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Subject: ST:V -- The Doctor's Day Off
The following witty story was written by my dear friend, B. L. Smith. I
loved it so much I insisted she allow me to post it here. I hope you all
enjoy it as much as I do. Please send comments (especially kudos!)
directly to her at STGE88A@prodigy.com. Encourage her! A talent like
this should be utilized!
"Star Trek and the characters developed by Paramount are solely the
property of Paramount. No infringement on my part is intended; however,
this is my story and my story only." -- B. L. Smith
"P.S. Some of my best friends are lawyers ..."
The Doctor's Day Off
By B. L. Smith
*Medical Log: Stardate 48606.1
For the third time in as many days, I am reviewing the
crews' medical files and inventorying all of Voyager's
medical supplies. Not that there is a need for this
function; the records were completely up to date four days
ago when I was activated to treat the laceration over Lt.
Paris' left eye that was the result of a holographic fist
fight. However, as is so often the case aboard this ship, my
patient neglected to terminate me after treatment, leaving
me to fall back onto my default program of reviewing records
and inventorying supplies.*
On his fifth review of the crew's medical records,
Voyager's emergency medical holographic image noted one of
the crew members was due for an annual ophthalmological
examination. Ever efficient, he tapped his
comm pin and paged his patient.
"Medical to Captain Janeway."
The image of Capt. Janeway appeared on his computer
viewscreen. As the background that accompanied her image was
not a location on the ship _ the plans for every square in
of Voyager had been downloaded into his memory _ he deduced
that she was in the midst of a holodeck simulation of some
location on Earth.
"Janeway here. What can I do for you, Doctor?" The
Captain's voice was heavy with humor, as if she had just
completed a long laugh.
"Captain, I am calling to inform you that you are ten
minutes overdue for your annual ophthalmological
examination."
Even the holographic image could tell that Janeway's
expression was one of bemusement. She put down the drink she
held in her hand.
"Doctor, who instructed you to search for that
information?" she asked.
"It's my default program, Captain. When I am left on, I
automatically scan the medical records of the crew to ensure
their check-ups are current, there are no discrepancies that _"
The Captain cut him off.
"And how long have you been reviewing records?" she
asked, curious.
The Doctor paused a nanosecond to compute the time,
then replied. "I have been reviewing records ever since Lt.
Paris neglected to terminate my program five days, three
hours, 47 minutes and 18 seconds ago."
Janeway cast a glance at Paris, who shrugged. Even
though the Doctor was only an image _ little more than a
convenience, like a replicator _ the thought of him alone,
reviewing medical record after medical record continuously
for more than five days touched her. Unexpectedly, she felt
a flash of sympathy for the medical supplement. Impulsively,
she turned to her Chief Engineer, Lt. B'elanna Torres, who
was in close conversation with a French seamen, albeit a
holographic one.
"Is it possible to transfer the emergency medical
supplement image here? It would give him an opportunity to
experience a little more of human behavior than what he sees
in sick bay. This might be a chance for him to learn to get
along with people better by seeing them in a non-medical
venue."
The engineer looked puzzled. The last thing she thought
the Captain would want while she was enjoying a few minutes
of relaxation was the company of the
irascible and tactless "Doctor."
"Yes Captain, any ship program can be
transferred to a holographic situation," she replied.
The Captain grinned. "Good. Let's do it ... and while
you're at it, why don't you download some of the more
personable characteristics from one of the physicians upon
which his medical database is founded."
B'elanna looked even more puzzled. "Of course, Captain.
Do you have someone in mind?"
The Captain waved her hand. "Pick one at random. If we
don't like it, we can always change it later."
The engineer walked to the arch near the holodeck's
doors and began playing with the buttons and slides like a
concert pianist at a keyboard. "I can't guarantee the
results at such short notice, Captain, but ..." She pushed
one last button.
******
As was not unusual, the Captain was ignoring his presence while
she spoke with her Chief Engineer. Why she would need to be consulted
about an eye examination was beyond his understanding. Suddenly he
felt a shift in his projection and found himself materialized in the
center of an unfamiliar room. If he didn't know it was impossible
he'd have sworn that he 'felt' different.
For a second, Janeway thought he looked disoriented, but she
knew that since he was only an image that could only be a momentary
illusion. The Captain greeted him
"Welcome, Doctor. I thought observing some of the
crewmembers at play might be beneficial to expanding your
knowledge of humanity. This," the Captain swept her hand
around the room," is a pub, like one you might find around
the waterfront in Marseille _ slightly seedy, run down, a
little dangerous ... it's perfect, you'll learn a lot about
people here. And besides, after reviewing records for more
than five days, I'd say you earned yourself a day off." The
Captain smiled to herself at the thought of a piece of
equipment needing a break. "Why don't you join me in a
brandy? It's Saurian -- my favorite."
"Why, that's mighty kind of you, Captain," said the
Doctor, bowing his head slightly. His voice pattern had
changed, the words more drawn out with a soft twang. It was
quite different than the Doctor's normally clipped,
precise speech. The Captain looked at him closely.
"Why is he talking so strangely?" asked B'elanna. "It
must be a glitch in the program. Let me adjust _ "
The Captain caught her arm as she turned toward the
arch. "No, no, it's fine. It's the accent of the south in
the old United States of America. Whoever's personality you
downloaded must have been from there." Janeway looked
thoughtful. "It's really quite charming."
The Doctor took the snifter a holographic waiter
offered him and headed to a corner of the room where Ensign
Kim and Lt. Paris were engaged in a game requiring them to
use long wooden sticks to push multi-colored balls into
holes evenly located around a table. The Doctor approached
Security Officer Tuvok, who was intently observing the
proceedings.
"So, how do you play this li'l ol' game?" the Doctor
asked.
Tuvok raised an eyebrow before responding. "The object
of the game is to clear the table of either the solid
colored or striped balls without knocking in either the
white or black ball in the process. Should you fail to sink
a ball--that is, make one of the balls fall into a pocket--
your opponent takes over. The final move requires that you
sink the black ball, commonly referred to as the 'eight
ball.'"
The Doctor drank his brandy in one gulp. "So where's
the contest in that?" he said in his new southern drawl.
"Depositing those li'l ol' balls in those big ol' pockets
only takes some mathematical comp'tation of the angles,
and a bit of thought about how hard to hit 'em. It don't seem
like much of a game to me!" The Doctor grabbed another
brandy from a passing waiter.
The Vulcan nodded. "Yes, Vulcans have long wondered at
the human fascination with this game. There is an
interesting aspect, though. Humans prefer to play without
the benefit of measuring devices--they guess at the angles
and the forces necessary to propel the balls into the
pockets. It makes the outcome much less certain."
Kim and Paris had completed their match. From the
crestfallen appearance of the Ensign's face, he had
apparently suffered defeat. Spotting the Doctor eying the
table, Kim walked over and handed a stick to him.
"Would you like to give it a try?" he asked.
"Dammit, Kim, I'm a Doctor not a pool hall hustler,"
the Doctor said with exasperation. However, he quickly took
the cue from the young man's hand.
The Captain shook her head slightly at the puzzled
glances many of the crew members were sending her way.
Whatever B'elanna had done to the Doctor's programming had
certainly changed his demeanor. He deserved additional
observation.
"Now, the object is...," started the Ensign helpfully.
"Don't try to teach a 'coon how to suck eggs, boy,"
drawled the Doctor. The Doctor carefully lined up his stick,
and with a firm nudge sent the white cue ball straight into
the waiting nest of balls. They flew in all directions,
finding their way into the pockets. When it was done, all
that remained was the lowly eight ball and the cue. He
quickly repositioned for the best shot and the game was
over.
"Why this is jest like shootin' fish in a barrel," said
the medical image. "Now, to make this a real player's game,
ah say we should make those balls unevenly weighted...,"
Despite the fact that the game had required little
challenge on his part, the Doctor became aware of new
perceptions crowding his computer nets and he found himself
actually welcoming them. He accessed his non-medical database
to see if he could pinpoint exactly why his nets should
react this way when he won a simple game. Lost in
contemplation, he was startled when a newcomer joined him.
As she was not known to him as a crew member, he placed her
as a holographic enhancement.
"Bon jour, Monsieur. My name iz Josette. You are very
skilled at ze pool, n'est-ce pas?"
The Doctor visually examined her, and had to
acknowledge that Josette's programmer had been quite adept
at recreating an attractive human female. Tall and shapely,
with sultry green eyes and red full lips, Josette was
certain to make any humanoid male's heart skip a beat. His
own nets were being flooded with new data.
"Doc, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were
flirting," Paris said with a grin.
"Don't be a fool, Tom! I leave that kind of trivial
behavior to Checkov ...," The Doctor stopped as he noted the
look of confusion on Paris' face. Now, where had THAT name
come from?
Feeling surprisingly confident, he offered Josette his
arm and downed a third brandy. Yes, this experience was
turning out to be an exceptional learning opportunity. His
processors had gathered more information in the last few
minutes than in the last five days. His eyes swept the room
to observe the other crewmembers taking part in this program
to see if he could accumulate more data.
Across the room, the Captain was in intimate
conversation with a strapping young French seaman dressed in a too-
tight shirt open to the waist. The sailor reached up casually to brush
aside a strand that had escaped Janeway's severely coiffed hair.
His hand lingered on her neck. The Doctor's net surged. He
placed his glass down and swept over to her side. He took
her arm and lead her away.
"Dammit, Kate, what could you be thinking? That guy is
half your age and he's up to no good."
Janeway looked at him in puzzlement. She had never seen,
or even heard, of a holographic image who behaved as this
one did. There was something not right about this. Perhaps
she should check out exactly what B'elanna had downloaded
into the Doctor's nets. As the Doctor returned to the comely
Josette, the Captain hastened to locate her chief engineer.
"B'elanna what in heavens name is happening with the
Doctor? Whose personality did you give him anyway? I was
hoping that he'd loosen up a little not fall apart
completely," asked the Captain.
The young engineer looked contrite. "Captain, I did
warn you that I wouldn't be able to guarantee the results. I
scanned the list of medical personnel used to compile his
programming but as I knew nothing about them I was forced to
choose one at random. I picked one named one named M'Coy-- I
thought he might be Klingon ..."
Janeway's mouth dropped open and she gaped at the young
woman. Could it be possible that the engineer had never
heard of Dr. Leonard McCoy, one of Star Fleet's icons? In
quick realization, she snapped her mouth closed. She's
forgotten B'Elanna left Star Fleet Academy before completing
her last year. She never would have taken Professor Ulana's,
"A History of Star Fleet: Great Leaders and Leadership,"
course that was mandatory for all seniors. Professor Ulana
had been teaching the course for more than 30 years, and she
never failed to spend at least three weeks on what the more
irreverent members of the Academy called the "holy Trinity":
James T. Kirk, Spock, and Leonard McCoy.
The younger woman crossed her arms and scowled. "Who
ever he was, he was no Klingon!"
Janeway stifled the laughter rising up in her. She shook her
head. One thing was certain. Dr. Leonard McCoy--bon vivant,
adventurer, confidante to the great James Kirk, and
physician extraordinaire--was no Klingon. And now it
appeared his personification was dancing in her holodeck.
The Doctor danced cheek to cheek with Josette. For the
first time since he had come on line, he didn't feel
exasperated that he hadn't been turned off when not
performing medical duties. In fact, the way his nets were
reacting was ... exceptionally ... educational. There was,
however, a small glitch in his system. His sensory net
couldn't perceive the tip of his nose and his speech pattern
was developing a slur. Still, it didn't seem worth the effort of a
self diagnostic.
Ensign Kim tapped Lt. Paris who was himself in deep
conversation with a beautiful French girl.
"Tom, what's with the Doctor? If I didn't know better
I'd say he was getting smashed. Is that possible on
holographic alcohol?"
"I guess it could be, if you're hologram yourself," Paris
chuckled. "Looks like our straight-laced physician has
become unlaced."
The Doctor had stopped dancing but hadn't released his
new friend Josette from his embrace. Engaged now in a
rousing rendition of an ancient Earth sea chanty, his
spirited enjoyment of the occasion was spreading throughout
the establishment. Unfortunately, the gaiety was interrupted
by the chirp of the Captain's comm badge.
"Yes, Commander Chakotay."
"Captain, we are being hailed by an alien vessel.
Their ship shows heavy damage and they are asking for
medical assistance."
"I'm on my way, Commander."
Janeway turned in dismay to her tipsy holographic
physician. The rest of her crew would be sober and ready for
work when they left this environment, but what about him? He
stood in the middle of the room, grinning uncontrollably.
She knew of only one way to ensure he would be ready to
treat the patients she was about to send him. She felt a
surprising pang of loss. In her attempt to let the Doctor sample a
human personality she had neglected to foresee what damage could be
done when that experience was terminated. Would he remember this
experience and somehow feel incomplete from now on?
Despite his condition the Doctor knew where the Captain's...and
his...duty lay. Nevertheless he was not prepared to go back to the
shell that he had been. Simulating a drunken stagger, he stumbled
against the computer arch where he surreptitiously hit a few keys, then
slid a small chip into his lab coat. He braced himself as Janeway
sighed and issued her order.
"Lt. Torres, delete your McCoy program from the Doctor's memory
matrix, please."
The room fell still as the engineer moved beside the Doctor and
slowly touched the archway controls.
*****
"This is the Emergency Medical Holographic Supplemental
program, please state the nature of the medical emergency..."
Capt. Janeway stood in the doorway of sickbay, watching
the Doctor treat patient after patient efficiently and
tirelessly. It had been eight hours since injured Drixelians
had started beaming into medical suffering from broken
bones, lacerations, and radiation burns. He never hesitated
for an instant. When he had completed the treatment of one
patient, he moved on to the next. He performed exactly as he
was programmed to perform.
She entered quietly and continued to watch him for
several moments before she was able to catch him at a
convenient stopping place.
"Doctor."
He looked up, noticing her for the first time.
"Captain. You wish a report? We have treated twenty-three
Drixelians, all of whom shouldn't suffer any permanent
damage. I've been able to download a significant amount of
information about Drixelian anatomy into our database."
He spoke with the precision of his pre-McCoy experience,
she noted sadly.
"Then, if you are through here, I will terminate your program..."
"That is not necessary Captain," the physician spoke brusquely,
"There is some further research I should pursue with the data I've
gathered in the past several hours."
"Very well, Doctor. Inform me when your studies are complete."
Janeway started purposely from Sick Bay only to pause at the
doorway.
The Doctor impatiently glanced up from his screen:
"Is there something else, Captain?"
"Yes, about the holodeck, I wish to apologize..." she stopped
uncertain of what more to say.
"Captain, if you wish to offer condolences on the loss of my
'enhancement program', there is no need. Human emotions are an
unnecessary burden to a medical program. Now, if you are finished, I
should return to my study."
*****
He slid the chip into the computer slot. In an instant he found
himself gazing into the sparkling green eyes of the comely Josette.
"Now, eef I remember correctly, I wuz going to tell
you about zee relaxation techniques I leerned when last I
wus in Paree ...," she said. "I theenk you weel enjoy them,
but they take quite a long time to teech."
The Doctor stretched himself comfortably in the chair behind his
desk. He looked around the now empty sickbay.
"It appears, my dear Mademoiselle, that we have all the time you
need..."