science is concerned with the relationship of cause and effect.
Each scientific discovery increases man's ability to predict the
consequences of his actions and thus his ability to control future
events.
                                -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right
hands.
                                -- Saint Patrick
%%
All students who obtain a B will feel cheated out of an A.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
All technology expands the space, contracts the time, and destroys the
working group.
                                -- Eugen Rosenstock-Huessy
%%
  All that glisters is not gold.
  Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
All that time is lost which might be better employed.
                                -- Rousseau
%%
All that was new in them was false and what was true was old.
                                -- Opinion of Darwin's findings.
%%
  All the lights are frozen;
    The cursor blinks blandly.
  Soon, I shall see the dump.
%%
All the passions make us commit faults; love makes us commit the most
ridiculous ones.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by
the government in less than a second.
                                -- Jim Fiebig
%%
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or
fattening.
                                -- Alexander Woollcott
%%
All the troubles of man come from his not knowing how to sit still.
                                -- Pascal
%%
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
%%
All the world's a stage.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
All they [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes
spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to
which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in
session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
All things are subject to fixed laws.
                                -- Marcus Manilius
%%
All things being equal, all things are never equal.
                                -- Marshall L. Smith
%%
All things whatsoever ye would that men should do unto you, do ye even
so to them.
                                -- Matthew VII, 12
%%
All those things which are now held to be of the greatest antiquity,
were at one time new; and what we today hold up by example, will rank
hereafter as precedent.
                                -- Tacitus
%%
All those who are opposed to the plan I am about to propose will reply
by saying "I resign."
%%
All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes
infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in
which he was born.
                                -- Francois Fenelon
%%
All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been
convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.
                                -- Aristotle
%%
All you need to grow fine vigorous grass is a crack in your sidewalk.
%%
Allow no man to be so free with you as to praise you to your face.  Your
vanity by this means will want its food.  At the same time your passion
for esteem will be more fully gratified; men will praise you in their
actions: where you now receive one compliment, you will then receive
twenty civilities.
                                -- Steele
%%
Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom
we cannot resemble.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
                                -- Agnes Allen
%%
Alternate rest and labor long endure.
                                -- Ovid
%%
Although men flatter themselves with their great actions, they are not
so often the result of a great design as of chance.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Always distrust offices not under your jurisdiction which say that they
are there to serve you.  "Support" offices in a bureaucracy tend to grow
in size and make demands on you out of proportion to their service and
in the end require more effort on your part than their service is worth.
                                -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Always give your people the credit that is rightfully theirs.  To do
otherwise is both morally and ethically dishonest.
%%
Always listen to experts.  They'll tell you what can't be done, and why.
Then do it.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Always pray that your opposition be wicked.  In wickedness, there is a
strong strain toward rationality.  Therefore, there is always the
possibility, in theory, of handling the wicked by outthinking them.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Always rise from the table with an appetite, and you will never sit down
without one.
                                -- William Penn
%%
Always run a yellow light.
%%
Always sort the small file first.
                                -- Dick Munroe
%%
Always stay in with the outs.
                                -- David Halberstan
%%
Always store beer in a dark place.
%%
Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.
%%
Always tell him he is handsome, especially if he is not.
%%
Always verify your witchcraft.
%%
Ambition is a lust that's never quenched, grows more inflamed, and
madder by enjoyment.
                                -- Otway
%%
  Ambition is an idol, on whose wings
  Great minds are carried only to extreme;
  To be sublimely great or to be nothing.
                                -- Southey
%%
Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals.
                                -- Denham
%%
Ambition usually progresses through the following stages:  to be like
Dad ... to be a millionaire ... to make enough to pay the bills ... to
hang on long enough to draw a pension.
%%
Ambition's like a circle on the water, which never ceases to enlarge
itself, 'till by broad spreading it disperse to nought.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Ambition, idly vain; revenge and malice swell her train.
                                -- Penrose
%%
Ambition:  The dropsy'd thirst of empire, wealth or fame.
                                -- Nugent
%%
Ambition:  The glorious frailty of the noble mind.
                                -- Hoole
%%
America is the only country left where we teach languages so that no
pupil can speak them.
                                -- John Erskine
%%
American freedom consists largely in talking nonsense.
                                -- Ed Howe
%%
Americans are an energetic, ingenious, creative people.  One index to
this fact is that since the establishment of the patent system in 1836,
there have been more than 3-3/4 million patents issued.
%%
Ambidextrous instructors will erase with one hand while writing with the
other.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Americans have always attached particular value to the word "neighbor."
While the spirit of neighborliness was important on the frontier because
neighbors were so few, it is even more important now because our
neighbors are so many.
                                -- Lady Bird Johnson
%%
Among the damned, you are the chosen one.
%%
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
%%
Among twenty snowy mountains the only moving thing was the eye of the
black bird.
%%
Amusements to virtue are like breezes of air to the flame -- gentle ones
will fan it, but strong ones will put it out.
                                -- David Thomas
%%
An A is easily obtained if a student calls his instructor "Professor."
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
An able man shows his spirit by gentle words and resolute actions; he
neither hot nor timid.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
An apology for the devil: it must be remembered that we have heard only
one side of the case.  God has written all the books.
%%
An atheist is but a mad, ridiculous derider of piety, but a hypocrite
makes a sober jest of God and religion; he finds it easier to be upon
his knees than to rise to a good action.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
An economist is a man who would marry Farrah Fawcett for her money.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
An egg without salt is like a kiss from a beardless man.
%%
An elephant: a mouse built to government specifications.
%%
An empty bag cannot win in New York.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
An era can be said to end when its basic illusions are exhausted.
                                -- Arthur Miller
%%
Any error that can creep into a calculation, will.  Also, it will always
be in the direction that will cause the most damage to the calculation.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
An evil, at its birth, is easily crushed, but it grows and strengthens
by endurance.
                                -- Cicero
%%
An exception TESTS a rule; it NEVER proves it.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie; for an excuse is a lie
guarded.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes
him.
%%
An experiment is reproducible until another laboratory tries to repeat
it.
                                -- Dr. Alexander Kohn
%%
An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to
the grand fallacy.
                                -- Gerald Weinberg
%%
An expert is someone who can take something you already knew and make it
sound confusing.
%%
An extraordinary haste to discharge an obligation is a sort of
ingratitude.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
An eye like Mars, to threaten and command.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
An honest God is the noblest work of man.
%%
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
%%
An idea, like a ghost (according to the common notion of a ghost) must
be spoken to a little before it will explain itself.
                                -- Charles Dickens
%%
An incompetent traitor is no danger.  It is rather the capable men who
must be watched.
                                -- Brodrig
%%
An inexorable upward movement leads administrators to higher salaries
and narrower spans of control.
                                -- David Riesman
%%
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished.
%%
An oath is a recognizance to heaven, binding us over in the courts
above, to plead to the indictment of our crimes, that those who 'scape
this world should suffer there.
                                -- Sothern
%%
An object at rest will always be in the wrong place.
                                -- David Gerrold
%%
An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction.
                                -- David Gerrold
%%
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
%%
An obstinate man does not hold opinions, but they hold him.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
An old car that served you so well will continue to serve you until you
have just put four new tires under it and then will fall apart.
                                -- Erma Bombeck
%%
An optimist is a person who goes to the window every morning and says,
"Good morning, God!"  The pessimist goes to the window every morning and
says, "Good god, morning!"
%%
An optimist proclaims that this is the best of all possible worlds, and
a pessimist fears that it is true.
%%
An order that can be misunderstood will be misunderstood.
%%
An original idea can never emerge from a committee in the original.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
%%
An ugly carpet will last forever.
                                -- Erma Bombeck
%%
An unexpectedly easy-to-handle sequence of events will be immediately
followed by an equally long sequence of trouble.
                                -- Charles Phelps
%%
And he gave it for his opinion, that whoever could make two ears of
corn, or two blades of grass to grow upon a spot of ground, where only
one grew before, would deserve better of mankind, and do mote essential
service to his country, than the whole race of politicians put together.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
And here I stand; judge, my masters.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  And here, poor fool, with all my lore
  I stand no wiser than before.
                                -- Johann W. von Goethe
%%
And now abideth faith, hope and charity, these three; but the greatest
of these is charity.
                                -- I Corinthians
%%
  And oftentimes, excusing of a fault,
  Doth make a fault the worse by the excuse;
  As patches set upon a little breach,
  Discredit more in hiding of the fault,
  Than did the fault before it was so patch'd.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
And science, we should insist, better than any other discipline, can
hold up to its students and followers an ideal of patient devotion to
the search for objective truth, with vision unclouded by personal or
political motive.
                                -- Sir Henry Hallett Dalt
%%
And though all cry down self, none means his ownself in a literal sense.
                                -- Butler
%%
And thus the whirligig of time brings in his revenges.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
And virtue is her own reward.
                                -- Prior
%%
And what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love
mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?
%%
  And what is fame, that flutt'ring noisy sound,
  But the cold lie of universal vogue?
                                -- H. Smith
%%
And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that
feeds their fury.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Andrew's Canoeing Postulate:  No matter which direction you start, it's
always against the wind coming back.
%%
Anergy-State:  Any state of condition of the Universe, or any portion of
it, which requires the expenditure of human effort or ingenuity to bring
it into line with human desires, needs, or pleasures.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Anger is blood, pour'd and perplexed into a froth.
                                -- Davenant
%%
Anthony's Law of Force:  Don't force it.  Get a larger hammer.
%%
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:  Any tool, when dropped, will roll into
the least accessible corner of the  workshop.  Corollary:  On the way to
the corner, any dropped tool will first always strike your toes.
%%
Anticipated events never live up to expectations.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Anticipation of problems is half the battle.  And the only way to
anticipate is to think.
%%
Ants would starve in your house if ants would come into it.
%%
Any argument worth making within the bureaucracy must be capable of
being expressed in a single declarative sentence that is obviously true
once stated.
                                -- John McNaughton
%%
Any bus that can be the wrong bus will be the wrong bus.  All others are
out of service or full.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
Any college that would take your son he should be too proud to go to.
                                -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Any discovery is more likely to be exploited by the wicked than applied
by the virtuous.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Any dramatic series the producers want us to take seriously as a
representation of contemporary reality cannot be taken seriously as a
representation of anything -- except a show to be ignored by anyone
capable of sitting upright in a chair and chewing gum simultaneously.
                                -- Richard Schickel
%%
Any father who thinks he's all important should remind himself that this
country honors fathers only one day a year while pickles get a whole
week.
%%
Any fool can make a rule, and every fool will mind it.
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
%%
Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
%%
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
%%
Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and
coordinate.  This does not insure "good" government; it simply insures
that it will work.  But such governments are rare -- most people want to
run things but want no part of the blame.  This used to be called the
"backseat-driver syndrome."
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Any great truth can -- and eventually will -- be expressed as a cliche
-- a cliche is a sure and certain way to dilute an idea.  For instance,
my grandmother used to say, "The black cat is always the last one off
the fence."  I have no idea what she meant, but at one time, it was
undoubtedly true.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did
occur, will occur.
                                -- H. S. Kindler
%%
Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration,
may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner
for reasons that are either totally obscure or completely mysterious.
                                -- Dr. Fyodor Flap
%%
Any jackass can kick down a barn, but it takes a good carpenter to build
one.
                                -- Sam Rayburn
%%
Any large system is going to be operating most of the time in failure
mode.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Any man can prove he has good judgement by saying you have.
%%
Any man that can write, may answer a letter.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Any man who hates dogs and babies can't be all bad.
                                -- Leo Rosten
%%
Any man who hates dogs and loves whiskey can't be all bad.
                                -- W. C. Fields
%%
Any mind that is capable of a real sorrow is capable of good.
%%
Any one can be great with money.  With money, greatness is not a talent
but an obligation.  The trick is to be great without money.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
                                -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Any pitcher who throws at a batter and deliberately tries to hit him is
a Communist.
                                -- Alvin Dark
%%
Any plumbing pipes you choose to replace during renovation will prove to
be in excellent condition; those you decide to leave in place will be
rotten.
                                -- Lew Phelps
%%
Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Any race that doesn't use all its potential will always stop short of
its possibilities.
                                -- Jose Torres
%%
Any renovation project on an old house will cost twice as much and take
three times as long as originally estimated.
                                -- Lew Phelps
%%
Any simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
%%
Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to
exactly the point of most pressure.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
Any theory can be made to fit any facts by means of appropriate
additional assumptions.
                                -- Robert E. Schenk
%%
Any time you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is
proportional to the number of viewers.
%%
Any tool dropped while repairing an automobile will roll under the car
to the vehicle's exact geographic center.
%%
Any vacuum cleaner would sooner take the nap off a rug than remove white
threads from a dark rug.
%%
Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
                                -- George Ade
%%
Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it.  No
citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining the government.
%%
Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years
organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
                                -- David Broder
%%
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is
supposed to be doing at the moment.
                                -- Robert Benchley
%%
Anyone can make an omelet with eggs.  The trick is to make one with
none.
%%
Anyone can suck a toothpick!!
%%
Anyone entrusted with power will abuse it if not also animated with the
love of truth and virtue, no matter whether he be a prince, or one of
the people.
                                -- Jean de la Fontaine
%%
Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor
doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.
                                -- Alvin Toffler
%%
Anyone who does not look out for number one first, last, and always is a
sucker.
%%
Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in
jeopardy.
%%
Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Anyone who uses the phrase "easy as taking candy from a baby" has never
tried taking candy from a baby.
                                -- Robin Hood
%%
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
%%
Anything good is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
%%
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
                                -- Robert A. Jackson
%%
Anything is possible, but nothing is easy.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
Anything left over today will be needed tomorrow to pay an unexpected
bill.
                                -- Betty Canary
%%
Anything scarce is valuable; praise for example!
%%
Anything that begins well ends badly.  Anything that begins badly ends
worse.
%%
Anything that satisfies its external specifications, no matter how
inefficient it is, is a success; don't argue with it.
%%
Anything worth doing is worth doing poorly.  You can do better the next
time.
%%
Anything you can do I can do better; anything I can do YOU can do
better; anything I can do I can do better; anything IBM does will cost
more money.
%%
Anything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at at very
high level for a short time.
                                -- John Culshaw
%%
Apathy can only be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be
aroused by two things; first, an ideal which takes the imagination by
storm, and second, a definite plan for carrying that ideal into
practice.
                                -- Arnold Toynbee
%%
Aphorism: a concise, clever statement.  Afterism: a concise, clever
statement you don't think of until too late.
                                -- James Alexander Thom
%%
Appearances are all, my son.  Appearances are all.
%%
Appearances deceive and this one maxim is a standing rule:  Men are not
what they seem.
                                -- Harvard
%%
Applause is the spur of noble minds, the end and aim of weak ones.
                                -- Colton
%%
Arbitrary systems: Systems about which nothing general can be said, save
"nothing general can be said."
%%
Architecture is the printing press of all ages, and gives a history of
the state in which it was conducted.
                                -- Lady Morgan
%%
Architecture:  Whatever we choose to implement.
                                -- FMS Project Leader
%%
Are you a man or a mouse?  Come on, squeak up!
%%
Arguments seem futile to me, for behind every argument I have ever heard
lies the astounding ignorance of someone.
                                -- Louis D. Brandeis
%%
Arithmetical proofs of theorems that do not have arithmetical bases
prove nothing.
                                -- G. O. Ashley
%%
Army Law:  If it moves, salute it;  if it doesn't move, pick it up; and
if you can't pick it up, paint it.
%%
Art is I; science is we.
                                -- Claude Bernard
%%
As I approached the intersection a stop sign suddenly appeared in a
place where no stop sign has ever appeared before.  I was unable to stop
in time to avoid the accident.
%%
As a little silvery circular ripple, set in motion by the falling
pebble, expands from its inch of radius to the whole compass of a pool,
so there is not a child -- not an infant Moses -- placed, however
softly, in his bulrush ark upon the sea of time, whose existence does
not stir a ripple, gyrating outward and on, until it shall have moved
across and apanned the whole ocean of God's eternity, stirring even the
river of life, and the fountains at which the angels drink.
                                -- Elihu Burritt
%%
As a man may be eating all day, and for want of digestion is never
nourished, so these endless readers may cram themselves in vain with
intellectual food.
                                -- Dr. I. Watts
%%
As a man of more than average caution, I have never felt absolutely
secure until Evans and Novak have spoken.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
As ceremony is the invention of wise men to keep fools at a distance, so
good breeding is an expedient to make fools and wise men equal.
                                -- Steele
%%
As charity covers a multitude of sins before God, so does politeness
before men.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit
are the greatest blabbers.
                                -- Plato
%%
As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every minute of time.
                                -- Mason
%%
As fresh as morning dew distill'd on flowers.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
As good almost kill a man, as kill a good book;  who kills a man, kills
a reasonable creature, God's image; but he who destroys a good book,
kills reason itself.
                                -- Milton
%%
As long as mankind shall continue to bestow more liberal applause on
their destroyers than on their benefactors, the thirst of military glory
will ever be the vice of the most exalted characters.
                                -- Edward Gibbon
%%
As long as men are free to ask what they must -- free to say what they
think -- free to think what they will -- freedom can never be lost and
science can never regress.
                                -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
%%
As riches and favor forsake a man, we discover him to be a fool, but
nobody could find it out in his prosperity.
                                -- La Bruyere
%%
As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away ... if it's
bad, it happens.
%%
As the dimensions of the tree are not always regulated by the size of
the seed, so the consequences of things are not always proportionate to
the apparent magnitude of those events that have produced them.
                                -- Colton
%%
As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
                                -- Art Buchwald
%%
As the language of the face is universal, so 'tis very comprehensive; no
laconism can reach it:  'tis the short hand of the mind, and crowds a
great deal in a little room.
                                -- Jeremy Collier
%%
As the sword of the best-tempered metal is the most flexible; so the
truly generous are most pliant and courteous in their behavior to their
inferiors.
                                -- Fuller
%%
As to the idea that advertising motivates people, remember the Edsel.
%%
As with liberty, the price of leanness is eternal vigilance.
                                -- Gene Brown
%%
As you are old and reverend, you should be wise.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
As you are, so shall you wish.  As you wish, so shall it be.
%%
Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if
one went to Harvard).
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve.  Run
with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.
Keep the company of bums and you will become a bum.  Hang around with
rich people and you will end by picking up the check and dying broke.
                                -- Stanley Walker
%%
Astrology Law:  It's always the wrong time of the month.
                                -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
At a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and that
fits is the one not on sale.
%%
At any given moment, a society contains a certain amount of accumulated
and accruing aggressiveness.  If more than twenty-one years elapse
without this aggressiveness being directed outward, in a popular war
against other countries, it turns inward, in social unrest, civil
disturbances, and political disruption.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
                                -- Barry Bruce-Briggs
%%
At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members,
attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and
governors are all dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them,
will make it.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
At any public relations luncheon, the quality of the food is inversely
related to the quality of the information.
                                -- Earl Ubell
%%
  At every trifle scorn to take offence,
  That always shews great pride or little sense.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his
thumb with a hammer.
                                -- Marshall Lumsden
%%
At some point, every faculty would certainly lynch its dean -- if it
could only agree on a date.
%%
At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its
ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
                                -- Richard H. Brien
%%
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will
find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the
computer.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
At the working-man's house hunger looks in, but dares not enter! nor
will the bailiff or the constable enter; for industry pays debts, but
despair increaseth them.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
At twenty years of age the will reigns; at thirty, the wit; and at
forty, the judgment.
                                -- Grattan
%%
Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Atheism is the result of ignorance and pride; of strong sense and feeble
reasons; of good eating and ill-living.  It is the plague of society,
the corrupter of manners, and the underminer of property.
                                -- Jeremy Collier
%%
Atoms are made up of electrons and protons (protons are also nothing).
Fifty billion electrons placed side by side in a straight line would
stretch across the period at the end of this sentence.  Protons are
heavier but take up less space.  Such an idea is incapable of being
absorbed by the human mind.
                                -- John Lardner and Thomas Sugrue
%%
Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from an
unsuspecting witness.
                                -- Inspector Cleuseau
%%
Auditors always reject a newsman's expense account with a bottom line
divisible by 5 or 10.
%%
Auditors are the people who go in after the war is lost and bayonet the
wounded.
%%
Authoritarian socialism has failed almost everywhere, but you will find
not a single Marxist who will say it has failed because it was wrong or
impractical.  He will say is has failed because nobody went far enough
with it.  So failure never proves that a myth is wrong.
                                -- Jean-Francois Revel
%%
  Authority intoxicates,
  And makes mere sots of magistrates.
  The fumes of it invade the brain,
  And make men giddy, proud and vain;
  By this the fool commands the wise
  The noble with the base complies.
  The sot assumes the rule of wit,
  And cowards make the base submit.
                                -- Butler
%%
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
                                -- Richard C. Cornuelle
%%
Authors (and perhaps columnists) eventually rise to the top of whatever
depths they were once able to plumb.
                                -- Stanley Kaufman
%%
Availability of manuscripts in a given subject area is inversely
proportional
to the need for books in that area.
%%
Avarice is always poor, but poor by her own fault.
                                -- Johnson
%%
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
%%
Avoid fried foods which angry up the blood.
                                -- Satchel Paige
%%
Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry (nota bene:
Circumstances can force your hand.  So think ahead!)
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Avoid running at all times.
                                -- Satchel Paige
%%
Avoid strong drink.  It makes you shoot at IRS agents -- and miss.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
BREAKTHROUGH: we finally figured out a way to sell it
%%
Ba DOOM.
                                -- Bob Dickson
%%
  Baby's heads have no hair,
  Old men's heads are just as bare;
  Between the cradle and the grave,
  Lies a haircut and a shave.

  Back to a simpler time of skins and stones!
  When things go wrong -- the answer's in the stars
  Or evil spells or reading chicken bones
  Or sacrifices to all gods but Mars.
                                -- Jack Kirwan
%%
Bad company is like a nail driven into a post, which, after the first or
second blow, may be drawn out with little difficulty; but being once
driven up to the head, the pincers cannot take hold to draw it out, but
which can only be done by the destruction of the wood.
                                -- Augustine
%%
Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed.
                                -- Dalin B. Oaks
%%
Bad money drives out good.
                                -- Sir Thomas Gresham
%%
Bad news does not improve with age.
                                -- Jody Powell
%%
Bad news drives good news out of the media.
                                -- Lee Loevinger
%%
Bad news travels fast.
%%
Banish Evil from the world?  Nonsense!  Encourage it, foster it,
sponsor it.  The world owes Evil a debt beyond imagination.  Think!
Without greed ambition falters.  Without vanity art becomes idle musing.
Without cruelty benevolence lapses to passivity.  Superstition has
shamed man into self-reliance and, without stupidity, where would be
the savor of superior understanding?
                                -- Magnus Ridolf
%%
Bare feet magnetize sharp metal objects so they always point upward from
the floor -- especially in the dark.         -- Al Ross
%%
Barr's Hypothesis: Familiarity breeds content.
%%
Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery:  The more ridiculous a belief system,
the higher the probability of its success.
                                -- Wayne R. Bartz
%%
Baseball is a skilled game.  It's America's game -- it, and high taxes.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Be a defensive driver.  Buy a Tiger M31.
%%
Be alert!  America needs more lerts.
%%
Be always displeased with what thou art, if you desirest to attain to
what thou art not; for where thou hast pleased thyself, there thou
abidest.  But if thou have enough thou perishest.  Always add, always
walk, always proceed.  Neither stand still, nor go back, nor deviate.
                                -- Augustine
%%
Be calm in arguing, for fierceness makes error a fault, and truth
discourtesy.
%%
Be careful who you step on on the way up;  you never know who you'll
pass on the way down.
%%
Be concise in your writing and talking, especially when giving
instructions to others.
%%
Be courteous.  Have genuine consideration for other people's feelings,
wishes and situations.
%%
Be generous.  Remember that it is the productivity of others that makes
possible your executive position.
%%
Be just and fear not:  Let all the ends thou aim'st at be thy country's,
thy God's, and truth's.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Be like a duck -- keep calm and unruffled on the surface but paddle like
the devil under water.
%%
Be neither too early in the fashion, nor too long out of it; nor at any
time in the extremities of it.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Be not diverted from your duty by any idle reflections the silly world
may make upon you, for their censures are not in your power, and
consequently should not be any part of your concern.
                                -- Epictetus
%%
Be not the first by whom the new are tried, Nor yet the last to lay the
old aside.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Be self-reliant and your success is assured.
%%
Be sober and temperate, and you will be happy.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Be sure to obtain meteorological information before leaving on vacation.
%%
Be sure to save your money; you never know when it might be worth
something again.
%%
Be thou familiar, but by no means vulgar.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Be tolerant of those who disagree with you -- after all, they have a
right to their ridiculous opinions.
%%
Be very slow to believe that you are wiser than all others; it is a
fatal but common error.  Where one has been saved by a true estimation
of another's weakness, thousands have been destroyed by false
appreciation of their own strength.
                                -- Charles C. Colton
%%
Be ye angry and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath.
                                -- Ephesians iv, 26
%%
Beauty and harmony are as necessary to you as the very breath of life.
%%
Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt and cannot last;
and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little
out of countenance; but if it light well, it makes virtue shine and vice
blush.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
%%
Beauty seldom recommends one woman to another.
%%
Beauty without virtue is like a flower without perfume.
%%
Beauty's tears are lovelier than her smile.
                                -- Campbell
%%
Because men believe not in Providence, therefore they do so greedily
scrape and hoard.  They do not believe in any reward for charity,
therefore they will part with nothing.
                                -- Barrow
%%
Beck's Motto: Functionality; All the Functionality; And nothing but the
Functionality.
%%
Beck's Postulate: Murphy was an optimist.
%%
Bedfellows make strange politicians.
%%
Before a party or a trip, if it can, it will let rip.
%%
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
%%
  Behind every great man is a great woman.
  Behind every great woman is a great behind.
                                -- anonymous male chauvinist
%%
Behold how great a matter a little fire kindleth.
                                -- James III, 5
%%
Being frustrated is disagreeable, but the real disasters in life begin
when you get what you want.
                                -- Irving Kristol
%%
Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity.
No resemblance ...
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Being in politics is like being a football coach.  You have to be smart
enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it's important.
                                -- Eugene McCarthy
%%
Believe not much them that seem to despise riches; for they despise them
that despair of them; and none are worse when they come to them.  Be not
penny-wise; riches have wings, and sometimes they fly away of
themselves, sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Benchley's Distinction:  There may be said to be two classes of people
in the world; those who constantly divide the people of the world into
two classes and those who do not.
                                -- Robert Benchley
%%
Benchley's Travel Distinction:  In America there are two classes of
travel: first class and with children.
%%
Best men are often moulded out of faults.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Bets at the first were fool-traps where the wise Like spiders lay in
ambush for the flies.
                                -- Dryden
%%
Better Red than dead.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Better be alone than in bad company.
%%
Better bend than break.
%%
Better to be despised for too anxious apprehensions, than ruined by too
confident a security.
                                -- Edmund Burke
%%
Better to die a thousand deaths than wound my honor.
                                -- Addison
%%
Better to live one day as a lion than 100 years as a lamb.
%%
Better to throw it out -- than throw it in.
                                -- Skinny Mitchell
%%
Better to use medicines at the outset than at the last moment.
%%
Between grief and nothing I will take grief.
                                -- William Faulkner
%%
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
                                -- Mae West
%%
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes.
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Beware of altruism.  It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
%%
Beware of desperate steps!
                                -- the darkest day
Live till to-morrow, will have passed away.
                                -- Cowper
%%
Beware of entrance to a quarrel; but being in, bear it that the opposer
may beware of thee.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Beware of friends who are false and deceitful.
%%
Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Beware of people who fall at your feet.  They may be reaching for the
corner of the rug.
%%
Beware the fury of a patient man.
                                -- Dryden
%%
Beware the man who makes cream with his mouth; he winds up making butter
with his nose.
                                -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
  Bicycle Law:  All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
    A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain.
    A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain.
    A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock and chain.
%%
  Bid, then, the tender light of faith to shine
  By which alone the mortal heart is led
  Unto the thinking of the thought divine.
                                -- George Santayana
%%
Big people are those who make us feel bigger when we are with them.
%%
Biochemistry expands so as to fill the space and time available for its
completion and publication.
                                -- R. T. Hersh
%%
Bismark's law:  The less people know about how sausages and laws are
made, the better they'll sleep at night.
%%
Blessed are the peace makers, for they shall be called the children of
God.
                                -- Matthew V, 9
%%
Blessed are the young for they shall inherit the national debt.
%%
Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be
disappointed.
                                -- W. C. Bennett
%%
Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.
                                -- Gene Franklin
%%
Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for
he shall enjoy living.
                                -- W. C. Bennett
%%
  Bordeaux makes you think of mischief;
  Burgundy makes you tease;
  Champagne makes you.
%%
Boren's Laws of Bureaucracy:
   1.  When in doubt, mumble.
   2.  When in trouble, delegate.
   3.  When in charge, ponder.
                                -- James H. Boren
%%
Boss to employer:  No, Baxter, you're not being replaced by a computer
-- only a silicon chip.
                                -- Eli Stein
%%
Boston State House is the hub of the Solar System.  You couldn't pry
that out of a Boston man if you had the tire of all creation
straightened out for a crowbar.
                                -- O. W. Holmes
%%
  Bow to no patron's insolence; rely
  On no frail hopes, in freedom live and die.
                                -- Seneca
%%
Bowler's dinner -- spare ribs             -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Brave spirits are a balsam to themselves; there is a nobleness of mind
that heals wounds beyond salves.
                                -- Cartwright
%%
Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Brevity and superficiality are often concomitants.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Broken Mirror Law:  Everyone breaks more than the seven-year bad luck
allotment to cover rotten luck throughout an entire lifetime.
                                -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Brontosaurus Principle:  Organizations can grow faster than their brains
can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own
physiology: when this occurs, they are an endangered species.
                                -- Thomas K. Connellan
%%
Brooks Atkinson described a Shubert play as "beautiful, if you are deaf
and dumb."
%%
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to
use it.
                                -- Christopher J. Shaw
%%
Bureaucratic Cop-Out Number 1:  You should have seen it when I got it!
                                -- Marshall L. Smith
%%
  Burn's Hog Weighing Method:
    1.  Get a perfectly symmetrical plank and balance
        it across a sawhorse.
    2.  Put the hog on one end of the plank.
    3.  Pile rocks on the other end until the plank is again
        perfectly balanced.
    4.  Carefully guess the weight of the rocks.
                                -- Robert Burns
%%
Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point
precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
But I have seen the science I worshipped and the airplane I loved
destroying the civilization I expected them to serve.
                                -- Charles A. Lindbergh, Jr.
%%
  But an old age serene and bright,
  And lovely as a Lapland night,
  Shall lead thee to thy grave.
                                -- Wordsworth
%%
But if a man happens to find himself ... he has a mansion which he can
inhabit with dignity all the days of his life.
%%
  But love is blind and lovers cannot see
  The pretty follies that themselves commit.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  But then her face,
  So lovely, yet so arch, so full of mirth,
  The overflowings of an innocent heart.
                                -- Rogers
%%
By a careful cultural design, we control not the final behavior, but the
inclination to behave -- the motives, the desires, the wishes ... we
increase the feeling of freedom.
                                -- B. F. Skinner
%%
By definition, when you are investigating the unknown, you do not know
what you will find.
%%
By establishing real money, men rule out its debasement.
                                -- Lewis E. Lehrman
%%
By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.
%%
By following the good, you learn to be good.
%%
By gnawing through a dyke even a rat may drown a nation.
                                -- Edmund Burke
%%
By heaven we understand a state of happiness infinite in degree, and
endless in duration.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
By night an atheist half believes a God.
                                -- Edward Young
%%
By preserving over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly
arrive at his chosen goal or destination.
                                -- Christopher Columbus
%%
By the data to date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to
man -- man himself.  So he must supply his own indispensable competition.
He has no enemy to help him.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
  By the pricking of my thumbs,
  Something wicked this way comes.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
By the time a person gets to greener pastures, he can't climb the fence.
%%
By the time a social science theory is formulated in such a way that it
can be tested, changing circumstances have already made it obsolete.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
By the year 1984 the entire world may be run by computers.

Digital Equipment Corporation will still be run by people.
%%
By work you get money, by talk you get knowledge.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
Caesar had his Brutus -- Charles the First, his Cromwell -- and George
the Third ("Treason!" cried the Speaker) may profit by their example.
If this be treason, make the most of it.
                                -- Patrick Henry
%%
Call him wise whose actions, words and steps are all a clear because to
a clear why.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Calmness is great advantage; he that lets another chafe may warm him at
his fire, mark all his wand'rings and enjoy his frets, as cunning
fencers suffer heat to tire.
                                -- Herbert
%%
Cameras are so simple to operate now that taking pictures is much easier
than getting friends to look at them.
                                -- Hugh Allen
%%
Campus sidewalks never exist as the straightest line between two points.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Can there be a republic that does not slump under the weight of so much
human desire?
                                -- Michael Scully
%%
Canada's climate is nine months winter and three months late in fall.
%%
Cant produces countercant.
                                -- Arthur Herzog
%%
Capital Punishment: The income tax.
%%
Capital as such is not evil; it is its wrong use that is evil.
                                -- Mohandas Ghandi
%%
Capitalism ... is outrageously unjust; it requires a continuing
maldistribution of wealth in order to exist ... We live in the twilight
of an epoch ... I am absolutely convinced that we are moving toward some
kind of planned economy.
                                -- Micheal Harrington
%%
Capitalism can exist in one of only two states:  welfare or warfare.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
Capitalism did not arise because capitalists stole the land ... but
because it was more efficient than feudalism.  It will perish because it
is not merely less efficient than socialism, but actually
self-destructive.
                                -- J. B. S. Haldane
%%
Capitalism in the United States has undergone profound modification, not
just under the New Deal, but through a consensus that continued to grow
after the New Deal ... Government in the U. S. today is a senior partner
in every business in the country.
                                -- Norman Cousins
%%
Care keeps his watch in every old man's eye.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Care to our coffin adds a nail, no doubt; And ev'ry grin so merry, draws
one out.
                                -- Dr. Wolcott
%%
Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel.
                                -- Ulysses
%%
Celibacy is not hereditary.
                                -- Guy Godin
%%
Certain things shouldn't be moved.
                                -- Murray Teigh Bloom
%%
Certainly the game is rigged.  Don't let that stop you; if you don't bet,
you can't win.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Champagne is the only wine a woman can drink and still remain beautiful.
                                -- Mme. de Pompadour
%%
Changing things is central to leadership, and changing them before
anyone else is creativeness.
                                -- Antony Jay
%%
Character is a perfectly educated will.
                                -- Novalis
%%
Character is destiny.
                                -- Heraclitus
%%
Charity begins at home.
%%
Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity
vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly,
seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth
not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth; beareth all things, believeth
all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
                                -- I Corinthians
%%
Cheap things are of no value, valuable things are not cheap.
%%
Check the answer you have worked out once more -- before you tell it to
anybody.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Cheop's law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
%%
Chicago Tribune headline:  THE FAME OF PLAINS IS MAINLY ON THE WANE.
%%
Chide a friend in private and praise him in public.
                                -- Solon
%%
Children are unpredictable.  You never know what inconsistency they're
going to catch you in next.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a
good night's sleep.
                                -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
Chill penury weighs down the heart, itself; and though it sometimes be
endured with calmness, it is but the calmness of despair.
                                -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
Choose such pleasures as recreate much, and cost little.
                                -- Fuller
%%
Choose the company of your superiors whenever you can have it; that is
the right and true pride.
                                -- Lord Chesterfield
%%
Christ believed in hell.  I do not myself feel that any person who is
really profoundly humane can believe in everlasting punishment.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Cicero's style bores me.  When I have spent an hour reading him ... and
try to recollect what I have extracted, I usually find it nothing but
wind.
                                -- Michel de Montaigne
%%
Circular Definition:  see Circular Definition.
%%
Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent,
at least in a specialized field.
                                -- Frank R. Freemon
%%
Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations
which we can perform without thinking of them.
%%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
                                -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
Classified material is considered lost when it cannot be found.
%%
Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple
interpretations.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Clearly, then, the city is not a concrete jungle, it is a human zoo.
                                -- Desmond Morris
%%
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
%%
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
%%
Collecting more taxes than is absolutely necessary is legalized robbery.
%%
Colors fade, temples crumble, empires fall, but wise words endure.
                                -- Thorndike
%%
Colson's Law: If you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds
will follow.
%%
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I
don't have.
%%
Comitas comitatum, omnia comitas.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Commend a fool for his wit, or a knave for his honesty, and they will
receive you into their bosom.
                                -- Fielding
%%
Committee Rules: (1) Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a
beginner.
                                -- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (2) Don't say anything until the meeting is half over;
this stamps you as being wise.
                                -- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (3) Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating
the others.
                                -- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (4) When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be
appointed.
                                -- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee Rules: (5) Be the first to move for adjournment; this will
make you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.
                                -- Harry Chapman
%%
Committee reports dealing with wages, salaries, fringe benefits,
facilities, computers, employee parking, libraries, coffee breaks,
secretarial support, etc., always call for dramatic expenditure
increases.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Committee -- a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a
group decide that nothing can be done.
                                -- Fred Allen
%%
Committee -- a group of men who keep minutes and waste hours.
                                -- Milton Berle
%%
Committee -- a group of the unfit, appointed by the unwilling, to do the
unnecessary.
                                -- Stewart Harrol
%%
Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
%%
Common and vulgar people ascribe all ill that they feel to others;
people of little wisdom ascribe to themselves; people of much wisdom, to
no one.
                                -- Epictetus
%%
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
                                -- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
%%
Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
Commonly, physicians, like beer, are best when they are old, and
lawyers, like bread, when they are young and new.
                                -- Fuller
%%
Compared to what we ought to be, we are only half awake.  We are making
use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources.
                                -- William James
%%
Compared with everything else in data processing, paper is cheap; use
it. But the value of a report decreases as the number of its pages
increases.
%%
Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.
                                -- St. Augustine
%%
Complete adaptation to environment means death.  The essential point in
all response is the desire to control environment.
                                -- John Dewey
%%
Compliments or congratulations are always kindly taken, and cost nothing
but pen, ink, and paper.  I consider them as draughts upon good
breeding, where the exchange is always greatly in favor of the drawer.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
Computer-based management information systems will cure most review and
control problems.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the
world that just don't add up.
%%
Computers will not be perfected until they can compute how much more
than the estimate the job will cost.
%%
Computing power increases as the square of the cost.  If you want to do
it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times as slowly.
                                -- Herb Grosch

[It has been suggested that this is not a "law", but rather a
description of IBM's pricing strategy.]
%%
Conceit in weakest bodies strongest works.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Conceit is to nature what paint is to beauty; it is not only needless,
but impairs what it would improve.
                                -- Pope
%%
Concerning the gods, I am not able to know to a certainty whether they
exist or not. For there are many things which prevent one from knowing,
especially the obscurity of the subject, and the shortness of the life
of man.
%%
Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child
will turn instinctively for more assistance, the puppy will grovel in
abject submission, the kitten will brace its tiny body for a frantic
resistance.
                                -- H. H. Munro
%%
Confusion (entropy) is always increasing in society.  Only if someone or
something works extremely hard can this confusion be reduced to order in
a limited region.  Nevertheless, this effort will still result in an
increase in the total confusion of society at large.
                                -- Dr. W. L. Everitt
%%
Conscience has no more to do with gallantry than it has with politics.
                                -- Sheridon
%%
Conscious is when you are aware of something and conscience is when you
wish you weren't.
%%
Consider the Malevolent Universe Theory: it really IS out to get you!
%%
Consider the postage stamp:  its usefulness consists in the ability to
stick to one thing till it gets there.
                                -- Josh Billings
%%
Consider will what your strength is equal to, and what exceeds your
ability.
                                -- Horace
%%
Consistency is the product of small minds.
                                -- Merle P. Martin
%%
Contentment produces in some measure, all those effects which the
alchymist usually ascribes to what he calls the philosopher's stone; and
if it does not bring riches, it does the same thing, by banishing the
desire of them.  If it cannot remove the disquietudes arising from a
man's mind, body, or fortune, it makes him easy under them.
                                -- Addison
%%
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the school of
genius.
%%
Corrupt, stupid, grasping functionaries will make at least as big a
muddle of socialism as stupid, selfish and aquisitive employers can make
of capitalism.
                                -- Walter Lippmann
%%
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy, but not expressed in fancy; rich,
not gaudy; for the apparel oft proclaims the man.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  Count the day won when, turning on its axis,
  This earth imposes no additional taxes.
%%
Courage consists not in blindly overlooking danger, but in seeing it,
and conquering it.
                                -- Richter
%%
Courage is a quality so necessary for maintaining virtue that it is
always respected, even when it is associated with vice.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Courage is grace under pressure.
                                -- Ernest Hemingway
%%
Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be
courageous. (He is also a fool.)                   -- Lazarus Long
%%
Courage is walking naked through a cannibal village.
                                -- Leonard Louis Levinson
%%
Courage is your greatest present need.
%%
Courses of action which run only to be justified in terms of
practicality ultimately prove destructive and impractical.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Courtship consists of a number of quiet attentions, not so pointed as to
alarm, nor so vague as not to be understood.
                                -- Sterne
%%
Coward, n. one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Coward: A man in whom the instinct of self-preservation acts normally.
                                -- Sultana Zoraya
%%
Cows may come and cows may go, but the bull in this place goes on
FOREVER!!!
%%
Crab apples may not be the best kind of fruit;  but a tree which every
year bears a great crop of crab apples is better worth cultivating than
a tree which bears nothing.
%%
Crane's Rule: There are three ways to get something done: do it
yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
%%
Creative intelligence in its various forms and activities is what makes
man.
                                -- James Harvey Robinson
%%
Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the
broth.
                                -- Bernice Fitz-Gibbon
%%
Creditors have better memories than debtors; and creditors are a
superstitious sect, great observers of set days and times.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Criticism is like champagne, nothing more execrable if bad, nothing more
excellent if good; if meagre, muddy vapid, and sour, both are fit only
to engender colic and wind;  but if rich, generous and sparkling, they
improve the taste, expand the heart, and are worthy of being introduced
at the symposium of the gods.
                                -- Colton
%%
Critics are a kind of freebooters in the republic of letters -- who,
like deer, goats, and divers other gramniverous animals, gain
subsistence by gorging upon buds and leaves of the young shrubs of the
forest, thereby robbing them of their verdue, and retarding their
progress to maturity.
                                -- Washington Irving
%%
Croll's Query: If tin whistles are made of tin, what are foghorns made
of?
%%
Cultivate a consistently pessimistic outlook.
%%
Cultivation to the mind is as necessary as food to the body.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Cunning and deceit will every time serve a man better than force.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Cunning and treachery are the offspring of incapacity.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Curiosity in the humanities is a free person's humility, and a humble
person's freedom.
                                -- Joseph Duffy
%%
Curley's Law:  As long as they spell the name right.
%%
Cursed is every-one who places his hope in man.
                                -- St. Augustine
%%
  Custom does often reason overrule
  And only serves for reason to the fool.
                                -- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester
%%
Custom is the law of fools.
                                -- Vanburgh
%%
Custom will often blind one to the good as well as to the evil effects
of any long established system.
                                -- Bishop Richard Whately
%%
Customs tell a man who he is, where he belongs, what he must do.  Better
illogical customs than none; men cannot live together without them ...
"justice" is a search for workable customs.
                                -- Dr. Margaret Mader
%%
Cut 'em off at the past!
%%
Cut the crap.
%%
Cutting the space budget really restores my faith in humanity.  It
eliminates dreams, goals, and ideals and lets us get straight to the
business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation.     -- Johnny Hart
%%
Cynic: n. a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not
as they ought to be.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth.
                                -- Lillian Hellman
%%
Cynicism is disappointed idealism.
                                -- Harry Kemelman
%%
Cynicism is disillusioned idealism.
%%
Cynicism is humour in ill-health.       -- H. G. Wells
%%
Cynicism -- the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.
                                -- Russell Lynes
%%
Cynics are right nine times out of ten; what undoes them is their belief
that they are right ten times out of ten.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
DEATH: The penultimate commercial transaction finalized by probate.
                                -- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
DECEPTION EXPERIMENT: An experiment in which the researcher is pleased
to believe that the true nature of the situation is unknown to the
participants. Typically the only parties deceived are the funding agency
and the journal editor.
%%
DESIGN SIMPLICITY: costs (manufacturer's) cut to the bone
%%
DIAGNOSTIC: software which runs to completion no matter how broken the
hardware is
%%
DIPLOMACY: Lying in state.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
DIPLOMACY: The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
%%
DIPLOMACY: The art of fishing tranquilly in troubled waters.
%%
DIPLOMACY: The art of jumping into troubled waters without making a
splash.
%%
DIRECT SALES ONLY: manufacturer had argument with distributor
%%
DISTINCTIVE: a different color or shape than our competitors
%%
DOUBLE-BLIND EXPERIMENT: An experiment in which the chief researcher
believes he is fooling both the subject and the lab assistant. Often
accompanied by a belief in the tooth fairy.
%%
Damnable, both sides rogue.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Damon Runyon's Law: The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle
to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
%%
David Merrick, displaying ... his sneaky knack for extending the life of
a production beyond the reasonable expectations of the playwright's
mother.
                                -- Walter Kerr
%%
Deadlock's Law:  If the lawmakers make a compromise, the place where it
will be felt the most is the taxpayer's pocket.
%%
Dear God, make me a good boy, but it's all right with me if you'd like
to take your time about it.
%%
  Death comes to all
  But great achievements build a monument
  Which shall endure until the sun grows cold.
                                -- Georg Fabricius
%%
Death is a comingling of eternity with time; in the death of a good man,
eternity is seen looking through time.
                                -- Goethe
%%
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies
inside us while we live.
                                -- Norman Cousins
%%
Death opens the gate of fame, and shuts the gate of envy after it; it
unlooses the chain of the captive, and puts the bondsman's task into
another man's hand.
                                -- Sterne
%%
Death tugs at my ear and says: "Live, I am coming."
                                -- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.
%%
Deceit in the conduct of war outweighs valor and is worthy of merit.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clean and straight; indecision is a
dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it.
                                -- Gordon Graham
%%
Decision of character is one of the most important of human qualities,
philosophically considered.  Speculation, knowledge, is not the chief
end of man; it is action.
                                -- Burnap
%%
Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really
overwhelming majority of the crowd present.  Abusive and obscene
language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the
judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when
addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang).
                                -- Benjamin Ruhe
%%
Deep in the nature of all these noble races there lurks unmistakably the
beast of prey, the blond beast, lustfully roving in search of booty and
victory.
                                -- Frederick Nietzsche
%%
Default is more revolutionary than ideals.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Defeated, but not dismayed -- crushed to the earth, but not humiliated
-- he seemed to grow more haughty beneath disaster, and to experience a
fierce satisfaction in draining the last dregs of bitterness.
                                -- Washington Irving
%%
  Defer not till tomorrow to be wise,
  Tomorrow's sun to thee may never rise.
                                -- Congreve
%%
Deine schiff ist ingecommen.
%%
Delusions are often functional. A mother's opinions about her children's
beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from
drowning them at birth.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Democracy can learn some things from Communism: for example, when a
Communist politician is through, he is through.
%%
Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than
we deserve.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you
don't think.
%%
Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than
one man. How's that again? I missed something.

Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a
million men. Let's play that one over again, too. Who decides?
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Democracy is good. I say this because other systems are worse.
                                -- Jawaharlal Nehru
%%
Democracy is not a matter of sentiment, but of foresight.  Any system
that doesn't take the long run into account will burn itself out in the
short run.
                                -- Charles Yost
%%
Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the
majority deserves.
                                -- James Dale Davidson
%%
Democracy is the worst system devised by the wit of man, except for all
the others.
                                -- Winston Churchill
%%
Democracy means government by the uneducated, while aristocracy means
government by the badly educated.
                                -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
%%
Democrats buy most of the books that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
%%
Democrats eat the fish they catch.  Republicans hang them on the wall.
%%
Democrats give their worn-out clothes to those less fortunate.
Republicans wear theirs.
%%
Democrats keep trying to cut down on their smoking but are not
successful. Neither are Republicans.
%%
Democrats make up plans and then do something else.  Republicans follow
the plans their grandfathers made.
%%
Democrats name their children after currently popular sports figures,
politicians, and entertainers.  Republican children are named after
their parents or grandparents, depending on where the money is.
%%
Depend on no man, on no friend, but him who can depend on himself.  He
only who acts conscientiously towards himself will act so towards
others, and vice versa.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
%%
Despise not any man, and do not spurn any thing.  For there is no man
that hath not his hour, no is there any thing that hath not its place.
                                -- Rabbi Ben Azai
%%
Despots govern by terror.  They know that he who fears God fears nothing
else; and, therefore, they eradicate from the mind, through their
Voltaire, the Heloetius, and the rest of that infamous gang, that only
sort of fear that generates true courage.
                                -- Burke
%%
Detriot made a grand try at persuading the visiting Republicans that the
city is not as crime-ridden as people think.  The campaign was going
fine until somebody stole the governer's Lincoln Mark IV limousine.
                                -- National Review
%%
Dialogue: opposing factions discussing relevant issues.  Formerly called
an argument.
                                -- Paul Sweeney
%%
Did the Devil really create the world when God wasn't looking?
%%
Did you ever feel like the whole world was a tuxedo and you were a pair
of white socks?
%%
  Did you ever hear
    Of the frolic fairies dear?
  They're a blessed little race,
    Peeping up in fancy's face,
  In the valley, on the hill,
    By the fountain and the rill;
  Laughing out between the leaves
    That the loving summer weaves.
                                -- Mrs. Osgood
%%
Did you hear about the earthquake committee meeting that was adjourned
by a motion from the floor?
%%
Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town and was
given a ticket for making a ewe turn?
%%
Did you know that married men live longer than single men?  So, if you
want to die a slow death, get married!!!
                                -- Dave Maynard
%%
Did your mother have any children that lived?
%%
Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over us by the supreme ordinance
of a parental guardian and legislator, who knows us better than we know
ourselves; and He loves us better too.  He that wrestles with us
strengthens our nerves, and sharpens our skill.  Our antagonist is our
helper.  This amicable conflict with difficulty obliges us to an
intimate acquaintance with our object, and compels us to consider it in
all its relations.  It will not suffer us to be superficial.
                                -- Burke
%%
Digital is the only company where a 19 to 1 majority is a tie.
%%
  Digging oolitic strata,
    Laid in the oligocene,
  Geologists are lost for data --
    Fossils, yes! But ...  A MACHINE???
%%
Dimensions will be expressed in the least convenient terms, e. g.:
Furlongs per (Fortnight)**2 = Acceleration.
%%
Diplomacy has rarely been able to gain at the conference table what
cannot be gained or held on the battlefield.
%%
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" till you can find a rock.
%%
Diplomacy is to do and say the nastiest thing in the nicest way.
%%
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for
finishing it ... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall
flat in a week.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Discipline is the refining fire by which talent becomes ability.
                                -- Roy L. Smith
%%
Discipline, like the bridle in the hand of a good rider, should exercise
its influence without appearing to do so; should be ever active, both as
a support and as a restraint, yet seem to lie easily in hand.  It must
always be ready to check or to pull up, as occasion may require; and
only when the horse is a runaway should the action of the curb be
perceptible.
%%
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence.
                                -- Bacon
%%
  Divines and dying men may talk of Hell
  But in my heart her several torments dwell.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Do not attempt to do a thing unless you are sure of yourself; but do not
relinquish it simply because someone else is not sure of you.
                                -- Stwert E. White
%%
Do not believe in miracles -- rely on them.
%%
Do not clog intellect's sluices with knowledge of questionable uses.
%%
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
%%
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.
%%
Do whatever your enemies don't want you to do.
                                -- Gary Novak
%%
Do you realize how boring you are?
%%
Do you realize that you are responsible for making this organization a
cost, rather than a profit, center?
%%
Doctors, dentists, and lawyers are only on time for appointments when
you're not.
                                -- Roxanne Weissman
%%
Documents should always be dated, listings should never be torn on the
outside fold. Violation is indicative of someone's (programmer's or
operator's) inability.
%%
Does a man speak foolishly? -- suffer him gladly, for you are wise.
Does he speak erroneously?  -- stop such a man's mouth with sound words
that cannot be gainsaid.  Does he speak truly?  -- rejoice in the truth.
                                -- Oliver Cromwell
%%
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
%%
Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.
                                -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
%%
Don't be overly suspicious where it's not warranted.
%%
Don't bite the hand that has your allowance in it.
                                -- Lisa Tidler
%%
Don't care if you'r rich or not, as long as you can live comfortably and
have everything you want.
%%
Don't disturb the perimeter (meaning don't stir a mess unless you can be
sure of the result).
%%
Don't forget to feel sorry for yourself.
%%
Don't get yourself involved with persons or situations that can't bear
inspection.
%%
Don't let the fact that you can't do all you want to do keep you from
doing what you can do.
%%
Don't look back, something might be gaining on you.
                                -- Satchel Paige
%%
Don't lose heart ... they might want to cut it out ... and they want to
avoid a lengthy search.
%%
  Don't malign the bug-eyed monster --
    Oh, he kidnaps girls, it's true,
  But bear in mind that all he wants to
    Do is what YOU'RE trying to do.
%%
Don't permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamp-post.
%%
Don't play President -- you're not. The Constitution provides for only
one President. Don't forget it and don't be seen by others as not
understanding that fact.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Don't praise the bread until it is baked.
%%
  Don't push me
    I'm going 55
  I've done 75
    The fine was $49.
%%
Don't put all your eggs in your pocket.
                                -- Celestine Clark
%%
Don't send my boy to Harvard, the dying mother said.

Don't send my boy to Harvard, I'd rather see him dead.
%%
Don't speak ill of your predecessors (or successors) -- you did not walk
in their shoes.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Don't start something you would be afraid to see finished.
%%
Don't stick your foot in the ashtray, Ed.
                                -- JWC and RCHM
%%
Don't stop to stomp ants when the elephants are stampeding.
%%
Don't store garlic near other victuals.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Don't talk to me about a man's being able to talk sense; everyone can
talk sense -- can he talk nonsense?           -- William Pitt the Elder
%%
Don't throw stones at your neighbors, if you expect to buy their natural
gas.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Don't try to have the last word. You might get it.
%%
Don't turn around.
%%
Don't worry about avoiding temptation -- as you grow older, it starts
avoiding you.
                                -- The Old Farmer's Almanac
%%
Don't worry about who you step on on the way up if you don't ever plan
on coming down.
%%
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for
it.
%%
Dope will get you through times of no money better than money will get
you through times of no dope.
%%
Dost thou love life?  Then do not squander Time; for that's the stuff
the Iranians have plenty of.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Dost thou love life?  Then waste not time, for time is the stuff that
life is made of.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Draw your salary before spending it.
%%
Dreading the climax of all human ills, The inflammation of his weekly
bills.
                                -- Byron
%%
Dream after dream ensures, and still they dream that they shall still
succeed, and still are disappointed.
                                -- William Cowper
%%
Dreams are the touchstones of our characters.
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
Dreams, indeed, are ambition; for the very substance of the ambitious is
merely the shadow of a dream.  And I hold ambition of so airy and light
a quality that it is but a shadow's shadow.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it IS fun trying.
%%
Drink and be whole again beyond confusion.
                                -- Robert Frost
%%
Drive is more than motivation.  It is self motivation.
%%
Drunkenness is the vice of a good constitution, or of a bad memory!  of
a constitution so treacherously good, that it never bends till it
breaks; or of a memory that recollects the pleasures of getting drunk,
but forgets the pains of getting sober.
                                -- Colton
%%
Due to lack of interest, tomorrow will be canceled.
%%
During an exam, the pocket calculator battery will fail.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
During my eighty-seven years I have witnessed a whole succession of
technological revolutions. But none of them has done away with the need
for character in the individual or the ability to think.
                                -- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
Dust breeds.
%%
E up x.
%%
ENERGY SAVING: achieved when the power switch is "off"
%%
EXCLUSIVE: Imported product
%%
Each morning puts a man on trial and each evening passes judgement.
                                -- Roy L. Smith
%%
Each person has the right to take part in the management of public
affairs in his country, provided he has prior experience, a will to
succeed, a college degree, influential parents, good looks, a resume,
two 3X4 snapshots, and a good tax record.
                                -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Each person has the right to take the subway.
                                -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Each problem solved introduces a new unsolved problem.
                                -- U. S. Dept. of Labor
%%
Each profession talks to itself in its own unique language.  Apparently
there is no Rosetta Stone.
%%
Eagleson's Law: Any code of your own that you haven't looked at for six
or more months, might as well have been written by someone else.
(Eagleson is an optimist, the real number is more like 3 weeks.)
%%
  Early to bed and early to rise,
  Makes a man heathy, wealthy and wise.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Earnestness alone makes life eternity.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
Ease leads to habit, as success to ease.
%%
Eat a live toad first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen
to you the rest of the day.
%%
Eat flaming death, minicomputer mongrels!!!
%%
Eat to live, and not on thy Diner's Club Card.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Ecologists believe that a bird in the bush is worth two in the hand.
                                -- Stanley C. Pearson
%%
Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a
percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Economy is of itself a great revenue.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Economy makes men independent.
%%
Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.
                                -- Fred Allen
%%
Education begins the gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection
must finish him.
                                -- John Locke
%%
Education belongs pre-eminently to the church ... neutral or lay schools
from which religion is excluded are contrary to the fundamental
principles of education.
                                -- Pope Pius XI
%%
Education has in America's whole history been the major hope for
improving the individual and society.
                                -- Gunnar Myrdal
%%
Education is helping the child realize his potentialities.
                                -- Erich Fromm
%%
Education is the instruction of the intellect in the laws of Nature.
                                -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
Education is the transmission of civilization.
                                -- Ariel and Will Durant
%%
Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten.
                                -- B. F. Skinner
%%
Education today, more than ever before, must see clearly the dual
objectives: education for living and education for making a living.
                                -- James Mason Wood
%%
Education: A debt due from present to future generations.
                                -- George Peabody
%%
Egotism is the anesthetic that dulls the pain of stupidity.
                                -- Frank Leahy
%%
Eisenhower told me never to trust a Communist.
                                -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Electrician's breakfast -- ohmlettes      -- Raymond D. Love
%%
  Elevator Rules:
   1.  Face forward.
   2.  Fold hands in front of genitals.
   3.  Do not make eye contact.
   4.  Watch the numbers.
   5.  Don't talk to anyone you don't know.
   6.  Stop talking with anyone you do know when
       anyone you don't know enters the elevator.
   7.  Avoid brushing bodies.
                                -- Psychologist Layne Longfellow
%%
Elevators traveling in the desired direction are always delayed and on
arrival tend to run in pairs, threes of a kind, full houses, etc.
                                -- Pete Maiken
%%
Emotion has taught mankind to reason.
                                -- Marquis de Vauvenargues
%%
  Emptiness on paper;
    Fleeting thoughts.
  Red Sox play at Fenway's
    Green park.
                                -- Larry Sweeny (?)
%%
Enjoy your life. If you don't, no one else will.
%%
Enjoy your life; be pleasant and gay, like the birds in May.
%%
Enjoy your present pleasures so as not to injure those that are to
follow.
                                -- Seneca
%%
Enlightened people seldom or never possess a sense of responsibility.
                                -- George Orwell
%%
Enough research will tend to confirm your conclusions.
%%
Enthusiasm without knowledge is like running in the dark.
%%
Entropy has us outnumbered.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Envy is a weed that grows in all soils and climates, and is no less
luxuriant in the country than in the court; is not confined to any rank
of men or extent of fortune, but rages in the breasts of all degrees.
                                -- Lord Clarendon
%%
Epperson's law:  When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's
probably something his wife can beat him at.
%%
Equality is not when a female Einstein gets promoted to assistant
professor; equality is when a female schlemiel moves ahead as fast as a
male schlemiel.
                                -- Ewald Nyquist
%%
Equality of opportunity is an equal opportunity to prove unequal
talents.
                                -- Sir Herbert Samuel
%%
Erma Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office
plants have died.
%%
Err is basically a synonym for Murphy, but those who quote him over the
better known prophet insist he is as real as Murphy.  The basis for
their argument: (1) his spirit, like Murphy's, is everywhere and (2) Err
is human.
%%
  Errors like straws upon the surface flow:
  He who would search for pearls must dive below.
                                -- Dryden
%%
Ertz's observation:  Millions long for immortality who do not know what
to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
%%
Established technology tends to persist in the face of new technology.
                                -- Gerritt A. Blaauw
%%
Eternal boredom is the price of constant vigilance.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Eternal sunshine settles on its head.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.
                                -- Wendell Phillips
%%
Eternity stands always fronting God; a stern colossal image with blind
eyes, and dim lips, that murmur evermore, "God, God, God!"
                                -- Mrs. Browning
%%
Ettorre's Observation: The other line moves faster.
%%
Even God cannot change the past.

[which proves that historians are more powerful than God.]
%%
Even a hawk is an eagle among crows.
%%
Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
%%
Even if it can't, it might.
                                -- A. J. Barton
%%
Even in war, moral power is to physical as three parts out of four.
                                -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Even paranoids have enemies.
                                -- Jim Pastore
%%
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion.
%%
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark.
%%
Even things in themselves not positively advantageous, sometimes become
so, by their tendency to provoke exertion.  Every new scene, which is
opened to the busy nature of man to rouse and exert itself, is the
addition of a new energy to the general stock of effort.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Every Tom, Dick and Harry is named William.
                                -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
Every action in our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in
eternity.
                                -- Edwin Hubbel Chapin
%%
Every action or decision of an institution must be intended to keep the
institution machinery working.
                                -- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
Every child born in America can hope to grow up to enjoy tax loopholes.
%%
Every dog must have its day.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
Every editor of newapapers pays tribute to the Devil.
                                -- La Fontaine
%%
Every great improvement has come after repeated failures.  Virtually
nothing comes out right the first time.  Failures, repeated failures,
are fingerposts on the road to achievement.
                                -- Charles R. Kettering
%%
Every great or original writer in proportion as he is great or original,
must himself create the taste by which he must be relished.
                                -- Wordsworth
%%
Every man desires to live long, but no man desires to be old.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
Every man has a right to his opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong
in his facts.
                                -- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
Every man has a scheme that will not work.
%%
Every man has his price.  Mine is $3.95.
%%
Every man has in himself a continent of undiscovered character.  Happy
is he who acts the Columbus of his own soul.
                                -- Sir J. Stevens
%%
Every man has just as much vanity as he wants understanding.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Every man has three characters -- that which he exhibits, that which he
has, and that which he thinks he has.
                                -- Alphonse Karr
%%
Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom
consists of not exceeding the limit.
                                -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Every man is a volume if you know how to read him.
                                -- Channing
%%
Every man is the architect of his own fortune.
                                -- Appius Claudius
%%
Every man of genius is considerably helped by being dead.
%%
Every man who is high up loves to think that he has done it all himself;
and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that.
                                -- James Matthew Barrie
%%
Every newspaper, no matter how tight the news hole, has room for a story
on another newspaper increasing its newsstand price.
                                -- Ed Zellar
%%
Every one complains of the badness of his memory, but nobody of his
judgment.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Every organization is self-perpetuating.  Don't ever ask an outfit to
justify itself, or you'll be covered with facts, figures and fancy.  The
criterion should rather be, "What will happen if the outfit stops doing
what it's doing?"  The value of an organization is easier determined
this way.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Every problem contains within itself the seeds of its own solution.
%%
Every purchase has its price.
%%
Every reform is only a mask under cover of which a more terrible reform,
which dares not yet name itself, advances.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Every sentence I utter must be understood not as an affirmation, but as
a question.
                                -- Niels Bohr
%%
Every society is divided into two classes: prostitutes and pimps, those
who do and those who sell. Every successful individual is something of
both.
%%
Every time I close the door on Reality, it comes in through the window.
                                -- Ashleigh Brilliant
%%
Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else
thought of it first.
                                -- Frank Harden
%%
Everybody believes in rugged individualism, but you'll do better by
pleasing the boss.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Everybody has 20/20 hindsight.
%%
Everybody lies about sex.
%%
Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another
drink.
                                -- Mary Steele
%%
Everybody's gotta be someplace.
                                -- Myron Cohen
%%
Everyone complains of his memory, no one of his judgment.
%%
Everyone has talent at twenty-five.  The trick is to have it at fifty.
                                -- Edgar Degas
%%
Everyone has the right, without exception, to equal pay for equal work.
Except women.
                                -- Carlos Eduardo Novaes
%%
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his
original ideas closer together.
%%
Everyone knows that the name of the game is to let the other guy have
all of the little tats and to keep all of the big tits for yourself.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Everyone must see daily, instances of people who complain from a mere
habit of complaining.
%%
Everyone needs long-range goals if for no other reason than to keep from
being frustrated by short-range failures.
%%
Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
%%
Everything bows to success, even grammar.
%%
Everything happens at the same time with nothing in between.
                                -- Paul Hebig
%%
Everything has two handles; the one soft and manageable, the other such
as will not endure to be touched.  If then your brother do you an
injury, do not take it by the hot hard handle, by representing to
yourself all the aggravating circumstances of the fact; but look rather
on the soft side, and extenuate it as much as is possible, by
considering the nearness of the relation, and the long friendship and
familiarity between you -- obligations to kindness which a single
provocation ought not to dissolve.  And thus you will take the accident
by the manageable handle.
                                -- Epictetus
%%
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavour of life, take big bites.
Moderation is for monks.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Everything is for sale; only the price is negotiable.
%%
Everything is matter.  Matter is electricity.  Electricity is invisible,
intangible.  Therefore it is nothing.  Therefore everything is nothing.
%%
Everything is more complicated than it looks to most people.
                                -- Frederick Lewis Allen
%%
Everything is nothing.  Everything is all.  All is one.  One is
inconceivable, infinite.  Therefore it is nothing.  Therefore everything
is nothing.
%%
Everything is worth precisely as much as a belch, the difference being
that a belch is more satisfying.
                                -- Ingmar Bergman
%%
Everything needs a little oil now and then.
%%
Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
                                -- Paul Simon
%%
Everything should be as simple as possible, but no simpler.
                                -- Albert Einstein
%%
Everything takes longer than you expect.
%%
Everything takes more time and money.
                                -- Anne DeCaprio
%%
Everything tastes more or less like chicken.
                                -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain
%%
Everything that exceeds the bounds of moderation has an unstable
foundation.
                                -- Seneca
%%
Everything you read in the newspapers is absolutely true except for that
rare story of which you happen to have firsthand knowledge.
                                -- Erwin Knoll
%%
Evil habits soil a fine dress more than mud; good manners, by their
deeds, easily set off a lowly garb.
                                -- Plautus
%%
Evil thoughts intrude in an unemployed mind, as naturally as worms are
generated in a stagnant pool.
%%
Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for the greatest
fool may ask more than the wise man can answer.
%%
Examine the contents, not the bottle.
                                -- The Talmud
%%
Example is a living law, whose sway Men more than all the written laws
obey.
                                -- Sedley
%%
  Examples I could cite you more:
  But be contented with these four;
  For when one's proofs are aptly chosen
  Four are as valid as four dozen.
                                -- Prior
%%
Exams will always contain questions not discussed in class.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Excellence is never granted to man, but as the reward of labor.  It
argues, indeed, no small strength of mind to persevere in the habits of
industry, without the pleasure of perceiving those advantages which,
like the hands of a clock, whilst they make hourly approaches to their
point, yet proceed so slowly as to escape observation.
                                -- Sir Joshua Reynolds
%%
Excess of grief for the deceased is madness; for it is an injury to the
living, and the dead know it not.
                                -- Xenephon
%%
Excessive official restraints on information are inevitably self
defeating and productive of headaches for the officials concerned.
                                -- Edward Kennedy, AP correspondent
%%
Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do
the work.
                                -- John G. Pollard
%%
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
%%
Expect a letter from a friend who will ask a favor of you.
%%
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
%%
Experience is awareness of encompassing the totality of things.
%%
Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
%%
Experience is not what happens to you, it is what you do with what
happens to you.
                                -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Experience is the comb that Nature gives us when we are bald.
%%
Experience is the one thing you have plenty of when you're too old to
get the job.
%%
Experience is the worst teacher; it gives the test before presenting the
lesson.
%%
Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other, and
scarcely in that; for it is true, we may give advice, but we cannot give
conduct.

Remember this:  They that will not be counseled cannot be helped.  If
you do not hear reason she will rap you over the knuckles.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Experience keeps a dear school, but it's a hell of a campaign tactic.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Experience teaches that men are often so much governed by what they are
accustomed to see and practice, that the simplest and most obvious
improvements, in the most ordinary occupations, are adopted with
hesitation, reluctance, and by slow gradations.  Men would resist
changes, so long as even a bare support could be ensured by an adherence
to ancient courses, and perhaps even longer.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
%%
  Experiments are often tricky --
    There's no exception to this rule,
  What CAN have made that rat a sticky,
    Slimy, rather smelly pool?
%%
Experiments must be reproducible -- they should always fail in the same
way.
%%
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But
experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more
likely they are to think so.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Experts do not like surprises.  It makes them look bad at the home
office.
                                -- Vic Gold
%%
Experts in advanced countries underestimate by a factor of 2 to 4 the
ability of people in underdeveloped countries to do anything technical.
(Examples: Japanese on warplanes, Russians on the bomb, Iranians on
refineries ... etc.)
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Exploit the inevitable (which means, take credit for anything good which
happens whether you had anything to do with it or not).
%%
Extreme avarice is always mistaken; there is no passion which is oftener
further away from its mark, nor upon which the present has so much power
to the prejudice of the future.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Eyes with the same blue witchery as those of Psyche, which caught love
in his own wiles.
%%
FAITH: An illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
FAITH: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks,
without knowledge, of things without parallel.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
FIELD TEST: Putting your software out to pasture.
%%
FIELD TESTED: manufacturer lacks test equipment
%%
FOOLPROOF OPERATION: no provision for adjustment
%%
FUTURISTIC: can't figure out another reason why it looks as it does
%%
Facts and truth are often cousins -- not brothers.
                                -- Edward Bunker
%%
Facts are God's arguments, we should be careful never to misunderstand
or pervert them.
                                -- Tyron Edwards
%%
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
%%
Facts are stupid until brought into connection with some general law.
                                -- Louis Agassiz
%%
Facts are to the mind the same thing as food to the body.  On the due
digestion of facts depends the strength and wisdom of the one, just as
vigor and health depend on the other.  The wisest in council, the ablest
in debate, and the most agreeable in the commerce of life, is that man
who has assimilated to his understanding the greatest number of facts.
                                -- Burke
%%
Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.
                                -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Faculty purchases of equipment and supplies always increase to match the
funds available, so these funds are never adequate.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Fail me again and you'll breakfast on burning coals!
%%
  Faith builds a bridge across the gulf of death,
  To break the shock blind nature cannot shun,
  And lands thought smoothly on the further shore.
                                -- Young
%%
Faith goes out through the window when beauty comes in at the door.
%%
Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for lost
faith in ourselves.
                                -- Eric Hoffer
%%
Faith in immortality, like belief in Satan, leaves unanswered the
ancient question: is God unable to prevent suffering and thus not
omnipotent? or is he able but not willing to prevent it and thus not
merciful? And is he just?
%%
Faith is never identical with piety.
                                -- Karl Barth
%%
Faith is not reason's labor, but repose.
                                -- Young
%%
Faith is one of those words that connotes, however irrationally, some
kind of virtue in itself.
                                -- Louis J. Halle
%%
Faith is the soul going out of itself for all its wants.
                                -- Boston
%%
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not
seen.
                                -- Hebrews XI, 1
%%
Faith lights us through the dark to Deity.
                                -- Davenant
%%
Faith means belief in something concerning which doubt is theoretically
possible.
                                -- William James
%%
Faith means intense, usually confident, belief that is not based on
evidence sufficient to command assent from every reasonable person.
                                -- Walter Kaufmann
%%
Fame may be compared to a scold:  the best way to silence her is to let
her alone, and she will at last be out of breath in blowing her own
trumpet.
                                -- Fuller
%%
Familiarity breeds contempt.
%%
Fancy gizmos don't work.
                                -- Jane Bryant Quinn
%%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%%
  Farewell a long farewell, to all my greatness!
  This is the state of man.  Today he puts forth
  The tender leaves of hope; tomorrow blossoms,
  And bears his blushing honors thick upon him;
  The third day comes a frost, a killing frost.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Fast personal decisions are likely to be wrong.
%%
  Fate steals along with silent tread,
  Found oftenest in what least we dread;
  Frowns in the storm with angry brow,
  But in the sunshine strikes the blow.
                                -- Cowper
%%
  Fathers alone a father's heart can know
  What secret tides of still enjoyment flow
  When brothers love, but if their hate succeeds,
  They wage the war, but 'tis the father bleeds.
                                -- Edward Young
%%
Fear is the tax that the conscience pays to guilt.
                                -- Sewell
%%
Feed yourself and feed others. Then, if you have to say good-bye, it
won't matter. You will have shared love.
                                -- Jeanne Moreau
%%
Fellows who have no tongues are often all eyes and ears.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
Feminists sat 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of
women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their
handbags are full.
                                -- Earl Wilson
%%
Few ever lived to a great age, and fewer still ever became
distinguished, who were not in the habit of early rising.
                                -- Todd
%%
Few love to hear the sins they love to act.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Few of us ever test our powers of deduction, except when filling out an
income tax form.
%%
Few people now believe in the devil; but very many enjoy behaving as
their ancestors behaved when the Fiend was a reality as unquestionable
as his Opposite Number.
%%
Few persons have sufficient wisdom to prefer censure which is useful to
them, to praise which deceives them.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Few young men of high gifts and fine tastes look forward to entering
public life, for the probability of disappointments and vexations of a
life in Congress so far outweigh its attractions that nothing but
exceptional ambition or a strong sense of public duty suffices to draw
such men into it.  Law, education, literature, the higher walks of
commerce, finance, or railway work offer a better prospect of enjoyment
or distinction.
                                -- Lord James Bryce
%%
Fie! What a spendthrift he is of his tongue!
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Field's revelation:  If you see a man holding a clipboard and looking
official, the chances are good that he is supposed to be doing something
menial.
%%
Finagle's Creed:  Science is truth:  Don't be misled by facts.
%%
Finagle's Fifth Rule:  Whenever a system becomes completely defined,
some damn fool discovers something that either abolishes the system or
expands it beyond recognition.
%%
Finagle's Fourth Law:  No matter what occurs, there is always someone
who believes it happened according to his pet theory.
%%
Finagle's Very Fundamental Finding:  If a string has one end, then it
has another end.
%%
Finality is death.  Perfection is finality.  Nothing is perfect.  There
are lumps in it.
                                -- James Stephens
%%
Find happiness in your work, or you may never find it anywhere else.
%%
Find out the cost before you get in.
%%
Fine's Corollary: Functionality breeds Contempt.
%%
Finish the sentence below in 25 words or less:

"Love is what you feel just before you give someone a good ... "

Mail your answer along with the top half of your supervisor to:

        P.O. Box 35
        Baffled Greek, Michigan
%%
Fire in each eye, and papers in each hand, They rave, recite, and madden
round the land.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Fire that's closest kept burns most of all.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
First Law of Bridge:  It's always the partner's fault.
%%
First Law of Office Holders:  Get reelected.
%%
First Law of Wing-Walking:  Never leave hold of what you've got until
you've got hold of something else.
                                -- Donald Herzberg
%%
First draw your curves -- then plot your data.
%%
First get an absolute conquest over thyself, and then thou wilt easily
govern thy wife.
                                -- Fuller
%%
First impressions are of major importance in business matters.
                                -- J. Pierpont Finch
%%
First must give place to last, because last must have his time to come;
but last gives place to nothing, for there is not another to succeed.
                                -- Bunyan
%%
Fish or cut bait!
%%
Flattery is a sort of bad money, to which our vanity gives currency.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Flowers are like the pleasures of the world.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  Flying saucers on occasion
    Show themselves to human eyes.
  Aliens fume, put off invasion
    While they brand these tales as lies.
%%
Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
                                -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Fools are certain, but wise men hesitate.
%%
Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
For 40 years I have analyzed stocks and other money markets.  Now I have
made a remarkable discovery.  The Confederate dollar has risen in value
7.4 percent a year since 1965.  It has outperformed the German mark, the
Japanese yen and the Swiss franc.
                                -- Vincent W. Allen
%%
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
                                -- Richard Clopton
%%
For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap.
                                -- Senator Stuart Symington
%%
For every human problem, there is a neat plain solution -- and it is
always wrong.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
For every inch that is not a fool is rogue.
                                -- Dryden
%%
For every proverb that confidently asserts its little bit of wisdom,
there is usually an equal and opposite proverb that contradicts it.
                                -- Richard Boston
%%
For evil news rides post, while good news baits.
                                -- Milton
%%
For forms of government let fools contest; Whate'er is best administer'd
is best.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
For good men but see death, the wicked taste it.
                                -- Johnson
%%
For here we are not afraid to follow truth wherever it may lead, nor to
tolerate error so long as reason is free to combat it.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
For in religion as in friendship, they who profess most are ever the
least sincere.
                                -- Sheridan
%%
For modes of faith let graceless zealots fight, His can't be wrong whose
life is in the right.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
For my part I can compare her to nothing but the sun; for, like him, she
takes no rest, nor ever sets in one place by to rise in another.
                                -- Dryden
%%
For nations that waste their inheritances -- even nations that are
profligate -- usually do so in ways more subtle than individuals.  Bad
habits and bad advice take longer to inflict their damage; nations, too,
have their reckonings, but they can survive many more nights before the
hangover.
                                -- Michael Scully
%%
  For oh! so wildly do I love him
  That paradise itself were dim
  And joyless, if not shared with him.
                                -- Moore
%%
For people who like that kind of book, that is the kind of book they
will like.
%%
  For perfect happiness, remember two things:
  1.  Be content with what you've got.
  2.  Be sure you've got plenty.
%%
For several years more I maintained public relations with the Almighty.
But privately, I ceased to associate with him.
                                -- Jean-Paul Sartre
%%
  For she had a tongue with a tang,
    Would cry to a sailor, Goe hang!
  She lov'd not the savour of Tar nor of Pitch
    Yet a Tailor might scratch her where ere she did itch:
  Then to Sea, Boyes, and let her goe hang!

Author's Note: "This is a scurvy tune ... "
%%
For specialization is a process that begins as an attempt to develop
experts who will then inform the whole body.  It can end, however, and
sometimes does, in the removal of any inclination to question the
supposed "experts" -- who themselves are sometines not all that expert.
                                -- Michael Scully
%%
For the first time in history, one bag of groceries produces two bags of
trash.
                                -- Robert Orben
%%
  For the memory of love is sweet,
  Though the love itself were in vain
  And what I have lost of pleasure,
  Assuage what I find of pain.
                                -- Lyster
%%
For the rule of the wise over the less wise to be advantageous ... it
must come about by a process of consent.  And the requirement of consent
can be understood only in the light of, and by recognition of, natural
equality.
                                -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
  For the tenth time, dull Daphnis, said Chloe,
  You have told me my bosom is snowy;
    You've made much fine verse on
    Each part of my person,
  Now DO something -- there's a good boy!
%%
For they can conquer who believe they can.
                                -- Virgil
%%
For they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
For we both alike know that into the discussion of human affairs the
question of justice enters only where the pressure of necessity is
equal, and that the powerful exact what they can, and the weak grant
what they must.
                                -- Thucydides
%%
For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first,
and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it.
                                -- Luke 14, 28
%%
Forbear to judge, for we are sinners all.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Forecasters tend to learn less and less about more and more, until in
the end they know nothing about everything.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Forecasting is very difficult, especially if it's about the future.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
  Forever floats that standard sheet!
  Where breathes the foe that falls before us,
  With freedom's soil beneath our feet,
  And Freedom's banner streaming o'er us.
                                -- Joseph Rodman Drake
%%
Forewarned is half an octopus.
%%
Forget the feelings and rights of other people.
%%
Forget the good things in life and concentrate on the bad.
%%
Forget your opponents.  Always play against par.
                                -- Sam Snead
%%
Forgive me my nonsense as I also forgive the nonsense of those who think
they talk sense.
                                -- Robert Frost
%%
Forgiveness is better than revenge, for forgiveness is the sign of a
gentle nature, but revenge is the sign of a savage nature.
                                -- Epictetus
%%
Fortune brings in some boats that are not steered.
%%
Fortune is a woman.  It is necessary, if you wish to master her, to take
her by force before she has a chance to resist.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Fortune is like the market, where, many times, if you can stay a little,
the price will fall.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Fortune truly helps those who are of good judgment.
%%
  Four be the things I'd have been better without:
  love, curiosity, freckles and doubt.
                                -- Dorothy Parker
%%
Four things belong to a judge:  to hear courteously, to answer wisely,
to consider soberly, and to decide impartially.
                                -- Socrates
%%
Fourth Law of Thermodynamics:  If the probability of success is not
almost one, it is damn near zero.
                                -- David Ellis
%%
Free and fair discussion will ever by found the firmest friend to truth.
                                -- George Campbell
%%
Free enterprise ended in the United States a good many years ago.  Big
oil, big steel, big agriculture avoid the open marketplace.  Big
corporations fix prices among themselves and drive out the small
entrepreneur.  In their conglomerate forms, the huge corporations have
begun to challenge the legitimacy of the state.
                                -- Gore Vidal
%%
Free enterprise: A huge area of the American economy is still noticable
to observers with peripheral vision after they subtract the public
sector, conglomerates, federally supported agriculture, monopolies,
duopolies, and oligopolies.
                                -- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Freedom comes from human beings, rather than from laws and institutions.
                                -- Clarance Darrow
%%
  Freedom hath a thousand charms to show,
  That slaves howe'er contented never know.
                                -- Cowper
%%
Freedom is not enough.
                                -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better.
                                -- Albert Camus
%%
Freedom to live one's life with the window of the soul open to new
thoughts, new ideas, new aspirations.
                                -- Harold Ickes
%%
Fried's 23rd Law:  Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to
their soundness and validity.
%%
Friends may come and friends may go, but enemies accumulate.
                                -- Dr. Thomas Jones
%%
Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another,
"What! You, too? I thought I was the only one."
                                -- C. S. Lewis
%%
  Friendship is no plant of hasty growth;
  Tho' planted in esteem's deep fixed soil,
  The gradual culture of kind intercourse
  Must bring it to perfection.
                                -- Joanna Baillie
%%
Friendship is the only thing in the world concerning the usefulness of
which all mankind are agreed.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Friendship's the wine of life.
                                -- Young
%%
Friendships, like marriages, are dependent on avoiding the unforgivable.
                                -- John D. MacDonald.
%%
From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
%%
From principles is derived probability, but truth or certainty is
obtained only from facts.
                                -- Nathaniel Hawthorne
%%
From the crown of his head to the sole of his foot he is all mirth; he
has twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare
not shoot at him; he hath a heart as sound as a bell, and his tongue is
the clapper; for what his heart thinks his tongue speaks.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
From the errors of others a wise man corrects his own.
                                -- Publilius Syrus
%%
  From the time we first begin to know,
  We live and learn, but not the wiser grow.
                                -- Pomfret
%%
  From women's eyes this doctrine I derive;
  They sparkle still the right Promethean fire;
  They are the books, the arts, the academies,
  That show, contain, and nourish all the world,
  Else, none at all in aught proves excellent.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Frugality may be termed the daughter of prudence, the sister of
temperance, and the parent of liberty.  He that is extravagant will
quickly become poor, and poverty will enforce dependence and invite
corruption.
                                -- Johnson
%%
Fuch's warning:  If you actually look like your passport photo, you
aren't well enough to travel.
%%
Fudge Factor:  A physical factor occasionally showing up in experiments
as a result of stopping a stopwatch a little early to compensate for
reflex error.
%%
Fudge Factor:  The numerical factor by which experimental results must
be multiplied to be in agreement with theory.
%%
  Fuller's Law of Cosmic Irreversibility:
  1 Pot T =  1 Pot P
  1 Pot P <> 1 Pot T
                                -- R. Buckminster Fuller
%%
Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the embarrassment of
estimating the corresponding costs.
%%
GIGO: Garbage in, Gospel out.
%%
GOD: The contrapuntal genius of human fate.
%%
GOD: But a word invoked to explain the world.
%%
Gallantry consists in saying the most empty things in an agreeable
manner.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
  Game is an ill you may with ease obtain,
  A sad oppression to be born with pain;
  And when you would the noisy clamor drown,
  You'll find it hard to lay the burden down.
                                -- Cooke
%%
Gaming is the son of avarice, but the father of despair.
%%
Garage mechanic to customer:  There's nothing mechanically wrong with
your car, sir -- it's just an underachiever.       -- David Brown
%%
  Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
  Old Time is still a flying;
  And that same flower that blooms today,
  To-morrow shall be dying.
                                -- Herrick
%%
Generalizedness of incompetence is directly proportional to highestness
in hierarchy.
                                -- Guy Godin
%%
Generally he perceived in men of devout simplicity this opinion:  that
the secrets of nature were the secrets of God, part of that glory into
which man is not to press too boldly.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we
disbelieve we call theories.
                                -- Felix Cohen
%%
Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
%%
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can.
%%
Genius is the ability to reduce the complicated to the simple.
%%
Genius is the highest type of reason -- talent the highest type of
understanding.
                                -- Hickok
%%
Genius means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual
way.
%%
Genius, in one respect, is like gold -- a number of persons are
constantly writing about both, who have neither.
%%
Genuine religion is not so much a matter of feeling as a matter of
principle.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Genuine status is a rare and precious jewel, and also rather easy to
simulate.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Get Ahead!!! You could use one.
%%
Get a shot off FAST! This upsets him long enough to let you make your
second shot perfect.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Get the Hell out of my way!
                                -- John Galt
%%
Get thee behind me, Satan, and push me along!
%%
Get your enemies to read your works in order to mend them, for your
friend is so much your second self that he will judge too like you.
                                -- Pope
%%
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you
please.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
Getting on the cover of TIME guarantees the existence of opposition in
the future.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish and
he will eat for the rest of his life.
%%
Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters
needs pounding.
                                -- Abraham Kaplan
%%
Give every man thine ear, but few thy voice.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Give him an inch and he'll screw you.
                                -- Dave Farber
%%
Give me health and a day, and I will make ridiculous the pomp of
emperors.
                                -- Emerson
%%
Give me liberty or give me death!
                                -- Patrick Henry
%%
Give me the ready hand rather than the ready tongue.
                                -- Giuseppe Garibaldi
%%
  Give me to drink, Mandragora,
  That I may sleep away this gap of time.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Give them a number or give them a date, but never both.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Give thy thoughts no tongue, nor any unproportioned thought his act.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Give us, O give us, the man who is cheerful in his work!  Be his
occupation what it may, he is equal to any of those who follow the same
pursuit in silent sullenness.  He will do more in the same time -- he
will do it better -- he will persevere longer.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
Give your decisions, never your reasons; your decisions may be right,
your reasons are sure to be wrong.
                                -- Earl of Mansfild
%%
Given a choice between two bald political candidates, the American
people will vote for the less bald of the two.
                                -- Vic Gold
%%
Given enough time, what you put off doing today will eventually get done
by itself.
                                -- G. Gestra
%%
Go fry an egg!
%%
Go fry ice!
%%
Go kiss a Wookiee!
%%
Go to friends for advice; to women for pity; to strangers for charity;
to relatives for nothing.
%%
Go very lightly on the vices, such as carrying on in society, as the
social ramble ain't restful.
                                -- Satchel Paige
%%
Go where the money is.
                                -- Bank robber Willie Sutton
%%
God and the devil are an effort after specialization and division of
labour.
%%
  God blesses still the generous thought
  And still the fitting word He speeds,
  And truth, at His requiring taught,
  He quickens into deeds.
                                -- Whittier
%%
God gave you that gifted tongue of yours, and set it between your teeth,
to make known your true meaning to us, not be rattled like a muffin
man's bell.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
God gives us relatives; thank God we can chose our friends.
%%
God helps those who have 7 percent mortgages.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
God is not a cosmic bellboy!
%%
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent -- it says so right
here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of
these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for
you. No checks, please. Cash, and in small bills.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
God made man, and therefore let him pass for man.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  God moves in a mysterious way
  His wonders to perform;
  He plants His footsteps in the sea,
  And rides upon the storm.
                                -- Cowper
%%
God will forgive me; that's His business.
%%
God will not give any soldier ammunition who is not willing to go into
battle.
%%
God will not suffer man to have the knowledge of things to come; for if
he had prescience of his prosperity he would be careless; and
understanding of his adversity he would be senseless.
                                -- Augustine
%%
Good actions ennoble us, and we are the sons of our own deeds.
                                -- Miguel de Cervantes
%%
Good breeding shows itself most where, to an ordinary eye, it appears
least.
                                -- Addison
%%
Good conversation, like a defensive driver, yields the right of way.
                                -- William Walter De Bolt
%%
Good health and good sense are two of life's greatest blessings.
%%
Good health will be yours for a long time.
%%
Good healthy attitudes are the ones everyone agrees with, because if we
didn't agree with it, it wouldn't be very healthy.
%%
Good humor is the health of the soul, sadness its poison.
                                -- Stanislaus
%%
Good intentions always randomize behavior.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Good intentions are far more difficult to cope with than malicious
behavior.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Good is recognized only when it goes away, evil when it comes.
%%
Good judgement comes from experience.  And experience -- well that comes
from having bad judgement.
%%
Good managers learn to share decisions with others even though they
alone must accept responsibility for the results.
%%
Good news from afar can bring you a welcome visitor.
%%
  Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow
  That I shall say -- good night till it be morrow.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Good parking places are always on the other side of the street.
                                -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.
                                -- William Saroyan
%%
Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry.
                                -- Robert E. Schenk
%%
Good sense about trivialities is better than nonsense about things that
matter.
                                -- Max Beerbohm
%%
Good wine and brave men don't last long.
%%
Good, the more communicated, more abundant grows.
                                -- Milton
%%
Goodness is beauty in its best estate.
                                -- Marlowe
%%
Goodwill is achieved by many actions; it can be lost by one.
%%
Goulden's Axiom of the Bouncing Can (ABC):  If you drop a full can of
beer, and remember to rap the top sharply with your knuckle prior to
opening,  the ensuing gush of foam will be between 89 and 94 percent of
the volume that would splatter you if you didn't do a damned thing and
went ahead and pulled the top immediately.
                                -- Joseph C. Goulden
%%
Government action and inaction both gravely impair business confidence.
                                -- Mark Epernay
%%
Government expands to absorb revenue -- and then some.
                                -- Tom Wicker
%%
Government spending?  I don't know what it's all about.  I don't know
any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he
doesn't know much.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Governments last as long as the under-taxed can defend themselves from
the over-taxed.
%%
Governments, like physicians, must simultaneously be the masters and the
servants of those whom they govern.
                                -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
Gratiano speaks an infinite deal of nothing, more than any man in
Venice; but his reasons are as two grains of wheat in two bushels of
chaff; you seek all day ere you find them; and when you have them, they
are not worth the search.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Gratitude is best and most effective when it does not evaporate itself
in empty phrases.
                                -- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule)
%%
Gratitude is something of which none of us can give too much.  For on
the smiles, the thanks we give, our little gestures of appreciation, our
neighbors build up their philosophy of life.
                                -- A. J. Cronin
%%
Gravity is a mystery of the body, invented to conceal the defects of the
mind.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Gray's Law of Programming: n + 1 trivial tasks are expected to be
accomplished in the same time as n trivial tasks.
%%
Great errors seldom originate but with men of great minds.
                                -- Petrarch
%%
  Great souls by instinct to each other turn.
  Demand alliance, and in friendship burn.
                                -- Addison
%%
Greener's Law: Never argue with a man who buys ink by the barrel.
%%
Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and
common sufferings are far stronger links than common joys.
                                -- Lamartine
%%
Gummidge's Law:  The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to
the number of statements understood by the general public.
%%
H. L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is
H. L. Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
                                -- Maxwell Bodenheim
%%
HAND CRAFTED: machine that assembles it is operated without gloves
%%
HIGH ACCURACY: unit on which all parts fit
%%
HYPOTHESIS: A prediction based on theory formulated after an experiment
is performed designed to account for the ludicrous series of events
which have taken place.
%%
Habit gives endurence, and fatigue is the best nightcap.
                                -- Kincaid
%%
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out the window by any man, but
coaxed down stairs one step at a time.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
Habit is the easiest way to be wrong again.
%%
  Habit with him was all the test of truth;
  "It must be right:  I've done it from my youth."
                                -- George Crabbe
%%
Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and
quoted.
                                -- Fred Allen

(Sarcasm is the sour cream of wit.)
%%
Happiness at age ten was finding an empty six pack of returnable Coke
bottles. The poor kids these days will never know that they missed,
which is why we have a generation gap.
                                -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
Happiness is a paycheck every week.
%%
Happiness is having friends who laugh at your stories when they're not
so funny and sympathize with you in your troubles even when they're not
so bad.
%%
Happiness is in direct proportion to the distance from the home office.
Contradictory Corollary:  The diner who is furthest from the kitchen is
a nervous eater.
                                -- Al Blanchard
%%
Happiness is in the taste, and not in the things themselves; we are
happy from possessing what we like, not from possessing what others
like.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Happiness is just an illusion, filled with sadness and confusion.
%%
  Happy the man, and happy he alone,
  He, who can call today his own;
  He who, secure within, can say
  Tomorrow do thy worst, for I have lived today.
                                -- Dryden
%%
Harris's Law: Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs
there.
                                -- James Gibbons Hunekerm
%%
Hatred is gained as much by good works as by evil.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Have the courage to live.  Anyone can die.
                                -- Robert Cody
%%
Have you ever seen a plant with its leaves curled up?  Have you watered
it and watched its leaves spread out again?  Almost as quick as that can
be the response of a child's mind to a teacher who knows how to nourish
it.
                                -- Morris Mandel
%%
He alone is an acute observer who can observe minutely without being
observed.
                                -- Lavater
%%
He became mellow before he became ripe.
                                -- Alexander Woollcott
%%
He compares your nastiness to that of a man who rises in the morning and
finds that the shoe he has just put his foot in has been used the night
before as a chamber pot.
%%
He conquers who endures.
                                -- Persius
%%
He deservedly loses his own property who covets that of another.
                                -- Phoedrus
%%
  He doth bestrice the narrow world,
  Like a Colossus; and we patty men
  Walk under his huge legs and peep about
  To find ourselvs dishonorable graves.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He doth nothing but talk of his horse; and he makes it a great
appropriation to his own good parts, that he can shoe himself.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He experienced that nervous agitation to which brave men as well as
cowards are subject; with this difference, that the one sinks under it,
like the vine under the hailstorm, and the other collects his energies
to shake it off, as the cedar of Lebanon is said to elevate its boughs
to disperse the show which accumulates upon them.
                                -- Sir Walter Scott
%%
He had had had where he should have had had had.
%%
He had occasional flashes of silence that made his conversation
perfectly delightful.
                                -- Sydney Smith
%%
  He has more goodness in his little finger
  Than you have in your whole body.
                                -- Jonathan Swift
%%
He has, I know not what, of greatness in his looks, and of high fate,
that almost awes me.
                                -- John Dryden
%%
He hated to set precedents; those who did so were sometimes promoted,
more frequently they joined their ancestors.
                                -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
He hath out-villained villainy so far, that the rarity redeems him.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He hath riches sufficient, who hath enough to be charitable.
                                -- Sir Thomas Browne
%%
He is a legend in his own mind.
                                -- Ron Randall
%%
He is no lawyer who cannot take two sides.
%%
He is poor whose expenses exceeds his income.
                                -- La Bruyere
%%
He is the encyclopedia of facts.  The creation of a thousand forests is
in one acorn; and Eygpt, Greece, Rome, Gaul, Britian, America, lie
folded already in the first man.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
He is the most wretched of men who has never felt adversity.
%%
He is truly wise who gains wisdom from another's mishap.
%%
He jests at scars who never felt a wound.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He kept him as the apple of his eye.
%%
  He knew what's what, and that's as high
  As metaphysics wit can fly.
                                -- Meta
%%
He lives by rule who lives himself to please.
                                -- Crabbe
%%
He may look like a clown, but here is the soul of a leader.
%%
He must have a long spoon that must eat with the devil.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He that despairs, degrades the Deity, and seems to intimate, that He is
insufficient, or not just to his word; and in vain hath read the
Scriptures, the world and man.
                                -- Feltham
%%
He that falls into sin is a man; that grieves at it may be a saint; that
boasteth of it is a devil.
                                -- Fuller
%%
He that hath a beard is more than a youth; And he that hath none is less
than a man.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone.
                                -- Jesus Christ
%%
He that lives upon Hope dies farting.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
He that loses hope may part with anything.
                                -- Congreve
%%
He that never changed any of his opinions never corrected any of his
mistakes; and he who was never wise enough to find out any mistakes in
himself will not be charitable enough to excuse mistakes in others.
%%
He that riseth late is not campaigning in New York today.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
He that sips of many arts, drinks of none.
                                -- Fulton
%%
He that spends all his life in sport is like one who wears nothing but
fringes and eats nothing but sauces.
                                -- Fuller
%%
He that uses many words for the explaining any subject, doth like the
cuttlefish, hide himself for the most part in his own ink.
                                -- Ray
%%
He that wants money, means and content, is without three good friends.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He that will have no books but those that are scarce, evinces about as
correct a taste in literature as he would do in friendship, who would
have no friends but those whom all the rest of the world have sent to
coventry.
                                -- Colton
%%
He that will keep a monkey should pay for the glasses he breaks.
                                -- Seldon
%%
He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils, for time is
the greatest innovator.
                                -- Francis Bacon
%%
He that would have a cake out of the wheat must tarry the grinding.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
He thinks that he could easily win your heart.
%%
He travels fastest who travels alone ... but he hasn't anything to do
when he gets there.
%%
He walks as if balancing the family tree on his nose.
%%
He was so narrow-minded he could see through a keyhole with two eyes.
%%
He wasn't exactly hostile to facts, but he was apathetic about them.
                                -- Woollcott Gibbs
%%
He who can take advice is sometimes superior to him who can give it.
                                -- Von Knebel
%%
He who can will.  He who can't, will teach.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
He who comes from the kitchen, smells of its smoke; and he who adheres
to a sect, has something of its cant; the college air pursues the
student; and dry inhumanity him who herds with literary pedants.
                                -- Lavater
%%
He who conceals a useful truth is equally guilty with the propagator of
an injurious falsehood.
                                -- Augustine
%%
He who envies another admits his own inferiorities.
%%
He who falls in love with himself will have no rivals.
%%
He who fights the devil with his own weapons, must not wonder if he
finds him an overmatch.
                                -- South
%%
He who has a shady past knows that nice guys finish last.
%%
He who has burned his mouth blows his soup.
%%
He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.
%%
He who has imagination without learning has wings but no feet.
%%
He who has no mind to trade with the devil, should be so wise as to keep
from his shop.
                                -- South
%%
He who has not a good memory, should never take upon him the trade of
lying.
                                -- Montaigne
%%
He who hates vices hates mankind.
%%
He who hath many friends hath none.
                                -- Aristotle
%%
He who hesitates is poor.
                                -- Max Bialystock
%%
He who invents adages for others to peruse takes along rowboat when
going on cruise.
%%
He who is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else.
%%
He who is most slow in making a promise, is the most faithful in the
performance of it.
                                -- Rousseau
%%
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke.
%%
He who lives by the crystal ball soon learns to eat ground glass.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
He who possesses art and science has religion; he who does not possess
them, needs religion.
                                -- Goethe
%%
He who receives a good turn should never forget it; he who does one
should never remember it.
                                -- Charron
%%
He who reforms himself, has done more towards reforming the public, than
a crowd of noisy, impotent patriots.
                                -- Lavater
%%
He who reigns within himself, and rules passions, desires and fears, is
more than a king.
                                -- Milton
%%
He who sedulously attends, pointedly asks, calmly speaks, cooly answers,
and ceases when he has no more to say, is in possession of some of the
best requisites of man.
                                -- Lavater.
%%
He who sees only half the problem will be buried in the other half.
                                -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
He who sees what comes out, and why, gains wisdom.
                                -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
He who shouts loudest has the floor.
%%
He who steals for others ends up being hanged for himself.
%%
He who tells a lie is not sensible how great a task he undertakes; for
he must be forced to invent twenty more to maintain that one.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
He who when called upon to speak a disagreeable truth, tells it boldly
and has done, is both bolder and milder than he who nibbles in a low
voice and never ceases nibbling.
                                -- Lavater
%%
He who will not reason, is a bigot; he who cannot, is a fool; and he who
dares not, is a slave.
                                -- Byron
%%
He whose pride oppresses the humble may, perhaps, be humbled, but will
never be humble.
                                -- Lavater
%%
He writes his plays for the ages -- the ages between five and twelve.
                                -- George jean Nathan
%%
He's a man out there in the blue, ridin' on a smile and a shoeshine ...
a salesman has got to dream, boys.
                                -- Arthur Miller
%%
Hear one side, and you will be in the dark; Hear both sides, and all
will be in the clear.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
Heat produced by pressure expands to fill the mind available, from which
it can pass only to a cooler mind.
                                -- C. Northcote Parkinson
%%
  Heaven from all creatures hides the book of fate,
  All but the page prescribed, their present fate.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Heaven is above all yet; there sits a judge that no king can corrupt.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Heaven lies about us in our infancy.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Heaven needs no press agent because it has no competition, but sin is
competitive.
%%
Heaven's gates ate not so highly arch'd as princes' palaces; they that
enter there must go upon their knees.
                                -- Webster
%%
Heaven -- it is God's throne.  The earth -- it is His footstool.
                                -- Matthew V, 34
%%
Hell hath no fury like a computer scorned.
%%
Hell hath no fury like a pacifist.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are
German, the traffic patterns are Bostonian, and the cooks are English.
%%
Hell is not to love anymore.
                                -- Georges Bernanos
%%
Hell is truth seen too late.
                                -- H. G. Adams
%%
Help wanted -- must be kindergarten graduate.
%%
Help yourself, and Heaven will help you.
                                -- La Fontaine
%%
Helping one another with simple chores, watching over each others homes,
sharing needs like food and firewood, simple fellowship. These things
make for true community spirit.
                                -- Conrad Meinecke
%%
Henry James had a mind so fine that no idea could violate it.
                                -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Henry James was one of the nicest old ladies I every met.
                                -- William Faulkner
%%
  Her face was like an April morn,
  Clad in a wint'ry cloud;
  And clay-cold was her lily hand,
  That held her sable shroud.
                                -- Mallet
%%
Her lips are roses overwashed with dew.
                                -- Greene
%%
Her tears her only eloquence.
                                -- Rogers
%%
Here comes the orator, with his flood of words and his drop of reason.
%%
Here is the beginning of philosophy: a recognition of the conflicts
between men, a search for their cause, a condemnation of mere
opinion ... and the discovery of a standard of judgement.
                                -- Epictetus
%%
Hereafter I'll be able to understand everything, taking all on trust.
                                -- Tristan Corbiere
%%
Herman's Rule:  If it works right the first time, obviously you've done
something wrong.
%%
Heroism -- the divine relation which in all times unites a great men to
other men.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
Hey! Respect your elders.  Call me Mr. Old Fart.
                                -- Dick Vignoni
%%
Highways in worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts,
which results in low priority for repair work.
%%
  His back against a rock he bore.
  And firmly placed his foot before;
  "Come one, come all!  This rock shall fly
  From its firm base as soon as I."
                                -- Scott
%%
His eye was blue and calm, as is the sky in the serenest noon.
                                -- Willis
%%
His eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming.
                                -- Edgar Allen Poe
%%
  His face was of the doubtful kind;
  That wins the eye and not the mind.
                                -- Scott
%%
His heart was yours from the first moment that you met.
%%
His imagination resembles the wings of an ostrich.
                                -- Thomas Babington Macaulay
%%
His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler.
%%
His style has the desperate jauntiness of a orchestra fiddling away for
dear life on a sinking ship.
                                -- Edmund Wilson
%%
His zeal was hollow; his sermons were like students' songs imperfectly
recalled by a senile don.
                                -- John Rae
%%
History books which contain no lies are extremely dull.
%%
History does not record anywhere, at any time, a religion that has any
rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to
face the unknown without help. But like dandruff, most people do have a
religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable
pleasure from fiddling with it.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
History makes men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtile; natural
philosophy, deep; moral, grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend.
                                -- Bacon
%%
History proves nothing.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
History repeats itself.  That's one of the things wrong with history.
                                -- Clarence Darrow
%%
History shows that money will multiply in volume and divide in value
over the long run.  Or expressed differently, the purchasing power of
currency will vary inversely with the magnitude of the public debt.
                                -- William H. Peterson
%%
Hollywood's Iron Law:  Nothing succeeds like failure.
%%
Honesty coupled to beauty is to have honey a sauce to sugar.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Honor and shame from no condition rise; Act well your part; there all
the honesty lies.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Honor's a good brooch to wear in a man's hat at all times.
                                -- Johnson
%%
Honor's a thing too subtle for wisdom; if honor lie in eating, he's
right honorable.
                                -- Beaumont and Fletcher
%%
Hope for a miracle only after everything else has failed.
%%
Hope is a flatterer, but the most upright of parasites; for she
frequents the poor man's hut, as well as the palace of his superior.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Hope is like the cork to the net, which keeps the soul from sinking in
despair; and fear is like the lead to the net, which keeps it from
floating in presumption.
                                -- Watson
%%
Hope is the fawning traitor of the mind, which, while it cozens with a
color'd friendship robs us of our best virtue -- resolution.
                                -- Lee
%%
  Hope springs eternal in the human breast,
  Man never is, but always to be blest.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Hope, of all passions, most befriends us here.
                                -- Young
%%
Hospitality to the better sort, and charity to the poor; two virtues
that are never exercised so well as when they accompany each other.
                                -- Atterbury
%%
How blest is he who crowns, in shades like these, A youth of labor with
an age of ease.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
How calmly may we commit ourselves to the hands of Him who bears up the
world -- of Him who has created, and who provides for the joy even of
insects, as carefully as if He were their Father!
                                -- Richter
%%
How can I miss you if you won't go away?
%%
How difficult it is to save the bark of reputation from the rocks of
ignorance.
                                -- Petrarch
%%
How do you accomplish anything at all when the city treasury is so bare
that the addition of one coin will double its contents?
%%
How do you spot a leader?  They come in all ages, shapes and
conditions.  Some are poor administrators, some are not overly bright.
One clue:  the true leader can be recognized because somehow his people
consistently turn in superior performances.
                                -- Robert Townsend
%%
How do you tell the difference between an electrical fire and a chemical
fire? You use a fire distinguisher, of course.
                                -- Dave Ascher
%%
How do you uncover greatness in a city so poor that a man will provoke
another man into an argument just so that his donkey can be eating the
other man's grass while they argue?
%%
How does a leader give proof of prowess in a place where a man was
observed to stand all of one morning waiting for a pear on a private
tree to be blown off by a wind into the street, thereby becoming public
property?
%%
How does one conduct great enterprises in a city where people trail oxen
with a broom and pan in hopes of getting a frees surprise?
%%
How far high failure overleaps the bounds of low success.
                                -- Lewis Morris
%%
How gaily a man wakes in the morning to watch himself keep on dying.
                                -- Henry S. Haskins
%%
How immense appear to us the sins that we have not committed.
%%
How many "coming men" has one known!  Where on earth do they all go to?
%%
How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?  Three.  One
to change the bulb, one to tell him how to do it, and one to tell him
he's doing it all wrong.
                                -- Dave Ascher
%%
  How many cowards, whose hearts are all false
  As stairs of sand, wear yet upon their chins
  The beards of Hercules, and frowning Mars;
  Who inward search'd have livers white as milk?
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
How many people live on the reputation of the reputation they might have
made!
                                -- Holmes
%%
How much better it is to weep at joy than joy a weeping.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
How much do you think I'll get for my autobiography?
                                -- Arthur Bremer
(After his arrest for attempting to assassinate Governor George C.
Wallace.)
%%
How much lies in laughter; the cipher-key wherewith we decipher the
whole man! Some men wear an everlasting barren simper; in the smile of
others lies the cold glitter, as of ice; the fewest are able to laugh
what can be called laughing, but only shiff and titter and sniggle from
the throat ourwards, or at least produce some whiffing, husky
cachinnation, as if they were laughing through wool; of none such comes
good.  The man who cannot laugh is only fit for treasons, stratagems and
spoils; but his own whole life is already a treason and a stratagem.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
How sharper than a hound's tooth it is to have a thankless serpent.
%%
How sharper then a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
How slow this old moon wanes!  she lingers my desires, like to a
stepdame, or a dowager, long withering out a young man's revenue.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  How still the evening is
  As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony!
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  How swiftly whirls the disk;
  Data leaps to the floating head
    And is known.
%%
How you look depends on where you go.
%%
However deceitful hope may be, yet she carries us on pleasently to the
end of life.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Human industry, if left to itself, will naturally find its way to the
most useful and profitable employment.
                                -- Adam Smith
%%
Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
%%
Humility is a virtue all preach, none practice, and yet everybody is
content to hear.  The master thinks it good doctrine for his servant,
the laity for the clergy, and the clergy for the laity.
                                -- Selden
%%
Humility is the better part of wisdom, and is most becoming in man.  But
let no one disparage self-reliance; it is, of all the rest, the greatest
quality of true manliness.
                                -- Ferenc Kossuth
%%
Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority
to all that befalls him.
                                -- Romain Gary
%%
Humor is laughing at what you haven't got when you ought to have it.
                                -- Langston Hughes
%%
Humor is the sense of the Absurd, which is despair refusing to take
itself seriously.
                                -- Arland Ussher
%%
Hunger is the best sauce.
%%
Hunger is the best seasoning for meat, and thirst for drink.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Hypocracy is the homage which vice pays to virtue.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Hypocrites do the devil's drudgery in Christ's livery.
                                -- Matthew Henry
%%
Hypotheses multiply so as to fill the gaps in factual knowledge
concerning biological phenomena.
                                -- James D. Regan
%%
I admire the person in charge of this organization. He is an artist at
saying nothing out of both sides of his face.
%%
I am a firm believer in socialism and I know that the quicker you have
monopoly in this country the quicker you will have socialism.
                                -- Charles P. Steinmetz
%%
I am a man; nothing human is alien to me.
%%
I am against all hobbies.  I have been against them ever since I figured
out that  nothing I ever do is considered a hobby.  All my life I have
had to fill out  forms that ask about hobbies.  I always wanted to write
down "reading", but  reading is not a hobby.  If you collect books, that
is a hobby.  If you actually read them, it is not.  If you happen to
watch a butterfly in a field, that is not a hobby.  If you put a pin
through its little heart, that is a hobby.
                                -- Richard Cohen
%%
I am but a gatherer, and a disposer of other men's stuff.
                                -- Watton
%%
I am grateful for all my problems.  As each of them was overcome I
became stronger and more able to meet those yet to come.  I grew on all
my difficulties.
                                -- J. C. Penney
%%
I am never less at leisure than when at leisure, nor less alone than
when I am alone.
                                -- Scipio Africanus
%%
I am not a committee!
                                -- Princess Leia Organa
%%
I am not a crook.
                                -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
I am not senile.
                                -- Ronald W. Reagan
%%
I am one who finds within me a nobility that spurns the idle pratings of
the great, and their mean boast of what their fathers were, while they
themselves are fools effeminate, the scorn of all who know the worth of
mind and virtue.
                                -- Percival
%%
I am reading Henry James ... and feel myself as one entombed in a block
of smooth amber.
                                -- Virginia Woolf
%%
I am so optimistic about beef prices that I've just leased a pot roast
with an option to buy.
%%
I believe in heaven and hell -- on earth.
                                -- Abraham L. Feinberg
%%
I believe in instinct, not in reason. When reason is right, nine times
out of ten it is impotent, and when it prevails, nine times out of ten
it is wrong.
                                -- A. C. Benson
%%
I believe that in actual fact, philosophy ranks before and above the
natural sciences.
                                -- Thomas Mann
%%
I call a complete and generous education that which fits a man to
perform justly, skillfully, and magnanimously all the offices, both
public and private, of peace and war.
                                -- John Milton
%%
I call them as I see them. If I can't see them, I make them up.
                                -- Biff Barf
%%
I can compare our rich misers to nothing so fitly as to a whale; that
plays and tumbles, driving the poor fry before him, and at last devours
them all at a mouthful.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I can get no remedy against this consumption of the purse; borrowing
only lingers and lingers it out, but the disease is incurable.
%%
I can't give you brains, but I can give you a diploma.
                                -- The Wizard of Oz
%%
I can't help feeling a certain pride in the admiration of women. I
suspect that is one of my biggest failings.
                                -- Jose Torres
%%
I cannot draw a cart, nor eat wild oats; if it be a man's work I will do
it.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give you the
formula for failure -- which is: Try to please everybody.
                                -- Herbert Bayard Swope
%%
I claim not to have controlled events, but confess plainly that events
have controlled me.
                                -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
%%
I consider your very testy and quarrelsome people in the same light as I
do a loaded gun, which may, by accident, go off and kill one.
                                -- Shenstone
%%
I could hold every man a debtor to his profession; from the which as men
of course do seek to receive countenance and profit, so ought they of
duty to endeavor themselves by way of amends to be a help and ornament
thereunto.
                                -- Bacon
%%
I could not love thee, dear, so much, loved I not honor more.
                                -- Richard Lovelace
%%
I could not say I believe. I know! I have had the experience of being
gripped by something that is stronger than myself, something that people
call God.
                                -- Carl Jung
%%
I could prove God statistically.
                                -- George Gallup
%%
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
%%
I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I am not afraid of falling
into my inkpot.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
I do not believe in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.
                                -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us
with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use.
                                -- Galileo Galilei
%%
I do not know how it is with you, but for myself I generally give up at
the outset. The simplest problems which come up from day to day seem to
me quite unanswerable as soon as I try to get below the surface.
                                -- Justice Learned Hand
%%
I do not love a man who is zealous for nothing.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
I don't care how poor and inefficient a country is; they like to run
their own business.  I know men that would make my wife a better husband
than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
I don't even know what street Canada is on!
                                -- Al Capone
%%
I don't know what's wrong with people!  All I ask them to do is exactly
what I tell them.
%%
I don't know why it is that the religious never ascribe common sense to
God.
%%
I don't meet competition, I crush it.
                                -- Charles Revson
%%
I don't mind being pampered, but I will NOT be possessed!!!
%%
I don't remember ever having had the itch, and yet scratching is one of
nature's sweet pleasures, and so handy.
%%
I earn what I eat, get what I wear, owe no man hate, envy no man's
happiness, glad of other men's good, content with my harm.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I fear explanations explanatory of things explained.
%%
I feel that the greatest reward for doing is the opportunity to do more.
                                -- Jonas Salk
%%
I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror.
                                -- Elaine Dundy
%%
I gave her the ring; she gave me the finger.
%%
I gave my life to learning how to live. Now that I have organized it all
it's just about over.
                                -- Sandra Hochman
%%
I had been driving my car for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel
and had an accident.
%%
I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I
reached an intersection a hedge sprung up obscuring my vision. I did not
see the other car.
%%
I had rather a fool to make me merry, than experience to make me sad.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I had to hit him, he was starting to make sense.
%%
I hardly know so true a mark of a little mind as the servile imitation
of another.
                                -- Greville
%%
I have a SPONGE that's drier behind the ears than you are!
%%
I have a feeling that at any time about three million Americans can be
had for any militant reaction against law, decency, the Constitution,
the Supreme Court, compassion and the rule of reason.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
I have a fine sense of ridiculous, but no sense of humor.
                                -- Edward Albee
%%
I have discovered the art of fooling diplomats: I speak the truth and
they never believe me.
                                -- Camillo Di Cavour
%%
I have ever held it as a maxim, never to do that through another, which
it was possible for me to execute myself.
                                -- Montesquieu
%%
I have learned this at least by my experiment: that if one advances
confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the
life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in
common hours.
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
I have lived long enough to know what I did not at one time believe --
that no society can be upheld in happiness and honor without the
sentiment of religion.
                                -- Laplace
%%
I have never been able to understand why it is that just because I am
unintelligible nobody can understand me.
                                -- Milton Mayer
%%
I have somewhere seen it observed, that we should make the same use of a
book that the bee does of a flower:  she steals sweets from it, but does
not harm it.
                                -- Colton
%%
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when looked
at in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
                                -- Poul Anderson
%%
I hold that man is in the right who is most closely in league with the
future.
                                -- Henrik Ibsen
%%
I hope when you know the worst you will at once leap into the river and
swim through handsomely, and not, weather-beaten by the divers blasts of
irresolution, stand shivering on the bank.
                                -- Suckling
%%
I hourly learn a doctrine of obedience.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I just DON'T understand human behaviour.
                                -- C-3PO
%%
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.
                                -- Socrates
%%
I know who I am. Sometimes you go away, but I'm still here.
%%
I like blood.  It's a primary color.
%%
I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
%%
I loathe that low vice curiosity.
                                -- Lord Byron
%%
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
                                -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
  I must go seek some dew-drops here,
  And hang a pearl in every cowslip's ear.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I must have slipped a disk - my pack hurts.
%%
I never could believe that Providence had sent a few men into the world
ready booted and spurred to ride, and millions ready saddled and bridled
to be ridden.
                                -- Richard Rumbold, on the scaffold
%%
I never fail to convince an audience that the best thing they could do
was to go away.
%%
I never knew the old gentlemen with the scythe and hour-glass bring
anything but grey hairs, thin cheeks, and loss of teeth.
                                -- Dryden
%%
I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man coming to his senses.
                                -- William Makepeace Thakeray
%%
  I never thought that inorganic
    Matter could attack a man.
  That's why I'm in such a panic --
    I've just seen proof it can!
%%
I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.
                                -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices
I have read with pleasure.
                                -- Clarence Darrow
%%
I never yet heard man or woman much abused that I was not inclined to
think the better of them, and to transfer the suspicion or dislike to
the one who found pleasure in pointing out the defects of another.
                                -- Jane Porter
%%
I noticed that some household columns suggest that people use elbow
grease for cleaning.  After a long and fruitless search, I still have
been unable to find this amazing product.  Could you tell me where to
buy it?
%%
I once had a dog who, like you, insisted on being cheerful in the
morning. I got rid of him by giving him to an immigrant Japanese family
-- and they ate him.
%%
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law,
and headed over the embankment.
%%
I question whether we can afford to teach mother macrame when Johnny
still can't read.
                                -- Governor Jerry Brown
%%
I reject get-it-done, make-it-happen thinking. I want to slow things
down so I understand them better.
                                -- Governor Jerry Brown
%%
I remember those happy days and often wish I could speak into the ears
of the dead the gratitude which was due to them in life and so
ill-returned.
                                -- Gwyn Thomas
%%
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes.  I hope
they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
I see no wisdom in saving up indignation for a rainy day.
                                -- Heywood Broun
%%
I see that fashion wears out more apparel than the man.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neighbors to
the south.  We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about
us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at
heart.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
I shall never ask, never refuse, never resign nor ever not run for
re-election.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
I thought my window was down, but found out it was up when I put my hand
through it.
%%
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found
that I had a skull fracture.
%%
I trust MY judgement. I'm not sure about yours.
%%
I understand a fury in your words, but not your words.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as ALPO
baby food.
                                -- Rodney Dangerfield
%%
I was going to include an ethnic slur in here, but I couldn't figure out
how to get you into this file.
%%
I was on my way to the doctor with rear-end trouble when my universal
joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
%%
I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle.
The driver and passengers then left for a vacation with injuries.
%%
I went to the race track once and bet on a horse that was so good that
it took seven others to beat him!
%%
I will aggravate my voice so, that I will roar you as gently as any
suckling dove; I will roar you an 'twere any nightingale.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I will fight it out at this line if it takes all summer.
                                -- General Ulysses S. Grant
%%
I will never lie to you.
                                -- James E. Carter
%%
I will not be as those who spend the day in complaining of the
head-ache, and the night in drinking the wine that gives the headache.
                                -- Goethe
%%
I will not quarrel with a slight mistake, such as our nature's frailty
may excuse.
                                -- Roscommon
%%
I will roar, that it will do any man's heart good to hear me.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I would call the Democratic Left in Latin America the group which
secures social advances for all the people in a framework of freedom and
consent.
                                -- Luis Munoz Marin
%%
I would rather dwell in the dim fog of superstition than in air rarified
to nothing by the pump of unbelief; in which the panting breast expires,
vainly and convulsively gasping for breath.
                                -- Richter
%%
I would suggest the taxation of all property equally whether church or
corporation.
%%
I write long epigrams, you write nothing.  Yours are shorter.
                                -- Martial
%%
I'd rather go whoring than warring.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.
%%
  I'll pick up my papers,
    and smile at the sky.
  I know that the hypnotized
    never lie.
%%
I'll speak to it through hell itself should gape, and bid me hold my
peace.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
I'm already number 1! Why try harder?
%%
I'm always easy. I'm NEVER cheap!!!
                                -- Dick Munroe
%%
I'm going to get you for this, Croll!
                                -- John Holz
%%
I'm no one's trophy!!!
                                -- Constance Barr
%%
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
                                -- Woody Allen
%%
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is --
I could be just as proud for half the money.
                                -- Arthur Godfrey
%%
I've finally figured out why airports make you walk so far out to get to
your plane.  It's their way of giving your luggage a head start.
%%
I've found my niche.  If you're wondering why I'm not there, there was
this little hole in the bottom ...
                                -- John Croll
%%
I've given up reading books; I find it takes my mind off myself.
%%
I've got tears in my ears from lying on my back in my bed crying over
you.
%%
  I've heard old cunning stagers
  Say fools for arguments use wagers.
                                -- Butler
%%
I've never been poor, only broke.  Being poor is a frame of mind.
                                -- Mike Todd
%%
I've never known an instance in the history of our company where an
executive unloaded responsibilities and duties on one lower in the
ranks, that he did not find himself immediately loaded from above with
greater responsibility.
                                -- Arthur F. Hall
%%
I've seen better heads on half a pint of beer.
%%
I've spent a fortune on my kids' education, and a fortune on their
teeth. The difference is, they use their teeth.
                                -- Robert Orben
%%
I've steered clear of God. He was an incredible sadist.
%%
  I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
  And from that full meridian of my glory
  I haste now to my setting.  I shall fall,
  Like a bright exhalation in the evening
  And no man see me more.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
IMPIETY: Your irreverence toward my deity.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
IT'S HERE AT LAST: rush job; nobody knew it was coming
%%
Ideal goals grow faster than the means of attaining new goals allow.
                                -- Mallory Wober
%%
Idleness and pride tax with a heavier hand than kings and parliaments,
which is why we need a productivity rebate.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Idleness is the holiday of fools.
%%
Idleness travels very slowly, and poverty soon overtakes her.
                                -- Hunter
%%
If "everybody knows" such and such, then it ain't so, by at least ten
thousand to one.
%%
If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z.  X is work.  Y
is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.
                                -- Albert Einstein
%%
If Europe should ever be ruined, it will be by its warriors.
                                -- Montesquieu
%%
If God shuts one door, he opens another.
%%
If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?
                                -- Marvin Kitman
%%
If I can catch him once upon the hip I will feed fat the ancient grudge
I bear him.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive!
                                -- Samuel Goldwyn
%%
If I don't know your name, how am I supposed to tell my diary about you?
%%
If I don't see you in the future, I'll see you in the pasture.
%%
If I have been able to see farther than others, it was because I stood
on the shoulders of giants.
                                -- Sir Isaac Newton
%%
If I may venture my own definition of a folk song, I should call it "an
individual flowering on a common stem."
                                -- Ralph Vaughan Williams
%%
If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by
philosophers.
                                -- Frederick the Great
%%
If Negro freedom is taken away, or that of any minority group, the
freedom of all the people is taken away.
                                -- Paul Robeson
%%
If Noah had consulted with modern-day weather forecasters, there would
have been a ten-percent chance of him building the ark.
                                -- Jim Fiebig
%%
If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad,
he should see how bad it is with representation.
%%
If a ball rims the cup, it is deemed to have dropped.  A ball should not
go sideways.  This violates the laws of physics.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
If a ball stops at the brink of the hole and hangs there, defying
gravity, it is deemed to have dropped.  You can't defy the law of
gravity.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
If a camel is a horse designed by a committee, then a consensus forecast
is a camel's behind.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
If a course requires a prerequisite, a student will not have had it.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
If a great deal of time has been expended seeking the answer to a
problem, with the only result being failure, the answer will be
immediately obvious to the first unqualified person who comes along.
%%
If a jury in a criminal trial stays out for more than twenty-four hours,
it is certain to vote acquittal, save in those instances where it votes
guilty.
                                -- Joseph C. Goulden
%%
If a man do not erect in this age his own tomb ere he dies, he shall
live no longer in monument than the bell rings, and the widow weeps.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life,
he soon will find himself alone.  A man should keep his friendship in
constant repair.
                                -- Johnson
%%
If a man is happy in his work -- exerting himself to the full extent of
his capabilities, and enjoying it -- I'd say he's a success.
                                -- William Romain
%%
If a man will go as far as he can see, he will be able to see farther
when he gets there.
%%
If a man would register all his opinions upon love, politics, religion,
and learning, what a bundle of inconsistencies and contradictions would
appear at last!
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
If a political candidate chooses to go into specifics on a program that
affects a voter's self-interest, the voter gets interested.  If the
proposal involves money, he gets very interested.
                                -- Stuart Spencer
%%
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
%%
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
%%
If a putt passes over the hole without dropping, it is deemed to have
dropped. The law of gravity holds that any object attempting to maintain
a position in the atmosphere without something to support it must drop.
The law of gravity supercedes the law of golf.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing
well.
%%
If a student has to study, he will claim that the course is unfair.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
If a taxpayer thinks he can cheat safely, he probably will.
                                -- Diogenes
%%
If a thing cannot be fitted into something smaller than itself some dope
will do it.
                                -- Eric Frank Russell
%%
If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
                                -- Richard A. Leahy
%%
If a woman attended an American high school between 1930 and 1965,
chances are that no one paid attention to anything but her brains unless
she took the utmost care to conceal them.
                                -- Susan Jacoby
%%
If all I'm offered is a choice between monopolistic privilege with
regulation and monopolistic privilege without regulation, I'm afraid I
have to opt for the former.
                                -- Nicholas Johnson
%%
If all our misfortunes were laid in one common heap, whence everyone
must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their
own and depart.
                                -- Socrates
%%
If all the Chinese simultaneously jumped into the Pacific off a 10 foot
platform erected 10 feet off their coast, it would cause a tidal wave
that would destroy everything in this country west of Nebraska.
%%
If all the economists were laid end to end, they still wouldn't reach a
conclusion.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
If all the people in this world in which we live were as selfish as a
few of the people in this world in which we live, there would be no
world in which to live.
                                -- W. L. Orme
%%
If an apparently severe problem manifests itself, no solution is
acceptable unless it is involved, expensive, and time-consuming.
%%
If an author write better than his contemporaries, they will term him a
plagiarist; if as well, a pretender; but if worse, he may stand some
chance of commendation as a genius of some promise, from whom much may
be expected by a due attention to their good counsel and advice.
                                -- Colton
%%
If an editor can reject your paper, he will.
                                -- Maeve O'Connor
%%
If an emergency strikes, a man should be able to leave his home with
nothing more than the clothes on his back without feeling that he has
left something behind.
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
%%
If an instructor says, "It is obvious" it won't be.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
If an organization carries the word "united" in its name, it means it
isn't, e. g., United Nations, United Arab Republic, United Kingdom,
United States.
                                -- Professor Charles I. Issawi
%%
If anger is not restrained, it is frequently more hurtful to us, than
the injury that provokes it.
                                -- Seneca
%%
If another scientist thought your research was more important than his
(or hers), he would drop what he is doing and do what you are doing.
%%
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men
liberally and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.  But let him
ask in faith, nothing wavering.
                                -- James I, 5,6
%%
If anything can go wrong in an experiment, it will.
%%
If anything can go wrong, it will.

Corollary: If anything just can't go wrong, it will anyway.
                                -- Francis P. Chisholm
%%
If at first you don't succeed that is only to be expected -- there is a
little bit of good even in the best of us. (No one is as good as he
thinks he is.)
%%
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the teacher.
                                -- Stacey Bass
%%
If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try something else.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
If at first you don't succeed, try, try, again. Then quit.  No use being
a damn fool about things.
                                -- W. C. Fields
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you must be doing something wrong.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.
%%
If at first you don't succeed, you're doing about average.
%%
If beauty is only skin deep, you must have been born inside out.
%%
If both Alsops say it's true, it can't be so.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the
first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.
                                -- Gerald Weinberg
%%
If enough reports are prepared and technical reviews are held, negative
information will always filter its way to senior management.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.
%%
If facts do not conform to theory, they must be disposed of.
                                -- N. R. F. Maier
%%
If for every rule there is an exception, then we have established that
there is an exception to every rule.  If we accept "For every rule there
is an exception" as a rule, then we must concede that there may not be
an exception after all, since the rule states that there is always the
possibility of exception, and if we follow it to its logical end we must
agree that there can be an exception to the rule that for every rule
there is an exception.
                                -- Bill Boquist
%%
If good intentions are combined with stupidity, it is impossible to
outthink them.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
If he [a generalist] delights to find a law he is ecstatic when he finds
a law about laws. If laws in his eyes are good, laws about laws are
delicious and are most praiseworthy objects of search.
                                -- Boulding
%%
If he had been born God, it was the clowns who would occupy the lowest
rungs of hell.
%%
If he had two ideas in his head, they would fall out with each other.
                                -- Johnson
%%
If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how
incapable must man be of learning from experience.
%%
If humanity profits from its mistakes, we have a glorious future coming
up.
%%
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you
will break it.
                                -- W. W. Chandler
%%
If it can be understood, it's not finished yet.
                                -- Paul Herbig
%%
If it can break, it will, but only after the warranty expires.
                                -- Sherry Graditor
%%
If it can't be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
If it happens, it must be possible.
%%
If it is generally known what one is supposed to be doing, then someone
will expect him to do it.
                                -- Merle P. Martin
%%
If it jams ... force it.  If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
%%
If it pours before seven, it has rained by eleven.
%%
If it tastes good, you can't have it.  If it tastes awful, you'd better
clean your plate.
%%
If it works well, they'll stop making it.
%%
If it works, don't fix it.
                                -- William O'Neill
%%
If it's good, they'll stop making it.
                                -- Herblock
%%
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that
electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged;
models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
                                -- Virginia Ostman
%%
If life were a bed of roses, some people wouldn't be happy until they
developed an allergy.
%%
  If love makes the world go 'round,
  Why are we going to outer space?
                                -- Margaret Gilman
%%
If no one uses something, it isn't needed.
                                -- Robert Sommer
%%
If nobody uses it, there's a reason.
                                -- Jane Bryant Quinn
%%
  If nuclear ... therefore it must be bad;
  Denounce such power with a protest squeal.
  The scientists made it (surely they're all mad),
  It's better not to think and just to feel.
                                -- Jack Kirwan
%%
If on an actuarial basis there is a 50/50 chance that something will go
wrong, it actually will go wrong nine times in ten.
%%
If one is lucky enough and can accurately define all three of these
parameters, task, time, and resources, then what one deals with is not
the realm of R&D.
%%
If one knows what the task is, and there is a time limit allowed for the
completion of the task, then one cannot guess how much it will cost.
%%
If one only wished to be happy, this could be easily accomplished; but
we wish to be happier than other people, and this is always difficult,
for we believe others to be happier than they are.
                                -- Montesquieu
%%
If only one parking space is available it will have a blue curb (blue
curbs are reserved for "STAFF").
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
If our standard of living gets much higher, most of us won't be able to
afford it.
%%
If ridicule were employed to laugh men out of vice and folly, it might
be of some use; but it is made use of to laugh men out of virtue and
good sense, by attacking everything solemn and serious.
                                -- Addison
%%
  If solid happiness we prize,
  Within our breast this jewel lies,
  And they are fools who roam;
  The world has nothing to bestow;
  From our own selves our joys must flow
  And that dear hut -- our home.
                                -- Cotton
%%
If some people didn't tell you, you'd never know they'd been away on
vacation.
%%
If some stress is brought to bear on a system in equilibrium, the
equilibrium is displaced in the direction which tends to undo the effect
of the stress.
%%
If someone with a rural accent says, "I don't know anything about
politics," zip up your pockets.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
If that's art, I'm a Hottentot!
                                -- Harry S. Truman
%%
If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions aren't likely to be very
good.
                                -- Robert E. Machol
%%
If the average man is made in God's image, then such a man as Beethoven
or Aristotle is plainly superior to God.
%%
If the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement is an
insult to the intelligence and should never have been said.
                                -- Arthur H. Boultbee
(This is best applied to the statements of politicians and TV pundits.)
%%
If the dove chooses to fly with the hawks his feathers stay white but
his heart turns black.
%%
If the enterprise dies, say that you saw it coming ages ago.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
If the experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
%%
If the meek shall inherit the Earth, what will happen to us Tigers?
%%
If the newspapers of a country are filled with good news, the jails will
be filled with good people.
                                -- Daniel P. Monynihan
%%
If the people are to be the governors, who then shall be the governed?
                                -- Cotton Mather
%%
If the people in a democracy are allowed to do so, they will vote away
the freedoms which are essential to that democracy.
                                -- Snell Putney
%%
If the time and resources ($) are clearly defined, then it is impossible
to know what part of the R&D task will be performed.
%%
If the wicked flourish, and thou suffer, be not discouraged.  They are
fatted for destruction:  thou are dieted for health.
                                -- Fuller
%%
If the work of God could be comprehended by reason, it would be no
longer wonderful, and faith would have no merit if reason provided
proof.
                                -- Pope Gregory I
%%
If the world like it not, so much the worse for them.
                                -- Cowper
%%
If there are twelve clowns in a ring, you can jump in the middle and
start reciting Shakespeare, but to the audience, you'll just be the
thirteenth clown.
                                -- Adam Walinsky
%%
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that
will go wrong first will be the one that will do the most damage.
%%
If there is a wrong thing to say, one will.
                                -- Betty Hartig
%%
If there is an opportunity to make a mistake, sooner or later the
mistake will be made.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
If there is any way to do it wrong, you will.
%%
If there is anything education does not lack today, it is critics.
                                -- Nathan M. Pusey
%%
If there is no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist.
                                -- Murray Gell-Mann
%%
If there isn't a law, there will be.
                                -- Harold Faber
%%
If things are not going well with you, begin your effort at correcting
the situation by carefully examining the service you are rendering, and
especially the spirit in which you are rendering it.
                                -- Roger Babson
%%
If things can go wrong, they will -- and when they do, blame it on the
oil industry.
%%
If things were left to chance, they'd be better.
%%
If thou art a master, be sometimes blind; if a servant, sometimes deaf.
                                -- Fuller
%%
If thou hast a loitering servant, send him of thy errand just before his
dinner.
                                -- Fuller
%%
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
                                -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
If ugly was labor, you'd be a long day's work.
%%
If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in
each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.
                                -- Longfellow
%%
If we did not take great pains, and were not at great expense to corrupt
our nature, our nature would never corrupt us.
                                -- Lord Clarendon
%%
If we had no defects ourselves, we should not take so much pleasure in
noting those of others.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
If we in business cannot put the brakes on this creeping socialism, the
free enterprise system will become a thing of the past.
                                -- Barton A, Cummings
%%
If you accept the necessity for freedom of expression, it follows that
in an intellectual controversy any attempt to coerce rather than to
persuade ... is not merely an offense against the person so coerced, but
an erosion of the mechanics which make free expression work, and
therefore make it possible.
                                -- Micheal Kinsley
%%
If you add only a little to a little and do this often, soon that little
will become great.
                                -- Hesiod
%%
If you always postpone pleasure you will never have it.  Quit work and
play for once.
%%
If you anticipate bus delays by leaving your house thirty minutes early,
your bus will arrive as soon as you reach the bus stop or when you light
up a cigarette, whichever comes first.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
If you are brave too often, people will come to expect it of you.
                                -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
If you are concerned about being criticized, you're in the wrong job.
However you vote, and whatever you do, somebody will be out there
telling you that you are: (a) wrong, (b) insensitive, (c) a bleeding
heart, (d) a pawn of somebody else, (e) too wishy-washy, (f) too
unwilling to compromise, (g) all of the above -- consistency is not
required of critics.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
If you are given a clearly defined R&D goal and a definite amount of
money which has been calculated to be necessary for the completion of
the task, one cannot predict if and when the goal will be reached.
%%
If you are to understand others, and have them understand you, know the
big words but use the small ones.
%%
If you break a cup or plate, it will not be the one that was already
chipped or cracked.
                                -- Denys Parsons
%%
  If you call a tail a leg, how many legs has a dog?
    Five?
  No, four. Calling a tail a leg doesn't make it a leg.
                                -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
If you can give your son only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.
                                -- Bruce Barton
%%
If you can keep your head when all about you others are losing theirs,
maybe you just don't understand the situation.
%%
If you can't beat them, have them join you.
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
                                -- Harry S. Truman
%%
If you can't do anything about something, pretend it doesn't exist.
%%
If you can't measure it, I'm not interested.
                                -- Lawrence J. Peter
%%
If you can't measure output, then you can't measure input.
                                -- Charles Schultze
%%
If you can't remember it, it couldn't have been important.
                                -- Larry Groebe
%%
If you cannot inspire a woman with love of you, fill her above the brim
with of herself -- all that runs over the brim will be yours.
                                -- Colton
%%
If you continually give you will continually have.
%%
If you cover a congressional committee on a regular basis, they will
report the bill on your day off.
                                -- Herb Foster
%%
If you destroy delicacy and a sense of shame in a young girl, you
deprave her very fast.
                                -- Mrs. Stowe
%%
If you develop rules, never have more than ten.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
If you disregard the advice of Gen. Douglas MacArthur and go into the
quicksand of an Asian country, like a domino you will fall into the
quicksand of another Asian country next to it.
                                -- Andrew Jacobs, D-Ind.
%%
If you don't go to other men's funerals they won't go to yours.
                                -- Clarence Day
%%
If you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better not
start writing it.
                                -- Dijkstra
%%
If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
                                -- Charles C. Abbott
%%
If you don't like the weather in New England, wait fifteen minutes; it
will change.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
If you don't like the weather, move.
%%
If you don't like yourself, you can't like other people.
%%
If you don't say it, they can't repeat it.
                                -- Wilbur C. Munnecke
%%
If you have to forecast, forecast often.
%%
If you go on a trip taking two bags with you, one containing everything
you need for the trip and the other containing absolutely nothing, the
second bag will be completely filled with junk acquired on the trip when
you return.
                                -- Tony Hogg
%%
If you had your life to live over again -- you'd need more money.
%%
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
                                -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are
someone else will do it for you.
                                -- Clyde F. Adams
%%
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
                                -- Charles C. Abbott
%%
If you have to scream, you're not doing it right.
                                -- Billy Martin
%%
If you have to think about it, it's too late.
%%
If you have too many problems, maybe you should go out of business.
There is no law that says a company must last forever.
%%
If you jot down every silly thought that pops into your mind, you will
soon find out everything you most seriously believe.
                                -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to
boot yourself in the posterior.
                                -- A. J. Liebling
%%
If you lend a person any money, it becomes lost for any purposes of your
own. When you ask for it back again, you find a friend made an enemy by
your own kindness.  If you begin to press still further -- either you
must part with that which you have intrusted, or else you must lose that
friend.
                                -- Plautus
%%
If you lose your temper at a newspaper columnist, he'll get rich or
famous or both.
                                -- James C. Hagerty,
%%
If you make a mistake you right it immediately to the best of your
ability.
%%
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a
year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
If you make money your god, it will plague you like the devil.
                                -- Fielding
%%
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you
really make them think they'll hate you.
%%
If you need a physician, employ these three -- a cheerful mind, rest,
and a temperate diet.
%%
If you pick up a dog and make him prosper he will not bite you. This is
the basic difference between dogs and humans.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
If you play with anything long enough, it will break.
                                -- Louis Zahner
%%
If you play with something long enough, you will surely break it.
%%
If you push something hard enough it will fall over.
%%
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out but
tomfoolery.  But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive
machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
                                -- Pierre Gallois
%%
If you rob Peter to pay Paul, you can always depend on the support of
Paul. (But don't bet on it.)
%%
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you
good, you should run for your life.
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go
wrong, and you circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will
promptly develop.
%%
If you stop to think about it, you're already dead.
%%
If you submit your paper to a second editor, his journal invariably
demands an entirely different reference system.
                                -- Maeve O'Conner
%%
If you suspect a man, don't employ him.
%%
If you take off your right-hand glove in very cold weather, the key will
be in your left-hand pocket.
%%
If you take pleasure in criticism, it's time to hold you tongue.
%%
If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.
                                -- Derek Bok
%%
If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
                                -- Arthur Kasspe
%%
If you think this is funny, look in a mirror.
%%
If you try to please everybody, somebody is not going to like it.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
If you want a track team that will win the high jump, you find one
person who can jump seven feet, not seven people who can jump one foot.
                                -- Frederick E. Terman
%%
If you want enemies, excel others; if you want friends let others excel
you.
                                -- Colton
%%
If you want something done, ask a busy person.
%%
If you want to get along, go along.
                                -- Sam Rayburn
%%
If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee working
on it.
                                -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor.
                                -- Charles L. Geanangel
%%
If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the
Constitution. (It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's
statecraft.)  Instead, read selected portions of the Washington
telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with
titles beginning with the word "National."
                                -- George Will
%%
If you want your name spelled wrong, die.
                                -- Al Blanchard
%%
If you were a character string, your length would be zero.
%%
If you were as innocent as you pretend to be, we'd never get anywhere.
                                -- Sam Spade
%%
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings -- including this one.
%%
If you wish to make a superior product, you must already be engaged in
making an inferior product.
                                -- Jacob A. Varela
%%
If you wish to succeed, consult three old people.
%%
If you wish to, you will have a good opportunity to get even.
%%
If you wish, you will have an opportunity.
%%
If you would be pungent, be brief; for it is with words as with sunbeams
-- the more condensed the deeper they burn.
                                -- Southey
%%
If you would keep a secret from an enemy, tell it not to a friend.
%%
If you're already in a hole, there's no use to continue digging.
                                -- Roy W. Walters
%%
If you're coasting, you're going downhill.
                                -- L. R. Pierson
%%
If you're confident after you've just finished an exam, it's because you
don't know enough to know better.
                                -- Jay Weisman
%%
If you're ever right, never let 'em forget it.
                                -- Edgar R. Riedler
%%
If your doing something the same way you have been doing it for ten
years, the chances are you are doing it wrong.
                                -- Charles Kettering
%%
If your friend won't lend you fifty dollars, he's probably a close
friend.
%%
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of
something you left out.
%%
If your parents didn't have any children, there's a good chance you
won't have any.
                                -- Clarence Day
%%
If your stomach disputes you, pacify it with cool thoughts.
                                -- Satchel Paige
%%
If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to
please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely
girl.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Ignorance is no excuse.
%%
Ignorance of one's ignorance is the greatest ignorance.
%%
Illegetimus non carborundum!
%%
Imagination is the beginning of creation.  You imagine what you desire;
you will what you imagine; and at last you create what you will.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
  Immodest words admit of no defence
  For want of decency is want of sense.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Impatience dires the blood sooner than age or sorrow.
                                -- Creon
%%
Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially
when people are looking.
                                -- Charles Fetridge
%%
Impossible is a word only to be found in the dictionary of fools.
                                -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
Impropriety is the soul of wit.
                                -- Somerset Maugham
%%
In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground
with clubs and uttering spine chilling cries.  Anthropologists call this
a form of primitive self-expression.  In America we call it golf.
%%
In America everybody is of the opinion that he has no social superiors,
since all men are equal, but he does not admit that he has no social
inferiors, for, from the time of Jefferson onward, the doctrine that all
men are equal applies only upwards, not downwards.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
In Fame's temple there is always a niche to be found for rich dunces,
importunate scoundrels or successful butchers of the human race.
                                -- Zimmermam
%%
In God we trust; all others pay cash.
%%
In God we trust.
%%
In a Democracy only those laws which have their bases in folkways or the
approval of strong groups have a chance of being enforced.
                                -- Abraham Myerson
%%
In a bureaucracy accomplishment is inversely proportional to volume of
paper used.
                                -- Foster L. Fowler
%%
In a bureaucracy every routing slip will expand until it contains the
maximum number of names that can be typed in a vertical column, namely,
twenty-seven.
                                -- Daniel Melcher
%%
In a bureaucratic system an increase in expenditure will be matched by a
fall in production.  Such systems will act rather like "black holes" in
the economic universe, simultaneously sucking in resources and shrinking
in terms of "emitted" production.
                                -- Dr. Max Gammon
%%
In a bureaucratic system, useless work drives out useful work.
                                -- Milton Friedman
%%
In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of
anything.
                                -- Jeffery F. Chamberlain
%%
In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of
action, most people will choose the worst one possible.
                                -- S. A. Rudin
%%
In a democracy you can be respected though poor, but don't count on it.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
In a family argument, if it turns out you are right -- apologize at
once!
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
In a few minutes a computer can make a mistake so great that is would
take a man many months to equal it.
%%
In a future life, may you come back as yourself.
%%
In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the
confusion.
%%
In a mature society, "civil servant" is semantically equal to "civil
master."
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
In a medium in which a News Piece takes a minute and an "In-Depth" Piece
takes two minutes, the Simple will drive out the Complex.
                                -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
"one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
In a research and development orbit, only two of the existing three
parameters can be defined simultaneously.  The parameters are: task,
time, and resources.
%%
In a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will
always find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be
inversely proportional to the quality of the thought going into it.
                                -- Stuart A. Cohn
%%
In a vain man, the smallest spark may kindle into the greatest flame,
because the materials are always prepared for it.
                                -- Hume
%%
In all systems of theology the devil figures as a male person. Yet, it
is women who keep the church going.
%%
In all the many-colored worlds of the universe no single ethical code
shows a universal force. ... I am convinced that virtue is but a
reflection of good intent.
                                -- Magnus Ridolf
%%
In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
%%
In an underdeveloped country, don't drink the water; in a developed
country, don't breathe the air.
%%
In an underdeveloped country, when you are absent, your job is taken
away from you; in a developed country a new one is piled on you.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct will
contain errors.
%%
In any decision situation, the amount of relevant information available
is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
                                -- Michael T. Minerath
%%
In any given group, the most will do the least and the least the most.
                                -- Merle P. Martin
%%
In any given miscalculation, the fault will never be placed if more than
one person is involved.
                                -- Merle P. Martin
%%
In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its
storage.
                                -- Bruce O. Boston
%%
In any human enterprise, work seeks the lowest hierarchical level.
                                -- Charles R. Vail
%%
In any organization, the potential is much greater for the subordinate
to manage his superior than for the superior to manage his subordinate.
%%
In any slide presentation, at least one slide will be upside down or
backwards, or both.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
In arguing, too, the parson owned his skill, for even tho' vanquish'd he
could argue still.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
In briefings to busy people, summarize at the beginning what you're
going to tell them, then tell them, then summarize at the end what you
have told them.
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
In business, price increases as service declines.
                                -- James L. Davis
%%
In case of doubt -- make it sound convincing.
%%
  In case of nuclear attack:
    1.  Stand with feet shoulder width apart.
    2.  Bend over to a 90 degree angle.
    3.  Face backwards.
    4.  Kiss your ass goodbye.
%%
In dealing with people, an ounce of sincere, good intentions is worth a
pound of cleverness.
%%
In dealing with the press do yourself a favor.  Stick with one of three
responses:

  (a) I know and I can tell you.
  (b) I know and I can't tell you.
  (c) I don't know.
                                -- Dan Rather
%%
In dealing with their own problems, faculty members are the most extreme
conservatives.  In dealing with other people's problems, they are the
world's extreme liberals.
                                -- Clark Kerr
%%
  In differing breasts what differing passions glow!
  Ours kindle quick, but yours extinguish slow.
                                -- Garth
%%
In every hierarchy, whether it be government or business, each employee
tends to rise to his level of incompetence; every post tends to be
filled by an employee incompetent to execute its duties.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts; they
come back to us with a certain alienated majesty.
%%
In formal logic, a contradiction is the signal of defeat:  but in the
evolution of real knowledge, it marks the first step in progress toward
victory.
                                -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
In handling a stinging insect, move very slowly.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
In his private heart no man much respects himself.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
  In larger things we are convivial;
  What causes trouble is the trivial.
                                -- Richard Armour
%%
In life there is but one bad thing and one good; both of them are women.
%%
In lover's quarrels, the party that loves most is always most willing to
acknowledge the greater fault.
                                -- Scott
%%
In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.
                                -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
In morals, what begins in fear usually ends in wickedness; in religion,
what begins in fear usually ends in fanaticism.  Fear, either as a
principle or a motive, is the beginning of all evil.
                                -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
  In my Lucia's absence
  Life hangs upon me, and becomes a burden;
  I am ten times undone, while hope, and fear,
  And grief, and rage and love rise up at once,
  And with variety of pain distract me.
                                -- Joseph Addison
%%
In my stars I am above thee, but be not afraid of greatness; some are
born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon
them.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
In my view, God educates us through our deceptions and mistakes, in
order to make us understand at last that we ought to believe only in
Him, and not in man.
%%
In order to discover anything you must be looking for something.
                                -- Harvey Neville
%%
In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.
                                -- John Cameron
%%
In order to keep engineers and scientists cognizant of the importance of
progress, load them down with forms, multiple reports, and frequent
meetings.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
In order to make [a person] covet a thing, it is only necessary to make
the thing difficult to attain.
                                -- Samuel Clemens
%%
In our haste to deal with the things that are wrong, let us not upset
the things that are right.
%%
In politics, an absurdity is not a handicap.
                                -- Napoleon Bonaparte
%%
In politics, what begins in fear usually ends in folly.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
In science the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to
the man to whom the idea first occurs.
                                -- Sir William Osler
%%
In spite of all the yearnings of men, no one can produce a single fact
or reason to support the belief in God and in personal immortality.
%%
In the battle of existence, Talent is the punch; Tact is the clever
footwork.
%%
In the bottle, discontent seeks for comfort, cowardice for courage, and
bashfulness for confidence.
                                -- Johnson
%%
In the economic sense, our socialism was more like state capitalism ...
Marx had never dreamed of anything of the sort ... Soviet Russia had
broken with everything in her history that was revolutionary, and had
got onto the usual rails of great-power imperialism.      -- Svetlana
Alliluyeva
%%
In the education of children there is nothing like alluring the interest
and affection; otherwise you only make so many asses laden with books.
                                -- Michel de Montaigne
%%
In the end more than they wanted freedom, they wanted security.  When
the Athenians finally wanted not to give to society but for society to
give to them, when the freedom they wished for was freedom from
responsibility, then Athens ceased to be free.
                                -- Edward Gibbon
%%
In the fight between you and the world, back the world.
                                -- Franz Kafka
%%
In the game of life it's a good idea to have a few early losses, which
relieves you of the pressure of trying to maintain an undefeated season.
                                -- Bill Vaughan
%%
In the gates of Eternity, the black hand and the white hand hold each
other with an equal clasp.
                                -- Mrs. Stowe
%%
In the intercourse of life we please, often, by our defects than by our
good qualities.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
In the lexicon of youth, which fate reserves for a bright manhood, there
is no such word as fail.
                                -- Bulwer
%%
In the long run we are all dead.
                                -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
In the nice bee what sense so subtly true Form pois'ness herbs extract
the healing dew?
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous.
%%
In the space of one hundred and seventy-six years the Mississippi has
shortened itself two hundred and forty-two miles. Therefore, ... in the
Old Silurian Period the Mississippi River was upward of one million
three hundred thousand miles long, ... seven hundred and forty-two years
from now the Mississippi will be only a mile and three-quarters
long. ... There is something fascinating about science. One gets such
wholesome returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of
fact.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes and an occasional
salutary recession.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
In time of trouble, men of talent are called for, but in times of ease
the rich and those with powerful relatives are desired.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
In time, and as one comes to benefit from experience, one learns that
things will turn out neither as well as one hoped nor as badly as one
feared.
                                -- Jerome S. Bruner
%%
In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head.
                                -- Marie Antoinette
%%
In unanimity there may well be either cowardice or uncritical thinking.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
In war, when a commander becomes so bereft of reason and perspective
that he fails to understand the dependence of arms on Divine guidance,
he no longer deserves victory.
                                -- Gen. Douglas MacArthur
%%
Include me out.
                                -- Sam Goldwyn
%%
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
Incompetence tends to increase with the level of work performed.  And,
naturally, the individual's staff needs will increase as his level of
incompetence increases.
                                -- Arthur J. Riggs
%%
Incompetents often hire able assistants.
                                -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Indifference is the only sure defence.
                                -- Jody Powell
%%
Indolence is a delightful but distressing state; we must be doing
something to be happy.  Action is no less necessary than thought to the
instinctive tendencies of the human frame.
                                -- Mahatma Gandhi
%%
Infant care has to be learned from the bottom up.
%%
Inflation is when the only thing free of charge is a rundown battery.
%%
Information flows efficiently through organizations, except that bad
news encounters high impedance in flowing upwards.
                                -- Paul Gray
%%
Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Ingratitude is the crack in the sewer that turns the sweet waters of
life into a running shit pot.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
Innocence is always unsuspicious.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
Innovations in law, whether good or bad, spin an entangling weave far
more often than they sew a straight stitch.  Division of labor can make
for great efficiency; too great a division of labor in lawmaking can
instead create a crazy quilt.
                                -- Michael Scully
%%
Inquisitive people are the funnels of conversation; they do not take in
anything for their own use, but merely to pass it to another.
                                -- Steele
%%
Insanity is often the logic of an accurate mind overtaxed.
                                -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
                                -- Tony Hoare
%%
Inside every science fiction novel is a trilogy struggling to get out.
                                -- Martin Minow
%%
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't
they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning
anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five
years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Integrity has no need of rules.
                                -- Albert Camus
%%
Interrogator's lunch -- grilled cheese    -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Inventing is easy for staff outfits.  Stating a problem is much harder.
Instead of stating problems, people like to pass out half-accurate
statements together with half-available solutions which they can't
finish and which they want you to finish.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable
cost of errors, or somebody insists on getting some useful work done.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
Irony is when you buy a suit with two pair of pants, and then burn a
hole in the coat.
%%
Is it bhang for the buck, or pennies for a pop?
%%
Is not absence death to those who love?
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Is not light grander than fire?  It is the same element in a state of
purity.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
Is there anything in the universe more beautiful and protective than the
simple complexity of a spider's web?
                                -- Charlotte
%%
Is there no way to bring home a wandering sheep, but by worring him to
death?
                                -- Fuller
%%
Isn't every computer a Digital computer?
%%
Isn't this a beautiful day!  Just watch some bastard louse it up.
%%
It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something
from the floor while you get up.
                                -- Avery
%%
It gives me pleasure to be praised by you whom all men praise.
                                -- Tully
%%
It has been said that there are two theories of history:  conspiracy and
blunder.  If there is some truth to that, it is surely equally true that
blunder seldom receives all the credit due it as an explanation of
complex events.
                                -- Michael Scully
%%
It has long been known that one horse can run faster than another -- but
which one? Differences are crucial.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
It is Fortune, not wisdom that rules man's life.
%%
It is a blessed thing that in every age someone has had the
individuality enough and courage enough to stand by his own convictions.
                                -- Robert G. Ingersoll
%%
It is a far, far better thing to have a firm anchor in nonsense than to
put out on the troubled seas of thought.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
It is a good divine that follows his own instructions.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
It is a great and dangerous error to suppose that all people are equally
entitled to liberty.
                                -- John C. Calhoun
%%
It is a great misfortune neither to have enough wit to talk well nor
enough judgement to be silent.
                                -- Jean de La Brupere
%%
It is a miserable thing to live in suspense, it is the life of the
spider.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
It is a mistake to believe that a science consists in nothing but
conclusively proved propositions, and it is unjust to demand that it
should.  It is a demand only from those who feel a craving for authority
in some form and a need to replace the religious catechism by something
else, even it it be a scientific one.
                                -- Sigmund Freud
%%
It is a poor judge who cannot award a prize.
%%
It is a secret known to but a few, yet no small use in the conduct of
life, that if you fall into a man's conversation, the first thing you
should consider is, whether he has a greater inclination to hear you, or
that you should hear him.
                                -- Steele
%%
It is a special trick of low cunning to squeeze out knowledge from a
modest man, who is eminent in any science, and then to use it as legally
acquired, and pass the source in total silence.
                                -- Horace Walpole
%%
It is a very sad thing nowadays there is so little useless information.
                                -- Oscar Wilde
%%
It is against the nature of man as he grows older ... to protest against
change, particularly change for the better.
                                -- John Steinbeck
%%
It is almost impossible systematically to constitute a natural moral
law. Nature has no principles. She furnishes us with no reason to
believe that human life is to be respected. Nature, in her indifference,
makes no distinction between good and evil.
%%
It is amusing for someone accustomed to the traffic in New York to hear
residents of places like Houston and Atlanta complain about congestion
on the highways.  Imagine, in rush hour they have to slow down to 35
miles an hour!
                                -- Barry Bruce-Briggs
%%
It is best to hope only for things possible and probable; he that hopes
too much shall deceive himself at last; especially if his industry does
not go along with his hopes; for hope without action is a barren undoer.
                                -- Feltham
%%
It is better for a city to be governed by a good man than by good laws.
                                -- Aristotle
%%
It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be
coming up it.
                                -- Henry Allen
%%
It is better to be always on your guard than to suffer once.
%%
It is better to be feared than loved, more prudent to be cruel than
compassionate.
                                -- Niccolo Machievelli
%%
It is better to burn out than fade away.
%%
It is better to decide between our enemies than our friends; for one of
our friends will most likely become our enemy; but on the other hand,
one of your enemies will probably become your friend.
                                -- Bias
%%
It is better to have a lion at the head of an army of sheep, than a
sheep at the head of an army of lions.
                                -- De Foe
%%
It is better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all.
                                -- Tennyson
%%
It is better to have nothing to do than to be doing nothing.
                                -- Attilus
%%
It is better to sound a person with whom one deals afar off, than to
fall upon the point at first.
                                -- Bacon
%%
It is better to wear out than to rust out.
%%
It is but poor eloquence, which only shows that the orator can talk.
                                -- Sir Joshua Reynolds
%%
It is by acts and not by ideas that people live.
                                -- Anatole France
%%
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three
unspeakably precious things:  freedom of speech, freedom of conscience,
and the prudence never to practice either of them.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
It is courage the world needs, not infallibility ... courage is always
the surest wisdom.
                                -- Sir Wilfred Grenfell
%%
It is customary for a decimal point to be misplaced.
%%
It is difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.
%%
It is easier to harness human nature than to fight or repress it.
%%
It is easier to run down a hill than up one.
%%
It is easy to understand God as long as you don't try to explain Him.
%%
It is excellent to have a giant's strength, but it tyrannous to  use it
like a giant.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
It is far better to be deceived than to be undeceived by those we love.
%%
It is far easier to be wise for others than to be so for oneself.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is far easier to know men than to know man.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is far more easy to acquire a fortune like a knave than to expend it
like a gentleman.
                                -- Colton
%%
It is fear that first brought gods into the world.
%%
It is good that the young are beautiful; it is the only advantage they
have.
                                -- The Duchess of Windsor
%%
It is hard for an empty bag to stand upright.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
It is hardly possible to suspect another without having in one's self
the seeds of the baseness the other party is accused of.
                                -- Stanislaus
%%
It is impossible for a man to love his wife whole-heartedly without
loving all women somewhat. I suppose that the converse must be true of
women.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so
universal as death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an
evil to mankind.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of
work to do.
%%
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a
tune.
                                -- Woody Allen
%%
It is impossible to make anything foolproof, because fools are so
ingenious.
%%
It is impossible to make people understand their ignorance, for it
requires knowledge to perceive it; and, therefore, he that can perceive
it hath it not.
                                -- Jeremy Taylor
%%
It is in his pleasures that a man really lives, it is from his leisure
that he constructs the fabric of self.
                                -- Agnes Repplier
%%
It is in the nature of mobs to cheer fools.
%%
It is inconceivable that three competing networks, working independently
in complete secrecy, could produce by accident twenty-six new series so
similar in quality.
                                -- Marvin Kitman
%%
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
%%
It is more disgraceful to distrust than to be decieved by our friends.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is more shameful to distrust one's friends than to be deceived by
them.
                                -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
                                -- Jules Becker
%%
It is never clear just how many hands -- or minds -- are needed to carry
out a particular process.  Nevertheless, anyone having supervisory
responsibility for the completion of the task will invariably protest
that his staff is too small for the assignment.
                                -- Andrew Hacker
%%
It is nice to be content in a little house by the side of the road, but
a split-level in suburbia is a lot more comfortable.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
It is no disgrace not to be able to do everything; but to undertake, or
pretend to do, what you are not made for, is not only shameful, but
extremely troublesome.
                                -- Plutarch
%%
It is no longer correct to regard higher education solely as a
privilege.  It is a basic right in today's world.
                                -- Norman Cousins
%%
It is no pleasure to build a web and catch only flies when one knows
there is a wasp about.
%%
It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is
because we do not dare that they are difficult.
                                -- Seneca
%%
It is not enough to do the right thing; one must also do it the right
way.
%%
It is not love of self, but hatred of self which is at the root of the
troubles that afflict the world.
                                -- Eric Hoffer
%%
It is not poverty so much as pretence that harasses a ruined man -- the
struggle between a proud mind and an empty purse -- the keeping up a
hollow show that must soon come to an end.  Have the courage to appear
poor, and you disarm poverty of its sharpest sting.
                                -- Mrs. Jameson
%%
It is not the disease but neglect of the remedy which generally destroys
life.
%%
It is not the quality of the meat, but the cheerfulness of the guests,
that makes the feast.
                                -- Lord Clarendon
%%
It is not work that kills men; it is worry.  Work is healthy; you can
hardly put more upon a man than he can bear.  Worry is rust upon the
blade.  It is not the revolution that destroys the machinery, but the
friction.  Fear secretes acids, but love and trust are sweet juices.
                                -- Beecher
%%
It is often easier to earn money than it is to spend it wisely.
%%
It is one thing to purloin finely-tempered steel, and another to take a
pound of literary old iron, and convert it in the furnace of one's own
mind into a hundred watchsprings, worth each a thousand times as much as
the iron.  When genius borrows, it borrows grandly, giving to the
borrowed matter, a life and beauty it lacked before.
%%
It is only by labor that thought can be made healthy, and only by
thought that labor can be made happy; and the two cannot be separated
with impunity.
                                -- Ruskin
%%
It is only people of small moral stature who have to stand on their
dignity.
%%
It is our policy to steer clear of permanent alliances with any portion
of the
%%
It is questionable if all the mechanical inventions yet made have
lightened the day's toil of any human being.
%%
It is sometimes necessary to play the fool to avoid being deceived by
cunning men.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It is the curse of talent that, although it labors with greater
steadiness and perseverance than genius, it does not reach its goal,
while genius, already on the summit of the ideal, gazes laughingly
about.
%%
It is the function of creative men to perceive the relations between
thoughts, or things, or forms of expression that may seem utterly
different, and to be able to combine them into some new forms -- the
power to connect the seemingly unconnected.
%%
It is the great triumph of genius to make the common appear novel.
%%
It is the guilt, not the scaffold, which constitutes the shame.
                                -- Cornville
%%
It is the height of absurdity to sow little but weeds in the first half
of one's lifetime and expect to harvest a valuable crop in the second
half.
                                -- Percy Johnston
%%
It is the natural order of things.  Nothing can alter it.  The strong
take, the weak surrender.
                                -- Sepp von Plum
%%
It is the nature of the human disposition to hate him who you have
injured.
                                -- Tacitus
%%
It is the pleasure of reward rather than the pain of punishment that
motivates people.
%%
It is the uncensored sense of humor ... which is the ultimate therapy
for man in society.
                                -- Evan Esar
%%
It is the wise bird who builds his nest in a tree.
%%
It is the working man who is the happy man.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
It is to the interest of the commonwealth of mankind that there should
be someone who is unconquered, someone against whom fortune has no
power.
                                -- Seneca
%%
It is true that if your paperboy throws your paper into the bushes for
five straight days it can be explained by Newton's Law of Gravity.  But
it takes Murphy's law to explain why it is happening to you.
%%
It is unwise to do unto others as you would that they do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
It is what we are that gets across, not what we try to teach.
%%
It is worthy of observation, that the most imperious masters over their
own servants, are at the same time, the most abject slaves to the
servants of other masters.
                                -- Seneca
%%
It isn't that things will necessarily go wrong (Murphy's Law), but
rather that they will take so much more time and effort than you think,
if they are not to.
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know
that ain't so.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
It isn't what you know but the simple things you don't overlook.
%%
It markes a big step in a man's development when he comes to realize
that other men can be called on to help him do a better job than he can
do alone.
                                -- Andrew Carnagie
%%
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better
still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
It may be remarked for the comfort of honest poverty, that avarice
reigns most in those who have but few good qualities to recommend them.
This is a weed that will grow in a barren soil.
                                -- Hughes
%%
It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God -- but to
create Him.
%%
It may be true that human beings make more mistakes than computers, but
for a real foul up, give us a computer anytime.
%%
It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety.
                                -- Salvor Hardin
%%
It seems like the less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the
flag.
%%
It seems that nature has concealed at the bottom of our minds, talents
and abilities of which we are not aware.  The passions alone have the
privilege of bringing them to light, and of giving us sometimes views
more certain  and more perfect than art could possible produce.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
It show'd discretion, the best part of valor.
                                -- Beaumont and Fletcher
%%
It sometimes seems as though we were trying to combine the ideal of no
schools at all with the democratic ideal of schools for everybody by
having schools without education.
                                -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder.
%%
It takes everyone to make a happy day.
                                -- Marcy Kay Rumsfeld
%%
  It warms me, it charms me,
  To mention but her name;
  It heats me, it beats me,
  And set me a' on flame.
                                -- Burns
%%
It was a book to kill time for those who liked it better dead.
%%
It was a saying of the ancients, "Truth lies in a well;" and to carry on
this metaphor, we may justly say that logic does supply us with steps,
whereby we may go down to reach the water.
                                -- Dr. I. Watts
%%
It was one of those parties where you cough twice before you speak, and
then decide not to say it after all.
                                -- P. G. Wodehouse
%%
It was one of those perfect summer days -- the sun was shining, a breeze
was blowing, the birds were singing, and the lawn mower was broken.
                                -- James Dent
%%
It will be of little avail to the people that the laws are made by men
of their own choice, if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot be
read, or so incoherent that they cannot be understood; if they be
repealed or revised before they are promulgated, or undergo such
incessane changes that no man who knows what the law is today can guess
what it will be tomorrow.
                                -- The Federalist, No. 62
%%
It would be well, if some who have taken upon themselves the ministry of
the Gospel, that they would first preach to themselves, then afterwards
to others.
                                -- Cardinal Pole
%%
It's NOT my fault!!!
                                -- Han Solo (and a cast of thousands)
%%
It's a good idea to keep your words soft and sweet to the taste.  You
may have to eat them.
%%
It's a poor workman who blames his tools.
%%
It's a sad house where the cock is silent and the hen crows.
%%
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
                                -- Alex Clark
%%
It's amazing how much "mature wisdom" resembles being too tired.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
It's better to keep your mouth closed and be presumed a fool than to
open it and remove all doubt.
%%
It's better to retire too soon than too late.
                                -- Charles A. Mosher
%%
It's clever, but is it art?
%%
It's easier to be a liberal a long way from home.
                                -- Don Price
%%
It's easier to be original and foolish than original and wise.
                                -- Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz
%%
It's easier to be wise for others than for ourselves.
                                -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
It's easy to tell when you've got a bargain -- it doesn't fit.
%%
It's hard to say who brags more, the reformed smoker or the guy whose
car gets 30 miles to the gallon.
                                -- James Alexander
%%
It's hard to sing with an empty glass.
%%
It's later than you think: the joint Russian-American space mission has
already begun.
%%
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
%%
It's not so hard to lift yourself by your bootstraps once you're off the
ground.
                                -- Daniel B. Luten
%%
It's not what you know or what you do, it's who you know.
%%
It's not what you write that counts, it's how it's read.
%%
It's odd how sin must advertise in gaudy trappings. One would think it
would be darker, more discreet.
%%
It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
%%
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
%%
It's the most unhappy people who most fear change.
                                -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon.  Which
raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not
to.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
JIFFY: the time it takes for light to go one centimeter in a vacuum.
%%
JOB PLACEMENT: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.
%%
James Joyce -- an essentially private man who wished his total
indifference to public notice to be universally recognized.
                                -- Tom Stoppard
%%
Jimmy Carter says the GOP Convention was "a debacle."  That's French for
Trust Me.
                                -- National Review
%%
Jimmy Carter says the GOP Convention was "a debacle."  That's high
praise from our country's Debacleur-in-Chief.      -- National Review
%%
Jimmy Carter says the GOP Convention was "a debacle."  What did he
expect -- a helicopter rescue mission?
                                -- National Review
%%
Join the Navy and see the coast!
%%
Jones's Law: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of
someone he can blame it on.
%%
Joy descends gently upon us like the evening dew, and does not patter
down like a hailstorm.
                                -- Richter
%%
Judge a tree from its fruit; not from the leaves.
                                -- Euripides
%%
Judgment is not the knowledge of fundamental laws; it is knowing how to
apply a knowledge of them.
                                -- Charles Gow
%%
Just about the time most of us finally learn all the answers, they
change all the questions.
%%
Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good
solutions seldom black or white.  Beware of the solution that requires
one side to be totally the loser and the other side to be totally the
winner.  The reason there are two sides to begin with usually is because
neither side has all the facts.  Therefore, when the wise mediator
effects a compromise, he is not acting from political motivation.
Rather, he is acting from a deep sense of respect for the whole truth.
                                -- Stephen R. Schwambach
%%
Just as there are three R's there are also three A's of business life.
They are: Ability, Ambition, and Attitude.  Ability establishes what a
worker does and will bring him a paycheck.  Ambition determines how much
he does and will get him a raise.  Attitude guarantees how well he does.
                                -- Wilbert E. Sheer
%%
Just because everything is different doesn't mean anything has changed.
                                -- Irene Peter
%%
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean
it's useless.
                                -- Thomas Edison
%%
Just because you've beaten a sorcerer, doesn't mean you've beaten a
sorcerer.
                                -- Toth-aamon
%%
Just when I finally figure out where it's at ... somebody moves it.
%%
Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it
anymore.
                                -- William P. Lowrey
%%
Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
                                -- Michael J. Wagner
%%
Justice is blind, he knows nobody.
                                -- Dryden
%%
Justice is lame as well as blind among us.
                                -- Otway
%%
Justice, like lightning, ever should appear To few men's ruin, but to
all men's fear.
                                -- Swetnam
%%
Keep cool; especially during meltdowns.
%%
Keep the juices going by jangling around gently as you move.
                                -- Satchel Paige
%%
Keep what you've got; the ills that we know are the best.
                                -- Plautus
%%
Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and completely shut after the
kids grow up.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Keep your fears to yourself; share your courage with others.
                                -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
Keep your sense of humor about your position.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Kerr's Three Rules for Trying New Foods:

  (1) Never try anything with tomatoes in it.
  (2) Never try anything bigger than your head.
  (3) Never, NEVER try anything that looks like vomit.

It is said that Kerr broke all three rules by discovering pizza.
%%
Key to Status: S=D/K.  S is the status of a person in an organization, D
is the number of doors he must open to perform his job and K is the
number of keys he carries.  A higher number denotes a higher status.

Examples:  The janitor needs to open 20 doors and has twenty keys (S =
1), a secretary has to open two doors with one key (S = 2), but the
president never has to carry around any keys since there is always
someone around to open doors for him (with K equal to 0 and a high D,
his S reaches infinity).
                                -- Robert Sommer
%%
Kilroy was here.
%%
  Kind hearts are more than coronets,
  And simple faith than Norman blood.
                                -- Tennyson
%%
Kiss the tear from her lip, you'll find the rose the sweeter for the
dew.
                                -- Webster
%%
Knaves will thrive when honest plainness knows not how to live.
                                -- Shirley
%%
  Knives and scissors, fork and candle,
  little children should not handle.
%%
Know that a happy dieter has other problems.
                                -- Erma Bombeck
%%
  Know then this truth, enough for man to know
  Virtue alone is happiness below.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
  Know then thyself; presume not God to scan;
  The proper study of mankind is man.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Knowledge is power.
                                -- Bacon
%%
LIGHTWEIGHT: lighter than rugged
%%
LINEAR MODEL: An assumption concerning the nature of reality applied
unquestioningly to every relationship as though God had determined that
truth must always run in straight lines.
%%
Language is fossil poetry.
%%
Languages are the pedigrees of nations.
                                -- Johnson
%%
Large numbers of things are determined, and therefore not subject to
change.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Last Words of Advice:  If you pay your taxes and don't get into debt and
go to bed early and never answer the telephone -- no harm can befall
you.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Last guys don't finish nice.
                                -- Stanley Kelly
%%
Last scene of all that ends this strange, eventful history, is second
childishness, and mere oblivion; sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans
everything.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Laughter should dimple the cheek, not furrow the brow.  A jest should be
such, that all shall be able to join in the laugh which it occasions;
but if it bear hard upon one of the company, like the crack of a string,
it makes a stop in the music.
                                -- Feltham
%%
Law expands in proportion to the resources available for its
enforcement.
                                -- Dalin B. Oaks
%%
Law of Historical Causation:  "It seemed like the thing to do at the
time."
                                -- Michael Uhlmann
%%
Law of Institutional Food:  Everything is cold except what should be.
%%
Law of Institutional Food:  Everything, including the corn flakes, is
greasy.
%%
Law of Local Anesthesia:  Never say "oops" in the operating room.
                                -- Dr. Leo Troy
%%
Law of Petroleum:  Where there are Muslims, there is oil; the converse
is not true.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Law of Social Dynamics:  If, in the course of several months, only three
worthwhile social events take place, they will all fall on the same
evening.
%%
Lawrence Radiation Laboratory keeps all its data in an old gray trunk.
%%
Laws can disover sin, but not remove.
                                -- Milton
%%
Laziness is the mother of nine inventions out of ten.
                                -- Philip K. Saunders
%%
Leaders who aid others in growing are certain to experience growth in
themselves.
%%
Leadership, at its highest, consists of getting people to work for you
when they are under no obligation to do so.
%%
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
%%
Learn to be sincere.  Even if you have to fake it.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Learn to hold thy tongue.  Five words cost Zacharias forty weeks'
silence.
                                -- Fuller
%%
Learn to reason forward and backward on both sides of a question.
                                -- Thomas Blandi
%%
Learning maketh young men temperate, is the comfort of old age, standing
for wealth with poverty, and serving as an ornament to riches.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Left to themselves, all things go from bad to worse.
%%
Lend money to a bad debtor and he will hate you.
%%
Lend thy serious hearing to what I shall unfold.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Lenin once observed that gold should adorn the floors of latrines.
%%
Less is more.
%%
Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
%%
Let a man proclaim a new principle. Public sentiment will surely be on
the other side.
                                -- Thomas B. Reed
%%
Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and
not thine own lips.
                                -- Proverbs XXVII, 2
%%
Let cavillers deny that brutes have reason; sure tis something more,
'tis heaven directs, and stratagems inspires beyond the short extent of
human thought.
                                -- Somerville
%%
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
%%
Let him turn and twist slowly in the wind.
                                -- John Ehrlichman
%%
Let honesty be as the breath of thy soul, and never forget to have a
penny, when all thy expenses are enumerated and paid; then shall thou
reach the point of happiness, and independence shall be thy shield and
buckler, thy helmet and crown; then thy soul walk upright, nor stoop to
the silken wretch because he hath riches, nor pocket an abuse, because
the hand which offers it wears a ring set with diamonds.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
  Let me have men about me that are fat;
  Sleck-headed men and such as sleep o'nights.
  Yond' Cassius has a lean and hungry look;
  He thinks too much; such men are dangerous.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Let no man presume to give advice to others that has not first given
good counsel to himself.
                                -- Seneca
%%
Let no man value at a little price a virtuous woman's counsel; her
winged spirit is feathered often times with heavenly words, and, like
her beauty, ravishing and pure.
                                -- Chapman
%%
  Let none think to fly the danger
  For soon or late love is his own avenger.
                                -- Byron
%%
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
%%
Let sleeping dogs lie.
%%
Let the Wookiee win!
%%
Let the soldier be abroad if he will, he can do nothing in this age.
There is another personage, a personage less imposing in the eyes of
some, perhaps insignificant.  The schoolmaster is abroad, and I trust to
him, armed with his primer, against the soldier in full military array.
                                -- Lord Brougham
%%
Let them obey that know not how to rule.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Let us cling to our principles as the mariner clings to his last plank
when night and tempest close around him.
                                -- Dr. Young
%%
Let us suffer any person to tell us his story morning and evening, but
for one twelve-month, and he will become our master.
                                -- Burke
%%
  Let us, then, be up and doing,
  With a heart for any fate;
  Still achieving, still pursuing,
  Learn to labor and to wait.
                                -- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
%%
Let your humor always be good humor in both senses.  If it comes of a
bad humor, it is pretty sure not to belie its parentage.
%%
Let's just be friends and make no special effort to ever see each other
again.
%%
Letters which are warmly sealed are ofter but coldly opened.
                                -- Richter
%%
Levity is the soul of wit.
                                -- Melville D. Landon
%%
Liberals don't care what people do, as long as it's compulsory.
%%
Liberals, but not conservatives, can get attention and acclaim for
denouncing liberal policies that failed; and liberals will inevitably
capture the ensuing agenda for "reform."
                                -- John McClaughry
%%
Liberty consists in the power of doing that which is permitted by law.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have.
                                -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Liberty is always unfinished business.
%%
Liberty is being free from the things we don't like in order to be
slaves to the things we do like.
                                -- Ernest Benn
%%
Liberty is so much latitude as the powerful choose to accord the weak.
                                -- Judge Learned Hand
%%
Liberty is the one thing you can't have unless you give it to others.
                                -- William Allen White
%%
Liberty means responsibility.  That is why most men dread it.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Liberty too can corrupt, and absolute liberty can corrupt absolutely.
                                -- Gertrude Himmelfarb
%%
Liberty! Liberty! how many crimes are committed in thy name.
                                -- Madame Roland
%%
Libraries are the shrines where all the relics of the ancient saints,
full of true virtue, and that without delusion or imposture, are
preserved and reposed.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Life affords no higher pleasure than that of surmounting difficulties,
passing from one step of success to another, forming new wishes and
seeing them gratified.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Life creates it [the Force] and makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us
and binds us. Luminous beings are we ... Feel the flow. Feel the Force
around you.
                                -- Yoda
%%
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases
to be serious when people laugh.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
Life is a series of experiences, each one of which makes us bigger, even
though sometimes it is hard to realize this.
%%
Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think.
%%
Life is doubt, and faith without doubt is nothing but death.
                                -- Miguel de Unamuno
%%
Life is like an onion: you peel off layer after layer, then you find
there is nothing in it.
%%
Life is sometimes hard to love, though we must love it because we have
no other.  To fail to love it is to cease to exist.
%%
Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure.
%%
  Life's but a walking shadow -- a poor player,
  That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
  And then is heard no more.  It is a tale
  Told by idiots, full of sound and fury
  Signifying nothing.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Lika a man made after supper of a cheese-paring; when he was naked, he
was, for all the world, like a forked radish, with a head fantastically
carved upon it with a knife.
                                -- Skakespeare
%%
Like other occult techniques of divination, the statistical method has a
private jargon deliberately contrived to obscure its methods from
non-practitioners.                      -- G. O. Ashley
%%
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
%%
Literature is the grindstone to sharpen the coulters, and to whet their
natural faculties.
                                -- Hammond
%%
Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Little joys refresh us constantly, like house-bread, and never bring
disgust; and great ones, like sugar-bread, briefly, and then bring it.
                                -- Richter
%%
Little progress can be made merely by repressing what is bad.  Our great
hope lies in developing what is good.
%%
Little strokes fell John B. Oakes.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Live and let live.
%%
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
                                -- Josh Billings
%%
Lo! Men have become the tools of their tools.
%%
Loan-department manager:  "There isn't any fine print.  At these
interest rates, we don't need it."
%%
Logic is like the sword -- those who appeal to it shall perish by it.
                                -- Samuel Butler
%%
Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.
                                -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
Logic is the soul of wit, not of wisdom; that's why wit is funny.
                                -- Lincoln Steffens
%%
Logic -- an instrument used for bolstering a prejudice.
                                -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
  Logicians have but ill defined
  As rational the human kind.
  Logic, they say, belongs to man,
  But let them prove it if they can.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Lonely is a man without love.
%%
Lonely men seek companionship. Lonely women sit at home and wait. They
never meet.
%%
Look at governmental programs for the past fifty years.  Every single
one -- except for warfare -- achieved the exact opposite of its
announced goal.
%%
Look on my works ye mighty -- and despair!!!
%%
Look over your shoulder now and then to be sure someone's following you.
                                -- Henry Gilmer
%%
  Look round the wrecks of play behold,
  Estates dismember'd, mortgaged, sold;
  Their owners now to jail confin'd,
  Show equal poverty of mind.
                                -- Gay
%%
Lord, when we are wrong, make us easy to change.  And when we are right,
make us easy to live with.
                                -- Peter Marshall
%%
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none; be able for thine enemy rather
in power than use; and keep thy friend under thine own life's key; be
checked for silence, but never taxed for speech.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.
%%
Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
                                -- George Jean Nathan
%%
Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of trouble, attempts what is above
its strength, pleads no excuse of impossibility; for it thinks all
things lawful for itself, and all things possible.  It is therefore able
to undertake all things, and it completes many things, and brings them
to a conclusion, where he who does not love, faints and lies down.
                                -- Thomas a Kempis
%%
  Love is a god
  Strong, free, unabounded, and as some define
  Fears nothing, pitieth none.
                                -- Milton
%%
Love is a passion which kindles honor into noble acts.
                                -- Dryden
%%
Love is in the offing. Be affectionate to one who adores you.
%%
Love is merely madness; and I tell you, deserves as well a dark house
and a whip, as madmen do; and the reason why they are not so punished
and cured, is that the lunacy is so ordinary, that the whippers are in
love too.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Love is not altogether a delirium, yet it has many points in common
therewith. I call it rather a discerning of the infinite in the finite
-- of the ideal made real.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
Love is not in our choice, but in our fate.
                                -- Dryden
%%
Love is sentimental measles.
%%
Love is strong as death.  Many waters cannot quench love, neither can
the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house
for love, it would be utterly contemned.
                                -- Solomon's Song VIII, 6,7
%%
Love is the salt of life; a higher taste It gives to pleasure, and then
makes it last.
                                -- Buckingham
%%
Love laughs at locksmiths.
%%
Love me little, love me long.
                                -- Milton
%%
  Love not! Love not! the thing you love may change,
  The rosy lip may cease to smile on you,
  The kindly beaming eye grow cold and strange,
  The heart still warmly beat, and not for you.
                                -- Mrs. Norton
%%
Love that has nothing but beauty to keep it in good health is short
lived, and apt to have ague fits.
                                -- Erasmus
%%
Love the sea? I dote upon it -- from the beach.
%%
Love thy neighbor as thyself, but choose your neighborhood.
                                -- Louise Beal
%%
  Love will find its way
  Through paths where wolves would fear to prey,
  And if it dares enough 'twere hard
  If passion met not some reward.
                                -- Byron
%%
Love's like the measles -- all the worse when it comes late in life.
                                -- Jerrola
%%
Love, the sole disease thou canst not cure.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Love, which proclaims thee human bids thee know a truth more lofty in
thy lowliest hour than shallow glory taught to human power, "What's
human is immortal!"
                                -- Bulwer
%%
Loyalty to a petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human
soul.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
Luck is what enabled others to get where they are.  Talent is what
enabled us to get to where we are.
%%
  Lull'd in the ocuntless chambers of the brain,
  Our thoughts are link'd by mny a hidden chain;
  Awake but one, and lo, what myriads arise!
  Each stamps its image as the other flies.
                                -- Alesander Pope
%%
Doctor to patient:  First the good news -- you're going to have a
disease named after you.
%%
MEETS QUALITY STANDARDS: ours, not yours
%%
METHODOLOGICALLY UNSOUND: Using methodology with which I am unfamiliar.
%%
Most of the mistakes of our life come from feeling when we ought to
think and thinking when we ought to feel.
%%
Macbeth:   If we should fail --

Lady Macbeth: We fail?  But screw your courage to the sticking place,
And we'll not fail.
                        -- Shakespeare
%%
Machines certainly can solve problems, store information, correlate, and
play games -- but not with pleasure.          -- Leo Rosten
%%
Machines should work.  People should think.
                                -- IBM motto
%%
  Madness, we fancy, gave an illl-timed birth
  To grinning laughter and to frantic mirth.
                                -- Prior
%%
Main Article of General Systems Faith: the order of the empirical world
itself has an order which might be called order of the second degree.
                                -- Boulding
%%
Maintain eternal vigilance, small squishy thing, and kill anything that
threatens.
                                -- Viver farewell saying.
%%
Major actions are rarely decided by more than four people.  If you think
a larger meeting you're attending is really "hammering out" a decision,
you're probably wrong.  Either the decision was agreed to by a smaller
group before the meeting began, or the outcome of the larger meeting
will be modified later when three or four people get together.
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
Make a wish, it might come true.
%%
Make it sufficiently difficult for people to do something, and most
people will stop doing it.
                                -- Robert Sommer
%%
Make new friends but keep the old ones;  one is silver and the other's
gold.
%%
Make other people like themselves a little better and rest assured
they'll like you very much.
%%
Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes.
%%
Make the most of the day, by determining to spend it on two sort of
acquaintances only -- those by whom something may be got, and those from
whom something may be learned.
                                -- Colton
%%
Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure there is one less
rascal in the world.
                                -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
Make yourself necessary to somebody.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Malpractice makes malperfect.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Mammon has enriched his thousands, and has damned his ten thousands.
                                -- South
%%
Man and wife make one fool.
%%
Man had achieved FREEDOM FROM -- without yet having achieved FREEDOM TO
-- to be himself, to be productive, to be fully awake.
                                -- Erich Fromm
%%
Man has a limited biological capacity for change. When this capacity is
overwhelmed, the capacity is in future shock.
                                -- Alvin Toffler
%%
Man has lost the capacity to foresee and to forestall. He will end by
destroying the earth.
                                -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
Man is a blind, witless, low-brow, anthropocentric clod who inflicts
lesions upon the earth.
                                -- Ian McHarg
%%
Man is a thinking being, whether he will or no; all he can do is to turn
his thoughts the best way.
                                -- Sir W. Temple
%%
Man is born to trouble, as the sparks fly upward.
                                -- Job v, 7
%%
Man is by nature metaphysical and proud. He has gone so far as to think
that the idealistic creations of his mind, which correspond to his
feelings, also represent reality.
                                -- Claude Bernard
%%
Man is demolishing nature ... We are killing things that keep us alive.
                                -- Thor Heyerdahl
%%
Man is forbidden to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.  He
acts against God's command ... From the standpoint of the Church, which
represents authority, this is essentially sin.  From the standpoint of
man, however, this is the beginning of human freedom.
                                -- Erich Fromm
%%
Man is the only animal that contemplates death, and also the only animal
that shows any sign of doubt of its finality.
                                -- William Ernest Hocking
%%
Man is the only creature endowed with the power of laughter; is he not
the only one that deserves to be laughed at?
                                -- Greville
%%
Man know thyself!  All writing centers there.
                                -- Young
%%
Man must accept responsibility for himself ... There is no meaning to
life except the meaning man gives his life by the unfolding of his
powers.
%%
Man never fastened one end of a chain around the neck of his brother,
that God's own hand did not fasten around the neck of the oppressor.
                                -- Lamartine
%%
Man proposes, God disposes.
%%
Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We
must take wing and conquer the heavens.
                                -- Icarus
%%
Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so
long ago.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Man's horizons are bounded by his vision.
%%
  Man's rich with little, were his judgment true;
  Nature is frugal, and her wants are few;
  These few wants, answer'd bring sincere delights;
  But fools create themselves new appetites.
                                -- Young
%%
Man-machine identity is achieved not by attributing human attributes to
the machine, but by attributing mechanical limitations to man.
%%
Management directs and controls change.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Management is incapable of recognizing a true crisis.
                                -- Gene Franklin
%%
Management will select actions or events and convert them to crises.  It
will then over-react.                       -- Gene Franklin
%%
Mankind has become so much one family that we cannot insure our own
prosperity except by insuring that of everyone else.  If you wish to be
happy yourself, you must also resign yourself to seeing others also
happy.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Mankind would be vastly poorer if it had not been for men who were
willing to take risks against the longest odds.  Even if it could be
done, we would be foolish to try to stamp out this willingness in man to
buck seemingly hopeless odds.  Our problem is how to remain properly
venturesome and experimental without making fools of ourselves.
                                -- Bernard Baruch
%%
Many a family tree needs trimming.
%%
Many a girl at loose ends is anxious to be tied up.
%%
Many a man gets to the top of the ladder, and then finds out it has been
leaning against the wrong wall.
%%
Many a sober Christian would rather admit that a wafer is God than that
God is a cruel and capricious tyrant.
%%
Many are called, but few are chosen.
%%
Many books require no thought from those who read them, for a very
simple reason -- they made no such demand  upon those who wrote them.
Those works, therefore, are the most valuable that set our thinking
faculties in the fullest operation.
                                -- Colton
%%
Many changes of mind and mood; do not hesitate too long.
%%
Many live by their wits but few by their wit.
                                -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
Many might go to heaven with half the labor they go to hell.
                                -- Ben Johnson
%%
Many of us spend half our life wishing for things we could have if we
didn't spend half our time wishing.
                                -- Alexander Woollcott
%%
Many pages make a thick book, except for pocket bibles which are on very
very thin paper.
%%
Many people go throughout life committing partial suicide -- destroying
their talents, energies, creative qualities.  Indeed, to learn how to be
good to oneself is often more difficult than to learn how to be good to
others.
                                -- Joshua Leibman
%%
Many people have the ambition to succeed in their work; they may even
have special aptitude for their job.  And yet they do not move ahead.
Why? Perhaps they think that since they can master the job, there is no
need to master themselves.
                                -- John Stevenson
%%
Many politicians ... are in the habit of laying it down as a
self-evident proposition, that no people ought to be free till they are
fit to use their freedom.  The maxim is worthy of the fool ... who
resolved not to go into the water till he had learned to swim.
                                -- Thomas Babington Macaulay
%%
Mark this well, you proud men of action!  You are, after all, nothing
but unconscious instruments of the men of thought.
                                -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Marketing is a fashionable term.  The sales manager becomes a marketing
vice- president.  But a grave digger is still a grave digger even when
he is called a mortician -- only the price of burial goes up.
%%
Marriage is a feast where the grace is sometimes better than the feast.
                                -- Colton
%%
Marriage: a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves
-- making in all two.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Marriage is a good deal like taking a bath -- not so hot once you get
accustomed to it.
%%
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution,
yet.
                                -- Mae West
%%
Marriage is the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly
of the chaise lounge.
                                -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell
%%
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
                                -- Voltaire
%%
Marxist law of the distribution of wealth:  Shortages will be divided
equally among the peasants.
%%
Massachusetts has the best politicians money can buy.
%%
Maternity pay?  Now every Tom, Dick and Harry will get pregnant.
                                -- Malcolm Smith
%%
Mathematics gets its semblance of reality by never saying what it is
talking about.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Matrimony is a processs by which a grocer acquired an account the
florist had.
                                -- Francis Rodman
%%
Matrimony is the root of all evil.
%%
Maugham's advice:  Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to
you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it.
%%
Maxims are the condensed good sense of nations.
                                -- Sir J. Mackintosh
%%
May not taste be compared to that exquisite sense of the bee, which
instantly discovers and extracts the quintessence of every flower, and
disregards all the rest of it?
                                -- Greville
%%
May the Force be with you.
%%
May the Great Camel of Paradise bestow upon you and yours a dropping.
%%
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits.
%%
May you be as healthy as the salmon.
%%
May you get to Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows you're dead.
%%
May you walk a mile behind a camel.
%%
Maybe love hasn't changed much through history, but can you imagine
Heloise and Abelard sitting around rubbing suntan oil on each other?
                                -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Maybe this world is another planet's hell.
                                -- Aldous Huxley
%%
Meanwhile, the guilty soul cannot keep its own secret.  It is false to
itself; or, rather, it feels an irresistible impulse of conscience to be
true to itself ... It must be confessed -- it will be confessed -- there
is no refuge from confession but suicide, and suicide is confession.
                                -- Daniel Webster
%%
Measure not men by Sundays, without regarding what they do all the week
after.
                                -- Fuller
%%
Medicare and Medicaid are the greatest measures yet devised to make the
world safe for clerks.
%%
Melancholy is the nurse of frenzy.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Men are April when they woo, December when they wed, and maids are May
when they are maids, but the sky changes when they are wives.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Men are apt to deceive themselves in big things, but they rarely do so
in particulars.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Men are born with two eyes, but with one tongue, in order that they
should see twice as much as they say.
                                -- Colton
%%
Men are but children of a larger growth.
                                -- Dryden
%%
  Men are machines, with all their boasted freedom,
    Their movements turn on some favorite passion;
  Let art but find the foible out,
    We touch the spring and wind them at our pleasure.
                                -- Brooke
%%
Men are more sentimental then women. It blurs their thinking.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Men are never so likely to settle a question rightly as when they
discuss it freely.
                                -- Macaulay
%%
Men are not against you; they are merely for themselves.
                                -- Gene Fowler
%%
Men are often capable of greater things than they perform.  They are
sent into the world with bills of credit, and seldom draw to their full
extent.
                                -- Horace Walpole
%%
Men are seldom more innocently employed than when they are honestly
making money.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
Men are so constituted that everybody undertakes what he sees another
successful in, whether he has aptitude for it or not.
                                -- Goethe
%%
Men are the sport of circumstances, when the circumstances seem the
sport of men.
                                -- Byron
%%
Men can suck the heady juice of exalted self-importance from the bitter
weed of failure -- failures are usually the most conceited of men.
                                -- D. H. Lawrence
%%
Men fight for freedom; then they begin to accumulate laws to take it
away from them.
%%
Men have died from time to time, and worms have eaten them, but not for
love.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Men have fiendishly conceived a heaven only to find it insipid, and a
hell only to find it ridiculous.
                                -- George Santayana
%%
Men must either be caressed or annihilated and the injury must be such
that the victim cannot pay you back for it.  Whoever acts otherwise is
obliged to stand forever with a knife in his hand.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Men must either be caressed or annihilated.  They will revenge
themselves for small injuries, but they can't do so for great ones.  The
harm the leader does must be such that he need not fear revenge.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Men of genius are often dull and inert in society, as a blazing meteor
when it descends to earth, is only a stone.
                                -- Longfellow
%%
Men often deceive themselves in believing that humility can overcome
insolence.
                                -- Niccolo Machiavelli
%%
Men rarely (if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves.
Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Men rattle their chains to show that they are free.
%%
Men resemble the gods in nothing so much as in doing good to their
fellow creatures.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Men seldom show dimples to girls who have pimples.
%%
Men will never establish any equality with which they can be contented.
Whatever efforts a people may make, they will never succeed in reducing
all the conditions of society to a perfect level.
                                -- Alexis de Tocqueville
%%
Men will sooner surrender their rights than their customs.
                                -- Moritz Guedemann
%%
Men will wrangle for religion; write for it; fight for it; die for it;
anything but -- live for it.                      -- Colton
%%
Men with gray eyes are generally keen, energetic, and at first cold; but
you may depend upon their sympathy with real sorrow.  Search the ranks
of our benevolent men and you will agree with me.
                                -- Dr. Leask
%%
Mere longevity is a good thing for those who watch Life from the side
lines. For those who play the game, an hour may be a year, a single
day's work an achievement for eternity.
                                -- Gabriel Heatter
%%
Merely because the group is in formation does not mean that the group is
on the right course.
%%
Metaphysics is a dark ocean without shores or lighthouse, strewn with
many a philosophic wreck.
                                -- Immanual Kant
%%
Metaphysics is almost always an attempt to prove the incredible by an
appeal to the unintelligible.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.
                                -- Josh Billings (Henry Wheeler Shaw)
%%
Metaphysics may be, after all, only the art of being sure of something
that is not so, and logic only the art of going wrong with confidence.
                                -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
Might as well be frank, monsieur. It would take a miracle to get you out
of Casablanca.
%%
Might may not be right, but it usually wins.
%%
Mighty proud I am that I am able to have a spare bed for my friends.
                                -- Samuel Pepys
%%
Miller's corollary:  Objects are lost because people look where they are
not instead of where they are.
%%
Millions for defense, but not sone cent for tribute.
                                -- C. C. Pinckney
%%
Minds of the strongest and most active powers fall below mediocrity and
labor without effect, if confined to uncongenial pursuits.  And it is
thence to be inferred, that the results of human exertion may be
immensely increased by diversifying its objects.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
  Mingles with the friendly bowl,
  The feast of reason and the flow of soul.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Minimize your therbligs until it becomes automatic; this doubles your
effective lifetime -- and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and
kittens and rainbows.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Miracles are so called because they excite wonder.  In unphilosophical
minds, any rare or unexpected thing excites wonder, while in
philosophical minds the familiar excites wonder also.
                                -- George Santayana
%%
Miraculous secret for the early recovery of patients:  Inflation.
%%
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?  The press is
hopelessly biased or genuinely fair, depending upon whose views are
being misquoted, misrepresented, or misunderstood.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Misery loves company, but company does not reciprocate.
%%
Misery no longer loves company.  Nowadays it insists on it.
                                -- Russell Baker
%%
Misster, do you vant to buy a duck.
%%
Mistakes are oft the stepping stones to failure.
%%
Modern Way:  If It's Good, Scrap It.
                                -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Modesty is to merit as shades to figures in a picture; giving it
strength and beauty.
                                -- La Bruyere
%%
Monday is an awful way to spend one-seventh of your life.
%%
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known of any two
things we have.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Money cannot buy love, nor even friendship.
%%
Money is a good servant, but a dangerous master.
                                -- Bonhours
%%
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
%%
Money is like manure.  If you spread it around, it does a lot of good.
But if you pile it up in one place, it stinks like hell.
                                -- Clint Murchison, Jr.
%%
Money is not the measure of a man, but it will do quite nicely if you
don't have any other yardstick handy.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Money is the sincerest of all flattery. Women love to be flattered. So
do men.
%%
Money is truthful. If a person speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
%%
Money is whatever people believe is money and will voluntarily accept as
money.
%%
Money is wrong -- it's the means whereby man enslaves his brother.
                                -- Finny
%%
Money may buy friendship but money cannot buy love.
%%
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in
years.
%%
Money, therefore, if it is t be anything, must be at least an efficient
and trustworthy instrument by which working people accumulate savings.
                                -- Lewis E. Lehrnman
%%
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
                                -- H. G. Wells
%%
Moscow reportedly has been "closed" for the Olympics.  Access to the
city is restricted, tens of thousands of police patrol the streets, and
authorities are struggling to prevent what they term "ideological
pollution."  Residents are unable to detect any difference in Moscow
life.
                                -- National Review
%%
Most "scientists" are bottle washers and button pushers.
%%
Most accidents in well-designed systems involve two or more events of
low probability occurring in the worst possible combination.
                                -- Robert Machol
%%
Most economists think of God as working great multiple regressions in
the sky..
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Most essential qualification for a politician:  The ability to foretell
what will happen tomorrow, next month, and next year -- and to explain
afterward why it did not happen.
                                -- Winston Churchill
%%
Most general statements are false, including this one.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Most men have more courage than even they themselves think they have.
                                -- Grenville
%%
Most of our so-called reasoning consists in finding arguments for going
on believing as we already do.
                                -- James Harvey Robinson
%%
Most of the evils of life arise from man's being unable to sit still in
a room.
%%
Most of the stuff alongside the road has been thrown out of car windows
by Democrats.
%%
Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't
have any fun at all.
                                -- Woody Allen
%%
Most of us are umpires at heart; we like to call balls and strikes on
somebody else.
                                -- Leo Aikman
%%
Most of us will never do great things, but we can do small things in a
great way.
%%
Most of us would be glad to pay as we go, if we could only catch up on
where we've been.
%%
Most organizations can't hold one idea at a time ... Thus complementary
ideas are always regarded as competitive.  Further, like a quantized
pendulum, an organization can jump from one extreme to the other,
without ever going through the middle.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Most people are mirrors, reflecting the moods and emotions of the
times;  few are windows, bringing light to bear on the dark corners
where troubles fester. The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors
into windows.
                                -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
Most problems have either many answers or no answer.  Only a few
problems have one answer.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Mother Nature is a bitch.
%%
Mr. Henry James writes fiction as if it were a painful duty.
                                -- Oscar Wilde
%%
Much study is a weariness of the flesh.
                                -- Ecclesiastes XII, 12
%%
Much that is dreadful and inhuman in history, much that one hardly likes
to believe, is mitigated by the reflection that the one who commands and
the one who carries out are different people.  The former does not
behold the sight and does not experience the strong impression on the
imagination.  The latter obeys a superior and therefore feels no
responsibility for his acts.
                                -- Frederick Nietzsche
%%
Munroe's Dictum: He that is without sin among you has been bored for a
lllllooooonnnnnggggg time.
%%
Murmur at nothing: if our ills are reparable, it is ungrateful; if
remediless, it is in vain.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Murphy's Last Law:  If nothing went wrong today, you're probably dead.
%%
Murphy's Law never fail~                -- Walter J. Crowell
%%
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under pressure.
%%
Murphy's Law: The accessibility of a small part which has fallen behind
the workbench is directly proportional to its size  and inversely
proportional to its importance.
%%
Murphy's Law: Whatever can go wrong, will.
%%
Murphy's Law: Whatever goes wrong, will get worse.
%%
  Music hath charms to soothe a savage breast,
  To soften rocks, or bend a knotted oak.
  I've read that things inanimate have moved,
  And as with living souls have been inform'd
  By magic numbers and persuasive sound.
                                -- Congreve
%%
My advice to any young man at the beginning of his career is to try to
look for the mere outlines of big things with his fresh, untrained, and
unprejudiced mind.
                                -- H. Selye
%%
My aim is the re-establishment of the worship of men.
                                -- Gabriel D'Annunzio
%%
My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and
denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image to be servants of
their human interests.
                                -- George Santayana
%%
My brother is an only child.
                                -- Bennett Cerf
%%
My congratulations to the committee that planned this day.
%%
My country is the world. My countrymen are all mankind.
                                -- William Lloyd Garrison
%%
My cup hath runneth'd over with love.
%%
My favorite piece of technical writing:  Assembly of Japanese bicycle
require great peace of mind.
                                -- Robert Pirsig
%%
My heart is heavy at the rememberance of all the miles that lie between
us; and I can scarcely believe that you are so distant from me.  We are
parted; and every parting is a form of death, as every reunion is a type
of heaven.
                                -- Edwards
%%
My idea of education is to unsettle the minds of the young and inflame
their intellects.
                                -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
My idea of heaven is eating foie gras to the sound of trumpets.
                                -- Sydney Smith
%%
My indignation, like th' imprisoned fire, pent in the troubled breast of
Aetna, burnt deep and silent.
                                -- Thomson
%%
My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my
life there.
%%
My lips pressed themselves involuntarily to hers -- a long, long kiss,
burning intense -- concentrating emotion, heart, soul, all the rays of
life's light... into a single focus.
                                -- Bulwer
%%
My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say,
and then to say it with the utmost levity.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
My mother had a baby once.
                                -- Jigger
%%
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been
one.
                                -- Groucho Marx
%%
My neighbor is a real energy saver -- hasn't been out of his hammock all
summer.
                                -- Phil Pastoret
%%
  My pen is at the bottom of a page,
  Which, being finished, here the story ends;
  'Tis to be wished it had been sooner done,
  But stories somehow lengthen when begun.
                                -- Byron
%%
My precept to all who build is, that the owner should be an ornament to
the house, and not the house an ornament to the owner.
                                -- Cicero
%%
My rage is not malicious; like a spark of fire by steel enforced out of
a flint it is no sooner kindled, but extinct.
                                -- Goffe
%%
My reason is not framed to bend or stoop; my knees are.
                                -- Michel de Montaigne
%%
My theology, briefly, is that the universe was dictated but not signed.
                                -- Christopher Morley
%%
My to me an empire is.
                                -- Southwell
%%
My uncle is a Southern planter. He's an undertaker in Alabama.
                                -- Fred Allen
%%
Mystery is a word with no objective pertinence, merely describing the
limitations of a mind. In fact, a mind may be classified by the order of
the phenomena it considers mysterious ...
                                -- Magnus Ridolf
%%
NEW: different color from previous design
%%
NO MAINTENANCE: impossible to fix
%%
NUKE THE WHALES!!!
%%
NULL HYPOTHESIS: The type of hypothesis used by a pessimist.
%%
Narrowness of mind is often the cause of obstinacy:  we do not easily
believe beyond what we see.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
  Nations and empires flourish and decay,
  By turns command, and in their turns obey.
                                -- Ovid
%%
Natural abilities are like natural plants; they need pruning by study.
                                -- Francis Bacon
%%
Natural laws have no pity.
%%
Nature abhors a hero.  For one thing, he violates the law of
conservation of energy.  For another, how can it be the survival of the
fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is
most likely to be creamed?
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
%%
Nature gave man two ends -- one to sit on and one to think with.  Ever
since then man's success or failure has been dependent on the one he
used most.
                                -- George R. Kirkpatrick
%%
  Nature here was so lavish of her store,
  That she bestow'd until she had no more.
                                -- Brown
%%
Nature is mighty.  Art is mighty.  Artifice is weak.  For nature is the
work of a mightier power than man.  Art is the work of man under the
guidance and the inspiration of a mightier power.  Artifice is the work
of mere man in the imbecility of his mimic understanding.
%%
Nature is the chart of God, mapping out all His attrributes; art is the
shadow of His wisdom, and copieth His resources.
                                -- Tupper
%%
Nature is the vicar of the Almighty Lord.
                                -- Geoffrey Chaucer
%%
Nature often enshrines gallant and noble hearts in weak bosoms --
oftenest, God bless her!
                                -- in female breasts.         -- Dickens
%%
Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
                                -- Charles Darwin
%%
  Neanderthalers, low of forehead,
    Slunk through prehistoric mists
  Thinking men were pretty horrid --
    Using spears against their fists!
%%
Necessity is the mother of invention.
%%
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
                                -- Dave Farber
%%
Needs are a function of what other people have.
%%
Negative slack tends to increase.
%%
Neither a borrower nor a lender be at less than 18 percent per annum
compounded daily.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Neither great poverty, nor great riches, will hear reason.
                                -- Fielding
%%
Neurosis is a communicable disease.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Never admit anything.  Never regret anything.  Whatever it is, you're
not responsible.
%%
Never appeal to a man's "better nature." He may not have one. Invoking
his self-interest gives you more leverage. -- Lazarus Long
%%
Never argue with an angry person.
%%
Never assume anything except a 4 1/2 percent mortgage.
                                -- David Kindred
%%
Never be first to do anything.
%%
Never bow to authority, but always tip your hat.
                                -- Jim Fiebig
%%
Never build after you are five and forty; have five years' income in
hand before you lay a brick; and always calculate the expense at double
the estimate.
                                -- Kent
%%
Never call a man a fool; borrow from him.
%%
Never characterize the importance of a statement in advance.
                                -- Charles G. Ross
%%
Never confuse motion with action.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs. When they are
growing up, they are nerve ends all over, and resent (quite properly)
any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they'll make mistakes -- but
that's their business, not yours. (YOU made your own mistakes, did you
not?)
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Never decide to buy anything while listening to the salesman.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
Never do anything for the first time.
                                -- Paul Herbig
%%
Never drink from your finger bowl -- it contains only water.
%%
Never eat at a place called Mom's.
                                -- Nelson Algren
%%
Never find your delight in another's misfortune.
                                -- Publius Syrus
%%
Never frighten a little man. He'll kill you.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Never go to a doctor whose house plants have died.
                                -- Erma Bombeck
%%
Never grow old where you once have been great.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
Never have anything to do with an unlucky place, or an unlucky man.  I
have seen many clever men, very clever men, who had not shoes to their
feet.  I never act with them.  Their advice sounds very well, but they
cannot get on themselves; and if they cannot do good to themselves, how
can they do good for me?
                                -- Baron Rothschild
%%
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
                                -- Cordell Hull
%%
Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repainting.
%%
Never join with your friend when he abuses his horse or his wife, unless
the one is about to be sold, and the other to be buried.
                                -- Colton
%%
Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.
                                -- Salvor Hardin
%%
Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
                                -- Nelson Algren
%%
Never look a gift horse in the mouth.
%%
Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.
                                -- John Randolph
%%
Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
                                -- Sam Brown
%%
Never overlook a slight or forget a grudge.
%%
Never play cards with a man called Doc.
                                -- Nelson Algren
%%
Never purchase anything with a handle on it -- it means work.
%%
Never say "The White House wants" -- buildings don't "want."
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Never say maybe in the same circulation area where you just said never.
                                -- Vic Gold
%%
Never say never.
%%
Never say no.
%%
Never say without qualification that your activity has sufficient space,
money, staff, etc.
                                -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him.
%%
Never sell your hens on a wet day.
%%
Never send a letter requesting information to an editor unless you
expect to receive a prolix letter in return.
                                -- Robert Cook
%%
Never shirk from doing anything which your business calls you to do.
The man who is above his business may one day find his business above
him.
                                -- Drew
%%
Never simply say, "Sorry, we don't have what you are looking for."

Always say, "Too bad, I just sold the last one yesterday."
                                -- Robert Skole
%%
Never suffer an exception to occur till the new habit is securely rooted
in your life.  Each lapse is like the letting fall of a ball of string
which one is carefully winding up; a single slip undoes more than a
great many turns will wind again.
                                -- William James
%%
Never tamper with the truth.  Never rationalize it.  What you might like
to believe is not necessarily the truth.
%%
Never tell a lie unless it is absolutely convenient.
%%
Never tell people how to do things.  Tell them what to do and they will
surprise you with their ingenuity.
                                -- Gen. George S. Patton
%%
Never tell them what you wouldn't do.
                                -- Adam Clayton Powell
%%
Never trust a man who is Dr. Jekyll to those above him and Mr. Hyde to
those below him.
                                -- Charles Brower
%%
Never try to out-stubborn a cat.        -- Lazarus Long
%%
Never try to teach a pig to sing;  it wastes your time and it annoys the
pig.
%%
Never underestimate the nature and quality of the enemy.
                                -- Clausewitz
%%
Never underestimate the power of a platitude.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
%%
Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.
                                -- Paul Herbig
%%
New opinions are always suspected, and usually opposed, without any
other reason but because they are not already common.
                                -- John Locke
%%
New systems create new problems.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
News always travels by the fastest available route.
                                -- Major Whitey Ardmore
%%
News stories expand and time contracts, meeting inexorably each day
twenty minutes after a man is supposed to be home for dinner.
                                -- Ray O'Neil
%%
Nice going, sweetheart.
                                -- Joe Patroni
%%
Nice guys finish last.
%%
Nice guys get sick.
%%
Nine times out of ten the man who listens to reason is thinking of some
way to refute it.
%%
No Negro American can be free until the lowliest Negro in Mississippi is
no longer disadvantaged because of his race.
                                -- Ralph Bunche
%%
No action is without side effects.
                                -- Barry Commoner
%%
No amount of experimentation can ever prove me right; a single
experiment can prove me wrong.
                                -- Albert Einstein
%%
No amount of genius can overcome a preoccupation with detail.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
No argument can be drawn from the abuse of a thing against its use.
%%
No atheist, as such, can be a true friend, an affectionate relation, or
a loyal subject.
                                -- Dr. Bentley
%%
No ball game is ever much good unless the people involved hate each
other.
                                -- Avery
%%
No books are lost by lending except those you particularly want to keep.
                                -- Alan Atwood
%%
No bounds his headlong, vast ambition knows.
                                -- Rowe.
%%
No call alligator long mouth till you pass him.
%%
No class of Americans, so far as I know, has ever objected ... to any
amount of governmental meddling if it appeared to benefit that
particular class.
                                -- Carl Becker
%%
No committee could ever come up with anything as revolutionary as a
camel -- anything as practical and as perfectly designed to perform
effectively under such difficult conditions.
                                -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
No company is far preferable to bad, because we are more apt to catch
the vices of others than virtues, as disease is far more courageous than
health.
                                -- Colton
%%
No cord or cable can draw so forcible, or bind so fast, as love can do
with a single thread.
                                -- Burton
%%
No dog will knock a vase over unless it has water in it.
%%
No doubt Jack the Ripper excused himself on the grounds that it was
human nature.
%%
No enemy is so terrible as a man of genius.
                                -- Disraeli
%%
No experiment is ever a complete failure.  It can always serve as a bad
example, or the exception that proves the rule (but only if it is the
first experiment in the series).
%%
No gnus is good gnus.
%%
No good deed goes unpunished.
                                -- Clare Boothe Luce
%%
No man can be wise on an empty stomach.
                                -- George Eliot
%%
No man can possibly improve in any company for which he has not respect
enough to be under some degree of restraint.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
No man is lonely while eating spaghetti.
                                -- Robert Morely
%%
No man is so foolish but he may sometimes give another good counsel, and
no man so wise that he may not easily err if he takes no other counsel
than his own.  He that is taught only by himself has a fool for a
teacher.
                                -- Ben Johnson
%%
No man of honor, as that word is usually understood, did ever pretend
that his honor obliged him to be chaste and temperate, to pay his
creditors, to be useful to his country, or to do good to mankind, to
endeavor to be wise or learned, to regard his word, his promise, or his
oath.
                                -- John Hall
%%
No man was ever so much deceived by another as by himself.
                                -- Greville
%%
No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in
session.
%%
No matter how many reporters share a cab, and no matter who pays, each
puts the full fare on his own expense account.
                                -- Edward P. O'Doyle
%%
No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it,
because it'll never be quite the same again.
                                -- John Cameron
%%
No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
%%
No matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws,
you will lose a small fortune in the exchange.

Corollary: Don't try it; you cannot drink enough of your in-laws' booze
to get even before the liver fails.
                                -- Jackson Clark
%%
No matter how thin you slice it, it's still baloney.
                                -- Alfred E. Smith
%%
No matter what happens, there is always somebody who knew that it would.
%%
No matter what occurs, there is always someone who believed it happened
according to his pet theory.
%%
No matter what result is anticipated, there is always someone willing to
fake it.
%%
No matter what the product or service might be, you can always find it
somewhere else cheaper!
                                -- Ebenezer Scrooge
%%
No matter what the result, there is always someone eager to misinterpret
it.
%%
No matter which train you are waiting for, the wrong one comes first.
                                -- J. R. Meditz
%%
No morality can be founded on authority, even if the authority were
divine.
%%
No one can enjoy freedom unless he is willing to surrender some part of
it.
%%
No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
%%
No one ever prayed heartily without learning something.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
No one is as tired as the person who does nothing.
%%
No one is ever old enough to know better.
                                -- Holbrook Jackson
%%
No one knows his own servants as badly as the master.
%%
No one loves the man whom he fears.
                                -- Aristotle
%%
No one man can terrorize a whole nation unless we are all his
accomplices.
%%
No one remembers learning how to use a spoon, it is something that is
learned and not taught.
%%
No one whom you ask for help will see it either.
%%
No policy intervention in social problems produces the intended  effect
-- if the research is carried out by independent third parties,
especially those skeptical of the policy.
                                -- James Q. Wilson
%%
No reckoning made, but sent to my account With all my imperfections on
my head.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
No slave is ever freed, save he freeth himself.
%%
No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops and,
in the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say to their
sons: "Come back with your shield, or on it". Later on this custom
declined. So did Rome.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
No two people perceive the same thing identically.
                                -- Jack A. Marshall
%%
Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.
%%
Nobody can read Freud without realizing that he was the scientific
equivalent of another nuisance, George Bernard Shaw.
                                -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
Nobody notices when things go right.
                                -- M. Zimmerman
%%
Nobody perceives anything with total accuracy.
                                -- Jack A. Marshall
%%
Nobody really knows what's going on anywhere within your organization.
%%
Nobody suffers the pain of birth or the anguish of loving a child in
order for presidents to make wars, for governments to feed on the
substance of their people, for insurance companies to cheat the young
and rob the old.
                                -- Lewis Lapham
%%
Nobody talks more of free enterprise and competition and of the best man
winning than the man who inherited his father's store or farm.
                                -- C. Wright Mills
%%
Nobody, including the Supreme court, knows what obscenity is.
                                -- Norman Dorsen
%%
Non-cooperation with evil is a much a duty as is cooperation with good.
%%
None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.
%%
None but a fool is always right.
                                -- Hare
%%
  None but an author knows an author's cares,
  Or fancy's fondness for the child she bears.
                                -- William Cowper
%%
None but the well-bred man knows how to confess a fault, or to restrain
himself to lust in his heart.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
None can comprehend eternity but the eternal God.  Eternity is an ocean,
whereof we shall never see the shore; it is a deep where we can find no
bottom; a labyrinth from whence we cannot extricate ourselves and where
we shall ever lose the door.
                                -- Boston
%%
Nonsense is good only because common sense is so limited.
                                -- George Santayana
%%
Not Hercules could have knock'd out his brains, for he had none.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Not a day passes over this earth, but men and women of no note do great
deeds, speak great words and suffer noble sorrows.
                                -- Charles Reed
%%
  Not all the pumice of the polish'd town
  Can smooth the roughness of the barnyard clown;
  Rich, honor'd, titled, he betrays his race,
  By this one mark -- he's awkward in his face.
                                -- Holmes
%%
Nothing can occur beyond the strength of faith to sustain, or,
transcending the resources of religion, to relieve.
                                -- Binney
%%
Nothing causes a prince to be so much esteemed as great enterprises and
giving proof of prowess.  It keeps the people's minds uncertain and
astonished and it keeps them occupied in watching the result.
%%
Nothing increases your golf score like witnesses.
%%
Nothing is certain except death and taxes.  Bretagna's Corollary:  If
anything else is permanent, it is the fact that, given any roadway,
somewhere upon it there will be someone going slower than you are.
                                -- Nicholas Bretagna II
%%
Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a
winning candidate.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving
his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental
attitude.
                                -- W. W. Zeige
%%
Nothing can take the place of practical experience out in the world.
%%
Nothing ever goes away.
                                -- Barry Commoner
%%
Nothing in education is so astonishing as the amount of ignorance it
accumulates in the form of inert facts.
                                -- Henry Adams
%%
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
%%
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
                                -- Fred Bucy, TI, Inc.
%%
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems.
%%
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
                                -- A. H. Weiler
%%
Nothing is new; we walk where others went; There's no vice now but has
its precedent.
                                -- Herrick
%%
Nothing is so contagious as enthusiasm; it is the real allegory of the
tale of Orpheus; it moves stones, it charms brutes.  Enthusiasm is the
genius of sincerity, and truth accomplishes no victories without it.
                                -- Bulwer
%%
Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
                                -- George Eliot
%%
Nothing is so great an instance of ill-manners as flattery.  If you
flatter all the company you please none; if you flatter only one or two,
you affront all the rest.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
Nothing is ultimate.
%%
Nothing lovelier can be found in woman, than to study household good,
and good works in her husband to promote.
                                -- Milton
%%
Nothing makes a man and wife feel closer, these days, than a joint tax
return.
%%
Nothing minor ever happens to a car on a trip.
                                -- Charles D. Hartman
%%
Nothing minor ever happens to a car on the weekend.
                                -- Charles D. Hartman
%%
Nothing minor ever happens to a car.
                                -- Charles D. Hartman
%%
Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend
that he is superior to the other.
                                -- Honore de Balzac
%%
Nothing so much prevents our being natural as the desire of appearing
so.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared
believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance.
                                -- Bruce Barton
%%
Nothing succeeds like success.
                                -- Alexandre Dumas, Pere
%%
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
%%
Nothing will be attempted if all possible objections must first be
overcome.
%%
Nothing worth a damn is ever done as a matter of principle.  If it is
worth doing, it is done because it is worth doing.  If it is not, it's
done as a matter of principle.
                                -- James T. Evans
%%
Nothing, indeed, but the possession of some power can with any certainty
discover what at the bottom is the true character of any man.
                                -- Burke
%%
  Nought shall prevail against us, or disturb
  Our cheerful faith, that all which we behold
  Is full of blessings.
                                -- Wordsworth
%%
Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.
%%
Now good digestion wait on appetite, and health on both.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  Now hatred is by far the longest pleasure;
  Men love in haste, but they detest at leisure.
                                -- Byron
%%
Now that we are no longer a growth company, your beard is a liability.
%%
Numbers are symbols for things; the number and the thing are not the
same.
                                -- G. O. Ashley
%%
Numbers are tools, not rules.
                                -- G. O. Ashley
%%
Nuptial love maketh mankind, friendly love perfecteth it; but wanton
love corrupteth and embaseth it.
                                -- Bacon
%%
O cursed ambition, thou devouring bird, how dost thou from the field of
honesty pick every grain of profit or delight, and mock the reaper's
toil!
                                -- Harvard
%%
O that my tongue were in the thunder's mouth!  Then with a passion would
I shake the world.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  O thou who dost inhabit in my breast,
  Leave not the mansion, so long tenantless;
  Lest growing ruinous the building fall,
  And leave no memory of what it was.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
O to be self-balanced for contingencies!  O to confront night, storms,
hunger, ridicule, accidents, rebuffs as trees and animals do!
                                -- Walt Whitman
%%
O you much partial gods!  Why gave ye men affections, and not power to
govern them?
                                -- Ludovick Barry
%%
  O! love is like the rose,
  And a month it may not see,
  Ere it withers where it grows.
                                -- Bailey
%%
ONE-SHOT CASE STUDY: The scientific equivalent of the four-leaf clover,
from which it is concluded all clover possesses four leaves and is
sometimes green.
%%
OREGANO (Ore-gah-no): The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
%%
OSHA's Discovery:  Wet manure is slippery.
%%
Obituaries are the last writes.
%%
Occam's Razor:  Entities ought not to be multiplied except from
necessity.
                                -- William of Occam
%%
  Of all affliction taught a lover yet
  'Tis sure the hardest science to forget.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Of all forms of caution, caution in love is the most fatal.
%%
Of all mankind, each loves himself the best.
                                -- Terence
%%
Of all possible committee reactions to any given agenda item, the
reaction that will occur is the one which will liberate the greatest
amount of hot air.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Of all the agonies of life, that which is most poignant and harrowing --
that which for the most time annihilates reason and leaves our whole
organization one lacerated, mangled heart -- is the conviction that we
have been deceived where we placed all the trust of love.
                                -- Bulwer
%%
  Of all the passions that possess mankind,
  The love of novelty rules most the mind;
  In search of this, from realm to realm we roam;
  Our fleets come fraught with ev'ry folly home.
                                -- Foote
%%
Of all the strange "crimes" that human beings have legislated out of
nothing, "blasphemy" is the most amazing -- with "obscenity" and
"indecent exposure" fighting it out for second and third place.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
  Of all the tyrants the world affords,
  Our own affections are the fiercest lords.
                                -- Earl of Sterling
%%
  Of all wild beasts preserve me from a tyrant;
  Of all tame -- a flatterer.
                                -- Johnson
%%
Of the delights of this world man cares most for sexual intercourse, yet
he has left it out of his heaven.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
%%
Of what use are forms, seeing at times they are empty?  Of the same use
as barrels, which are at times empty too.
                                -- Hare
%%
Offences ought to be pardoned, for few offend willingly, but as they are
compelled by come affection.
                                -- Hegesippus
%%
Often statistics are used as a drunken man uses lampposts - for support
rather than illumination.
%%
Often the test of courage is not to die but to live.
                                -- Conte Vittorio Alfieri
%%
Oh what a fate worse than death it is to be strapped to the back of a
Wookiee!
                                -- C-3PO
%%
  Oh! greatness! thou art a flattering dream,
  A wat'ry bubble, lighter than the air.
                                -- Tracy
%%
Oh! how many torments lie in the small circle of a wedding ring.
                                -- Colley Cibber
%%
  Oh, sons of earth! attempt ye still to rise,
  By mountains pil'd on mountains to the skies?
  Heaven still with laughter the vain toil surveys,
  And buries madmen in the heaps they raise.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Oh, what is so rare as a full day's work in June?
                                -- Baldwin Sells
%%
Old Jedi Knights never die; they just fade in and fade out.
%%
Old Scottish Prayer:  O Lord, grant that we may always be right, for
Thou knowest we will never change our minds.
%%
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
                                -- Bernard M. Baruch
%%
Old friends are best.  King James used to call for his old shoes; they
were easiest to his feet.
                                -- John Seldon
%%
Old men are fond of giving good advice to console themselves for their
inability to give bad examples.
%%
Om Mani Padme Hum.
%%
Omissions, no less than commissions, are often times branches of
injustice.
                                -- Antoninus
%%
Omittance is no quittance.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are
created jerks.
                                -- Avery
%%
On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy,
but we'll work on it.
                                -- Donald Barr
%%
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only
nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter
what it does.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
On alcohol:  four is one more than more than enough.
                                -- Jim Pastore
%%
On beginning play, as many balls as may be required to obtain a
satisfactory result may be played from the first tee.  Everyone
recognizes a good player needs to "loosen up" but does not have time for
the practice tee.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
On curing the depression that comes with having to work for a living:
Stay home for a day and watch daytime TV.
                                -- Sheldon
%%
On second thought, a philosopher is any person who doesn't want what he
can't get.
%%
On soap operas all whites are in personal touch with (a) a doctor and
(b) a lawyer.
                                -- James L. Davis
%%
On successive charts of the same organization, the number of boxes will
never decrease.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
On the other hand are four fingers and a thumb.
%%
On the theory that one should never take anything for granted, follow up
on everything, but especially those items varying from the norm.  The
greater the divergence from normal routine and/or the greater the number
of offices potentially involved, the better the chance a
never-to-be-discovered person will file the problem away in a drawer
specifically designed for items requiring a decision.
                                -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Once a man gets a reputation as a liar, he might as well be struck dumb,
for people do not listen to the wind.
                                -- Pop Baslim
%%
Once a person has been hired, inertia sets in, and the employer would
rather settle for the current employee's incompetence and ideosyncracies
than look for a new employee.
                                -- Jules Becker
%%
Once a philosopher, twice a pervert.
                                -- Voltaire
%%
Once during prohibition I was forced to live for days on nothing but
food and water.
                                -- W. C. Fields
%%
Once economists were asked, "if you're so smart, why ain't you rich?"
Today they're asked, "Now that you've proved you ain't so smart, how
come you got rich?"
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
Once is not enough.
                                -- Jacqueline Suzzane
%%
Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more!
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Once the erosion of power begins, it has a momentum all its own.
%%
Once things have happened, no matter how accidentally, they will be
regarded as manifestations of an unchangeable higher reason.
                                -- Prof. Charles Frankel
%%
Once you accept your own death all of a sudden you are free to live. You
no longer care about your reputation ... you no longer care except so
far as your life can be used tactically -- to promote a cause you
believe in.
                                -- Saul Alinsky
%%
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a
larger can.  Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger
cans.
                                -- Zymurgy (Conrad Schnieker)
%%
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least
somebody's listening.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.
                                -- Helen Keller
%%
One can never repeat too often, that reason, as it exists in man, is
only our intellectual eye, and that, like the eye, to see, it needs
light -- to see clearly and far, it needs the light of heaven.
%%
One cannot make an omelette without breaking eggs -- but it is amazing
how many eggs one can break without making a decent omelette.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
One crime is concealed by the commission of another.
                                -- Seneca
%%
One does not dip water with a knife.
%%
One does not have to keep bad governments in to keep Communists out.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
One ear heard it, and at the other out it went.
                                -- Chaucer
%%
One fact is better than one hundred apologies.
%%
One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it.
%%
One friend in a lifetime is much; two are many; three are hardly
possible.
                                -- Henry Adams
%%
One function of diplomacy is to dress realism in morality.
%%
One law for the lion and the ox is oppression.
                                -- William Blake
%%
One learns to itch where one can scratch.
                                -- Ernest Bramah
%%
One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true.
%%
One man with courage makes a majority.
                                -- Andrew Jackson
%%
One man's "magic" is another man's "engineering." "Supernatural" is a
null word.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as
one man would have produced alone.  These two plus two more will produce
half again as many ideas.  These four plus four more begin to represent
a creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as many ...
                                -- Anthony Chevins
%%
One man's idea of hell is to be forced to remain in another man's idea
of heaven.
%%
One man's junk is another's income -- and sometimes his priceless
antique.
                                -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
One man's red tape is another man's system.
                                -- Dwight Waldo
%%
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
%%
One moment of patience may ward off a great disaster; one moment of
impatience may ruin a whole life.
%%
One must be either the anvil or the hammer.
%%
One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum
effectiveness is to be achieved.
                                -- Lord Darth Vader
%%
One need only look at Dolly Parton to realize that good things don't
always come in small packages.
%%
One of life's greatest pleasures: paying the last installment.
%%
One of the greatest unsolved riddles of restaurant eating is that the
customer usually gets faster service when the restaurant is crowded that
when it is half empty; it seems that the less that the staff has to do,
the slower they do it.
                                -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people.
                                -- Genghis Khan
%%
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to
do and always a clever thing to say.
                                -- Will Durant
%%
One of the things capitalism brought into the world was democracy,
though I do not think the two are inseparable.
                                -- Micheal Harrington
%%
One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem,
see a fine picture and, if possible, speak a few reasonable words.
                                -- Goethe
%%
One principle object of good-breeding is to suit our behavior to the
three several degrees of men -- our superiors, our equals, and those
below us.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
One thing common to most success stories is the alarm clock.
%%
One thing that helped Rip Van Winkle sleep for 20 years was the fact
that none of his neighbors owned power lawn mowers.
%%
One touch of nature makes the whole world kin.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
One truth discovered, one pang of regret at not being able to express
it, is better than all the fluency and flippancy in the world.
                                -- William Hazlitt
%%
One worthwhile task carried to a successful conclusion is worth
half-a-hundred half-finished tasks.                   -- B. C. Forbes
%%
One's roommate (who has early classes) has an alarm clock that is louder
than God's own.
%%
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other
two-thirds provide.                    -- Will Rogers
%%
Only God can make a random selection.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
Only a coward or a madman would give good for evil.
%%
Only a sadistic scoundrel -- or a fool -- tells the bald truth on social
occasions.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Only constant and conscientious practice in the Martial Arts will ensure
a long and happy life.
                                -- Bruce Lee
%%
Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd.
                                -- Allen Goldfein
%%
Only in time of peace can the wastes of capitalism be tolerated.
                                -- F. R. Scott
%%
Only someone with nothing to be sorry for smiles back at the rear of an
elephant.
%%
Only the dead fail to rise in my presence.
%%
Only the incompetent and mediocre are always at their best.
%%
Open your purse and your mouth cautiously; and your stock of wealth and
reputation shall, at least in repute, be great.
                                -- Zimmerman
%%
Opinion, that great fool, makes fools of all.
                                -- Field
%%
  Opinion, the blind goddess of fools, foe
  To the virtuous, and only friend to
  Undeserving persons.
                                -- Chapman
%%
Opportunity has hair in front, but behind she is bald; if you seize her
by the forlock, you may hold her, but if suffered to escape, not Jupiter
himself can catch her again.
%%
  Order is heaven's first law; and this confest,
  Some are, and must be, greater than the rest,
  More rich, more wise; but who infers from hence
  That such are happier, shocks all common sense.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Order is the first requisite of liberty.
                                -- Georg Wilhelm Hegel
%%
Order is the sanity of the mind, the health of the body, the peace of
the city, the security of the state.  As the beams to a house, as the
bones to the microcosm of man, so is order to all things.
                                -- Southey
%%
Order without liberty and liberty without order are equally destructive.
                                -- Theodore Roosevelt
%%
Other people's patterns of expenditure and consumption are irrational
and slightly immoral.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
Other people's tools work only in other people's yards.
                                -- Jane Bryant Quinn
%%
Our actions are our own; thier consequences belong to Heaven.
                                -- Francis
%%
Our acts our angels are, or good or ill, Our fatal shadows that walk by
us still.
                                -- John Fletcher
%%
Our concern is not how to worship in the catacombs but how to remain
human in the skyscrapers.
%%
Our customer's paperwork is profit.  Our own paperwork is loss.
                                -- Tony Brown, Control Data Corp.
%%
Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by
fearing to attempt.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Our grand business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to
do what lies clearly at hand.
                                -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every
time we fall.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
Our happiness in this world depends on the affections we are enabled to
inspire.
                                -- Duchesse de Praslin
%%
Our humanity were a poor thing were it not for the divinity which stirs
within us.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Our judgment can be no better than our information.
%%
Our liberty depends on freedom of the press, and that cannot be limited
without being lost.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Our lifetime may be the last that will be lived out in a technological
society.
                                -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Our natures are like oil; compound us with anything, yet will we strive
to swim at the top.
                                -- Beaumont and Fletcher
%%
Our own heart, and not other men's opinions form our true honor.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
Our passions are like convulsion fits, which, though they make us
stronger for a time, leave us the weaker ever after.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Our repentance is not so much regret for the evil we have done, as fear
of its consequences.
%%
Ours is a world where people don't know what they want and are willing
to go through hell to get it.
%%
Out of the same substances one stomach will extract nourishment, another
poison; and so the same disappointments in life will chasten and refine
one man's spirit, and embitter another's.
                                -- William Matthews
%%
PERFORMANCE PROVEN: will operate through warranty period
%%
PO TEE WEET PEE WONGGG!!! You will be converted into software in 30
seconds!
%%
POST-TEST: A test made too late.
%%
PRE-TEST: A test made too early.
%%
  PUNCH     MEN
   KICK    WOMEN
   CHOP   CHILDREN
                                -- Sign in window of karate studio
%%
Pacifism is simply undisguised cowardice.
                                -- Adolf Hitler
%%
Pale death approaches with an equal step, and knocks indiscriminately at
the door of the cottage, and the portals of the palace.
                                -- Horace
%%
Parents cannot leave a better legacy to the world than well-educated
children.
%%
Parkinson's Finding on Journals:  The progress of science varies
inversely with the number of journals published.
%%
Parkinson's First Law:  Work expands so as to fill the time available
for its completion.
%%
Parkinson's Law of Medical Research:  Successful research attracts the
bigger grant which makes further research impossible.
%%
Parkinson's Law of 1000:  An enterprise employing more than 1000 people
becomes a self-perpetuating empire, creating so much internal work that
it no longer needs any contact with the outside world.
%%
Parkinson's Law of Delay:  Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
%%
Parkinson's New Law:  The printed word expands to fill the space
available to it.
%%
Parkinson's Principle of Non-Origination:  It is the essence of
grantsmanship to persuade the Foundation executives that is was they who
suggested the research project and that you were a belated convert,
agreeing reluctantly to all that had proposed.
%%
Parkinson's Second Law:  Expenditure rises to meet income.
%%
Parkinson's Telephone Law:  the effectiveness of a telephone
conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.
%%
Parkinson's Third Law:  Expansion means complexity and complexity,
decay; or to put it even more plainly -- the more complex, the sooner
dead.
%%
Passengers on elevators constantly rearrange their positions as people
get on and off so there is at all times an equal distance between all
bodies.
                                -- John Sharkey
%%
Passion often makes a madman of the cleverest man, and renders the
greatest fools clever.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Passions are fashions.
                                -- Clifton Fadiman
%%
Patience is sorrow's salve.
                                -- Winston Churchill
%%
Peace is an extension of war by political means. Plenty of elbow room is
pleasanter -- and much safer.            -- Lazarus Long
%%
Pedantry crams our heads with learned lumber, and takes out our brains
to make room for it.
                                -- Colton
%%
People are always available for work in the past tense.
%%
People are never as happy or as unhappy as they think.
%%
People are never so ready to believe you as when you say things in
dispraise of yourself; and you are never so much annoyed as when they
take you at your word.
                                -- Somerset Maugham
%%
People at the top make decisions as though times were good when people
at the bottom know that the organization is collapsing.
                                -- Paul Gray
%%
People become progressive less competent for jobs they were once well
equipped to handle.
                                -- Paul Armer
%%
People don't change; they only become more so.
                                -- John Bright-Holmes
%%
People fail many times, but they become failures only when they begin to
blame someone else.
%%
People have a way of becoming what you encourage them to be, not what
you nag them to be.
%%
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
People may forget how fast you did a job, but they will remember how
well you did it.
%%
People see what they have been conditioned to see; they refuse to see
what they don't expect to see.
                                -- Merle P. Martin
%%
People seldom improve, when they have no other model but themselves to
copy.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
People want JUST taxes more than they want LOWER taxes. They want to
know that every man is paying his proportionate share according to
wealth.
%%
People who are always taking care of their health are like misers, who
are hoarding a treasure which they have never spirit enough to enjoy.
                                -- Sterne
%%
People who are excessively concerned about the environment invariably
turn out to own a great deal of land.  There are damn few unemployed and
renters in the ecology movement.
                                -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
People who believe that the dead never come back to life should be here
at quitting time.
%%
People who can't figure out what to do with a Sunday afternoon are often
the same ones who can't wait for retirement.
%%
People who develop the habit of thinking of themselves as world citizens
are fulfilling the first requirement of sanity in our time.
                                -- Norman Cousins
%%
People who fail to understand their past mistakes may be condemned to
make them over again.
%%
People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor
jerk who is shy half a slug who must tighten his belt.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
People who have no faith in themselves seldom have faith in others.
%%
People who have no faults are terrible; there is no way of taking
advantage of them.
%%
People who live in glass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
%%
People who lose their heads are usually the last to miss them.
%%
People who run down others are taking a roundabout way of praising
themselves.
%%
People who take cat naps don't usually sleep in a cat's cradle.
%%
People who wait until they feel like doing a job rarely do.
%%
People who will not admit they've been wrong love themselves more than
they love the truth.
%%
People who write the most interesting and effective letters never answer
letters.  They answer people.
%%
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin
Franklin said it first.
                                -- David H. Comins
%%
People will be happy in about the same degree that they are helpful.
%%
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
%%
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
%%
Perfect happiness, I believe, was never intended by the Diety to be the
lot of one of His creatures in this world; but that He has very much put
in our power the nearness of our approaches to it, is what I have
steadfastly believed.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Perfect valor is to do unwitnessed what we should be capable of doing
before all the world.
                                -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make
yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether
you like it or not.
                                -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
Perhaps the only true dignity of man is his capacity to despise himself.
                                -- George Santayana
%%
Perhaps we are wiser, less selfish and more far-seeing than we were two
hundred years ago. But we are still imperfectly all these good things,
and since the turn of the century it has been remarked that neither
wisdom nor virtue have increased as rapidly as the need for both.
                                -- Joseph Wood Krutch
%%
Periods of tranquility are seldom prolific of creative achievement.
Mankind has to be stirred up.
                                -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
Persevering mediocrity is much more respectable, and unspeakably more
useful than talented inconstancy.
                                -- Dr. James Hamilton
%%
Persons disagreeing with your facts are almost always emotional and
employ faulty reasoning.
%%
Peter's Inversion:  Internal consistency is valued more highly than
efficiency.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
Peter's Law:  The unexpected always happens.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
Peter's Paradox:  Employees in a hierarchy do not really object to
incompetence in their colleagues.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
Peter's Placebo:  An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
Peter's Theorem:  Incompetence plus incompetence equals incompetence.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
  Phases of a project:
  1.  Exultation.
  2.  Disenchantment.
  3.  Confusion.
  4.  Search for the guilty.
  5.  Punishment of the innocent.
  6.  Distinction for the uninvolved.
%%
Philosophy has the task and the opportunity of helping banish the
concept that human destiny here and now is of slight importance in
comparison with some supernatural destiny.
                                -- John Dewey
%%
Philosophy removes from religion all reason for existing ... As the
science of the spirit, it lookes upon religion as a phenomenon, a
transitory historical fact, a psychic condition that can be surpassed.
                                -- Benedetto Croce
%%
Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
                                -- John Keats
%%
Philosophy, when superficially studied, excites doubt; when thoroughly
explored, it dispels it.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Philosophy -- the purple bullfinch in the lilac tree.
                                -- T. S. Eliot
%%
Philosophy: unintelligible answers to insoluble problems.
                                -- Henry Adams
%%
Pick the right person the first time.  The headaches you save will be
your own.
%%
Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
                                -- Robert Davis
%%
Pity the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
                                -- Don Marquis
%%
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Platitude: a dull old saw that everyone borrows but no one sharpens.
%%
Platonic friendship: The interval between the introduction and the first
kiss.
                                -- Sophie Irene Loeb
%%
Pleasant prospects for the future are indicated.
%%
Pleasure soon exhausts us and itself also; but endeavor never does.
                                -- Richter
%%
Pleasure that comes unlooked for is thrice welcome.
                                -- Rogers
%%
  Pleasure, or wrong or rightly understood,
  Our greatest evil, or our greatest good.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Poetry has been to me "its own exceeding great reward;" it has soothed
my afflictions; it has multiplied and refined my enjoyments; it has
endeared solitude; and it has given me the habit of wishing to discover
the good and the beautiful in all that meets and surrounds me.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
Poetry is the eloquence of truth.
                                -- Campbell
%%
Poetry is the revelation of a feeling that the poet belives to be
interior and personal but which the reader recognizes as his own.
%%
Poets are all who love -- all who feel great truths -- And tell them.
                                -- Bailey
%%
Policeman's barbecue -- steak-out         -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Political economy:  two words that should be divorced -- on grounds of
incompatibility.
                                -- The Wall Street Journal
%%
Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper. Ten years from
now, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any state was
today.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Politicians who vote huge expenditures to alleviate problems get
reelected; those who propose structural changes prevent problems get
early retirement.
                                -- John McClaughry
%%
Politicians will always inflate when given the opportunity.
%%
Politics isn't too bad a profession.  If you succeed, there are many
rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.
%%
Politics makes strange bedfellows.
%%
Positive anything is better than negative nothing.
                                -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
Positive:  Being mistaken at the top of one's voice.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
Poster in Belgrade tourist office:  Visit the Soviet Union before it
visits you.
%%
  Pour the full tide of eloquence along,
  Serenely pure, and yet divinely strong.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Poverty makes people satirical -- soberly, sadly bitterly satirical.
                                -- Friswell
%%
Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
                                -- Lord Acton
%%
Practice does not make perfect; perfect practice makes perfect.
                                -- Vince Lombardi
%%
  Praise the Power that hath made and preserved us a nation!
  Then conquer we must, when our cause is just,
  And this be our motto:  "In God we trust;"
  And the star-spangled banner, O long may it wave
  O'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave.
                                -- Francis Scott Key
%%
Praise the sea, but keep on land.
                                -- George Herbert
%%
Praise was originally a pension, paid by the world.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
Preserve the old, but know the new.
%%
Pride makes us esteem ourselves; vanity makes us desire the esteem of
others. It is just to day, as Dean Swift has done, that a man is too
proud to be vain.
                                -- Blair
%%
Pride that dines on vanity, sups on contempt.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
  Prior Laws of Politics:
  (1).  Pay your dues.
  (2).  Attend the meetings.
                                -- Lyndon B. Johnson
%%
Private and secret offices of religion are like the refreshing of a
garden with the distilling and pretty drops of a water pot; but,
addressed from the temple, are like rain from heaven.
                                -- Jeremy Taylor
%%
Private enterprise ... makes OK private action which would be considered
dishonest in public action.
                                -- John F. Kennedy
%%
Private enterprise is ceasing to be free enterprise.
                                -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
%%
Private enterprise, indeed, became too private.  It became privileged
enterprise, not private enterprise.
                                -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
%%
Probably no invention came more easily to man than when he thought up
heaven.
                                -- G. C. Lichtenberg
%%
Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.
                                -- Pat Hein
%%
Proclaim yourself "World Champ" of something -- tiddly-winks,
rope-jumping, whatever -- send this notice to newspapers, radio, TV, and
wait for challengers to confront you.  Avoid challenges as long as
possible, but continue to send news of your achievements to all media.
Also, develop a newsletter and letterhead for communications.
                                -- Will Yolen
%%
Procrastination is the thief of time.
                                -- Dr. Young
%%
Productivity = (Number of secretaries X Average typing speed) / (Number
of Scientists).  Note that when the number of scientists is zero,
productivity becomes infinite.
                                -- Robert Sommer
%%
Profits go to the profit minded.
%%
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the
programmer to write programs in English, and you will find that
programmers cannot write in English.
%%
Progress is a nice word. But change is its motivator and change has its
enemies.
                                -- Robert F. Kennedy
%%
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
%%
Project teams detest weekly progress reporting because it so vividly
manifests their lack of progress.
%%
Promptness is its own reward, if one lives by the clock instead of the
sword.
%%
Prosperity doth best discover vice; but adversity doth best discover
virtue.
                                -- Francis Bacon
%%
Protozoa are small, and bacteria are small, but viruses are smaller than
the both put together.
%%
Psst! Shadowfax in the seventh.
%%
Publishing a volume of verse is like dropping a rose petal down the
Grand Canyon and waiting for the echo.
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
                                -- Holmes
%%
Purchase not friends with gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such will
cease to love.
                                -- Fuller
%%
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
                                -- Marvin Kitman
%%
Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this:  To visit
the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself
unspotted from the world.
                                -- James I, 27
%%
Purity is the feminine, truth the masculine, of honor.
                                -- Hare
%%
Purposes, as understood by the purposer, will be judged otherwise by
others.
  Corollary: If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody
             will.
  Corollary: If you do something which you are sure will meet with everybody's
             approval, somebody won't like it.
  Corollary: Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work.
                                -- Francis P. Chisholm
%%
Put God to work for you and maximize your potential in our divinely
ordered capitalist system.
                                -- Norman Vincent Peale
%%
Put an excessive value on money.
%%
Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.
%%
Put only the restriction on your pleasures -- be cautious that they hurt
no creature that has life.
                                -- Zimmerman
%%
Put your brain in gear before starting your mouth.
%%
Put your trust in those who are worthy.
%%
Question with boldness even the existence of God; because, if there be
one, he must more approve of the homage of reason than that of
blindfolded fear.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Quit when you're still behind.
                                -- Pierre Salinger
%%
Quit while you're ahead.  You may not get another chance.
%%
RADICAL: A person whose left hand does know what his other left hand is
doing.
                                -- Bernard Rosenberg
%%
RANDOMIZATION: The assignment of subjects to conditions in an experiment
according to some preconceived plan. Randomness like chastity is more
often claimed than maintained.
%%
REASON: the Devil's harlot.
                                -- Martin Luther
%%
REDESIGNED: previous faults corrected, we hope
%%
RELIABLE: Sometimes capable of giving the same results.
%%
RELIGION: A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the
nature of the Unknowable.
                                -- Ambrose Bierce
%%
REPUTATION: what others are not thinking about you.
%%
REVIEWER'S NOTE: A rejection slip based upon literature and theories in
vogue during the period the reviewer was studying for his or her Ph.D.
%%
REVOLUTIONARY: it's different from our competitors
%%
RUGGED: too heavy to lift
%%
Raising pet electric eels is gaining a lot of current popularity.
%%
Randomness: The property required to make statistical calculation come
out right.
%%
Rapoport's Rule of the Roller-Skate Key:  Certain items which are
crucial to a given activity will show up with uncommon regularity until
the day when that activity is planned, at which point the item in
question will disappear from the face of the earth.
                                -- Dan Rapoport
%%
Ray's Hangover Cure:  Stay drunk!
%%
Read and listen for what is missing. Many advisors are quite capable of
stating how to improve what has been proposed, or what's wrong. Few seem
capable of sensing what isn't there.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted,
nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact
man.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Real joy comes not from ease or riches or from the praise of men, but
from doing something worthwhile.
                                -- Sir Wilfred Grenfell
%%
Reality is always more conservative than ideology.
                                -- Raymond Aron
%%
Reality is for people who can't take science fiction.
%%
Reason is the life of the law; nay the common law itself is nothing else
but reason ... The law which is the perfection of reason.
                                -- Coke
%%
Reason is the test of ridicule -- not ridicule the test of truth.
                                -- Warburton
%%
Reassurance of business by a President has an unfavorable effect on
confidence.
                                -- Mark Epernay
%%
  Rebecca's House Rules:  At least one fits every occasion.
  1.  Throw it on the bed.
  2.  Fry onions.
  3.  Call Jenny's mother.
  4.  No one's got the corner on suffering.
  5.  Run it under the cold tap.
  6.  Everything takes practice, except being born.
                                -- Sharon Mathews
%%
Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
Recent investments will yield a slight profit.
%%
Rechargable batteries die at the most critical time of the most complex
problem.
                                -- John L. Shelton
%%
Reform, like charity must begin at home.  Once will at home, how will it
radiate outwards, irrepressible, into all that we touch and handle,
speak and work; kindling every new light by incalculable contagion,
spreading, in geometric ratio, far and wide, doing good only wherever it
spreads, and not evil.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
Reforms come from below.  No man with four aces howls for a new deal.
                                -- John F. Parker
%%
Regardless of whether a mission expands or contracts, administrative
overhead continues to grow at a steady rate.
                                -- Charles J. Zimmerman
%%
Regularity is unity, unity is godlike, only the devil is unchangeable.
                                -- Richter
%%
Religion and Morality are the firmest foundations of the duties of men
and women.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Religion is the best armor that a man can have, but it is the worst
cloak.
                                -- Bunyan
%%
Remember Gummidge's Law and you will never be found out.
%%
Remember that time in office is money in the campaign fund.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Remember your place, programmer, that way you may keep your head.
%%
Remember, the more engineering projects there are, the more products
there will be.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Remember: LSD absorbs 47 times it own weight in excess reality.
%%
Republican boys date Democratic girls.  They plan to marry Republican
girls, but feel they're entitled to a little fun first.
%%
Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in this
country. The remainder is thrown out.
%%
Republicans employ exterminators.  Democrats step on the bugs.
%%
Republicans raise dahlias, Dalmations, and eyebrows.  Democrats raise
Airedales, kids, and taxes.
%%
Republicans sleep in twin beds -- some even in separate rooms.  That is
why there are more Democrats.
%%
Republicans study the financial pages of the newspaper.  Democrats put
them in the bottom of the bird cage.
%%
Republicans tend to keep their shades drawn, although there is seldom
any reason why they should.  Democrats ought to, but don't.
%%
Republicans usually wear hats and clean their paint brushes.
%%
Research is reading two books that have never been read in order to
write a third that will never be read.
%%
Rest is the sweet sauce of labor.
                                -- Plutarch
%%
Restrain thy mind, and let mildness ever attend thy tongue.
                                -- Theognis
%%
Restriction of free thought and free speech is the most dangerous of all
subversions.  Is is the one un-American act that could most easily
defeat us.
                                -- Justice William O. Douglass
%%
Reunite Gondawanaland!!!
%%
Rewards are usually anti-climatic -- the fun is in the doing.
%%
Rich, be not exalted; poor, be not dejected.
                                -- Cleobulus
%%
Right you are if you say you are -- obscurely.
                                -- TIME, 30-Dec-77
%%
Rocks have been shaken from their solid base, but what shall move a firm
and dauntless mind?
                                -- Joanna Baillie
%%
  Rose at an instant, learn'd, play'd, eat together;
  And wheresoe'er we went, like Juno's swans,
  Still we went coupled, and inseparable.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Rowe's Rule: The odds are 6 to 5 that the light at the end of the tunnel
is a headlight of an oncoming express train.
%%
Rule of Parenthood:  Birthday parties always end in tears.
                                -- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
Rule of Parenthood:  Enough is never enough.
                                -- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
Rule of Parenthood:  The sun always rises in the baby's bedroom window.
                                -- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
Rule of Parenthood:  Whenever you decide to take the kids home, it is
always five minutes earlier that they break into fights, tears,
hysteria.
                                -- Phyllis C. Richman
%%
  Rules for Academic Deans:
  (1). HIDE!!!!
  (2). If they find you, LIE!!!!
                                -- Father Damian C. Fandal
%%
  Rules:
  1.  The boss is always right.
  2.  When the boss is wrong, refer to rule 1.
%%
  Run if you like, but try to keep your breath;
  Work like a man, but don't be worked to death.
                                -- Holmes
%%
Run not into debt, either for wares sold, or money borrowed; be content
to want things that are not of absolute necessity, rather than run up
the score.
                                -- Sir M. Hale
%%
  Running together all about,
  The servents put each other out,
  Till the grave master had decreed,
  The more haste, ever the worst speed.
                                -- Churchill
%%
Ryan's Law: Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will
establish yourself as an expert.
%%
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED: manufacturer's, upon receipt of the check
%%
STATISTICAL ANALYSIS: Mysterious, sometimes bizarre, manipulations
performed upon the collected data of an experiment in order to obscure
the fact that the results have no generalizable meaning for humanity.
Commonly, computers are used, lending an additional aura of unreality to
the proceedings.
%%
SUCCESS: Living long enough to be a burden on your children.
%%
Sam's Axiom (1): Any line, however short, is still too long.
%%
Sam's Axiom (2): Work is the crabgrass of life, but money is the water
that keeps it green.
%%
Sanity and insanity overlap a fine gray line.
                                -- Charles van Kriedt
%%
Satan hasn't a single salaried helper; the Opposition employs a million.
%%
Satire does not look pretty upon a tombstone.
%%
Satire is what closes in New Haven.
%%
Satisfaction derived from a trip goes down as Expectation goes up if
Reality is unchanged.  S = R/E  As Reality becomes more favorable, the
chance for Satisfaction goes up IF Expectation is unchanged.
                                -- Hall T. Sprague
%%
Sattingler's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
%%
Say's Law:  Supply creates its own demand.
%%
Scheduled changes always mean cutbacks. (Minor schedule adjustments
always affect your bus (train, whatever))
                                -- Steve Ross
%%
Scheduled changes always mean cutbacks.
                                -- Steve Ross
%%
Science commits suicide when it adopts a creed.
                                -- Thomas Henry Huxley
%%
Science does not have a moral dimension.  It is like a knife.  If you
give it to a surgeon or a murderer, each will use it differently.
                                -- Werner von Braun
%%
Science is a flickering light in our darkness, it is but the only one we
have and woe to him who would put it out.
                                -- Morris Cohen
%%
Science is a history of superceded theories.
%%
Science is a wonderful thing, but it has not succeeded in maximizing
pleasure and minimizing pain, and that's all we asked of it.
%%
Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made
of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts
is not necessarily science.
                                -- Henri Poincaire
%%
Science is nothing but developed perception, integrated intent, common
sense rounded out and minutely articulated.
                                -- George Santayana
%%
Science is the refusal to believe on the basis of hope.
                                -- C. P. Snow
%%
Science seeks generally only the most useful systems of classification:
these it regards for the time being, until more useful classifications
are invented, as true.
                                -- S. I. Hayakawa
%%
Scientific and humanist approaches are not competitive but supportive,
and both are ultimately necessary.
                                -- Robert C. Wood
%%
Scientists and engineers set high performance standards for themselves;
therefore, performance appraisal and career planning are perfunctory.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Scientists are Peeping Toms at the keyhole of eternity.
                                -- Arthur Koestler
%%
Scientists who dislike the restraints of highly organized research like
to remark that a truly great research worker needs only three pieces of
equipment: a pencil, a piece of paper, and a brain .... But they quote
this maxim more often at academic banquets than at budget hearings.
                                -- Don Price
%%
Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
Presidency.
                                -- Richard Nixon
%%
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
%%
Secret sources are more credible.
                                -- Ron Nessen
%%
Secretary's Lament:  Around here I'm a very responsible person.  If
anything happens, I'm responsible.
%%
Security is mostly a superstition.  Security does not exist in nature,
nor do the children of men as a whole experience it.  Avoiding danger is
no safer in the long run than outright exposure.  Life is either a
daring adventure or nothing.
                                -- Helen Keller
%%
See the world! Learn helicopter maintenance.
%%
Seers and soothsayers read crystal balls to find the future.  Less lucky
men read junk -- with more success.          -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
Self-centered people are those who spend so much time talking about
themselves we never get a chance to talk about ourselves.
%%
Self-checking systems tend to have a complexity in proportion to the
inherent unreliability of the system in which they are used.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
Self-defense is nature's oldest law.    -- Dryden
%%
Self-love is more cunning than the most cunning man in the world.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Self-love is the greatest of flatterers.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Sense switches and data switches should only be used as warm furry
buttons: they don't do anything but when you push them they push back,
and make you feel loved, i.e. for selective printing and tracing in
debug.
%%
Seven-eighths of everything can't be seen.
%%
Sex is hereditary.  If your parents never had it, chances are you won't
either.
                                -- Joseph Fischer
%%
Share your happiness with others today.
%%
She balanced dignity on the tip of her nose.
%%
She has as much originality as a Xerox machine.
                                -- Laurence J. Peter.
%%
She neglects her heart who studies her glass.
                                -- Lavater
%%
She's learned to say things with her eyes that others waste time putting
into words.
%%
Short term success with voters on any side of a given issue can be
guaranteed by creating a long-term special study commission make up of
at least three divergent interest groups.
                                -- Ray Connolly
%%
Show me a good mouser and I'll show you a cat with bad breath.
%%
Show me a thoroughly satisfied man and I'll show you a failure.
                                -- Thomas Alva Edison
%%
Show us a home with young children and we'll show you a home where every
pack of cards counts out at between 37 and 51.
                                -- Bill Vaughan
%%
Show your affection, which will probably meet with pleasant response.
%%
Sign in a cluttered, old-fashioned hardware store:  "We've got it, if we
can find it."
%%
Sign in a loan company window:  "Now you can borrow enough money to get
completely out of debt."
%%
Silence gives consent, or a horrible feeling that nobody's listening.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Simple diet is best;  for many dishes bring many diseases; and rich
sauces are worse than even heaping several meats upon each other.
                                -- Pliny
%%
Simplicity is the true test.
                                -- Ron Randall
%%
Sin has many tools, but a lie is the handle which fits them all.
                                -- Holmes
%%
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other "sins"
are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is NOT a sin -- just stupid.)
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Since a democratic society repudiates the principle of external
authority, it must find a substitute in voluntary disposition and
interest; these can be created only by education.
                                -- John Dewey
%%
Since attaining the full use of my reason no one has ever heard me
laugh.
                                -- Earl of Chesterfield
%%
Since blue-sky projects are targeted for major breakthroughs, they are
relatively immune from planning and control.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Since no matter can be created or destroyed (excluding nuclear and
cafeteria substances), as one attempts to remove unwanted material (i.
e., trash) from one's living space, the remaining material mutates so as
to occupy 30 to 50 percent more than its original volume.
%%
Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned.
                                -- Donal Graeme
%%
Since the generality of persons act from impulse much more than from
principle, men are neither so good nor so bad as we are apt to think
them.
                                -- Hare
%%
Since we have to speak well of the dead, let's knock them while they're
alive.
                                -- John Sloan
%%
Sincerity is like traveling in a plain beaten road, which commonly
brings a man sooner to his journey's end than byways, in which men often
lose themselves.
                                -- Tiliotson
%%
Sink or swim, live or die, survive or perish, I give my heart and my
hand to this vote.
                                -- Daniel Webster
%%
  Sirs, adulation is a fatal thing --
  Rank poison for a subject, or a king.
                                -- Dr. Wolcot
%%
Sixty years ago I knew everything; now I know nothing; education is a
progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
                                -- Will Durant
%%
Skiing is so much fun. The bright blue above you ... AND THE BRIGHT BLUE
BELOW YOU!
%%
Skill in manipulating numbers is a talent, not evidence of divine
guidance.
                                -- G. O. Ashley
%%
Skinner's Constant:  That quantity, which, when multiplied by, divided
by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the
answer you should have gotten.
%%
Slander meets no regard from noble minds; only the base believe what the
base only utter.
                                -- Beller
%%
Slave to no sect, who takes no private road But looks through nature up
to nature's God.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Sleep is lovely, death is better still, not to have been born is of
course the miracle.
                                -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Slightly deaf students will have instructors who mumble.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Sloth makes all things difficult, but industry all easy; and he that
riseth late, must trot all day, and shall scarce overtake his business
at night; while laziness travels so slowly, that poverty soon overtakes
him.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
Sluggish idleness -- the nurse of sin.    -- Spenser
%%
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
%%
  Small habits well pursued, betimes,
  May reach the dignity of crimes.
                                -- Hannah More
%%
Small opportunities are often the beginnings of great achievements.
%%
Smile! You're on Candid Cookie!
%%
Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look at
what they can do when they stick together.
%%
So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for
people to work.
%%
So sure are you! Tried have you? Always with you it cannot be done. Hear
you nothing that I say? Try not. Do! Do! Or do not. There is no try.
                                -- Yoda
%%
So we grew together, like to a double cherry, seeming parted but yet a
union in partition, two lovely berries moulded on one stem; so, with two
seeming bodies, but one heart.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Social Democracy rests on the assumption that it is desirable to
preserve the capitalist system of private enterprise, and that the evils
of this system can be sufficiently corrected by the democratic method of
procedure.
                                -- Carl Becker
%%
Social groups are generally in disarray.  To protect themselves from
other groups, especially the groups just below them, groups will attempt
to convey an appearance of interior order and purpose they do not
possess.
                                -- Arthur Herzog
%%
Social institutions will change only at the speed required to protect
them from attack -- slowly or fast to the degree required, but usually
slowly.  They will put off change as long as possible.
                                -- Arthur Herzog
%%
Social legislation cannot repeal physical laws.
                                -- Dalin B. Oaks
%%
Social values and habits dictate economic activity and not the other way
around.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
Socialism is bureaucracy of the people, by the people, and for the
people.
%%
Socialism is nothing but the capitalism of the lower classes.
                                -- Oswald Spengler
%%
Socialism is workable only in heaven where it isn't needed, and in hell
where they've got it.
                                -- Cecil Palmer
%%
Socialism works, but nowhere as efficiently as in the beehive and the
anthill.
%%
Society can only pursue its normal course by means of a certain
progression of changes.
                                -- John, Viscount Morley
%%
Society heaps honors on the unique, creative personality, but not until
he has been dead for fifty years.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
Society is like a lawn, where every roughness is smoothed, every bramble
eradicated, and where the eye is delighted by the smiling verdure of a
velvet surface.  He, however, who would study nature in its wildness and
variety, must plunge into the forest, must explore the glen, must stem
the torrent, and dare the precipice.
                                -- Washington Irving
%%
Some are weatherwise, some are meteorologists.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be
chewed and digested.
                                -- Bacon
%%
Some do, some don't.
%%
  Some hae meat that canna eat,
  And some would eat that want it;
  But we hae meat, and we can eat,
  Sae let the Lord be thankit.
                                -- Burns
%%
Some men are discovered; others are found out.
%%
Some men become proud and insolent because they ride a fine horse, wear
a feather in their hat or are dressed in a fine suit of clothes.  Who
does not see the folly of this?  If there be any glory in such things,
the glory belongs to the horse, the bird and the tailor.
                                -- St. Frances de Sales
%%
Some men put me in mind of half-bred horses, which often grow worse in
proportion as you feed and exercise them for improvement.
                                -- Greville
%%
Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
%%
Some people LOVE cats for what they are; others ARE cats for what they
love.
%%
Some people are quick to criticize cliches, but what is a cliche?  It is
a truth that has retained its validity through time.  Mankind would lose
half its hard-earned wisdom, built up patiently over the ages, if it
ever lost its cliches.
                                -- Marvin G. Gregory
%%
Some people who slap you on the back are trying to help you swallow what
they just told you.
%%
Some people will believe anything if it is whispered to them.
%%
Some performers on television appear to be horrible people, but when you
finally get to know them in person, they turn out to be even worse.
                                -- Avery
%%
  Some play for gain; to pass time others play
  For nothing; both play the fool I say:
  Nor time nor coin I'll lose, or idly spend;
  Who gets by play, proves loser in the end.
                                -- Heath
%%
Some rise by sin and some by virtue fall.
%%
Someone has compared Southern California to a granola cereal;  when you
take away the fruits and the nuts, all you have left are the flakes.
%%
Someone is speaking well of you.
%%
Someone is unenthusiastic about your work.
%%
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
%%
Sometimes the best law of all is no law at all.  Not all the world's
ills are susceptible to legislative correction.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Sometimes the crowd is right.
%%
Sometimes, where a complex problem can be illuminated by many tools, one
can be forgiven for applying the one he knows best.
                                -- Robert Machol
%%
Sorrow seems sent for out instruction, as we darken the cages of birds
when we would teach them to sing.
                                -- Richter
%%
Sorry about that, Chief!
                                -- Maxwell Smart
%%
Soup is the essence of meat.
%%
  Sour discontent that quarrels with our fate
  May give fresh smart, but not the old abate;
  The uneasy passion's disingenuous wit,
  The ill reveals but hides the benefit.
                                -- Sir Richard Blackmore
%%
Southside Johnny prefers singing to sex.
%%
Space expands to house the people to perform the work that Congress
creates.
                                -- Haynes Johnson
%%
Spanish Civil War Communique:  Our troops advanced today without losing
a foot of ground.
%%
Speak little and well, if you would be esteemed as a man of merit.
                                -- Trench
%%
Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
                                -- Dave Millman
%%
Speak the language of the country you are in; speak it purely, and
unlarded with any other.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
Speaking generally, no man appears great to his contemporaries, for the
same reason that no man is great to his servants -- both know too much
of him.
                                -- Colton
%%
Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the
desired restraining speed.
%%
Spirits of peace, where are ye? Are ye all gone? And leave me here in
wretchedness behind ye?
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Spite is a little word, but it represents as strange a jumble of
feelings and compound of discords, as any polysyllable in the language.
                                -- Charles Dickens
%%
Sprinkle's Law:  Things fall at right angles.
%%
State: A state is a situation which can be recognized if it occurs
again.
%%
Statements by respected authorities which tend to agree with a writer's
viewpoint are always handy.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Statistics are a highly logical and precise method for saying a
half-truth inaccurately.
%%
Stay in with the Outs (the Ins will make so many mistakes you can't
afford to alienate the Outs).
%%
Stock Market Axiom:  The public is always wrong.
%%
Stockbroker's Declaration:  The market will rally from this or lower
levels.
%%
Strong people always have strong weaknesses.
%%
Stability is more essential to success than brilliance.
                                -- Richard Lloyd Jones
%%
Standing on head makes smile of frown, but rest of face also upside
down.
%%
Start with what is right rather than what is acceptable.
%%
State capitalism is a contradiction in terms.
%%
Still waters run deep.
%%
Stockmayer's Theorem:  If it looks easy, it's tough.  If it looks tough,
it's damn near impossible.
%%
Stoicism is the wisdom of madness and cynicism the madness of wisdom.
                                -- Bergen Evans
%%
Stop searching forever. Happiness is just next to you.
%%
Stop searching forever. Happiness is unattainable.
%%
Strong reasons make strong actions.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Student's snack -- cramberries            -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Students who obtain an A for a course will claim that the instructor is
a great teacher.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
Success can be insured only by devising a defense against the
contingency plan.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Success goes to your head, failure to your heart.
%%
Success in management -- at any level -- depends on the ability to pick
the right people for the right jobs.
%%
Success is being able to hire someone to mow the lawn while you play
golf for exercise.
%%
Success is doing what you like to do and making a living at it.
%%
Success is not a harbor but a voyage with its own perils to the spirit.
The game of life is to come up a winner, to be a success, or to achieve
what we set out to do. Yet there is always the danger of failing as a
human being. The lesson that most of us on this voyage never learn, but
can never quite forget, is that to win is sometimes to lose.
                                -- Richard M. Nixon
%%
Success is overrated. Incompetence is what we should revere -- it marks
us off from animals.
                                -- Stephen Pile
%%
Success is the result of behavior that completely contradicts the usual
expectations about the behavior of a successful person.
                                -- Felix R. Paturi
%%
Success makes us intolerant of failure, and failure makes us intolerant
of success.
                                -- William Feather
%%
Success provides more opportunities to say things than the number of
things a pundit has worth saying.
                                -- Douglas Pike
%%
Success seems to be that which forms the distinction between confidence
and conceit.  Nelson, when young was piqued at not being noticed in a
certain paragraph of the newspapers, which detailed an action wherein he
had assisted. "But never mind," said he, "I will one day have a gazette
of my own."
                                -- Colton
%%
  Such a house broke!
  So noble a master fallen!  All gone and not
  One friend to take his fortune by the arm
  And go along with him.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Sufficient monies to the job correctly the first time are usually not
available; however, ample funds are much more easily obtained for
repeated major redesigns.
%%
Superstition renders a man a fool, and scepticism makes him mad.
                                -- Fielding
%%
Support organizations can always prove success by showing service to
someone ... not necessarily you.
                                -- Douglas Evelyn
%%
Surely happiness is reflective like the light of heaven; and every
countenance, bright with smiles and glowing with innocent enjoyment, is
a mirror, transmitting to others the rays of a supreme and evershining
benevolence.
                                -- Washington Irving
%%
Surely there is something in the unruffled calm of nature that overawes
our little anxieties and doubts:  The sight of the deep-blue sky, and
the clustering stars above, seems to impart a quiet to the mind.
                                -- Edwards
%%
Survey taker to resident:  Do you realize that that choice puts you in
the two- percent lunatic fringe?
                                -- Bernhardt
%%
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
%%
  Sweet are the uses of adversity,
  Which like the toad, ugly and venomous,
  Wears yet a precious jewel in his head;
  And this our life, exempt from public haunt,
  Find tongues in trees, books in the running brooks,
  And good in everything.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  Sweet is the hour of rest,
  Pleasant the wind's low sigh,
  And the gleaming of the west,
  And the turf whereon we lie.
                                -- Mrs. Hemans
%%
Sweet speaking oft a currish heart reclaims.
                                -- Sidney
%%
Symington's Law: For every credibility gap there is a gullibility gap.
%%
Systems display antics.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Systems in general work very poorly or not at all.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
Systems tend to grow, and as they grow, they encroach.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
TANK:  A means of transportation the Soviet army uses to visit its
friends.
%%
  The programmers' cheer:
    Shift to the Left,
    Shift to the Right,
    Pop Up, Push Down,
    Byte! Byte! Byte!
%%
The maxim that "Honesty is the best policy" is one which, perhaps, no
one is ever habitually guided by in practice.  An honest man is always
before it, and a knave is generally behind it.
                                -- Whately
%%
The news of the day, no matter how trivial or unimportant, always takes
up more time than a married man has.
                                -- Ray O'Neil
%%
The people of Rome have always destroyed their greatest sons.
                                -- Benito Mussolini
%%
TINSTAFL!
                                -- There is no such thing as free love.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Tact is the art of making a point without making an enemy.
%%
Take any religious mystery, any theological proposition:  expressed in
ordinary terms it will read like sheer nonsense to the outsider, from
the ritualistic, symbolic eating of human flesh and blood practiced by
all the Christian sects to the outright cannibalism practiced by some
savages.
                                -- Major Whitey Ardmore
%%
Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of
themselves.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Take care to be an economist in prosperity; there is no fear of your not
being one in adversity.
                                -- Zimmerman
%%
Take each man's censure, but reserve thy judgement.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Take rather than give the tone to the company you are in.  If you gave
parts you will show them more or less upon every subject; and if you
have not, you had better talk sillily upon a subject of other people's
than of your own choosing.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
Take thy correction mildly.  Kiss the rod.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Taken as a whole, the universe is absurd.
                                -- Walter Savage Landor
%%
Talent in staff work or sales will recurringly be interpreted as
managerial ability.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
Talent is what you possess; genius is what possesses you.
%%
Talent, lying in the understanding, is often inherent; genius, being the
action of reason and imagination, rarely or never.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
Talk not of comfort, 'tis for lighter ills; I will indulge my sorrows,
and give way to all the pangs and fury of despair.
                                -- Addison
%%
Talk of revolution is one way of avoiding reality.
                                -- John Kenneth Galbraith
%%
Talk of the devil, and his horns appear.
%%
Talkers are no good doers.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Talking is a digestive process which is absolutely essential to the
mental constitution of the man who devours many books.  A full mind must
have talk, or it will grow dyspeptic.
                                -- William Matthews
%%
Tanstaafl!!!
%%
Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself out
of the market.
%%
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
%%
Tea! thou soft, thou sober sage, and venerable liquid; -- thou female
tongue- running, smile-smoothing, heart-opening, wink tippling cordial,
to whose glorious insipidity I owe the happiest moments of ny life, let
me fall prostrate!
                                -- Colley Cibber
%%
Ten thousand years from now, the only story this civilization will tell
will be in its junk piles -- so observe what is important!
                                -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
Ten years of experience should add up to more than one year's experience
multiplied by ten.
%%
Tennyson is a beautiful half of a poet.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Testimony is like an arrow shot from a long bow; the force of it depends
on the strength of the hand that draws it.  Argument is like an arrow
from a cross- bow, which has equal force though shot by a child.
                                -- Bacon
%%
That inexhaustible good nature, which is itself the most precious gift
of Heaven, spreading itself like oil over the troubled sea of thought,
and keeping the mind smooth and equable in the roughest weather.
                                -- Irving
%%
That is utterly preposterous.
%%
That life is long which answers life's great end.
                                -- Young
%%
That must be wonderful!  I don't understand it at all.
%%
That only with propriety be styled refinement which, by strengthening
the intellect, purifies the manners.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
That politics has a bearing on business confidence is unproven.
                                -- Mark Epernay
%%
That segment of the community with which one has the greatest sympathy
as a liberal inevitably turns out to be one of the most narrow-minded
and bigoted segments of the community.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
That tendency to err that programmers have been noticed to share with
other human beings has often been treated as if it were an awkwardness
attendant upon programming's adolescence, which like acne would
disappear with the craft's coming of age.  It has proved otherwise.
                                -- Mark Halpren
%%
That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot
change, but that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent.
%%
That truth cannot be material in any respect, is contrary to the nature
of things.  No tribunal, no codes, no systems can repeal or impair this
law of God, for by his eternal laws it is inherent in the nature of
things ... It is evident that if you cannot apply this mitigated
doctrine for which I speak ... you must for ever remain ignorant of what
your rulers do.  I can never think this ought to be; I never did think
the truth was a crime; I am glad the day is come in which it is to be
decided; for my soul has ever abhorred the thought, that a free man
dared not speak the truth.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
That which has not been taught directly can never be taught directly.
%%
That which is good to be done, cannot be done too soon; and if it is
neglected to be done early, it will frequently happen that it will not
be done at all.
                                -- Bishop Mant
%%
That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes
the height of wisdom in another.
                                -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
That which we acquire with the most difficulty we retain the longest; as
those who have earned a fortune are usually more careful with it than
those who have inherited one.
                                -- Colton
%%
That which we call sin in others is experiment for us.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
That's a valiant flea that dares eat his breakfast on the lip of a lion.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
That's not writing, that's typing!
                                -- Truman Capote
%%
That's one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
                                -- Neil Armstrong
%%
That's one thing about these babies.  They never learned to read.
                                -- Joe Patroni
%%
That's only true because it's true.
%%
That's the trouble with this country.  The whole place is filled with
penniless patriots.
                                -- Rosa Bombolini
%%
That, Sir, is the good of counting.  It brings everything to a
certainty, which before floated in the mind indefinitely.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinates'
premonitions only during the postmortems.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The 20/80 Law:  20 percent of the customers account for 80 percent of
the turnover, 20 percent of the components account for 80 percent of the
cost, and so forth.
                                -- Vilfredo Pareto
%%
The Advertising Agency Song:

  When your client's hopping mad,
  Put his picture in the ad.
  If he still should prove refractory,
  Add a picture of his factory.
%%
The American Republic and American business are Siamese twins; they came
out of the same womb at the same time; they are born in the same
principles, and when American business dies, the American republic will
die, and when the American Republic dies, American business will die.
                                -- Josiah W. Bailey
%%
The American people aren't interested in details.
                                -- Lyn Nofziger
%%
  The Android greets his friends politely
    And veils behind his lowered lids
  The jealousy which plagues him nightly
    Because he can't have sex, or kids.
%%
The Banana Principle: Heuristic devices don't tell you when to stop.
%%
The Beat-Inflation garden we planted so enthusiastically just two months
ago is to be rededicated as an ecological exhibit.  It illustrates zero
growth.
%%
The Bougourre Factor changes the equation to fit the Universe.
%%
The Brain-Eye Law: To a certain extent, observational power can
compensate for mental weakness.
%%
The Communist system must be based on the will of the people, and if the
people should not want that system, then that people should establish a
different system.
                                -- Nikita S. Krushchev
%%
The Constitution ... speaks of liberty and prohibits the deprivation of
liberty without due process of law.  In prohibiting that deprivation the
Constitution does not recognize an absolute and uncontrollable liberty.
                                -- Chief Justice Charles Evans Hughes
%%
The Diddle factor changes things so that the equation and the universe
appear to fit, without requiring any real change in either.  This has
the characteristic of eliminating differences by dropping the subject
under discussion to zero importance.
%%
The Eighth Commandment of Frisbee:  In any crowd of spectators at least
one will suggest that razor blades could be attached to the disc.  ("You
could maim and kill with that thing.")       -- Dan Roddick
%%
The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward
virtue.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
The Eye-Brain Law: To a certain extent, mental power can compensate for
observational weakness.
%%
The Fifth Commandment of Frisbee:  The best catches are never seen.
("Did you see that?"
                        -- "See what?")               -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Finagle Factor is characterized by changing the universe to fit the
equation.
%%
The First Commandment of Frisbee:  The most powerful force in the world
is that of a disc straining to land under a car, just beyond reach.
This force is technically called "car suck".
                                -- Dan Roddick
%%
The First Law of Bicycling:  No matter which way you ride, it's uphill
and against the wind.
%%
The Fourth Commandment of Frisbee:  The higher the costs of hitting any
object, the greater the certainty it will be struck.  (Remember -- the
disc is positive -- both cops and old ladies are clearly negative).
                                -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Generalized Thermodynamic Law (Systems Theory): More probable states
are more likely to be observed than less probable states, unless
specific constraints exist to keep them from occurring.
%%
The Generalized Thermodynamic Law (Systems Theory): The things we see
more frequently are more frequent: (1) because there is some physical
reason to favor certain states or (2) because there is some mental
reason.
%%
The How Come It All Landed On Me Law:  Whatever hits the fan will not be
evenly distributed.
%%
  The Jovian invaders sort a
    Bunch of captives in the nude:
  These for breeding, those for slaughter,
    And the fattest ones for food.
%%
The Law Conservation of Anergy:  The total amount of energy in the
universe is constant.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
The Law of Fashion:
  The same dress is:
        indecent 10 years before its time
        daring 1 year before its time
        chic in its time
        dowdy 3 years after its time
        hideous 20 years after its time
        amusing 30 years after its time
        romantic 100 years after its time
        beautiful 150 years after its time
                                -- James Laver
%%
The Law of Happy Particularities: Any general system law will have at
least two particular applications.
                                -- Gerald Weinberg
%%
The Law of Medium Numbers: For medium number systems, we can expect that
large fluctuations, irregularities, and discrepancy with any theory will
occur more or less regularly. (This is more succinctly expressed by
Murphy: Anything that can happen, will happen.)
%%
The Law of Raspberry Jam:  The wider any culture is spread, the thinner
it gets.
                                -- Stanley Edgar Hyman
%%
The Law of Unhappy Peculiarities: Any general system law will have at
least two peculiar exceptions.
                                -- Gerald Weinberg
%%
The Law of the Too, Too Solid Point:  In any collection of data, the
figure that is most obviously correct -- beyond all need of checking --
is the mistake.
%%
The Lord giveth, Uncle Sam taketh away.
%%
  The Lord made grass,
  Man made booze;
  Who CAN you trust?

[Actually, ethanol is a natural product -- generated normally by the
human body.]
%%
The Lump Law: If we want to learn anything, we mustn't try to learn
everything.
%%
The Ninth Commandment of Frisbee:  The greater your need to make a good
catch, the greater the probability your partner will deliver his worst
throw.  (If you can't touch it, you can't trick it.)
                                -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Principle of Indifference: Laws should not depend on a particular
choice of notation.
%%
The Right Honorable Gentleman is indebted to his memory for his jests
and to his imagination for his facts.
                                -- Sheridan
%%
The Rockettes are so perfect you'd think they were Xeroxed.
                                -- Irene Peter
%%
The Russian dictatorship of the proletariat has made a a farce of the
whole Marxist vision: developing a powerful, privileged ruling class to
prepare for a classless society, setting up the most despotic state in
history so that the state may wither away, establishing by force a
colonial empire to combat imperialism and unify the workers of the
world.
                                -- Herbert J. Muller
%%
The Second Commandment of Frisbee:  The higher the quality of a catch or
the comment it receives, the greater the probability of a crummy throw.
(Good catch = bad throw.)                    -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Second Order Rule of Bureaucracy:  The more directives you issue to
solve a problem, the worse it gets.
                                -- Jack Robertson
%%
The Seventh Commandment of Frisbee:  The most powerful hex words in the
sport are -- "I really have this down -- watch."  (Know it?  Blow it!)
                                -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Sixth Commandment of Frisbee:  The greatest single aid to distance
is for the disc to be going in a direction you did not want.  (Goes the
wrong way = Goes a long way.)                      -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Supreme court says three may keep a secret, it two of them used to
work for the CIA.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
The Tenth Commandment of Frisbee:  The single most difficult move with a
disc is to put it down.  (Just one more.)   -- Dan Roddick
%%
The Third Commandment of Frisbee:  One must never precede any maneuver
by a comment more predictive than, "Watch this!"  (Keep 'em guessing.)
                                -- Dan Roddick
%%
  The Yeti, whom we know of only
    By the tracks he leaves behind,
  Hunts the mountains, sad and lonely,
    For a mate to breed his kind.
%%
The ability of our people to deceive themselves is the highest art of
the nation.
%%
The absent are always in the wrong.
%%
The absent are like children, helpless to defend themselves.
                                -- Charles REade
%%
The absent are never without fault.  Nor the present without excuse.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The accessibility, during recovery, of small parts which fall from the
work bench, varies directly with the size of the part -- and inversely
with its importance to the completion of the work underway.
%%
The actions of men are the best interpreters of their thoughts.
                                -- John Locke
%%
The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise
the wealth which it prevents you from achieving.
                                -- Russell Green
%%
The age of innocent faith in science and technology may be over ...
every major advance in the technological competence of man has enforced
revolutionary changes in the economic and political structure of
society.
                                -- Barry Commoner
%%
The aim of education is the knowledge not of fact, but of values.
                                -- Dean William R. Inge
%%
The alternative to the totalitarian state is the cooperative
commonwealth.
                                -- Norman Thomas
%%
The amount of effort put into a campaign by a worker expands in
proportion to the personal benefits that he will derive from his party's
victory.
                                -- Milton Rakove
%%
The amount of flak on any subject is inversely proportional to the
subject's true value.
%%
The amount of junk carried is in direct proportion to the amount of
space available.
                                -- Tony Hogg
%%
The amount of litter in the street is proportional to the local rate of
unemployment.
                                -- David Lloyd-Jones
%%
The amount of pleasure derived from a cigarette is directly proportional
to the number of the non-smokers in the vicinity.
                                -- Raj K. Dhawan
%%
The amount of quaint, authentic, rustic charm varies inversely with the
pounds per square inch of water pressure in the shower.  High charm, low
pressure.
                                -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
The amount of research devoted to a topic in human behavior is inversely
proportional to its importance and interest.
                                -- Bernard I. Murstein
%%
The amount of success is in inverse proportion to the effort in
attaining success.
                                -- Felix R. Paturi
%%
The amount of time you have to wait for a bus is directly proportional
to the inclemency of the weather.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
The amount of trash accumulated within the space occupied is
exponentially proportional to the number of living bodies that enter and
leave within any given amount of time.
%%
The analogy to athletics must be pressed until all recognize that in the
exercise of intellect those who lack the muscles, coordination, and will
power can claim no place at the training table, let alone on the playing
field.
                                -- Jacques Barzun
%%
The ancient sage who concocted the maxim, "Know Thyself" might have
added, "Don't Tell Anyone!"
                                -- H. F. Henrichs
%%
The aristocrat is right in that only a few people in any society make a
real difference, but the democrat is more deeply right when he insists
that we cannot predict where such valuable people are coming from and
therefore have an obligation to keep all lines open.
                                -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The art of acceptance is the art of making someone who has just done you
a small favor wish that he might have done you a greater one.
                                -- Russell Lynes
%%
The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.
                                -- William James
%%
The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve
change amid order.
                                -- Alfred North Whitehead
%%
The ass is still an ass, e'en though he wears a lion's hide.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  The atom was not meant to be explored --
    Its splitting was the work of brazen fools.
  Let's march until the Stone Age is restored,
    With rocks and flints our kind of splitting tools.
  Atomic Power?  Seal it in its grave.
    We are Progressive.  Onward to the cave!
                                -- Jack Kirwan
%%
The attacker must vanquish; the defender need only survive.
%%
The attention paid to an instructor is a constant regardless of the size
of the class.  Thus as class size swells, the amount of attention paid
per student drops in direct ratio.
                                -- Richard J. Herrnstein
%%
The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but a transference of bones from one
graveyard to another.
                                -- J. Frank Dobie
%%
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the
average man can see better than he can think.
%%
The balls of sight are so formed, that one man's eyes are spectacles to
another, to read his heart from within.
                                -- Johnson
%%
  The beautiful are never desolate,
  But someone always loves them.
                                -- Bailey
%%
The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.
                                -- Socrates (470?-399 B.C.)
%%
The beginnings and the endings of all human undertakings are untidy.
                                -- John Galsworthy
%%
The belief that enhanced understanding will necessarily stir a nation or
an organization to action is one of mankind's oldest beliefs.
                                -- Andrew Hacker
%%
The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who
can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight
back.
                                -- Abigail Van Buren
%%
The best investment you can make is hard work.
%%
  The best laid schemes o' mice an' men,
    Gang aft agley,
  And lea'e us nought by grief and pain,
    For promised joy.
                                -- Burns
%%
  The best may slip, and the most cautious fall;
  He's more than mortal that ne'er err'd at all.
                                -- Pomfret
%%
The best portion of a good man's life, His little, nameless,
unremembered acts of kindness and of love.
                                -- Wordsworth
%%
The best programmers, designers, and architects are lazy.
                                -- Dick Munroe
%%
The best prophet of the future is the past.
%%
The best rules to form a young man are, to talk little, to hear much, to
reflect alone upon what has passed in company, to distrust one's own
opinions, and value others that deserve it.
                                -- Sir William Temple
%%
The best security against revolution is in constant correction of abuses
and the introduction of needed improvements.  It is the neglect of
timely repair that makes rebuilding necessary.
                                -- Richard Whately
%%
The best simpleminded test of expertise in a particular area is an
ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that
area.
                                -- Graham Allison
%%
The best sort of revenge is not to be like him who did the injury.
                                -- Antoninus
%%
The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.
%%
The best time for marriage will be towards thirty, for as the younger
times are unfit, either to choose or to govern a wife and family, so, if
thou stay long, thou shalt hardly see the education of thy children,
who, being left to strangers, are in effect lost; and better were it to
be unborn than ill-bred; for thereby thy posterity shall either perish
or remain a shame to thy name.
                                -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
The best time to look for work is after you get the job.
%%
The best way I know of to win an argument is to start by being in the
right.
                                -- Quentin Hogg, M.P.
%%
The best way out is always through.
                                -- Robert Frost
%%
The best way out of a problem is through it.
%%
The best way to get and keep good people is to give them room to grow.
%%
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere
pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires.
                                -- Dorothy Parker
%%
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
%%
The best way to publicize a governmental or political action is to
attempt to hide it.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
The best-educated human being is the one who understands most about the
life in which he is placed.
                                -- Helen Keller
%%
The better part of valor is discretion; in the which better part I have
saved my life.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The big guys always win.
                                -- Jeffrey F. Chamberlain
%%
The bigger the man, the less likely he is to object to caricature.
                                -- Guernsey Le Pelley
%%
The biggest step you can take is the one you take when you meet the
other person halfway.
%%
The bitter part of discretion is valor.
                                -- Henry W. Nevinson
%%
The blush is nature's alarm at the approach of sin and her testimony to
the dignity of virtue.
                                -- Fuller
%%
The bread and onions you ate this morning tasted better than any feast
to a man who expects to eat again, and the sun through the grills
overhead is brighter for you than for any man who expects to see it rise
tomorrow.
                                -- Pandarus the Gladiator
%%
The bread never falls but on its buttered side.
%%
The bull wears himself out on the cape and never sees the sword.
                                -- Dr. Randall Brooks
%%
The bus that left the stop just before you got there is your bus.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
The business of living is not to get ahead of others, but to get ahead
of ourselves.
%%
The candidate who is expected to do well because of experience and
reputation (Douglas, Nixon) must do better than well, while the
candidate expected to fare poorly (Lincoln, Kennedy) can put points on
the media board by simply surviving.
                                -- Vic Gold
%%
The cat in gloves can do the pruning in the Rose Garden.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
The chain of habit coils itself around the heart like a serpent, to gnaw
and stifle it.
                                -- Hazlitt
%%
The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to
be broken.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The chameleon may change its color, but it is the chameleon still.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The chance of the bread falling buttered side down is directly
proportional to the cost of the carpet.
%%
  The chemist labors, weak and weary,
    Searching for a wonder-drug
  That will prove his favorite theory ...
    And that doesn't melt the jug.
%%
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
                                -- Eric Sevareid
%%
The chief defect of a democracy is that only the political party out of
office knows how to run the government.
%%
The chief pleasure (in eating) does not consist in costly seasoning, or
exquisite flavor, but in yourself.  Do you seek sauce by sweating?
                                -- Horace
%%
The child is father of the man.
                                -- Wordsworth
%%
The christians were the first to make the existence of Satan a dogma of
the church.
%%
The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker
regardless of the direction of the breeze.
                                -- Raj K. Dhawan
%%
The circumstances of the modern world make nonsense of the pretensions
to moral or intellectual granduer.
                                -- Lewis Lapham
%%
The citizen is influenced by principle in direct proportion to his
distance from the political situation.
                                -- Milton Rakove
%%
The clear conception, outrunning the deductions of logic, the high
purpose, the dauntless spirit, speaking on the tongue, beaming from the
eye, informing every feature, and urging the whole man onward, right
onward, to his object, this is eloquence, or rather it is something
greater and higher than all eloquence -- it is action noble, sublime,
godlike action.
                                -- Webster
%%
The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the
suggestions it is compromising.
%%
The computer is a moron!
%%
The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious.
                                -- Robert E. Machol
%%
The confidence of the business executive in a President is inversely
related to the state of business.
                                -- Mark Epernay
%%
The conqueror is regarded with awe, the wise man commands our esteem,
but it is the benevolent man who wins our affection.
%%
The consciousness of clean linen is in and of itself a source of moral
strength only second to that of a clean conscience.  A well-ironed
collar, or a fresh glove, has carried many a man through the emergency
in which a wrinkle or a rip would have defeated him.
                                -- E. E. Phelps
%%
The contemplation of celestial things will make a man both speak and
think more sublimely and magnificently when he descends to human
affairs.
                                -- Cicero
%%
The contest for ages has been to rescue liberty from the grasp of
executive power.
                                -- Daniel Webster
%%
The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac.  In truth, it's
exhausting.
                                -- Dom Bonafede
%%
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: "Of course it is
none of my business but ... " is to place a period after the word "but."
Don't use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting
his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked
about.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
The corruption in a country is in inverse proportion to its state of
development.
                                -- Nathan Miller
%%
The could neither of 'em speak for rage and so fell a sputtering at one
another like two roasting apples.
                                -- Congreve
%%
The countenance may be rightly defined as the title page which heralds
the contents of the human volume, but like other title pages, if
sometimes puzzles, often misleads, and often says nothing to the
purpose.
                                -- William Matthews
%%
The creditor whose appearance gladdens the the heart of a debtor, may
hold his head in sunbeams and his foot on storms.
                                -- Lavater
%%
The criterion of true beauty is, that it increases in examination; of
false, that it lessens.  There is something, therefore, in true beauty
that corresponds with the right reason, and it is not merely the
creature of fancy.
                                -- Grenville
%%
The critical mass of any do-it-yourself explosive is never less than
half a bucketful.
                                -- Eric Frank Russell
%%
The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper
clip of the overlaying correspondence and go to file.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The cruelest thing that has happened to Lincoln since he was shot by
Booth was to fall into the hands of Sandburg.
                                -- Edmund Wilson
%%
The crusades ended several centuries ago after killing thousands of
people. The most important issues arouse intense passions.  Earmuffs to
block the shouting are inappropriate, but filter the feedback.  Joining
a cause and leading a constituency are not mutually exclusive, but
neither are they necessarily synonymous.  Neither welfare nor profits
are "obscene."
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
The cure for capitalism's failing would require that a government would
have to rise above the interests of one class alone.
                                -- Robert L. Heilbroner
%%
The cynic who doesn't believe in anything still wants you to believe
him.
%%
The danger of the past was that men became slaves. The danger of the
future is that men may become robots.
%%
The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a
tedious book.
%%
The decent moderation of today will be the least human of things
tomorrow. At the time of the Spanish Inquisition, the opinion of good
sense and of the good medium was certainly that people ought not to burn
too large a number of heretics; extreme and unreasonable opinion
obviously demanded that they burn none at all.
                                -- Maurice Maeterlinck
%%
The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The degree of a country's development is measured by the ratio of the
price of an automobile to that of the cost of a haircut.  The lower the
ratio, the higher the degree of development.
                                -- Charles P. Issawi
%%
The degree of failure is in direct proportion to the effort expended and
to the need for success.
%%
The degree of one's emotion varies inversely with one's knowledge of the
facts
                                -- the less you know the hotter you get.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
The demonstrably true statements of the sciences which, especially in
recent times, have the uncomfortable inclination never to stay put,
although, at any given moment they are, and must be, valid for all.
                                -- Hannah Arendt
%%
The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to the
decline of the prototype.
%%
The desire for racial integration increases with the square of the
distance from the actual event.
%%
The desire of knowledge, like the thirst of riches, increases ever with
the acquisition of it.
                                -- Sterne
%%
The desire of power in excess caused angels to fall; the desire of
knowledge in excess caused man to fall; but in charity is no excess,
neither can man or angels come into danger by it.
                                -- Bacon
%%
The devil can quote scripture for his purpose.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The devil could change. He was once an angel and may be evolving still.
%%
The devil does not stay where the music is.
%%
The devil hath power to assume a pleasing shape.
%%
The devil is a gentleman who never goes where he is not welcome.
%%
The devil is easy to identify. He appears when you're terribly tired and
makes a very reasonable request which you know you shouldn't grant.
%%
The devil is making his pitch.
%%
The devil knew not what he did when he made man politic.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The devil would be the best way out as an excuse for God ... But even
so, one can hold God responsible for the existence of the Devil.
%%
The difference between a career and a job is twenty or more hours a
week.
%%
The difference between a chef and a cook seems to be in who cleans up
the kitchen.
                                -- Paul Sweeney
%%
The difference between a rich man and a poor man is this -- the former
eats when he pleases, the latter when he can get it.
                                -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
The difference between a successful career and a mediocre one sometimes
consists of leaving about four or five things a day unsaid.
%%
The difference between failure and success is doing a thing nearly right
and doing a thing exactly right.
                                -- Edward Simmons
%%
The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often
comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't.
%%
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science
requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require
scholarship.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly
proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find
it.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The difficulty of getting anything started increases with the square of
the of the number of people involved.
                                -- Jim MacGregor
%%
The difficulty of the coordination task often blinds one to the fact
that a fully coordinated piece of paper is not supposed to be either the
major or the final product of the organization, but it often turns out
that way.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
The difficulty with humorists is that they will mix what they believe
with what they don't; whichever seems likelier to win an effect.
                                -- John Updike
%%
The diminutive chains of habit are seldom heavy enough to be felt until
they are too strong to be broken.
                                -- Johnson
%%
The discipline of desire is the background of character.
                                -- John Locke
%%
The distance between the ticket counter and you plane is directly
proportional to the weight of what you are carrying and inversely
proportional to the time remaining before takeoff.
                                -- Gary Witzenburg
%%
The distance from the gate from which you flight departs is inversely
proportionate to the time remaining before the scheduled departure of
the flight.
                                -- Edward S. Mills
%%
The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in
proportion to the weight of the packages you are carrying.
%%
  The doctor hoped to save for science
    An abnormal baby, bred
  Of who knows what mad misalliance ...
    Too late. One head's already dead.
%%
The doctrine of the material efficacy of prayer reduces the Creator to a
cosmic bellhop of a not very bright or reliable kind.
%%
The dog was created especially for children.  He is the god of frolic.
                                -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
The doing evil to avoid an evil cannot be good.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
The dossier is not the person.
                                -- Dr. John Gall
%%
The duty of the people is to tend to their affairs.  The duty of
government is to help them do it.  This is the pasta of politics.  The
inspired leader, the true prince, no matter how great, can only be sauce
upon the pasta.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
The early bird catches the worm as a rule, but the guy who comes along
later may be having lobster Neuburg and crepes suzette.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
The early morning has gold in its mouth.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The early sun is gold in the mouth.
%%
The earth, that's nature's mother, is her tomb.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  The earthmen dump their cola-bottles,
    Cans and packs and empty jars,
  At random... so the aesthete throttles
    Those who made the mess on Mars.
%%
The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and
add ten percent.
%%
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
                                -- Jack Rosenbaum
%%
The easiest way to refold a road map is differently.
%%
The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on
weather forecasters.
                                -- Jean-Paul Kauffmann
%%
The education of a man is never completed until he dies.
                                -- Robert E. Lee
%%
The effectiveness of a politician varies in inverse proportion to his
commitment to principle.
                                -- Sam Shaffer
%%
The effort expended by the bureaucracy in defending any error is in
direct proportion to the size of the error.
                                -- John Nies
%%
The effort required to correct course increases geometrically with time.
%%
The empty vessel makes the greatest sound.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The end of man is an action, and not a thought, though it were the
noblest.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
The energy required to change either one of two states will always be
more than you wish to expend, but never so much as to make the task
impossible.
                                -- David Gerrold
%%
The error-detection and correction capabilities of any system will serve
as the key to understanding the type of errors which they cannot handle.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
The essence of intelligence is skill in extracting meaning from everyday
experience.
%%
The essence of life is taking over.
%%
The evil that men do lives after them; The good is oft interr'd with
their bones.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The evil you teach us, we will execute, and it shall go hard but we will
better the instruction.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The excesses of our youth are drafts upon our old age, payable with
interest, about thirty years after date.
                                -- Colton
%%
The expenditure of funds is critical -- engineers and scientists should
not be permitted to authorize any purchase.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
The expert judgement of an institution, when the matters involve
continuation of the institution's operations, is totally predictable,
and hence the finding is totally worthless.
                                -- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
The explanation requiring the fewest assumptions is the most likely to
be correct.
%%
The eye sees not itself but by reflection, by some other things.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The eyes of the emperor are everywhere.
                                -- Brodrig
%%
The fact is, squire, the moment a man takes to a good pipe, he becomes a
philosopher; it's the poor man's friend; it calms the mind, soothes the
temper, and makes a man patient under troubles; it has made more good
men good husbands, kind masters, indulgent fathers and honest fellows,
than any other thing on this universal world.
                                -- Richard Haliburton
%%
The fact, in short, is that freedom, to be meaningful in an organized
society, must consist of an amalgam of hierarchy of freedoms and
restraints.
                                -- Samuel Hendel
%%
The faculty expands its activity to fit whatever space is available, so
that more space is always required.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
The faith in which I was brought up assured me that I was better than
other people: I was saved, they were damned ... Our hymns were loaded
with arrogance -- self-congratulation on how cozy we were with the
Almighty and what a high opinion he had of us, what hell everybody else
would catch come judgement day.
                                -- Robert Heinlein
%%
The farther away from the entrance of the market (theater, or any other
given location) that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by
the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.
                                -- Judith deMille Berson
%%
The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.
                                -- John H. Durrell
%%
The fault lies not with our technology but with our systems.
                                -- Roger Levin
%%
  The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
  But in ourselves that we are underlings.
                                -- William Shakespeare
%%
The fawning, sneaking, and flattering hypocrite, that will do, or be
anything, for his own advantage.
                                -- Stillingfleet
%%
The fear of capitalism has compelled socialism to widen freedom, and the
fear of socialism has compelled capitalism to increase equality.
                                -- Will and Ariel Durant
%%
The fewer our wants, the nearer we resemble the gods.
                                -- Socrates
%%
The final answer will exceed the magnitude or precision or both of the
calculator.
%%
The finding of threats to security by a security office is totally
predictable, and hence the finding is totally worthless.
                                -- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
The firmest friendships have been formed in mutual adversity, as iron is
most strongly welded by the fiercest fire.
%%
The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last
10 percent takes the other 90 percent.
%%
The first and worst of all frauds is to cheat oneself.  All sin is easy
after that.
                                -- Baily
%%
The first creation of God in the works of the days was the light of the
sense, the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath work ever
since is the illumination of the spirit.
                                -- Bacon
%%
The first draught a man drinks ought to be for thirst, the second for
nourishment, the third for pleasure, the fourth for madness.
%%
The first idea that the child must acquire, in order to be actively
disciplined, is that of the difference between good and evil; and the
task of the educator lies in seeing that the child does not confuse good
with immobility, and evil with activity.
%%
The first impression one gets of a new ruler and his brains is from
seeing the men he has chosen to have around him.
%%
The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next, good sense, the
third, good humor, and the fourth, wit.
                                -- Sir William Temple
%%
The first myth of management is that it exists.  The second myth of
management is that success equals skill.
                                -- Robert Heller
%%
The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
                                -- Paul Ehrlich
%%
The first sample is always the best.
                                -- William K. Wright
%%
The first step to knowledge is to know that we are ignorant.
                                -- Cecil
%%
The first symptom of love in a young man is timidity, in a girl it is
boldness. The two sexes have a tendency to approach, and each assumes
the qualities of the other.
                                -- Victor Hugo
%%
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my
tongue.
%%
The first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is
dignity.
%%
The first time you buy a house you see how pretty the paint is and buy
it. The second time you look to see if the basement has termites. It's
the same with men.
                                -- Lupe Velez
%%
The flood of my tears washed out the bridge of my nose.
%%
The food that I like best -- the food that makes me hungry just to think
of -- is very simple ... When I cook I try never to get too far away
from that kind of simplicity.
                                -- Jeremiah Tower
%%
The forces of a capitalist society, if left unchecked, tend to make the
rich richer and the poor poorer.
                                -- Jawaharial Nehru
%%
The friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, grapple them to thy
soul with hooks of steel; but do not dull thy palm with entertainment of
each new hatched, unfledged comrade.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The fullest instruction, and the fullest enjoyment are never derived
from books, till we have ventilated the ideas thus obtained, in free and
easy chat with others.
                                -- William Matthews
%%
The function of socialism is to raise suffering to a higher level.
                                -- Norman Mailer
%%
The fundamental idea of good is that it consists in preserving life, in
favoring it, in wanting to bring it to its highest value, and evil
consists in destroying life, doing it injury, hindering its development.
                                -- Albert Schweitzer
%%
The further an individual is from the poorhouse, the more expert one
becomes on the ghetto.
                                -- James L. Davis
%%
The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a column is in
direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.
                                -- Alan Deitz
%%
The gamester, if he die a martyr to his profession, is doubly ruined.
He adds his soul to every other's loss, and by the act of suicide,
renounces earth to forfeit heaven.
                                -- Colton
%%
  The gates of hell are open night and day;
  Smooth the descent, and easy is the way;
  But to return, and view the cheerful skies,
  In this the task and mighty labor dies.
                                -- Dryden
%%
The general prizes most the fortress which took the longest siege.
                                -- Edward Garrett
%%
The gent who wakes up and finds himself a success hasn't been asleep.
%%
The goal of all life is death.
                                -- Sigmund Freud
%%
The goal of yesterday will be the starting point of tomorrow.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
The gods plant reason in mankind, of all good gifts the highest.
                                -- Sophocles
%%
  The good are better made by ill,
  As odors crush'd are sweeter still.
                                -- Rogers
%%
The good die young -- because they see it's no use living if you've got
to be good.
%%
  The good need fear no law,
  It is his safety, and the bad man's awe.
                                -- Massinger, Middleton, and Rowley
%%
The government [is] extremely fond of amassing great quantities of
statistics. These are raised to the nth degree, the cube roots are
extracted, and the results are arranged into elaborate and impressive
displays.  What must be kept ever in mind, however, is that in every
case, the figures are first put down by a village watchman, and he puts
down anything he damn well pleases.
                                -- Sir Josiah Stamp
%%
The great creative individual ... is capable of more wisdom and virtue
than collective man ever can be.
                                -- John Stuart Mill
%%
The great end of education is to discipline rather than to furnish the
mind; to train it to the use of its own powers, rather than fill it with
the accumulation of others.
                                -- Tryon Edwards
%%
  The great god Ra whose shrine once covered acres
  Is filler now for crossword-puzzle makers.
%%
The great question is not whether you have failed, but whether you are
content with failure.
%%
The great secret of life is never to be in the way of others.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
The great truths are too important to be new.
                                -- Somerset Maugham
%%
The greater the number of professionals (advanced degrees preferred)
assigned to a project, the greater the progress.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
The greatest danger to human beings is their consciousness of the
trivialities of their aims.
                                -- Gerald Brennen
%%
The greatest genius is never so great as when is is chastised and
subdued by the highest reason.
%%
The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of
zeal, well-meaning but without understanding.
                                -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
%%
The greatest genius is never so great as when it is chastised and
subdued by the highest reason.
                                -- Colton
%%
The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
The greatest of fools is he who imposes on himself, and in greatest
concern thinks certainly he knows that which he has least studied, and
of which he is profoundly ignorant.
                                -- Shaftesbury
%%
The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
%%
The greatest truths are the simplest; so are the greatest men.
%%
The greatness of kings is made at the margin; the greatness of
legislatures, at the mean.  That is to say, a monarch is judged by
individual virtues and performance, but no legislature can be called
great because it contained one or a few impressive individuals, to whom
it paid no heed.  The standard of judgement for monarchs and
legislatures is always the same:  the happiness and well-being of the
people.              -- Michael Scully
%%
The guard dies, but never surrenders.
                                -- Fougemont
%%
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before
I hit him.
%%
The hardest thing is to disguise your feelings when you put a lot of
relatives on the train for home.
%%
The heart is wiser than the intellect.
%%
The heart will break, yet brokenly live on.
                                -- Lord Byron
%%
The herd instinct among forecasters make sheep look like independent
thinker.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
The high-water mark, so to speak, of Socialist literature is W. H.
Auden, a sort of gutless Kipling.
                                -- George Orwell
%%
The higher a monkey climbs, the more you see of his behind.
                                -- Gen. Joe Stilwell
%%
The higher the tuition, the fewer days they spend in school.
                                -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
The higher you go the more dependent you become on others.
%%
The higher, the fewer.
%%
The history of liberty has largely been the history of the observance of
procedural safeguards.
                                -- Justice Felix Frankfurter
%%
The history of liberty is the history of resistance ... [it is a]
history of the limitation of governmental power.
                                -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
The history of the world is the record of man in quest of his daily
bread and butter.
%%
The hole and the patch should be commensurate.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The home is not the one tame place in the world of adventure.  It is the
one wild place in the world of rules and set tasks.
                                -- G. K. Chesterson
%%
The honeymoon is over when he phones that he'll be late for supper --
and she has already left a note that it's in the refrigerator.
                                -- Bill Lawrence
%%
The human heart is often the victim of the sensations of the moment;
success intoxicates it to presumption, and disappointment dejects and
terrifies it.
                                -- Volney
%%
The human race never solves any of its problems -- it only outlives
them.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
  The hypnotist is fascinating
    Mary in her modest gown,
  Meantime mentally debating:
    Is she blonde the whole way down?
%%
The idea is for a woman to make her life as big, as challenging as she
can, and know that during that life there will be men who will love her
for what she is trying to be, just as there have always been men who
loved her for not trying to be anything at all.
                                -- Lee Grant
%%
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
                                -- Ashley Montagu
%%
The implied convertibility between a unit of real money produced by
labor and an article of wealth created by human labor for the market
must be assured. Therefore, the value of the monetary unit should have a
real objective regulator.
                                -- Lewis E. Lehrman
%%
The importance of the man and his job, in that relative order, rises in
direct proportion to the distance separating his audience from his home
office.
%%
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf
has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when
it's through if you are a crook or a martyr.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
The income tax has make more liars out of the American people than golf
has.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
The inevitable result of improved and enlarged communication between
different levels in a heirarchy is a vastly increased area of
misunderstanding.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay!
%%
The information you have is not what you want.
%%
The information you need is not what you can obtain.
%%
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the
inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.
                                -- Winston Churchill
%%
The ink of the scholar is more sacred than the blood of the martyr.
                                -- Mohammed
%%
The insolent civility of a proud man is, if possible, more shocking than
his rudeness could be; because he shows you, by his manner, that he
thinks it mere condescension in him; and that his goodness alone bestows
upon you what you have no pretense to claim.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail
you choose to hike always comes out positive.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The intellect of the wise is like glass; it admits the light of heaven
and reflects it.
                                -- Hare
%%
The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the
number of participants.
                                -- Adam Walinsky
%%
The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man
almost nothing.
                                -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
%%
The intensity of movie publicity is in inverse ratio to the quality of
the movie.
                                -- Gene Shalit
%%
The intoxication of anger, like that of the grape, shows up to others,
but hides us from ourselves, and we injure our own cause, in the opinion
of the world, when we too passionately and eagerly defend it.
                                -- Colton
%%
The job of satire is to frighten and enlighten.
                                -- Richard Condon
%%
  The keen spirit
  Seized the prompt occasion -- makes the thought
  Start into instant action, and at once
  Plans and performs, resolves and executes.
                                -- Hannah Moore
%%
  The knob that fires the mighty missile
    May make World War Three begin,
  Write our fate in fires of fissile --
    Hey! You fool! You've knocked it in!
%%
The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area
where the highest overtime rates lie waiting.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it.
                                -- George A. Daher
%%
  The larva from its dusty cranny
    Danny took, and laid on cloth
  To watch it hatch ...  Too bad for Danny!
    He thought the pupa held a moth.
%%
The last rush-hour express bus to your neighborhood leaves five minutes
before you get off work.
                                -- John Corcoran
%%
The last thing one knows is what to put first.
                                -- Pascal
%%
The last, best fruit which comes to perfection, even in the kindliest
soul, is, tenderness toward the hard, forbearance toward the
unforbearing, warmth of heart toward the cold, philanthropy toward the
misanthropic.
                                -- Richter
%%
The leader who can enlist cooperation and respect, without having to
pull rank, has power of the most positive kind.
%%
The leadership of the privileged has passed away; but it has not been
succeeded by the leadership of the eminent.  We have entered the region
of mass effects.
                                -- Winston Churchill
%%
The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.
%%
The length of a meeting rises with the square of the number of people
present.
                                -- Eileen Shanahan
%%
The length of any meeting is inversely proportional to the length of the
agenda for that meeting.
                                -- G. Robert McLaughlin
%%
The length of debate varies inversely with the complexity of the issue.
                                -- Robert Knowles
%%
The less a thing can be proved, the angrier we get when we argue about
it.
%%
The less important you are on the table of organization, the more you'll
be missed if you don't show up for work.
%%
The less some people know the more eager they are to tell you about it.
%%
The less there is between you and the environment, the more you
appreciate the environment.
%%
The less you enjoy serving on committees, the more likely you are to be
pressed to do so.  (Explanation:  If you do not like committees, you
keep quiet, nod your head, and look wise while thinking of something
else and thereby acquire the reputation of being a judicious and
cooperative colleague; if you enjoy committees, you talk a lot, make
many suggestions and are regarded by the other members as a nuisance.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
The life expectancy of a television comedian is proportional to the
total amount of exposure on the medium.
%%
The life of a cigarette is proportional to the intensity of the protests
from the non-smokers.                       -- Raj K. Dhawan
%%
The life of a pious minister is visible rhetoric.
                                -- Hooker
%%
The light of a hundred stars does not equal the light of the moon.
%%
The likelihood of anything happening is in direct proportion to the
amount of trouble it will cause if it does happen.
                                -- Sam W. Warren
%%
  The limerick is furtive and mean;
  You must keep her in close quarantine,
    Or she sneaks to the slums
    and promptly becomes
  Disorderly, drunk and obscene.
%%
The lion and the calf shall lie down together, but the calf won't get
much sleep.
                                -- Woody Allen
%%
The little mind who loves itself, will write and think with the vulgar;
but the great mind will be bravely eccentric, and scorn the beaten road,
from universal benevolence.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
The little sweet doth kill much bitterness.
%%
The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your
remaining repellant.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The long habit of living indisposeth us for dying.
                                -- Sir Thomas Browne
%%
The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is,
the more likely it is to go wrong.
                                -- David and Jane Evelyn
%%
The longer the title, the less important the job.
                                -- Robert Shrum
%%
The loss of liberty in general would soon follow the suppression of the
liberty of the press; for it is an essential branch of liberty, so
perhaps it is the best preservative of the whole.
                                -- John Peter Zenger
%%
The love of money is the root of all evil; which while some coveted
after they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through
with many sorrows.
                                -- I Timothy VI, 10
%%
The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others.
%%
The main beneficiaries of federal aid are those states that most oppose
the principle.
                                -- Bob Smith
%%
The main impact of the computer has been the provision of unlimited jobs
for clerks.
%%
The majority of us are for free speech only when it deals with those
subjects concerning which we have no intense convictions.
                                -- Edmund B. Chafee
%%
The man who builds and wants wherewith to pay Provides a home from which
to run away.
                                -- Young
%%
The man who has ceased to learn ought not to be allowed to wander around
loose in these dangerous days.
                                -- M. M. Coady
%%
The man who has not anything to boast of but his illustrious ancestors,
is like a potato -- the only thing belonging to him is underground.
                                -- Sir T. Overbury
%%
The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he
decides, never decides.
                                -- Henri-Frederic Amiel
%%
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor
judge of distance.
%%
The man who sees the consistency in things is a wit, the man who sees
the inconsistency in things is a humorist.
                                -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
The man who smiles when things go wrong, has thought of someone he can
blame it on.
%%
The man who will live above his present circumstances is in great danger
of living in a little time much beneath them.
                                -- Addison
%%
The manner of giving, shows the character of the giver, more than the
gift itself.
                                -- Lavater
%%
The march of the human mind is slow.
                                -- Edmund Burke
%%
The master's eye makes the horse fat.
%%
The measure of a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he
never would be found out.
                                -- Thomas Babington Macaulay
%%
The measure of choosing well is whether a man likes what he has chosen.
                                -- Lamb
%%
The mechanistic world view, taking the play of physical particles as
ultimate reality, found its expression in a civilization which glorifies
physical technology that has led eventually to the catastrophes of our
time. Possibly the model of the world as a great organization can help
to reinforce the sense of reverence for the living which we have almost
lost in the last sanguinary decades of human history.
                                -- Ludwig von Bertalanffy
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.
                                -- J. Paul Getty
%%
The meek shall inherit the Earth. In three foot by six foot plots.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
The mere act of hearing or reading wise statements and sound advice does
little for anyone.  In the process of learning, the learner's dynamic
cooperation is required.
%%
  The mind of man is vastly like a hive;
  His thoughts are busy ever -- all alive;
  But here the simile will go no further;
  For bees are making honey, one and all;
  Man's thoughts are busy in producing gall,
  Committing, as it were, self-murther.
                                -- Dr. Wolcott
%%
The mind ought sometimes to be amused, that it may the better return to
thought, and to itself.
                                -- Phaedrus
%%
The mind unlearns with difficulty what it has long learned.
                                -- Seneca
%%
The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't.
%%
The minute you sign a client is the minute you start to lose him.
                                -- James M. Blankenship
%%
The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might
be general systems laws. For example, Frank Harary once suggested the
law that any field that had the word "science" in its name was
guaranteed thereby not to be a science. He would cite as examples
Military Science, Library Science, Political Science, Homemaking
Science, Social Science, and Computer Science.
                                -- Gerald Weinberg
%%
The mode by which the inevitable comes to pass is effort.
                                -- Oliver Wendell Holmes
%%
The modern child will answer you back before you've said anything.
                                -- Laurence J. Peter
%%
The moment a woman marries, some terrible revolution happens in her
system; all her good qualities vanish, presto, like eggs out of a
conjurers box.  'Tis true that they appear on the other side of the box,
but for the husband, they are gone forever.
                                -- Bulwer
%%
The moment you forecast, you know you're going to be wrong, you just
don't know when and in which direction.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
The moment you have worked out an answer, start checking it.  It
probably isn't right.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
  The monarch oak, the patriarch of the trees,
  Shoots rising up, and spreads by slow degrees;
  Three centuries he grows, and three he stays
  Supreme in state; and in three more decays.
                                -- Dryden
%%
The moral law is written on the tablets of eternity.  For every false
word or unrighteous deed, for cruelty and oppression, for lust or
vanity, the price has to be paid at last.
                                -- J. A. Froude
%%
The moral world is as little exempt as the physical world from the law
of ceaseless change, of perpetual flux.
                                -- Sir James Frazer
%%
The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.
                                -- Mme. de Stael
%%
The more a recruit knew about a given subject, the better chance he had
of receiving an assignment involving some other subject.
                                -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
The more campaigning, the better.
                                -- Larry O'Brien
%%
The more complex the idea or technology, the more simpleminded is the
opposition.
%%
The more enthusiastic, unruly, and large the candidate's crowds in the
week before the election, the less likely he is to carry the area.
                                -- Frank Mankiewicz
%%
The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to
escape being taxed.
                                -- Diogenes
%%
The more honesty a man has, the less he affects the air of a saint.  The
affectation of sanctity is a blotch on the face of piety.
                                -- Lavater
%%
The more intelligent and competent a woman is in her adult life, the
less likely she is to have received an adequate amount of romantic
attention in adolescence.
                                -- Susan Jacoby
%%
The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the
compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a
non-threatening incompetence.           -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
The more right one is, the more careful he should be to express his
opinion tactfully.  The other fellow never likes to be proved wrong.
                                -- John Luther
%%
The more the change, the more it is the same thing.
                                -- Alphonse Karr
%%
The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less
time you have to do it in.  Stability is achieved when you spend all
your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
%%
The more unworkable the urban plan, the greater the probability of
implementation.
                                -- Robert Wood
%%
The more urgent the need for decision, the less apparent becomes the
identity of the decision-maker.
%%
The more we love, the nearer we are to hate.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
The more wit the less courage.
                                -- Thomas Fuller
%%
The more you speak of yourself, the more you are likely to lie.
                                -- Zimmerman
%%
The most agreeable of all companions is a simple, frank man, without any
high pretensions to an oppressive greatness; one who loves life, and
understands the use of it; obliging, alike at all hours; above all, of a
golden temper, and steadfast as an anchor.  For such a one we gladly
change the great genius, the most brilliant wit, the profoundest
thinker.
                                -- Lessing
%%
The most alarming of all man's assaults upon the environment is the
contamination of air, earth, rivers, and sea ... this pollution is for
the most part irrecoverable.
                                -- Rachel Carson
%%
The most certain sign of being born with great qualities is to be born
without envy.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
The most common commodity in this country is unrealized potential.
                                -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
The most difficult light bulb to replace burns out first and most
frequently.
                                -- Joe Anderson
%%
The most difficult thing in life is to know yourself.
                                -- Thales
%%
The most egotistical person we've ever heard of is the one who remarked
that he had only been wrong once in his life and that was when he
thought he was wrong but wasn't.
%%
The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.
                                -- Preem Palver, First Speaker
%%
The most trifling actions that affect a man's credit are to be
regarded.  The sound of your hammer at five in the morning, or at nine
at night, heard by a creditor, makes him easy six months longer; but if
he sees you at a Billiard table, or hears your voice at a Tavern, when
you should be at work, he sends for his money the next day.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The most undesirable things are the most certain (e. g., death and
taxes).
                                -- Martin S. Kottmeyer
%%
The most utterly lost of all days, is that in which you have not once
laughed.
                                -- Chamfort
%%
The narrower the mind the broader the statement.
                                -- Ted Cook
%%
The nation had the lion's heart.  I had the luck to give the roar.
                                -- Winston Churchill
%%
The natural progress of things is for liberty to yield and government to
gain ground.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The nearer the bone the sweeter the meat.
%%
The net weight of you boots is proportional to the cube of the number of
hours you have been on the trail.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The new electronic independence recreates the world in the image of a
global village.
%%
The next best thing to knowing something is knowing where to find it.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The next class is always three buildings away on a rainy day.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
The notion of the Trinity of Gods has enfeebled the belief in one God. A
multiplication of beliefs acts as a division of belief; and in
proportion as anything is divided it is weakened.
%%
The notion that the church, the press, and the universities should serve
the state is essentially a Communist notion ... In a free society these
institutions must be wholly free -- which is to say that their function
is to serve as checks upon the state.
                                -- Alan Barth
%%
The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of
a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting
dish.
                                -- John Calkins
%%
The number of errors in any piece of writing rises in proportion to the
writer's reliance on secondary sources.
                                -- Harold Faber
%%
The number of errors make is equal to the sum of the "squares" involved.
%%
The number of letters written to the editor is inversely proportional to
the importance of the article.
                                -- Robert L. Marcus
%%
The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number
of hours you have been on the trail.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The object of education is to prepare the young to educate themselves
throughout their lives.
                                -- Robert Maynard Hutchins
%%
The odds are 6:5 that if one has late classes, one's roommate will have
the earliest possible classes.
%%
The office space and salaries of college administrators are in inverse
proportion to those of the instructors.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
The oil can is mightier than the sword.
                                -- Everett Dirksen
%%
The one real object of education is to have a man in the condition of
continually asking questions.
                                -- Bishop Mandell Creighton
%%
The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment
to the next.
                                -- Mignon McLaughlin
%%
The only difference between a fool and a criminal who attacks a system
is that the fool attacks unpredictably and on a broader front.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
The only way for a rich man to be healthy is by exercise and abstinence,
to live as if he were poor.
                                -- William Temple
%%
The only good is knowledge and the only evil is ignorance.
%%
The only important result of a meeting is agreement about next steps.
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
The only programs a grown-up can possibly stand are those that cater to
those pre-adolescent fantasies that most have never abandoned.
                                -- Richard Schickel
%%
The only rose without thorns is friendship.
%%
The only sense that is common in the long run, is the sense of change --
and we all instinctively avoid it.
                                -- E. B. White
%%
The only thing more reliable than Magik is one's friends.
                                -- Macbeth, King of Scotland.
%%
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do
nothing.
%%
The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having
to pay an income tax.
%%
The only thing worse than an expert is someone who thinks he's an
expert.
%%
The only things that evolve by themselves in an organization are
disorder, friction, and malperformance.
%%
The only unbreakable rule: To thine own self be true, and it follows as
the night the day that you cannot be false to any man.
%%
The only way a reporter should look at a politician is down.
                                -- Frank Kent, Baltimore Sun
%%
The only way for a rich man to be healthy is, by exercise and
abstinence, to live as if he were poor.
                                -- Sir William Temple
%%
The only way to compel men to speak good of us is to do it.
                                -- Voltaire
%%
The only way to conquer fear is to keep doing the thing you fear to do.
%%
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them
to the impossible.
                                -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it....I can resist
everything but temptation.
                                -- Oscar Wilde
%%
The only winner in the war of 1812 was Tchaikovsky.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
The oppressed are allowed once every few years to decide which
particular representatives of the oppressing class are to represent and
repress them.
                                -- Karl Marx
%%
The opportunity for graft equals the plethora of legal requirements
multiplied by the number of architects, engineers, and builders.
%%
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds, and the
pessimist knows it.
                                -- J. Robert Oppenheimer
%%
The organization of any bureaucracy is very much like a septic tank --
the really big chunks always rise to the top.
                                -- Professor John Imhoff
%%
The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people
who develop it.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its
intentions.
%%
The other line moves faster.  This applies to all lines -- bank,
supermarket, tollbooth, customs, and so on.  And don't try to change
lines.  The Other Line -- the one you were in originally -- will then
move faster.
                                -- Barbara Ettorre
%%
The passions and desires, like the two twists of a rope, mutually mix
one with the other, and twine inextricably round the heart; producing
good if moderately indulged; but certain destruction, if suffered to
become inordinate.
                                -- Burton
%%
The passions are the only orators that always persuade.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
The passions, like heavy bodies down steep hills, once in motion, move
themselves, and know no ground but the bottom.
                                -- Fuller
%%
The passions often engender their contraries.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
The paths of glory lead but to the grave.
                                -- Grey's Elegy
%%
The patient can oftener do without the doctor, than the doctor without
the patient.
                                -- Zimmerman
%%
The pedestrian had no idea where to go, so I ran over him.
%%
The pedestrian works where I work. She is a standards coordinator. Funny
she should be the one I hit.
%%
The pen is mightier than the sword; and easier to write with.
%%
The people always want to hear when the mighty stag is brought to the
ground by a pack of common dogs.
                                -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
The people most preoccupied with titles and status are usually the least
deserving of them.
%%
The people who are rising in the world take over.  The people who are
sinking are taken over.
                                -- Sepp von Plum
%%
The perpetual obstacle to human advancement is custom.
                                -- John Stuart Mill
%%
The person who buys the most raffle tickets has the least chance of
winning.
                                -- Dr. R. F. Gumperson
%%
The person who considers five or six possible solutions to a problem is
more apt to find the right answer than the person who only considers one
or two.
%%
The person whose clothes are extremely fine I am too apt to consider as
not being possessed of any superiority of fortune, but resembling those
Indians who are found to wear all the gold they have in the world in a
bob at the nose.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
The person you rejected yesterday could make you happy, if you say yes.
%%
The persons hardest to convince they're at the retirement age are
children at bedtime.
                                -- Shannon Fife
%%
The philosophers have only interpreted the world; the thing, however, is
to change it.
                                -- Karl Marx
%%
The philosophy of one century is the common sense of the next.
                                -- Henry Ward Beecher
%%
The phone will not ring until you leave your desk and walk to the other
end of the building.
                                -- Linda A. Lawyer
%%
The phrase "we(I)(you) simply MUST ... " designates something that need
not be done. "That goes without saying" is a red warning. "Of course"
means you had best check it yourself. These small-change cliches and
others like them, when read correctly, are reliable channel markers.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
  The planets in their distant courses
    Exert a baleful influence.
  They stack the cards, they slow down horses --
    My God, their power must be immense!
%%
The plural of spouse is spice.
%%
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those
who have not got it.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The price of freedom of religion or of speech or of the press is that we
must put up with, and even pay for, a good deal of rubbish.
                                -- Justice Robert Jackson
%%
The primary aim of all government regulation of economic life of the
community should be, not to supplant the system of private economic
enterprise, but to make it work.
                                -- Carl Becker
%%
The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one's mind a
pleasant place in which to spend one's leisure.
                                -- Sydney J. Harris
%%
The primary requisite for any new tax law is for it to exempt enough
voters to win the next election.
%%
The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the
opening of new frontiers.
%%
The privilege of absurdity; to which no living creature is subject but
man only.
                                -- Thomas Hobbs
%%
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young
woman increases by pyramidical progression when he is already in the
company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer
male friend.
                                -- Ronald H. Beifeld
%%
The probability of an event's occurring varies directly with the
perversity of the inanimate object involved and inversely with product
of its desirability and the effort expended to produce it.
                                -- Walter Mule
%%
The problem of civil society is twofold:  how to identify and select
wise rulers, and how to assure that their wisdom will be used for the
benefit of the ruled -- or of the common good as distinct from their
private good.
                                -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
The problem-solving process will always break down at the point at which
it is possible to determine who caused the problem.
%%
The product of an arithmetical computation is the answer to an equation;
it is not the solution to a problem.
                                -- G. O. Ashley
%%
The professional quality of the faculty tends to be inversely
proportional to the importance it attaches to space and equipment.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
The profoundly wise do not declaim against superficial knowledge in
others, as much as the profoundly ignorant.
                                -- Colton
%%
The public is not made up of people who get their names in the papers.
                                -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
The puritans hated bearbaiting not because it gave pain to the bear, but
because if gave pleasure to the spectators.
                                -- Macaulay
%%
The purpose of freedom is to create it for others.
                                -- Bernard Malamud
%%
The purpose of satire is to strip off the veneer of comforting illusion
and cozy half-truth. And our business, as I see it, is to put it back
again.
                                -- Michael Flanders
%%
The quality of a department is inversely proportional to the number of
courses it lists in its catalogue.
                                -- Professor Joel Hildebrand
%%
The quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely
proportional to the volume of media clamor that brought it on.
                                -- G. Ray Funkhouser
%%
The quality of your work will be affected as much by your attitude as by
your skill.
%%
The quantity of rhetoric has been directly proportional to the lack of
action.
                                -- Arthur Herzog
%%
The question, "Who ought to be boss?" is like asking, "Who ought to be
tenor in the quartet?"  Obviously the man who can sing tenor.
                                -- Henry Ford
%%
The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out, the
conservative adopts them.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
The radical novelty in modern science lies precisely in the rejection of
the belief, which is at the heart of all popular religion, that the
forces which move the stars and atoms are contingent upon the
preferences of the human heart.
                                -- Walter Lippmann
%%
The rain has such a friendly sound to one who's six feet underground.
                                -- Edna St. Vincent Millay
%%
The rate of hospital admissions responds to the bed availability.  Or,
if we insist on installing more beds, they will tend to get filled.
                                -- Dr. Milton Roemer
%%
The real danger is not that computers will begin to think like men, but
that men will being to think like computers.
%%
The real fight today is against inhuman, relentless exercise of
capitalistic power ... The present struggle in which we are engaged is
for social and industrial justice.
                                -- Justice Louis D. Brandeis
%%
The reason I know my youth is all spent?  My get up and go got up and
went.
                                -- Len Ingebrigston
%%
The reason for the rush is the delay and, conversely the reason for the
delay is the rush.
%%
The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as
twilight approaches.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The reputation of a man is like his shadow:  It sometimes follows and
sometimes precedes him, it is sometimes longer and sometimes shorter
than his natural size.
%%
The reverence of a man's self is, next to religion, the chiefest bridle
of all vices.
                                -- Lord Bacon
%%
The reward of energy, enterprise, and thrift -- is taxes.
%%
The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer.  The haves get more, the
have-nots die.
%%
The rider likes best the horse which needs most breaking in.
                                -- Edward Garrett
%%
The rights we have today we may consider natural rights, but they were
won by blood, sweat, sacrifice, and death.
                                -- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%%
The river is moving; the blackbird must be flying.
%%
The road of excess leads to the palace of wisdom.
                                -- William Blake
%%
The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  And littered with
sloppy analysis!
%%
  The ruling passion, be it what it will,
  The ruling passion conquers reason still.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
The scholar without good-breeding is a pedant, the philosopher a cynic,
the soldier a brute, and every man disagreeable.
                                -- Chesterfield
%%
The scientist is at the moving edge of what's happening.
                                -- Dr. Gerald M. Edelman
%%
The seal of truth is on thy gallant form, for none but cowards lie.
                                -- Murphy
%%
The secret of education is respecting the pupil.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive
thinking.
                                -- Napolean Bonaparte
%%
The seeds of our own punishment are sown at the same time we commit sin.
                                -- Hesiod
%%
The seeds of repentance are sown in youth by pleasure, but the harvest
is reaped in age by plain.
                                -- Colton
%%
The setting of a great hope is like the setting of the sun.  The
brightness of our life is gone, shadows of the enening fall around us,
and the world seems but a dim reflection itself -- a broader shadow.  We
look forward into the coming lonely night; the soul withdraws itself.
Then stars arise, and the night is wholly.
                                -- Longfellow
%%
The shepherd drives the wolf from the sheep's throat, for which the
sheep thanks the shepherd as his liberator, while the wolf denounces him
for the same act as the destroyer of liberty.
                                -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
The shortest and surest way of arriving at real knowledge is to unlearn
the lessons we have been taught, to remount first principles, and to
take nobody's word about them.
                                -- Bolingbroke
%%
The shortest answer is doing the thing.
%%
The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment
I put a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of
that emergency.
%%
The simple but difficult arts of paying attention, copying accurately,
following an argument, detecting an ambiguity or a false inference,
testing guesses by summoning up contrary instances, organizing one's
time and one's thought for study -- all these arts ... cannot be taught
in the air but only through the difficulties of a defined subject;  they
cannot be taught in one course on one year, but must be acquired
gradually in dozens of connections.
                                -- Jacques Barzun
%%
The simple realization that there are other points of view is the
beginning of wisdom.  Understanding what they are is a great step.  The
final test is understanding why they are held.
                                -- Charles M. Campbell
%%
The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.
%%
The size of each of the stones in you boot is directly proportional to
the number of hours you have been on the trail.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The social problems raised by science must be faced and solved by the
humanities.
                                -- Harold Dodd
%%
The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a
humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because
philosophy is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor
good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
                                -- John W. Gardner
%%
The solution to a problem changes the problem.
                                -- John Peers
%%
The soul of this man is in his clothes.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The sound of laughter has always seemed to me the most civilized music
in the universe.
                                -- Peter Ustinov
%%
  The spaceship with its human cargo
    Speeds from star to blazing star.
  The captain, humming Handel's Largo,
    Wonders where the hell they are.
%%
The specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally,
he knows everything about nothing; whereas the generalist learns less
and less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing about
everything.
%%
The speed at which the legislative process seems to work is in inverse
proportion to your enthusiasm for the bill.  If you want a bill to move
quickly, committee hearings, the rules committee, and legislative
procedures appear to be roadblocks to democracy.  If you do not want the
bill to pass, such procedures are essential to furthering representative
government, etc., etc.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the
quality of his service.
                                -- Ralph Nader
%%
The spirit of liberty is the spirit which is not too sure it is always
right.
                                -- Judge Learned Hand
%%
The spirit of public service will rise, and the bureaucracy will
multiply itself much faster, in time of grave national concern.
                                -- Taylor Branch
%%
The splendor of an editor's speech and the splendor of his newspaper are
inversely related to the distance between the city in which he makes his
speech and the city in which he publishes his paper.
                                -- Ben Bragdikian
%%
The squeaky hinge gets the oil.
                                -- Gene Franklin
%%
The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but the yapping dog gets kicked.
%%
The star of riches is shining upon you.
%%
The stature of a science is commonly measured by the degree to which it
makes use of mathematics.
                                -- S. S. Stevens
%%
The sterile radical is basically ... conservative. He is afraid to let
go of the ideas and beliefs he picked up in his youth lest his life be
seen as empty and wasted.
                                -- Eric Hoffer
%%
The story of man is the history, first, of the acceptance and imposition
of restraints necessary to permit communal life; and second, of the
emancipation of the individual within that system of necessary
restraints.
                                -- Justice Abe Fortas
%%
The structure of the joke is ... the juxtaposition of the trivial  and
the mundane ... We have to reconcile the paradox of it all.  The joke
mirrors the paradox.
                                -- Woody Allen
%%
The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong
denomination.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
The sufficiency of my merit is to know that my merit is not sufficient.
                                -- Augustine
%%
  The summer day has clos'd -- the sun is set;
  Well have they done their office, those bright hours,
  The latest of whose train goes swiftly out
  In the red west.
                                -- Bryant
%%
The sumptuousness of a company's annual report is in inverse proportion
to its profitability that year.
                                -- Irving Hale
%%
The sun goes down just when you need it the most.
                                -- Jon Kirkup
%%
The sun, the moon and the stars would have disappeared long ago, had
they happened to be within reach of predatory human hands.
                                -- Havelock Ellis
%%
The superior man rises by lifting others.
                                -- Robert Ingersoll
%%
The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
The surest way to encourage violence is to give in to it.
%%
The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love; The taint of earth, the odor
of the skies is in it.
                                -- Bailey
%%
The system is a sacred tin god: never break it or dent it when you can
get what you want by bending it.
%%
The tartness of his face sours ripe grapes.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The tasks to do immediately are the minor ones; otherwise you'll for get
them. The major ones are often better to defer.  They usually need more
time for reflection.  Besides, if you forget them, they'll remind you.
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
The tears of penitents are the wine of angels.
                                -- St. Bernard
%%
The telephone pole was approaching fast, I was attempting to swerve out
of it's path when it struck my front end.
%%
The temple of our purest thoughts is -- silence!
                                -- Mrs. Hale
%%
The tendencies of democracies are, in all things, to mediocrity, since
the tastes, knowledge and principles of the majority form the tribunal
of appeal.
                                -- James Fenimore Cooper
%%
The tendency to claim God as an ally for our partisan values and ends
is ... the source of all religious fanaticism.
%%
The territory behind rhetoric is too often mined with equivocation.
%%
The theory of the Communists may be summed up in the single sentence:
Abolition of private property.
                                -- The Communist Manifesto
%%
The thing in the world I am most of afraid of is fear, and with good
reason, that passion alone in the trouble of it exceeding other
accidents.
                                -- Montaigne
%%
The things in this file don't have to be in bad taste, they just have to
leave a bad taste.
                                -- Dick Munroe
%%
The things which belong to others please us more, and that which is ours
is more pleasing to other.
                                -- Syrus
%%
The thought of 2000 thousand people munching celery at the same time
horrifies me.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
The three faithful things in life are money, a dog, and an old woman.
%%
The three indispensibles of genius are understanding, feeling, and
perseverance.  The three things that enrich genius, are contentment of
mind, the cherishing of good thoughts, and exercising the memory.
                                -- Southey
%%
The tide comes in and the tide goes out, and what have you got?
%%
The ratio of the time involved in work to time available for work is
usually about 0.6.
%%
The time is right to make new friends.
%%
The time of departure will be delayed by the square of the number of
people involved.  Simply stated, if I wish to leave the city at 5 PM, I
will most likely depart at 5:01.  If I am to meet a friend, the time of
departure becomes 5:04.  If we were to meet another couple, we won't be
on out way before 5:16, and so on.
                                -- Paul D. Plotnick
%%
The tire is only flat on the bottom.
                                -- John L. Shelton
%%
The titles of bills -- like those of Marx Brothers movies -- often have
little to do with the substance of the legislation.  Particularly
deceptive are bills containing title buzz words such as emergency,
reform, service, relief, or special.  Often the emergency is of the
writer's imagination; the reform, a protection of a vested interest; the
service, self-serving; the relief, an additional burden on the taxpayer;
and the special, something that otherwise shouldn't be passed.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
The tongue is the ambassador of the heart.
                                -- Lyly
%%
The total amount of evil in any system remains constant.  Hence, any
diminution in one direction -- for instance a reduction in poverty or
unemployment -- is accompanied by an increase in another, e. g.,crime or
air pollution.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
The toughest decision a purchasing agent faces is when he is about to
buy the machine designed to replace him.
%%
The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood
of patriots and tyrants.  It is its natural manure.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
The trouble with being a breadwinner nowadays is that the Government is
in for such a big slice.
%%
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
The trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another
chance.
%%
The trouble with some self-made men is that they worship their creator.
%%
The trouble with the average family budget is that at the end of the
money there's too much month left.
%%
The trouble with the average family today is that it's hard to support
it and the government on one income.
%%
The true danger is when liberty is nibbled away, for expedients, and by
parts.
                                -- Edmund Burke
%%
The true function of art is to edit nature and so to make it coherent
and lovely.  The artist is a sort of impassioned proofreader,
blue-penciling the bad spelling of God.
%%
The true, strong and sound mind is the mind that can embrace equally
great things and small.
                                -- Samuel Johnson
%%
The truly American sentiment recognizes the dignity of labour and the
fact that honor lies in honest toil.
                                -- Grover Cleveland
%%
  The truly brave are soft of heart and eyes,
  And feel for what their duty bids them do.
                                -- Byron
%%
  The truly generous is the truly wise;
  And he loves not others, lives unblest.
                                -- Horace
%%
The truly valiant dare everything but doing an anybody an injury.
                                -- Sir Philiy Sidney
%%
The truth is more important than the facts.
                                -- Frank Lloyd Wright
%%
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And
vice versa.
%%
The truth that is suppressed by friends is the readiest weapon of the
enemy.
                                -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
  The turnpike road to people's hearts I find
  Lies through their mouths, or I mistake mankind.
                                -- Dr. Wolcot
%%
The two most engaging powers of an author are to make new things
familiar, and familiar things new.
                                -- Johnson
%%
The unfortunate thing about this world is that good habits are so much
easier to give up than bad ones.
                                -- Somerset Maugham
%%
The universe is but one vast Symbol of God.
                                -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
The universe is full of magical things patiently waiting for out wits to
grow sharper.
                                -- Eden Phillpots
%%
The universe is intractably squiggly.
                                -- Charles Suhor
%%
The universe is laughing behind your back.
%%
The universe is not only stranger than we imagine, it is stranger than
we can imagine.
                                -- J. B. S. Haldane
%%
The universe is one of God's thoughts.
                                -- Friedrich Schiller
%%
The usefulness of any meeting is inversely proportional to the
attendance.
                                -- Lane Kirkland
%%
The user will forget mathematics in proportion to the complexity of the
calculator.
                                -- John L. Shelton
%%
The vain beauty cares most for the conquest which employed the whole
artillery of her charms.
                                -- Edward Garrett
%%
The value of a program is proportional to its output.
%%
The value of money has an objective regulator only when it it linked to
a real commodity, like gold, itself requiring the cost of human labor to
be produced. By comparison, the value of inconvertinle paper money has
no objective regulator, its marginal cost of production being nearly
zero.
                                -- Lewis E. Lehrman
%%
The vanity of human life is like a river, constantly passing away, and
yet constantly coming on.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
The various opinions of philosophers have scattered through the world as
many plagues of the mind as Pandora's box did those of the body, only
with this difference, that they have not left hope at the bottom.
                                -- Jonathan Swift
%%
The vehicle in front of you is traveling slower than you are.
%%
The veil which covers the face of futurity is woven by the hand of
mercy.
                                -- Bulwer
%%
The venom clamors of a jealous woman poison more deadly than a mad dog's
tooth.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
The very technology that makes our living simpler makes society more
complex. The more efficient we get, the more specialized we become and
the more dependent.
                                -- Thomas Griffith
%%
The vile are only vain; the great are proud.
                                -- Byron
%%
The wailing of the newborn infant is mingled with the dirge for the
dead.
                                -- Lucretius
%%
The way to a man's heart is below his stomach.
                                -- Ron Randall
%%
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
%%
The way to avoid the imputation of impudence is not to be ashamed of
what we do, but never to do what we ought to be ashamed of.
                                -- Tully
%%
  The way to conquer men is by their passions;
  Catch but the ruling foibles of their hearts,
  And all their boasted virtues shrink before you.
                                -- Tolson
%%
The way to fight a woman is with your hat.  Grab it and run!
                                -- John Barrymore
%%
The way to wealth is as plain as the way to market.  It depends chiefly
on two words, industry and frugality; that is, waste neither time nor
money, but make the best use of both.  Without industry and frugality
nothing will do, and with them everything.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
The weak have to be decent, while the strong can choose to be decent.
                                -- Sepp von Plum
%%
The weather for catching fish is that weather, and no other, in which
fish are caught.
                                -- W. H. Blake
%%
  The weather's turning very funny --
    Hailstones crashing from the sky,
  Snow and sleet ...  It's even money
    Whether we'll survive July!
%%
The weather-cock on the church spire, though made of iron, would soon be
broken by the storm wind if it ... did not understand the noble art of
turning to every wind.
                                -- Heinrich Heine
%%
The weed of crime bears bitter fruit.  Crime does not pay. The Shadow
knows!
%%
The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of
food you consume from it.  If you run out of food, the pack weight goes
on increasing anyway.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
The well-tended front lawn is the modern moat that keeps the barbarians
-- other people -- at bay.
%%
The wheel of fortune turns incessantly round, and who can say within
himself, I shall today be uppermost.
                                -- Confucius
%%
The wheels of nature are not made to roll backward; everything presses
on toward Eternity;  from the birth of Time an impetuous current has set
in, which bears all the sons of men toward that interminable ocean.
Meanwhile Heaven is attracting to itself whatever is congenial to its
nature, is enriching itself by the spoils of earth, and collecting
within its capacious bosom, whatever is pure, permanent and divine.
                                -- Robert Hall
%%
The which is won ill, will never wear well, for there is a curse attends
it, which will waste it; and the same corrupt dispositions which incline
men to the sinful ways of getting, will incline them to the like sinful
ways of spending.
                                -- Matthew Henry
%%
The whole drift of my education goes to persuade me that the world of
our present consciousness is only one out of many worlds of
consciousness that exist.
                                -- William James
%%
The whole thing about matrimony is this:  We fall in love with a
personality, but we must live with a character.
                                -- Peter DeVries
%%
The will to win is important, but it isn't worth a damn unless you also
have the will to prepare.
%%
The willow which bends to the tempest, often escapes better than the oak
which resists it; and so in great calamities, it sometimes happens that
light and frivolous spirits recover their elasticity and presence of
mind sooner than those of a loftier character.
                                -- Sir Walter Scott
%%
The wind and the waves are always on the side of the ablest navigators.
                                -- Edward Gibbon
%%
The wise prince must foment some emnity so that by suppressing it he
will augment his greatness.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
The wise shepherd never trusts his flock to a smiling wolf.
%%
The wisest man is generally he who thinks himself the least so.
                                -- Boileau
%%
The witty man merely says what you would have said if you had thought of
it.
%%
The wonders of the ages assembled for your edification, education, and
enjoyment -- for a price.                -- P. T. Barnum
%%
The word GOOD has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his
grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good
shot, but not necessarily a good man.
%%
The work of an unknown good man is like a vein of water flowing hidden
in the underground, secretly making the ground greener.
                                -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
The world is all the richer for having the devil in it, so long as we
keep our foot on his neck.
%%
The world is an old woman, that mistakes any gilt farthing for a gold
coin; thereby being often cheated, she will henceforth trust nothing but
the common copper.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
The world is before you, and you need not take it or leave it as it was
before you came in.
                                -- James Baldwin
%%
The world is more complicated than most of our theories make it out to
be.
                                -- Edmund C. Berkeley
%%
The world may be divided into people that read, people that write,
people that think, and fox hunters.
                                -- Shenstone
%%
The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.
                                -- Aristotle
%%
The worst men often give the best advice.
                                -- Bailey
%%
The yoo-hoo you yoo-hoo into the forest is the yoo-hoo you get back.
                                -- Merle Miller
%%
The younger, the better.
%%
The youth of today and of those to come after them would assess the work
of the revolution in accordance with values of their own ... a thousand
years from now, all of them, even Marx, Engels, and Lenin, would
possibly appear rather ridiculous.
                                -- Mao Tse-tung
%%
  The zoo is not an exhibition
    I view with much enjoyment, when
  I notice beasts in a position
    To learn the weaknesses of men.
                                -- John Brunner
%%
Them what has -- gets.                    -- Dexter B. Wakefield
%%
Then condemn what they do not understand.
                                -- Cicero
%%
Then happy low, lie down!  Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
There ain't any news in being good. You might write the doings of all
the convents of the world on the back of a postage stamp, and have room
to spare.
%%
There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.
                                -- Robert Heinlein
%%
There are 32 points to the compass, meaning that there are 32 directions
in which a spoon can squirt grapefruit; yet, the juice almost invariably
flies straight into the human eye.
                                -- Louis Sattler
%%
There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is
striking at its root.
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
There are as many Communists in the freedom movement as there are
Eskimos in Florida.
                                -- Martin Luther King, Jr.
%%
There are but three classes of men:  the retrograde, the stationary and
the progressive.
                                -- Lavater
%%
There are coexisting elements in frustrating phenomena which separate
expected results from achieved results.
%%
There are few people more often in the wrong than those who cannot
endure to be thought so.
%%
There are foure great cyphers in the world;  hee that is lame among
dancers, dumbe among lawyers, dull among scholars, and rude amongst
courtiers.
                                -- Bishop Earle
%%
There are in business three things necessary -- knowledge, temper and
time.
                                -- Feltham
%%
There are lots of good women who, when they get to heaven, will watch to
see if the Lord goes out nights.
                                -- Ed Howe
%%
There are many inside dopes in politics and government.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
There are many people today who literally do not have a close personal
friend.
%%
There are many shining qualities in the mind of man, but there is none
so useful as discretion; it is this, indeed, that gives a value to all
the rest, which sets them to work in their proper times and places, and
turns them to the advantage of the person who is possessed of them.
Without it, learning is pedantry, and wit impertinence; virtue itself
looks like weakness; the best parts only qualify a man to be more
sprightly in errors, and active to his own principle.
                                -- Addison
%%
There are many truths of which the full meaning cannot be realized until
personal experience has brought it home.
%%
There are more horses' backsides in the military service of the United
States than there are horses.
                                -- Robert J. Clark
%%
There are more old drunkards than old doctors.
%%
There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of
in your philosophy.
                                -- Hamlet (Act 1, Scene 5, Line 166)
%%
There are more ways of killing a cat than choking her with cream.
%%
There are no eternal facts as there are no absolute truths.
                                -- Friedrich Nietzsche
%%
There are no strangers here -- only friends we have not met.
%%
There are no winners in life, only survivors.
%%
There are none more abusive to others than they that lie most open to it
themselves; but the humor goes round, and he that laughs at me today
will have somebody to laugh at him tomorrow.
                                -- Seneca
%%
There are not enough storage registers to solve the problem.
                                -- John L. Shelton
%%
There are scores of thousands of sects who are ready at a moment's
notice to reveal the will of God on every possible subject.
%%
There are souls which fall from heaven like flowers, but ere they bloom
are crushed under the foul tread of some brutal hoof.
                                -- Richter
%%
There are things on heaven and earth, Horatio, Man was not meant to
know.
                                -- Hamlet
%%
There are those that are born to be on top and those that are born to be
on bottom.  Like officers and soldiers.
                                -- Sergeant Traub
%%
There are three faithful friends -- old Bert, old Ham, and Ronald
Reagan.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
There are three kinds of friends: best friends, guest friends, and pest
friends.
%%
There are three parts in truth:  first, the inquiry, which is the wooing
of it; secondly, the knowledge of it, which is the presence of it; and
thirdly, the belief, which is the enjoyment of it.
                                -- Bacon
%%
There are three sides to every story -- yours, mine, and all that lie
between.
                                -- Jody Kern
%%
There are three things I always forget.  Names, faces -- the third I
can't remember.
                                -- Italo Svevo
%%
There are three things I have always loved and never understood - art,
music, and women.
%%
There are three ways to get something done:  do it yourself, hire
someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
                                -- Monta Crane
%%
There are two distinct sorts of what we call bashfulness; this, the
awkwardness of a booby, which a few steps into the world will convert
into the pertness of a cox comb; that, a consciousness, which the most
delicate feelings produce, and the most extensive knowledge cannot
always remove.
                                -- Mackenzie
%%
There are two kinds of failures: those who thought and never did, and
those who did but never thought.
%%
There are two kinds of fools.  One says, "This is old, therefore it is
superior."  The other says, "This is new, therefore it is better."
%%
There are two sides to every argument, unless a person is personally
involved, in which case there is only one.
%%
There are two ways we can meet a difficulty:  either we can alter the
difficulty or we can alter ourselves to meet it.
%%
There are very few original thinkers in the world;  the greatest part of
those who are called philosophers have adopted the opinions of some who
went before them.
                                -- Dugald Stewert
%%
There comes a time when one must stop suggesting and evaluating new
solutions, and get on with the job of analyzing and implementing one
pretty good solution.
                                -- Robert Machol
%%
There exist limitless opportunities in every industry.  Where there is
an open mind, there will always be a frontier.
                                -- Charles F. Kettering
%%
There has been a long history of optimizing the wrong things, using
elaborate mechanisms to produce beautiful code in cases that hardly ever
arise in practice, while doing nothing about frequently occurring
situations.
                                -- Donald Knuth
%%
There is a four-word formula for success that applies equally well to
organizations or individuals -- make yourself more useful.
%%
There is a kind of greatness which does not depend upon fortune; it is a
certain manner that distinguishes us, and which seems to destine us for
great things; it is the value we insensibly set upon ourselves; it is by
this quality, that we gain the deference of other men, and it is this
which commonly raises us more above them, than birth, rank, or even
merit itself.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
There is a limit at which forbearance ceases to be a virtue.
                                -- Burke
%%
There is a place for a decisive gamble where you know your enemy and can
calculate the risks at least roughly; but to move at all against an
unknown enemy is boldness in itself.
                                -- Bel Riose
%%
  There is a pleasure in being mad,
  Which none but madmen know.
                                -- Dryden
%%
There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it.
%%
There is a statistical correlation between the number of initials in an
Englishman's name and his social class (the upper class having
significantly more than three names, while members of the lower class
average 2.6).
%%
There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an
organization to spend all his time serving on committees and signing
letters.
%%
  There is a tide in the affairs of men,
  Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
  Omitted, all the voyage of their life
  Is bound in shallows and in miseries:
  On such a full sea are we now afloat,
  And we must take the current when it serves,
  Or lose our ventures.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
There is a vast difference between putting your nose in other people's
business and putting your heart in other people's problems.
%%
There is a wide difference between general acquaintance and
companionship.  You may salute a man and exchange compliments with him
daily, yet know nothing of his character, his inmost tastes and
feelings.
                                -- William Matthews
%%
There is always someone worse off than yourself.
%%
There is an inverse relationship between the uniqueness of an
observation and the number of investigators who report it
simultaneously.
                                -- A. B. Pardee
%%
There is just one thing I can promise you about the outer-space program:
Your tax dollar will go farther.
%%
There is much pleasure to be gained in useless knowledge.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
There is no being eloquent for atheism.  In that exhausted receiver, the
mind cannot use its wings -- the clearest proof that it is out of its
element.
                                -- Hare
%%
There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no
evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret
about it?
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
There is no conflict between liberty and safety.  We will have both or
neither.
                                -- Ramsey Clark
%%
  There is no courage, but in innocence,
  No constancy, but in an honest cause.
                                -- Southern
%%
There is no difference between man and man, as there is between man and
beast or between man and God, that makes one by nature the ruler of
another.  This does not mean that there are not wide differences among
men, or that it is not often to the advantage of some to be ruled by
others.
                                -- Harry V. Jaffa
%%
There is no failure except in no longer trying.
                                -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.
%%
There is no free lunch.
                                -- Barry Commoner
%%
There is no freedom without the power to defend it.
%%
There is no grace in a benefit that sticks to the fingers.
                                -- Seneca
%%
There is no great genius free from some tincture of madness.
                                -- Seneca
%%
There is no hope -- the future will but turn the old sand in the falling
glass of time.
                                -- R. H. Stoddard
%%
There is no market for gloom.  You cannot sell it.  What the world
wants, needs, and will buy is cheer.
%%
There is no more miserable human being than one in whom nothing is
habitual but indecision.
                                -- William James
%%
There is no pardon FOR Murphy's Law.
%%
There is no pardon FROM Murphy's Law.
%%
There is no possible line of conduct which has not at some time and
place been condemned, and which at some other time and place been
enjoined as a duty.
                                -- William Lecky
%%
There is no proposition, no matter how foolish, for which a dozen Nobel
signatures cannot be collected.  Furthermore, any such petition is
guaranteed page-one treatment in The New York Times.
                                -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
There is no safety in numbers, or in anything else.
                                -- James Thurber
%%
There is no substitute for thorough going, ardent, and sincere
earnestness.
                                -- Dickens
%%
There is no such thing as "social gambling." Either you are there to cut
the other bloke's heart out and eat it -- or you're a sucker. If you
don't like this choice -- don't gamble.             -- Lazarus Long
%%
There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
There is no such thing as a short beer.  (As in, "I'm going to stop off
at Joe's for a short beer before I meet you.")
                                -- Virginia W. Smith
%%
There is no such thing as an absolute truth -- that is absolutely true.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
There is none made so great, but he may both need the help and service,
and stand in fear of the power and unkindness, even of the meanest of
mortals.
                                -- Seneca
%%
There is not a fiercer hell than failure in a great object.
                                -- Keats
%%
There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself
and his family.  But he can't make a living for them AND the government,
too, the way his government is living.  What the government has got to
do is live as cheap as the people.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
There is not any memory with less satisfaction than the memory  of some
temptation we resisted.
                                -- James Branch Cabell
%%
There is not in nature a thing that makes a man so deform'd, so beastly,
as doth intemperate anger.
                                -- Webster's Duchess of Malp.
%%
There is not so agonizing a feeling in the whole catalogue of human
suffering, as the first conviction that the heart of the being whom we
most tenderly love is estranged from us.
                                -- Bulwer
%%
There is nothing as cheap and weak in debate as assertion that is not
backed by facts.
%%
There is nothing like a good painstaking survey full of decimal points
and guarded generalizations to put a glaze like a Sung vase on your
eyeball.
                                -- S. J. Perelman
%%
There is nothing more destructive of physical and mental health than the
isolation of you from me, of us from them.
%%
There is nothing more difficult to carry out and more doubtful of
success than to initiate a new order of things.  For the reformer has
enemies in all who prosper by the old order.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
There is nothing more powerful than an idea whose time has come.
                                -- Victor Hugo
%%
There is nothing permanent except change.
                                -- Heraclitus
%%
There is nothing so absurd or ridiculous that has not at some time been
said by some philosopher.
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
There is nothing so simple that it cannot be made difficult.
                                -- Merle P. Martin
%%
There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.
                                -- Bill Gray
%%
There is one are of which man should be master -- the art of reflection.
                                -- Coleridge
%%
There is one around here somewhere.
                                -- John Croll
%%
There is one inflexible rule of television.  No show is too bad to be
run during the summer.
%%
There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference and
waking up to find that you are at a conference: and that is the
conference where you can't fall asleep.
%%
There is only one way to console a widow. But remember the risk!
%%
There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad in the best of
us, that is behooves all of us not to talk about the rest of us.
                                -- Robert Louis Stevenson
%%
There is something that is much more scarce, something finer far,
something rarer than ability.  It is the ability to recognize ability.
                                -- Elbert Hubbard
%%
There is this difference between happiness and wisdom; he that thinks
himself the happiest man really is so; but he that thinks himself the
wisest, is generally the greatest fool.
                                -- Colton
%%
There must be an ideal world, a sort of mathematician's paradise where
everything happens as it does in textbooks.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
There must be underinvestment in bulls ... just look at the rate of
return.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
There never was a devil who didn't advise people to keep out of Hell.
%%
There never was any remarkable lawgiver amongst any people who did not
resort to divine authority.
%%
  There once was a priest of Gibraltar
  Who write dirty jokes in his psalter
    An inhibited nun
    Who had read every one
  Made a vow to be laid on his altar.
%%
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball.  The missing ball is on or
near the course somewhere and eventually will be found and pocketed by
someone else.  It thus becomes a stolen ball, and the player should not
compound the felony by charging himself with a penalty stroke.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
There sometimes wants only a stroke of fortune to discover numberless
latent good or bad qualities, which would otherwise have been eternally
concealed: as words written with a certain liquor appear only when
applied to the fire.
                                -- Greville
%%
  There was a general whisper, toss, and wriggle,
  But etiquette forbade them all to giggle.
                                -- Byron
%%
  There was a sick man of Tobago
  Liv'd long on rice-gruel and sago;
    But at last, to his bliss,
    The physician said this --
  "To a roast leg of mutton you may go."
%%
  There was a young lady named Myrtle
  Who had an affair with a turtle.
    She birthed crabs, so they say,
    In a year and a day,
  Which proves that the turtle was fertile.
%%
  There was a young monk from Siberia
  Whose morals were very inferior.
    He did to a nun
    What he shouldn't have done
  And now she's a Mother Superior.
%%
  There was a young monk of Kilkyre,
  Was smitten with carnal desire.
    The immediate cause
    Was the abbess' drawers,
  Which were hung up to dry by the fire.
%%
  There was a young peasant named Gorse
  Who fell madly in love with his horse.
    Said his wife, "You rapscallion,
    That horse is a stallion --
  This constitutes grounds for divorce."
%%
There was no surer means of overturning the existing basis of society
than to debauch the currency ... Inflation engages all the hidden forces
of economic law on the side of destruction. And it does it in a manner
which not one man in a million is able to diagnose.
                                -- John Maynard Keynes
%%
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
%%
There's a divinity that shapes our ends, rough hew them how we will.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
There's a mighty big difference between good, sound reasons and reasons
that sound good.
                                -- Burton Hillis
%%
There's a small choice in rotten apples.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
There's at least one fool in every married couple.
%%
There's never time to do it right but always time to do it over.
                                -- John K. Meskimen
%%
There's no limit to what can be accomplished if it doesn't matter who
gets the credit.
%%
There's no merit in discipline under ideal circumstances.  I'll have it
in the face of death, or it's useless.
                                -- Hobar Mallow
%%
There's no more mercy in him than there is milk in a male tiger.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
There's no such thing as a dangerous weapon, only dangerous men.
%%
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
working for you.
                                -- Will Rodgers
%%
There's not one wise man among twenty will praise himself.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
There's not so much danger in a known foe and a suspected friend.
                                -- Nabb
%%
There's nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
There's nothing wrong with using four-letter words in explaining the
facts of life to children -- words like love, kiss, help, care,
give, ...
                                -- Sam Levenson
%%
There's one thing more painful than learning from experience, and that
is not learning from experience.
%%
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
%%
There's something else I dislike just as much as creeping socialism, and
that's galloping reaction.
                                -- Adlai Stevenson
%%
There's something wrong if you're always right.
                                -- Arnold Glasow
%%
There's such a thing as too much point on a pencil.
                                -- Avery
%%
There's times peoples just be tired of peoples.
%%
Thermal paper will run out before the calculation is complete.
                                -- John L. Shelton
%%
These are the effects of doting age: vain doubts, and idle cares, and
over caution.
                                -- John Dryden
%%
They are able because they think they are able.
                                -- Virgil
%%
They begin with making falsehood appear like truth, and end with making
truth itself appear like falsehood.
                                -- Shensione
%%
They pass best over the world who trip over it quickly; for it is but a
bog -- if we stop we sink.
                                -- Queen Elizabeth
%%
They say an elephant never forgets, but what's he got to remember?
%%
They say you don't really know a person until you've camped out with
him. Car-pooling serves the same purpose.
%%
They that govern most make the least noise.  You see, when they row in a
barge, they do that drudgery work, slash and puff, and sweat, but he
that governs sits quietly at the stern, and is scarce seen to stir.
                                -- Selden
%%
They that know no evil will suspect none.
                                -- Ben Johnson
%%
They who provide much wealth for their children, but neglect to improve
them in virtue, do like those who feed their horses high, but never
train them to the manage.
                                -- Socrates
%%
Things are not always as they seem.
                                -- Mandrake the Magician
%%
Things do change. The only question is that since things are
deteriorating so quickly, will society and man's habits change quickly
enough?
                                -- Isaac Asimov
%%
Things move so fast today that we sometimes get the feeling our
solutions may be obsolete before we can get them worked out.
%%
Things sweet to the taste, prove in digestion sour.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Think!
                                -- IBM slogan
%%
Things will get worse before they get better.
                                -- John Ehrman
%%
Think like a man of action and act like a man of thought.
                                -- Henri Bergson
%%
Think of what others ought to be like, then start being like that
yourself.
%%
  Think that day lost whose low descending sun
  Views from thy hand no noble action done.
                                -- Jacob Bobart
%%
Think that you are exceptional and entitled to special privileges.
%%
Think that you can control your autonomic nervous system by sheer
willpower.
%%
Think twice before saying nothing.
%%
Think twice before speaking. But don't say "think think click click".
%%
Think you are indispensable to your job, your community, your friends.
%%
Think you are overburdened with work and that people tend to take
advantage of you.
%%
Thirty seconds on the evening news is worth a front page headline in
every newspaper in the world.
                                -- Edwin Guthman
%%
This above all: to thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the
night the day thou cans't not then be false to any man.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  This famine has a sharp and meagre face;
  'Tis death in an undress of skin and bone,
  Where age and youth, their landmark ta'en away,
  Look all one common sorrow.
                                -- Dryden
%%
This fellow is wise enough to play the fool; and, to do that well,
craves a kind of wit.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
This file will self-destruct in five minutes.
%%
This is another fine myth you've gotten me into!!!
                                -- Lor L. and Har D.
%%
This is my death ... and it will profit me to understand it.
                                -- Anne Sexton
%%
This is nothing but a consistently pathological display of inconsistent
consistencies.
%%
This is the LAST time I take travel suggestions from Ray Bradbury!
%%
This is the curse of every evil deed That, propagating still, it brings
forth evil.
                                -- Southey
%%
This job is marginally better than daytime TV.
                                -- Jim Pastore
%%
This lane ends in 500 feet.
%%
This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with
great force.
                                -- Dorothy Parker
%%
This rental car is so small, I can't see the gas gauge...
%%
This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his
mother's side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have
little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to
happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
This, too shall pass.
%%
Those gifts are ever the most acceptable which the giver has made
precious.
                                -- Ovid
%%
Those men who are commended by every body, must be very extraordinary
men; or, which is more probable, very inconsiderable men.
                                -- Greville
%%
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who
do.
%%
Those only are despicable who fear to be despised.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Those that are good manners at the court are as ridiculed in the
country, as the behavior of the country is most mockable at the court.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Those who are prospering do not argue about taxes.
%%
Those who bestow too much application of trifling things, become
generally incapable of great ones.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from
themselves.
                                -- Sir James Barrie
%%
Those who can -- do.  Those who cannot -- teach.  Those who cannot teach
become deans.
                                -- Thomas L. Martin
%%
Those who cannot miss an opportunity of saying a good thing are not to
be trusted with the management of any great question.
                                -- William Hazlitt
%%
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.
%%
Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves.
                                -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Those who don't study the past will repeat its errors.  Those who do
will find other ways to err!
                                -- Charles Wolf, Jr.
%%
Those who expect the biggest tips provide the worst service.
                                -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men,
undergo the fatigue of supporting it.
                                -- Thomas Paine
%%
Those who express random thoughts to legislative committees are often
surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators of law.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Those who have the shortest distance to travel to a meeting will
invariably arrive the latest.
%%
  Those who in quarrels interpose,
  Must often wipe a bloody nose.
                                -- Gay
%%
Those who invented the law of supply and demand have no right to
complain when this law works against their interest.
                                -- Anwar Sadat
%%
Those who order sleeping drafts won't take them.
                                -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
Those who profess to favor freedom, and yet deprecate agitation, are men
who want rain without thunder and lightening.
                                -- Frederick Douglass
%%
Those who quit their proper character to assume what does not belong to
them, are for the greater part ignorant of both the character they leave
and of the character they assume.
                                -- Edmund Burke
%%
Those who suppress freedom always do so in the name of law and order.
                                -- John Lindsay
%%
Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
                                -- Wilson Mizner
%%
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
                                -- Rozanne Weissman
%%
Those with the best advice offer no advice.
%%
Thou shalt remember the Eleventh Commandment and keep it Wholly.
%%
Thou wilt quarrel with a man that hath a hair more or a hair less in his
beard than thou hast.  Thou wilt quarrel with a man for cracking nuts,
having no other reason but because thou hast hazel eyes; what eye but
such an eye, would spy out such a quarrel?  Thy head is full of
quarrels, as an egg is full of meat.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Though I have said above that all men by nature are equal, I cannot be
supposed to understand all sorts of equality.  Age or virtue may give
man a just precedency.  Excellency of parts and merit may place others
above the common level ... And yet all this consists with the equality
which all men are in, in respect of jurisdiction or dominion, one over
another.
                                -- John Locke
%%
Though many hands make light work, too many cooks spoil the broth.
%%
Though reading and conversation may furnish us with many ideas of men
and things, yet it is our own meditation must form our judgment.
                                -- Dr. I. Watts
%%
Though thou shouldst bray a fool in a mortar among wheat with a pestle,
yet will not his foolishness depart from him.
                                -- Proverbs XXVII, 22
%%
Thought and theory must precede all salutary action; yet action is
nobler in itself than either thought or theory.
                                -- William Wordsworth
%%
Thought is the blossom; language the bud; action the fruit behind it.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Thought is the seed of action.
                                -- Emerson
%%
Thoughts are but dreams till their effects be tried.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Threats to security will be found.
                                -- Robert N. Kharasch
%%
  Three Laws of Politics:
  1.  Get elected.
  2.  Get reelected.
  3.  Don't get mad, get even.
                                -- Everett Dirksen
%%
Three things only do slaves require, food, work, and their gods, and of
the three their gods must never be touched -- else they grow restless.
                                -- Precepts for Ruling
%%
Three women and a goose make a market.
%%
Through zeal, knowledge is gotten, through lack of zeal, knowledge is
lost; let a man who knows the double path of gain and loss thus place
himself that knowledge may grow.
                                -- Buddha
%%
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightening that does
the work.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
%%
Time is a fiction, perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
%%
Time is a versatile performer.  It flies, marches on, heals all wounds,
runs out and will tell.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
Time is the chrysalis of eternity.
                                -- Richter
%%
Time is the old Justice, that examines all offenders.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
  Time paradoxes are disgusting!
    Never mind what care you take --
  You always find you got there just in
    Time to cause your grandad's wake.
%%
Time's gradual touch has moulder'd into beauty many a tower which when
it frown'd with all its battlements, was only terrible.
                                -- Mason
%%
Timely advis'd, the coming evil shun!
                                -- Prior
%%
To a Europe exhausted by nearly two centuries of religious wars, [Isaac]
Newton's works were first and foremost a message about God;  that He did
not behave in a capricious or arbitrary fashion, in response to either
His will or human prayer, but in accordance with absolute, unwavering,
and humanly discoverable laws of nature which governed him and all his
works.  He had become the infinitely perfect Clock-Maker, his works
fathomable by the human mind.
                                -- Forrest MacDonald
%%
To abuse wine is to abuse life itself.
%%
To achieve our ultimate goals is not happiness; it is to be able to
solve our problems along the way.
%%
To all, to each, a fair good night, And pleasing dreams, and slumbers
light.
                                -- Scott
%%
To arrive at perfection, a man should have very sincere friends or
inveterate enemies; because he would be made sensible of his good or ill
conduct, either by the censures of the one, or the admonitions of the
other.
                                -- Diogenes
%%
To be "matter of fact" about the world is to blunder into fantasy -- and
dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
To be able to be caught up into the world of thought -- that is being
educated.
                                -- Edith Hamilton
%%
To be angry, is to revenge the fault of others upon ourselves.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
To be free of bondage or restraint, to live under a government based on
the consent of the citizens, these are basic among all freedoms ... and
this is the reason why a democracy is from every possible humane point
of view the best form of government ... What so many human beings in the
modern world have failed to understand is that freedom is the greatest
of all trusts.
                                -- Ashley Montagu
%%
To be thrown on one's own resources is to be cast in the very lap of
fortune; for our faculties undergo a development, and display an energy,
of which they were previously unsusceptible.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
To beat the bureaucracy, make your problem their problem.
                                -- Marshall L. Smith
%%
To behave with dignity is nothing less than to allow others freely to be
themselves.
                                -- Sol Chaneles
%%
To believe in God is impossible -- not to believe in him is absurd.
%%
To believe is to be strong.  Doubt cramps energy.  Belief is power.
%%
To believe with certainty we must begin to doubt.
                                -- Stanislaus
%%
To build something that endures, it is of the greatest importance to
have a long tenure in office -- to rule for many years.  You can achieve
a quick success in a year or two, but nearly all the great tycoons have
continued their building much longer.
                                -- Antony Jay
%%
To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did.  I ought to know
because I've done it a thousand times.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
To comprehend a man's life, it is necessary to know mot merely what he
does but also what he purposely leaves undone.  There is a limit to the
work that can be got out of a human body or a human brain, and he is a
wise man who wastes no energy on pursuits for which he is not fitted;
and he is still wiser who, among the things that he can do well, chooses
and resolutely follows the best.
                                -- William Gladstone
%%
To conceal anything from those to whom I am attached, is not in my
nature.  I can never close my lips where I have opened my heart.
                                -- Dickens
%%
To criticize the incompetent is easy; it is more difficult to criticize
the competent.
%%
To die is landing on some distant shore.
                                -- John Dryden
%%
  To die -- to sleep --
  No more -- and, by a sleep, to say we end
  The heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocks,
  That flesh is heir to -- 'Tis a consummation
  Devoutly to be wish'd.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
To divest one's self of some prejudices, would be like taking off the
skin to feel the better.
                                -- Greville
%%
  To do is to be: -- Nietzsche
  To be is to do: -- Sartre
  Do be do be do: -- Sinatra
%%
To do two things at once is to do neither.
                                -- Publius Syrus
%%
To doubt is worse than to have lost; and to despair is but to antidote
those miseries that must fall on us.
                                -- Massinger
%%
To endeavor to work upon the vulgar with fine sense, is like attempting
to hew blocks with a razor.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
To enjoy freedom we have to control ourselves.
                                -- Virginia Woolf
%%
To err is human -- to forgive is not company policy.
%%
To err is human, but it takes a computer to really foul things up.
%%
To err may become inhuman.
%%
To estimate the time it takes to do a task:  estimate the time you think
it should take, multiply by two, and change the unit of measure to the
next higher unit.  Thus we allocate two days for a one-hour task.
%%
To every Ph.D. there is an equal and opposite Ph.D, which explains why
it is so easy to find expert witnesses who contradict each other.
%%
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on
creating oneself endlessly.
                                -- Henri Bergson
%%
  To follow foolish precedents, and wink
  With both our eyes is easier than to think.
                                -- Cowper
%%
To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have
faith in their leader.
                                -- Capt. Bligh (HMRN, Ret)
%%
To gain one's way is no escape from the responsibility for an inferior
solution.
                                -- Winston Churchill
%%
To get action out of management, it is necessary to create the illusion
of a crisis in the hope it will be acted on.
                                -- Gene Franklin
%%
To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three
men, two of them absent.
%%
  To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
  To throw a perfume on the violet,
  To smoothe the ice, or add another hue
  To the rainbow, or, with taper-light,
  To seek the beauteous eye of heaven to garnish,
  Is wasteful and ridiculous excess.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
To give happiness is to deserve happiness.
%%
To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought ot
measured with money -- sincerity and integrity.   -- Donald Adams
%%
To go to law, is for two persons to kindle a fire at their own cost, to
warm others, and singe themselves to cinders; and because they cannot
agree, to what is truth and equity, they will both agree to unplume
themselves, that others may be decorated with their feathers.
                                -- Feltham
%%
To have a sense of humor is to be a tragic figure.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
To her love was like the air of heaven -- invisible, intangible; it yet
encircled her soul, and she knew it; for in it was her life.
                                -- Miss M'Intosh
%%
To him nothing is impossible, who is always dreaming of his past
possibilities.
                                -- Carlyle
%%
To justify his theft, one trade union official, caught with his hand in
the till, explained that he was using the money to fight Communism.
%%
To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often.
%%
To kill an enterprise, complain that nothing is ever published that
interests you but never offer to write an article, make a suggestion, or
find a writer.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, criticize the work of the organizers and members.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, don't do what has to be done yourself, but when
the members roll up their sleeves and do their very best, complain that
the group is run by a bunch of ego-trippers.     -- Jean-Charles
Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, don't go to meetings.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, get mad if you are not a member of the committee,
but if you are, make no suggestions.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, if you go to the meetings, arrive late.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, never think of introducing new members.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, pay your dues as late as possible.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill an enterprise, say you have no opinion on the subject if the
chair asks for it.  After the meeting, say you have learned nothing, or
tell everyone what should have happened.
                                -- Jean-Charles Terrassier
%%
To kill time, a committee meeting is the perfect weapon.
%%
To know how to refuse is as important as to know how to consent.
                                -- Baltasar Gracian
%%
To know thy self is the ultimate form of aggression.
                                -- Marion J. Levy, Jr.
%%
To laugh at men of sense is the privilege of fools.
%%
To live in a place where you don't belong is to live in hell.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly.
                                -- Cicero
%%
To lose a friend is the greatest of all losses.
                                -- Syrus
%%
To love and to be wise is scarcely granted to the highest.
                                -- Laberius
%%
To make yourself miserable, cultivate a consistently pessimistic
outlook.
%%
To make yourself miserable, don't forget to feel sorry for yourself.
%%
To make yourself miserable, forget the feelings and rights of other
people.
%%
To make yourself miserable, forget the good things in life and
concentrate on the bad.
%%
To make yourself miserable, never overlook a slight or forget a grudge.
%%
To make yourself miserable, put an excessive value on money.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are exceptional and entitled
to special privileges.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are indispensible to your
job, your company, and your friends.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you are overburdened with work
and that people tend to take advantage of you.
%%
To make yourself miserable, think that you can control your nervous
system by sheer will power.
%%
To many men well-fitting doors are not set on their tongues.
                                -- Theognis
%%
  To mortal men great loads alotted be;
  But of all packs no pack like poverty.
                                -- Herrick
%%
To most men, experience is like the stern lights of a ship which
illumine only the track it has passed.
%%
To profit from good advice requires as much wisdom as to give it.
%%
To read without reflecting, is like eating without digesting.
                                -- Bacon
%%
To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.
%%
To save a single life is better than to build a seven story pagoda.
%%
To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy.
%%
To set the mind above the appetites is the end of abstinence, which one
of the Fathers observes to be, not a virtue, but the groundwork of a
virtue.
                                -- Johnson
%%
To some lawyers all facts are created equal.
                                -- Justice Felix Frankfurter
%%
To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn
old falsehoods.
%%
To study an object best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
%%
To succeed planning alone is insufficient.  One must improvise as well.
                                -- Salvor Hardin
%%
To teach men how to live without certainty, and yet without being
paralyzed by hesitation, is perhaps the chief thing philosophy can still
do.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
To the Gay Laugh of my Mother at the Gate of the Grave.
                                -- Sean O'Casey
%%
To the atheist, death is the end; to the believer, the beginning; to the
agnostic, the sound of silence.
%%
To the generous mind, the heaviest debt is that of gratitude, when 'tis
not in our power to repay it.
                                -- Dr. Thomas Franklin
%%
To the memory of the man, first in war, first in peace, and first in the
hearts of his country.
                                -- General Henry Lee
%%
To the wage earner, "free enterprise" is the way his boss treats him and
those around him.
                                -- Malcolm Forbes
%%
To those who doubt the importance of careful mate selection, remember
how Adam wrecked a promising career.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
To treat your facts with imagination is one thing, but to imagine your
facts is another.
                                -- John Burroughs
%%
To understand political power aright ... we must consider what state all
men are naturally in, and that is a state of perfect freedom to order
their actions ... within the bonds of the law of nature, without asking
leave, or depending upon the will of any other man.
                                -- John Locke
%%
To what base uses may we return!  Why may not imagination trace the
noble dust of Alexander, till it find it stopping a bunghole?  As thus:
Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth to dust; the
dust is earth: of earth we make loam.  And why of that loam, whereto he
was converted, might they not stop a beer barrel?
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
To write a good love-letter you ought to begin without knowing what you
mean to say, and end without knowing what you have written.
                                -- Rousseau
%%
To write well is at once to think well, to feel rightly, and to render
properly!  It is to have, at the same time, mind, soul, taste.
                                -- Buffon
%%
Today most physicians specialize.  After getting his bill, I've decided
my doctor's speciality is banking.
                                -- Mickey Porter
%%
Too much gravity argues a shallow mind.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available
briefcases.
                                -- Governor Jerry Brown
%%
Towering genius disdains the beaten path.  It seeks regions hitherto
unexplored.
                                -- Abraham Lincoln
%%
Train a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not
depart from it.
                                -- Proverbs XXII, 6.
%%
  Treason doth never prosper.  What's the reason?
  Why, when it prospers, none dare call it treason.
                                -- Sir John Harrington
%%
Treat the other man's faith gently: it is all he has to believe with.
                                -- Henry S. Haskins
%%
Trespassers will be violated!
%%
Trinity is the word for a committed god.
%%
Trivial matters are handled promptly; important matters are never
solved.
%%
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house
the next job after a series of threes is not the fourth job -- it's the
start of a brand new series of threes.
                                -- Avery
%%
True dignity is never gained by place, and never won when honors are
withdrawn.
                                -- Massinger
%%
True eloquence consists in saying all that should be said, not all that
could be.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known
until it be lost.
                                -- Charles Caleb Colton
%%
True genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain,
hazardous, and conflicting information.
%%
True happiness will be found only in true love.
%%
True hope is swift and flies with swallow's wings; Kings it makes gods,
and meaner creatures kings.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Trust me!
%%
  Trust no future howe'er pleasant!
  Let the dead past bury its dead!
  Act -- act in the living present!
  Heart within and God o'erhead!
                                -- Longfellow
%%
Truth in science can be defined as the working hypothesis best suited to
open the way to the next better one.
                                -- Konrad Lorenz
%%
Truth is God's daughter.
%%
Truth is a gem that is found at a great depth; whilst on the surface of
this world, all things are weighed by the false scale of custom.
                                -- Byron
%%
Truth is a statue, and you are all just a bunch of pigeons.
%%
Truth needs no flowers of speech.
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Try to be like the turtle -- at ease in your own shell.
                                -- Bill Copeland
%%
Try to divide your time evenly to keep others happy.
%%
Try to find out who's doing the work, not who's writing about it,
controlling it, or summarizing it.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Try to find the real tense of the report you are reading:  Was it done,
is it being done, or is something to be done?  Reports are now written
in four tenses:  past tense, present tense, future tense, and pretense.
Watch for novel uses of CONGRAM (CONtractor GRAMmer), defined by the
imperfect past, the insufficient present, and the absolutely perfect
future.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
%%
Two sure ways to tell a sexy male; the first is, he has a bad memory. I
forget the second.
%%
Two things fill the mind with ever new and increasing wonder and awe --
the starry heavens above me, and the moral law within me.
                                -- Immanuel Kant
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
%%
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.  Except in Boston.
%%
Typesetters always correct intentional errors, but fail to correct
unintentional errors.                  --  Alan Otten
%%
UNMATCHED: almost as good as the competition
%%
UNOBTRUSIVE MEASURES: Experimental techniques of unclear origin having
something to do with work tiles. Observing madam in her bath without
bringing forth screams.
%%
UNPRECEDENTED PERFORMANCE: nothing we had before ever worked this way
%%
Uhland's poetry is like the famous war horse, Bayard; it possesses all
possible virtues and only one fault: it is dead.
                                -- Heinrich Heine
%%
Umpire's dessert -- rhubarb pie           -- Raymond D. Love
%%
Unbidden guests are often welcomest when they are gone.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Under any conditions, anywhere, whatever you are doing, there is some
ordinance under which you can be booked.
                                -- Robert D. Specht
%%
Under any system a few sharpies will beat the rest of us.
                                -- Al Goodfather
%%
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.
%%
Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet
each other, no matter which one may be in excess.
                                -- Joe Bolton
%%
Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure,
temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables, the organism will do
as it damn well pleases.
%%
Underneath this flabby exterior is an enormous lack of character.
                                -- Oscar Levant
%%
Understanding the laws of nature does not mean we are free from obeying
them.
                                -- Solomon Short
%%
Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable
errors, which by definition are limited.
                                -- Tom Gibb
%%
Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Uneven economic and political development is an absolute law of
capitalism.
                                -- Nicolai Lenin
%%
Unkind words do not enhance business confidence.
                                -- Mark Epernay
%%
Unless you put your money to work for you -- you work for your money.
                                -- Joe Miller
%%
Until his own life is at stake, an officer can never know what is going
on with his own men.
%%
Until philosophers are kings ... cities will never cease from ill, nor
the human race.
                                -- Plato
%%
Untold suffering seldom is.
%%
Use every man after his deserts, and who shall 'scape whipping.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Use what talents you possess:  the woods would be very silent if no
birds sang there except those that sang best.
                                -- Henry van Dyke
%%
Usefulness is inversely proportional to reputation for being useful.
                                -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
Usurer:  A money-lender.  He serves you in the present tense; he tends
you in the conditional mood; keeps you in the subjunctive; and ruins you
in the future.
                                -- Addison
%%
Utility is when you have one telephone, luxury is when you have two,
opulence is when you have three -- and paradise is when you have none.
                                -- Doug Larson
%%
  Utopia has banned neurosis --
    Punishes illegal thought.
  The people nurse, in static poses,
    Neurotic fears of being caught.
%%
VIRTUAL MEMORY: Memory that exists in effect, but not in fact; the usage
is similar to that of the virtual particle in physics, the difference
being that a virtual particle probably does exist but soon won't, while
virtual memory probably doesn't but soon will.
%%
VOLUNTEER SUBJECT: A college sophomore who, of his or her own free will,
is allowed to choose between participating in an experiment or failing a
course.
%%
VYARZERZOMANIMORORSEZASSEZANSERAREORSES?
%%
Vacillating people seldom succeed.  They seldom win the solid respect of
their fellow men.  Successful men and women are very careful in reaching
decisions and very persistent and determined in action thereafter.
                                -- L. G. Elliott
%%
Vance's Rule of 2 1/2:  Any military project will take twice as long as
planned, cost twice as much, and produce only half of what is wanted.
                                -- Cyrus Vance
%%
Variables won't, constants aren't.
                                -- Don Osborn
%%
Vastly improved review and control will result by promoting the most
productive engineers to management positions.
                                -- Richard F. Moore
%%
Vaulting ambition which o'erleaps itself.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Venture not to the utmost bounds of even lawful pleasure; the limits of
good and evil join.
                                -- Fuller
%%
Vice repeated like the wandering wind, blows dust in others' eyes.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Vice stings us even in our pleasures, but virtue consoles us, even in
our pains.
                                -- Colton
%%
Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated or contributed
wealth who has the financial sources to convince the middle class and
poor that he will be on their side.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
  Villian, thou know'st no law of God or man;
  No beast so fierce, but knows some touch of pity.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
                                -- Salvor Hardin
%%
Virtue itself often offends when coupled with bad manners.
                                -- Middleton
%%
Volume is a defense to error.
                                -- Richard A. Leahy
%%
Vote as an individual; lemmings end up falling off cliffs.  Camaraderie
is no substitute for common sense, and being your own man will make you
sleep better.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
Votre bateau arriverez.
%%
Wah! Devil machine make numbers come out! With text! In tabular report
format! Computers! Bad juju!
%%
Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime.
For a first offense, that is.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Walter Shandy attributed most of his son's misfortunes to the fact that
at a highly critical moment his wife had asked him if he had wound the
clock, a question so irrelevant that he despaired of the child's ever
being able to pursue a logical train of thought.
                                -- Lawrence Sterne
%%
Want of prudence is too frequently the want of virtue; nor is there on
earth a more powerful advocate for vice than poverty?
                                -- Oliver Goldsmith
%%
War alone brings up to its highest tension all human energy and puts the
stamp of nobility upon the peoples who have the courage to face it.
                                -- Benito Mussolini
%%
  War destroys mem, but luxury mankind
  At once corrupts the body and the mind.
                                -- Crown
%%
Warning to Lawyers:  Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.
                                -- Charles A. Beardsley
%%
Washington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather
than answering them.
                                -- John Dean
%%
Watch out for formal briefings, they often produce an avalanche.
(Definition: A high-level snow job of massive and overwhelming
proportions.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Watch the sun come up, breathe fresh air, exercise your body, become a
garbage collector!
%%
Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what
they lack.
                                -- Harry Emerson Fosdick
%%
Watch your step! You are beginning to act competent.
%%
We ... repeatedly enlarge our instrumentalities without improving our
purpose.
                                -- Will Durant
%%
We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life,
when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be
enthusiastic about.
                                -- Charles Kingsley
%%
We all want our friends to tell us our bad qualities; it is only the
particular ass that does so that we can't tolerate.
                                -- William James
%%
We always remember best the irrelevant.
%%
We're Digital Equipment Corporation ... and you're not.
%%
We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us.
                                -- George Eliot
%%
We are all descendents of Adam and we are all products of racial
miscegenation.
                                -- Lester B. Pearson
%%
We are citizens of the world: and the tragedy of our times is that we do
not know this.
                                -- Woodrow Wilson
%%
We are locked into a system of "fouling our own nest," so long as we
behave as independent, rational free-enterprisers.
                                -- Garrett Hardin
%%
We are more heavily taxed by our idleness, pride and folly than we are
taxed by government.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
We are ne'er like angels 'till out passion dies.
                                -- Dekker
%%
We are not primarily on this earth to see through one another, but to
see one another through.
%%
We ask advice, but we mean approbation.
                                -- Colton
%%
  We can be Knowledgeable with other men's knowledge,
  but we cannot be wise with other men's wisdom.
                                -- Michel de Montaigne
%%
We can destroy ourselves by cynicism and disillusion, just as
effectively as by bombs.
                                -- Kenneth Clark
%%
We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming.
                                -- Wernher von Braun
%%
We cannot defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home.
                                -- Edward R. Murrow
%%
We cannot put the face of a person on a stamp unless said person is
deceased. My suggestion, therefore, is that you drop dead.
                                -- James E. Day, Postmaster General
%%
We cannot really be for something we don't understand.
%%
We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours
to amuse them.
                                -- Evelyn Waugh
%%
We find it hard to believe that other people's thoughts are as silly as
our own.
                                -- James Harvey Robinson
%%
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
                                -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld
%%
We give advice, but we cannot give the wisdom to profit by it.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
We have a degree of delight ... in the real misfortunes and pains of
others.
                                -- Edmund Burke
%%
We have had the reign of the late Avery Brundage, and now we have had
eight years of Killanin, which raises the question of whether being an
ass is one of the requirements for the job, or whether the job produces
that effect on those who hold it.
                                -- National Review
%%
We have left undone the things we ought to have done, and done the
things which we ought not to have done.
%%
We have met the enemy and they is us!
                                -- Pogo
%%
We have not lost faith, but we have transferred it from God to the
medical profession.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
We have to live today by what truth we can get today and be ready
tomorrow to call it falsehood.
                                -- William James
%%
We have watched American democracy at close hand for many years and we
believe few governments are institutionally so susceptible to
dictatorship as this one.
                                -- Gerald Johnson
%%
We join ourselves to no party that does not carry the flag and keep step
to the music of the Union.
                                -- Rufus Choate
%%
We know nothing about motivation.  All we can do is write books about
it.
%%
We laugh heartily to see a whole flock of sheep jump because one did so;
might not one imagine that superior beings do the same by us, and for
exactly the same reason?
                                -- Grenville
%%
We learn from experience. A man never wakes up his second baby just to
see it smile.
%%
We lie about the truth, that's what ruins us here.  And do you know why
we lie about the truth?  Not because we like to, but because we are
scared to death of it.  If we looked the truth in the eye nine out of
ten of us would run to the graveyard and demand to be buried at once.
                                -- Babbaluche the cobbler
%%
We may now be nearing the end of our hundred-year belief in Free Lunch.
%%
We must all hang together, or assuredly we will all hang in the
Smithsonian next January.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
We must be greater than God, for we have to undo His injustice.
%%
We must have courage to bet on our ideas, to take the calculated risk,
and to act.  Everyday living requires courage if life is to be effective
and bring happiness.
                                -- Maxwell Maltz
%%
We must make the best of those ills which cannot be avoided.
                                -- Alexander Hamilton
%%
We must reform if we would conserve.
                                -- Franklin Delano Roosevelt
%%
We never desire earnestly what we desire in reason.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
We often boast that we are never bored, yet we are so conceited that we
do not perceive how often we bore others.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
We prefer to speak evil of ourselves than not speak of ourselves at all.
%%
We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.
%%
We read to say that we have read.
%%
We see the opening of an era: it is an era of seeking beyond the
confines of our atmosphere; may it be also an era of awakening to the
countries of earth.
                                -- Bertrand De Jouvenel
%%
We shall find that it is less difficult to hide a thousand guineas than
one hole in your coat.
                                -- Colton
%%
We should act with as much energy as those who expect everything from
themselves; and we should pray with as much earnestness as those who
expect everything from God.
                                -- Colton
%%
We should all be obliged to appear before a board every five years, and
justify our existence, on pain of liquidation.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is
in it
-- and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid.
She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again -- and that is well;
but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.
                                -- Mark Twain
%%
We should have had socialism already, but for the socialists.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
We should often be ashamed of our very best actions, if the world only
saw the motives which caused them.
                                -- La Rochefoucauld
%%
  We show our present joking, giggling race,
  True joy consists in gravity and grace.
                                -- Garrick
%%
  We sought the mutant due for lynching,
    Not a trace was there to find.
  I told the others -- saw them flinching --
    "The bastard must have read my mind!"
%%
We stand for the maintenance of private property ... We shall protect
free enterprise as the most expedient, or rather the sole possible
economic order.
                                -- Adolf Hitler
%%
We take cunning for a sinister and crooked wisdom, and certainly there
is a great difference between a cunning man and a wise man, not only in
point of honesty but in point of ability.
                                -- Bacon
%%
We the Unwilling, lead by the Unknowing, are doing the impossible for
the Ungrateful. We have done so much for so long with so little that we
are now qualified to to anything with nothing.
%%
We think we are on the right road to improvement because we are making
experiments.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
We trained hard, but it seemed that every time we were beginning to form
up into teams, we would be reorganized.  I was to learn later in life we
tend to meet any new situation by reorganizing, and a wonderful method
it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing
confusion, inefficiency and demoralization.
                                -- Petronious Arbiter
%%
We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible.
%%
We use an amalgam of mercury in modern dentistry because other metals,
by themselves, are not sufficiently malleable to be worked with at the
normal temperatures inside the human mouth.  But mercury -- mercury is
just walkin' around, right?!?
                                -- Mike the Dentist
%%
We were hungry when we got to Moscow, Soviet.
                                -- Groucho Marx
%%
We will bury you!
                                -- Nikita Kruschev
%%
We won't have a society if we destroy the environment.
                                -- Margaret Mead
%%
We'd like to make a deal with the computer.  We promise not to fold,
spindle or mutilate if it will stop asking us to sign our name over
those little holes in the space marked for signature.
%%
We're all going down the same road in different directions.
                                -- Dave Farber
%%
Weed -- a plant whose virtues have yet to be discovered.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
Welcome to beautiful downtown Maynard, minicomputer capitol of the
world.
%%
Welcome to the jungle. Please obey our laws.
%%
Were I to use the wits the good Spirit gave me, then I would say this
lady cannot exist -- for  what sane man would hold a dream to be
reality.  Yet rather would I not be sane and lend belief to charmed,
enchanted eyes.
                                -- Magnifico Giganticus (aka the Mule)
%%
Were we as eloquent as angels, yet should we please some men and some
women much more by listening than by talking.
                                -- Colton
%%
What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things
seriously.
                                -- William K. Zinsser
%%
What I've enjoyed most about my climb to the top is all the people I've
got to step on.
%%
What a man needs in gardening is a cast iron back, with a hinge in it.
                                -- Charles Dudley Warner
%%
What a piece of work is man!  How noble in reason; how infinite in
faculties; in form and moving, how express and admirable!  In action,
how like an angel; in apprenhension, how like a god; the beauty of the
world -- the paragon of animals!  And yet to me what is this
quintessence of dust?
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
What a pity that the only way to heaven is in a hearse!
                                -- Stanislaw J. Lec
%%
What a wonderful world it is that has boys in it!
%%
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!
%%
What ardently we wish we soon believe.
                                -- Young
%%
  What are fears but voices airy?
    Whispering harm where harm is not,
  And deluding the unwary
    Till the fatal bolt is shot!
                                -- Wordsworth
%%
What are most of the histories of the world, but lies?  Lies
immortalized and consigned ofer as a perpetual abuse and a flaw upon
prosperity.
                                -- South
%%
What did you do in Russia before you were shot?
                                -- Groucho Marx
%%
What do you call frogs sauteed in egg and milk?  Fried toads.
                                -- Lani Anderson
%%
What does an Englishman's beer bottle say on the bottom?

    OPEN OTHER END.
%%
What does an Englishman's stepladder say at the top?

    STOP HERE.
%%
What goes in must come back out.
                                -- Van Mizzell, Jr.
%%
What goes in, comes out.
                                -- Richard N. Farmer
%%
What is "Free" to me, but being masterless -- and maybe hungry?
                                -- Cullen the Fool
%%
  What is a church?  Our honest sexton tells,
  'Tis a tall building, with a tower and bells.
                                -- Crabbe
%%
What is ambition?  'Tis a glorious cheat.  Angels of light walk not so
dazzlingly the sapphire walls of heaven.
                                -- Willis
%%
What is an epigram? A dwarfish whole, its body brevity, and wit its
soul.
%%
What is becoming is honest, and whatever is honest must always be
becoming.
                                -- Cicero
%%
What is freedom?  Freedom is the right to choose: the right to create
for yourself the alternatives of choice.  Without the possibility of
choice and the exercise of choice a man is not a man but a member, an
instrument, a thing.
                                -- Archibald MacLeish
%%
What is honored in a country will be cultivated there.
%%
What is philosophy but a continual battle against custom?
                                -- Thomas Carlyle
%%
What is the use of a house if you haven't got a tolerable planet to put
it on?
                                -- Henry David Thoreau
%%
  What is the worst of woes that wait on age?
  What stamps the wrinkle deeper on the brow?
  To view each lov'd one blotted from life's page,
  and be alone on earth as I am now.
                                -- Byron
%%
What maintains one vice, would bring up two children.  Remember, many a
little makes a mickle; and farther, beware of little expenses; a small
leak will sink a great ship.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
What makes resisting temptation difficult, for many people, is that they
don't want to discourage it completely.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
  What makes the virgin flee in horror --
    Threats of kidnapping or rape?
  No: her father plans tomorrow
   To graft her brain into an ape.
%%
What makes us so bitter against people who outwit us is that they think
themselves cleverer than we are.
%%
What manly eloquence could produce such an effect as woman's silence.
                                -- Michelct
%%
What men learn from history is that men do not learn from history.
%%
What millions died that Ceasar might be great!
                                -- Campbell
%%
What must be noted about the many fallen political celebrities of recent
years is that salvation eluded them, though they knew all the people in
Washington who are useful to know.
                                -- Daniel S. Greenberg
%%
What must be, shall be; and that which is a necessity to him that
struggles is little more than choice to him that is willing.
                                -- Seneca
%%
What no spouse of a writer can ever understand is that a writer is
working when he's staring out the window.
%%
What orators lack in depth they make up in length.
%%
What passes for woman's intuition is often nothing more than man's
transparency.
%%
What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts --
not the facts themselves.
                                -- Jerome Cohen
%%
What shall we do to be saved?  In politics, establish a constitutional
cooperative society or world government.  In economics, find working
compromises between free enterprise and socialism.
                                -- Arnold Toynbee
%%
What the orators want in depth, they give you in length.
                                -- Montesquieu
%%
What this country needs is a dime that will buy a good five-cent bagel.
%%
What this country needs is radicals who will stay that way regardless of
the creeping years.
                                -- John Fischer
%%
What this country really needs is to get out the voters the way it gets
out the candidates.
%%
What we want is to see the child in pursuit of knowledge, and not
knowledge in pursuit of the child.
                                -- George Bernard Shaw
%%
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.
                                -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
%%
What you don't do is always more important than what you do do.
%%
What you leave at your death, let it be without controversy, else the
lawyers will be your heirs.
                                -- Osborne
%%
What you think means more than anything else in your life.  More than
what you earn, more than where you live, more than your social position,
and more than what anyone else may think about you.
                                -- George Adams
%%
What!  canst thou say all this and never blush?
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
What! shall this speech be spoke for our excuse?  Or shall we on without
apology?
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
What's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
%%
What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? ... and not worrying?
%%
What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?
%%
What's all the fuss about?  The MIRV is in the great American tradition
of bombs bursting in air.
%%
What's all the gaudy glitter of a crown?  What but the glaring meteor of
ambition, that leads the wretch benighted in his errors, points to the
gulf and shines upon destruction?
                                -- Brooke
%%
What's gone, and what's past help, should be past grief.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
What's good enough for our ancestors is good enough for us.
%%
What's good politics is bad economics;  what's bad politics is good
economics;  what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics
is good politics.
                                -- Eugene W. Baer

[Or, more compactly, "What's good politics is bad economics and vice
versa, vice versa.]
%%
What's more miserable than discontent?
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
What's the matter with the world?  Why, there ain't but one thing wrong
with every one of us -- and that's "selfishness."
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
What's worth doing is worth doing for money.
                                -- Joseph Donahue
%%
What? Me worry?!?
%%
Whatever General Sherman did on his march through Georgia, we are now
even.
%%
Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number must
happen.
                                -- Red Smith
%%
Whatever happens in government could have happened differently and it
usually would have been better if it had.
                                -- Prof. Charles Frankel
%%
Whatever isn't forbidden is required.
                                -- Murray Gell-Mann
%%
Whatever natural right men have to freedom and independency, it is
manifest that some men have a natural ascendency over others.
                                -- Grenville
%%
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought of as
half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
                                -- Charlotte Whitton
%%
Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half
as good.  Luckily, this is not difficult.
%%
Whatever you want to do, you have to do something else first.
                                -- Art Kosatka
%%
When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it.
                                -- Charles Merrill Smith
%%
When God endowed human beings with brains, He did not intend to
guarantee them.
%%
When I play with my cat, who knows if I am not more of a pastime to her
than she is to me?
                                -- Montaigne
%%
When I see a merchant over-polite to his customer, begging them to take
a little brandy, and throwing his goods on the counter, thinks I, that
man has an axe to grind.
                                -- Benjamin Franklin
%%
When I take the humor of a thing once, I am like your tailor's needle --
I go through.
                                -- Ben Johnson
%%
When I was a child, love to me was what the sea is to a fish:  something
you swim in while you are going about the important affairs of life.
                                -- P. L. Travers
%%
When I was a kid I said to my father one afternoon, "Daddy, will you
take me to the zoo?" He answered, "If the zoo wants you let them come
and get you."
                                -- Jerry Lewis
%%
When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed
if I had been found doing so.  Now that I am 50, I read them openly.
When I became a man, I put away childish things -- including the fear of
childishness and the desire to be grown-up.             -- C. S. Lewis
%%
When a customer buys a low-grade article, he feels pleased when he pays
for it and displeased every time he uses it.  But when he buys a
well-made article, he feels extravagant when he pays for it and well
pleased every time he uses it.
                                -- Herbert N. Casson
%%
When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is
possible, he is almost certainly right.  When he states that something
is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
                                -- Arthur C. Clarke
%%
When a group of newsmen go out to dinner together, the bill is to be
evenly divided among them, regardless of what each one eats and drinks.
                                -- Jack Germond
%%
When a man blames others for his failures, it's a good idea to credit
others with his successes.
                                -- Howard W. Newton
%%
When a man finds not repose in himself it is in vain for him to seek it
elsewhere.
%%
When a man has not a good reason for doing a thing, he has one good
reason for letting it alone.
                                -- Sir Walter Scott
%%
When a man has pity on all living creatures then only is he noble.
                                -- Buddha
%%
When a man is between the devil and the deep blue sea, his fear of
drowning generally triumphs.
%%
When a man is out of sight, it is not too long before he is out of mind.
                                -- Thomas a Kempis
%%
When a man is wrong and won't admit it, he is always angry.
                                -- Haliburton
%%
When a man says, "Get thee behind me, Satan," he's probably ashamed to
have even the devil see what he's up to.
%%
When a pencil point breaks, the nearest sharpener is exactly 1000 feet
away.
%%
When a person says that in the interest of saving time, he will
summarize a prepared statement, he will talk only three times as long as
if he had read the statement in the first place.
                                -- Alan Otten
%%
When a person stands on his dignity, it's probably because he has very
insecure footing.
%%
When a rechargable battery starts to die in the middle of a complex
calculation, and the user attempts to connect house current, the
calculator will clear itself.
                                -- John L. Shelton
%%
When a student actually does a homework problem, the instructor will not
ask for it.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
When a subject becomes totally obsolete we make it a required course.
%%
When a true genius appears in the world you may know him by this sign,
that the dunces are all in confederacy against him.
                                -- Jonathan Swift
%%
When all else fails, read the instructions.
%%
When an action has its intended effect, it also has other, unintended,
effects.
%%
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have
been correct in the first place.
%%
When an idea is being pushed because it is "exciting," "new," or
"innovative"
-- beware. An exciting, new, innovative idea can also be foolish.
-- Donald Rumsfeld

[If in doubt, don't. Or do what is right. Your best question is often,
"Why?"]
%%
When are slides are shown in a darkened room, the instructor will
require the students to take notes.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
When articles rise the consumer is the first that suffers, and when they
fall he is the last that gains.
                                -- Colton
%%
When asked how much educated men were superior to those uneducated,
Aristotle answered, "As much as the living are to the dead."
                                -- Diogenes Laertius
%%
  When can their glory fade?
  Oh! the wild charge they made!
  All the world wondered.
  Honour the charge they made!
  Honour the Light Brigade,
  Noble six hundred!
                                -- Tennyson
%%
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
                                -- General Creighton W. Abrams
%%
  When fear admits no hope of safety,
  Necessity makes dastards valiant men.
                                -- Herrick
%%
When forced to resort to arms for redress, an appeal to the tribunal of
the world was deemed proper for our justification.  This was the object
of the Declaration of Independence.
                                -- Thomas Jefferson
%%
  When fortune sends a stormy wind,
  Then show a brave and present mind;
  And when with too indulgent gales
  She swells too much, then furl thy sails.
                                -- Creech
%%
When he is best, he is little worse than a man; and when he is worst, he
is little worse than a beast.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
When in doubt, get it out.
                                -- Jody Powell
%%
When in doubt, use a bigger hammer.
%%
When in panic or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
                                -- Dorable
%%
When it comes to all-out war you use all the troops you have.
%%
When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is not necessary to make
a decision.
                                -- Lord Falkland
%%
When it rains it pours.
%%
When it was seen that many of the wicked seemed quite untroubled by evil
consciences ... then the idea of future suffering was advanced.
%%
When it's not needed, zoning works fine; when it is essential, it always
breaks down.
                                -- John McClaughry
%%
When love and skill work together, expect a masterpiece.
                                -- Charles Reade
%%
When men grow virtuous in their old age, they are merely making a
sacrifice to God of the Devil's leavings.
                                -- Jonathon Swift
%%
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
                                -- Calvin Coolidge
%%
When once infidelity can persuade men that they shall die like beasts,
they will soon be brought to live like beasts also.
                                -- South
%%
When one considers just what man is, Happy it be that short his span is.
                                -- James Cagney
%%
When one has an early class, one's roommate will invariable enter the
space late at night and suddenly become hyperactive, ill, violent, or
all three.
%%
When one has great gifts, what answer to the meaning of existence should
one require beyond the right to exercise them?
                                -- W. H. Auden
%%
When one is trying to be elegant and sophisticated, one won't.
                                -- Betty Hartig
%%
When other people take a long time to do something, they're slow; when
we take a long time, we're thorough.  When they don't do something,
they're lazy; when we don't, we're too busy.  When they succeed, they're
lucky; when we do, we deserve it.
%%
When our friends get into power, they aren't our friends anymore.
                                -- M. Stanton Evans
%%
When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each
other.
                                -- Eric Hoffer
%%
When people are starving, life is no longer meaningless.
                                -- John Gardner
%%
When people have a job to do, particularly a vital but difficult one,
they will invariably put it off until the last possible moment, and most
of them will put it off even longer.
                                -- Gordon L. Becker
%%
When played from a sand trap, a ball which does not clear the trap on
being struck may be hit again on the roll without counting an extra
stroke.  In no case will more than two strokes be counted in playing
from a trap, since it is only reasonable to assume that if the player
had time to concentrate on his shot, instead of hurrying it so as not to
delay his partners, he would be out in two.
                                -- Donald A. Metz
%%
When poverty ocmes in at the door, love flies out at the window.
%%
When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity:  for
every week you're away and get nothing done, there's another when your
boss is away and you get twice as much done.
                                -- Daniel B. Luten
%%
When prosperity comes, it's best not to use all of it.
%%
  When provoked into a fight,
  Just grab his midriff pearly white
  and withdraw that long and gleaming blade.

  Now with defense you're equipped,
  with Jesus you don't take no lip,
  and anyone you meet will wish he'd prayed.

  Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus ...
%%
When several reporters share a cab on assignment, the reporter in the
front seat pays for all.
                                -- Warren Weaver
%%
When singleness is bliss, it's folly to be wives.
                                -- Bill Councelman
%%
When some English moralists write about the importance of having
character, they appear to mean only the importance of having a dull
character.
                                -- G. K. Chesterton
%%
When stupidity is a sufficient explanation, there is no need to have any
recourse to any other.
                                -- Michael Uhlmann
%%
When the blossom grows white the potatoes are good.
%%
When the fox gnaws -- smile!
%%
When the going gets weird the weird turn pro.
%%
When the government talks about "raising capital" it means printing it.
That's not very creative, but it's what we're going to do.
                                -- Peter Drucker
%%
When the issue is simple, and everyone understands it, debate is
interminable.
                                -- Robert Knowles
%%
When the law is against you, argue the facts.  When the facts are
against you, argue the law.  When both are against you, call the other
lawyer names.
%%
When the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by
distinguished but elderly scientists, and supports that idea with great
fervor and emotion -- the distinguished but elderly scientists are then,
after all, right.
                                -- Isaac Asimov
%%
When the need arises -- and it does -- you must be able to shoot your
own dog. Don't farm it out -- that doesn't make it nicer, it makes it
worse.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is
on time.
%%
When the polls are in your favor, flaunt them.
%%
When the polls are overwhelmingly unfavorable,
     (a) ridicule and dismiss them
  or (b) stress the volatility of public opinion.
%%
When the polls are slightly unfavorable, play for sympathy as a
struggling underdog.
%%
When the polls are too close to call, be surprised at your own strength.
%%
When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform
perfectly.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
When the speaker and he to whom he is speaks do not understand, that is
metaphysics.
                                -- Voltaire
%%
When the state is most corrupt, then the laws are most multiplied.
                                -- Tacitus
%%
When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the
plane will fly.
                                -- Donald Douglas
%%
When the well is dry, we know the worth of oil.
                                -- Poor Jimmy's Almanac
%%
When the wind is great, bow before it; when the wind is heavy, yield to
it.
%%
When there are two conflicting versions of a story, the wise course is
to believe the one in which people appear at their worst.
                                -- Avery
%%
When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge
placed at random and there are two cars only on that road, it follows
that: (1) the two cars are going in opposite directions and (2) they
will always meet at the bridge.
                                -- B. D. Firstbrook
%%
When they said Canada, I thought it would be up in the mountains
somewhere.
                                -- Marilyn Monroe
%%
When they want it bad (in a rush), they get it bad.
                                -- John K. Meskimen
%%
When things are going well, someone will experiment detrimentally.
                                -- Charles P. Boyle
%%
When things are going well, something will go wrong.
  Corollary: When things just can't get any worse, they will.
  Corollary: Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked
             something.
                                -- Francis P. Chisholm
%%
When things go wrong somewhere, they're apt to bo wrong everywhere.
                                -- Vermont Royster
%%
When traveling with children on one's holidays, at least one child of
any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly half way
between any two given rest rooms.
                                -- Mervyn Cripps
%%
When two goats met on a bridge which was to narrow to allow either to
pass or return, the goat which lay down that the other might walk over
it was a finer gentleman than Lord Chesterfield.
                                -- Cecil
%%
When two people meet to decide how to spend a third person's money,
fraud will result.
                                -- Herman Gross
%%
When voting on appropriations bills, more is not necessarily better.  It
is as wasteful to have a B-1 bomber in every garage as it is to have a
welfare program for every conceivable form of deprivation.
                                -- Pierre S. du Pont
%%
When we are right we can afford to keep our tempers.  When we are wrong,
we can't afford not to.
%%
When we call others dogmatic, what we really object to is their holding
dogmas that are different from our own.
                                -- Professor Charles P. Issawi
%%
When we cannot act as we wish, we must act as we can.
                                -- Terrence
%%
When wool sweaters are worn, classroom temperatures are 95 degrees
Fahrenheit.
                                -- M. M. Johnston
%%
When working toward the solution of a problem it always helps if you
know the answer (provided, of course, you know there is a problem).
%%
When you are about to do an objective and scientific piece of
investigation of a topic, it is well to gave the answer firmly in hand,
so that you can proceed forthrightly, without being deflected or swayed,
directly to the goal.
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
When you are right be logical, when you are wrong be-fuddle.
                                -- Gerard E. McKenna
%%
When you are sure you're right, you have a moral duty to impose your
will upon anyone who disagrees with you.
                                -- Robert W. Mayer
%%
When you arrive at your campsite, it is full.
                                -- Milt Barber
%%
When you become used to never being alone, you may consider yourself
Americanized.
%%
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
%%
When you doubt, abstain.
                                -- Zoroaster
%%
When you find that flowers and shrubs will not endure a certain
atmosphere, it is a very significant hint to the human creature to
remove out of that neighborhood.
                                -- Mayhew
%%
When you go out to buy, don't show your silver.
%%
When you have a hammer in your hand, everything looks like a nail.
%%
When you know absolutely nothing about the topic, make your forecast by
asking a carefully selected probability sample of 300 others who don't
know the answer either.
                                -- Edgar R. Fiedler
%%
When you need towns, they are very far apart.
                                -- John Steinbeck
%%
When you opponent is down, kick him.
                                -- John Cameron
%%
When you're out of slits, you're out of pier.
%%
When you're up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to keep your
mind on the fact that your primary objective is to drain the swamp.
%%
Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X,
A is a scoundrel.
                                -- H. L. Mencken
%%
Whenever A attempts by law to impose his moral standards on B, A is most
likely a scoundrel.
                                -- James J. Kirkpatrick
%%
Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
%%
Whenever in time, and wherever in the universe, any man speaks or writes
in any detail about the technical management of a poem, the resulting
irascibility of the reader's response is a constant.
                                -- Francis P. Chisholm
%%
Whenever one finds oneself inclined to bitterness, it is a sign of
emotional failure.
                                -- Bertrand Russell
%%
Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence,
the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to
the embarrassment it will cause.
                                -- Bob Considine
%%
Whenever science makes a discovery, the devil grabs it while the angels
are debating the best way to use it.
%%
Whenever the cause of the people is entrusted to professors it is lost.
                                -- Nikolai Lenin
%%
Whenever two hypotheses cover the facts, use the simpler of the two.
%%
Where are the calculations that go with the calculated risk?
                                -- Amrom Katz
%%
Where have you ever found that man who stopped short after the
perpetration of a single crime?
                                -- Juvenal
%%
Where ignorance is bliss, 'tis folly to be wise.
                                -- Gray
%%
Where is there dignity unless there is honesty?
%%
Where love is there is no labor; and if there be labor, that labor is
loved.
                                -- Austin
%%
Where necessity ends, curiosity begins; and no sooner are we supplied
with every thing that nature can demand, than we sit down to contrive
artificial
 appetites.
                                -- Johnson
%%
Where no hope is left, is left no fear.
                                -- Milton
%%
Where possible, preserve the President's options -- he will very likely
need them.
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
Where there is much pretension, much has been borrowed; nature never
pretends.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Where true love has found a home, every new hear forms one more ring
around the hearts of those who love each other, so that in the end they
cannot live apart.
                                -- Julius Stinde
%%
Where would a shellfish sue for damages?  In a small clams court.
                                -- Oliver M. Neshamkin
%%
Where you stand depends upon where you sit.
                                -- Rufus Miles
%%
Whereas each man claims his freedom as a matter of right, the freedom he
accords other men is a matter of tolerance.
                                -- Walter Lippmann
%%
Whereas in many branches of economic activity employment depends on the
number of job openings available, in the public service, as also in the
advertising business, social science investigation, and university
administration, the level of unemployment regularly depends on the
number of men available and devoting their time to the creation of job
opportunities.
%%
Whereas in the past the only resource for dealing with biological
systems was to try to minimize the interactions between the parts,
thereby often losing the real focus of interest, today nothing but time
and money prevent us from treating real biological systems in all their
complexity and richness.
                                -- W. Ross Ashby
%%
Wherever is love and loyalty, great purposes and lofty souls, even
though in a hovel or mine, there is a fairy-land.  -- Kingsley
%%
Wherever public spirit prevails, liberty is secure.
                                -- Noah Webster
%%
Whether he is his brother's keeper or his keeper's brother.
                                -- Evan Esar
%%
While bryographic plants are typically encountered in substrata of
earthly or mineral matter in concreted state, discrete substrata
elements occasionally display a roughly spherical configuration which,
in presence of suitable gravitational and other effects, lends itself to
combined translatory and rotational motion.  One notices in such cases
an absence of the otherwise typical accretion of bryophyta.  We
therefore conclude that a rolling stone gathers no moss.
%%
While human capacities to shape the environment, society, and human
beings are rapidly increasing, policymaking capabilities to use those
capacities remain the same.
                                -- Yehezkel Dror
%%
While the State exists, there is no freedom.  When there is freedom,
there is no State.
                                -- Nikolai Lenin
%%
While the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at a
geometric rate, the knowledge and manpower qualified to deal with these
problems tend to increase at an arithmetic rate.
                                -- Yehezkel Dror
%%
Whilst thou livest keep a good tongue in thy head.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Who ever loved that loved not at first sight?
                                -- Marlowe
%%
Who fears t' offend takes the first step to please.
                                -- Cibber
%%
Who loves, raves -- 'tis youth's phrenzy; but the cure Is bitterer
still.
                                -- Byron
%%
Who makes quick use of the moment is a genius of prudence.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Who purposely cheats his friend, would cheat his God.
                                -- Lavater
%%
Who said things would get better?
                                -- John Ehrman
%%
Who says I am not under the special protection of God?
                                -- Adolf Hitler
%%
  Who sees with equal eye, as God of all,
  A hero perish or a sparrow fall.
%%
  Who shall decide when doctors disagree,
  And sound casuists doubt like you and me?
                                -- Alexander Pope
%%
Who shall guard the guardians themselves?
%%
Who soars too near the sun, with golden wings, melts them; to ruin his
own fortune brings.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Who stole the cork from my breakfast?
                                -- W. C. Fields
%%
Who then is free?  The wise man who can command himself.
                                -- Horace
%%
Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
%%
Wholly without foundation, informed sources insist, are rumors that John
Anderson will announce a running-mate just as soon as he receives a
confidential medical advisory on the feasibility of his being cloned.
                                -- National Review
%%
Whom the gods wish to destroy they first call promising.
%%
Whom the gods would destroy they first make mad.
%%
Whosoever commands the sea commands the trade; whosoever commands the
trade of the world commands the riches of the world, and, consequently
the world itself.
                                -- Sir Walter Raleigh
%%
Whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other
also.  And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat,
let him have thy cloak also.
                                -- Matthew V, 39
%%
Why You Can't Run When There's Trouble in the Office:  No matter where
you stand, no matter how far or fast you flee, when it hits the fan, as
much as possible will be propelled in your direction, and almost none
will be returned to the source.
                                -- John L. Shelton
%%
Why did the Lord give us so much quickness of movement unless it was to
avoid responsibility?
%%
Why do five pins seem like a little, but five elephants seem like a lot?
%%
Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?
%%
Why does the evening, does the night, put warmer love in our hearts?  Is
it the nightly pressure of helplessness?  Or is it the exalting
separation from the turmoils of life, that veiling of the world in which
for the soul nothing there remains but souls?  It is therefore that the
letters in which the loved name stands written in our spirit appears
like phosphorous writing by night, in fire, while by day, in their
cloudy traces, they but smoke?
                                -- Richter
%%
Why don't somebody print the truth about our present economic
condition?  We spent years of wild buying on credit, everything under
the sun, whether we needed it or not, and now we are having to pay for
it, howling like a pet coon.  This would be a great world to dance in if
we didn't have to pay the fiddler.
                                -- Will Rogers
%%
Why don't you put on a tutu and go to a leather bar?
%%
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable? Like thumbscrews.
%%
Why don't you try slipping on a pair of water moccasins?
%%
Why dost thou court that baneful pest, ambition?
                                -- Potter
%%
Why is man doomed to have only one erogenous zone?
%%
Why should I feel another man's mistakes more than his sickness or
poverty?
%%
Why should society feel responsible only for the education of children,
and not for the education of all adults of every age?
                                -- Erich Fromm
%%
Why should the devil have all the good tunes?
%%
Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?
                                -- Ronald Reagan
%%
Why shouldn't the American people take half my money from me? I took all
of it from them.
%%
Why would we have different races if God meant us to be alike and
associate with each other?
                                -- Lester Maddox
%%
Wicked men obey for fear, but the good for love.
                                -- Aristotle
%%
Wickedness may prosper for a awhile, but in the long run, he that seta
all knaves at work will pay them.
                                -- L'Estrange
%%
  Wide flush the fields; the softening air is balm;
  Echo the mountains round; the forest smiles;
  And every sense and every heart is joy.
                                -- Thomson
%%
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.
%%
  Win her with gifts, if she respect not words;
  Dumb jewels often, in their silent kind,
  More quick than words do move a woman's mind.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Wine is a turncoat; first a friend, and then an enemy.
                                -- Fielding
%%
Winged time glides on insensibly, and deceives us; and there is nothing
more fleeting than years.
                                -- Ovid
%%
Wisdom and knowledge decrease in inverse proportion to age.
                                -- William J. Lynott
%%
Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful because a wise
man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead without
wisdom.
                                -- Mark B. Cohen
%%
Wisdom is meaningless until our own experience has given it meaning ...
and there is wisdom in the selection of wisdom.
                                -- Bergen Evans
%%
Wise people learn to tolerate only productive anxiety in themselves.
They make tension work for them instead of against them.  Their
aggressiveness is outgoing and initiating, not hostile or arrogant.
%%
Wit is cultured insolence.
                                -- Aristotle
%%
Wit is the rarest quality to be met with among people of education.
                                -- William Hazlitt
%%
Wit is the salt of conversation, not the food.
                                -- William Hazlitt
%%
Wit lies in the likeness of things that are different, and in the
difference of things that are alike.
                                -- Madame de Stael
%%
Wit sometimes enables us to act rudely with impunity.
                                -- Duc de La Rochefoucauld

[In other words, to step on a man's toes without spoiling his
shoeshine.]
%%
With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best.
%%
  With equal pace, impartial fate,
  Knocks at the palace and the cottage gate.
                                -- Horace
%%
With every exertion, the best of men can do but a moderate amount of
good; but it seems in the power of the most contemptible individual to
do incalculable mischief.
                                -- Washington Irving
%%
With rank goeth privileges -- so it ever shall be.  But also with it go
responsibility and obligations, always more onerous than the privileges
are pleasant.
                                -- Robert A. Heinlein
%%
With the press, it is safest to assume that there is no "off the
record."
                                -- Donald Rumsfeld
%%
With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be
guaranteed in any conflict.
                                -- Benedict Arnold
%%
  Within the oyster's shell uncouth
    The purest pearl may hide,
  Trust me you'll find a heart of truth
    Within that rough inside.
                                -- Mrs. Osgood
%%
Without fools there would be no wisdom.
%%
Without freedom, no one really has a name.
                                -- Milton Acorda
%%
Women and asses and nuts require strong hands.
%%
Women have more strength in their looks than we have in our laws, and
more power by their tears than we have by our arguments.
                                -- Saville
%%
Women who want equality must be prepared to give it and believe in it,
and in order to do that it is not enough to state that you are as good
as any man, but also it must be stated he is as good as you and both
will be humans together.
                                -- Anne Roiphe
%%
Words are men's daughters, but God's sons are things.
                                -- Johnson
%%
Words are the voice of the heart.
%%
Words must be weighed, not counted.
%%
Words with a 'k' in them are funny.  If it doesn't have a 'k', it's not
funny.
                                -- Willie Clark
%%
Work Rule:  After an employee has spent his 13 hours of labor in the
office, he should spend the remaining time reading the Bible and other
good books.
%%
Work Rule:  Any employee who smokes Spanish cigars, uses liquor in any
form, or frequents pool and public halls, or gets shaved in a barber
shop, will give me good reasons to suspect his worth, intentions,
integrity and honesty.
%%
Work Rule:  Death (Other Than Your Own) -- This is no excuse.  If you
can arrange for funeral services to be held late in the afternoon,
however, we can let you off an hour early, provided all you work is up
to date.
%%
Work Rule:  Each clerk will bring in a bucket of water and scuttle of
coal for the day's business.
%%
Work Rule:  Each day fill lamps, clean chimneys, and trim wicks.  Wash
the windows once a week.
%%
Work Rule:  Entirely too much time is being spent in the washrooms.  In
the future, you will follow the practice of going in alphabetical
order.  For instance, those whose surnames begin with "A" will be
allowed to go from 9 - 9:05 AM, and so on.  If you are unable to go at
your appointed time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day
when your time comes around again.
%%
Work Rule:  Every employee should lay aside from each pay a goodly sum
of his earnings for his benefit during his declining years, so that he
will not become a burden on society or his betters.
%%
Work Rule:  Leave of Absence (for an Operation) -- We are no longer
allowing this practice.  We wish to discourage any thoughts that you may
not need all of whatever you have, and you should not consider having
anything removed.  We hired you as you are, and to have anything removed
would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
%%
Work Rule:  Make your pens carefully.  You may whittle nibs to your
individual taste.
%%
Work Rule:  Men employees will be given off each week for courting
purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
%%
Work Rule:  Office employees will daily sweep the floors, dust the
furniture, shelves, and showcases.
%%
Work Rule:  Sickness -- No excuses will be acceptable.  We will no
longer accept your doctor's statement as proof of illness, as we believe
that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
%%
Work Rule:  The employee who has performed his labors faithfully and
without a fault for five years, will be given an increase of fice cents
per day in his pay, providing profits from the business permit it.
%%
Work Rule:  This office will open at 7 AM and close at 8 PM except on
the Sabbath, on which day we will remain closed.  Each employee is
expected to spend the Sabbath by attending church and contributing
liberally to the cause of the Lord.
%%
Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do, and Play consists of
whatever a body is not obliged to do.
                                -- Samuel Clemens
%%
Work is accomplished by those employees who have not yet reached their
level of incompetence.
                                -- Laurance J. Peter
%%
Work is of two kinds:  (1) Altering the position of matter at or near
the earth's surface relative to other such matter; (2) Telling other
people to do so.  The first is unpleasant and ill paid; the second is
pleasant and high paid.
%%
Works of genius are the first things in the world.
%%
Works without faith are like a fish without water, it wants the element
it should live in.  A building without a basis cannot stand; faith is
the foundation, and every good action is as a stone laid.
                                -- Feltham
%%
World's shortest horror story:

  The last man on earth sat down in his room.
  There was a knock on the door.
                                -- Published (by whom?) in The Magazine
                                of Fantasy and Science Fiction

World's even shorter horror story:

  There are some things man was not meant to know.
                                -- Larry Niven
%%
Worriers spend a lot of time shoveling smoke.
                                -- Claude McDonald
%%
Worth seeing?  Yes, but not worth going to see.
%%
Writers desire to be paid, authors desire recognition.
                                -- James L. Davis
%%
Writers of novels and romances in general bring a double loss on their
readers, they rob them both of their time and money; representing men,
manners, and things that never have been, nor are likely to be; either
confounding or perverting history or truth, inflating the mind, or
committing violence upon the understanding.
                                -- Lady Montague
%%
Writers, composers, entertainers and such know an awful truth:  it is
easier to please a million people you don't know than to please one
person you do know.
                                -- Richard J. Needham
%%
Writing code is easy: just get it write the first time!
%%
Writing is not hard.  Just get paper and pencil, sit down and write it
as it occurs to you.  The writing is easy -- it's the occurring that's
hard.
                                -- Stephen Leacock
%%
Xerox: A trademark for a photocopying device that can make rapid
reproductions of human error, perfectly.
                                -- Merle L. Meacham
%%
YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT: finally got one that worked
%%
Ya gotta be subtle!
                                -- Mike Hammer
%%
Yeccchhh! That must be a face, it has ears!
%%
Yesterday I was on a guilt trip ... today I'm on an ego trip.
%%
  Yet I argue not
  Against heaven's hand or will, nor bate a jot
  Of heart or hope, but still bear up and steer
  Right onward.
                                -- Milton
%%
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
                                -- Lazarus Long
%%
Yippies, hippies, yahoos, Black Panthers, lions and tigers alike -- I
would swap the whole damn zoo for the kind of young  Americans I saw in
Vietnam.
                                -- Spiro Agnew
%%
You always find something in the last place you look.
%%
You amass things only to enjoy them.
%%
You are a bundle of energy always on the go.
%%
You are a pioneer type and hold most people in contempt.
%%
You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
%%
You are almost there.
%%
You are always busy.
%%
You are aware that merit is not always rewarded.
%%
You are building up credit for the future.
%%
You are capable of planning your future.
%%
You are certainly entitled to your opinion.  Fortunately, the rest of us
are entitled to ignore it.
%%
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks.
%%
You are cordially invited to go screw yourself.
%%
You are deeply attached to your friends and acquaintances.
%%
You are dishonest, but never to the point of hurting a friend.
%%
You are fairminded, just and loving.
%%
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful
friend.
%%
You are free and that is why you are lost.
                                -- Franz Kafka
%%
You are going to have a new love affair (with a rock).
%%
You are going to have a new love affair.
%%
You are heading for a land of sunshine.
%%
You are here.

                *****
              *********
               *******
                *****
                 ***
                  *

                   But you're not all there.
%%
You are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the
same mistakes repeatedly.
%%
You are logical and hate disorder.
%%
You are magnetic in your bearing.
%%
You are not worth the dust which the rude wind blows in your face.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
You are nuts.
%%
You are optimistic and intelligent.
%%
You are quick tempered, impatient, and scornful of advice.
%%
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.
%%
You are secretive in your dealings but never to the extent of trickery.
%%
You are sensitive to the atmosphere around you.
%%
You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted.
%%
You are standing on my toes.
%%
You are strong enough to admit that you need help.
%%
You are such a good salesman, you could sell a double bed to the Pope.
%%
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems. They
think you are a sucker.
%%
You are tricky, but never to the point of dishonesty.
%%
You believe that you are the master of your fate; the captain of your
soul.
%%
You can choose a ready guide in some celestial voice; if you choose not
to decide you still have made a choice. You can choose from phantom
fears or kindness that could kill; I will choose a path that's clear: I
will choose free will.
                                -- Rush
%%
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with
earth is concerned.
%%
You can fool all of the people all of the time, but why bother when all
you need is a simple majority?
%%
You can fool the people about many things, but only a fool would be
foolish enough to fool the people about money.
                                -- Italo Bombolini
%%
You can get anywhere in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
%%
You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too
trusting.
%%
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Never count on having both
at once.
%%
You can judge a leader by the size of the problems he tackles -- people
nearly always pick a problem their own size, and ignore or leave to
others the bigger of smaller ones.
                                -- Anthony Jay
%%
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his
back you've got something.
%%
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
                                -- Dorothy Parker
%%
You can lead a whore to Vasser, but you can't make her think.
                                -- Frederick B. Artz
%%
You can learn many things from children.  How much patience you have,
for instance.
                                -- Franklin P. Jones
%%
You can never do merely one thing.
                                -- Garrett Hardin
%%
You can observe a lot just by watching.
                                -- Yogi Berra
%%
You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
%%
You can only govern men by serving them.  The rule is without exception.
                                -- Victor Cousin
%%
You can tell when you're on the right track -- it's usually uphill.
%%
You can't break even.
%%
You can't even quit the game.
%%
You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in
the machine.
                                -- Flip Wilson
%%
You can't guard against the arbitrary.
%%
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
%%
You can't trust a man who won't shave himself on his own hangover.
%%
You can't win.
%%
You can't win the game if you won't throw the dice.
%%
You cannot antagonize and persuade at the same time.
%%
You cannot bring about prosperity by discouraging thrift.
%%
You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative
and independence.
%%
You cannot discover working programs. You can only discover them broken.
%%
You cannot establish sound social security on borrowed money.
%%
You cannot further the brotherhood of man by inciting class hatred.
%%
You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and
should do for themselves.
%%
You cannot help small men up by tearing down big men.
%%
You cannot help the poor by destroying the rich.
%%
You cannot keep out of trouble by spending more than your income.
%%
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
%%
You cannot lift the wage-earner up by pulling the wage-payer down.
%%
You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
%%
You cannot strengthen the weak by weakening the strong.
%%
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to
butter.
%%
You compensate for you prejudices when making decisions.
%%
You compromise on what you shouldn't and fight for things not worth
fighting for.
%%
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think of you as pushy.
%%
You display the wonderful traits of charm and courtesy.
%%
You don't drink beer. You rent it.
%%
You don't learn anything the second time you're kicked by a mule.
%%
You don't need to fly to have more fun with wings.
                                -- Joe Anderson
%%
You enjoy the company of other people.
%%
You feel strong enough to be gentle.
%%
You freely express resentment at bad treatment. Then you forget it.
%%
You get the most of what you need the least.
                                -- Jane Bryant Quinn
%%
You goddamn cornhuskers are all alike.
                                -- Jim Thompson
%%
You grow up the day you have the first real laugh -- at yourself.
%%
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music.
%%
You have a difficult time coping with reality.
%%
You have a healthy appreciation of your abilities, and a keen awareness
of your limitations.
%%
You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly reliable and trustworthy.
%%
You have a reputation for being thoroughly unreliable and untrustworthy.
%%
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
%%
You have a strong desire for a home and your family interests come
first.
%%
You have a truly strong individuality.
%%
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by
the CIA and FBI.
%%
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are being followed by
the CIA and FBI. (And, in fact, you're right.)
%%
You have a will that can be influenced by all with whom you come in
contact.
%%
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
%%
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
%%
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive.
%%
You have an unusual equipment for success.  Be sure to use it properly.
%%
You have an unusual understanding of the problems of human relationship.
%%
You have been selected for a secret mission.
%%
You have had a long-term stimulation relative to business.
%%
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
%%
You have many dear and loyal friends.
%%
You have many friends and very few enemies.
%%
You have minor influence over your associates and people resent you for
flaunting your powers.
%%
You have more respect for a capable shoeshine boy, than for a crass
opportunist.
%%
You have no friends among the ambitious.
                                -- Ron Randall
%%
You have taken yourself too seriously.
%%
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets
wrinkled.
%%
You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.
%%
You have to be as fully prepared for the dull game as you are for the
great game, or else you won't be prepared for the great one.
                                -- Red Barber
%%
You hear about constitutional rights, free speech and the free press.
Every time I hear these words I say to myself, "That man is a Red!" ...
You never hear a REAL American talk like that!
                                -- Mayor Frank Hague
%%
You judge others only by how well they live up to their own capacities.
%%
You judge the acts of others only by their intentions.
%%
You judge your own acts only by their consequences.
%%
You keep your equilibrium no matter what position you find yourself in.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you call suicide prevention
and they put you on hold.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you see a "60 Minutes" news
team waiting in your office.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you turn on the news and
they're displaying emergency routes out of your city.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you wake up face down on the
pavement.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: you want to put on the clothes
you wore home from the party and there aren't any.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your birthday cake collapses
from the weight of the candles.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your horn goes off
accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on
the freeway.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your only son tells you he
wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business.
%%
You know it's going to be a bad day when: your twin sister forgets your
birthday.
%%
You know that people will be kind to you, given a chance.
%%
You know what to fight for and what to compromise on.
%%
You know when the price of winning is too high.
%%
You know you're paranoid when you can't think of anything that's your
fault.
                                -- Robert Hutchins
%%
You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
%%
You learn from your mistakes.
%%
You left your footprints on my stomach when you walked out of my heart.
%%
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
%%
You live and learn. Or you don't live long.
%%
You love peace.
%%
You love your home and want it to be beautiful.
%%
You may be sure that when a man begins to call himself a "realist," he
is preparing to do something he is secretly ashamed of doing.
                                -- Sydney Harris
%%
You may not be able to change the whole world, but at least you can
embarrass the guilty.
                                -- Katha Pollitt
%%
You need not worry about your future.
%%
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
%%
You never know where bottom is until you plumb for it.
                                -- Frederick Laing
%%
You own a dog; you feed a cat.
%%
You plan things that you do not even attempt because of your extreme
caution.
%%
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your
own.
%%
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
%%
You respect those superior to yourself and try to learn from them.
%%
  You say it can't be won
    The way the game is run;
  But if you choose to stay
    You wind up playin' anyway.
                                -- Jackson Browne
%%
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
%%
You shall be rewarded for a dastardly deed.
%%
You shall reach the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of
ethics.
%%
You think it is a want of judgment that he changes his opinion. Do you
think it a proof that your scales are bad because they vibrate with
every additional weight that is added to either side?
                                -- Edgeworth
%%
You try never to hurt people, and do so only when it serves a higher
purpose.
%%
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
%%
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
%%
You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be
unimportant.
%%
You will be awarded a medal for disregarding safety in saving someone.
%%
You will be awarded some great honor.
%%
You will be called upon to help a friend in trouble.
%%
You will be given a post of trust and responsibility.
%%
You will be honored for contributing your time and skill to a worthy
cause.
%%
You will be married within a year.
%%
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
%%
You will be shot at sunrise.
%%
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
%%
You will be successful in love.
%%
You will be surprised by a loud noise.
%%
You will be surrounded by luxury.
%%
You will be traveling and coming into a fortune.
%%
You will emerge from the gutter, only to trip and land in the sewer.
%%
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
%%
You will gain money by a speculation or lottery.
%%
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
%%
You will have long and healthy life.
%%
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
%%
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
%%
You will meet an important person who will help you advance
professionally.
%%
You will need three umbrellas: one to leave at the office, one to leave
at home home, and one to leave on the train.
                                -- James L. Blankenship
%%
You will never know hunger.
%%
You will overcome the attacks of jealous associates.
%%
You will probably marry after a very brief courtship.
%%
You will receive a legacy which will place you above want.
%%
You will soon meet a person who will play an important role in your
life.
%%
You will step on the soil of many countries.
%%
You will triumph over your enemy.
%%
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
%%
You win a few, you lose a few.  But I wish this one had been rained out.
%%
You would rather be admired than liked, although you would prefer both.
%%
You would rather blame yourself than others, but you don't waste much
time doing either when things go wrong.
%%
  You'll find in no park or city
  A monument to a committee.
                                -- Victoria Pasternak
%%
You're a bum.
%%
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
                                -- Dean Martin
%%
You're not my type.  For that matter, you're not even my species!!!
%%
Your If is the only peace-maker -- much virtue in If.
                                -- Shakespeare
%%
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
%%
Your business will assume vast proportions.
%%
Your dentist will buy a yacht.
%%
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
%%
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
%%
  Your gift is princely, but it comes too late,
  And falls like sunbeams on a blasted blossom.
                                -- Suckling
%%
Your happiness is intertwined with your outlook on life.
%%
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
%%
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
%%
Your lover will never wish to leave you.
%%
Your mental health will be better if you have lots of fun outside of
that office.
                                -- Dr. William Menninger
%%
Your mind understands what you have been taught; your heart, what is
true.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of good news
soon.
%%
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new
developments.
%%
Your nature demands love and your happiness depends on it.
%%
Your own qualities will help prevent your advancement in the world.
%%
Your present plans will be successful.
%%
Your reasoning powers are good, and you are a fairly good planner.
%%
Your rich uncle will die, but will spell your name incorrectly.
%%
Your society will be sought by people of taste and refinement.
%%
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
%%
Your temporary financial embarrassment will be relieved in a surprising
manner.
%%
Youth had been a habit of hers so long that she could not part with it.
%%
Zero raised to the nth power remains zero.
                                -- Pop Baslim
%%
Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.
                                -- Evan Esar
%%
eHpl ! Imat arppdei sndi eht eDP-P11
%%
n + 1 trivial tasks take twice as long as n trivial tasks, for n
sufficiently large.
                                -- Ed Logg
%%