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TOMMYS.DOC
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1990-01-10
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7KB
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139 lines
*WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF TOMMY'S TOYS*
DEAR EARTHLINGS,
HELLO! MY NAME IS TOMMY. I AM AN ALIEN FROM OUTER SPACE. I DESIGN NEAT
FUN SOFTWARE TOYS AND GAMES FOR IBM PCS AND COMPATIBLES AND SELL THEM AT
ASTOUNDINGLY LOW PRICES TO NICE EARTHLINGS LIKE YOU TO PAY FOR MY REESE'S
PIECES AND MAKE EARTHLINGS HAPPY. I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY TOYS.
THE TOY(S) ON THIS DISK ARE BEING DISTRIBUTED BY AN AUTHORIZED SHAREWARE
DEALER WITHOUT ANY STRINGS ATTACHED IN THE HOPES THEY WILL MAKE YOU WANT TO
SEND A TOKEN $2 FOR MY NIFTY DEMO DISK CONTAINING, AMONG OTHER GOODIES (REALLY
IT IS A LOT OF VALUE), AN ELECTRONIC CATALOG OF THE AWESOME ASTOUNDING LINE
OF OTHER TOYS I HAVE FOR SALE, CURRENTLY WELL OVER A HUNDRED, INCLUDING SUCH
CLASSIC GOODIES AS TOMMY'S TREK, TOMMY'S WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE, TOMMY'S TRIVIA,
TOMMY'S CROSSWORDS, TOMMY'S PATIENCE (SOLITAIRE), TOMMY'S GIN RUMMY (AND GOBS
OF OTHER NEAT CARD GAMES), TOMMY'S BACKGAMMON, TOMMY'S DOMINOES, TOMMY'S DICE,
AND DOZENS OF NEAT OUT-OF-THIS-WORLD ARCADE STYLE GAMES (TOMMY'S HYPERDRIVE,
TOMMY'S E-NET, TOMMY'S SPACE GOBLINS, ETC.), WORD AND TV SHOW STYLE GAMES
(TOMMY'S HIDDEN-WORDS, TOMMY'S JOTTOMANIA, TOMMY'S CHANNEL 3), AS WELL AS THE
OLD STANDBY, SPACE GAMES (TOMMY'S SAUCER, TOMMY'S SPACE PANELS, ..., WHEW, GET
THE CATALOG AND READ FOR YOURSELF!).
THESE SHAREWARE VERSIONS ARE IDENTICAL WITH THE PRODUCTS I SELL DIRECTLY,
THAT IS, THEY ARE NOT CRIPPLED JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE GETTING THEM FOR FREE
(TRUE, THEY ARE UPDATED CONSTANTLY SO YOU MIGHT GET A NEWER VERSION BY
WRITING DIRECT TO ME).
AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY FOR NOT SENDING IN YOUR REGISTRATION FEES, THEY DON'T
HAVE ANY! RATHER, THEY ARE "FREE SAMPLES" (THOUGH I RETAIN THE COPYRIGHTS)
SO YOU CAN TASTE A LITTLE OF WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN MISSING. YOU SEE, I
AUTHORIZE ONLY A SMALL FRACTION OF MY TOYS FOR SHAREWARE DISTRIBUTION, AND
ONLY UNDER CERTAIN CONDITIONS, BECAUSE, TO BE FRANK, I'M TRYING TO GET YOU
*ADDICTED* TO MY TRADEMARK BRAND OF CEREBRAL SILLINESS! THEN I AM BANKING
THAT SOONER OR LATER YOU WILL *WISE UP* AND QUIT BUYING EARTHLING VIDEO GAME
AND TOY PRODUCTS AT $25, $35, OR $50 APIECE WHEN YOU CAN GET MINE FOR A TENTH
OF THAT, JUST $3 TO $6 APIECE! -- WHY MANY EARTHLING COMPANIES CHARGE $3 TO
$5 JUST FOR SHIPPING AND HANDLING -- SO NO WONDER MY TOYS ARE SWEEPING THE IBM
PC WORLD AT WARP SPEED.
WHEN YOU WISE UP, YOU WILL BREAK DOWN YOUR PREJUDICES AGAINST ALIENS FROM
OUTER SPACE (HA HA) AND BEGIN ORDERING FROM THE LONG LIST OF OTHERS WHICH YOU
CAN ONLY GET DIRECT FROM ME! (ACTUALLY US, WE HAVE A LITTLE BAND OF ALIENS
ON YOUR PLANET RIGHT NOW -- JUST A FRIENDLY LITTLE BAND OF GALACTIC TOYMAKERS,
NO INVASION INTENDED).
AND NO, WE DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR LID ON THE EARTH MARKET BY COPY-
PROTECTING THEM, SO EVEN IF WE DID RAISE PRICES THE ROBIN HOODS OUT THERE
WOULD BEGIN PIRATING THEM AT CUT-RATE PRICES AND SAVE YOU FROM SELLING YOUR
PLANET OFF TO ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE LIKE YOUR FOREBEARS DID (HA HA -- JUST
KIDDING TO SEE IF YOU ARE AWAKE).
YOU MIGHT WONDER HOW WE CAN GIVE AWAY REGISTRATION-FREE SAMPLES AND STAY IN
BUSINESS, OR HOW WE CAN CHARGE SO LITTLE FOR OUR HOT SOFTWARE IN THE PRESENT
DAY EARTHLING COMMERCIAL ARENA, OR WHY WE DON'T HAVE A $10-$25 SHAREWARE
REGISTRATION FEE.
WELL, SIMPLE MY DEAR EARTHLING. 1. WHO PAYS FOR A MOVIE ON THE WAY OUT?
2. WHO CAN SELL A RECORD ALBUM IF THEY DON'T GET SOME TRACKS PLAYED FOR FREE
ON THE RADIO? 3. WHO WANTS TO PAY A BUNCH OF MIDDLEMEN AND ADVERTISERS WHEN
THEY CAN GET IT DIRECT FROM THE SOURCE? ENJOY THE TOMMY'S TOY(S) ON THIS
DISKETTE WITH MY COMPLIMENTS -- I FIGURE THAT THEY DO MORE GOOD ON YOUR PC
THAN GATHERING DUST ON MY SPACE SHIP ... AND WHEN YOU ARE DOWN IN THE DUMPS
AFTER HOURS OF ANGUISHING OVER SPREADSHEETS, WORD PROCESSING, OR NUMBER
CRUNCHING, AND WANT SOME MORE FUN, YOU WILL KNOW WHERE YOU CAN GET IT, CHEAP,
VIA AIR MAIL, FROM A CONVENIENT, HIGH-ALTITUDE, CENTRALLY LOCATED EARTH
ADDRESS.
IN SUMMARY, WE ALIENS ARE COUNTING ON YOU NICE EARTHLINGS TO HELP US LAUNCH
OUR BOLD NEW ALIEN METHOD OF MARKETING SOFTWARE TOYS AND GAMES ON YOUR CUTE
LITTLE PLANET (OF COURSE WE ALIENS *INVENTED* THE SHAREWARE CONCEPT AND
IMPLANTED IT IN YOUR MINDS TO START WITH, MAKING YOU THINK IT WAS YOUR OWN
IDEA SO YOU WOULDN'T GET FUTURE SHOCK). AND, AFTER IT WORKS AS WE ALIENS HAVE
PLANNED (SO THAT EVERY PC IN THE WORLD IS CRAWLING WITH TOMMY'S TOYS!) YOU THE
EARTHLING CONSUMERS WILL REAP THE BENEFITS -- AND WE ALIENS WILL HAVE PULLED
OFF YET ANOTHER COMPUTERIZED TAKEOVER OF A LIVE PLANET (HA HA, JUST KIDDING,
WE'RE NOT TRYING TO TAKE OVER YOUR PLANET, JUST MAKE EARTHLINGS HAPPY, YOU
KNOW THE STORY, SURE).
AS AN ALIEN TOYMAKER WITH A LONG GALACTIC TRADITION TO UPHOLD, BELIEVE ME, I
REALLY LIKE GETTING ORDERS AND LETTERS FROM NICE EARTHLINGS -- THAT'S AS FUN
AS ALL THE PILES OF DOLLARS AND REESE'S PIECES -- SO TRY WRITING TO ME AND SEE
IF IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER. THIS IS A LOT CHEAPER THAN A JAUNT TO
DEVIL'S TOWER NATIONAL MONUMENT IN SEARCH OF CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, NOW ISN'T IT?
NOW PLEASE SEND FOR YOUR NIFTY DEMO DISK AND JOIN THE GROWING NUMBERS OF
EARTHLINGS WHO APPRECIATE GOOD EXTRATERRESTRIAL ENGINEERING AT DOWN-TO-EARTH
PRICES.
YOUR FRIEND,
TOMMY
TOMMY'S TOYS, BOX 11261, DENVER, CO 80211 USA
"SEND ME AN ALIEN -- RIGHT NOW!"
"NOW YOU'RE PLAYING WITH *ALIENS*"
NOTE:
PLEASE SPECIFY 5.25 INCH OR 3.5 INCH DISKETTE. OUTSIDE U.S. PLEASE ADD $1.
U.S. DOLLARS ONLY (CHECK DRAWN ON U.S. BANK OR MONEY ORDER PAYABLE IN U.S.
DOLLARS).
* * *
NOTE: CENTER THIS ORDER FORM ON YOUR SCREEN, THEN TURN ON YOUR PRINTER, INSERT
PAPER, HOLD DOWN THE SHIFT KEY, AND HIT THE PRTSC KEY ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO
PRINT THE ORDER FORM OUT.
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ORDER FORM FOR TOMMY'S TOYS NIFTY DEMO DISK
DEAR TOMMY,
PLEASE SEND YOUR NIFTY DEMO DISK. I CERTIFY THAT I AM A NATURAL-BORN
EARTHLING AND NOT A BORG. AS PAYMENT FOR SHIPPING/HANDLING I ENCLOSE
( ) $2.00 ( ) $3.00 (OUTSIDE U.S.)
IN U.S. CURRENCY, CHECK DRAWN ON U.S. BANK, OR INTERNATIONAL POSTAL MONEY
ORDER PAYABLE IN U.S. DOLLARS.
DISK FORMAT DESIRED IS ( ) 5.25 INCH ( ) 3.5 INCH
MY MONITOR IS ( ) MONO ( ) COLOR
MY NAME AND ADDRESS:
MY BIRTHDAY (MO.-DAY):
( ) I AM SENDING A CASE OF REESE'S PIECES BY SEPARATE FREIGHT AS A FREE
WILL LOVE OFFERING (OPTIONAL, HA HA).
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(C) 1989-90 BY TOMMY'S TOYS. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.