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    _______________________________________________________________________
     ---------------------------------------------------------------------

                  T h e    A d v e n t u r e r s '   G u i l d


                "Spells cast in the night, a wizard's delight..."

     ---------------------------------------------------------------------
     Volume 2, Number 1, Issue #4                              March, 1994
    =======================================================================

                This is the electronic version of The Adventurers'
                Guild Newsletter, copyright 1994 by Amicron Tech-
                nology Services. For a printed copy, complete with
                illustrations, maps, and all that good stuff, send
                $1.00 US payable to Amicron Technology Services,
                PO Box 1453, Buffalo NY 14225-1453.

                            See what you're missing!
    _______________________________________________________________________



What Lies Within

        - Feature Article: Too Much Magic
        - The Arena: Letters from our readers
        - Subscription Information
        - The Gallery: New magic-items, spells, etc.
        - The Realm of Gauth: Our fantasy campaign setting. This month
          features The University of Magic
        - Module: The Goblinz of Mahk Hill
        - Fiction: The Inevitable Casualty
        - Article: Familiars R Us
        - Land of the Online
        - BBS Listing
        - The Buffoonery: Humor
        - Classifieds
        - TAG Distribution Sites

                                      -=-


The Editor Speaketh

Welcome to the fourth issue of The Adventurers' Guild. It has been five
months since our last issue was released, and we are glad to have finally
put this one together. We will do our best in the future to keep TAG a
monthly publication, however designing and editing a non-profit newsletter
of this magnitude is not an easy task. If you'd like to help out, please
send in your submissions. We're always looking for good material to print.
     This issue of TAG marks the first that will be distributed over the
Internet, the world's largest computer network. We hope to gain millions of
new readers, and we recommend that if you are reading this electronically,
you get a copy of the printed version of TAG so you can see what you're
missing!
     Let's get down to business. "What's in TAG #4?" you ask. First and
foremost in our issue dedicated to wizards and magic and all the things they
do so well together, we have a great article by Arnold Wright to help
Dungeon Masters out when their parties get Too Much Magic! Once again,
our Arena section is huge. We have merged the Letters section with the
Arena for a more consistant format. The Gallery this month once again
contains work from Eric Berg (Lazarus) as he shares with us some of his
ideas for wizards' familiars. We also have some interesting (and hillarious)
spells from W. Patrick Treanor (Doc), and I even jumped on the bandwagon
and threw in a magic item of my own that came to me whilst playing one
mystical eve not so long ago.
     The Realm of Gauth this month features The University of Magic, and
rules for playing specialist wizards in the realm. A module, The Goblinz of
Mahk Hill, helps your characters explore the realm and challenge a hill full of
goblinz (not to mention a few undead here and there!)
     This month's issue also marks the first time we're printing a work of
fiction in TAG. (But hey, all of fantasy role-playing is fictional. Or is it?)
Let us know how you like it, and please, if you're an author and would like us
to print your work, send it in.
     Continuing with his "familiar" ideas, Eric Berg (Lazarus) once again
takes us for a ride with another of his conceptional wizard's friends. See if
you can survive a walk down one of the aisles at Familiars R Us. In our Land
of the Online this month, we highlight two Western New York BBSes run by
James Nunn (The Great White North and Paragon), and our BBS listing
contains all of the boards featured in issues past.
     The Buffoonery this month is loaded with lawyer jokes submitted by
David Cheng, and features an absurd creation of Daniel Smith known only
to the mortal world as Felric The Odd. We immortals, however, know him by
a different name, right Dan?
     Enjoy TAG #4, and don't forget to mention us to your local
gaming/hobby store. If you don't we'll send the trolls for you! Tell them to
contact us to have TAG distributed in their stores! It brings them customers,
and it brings us readers! Everyone benefits!

                                      -=-


Too Much Magic!

Feature Article by Arnold Wright

"Your party has entered a giant room, several hundred yards long, wide, and
high! In the center of this room, you see Gorath The Red, the huge red
dragon, sleeping on her mountain of treasure. What do you do?" The
Dungeon Master asks the party, as he finishes drawing the room on the
battle mat and places the huge miniature of the dragon he so laboriously
painted to exquisite detail the night before.
     "I pull down the visor of my platemail +5, ready my two-handed sword
+6, drink a potion of invisibility, put on my ring of protection +4, and make
sure my gauntlets of ogre power and girdle of giant strength are still
functioning properly," the paladin announces.
     "I will cast shield upon myself," says the magic user, "drink my potion
of flying, get out my scroll of spell catching, put on my rings of fire
resistance and protection +10, find my bowl of commanding water elementals,
and fire up the good 'ole staff of wizardry."
     At this time, the Dungeon Master starts wiping the sweat from his
troubled brow, imagining the hundreds of hit points of damage these 3rd-
level party members are going to inflict on his dragon. "Where the hell did
you guys get all these magic items?" He asks.
     "From the last 10 dragons we've killed," reminds the fighter.
     "Oh, yeah. That's right."
     "Hmm. I don't have a lot to do here," laments the cleric, "I guess I'll
just pull out my returning hammer +8 and my shield +5 with fire resistance,
and hope for the best. I'll get out those twenty scrolls of ressurection that I
have, though."
     "I'll drink down my potion of gasseous form and head over for the
treasure. Does everyone have on their amulets of protection from spells?"
     "Sure do!" Everyone exclaims in synchronicity. "Let's go!" And the
battle ensues.
     How many of you play in parties where this is the norm? The Dungeon
Master has just simply given the party members too much magical treasure
for their own good. Parties where very low-level characters wield enough
magic to level a small country are all too common amongst many gaming
groups. While this may be fun for a while, especially for new players, it robs
the players of the sense of accomplishment that they could have by
exploring the depths of the earth without a nuclear arsenal at their disposal.
     Players who have too much magic soon run out of things to do. After a
short while, there simply aren't enough monsters to keep the game
interesting. After the dragons and mighty wizards of the land have been
beaten, what is there left? Retirement for the characters. Soon, also, there
are very few magic items for the DM to place in the campaign which will
excite the players. The DM is forced into treating powerful magic items and
artifacts as commonplace. Soon enough, he has to create his own new and
powerful magic items just to keep the players interested. "Oh, gee, another
deck of many things. We already have twelve of them. We'll save it for the
bartender back home." Sound familiar?
     In addition to having too many magic items to keep track of, think of the
problems that arise in combat when fighters have 8 million modifiers to keep
track of. "Well, let's see. I have a sword +5, but it's +8 v. magic-using
creatures. I also have +2 for my specialization, and another +6 for my ring of
attacking, but then there's..."
     Not only are there logical reasons why not to give the players so many
magic items, but there are also campaign issues that need to be thought of.
Unless your campaign world is so saturated with magic that every common
peasant has a broom of flying, there are going to be others (dragons,
wizards, thieves, etc.) who are going to search out these magic-laden
characters! They will find seldom the night where they can get a good night's
sleep without some invisible stalker sneaking in to steal their bags of
holding.
     So how can we prevent or reverse this kind of Monty-Magic
campaign? Well, there are a few ways. The first, and easiest, method is to
simply not give out many magic items. From the start, limit your campaign to
few magical treasures. This way, when your 3rd-level party finds a sword +1
in a dungeon somewhere, they think it's an awesome find! Now they can
actually attack that gargoyle that's blocking the pass through the Kno-Chok
mountains! Remember, though, that a sword +1 can be an interesting find
on it's own. Don't just treat it like any old piece of steel. A magical sword
can be of exquisite quality; the blade, extremely sharp - cutting through solid
marble! Create vivid descriptions of magic items, and don't just treat them
like campaign filler.
     "But my party already has too much magic, and I don't want to just
take it away from them!" There are still a few things you can do to work it
into your campaign. The easiest method is to have your party get captured.
Don't give them much of a choice. Either put them up against a truly
unbeatable foe, or simply start the gaming session one night with, "you
awaken in the dungeons below Akl Keep." Your party members might
complain, but if you offer them a chance of retrieving their goods, and make
it seem like through their own actions they failed to get them, they'll
understand.
     You can also pull numerous other tricks on them, like having them
walk through some form of anti-magic field which renders their magic items
totally useless. You could simply use some catastrophic world event to
change the laws of magic altogether, and their magic items are now dead.
Or, you can simply steal their magic items. While they're asleep, have some
thief come by and rip them off. There are hundreds of ways you could do it.
A little creativity and a lot of balls will go a long way.
     If all else fails, you can always just talk to your players and tell them
that you think there is too much magic in the campaign, and you'd like to cut
some of it out. Ask them all to pick one favorite magic item that they'd like
to keep, and give the rest of them up. They'll probably complain, but assure
them that you'll reduce the amount of magic used against them by the NPCs
and other villains of the campaign.
     Remember, as long as you're having fun, your game is a success.
After long campaigns where players have too much magic, and have
destroyed all of the powerful monsters, things start to get boring. The best
hours of play are those low-level adventures where the party has to rely on
their wit and skill to get them through. Having a magic item to solve every
trap or encounter is not role-playing, it's roll-playing.
     "You step forth into the dragon's lair and," turning to the fighter, "you
feel yourself suddenly much heavier. You can see your arms and legs, and
you don't quite feel as strong as you were before. Mage, you take 3 points of
falling damage as your ring suddenly gives out, and your staff crumbles to
dust."
     The party members' mouths drop wide open.
     "Thief," the DM continues, "you find yourself standing bare naked
about ten feet from the dragon's head. She sniffs the air, then opens one
eye and smiles at you. What do you wish to do?"

                                      -=-

The Arena

This month, we're changing our format a little by merging the Letters
department and The Arena. Since most of our feedback comes from people
through our computer network message bases, we felt it only logical. TAG
welcomes your comments on anything! See the TAG Information
department for more information on these computer message bases, and
where to access one near you.

After thoroughly reading The Adventurers' Guild #3, I was very impressed.
The first thing I noticed and appreciated was the free copy sent to me along
with advertising information. As a beginning business, desperate to get my
product out into the gaming market, your advertising rates seem to fit my
budget perfectly. I also enjoyed the many letters sent in by readers. It was
nice to see that you read and respond to your writing readers. "Into the
Kobold Lair" and "The Temple of Infinite Mortal Brilliance" were interesting
modules that I may use some day. It is obvious that The Adventurers' Guild
is a serious newsletter providing information to role-players as well as
computer users without glorifying their own products, unlike Dragon
Magazine by TSR. Thank you for your time and attention. >Jay Schroyer,
Skeleton Games Inc., 404 N Richhill St., Waynesburg PA 15370, 412-627-
8844

What are the chances that a non-D&D article would make it into your
newsletter? Some of us out here can't stand the TSR games, and can't
figure out why so many people love them so. Besides, there are so many
other games out there! >Nepharite

Of course we accept non-D&D articles. We are a newsletter for games of all
types. It just so happens that I am a long time D&D/AD&D player (I grew up
with it) and since I have done a good amount of writing for TAG, most of our
articles have been for TSR games. Please, however, feel free to send in
submissions for ANY game system. We're even going to be running an
article in the future on Axis & Allies (a board game!)

I just wanted to comment on one of your sections: The Gallery. I personally
love getting new spells and magic items for my game campaign. I have over
1400 new spells that I have collected from various sources, and love
reading the new ones you print each month. >Hammerhead

Glad to know that you like them! Of course, credit goes to Lazarus who has
been the author of everything that has appeared up until this issue in The
Gallery. Please, send us in some of your 1400 spells and we'll see what we
can or cannot do with them!

I live in Seattle, Washington and recently downloaded a copy of your
newsletter from a local BBS. I showed a copy of it (after having printed out
all 18 pages!) to my gaming group and they all loved it. Any chance of you
distributing the printed form of your newsletter here in Seattle? Most of the
guys I game with don't have computers. >Dr. Swift

Sure, we'd love to! Just send us the name, address, and phone number of
the game or hobby shop in your area where you buy your role-playing
materials. We're always looking for more distribution points.

Are you taking any submissions for your Realm of Gauth campaign setting?
I have decided to use your campaign for my game, and I have written a few
more details and modules (since we game once a week and you only
publish stuff once a month). If so, what do you want? >Neo Zeo

Sure, we'll take submissions for our Realm of Gauth campaign. We're
always looking for contributions to add to our world. Of course, modules and
adventures are the easiest to prepare (since you can use existing
information to build your module on). If you'd like to develop other regions of
the campaign world that haven't been explored in TAG yet, go ahead, but be
warned that we're VERY picky as to what goes into Gauth! "No, no, no. You
cannot put that lake in the middle of Westhelonia!" >Halion The Wise

I'd like to get my BBS in your Land of the Online! What do I do? What
should I write? >Teemis

If you'd like to get listed, you have to send us a writeup of your board. Your
board must be full time (i.e. 24-hours) and must have something (anything)
dealing with role-playing on it. If you have no idea of what to write, send us
a SASE and we'll send you our guidelines for BBS writeups. Teemis, I will
Email you those guidelines. Remember, submissions must be in by the 20th
of the month prior to the issue (so to have a chance of appearing in May's
TAG have it here by April 20th).

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I just started to play ShadowRun and was wondering if anybody could help
me with some little problems I've encountered. (1) Game balance: OK
everybody wants a weapon that does [S] wounds, like SMG, LMG and rifles.
How do you limit this kind of firepower? The few battles we've fought ended
very quickly because of this. (2) Armor: besides buying a full suit of armor,
how do you protect yourself? I don't think that the armor pieces are
cumulative (lined coat + armored vest? 4/2 or 6/3). (3) Melee combat: Can
multiple attackers hit in the same combat phase? Like 3 against 1? The 3 hit
OR the defender hits? Or only the one in the four guys that has the most
success? (4) Riggers: What do you do with riggers who won't budge and always
want to send hunter drones with the party. No risk, no karma? >William
Truesilver

In a campaign where characters are always getting lots of gold and are
killing lots of monsters, then giving experience points for gold is crazy. I
think the idea of giving XP for gold stems from the fact that characters are
supposed to work to get that gold. If a band of characters sneaks into the
dragon's hoard without waking the dragon and steals some gold and other
treasure, then maybe it is justified for them to get XP for that. If they are
overcoming an obstacle of sorts, then I would think a DM should give out XP
for gold. Giving XP for gold is probably a method of the game trying to
emulate the real world where when we get money we usually have to earn it.
Just because you didn't kill anything doesn't mean you don't deserve
experience points. Heck, there may be times when if you had to kill
something you shouldn't get XP for it. >Louie

Here's an idea that I've used for a while, the more-or-less constant NPC
"supporting characters." The idea is to create and maintain NPCs that
create a sense of the "everyday." Some examples include a character's
mom, who can be counted on at the start of each adventure to supply a
newly knitted scarf in some horrendous color, and a pie (and 57 million
pounds of other edibles); Sergeant Snotbreath, the gate guard. Whatever
gate the players leave from/return to, Snotbreath will be there to make life a
joy; The Luigi Brothers, money changers. They have a branch in ANY city in
which the characters want to change money, and it always somehow looks
like the same guy. ("How many Luigi Brothers ARE there, anyway?");
Bandini's Traveling Circus. The players see a dusty piece of paper on the
road (an old ad for BTC). The poster next to any wanted posters or
employment notices is an ad for the BTC. The talk of the tavern is the BTC
that was here last week. Needless to say, the players never actually are in
the same place at the same time as the BTC. (Hmmm. Maybe they are. Is
the BTC a cover for foreign spies?) The use of continuing "characters" adds
that "at home" feeling to a world. They can lead to adventures, but probably
are best used way far into the campaign. They're really more for comedy
relief than anything else. >Sherlock

I have recently participated in an RPG on a BBS.  After a short time the
game was shut down because the dungeon master had other commitments
to fulfill. He recently asked me, because of my imagination and ability to
describe situations, to run a game on his BBS. The problem is that I really
don't know much about running a game. What should I do? Can anyone
offer me any advice on this. Are there any good books to use as a
reference? Are there any programs that are good aids? >Taliesin

Well, as strange as it may seem, I've found that a very good way to motivate
the people that play their characters as simply combat machines is to start
playing games like Toon or It Came From The Late Late Late Show. Ya,
they're incredibly silly, but that's part of the reason they work. Put the
characters in a game where attributes don't count for squat and the players
usually just start to role-play their characters. I've found that Toon works
pretty well for that as there isn't much to the game beyond having a good
time (for those who don't know, Toon is an RPG where the players play
characters who are cartoons). I mean, they can't die (they only fall down) so
they'll have the character as long as they like it. I also noticed that as the
game progresses (or regresses, depending on your group) the players start
trying to "out-silly" each other. Get 'em used to role playing in a situation
like that and it tends to carry over into the more "serious" RPGs like AD&D
(tho' my experience with that game is it can get pretty silly as the night
goes on. Anyone else out there have pun wars in the middle of combat?) >Lord
Morpheus

Creativity is constantly a problem in most gaming groups, but once you get
them to rise above pure hack & slash the gaming is better than ever. I've
been dealing with this problem for years. My last group had hack & slash
syndrome bad, and the games were gettin' boring quick. I took advantage of
these tendencies. First I put an obstacle in the way: two logs several miles
apart that teleported the characters back & forth. The logs were illusions that
they could walk into. If they stepped into the log and kept going, they popped
out of the other log. Both were identical so it took them time to realize. The
solution was that they had to step into the log then step backwards out of it.
They were then on the far side of the log like they wanted. That got the
creative juices flowing, but not quite enough. They found a keep and instead
of thinking it out, they just stormed right in. At that point I had to make a
decision that they would learn to be more thoughtful. I hit them with
everything I had. I killed the whole party, save one. They were all pretty
bummed out, but in hindsight they all seemed to get the point (no pun) since
then gaming has been much better. >Qsilver

At college my friends and I get bored sometimes when we're not studying (of
course). We trade computer games and compete with each other to see
who can beat a game first. Well, I slacked off for a while when playing Dark
Sun, but my friend John downstairs in my residence hall played regularly
with his girlfriend. Apparently though, his girlfriend was more enthused about
winning and playing than he. In fact she gave him advice as to what to do.
Both became so enamored with the game that his girlfriend calls me by
phone and asks, "do you want to start a D&D game?" Currently, I have
around nine players total in my campaign game. Of those nine, four are
girls. I find it interesting to hear from girls about how when they were
younger their older brothers disallowed them to play D&D even though they
were a little curious. Now, I've got some people lined up to play a real AD&D
styled campaign. And with the variety of personalities and backgrounds from
the group, I should have a really interesting campaign. >Z

Playing under a specific alignment is really BS. I mean, do you react to a
certain stimulus, like a confrontation, the same way 100% of the time? No,
not at least if you (the real you) are human. But that's what alignments are, a
set of rules that govern how someone acts. If you play alignmentless (izzat a
word?), then the characters are made more human. Ever play one of White
Wolf's Storyteller games?  Well, those are devoid of alignment, yet they run
incredibly smooth. >Random

I never understood why only humans could be paladins. It was changed
somewhat in the Unearthed Arcana, by letting half-elves be paladins also,
but Second Edition AD&D put it right back to the human being the only ones
able to become paladins. Is TSR trying to say that the other races couldn't
be as pious as humans? Ha, I laugh at them. That sort of limits role-playing
don't you think? >Dionysus

Ok, I'm sick and tired of hearing people bitch and complain about how there
is no such thing as the anti-paladin class. Granted the rules are for 1st
Edition AD&D, but the rules are out there. They're in Dragon Magazine,
issue #39. If you can find it, more power to ya. If not, you're in the same
boat as I am. >Thomas Rhymer

Regarding miniature painting, tired of bright, shiny swords? Try painting
them as follows: start by covering the whole thing with RP (Ral Partha) Steel
or C (Citadel) Chainmail. Let dry.  Dry-brush with PS (Floquil Polly-S) Flat
Aluminum. If you dry brush on too much, don't start over, but wash with a
thin black (any brand). Same works for chainmail, but for the second step
wash with black. Plate Armor getting you down? Paint it PS Flat Aluminum,
then wash with RP Steel. Have no idea what to do for a dwarf's beard? Go
to your local hobby store and buy a bottle of Testors Rust. It is an enamel,
but works wonderful. Paint the beard Rust. If it's thin, like mine, it will
settle in the recesses and you won't need to drybrush. >Freddie Mercury

Drybrushing is a highlighting technique. You apply it after you have a base
color down. It doesn't work very well on flat areas. What you do is get some
paint on your brush, take your cloth and wipe the paint off. It'll look almost
clean, but some paint will be left on the brush. Then, go over the area you
want highlighted. You'll notice that the paint only comes off on the raised
surfaces, leaving crevices and such the same color. Using this technique,
you can get some really excellent effects on chainmail and the like. As
always, practice on some old miniatures, or ones you don't really care about
and give it a shot! >Atrosity

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Drybrushing is basically a method of simulating the play of light and shadow
on a figure by using a number of lighter shades of the figure's base color
and applying it in such a manner that the paint is applied to the higher
portions of the figure, thus over-painting the base color in these portions,
while leaving the base coat untouched on the lower portions. To drybrush,
after the base coat is dry, take paint on a non-moist brush (that is, do not
use the brush you just rinsed off from the base coat - or dry it first) Now,
first brush on an absorbing surface (such as a piece of cardboard) until only a
little paint is left on the brush (until the brush is judged "dry" enough, a
matter of experience). Move the brush over the figure in a back and forth
motion so that it touches the higher parts of the figure. Repeat as necessary.
The technique requires the brush be held pretty much at a 45 degree angle
to the figure so that the point of the brush does not penetrate deeply into the
figure. This can be done using successively lighter colors and hitting
successively higher portions of the figure, depending on how much
highlighting you want. It is advisable to use an old brush, as true DBing
beats the heck outa brushes, and do a bit of practicing first. Also note that
the outcome will be affected by how thin or thick the paint is. Thick paint
works better. Very thin paint is a bear to use. To get a feel for what
highlighting can do, first prime and then completely paint the ridged side of a
piece of corrugated cardboard (of which you have stripped off one side,
leaving the ridges exposed) with a dark base coat. Let it dry. Then take a
lighter shade and brush on full strength (just dip the brush into the paint and
go), holding at a 45 degree angle just brush back and forth across the
ridges. Let dry. Then use an even lighter color full strength, but at a 60
degree angle. Try the same thing with another piece of cardboard, but this
time wipe off as much paint as you can on the edge of the bottle. Try it by
first using the bottle edge, then wiping on a piece of flat cardboard or paper
towel. Note that you can overdo dry-brushing, use too many shades and/or
too dry a brush and you will notice a "chalky" effect (hard to describe). This
can be fixed to a large degree by a wash of thin ink. However, I've found that
I prefer to "damp-brush" using more shades and a successively lighter
"touch". This allows for blending of the shades, saves the brush a bit, and
avoids some of the chalkiness. Note that the highlight color need not be the
same color as the base. For a monster, try a dark grey base and red to
orange highlighting, or redbrown base with yellow highlights. Keep
practicing. You'll know when you're doing it right. You'll get this "oh my
gawd! Did I do that? Wow!" sorta feeling. >Sherlock

Well, after having played Ars Magica for quite some time now, and having
looked forward to Mage, I was quite disappointed. I thought that there were
some really good ideas in it, but I find the game terribly flawed. Let's put it
this way, I'm not going to get my knickers in a twist waiting for Wraith. Mage
was horribly dull, and I can't believe that the makers of Vampire and
Werewolf would stamp their label on that book. >Sticky

If you're the type of player that likes to command his own destiny, forge
secret deals, and work independently in a universe of powerful beings, then
Amber Diceless Role-Playing is for you. I know several people that have a
real hard time playing because of the lack of parameters and direction.
Those players that have more vivid imaginations, and a great deal of
initiative have a tendency to get more done and enjoy the game more.
Never has "you get out of it what you put into it," meant more. Aside from
the occasional inspired monkey wrench, the Gamemaster really does sit
back, and enjoy simply refereeing a game, instead of being responsible for
all that happens in it. >Sticky

First of all, the only good stuff that Zelany has written is his Amber series.
The rest of his stuff, in my opinion, is crap. As for what's so great about
Amber, it is the only game out there that is not restricted by boundaries and
gives both the GM and players the complete freedom to explore any area of
their characters and environment that they wish. Amber is a game that
forces the players to give real input into how the game will go. They create
plot lines for GMs just by creating their characters. It is impossible for the
GM to write any kind of conventional "module" and rely on player input
throughout the game to create an exciting campaign. >Ventrue

All over the place is the argument about D&D inspiring ill manners and
violence in the people who play it. I'll throw up a "for" statement by saying
that such violence and insults are historically accurate. Look at the time
period we're dealing with. It was thought proper to post the fallen enemies
upon spears after a battle. To hang blasphemers by their tongues on the
door of the local church. Look at the Inquisition, the Salem Witch trials. All
of history has it's ugliness, even in the best of times, simply because that
was the "in" thing to do. There's supposed to be a radio show that deals
specifically with this topic. Anybody listen to it? Is there anybody out there
to give me a logical argument? Does anybody really care? >Kos

There is nothing evil about D&D. It is only a game. I challenge anyone who
opposes that point of view. As for the people who went out and committed
suicide, they didn't do it because of playing D&D, but because they had
serious mental problems to begin with and if all they ever did was play D&D,
they could no longer tell the difference between the game and real life. I've
been playing D&D off and on for the past 10 years, and I have never
experienced any of the "potential side effects" of playing D&D. Anyone who
says that D&D is devil worshipping should re-examine the basics of the
game. Most of the game is good people ridding towns of evil creatures.
Where do they get devil worshipping out of that? >ZZ Topp

But after all, D&D has (big gasp here) MAGIC in it! And everybody knows
that magic is a tool of the devil! So, by that regard, anyone who plays D&D
is dabbling in magic, and thereby worshipping Satan! [Note heavy sarcasm
here]. Also, Peter Pan, The Smurfs, etc. are Satanic in nature as well!
>Alkar Zephyr

Editor's note: let's not forget Alladin, Beauty & The Beast, Cinderella, Snow
White and the Seven Dwarves, and all the other classic fairy tales of old.

If you don't like whats in the books, don't read em'. I have yet to hear of a
case where a deity from the Legends & Lore book has been used for
something other than AD&D. Its ridiculous, and people (especially Catholics)
seem to forget that there are whole different religions out there, and people
with none. >Thunderblade

The reason that Christain fundies think that role-playing games are evil isn't
so much the magic in the system. Fantasy movies from Disney have had
that for years and very few complain. The reason FRPGs are considered
evil is simple fear and ignorance. Perhaps its intimidating that they don't
understand the game's complexity while a child plays the game. It makes
one feel lesser of themselves to see a child fluent in somethign that they
don't understand. >Spork!

I think that D&D is evil, and you shouldn't play it at all. I think that some
people say that [it isn't evil] know the grasp it has on them, but they really
don't know. If you can't give it up, then it has a grasp on you that is pulling
you further and further away from God. >Stentor

In what way is D&D evil? Hmmmm. Let's see. It makes you use complex
thinking skills, and helps decision making. That's definitely evil! I don't
want people thinking for themselves. Maybe it's the creative learning aspect
of the thing that's got you convinced that D&D is an evil game. I can certainly
see where that would make it evil. If people started learning, they might get
smart, and you know where that can lead. It could pull you away from God!
Oh no! People making decisions for themselves! They might turn into
nonconformists, or worse, beatnicks! Anyways, I think you see my point
when I tell you to at least look at the game before you criticize it.
>Deathbringer

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AD&D is just a game. Nothing more, nothing less. As a game, it cannot be
'good' or 'evil'. How a person uses something is what determines the
morality. And then it isn't the game, it is the actions of that person. I can
(and have in the past) give the game up. I have only just recently started
back up. It is something to pass the time in an enjoyable manner. To tell the
truth, though. It seems to me that the only people that are convinced the
game is evil are the staunch Christians. But then, not all of them are anti-
D&D. I asked my Rabbi what the official stand of Judaism on the game is,
and he replied that it was merely a game, which basically reflects my opinion
on the matter. >Alkar Zephyr

I think that role-playing in general can be very thought promoting and all that
stuff, but I have played D&D, and I think that it could be detrimental. Say if
a character is a cleric or some other religious warrior. He/she is to pray to a
certain god for his/her strength. This could become harmful if the player
really gets into the character, and pretends that the character is really them.
I'll agree, that is usually what can make role-playing so fun, but if a person
dwells on it too much, it could mess them up. I myself had not really had too
much of a problem with that, but I have known some people who have.
There are my thoughts. >Guido

So what if role-playing games happen to take people away from God? Who
cares. Who says there even is a God!? I think it's completely bogus that the
religious freaks have any right spreading word that D&D is Satanic. They
have no right to impose their beliefs on us. There are a good number of
atheists, like myself, who could care less about any religious superstitions
and, frankly, are sick of hearing these self-righteous idiots proclaim their
will on the world. >Oozob

I happen to be a Christian who plays D&D, and I haven't had my faith
lessened any. In fact, seeing how people behave when uninhibited by social
and religious restraints reinforces my belief in God. >Arron Pathfinder

Too many people get caught up in the fact that D&D deals with demons and
devils and evil spirits. But few realize that in a majority of the adventures,
at least the ones I have played, the characters are fighting these demons. It
is ultimatly what the player puts into it that determines the good or bad
effects of the game. Nintendo or Sega could just as easily be used for Satanic
or malicious purposes. Why are they not viewed as 'evil'? >Gray Bat

I've played dozens of RPGs: fantasy, horror, superheroic, all of 'em. I've
gotten very much into character during the games, but after the game I put
on my coat and leave wherever it is I'm playing, and am myself again. I have
a fondness for playing assassins, and religious zealot types (paladins). To
this day (I've been playing RPGs for 6 years), I've never tried to kill anyone.
My religious beliefs (or lack thereof) have never once changed. >Rolande

Send your letters to The Arena, care of The Adventurers' Guild, PO BOX
1453, Buffalo NY, 14225-1453. We welcome your comments or
suggestions.

                                      -=-


TAG Subscription/Submission Info

The Adventurers' Guild
Volume 2, Number 1, Issue #4
Copyright 1994 by Amicron Technology Services
All Rights Reserved

Executive Editor:       Richard D. Rost
Assistant Editors:      Michele P. Rost, Raoul Paquin, Christine Memoly
Contributors:           Eric Berg (Lazarus), Daniel Smith, David Cheng, Arnold
                        Wright, W. Patrick Treanor (Doc)

The Adventurers' Guild Newsletter (TAG) is a publication of The Dungeon
BBS (716-###-####) and Amicron Technology Services (716-369-6235, PO
Box 1453, Buffalo NY 14225). The Adventurers' Guild, TAG, and The
Dungeon BBS are trademarks of Amicron Technology Services.
     TAG is a non-profit newsletter, and is completely free. New issues of
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     We welcome submissions of any kind, however we are primarily
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        1994 to hear a recorded message. Thank you.


                                      -=-

The Gallery

Unfamiliar Familiars
by Lazarus

Here are a few ideas on non-beastie familiars that are not evil,
blood-sucking imps.

Magedrake

Clime:                        Any
Frequency:                    Rare
Organization:                 Solitary or Pair
Activity:                     Any
Diet:                         Omnivore
Intelligence:                 Average (9-11)
Treasure:                     None
Alignment:                    Neutral Good

AC: 2; MV: 4, FLY: 18; HD: 1; THAC0: 20; #ATT: 2; DAM/ATT: 1-3
(claws)/1-4 (bite); SA: Poison (bite, feebleminds); SD: Blink; MR: 10%; Size:
Small (1' long); Morale: Fearless (20 base); Abilities: Clairvoyance/audience
with host mage, telepathy 100'r,  confer magic resistance on touch.

Description: A magedrake is a specially bred form of pseudodragon raised
specifically for use as familiars. They are capable of casting illusion spells
(two first level) that their host takes the time to teach them. They are
notoriously fearless and loyal (read: stupidly optimistic and trusting). Their
mages tend to try and keep them around so that they are not "corrupted" by
others. Just a nap and you can wake up to images of the drake's new orc
"friend" in your head. This is commonly referred to as "neutral niave."



GemCat

Clime:                        Temperate
Frequency:                    Very Rare
Organization:                 Solitary
Activity:                     Night
Diet:                         Special
Intelligence:                 Special
Alignment:                    Chaotic Neutral (Good)

AC: 6; MV: 15; HD: 2; THAC0: 19; #ATT: 1; DAM/ATT: 1-4; SA: None; SD:
None; MR: 15%; Size: Small (housecat); Morale: Steady (11-12); Abilites:
Confer magic resistance on touch, telepathy 100', see in dark as cat.

Description: The gemcat looks like any other kitty, except that once a month
it must consume a gem. The value of this gem determines the cat's
intelligence and spell ability for that month.

Value (gp)     Int            Spls/Lvl       Schools
-------------  -------        ----------     -------------
up to 500      9-10           1              Enchant/Charm
up to 1000     11-12          2              E/C or Illusion
up to 5000     13-14          2, 1           Any

The mage must teach the spells to the cat and if the cat's intelligence is ever
allowed to drop, it must re-learn the spells upon regaining the higher level.
     These critters are often described as "Chaotic Vain". They generally fill
the mage's head with images of themselves and how much they would like
attention. Then, at the first hint of possible injury, they generally split
town (their morale is pretty low for a familiar).


Scroll of Dominion
by Richard Rost

This scroll is similar in nature to the Scroll of Shelter described in the D&D
Rules Cyclopedia, page 235. This scroll, however, is inscribed with a
drawing of a large set of iron double doors. If the scroll is hung on any
vertical surface, the doors may be opened, and the scroll may be "entered."
     Unlike a simple Scroll of Shelter, which only contains one room and
food for a few men, the Scroll of Dominion can contain an entire castle, or
even an entire realm! The size of the pocket universe contained therein is
only as large as the DM wishes it to be. The DM can create an elaborate
floor plan for a huge fortress, a layout of a small town or city, or an entire
campaign filled with different people, cultures, and magic.
     If the scroll is taken down, however, the occupants are trapped within.
Unlike a Scroll of Shelter, those within this pocket universe will not die of
suffocation, as there should be plenty of air available. Also, the DM may
want to create some form of replenishing food and water sources.
     Careful consideration should be taken to make sure that the players
do not abuse this scroll. Indeed, entire armies could be hidden within the
scroll, only to be released once the thief who is carrying it makes his way
into the enemy castle. Or in another instance, having slain the mighty
dragon of North Mountain, the characters decide to fill up the scroll with
their nearly unlimited treasure horde. For just this case, the scroll can
only hold a total of 2,000 pounds weight (about enough for 10 men and their
equipment). Any additional weight will simply not enter the scroll.
     While the Scroll of Dominion provides the players with protection,
nourishment, and an excellent source of adventure, it prevents them from
using the scroll as a giant Bag of Holding. Also, wouldn't they be upset if
everyone was in the scroll and a wandering orc decided he liked the picture
of the pretty door! "I think me roll this up and puts it in me treasure boxes."


Spells from the books of Melvin The Magician
by Doc

Melvin's Magic Mallard
Level:                          One
Casting Time:                   Instant
Duration:                       Instant
Save:                           None
Description: Upon casting this spell, mallards shoot forth from the wizard's
sleeves (1 mallard/level) doing 1d3 damage each to the person aimed at. If
four "3"s are rolled naturally, then one of the mallards has lodged itself in
the recipient's mouth. The recipient may save vs spell each round to spit the
creature out. If the recipient is larger than man-sized then he may just
swallow the mallard.

Melvin's Magic Muzzle
Level:                          One
Casting Time:                   2 segments
Duration:                       2 rounds/level
Save:                           V. magic to negate
Description: This spell creates 1 Magic Muzzle for every two levels of the
caster which can be placed onto creatures' mouthes, disallowing them any
bite, breath, or otherwise orally fixated maneuver for the duration of the
spell. Each mouth saves separately (i.e. for a hydra).

Melvin's Magic Mittens
Level:                          Two
Casting Time:                   5 turns
Duration:                       1 turn/level
Save:                           None
Description: This spell allows the caster to handle any artifact or magical
item and tell whether it is cursed and not be affected by the curse or side
effects so long as he handles the item with his mittens. The mittens will also
change to the color that best suits the nature of the magical item (i.e. rod of
lightning would change them blue; a ring of invisibility, transparent; slippers
of spider climbing, black, etc.)

Melvin's Mischievous Magic Mouths
Level:                          Two
Casting Time:                   1 turn
Duration:                       1 day/level
Save:                           As per item v. spell
Description: The caster may use this spell to enchant an item with a curse. If
the item fails its saving throw then a mouth with big lips will appear on the
item in the most awkward place possible (i.e. The mouth would appear on a
knight's armor as if a crest; it may appear on the mouth guard of a helmet;
on the head of a creature depicted on the item, etc) The mouth has a mind
of its own, in-so-far as it can embarrass the wearer or get him/her into a
fight (e.g. You're at the king's table with all the high elven nobility
feasting beside you. Everything is quite tasteful until the mouth on your
chainmail lets out a rip-snorting, belly-bouncing belch, and becomes dormant
again. The mouth having appeared on a helmet might goad someone into a fight,
pretending to be the wearer's voice.)

Vache Flamis (or "Flaming Cow")
Level:                          Nine
Casting Time:                   1 round
Duration:                       Instantaneous
Save:                           None
Description: This spell summons 1 cow for every three levels, sets it on fire,
and hurls it at a single target. One target per cow (although conceivably 1
cow could crush several, say, pixies or rats). The cows are real (surreal?) so
magic resistance offers no protection. Damage: 3d8 bludgeoning +1d4 fire
damage per cow v. man-sized; 3d10 bludgeoning +1d4 fire damage per
cow v. large creatures. This spell, although somewhat unknown, has been
used in many successful castle raidings. Each cow counts as a light catapult
shot and might set a fortification on fire. Melvin once laid siege on Saul the
Wise's stronghold. He had the keep surrounded and its inhabitants starving.
Melvin made the mistake of using the Vache Flamis spell. Saul used the
cows to feed his army for days.

                                      -=-

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The Realm of Gauth

The University of Magic

Of all things in Gauth, The University of Magic is the one place
that all civilized magic-using creatures have heard of. Built
centuries ago, this tower rises high above the city of Coranth and
is a constant reminder to the citizens of that city that some of the
most powerful magi of the realm are but a short walk away.
     As detailed in TAG #2, all starting characters of the
wizard class are assumed to be apprentices of the University,
and have access to the standard "non-magical" libraries of the
tower. They have also been given quarters within the tower in
which to live. Starting wizards are granted six 1st-level spells:
read magic, 1 offensive, 1 defensive, and 3 others of their choice.
     The tower itself stands roughly one-thousand feet
high, and its base is about three-hundred feet in diameter. It is an
impressive structure. Its outer walls are made of smooth black
stone, and are impervious to all normal harm. Only weapons of
an immortal nature (artifacts, etc.) can even scratch its surface.
In addition, an anti-magic field surrounds the tower for 50 feet in
all directions, prohibiting creatures from teleporting into or out of
the tower. The effect, however, can be controlled by the tower's Masters.
     Surrounding the University to the north and west is the Guardian
Wood. This thicket of gnarled trees and thorns is a reminder to passersby
that they had best remain at a distance. All entering the wooded area must
make a Saving Throw v. paralysis or become filled with fear and flee the
area as fast as they can.

Schools of Magic

There are various schools within the University. These are not actual
schools, but are more like departments. Each school has a Master, the most
powerful wizard of that particular school. The Masters of the eight schools,
plus an elected ninth wizard make up the High Conclave. This ruling body
makes all of the general policies regarding magic in the realms, and the
inner workings of the tower. They meet at least once each year to discuss
such "mundane" topics. Most of the actual work in the University, however,
is done by their appointed assistants. The Masters are always too busy
doing their own magical research and can seldom be found.
     The rules governing specialist wizards may be found starting on page
7 of The AD&D Complete Wizard's Handbook. Each of the schools
represented therein are depictive of the schools in Gauth with the following
additions:
     Abjurers are of the School of The Shield. Most are paranoid, and are
highly cautious of their surroundings. Since they are always concerned with
protection, most seldom leave the University. Abjurers who live elsewhere
almost always have huge fortresses with many armed guards and magical
traps to keep out those not wanted. Abjurers tend to dress very securely and
secretively with a lot of dark colors and thick fabrics. When travelling, they
tend to wear greens and browns so as to better fade into the background.
When in a city, they tend to dress as commoners to avoid others taking
notice of them. First-level abjurers, upon passing their initiation tests, are
generally given a magical device to help protect them, such as a ring of
protection.
     Transmuters are of the School of Transformations. Always seeking
change, transmuters of Gauth generally tend towards chaos. They are
constantly seeking to uproot the fabric of the University structure.
Philisophical and eccentric, however, they make good teachers and have
often won students of other schools over to their own. Transmuters always
dress in the traditional robes of the magic user. They want everyone to know
that they are spellcasters, and almost always wear the color corresponding
to their alignment (white for good; black for evil; red, grey, or brown for
neutral). At first level, transmuters are usually given a magical device
related to their school, such as a wand of polymorphing with 1-20 charges in
it.
     Conjurers are of the School of Gathering. Obsessed with knowledge,
most of these wizards spend their time in the various laboratories of the
Tower performing experiments, many of which backfire and cause them
great physical distress. It is uncommon to find a conjurer without at least one
serious scar or deformity. Conjurers always dress as if to look like a serious,
hard-at-work magic researcher. They always have lots of important-looking
jewelry, many pouches overflowing with components, and magical devices
(or at least things that look like magical devices) all over their robes. They
usually, however, dress practically, so all of these things aren't just there
to look good; these are things conjurers actually use. Conjurers generally are
too busy to worry about politics, and keep to themselves. At first level,
conjurers are generally given some form of conjuration device, such as a
Wand of Conjuration with 1-20 charges in it. Conjurers almost always take
the spellcraft proficiency.
     Enchanters are of the School of The Talisman. Eager to explore and
adventure, enchanters are people people. Some often dress like
commoners and spend their time about the city interacting and studying
people. The more time they spend with people, the better they understand
their profession. Enchanters always seek to make themselves involved in
any Tower events. They generally are the ones who organize official
functions, and see to all preparations. Enchanters are also very involved in
city politics. Indeed, most enchanters have advisory positions in some
government office or another. Most enchanters dress as immaculately as
possible. They always wear the finest clothes. They have a style and
mannerism noteworthy of even the highest nobility. They always wear whites
and bright colors, and are certain to keep them clean. First level enchanters
are generally given something to aid them in their art, such as a Rod of
Beguiling with 1-10 charges in it. Enchanters usually take the etiquette,
singing, heraldry, and often dancing proficiencies.
     Diviners are of the School of The Celestial Prism. There are two types
of diviners. The first spend all of their time studying in the University
library. Their quest for knowledge consumes them.  The second choose to market
their skills and make their knowledge available to the general public, for a
price. There are several popular diviners in Coranth, most notably is Halion
The Wise who has a small dwelling just north of the Merchants' Quarter.
Diviners are not apt to adventure. They prefer to use their talents to help
others, which helps themselves. Studious diviners generally don't care about
their garb. They generally wear simple robes because they're practical and
don't get in the way of research. "Street" diviners, however, generally wear
mystical robes with many inscriptions of runes and other symbols on them.
After all, in order to be impressive, you have to first look impressive. These
diviners almost always burn incense as well which tends to give them an
outlandish scent. First level diviners are generally given a device, such as a
Wand of Magic Detection or a Wand of Enemy Detection with 1-20 charges
to assist them in their quest for information. Diviners generally take the
ancient history, astrology, ancient languages, and spellcraft proficiencies.
     Illusionists are of the School of The Chimera. Illusionists are often
gaudy, arrogant, and flashy. They live life to the fullest and often on the
edge. They prefer the adventuring life over the confined quarters of the
Tower. Illusionists generally dress in simple colors; grays, blacks, and light
shades of tan. They do this so that they don't call attention to themselves,
yet to their illusions. First level Illusionists are almost always given a
Wand of Illusions with 1-10 charges to help them on their way. Illusionists
generally take some form of artistic ability proficiency. It helps them form
their illusions.
     Invokers are of the School of Acquisition. Of all the schools, the
invokers are considered the most dangerous. In fact, the School of
Acquisition's main laboratories are located on another plane of existence
and linked via a magical portal to protect the Tower from magical "mishaps."
Such mishaps have, in the past, destroyed sections of the Tower from the
inside out! Invokers usually dress in showy, dazzling colors (lots of reds,
yellows, oranges, etc.). They also love to adorn themselves with lots and
lots of impressive looking gems and jewelry. To aid them, invokers are
generally given a special Staff of Spell Storing at first level. This staff may
then be used to store no more than three first-level spells (generally
invokers use it for a battery of magic missile spells). In the past, extremely
generous mentors have even given their apprentices rings with fireballs in
them! Invokers are almost all forced to learn the fire-building proficiency. It
helps to teach them about natural forces and how they react to create energy.
     Necromancers are of the School of The Lost. There are two groups of
Necromancers: White and Black. Black Necromancers are a seclusive
bunch. They prefer to use their talents to experiment on flesh in attempts to
create new creatures, spells, and the like. White Necromancers, on the
other hand, seek to use their abilities to help heal the living. Both, however,
are shunned by the other schools. They're just too weird for anyone else.
These specialists usually either always wear dark black robes or bright white
robes, depending on their bent. Necromancers are always given a Ring of
Regeneration at first level. It is a powerful magical item, but because the
necromancers are a very small group, they always seek to help one another.
Necromancers generally take the herbalism proficiency.

Magi

A wizard who chooses not to specialize in a particular school can still belong
to the University. Indeed, the majority of wizards at the University are non-
specialist magi. This group of wizards is extremely varied. There are wizards
of all types, and from all walks of life. A mage has full access to the
libraries of the tower (save the specialized libraries of the individual
schools) and has a mentor, however magi are generally not given any magical
device at first level. Some mentors (especially lawful good ones) sometimes,
however, give items to their favorite students.

Mentors

All player-character wizards will have a mentor at the University until they
are fifth level. This mentor can either be an NPC introduced into the
storyline by the DM, or an unseen figure understood to be teaching the PC
wizard his skills. The choice is the DM's to make. NPC mentors almost
never assist or aid the PCs in any way, other than give them a bit of
information on a particular topic, or perhaps guide them towards a particular
adventure (i.e. DM story hooks.)


The Test

When a wizard gains enough experience points to make him 5th level, he
stops one point short and must return to The University to undergo a test of
his magical abilities. This test is designed and administered by the wizard's
mentor. If passed, the wizard reaches 5th level and is generally honored
with a banquet. If the wizard performed exceptionally well in his test, he is
often given a magical gift from his school. Such gifts in the past have
included Staves of Wizardry, Elemental Summoning devices, and even once
a Ring of Wishes!
     If the wizard fails his test, he loses experience points enough to bring
him down to exactly what he needs for 4th level, and he must adventure and
practice his arts again so that he may retake his test in the future. If a
wizard fails his test three times, he is dismissed from the University forever.


Rogue Wizards

Not every wizard in the realms belongs to the University. Certainly the vast
majority of them do, but there are rogue wizards who have learned their art
either from family or friends, or an independent wizard somewhere. Such
wizards are scorned by University students, and are looked upon as if
"impure." Rogue wizards can never be admitted to the University. University
standards dictate that students join at a very young age (5 or 6 years old)
and be trained in the ways of magic by University scholars until they reach
their initiation. Rogue wizards simply cannot be admitted because they have
had "less than perfect" training. No rogue wizard has ever been allowed
entrance to the University, and if the Masters get their way, none will. This
is not to say that a particularly powerful wizard couldn't... well, we'll
leave that for the DM.

                                      -=-

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Module

The Goblinz Of Mahk Hill


Note to electronic readers: This module contains a printed map which appears
on page 12 of TAG #4. While it is not vital to have this map to play the
following adventure, maps sure help. We realize this, and as a service to
our loyal readers everywhere, we will be so generous as to provide a
printed map FOR FREE if you send us a self-addressed, STAMPED ($.29 US
domestic, $.75 elsewhere) envelope with your name, address, phone number,
where you found our newsletter, and a short note about how you like (or
don't like) TAG. Now, on with the adventure...


"Last time I was up to Mahk Hill was many years ago. Back then, the sun still
shone down on the place, and the grass was still green. Ah, but that was many,
many years ago. Now, the only thing you'll find growin' around that forsaken
place is thorns.
     "Why, you ask? Well, I'll tell you why. Long ago, even before the founding
of Coranth, this land and all that was around these parts was run by the
Goblinz. They were the masters of the land, much as man is today. When man
came from the southlands, however, he pushed the Goblinz to the north. Most of
the Goblinz scattered to the bad lands. Some, however, remained.
     "What does this have to do with Mahk Hill? Well, what do you think? Do you
think I'd be ranting and raving about Goblinz when you asked me about Mahk Hill
if the two were not related in some fashion? What do you take me for boy? Of
course! There are Goblinz in Mahk Hill. Yes, that's right boy, in the hill. For
they don't live under the sunlight. They bury themselves deep under the hill,
and come out by night to raid and plunder the countryside. And woe to any
wayfarer who journeys too close to the Hill...


Dungeon Master's Background

This adventure is designed for a party of 3 to 7 first or second level
characters. You may, of course, add or subtract monster encounters as
needed to suit your party's overall strength. The party should include at
least one cleric.
     The Goblinz of Mahk Hill are an old tribe descended from the great goblin
hordes of the past. With the coming of man, however, most of these powerful
hordes were pushed into the northern "bad lands" of Gauth beyond and around
the Baz Forest and the Khzark Mountains. A few small tribes of goblins
remained, however. The Mahk are among them.
     The Mahk have been relatively quiet these past few hundred years,
however recently they have begun raiding small villages close to their hill.
Local interest in Coranth is that these goblins be destroyed. There are
"hooks" you can use for all of your player characters to join the adventure:
     Fighters may be hired by merchant guilds who are seeking to protect
their caravans which travel in the area of The Hill;
     Thieves have heard of the Mahk Goblins in their dealings with other
rogues, and know that these goblins must have accumulated quite a deal of
treasure throughout their lootings;
     Clerics, of course, can be charged by their superiors to rid the evil
from the land; and
     Wizards may have various reasons for joining such an adventure:
treasure, ordered by their mentors at the University, hopes of finding
magical items, etc.
     Any way, each party member should have his own personal reasons
for wanting to journey to, and explore Mahk Hill. It is your job as the
Dungeon Master to come up with these reasons, through role-playing
encounters with each player, or as a group (for example, role-play a session
where the leader of the textile guild hunts down the PCs and begs them to
kill the goblins to protect his caravans). Be creative!


Map Notes

Map units are 10 feet square. North is indicated as towards the top of the
page. Gray shaded areas are solid earth. Doors are indicated as small squ-
ares and are located on the side of the wall which the door opens towards.
All doors are unlocked unless otherwise specified and are made of iron.


Mahk Hill

Mahk Hill is only a two day journey north from Coranth, on foot. When the
party members arrive, read to them the following:

     You have arrived at the base of Mahk Hill. The towering peaks of the
     Tross Mountains loom over you to the west. The sun, setting gently
     behind them, warns of the coming darkness. The Goblins will be out
     soon. From your position, you can see the twisted foliage covering an
     even more twisted landscape as it winds up the hillside. A dirt path
     curls up into the darkness. There are goblin and wolf tracks
     everywhere.

If the PCs decide to make camp off to the side of the hill and wait until
morning to journey forth, proceed to Encounter I, otherwise read Encounter
II but remember that there will be 13 additional goblins in the lair (in area
#6).

Encounter I: Goblins At Nightfall

     You move off into the trees several hundred feet from the base of the
     hill and make camp, careful not to make yourselves noticed. You
     cannot see any activity atop the hill, but you are certain there are
     goblins nearby. Strangely, this close to the hill, you notice no signs of
     small animals or birds.

          As midnight approaches, you suddenly hear a resonant
     thundering from the top of the hill, as if two giant doors had been
     thrown open with a great force. Moments later, a considerable number
     of goblins riding wolves come rushing down the hillside, and speed off
     towards the south. You would estimate there were between ten to
     twenty goblins altogether. The hillside, however, is now quiet.

This is the PCs' chance. If they decide to make their way up the hill, proceed
to Encounter II. If they want to try and fight the goblins, stress to them that
it would be an almost impossible battle to win. If they still insist on
fighting, there are exactly 13 goblins, each riding a dire wolf. Wish them
good luck, but do not allow them to win an easy battle. If they want to sit
around and wait for morning, read the following:

     The goblins return just an hour before daybreak. Some carry with them
     large chests, others sport the heads of their dismembered victims.
     There are a few less goblins than there were when they left, however
     there is still a substantial number of them. Slowly, and proudly, they
     make their way back up the hillside, and once again, a loud booming
     noise fills the countryside as they close themselves in their hill. All is
     again quiet.

The goblins will attempt another raid in three days. If the PCs wish to wait,
run through this entire routine once more. This time, however, give them a
10% chance to be noticed by the goblin party. If the PCs decide to explore
the hill with the goblin raiding party still inside, proceed on to Encounter
II, but remember that there are now 10 additional goblins in the lair (they
would be in area #6 with the rest of the tribe).


Encounter II: Journey Up The Hillside

     You make your way up the hillside. As you near the top, you can see a
     huge set of iron doors built right into the hill itself. They stand
     roughly twenty feet tall, and have two gigantic knockers on them. There
     are goblin and wolf tracks everywhere.

These doors are located at the southern-most edge of the lair map (lower
half of room #7). If the PCs decide to try and open the doors, they are lock-

ed with a sliding bolt from the inside (not even a successful open locks
check will move this huge bolt). If the PCs try to batter the door down,
knock, or make any other form of noise, they will alert the goblins, and the
entire horde will be upon them (all the goblins from areas #6, #8, and #9).
     The way the PCs can get secretly into the lair is to scout around and
find the secret entrance buried beneath bushes on the east side of the hill.
Any character actively looking for another entrance in the general area
should locate it. Once inside, proceed to Area #1.


Area #1: The Back Entrance

     The entrance you have found is a small 10 foot wide tunnel which
     extends downwards into the hill. It is quite cold and dark beyond.

Any paladin or lawful-good priest of Iustus will sense evil coming from within
this corridor, though will not be able to tell exactly what is causing it. Any
ranger will notice that there are no tracks in this corridor, save for those of
rats and other small animals.


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Area #2: The Tomb of El Sadil

The door to this area is locked. Any thief attempting to pick the lock will
receive a +10% to his roll because its decrepit condition. However, if the roll
is failed, a poison dart trap will be triggered. The thief will suffer 1 point
of damage, and must save v. poison or become unconscious for 1d4 turns.

     Immediately upon opening the door to this room, you feel a cold chill
     surround you. You see a 10 foot wide, 50 foot long room devoid of
     features. At the far eastern end of the room, you can barely see a
     sarcophagus resting against the wall. There is nothing else noticeable
     in the room.

Any paladin or lawful-good priest can sense that this sarcophagus is the
source of evil they felt before. Within the sarcophagus is the mummified
body of El Sadil, a prince in these lands in an ancient time centuries ago,
before the coming of the modern man in Gauth.
     If any PC attempts to open the sarcophagus, two things will happen.
First, the door to this room will magically slam shut and will remain wizard
locked until either the PCs in the room have all been slain, or El Sadil is
destroyed. Secondly, El Sadil will open his sarcophagus and slowly emerge
to attack the party members. Note that El Sadil has a magical strength and
the lid to the sarcophagus cannot be held shut by any normal means.
     El Sadil: (Mummy Thing, Size M, THAC0 16, AC 6, HD 3 (20 hp),
Attacks 1, Damage 1d6, XP 1,000). El Sadil is a Mummy Thing, a mummy-
like creature who can be hit by normal weapons and has no spell immunity,
and no fear, disease, or paralysis effects. El Sadil attacks by grabbing his
victims and choking them, doing 1d6 points of damage per round. A
character "hit" by El Sadil may make a Dexterity check to avoid being
grabbed by the mummy. Failure results in the PC being choked to death.
Mummy Things move slow, but not quite as slow as their full-blown mummy
cousins. Therefore, any character who is close enough to attack El Sadil in
melee is close enough to be attacked by him.
     In El Sadil's sarcophagus are a total of 500 bronze coins from an
ancient empire. The coins themselves are not worth much, but to a
collector, or an antique dealer, they will fetch 500 gold pieces total. There
are also assorted gems and pieces of jewelry (necklaces, rings, etc. be
creative) totalling 1,000 gp value. There is also a wand of paralysis with 3
charges in it.

Area #3: Pit Trap!

Just before this door, there is a pit trap. Any character walking to the door,
and not checking for traps has a 1 in 2 chance of triggering the trap. All
those within his 10' square unit (near the door) must make a save v.
paralysis or fall in also.
     Pit trap: The pit is 20 feet deep. There is 4 feet of water at the bottom,
so the characters take no falling damage, however any dwarves or halflings
under 4 feet tall who are wearing metal armor had better get help quick.
Once in the pit, any character will notice that there is a small door on the
northern wall that extends to the floor. The words "Treasure Room" are
written clearly on the top of the door. Six rounds after any character falls
into the pit, a gate will close over the opening and more water will start
pouring in from small holes all around the center of the pit. If the PCs
quickly get themselves out of the pit, nothing will happen, but any PC greedy
enough to try to open the door will be stuck beneath the gate.
     The door, of course, looks like a normal door (handle, lock, etc.) but is
a trick. It is not a real door. It cannot be opened or picked. It is simply to
trick greedy PCs into trying to open it. Once trapped beneath the gates, a PC
is stuck there, and will eventually drown as the water rises. It takes a
combined strength of 80 to open the gate enough for a PC to get out. The
pit fills with water in 2 turns.

Area #4: The Temple

     On the west wall of this 40 foot by almost 60 foot room is a dias with a
     3 foot high black onyx statue of Sinistus (evil deity of the realm) upon
     it. Chained to the north wall are the remains of 4 humanoids. Judging
     by their aged robes, they were once priests of Sinistus. Now, however,
     nothing but bones remain. In the southern end of the room rests a
     large chest.

The statue is what it seems. An old statue of Sinistus. Any dwarf in the party
can recognize that the craftsmanship used to carve this stone was
extraordinary. ("certainly dwarven hands created such a fine piece of
artwork. Too bad it's of that snake!") If brought back to Coranth, no one will
want to purchase such a statue, however if the right merchant is found (one
who, perhaps, trades with the evil Sinistus cults) it will fetch around 200
pieces of gold.
     The skeletons are, of course, animated. They have been commanded
to rise and slay all who enter. As soon as the majority of the party members
are in the room (or as many as there are going to be), they will attack. Three
have short swords, and the fourth will remain in the far corner shooting
arrows at the party.
     Skeletons: (Size M, THAC0 19, AC 7, HD 1, Attacks with weapon,
Damage by weapon). When any character tries to open or otherwise touch
the chest, read the following:

     As you near the chest, you notice that it appears to be of very fine
     quality wood. The centuries appear to have not touched it. You reach
     down to open the chest, and a fist springs forth from it, striking you!

The chest is a mimic that has been here for centuries. This mimic, however,
has a twist. It will strike the first character who comes near it, but will not
do any damage. It will then say, "hey! what gives? Did I come up and try to
open you? No! So back off. By the way, my name's Chester. What's yours?
What are you doing down in the nasty, skank, foul place?"
     As you can see, Chester has a mind all of his own, and can be an
interesting addition to your group. He can sprout limbs (two legs and two
arms) and can walk about as fast as a dwarf. He will ask the PCs if they
want him to come along to help carry treasure (provided, of course, he gets
a share). He's eager to join them, but tries to look like he's not. Develop a
personality for him. You'll enjoy it, especially when the PCs are getting ready
to ambush a group of goblins and Chester yells, "hey! I found a copper
piece!" from the background.
     If, however, the PCs decide to fight Chester to see what's inside, he is
quite a nasty foe (Size S, THAC0 10, AC 5, HD 10 (75 hp), Attacks 2,
Damage 1-10). He will not aid the PCs in combat at any time, however. He
only fights in self defense. If in danger, he will act like a normal chest
rather than fight - unless he knows he's in trouble. Also, he refuses to be a
circus act. If the PCs try showing him off in Coranth, he'll disappoint them
by remaining totally silent.
     In the event that the PCs do manage to kill Chester, they'll find he's
empty. He consumes precious metals and gems. Also, anything the PCs put
in Chester will mysteriously disappear. "Burrrp. Sorry guys."

Area 5: Storage Room / Kitchen

>From the north passageways, the door to this room looks like a blank wall.
Any character who searches, however, will find a secret door (sliding wall
section). From the south, however, this secret door is virtually impossible to
detect (the goblins never knew of it's existence).

     This room is filled with boxes and crates and barrels and all kinds of
     other small containers. Closer examination reveals that most of them
     are filled with foodstuffs and poor ale. There is also a small pot of
     boiling water on the north-west corner. Surely this is where the goblins
     store and prepare their food.

There is nothing else of interest in this room.

Area 6: Goblin Quarters

This is where the goblin horde lives. There will be 10 goblin females and 10
young here who will run at the first site of intruders (will not fight). If the
PCs have arrived while the raiding parties are out, there will be only 3 males
here who will fight. The females, of course, will alert the goblinz' king.

     As you open the door to this room, you notice about 20 goblins (most
     of whom are females and young) engaged in daily goblin-like
     activities. There appear to be three males here who are lying in their
     beds being tended to by the females. One is even sleeping.


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Goblinz: (Size S, THAC0 20, AC 6, HD 1-1, Attacks 1, Damage by weapon -
1). The goblins will have, randomly, either a long sword, short sword, or
dagger as their weapon. None of these weapons are in good shape,
however, and do -1 damage.
     If the characters search the room for a turn or more (giving the rest of
the goblins the perfect opportunity to prepare an ambush) they will find
nothing but filthy bedding, foodstuffs, and a total of 10 copper pieces.
     If the characters are exploring this area while the raiding party is here,
then there will be 13 (or 10; see above) extra male goblins in this area to
deal with. If they decide to wait, the raiding party will leave in three days,
and they can try again. If they do not have enough food with them for three
days, they will suffer a -1 penalty to their hit rolls and lose one point of
Constitution per day they do not eat (temporary loss until they get food).
If they reach 0 Constitution, they are, of course, dead.

Area #7: Common Room

This is a large area where the goblins gather for recreation, feasts, or other
occasions. This is also where the dire wolves are kept.

     In this room, you notice several small tables, many old wooden chairs,
     assorted small chests, and a large area of straw bedding. There is
     also a hallway to the south leading to a huge set of iron double doors.

If the females escaped area #6 and have alerted the king, there will be 4
male goblins here (2 from area #9 and two from #8) ready to fight. They will
attempt to surprise the characters as they enter from the north.

Area #8: Treasure Room / Armory

This is where the goblins keep their treasure and weapons. There are
normally two guards stationed at all times in this room, and will attack the
PCs unless they have already been alerted and fought in area #7.
     In this room are chests, cabinets, and boxes (none trapped) containing
the following: 5000 cp, 500 sp, 200 gp, 10 pp, gems worth 1000 gp total,
assorted jewelry worth 400 gp total, 3 potions of healing, 5 normal swords,
10 short swords, 3 shields, 12 daggers, and a suit of dwarven-sized plate
mail.

Area #9: Goblinz King

This is where the goblinz king lives. HIs room is elaborately furnished (for a
goblin). He has a bed, small table, several small chairs, and a throne made
of animal bones. There is a small chest under his bed which contains his
personal treasure.
     The goblinz king is a cowardly old goblin. He will be hiding behind his
throne if the characters make it to his room. He will attempt to bribe them by
offering the PCs treasure if they spare his life. If they refuse, he will draw
his sword +1 and attack them.
     The king has his sword, a dagger, and a pouch containing 3 platinum
pieces in it. He also wears a ring of charismatic influence on his right index
finger. His treasure chest contains 200 gold pieces and a potion of healing.

New Magic Items

Ring of Charismatic Influence: The wearer of this ring has an effective
charisma of 18. In addition, if the wearer spends more than an hour giving
an emotional speech to a group of people, he can effectively charm them as
the spell. When the charm wears off, they will not have any knowledge of
the spell effect having taken place. This special effect is only good once per
month.

Aftermath

If the PCs let the goblin king live, the raiding party will return (or, if the
PCs managed somehow to kill all the other goblinz, he will recruit more from
neighboring lands using his ring) and nothing will have changed. They will
continue to raid the countryside.
     If, however, the goblin king has been killed, the raiding party will
return and without their king they will resort to chaos and end up fighting
amongst themselves. The tribe will scatter. Of course, if the PCs were hired
by a merchant or some other interested party, they will need to bring back
proof (his head is usually good enough) to receive pay.
     Having ridden the nearby villages of the goblins, the PCs will earn a
small amount of notoriety in Coranth. Feel free to develop whatever storyline
you please regarding this aspect of their success.

Conclusion

We hope you have enjoyed this module. Please send us mail and let us
know what you think of it. Remember, we're always looking for new people
to write modules for us, and if you only have good ideas and no time to
write, send us your ideas and we'll work out the details! Enjoy.

                                      -=-


Fiction

The Inevitable Casualty
by Richard Rost

Bereft peeked out through a mound of twisted metal at the remains of the
parking lot in which he hid. The shattered wreckage of vehicles long since
abandoned littered the desolate plain. "Did it see me?" he whispered to
himself. "Need to find better cover."
     Gathering what little nerve he had left, Bereft stood up slowly from his
hunched position and searched the debris for a more secure hiding place.
"Got to get me over to the sewer somehow. I'll make me escape that way."
Long shadows loomed over most of Bereft's view. A full moon intruding
through polluted clouds barely illuminated the rest. "Ah, there we go!"
Several yards away rested the hulk of an old decrepit van. "Concealment. A
place to hide. A place to avoid them, if only for a few moments," he believed.
     Without a second thought at the pounding in his chest, Bereft covertly
made his way through the wreckage. He passed noiselessly over the bodies
of the dead which littered the earth. At times he longed for the peace that
only death could bring. "let them win," he sometimes considered. "No, then
all these people died for nothin'."
     He glanced around to be sure that none of them were watching. "You
have to always remember," his mother had warned him as a young child,
"they can see at night. The shadows will betray you. Be cautious!" That was
before they had found her.
     "Arrgh!" Bereft gasped. A long shard of metal protruding from the
debris had pierced his flesh and cut deep into his leg, sending warm blood
gushing forth. In panic, Bereft hurled himself to the rubble. One sound was
more than enough. Had any of them heard?
     Silence ensued for what seemed an eternity. "Whew, I'm safe." Except
for the habitual shrieks of gunshots in the distance, the city around him
slept. The shadows were content, for the moment. They did not hear. Bereft
delicately rose to his feet, his leg blanketed with blood. He examined the
desolate stretch of earth before him. The long shadows crept about, like
phantoms stalking the innocent. Thin fingers of moonlight still illuminated
the bodies of those less fortunate; those who they considered a threat and
had disposed of.
     Nearly uninhabited, silent, and lifeless, the city slept. Not a single
living soul stirred. "Ah, peace." The pain from his leg was comforting
compared to the thought of dealing with one of them. Bereft had heard many
stories and had seen many die. He had seen those he loved and cared for
slaughtered like cattle, never seeing the faces of their enemies. Then Bereft
saw it. Across the stretch of wasteland it stood, staring, gazing with lifeless
eyes. Awe stricken, Bereft could no longer feel the tingling in his leg. For a
moment, his existance seemed meaningless. But only for a moment.
     It was not much later when he noticed the odor of the decomposing
corpses upon which he laid. They had found yet another victim.
     The cry of a gunshot severed the tranquility of the otherwise quiet
parking lot. There were none to hear the sound of yet another lifeless body
collapse to the ground. None would observe his blood spatter the earth.
None, that is, except for the machines...

                                      -=-

Familiars R Us

Article by Lazarus

So, how many games have you run with the magic-user just soaking up
extra powers from his familiar, some little kitty or snake that has no
personality, questionable stats, and is always forgotten by the DM in battle?
Well, go no further. I present to thee, Benito Juarez, a little drake with a
Poncho of Protection +2, a thick Mexican accent, and an obsession with
spicy food. Here is just a sample of this little demon's effect on the
campaign:

     Warrior: Alright, the rest of you stay back while I open the door.
     Thief: Lock's picked. [Slinks off to corner]
     Wizard: Um, anyone seen BJ?
     Priest: Oh God! [Starts to pray]
     DM: Just then, you hear scrambling sounds behind the door as at
        least a dozen orcs arm themselves. You hear two voices.
     Orc: Hey! What the...?
     Voice: Hey Senor, is that a Burrito you have?
     Orc: Burrito?
     Voice: [Crunch] Thank you senor!
     Orc: There must be more where this critter came from!
     Wizard: No! We can't let them kill him! [Images of valuable hit points
        lost fly through his head]
     Warrior: Ah, to hell with it! Charge! [Bursts through door]
     BJ: Fooled you, you stupid muchacho.
     Wizard: Put the sword down, Hrothgar!
     Warrior: I'm gonna roast that little...
     Thief: Um, guys, we have company!
     BJ: You're going to die senors. [Munch, munch]

See? Familiars can be fun. Just remember, put together some fun stats, a
few neuroses, and a couple of quirks. But you have to treat him as another
member of the party. Keep track of hit points, position, etc. Use the little
bugger to point the way when the party is really off track. When they are
ahead of schedule, use 'em to slow down progress.

     Priest: Who ate the Word of Recall scroll?
     BJ: Ask that ogre mage behind you, senorita.

Here are some ideas on personalities: A black cat named Lolita that keeps
wandering away from the party and showing up later, pregnant; A ferret
named Lefty that gets into people's packs and eats their rations; An owl
named Hooters that likes to perch on people's heads, especially the king's,
the archmage's, the dragon's, etc.; A little cute mouse named Squeek, and
that is what she does, all the time, and at really inappropriate moments; A
pseudodragon with a chronic headcold (a little critter sneezing in your ear
every minute does nothing for spell concentration); A tom named Eddie that
loves to sleep on your spellbook when you are trying to read it. An otherwise
friendly Great Dane named Killjoy that is very territorial, and gets really
attached to the paladin's bedroll.
     Have fun, and remember that a familiar is a terrible thing to waste (but
try telling that to the paladin).

Paladin: Here Killjoy, good dog, ouch! Priest! Hand me that shield and my
sword! Aaaaah! Down boy!

                                      -=-

Land of the Online

This month's Land Of The Online focuses on two computer bulletin board
systems operated by the same sysop. James Nunn, otherwise known as
Jim, operates The Great White North and Paragon out of his Springville,
New York home. We recently interviewed Jim about his systems.

TAG: What are the phone numbers for your two BBSes?
Jim: The Great White North is 716-592-5652, and Paragon is 716-592-
        5910.
TAG: What speeds do your BBSes support?
Jim: Both are on 16.8 U.S. Robotics Dual Standards, supporting v.32,
        v.32bis, v.42, v.42bis, 14,400 baud, and 16,800 baud HST.
TAG: How many lines does each BBS have?
Jim: Each is currently a single line system.
TAG: Any plans for adding more lines in the future?
Jim: Not in the near future, no.
TAG: What is the total hard drive capacity of your systems?
Jim: They're hooked up on a LAN. The total capacity is about 1 gigabyte,
        including our CD-ROM.
TAG: What CD-ROM disk do you have online?
Jim: Currently we're running Night Owls' Shareware Volume 9.
TAG: The Great White North is the home of IceNET (node @1), what other
        networks are your systems in?
Jim: Paragon is IceNET @7654, WWIVnet @7663, and WWIVlink
        @17652. The Great White North is IceNET @1, WWIVnet @7662, and
        WWIVlink @17662.
TAG: Of course, you're running WWIV BBS software. What version of the
        software are you running?
Jim: Version 4.23. Next saturday we'll be beta testing version 4.24.
TAG: What is the overall theme of your BBSes?
Jim: Both are general-type systems; full-featured BBSes focusing on the
        five main things you can do on a BBS: read/post messages, read/answer
        Email (both local and international), play online games,
        upload/download software, and participate in online live chat.
TAG: How many, and what types of message bases do you have?
Jim: We have about 100 message bases on each system, so 200 total.
        They're a general mix of topics with an emphasis on wholesome subs. We
        do have a good deal of political discussion and technical based message
        subs as well.
TAG: Do you support adult software?
Jim: What do you mean by adult software?
TAG: Such things as X-rated graphics files?
Jim: No.
TAG: Why not?
Jim: Because of users who log on and lie about their age. They say that
        they're adults when they're actually minors. I figure if their parents
        want them to learn about that stuff, they can teach it to them. I
        don't want them learning it from my BBSes.
TAG: What other unique features do your boards have?
Jim: Me [laughs], and Louie.
TAG: What kinds of online fantasy role-playing do you have?
Jim: We carry a bunch of role-playing subs, such as The Art of Dungeon
        Mastering hosted by your system, The Dungeon.
TAG: How long have your boards been in operation?
Jim: The Great White North went online in 1990. Paragon went up in the
        spring of '91.
TAG: Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Jim: I'm an electrical engineer, currently working in the nuclear industry at
        West Valley. My hobbies include computers, although computers are also
        an important business tool for me. I am also a licensed pilot.
TAG: Does your system have any post/call or upload/download ratios?
Jim: No. Only that the ratio of honesty to dishonesty must be one or greater.
TAG: What online games do you have?
Jim: The standards: TradeWars, Global War, Online Chess, Masterix, and
        Chat With Jim.
TAG: Do you charge any membership fees?
Jim: No.
TAG: What are your plans for future expansion?
Jim: We will be upgrading all of our hardware in the near future, including
        our LAN and network cards. We'll also be adding more CD-ROM drives.

                                      -=-

BBS Listing

To have your BBS added to our listing, send us your writeup (write or call for
details). Your system must be, to some part, dedicated to role-playing &
gaming, and must be a full time (24-hour) system.

                The Dungeon                        716-###-####
                The Insomniacs' Nightclub          716-834-0559
                Fantasia                           716-684-3562
                The Great White North              716-592-5652
                Paragon                            716-592-5910

Note that The Insomniacs' Nightclub has changed their phone number since
the last issue of TAG.

Note also that at the time of the electronic issue production, our host
system, THE DUNGEON is temporarily offline. See information under TAG
SUBSCRIPTION INFO to get our new number!

                                      -=-

The Buffoonery

Lawyer Jokes
Submitted by David Cheng

A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a
living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"
     Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
     "That's wonderful," the teacher said, "what about you Amie?"
     Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "my father is a
mailman."
     "Thank you Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
     Billy proudly stood up and announced, "my daddy plays piano in a
whorehouse." The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to
geography. Later that day, she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's
father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and
demanded an explanation.
     Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney, but how can I explain a
thing like that to a seven year-old?"

----

At a convention of biological research scientists, one researcher remarks to
another, "did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to
lawyers for our experiments?"
     "Really?" The second replied, "why did you switch?"
     "Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more
plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and
thirdly, there are some things that even a rat won't do. However, sometimes
it is very hard to extrapolate our test results to human beings."

----

A man walked into a bar with an alligator and asked the bartender, "do you
serve lawyers here?"
     "Sure do," replied the bartender.
     "Great," the man said. "I'll have a beer, and a lawyer for my 'gator."

----

                Note to electronic readers: You have absolutely
                GOT to get a hold of a printed copy of THE
                ADVENTURERS' GUILD to see a new comic from
                Dan Smith called FELRIC THE ODD. It is absolutely
                GUT-WRENCHING! You'll love it! Send for your
                copy today!

                                      -=-


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     PO Box 1453
     Buffalo NY 14225-1453
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----

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----

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----

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----

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----

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continuous campaign sessions. If interested, send mail to TAG Box #3222.


                                      -=-


Distribution Sites

Please call, write, or stop in any of the following locations to receive your
copy of The Adventurers' Guild:

Amicron Technology Services, PO Box 1453, Buffalo NY 14225, 716-369-6235
B. Dalton Bookseller, Walden Galleria, 716-681-0140
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Creation Computer Systems, 1280 Walden, Cheektowaga, 716-662-9238
Dragon's Lair, 3 Kelly Drive, Cheektowaga, 716-677-0121
Dragon's Lair (formerly Outland), 33 University Plaza, Buffalo, 716-835-3362
Halley's Comics & Games, 1144 Oliver, N. Ton, 716-695-6138
House of Fantasy, 1709 Pine, Niagara Falls NY, 716-282-8838
House of Fantasy, 79 Webster, N. Ton, 716-694-9793
Seeley & Kanes, 2745 Delaware, Kenmore, 716-876-7168
Stadium Sportscards, 4050 North Buffalo St., Orchard Park, 716-662-1988
Village Hobby, 4254 North Buffalo St., Orchard Park, 716-662-7313
Waldenbooks, Walden Galleria, 716-685-3477
Ye Olde Book Shoppe, 1713 Grand Island Blvd, 716-773-1488.

Printed copies of TAG #4 should be available everywhere no later than April
30th, 1994. If they don't have it, TELL THEM TO GIVE US A CALL AND WE'LL
DROP OFF MORE! And of course, when you're there, TELL THEM YOU'RE THERE TO
GET TAGged!

        -------------------------------------------------------------

                                                T H E   D U N G E O N

                                       Computer Bulletin Board System
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                The Dungeon is temporarily offline at this
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                but around May 1st, 1994, call 716-369-6235
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                NEW phone number! We'll be back up again
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    _______________________________________________________________________
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--