Subject: ST:V -- The Doctor's Day Off The following witty story was written by my dear friend, B. L. Smith. I loved it so much I insisted she allow me to post it here. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do. Please send comments (especially kudos!) directly to her at STGE88A@prodigy.com. Encourage her! A talent like this should be utilized! "Star Trek and the characters developed by Paramount are solely the property of Paramount. No infringement on my part is intended; however, this is my story and my story only." -- B. L. Smith "P.S. Some of my best friends are lawyers ..." The Doctor's Day Off By B. L. Smith *Medical Log: Stardate 48606.1 For the third time in as many days, I am reviewing the crews' medical files and inventorying all of Voyager's medical supplies. Not that there is a need for this function; the records were completely up to date four days ago when I was activated to treat the laceration over Lt. Paris' left eye that was the result of a holographic fist fight. However, as is so often the case aboard this ship, my patient neglected to terminate me after treatment, leaving me to fall back onto my default program of reviewing records and inventorying supplies.* On his fifth review of the crew's medical records, Voyager's emergency medical holographic image noted one of the crew members was due for an annual ophthalmological examination. Ever efficient, he tapped his comm pin and paged his patient. "Medical to Captain Janeway." The image of Capt. Janeway appeared on his computer viewscreen. As the background that accompanied her image was not a location on the ship _ the plans for every square in of Voyager had been downloaded into his memory _ he deduced that she was in the midst of a holodeck simulation of some location on Earth. "Janeway here. What can I do for you, Doctor?" The Captain's voice was heavy with humor, as if she had just completed a long laugh. "Captain, I am calling to inform you that you are ten minutes overdue for your annual ophthalmological examination." Even the holographic image could tell that Janeway's expression was one of bemusement. She put down the drink she held in her hand. "Doctor, who instructed you to search for that information?" she asked. "It's my default program, Captain. When I am left on, I automatically scan the medical records of the crew to ensure their check-ups are current, there are no discrepancies that _" The Captain cut him off. "And how long have you been reviewing records?" she asked, curious. The Doctor paused a nanosecond to compute the time, then replied. "I have been reviewing records ever since Lt. Paris neglected to terminate my program five days, three hours, 47 minutes and 18 seconds ago." Janeway cast a glance at Paris, who shrugged. Even though the Doctor was only an image _ little more than a convenience, like a replicator _ the thought of him alone, reviewing medical record after medical record continuously for more than five days touched her. Unexpectedly, she felt a flash of sympathy for the medical supplement. Impulsively, she turned to her Chief Engineer, Lt. B'elanna Torres, who was in close conversation with a French seamen, albeit a holographic one. "Is it possible to transfer the emergency medical supplement image here? It would give him an opportunity to experience a little more of human behavior than what he sees in sick bay. This might be a chance for him to learn to get along with people better by seeing them in a non-medical venue." The engineer looked puzzled. The last thing she thought the Captain would want while she was enjoying a few minutes of relaxation was the company of the irascible and tactless "Doctor." "Yes Captain, any ship program can be transferred to a holographic situation," she replied. The Captain grinned. "Good. Let's do it ... and while you're at it, why don't you download some of the more personable characteristics from one of the physicians upon which his medical database is founded." B'elanna looked even more puzzled. "Of course, Captain. Do you have someone in mind?" The Captain waved her hand. "Pick one at random. If we don't like it, we can always change it later." The engineer walked to the arch near the holodeck's doors and began playing with the buttons and slides like a concert pianist at a keyboard. "I can't guarantee the results at such short notice, Captain, but ..." She pushed one last button. ****** As was not unusual, the Captain was ignoring his presence while she spoke with her Chief Engineer. Why she would need to be consulted about an eye examination was beyond his understanding. Suddenly he felt a shift in his projection and found himself materialized in the center of an unfamiliar room. If he didn't know it was impossible he'd have sworn that he 'felt' different. For a second, Janeway thought he looked disoriented, but she knew that since he was only an image that could only be a momentary illusion. The Captain greeted him "Welcome, Doctor. I thought observing some of the crewmembers at play might be beneficial to expanding your knowledge of humanity. This," the Captain swept her hand around the room," is a pub, like one you might find around the waterfront in Marseille _ slightly seedy, run down, a little dangerous ... it's perfect, you'll learn a lot about people here. And besides, after reviewing records for more than five days, I'd say you earned yourself a day off." The Captain smiled to herself at the thought of a piece of equipment needing a break. "Why don't you join me in a brandy? It's Saurian -- my favorite." "Why, that's mighty kind of you, Captain," said the Doctor, bowing his head slightly. His voice pattern had changed, the words more drawn out with a soft twang. It was quite different than the Doctor's normally clipped, precise speech. The Captain looked at him closely. "Why is he talking so strangely?" asked B'elanna. "It must be a glitch in the program. Let me adjust _ " The Captain caught her arm as she turned toward the arch. "No, no, it's fine. It's the accent of the south in the old United States of America. Whoever's personality you downloaded must have been from there." Janeway looked thoughtful. "It's really quite charming." The Doctor took the snifter a holographic waiter offered him and headed to a corner of the room where Ensign Kim and Lt. Paris were engaged in a game requiring them to use long wooden sticks to push multi-colored balls into holes evenly located around a table. The Doctor approached Security Officer Tuvok, who was intently observing the proceedings. "So, how do you play this li'l ol' game?" the Doctor asked. Tuvok raised an eyebrow before responding. "The object of the game is to clear the table of either the solid colored or striped balls without knocking in either the white or black ball in the process. Should you fail to sink a ball--that is, make one of the balls fall into a pocket-- your opponent takes over. The final move requires that you sink the black ball, commonly referred to as the 'eight ball.'" The Doctor drank his brandy in one gulp. "So where's the contest in that?" he said in his new southern drawl. "Depositing those li'l ol' balls in those big ol' pockets only takes some mathematical comp'tation of the angles, and a bit of thought about how hard to hit 'em. It don't seem like much of a game to me!" The Doctor grabbed another brandy from a passing waiter. The Vulcan nodded. "Yes, Vulcans have long wondered at the human fascination with this game. There is an interesting aspect, though. Humans prefer to play without the benefit of measuring devices--they guess at the angles and the forces necessary to propel the balls into the pockets. It makes the outcome much less certain." Kim and Paris had completed their match. From the crestfallen appearance of the Ensign's face, he had apparently suffered defeat. Spotting the Doctor eying the table, Kim walked over and handed a stick to him. "Would you like to give it a try?" he asked. "Dammit, Kim, I'm a Doctor not a pool hall hustler," the Doctor said with exasperation. However, he quickly took the cue from the young man's hand. The Captain shook her head slightly at the puzzled glances many of the crew members were sending her way. Whatever B'elanna had done to the Doctor's programming had certainly changed his demeanor. He deserved additional observation. "Now, the object is...," started the Ensign helpfully. "Don't try to teach a 'coon how to suck eggs, boy," drawled the Doctor. The Doctor carefully lined up his stick, and with a firm nudge sent the white cue ball straight into the waiting nest of balls. They flew in all directions, finding their way into the pockets. When it was done, all that remained was the lowly eight ball and the cue. He quickly repositioned for the best shot and the game was over. "Why this is jest like shootin' fish in a barrel," said the medical image. "Now, to make this a real player's game, ah say we should make those balls unevenly weighted...," Despite the fact that the game had required little challenge on his part, the Doctor became aware of new perceptions crowding his computer nets and he found himself actually welcoming them. He accessed his non-medical database to see if he could pinpoint exactly why his nets should react this way when he won a simple game. Lost in contemplation, he was startled when a newcomer joined him. As she was not known to him as a crew member, he placed her as a holographic enhancement. "Bon jour, Monsieur. My name iz Josette. You are very skilled at ze pool, n'est-ce pas?" The Doctor visually examined her, and had to acknowledge that Josette's programmer had been quite adept at recreating an attractive human female. Tall and shapely, with sultry green eyes and red full lips, Josette was certain to make any humanoid male's heart skip a beat. His own nets were being flooded with new data. "Doc, if I didn't know better, I'd swear you were flirting," Paris said with a grin. "Don't be a fool, Tom! I leave that kind of trivial behavior to Checkov ...," The Doctor stopped as he noted the look of confusion on Paris' face. Now, where had THAT name come from? Feeling surprisingly confident, he offered Josette his arm and downed a third brandy. Yes, this experience was turning out to be an exceptional learning opportunity. His processors had gathered more information in the last few minutes than in the last five days. His eyes swept the room to observe the other crewmembers taking part in this program to see if he could accumulate more data. Across the room, the Captain was in intimate conversation with a strapping young French seaman dressed in a too- tight shirt open to the waist. The sailor reached up casually to brush aside a strand that had escaped Janeway's severely coiffed hair. His hand lingered on her neck. The Doctor's net surged. He placed his glass down and swept over to her side. He took her arm and lead her away. "Dammit, Kate, what could you be thinking? That guy is half your age and he's up to no good." Janeway looked at him in puzzlement. She had never seen, or even heard, of a holographic image who behaved as this one did. There was something not right about this. Perhaps she should check out exactly what B'elanna had downloaded into the Doctor's nets. As the Doctor returned to the comely Josette, the Captain hastened to locate her chief engineer. "B'elanna what in heavens name is happening with the Doctor? Whose personality did you give him anyway? I was hoping that he'd loosen up a little not fall apart completely," asked the Captain. The young engineer looked contrite. "Captain, I did warn you that I wouldn't be able to guarantee the results. I scanned the list of medical personnel used to compile his programming but as I knew nothing about them I was forced to choose one at random. I picked one named one named M'Coy-- I thought he might be Klingon ..." Janeway's mouth dropped open and she gaped at the young woman. Could it be possible that the engineer had never heard of Dr. Leonard McCoy, one of Star Fleet's icons? In quick realization, she snapped her mouth closed. She's forgotten B'Elanna left Star Fleet Academy before completing her last year. She never would have taken Professor Ulana's, "A History of Star Fleet: Great Leaders and Leadership," course that was mandatory for all seniors. Professor Ulana had been teaching the course for more than 30 years, and she never failed to spend at least three weeks on what the more irreverent members of the Academy called the "holy Trinity": James T. Kirk, Spock, and Leonard McCoy. The younger woman crossed her arms and scowled. "Who ever he was, he was no Klingon!" Janeway stifled the laughter rising up in her. She shook her head. One thing was certain. Dr. Leonard McCoy--bon vivant, adventurer, confidante to the great James Kirk, and physician extraordinaire--was no Klingon. And now it appeared his personification was dancing in her holodeck. The Doctor danced cheek to cheek with Josette. For the first time since he had come on line, he didn't feel exasperated that he hadn't been turned off when not performing medical duties. In fact, the way his nets were reacting was ... exceptionally ... educational. There was, however, a small glitch in his system. His sensory net couldn't perceive the tip of his nose and his speech pattern was developing a slur. Still, it didn't seem worth the effort of a self diagnostic. Ensign Kim tapped Lt. Paris who was himself in deep conversation with a beautiful French girl. "Tom, what's with the Doctor? If I didn't know better I'd say he was getting smashed. Is that possible on holographic alcohol?" "I guess it could be, if you're hologram yourself," Paris chuckled. "Looks like our straight-laced physician has become unlaced." The Doctor had stopped dancing but hadn't released his new friend Josette from his embrace. Engaged now in a rousing rendition of an ancient Earth sea chanty, his spirited enjoyment of the occasion was spreading throughout the establishment. Unfortunately, the gaiety was interrupted by the chirp of the Captain's comm badge. "Yes, Commander Chakotay." "Captain, we are being hailed by an alien vessel. Their ship shows heavy damage and they are asking for medical assistance." "I'm on my way, Commander." Janeway turned in dismay to her tipsy holographic physician. The rest of her crew would be sober and ready for work when they left this environment, but what about him? He stood in the middle of the room, grinning uncontrollably. She knew of only one way to ensure he would be ready to treat the patients she was about to send him. She felt a surprising pang of loss. In her attempt to let the Doctor sample a human personality she had neglected to foresee what damage could be done when that experience was terminated. Would he remember this experience and somehow feel incomplete from now on? Despite his condition the Doctor knew where the Captain's...and his...duty lay. Nevertheless he was not prepared to go back to the shell that he had been. Simulating a drunken stagger, he stumbled against the computer arch where he surreptitiously hit a few keys, then slid a small chip into his lab coat. He braced himself as Janeway sighed and issued her order. "Lt. Torres, delete your McCoy program from the Doctor's memory matrix, please." The room fell still as the engineer moved beside the Doctor and slowly touched the archway controls. ***** "This is the Emergency Medical Holographic Supplemental program, please state the nature of the medical emergency..." Capt. Janeway stood in the doorway of sickbay, watching the Doctor treat patient after patient efficiently and tirelessly. It had been eight hours since injured Drixelians had started beaming into medical suffering from broken bones, lacerations, and radiation burns. He never hesitated for an instant. When he had completed the treatment of one patient, he moved on to the next. He performed exactly as he was programmed to perform. She entered quietly and continued to watch him for several moments before she was able to catch him at a convenient stopping place. "Doctor." He looked up, noticing her for the first time. "Captain. You wish a report? We have treated twenty-three Drixelians, all of whom shouldn't suffer any permanent damage. I've been able to download a significant amount of information about Drixelian anatomy into our database." He spoke with the precision of his pre-McCoy experience, she noted sadly. "Then, if you are through here, I will terminate your program..." "That is not necessary Captain," the physician spoke brusquely, "There is some further research I should pursue with the data I've gathered in the past several hours." "Very well, Doctor. Inform me when your studies are complete." Janeway started purposely from Sick Bay only to pause at the doorway. The Doctor impatiently glanced up from his screen: "Is there something else, Captain?" "Yes, about the holodeck, I wish to apologize..." she stopped uncertain of what more to say. "Captain, if you wish to offer condolences on the loss of my 'enhancement program', there is no need. Human emotions are an unnecessary burden to a medical program. Now, if you are finished, I should return to my study." ***** He slid the chip into the computer slot. In an instant he found himself gazing into the sparkling green eyes of the comely Josette. "Now, eef I remember correctly, I wuz going to tell you about zee relaxation techniques I leerned when last I wus in Paree ...," she said. "I theenk you weel enjoy them, but they take quite a long time to teech." The Doctor stretched himself comfortably in the chair behind his desk. He looked around the now empty sickbay. "It appears, my dear Mademoiselle, that we have all the time you need..."