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COOKIES.PCG
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1987-01-16
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9KB
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427 lines
We found these "Cookies" on a BBS with
out any reference to authorship. It
would be interesting to see these
stuffed in Fortune Cookies.
Is a computer language with goto's
totally Wirth-less?
He who hesitates is last
A man's house is his hassle.
An engineer is someone who does list
processing in Fortran.
A chicken is an egg's way of producing
more eggs.
In case of injury notify your superior
immediately - He'll kiss it and make
it better!
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of
computer error.
Reality is for people who can't face
science fiction.
Breeding rabbits is a hare raising
experience.
Shift to the left, shift to the right,
mask in, mask out... BYTE, BYTE, BYTE
People with narrow minds usually have
broad tongues.
Friction is a drag.
Your program is sick! Shoot it and
put it out of its memory.
Biology grows on you.
A mouse is an elephant built by the
Japanese.
A man's best friend is his dogma.
A penny saved is ridiculous
Health is merely the slowest possible
rate at which one can die.
I disagree with what you say, but will t
defend to the death your right to tell
such LIES!
Every interesting program has at least ,
one variable, one branch and one
loop.......... And at least one bug!
That does not compute.
No problem is so formidable that you
can't just walk away from it.
Chemistry professors never die, they
just smell that way!
Schizophrenia beats being alone.
To err is human, to forgive is against
company policy.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it
here.
Please keep your hands off the
secretary's reproducing equipment.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.
Old musicians never die, they just
decompose.
We have a equal opportunity Calculus
class -- it's fully integrated.
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
Somebody's terminal is dropping bits.
I found a pile of them over in the
corner.
If it works, Don't fix it.
He who always plows a straight furrow
is in a rut.
Insomnia isn't anything to lose sleep
over.
Gravity brings me down.
When you're up to your hips in
alligators You forget the original
project was to drain the swamp.
Everyone is entitled to my opinion.
Help stamp out and abolish redundancy!
Be a better psychiatrist and the world t
will beat a psychopath to your door.
While money can't buy happiness it
certainly lets you choose your own
form of misery .
You scratch my tape, and I'll scratch
yours.
The cost of feathers has risen.... Now
even down is up!
He keeps differentiating.... flying
off on a tangent.
Three can keep a secret, if two are
dead.
Morfy's law - Enythink thit ken go
rong willl.
Mount St. Helens should have used
earth control.
He who laughs last is probably your
boss.
It is hard to fly with the eagle when s
you work with the turkeys.
Basic is a high level languish.
Prunes give you a run for your money.
Drilling for oil is boring.
Eat prune yogurt for that "get up and
go" feeling.
Teachers have class.
Found on a door in the MSU music :
building: This door is baroquen,
please wiggle Handel. (If I wiggle
Handel, will it wiggle Bach?)
Constants aren't; variables don't.
You ain't learning nothing when you're
talking.
Chemistry professors never die, they
just fail to react.
Depart in pieces.... i.e., Split.
Where there's a will, there's an
inheritance tax.
Computer programmers never die, they
just get lost in the processing.
Celibacy is NOT hereditary.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.
Programming Department: Mistakes made
while you wait.
Keep your mouth shut and people will
think you stupid. Open it and you
remove all doubt.
Everyone hates me because I'm paranoid.
Weekend, where are you??
Individualists unite!
Money is the root of all wealth.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch
is to art.
The moon may be smaller than Earth,
but it's further away.
Remember, the fact that you're
paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out
to get you!
Happiness is twin floppies.
Happiness is a hard disk.
Teamwork is vital (It gives you !
someone to blame.)
If you eat yogurt you'll have lots of
culture.
If everything is coming your way,
you're in the wrong lane!
The expert is a person who avoids the
small errors as he sweeps on to the
grand fallacy.
Documentation is the castor oil of
programming ... Managers know it must
be good because the programmer hate it
so much.
The human mind ordinarily operates at
only ten percent of it capacity - the
rest is overhead for the operating
system.
The bearing of a child takes nine
months no matter how many women are
assigned to the project.
The generation of random numbers is
too important to be left to chance.
If debugging is the process of
removing bugs, then programming must
be the process of putting them in.
Recursive, adj.; see Recursivee
An expert is someone from out of town.
F U CN RD THS U CNT SPL WRTH A DM!
Poverty begins at home.
In case of fire,
yell "FIRE!"
Postmen never die,
they just lose their zip.
Rubber bands have snappy endings!
Old frogs never die,
But they do croak!
COBOL programs are an exercise in
Artificial Inelegance.
Every time I lose weight,
It finds me again!
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Whom computers would destroy they must
first drive insane .
Clones are people two.
Why do so many foods come packaged in
plastic? It's quite uncanny.
Going the speed of light is bad for
your age.
Time is just nature's way of keeping
everything from happening at once.
There's no future in time travel.
Take an astronaut to launch.
Jealousy is all the fun you think they
have.
Xerox never comes up with anything
original.
Small programs are for small minds.
All programmers want arrays!
Two can live as cheaply as one, for
half as long.
Psychiatrists stay on your mind.
Astronauts get missile-toe.
If your feet smell and your nose runs-
you're built upside down.
Part-time musicians are semiconductors.
It is impossible to make anything
foolprool... because fools are so
ingenious.
Interchangeable parts won't.
A conclusion is simply the place where
you got tired of thinking.
The problem with any unwritten law is
that you don't know where to go to
erase it.
Counting in octal is just like
counting in decimal if you don't use
your thumbs.
Counting in binary is just like
counting in decimal if you are all
thumbs.
We don't really understand it, so
we'll give it to the programmers.
Confession is good for the soul, but
bad for your career.
The concept seems to be clear by now.
It has been defined several times by
example of what it is not.
If this is timesharing, give me my
share right now.
Wisdom is knowing what to do with what
you know.
He who puts his nose to the grindstone
is a bloody fool.
Practiss makes perfict.
The devil finds work for idle glands.
A friend in need is a pest indeed.
Genius is ten percent inspiration and
fifty percent capital gains.
He who hesitates is constipated.
The best things in life are for a fee.
Topologists are just plane folks.
Pilots are just plane folks.
Carpenters are just plane folks.
Midwest farmers are just plain folks.
Musicians are just playin' folks.
You can fool some of the people all of
the time...and all of the people some
of the time... but you can make a fool
of yourself anytime.
Let us remember that ours is a nation
of lawyers and order.
People who live in stone houses
shouldn't throw glasses.
Laugh and the world thinks you're an
idiot.
Astronauts are out to launch.
There is no such thing as a "Fail
Safe" design.
No amount of careful planning will
ever replace dumb luck.
Don't ask me; I was hired for my looks.
All I ask for is an opportunity to
prove that money doesn't buy happiness.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you
to fill out the necessary form.
To every rule there is an exception,
and vice versa.
Remember, the paper is always
strongest at the perforations.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Smile! It makes people wonder what
you've been up to.
Smile! Things can only get worse.
After all is said and done, usually
more is said than done.
All requests for sick leave must be
approved two weeks in advance.
There are two kinds of people in this
world: Those that want to BE something
and those that want to DO something.
(There is less competition in the
second category.