Parenting - Prenatal to preschool/Parenting_PrenatalToPreschool.bin/dp/0021/00218.txt

Text File | 1993-06-21 | 27KB | 442 lines

$Unique_ID{PAR00218}
$Pretitle{}
$Title{1 Year to 2 1/2 Years:  How Your Child Develops}
$Subtitle{}
$Author{
Editors of Consumer Guide
Mendelson, Robert A
Mendelson, Lottie M
Meyerhoff, Michael K
Ames, Louise Bates}
$Subject{Year to 2 1/2 Years Developed Develops Developing Development growth
height weight toddler physical physically mental mentally head limbs thinking
communicating walking climbing clumsy unsteady toddlers bladder control bowel
muscles toilet training trained manipulation manipulate mechanisms mechanism
sensorimotor rational progress experimenting thought remember memory time
dream dreams realism animism truth lying moral values talk talks talking speak
speaks speaking language understanding communicate communicates communication
imitate imitates imitation mimic mimics mimicking attachment behavior
emotional dependency independence rebellion personality LAGS SPURTS WORRY
WORRIED anxiety anxieties}
$Log{
As toddlers gain control over their bodies, they like exercising new skills*0060106.tif
When children first walk, it takes time for them to refine their movement*0052001.tif
When children first walk, it is normal for them to be unsteady for a while*0052201.tif
You will see a toddler make tremendous progress in small muscle dexterity*0059601.tif}

The New Parents' Question & Answer Book


1 Year to 2 1/2 Years:  How Your Child Develops


     How much growth in height and weight can I expect my toddler to
experience during this period?

     Quite a bit.  Although her overall rate of growth will continue to slow
down somewhat, your toddler will still make a lot of progress during this
period.  Typically, two-and-a-half-year-old children are between 33 and 38
inches tall, with the average somewhere around 36 inches.  They weigh between
25 and 38 pounds, with the average somewhere around 32 pounds.  Again, if your
child was large or small in the beginning, you can expect that she will remain
at the higher or lower end of these ranges at this point.  It is possible,
however, that you will begin to see her starting to approach the center of the
norms.  In any event, as long as your toddler is in good health, don't worry.
Growth patterns are unique in every instance, and they are never smooth and
regular.


     All of a sudden, it seems as if my toddler is no longer a baby and is now
a small "child" instead.  Has her appearance really changed, or just my
perception?

     A little bit of both.  During this period, toddlers mature a great deal
both physically and mentally.  By two and a half years of age, your toddler's
physical proportions will have changed dramatically.  Her head will no longer
appear in any way oversized for her body; her lower limbs no longer seem
smaller than her upper limbs; and in many other ways she will have achieved
"normal" human shape.  These physical changes will be complemented and
emphasized by the changes she experiences in other areas of development.  It
is during this period that your toddler will go from a nonverbal, nonrational
creature to one who is capable of thinking and communicating in a rather
impressive ways.  Although everything will take place gradually over many
months, it is not at all unusual for parents to get a sudden sense of
transformation as their "baby" disappears and their "child" emerges.


     My toddler is walking and climbing, but she's very clumsy and unsteady.
Is something wrong with her?

     Nothing that won't be cured in a few months.  When children first achieve
these abilities, they don't possess them in full-blown form.  It takes a
little time for them to become familiar with and refine their new forms of
movement, so it is perfectly normal for them to be rather clumsy and unsteady
for a while--which is why they are called "toddlers."  However, as your
toddler gains more and more experience, she will become increasingly
coordinated and graceful.  By the end of this period, you may be quite
impressed by the control she has over her body and by the many things she can
do.  Whereas a one year old may only take one tentative step at a time, a two
and a half year old will be running around at a mile a minute.  While a one
year old may take a few minutes to struggle her way up onto a sofa, a two and
a half year old will scoot up a jungle gym in a flash.  So be patient.  Right
now you may be alarmed by your toddler's clumsiness and unsteadiness, but very
soon you may be alarmed by her skill and daring.


     When will my toddler develop control over her bladder and bowel muscles?

     This is a tricky subject.  Typically, toddlers achieve the capacity to
physically control their bladder and bowel muscles somewhere between 18 and 24
months of age.  However, simply having some physical control over these
muscles does not mean that they are capable of complete control with regard to
the functions of urination and defecation.  It takes time and mental
development for toddlers to learn how to recognize the sensations that
immediately precede these functions, and even more time and mental development
to learn how to respond appropriately.  Furthermore, it will be several months
before their control over their bladder and bowel muscles grows from momentary
to significantly strong.  Consequently if someone claims to have a toddler who
is toilet trained at 18 months, it probably means that the person has somehow
managed to get her toddler to "hold it" for a few seconds while she whisks her
off quickly to the bathroom.  That's a long way from true toilet training.


     Will I see much improvement in my toddler's small muscle skills during
this period?

     You certainly will.  Although a one year old typically is rather adept at
using her hands and fingers to manipulate various objects and operate simple
mechanisms, a two and a half year old is incredibly more impressive in these
areas.  For example, a baby may be able to pick up a ball and throw it wildly,
whereas a toddler will eventually be able not only to throw a ball with a fair
amount of accuracy, but may be able to catch it quite reliably as well.  A
baby may be able to operate simple levers, such as light switches, whereas a
toddler may be able to use something as complex as an old-fashioned
nutcracker.  In everyday routines, such as using cups and utensils when eating
and drinking, and in special situations, such as using brushes and crayons
when painting and drawing, you will see your toddler making tremendous
progress in the strength and dexterity of her small muscles.


     In the course of her play, my toddler now appears to be "figuring things
out."  Does this mean she's really starting to "think"?

     During this period, your toddler will indeed progress from a
"sensorimotor" style of thought to a truly rational mode.  However, up until
18 to 24 months of age, her senses and physical movements will remain her
primary tools for analyzing information and dealing with the world around her.
It won't be until after two years of age that she comes to rely heavily on the
mental images in her mind.  Even while she's still in the sensorimotor stage,
however, your toddler will quite often be "figuring things out."  You may
notice that in addition to exploring and investigating, your toddler also will
be doing a lot of "experimenting."  No longer content simply to see what
things are like and what happens to them as the result of some basic action,
it will almost be like she is driven to find out "what if?"  Even though
everything must still be directly in front of her, she will start
systematically applying different strategies and gauging their relative
results through trial and error.  Eventually, she will be able to carry out
many plans and test various options in her mind before choosing one or two to
be translated into direct action.


     How can I tell when my toddler is beginning to use mental images and is
engaging in true "rational" thought?

     Somewhere between 18 and 24 months of age, your toddler will start to
rely on her mental imagery to a noticeable extent.  As she goes about her play
and encounters some problem, she likely will stop for a few seconds before
proceeding with some plan of action.  This is a sign that "the gears are
turning," and she is running through several options in her mind.  Of course,
just like it took her many months to learn how to use her body effectively, it
will take your toddler months and years to learn how to make the best use of
her increasing mental capacities.  Don't expect her to become fully rational
overnight.  At first, her thinking will be tentative, and she may very well
support her mental analyses with occasional physical trials just to be sure.
However, by the end of this period, you probably will see your toddler solving
simple problems--such as how to get a toy out of a box, how to get your
attention while you're occupied with something, or how to climb to the top of
a high chest--quickly and easily.


     Will my toddler now remember everything she sees, hears, and does and
everything that happens to her?

     As your toddler passes her second birthday, you can expect her to start
retaining more and more of her experiences for longer and longer periods of
time.  Although she will be capable of creating mental images right from the
beginning of this period, they will be rather weak and will not last more than
a minute or two initially.  However, by the end of this period, you can expect
that your toddler will remember quite a bit from day to day, and she might
remember particularly strong sensations and impressive experiences for months.
Still, throughout this period, the major gains will be in the area of
short-term memory, so don't expect too much from your toddler at this point.
It will be more difficult to distract her from something in which she has a
strong interest, and it will be easier to deal with her on a daily basis in
terms of giving instructions, admonitions, etc.  Overall and in the long run,
however, it is likely she will forget considerably more than she retains.


     Can my toddler comprehend concepts such as "later" and "tomorrow"?

     Due to her expanding memory and increasing thinking skills, your toddler
may have a pretty good understanding of these concepts--along with concepts
such as "earlier" and "yesterday"--sometime around her second birthday or a
little beyond.  However, it will be a while before she can use these terms
with any precision.  Keep in mind that retaining mental images and moving them
around in her mind is still new to your toddler.  It will take many months and
years before she has had sufficient experience to place a lot of things in all
their proper relations with one another.  Consequently, at first, "earlier"
and "later" will have little meaning beyond "not now" and "yesterday" and
"tomorrow" may mean nothing more than stronger versions of "earlier" and
"later."  It is therefore a good idea to help your toddler out by being
precise and placing various events in relation to each other.  For instance,
"...after Mommy comes home and we eat dinner" will have considerably more
impact on your toddler's mind than something vague like "... a little later
this evening."


     Even though she's fairly rational, my toddler can't seem to understand
that her dreams aren't real.  Is this unusual?

     Not at all.  Keep in mind that mental images are very new to your
toddler.  It will take quite a while before she fully understands how they
work.  The inability to distinguish dreams from reality is one sign of this
immature thinking, and it is referred to as "realism."  The sights, sounds,
and sensations of her dreams are identical to those that your toddler
experiences during the day, so at first, she has no way of distinguishing
them.  As adults, we often have trouble with particularly powerful dreams when
we first wake up.  Eventually, we can factor in certain pieces of
information--like the fact that we're still in bed--and come up with a
rational analysis of what we've just experienced.  Toddlers, on the other
hand, are operating on a very simple level and cannot handle a variety of
factors all at once.  Another example of this sort of thing is referred to as
"animism."  This is the toddler's conviction that anything that moves is
alive.  In her limited experience, that's the way the world works.  Therefore,
you may find your toddler talking to, becoming afraid of, or otherwise
interacting "socially" with inanimate objects that she sees in motion.


     When my toddler does something wrong and I ask her about it, her
explanation sometimes strays far from the truth.  Is she capable of lying at
this point?

     Not really.  Your toddler's first forms of thought are extremely
self-centered, or "egocentric."  Her only frame of reference is her own
personal experience, and at this point, she is completely incapable of seeing
something from another person's perspective or taking into account factors
that don't relate directly to her wants and needs of the moment.
Consequently, when you question your toddler about something "bad" that she
has done, she may be motivated primarily by a desire to avoid your
displeasure; that desire will control the bulk of her thinking.  The result
may be an outlandish lie, but you can't really accuse your toddler of being
"deceptive."  For example, if you ask her, "Did you spill the milk?" she may
think for a moment, then respond, "No, Joey (her older brother) did it."  Her
thinking ability at this stage allows her to come up with a previously
successful strategy--blaming her brother for a mishap.  It does not, however,
allow her to take into account the fact that her brother is at school, that
you were right there to see her do it, and that there's no way she's going to
beat the rap.


     Is my toddler still too young to have any sense of moral values?

     As the months go by, your toddler will begin to get a fairly clear sense
of "good" and "bad."  But even by the end of this period, she still will not
be able to comprehend the concepts of "right" and "wrong" in any meaningful
way.  Keep in mind that her thinking will be extremely egocentric at this
stage, so what she chooses to do will be governed primarily by her own wants
and desires of the moment.  In other words, your toddler's "moral" reasoning
will be based entirely on immediate rewards and punishments that she perceives
for herself.  She will not take into account the rights and feelings of others
when making her decisions.  As long as you monitor her behavior closely, you
can serve as her "conscience" and help control any inappropriate tendencies.
You can't, however, expect that she will be receiving reliable and valid
guidance from within her own mind at this point.


     My neighbor's toddler didn't talk until she was almost two and then
seemed to start speaking in complete sentences.  Is she unusual?

     This phenomenon is certainly not typical, but it does happen fairly
often.  As discussed previously, the normal range for the onset of expressive
language is anywhere between six months and two years of age.  However, almost
all children begin to understand words between six and eight months of age.
Consequently, even though a toddler may not be saying anything, that does not
mean she isn't developing language skills.  Once she does start speaking, it
should be no surprise that she starts speaking at a level that is considerably
more complex than another child who began speaking many months earlier.  This
reinforces the fact that parents should not make too much out of the date at
which their child starts talking.  It is clear that the onset of the first
spoken words has relatively little significance for overall language
development in the long run.  As long as your toddler is demonstrating normal
hearing and an ever-progressing understanding of words, don't worry if her
expressive language seems to be lagging behind.


     Once my toddler starts talking a lot, can I assume that her ability to
understand words and her ability to use them will progress at about the same
pace from that point on?

     Although both receptive and expressive language development will proceed
rapidly from this point on, it is probably not a good idea to think of them as
parallel processes yet.  For the most part, even by the end of this period,
toddlers will be able to understand many more things than they will be able to
say.  Learning how to produce all the sounds properly and put all the
different parts of speech into their proper place will take many months and
years.  So you can assume that, in general, your toddler will be a
considerably better listener than talker.  On the other hand, due to their
increasing imitative capacities, toddlers who are talking may often say
extraordinary things.  In most cases, they have no real idea of what it is
they are saying.  Consequently, if your toddler surprises you with a very
impressive word or phrase, chances are she has merely mimicked something she
has heard; it will be a while yet before she can pull the same thing out of
her own mind.


     By the time she's two and a half, can I expect my toddler to understand
just about everything I say?

     By the end of this period, it is reasonable to expect that your toddler
will understand somewhere between one half and three fourths of the everyday
language she will use for the rest of her life.  Consequently, for the most
part, you probably will find it fairly easy to communicate with her.  However,
you have to be careful about expecting too much from your toddler at this
point.  She still will have a long way to go before she will be able to
understand everything that pertains to her immediate experience, and it will
be years before she will be able to handle complex concepts.  So, for
instance, you can give a toddler a complicated instruction, such as "Pick up
your shoe, take it into the bedroom, put it in the blue box, and put the box
under the bed," and you can expect her to comprehend all the nouns, verbs, and
prepositions completely--even if she's never heard them put together in that
particular way before.  On the other hand, saying something like "You can't
have that toy because we can't afford it and your Mommy would have a fit if I
gave in to you again" is not likely to have full impact.


     Sometimes my toddler says a phrase perfectly, but later she will say the
same sort of thing all wrong.  Why is that?

     During the early stages of expressive language development, there are two
distinct processes upon which toddlers are operating.  One is imitation, and
the other is mental reasoning.  Consequently, your toddler will occasionally
come out with something impressive simply because her ability to mimic is
quite advanced at this point.  However, later on she may attempt to put a
similar phrase together in her own mind before she speaks, and because her
mental capacities are still relatively limited, she is not likely to produce a
perfect composition.  Therefore, parents have to be careful about judging the
quality of what their toddlers are saying.  Even though it doesn't appear to
be as good on the surface, a phrase that your toddler puts together herself is
actually superior in some ways to a "perfect" phrase she produces simply by
repeating something she's just heard.


     Will my toddler continue to depend heavily on me for emotional support
throughout this period?

     In the beginning, it is likely that you will actually see an increase in
your toddler's attachment behavior as her emotional dependency upon you
reaches a peak.  However, starting around 16 or 18 months of age, your toddler
will begin to develop a strong sense of herself as "her own person" and will
begin moving more and more toward emotional independence.  Of course, this
does not mean that you will no longer be important to her in an emotional
sense.  First of all, the confidence and trust in your support that she has
built up over many months is the bedrock for her personal security.
Furthermore, in times of crises--and even in times of less traumatic but still
significantly stressful circumstances--you can expect your toddler to count on
you for the emotional strength she needs to make it through.  But in terms of
routine activities, by the end of this period, you can expect that your
toddler will be comfortable playing alone for long periods of time.  You can
also expect her to become interested in establishing relationships with adults
and peers outside the family.


     Will my toddler make a smooth transition from dependency to independence?

     Unfortunately, no.  The process that a toddler goes through in
establishing a strong sense of self can be extraordinarily unpleasant for her
parents.  Understanding and becoming comfortable with her own personal power
is not something that a toddler achieves overnight.  It involves a lot of
pushing limits, testing wills, and other exercises through which she learns
precisely what the limits are.  It is only by repeated assertions and
challenges that she comes to comprehend where her authority ends and the
authority of her parents begins, and how strong each is when compared to the
other.  In other words, in order for her to become independent, a toddler
often must fight against those upon whom she previously was completely
dependent.  She does so not out of anger or malice, but because she has few
other ways in which to form a frame of reference.  Therefore, as will be the
case when this process is repeated on a much larger scale during adolescence,
it helps if parents can avoid taking their toddler's "rebellion" phase
personally at this point.


     Will my toddler be developing permanent personality traits during this
time?

     Generally, it is somewhere around the second birthday that toddlers begin
demonstrating personality traits that they are likely to maintain for years to
come.  Characteristics such as shyness, stubbornness, selfishness, and humor
seem to start showing up routinely and consistently from this point on.  Of
course, it is possible that a child may have demonstrated any or all of these
traits to a certain extent somewhat earlier.  It is not until this point,
however, that personality traits become reasonably reliable and stable.  On
the other hand, you should note that no characteristics of this kind should be
considered completely permanent--human beings are capable of change throughout
life.  However, from now on, the longer a particular personality trait is
entrenched, the more difficult it will be to turn it around or reshape it.


LAGS AND SPURTS

     It is important for parents to realize that development tends to proceed
in lags and spurts rather than in continuous, smooth transitions.  When
looking at a developmental chart, it is easy to get a false impression of the
nature of "normal" or "average" development.  Although the majority of
toddlers may start at roughly the same spot and end up at roughly the same
spot during this period, their individual rates and patterns of development
will be very irregular and will rarely be identical.  At various times, some
toddlers will be increasing their physical skills in leaps and bounds while
their language skills are just creeping forward; others will be making slow
progress with physical skills and rapid advances in language skills.  A couple
of months later, everyone may very well have switched paces completely in all
areas.  Therefore, if parents expect their toddlers to progress in even
increments at set times, they are likely to be alternately surprised and
disappointed.  They are also likely to be inappropriately talking about their
toddler "falling behind" or "moving ahead."  Perhaps it will help to think of
your toddler's development as a leisurely cross-country drive from New York to
Los Angeles.  Even though she may get caught in some heavy traffic trying to
get out of New York, she'll probably make up a lot of time zipping through the
desert later on; if she rushes through the industrial states in the East, she
may stop to soak up the scenery when she gets to the mountains in the West;
and even though she may take an entirely different route than another toddler,
chances are that they will both arrive in Los Angeles at approximately the
same time.


WHAT TO DO IF YOU'RE WORRIED

     It is natural for parents--particularly first-timers--to be constantly
worried about their toddler's development.  In general, being just a little
patient often goes a long way toward relieving many anxieties.  However, it is
an unfortunate fact that from time to time, genuine problems do arise that
require active intervention.  So, if your toddler repeatedly shows up at the
lower end of the "normal" ranges and/or consistently deviates substantially
from what is described as "standard" performance, it is not unreasonable at
all for you to seek professional help.  When you do seek such help, keep two
major things in mind.  First, pediatricians do not have all-encompassing
expertise.  Because they are the professionals with whom parents are likely to
have routine contact, they tend to get asked about everything, even though
their training and experience is not without limits.  So if the problem is
apparently physical in nature, such as abnormal growth pattern, apparent
hearing loss, etc., then by all means consult a pediatrician; and be prepared
to have the pediatrician refer you to a specialist for certain problems.  On
the other hand, if the problem has to do with a seemingly low level of
language comprehension, an inability to operate simple mechanisms, or anything
else that may be outside the clearly medical realm, it might be better to
consult a developmental psychologist, developmental pediatrician, or early
childhood educator.  Second, because early development is so typically erratic
and even bizarre on occasion, some professionals may occasionally lapse into
the habit of automatically reassuring parents that there is nothing to worry
about.  However, as it turns out, the hardcore instincts of parents are fairly
reliable.  Therefore, if you find yourself chronically concerned about
something, keep pursuing specialists until you get an answer that truly
satisfies you.