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From [e-mail]  Fri Jun 12 10:02:47 1992
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From: [e-mail] (Richard Kulawiec)
Posted-Date: Fri, 12 Jun 92 10:02:29 EDT
Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Satellite of Love News #23
Status: OR



From: Major Matt Mason <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 01 Jun 92 20:51:11 EDT
Subject: MST3K June listings.


Just got my monthly listing from Comedy Central today; here's the
June, 1992 MST3K lineup:

6/05, 12:30 am:  It Conquered the World (Cheepnis!)

6/06, 10 am & 7 pm:  Space Travelers (New Season!  Yow!)

6/12, 12:30 am:  Gamera vs. Guiron

6/13, 10 am & 7 pm:  Giant Gila Monster [NEW]

6/19, 12:30 am:  Earth vs. the Spider

6/20, 10 am & 7 pm:  City Limits [NEW]

6/26, 12:30 am:  Mighty Jack

6/27, 10 am & 7 pm:  Teenagers from Outer Space [NEW]

All times are Eastern & Pacific.

Major Matt "That monster doesn't know the meaning of *through*!" Mason

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From: Mark Holtz <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 1 Jun 92 17:47:06 PDT
Subject: June MOVIE SIGN! / Feedback from a bbs

Oh, no, we've got.....

        June MMMMMOOOOOVVVVVVIIIIIIEEEEE SIIIIIIGGGGGGNNNNNN!!!
                  from Comedy Central's "Funny Pages"

[ Listings deleted because they duplicate those above.  ---Rsk ]

 NOTES: To get a copy of "Funny Pages", call [phone] and ask.
        Keep circulating the tapes!

 Space Travelers (aka "Marooned") (1969) - Stars Gene Hackman, Richard Crenna,
 James Franciscus, Gregory Peck, Mariette Hartley.

 City Limits (1985) - Stars James Earl Jones, Rae Dawn Chong, Kim Cattrall,
 Robby Benson

BTW: I uploaded the SOL newsletters to a local BBS, and a user passed this
note over to me.......

   Mon May 25 1992 12:05 CROOOOW! from Nexus
 Here's a couple of "lewd" quotes from the past few weeks if you wanna send
 them to SOL, Mark.
  From Hellcats-Joel:"Hey, it's the doublemint twins"  Crow:"One's already been
 chewed"
  From The Amazing Colossal Man-(nurse looks under bed sheet) Tom:"Well,
 something's much bigger than we expected"
  I was laughing my head off when the doctor injected the rabbit. "Hey, I see
 streaking...Night of the Lupus!"
--
Mark Arthur Holtz
Internet: [e-mail]


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From: Jade Walker <[e-mail]>
Date: Mon, 1 Jun 92 13:32:33 EDT
Subject: yet another Clown Suit reference

I read an article about Jim Mallon and the Pail and Shovel Party. It
said something about his supporters (athletic?) wearing clown suits.
I always thought the "Not the clown suit" quote referred to some
dark unspoken perversion, along the same lines as "You bring the goat;
I'll bring the trapeze." Coincidence? What exactly happened in those
smoke-filled rooms where the Pail and Shovel Party met?

"Look, they've elected a pope!" - Crow, "King Dinosaur"


----------

From: [e-mail]
Date: Mon, 1 Jun 1992 13:10:40 -0400
Subject: "Santa Claus vs the Martians"

I missed this episode, and I'd like to get a copy of it if possible.

Thanks,
Greg Williams
[e-mail]


----------

From: [e-mail] ( Robert DeMillo )
Date: Mon, 1 Jun 92 10:46:06 EDT
Subject: followups on Jim Mallon, "raise your hand", opening sequence

>Is Jim Mallon (aka Gypsy) the founder of the now legendary Pail and Shovel
>Party?

Yup. I posted this on the net a week months ago. Jim Mallon is, indeed,
co-founder of the Pail&Shovel party. (I went to the UW during their
term in office.)

Believe it or not, Leon Varjian (far funnier of the two) is now
programming computers for the State of Wisconsin. Well, at least
one of them (Jim) is doing something reputable!

>And how about the line "Do you want to go... faster?  Raise your hand if you
>want to go faster!"

You may have to be a midwesterner for this one. Its not from
a movie...the line refers to what a carnival ride operator
yells over the intercom to people riding on a carnie ride
called "The Satellite." (Its basically a huge tilt-o-whirl
that uses centrifical force to hold the hapless riders in place
as it spins....

>RE: Are the torches in the tunnel to the Mystery Science Theater actually
>    Reach toothbrushes?
>
>E - I - E - I Don't think so.  Really, wouldn't they be too small in scale for
>a camera to go through?

I'm surprised I've never seen anyone post this before, but:

The sequence of travelling down the long corridor with all of the
doors to the "movie theater" was actually ripped off from a
sci-fi spoof film called "Dark Star." If you haven't seen this
movie, run out and get it...its Dan (Alien) O'Bannon's first movie.
He made it as a film student at UCLA, and its pretty amusing.
(IHe did quite well concidering the non-existant budget...a lot
of the props are entertaining: the front packs on all the spacesuits
are actually muffin tins, etc etc etc.)

Anyway, the "tunnel" sequence are all of the doors that lead to
the "Dark Star's" central computer core.

 - Rob DeMillo
[e-mail]

"Operation Goofy now in effect!"
    --- Tom Servo, "Gamera vs. Gaos," Mystery Science Theater 3000


----------

From: [e-mail] (Kent Archie)
Date: Fri, 5 Jun 92 15:55:33 CDT
Subject: mst3k in the real world, and Jim Mallon

I went to format a box of 3.5" floppies today and the machine that does
it has the brand name MST 3000! The larger machine next to it, used for
5.25" floppies is called MST 6000.
Sometimes it doesn't take much to amuse me.


In the most recent newsletter, someone asked if Jim Mallon was the
president of the Pail and Shovel Party at the UW-Madison.  Yes, he was.
I was in school then and well remember the fun.  Toga parties with
30,000 attendees, huge Halloween bashes and two partial statues of
Liberty. The first one was burned down.  They were the only honest
politicians I have ever seen.  They said they would stay in office till
they had stolen all the money and then leave. And then they did it. In
addition to the already mentioned hijinks, the held a Dalai Lama
look-alike contest when the Lama was visiting the campus, sponsored a
referendum on one of the student papers ("Yes, the Daily Cardinal
sucks. No, the Daily Cardinal sucks") and sent a mouse in a balloon to
Iran to free  the Hostages. Sadly, it didn't survive the trip and the
Pary held a state funeral for it.

This same Jim Mallon also directed the delightful horror flick, "Blood
Hook".  Set in Hayward Wisconsin, Home of the Fresh Water Fishing
Museum (shaped like a Musky), it features the murder of Illinois
tourists (Yay!), a crazed Vietnam vet (a crazed Korean war vet, as
well), an literally buckets of blood. Check it out.

Kent Archie
[e-mail]


----------

From: [e-mail] (Denaha Doss)
Date: Wed, 3 Jun 92 11:48:48 GMT-0600
Subject: Episodes in which Crow's arms are ripped off

Hello all.

I've been introducing a lot of people to MST3K and I usually give a
brief intro about Joel and the bots.  One of the things I like to
tell people is that when randy little Crow (my favorite) gets out of
line, Joel rips off his arm. I even remember once when Tom said
something off-color and Crow told him that 'talk like that gets your
arms ripped off'. The problem is that I can't remember which episodes
had this behavior.


THEREFORE..my question to you, fellow misties, is which episodes had
Joel pulling off Crow's arms and what did he say that brought it on?

If you would e-mail me any information, I will compile it, make a
list and post it, in case anyone else is interested.

Also, has anybody mentioned whether or not magic voice says 'movie
sign' when door 3 opens/closes?

Enough for now,

-Dj


----------

From: [e-mail] (LIEBESKIND,SUSAN H)
Date: Mon, 1 Jun 92 11:47:44 EDT
Subject: barber shop host sequence transcription?

Has anyone out there transcribed the barber shop host sequence?
Crow cuts Joel's hair, and delivers a wonderful barbershop monologue about
life in a small town, saying things in his best Minnesota accent like
"Oh, they do such nice work down to the store, there"?

Alas, I don't remember which film it came from, just that I watched it about
3 times in awe (and then TAPED over it by accident!)

Thanks.

Susan Liebeskind
[e-mail]


----------

From: [e-mail]
Date: Thu, 4 Jun 1992 13:11:57 -0500 (CDT)
Subject: Best Brains Visit


OK folks, here is the second part of the visit to Best Brains that my
husband and I made in April.  During our extended tour, it was evident
that things had changed a bit at the studio since our visit a year ago.

The first thing I noticed was that all the cool toys and the yellow
Gizmonics blimp were gone from their former prominent locations hanging
in the front windows of their office park building.  Except for the
sign out front, you just might not guess at the craziness that goes on
inside.  Although I didn't ask Jann Johnson directly about the change
of decor, it was easy to guess that they were becoming nervous about
having such a high profile.  She even asked me not to take any pictures
of the outside of the studio.  I think they are only now realizing how
big and fast the numbers of their fans are growing and they are a bit
taken aback by the response.  If you know of someone who wants to take
a tour of the studio, have them call there first.  They keep a bruising
schedule of 8 days to produce one episode and sometimes just can't
accomodate visitors.  The tour most often takes only about a half hour
to an hour at the most.  She told us about some fans of the show who
came from several states away just to visit the studio and who were
somewhat surprised at how little time it really took to see everything.

The minute we walked in the doors though, we were struck by the fan art
that decorated the lobby walls.  My own drawing of the three 'bots (I'm
a professional artist by the way...) was hanging right in the middle of
their 'gallery'.  Right across from that hung a huge prop that we were
told was from fourth season.  It was a 50's style space ship with a
silver body and little spheres on the tips of the fins.  Fourth season
props were evident everywhere, and this is what I remember of the more
notable ones:

On top of one computer console sat a spacecraft model that was an
unusual example of kit-bashing.  (In modeller's terms, that means
mixing kits together along with other odds and ends to get cool-looking
space vehicles.)  This one had a large human skull on the back half and
the front end had the turret of a tank.  Lots of other little bits and
pieces made the antennas, guns and so forth that we've come to expect
on spaceships.  The whole thing was painted dark grey with streaks of
color on the sides of the skull.

Near Frank's computer was a small ceramic figurine.  Most of us are
familiar with the very popular Precious Moments figures of dewy-eyed
children holding baby kittens or praying.  Well, the Mads have
concocted their version of these figures called the "Tragic Moments"
figures.  This one showed a little dewy-eyed boy chasing after a ball.
He is in the street and a car looms behind him.  It was titled "I'll
get it!"

We found another Tragic Moments figure on the workbench.  It depicted
another dewy-eyed boy cradling a dead puppy.  This one was called
"Rover's Last Romp" or something similar.

There were probably many more lying about but it was difficult to tell
since they were undergoing a bit of remodelling while we were there.
It seems that the fire marshall had been 'round to tell them that the
heavy duty wooden shelving that they had all their props and raw
materials stored on was a fire hazard and would have to be replaced by
metal shelves.  So Jef Maynard and one stalwart assistant were busily
tearing down shelves while we picked our way past the HUGE piles of
toys and old props.  They still have quite a few Demon Dogs despite the
few they sold long ago.

Jann did mention that being a member of the info club has distinct
advantages for those of you who are interested in some of their nifty
collectibles.  She said that they're retiring some of the older stuff
and will soon offer some new goodies so that the discontinued items
will become collectibles.  Makes me glad I ordered up a few of those
mugs they were advertising around Christmas time.  They turned out to
be white mugs with a COLOR photo of Joel and the 'bots on one side and
a photo of the MST3K globe on the other.  In the small margin between
the photos, all the principals hand autographed the mugs with Sharpie
markers.  That means you probably shouldn't wash them since the marker
might come off, but what the heck!  It makes a great pencil-mug.  I
gave a couple of them away as gifts and they went over great.

By the way, if anyone has photos of their trips to Best Brains that
they'd be willing to sell me copies of, I'd sure be interested!  I
recently put together an ENORMOUS MST3K display for a science fiction
convention that I attended as Artist Guest of Honor.  That display went
over extremely well, and I'm always looking for better photos to add to
it.  It is currently 15 feet long and 3' 4" tall.  Joe Lyons, the
publicity director from Comedy Central was kind enough to send all
kinds of goodies to include in both promos and programming.  It appears
that the display will travel to a few other conventions as time goes
along and I'd sure like to add to it so that it remains fresh.

Speaking of Joe Lyons, outside of being a little skeptical of science
fiction conventions, he was very helpful and finally did give us
permission to show 10 hours of MST3K at the con.  To make this easier,
he sent us 5 episodes on tape that do not have any commercials on
them.  They included:  Side Hackers, The Amazing Colossal Man, War On
the Colossal Beast, Gamera vs Guiron, Viking Women vs the Sea Serpent.
One of the tapes he sent unfortunately had an audio problem (Viking
Women...) but the rest went over very well and were extremely well
recieved.  He also sent along a fistful of flyers and newsletters, and
a CTV t-shirt.  I'm returning the tapes to him today along with photos
of all five of the panels in the display I made.  The convention told
me later that they wished that they had alotted more time to MST3K and
hoped to remedy that situation next year.  It was certainly fun to be
walking down the hotel hallway and hear the Side Hacking Song being
played nice and loud.  I really wished that my husband and I could've
been there for the showing of Mr. B Natural which really floored us the
first time we saw it.

Well, I think that's enough to chew on for now.  I will probably write
at least one more installment that will detail the tour itself more and
some of the things we saw.  I also took VERY detailed photos of the
bridge set this time so there's a few things to say about that...

Ciao for Now...

Mary Lynn J.


----------

From: [e-mail] (jenkins lisa)
Date: Thu, 4 Jun 92 12:06:44 CDT
Subject: MiSTy Kon '92

                                 MiSTy Kon '92
                                May 28-30, 1992
                    Minneapolis and Eden Prairie, Minnesota

                             Fan Guests of Honor:
                              Donna "Chani" Lang
                              Lisa "Nyah" Jenkins

                      Special Impromptu Guests of Honor:
                                 Timothy Scott
                        Best Brains' Receptionist Ellie

                           Reported by Lisa Jenkins


The very impromptu MiSTy Kon '92 began Thursday evening on the arrival of fan
guest of honor Lisa Jenkins to the Minneapolis area.  She called her fellow
fan GoH, Donna Lang, from the motel room.  The two had previously been
acquainted at Minicon 27, Easter 1992, when Lisa hosted the very enthusiastic
early-morning Saturday two-person panel at Minicon's Krushenko room.  This
time it was Donna who created the atmosphere for the unplanned convention, and
the two became convention coordinators as well as the fan GoHs.

Thursday's events began ten o'clock in the evening with a two hour discussion
on _Mystery Science Theater 3000_ ranging from discussing various episodes and
favorite moments to insightful trivia on the cast and crew.  It was decided
that the next day's events would comprise of a costume-planning show, an
amateur art show and, of course, the Main Event--the trip to Best Brains, Inc.

The main day of events began with the meeting of the two fan GoHs and then a
drive to the con headquarters, Donna's home in Minneapolis.  The headquarters
comprised of a lovely older house done in a "Victorian" style--cluttered and
comfy.  After settling in her guest room, Lisa went with Donna to downtown
Minneapolis via metropolitan bus where they chatted more about the show and
cited various quotes.

Donna and Lisa exchanged stories of their fannish names.  Donna, also known as
Chani (the name chosen from the movie _Dune_ which may or may not need a
little misty commentary), created a female assistant character at Gizmonics.
She described her character as intelligent and professional.  She is also very
goal-orientated and is willing to do almost anything to get ahead at
Gizmonics.  Chani is very attractive with a body that even the 'bots can't
resist.  On one occasion as she was assisting Dr. Forrester, he requested,
"Chani, push my button--uh, push *THE* button!" he corrected himself.  She
complied, the screen turning to a small square, but her voice was quite
distinct with a hint of an Anglo-Saxon accent, "Dr. Forrester, that's *not*
the file cabinet."  His reply, "Uh, sorry."

Lisa's character Nyah, whose name comes from the 1954 box office bomb _Devil
Girl from Mars_, is also an assistant at Gizmonics.  She, too, is professional
and intelligent, but also possesses a great deal of reserve.  She is not
worried about her upward mobility in the company and is a lot less talkative
than Chani, but both characters possess their certain wit and serve their
meals of revenge cold.

Downtown, the two fan GoHs checked out the bus schedules for Eden Prairie, but
the map did not show the drive where Best Brains was located.  Upon asking, a
very friendly knowledgeable clerk showed the area on the map but pointed out
that the buses in Eden Prairie only ran by pre-scheduled appointments.
However, the closest bus went to Southdale Mall.  It was decided that Donna
and Lisa would bus to Southdale and taxi from there to Eden Prairie.

The ride was lengthy down to Southdale, and the two spent their time
continuing to discuss story ideas and trivia, along with some interesting
panel discussions on questions such as "If you matched a character's
personality to a car, what would (character) drive?"  Some very different
answers arose, but they were intriguing mind games.

As they passed by various points in town, Lisa pointed out, "Hey, I've been
there" which soon became a catch phrase and was adopted as the convention's
motto.

Finally at Southdale, they decided to have a lunch break at the first
convention con suite--the food arena.  They had a wide selection of tasties,
but both found their appetites lessened by their increased excitement with the
coming event.

The taxi ride was quiet as they drove down to the suburb of Eden Prairie.  The
area was beautiful and filled with lovely greenery; that wonderful out-in-the-
countryside look.

Finally the arrival at Best Brains, Inc. became reality.  Donna and Lisa
approached the doors of the offices, noting the symbol on the sign which
proclaimed the name of the company was similar to that of _Alien Nation_'s
Tanctonese without the dots (or more likely the symbol of a EEG reading).
Opposite the entrance was a rural-looking metal mailbox with "The Brains" in
black lettering.  Inside the entrance on the right was a plastic iguana with a
noose around it's neck, a Greek-type podium and two cannons capable of
shooting tennis balls.  On the left sat a small iron-made object resembling
some kind of four-legged creature with a hammer for its head.

Inside the lobby were hair dryer seats which can be found in older salons
across the country, along with a professional standalone hair dryer.  The
walls were covered with various beautiful artworks sent in by fans.  Donna
recognized one as a drawing displayed at Minicon 27.  There was also a small
cluttered display case on the coffee table beside the hair dryer seats which
contained many small hand-made sculptures also done by fans.

Most of the offices were empty save for the editing booth where Timothy Scott,
also known as the Miracle Growth Baby (After), was working.  As Lisa and Donna
wandered down the hall to look at the displays of MST3K reviews lining the
wall, Tim came out to ask, "Are you being helped?"  "No, not yet."  The phone
rang and Tim went to answer it.  He returned shortly, asking again, "Are you
being helped?"  "No, not yet."  Again, Tim was distracted but returned another
moment later to repeat, "Are you being helped?"  "No, not yet!"

Tim generously offered to give the tour of the set, starting with his own
"office," the editing room.  He was in the midst of editing a movie segment
(he is generally editing three episodes at any given time) of which he played
a small portion.  He then led Lisa and Donna to the set to catch a glimpse of
the Satellite of Love and Deep 13.  Gypsy was sitting out on the Satellite,
painted a lovely shade of purple.  The planetoid was sitting out after being
used for some promo shots for the upcoming season.  Donna described the
planetoid's surface as like a silly-string styrofoam-type covered with gray
paint.

Tim then went boldly into the workshop, finding himself quickly in a very
sticky situation--the floor had been freshly painted.  He backtracked leaving
a trail of gray paint and footprints and simply pointed to the 'bots at their
workstations, both of whom were wearing turbans.

Ellie, the receptionist, came in with another touring guest from Minneapolis.
She continued the tour, giving a much closer look at the planetoid and
Satellite of Love set.  Puppeteer doodlings were etched into the wood of the
back of the countertop.  Enoch, leader of the Demon Dogs, was featured on
Trace's panel along with a small Tom Servo doodling while "Tom Servo Rules!"
was written in Kevin's half.

At the entrance of the soundstage were tacked various schedules of upcoming
film days and the blocking of shooting schedules.  As Lisa took a peek at the
upcoming week's events, Ellie pointed out that the fourth season would feature
a series of Hercules films.  A full-color photo cut-out of the infamous
computer "Bob" character hung grinning down from the board along with several
fortunes from fortune cookies, most of which had sayings about becoming "rich
and famous."

Other points of interest included the make-up and costume rooms, the lounging
room where the heckling comments are made and various offices of the writers.
Many interesting objects were found in these rooms, including props from
previous and soon-to-be-aired episodes.  Enoch was seen in Jim Mallon's office
while a new prop for the fourth season--a white-haired, white-faced Cabbage
Patch doll called the "Keith Richards' baby"--was seen in another.  Even the
Wild Rebels Cereal box was seen in the little kitchen off to the side of the
soundstage, and the "cool thing"--the Mexican stoplight candy--could be seen
hanging on the wall (still unopened) in Joel's office.   Ellie even pointed
out a stuffed animal cow sitting on her desk with wings taped on its back.
"Tom Servo tries to make a pegasus this season," she said.

The offices were cozy and professional and the air of the company was very
relaxed.  As part of the staff's break time, they would play ping pong in the
soundstage (after dismantling the Deep 13 set to do so).  The feeling of Best
Brains was that of a family.

After the tour, Donna and Lisa chatted with Tim.  They found him to be very
pleasant and friendly.  Tim likes to know where the fans come from, and after
stating that her home town was Wadena, Minnesota, Lisa was amazed to hear that
Tim attended Wadena Technical College in 1984, and the two quickly chatted
about small town life.

Tim asked, "Do you think the show is funny?"  Lisa had to admit that she found
the movie segments hard to take at times, but the host segments were quite
original.  Tim agreed and said he generally watched the programs a total of
eight times each.  Donna pointed out, "Of course you don't think the show is
funny!  You've seen the episodes more times than we have!"

Later a chat with Ellie prevailed informational as well.  She pointed out the
merchandise such as the mugs with the picture of Joel, the 'bots and the
planetoid along with the signatures of the charaters, "won't be available
anymore."  The same was with the Mad's Clock.  "A lot of people don't realize
that we want to keep costs down, but we'd also like to keep the selection
tasteful and simple as well.  Like the show."  These items were made as
limited editions and will be considered as collector's items once they run
out.

It was time to go, and the two conventioners were reluctant but happy for the
experience of visiting the studio.  The return trip seemed faster since the
event had past, and the two talked over their impressions of the studio, the
people and the overall feel of the tour.  They agreed they went at a good time
when they were able to take a very close look at some details on the set, and
although they were disappointed that the 'bots had been (literally) painted
into a corner and were unavailable for closer examination, they agreed that
they enjoyed the experience.

The motto "I've been there" took on even more significance at this time as the
two had actually "been there" at Best Brains.  "We've been there.  Deal with
it," they deadpanned in their best Dr. Forrester voice.

Reaching the downtown area again, Lisa and Donna decided to find the uniform
shop which supposedly sold the Joel-like jumpsuits.  Donna's misdirection and
Lisa's lack of knowledge of the town aided in their getting lost on the
venture.  With aching feet, they decided to stop at the next con suite, the
Quiet Corner, before returning home.

A small filksong panel was held after the return to the convention
headquarters.  The two exchanged songs and sang Lisa's song "Joel's Lament"
along with the new comments she had recently written for the song.  Donna
shared her "Someone's Waiting" song, a _Quantum Leap_ ballad which, although
it sounds like it is for the character Donna in the show, it actually is for
Dean Stockwell who plays Al.

Suddenly they decided that Gypsy deserved a song.  They looked for some
chordings which would give a sort of "Gypsy" feel.  Settling on something
slightly Spanish but certainly mysterious, Donna and Lisa found themselves
having difficulty with the lyrics.  Gypsy is not a very talkative character,
and yet Joel is more protective and caring of her than of any of the other
'bots on the Satellite.  It took 20 minutes to generate the first stanza and
slightly shorter to develop the second, but the chorus tune and words wouldn't
come.

It was movie sign with several different episodes from the past year.  First
it was "Gamera vs. Gaos" ("daylight come and me wanna go home") and then,
live-on-air from Comedy Central, "Fugitive Alien."  Lisa was by that time
having difficulty keeping her eyes open, but found herself watching favorite
parts of episodes anyway, including the "My White Goddess" sketch from "Jungle
Goddess."  Lisa sauntered to bed at about two in the morning while Donna
stayed up to view more tapes and try to strum a few more lines into Gypsy's
song (to no avail).

The final day of the convention started early despite the lack of sleep by the
fan GoHs.  Lisa told Donna that she woke up still with the feeling of
excitement that they had gone to Best Brains.  They spent the morning fiddling
with Gypsy's song and movie sign again with "King Dinosaur" on air and
"Hellcats" from tape.  A commercial came on about "chasing the magic" and
Donna turned to Lisa.  "All right!" she cried, raising her hand for a high
five.  "That's it!  It's the title for the song!"  However, even with the
title, the words for the chorus still would not come, and the chorus tune was
changed several times, never coming to complete agreement on the chord
selections.

By noon, a very latecomer entered the convention.  It was Donna's next door
neighbor and niece who does a very convincing Magic Voice impersonation.  They
sat around the kitchen table telling the wonderful events of the day before.
Donna's niece felt left out and wished she could have shared the experience,
but she was still in school until June.  Donna suddenly decided that she and
her niece would make plans to schedule another tour.

Suddenly Lisa and Donna got the idea to get Donna's video camera and tape a
little "host segment" message for those at Best Brains.  Lisa cued up the
music on the video while Donna and her niece searched in vain for the camera.
The recharger and extra battery pack was found, but no videocam.

Just as they had given up hope in finding the camera, the convention was over.
Lisa had to make her way back to Moorhead, but she was glad to have made the
trip and share the experiences of MiSTy Kon '92.

They'd been there.  Deal with it!


----------

From: Brian Warling <[e-mail]>
Date: Sun, 07 Jun 92 23:18 PDT
Subject: Space Travelers (aka Marooned)

Did anyone notice that last week TNT showed Marooned as part of their
"favorite" movies series?  What movie did TNT broadcast right after Marooned
as part of this double feature?  2001: A Space Odyssey.  I don't think
we have to worry that the mad scientists will ever force Joel and the bots
to watch 2001, unless they've gone completely mad.  An interesting
juxtaposition -- showing Marooned (aka Space Travelers) and 2001 in the
same double bill.  Maybe what TNT was really trying to show just how good
2001 is.  Go figure.

Brian Warling                 "America's youth -- spent, like so many shell
UCLA Biomedical Library        casings strewn upon the battlefield of love."
[e-mail]          -- Crow, "Catalina Caper"


----------

From: [e-mail]
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 1992 2:18:27 -0500 (CDT)
Subject: MST3K article from Chicago Sun-Times

Here's another article that showed up in today's CHICAGO SUN-TIMES:

(This is an unauthorized reprint)

Chicago Sun Times,
Television and Radio, Section 2
Page 45
Thursday, June 11, 1992


'MST 3-K' TWISTS OLD FLICKS INTO WILD GLEE

written by Lon Grahnke

(Large photo at top of article is typical publicity shot of Joel and
all three 'bots on the bridge of the SOL.  The caption reads:  "Joel
Hodgson cracks wise during moldy old B movies on "Mystery Science
Theater 3000" at 9 a.m. and 6 p.m. Saturdays on Comedy Central.")

Blame it on solar flares, red Kryptonite or cosmic debris.  Blame it on
Emperor Ming from the planet Mongo and his evil cathode-ray plot to
keep Comedy Central off my Oak Park cable system.

Whatever the cause, I lost three years of snorts, hoots and belly
laughs in the black hole of missed TV opportunities.  Relief finally
arrived last weekend, when I howled and cackled my way through this
season's first three episodes of "Mystery Science Theater 3000."

"MST 3-K," as it's known to a rabid legion of B-movie consumers, is an
exotic and brain-twisting habit craved by addicts of pop-culture
wisecracks.  Fresh doses of satire and trivia are dispensed weekly at 9
a.m. and 6 p.m. Saturdays on the Comedy Central channel.  Reruns from
the first three seasons are shown at 11:30 p.m. Fridays.

Moldy flicks ranging from "Santa Clause Conquers the Martians" and
"Radar Men from the Moon" to "Jungle Goddess" and "The Giant Gila
Monster" turn into giggle festivals when they're projected through the
peculiar prism of "MST 3-K."

In a cheap cable concept that crosses "Flash Gordon" with "Wayne's
World," the "MST" series relies on an intentionally absurd sci-fi
concept, explained every week in the "3-K" theme song.  Amiable lab
technician Joel Robinson (played as a deadpan straight man by Joel
Hodgon, the series' creator and co-writer) has been shot into space by
his Gizmonic Institute bosses.  They force Joel to watch "cheesy movies
- the worst we can find" so his brain damage can be mercilessly
monitored by a mad scientist (Trace Beaulieu).

Cleverly saving what's left of his sanity, Joel has created robot
buddies to help him endure the weekly Attack of the Mind-Rotting
Movies.  The mechanical Crow (also played by Beaulieu, a co-writer) and
Tom Servo (co-writer Kevin Murphy) join Joel for sarcastic quips and
commentary aimed at the rubbish on te screen.  The creative team also
includes Michael J. Nelson, Frank Conniff and Jim Mallon, who share in
the acting, writing, music, art direction and production duties at the
Best Brains studio in Minnesota.

Film snobs complain when people insist on jabbering in movie theaters.
In the case of "MST," however, the endless insults from Joel, Crow and
Tom Servo turn cinematic litter into hilarious comedy for those who
understand the obscure film and TV references in the gibes.  (All of
those double features, 52 or more each year from age 7 through 18, are
finally paying off for me.)

The "MST" movies are dumb, dumber and dumbest, but the "3-K" wits are
as sharp as you can get on TV.  During this Saturday's assault of "The
Giant Gila Monster" (1959), a black-and-white creature feature with a
cast of nobodies, and next week's trashing of "City Limits" (1984), a
post-apocalyptic biker flick with Kim Cattrall, Robbie Benson, Re Dawn
Chong and James Earl Jones, the sardonic remarks fly like a meteor
shower of one-liners.

Silhouetted in the lower-right corner of the TV screen, Joel, Crow and
Servo outdo each other with deadly accurate celebrity impressions,
nasty putdowns, lines from old movies and TV shows, and cryptic asides
relating to Jim Morrison, Robert DeNiro, Nirvana, Robert Mapplethorpe,
Michelle Shocked, Raffi, U2, Shiners, Terence Trent D'Arby, Robert Bly,
Sting, Spaulding Gray's "Monster in a Box" and August Wilson's plays.
The jokes are too good to spoil here.

The hipper-than-thou humor of "Mystery Science Theater 3000" is
definitely not for everyone.  But those who want more can contact the
MST 3-K Info Club, Box 5325, Hopkins, Minn. 55343.  And those of us who
don't get Comedy Central can take heart by following the "MST" motto:
Keep circulating the tapes!


----------

From: [e-mail] (Montykins)
Date: Fri, 12 Jun 92 02:37:10 PDT
Subject: quotes, debts we owe to space travel

My account was taken away for a few months, so I've (get ready for a shocker
here) been away. But I get it back the same week the new season begins. Yay!

Good quotes:

"Well, I think the point they've established so far is that they're going
into space. I think that's probably established, maybe they'll need ANOTHER
TEN MINUTES OR SO to make it clear."  -Tom Servo

"Spacecraft systems are go." -James Franciscus
"Spacecraft systems are go." -Gene Hackman
"All spacecraft systems are go." -Radio voice
"So, are all spacecraft systems go?" -Crow
"Gettin' that idea." -Tom Servo

"Word up!" -Tom Servo

"What's a four-letter word for fiery death?" -Crow

"So, I guess the point here is that they're driiiiving somewhere." -Crow


Also, in the first rocket-launching montage of stock footage, they actually
use the MTV supports-falling-away-from-rocket shot. It's neat.


Transcription time! First host segment ("The debts we owe to space travel"):

J: Y'know, the American Space Race had contributed a whole lot more than just
a lot of grainy black-and-white photos to the great American way.
C: Yes. Science Tech . . . nology and processed foods were advanced beyond
the reckoning of our puny little minds.
T: It has been said that one cannot swing one's dead cat without hitting an
item that has been advanced by the space program.
J: We begin. The Vitamin Pill. A Space Race advancement,
C: Frozen dough! Thank you, NASA.
T: The tie clip! Keep it going, now.
J: The coffee table.
C: Spats.
T: Chia technology.
J: Tin whistles.
C: The nylon windbreaker.

T: Naugahyde.
J: Swirled yoghurt. Essential for spaceflight.
C: Battered fishsticks.
T: The collapsible top hat.
J: The thing-maker.
C: Helicopters, planes, and ordinary table salt.
T: Scooby-Doo - - and Scrappy-Doo.
J: Branford, Wynton, and Chicken Marsalis.
C: The meatball! One hundred percent Space technology!
T: The styrofoam peanut, the circus peanut, and the Woozle whose _name_ was
   Peanut.
J: The bendy straw.
C: Jim Mitchum.
T: The basset hound.
J: Scattergories.
C: Police Woman - The TV show.
T: Margarine!
J: You see, the space race has contributed so much to our lives that we really
couldn't even understand it all. All we know is that it's friendly and it's
good for us and we need it really, really a lot. So open your hearts and open
your wallets and give. Think about it, won't you? Thank you.

 [Meanwhile, as Joel talks, Crow and Tom Servo continue tossing out things:

T: Crack!
C: Jim Belushi.
T: The cocktail wiener
C: Fireworks.
T: John Candy.
C: Corn dogs.

[And more that I missed, until . . .]

T: SPACOM.
C: Bikini wax
T: White corpuscles.
C: The Swedish steam-cooker ]


By the way, I appear to have missed the putting-together of the big "List
of popular running MST3K gags", and, as a direct result, it's missing

"He's a Woozle, and his name is Peanut" (see above for example)
"It's all hot and it hurts and stuff" (not used since first season, I think)
and Crow's arm getting ripped off.


 -Paul "Monty" Ashley
   (BTW, "Gameradammmerung" isn't really "recent" anymore, is it?)


----------

From: Ed Hughes <[e-mail]>
Date: Thu, 11 Jun 92 10:15:25 EDT
Subject: Space Traveler Sketch "Uh, Roger"s

Here's the main sketch from "Space Travelers."

"Uh, Roger," from "Space Travelers"
-----------------------------------

Crow T. Robot as Peck
Joel Robinson as Stoney
Tom Servo     as Hackman

[Crow is screen left, wearing a shirt and tie, with a
 headset on.  Tom and Joel are behind a cardboard Apollo
 mockup, screen right, that is almost *frightening* in its
 realism.  Joel also wears a headset.  In the foreground
 are no less than seven ashtrays, each loaded up with
 smoking cigarette butts.]

C: Ironman One, Ironman One--this is Houston, do you copy?
J: Uh, Roger that, Houston, comin' in on the wall-to-wall.
   [makes whistling static noises here and throughout]
C: Uh, Roger that, Ironman.  Advise you adjust your attitude
   using Happy Hour Protocol Three-Niner.
T: Uh, Roger that Three-Niner, Houston.  We're gonna highball
   the Delta Vee to modified attitude, Roger, we have cranked
   down on the IMU, URMe, tuck-and-roll formation.
C: Uh, Roger, Corman, advise you pull all GNN circuit breakers,
   modify your ILM Skywalker, and full retraction of your
   Robin Lane Chartbusters, and hold on your Power and Glory
   switches.
J: Uh, Roger on that Glory hold, sir.
T: [agitated] Hold, I read Gypsy, doctor, serious static leak in
   apathy thrusters, serious yaw, pitch, and kick with apathy
   flux and range!
C: Uh, Roger, stay calm, boys, shut down all SDS Dissident
   Controls but Number One.
T: Uh, speakin' of Number One, I got too much Tang in me, Stoney--
   I got renal overflow!
J: Uh, better send up that john, Houston, looks like Hackman here
   has screwed the pooch, Over.
C: Uh, Roger that pooch, we're cranked down till Oh-Niner-Fiver,
   uh, check in when you come in over the hill at Cannery.
J: Uh, that's "Canary," Crow.
C: [as Janssen now] Uh, right, boys, just take your pills and
   kiss your apogee goodbye!
J: What?!
T: What?!  Whaddya--
C: Uh, that's right, this is Fugitive One, now when you want
   headache relief fast, two Bufferin and a glass of scotch!
T: No--no, no--Joel, he's wreckin' everything!
J: Crow, what are ya doin'?
T: What are ya doin'?
C: [as himself now] I'm just tryin' to spice it up!
   [back to Janssen] Uh-uh, this here's the Fugitive, lookin' for
   the Riverboat Queen, haulin' a load of sailboat fuel, northbound
   on the Nickel!  You got a bear in the air, and a plain wrapper
   on the--
T: Crow, enough of the CB lingo!  The only reason we did this is
   because you do such a killer Peck!
C: [as Peck again] Uh, ten-four killer Peck.  You got the Rusty Load,
   runnin' east outta Needle town, uh, lookin' at the Flabby Gas
   Passer, [Joel takes off his headset, moves toward Crow]
   [Crow switches back to Janssen] I'll be ten-ten on the side of
   fries [Joel grabs Crow by the head and drags him away] with a
   beaver retriever and, uh, [switches to a combo of Arlo and Dylan]
   Riverboat Queeeen, comin' into Los Angeleeeez, bringin' in a
   coupla keeeeeeys...
T: Eh, heh--uh, open the pod bay doors, HAL--[MOVIE SIGN]--hah--whoa,
   Movie Sign!  Help me I'm stuck, ohhhh!

--
Ed Hughes, SAS Institute  | "I'll stay here and take more lithium."
Cary, NC                  | --Crow, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet," MST3000
                          |