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Text File  |  1995-06-16  |  4KB  |  87 lines
  1.  
  2.                                      LAWYERS
  3.  
  4.                                        ***
  5.                                       LEGAL 
  6.                                     DISCLAIMER
  7.                             Any resemblance to lawyers
  8.                                  Living or dead,
  9.                               Is purely intentional.
  10.                                        ***
  11.                                IF ALL THE LAWYERS
  12.                               were laid end to end
  13.                       they wouldn't reach a conconclusion.
  14.                                        ***
  15.                                   THE DIFFERENCE
  16.                              What is the difference 
  17.                                Between a dead snake
  18.                                 And a dead lawyer
  19.                                    On the road?
  20.                                    (Skid marks 
  21.                               Lead up to the snake).
  22.                                        ***
  23.                                     DIAGNOSIS
  24.                    Overheard at the scene of an auto accident:
  25.                                   "Just a minute
  26.                              I want to call my lawyer
  27.                            And see how badly I'm hurt!"
  28.                                        ***
  29.                                      SIC 'EM
  30.                        A drunken driver hit two pedestrians
  31.                             Knocking one into a field
  32.                       And the other through his windshield.
  33.                                Since he was worried
  34.                                 he hired a slick,
  35.                                 high-priced lawyer
  36.                                  who had the DA 
  37.                                on his payoff list.
  38.                                   "Don't worry,"
  39.                               comforted the lawyer,
  40.                                  "We'll get one 
  41.                             for breaking and entering
  42.                                   and the other 
  43.                       for leaving the scene of an accident!"
  44.                                        ***
  45.                                      JUSTICE
  46.                                  A very rich dude
  47.                         got mad at his business associate
  48.                        who had embezzled a million dollars.
  49.                         He shot him 37 times in the back,
  50.                       weighted him down with concrete blocks
  51.                            and threw him in the river.
  52.                                 He hired a slick,
  53.                                high-priced lawyer,
  54.                                  who bought off 
  55.                            the sheriff, jury and judge.
  56.                                 The jury and judge
  57.                        agreed with the sheriff's testimony:
  58.                         "This is the worst case of suicide
  59.                          we've ever had in Hazard County!"
  60.                                        ***
  61.                                       SECOND 
  62.                                       LEGAL 
  63.                                     DISCLAIMER
  64.                            Contrary to popular opinion,
  65.                   we have the best justice system money can buy.
  66.                                        ***
  67.                                   LAWYER BASHING
  68.                      Seriously, there are many good lawyers.
  69.                               I personally know some
  70.                         who are honest, kind and helpful.
  71.                            Thanks and a tip o' the hat
  72.                           to lawyers who put up with us
  73.                        and are able to laugh at themselves.
  74.                                        ***
  75.                                       THIRD
  76.                                       LEGAL
  77.                                     DISCLAIMER
  78.                                 The above stories 
  79.                                    are all true.
  80.                                   Only the facts 
  81.                                 have been changed
  82.                               to protect the guilty.
  83.                                        ***
  84.  
  85.                                        END
  86.  
  87.