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From: [e-mail] (Eric Reaves)
Newsgroups: rec.games.frp.archives
Subject: STORY:  Wasted Knights (Part 5)
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Date: 18 Jan 1996 16:58:04 -0500
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WASTED KNIGHTS IN NEHWON  (part 5)

In which camping out is shown to be less fun than advertised,
a Noble is revealed to be not so very, and some characters have
back trouble that prohibits their participating in combat.

DISCLAIMER:
This story is provided purely for your entertainment.  There are no real
people depicted in this, nor is there a lesson to be learned, and anyone
trying to read elements of moral, intellectual or allegorical intent into
it will be tracked down and killed or forced to join the gaming group whose
efforts to avoid reality through Role Playing are generating this fable.

Trademark Stuff:
Nehwon, Lanhkmar, and Assorted Names of Characters, which when first
referenced, are indicated with (tm), were created by Fritz Leiber. The story
itself has been transcribed from the interaction generated during play of
several "Lanhkmar" modules created by TSR.  The copyright is owned by
Eric Reaves, Lori Reaves and probably various other folk that had a hand in
playing the games, as well as MPGN, which is where Nehwon lives in the
meeting rooms.  No association or representation with TSR or MPGN of any
type is implied nor is to be inferred from mention of their creations in
this work.  You may not copy this if you are going to sell it, nor may you
modify it for any reason if you do copy it to distribute to other people
that have not seen it yet.

Characters:

Talon :  Big/Huge Northerner (barbarian race) with decidedly martial air.
Uses 2 long swords and wears chain mail.  Has decided ideas of honor, which
don't necessarily match what anyone else might expect.

Basher:  Big/Huge Northerner (barbarian race) wearing gladiator half armor
and bearing 2 shortswords he calls drususes (drusi?).  The original tank
warrior.  All brawn and no whatever that other organ is that fighters don't
need.

Minneatonabal: Mingol warrior wearing chain mail with a bow, shield and
saber.  Medium height and very agile.  Sarcastic and bitter much of the
time, yet of a higher moral character than some other folk who will remain
nameless.
Oh, and of course Bill.  Her bosom companion, trusty mount and hell of one
BIG Buffalo.  He is probably the most reasonable member of the group.
Certainly the most stable.

Bandit: Smallish dark skinned attractive Kleshite. He carries a number of
daggers and wears no armor. Very nervous disposition and very sickly.  He
seems to have a cold most of the time. Obnoxious is a good word for him
despite his physical attractiveness.

(NPC)
Kaniia: Muscular maiden wearing ring mail with a big ax.  She is very
earnest, if not very bright.  She is also one of the major priests of a
minor deity named Adjlar.


During the last session, we found out that being a Black Mage is hard on
a body. We also found the house that Hisven used to live in, and collected
a curse that is a real trip.

The next day Minn did two things.  She got the frame and rack from the
Black Mage house that used to belong to Hisven, and she carried it to
Talon's room out back of the Silver Eel. (I think she got to feeling
worried about anyone that Talon might pass his curse on to.)  She also
attempted to collect the cash for some healing potions she found and
bought earlier in the week.

All: ôHow much was it?
!!Minn: DM, I did bargain that elixir of health down to 500 didn't I?
<G>
!!Talon: 450 I thought Minn
!!Minn: or was that 400?
!!Talon: 6 for 2400 right?
!!Minn: yeah
!!Talon: OK.. thought that's what I read
!!Talon: you are such a good bargainer..
!!Minn: thanks
!!Talon: welcome
!!Bandit looks in the DM's pocket while he is away..
!!Bandit gags.
!!Minn: Any $$, bandit?
!!Bandit: just his lunch.
!!DM: there, found my notes.  400 for the elixir of health
!!Bandit: from 3 days ago.

There was much argument and fussing around since everyone had already
spent up all their change.  Finally they got it all settled and the
potions were held in common for use as needed.

Well, since they had a potion of health, Bandit decided to try to identify
one of the 3 potions the Black Mage was carrying.  He took a sip.
Bandit: ôShlurrpö
And he stood there.
For a while.
Staring off into nothingness.
Basher took the potion from Bandits hand and jostle him.
Bandit stared at Basher oddly
Bandit looked very confused.. and he staggered a bit also.
Bandit asks, "Euylejof. Whiyelmf flid won?"
Well, this was rather startling to the rest of the group.  They
discussed it for while.

Minn: ôMost sense I have heard him make in a long time.  Give him
another sip of whatever it was he had to drink.
Talon: ôMinn, you know we cant do that!ö
Minn: ôI do?ö
Talon: ôYeah, a cursed potion only has one use, no matter the size of
the sip and then its effectiveness is gone.  Giving him a sip from the
same bottle would make no difference.ö
Minn: ôOh.  Too bad.ö
Talon: ôWe would have to give him sips from one of the OTHER bottles to
do anything else to him.ö

So, with that out of the way,

Minn: ôI got a letter from  Sheelba yesterday...ö
Bandit says, "wgat er esoyomh pmZ"
Minn says, "Shut up, Bandit."
Minn: ôShe's concerned with how things are going and wants me (us?) to
.... (just a sec)... yep, US.. to come to the swamp todayö
Talon: yuck
Minn: she says it is "of the utmost importance"

So, they all moved out into town headed for the Marsh Gate and Sheelba.
All but Bandit, he just staggered into the corner.
But soon Talon grabed Bandit by the collar and off they went.

After Basher slings Bandit over his shoulder and climbed up the rope
ladder, Minn introduced everyone.  Everyone acted very cautious in their
discourse.  Everyone except Bandit, he bowed to the stove and then tried
to talk to a bug that only he saw.

Sheelba says, "I also see our young wizard has drunk a potion of
madness.  Quite mad of him, so first things first"
Minn asks, "Yes, is there anything you can do for him?  Like make it permanent?"
Sheelba begins to chant slowly and eventually Bandit is returned to normal
Bandit exclaims, "Wowzers! Where are we? Neat pad!"
Sheelba says, "I am known as Sheelba, and some add of the eyeless face.'"
Bandit says, "Groovular. Neat to meetya."
Minn stuffs a sock in Bandit's mouth
Sheelba asks, "Groovular?  But of course you are a wild mage are you not?"
Bandit says, "MNPH.."

Sheelba goes on to explain of a great Wyrm that threatened the entire
world, one so powerful even a god could not stop him.

Bandit asks, "uh.. is it purple?"
Talon says, "that would be a worm.. not a wyrm"
Bandit asks, "O. OK. is it pyrple then?"

Sheelba ignored this and explained about a flute, known as the flute of
Hwal.  This flute could be played to put the creature to sleep for a
thousand years.  The flute was located in the collection of the Nobleman
Kelepho Alzamexes.  The party had 2 days to get the flute and get south
to the Lakes of Pleea (tm) before the creature roused enough to destroy
Nehwon.

They discussed some more plans.
Bandit asks, "now then.. is he gonna give it to us?"
Sheelba says, "Bandit, I don't think so"
Bandit says, "maybe I can swap him a potion..."
Minn laughs

Sheelba says, "You may have a need for a person capable of spotting
traps and making doors open."
Sheelba snaps her fingers and a man walks from behind a door.
Sheelba says, "his name is Wenta Weck, he owes me a favor and my favor
is to have him serve you for retrieval of the flute."

Bandit, saw an opportunity, and asked Sheelba for another favor to add
to the one he owed her for cure madness.  He wanted some more spells,
and Sheelba agreed if he would go along and lay the Wyrm to rest.  Then
they all went back to Lankhmar and started looking for the house of
Kelepho Alzamexes.

Minn: "ôI think we ought to just walk up and ask for the flute.  Surely
the safety of our world would overshadow any personal claim on property.!"
Wenta: "ôDon't think so.  I hear he's a stick in the mud, one of the
paranoid types who puts poisoned caltrops on the grounds."
Bandit says, "Don't you mean a stick in the grass?  No, he probably wont
just give it to us.  Why don't we sneak in and try to take it?"
Wenta: ôWhat ever you think.ö

They made it back to the city, and finally found the place.  It was a
large house with a large wall surrounding it... and 2 ugly looking
guards at the gate and 2 others walking around the periphery.

After some whispered discussion, they came up with a plan...
Talon: ôBasher and I will portray ourselves as 2 ruffians (not hard eh?)
and Minn will play the *SCREAMING* damsel in distress.ö
Minn: ôtrust you talon.ö
Bandit: ôOK.. that plan sounds pretty. good..ö
Minn: ôHow do I always get this role?  How come Bandit can't be the
Dumbo in distress?  I will make him scream loud enough all right.ö
Bandit: ôOnly... Minn is wearing armor.  How many damsels in distress
wear armor?ö
Minn: ôYOU GUYS AIN'T TALKING ME OUT OF MY ARMOR!!!!!ö

So, the plan was put into effect.  Minn went running screaming past the
Guards, pursued by Talon and Basher.  She rounded the corner followed by
the 2 thugs and waited for the rest of the surprise party to be set up.
The guards (being real dumb) left their posts to investigate.
Minn SCREAMS again.
Guards say, "Hey leave that gal alone."
The guards wield their weapons and come towards you
DM: Roll for initiative  it is Basher's turn.
DM: Oh, btw, They have some sort of armor AC 6, and longswords.
 (long pause)

!!Basher: thanks, sorry my whole ******* family is screaming here.
!!Talon: shoot them.
!!Bandit: is that legal in California?
!!Basher: well, weÆll see after OJ.
!!DM: Just blame it on twinkies.

*Basher loses the initiative.
## From their rolls, they appear to be about 4Æth level fighters.
Which, btw, is higher than any of the group.

They miss their attacks and Talon and Basher whomp 'em good.

After another round where Talon and Basher deal out massive subdual type
damage, and the 2 guards canÆt hit squat...
Minn says, "Guys, sorry, but this is a trap.  You'd better surrender"
But they donÆt get the chance to respond, since they fall down in acoma.
Minn tends to the guards wounds and ties them up.
Talon and Basher strip the guards cloaks and wear them, grab Bandit by
the arms and frog march him over to the gate.  (## this part of the plan
Minn agreed with.)  When the other 2 outside guards come up, drop him at
their feet, and then attack them with surprise.  At least, that was the plan.

They grab a struggling Bandit, (about half in earnest,) and hold him off
the ground by the arms.
Bandit exclaims, "Let go of me you scum!"
Bandit exclaims, "I really didn't want in!"
Bandit exclaims, "I WAS JUST LOOKING IT OVER..!"
Bandit pushes Basher, and Basher actually falls down, and rolls toward
the guards.
The one guard asks, "having trouble?"

Bandit exclaims, "OK, I will kill you then.. if you don't let me go!"
Talon falls down as well.
##obviously, Talon has forgotten that Bandit is only about 5Æ3ö tall and
weighs about 100 pounds.

##But, also obviously, these guards are dumber than the first two, for
they seem to suspect nothing is amiss when 2 huge burly fellows, both
6Æ++ tall and more than 200 pounds are thrown around by a shrimp.

One guard walks up to Talon and Basher and the other turns and runs into
the gate going for reinforcements.
##Hm.. maybe one of them had some sense anyway.

Unfortunately for him, he gets cut off at the pass by a Buffalo.
##Bill always makes such a great doorstop.
The other one just said, ôHey! You don't look like Harry!ö
Then everyone gangs up and beats the stew out of these 2 unfortunate guards.
One of them passes out and the other surrenders with the typical
fighting man yell here in Lankhmar:
"It is a good day to die, but perhaps another day is better."

So the protagonists entered the grounds running the same tired routine
of 2 big guys hauling a little guy around.  The inner grounds were
scrumptuously maintained and planted with exotic and lush trees, colorful
shrubs and decorative plants.  Exotic looking birds sat in the trees.

There were 2 guards inside the walls walking a very odd and careful
circuit watching where they stepped.

Went, quietly says, "Caltrops in the grass."
One of the guards must have heard the ruckus outside the wall
(apparently these 2 were not deaf.) He shouts, "Intruders!", and heads
slowly for the side of the house while the other guard just stands there
waiting for someone to come to him.

Talon exclaims, "someone call master Alzamexes.. we have caught a thief!"
Talon says, "Kelepho will deal with you scum"
Bandit says, "I am not either scum... look I have a nice handkerchief..."
Bandit says, "with a Big 'A' on it."

Believe it or not, this actually WORKS on the guard that isnÆt moving.
He stands there looking confused.

So they try to entice him over with more pleadings for help to control
this dangerous individual they have captured.
Talon exclaims, "get over here!!"
Basher yells, ôguard! help us!ö
Talon says, "and be careful while your doing it"
Talon says, "its me Harry, stupid!"
Talon says, "gimme a hand, I have been wounded"
StandingGuard asks, "What's the password?"
Bandit: "OOPS."
....
Basher yells ôHelp! Harry's been poisoned!ö and Talon falls to the
ground.
StandingGuard says, "Oh then I'll go get some help."

So, having exhausted their intellects with subterfuge, the party draws
their bows and starts shooting at the guards, both of whom are STILL
outside.  (##there were a blue million of those caltrops all over the
place, no running is possible anywhere on the grounds)

DM: The fast tip-toeing guard has turned the corner.
##OK, so they were only shooting at ONE of the guards.

Plink, Twang, Twong, Plunk, Thunk, Thwack...

DM: He will panic and run over a caltrop.. (dice rolling) .. fail his
save and die.
DM: there is no one else left in sight
!!Basher: My arrows melt and make it look like he was just clumsy OK?
!!DM: sure
!!Basher: OK
Bandit: we can TRY to save him..  if we can get there in time..
DM: Wenta is removing caltrops and making a path...
in the other direction.
Bandit: oh well. poor guy.
Basher: hehe

The group followed single file across the yard in WentaÆs wake.
Basher makes a dexterity roll.
Bandit does also.
##Talon tries something that I missed logging, but the DM doesn't let
him get away with it.
Talon: well, if it don't work.. I guess Ill roll
*Talon rolls (1d20) : 19 = 19
Minn says, "Come on, Talon, you're holding up the works"
DM: roll another d20 and try to get high this time
!!Bandit: better pray for recent rain talon.. (G)
*Talon rolls (1d20) : 8 = 8
DM (rolls): Talon, you step on the one caltrop Wenta missed and take 8
points of painful damage.
Basher removes TalonÆs shoe and examines the wound to see if the poison
can be extracted..
He cuts small x on wound...
!!Talon: use a dagger bro.. not a 2 handed ;)
!!Basher: hehe
and finds that he is too late.  Besides, the poison isn't a death poison.
##unless you have less than 3d6 hp that is.

Wenta says, "I hear that the thieves guild opened a glass panel to a
solarium in the roof."
Bandit asks, "you want us to climb up there?"
Wenta says, "It might be a easy way in if the guards know we are coming."
I can climb up and throw down a rope.
Talon: ôOK.. give him a rope..ö
Bandit says, "sounds good.  who has one?"

After some more discussion, (and finger pointing,) Wenta discovered he
had one that he had forgotten about.  (##I think the DM was ready for us
to get into this building.)  And he began climbing the building wall.

DM rolls (1d100) : 93 = 93
DM: up, up, up... and
DM: down, down, down he went..(SLAM!)  but missed any caltrops.
DM says, "I'll try again"
*DM rolls (1d100) : 98 = 98
(SLAM)
Basher studies Wenta closely looking for signs of drug use
DM: one last time, if this don't work, I'm trying the side door
*DM rolls (1d100) : 10 = 10
And Wenta scurries up the side of the wall.

Pretty soon, all the party has climbed up..
!!Talon:  Yea!.. Bill and my horse next..
!!Talon: I got a Warn 12,000 pound portable wench we could use
!!DM: quit bragging
!!Bandit: boy, sheÆs a chubby isn't she?

Now the party was inside a solarium on the ground floor.  The excitement
of breaking into the building was so great, that no one noticed the
second floor seemed to not be there anymore as they went through the
skylight.

They poked around in the solarium and the dining room, finding nothing
but dirty dishes.  EXPENSIVE dishes, but dirty all the same.  They moved
out into the hallway..

!!Talon: Let Wenta lead
!!DM: put the NPC in front,  that's -xxx experience.
!!Talon: no kidding
!!Basher: well its just a coincidence! :)

Of course, Wenta tripped a trap and took a 2d8 arrow in the side.
Wenta says, "trap", and points to the tile in the floor.  Everyone, of
course nods sagely, and steps over the tile indicated.

The next door was locked, but soon opened and it lead up.  Just about
this time though, several Guards come through an opened door at the
other end of the hallway, and dodging the arrow trap, attacked Minn and
Kaniia.  Then several more and several more, until soon the hallway was
full.

Basher: "Um anyone have a grenade? Where's our stinking cloud thrower?"

Battle raged pretty much in one place in the hallway, since everyone was
afraid to move back and forth, and soon Kaniia and Minn were wounded.
They swapped places with Talon and Basher.  The two munchkin fighters
(having discovered that PCÆs only have to hit the AC of attacking NPCÆs
to parry their hits) had soon slain most of the NPC guards, stacking
their bodies in windrows up and down the hallway.
##The battle actually lasted for quite a while... I just got tired of
"Hit, Hit, Parry, Hit, Hit, Parry, total up damage done." and condensed it.

A few did back away from the fight and headed out a secret door at the
far end of the hallway, which immediately led everyone to suspect they
are circling around to get behind the group.  Everyone but Talon, that is.

Talon looks at the dead bodies and blood on floor and states,  "I doubt
theyÆre coming back. More like looking for a safer line of employment."

Bandit exclaims, "Lets have some more guards out here!  We have used all
these up."
Minn: ôWe?! We!? Where did you leave the ones YOU slew, o mightless
mystical midget?ö

!!Bandit: (btw.. what kinda of guard in his right mind would work in a
place.. like this? with all the traps?)
!!DM: the pay is good?  frankly who would want to LIVE like this?

They search the other rooms, the first is apparently a small closet...

DM: there is a musty smell
Talon: that's just bandit.
Kaniia (who had just been possessed by a temporary player) says,
"Bandit, put your arms down :)"
DM: odd clothing,  foodstuff and cleaning supplies ... Minn finds some
gems in a dark corner.
Kaniia enters the room and picks up a broom... and gooses Bandit with it.
Bandit asks, "Wanna be a frog Kaniia?"
Talon says, "Don't pleasure bandit like that or he will come to expect
everyone to use a broom"
Bandit says, "Talon is already the lowest form of life on Nehwon.. "
Talon coughs
Bandit says, "thus being a frog would be an improvement."
Talon exclaims, "and dam proud!"

They found a library on this floor, mostly historical books, which the
Visigoths pretty much tore up looking for treasure.  Kaniia went on up
the stairs, and found a singleton guard in a little room at the top of
the stairs.  She beat him down fairly quickly while taking a point of
damage which Minneatonabal quickly bandaged away.

The door to the north opened, admitting 2 more guards.

Kaniia picked up the dead guard and rushed at the 2 coming through it.

Bandit: "wonder what thac0 of a dead guard is."
Minn: "and how much damage does he do?"

The guards, of course, stepped out of the way.
Kaniia says, "uh oh."
!!Kaniia: do I go through the door?
DM: You find yourself in the hall, surrounded by these new guards, who
remain not surprised.
DM: what are you going to do
Kaniia: "continue to run?"
!!Talon: how many guards?
!!DM: it's hard to tell at this time, but many is a good number
Kaniia: "Ack!"


Bandit tries to do something I didn't log.
DM: you will have to get into melee to be able to see out the north door
bandit, are you sure you want to do that?
Bandit: no. I will stay behind Talon.
Minn: weenie
Kaniia says, "wimp"

Then she lost the initiative.

DM: Kaniia you quickly count 7 guards
Bandit exclaims, "Kaniia.. Parry!"
!!DM: Kaniia do you wish to parry
!!DM: before I attack?
!!Kaniia: no

And she was chopped 2 times for a bunch of hit points.
Bandit shakes his head ruefully.

Kaniia tried to toss the dead guard at the 2 that were attacking her
then run back into the room with the rest of the group.
*Kaniia rolls (1d20) : 20 = 20 (which was about the ONLY thing that
would have kept her alive.)
She hit BOTH guards with the body and escaped behind Minn and Talon.

Talon and Minn: (Chop, slash, stab, grunt, slice, skewer.....)
!!Minn wishes she could find some gauntlets of ogre str. right now
!!Minn: instead she's stuck w/the ogres
!!Bandit rolls on the floor laffing.
Guards: (Hack, slash, bleed, chop, poke...)

After a few more rounds, 2 of the guards went down, leaving only 2 in
the hall. Talon and Minn had a few new minor wounds for the day.  Kaniia
was pretty near 0 by now.
Talon sheathed his swords and drew his bow, at least he said he was
going to do this...
DM: they might rush in if you do this, range is darn short.
Minn: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DID I MISS SOMETHING?
DM: 10-20'
Talon: maybe I missed something
Bandit: yeah. at birth.
DM: recap: the guards are outside in the hallway looking in.
Talon: OK.. they coming towards us?
DM: not yet, something about trying to jump into a room of people
swinging swords is not one to do in haste.
Talon: OK.. I will await with swords out..
Minn and Bandit: "Whew!"

Kaniia had, by this time, had loaded a crossbow and was pointing it at
the door.
Kaniia says, "Bandit, go load another bow."
Minn exclaims, "You guys shoot us and you better get the guards to
protect you!"

The two remaining guards enter the room, but do not attack yet.
Possibly the remains of their former comrades have dissuaded them from
their former ardor.
Talon says, "put your weapons down and we will talk"
Guard exclaims, "talk nothing, you are thieves and brigands!"
Bandit asks, "so? Does that necessarily make us better than you?"
Guard says, "We will remove you from this mansion one way or the other."
Bandit says, "all we want is the flute."
Talon exclaims, "Bandit!!!"
Guard  asks, "You want a what?"
Bandit says, "I said.. all we want is a flute."
Guard asks, "A flute?"
Bandit grins winningly.
Guard says, "I'll give you a flute right up your ..."

!!the DM hates it when he can't roll surprise for beans!
SUDDENLY
the DOOR to the west opens up

Talon and Minn both thought we were ambushed, and lit into the two hale
guards in the room with us.
(Chop, stab, slice)
So, the door to the hallway was cleared, except there seemed to be 3
more guards in the hall and 2 to the west and there sounded like a lot
more were coming up the stairs.
## Have you been keeping count? 4 + 1 + 12 + 3 = 20 out of commission or
dead and 5 visible or suspected and an unknown number approaching from
the floor below.  The floor we had just left empty.  Everyone except
Bandit had some damage (Kaniia had a lot) and Bandit didn't have any hit
points to begin with. ##

DM: "Bandit, what are they yelling?"
Bandit mumbles to the DM.
DM: they are yelling, "We get to kill the guards"
DM says, "We wet to thrill the wards""
Talon looks confused
DM: it's OK talon, you can look confused
!!Minn: looks quite natural!
DM: but what are you actions besides confusion?

(Everyone): Attack.
*Kaniia rolls (1d20) : 1 = 1
## Kaniia is attacking 2 guards with 1 ax and 3 hp.. you can tell this
is a loaner character can't you?
DM: With a mighty swing she flings her ax into the corner
DM: and one of the guards to the west bellies over in laughter.

So, since I am getting tired of relating this battle, EVENTUALLY
everyone is pretty beat up..  well, very beat up and there are only four
guards left, 3 of them are fresh though, which makes it kind of iffy
about survival.  (Oh yes, how could I forget?) and 1 man in VERY nice
fullplate armor.

Talon sheaths his swords and approaches him.
Kelepho says, "You look like a professional warrior, what's your name"
Talon says, "I am named Talon"
Kelepho asks, "And who is the cute warrior babe with the ax?"
Kaniia says, "Kaniia"
!!Minn realizes that this guy needs glasses!
!!Bandit: yes. several. With alcohol in them.
Talon says, "and I am here to retrieve something which you have"
Kelepho exclaims, "One at a time please!"
Kelepho asks, "So tell me Kaniia why have you come into my house?"
Kaniia (whose player really has no idea of where we are, much less why)
says, "Ask Talon."
Kelepho says, "OK, but you look cuter"
!!Minn: OH! Cuter than Talon!  Yes that is so.  But then roadkill is
cuter than Talon.
Kelepho asks, "Talon, why have you entered my house?"
Talon says, "I am here to retrieve a magical Flute.  One way or the
other, I will finish what I came here for"
Kaniia says, "Yeah, what HE said"

Anyway, to bring a long and painful transcription to a close, Talon
bargains with Kelepho and, despite Bandit's suggestion to leave Kaniia
with him as the hostage he wants for the flute, gives Kelepho his
strength mod compound bow to hold until we return from the Lakes of
Pleaa with the Flute of Hwal.

## It is most disappointing to go through this many men-at-arms, get
down to the final door with all the treasure behind it, and then just
walk away.  Yet, that is what we did.  Of course, you  do have to factor
in to the equation that it is apparently not illegal in this town to
slaughter guards, whereas it is most definitely a crime to kill
nobility.

!!Minn: not belittling your sacrifice, talon... but didn't it seem we
came by this thing...
!!Minn: awfully easy?
!!Talon: No!!
!!Talon: look at all the deaths...
!!Talon: at least 15 men have died protecting this
!!Minn: He GAVE it to us.
!!Talon: Yeah.. I'm sure he valued HIS life.
!!Minn: how do we know we couldn't have come to the front door and
asked?
!!Talon: reverse rolls...
!!Talon: you just had ALL your guards slain and now they're in your
face... You would rather do what?
!!Minn: OK, OK.

The flute had 4 holes only. The holes were each labeled with a numeral
from 1 to 4.  When the flute was blown, stopping the holes in the order
of the numerals previously mentioned, a cheerful little (very little)
ditty was heard that cheered everyone up and put them in a better mood.
Other than that, there was no effect observed upon any of the people or
animals passing by.

On the way back to the Inn, a colorful bird flew in front of the party
and dropped a paper which Bandit picked up and read.

The Message said:
"I hear you now have possession of the flute.  Time is short, danger is
coming.  But first rest the night, for I don't want you falling asleep
during your trip.
Head south, towards the lakes of Pleaa.  The Wyrm sleeps somewhere in
that area.  I am unable to determine its exact location but I'm certain
that you will know it when you find it."
"S"

Bandit says, "Nothing in the note about how to use the flute."
DM:  she figures you could figure it out with half a brain.
Minn: 1/4
Minn: maybe 1/8
Talon: flattering him again Minn?
Minn:  No, it's just that's all he has to work with.

Since the Lakes of Pleaa are in the middle of Lankhmar the continent,
and to the south of Lankhmar the city by about a hundred miles or so,
the group purchased a wagon so that the injured members could rest as
they rode.  This would add a few days to the trip (3 -> 5) but the
additional hit points that resting under Minneatonabal's care would
provide was thought to make it worthwhile.  Talon, Minn and Kaniia rode
in the wagon (talking about the quality of RV's in this world) while
Bandit drove (praying that nothing would scare the horses.)  Basher had
something to do and said he would catch up later.

Bandit: "The first thing this wagon MUST have is good brakes.  Like 5 or
6 times stronger than the horses."
Wagon Salesman: "I have just the thing right over here.. the candy apple
red job with the painted on flames. That will be 650 rilks please,
including the horses.  You see, the brakes are brand new and of extra
thickness, just like our customers."

One interesting thing about this period.  The group decided to pool all
their money to make it easier to handle big purchases like this wagon.
Plus, all the healing potions they had to pay for had amounted to quite
a nest egg by this time.  All of them elected Minn to be the treasurer.
I think she was the only one that the rest of them would trust.
## Actually, that isn't true.  That was just what everyone told her to make
her willing to do the extra work involved in keeping up with the money. ##

So the group travelled along headed south for a day and a half (stopping
at night of course) traveling along beside the river that comes from the
lakes and empties into the sea at Lankhmar.  They see a small shack made
of thatch and decorated with some simple flowers.  Bandit wanted to go
visit, and Talon offered to cover him from the back or the wagon where
he was napping.

Bandit: Knock, Knock, Knock.
There was a figure is wearing robes, gender difficult from this distance
but it appeared elderly.

Bandit says, "Hello Gentlebeing."
Bandit says, "(I hope)"
Robed person says, "Hello to you good sirs and ladies"
Bandit asks, "Is this the way to the wrym?"
Robe asks, "The way to the what?" He gets up in polite response, you
hear his bones move.
Minn grinds her teeth and thinks about knocking Bandit over the head
w/anything she can find
Bandit says, "We had heard there was a dreadful wyrm in this area.. and
wanted to see if there were any truth in it."
Robe says, "Not that I know of, what's a wyrm anyway?  Hey are those
people you have in the cart injured?"
Bandit says, "well we don't really know what a wyrm is either, (you know
how tourists are) and some of them are."
Robe says, "well that is important."
Bandit asks, "why would it be important to anyone but themselves?"
Robe says, "It is the duty of those who follow Ilala(tm) to help those
in need of healing"

The old man turns out to be a hedge wizard named Fussphot.  He heals all
the hurt members for nothing, but the group decides to donate a hundred
gold to his religion, or himself, anyway.  He blesses the group and off
they go.

This was a land of rich soil growing much grain.  Many farms were
scattered throughout the land, all providing taxes to the Overlord.  The
weather was pleasant, the few passersby are all polite, the animals they
passed were cuddly and entertaining... and in general the trip was just
pretty boring.

Until the third day.

DM: it is time to set up camp

Bandit: Anything to back up to?
Talon: Kaniia
Kaniia: Try backing up to THIS, dogface!

DM: Some patches of trees scattered around and hedge rows here and there.
Group: OK, camp in a copse of trees.
DM: The trees are of mixed species, there is an apple tree near the center.
Bandit: normal apples? if so, lets have some.
DM: as you make camp and go for the apples you feel some slight rumbling
of the ground...
DM: what are you doing?
Bandit: trying to get out of the trees?
DM: too late (MUHAHAHAHA!)

The party wins the initiative, but it doesn't matter because the things
have not surged out of their noisome tunnels yet, so no one knows what
is happening.

DM: From out of the ground come big heads with pincers for jaws.
Everyone: (mixed fussing and arguing that does not a speck of good.)

Bandit is grabbed, crushed and partially digested, as are the two draft horses.
Kaniia is bitten badly.

!!Bandit: did we not have initiative?**
!!Talon: Yea...we ran around in circles
!!Bandit: ah OK. as long as we had a plan.

It turns out that these things are sort of insect looking creatures like
giant grubs of which we only saw their armored heads.  They did 3d6 of
crushing/biting damage and 1d4 of acid damage.  Oh, there are now 6 of them.

!!Talon: where is Bandit?
DM: one is on Bandit --- he is down
DM: one is on Talon --- he missed
DM: one is on Bill --- he missed
DM: one is on Kaniia, she is still up
DM: two are on the work horses
DM: what are you doing?
Bandit: lying still. bleeding.
Talon yells at Kaniia, "Try and ride through with the wagon, I'm going
in after bandit.
DM: Talon, the wagon's horses are currently in the grips of them
Talon: Then have Kaniia get the hell outa there
DM: Kaniia also is not moving very far next round either
Minn: 650gp for healing potions...glub, glub...down the drain.

Talon attacks one of the creatures and hurts him pretty badly..

Talon: "The horse will attack same one."
*Talon rolls (1d20) : 7 = 7
*Talon rolls (1d20) : 8 = 8
Talon: bite
*Talon rolls (1d20) : 1 = 1
Talon: all misses
!!Bandit: how much u pay for this nag?
!!Talon: about 1500 GP
!!Bandit: boy, they saw YOU coming.

Minn and Bill go after the one on Bandit, Minn misses and Bill hits for..
*Minn rolls (1d8) : 1 = 1
!!Minn: oh, I can see it now!  he's almost a goner!
DM: Wait Minn, I thought you were rescuing Bandit!
!!Bandit: **she wont have to attack the one on me? first?
!!Bandit: to get him off?
!!Minn: I gotta get him off bandit 1st don't I?
!!Bandit: **what she said.
!!Minn: (much more succinctly if much more slowly)

The one Talon was fighting died, after taking 12 hp.
!!Bandit: **they do more damage than they HAVE?
!!DM: yes!
!!Talon: I did that for 3 levels <G>
!!Bandit: DM, you are evil... definitely, undeniably, unredeemably evil.

The one consuming Bandit drops him and turns for the pesky Minn.
Miss on Minn, miss on Bill, miss on Talon and the one holding Kaniia
just salivates some more causing more burning acid damage, as does the
one consuming the other horse.

DM: Bandit, you are suffering crushing and burn damage
Talon: not crushing anymore
Bandit: gulp.. am I dying at 2 points a round?
DM: I'll say no, not a point per round, but you will loose more mp soon
DM: 1 point per round is when you are bleeding profusely
Bandit: tell these fine folks where it looks like I will lose another
point. (G)
DM: I will ;-)
!!Talon: **Bandit, you will soon learn to like re-rolling ;)

Talon killed one, Minn killed another, Kaniia broke free from hers and
Bandit just lay there oozing from wounds and broken bones.

*DM rolls (1d20) : 20 = 20
!!Talon: ack!
*DM rolls (3d8) : 5+6+3 = 14
*DM rolls (1d4) : 4 = 4
DM: How many HO does bill have btw
Minn answers him..
!!Talon: ho?
!!Bandit: yeah, hohoho. as in you're dead.

DM: well bill now has 18 less HP, and it has a firm grip on bills head.
DM: btw, Kaniia has about 8 hp left.  And there are still 3 of the
things pretty much unscathed.

Talon hit one time and hurt his bug pretty bad.. everything else missed
except the one with the hammerlock on Bill... 2 more points of damage.

!!DM: bandit is at -6! bandit is at -6! calling all cars!

The next round, Talon killed another, everyone else missed and Bill's
bug digested some more of him.

The round after that..
DM: Talon and Minn bump into each other
DM: trying to bind Bandit's wounds
!!DM: it's times like this
!!DM: I hate being a DM .... NOT
DM: Minn does get one of the potions into him finally.
DM: Bandit, what say you roll a d100
!!Bandit: uh oh.
DM: be a nice chap and roll real low
DM: PLEASE
DM: PRETTY PLEASE
*Bandit rolls (1d100) : 43 = 43
Bandit: whew.
Talon: that's pretty low
DM: since 55 is the system check...
DM: he did not gag on the potion, nor did he die from shock.
DM: he is now at 1 (count it ONE) hit point and can not perform any
adventuring activity for at least 24 hours.
!!Talon: So?.. That's normal for him <G>

Kaniia does hit one of the bugs, but no one is paying any attention.
Other than the bug, that is.
Bill's bug deals out another 4 points of acid damage...  making him look
pretty shaky about that time.

Talon finally kills the one on Bill, while Minn runs to try to distract
the one on Kaniia.

Talon pets bill
Talon hugs bill
!!Bandit: *dont hug too hard, neither one of us are too sturdy right now.
Talon: OK

Soon, with everyone focusing their attention on the beastly bug, it soon
expired.

Talon: "These things have to have a Lair nearby.. I say we look for it.
There's gotta be some goodies there.
Minn: Yeah, little baby thingies that only deal out 2d6 of damage probably.
!!Bandit: **hehe, nah, they probably only do 3d4 damage.
Bandit says weakly, "Make sure the horses are alive, we will need the
wagon again."

Minn tried to bandage up all the creatures that had suffered extensively.

Talon: "I'm sure they have sucked many a traveler into the earth."
So saying he searches about, finding many tunnels and finds
(many dice rolls)
DM: 2000 Silver
##Oh, yeah, the coinage of this world has the following AD&D(tm) valuations:
gold rilks(tm) = 1 gp
silver smerduks(tm) = 1 electrum
bronze algols(tm) = 1 silver
iron tiks(tm) = 1 copper

(more dice rolls)
DM: 3 art objects? yea right
!!Bandit: could be...
!!Bandit: it might be inlaid plate mail armor.
!!Talon: LOL!
!!Bandit: must be armor or saddles or something then.

DM: the art consists of
DM: A Chalice, a Crystal Ball with gold overlay of dragons playing, and
a gold and silver arm reliquary
!!Bandit: oo cool ball. I got a use for that..
!!Bandit the Great Swami of Lankhmar.. knows all tells all.. for a fee.
!!Minn: You can say that again Mr. "Have you seen a wyrm" - tell it all
indeed!  And you do it for free!
!!Talon: HAHAHA!!!
!!Talon: Excuse me...seen any wyrms lately sir?
!!Bandit: *shutup. * just shut up. *
!!Minn washes Bandit's mouth out with her 5 LB bar of lye soap

After debating the matter for a while, Talon (being the only un-injured
party member) rode off to bring back Fussphot.  He used a rod that
Bandit had cast continual light on to ride all night while Minn and
Kaniia (who, for some strange reason or another, actually listened to
one of Bandit's suggestions) gutted and cleaned the chitin off the dead
bugs.  They got enough to make some sort of banded or plate armor from,
if they could ever find an armorer willing to do it for them.  Minn also
managed to squeeze the acidic stuff out the bugs salivary glands into
several old empty healing potion bottles.  ## I don't have any idea why
Bandit wanted that stuff, nor why Minn agreed to do it, but there it is.##

The next day, Talon returned with Fussphot, and a farmer who owned 2
draft horses.  Fussphot cured everyone (again) and then cured the
horses.  Since all the beasts and Bandit were not up to traveling, the
group worked a deal with the farmer to trade animals

Farmer: "Well, I don't have a problem taking the horses.  They will soon
be healthy and useful, especially with Fussphot providing advice.
Minn: "Good.  Where do you want us to put Bandit?"
Farmer: "Look, I am sorry, but I told you, I am only going to take things
that will eventually be useful.  The little shrimp is yours to keep."
Minn: "Darn."

Bandit rode in the wagon as they moved on with the 2 new healthy horses.

Everyone particularly enjoyed the ride the next day, even though Kaniia
had to drive. They claimed the sound of Bandit's groanings were sweet in
their ears.  (## I think they were just all glad that THEY weren't the
one laying in the wagon all bruised and hurting. ##)  The day was sunny,
the birds were singing and this time, no one was complaining about being
bored.  They camped that night in the middle of a grain field and were
just as happy that the night turned out long, dark and lonely.

Travel the next day was a little less brisk, for they were getting to
the area near the lakes, and the terrain was getting more rugged and the
forest darker and deeper.  After making not so many miles, they camped
in the woods and established guards for the evening.

Talon was on guard, but he was either relying on his dog, or Bill or the
alarm spell or something to cover any nocturnal visitors, for his mind
was definitely somewhere else (possibly thinking of all the awards he
was going to be given for saving the world single-handedly).  Of course
it came snapping back to the camp when he noticed a bat was sucking on
his hand.

Talon: "Yow! You !@#$%^&*!,  I will %#!*^$ you, you little*@(#)$!"

He swings his sword mightily, cutting the little beastie in half.  Well,
almost in half.  Uh, he hurt it badly.  Hm, I could have sworn he nicked
it at least!  Nope apparently not.  It took no damage from the blow.

(Everyone):  He hit it?
DM: Well, it sure looked like he did.  But it isn't damaged now.
(Everyone): Uh, oh!

Minn: "What's the big deal.. just round 'em up and give them back to
Bandit whose Belfry they escaped from."

As one of them bit her, it became a lot less funny and Minn leaped to
her feet, and started swinging her sword in the air while she grabbed a
faggot from the fire. (and NO it wasn't Bandit.)
Kaniia, seeing her example duplicated her.
Bandit, having remembered something, ran and went through Bill's gear as
he swatted the creatures out of his hair.  He quickly found a mace and,
yelling to get Talon's attention, threw it to him.  "Here! Use this
magic mace! (it is +1)"

Talon swatted the bat with the mace.

!!Talon: did I do anymore damage with it than my weapon?
DM: yes, it looks wounded now, badly wounded.
!!DM: (I've got to figure out how I gave anyone a magic weapon)
!!Bandit: u screwed up. (G)
!!Minneatonabal: Remember le Baron Thudd?
(long pause)
## Sometimes, the expression on the DM's keyboard is better than
anything done by the players!
!!DM: oh that's how!
!!Talon: screwed up..@#$%..this region shouldn't be *THAT* magic poor.
!!DM: there were the ... oh yea you didn't fight them
!!DM: and the ... didn't fight them either.
!!Bandit thinks the dm is a liar.

So anyway, Talon kept missing the bat (not proficient in maces) and Minn
and Kaniia were dancing around the camp swishing burning branches, doing
half damage..  to the other bat. (Where did HE come from?)
!!Minneatonabal: I wish Sheelba had told us to bring a bat swatter
Swish, Fwwoommp, -splat-, sizzle, "Yow! watch those sparks!"
!!Minn: What do you mean half of 1 is 0?  You can't round up?

Oh yes, odd noises were being heard around the camp...
SSKKKKRREEeeeeezzzwweEEEeeekkktttt...
SHHHhhkkkkrrrrreeeeaaaAAAASHHhhwwwaaaAAAAEEE...
This was sort of disconcerting until everyone noticed Bandit with an
intense look of concentration mixed with large measures of frustration
on his face.  Then they figured he was casting Audible Glamour, his
favorite waste of time thing to do.

The injured bat flew up into the sky and the other one fled behind a
tree,  just as Basher staggered into the camp and had to be brought up
to date on what had happened.  This allowed the thing that the bat
turned into to come back out from behind the tree and surprise the
party.  (## I am constantly amazed at the things we do when we think we
are on top of the contest. ##)

A large dark figure approaching 6' tall came at Minn.  In the dark he
appeared humanoid but as he raised his arms into the air they looked
more like wings.  He missed the first attacks though.  Further examination
revealed a bat's head and wings for arms which were flailing at Minn.

Talon attempted to belt his mace and draw his swords.
(Everyone): NOOOO!!!!
Talon: He look wounded in any way?
DM: hard to tell, a little FIRE damage perhaps, hard to tell

The thing bit Minn on the next round as she continued to flail at it
with a burning ember.
She missed it and Basher hit, but the wounds healed just as quickly as
they did the first time it was struck with a non-magical weapon.

The thing bit  Minn again, only this time, Talon hammered it from behind
and Bill pushed in and gored it also.
## That was probably a gift from the DM.  Upon further reflection, there
were already 2 or 3 people attacking it and THEN the buffalo comes
charging in without running over anyone else?  But at the time we were
just as grateful.

Talon says, "Lets make sure he is dead"
Talon says, "cut the head off, burn it, or something"
Bandit stands on the edge of the cloak.. and examines the thing, trying
to see what kind of magic could have caused this...  Making his
proficiency roll, he determines that "This does not really look the work
of a magical curse" just as Basher cuts head off of Batman and tosses
the head into fire.
Bandit: is he dead?
DM: yes
!!Bandit: well, now he is. (G)
DM: and the head in the fire smells real bad bad bad
Basher: hey at least I didn't hold it up and ask if anyone wanted some.

So now Minn has 8 points of damage.. we think.
Bandit asks, "uh, Minn.. do you think you might want to use 1/4 of the
health potion? in case their bite is poison or diseased?"
DM: but the wound does not appear infected ... much

So they got rid of the body and did some other stuff but they found no
trace of the OTHER bat.  The injured one that flew off.

!!Minn: what about that MUCH I just saw?
!!Minn: what do you mean infected MUCH?
!!DM: well it is teeth and claw marks and there is saliva on the wound
!!DM: some bats are known to give rabies you know ;-)
!!DM: or who knows what else?
!!DM: I mean, do you know where that bat man's been recently?

But after watching it for a while, (and making a successful proficiency
check) she decided she had not been infected with anything.  Operative
word being appears.

!!Minn: great!
!!DM: my problem was not in the detection,  but whether the disease
would be present in the short duration indicated with any sort of
symptoms.
!!DM: my answer will remain secret
Talon: is it possible to take some of its saliva?
Talon: in case we need to try the antidote?
DM: sorry not much saliva after it was thrown in the fire

## We sweated over this one for the longest kind of time.  We only had 1
potion of health and it had cost a mint. (G)

That wagon got more use as a resting pad than we had intended for it to
get over the course of that week.  Even though it slowed us down during
travel, it allowed us to travel on days that we would have lost
otherwise.

!!Bandit: I guess bandit is driving.
!!Bandit: Talon, stay near the head of the wagon be ready to grab the horses
!!Bandit: when the dm snake appears.

But finally we were there, and ONLY 3 or 4 days late.

Near sunset, the group crossed a bridge over the canal, and were about
to come into sight of the lake itself when they heard a terrible lot of
loud noises in the distance.  Basher borrowed Minn's lance and rode forward
with Talon, around the corner and out of sight of the three on the wagon.

Minn watches their rear from the back of the wagon.
!!Minn: !!!!!
!!Minn: um...watches behind them
!!Minn: yeah, something like that
!!Talon: though the first sounded more interesting
DM: OK Talon and Basher charging, Minn hiding and bandit?
!!Minn: HIDING? I'm watching our backs! ;)
!!Talon: not so much Charging...I'm not blindly charging...
!!Talon: I am just sneaking up on them at a high rate of speed
!!Talon: to get a good scouting report.

Well, anyway, the group in the wagon continued plodding forward to the
sound of ripping and snorting and much dice rolling.

DM: Everyone sees Basher riding his horse....
DM: in panic fear, lathered from head to butt with horse foam,
DM: back towards the party
DM: and past the party
DM: and on,
DM: and on,
DM: and on,
DM: till soon he is out of sight with only a dust cloud over the horizon
to mark his passage.
Minn: "I bet he lost my lance!  WELL he is just gonna have to pay for
it!"
Kaniia: "Minn, did you just see a yellow flash? I think I got something in
my eye with all this dust flying around."

Bandit: "uh.. why don't we get out of the wagon?.. and leave these
horses here.  I sure wouldn't want to have to stay in the wagon with
them running as fast as Basher was going.  Besides, we are a much
smaller target than the wagon and should be easier to miss."
Minn says, "With the way Basher's horse reacted, don't you think you'd
better tie down the horses?"
Bandit (surprisedly): "Tie down the horses?  You sound like you think
some of us are actually going to leave them and go up where all the
racket is."
Minn: "Well, that was what we came for, wasn't it?"
Bandit: "Nope. Nuh-uh. I came for the ride, and a nice ride it has been
so far, but sort of long.  In fact, I think I am ready to go back now."

Then Talon's horse came toward the wagon, and on past it.  It followed
the general direction that Basher went, going, if anything, a little bit
faster.  After a few minutes Talon came up... walking.  Bandit figured
he couldn't escape and drew the little flute out of his pocket and
started tootling on it in sort of a hopeless fashion.  But soon, such is
the nature of the flute, he was rather cheerful in his attitude.

Talon came up and told the remainder of the group to follow after Bandit
and himself, then he blindfolded Bandit and picked him up and walked
back toward the noise.

Talon says, "You cant be afraid of what you cant see"
Bandit (between toots): "Who says?"
!!DM: GOOD MOVE TALON
!!Bandit: carry me, that way I wont trip.
!!DM: How romantic ;-)
Minn: "Want me to stay behind w/the horses, Talon, or come with you guys?"
Talon: "Stay behind Minn."
Talon: "if this works.. we wont need you."
Minn: "and if it doesn't?"
Talon: "and if it don't... we will need you here to help us...
Talon: "when we are running."
Talon (deciding that no amount of help is going to be of use): "No..
change that... Come on Minn."
Minn: "And they talk about the fickleness of women."
DM: Bandit, make an int roll
*Bandit rolls (1d20) : 6 = 6
!!Bandit: made it.
!!Talon: barely
DM: Good, you remember the holes to cover

So the brave adventurers, (and Bandit,) advanced over a little hill and
around a corner till they saw (all but Bandit did anyway) a 50' tall
bipedal reptile munching on some of the populace.

!!Bandit: *as in demon? or dinosaur?*
!!Talon: Play bandit...don't speak
!!Minn: (wish we could get him to do that all the time! <G>)
!!Talon: **u and I..
DM: Minn is not asked to make a saving throw due to the power of the
flute.

The thing ate several full grown adults with a couple of gulps, and then
went for others trapped against a wall.
(CLAW/CLAW/TAIL/BITE/HORN THRUST/HORN THRUST)
(2d12 /2d12 /1d10 /4d10 /3d12 /3d12)(all pretty much automatic hits)

DM: let me know if you want to do anything.
DM: it really is a good day to die
Talon: get closer, if we can
DM: sure, why not?
DM: mu ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Talon: I will walk Bandit right to this thing if I have to
!!Bandit: *shouldn't it be able to hear us from here?
DM: you think so
Bandit feels like the main course being delivered to the table.
Bandit: OK. we go a LITTLE closer.
Talon: like you have any choice on that bandit (G)
DM: Talon and Minn, roll d20's under your intelligence
*Minn rolls (1d20) : 20 = 20
*Talon rolls (1d20) : 7 = 7
!!Bandit: *too bad Talon. just 3 points too high.
DM: Talon you think it is slowing down
Talon says, "Keep playing Bandit.. It is working"
DM: it's normal attacks of CLAW/CLAW/TAIL/BITE/HORN THRUST/HORN THRUST
DM: was only a CLAW/CLAW/TAIL/BITE, and thus he only ate 2 folk that round.
Minn: how much dinner does the wyrm have before he gets around to us?
DM: hm.. not too much.  Probably 15 people or so left.
Talon: Perhaps they should have retrieved the flute ;)
Talon: I will Grab my shield... in case he comes this way
DM: fortunately his attention is turned away from you.
Talon: I will be the one to distract him if he does come this way.
Talon: Whatever I have to do to allow bandit to keep playing
Bandit: yeah, for about a heart beat.
Talon, Minn and Kaniia: "SHUT UP AND PLAY!!!!"

DM: Meanwhile, Basher has stopped running away and has regained his composure.
(## I think his horse collapsed from exhaustion)
!!Bandit: *what county is he in?
!!Talon: back at the White Wizard's little shack <G>
!!Minn: lol
## I am also amazed at the sympathy everyone shows for their fellow players.

As Bandit played the tuneful little ditty, the lizard slowed down more
and more, until he was only eating a person every round, then every
other round, then every turn.  It was also moving away from the group,
heading north towards Lankhmar.

Bandit: "get a little closer.."
Talon says, "Bandit.. I assure you...this entire time...we are closing
on it.  You just play...I'll do the rest."

DM: he is moving at 9, down from 15.
DM: and getting slower and slower.  I take it you don't want to
physically attack?
Bandit: *I don't think so. nope.
Talon: Not me.
Minn: Now why would I want to hurt a poor little defenseless lizard that
isn't doing me any harm?

DM: suddenly it stops.. and it turns around somewhat
(Everyone): Aaaaahh!
DM: It's long necked head, with it's massive horns and razor sharp
teeth, searching for something it does not understand..
DM: then it suddenly looks in your direction
Bandit:  Toot, toot, tweet, twoo.
(Everyone else): !!!!!!
DM: and..  and..
DM: it begins to dig
Bandit: *can we back up a teensey little bit?
DM: and dig
Minn: is this "dig" as in to paw the ground, as in to prepare to charge?
DM: no dig as in tunnel
Talon: Let him dig...perhaps we can follow him to his LAIR
Talon: and we're all richer than kings
!!DM: not bloody likely
!!Bandit: *are you going into this hole after this guy?
!!Minn: nope
!!Talon: I know...Was wishful thinking
Talon: He is probably going back to sleep
DM: The hole closes up behind him and there is nothing but earth
DM: He moves through the earth like a knife through butter, and like
butter the earth closes behind him.  The rumbling becomes fainter and
then stops.

As Talon removed Bandit's blindfold, the party just stared at the earth
in stupefaction.  The myriad signs of death and destruction were all
around this little fishing village (and a goodly ways around the lake
too).  There were some survivors, women and children who were in
basements (about 4) were spared.  There were many mutilated bodies here.
Apparently he was a fussy eater, one bite and he'd throw them away.  The
bodies were missing arms, legs, heads...

Basher comes shamefacedly back to join the group, who all felt
sympathetic about him missing his saving roll.
Bandit: {snicker}{point}
Basher: "Hey want to go for a ride Bandit?"
Bandit: "Nope. I don't like horses."
(Minn in an aside to Basher): "Bandit thinks the only thing on the face of
the earth dumber than a horse.. is someone that would actually get on one."
(Basher to Minn): "He may be right tonight."

!!DM: you think about what you have accomplished with a simple magic item.
!!DM: you have defeated a creature that would have probably killed even
the gods of Lankhmar.
!!Minn: yeah, but gained no gold to pay for healing potions.
!!Talon: Word will spread Minn, there will be reward.
## Of course, Talon was wrong. But, let us leave him with his fantasies
for the moment.

!!DM: You are HEROES!
!!Minn: yippee, yahoo
!!Bandit: I'd rather be lvl 5.
!!Minn: Me too.

But soon the party is consoled by the sound of the ringing experience
point register.
CHING, CHING, CHING, CHING, CHING, CHING.
(level),(level),(level),(level),(level)

!!Talon: OK.. can u give us Gold, Magic Items, Etc?
!!Basher: vorpal blades?
!!Talon: only one bro.. I took it.. I gave you the +5 Sword of Sharpness
!!Bandit: from a fishing village? get real.  the best you would find is
vorpal fishhooks.
!!Talon: I'll take one of those.. Everytime I go fishing I get skunked
!!DM: I've been trying to sell my vorpal razor blades for ages, but no
barber wants them ;-)
!!DM: and there are no weapons anywhere to be found. (G)

(Bandit mutters something to the DM that I missed logging)
!!DM: This trip has taken more than four days.
!!Bandit: o? how many more?
!!Bandit has lost count again.
!!Minn: he ran out of toes
!!DM: six days
!!Bandit: ah . OK.

DM: Anyway, now that you have defeated the monster what are your plans?
Everyone has a different agenda, of course.  And you can always count on
Bandit to:

Bandit: first of all, we steal everything the villagers owned.
Minn doesn't want anything to do w/stealing from poor villagers
Bandit: how about from DEAD villagers?
DM: well perhaps, who would complain?
DM: the few that survived have left
Minn: THAT is another story, if there are NO survivors
Bandit: any of the bodies have gold teeth?
Bandit says, "ah come on min.. "
Bandit: a day searching here will probably yield... oh, 2 or 3 hundred tiks.
Minn: forget it...I need to rest
DM: in this fishing village: 300 gp, 2000 sp(##although, I think this
was really algols instead of smerduks), and  5000 iron tiks.
DM: What are you doing with the corpses?  No one else is here.
DM: lots of corpses.

The party decided to burn the dead.  They destroyed a lot of the huts,
pushed the burnable stuff together and then piled the corpses on the
debris and set it aflame.  This created LOTS of smoke.

## Upon later reflection, I don't really believe this would have been
possible for only 5 people and a buffalo to do.  If I understand the scale
of this place, there were several hundred folks that were dead lying about
here and there, in various stages of disunity.  But the DM let us do it in
a few hours and we were ready to go about an hour before sunset.

Bandit: "You guys want to camp here for the evening?"
Minn: "No.  There are too many unemployed flies flitting about.  Let us
get away from the flies by moving several miles into the woods."

Only, they didn't make it that far.  They only got as far as the bridge
over the canal, which they crossed.  They set up camp in the clearing
near the canal, and soon had a fire roaring away providing comfort to
ease their minds of what they had witnessed (and incidentally attracting
all the intelligent nocturnal predators for miles around.)  The forest
loomed to the north, about a stone's throw away.

!!Minn: who's throwing that stone?
!!DM: OK, about a hundred feet then.

The only interesting thing was on the second watch, when everyone heard
a loud clap of thunder from the west, even though the sky was clear and
the stars were burning bright.  The next morning, they made their way to
the river Hlal(tm), and looked up and down it for a mile each direction.
They found nothing out of the ordinary, (leeches, snakes, ticks, redbugs,
etc.) and made their way back to the trail after wasting half the day.

Riding north, they soon heard sounds from the woods besides them.  Like
the sound of a tree branch snapping underfoot.  Talon goes in one direction
and Minn & Bill go the other to scout out the noise coming from the woods
Bandit: about time
Minn has Bill back up momentarily to step on the little jerk
Soon Minn and Bill see.. Talon, walking from an opposite direction toward them.
Talon says, "Heya Minn...Stop following us ;)"

They both heard a noise between them and the wagon.  Talon told his dog
to "get um boy!!"  Then he ran after him and Minn followed Talon on
Bill.  They rushed towards where Bandit was (they thought), but before
they got there, they encountered a dark figure they could not really
discern.  Then everything went black.
.....
Talon and Bill both ran into trees (thunk, THUNK!) and then were lost in
the darkness.  Bandit, hearing the thunks, turns and sees an unnatural
circular dark area off to one side in the woods.  He stands, draws and
throws his rod of continual light into the area, then saunters over to
the now revealed and somewhat chagrined fighters.  Talon jumped off his
horse and looked for tracks but found nothing.

Everyone had the feeling that they were being watched, but no one could
see anything.  Bandit muttered some stuff, made some gestures that
involved slapping himself between the eyes and then began turning in
place scanning around him.  He stopped about halfway around the turn,
took out a small packet, made some more gestures and murmured some words
then opened the packet.

Minn: "Phew! Gag!  I didn't even know you could HAVE dried farts!"

Bandit cast stinking cloud about 30 feet away, and a scantily clad
female type person stumbled, choking but not debilitated, from the smoke.

!!Bandit , Player Extraudinaire!
!!Talon says, "Legend in his own mind"
!!Minn: tiny as it is
!!DM: Don't knock it, he may have just saved your life
!!Minn watches the DM swap sides
!!Talon: I have a fast horse.. He may have saved his own life ;)

Minn whispers disgustedly, "DM and his 'scantily clad women'"

The female type person was hacking her way forward and cursing in what
appeared to be many tongues... The only one we understood:

Female: "Frog-faced, moccasin-mouthed pus riddled mages! Snot-eating,
syphilitic-slime-dripping, sons-of-2-tik, one-legged, clap-rotted joy-
girls always casting their poxed pointy nosed pustular spells where they
have no diseased business doing!"
Bandit (furiously taking notes) says, "grab her and stop her mouth, she
is getting ahead of me."

Talon (probably envious of her ability) grabbed his bow and pointed it
at the ... (for lack of a better word)  woman.  Unfortunately, he lost
the init and she threw two daggers, hitting him with one for 3 pts.
DM says, "make a saving throw Talon ... vs poison"
Talon made the roll (YAAY!) and ONLY took an additional 2d6 of damage.
Where the dagger hit, there was a deep purple stain, but missing a vein
he only took 7 points of extra hurt.
!!Talon: ugly poison.

Talon (without his strength mod bow) makes two hits for 5 pts of damage,
and she falls down, unconscious.

Talon is all in favor of killing her now, but Bandit is intrigued by her
and Minn doesn't really want to kill unconscious foes unnecessarily, so
they quickly bind her, bind her wounds, and strip her, just to be on the
safe side.

She was tall (6' or so), scantily clad (as previously mentioned),
!!Minn: "You mean talked about until we were sick of it don't you?"
with long leather boots and some strange bony elbow /shoulder / arm
pads.  All of her clothes and armor were a dark shade of green and she
had dark green tattoos on her legs and arms. Her shoulder length wild
hair did not cover her pointy ears.

!!Bandit: *sounds like a fantasy to me..*
!!Minn: if you like Ms. Spock
!!DM: but this is supposed to be fantasy?
!!Bandit: *sure. just not THIS kind.*

She had a sort of funny looking belt with 2 dagger sheaths that looked
like they would make it easy to rapidly draw and throw daggers.  Bandit
took this.  As they searched her...

DM: (how well do you search)?
Minn: REAL well, now
Bandit: *every nook and cranny.. Oh.. Minn is searching. OOPS. nevermind.*
DM: body search?
Minn: yeah
Bandit says, "Let me give you a hand there Minn..."
Bandit claps.
Bandit asks, "why? what did you THINK I meant?"
Minn says, "Keep your slimy hands to yourself"
Bandit says, "tsk, tsk.  you are 3 sentences too late.."
Minn says, "We don't even know if she's REALLY an enemy yet"
Bandit says, "with a poison knife.. she is an enemy."
Minn says, "Hey, you might have spooked her w/the gas, o wise one."

They find 2 kinds of bottle, a large and a small type.  Interestingly
enough, in her ... uh.. top article of clothing...
!!Minn: "It is a halter, doofus."
OK, in her halter doofus, there is a pocket.  A much BIGGER pocket than
should be possible.
## Which is sort of strange, to my way of thinking.  Most women want
what is IN the halter to look like it is bigger than what the halter can
really hold.  But then a woman is a mystery anyway right? (wink)
!!Minn: "Auuggh!"
In the pocket are some small sacks of stuff and a book.  Examination of
the bottles indicates the small bottle is the poison that was on the
dagger blades.  The big bottle is still a mystery to this day, except it
smells bad.  Oh, the pocket had been generated by a 'deep pockets'
spell.

They wrapped her in Bandit's cloak and loaded her in the wagon and
headed on down the road.   Bandit napped in the wagon as they rode along,
with the instructions to wake him at sunset.  Later they made camp.


DM: the sun sets
Talon Kicks bandit in the face to wake him up
Bandit says, "Urf.. Ompgh.. glug.."
Talon chuckles
Bandit (rubbing his jaw): "hm. I wonder what price huge frog legs would
bring in Lankhmar?.."
Talon says, "ribet" and grins.

Talon asks, "can Minn attend my wounds this night?"
Talon: I will just sleep, no watch duty.
Talon: I'm wounded..
Talon sniffs
Minn is overcome with emotion at this pathetic sight. (Or perhaps she is
overcome with apathy at this type of motion... )
Minn: "I'll keep watch ... BUT NO MORE BATS...PLEASE!"

Before Talon nodded off though...
Minn says, "Hey, guys, I think somebody's waking up"
She tried to struggle out of her bonds but looked sort of embarrassed as
she gazed at Minn's saber.
Minn says, "Chill, honey, it's not the first scratch you've received"
Talon mutters a lot of stuff under he breath no one else hears and says,
"Aye...I just don't like the whole poison thing"
## Keep your eyes open.  There will be more on this later. (G)
Minn says, "I don't blame you."
Bandit (who now looks a lot like what he thinks males of her species
would look like) asks, "What were you doing attacking us that way?"
PointyEars says, "I didn't attack you, other way around I figure."
Talon says, "Awww, it speaks. I say give her a dose of her own poison."
Bandit asks, "You didn't? Use poison on us?"
PointyEars says, "First there's that dog of yours, then the one who
threw the stinking cloud, and the one who had the bow aimed at me.. Now
who attacked first?"
Talon says, "great points...  but had you not been following us and came
to us and parleyed... this would have been avoided."
PointyEars says, "Well maybe I did, I'm new here."
Talon asks, "You were spying...what is your reason for casting the
darkness spell? You were in no danger."

Ugh. This is pointless.  Let's just say that the woman was reticent, the
only useful hint anyone got out of her was that Bandit 'Looked like one,
but just wasn't hard enough to be one.'  Bandit and Talon kept asking
questions at cross purposes to one another and finally Talon got mad and
slugged her, sending her to la-la land again.

Talon says, "she will wake up later.. with a black eye and perhaps a
better attitude."

And the rest of the night passed with no further items of interest.

The next day, the woman woke to find herself still trussed and in the
wagon.  Once again Bandit looked like her.  Rather, he looked the way he
imagineed a male of her species would look.  Minn and Talon were
outriders to either side of the wagon and Kaniia is driving.

Bandit says, "As you can see, there is no reason for me to be hard most
of the time when I am around the two thick witted ones.  It makes it so
much more delicious to stab someone in the back when they don't expect
it of you, don't you think? (evil grin)  Now as to what we are going to
do with you...  There was a carnival in Lankhmar that carried several
varieties of freak.  Perhaps we could sell you to them.. Oh well, I
will think about the carnival.  Ugly place though, I had to disguise
myself to look normal when I went there.  In fact, since we are
returning to civilization now I might as well re-apply the spell so we
are not surprised."

Bandit drops the disguising spell and goes back to looking like he
always does.

She replies, "Well, ER, yea," she replies to the disguised Bandit,
knowing that the last time she said something to him, she was bonked by
a rather strong fighter type, an experience she did not wish to repeat
again. "Whatever you say. Although I don't understand what you mean by
'freak'. It's not like I've got a tail or cloven feet or anything. I'm
as normal looking as you are.  I don't even know why you  have
to  'disguise' yourself.  You look rather normal. You could pass
yourself off as an elf or something.  Of course you look better
disguised than you do normally - no offense."

Bandit answers, "If you are going for a disguise, hey, why not make it a
good one?"

Bandit continues, "This has been a wasted trip all together.. the dragon
was not where it was supposed to be, very little treasure in the village
we destroyed.  And on top of that, my carriage sank in the river taking
all my stuff to the bottom with it and we had to take this wagon to ride
in.  What a shameful run of luck.  At least we have you.  You should
sell for a considerable sum too.  I had to threaten the big one there
with shrinking him to the size of an acorn in order to change his mind
about violating you until we found out whether such an action would hurt
your resale value."

"Yes, I guess so," she responds, keeping an eye solidly on Talon, "I
guess it's been rough for you.  You got your carriage, or at least you
had it, and your life here.  Me, I get  myself into  more trouble than
an entire army can imagine.  If it wasn't for that ...  I would have
been Gelugon food for sure.  Speaking of food, do you have any? We can
wash it down with some of my good  drink, if you like."

Sitting next to her, Bandit takes her spell book and opens it to read it.

As  he takes and begins to read the spell book, a look of worry crosses
her face, (or is it outrage? It is hard to tell.) and she almost says
something, until she stops  and looks deeply at Talon. "It's no fair.",
she finally  says, "You  get to see mine and I can't see yours.  After
all that smelly cloud is a real good spell you used.  And I thought I
saw the hint of magic in the way you found me in shadows  so deep no
other could spot me."

Bandit feeds PointyEars and offers a drink from any bottle she wishes.
!!Bandit: cant have the merchandise going bad now can we?*

She looks at Bandit's dry rations and says, "You want me to eat that? It
looks like it's been cooked, or worse!   I'd rather eat dirt, on second
thought, I'm sick of eating dirt, I'll  try  a bite or two."  She eats
the rations and  drinks from the big bottle.

They continue the conversation, Bandit keeps trying to make her think he
is a high level mage who has had a turn of bad luck, and she keeps
ducking and dodging any meaningful revelations about herself... With one
exception that will prove to be interesting in the future for our
heroes...

"As to how I came here," she continued, "It's a long story.  Let's just
say I hitched a ride behind a nice lady."  Suddenly a strange smile
appeared on her face, eerie and mysterious.  "Then again, seems like I
always jump from  the frying  pan, into the fire pit.  Speaking of
which, how do you stand this cold air?"

Talon of course objects, he wants her dead and keeps insisting that
anyone that would use poison is bad just in themselves.

Talon, when asked to loan her his extra cloak, "We know BETTER than to
even think for a MINUTE I would part with anything for this woman who
nearly..(no joke here) killed me."
## Har, har.  This guy had well over 60 hit points by this time.  He HAS
to be the darndest dice roller I have ever seen in my life!

He goes on, "I think she's cold cause she is a damn zombie or
something...I don't trust her.. and unless the GODS themselves tell me
otherwise...I assure my companions this one will never leave here alive.
Bandit.. Make all the promises you like... Just know that your promises
will be kept, as long as you make the promise (I.E. I promise that*I*
will let you go and that *I* will not harm you)...  The last wench we
let in our party turned out to be nice.. and even though I protested...
I listened to you guys.. and it turned out OK. This time, there will be
no chance.  This poison using ghoul will perish.  By my GOD I
promise...(Unless there is intervention of some sort)"

!!DM: ***  Next time I see the gods I'll them you called.

Minn chimes in, "Don't you think you're overreacting a bit, Talon?
After all, Bandit has minimized her threat to us by stripping her of all
defenses (literally and figuratively).  If we gag her before we go to
sleep, she won't even be able to use her spells on us.  And you're
right, it DID turn out OK the *last* time.  Think about it:  Has a
"scantily clad female" ever been harmful in intent?  And goodness knows
we have enough experience to judge by!"

Oh well, moving right along.  They camped that night and Kaniia had
third watch, which is when everyone was awakened by Kaniia  shouting,
"Help me, I'm blind!"

There was darkness all about,  pitch black, and no one was able to see
even their hands in front of their face.

Kaniia then shouts, "Oh  yea, the  rod, I forgot."  Slowly the light
from the campfire filled the clearing again.  Suddenly everyone heard
Kaniia say, "I  can see!  I am in the fire! I AM IN THE FIRE!", she
shouted as she stamped out the fire that had crept up her leggings.
## Nice girl, 8 int, but nice girl.

It turned out that PointyEars had escaped, and we could not track her in
the darkness... or rather were leery of doing so.  Partly because
darkness was not a spell in her book and we thought she might have had
reinforcements from somewhere.

And since the DM was tired of Talon whining about being poisoned...
***  Lastly, people who launch arrows into people should not be all that
shocked, surprised and upset if they  get something  thrown  back at
them, with a special edge because not everyone has 18/99 strength damage
and  to hit bonuses to their advantage.
## Told you he was the darndest roller.

The next day the group packed up and traveled onward, except Bandit had
a few things to do in camp after everyone else had left.  He caught up
pretty quick though, and they rode on through the forest on the road
until, from out of the blue, Bill came crashing to a halt, almost
throwing Minn off him.  In the path was a rather large tree.

Minn: is there room for the wagon to go around?
Bandit: first of all WHY is it fallen?
No one can tell from on top of the cart behind the horses behind Bill,
so Bandit asks, "Minn, why did the tree fall?"
Talon: "Assume the obvious Minn."

And, of course, it is.

As she is getting off of the buffalo she is pelted by arrows coming from
the woods all around.  14 of them.
Minn asks, "How many of these little buggers are there?"
!!Bandit: * a bunch. and they are bad shots.
One (and only one hits Minn.)
Bandit locks the brakes and dives under cover in the back of the wagon.
They quickly discussed throwing 2 bottle of Greek fire that some
previous party member had left, but just as rapidly remembered they were
in the woods... in the summertime.

Talon and Bandit were squirming around hiding behind the sideboards of
the wagon, while Minn and Kaniia were dodging about trying to decide
which end of the wagon was safest to hide behind.  Finally, Talon worked
up his courage and they all charged into the woods seeking the
ambushers.  All except Bandit, he stuck with his original plan of hiding
behind the sideboards.

Bandit loses the init this time, and the arrows are more evenly divided,
hitting Talon, Kaniia and Bandit and missing Minn.  But that is quickly
taken care of as a man comes around a tree and
*DM rolls (1d20) : 16 = 16
fastens a pole with a funny set of claws on it onto Minn, trapping her
in the mancatcher, and dropping her dexterity mod to practically nothing
while dealing out 2 hp.  She tries to force her way out of it... but
fails.
!!DM: 2% chance, it could have happened. (G)

On the next round, Bandit is furiously trying to figure out what he can
do from a prone position trying to hide behind the wagon sideboards, but
can come up with nothing.  So he loses the init for the party as his
action.

The man with the mancatcher and the banded armor rams the pole into a
tree, trapping Minn thoroughly,  and draws his two handed sword.
(Twang, Plonk, Thunk, Twack, Shhhtickk, etc)
Hit on Bill, miss on Talon, hit on Bandit (leaving him at 7 hp) (Where
is that healing potion?)
The ones Kaniia and Basher were charging started backing away into the
woods. Bill missed the armored fellow and Talon was furiously trying to
get somewhere to attack SOMEONE.

So, everyone having achieved position after only 3 rounds, Bandit
finally wins the init.
Talon moved between Minn and man....swords blazing.
## Sorry, but that was SUCH bad theater, I just could not leave it off..
And between Talon and Bill stabbing and goring him, the man in armor
dies.  The 4 archers on this side of wagon, (and thus not being pursued
by Kaniia and Basher) hit Talon 3 times.
!!Minn: not bad, considering the possibilities!
!!Minn: they could have hit ME!
Kaniia yells something we never heard before from her.
!!Talon: ** dam shame PMS hits her now.
!!Minn wishes she could slap Talon...despite all he's done for her
!!Talon Gives Minn his cheek...
!!Bandit: ah heck. do it anyway.  he probably would not even notice.
!!Minn: depends on which cheek I pick!

Since everyone else was busy, even though it wasn't his turn this time,
Bandit lost the init again for the group.
Another fighter with a sword and shield, moves around this same tree and
hits Talon for...
*DM rolls (1d8+2) : 3 = 3+2 = 5
!!Bandit exclaims, "AMAGICSWORD!EYAH!"
!!Talon: ** probably strength
!!DM: who said it was magic?
!!Bandit: *we can hope cant we? (G)

One arrow hits Minn who is still fooling with the mancatcher.
DM: Bandit, roll a d20 under your intelligence
!!Talon: S***!.. do we have a die with negative numbers?
!!Bandit thinks about changing his target... but decides to keep the big
dum fighter anyway.
!!Talon: easy Einstein (G)
Bandit pops up and lets fly with 2 thrown daggers, hitting one of the archers.
*Bandit rolls (1d4) : 1 = 1
*Bandit rolls (1d4) : 2 = 2
!!Bandit: does he die?
!!DM: you see him fall down
!!Bandit: I thought he would. (G)
And Talon cuts the mancatcher pole in half. (CHOP)
Kaniia was visible fighting a man with sword and main gauche.  She was
looking pretty hurt.

Bandit actually won init on the next round.

Talon's first attack crashed into the shield, his second bit deep into
his opponent, And Bill gored him 2 times from the side.  Minn was
dancing around the battlefield with the grasping claws clasping her arms
to her sides.

The archers directed their attacks against the buffalo, with three
hitting. (## I really think the DM should have made them scatter their
shots amongst all in melee.. but there it was.)

Darkness reigns.  At least it did near both the Talon-Minn and the
Kaniia Melees.  Bandit was the only one in the light and there were 4
archers left.  Talon began yelling for a light, but Bandit stubbornly
refused to use it.  (## I am not sure, but believe he thought it might
be safer for Minn and Bill in the darkness.  Perhaps he was just too
frightened to rise above the sideboards and throw it, who knows now?)

Bandit lost the init again.

The fighter with the shield had apparently taken blind fighting as an
nwp, for he tagged Talon for a few more points.
On the other hand, so has Talon, and he hit twice.

DM: what's the damage
*Talon rolls (1d8+8) : 8 = 8+8 = 16
*Talon rolls (1d8+8) : 5 = 5+8 = 13
Talon: 29
(##which when added to the previous round's damage is about 60 hit
points on the shield  guy here.)
!!DM: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nasty
!!DM: I got to start dishing out dragons
!!Talon: ** stop that!!
!!Minn: we did the dragon thing...he went to sleep on us! <G>
!!Talon: ** good point minn.. been there...done that ;)

Minn tries to bash the mancatcher against a tree, hoping to break it.

DM: Kaniia is cursing the darkness
!!Minn: she's not alone!
!!Talon: ** does it curse back?
!!DM: no, why would you ask?
!!Talon: ** curious ;)
!!Talon: ** a joke really
!!Talon: ** humor
!!Talon: ** comic relief
!!Talon: ** etc etc
!!DM rofls real hard

Minn: what's happening w/bill?
DM: Bill is in the dark about this whole thing.

So the DM ruled that Bill withheld his attack that round.  There was some
discussion about alternate senses and their relative importance to buffaloes.

!!Bandit: *given buffalo's reliance on other senses than sight?
!!Minn: SMELL?
!!Minn: as much time as he's spent w/talon he oughta know how he smells.
!!Talon: ** What are you saying?
!!Minn: nada.  why would I say anything?
!!Talon: ** I told you...Bill and I are just friends... nothing more.
!!Minn: sure, sure!
!!Talon: ** I swear!!

In the next round, Minn finally got the mancatcher off of her.  They
heard the sound of an owl in the forest and the archers started with-
drawing.  When they stopped firing Bandit finally threw that rod of light
into the darkness around Minn... which would neutralize it, if it landed.

DM: roll to hit
!!Bandit: What is ac of a 60' cloud of darkness anyway?
*Bandit rolls (1d20) : 19 = 19
DM: OK now doll a d10, try to roll low
*Bandit rolls (1d10) : 2 = 2
And the rod flies into the right area, and sticks in the ground butt
first, thus banishing the dark's evil reign.

Bandit attempts to cast his favorite waste of time, audible glamour.
*Bandit rolls (1d20) : 8 = 8
## WILD SURGE!!! EVERYONE HIDE!!!
*Bandit rolls (1d100) : 93 = 93
## The sound of 16 men marching across the ethereal plane is very
disconcerting to 20 or 30 munchkin wizard's familiars (from other
games.)  Too bad it does nothing in THIS world.
!!Bandit: *!@#$%^&*

Minn, finally free, snatched up the light rod and carried it to Kaniia.
This left Talon in the dark with the 2 dead guys.  Talon found a coin
beside the last dead guy, and threw it (and the darkness) away into the
woods.  Kaniia had stepped out of HER dark area and was looking around
for her assailant when Minn arrived.

Minn bandaged all the folk who had taken damage (except herself,) Bandit
pocketed the second coin of darkness, Kaniia stalked around cursing
backstabbing so-and-so's, and Talon found some papers and some coins on
the last fighter.

Talon starts building a makeshift Pyre, to burn this warrior with Honor
!!Bandit: You would do better using wood to burn him with.

Bandit checked all the dead guys' things for any magical aura, and found
none.

The papers are of good quality with sketches of Talon, Bandit, Kaniia,
Minn, and Wentaweck

Paper 1:
Wanted. For Armed Robbery!
(Talon exclaims, "Wanted!!!")
For Assault and Theft!
For the killing of several guards,
and the MURDER of Lord Rambleon of Ilthmar!
(Minn says, "Huh?")
I will personally pay 5000 riks for these men
DEAD or ALIVE!
Signed
Kelepho Alzamexes

Paper #2
Attention!
The following people have wrongfully performed proper guild"
duties and have done this, without the benefit of membership!"
They thus forfeit their lives!
They are ...
(guess who)
Stamped: "The Slayer's Guild."


Paper #3
Current update to the list of freelance thieves
(guess who)
(and other names we had never heard of)
Stamped "The Thieves Guild."

Paper #4
(This is a rather old paper.)
The following persons have abrogated certain Guild Rights.
(Guess who again)
They are hereby declared personna's non grata.
Anyone Beating them up or killing them will
be given a free glass of wine.
Stamped: "The Vintner's Guild.

Paper #5
License!
Issued to one _Joewar_ and his party
to pursue, apprehend, transport and deliver in
whatsoever fashion he deems necessary, such
fugitives and felons as from time to time
fall into his purview.

Talon: What did we steal to get the Thieves Guild after us?
DM: all that cash, and other stuff, you figure
Talon says, "S***...I didn't take anything.."
(## Shoot, of COURSE he did.  It just wasn't enough to remember)
Talon looks at Minn and Bandit
Minn exclaims, "Don't look at me!"
Bandit looks innocent. whistles..
Minn asks, "What did you take, Bandit?"
Talon says, "Bandit..."
Talon strides towards bandit
Bandit says, "It wasn't me.." and tries to hide behind a wagon.
Talon asks, "You wouldn't hold out on me would you?"
Talon says, "I don't mind being hunted, I just want to know if you took
things from there."
Bandit says, "I don't remember taking anything..."
Kaniia reminded everyone that there was a backstabbing thief out in the
woods.. and now might not be the best time to fight.

So reminded, Talon hurriedly put Dawg on the trail of the man that had
backstabbed Kaniia, and several of us followed along behind, until...

DM: finally the dog stops at a low brush
*DM rolls (1d20) : 9 = 9
DM: OK, the skunk doesn't hit.
Minn: A Skunk!
DM: the dog is not going to attack the skunk, unless you really want him to!
Talon calls the dog off...
Minn: thank you !

Having lost the trail, they dispiritedly made their way back to the campsite.

Thus ends the narrative.

**After a prolonged stunned silence...
"How are we gonna clear our name?"
"Why bother? We can DOUBLE our price with all the publicity.
.... Wait!...
Why don't we turn ourselves in and collect the reward in person?"**