Fun Online 1996 September/FOL0996.iso/DOUBLE_T/PLAYABLE/PT3TEXT.C

Text File | 1996-01-27 | 65KB | 2,411 lines

Hey it's the fat baker!
Hah it's the schmuck with the face
So Baker how's it hanging?
Hey I need help to save the world
How's the sticky bun market?
Hah what do you care? You never call. You never write
Hey I've been busy. What can I say?
I'm worrying myself into an early grave. Your chicken soup
Hah your chicken soup. Ruined. But ah what do you care?
Woah. Isn't this dialogue cliched?
Ah it's a small part. You have to make the most of it
Yeah well thanks for everything
Yeah sure you need help but ah to save the world?
Sure. But it's a long story. Do you have anything
on this list?
A match? Your face and week old bread?
A bowling ball? You think this is a bowling alley?
No I have nothing. You can see my shelves are bare
Well thanks for nothing
Aren't your dumplings like bowling balls?
I'm sure you've something
Hey I make one mistake. Cement. Flour. Who can tell the
difference?
Look it was a joke
Joke. My lawyer was the joke. I'd have fired him but it was
his first case after leaving the circus. He had such a
huge red nose. Big pants. And hey he was cheap
Look I'm finding this hard to swallow
Oh so you heard his defence speech?
Right. Well thanks for nothing
I have nothing. Business is bad. The only thing I
have in the world is my commemorative frying pan
Well I could probably use that
Commemorative frying pan?
Hey why not. You got cups. You got dishes. You got medals
So could I take it now?
Well I never thought of that
Ah well that's the problem you don't think
If you thought you wouldn't have hair like that
Yeah I guess I'm stupid to talk to you
Who said you could have it. It has sentimental value
Could I buy it?
Could I swap something for it?
I'd rather sell one of my family. Aunt Rifka for a start
Well it was worth trying
Not for all the bagels in New York
Business is bad
So people aren't buying your buns
People aren't buying buns. The're not buying cakes.
Bread. Doughnuts. Bagels. You name it the're not buying
So how come the shop is empty?
That's a sad tale
You think I'm stupid. You think I'd stand over a hot stove when
business is bad?
Hey makes sense to me. Catch you later
Have you thought about advertising?
And have you thought about surgery?
Surgery
Yes to have your mouth sewn up
Hey I'd be offended if I thought your opinion mattered
Ah if it's a sad tale you want, you should talk to my Uncle
Hymie. Forty years in the shoe business and what does he have
to show for it? A bad back and an extreme aversion to feet
Well yes that's sad
Then there's my cousin Sal..
Hey Baker hang loose and I'll catch you later
Look Baker I need your frying pan
Did I say you could have it?
Okay you asked for it
Hey Baker your buns are no good
But I have no buns schmuck
Big boy! Eaten too many cakes?
Hey they needed testing. What can I say?
I never realised monkeys could bake
And I never realised they could talk
Roly poly baker makes roly poly puddings
So it's my speciality
Where'd you learn to cook? Maths class?
Hey go figure
Hey frog face. Caught any flies?
I like to keep my shop free from pests. So take the hint
Doughboy! You eyes are like currants
Yeah and you're raisin my temperature so scram
I fed your cake to the ducks. They sank
They were probably trying to get away from your face
Hey Baker. Isn't your face illegal?
Not as illegal as what I'll do to you. So beat it
Your icing is like concrete
You're doing nothing to cement our relationship
You could use your bread as paving stones
And I could use your face to sweep them
Hey Baker you're dough's all soggy
Soggy? Soggy? I don't have to take this
Take that and don't darken my door again
Gankyou vebby much
Hey Baker It's me again
Ah you think I care. Now beat it



Hey Vera! It's Bud. How's it going?
Vera? Me not Vera. Me Violet
Hey Violet. You're looking good
Violet always look good. Violet pretty girl
That's a very seductive uniform
Are you a relation of Vera the bouncer?
Can I see the dentist?
No. Dentist through wall. Boy not see through wall
No..Ver..Violet. Could I go through to see the Dentist?
Boy go through wall? Violet enjoy that
No through the door
Violet not let anyone through door without card
Card?
Appointing card. Dentist very strict about appointing card
So could I make an appointment?
Well it didn't really matter anyway
Yeah. But dentist have big waiting list. Come back in three years
Dentist see boy then
But that may be too late!
Then Violet knock all boy's teeth out now. Save boy waiting
Hey is that the time. Catch you later
But I've got an appointment card
Violet check. Make sure it not a clever forgery
Here it is
This appointing card for C. Cluck, Violet thought boy's name was Bud?
It..er..Hey the C is short for Bud
Ah..er..C's really look like B's
Violet never thought of that. Boy go through door
Can the Dentist see me yet?
Not without the appointing card
Okay. I'll be back. Catch you later
No Violet not know anyone called Vera. Why boy ask?
You remind me of him
Nothing. It doesn't really matter
Him? Him? But Violet a girl
Oh yeah right. I can see that
Perhaps Violet forget Vera. Violet not remember much lately
Only that Mr Tate is a nice man
Hey perhaps you've been brain washed
Sure. Mr Tate. Nice. Yeah
Violet detect note of disbelief in voice of boy
Nah. Me and Mr Tate go back a long way
Boy sure?
Let me think about for a while
Hey would I lie to you?
Boy have honest face. Ugly. But honest
What can I say? I'm flattered
But then Violet's hair would be wet
Brain wash. A quick rinse would be have been sufficient
Violet has greasy hair. Would need special shampoo
Hey it's time for a reality check. Catch you later
No time to talk. Catch you later
Boy make sheep's eyes at Violet. Violet flattered
Hey..No..wait..I..er
Boy go red. Hur Hur. Boy regret saying things he said
Er..Yeah. So catch you later
Not if Violet catch you first. Sugarplum
I've got an appointment card
Violet check card
Violet let boy in dentists for such nice pretty card
Woah Deja Vu! Thanks "V" catch you later
  Hey the dentist wasn't there!
Dentist at school. Teaching Pain 101 to students
Dentist send students to Violet. Violet punch them in the mouth
Why?
Homework
Yeah that figures. Well no time to talk
So how's it hanging?
Boy keep quiet. Violet not want to be disturbed. Violet thinking
Violet is philosopher. Now push off before Violet prove boy not exist
I need to see the dentist again
Boy still have appointing card?
Safely inside my pocket
Then boy go through door
Thanks Violet



Woah! This place gets stranger and stranger
Who on earth are you?
I am the eye that sees everything
So where's Mary Putty?
What colour are my underpants then?
Are you a friend of Tate's?
Mary Putty was found to be surplus to requirements
Red with yellow checks
We are all a friend of Tate, and Tate is a friend to all
Sounds ominous
What did you do to her?
She was mothballed like all antiquated equipment
It was
Poor Mary, she was a great help to me once
I doubt that very much
Well Eye can you help me?
So is this still tourist information?
I'm looking for certain items
Wrong! The're yellow with red checks
Such pedantry from one so small
Yeah Tate's a great pal of mine
Doesn't he have bad dress sense though?
Tate's the best friend I've ever had
Pal? Ah yes a colloquial term for a friend. Interesting
I suspect that your words are derogatory in nature
You've had friends? With hair like that?
I can help even you, for that is my raison d'etre
This is for all the lost souls
who have not found the true way of Tate
If it is in my power I shall endeavour to be of assistance
Another wise guy eye. That's all I need
Yeah! And they were all jealous of me
My hair's usually the talk of the town
Why were they bald?
Really? It must be a small town
I'd love to trade insults all day but I need help
I am not a wiseguy. I am a wise eye
Hey! It's what I'm best at
A wisecrack a day keeps the doctor away
Okay eye here's the problem
Yeah well I'm an interesting kinda guy
In the same way that pond life is interesting
I concur that it is your primary talent
That is an exercise in sophistry
I think I wholeheartedly agree
Now how can I be of assistance?
A friend of mine is constructing a machine
and he needs certain components
Is there anything you have that would
be of use?
Hmm an intriguing problem
Describe the nature of the device
It's a er..giant mousetrap
Curious I did not realise that Tate City
Still it may prove to be of benefit. I will help upon
completion of a taxing conundrum. Then you may claim a prize
Great! No problem
Very well the riddle I set is this
In marble halls as white as milk
Lined with a skin as soft as silk
Within a fountain crystal clear
A golden apple doth appear
That's easy it's a banana
It's a small asthmatic weasel
A combine harvester?
Is it a yellow bulldog?
That is sadly incorrect. Think harder next time
Hey big eye I'm back!
So I observe. Well have you an answer?
Sure it's a tyrolean pancake
An orange aardvark?
A slightly peeved sea anemone
Is it a lightly boiled frog?
Wrong in all senses of the word
Not even close
Completely wrong. Is this too difficult?
Wrong!
Eye! Eye! Eye! I'm back!
Leave me be mortal. You have defeated me
You're just a sore loser
Begone!
Hey! Eye I think I've cracked it!
Remarkable. Pray what is your answer?
O Eye, it is an egg
That is unfortunately correct. Very well watch carefully
and choose wisely
Ready when you are eye!
First we have a classic automobile..
Hey wow! That'll do for me!
..Which is sadly out of stock at the moment
What a surprise
Next we have a rather startled cow..
Hmm okay the prof could do something with that
..Which isn't available this week
Right I think I'm getting the idea
What about a typewriter?
Do you have one?
No
I'll pass on that one then
There's this really nice peach
Well..Okay..What's the catch?
I ate it this morning
Is there anything you have which I could use
I have in my possession a tube of solvent
Solvent? What sort of a prize is that?
It's for solvent the riddle
That's a terrible joke
Take it or leave it
Okay I'll take it. Thanks eye I enjoyed this
No doors are there in this stronghold
Yet thieves break in to steal the gold
had a problem with giant mice


Hey there muscleman
Muscleman? But my name Egbert
So Egbert. What is this place?
Can I get past?
Egbert guarding entrance to Tate tower
Sounds like a cool job
It's this toga. Wind whistles round legs
Hey it's been great but I'll catch you later
Egbert not allowed to let anyone past who doesn't worship
Mr Tate
Hey no problem. I think he's great
That not good enough
What about Tate's the best?
Hmm no. Egbert not letting you past
Hey I was worth a try. Catch you later
Hey Egbert I'm back
Yeah and?
No further boy. This is concent..contemp...constipated ground



And now on "That's my herring!" your efficacious
host Grunt Spatula...
Heyy! Heyy! Love you! I Lurrvvve you all..
Please you're too kind..
Well in a spleen wobbling show tonight we have
an extra special mystery guest. A mystery guest
so awesomely wonderful that I am almost unworthy
to share the same stage. But for the sake of your
delectation and entertainment ladies and
gentlemen I am prepared to take that risk. But
first a reminder of the rules for all you
herring tyros. Hidden deep within the bowels
of television centre hides the mystery owner
of tonight's herring. Guess his or her identity
from two simple clues and by phoning this toll
free number you the noble viewer could win this
genuine antique "THAT'S MY HERRING" cuckoo clock
that we had made last week. Sooooo without
further ado let's play "THAT'S MY HERRING.....!"
And now the first clue....Slugs and Snails and
potted meats are an ontological banquet
And the second clue...Green grows the grass after
a crepuscular discourse
Well I'm sure that's made everything perfectly
clear. So ring now on this number with your answer
I'll be waiting for your call
Well we still haven't identified our mystery guest
despite some very good guesses. Were our clues
to difficult? Surely not for such a gorgeously
talented audience such as yourselves. So come
on ring in you lovely people. I'll be waiting
for your call.
Aha! A caller on line two! Hello you pulchritudinous
viewer you. Can you identify our mystery guest?
Yes..It's Burt Domino..No..er..Skiffle O'Reilly
Ptang YarrowStalk..Zeebadee Goonhilly..
No I'm afraid you're completely wrong. Though
of course such a delicate talent can never be
completely wrong. So here's your consolation prize
of harmonious dialling tone
Aha! A caller on line ten! Hi there O wonderful
viewer. Can you identify our mystery guest?
Sure can Grunt. It's Olaf Particle, prawn wrestler
extraordinaire
Hey! Hey! Hey! The young sir has cogitated correctly
and identified tonight's mystery guest. So welcome
Olaf Particle and thankyou my sagacious contestant
your prize is on it's way!



Hey I know you guys! You're famous world leaders
That's uh right son. That's us fer sure
Is there anything I can do to help?
How can I get you guys out?
When did Tate do this?
I'll help as soon as I can
Well my momma'll sure be worried by now..
and then there's my shoes
Your shoes?
Yeah my suede shoes. They're sure are scuffed now
What colour are your shoes?
You're worried about shoes!?
Green. Tate stepped on my green suede shoes
Sure son. My momma gave me those shoes
I wouldn't try it son. The bars are electrified
So what'll happen?
You'll be all shook up son. All shook up
Isn't there a key somewhere?
There must be a way somehow
Don't worry son we're doing jus' fine in here
At least you have company not like that guy over there
Yeah, well son I keep asking him
are you lonesome tonight? But he never answers
That sounded like a song
You trying to be funny son?
No..You're the King. I wouldn't be funny to the King
That's right son and don't you forget it
You sure like your mom
For a birthday present?
What size are they?
Sure son a momma's a guy's best friend
When you're the king you get presents all the time
The right size
What about blue sneakers are they cool?
Uh blue sneakers huh? Sure son but not as cool
as green suede shoes. But sure son
That's the nicest thing anyone's said all day
You surprise me son with hair like that
I'll go now but I'll be back
There's always a way but for now son I'm beat
What about a tunnel?
Have you got a large length of rope?
I'll go away and think of something
It's this jailhouse rock son it's too hard
Rope son? Do I look like I have rope?
What about your belt?
Are you implying something about my girth son?
No not at all. It's just right
Well you're not exactly thin
That's what I thought son
Who wants to be thin son. The thin don't have fun
It must be heatbreaking being alone like that
Yeah this is a real heartbreak hotel son
Well I can't do anything just yet but I'll be back
That's profound
Son, you've found a round profound hound dog in the pound
Hey your worshipfullnesses..I'm back
Uh-huh you sure are son
He snuck up on us son jes' last night
All the world leaders?
Why would he do that?
And then what?
Every last one of us son
We've been cloned son. Right down to the last rhinestone
So what happened then?
Cloned using the professor's machine!
Uh-huh and now there's a false King out there



I need to use your mighty intellect
Sure Bud but hurry there is much work to be done
I've got a riddle needs solving
Ah about the mysteries of life Ja?
Something like why the chicken crossed the road?
No prof just an ordinary riddle
That is a pity. We could learn so much if only we knew
what motives the chicken had for crossing the road
Woah prof can I just tell you the riddle?
Certainly Bud I am listening closely
In marble halls as white as milk
Lined with skin as soft as silk
Within a fountain crystal clear
A golden apple doth appear
No doors are there in this stronghold
Yet thieves break in to steal the gold
So what do you make of that prof?
Hmm interesting use of scansion
So what's the answer prof?
Let me think about this one Bud
Sure prof I'll be back soon
So prof have you solved the riddle?
Naturally Bud, though it was an intriguing challenge
So what's the answer?
A small avian ovoid or egg to be precise
An egg?
Ja simple wasn't it?
Hey thanks prof. Catch you later



Hey how's it going?
Are you up to something?
No I'm just looking
Hey don't be so suspicious
Well look somewhere else because I've got my eye on you
Gee do you treat all your customers like this?
Customers? Never let them in the shop
But I'm here
Yeah so don't be
I'm only suspicious of oxygen breathers
So politicians are safe then
Hey you're a real wise guy aren't you?
Yeah well..hey thanks
So wise up and clear off
Hey Mr store detective how's it going?
Push off kid I've got a shop to watch
Hey gerrof! I'm watching you



Hi there buddy. How much are your balloons?
To you, one hundred Tate dollars, Sir
How much to any one else?
Tate dollars?
I've got no money. Thanks anyway
One hundred Tate dollars
You know I really hate it when people say that
Do you want one?
Sure. But I haven't got one hundred Tate dollars
Then beat it kid. I've got a wife and fifteen gherkins to feed
Did you say gherkins?
Could you lend me a balloon?
Indeed I did! Tate City, Tate dollars, Tate people and gherkins
I think I'm going to throw up
Too much Tate ale?
Too much Tate!
Lord Tate provides
Yeah, and he taketh away, too
I begeth your pardon?
Yeah, he's obviously taken your brain
Of course! Just as soon as you get me a date with Marylin Monroe
It's been nice talking to you. Bye
Are my lips out of sync?
Lips out of sinc..?
You some kind of parrot?
No!
Ask me nicely. Then I'll consider lending you one of my balloons
Please, sir, can I have one of your balloons
Uhm...No! Never a borrower of a lender be, my little munchkin
I can see you've got problems. I'll catch you later
"To you, one hundred Tate dollars"
when it's the same price to anyone else
We owe Lord Tate so much. He truly is wonderful
"On a wonderful day like today..."
I only deal in Tate dollars, boy
Yo! How's it hanging?
Leave me alone. I'm rehearsing for my next role
"Life is but a walking shadow
a poor player who struts and fretts his hour upon the stage
and then is heard no more. 'Tis a tale told by an idiot..
Urm...
I require absolute silence
Yeah, well judging by that performance, that's the response you'll get
Leave me alone



Hi! My name's Bud, and you're one hot chick!
M-M-My name, sir, is Cla..Cla..Clarissa
Why are you so nervous?
Where's the dentist?
Why so scared? Are you chicken?
I take it you are not familiar with this dentist
Why come here then?
I'm waiting for my half yearly check up
Well, how would you like to come with me?
What ever did you have in mind?
Have you heard of a guy called Dick Tate?
I need some feathers for my duvet
Dick Tate! That man is crazy. He's taking over Barryville
So, you don't like him?
Like him! Sir, if I were not a lady, I would peck him to pieces
So you'll come with me then?
But what could I do for you?
Tate's planning to take over the world
Well, anything is better than being a battery hen
Okay, okay, I get the picture. I don't need a diagram
Then Sir, I am yours!
Y-Y-You're not one of Tate's henchmen are you?
Hey, calm down, that was a joke. I'm an arch enemy of Tate's
So am I! I escaped from a battery farm
So, you don't like Tate?
Out to lunch
Yeah, like most of the people around here
I, sir, am a hen
A very nervous hen
You would be nervous if you were on the run
On the run? From who?
Colonel Saunders. I do not intend to wind up in a bargain bucket
He enjoys inflicting pain upon his patients
I was a free range hen until he came up
with the idea of intensive poultry rearing
The Professor and I can stop him, but we need your help
You cannot imagine what it's like having
a one and a half volt battery jammed-
Hey Clarissa, it's Bud again
Why I do believe it is
Where's the dentist?
Quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn



Hi, kid, that's a nice balloon...What's wrong the cat got your tongue?
My parents told me never to talk to strangers
Do I look like a stranger?
You mean you've got parents?
I wonder if you could help me?
How would I know, I've never seen you before
My name's Bud Tucker. There, now we're not strangers are we?
That's a matter of opinion. What you going to do next?
Would you swap your balloon for candy?
Lost a puppy? I'm looking for these
Nice talking to you kid. Catch you later
What did I tell you? Candy always comes into it
Well? Will you trade the balloon for some candy or not?
You ever known a kid who didn't like candy?
No!
Then hand over the candy and take this stupid balloon
I'll be right back
Jeez, what a bozo
Do you work in a junk yard?
No. I need these to build a trap
Do I look like a I work in a junkyard?
You got the cash?
No
Then how you going to get them?
Swap. Trade. Whatever. You want to trade that balloon?
For what?
A big bunch of pretty flowers..
A lovely pink dress, tied with big bows
A soppy-eyed puppy
Hey, wake up and smell the nineties. Anything else?
Such as?
A great big mouth watering teeth rotting complexion spoiling candy bar!
I'll see what I can do. Hang on to that balloon
No
Thank you
But you smell like you do
Catch you later, kid
No, I was found in the cabbage patch, where the stork left me
So much for the innocence of childhood...
Why, you lost?
No, I'm trying to find these items
Mumble..Mumble...Hula Girl outfit! My mother warned me about boys like you..
Tell me you're looking for your lost puppy or offer me some candy?
It's ruining my street cred
Course I've got parents. Bozo


Hi kid, that's a nice balloon you have there
Hey listen Mister, I don't talk to strangers
But I'm not strange
Well that's your opinion
Look I need your balloon
I need help
Yeah? Well I'm a child psychologist
Are you?
You do need help
Could I swap your balloon for a delicious bar of candy?
Could you? Well lets think about this
One scrummy yummy mouth watering candy bar for this crummy balloon?
Tough one...sure I'd swap dummy
It's a trade?
Hand over the candy and take the balloon. It's ruining my street cred
Why? This sounds suspicious to me
It's a long story..but once upon a time..
Is that the sun setting over there?
Well no
So it can't be time for a bedtime story yet


Hi kid!
Hello Mister. You got my candy bar?
Sure do!
I couldn't find one anywhere
Trade?
Trade
Round the teeth and round the gums watch out tummy cause here it comes!
You're just like all the adults.  Promises, promises, promises
Hey, kid, can't you take a joke?
You've got my candy bar?
Sure have, here!
Gee, thanks Mister!


Hi kid!
Hello Mister. You got my candy bar?
Well er..actually..not yet
Gee so maybe you should do something about it
Sure. Catch you later



Hi guys. Bud Tucker's the name and pool's my game
Yeah, well push off Blood sucker. Can't you see we're playing pool?
Yeah, push off Blood Sucker
The name's Bud Tucker
Why the hostility? Chill out dudes
What's your names?
Yeah! Well I think blood sucker sounds better, you look like a leech. Hahaha
Yeah, your face looks like a sand dune. Hahaha
I said leech, not beach, you daft bugger!
Er..Yeah, yeah, a leech on a beach, stuck on a sand dune. Hahaha
Look, I'm not looking for trouble
Well, what are you looking for?
Blood! Hahaha
I crack the funnies
You could have fooled me
How about giving me a game?
Any idea where I can get a sail and mast?
Do you know Richard Tate?
Hey, we've got a leech that wants to give blood
A leech that wants to give blood. Hey, we're the blood bank
I thought the Dodo was extinct
What was that?
Yeah, what was that?
Hey! Cool, we've got stereo!
I think he's taking the pith Baff
I think you mean he's taking the p-
I know what I mean! Get him Baff!
Getting him Biff
Not exactly the best of buddies are they?
Sure!
Sure!
We'll use you as the 8 ball. Hahaha
8 ball. Hahaha
I'm surprised you can count that high
Yeah the size of your IQ...Combined!
Which one's Jeckyl and which one's Hyde?
Are you guys related to King Kong?
Eight ball corner pocket! Go for it Baff!
Going for it Biff!
Hey watch it! I know judo, karate, aikido and lot's of other oriental words
Oh, yeah, then watch this for a combined effort. Hit him Baff
Hitting him Biff!
If you've got it..Flaunt it
You're just about to find out. Get him Baff!
Which one am I Biff? Jeckyl or Hyde?
Just hit him!
Keep taking the medicine boys
Biff show you who's related to King Kong!
Will Biff show Baff, too?
Hey, I've found the missing link!
Bottom of the ocean. Hahaha
There's a sale on at Maceys
You're a few balls short of a full rack
Is he the nasty man who experimented with my brain Biff?
Yeah! Any friend of Tate's is no friend of ours. Get him Baff!
Early Tate rejects. Shame
It don't pay to be friendly around here kid
Right! No good to be friendly
Why not?
You get put in a loony bin. Like my pal here
Is he nuts?
What happened?
So, did he escape?
The Queen thought so
Baff not crazy
Baff worked in hospital garden. Queen visited the hospital to look at flowers
Queen tell Baff, he not crazy and flowers are lovely
So, what went down?
The Queen did
What?
Queen told Baff that he had looked after the gardens so well
What house brick?
House brick that hit queen on back of head. Hahaha. Baff good shot
She turned around and Baff said "you won't forget, will you"
He's nuts!
Don't talk about my friend like that. Hit him Baff!
Hitting him Biff!
Sorry guys, my mistake. You're both nuts!
Hahaha. Queen's Limo round back of bar
Biff
Baff
Hey, cut it out guys that hurts..Sorry, my little joke
Baff not laughing
Biff not laughing
Thanks for nothing. I got to spilt!
Hold it guys. I think my taxi's arrived
Gotta split. There's a world to save
Okay guys, I'm outta here!
Garden famous for nice flowers
Queen promise Baff a pardon
he should receive a pardon. She shook his hand and walked away
That's when he threw house brick
Hey guys I'm back!
Yeah, well push off
Yeah push off



Hi, Sparky, how's business?
Business is good. Can I be of assistance?
Hey ear plugs! New sideline Sparky?
Do you know DR7 in the record shop?
Yes
How much are they?
Fifty Tate Dollars
Tate Dollars! What about the greenback?
Oh great. You're a Tate fan?
Like the country itself the dollar was in trouble. Now everything is great!
I'm fresh out of Tate dollars, so how do I buy the ear plugs?
No problem, you can pay by credit slip. I'll get one from out back
If that remark is meant to mean do I love honour and obey our great leader
You mean everyone is not a clone, I mean a Tate fan?
There are the odd few who have not joined our great leader
Who are they?
How come everyone isn't a Tate fan?
Do you know about Tate's consortium?
Well, Royston the tramp in the park is one
I've got no money
In all walks of life there are...deviants
So, who are these deviants?
Royston, the tramp in the park is one
DR7...? Oh, you mean Des?
Des?
Yes, he changed his name to fit in with the new image of the shop
He must be deaf. Have you heard that stuff he plays?
Yes. Isn't it lovely
Have you got any ear plugs?
Yes, they're over there on the shelf
The trouble is, I have no money
I'm sure we can think of something...You could always pay by credit slip
If it's information you're after, try a bus timetable
Right, I'm outta here
Could you have another look for a credit slip?
I suppose I could. Just a minute, I'll be right back
Sorry I couldn't find any
Thanks anyway, Sparky. I'll catch you later
Hi, Sparky! How's business?
Here, you! Get out of my shop before I call the police!
Uh-oh! He's on to me! I'm outta here!
then the answer is yes, as do most of the residents of Tate City
If you ask me they are very odd
I would keep well away from him if I were you
And I here there are some wives over in Stepford in need of attention
Anyway, enough of the chat, what can I do for you?
He's a big fan of Mantovanni
Do you know since he stopped playing that "funky" music
I haven't sold a single pair of ear-plugs
I think I've got some out back. I'll go and have a look
No problem. I'll try again later
Ear plugs. Are they a new sideline?
Royston but he's..Yeah I guess you're right
Gee thanks. I never thought of that


Get lost. You're not welcome
Hey down there. Could I come in
No. Go away. And leave me be
Obviously not the sociable type
Gee I guess he doesn't want visitors



Alright? What can I do for you?
What happened to the jive, man?
I had a nice chat with Mr Tate. He showed me the error of my ways
You mean you've sold out to Tate?
You look like my Grandpa Zeke
What happened to your shop?
Been real nice talking to you. Gotta go!
I didn't "sell out" to Mr Tate
Who, Tate? Hahaha. Do me a favour
The only favour I can do you is by way of advice
Don't you sell anything anymore?
Comfy slippers? I'm out of here!
I've got everything Mantovanni ever recorded
Well, I've got a list of things I need. Here look
I've got a cardigan and a nice smoking jacket. Would that help?
I don't think so
Well look, while your here, take this box of rubbish outside for me
Hey man, what did your last servant die of?
Not taking the rubbish outside
I guess I'll take it then
Is he about my size?
Yeah. Why do you ask?
I just thought he might be interested in a pair of these crimpolene pants
Man, this is unreal...
I decided it was time for a change
You decided or was it Tate?
I decided to change things for the glory of Mr Tate
So, he's got to you then
I've seen the error of my ways, son
Can't you see Tate's a megalomaniac? You've been brain washed, dude
If I had some soap I would wash your mouth out
Yo! How's it going, Des?
Oh, it's you again
Listen, have you thought about getting yourself some life insurance?
Now, the way I see it...
Er, I gotta go! Catch you later!
...a young lad of your age should be able to..
Oh alright..but just think about it!
I just realised that  being a "funky soul brother" wasn't really for me
Anyway, be careful what you say about Mr Tate
He's a great bloke, and he's done wonders for our city
Settle down with a nice girl. Get a mortgage
Have some children and buy some nice comfy slippers
It's all very well being "funky" and "cool"
But in the end does you no good, you know
Something your mother should have done a long time ago. I blame the parents
Man, this music sucks!
Yo! How's it going?


My word if it isn't Master Tucker
Royston! Is that you? You're not a clone?
It is I, Royston. The only thing that has changed is my abode
Cool! You could just save the world
How come you're running this place?
How's your elephant?
Sorry Royston I've got no food
What are you talking about?
To cut a long story short, I found my friend the professor
Wonderful!
But we've discovered that Dick Tate plans to take over the world!
Not wonderful! Can you and your friend stop him?
We have a plan
I may be able to help you with some of these items Bud, on an exchange basis
What can you help me with?
What else have you got?
I have a three foot length of drain pipe
Great! What do you want for it?
I have a customer who requires a traffic cone
Great, but I haven't got a traffic cone
Surely, you can find one. Children are always picking them up
But we've found that Tate isn't content with Barryville
I will trade you one smelly fish for a raincoat
What would I want with a smelly fish?
What would one want with a traffic cone?
Touche'
Catch you later Royston. I've got work to do
One's needs dictate
Dick Tate! I hate that name!
Calm down young Sir. Running this place has given me my independence
So that's why Tate hasn't got to you?
Where do you get all this junk from?
Correct! How could a harmless beggar spoil the plans of the great Lord Tate
A counter attack! But that may ruin the professor's plans
What plans?
The clones are eager to change their names, life styles
Wait Royston, can you smell something round here?
Yes, I have recently traded a pair of old socks for this smelly fish
That doesn't seem like a good deal
You wouldn't say that if you had smelled my old socks
I'll think about it
Fine. I'll see you later then
I beg your pardon? Oh, I see! You mean Fido?
Er... Yes
King Fanto Magumba Olager returned for his crown. He also took Fido
I thought you said you would never be parted from Fido?
How can one say no to a King?
That is not a problem Master Bud. I ate a hour ago
Well I wish I'd eaten something
I'll trade you this smelly fish
Is that what smells?
Got things to do. I'll be back soon
Thanks Royston. I'll be right back
I will trade you one smelly fish for a raincoat
What would I want with a smelly fish?
I'd rub it under my arms. Use it to charm the ladies..
Er..Okay. You got a deal
Okay!
Fine. I'll see you later then
Royston, I've got a traffic cone
Marvellous!
Have you still got the drainpipe?
Yes. Here you are
Thanks Royston
I now run the Exchange-A-Rama. A sort of up to date pawn shop
If we can find these items, we can build a trap and capture him
You see them in trees, on lampposts, front gardens, statues' heads
even on the roads
Freedom of choice, freedom of speech
Keep a low profile and you keep your mind
It is also a useful way to find out what is going on
Little does he know
I am planning a counter attack to save the people of Barryville..
Sorry, I should say, Tate City
in fact anything that used to be associated with Barryville
I'll swap the fish for a rain coat
The king felt home sick while living in Croydon
You know, for an alcoholic old tramp with amazing body odour, you're okay
We have a plan that'll stop Tate in his tracks
He wants to take over the world!
Er..Yeah..I think I can imagine. Catch you later
Hi Royston. Can you tell me about your exchange-a-rama?
Okay Royston. I'll be back
Hey! I've got a raincoat! You've got a deal!
So tell me about the exchange-a-rama
Er..I think I'll pass on that. Anything else?
I will trade the malodorous piscine for the raincoat
Well what do you know. I have one right here
It's been great trading with you Royston. Catch you later!
Such a pity I was becoming quite attached to Norbert
Norbert?
After the author of the "Decline and Fall of the Luxembourg empire"
The definitive classical work
Hey Royston! I've got the traffic cone and the raincoat!
This is my lucky day!
So can we trade?
Most certainly master Tucker
It is a way of making a living in this oh so cruel world
So want will you exchange?
I also have a customer who requires a traffic cone
Royston I'd like the raincoat back
Most certainly. I will exchange for a small token
Okay what would you like?
Hmm well. I have long had a yearning for an orange Ni object
Such a delightful distraction through the long winter nights
It's as good as yours
Ah this is a dream come true
Thanks Royston! Catch you later
Hi Royston! I've got the Ni object you wanted!


Wait, Bud! We must find some means to enter Tate's lair!
Bud! We must attempt to penetrate Tate Tower's defenses!
Where are you going, Bud? We need to get inside the tower
I can't see a way in. Any suggestions, Prof?
Hmm..Well..
We could use my hand held transmat generator and teleport into the tower
Great! Let's do it
One slight problem..
Yeah..?
I don't have a hand held transmat generator
Okay, no problem. I'll figure out some other way in
Isn't that a little risky?
Ach, nein! It's as safe as nuclear power
Uh, well..
Come on, Bud! Where's your sense of adventure?
I think I must have left it on my dresser
Come on, Bud
The worst that can happen is our molecules could become
re-assembled in the wrong order
turning us into hideously deformed radioactive mutants. Or sheep
I'll find another way in, thanks Prof
Ja, well, that probably is a better idea
Well, I'm completely stumped. Any ideas, Prof?
Oh Ja! I have an outstanding idea
Cool! What is it?
If I cut down my pizza consumption by half for the next six months
I can afford that new particle accelerator I've had my eye on!
The one with the go-faster stripes
That doesn't really help us though..
Ja, that is true
We could attempt to download our consiousnesses
into the cyberspace of Tate's computer using a neural link and a modem
Okay, let's do it!
Sorry Bud, it's virtually impossible. Hahaha! Virtually impossible...
Hey, who says accademics are no fun..
If you cut down on pizza what will I do?
Well, you could always work for me
Cool! I could be your lab assistant!
Well, actually I was thinking more as a replacement for Bobo my chimp
Uh..Will it hurt?
Of course not! Trust me Bud!
Hey, Prof, I can remember the last time you said that..
Ach, the self-zipping fly was just a little tempremental..A slight hitch
Hey, it was more that a slight hitch, Prof!
I couldn't ride my bike for weeks!
The world of scientific discovery is no place for those who possess fear
Yeah. Or think rationally!
So Prof, any ideas yet?
Nein. This is indeed a puzzle
Bud and the Professor in the Alley
Hey, Prof! We're in! Come on!
No, Bud. You go in. I'll remain here and keep watch
Keep watch? For what?
Tate's guards, police men, mime artists..
Mime artists?
Ja! Mime artists are really a race of shape-shifting extra-dimensional aliens
intent upon taking over our planet
Okay, Prof. Wait here. I'll be back!
Why do you say that?
Think about it, Bud
When was the last time you had a conversation with a mime artist?
I can't say I've ever tried..
Well I have! And they never reply!
You see, they have not mastered our Earth languages yet
and that is why they do not speak
for their strange bleeping tongue would give them away!
Uh..Okay, Prof. You wait here..
Okay, I'll be back!
Hey, Prof! How's it going?
Quiet Bud. I am on lookout duty
Okay, I'll leave you to it!
Hey, Prof!
Zzz..Zzz..Hmm..Ragh..
Prof?
No, Albert! I am telling you, it is mc3! Are you crazy! Ragh..hum..
Boy, some look out!
Hey, Prof!
Zzz..Zzz..Zzz..
Hey, Prof! I've found a way into Tate's place!
Cold! Show me!
Hey, Prof, your antique slide rule's digging in me again
That's not my antique slide rule, Bud..
Whoa, this is some place Tate's got here!
Ja, it is impressive
A pity we have so little time, I would have enjoyed exploring..
Yeah, you're right about needing more time..
Ja..Ach! Time! I have it!
Excuse me?
Are you familiar with Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
Uhh...
Well, Einstein postulated that our perception of time, is relative, Ja?
And that a body travelling...
Whoa, Prof!
Fascinating as it is, I don't think we've time for the science lesson
Okay. Here's my plan..I propose we accelerate our bodies to light speed
thus causing a perceptual dilation of time
Uh, Okay..
Or, we we split up and explore the complex. I'll go this way
Okay. Be careful!
Ja. As always
No way! I'm coming with you!
Nein, Bud. We need to find the world leaders and the Duotronic Replicator
It would be more efficient if we split up
Anyway, if we do accelerate to light speed
we may well end up breaching the temporal barrier and meeting our past selves
Or future selves. The results of which
whilst extremely interesting, could also be highly dangerous
Uh..Okay, Prof..
I'll see you soon
Okay, Prof. What do we do now?
We need to find the world leaders and the Duotronic Replicator
I suggest that we split our resources
Okay!
Ja. I suggest that we cut ourselves in half
and build cybernetic components to replace those bits we're missing
Or we could split up..
Ja! I had not thought of that..Okay. I'll go this way
Okay! Catch you later!
Ja, whatever..
No way!
Do you have a problem, Bud?
We're already in enough danger just being here
Splitting up is not a good idea
Ach, Bud, you have seen too many of those scary horror films
What could possibly go wrong?
Well, Tate could capture us..
We could get shot by remote controlled security lasers..
We could be savaged by wild dogs..
Ja, that is true. I'll go this way. See you later!
Hey Prof, just be careful, okay?
Ja
What?!? Hey, it's him I worry for
Hey, Prof! Found anything cool?
Ja! I have found Tate!
Cool! Let's grab him!
Nein, Bud! I have formulated a plan to capture him. Here take this!
Wind machine..Bowling ball..Hula girl outfit!?!
Ja! These are the items I need to complete my patent pending Tate-Trap!
Cool! I'll get onto it straight away!
Bring the components back to me when you find them
Okay! Catch you later!
Okay, so what do we do?
I have a plan..
Cool! What is it?
I have designed a trap to capture Tate
Alright!
Ja. Here, take this. It is a list of components I need to build my trap
I'll get right onto it, Prof!
When you find the items, bring them back here
No problem. Later!
Uh...
Oh, come on, Bud! Have I ever let you down?
Look, Prof, maybe we should think up another plan
But my plan is perfect!
Does it involve atomic explosions?
Nein
Particle accelerators?
Nein
Manipulating our DNA to mutate our physiological being?
Nein
Okay..So what does it involve?
Domestic fowl, hula girls and plastic tubes!
Uh...
Here, take this. It's a list of components I need to create a trap for Tate
A trap! Cool! I'll get onto this straight away!
Ja. And when you find the items, bring them to me
Consider it done, Prof!
Hey, Prof! I've got something for you!
Wunderbar! Cut the chat and give it to me!
Hey, Prof! One wind machine!
Excellent work, Bud!
Sorry, Prof, couldn't find a sailboard
Ach, then we are doomed
So I improvised!
Outstanding!
Hey, Prof, I've got a match!
Ja?
Yeah, Tate's face and my butt
Hoho, Ja..Very funny. Give me the match
Here you go!
Prof, why didn't you say you needed a balloon?
I did
No, Prof, you said "an inflated bladder"
Ja. A balloon
Okay. Here. Good job I'm an imaginative guy
There you go, Prof, one example of domestic fowl
Wunderbar!
Here's your sharp point, Prof!
Oh ja!
Careful, it's..
Ow!
Sharp
One tray or similar..
Thank you, Bud. Are these teeth marks?
It's a long story, Prof..
Here you go, Prof! A clockwork mechanism!
Oh, what wonderful workmanship! Oh, ja..
Here's the pair of gloves you wanted!
Thank you, Bud. I'm sure these will come in very han..
Handy.  I know. Stick to science, Prof..
Hnng..One bowling ball
Oh, that's heavy...Hoho..Very heavy..Hoho..
What's so funny, Prof?
Hoho..Oh, you'll see soon, Bud..Hohmm..
One tube
Perhaps it is a little short. No matter, I'll think of something..
Two Hula Girl Outfits!
Incredible!
Well, I'm an incredible guy!
No, I mean the fact that you actually believed I needed Hula Girl Outfits
I only put them on the list for a joke!
A pizza box!
Oh, pizza..herring and aubergine..mmm..
Hello, earth calling planet Professor..
Oh, sorry Bud.  Thank you.  This will be most useful
Hi Prof! How's it going?
Oh, fine. Do you have anything for me?
Not yet, Prof
Okay. Well come back when you do
Is this what you wanted?
Hmm..Sorry, Bud. That won't help
Okay, no problem



Mankind is looking for a Saviour. One full of wisdom and knowledge
A strong leader, a man of promise
One who will feed the hungry hearts as well as stomachs
A man of confidence, decisive in his judgements
Yes, my friends, a saviour for the world is here in your midst
His name is Lord Tate. You have done well. Or so you think
This is but a mere setback
My clones are everywhere and soon the World will again belong to Dick Tate
Hahaha!
Hey, Dicky, a simple "I would have got away with it too
if it wasn't for that meddling kid" would have done
You would be wise not to mock me, Bud Tucker
Why's that? Am I upsetting you?
You haven't heard the last of Dick Tate...
Dick, you've seen too many bad movies. Book him, boys!
That was my line, Bud. You said I could say "Book him, boys!"
Well, go on
It's too late now
























































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































































Hey! Lola's matches from Big Al's bar
This should help me find my way around
It's a bar of Sud-U-Like soap. My favourite!
Ouch! They're not as safe as they look
They're alright if you pull them quickly
The Gidyun book of fish. There's one in every hotel room
It's the Daily Yak
The tastiest sticky bun I've ever seen
Just an average iron bucket
I should catch something with this

Mmmmm! Made with 100% something or other
Billy G's Sounds of the Seventies! Cool!
A genuine Barryville dollar piece
I'd hate to imagine what these were used for
Lobsters really live in these things?
I think it's smiling at me
Hey! Aren't branches fractal objects or something?
It's twice as long as half it's length
Fashion disaster alert!
Well it's an improvement I suppose
Boudicea's skates. You can see where the wheel spikes went
A commemoration of Olaf Particle and his wrestling prawns
This is great for executive stress relief
A teabag that is completely water proof. Neat!
You could use this to see in the dark
It's a good likeness but not of me
Not bad huh? 10 out 10 for inventiveness
The tropical chainsaw fish. A very rare species
Just an average iron bucket..With water in
This should get me places
I'll treasure this for ever and ever
This is not your ordinary everyday digital watch
I guess it's some kind of electronic key
This smells of rum. No wonder that guy was asleep
It's empty now. Oh well
You know this reminds me of my old headmaster
Bertrand Tepid "Gargles Beethoven's greatest hits". Cool
It has state of the art buttons and things but no battery
Well the tape doesn't appear to be turning..
It's working but there's still something missing
Testing. One. Two. Hey it works!
I wonder if someone actually has a nose like this?
Here's the key to a cupboard. It's a cupboard key
This is a safe key. But safe from what?
I've never seen a Dug dance. This should be good
Wow a pink thing! This'll replace my blue thing
I can only think of a few uses for one of these
Well it's a certainly a lot smaller
It's power to the people
It's tuned to the weather station
Without batteries? It won't work
It's a space hopper with a deflated ego
We could go places with this
The hula girl pizza company. The're my rivals!
One of these rang me once. It was a crank call
Pink chewing gum? Who left this here?
I hope I never meet the owner of this
Hey! This is almost as sharp as me
A can of my least favourite beverage
Hmm now what could we use this for?
I'd like to see the chopper fly without this
A washer handcrafted in solid steel
The cuckoo seems to have fled the nest
Shhh you shouldn't disturb nesting birds
A fanless fan? Very useful
Hey how ingenious!
Who makes these things?
Now what could I use these for?
Glue that'll stick anything, can I get the top off?
A scared chicken isn't that an oxymoron or something?
These were gloves at first sight
Nail. Nine inches. What else do you need to know?
The greatest roller skate ever made. Honest
I really don't think it would suit
There's a head shaped dent in it
These look familiar
I've always wondered why they call it pool
A stick of white chalk. This reminds me of school
Big. Red. Full of Air. Just like an old teacher of mine
You know what they say about cuckoos? No me neither
You ever wondered about the size of my pockets?
I don't think Ms. Cluck is going to miss this
What's with all this unstylish clothing?
A clothes peg? Well it could prove useful
Don't fish ever use deodorant?
And people wear these as trousers?
Don't they usually flock together?
Don't eat it! I don't want to go to that dentist
Hey! Now I'm a real yuppy
I wonder what's happening in the world?
It's a complimentary book of matches


A medicine cabinet of curiosities
Hey! A tea-chest of drawers!
I don't think it's been washed in months
Yuk! It has more rings than Saturn
*R
I wouldn't want to sleep in that
It seems happy, but you can never tell with elephants
An original copy of some guy's painting
I'm sure something moved in there
She's probably been here for years
An ancient ceremonial crown of kings long gone
*E
There's some tempting wares on display
I wouldn't risk going in there
*M
It looks dark and foreboding down there
I think we're being watched
I'd like to see the cake that was in there
Even swag bags have to be washed sometime
It leads back to the hotel room
They've been thrown away for a good reason
I guess this is where the flour is kept
A guy could get paranoid about this
Cake? Soap? Well why not?
They look so happy together
It's a pity that there's no sticky buns in there
It looks like it's in full working order
Apparently it's a delicacy
There's bread a baking in there
This was fresh from the oven last week
I guess this is where the baker pounds his dough
Hey! this baker uses a lot of flour
Do you think I could get out this way?
*E
*E
It's a way out of here
*E
*E
A seedy rundown bar with peanuts
I guess you get all sorts in here
Staff only. Perhaps we should get a job here
What? After we spent so long getting in?
I can't think what those cakes are doing here
A reminder of the Birdman of Alcafraz
The conditions in here aren't very sanitary
It's a superfly for a superfly guy
The mysterious rainbow trout
It's not a barrel of laughs but a barrel of worms
*E
Wow! A five speed quadraphonic SupaBlasta
Black leather. Wicked!
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
I'm not going back in there
There doesn't seem to be a queue
I wouldn't want his job
*E
It's covered in the dentist's tools
*E
*E
They suck your soul out, and you have to wait four minutes
A sponge for a counter? Cool!
Well it is quicker by drain
*E
I think that's someone's home
A monument to Bob Connor whoever he is
It's an ordinary stand pipe made from zinc
A sprinkler I think. Gardening's not my scene
It's a pot plant. What more can I say
*E
*E
It's seems to be set for lunch
*E
*M
It's mans best inflatable friend
I don't think I'll get in that way
Do you know who invented the roller door? Me neither
Fin's ain't what they used to be for this shark
Extremely useful things. Probably
It's a ladder down to a trawler
*E
*M
They always hover when you read a newspaper
*M
*M
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
Woah Spooky or what?
*E
It's a way back to the antechamber
Tate's a real egomaniac
*E
At least some things never change
It's an Edison original
Wooden. Square. It's either the counter or the shopkeeper
*E
It needs some serious dusting
He's certainly seen better days
*E
*E
Hey it's a brick counter. So what?
Brimming with goods. It's a shame I don't like DIY
They're special pun saws
It seems to be missing something I wonder why?
*E
Just your average dentistry laser cannon
It's a hole in a useless hose
*E
What great brushwork!
I think I can see a train in the distance
Now this is art that I can relate to
Hey! It leads back to Seedy street. So what?
Is this a way in?
A window cleaner's platform. For window cleaners
*E
*E
Go this way to get out of here
It's a white knuckle ride to the ground floor
An open skylight? Hmmm
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
*E
You'd get square eyes watching this
Just press for Channel One
Press to watch Channel Two
Button. Push. Channel Three. Okay?
On and Off. Just like that
*E
*E
I don't think it'll work
Hmm. The cleaners need to pay a visit
Hey. That guy's initials get everywhere
I guess Tate must start them young
*E
It's an important monitor
*E
Woah! It's an altar to Tate's greatness
He seems to be enjoying himself
*E
Spot the lie
*E
Well it's different to last time
*E
*M
Hey great view!
Exciting composition or what?
Steps down into the depths of the earth
I'd strongly advise going that way
*E
Hey what happened to his face?
He should see an orthodontist
I guess Tate's not an art lover
Does bad clothing have a long half life?
There just isn't the same variety is there?
I guess the're not speaking to each other
Woah what happened here?
Gee and I thought it was run down before
It's still staff only
What you really want to go back to Seedy street?
Hey! Who watches the watchtower?
It's tacky. It's tasteless. I love it
Tate's not a big Bob Connor fan
I wonder if the're hardy perennials?
Woah a major nuclear project right here in Barryville
*M
He's certainly seen better days
*M
It's not environmentally friendly is it?
There's an idea for a sequel! Treasure Island Bud Tucker
It's square. It's brown. It's a box
Well it's different
What composition! What style! A masterpiece
Back to the overworld away from here
It's a dark dank yet strangely mysterious tunnel
*M
*E
It's lost weight since last time
It's one of those plot device air vents
*E
I guess this is where they dump their junk
It's left end of the tunnel
It's the right end of the tunnel
*E
*E
*E
Hey this corridor continues further
It's seems like quite a walk
It's a mean lean green submarine
*E
It's a large red number three. Could be significant
*E
Walk this way back to the subway tunnel
Ah how sweet I don't think
The're just your average wooden bunk beds
*E
*E
Hey! It's a genuine antique. Possibly
It's back to the top of the corridor
Woah! Cool plant
This'll get your whites really white
It's a cerebrally challenged waiter
*E
*E
This must be the heart of Tate's operation
*E
Over the ocean blue back to the docks
It's round. It's a hole. It must be a way in
Don't these guys realise that green submarines suck?
*E
So this is where Tate gets his ideas
It's round. It's a hole. It must be a way out
*E
*E
Hey! I think something's trapped in there
Woah! Computer games!
*E
It's all done with mirrors you know
Just what is it with these tentacles?
*E
It's a Watt and Pritney 60cc submarine engine
A button. Gee I wonder what would happen if I pressed it?
Look it's a very unexciting cupboard. Okay?
You can't tune a piano but you can tuna fish
It leads back to the docks
*E
Doesn't anyone do cans of coke?
It's one of those dark mysterious tunnels
*E
Hi-Tech. Plastic. It's some sort of security terminal
*E
*E
Grey. Boring. Let's look at something exciting
Hey! It's the captain's chair. Now where's the captain's log?
A portrait of the captain's mom
This Tate guy likes his luxuries
Ugly. Mean. It's a good likeness
Why are they called French windows? Perhaps it's the accent
*E
*M
It'll get us off the trawler
It's an oxygen bottle




Hey! How'd you describe a door
A way out of this place
Gee I can't think where this leads
It's a doorway obviously
It's a strange rectangular hole of some kind
Door. Go through door. It's real easy
I'd have to check the map
What? After all the trouble it took getting inside
I only wish it were that easy
I'll have to find the exit first
Let's get back to the mall first
You really want to leave this place?
Hey why not stay here and mellow out?
I agree let's find the exit
That'll be easy when we find the exit
So you don't feel like staying here?


It's the hotel rules
No jelly juggling after midnight
Trout tickling strictly forbidden
No licking the walls between meals
Camels must be kept on a leash
Standing on one leg is strictly forbidden
Rubbing lemon sorbet into the bedsheets is forbidden
Turtles must only be turned clockwise on Saturday
Cress must not be grown on the bath towels
There is no calling the cleaner Arthur
All legumes must be handed over at reception


Hmm Let's see..What is it the professor wants?
A wind machine
A land sailboard. Strange
One match
An inflated bladder. Bizarre
One example of domestic fowl
A sharp point of some description
One tray or similar
A clockwork mechanism
Gloves. Two
One Bowling ball
A tube
Hula girl outfits (medium)
One empty pizza box
Well this shouldn't prove too difficult


Look in the dictionary under "cool", and you'll find a picture of me
Well, by the apron and the smell, I'd guess he was a baker
I've seen some shady guys in my time, but this guy's the Duke of Dubious...
What bold use of colour! What challenging concepts! The guy's a genius!
Quick! Call the zoo! Tell them one of their gorillas has escaped!
Wow, what a babe! I'm in love...
A Bunny Boy? Well, I suppose this is the age of equality
A regular beat cop. The kind that would beat you. Regularly
This guy looks familiar...
Proof that God didn't make man in his own image
Obviously one of Barryville's friendlier residents
He looks like a real salty sea dog. Smells like one too
An intelligent, attentive guy... not!
A real cool soul brother
Woah, a serial killer!
This guy's one of Barryville's more normal residents
Gee, what a sweet old lady!
This guy is the High Priest of Hobo. And he's got really bad body odour!
Well, he looks the part...
He looks like Vera, just a couple of steps further up the evolutionary scale
There must be one great story in there...
Well, he's in the right place...
A high class street vendor. Remind me to count my teeth before I go
Some sort of strange gigantic brain type thing
Wormus Wriggilus I think
As always, ice cool and every inch the hero
Argh! Bigfoot in a dress!
I guess she's never seen a dug dance...
A mountain with legs!
What is it with bad guys and stupid uniforms?
Is it just me, or is that a 300 pound gorilla in a hat?
Industrious kinda guy
Imprisonment haven't affected the Prof. Still as craz- er..inspired as ever


Hey, I know I look good, but this isn't really gonna get us anywhere, is it?
Woah! This guy's got serious problems! And I don't mean his weight!
He seems like a responsible citizen
They seem to start shopping earlier every year...
This guy was weird before Tate got to him!
Has Royston been cloned? No! There's no way anyone could reproduce that smell!
I thought he'd have retired by now
The prof learnt all he knows from Einstein. Stanley Einstein from Bootle
What is it with bad guys and stupid uniforms?
Hmm...I've seen this guy somewhere before...
Grunt won the "Sychophantic Gameshow Host" Award six times running!
Hey, it's the King!
Wow, a regal Egyptian babe!
Nice dress, dude
I don't see anything. Oh! You mean those inconspicuous store detectives!
This guy proves Darwin's Theory...
I suppose this guy only gets out at weekends...
Somebody give this guy a job. He oozes talent! Well, I hope it's talent...
Hey, what a sweet kid...
Woah, that's one chick I wouldn't mess with!
Seen one chicken waiting for dental treatment, you've seen 'em all
Hey, I know 70's chic is cool, but being a 70 year old geek..?


Sorry, I can't do that
That's impossible
I see reality has eluded you. Again
Next!
You want me to do what?
Hey, that sounds surreal
Try something else
I'm calling the men in the white coats!
Nurse!
You're totally insane, dude
Uh-huh..
It's a good thing I've enough brains for both of us
Excuse me?
Hey buddy, try this one: Use brain to think of sensible suggestion


Open is a tricky concept
Just as well I have the brains and you have the looks
I can't see a handle
I see no way to open it
The lights are on but know ones at home
All these pointless suggestions
Do you play computer games often?
Aw, gimme a break..


Close what? There's nothing open
Try something else
May I suggest an alternative use of our time
Are you feeling all right?
Why don't you close your mouth?
I can't close that
Yeah, right
Any more bright ideas?
Er... No
I guess they only let you out at weekends
How could I do that?
Any more suggestions like that and I'll have you committed
That's a stupid idea


No, I'll keep it for now
I'll keep that
I'm gonna save it for later
I'm not giving that away
I'm not giving away all of my goodies
My need is greater than their's
I'm gonna hold on to that
Let's not be too generous
No, I might have use of it later
That's not a good idea, I should keep it
That's too useful to give away
I don't think I could live without it
It's not Christmas, I'll keep it
I'll hang on to it for now
Try something else
I don't think my gift would be appreciated


I can't carry that around
It's not my type
What did you last servant die of?
I can't pick that up
Come off it
Do you really think I need it to find the Professor?
I really don't need it
What would I need that for?
No way! You want it, you get it
Hey man, take my advice: stay off the drugs
The Caffeine must be making you hyper active
You've flipped
I don't need it
I'm not a kleptomaniac!
I'd better not
Pick that up?  No way!


That's going nowhere
I can't move that!
Where would you want me to put it?
I don't want to, Okay?
That would be pointless
I'm a kid, not a removal man
It's not in my job description
I can't move that.
It's fine where it is
Get a life...
I don't fancy touching it
Move it where?
It's not my place to rearrange things
Moving that wouldn't solve our problems
Would moving that really help us find the Professor?



Hey it looks cleaner already
That was quite a trip
This should provoke a response
Now what could we do with this?
Woah! My life is complete
Great! It's not exactly four star
Now I enjoyed doing that
Bizarre plot device huh!?
I don't think he can hear
Hey I'm in the guild!
Let's go put this to use
Hole in one!
This'll go toward the deposit on a sports car
I think I need shades!
Hey this is quite a pad!
Don't try this at home kids
Neat job huh?
Great lateral thinking huh?
And I have to put this into my pocket?
I don't think he even noticed
Sshh..This'll be a surprise
That was like taking candy from a baby
The magnetic field was stronger than I thought
Why did I get out of bed this morning?
This should have some effect on the crew
Hey an instant life preserver
It looks like a key of some sort
Hey this is embarrassing but I can't swim
At least clockwork is environmentally friendly
This will save me getting wet
That water must have been ultra hot
And for my next trick
Well it wasn't dignified but I got the card
We have power!
Another top ten hit recorded
Gee they seem hypnotised by the Dug's syncopated rhythm
Hey I should be a cat burglar
I guess it's the wrong key
It's an outrageous fashion statement
Well this shouldn't pose any problems
Let's get the professor and get out of here
Hey why not?
It's as good a way as any
Escape through the air vent? What a great plan
Look are you really sure about this?
Hey not while they're watching
Gee Tate's very security minded
Hey they have some use after all!
This watch sure is useful. Pity it's stopped
Let's go!
Why don't they design bigger lifts
Now it's as good as new
I think we'll take the train next time
Hey! It's jammed stuck
It just won't open
I'll be saving someone pain
Hey! We're locked out
This isn't going anywhere
Hey! Comedy slapstick!
Going down!
There must be an easier way to save the world
That was shocking!
Woah! I ain't going no further dude! That muzak sucks
If silence was golden I'd be rich!
Now down to business!
Hey! I don't want to wear something so unfashionable
I'm only doing this because everyone else is wearing one
Woah! I'm taking the coat off before going out there
Let's see what happens now..
It's locked. Typical criminal mastermind
Hey it's almost as good as new
Hey! Where'd the cuckoo go?
Well that's the museum open again
What strange behaviour
What a couple of bozos
Hey I think I got it dirty again
Stand back! Clear the area!
Woah! No way am I going down there!
Well okay. Just don't tell anyone I did this