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From [e-mail]  Mon May 11 09:04:01 1992
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Date: Mon, 11 May 92 09:03:40 EDT
From: [e-mail] (Richard Kulawiec)
Posted-Date: Mon, 11 May 92 09:03:40 EDT
Message-Id: <[e-mail]>
To: [e-mail]
Subject: Satellite of Love News #21
Status: OR


[ Some of you will note that this is the second copy you've received;
some of you will find that this is only the first copy.  Our NFS server
went bonkers while this issue was being sent out, so I've restarted
the process.  Sorry for the inconvenience. ---Rsk ]

Two notes from your editor: first, the new season starts on June 6th,
so stock up on videotape.

Second, if anyone has working addresses for these folks, I'd like to
have 'em; the addresses given below have stopped working.

Bryan Stutzman, [e-mail]
Jeff Baker, starnet![e-mail]
Lisa Hazard, [e-mail]
Robert Okamura, [e-mail]
Ron Gomes, usl![e-mail]
Peter Sarrett, [e-mail]
Tim Zickusa, brubeck![e-mail]
Mike Shanzer, [e-mail]
Andrew Perkins, [e-mail]
Brent, [e-mail]
Rene L. Rodriguez, [e-mail]
James Hall, [e-mail]

---Rsk


From: Ed Hughes <[e-mail]>
Subject: MST3000:  Redenbachers sketch from Godzilla/Megalon

Here's my favorite sketch from "Godzilla vs. Megalon," a little
something I like to call...

"The War of the Redenbachers," from "Godzilla vs. Megalon"

T: Tom  C: Crow  J:Joel
[Crow is dressed as Orville, complete with a head full of
 cotton, big glasses, a white shirt with red suspenders,
 and a red bow tie.  Tom is dressed as the  grandson.
 His head is filled with popcorn and he wears a black
 "Big Boy-styled" wig, big glasses, a white shirt collar,
 and a red bow tie.  A large bowl of popcorn sits between
 Crow and Tom.]

T: Boy, Grampa, I sure am enjoying this Godzilla movie.
   [kissing up] And hey--I sure enjoy being your grandson!
C: [unmoved] Ah, keep talking, Buddy!  You know, I certainly
   have amassed a fortune, donning dorky bow ties, weaselly
   glasses, and Big Boy-styled haircuts!
T: [not listening] Yeah, sure, whatever you say Gramp.  You
   know, Grampa, I was looking through some Italian fashion
   portfolios, and there's some great new looks out!  You know,
   maybe we can hire a fashion consultant, and--
C: Shut up, you little cretin, it's my fortune and I'll
   decide how we wear our hair!
T: But--but Gramps, what good is having a bazillion-dollar
   popcorn empire if no sweet chick will breed with me?
C: Listen to yourself, Buddy!  It's part of the Proud Popcorn
   Creed to be without the love of a woman!
T: [not buying it] Uh-huh.
C: How can we concentrate on genetically improving our popcorn
   if we have extremely abundant members of the weaker sex
   parading up and down the rows of our High-Yield, Super Chief,
   Double Whammy, Ganga-Ganga corn? [he digresses]...sweet fruit
   juices anointing their bodies...come on, how would that look?
T: [frustrated] Well--I still want one!
C: Oh--Buddy, get ahold of yourself, man--we're scientists!
T: [unenthused] Yeah--sorry, Gramps.  Hey--can I ask you
   a question?
C: [disinterested] Of course.
T: When will you be dying, you twisted old ferret?!  Heh, heh,
   heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!
C: Buddy, stop tormenting me!  I'm your grandfather!  We're of the
   same blood!  We're of popcorn!
T: I'm sorry, Gramps, but I can't stop thinking of all that money!
   I'm really looking forward to the day when you shed your spotty,
   pockmarked, morl--mortal coil, I shed my geeky image, sign on a
   full-time hairstylist, take dance lessons, and disappear into
   the night!!!  Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!!
C: Buddy, you're gonna disappear into the night right now, if you
   don't shut up!  Don't think I haven't thought of disowning you!
   I relish the thought--nightly, nightly, do you hear me?!  NIGHTLY!!
T: [changing the topic] Ah, did I mention that our new Lite has
   one-third the calories of our regular popcorn?
C: Whadda *you* care; you can't afford it, you're flat busted!
T: [starting to lose his composure] And our new--Popcorn Au Gratin
   has real cheese flavor!
C: Good, you should get used to it; you're going to be eating a *lot*
   [Tom sobs] of cheese!  Government cheese!!
T: Oh--why do you always do this?! [loses it completely] I HATE YOU!!
   I'VE ALWAYS HATED YOU!!!  Whatever happened to my real father, anyway?!
C: He's in the poor house, where I replaced him; just like I'm going to
   replace you if don't [Tom begins to bawl openly] shut up and do as I say!
   It's my will!  My will, not yours!!  I've got the keys to the kingdom!!
   I, me, my, I'M THE GOD, I'M THE GOD!!!! [continues, unintelligibly]
T: [screaming] I HATE YOU!!!!  I HATE YOU!!!!  I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!
   I HOPE YOU DIE!!!!
[Joel enters]
J: [soothingly] All right, all right, hey, hey, cut, cut?  Can we cut again?
   [Tom and Crow fall silent]  Okay, what we're gonna need--it's a thirty
   second spot [T: Ohhhh.], and try to mention the product more.  We also
   got, uh...[C: Okay.][Joel eats some of the popcorn] Commercial Sign,
   here, okay?
C: Ah.


--

Ed Hughes, SAS Institute  | "See no evil...well, maybe just a little...
Cary, NC                  |  yeah!"
                          | --Joel, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet,"
                          |          MST3000


From: [e-mail] (Richard W. Sabourin)
Subject: SOLN special: GIFs from Death and Taxes spot

I got such a howl out of the faux-Bergman Tax Day advertisement on Comedy
Central, that I took a couple of frames and made GIF files.
As a special limited-time offer to Sattelite Of Love subscribers, here's
how you can get them by ftp:

    site: wilma.cs.brown.edu (or 128.148.31.66)
    directory: pub/mst3k_taxday/

I love the imitation film scratches, and the 'flashing' projection effect.
A major coup for Best Brains!
    Rick S.

P.S. Don't tell my boss or he'll shoot me into space!


From: [e-mail] (Joel F. Sather)
Subject: Sound files available for ftp at syrinx.umd.edu

The sound files are now at the syrinx site.  I tried to post to alt.tv.mst3k,
but I don't think that out site has been sending my posts out.  Anyway,
they are there.  You can put something in the newsletter, too.
Here is a little info about the samples:

The Theme Song                     theme.au
The Wild Rebels song                rebels.au
The monologue from It Conquered the world    itconqthewrld.au
the Robot Prayer.                prayer.au

They take up about 2M.

Thanks,
Joel

Joel Sather                        "I can't kill the one I love."
[e-mail]                  "So kill the one you're with!"
                                      Crow       -MST3K


From: [e-mail] (Joseph Z. Provo)
Subject: yet another question.... [talkback]

After reading ldj's copy [well cut up, IMO] of the
m'selle article, something struck me...

I keep hearing in the `popular press' about how `new'
the art form of talkback is.  Now, b'tween you, me &
the other weirdos out in SOLNland, we know ``The'' thuth.

I wonder how many of us MiSTies[wow - i actually called
myself that. wow] are/have been rabid Rocky Horror Picture
Show goers?  Or just been those people to heckle in those
college-priced film showings?
Hmmm?

..or am i waaaay off base here?


[e-mail]   --UN*X and Networking Solutions--   [e-mail]


From: David D. Levine <[e-mail]>
Subject: MST3K ShadowRama graphics files now available at syrinx.umd.edu

I have placed a bunch of files in the "mst3k/incoming" directory on
syrinx.umd.edu.  These files let you have Joel and the Bots appearing
in ShadowRama on your computer, on your letters, on every program on
your TV, on EVERYTHING!  (Some assembly needed.)  These files are:

shdorama.txt    This file.

shdorama.gif    640x400 GIF image.  Suitable for viewing on PCs, or on
        any computer with a GIF viewer.  (Please don't ask me
        where to get a GIF viewer if you don't have one.)

shdorama.xbm    1152x900 X Window System bitmap.  Suitable for
        your root window on a SparcStation.  May be suitable
        for root windows on other workstations as well.  Use
        the command "xsetroot -bitmap shdorama.xbm" to install it.

shdorama.ps    PostScript file.  Print this out and you will
        have an 8.5" x 11" page with Joel and the Bots sitting
        along one of the long edges.  Use it as note paper, or
        for making posters for your MST3K Film Festival!

shdoram3.ps    PostScript file.  This is the really cool one.  Print
        this out and you will have an 8.5" x 11" page with
        three sections of seats, each about 10" long (the third
        section contains Joel and the Bots).  Copy it onto an
        overhead-projector foil, cut it in three parts, tape
        the parts together, and stick it on your TV (up to 30"
        wide).  Then say stupid (but clever) things.

The images are all monochrome:  Joel and the Bots are black, and
everything else is white.

I drew the image in FrameMaker, then used "print to file" to produce
the PS files and "xwd" to get an X bitmap of the image.  I then used
Jef Poskanzer's wonderful "pbmplus" package to make the bitmap large
enough to fill the root window and to produce the GIF file.  John
Bradley's "xv" was invaluable in this process.

Feel free to distribute these files far and wide, but please don't
modify them (in particular, please don't remove my name!).  These files
are distributed WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND!  If the PS files don't
work on your printer, or if your boss fires you because you have Joel
and the Bots on your screen, don't blame me!  On the other hand,
they're free!  And if you like them, drop me some e-mail.

- David D. Levine, Intel Supercomputer Systems Division == [e-mail]


From: Mark Holtz <[e-mail]>
Subject: A couple of items -- letter writing, season differences

Yo! Just a newbie when it comes to MST3K (because Sac Cable added
it on January 1st), but I have a couple of items....

* How about a letter writing campaign to Comedy Central to show the
turkey marathon in production number order this November?

* One of the changes not noticed between CC's Season 1 and 2-: In
the season one opener, Larry is holding two VHS videocassettes,
with all the tape on him. In the present opener, Frank is holding
up two 3/4" cassettes.

Also, doesn't it stick out like a sore thumb that in the first
season opener, Larry and Dr. Forester say the second "la la la" in
the lab, while in the present one, it's right after the ship
passing by.

* Does anyone have any of the tapes from the two local season?

Oh, and by the way....Keep Circulating the List of Lists! ;)
--
          Mark Arthur Holtz


From: [e-mail]
Subject: Seeking a copy of "The Crawling Eye"
Status: OR


I am desperately (still) seeking a copy of this episode.
One person replied to my earlier plea, but I have been unable to
get ahold of him since.  If anyone can satisfy my roomate and mine's
craving, then please get in touch with me!
I am also looking for pre Comedy Central stuff too!

Thanks,
Marty
[e-mail]

-Killing me softly with a forklift!


From: [e-mail]
Subject: Risque lines analyzed further

In the recent posting about lewd lines, there appeared:

POD PEOPLE:
Tommy's Mom: Tommy?  Can you hear me?
Tom Servo: Can you feel me near you?

    this could be lewd but it is more likely an echo of the
lyrics from Tommy (by The Who); the song is called, i think, ``Feel Me''.

[It's "See Me, Feel Me". ---Rsk ]

by the way, someone had asked what movies they show MST3K virgins.
i normally show them Fugitive Aliens I and Cave Dwellers.
On the other hand, if I had the last gamera movie (the one where it ends
up playing xylophone on its opponent), i'd show that too. I was
playing that at lunch in the graphics lab at work for two friends
and we had twenty bystanders at the end.

            andrew hume


From: [e-mail] (jenkins lisa)
Subject: Various articles from print media about MST3K

From:  TV Guide
Date: April 18, 1992
Title:  Big Fans on Campus
Author:  Cary, Alice
Page(s):  31

This is an unathorized reprint.

[...]

Perhaps such nouveau kitsch accounts for the newest cult hit:  _Mystery
Science Theater 3000_ on cable's Comedy Central channel.  MST 3000 fans join
host Joel Hodgson and his robot sidekicks as they watch bad movies and offer a
constant comment of wisecracks.  Students adore their savvy slings at such
fare as "Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster."  "Anyone who watches for 10 minutes
falls for it immediately," says Bill Daly, a junior at Emerson.

Penn State senior Bob Reap is also a MST 3000 junkie, but since the show can't
be seen at his college, he's working with Comedy Central to stage independent
screenings.  "It will sweep the campus like wildfire," he predicts.

Harvard sophomore Josh Lieb thinks he may understand the entire campy craze.
"A lot of people our age have a stomach for bad TV," he says.  "It's so rare
to find anything good, I don't want to see anything that tries."

Bad TV, good TV, the truth is that while undergrads may profess to prefer high
GPAs and hours at their IBMs, TV is their dirty little secret.

[...]


From: Interview
Date: December 1984
Headline: The Seven Faces of Comedy
Photo(s): Joel Hodgson photographed by Frank Schramm [Joel in glasses, water
          goggles, shirt and tie, spewing water from his mouth]
Author: Borns, Betsy
Page(s): 68-69

This is an unauthorized reprint.

The new, multifacted nature of comedy has rendered the concepts of "comic" and
"comedian" obsolete.  To use the same terms for impressionist Jim Carrey (who
does a better Henry Fonda than Henry Fonda did) and prop comic Joel Hodgson
would be like saying that Twinkies and truffles are both "just food."

[...]

Humor now has more variations than cable has channels, and the days of "the
one about the traveling salesman" and "these two guys on a bus" are over at
last.

Joel Hodgson

A familiar face on _Saturday Night Live_ and _Late Night with David
Letterman_, Joel Hodgson is also known by his alias, "Agent J."  When not
turning toys into automatic weapons and sawing himself (and others) in half,
this bizarre 24-year-old resides in Minneapolis, Minnesota, where he lives the
glamorous life of a "prop comic."  Questioned further about what this entails,
Joel said, "I sit in my garage and build stuff."  Who says comedy is not
pretty?

BETSY BORNS:  How do you get the ideas for your props?

JOEL HODGSON:  I just make stuff that occurs to me.  I was really into magic
as a kid--all those contrived boxes and things that really have no meaning
except to show the trick off.  Magicians never admit that, so what I do is
just invent stuff that doesn't mean anything.

BB:  That's certainly true about the "unknown mammal."  Can you explain that?

JH:  It's this thing that looks like a jet pack and it has a huge trunk.  Then
all of the sudden this helmet flips open and there's a big eyeball with a
duckbill, and all these snakes come out so it looks like a big octopus.

BB:  And what do you do then?

JH:  I just stand there.

BB:  Do you ever feel strange carrying all of your props from one place to
another?

JH:  Well, all my life I've been transporting strange inventions.  In the
sixth grade, I built this electric chair that worked.  I remember building a
gallows for social studies class once....  I felt a little strange carrying
those to school.  After a while you get used to it, though.  I just accept it
as a part of me, even though all of my life I've been hearing people say,
"Joel, don't you think you have enough props?"

BB:  What was your first invention?

JH:  In the second grade I built a "cracker cracker."  It was a piece of wood
with a hand that would crack crackers so you wouldn't have to do it yourself.

BB:  Are you ever overwhelmed by all of your objects?

JH:  Yeah, sometimes I get tired of having my apartment filled with junk.  I
have piles of stuff all over.  I guess to most people it would look messy.

BB:  Why do you bill yourself as a "comic, magician, spy"?

JH:  It's my way of saying there's no more to what I do....  It seems that
it's too easy to qualify people's work most of the time.  I don't want people
to look at what I do and say, "Oh, this is what he does, and that's all there
is to it."  The words "comic" and "magician" describe what I do and the word
"spy" is a disclaimer to that.

BB:  Do you use your props in a different way than other comedians?

JH:  I'm basically a prop minimalist.  I only do one joke with each object,
other people try to squeeze five minutes out of each thing.  I don't like to
exploit my ideas.  I want it to be a tip-of-the-iceberg sort of thing where
people look at what I do and say, "Maybe there's more to this than what we're
seeing," and there is.

BB:  What's the strangest prop-related experience you've ever had?

JH:  The first time I did _Saturday Night Live_ I used a prop that was a time
bomb with dynamite sticks.  I'd go on stage and say, "How much time do I have
left?" and they'd say, "Three minutes."  Then I'd pull out the time bomb and
set it and say, "Oh, I guess we *all* have three minutes."  The prop guys at
the show really made me a great bomb, but they did something with the pin so
you couldn't turn it off.  I brought it back to the hotel with me, and I was
trying to fit it into my suitcase when it was time to leave, but it was a
pretty big bomb.  I was *not* going to go on a plane carrying a bomb in the
open!  I just figured that it's okay to leave stuff on a hotel room floor--
napkins, trash, bombs--so I left.  When I got back to Minneapolis, my agent
called and said, "There's trouble.  They found your bomb at the hotel and had
to evacuate three floors."  It was a mess, but it eventually blew over.

BB:  That's wild.  All in all, do you feel like all of this building and
carrying has been worth it?  Can you give me some insight into the private
thoughts of a prop comic spy?

JH:  You make a lot of sacrifices to be known.  You trade away a lot of things
in order to be able to fill up a club.  Sometimes I wonder why I work to get
on TV to show a million people my act, when I always come back to the same 30
people for a response.  I used to see fame as a goal.  Now I only see it as
self-indulgence.  Even if you see someone on TV and they make you happy,
eventually they're going to want something from you.  Maybe they'll want you
to buy trash bags, maybe cereal.  I just don't want to lose my identity to a
million people.  Being an oddity doesn't bother me, as long as I'm a thought-
provoking one.

From: TV Guide
Date: November 11, 1989
Headline: Can These Folks Tickle Your Funny Bone?
Photo(s): Joel Hodgson [in jumpsuit; mid-jump motion]
Author: Polskin, Howard
Page(s): 17-19

This is an unauthorized reprint.

If you think 22 hours of comedian Jerry Lewis is too much to take every Labor
Day weekend, brace yourself.  Here are the unknown comedy soldiers of The
Comedy Central who will be telecasting at least three hours every weekday.
Just who are they, what's their shtick and do they have the talent and
attitude to stick around and keep us laughing?

[~.]

Joel Hodgson

Show:  _Mystery Science Theater 3~0_.  Hosts a Saturday afternoon movie.

Looks like:  MIT grad student.

Persona:  Crazed host of schlocky sci-fi movie show.  Where's Christopher
Lloyd when we need him?

Prognosis:  Poor to fair.  Show features Hodgson and two robot "friends"
offering running voice-over commentary while low-rent movies are shown.


[I'm not commenting on this one. ldj]


From: Wall Street Journal
Date: July 8, 1991
Headline: Revenge of the Critic
Subline: Television: _Mystery Science Theater 3000_
Author: Goldberg, Robert
Page(s): [unknown]

This is an unauthorized reprint.

Picture this:  Sometime in the future, say next Sunday, a guy named Joel is
working at the Gizmonic Institute.  His bosses aren't too fond of him--in
fact, they can't stand him--and so they decide to blast him into outer space.

Make sense so far?  It's the basic scenario for one of the weirdest--and
hippest--shows around, an instant cult classic called _Mystery Science Theater
3000_.  Sure, you've never heard of it.  That's what makes it so cool.
Created by (and starring) Joel Hodgson, the program got its start on a tiny
Minnesota UHF station.  It now airs on the fledgling cable channel Comedy
Central (Saturdays at 10 a.m. EDT and again at 7 p.m. EDT).

Stuck up on the satellite of love, accompanied only by robots that look like
gumball machines and hoover vacuum cleaners, Joel is subjected to the fiendish
experiments of his mad-scientist bosses.  Most devilish of all is that each
week he's forced to watch a different film, a classic like _The Slime People_,
_Radar Men from the Moon_ and _The Corpse Vanishes_.  These aren't just B
movies, they're F movies, all-time cinematic woofers--the kind of films that
feature flying turtles terrorizing Earth.

But as the movies unspool, Joel and his robot pals, Tom Servo and Crow, strike
back.  Seated in a darkened theater, they lob wisecracks at the screen like
spitballs.  It's cinematic anarchy, a free-for-all in the cheap seats.

Like an audience at _The Rocky Horror Picture Show_, Joel and the 'bots meet
each on-screen piece of dialogue with a line of their own.  The allusions came
fast and furious, and you have to be quick to catch them all.  The humor
ranges from highbrow to no-brow, from French existentialism to rock and roll.
Any given _Mystery Science_ episode may span Issey Miyake, M*A*S*H, Anthony
Braxton, the Milwaukee Brewers and Ken Kesey and his Merry Pranksters.

I was introduced into the world of MST3K, as devotees call it, by winsome
little tape from last season, _Side Hackers_.  It's the story of a two-man
motorcycling craze (one drives, the other hangs off the side and
counterbalances).  "You know," comments Joel as the film begins, "now that
side hacking is so big, it's good to see its humble origins."  _Side Hackers_
turns out not to be just an action film, it's also a love story.  "You ever
seen me so happy?" says one of the motocyclists to his teammate.  "Yeah," yell
the robots, filling in the dialogue, "but you didn't know I was watching."

We cut away for an intermission, and Joel and his buddies are jamming,
offering up a tune about this motorcycling sport of kings:  "Side hacking is
one big bash, the favorite sport of cheap white trash....  Lean way back and
scrape your butt, make it look like a quarter pound of ground chuck....  Oh,
side hack it!"  And then we're back into the film, as our cycling heros runs
to a phone booth.  "I gotta call my agent," fills in Crow.  "I gotta get out
of this film!"

Few shows are as simultaneously juvenile and sophisticated as MST 3000, few as
hilarious and as boring.  Despite all the comic jabs, the films are still
excruciating, and they seem to go on forever.  On the other hand, when the
jokes are rolling, they're really rolling.  If you remember Woody Allen's
_What's Up, Tiger Lily?_ then you remember both the pitfalls and the
subversive chuckles of this kind of pastiche humor.

Over the coming weeks, MST 3000 will be treating viewers to all sorts of new
inventions ("the cellulite phone--reminds you to stop dialing and start
dieting"), new tunes, and some brand new old films, like _Daddy-O_ ("must be
Harry-O's father").  One of my favorites is this Saturday's _Time of the
Apes_, a Japanese sci-fi spectacular about two unfortunate kids who wander
into a lab that conducts experiments on monkeys.  As a scientist injects one
of the primates, the robots quip, "A little horse for a little monkey" and
"Soon he'll have himself on his back."

All of a sudden, the ground starts to rumble, and an earthquake rips through
the lab.  "I feel the plot move under my feet," they sing.  A boulder falls
and bangs into a lever on a control board.  "Oh no!" they shout.  "It hit the
plot contrivance switch!"  Wham-o, the children are transported to another
century, to a time when brutal apes rule the world, all decked out as fierce
futuristic warriors.  Which neatly sets up a fashion minute for robot Crow:
"This spring's ape is dashing, daring and absolutely shameless in paramiltary
garb as the House of Primates unveiled its Tarzan collection to dazzled
designers assembled in Milan....  Colors scream for attention in these fun fun
fun one-piece action jumpsuits....  This is one reporter who is ready to
enlist in any gorilla war that looks this good."

Sometimes MST 3000 plays it deadpan; sometimes it's just dumb.  But
throughout, there's something lovable about Joel and his mechanical sidemen.
As they sit in the dark, complaining about the quality of the junk they're
forced to watch, Joel and his tinsome twosome are standing in for all of us
who are subjected to television on a regular basis.  And when they tear apart
the programming, it's the couch-potato's fantasy, the ultimate revenge of the
critic--talking back to the screen.  How can you not love a show that has
critics as heroes?

From: Pulse!
Date: March 1992
Headline: The Art of Heckling: "Bad print, bad sound, bad for you."
Subline: The _Mystery Science Theater 3000_ TV series takes revenge on killer
         b-movies
Photo(s): Our hosts: Crow, Joel and Tom Servo
Author: Weidenbaum, Marc
Note:  Pulse! associate editor Marc Weidenbaum looks forward to _Citizen Kane:
       The MST3K Edition_.
Page(s): 128

This is an unauthorized reprint.

Ever notice how there aren't many late-night movies on late-night television?
Like smoke-filled pool halls, white Xmases and the Gulf War, the regular
scheduling of black-and-white b-movies on late-night TV is a fiction--
something we believe primarily because we've seen it in movies and *on TV*.
The screen image is familiar:  loners drinking, lovers loving, writers
writing--all basking in the corpse-blue glow of old sci-fi/horror flicks on
the tube.  But flip on *your* TV come 2 a.m. and it's all syndicated game
shows, program-length ads for exercise equipment and _Star Trek_ reruns.
(Hey--no complaint with the last one).

So it's all the more fitting that the best late-night viewing these days is on
Saturday mornings--and Friday mornings and (for purists) Fridays after
midnight.  We're talking about _Mystery Science Theater 3000_, available from
the cable-only Comedy Central channel.  Essentially, the show consists of
three figures (one many and a pair of robots, named Tom Servo and Crow)
silhouetted along the bottom of the TV screen, behind which runs the evening's
(or morning's) b-movie (_Santa Claus Conquers the Martians_, _Rocket Ship X-
M_).  As the film rolls along, the three make fun of it, filling in lapses in
dialogue or plot, mocking poor special effects ("I can see the string!") or
shadow-boxing with whatever images come close enough to their seats.  Have you
ever shelled out $6.50 for a lousy film and gotten your only enjoyment from
the audience's heckling?  Ever *missed* those hecklers the next time you found
yourself faced with a piece of miserable trash?  MST3K assures you're never
alone.

The show's framing plot conceit is as far-fetched as that of any of its b-
grade film-stock victims:  In the somewhat-distant future, our hero Joel
(played by the show's creator, comedian Joel Hodgson) is booted into outer
space by his employers.  (Why?  They just don't like him.  How does he survive
with limited food, oxygen, etc?  *Hey,* as the series' appropriately Devo-ish
theme song reminds us, this *is* just a TV show.)  Adding insult to isolation,
Joel is subjected to watching this endless feed of bad movies and newsreels,
beamed from his bosses back on Earth.  Titles like _Jungle Goddess_ (with
future serial-Superman George Reeves), _The Phantom Creeps_ (with Bela Lugosi)
and Roger Corman's _It Conquered the Earth_ (with _Mission: Impossible_'s
Peter Graves--more recently of the A&E network's _Biography_, as Servo and
Crow are happy to remind us, repeatedly).  Joel's only company aboard his
self-styled "Satellite of Love"?  This small crew of smirking android pals
he's constructed, like MST3K's set, out of loose parts (catcher's mit, gumball
machine, vacuum-cleaner hoses).

Sure, some of the jokes are of the stunted caliber generally associated with
brainless FM morning DJs--through whose highly refined Freudian technique the
innate sexual connotation of all human utterances and actions can be revealed
with a single, nasal-edged *Hmmmm.*  As well, and regrettably, there's an
inordinate number of gay and cross-dressing jokes anytime two men are left on
the TV screen together ("Oh, it's my boyfriend," "I now pronounce you man and
man," "Is that your hand?").  But hey, the show has no political agenda.  In
fact, Joel, Servo and Crow have nothing particularly nice to say about any of
the movies they watch, and our couch-potato hours (lives?) are all the richer
for it.

On-the-cheap between scene humor segments fill out the two-hour shows.  Shorts
have included:  Joel's trusty pal Cambot demonstrating various film
techniques; a song rattling off spuriously related celebrities with the same
last names (Morris and Doris Day, etc.); and a similarly ludicrous list of
alternate Winter Olympics events (snapping frozen cat limbs; frozen-ski-pole
French kissing).  These skits are OK, but the screenings are the show's true
joy.

MST3K's cultural precedents are readily apparent:  _Kentucky Fried Movie_ and
_Airplane_ (both Hollywood forgeries of b-movies), _The Rocky Horror Picture
Show_ (a musical parody of horror movies, complete with compulsory heckling)
and _What's Up, Tiger Lily_ (a Japanese spy flick which Woody Allen dubbed to
comic effect).

Likewise giddy self-referential to TV and movies, much of MST3K's humor
consists essentially of a list:  A routine transcript reveals a stacatto run
of riffs spun from puns, pop-culture references.  Nastassja Kinski, the Donner
Party, Gene Krupa.  Ayn Rand, karaoke bars, _The 700 Club_.  John Coltrane,
Gomer Pyle, the Venus de Milo ("You know: no arms, nice rack").  Crow's
telling motto during one particularly anarchic viewing:  "Shoot the picture
and let God sort it out."

With little more than a nudge-nudge and a wink-wink to cohere its cornball
litany, MST3K's sense of humor--like Joel's "Satellite of Love" itself--enjoys
a free-floating orbit way on up in the pop-cultural atmosphere.



Lisa [e-mail]
1603 Thirteenth Street South
Moorhead, Minnesota 56560-3734


From: [e-mail]
Subject: Further information on the set from a visit

Hi one and all,

This is a short note to amend some of the information we gave earlier
about some of the parts used in Crow and Tom Servo.

My husband Todd and I visited the Best Brains studio again this April
16 past and this time, we were a lot more careful about scrutinizing
the 'bots in their resting spots on the workshop bench.  I will write
with more information about the visit itself later.

Before I get into the details about the 'bots, I want to relay that
Jann Johnson told us that the fouth season of MST3K episodes begins
airing on June 7th, so watch for it.  I just looked at a calendar and
the 7th is a Sunday.  Hmm.  Perhaps she meant the 6th.  (For some
tidbits about fourth season, see our next posting.)

TOM SERVO

We found out quite a lot about Tom Servo this time.  We all know about
his head being a gumball dispenser.  (I did determine that the red
parts are the color of the plastic, not painted as someone suggested.)
Only his beak is painted silver.

His body is now confirmed to be a plastic bank in the shape of a
barrel.  Jann told us that BBI is attempting to build two of every
robot and they have had great difficulty finding more of the barrels.
She then showed us a rubber mold made from the original by an outside
party.  Now they can make as many of them as they need.  The mold shows
the lettering that must be hidden under the "engine-thing" on Servo's
chest.  The lettering says something like "Barrel of Money Bank".  (I'm
not sure about the exact wording since I only remember noticing the
last two words.)

His 'hover skirt' has been finally identified.  It's a large bowl that
used to have really ugly lettering on the side that said 'Happy
Halloween'.  Next to the lettering is a seriously stupid drawing of a
pumpkin.  We found their stash of these bowls under the workbench.

The edge of his skirt is foam pipe insulation of the very same type
used to make Gypsy's lips.

The black vertical things on his skirt turn out to be shapes obtained
by vaccu-forming black styrene over a little toy high-speed train
engine.  The engine has the words "Turbo Train" on the sides.  I was
pretty impressed with their clever use of vaccu-formed shapes.  Both
the big doors on the bridge are covered with plastic sheets that
vaccu-formed arrays of little objects.  A close examination of the
model of the Gizmonics Institute (as seen in the opening credits) leads
me to believe that it also is largely made up of vaccu-formed panels.
This all makes me wonder if Joel Hodgson had a Mattel Vaccu-former as a
kid.

Servo's shoulders appear to be also vaccu-formed.  We believe this to
be from the Floating Flashlight made by Eveready.  The bezel and the
lens of the flashlight seem to be the parts used.  The parts need only
minor modification but do appear to be an exact match.

The part I have yet to positively identify is the 'engine block' on
Servo's chest.  I can only guess that it's from some kind of toy truck
or race car that would have the block exposed, but I have yet to see
anything close in the toy stores.


CROW

Crow's hands are plastic and were originally blue.

Crow's head grid has the following name and numbers on it:  Cooper
XC7FG.
 It's supposed to be a la crosse mask.  Maybe this much info will get
 us a positive ID.


DEMON DOGS

We saw a lot of these still lying about the workshop.  I recognized
what these were made from as soon as I saw them the first time.  Ask
any kid who collected all of the Masters of the Universe toys.  It was
called the Battle Bones Carrying case and it was used as a sort of
'bus' for the action figures.  The characters snapped into the forked
ribs, and the kid could pretend that all his forces were being carried
into battle by this bone/dinosaur thing.  Joel must've lucked onto a
quantity of these things at one of the many surplus shop in the
Minneapolis/St.  Paul area.  I've seen them a few times at the toy and
collectible fairs I attend.

************

By the way, the picture of Richard Basehart that Joel gave Gypsy for
Christmas was one that I had sent in.  I found it at the World Science
Fiction Convention here in Chicago last September.  It now hangs in Jim
Mallon's office.  Merry Christmas, Gypsy!

Well, that's all that I'm going to write for now.  I'll write again
soon and tell you all more about the neat stuff we saw this time.

Take care,

Mary Lynn J.


From: [e-mail] (H)
Subject: Query: Origin of Voc-Tech quote?

 A question for the newsletter:

 One of my favorite quotes from MST3K is the line "I knew Voc-Tech would come
in handy!  I'm a graduate of DeVry!"--especially because that came on right
after one of those vapid DeVry technical school commercials.  I think that line
is from "Fugitive Alien," but my sweetheart says he can't remember ever hearing
it.  Can anyone tell me what movie that line's from?
 Also...I can't wait for the new season to get started in June.  I have seen
"Fugitive Alien" and "Daddy-O" too many times!  :)

 Sarah


From: [e-mail] (CSC 439 Student)
Subject: Further speculation on Dr. Forrester's namesake?


     This is my first attempt at a post, so be kind RSK.  I was just browsing
through the rec.arts.movies newsgroup when I ran across a discussion on the
origin of the line, "Back off, man, I'm a scientist!"  The line is Bill
Murray's in *Ghostbusters*, but the opinion was raised that the line was a
paraphasing of a Dr. Clayton Forrester from the movie *War of the Worlds*.
Any MISTY should reconize that name from the credits of MST3k, that is the
character that Trace Beaulieu plays.  I'm not totally fimiliar with the H.G.
Wells story or movie, I spend to much time watching MST3k tapes.  I'm going
to find my old collection of Wells stories and rent a copy of the movie to
hear the name for myself, for quote origins of course.  Does anyone know how
Trace came to choose the name Clayton Forrester, or did he choose it?  I've
never heard him use the line, "Back off, man, I'm a scientist", or anything
near it.  Am I going crazy, or do I just need air.

Kirk Brooks
Internet: [e-mail]
"We don't want you to pray for us, we want you to PRAY TO US!!" -- Dr. Forrester


From: Ed Hughes <[e-mail]>
Subject: Comments, addtions re: sexual refs. in MST3000

Rich--

The list of sexually-oriented comments in MST3000 by the Quack was
interesting, but I felt compelled to comment on parts of it.


To quote Joel--"Well, you've created quite a little world for
                yourself, haven't you?"

The Quack has gone a bit overboard in his list of sexually-
oriented lines in MST.  Three of them, listed below, have
perfectly valid non-sexual explanations.  Now get your mind
out of the gutter, Quack--you disgust me!!!! :->

GAMERA VS. BARUGON:
(Gamera is fighting with Barugon)
Crow: If you think about it as two guys in rubber suits it's really sad.

explanation--Well, it's a Japanese monster movie.  It IS two guys
             in rubber (monster) suits.

FUGITIVE ALIEN II:
(Cesarian Officer in cell looks inquisitively at Ken)
Tom Servo: Do you like me?  Do you find me pleasing?

explanation--This is an allusion to the short "Speech:  Using Your Voice,"
             which aired with "Earth vs. the Spider," 5 episodes before.
             They've used this line over and over since then.

POD PEOPLE:
Tommy's Mom: Tommy?  Can you hear me?
Tom Servo: Can you feel me near you?

explanation--The Quack has apparently never heard, seen, or heard rumors
             about the rock opera "Tommy" by The Who.

By the way, he missed a great one, from "Appreciating Our Parents":

   "Tommy calls many men 'father!'"
   --Tom

Another, from "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," was:

   "Oh--three stars by her name!  Earth girls *are* easy!"
   --Tom

and a borderline one, from "The Phantom Creeps":

   "Hello, 1-900-Dance Belt!"

Finally, I recall at least one scatological reference, from
"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians":

   "I sure hope that's pudding!"
   --Tom (as the Martians are looking inside the console where
          the Earth kids hid)

--

Ed Hughes, SAS Institute  | "See no evil...well, maybe just a little...
Cary, NC                  |  yeah!"
                          | --Joel, "Women of the Prehistoric Planet,"
                          |          MST3000



From: [e-mail]
Subject: Here, have a transcript.  No, really, it's OK.

Quack do like be back. (Is that annoying anyone yet?)

[Stop him.  Please.  Use a forklift if necessary. ---Rsk ]

It's high time I turned in a transcript, so here's three of'em.  The following
are Deep 13 skits performed by Frank and Forrester during the Turkey Day
Marathon:

                           T U R K E Y   D A Y
                       R I N G   O F   T E R R O R


(In Deep 13)

Dr. Forrester: (sitting in front of a garbled, cross-wired computer set-up.)
               (to camera)...within the next thirty hours you will surrender
               to me, and I will rule the world!  Ha ha haa!

Frank: (Enters w/ bags of groceries)  Oh!  Look!  Look.  Check it out.
       Check it-.  Look.  I got, uh, turkey, stuffing, pie fixings, plus a
       new recipie that turns a potato into a pogrado!  This is going to be
       the grandest Thanksgiving of all!

DF:   Frank, I don't have time for Thanksgiving.  I'm on the verge of world
      domination.

F:    But we have guests coming over.

DF:   Frank, don't you understand?  We're going to broadcast our Mystery
      Science Theater 3000 experiments across the country for the next 30
      hours straight!  And at the end of that 30 hours, all the people of
      world will bow down before me.

F:    That's all very fine, but do you want to help me bring the stuff in
      from the car, please?

DF:   Oh,...sure.  (To camera)  Your first dose of pain is an experiment
      called RING OF TERROR.  To steal a line from this little gem: 'Charles
      Moffit...feared not!'  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!  Puma?  Puma?!

F:    Y'gonna help?  Wouldja mind?

                             T U R K E Y   D A Y
                         J U N G L E   G O D D E S S


Dr. Forrester: (finishing a number on his keyboard)
      Ah!  Let's have some fun, shall we?  Ha!  Chicago!  City of big
      shoulders!  I don't THINK so!  Open up you golden gate, California.
      Here I come!

      (Frank enters wearing a bathrobe.  Goes to lock the vault door.)

      Aaaah!  Thirty straight hours of bad movies beamed coast to coast
      with no end in sight!  Soon they'll be wretching from one end of
      the country to the other.  Ah, let's see what's coming up next.
      Ah!  Jungle Goddess!  One of my favorites.  Imagine...Mr. Lexis in
      the garage...gets up to let out Vince, the rottweilder puppy.  Thinks
      he'll watch a little Headline News on the radio.  Y'know?  Gets back
      in.  Tries to entice Mrs. Step-aerobics into a little dirty dancing
      on the soft side or cha-cha.  I don't think so.  Imagine his surprise
      when he sees his children sprawled on the floor like some bizarre
      Matthew Brady landscape--!

      (Frank pats Forrester on the shoulders)

Frank: I locked up, OK?  (kisses Forrester on the head)

Forrester: (nervously to camera)  I-s'uh,...he's, uh...Our next experiment
           is Jungle Goddess.  I...think...you'll like it.

                            T U R K E Y   D A Y
                          S I D E   H A C K E R S


Dr. Forrestor: Now, how does this sound? Um,...I'M MAD, DAMN YOU, MAAAD!
               No.  Too cliche.  How 'bout, uh...Mad?  Why I've done things
               you've never even DREAMED of doing!  Nnno.  No.  How 'bout,
               uh,...Mad?  Yes, I'm Mad!  I'm Mad be--!

Frank: WHAT...in the world are you doing?

DF:   I'm just practicing my response for when the world asks me why I'm
      beaming thirty straight hours of bad movies coast to coast.

F:    Look, do me a favor, will ya?  Take your little world domination
      thing and take it outside.  OK?  I've got a cave to vaccuum.  I've
      got a dungeon to dust.  I have a turkey to thaw!  I mean this place
      is a stink hole!  It hasn't been cl-- We have GUESTS coming over for
      crying out loud!

DF:   Frank!  Thirty straight hours of bad movies beamed coast to coast!
      And when the nation is mine,...the world will be mine!  And When
      The World Is Mine, THE UNIVERSE WILL BE MINE BECAUSE I'M...uh...D'oh!

      (Frank has pulled a plug, causing Forrestor's comupter to shut down and
       the lights to dim)

      FRANK!  The world is within our grasp, and all you can think of is
      dusting and housework!  (speaks to camera with flashlight in his face)
      Well, Kansas City, open up!  Here comes Side-Hackers!


Pretty cool, huh?  Anyway, after turning in my personal list of naughty lines,
I got some responses from a couple of people who were surprised I'd missed a
few.  First off, this wasn't my idea but Charles Jordan's  (BTW, thanks so
very much for starting this thread, CJ!).  Second, I don't think any of the
lists I've been working on are complete;  I'm still working on them and would
appreciate everyone's contributions (as I'm sure CJ would).
Here are the replies I received:

From: Mark Schlegel ([e-mail])
>Take a look at "Gamera vs. Baragon", there is a place where the girl is
>sitting down and crying.  A man is standing behind her and she hid her
>face in his crotch while she cried... either Joel or a robot said,
>"Boy, those two should get a room!"

From: John Burrows <[e-mail]>
>Well, here's one to add.  It's my favorite and you might want to post it
>to the list if you send out a group of them.  From *The Castle of Fu Manchu*
>"Well, doctor, thank you for coming."
>"I didn't mean to, but the new seat covers ..."
>-- Joel

And a few more I came across (sexual and scatalogical.  Hang on!)

SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS

(Billy and Betty are listening to a radio in the woods)
Crow: Ah, splendor in the leaves.
Tom Servo: Mm-hmm.

(And I'm surprised I forgot my favorite:)
Santa Claus: Lady Momar, from the bottom of my heart...
Crow: (as Santa) I say, "Bite me."  Ho ho!  I'm kidding of course!

(Martian leader whose name escapes me is climbing out of the rocket)
Tom Servo: Ssssay!  Eh--oh.  It's him.  Mmmm, still...

Crow: (about the same guy)  Oscar Wilde: 2000

(As Droppo enters rocket cockpit)
Tom Servo: All done in there?
Crow: Why do you think they call him Droppo?

(Martian inspects damage in the control box)
Martian: "I guess we underestimated the resourcefulness of these Earthlings."
Tom Servo: "I sure hope that's pudding."

(Billy offers to shake Bomar's hand)
Joel: "Hey, where's that hand been?"

(Valnar is speaking to Santa and the children in their cell)
Tom Servo: (as Betty)  "Bite me."

"Lower the landing legs!"
Tom Servo: I said DON'T call me LEGS!


RING OF TERROR  (Right about now, RSK is wondering if I can be any more
                  long-winded...)

[Oh, heavens, no!  I *know* you can be more long-winded!  Tee hee! ---Rsk ]

Some Girl:"Well, it's going to get pretty sticky in here..."
Joel: "AH! Let it LAY, you guys!"

(Moffit's girlfriend [I can't remember the names!  And after I got so attached
to these characters!] is speaking of her recent experience with a rattlesnake)
Crow: "Did you touch it?"

(The fatties are eating (surprise) in the bushes)
Tiny: (to RagDoll) "Lemme ask you a question!"
Tom Servo: "Is this foreplay?"

Joel: "Don't talk about rockets.  My missle's ready to fire!"

Joel: (dubbing in for snake) "Hi.  I'm Satan.  This is what happens when
      you do the hanky-panky before you're married.  We'll be right back.
      (or did he say, "Enjoy the film" ?)"

Crow: (after Moffit kills Sata- er, the snake)  "Ah, now where was I?  Oh,
       yes.  I had my tongue halfway down your throat."

(Moffit and whatsername are making out in da bushes)
Tom Servo: (as whatsername) "OK, now tilt my head back.  Blow in my mouth three
            times and press down on my chest three times.  OK, I should be
            breathing on my own now."

(Moffit's nightmare sequence)
Crow: "Oh...no,...not the clown suit!...I'll take out the trash...Uncle Bob,
       get off me!..."


THE PHANTOM CREEPS:
(Dr. Zorka showing off his invisibility powers again.)
Crow: (As Lugosi) "Next week I go to the women's locker room at the YWCA!"

TIME OF THE APES:
(Camera gets a shot of Caroline's legs and pans upward)
Tom Servo: "Saaay!  She's...oh.  For crying out loud."

(During earthquake sequence)
Tom Servo: "Did the Earth move for you, too?"
Crow: "No, but the model did."

Tom Servo: (dubbing in for ape guard who's inspecting Katherine)  "Do you
            like long walks on the beach?  Mushing your bananas?"

Godo: "My name's 'Godo.'"
Johnny: "Godo?  A funny name."
Tom Servo: "Yeah, well Bite me, kid."

Johnny: "Godo!  Godo, help!"
Crow: "Go to hell?!"

Crow: "Let's put crap in our hand and throw it at people!  Y'know, no matter
       how much you evolve, it's still pretty damn funny."

"Atten-SHUN!"
Crow: "Crap-in HANDS!"
Tom Servo: "Oh, great.  There gonna give'm a twenty-one turd salute."

Pepe: "How do we find [Katherine and Caroline]?"
Joel: "I found them quite pleasant.  And you?"

(Colonel Sanders-ish Ape is shaking Godo's hand)
Joel:  "Uh, I'd wash that hand if I were you.  That's my throwin' hand."

(And for the life of me, I can't remember when in the movie Crow said:
   "FUH-Liiiiiiiiiiing CRAP!"

FUGITIVE ALIEN I

(During medical X-Ray inspection of the crew.)

Tom Servo: "Bite down.  Bite down, please."
Joel: "Bite...down,...please."
Tom Servo: (seeing X-Ray) "Ooo!  Don't bite down here."
Crow: "Uh, Bite me please."
Joel: "Heeey!"

And as for the list of most often used lines, I've received no new quips,
but I'll add the following:


*-(___________) always leaves you laughing.  Ha-haha-ha ha ha ha.
   [Someone please fill in the blank]
 -Go to bed, old man!
 -And what about Scarecrow's brain?!
 -What's Vietnam?
 -Ssssay!  Helloooo!
 -Oooooh!  The pain!  The pain!
 -Warning!  Danger!  Danger!
 -DAAAAisyyyy.  DaaaaisYYYY.
 -Not the clown suit!

Oh, there's been some questions concerning the 'clown suit' line.  My guess
is that's part of the 'playing dress-up'  motif that they're so fond of.
Just my opinion.  Then again, I think MST3K is a documentary.  You think I'm
bad now?  I've already been helped.

Well, I'm outta breath now (Hey!  Another naughty line!).  See yous peoples
in the Fall.

Later, "Quack!"

Tom Servo: "This is the da-a-ay the teddy-bears fly-y-y to Ve-e-enus!"