home *** CD-ROM | disk | FTP | other *** search
/ They All Laughed At Me Wh…to Write a Joke Book 3.5 / joke35.zip / 14.DOC < prev    next >
Text File  |  1995-06-16  |  4KB  |  80 lines
  1.  
  2.                                     TALL TALES
  3.  
  4.                                        ***
  5.                  Explanations on how the Grand Canyon was formed:
  6.                                         1
  7.                  A Scotsman dropped a nickel down a gopher hole.
  8.                                         2
  9.                A New Mexico rancher decided to fence in his ranch.
  10.                He dug all the post holes and a BIG WIND from Texas
  11.                     blew them all into a big pile in Arizona.
  12.                                        ***
  13.                                        DRY
  14.                                Sam had a bad cough
  15.                              and went to the doctor.
  16.                                  The doctor said,
  17.                      "Go to Arizona and find the driest part.
  18.                     Settle down there and you will get well."
  19.                           Sam crossed the Arizona border
  20.                   and pulled into a small town filling station.
  21.                            "What's the humidity here?"
  22.                                Sam asked the owner.
  23.                                 "Fifteen percent!"
  24.                                  "Gotta move on!"
  25.                               After a few more stops
  26.                        Sam arrived at an old-timer's place
  27.                           and asked about the humidity.
  28.                      "Wal, don't rightly know," he answered,
  29.                          "But we got fish six months old
  30.                       that ain't never larned to swim yet!"
  31.                                        ***
  32.                             RESTAURANT ADS ON HIGHWAY:
  33.                                         1
  34.                                  Come in and see
  35.                               A man-eating chicken.
  36.                                         2
  37.                                      Eat Here
  38.                                    and Get Gas
  39.                                        ***
  40.                                   GET THE POINT?
  41.                   Mutt: "Jeff, come play a game of darts."
  42.                   Jeff: "But, I never played the game."
  43.                   Mutt: "Oh, come on, be a sport!"
  44.                   Jeff: "Well, ok."
  45.                   Jeff throws first  and puts all the  darts in
  46.                   the MIDDLE of the bull's eye.
  47.                   Mutt: "I thought you never played the game!"
  48.                   Jeff:  "I  didn't.  But  I practiced  hitting
  49.                   flies on the kitchen wall last summer."
  50.                   Mutt: "Didn't that mess-up the walls?"
  51.                   Jeff: "Nah, I hit 'em in the foot!"
  52.                                        ***
  53.                                  SPEEDY GONZALES
  54.                         There was a big oil fire in Texas
  55.                          about the size of a small lake.
  56.                           The company called Red Adair, 
  57.                      who bid a million dollars to put it out.
  58.                         Speedy Gonzales bid fifty thousand
  59.                                  and got the bid.
  60.                            About thirty minutes later,
  61.                          a flatbed truck crested the hill
  62.                            near the lake of burning oil 
  63.                          and drove into the middle of it.
  64.                         Two dozen men jumped off the truck
  65.                           and beat out the oil fire with 
  66.                                    burlap bags.
  67.                           A sweaty, sooty Speedy Gonzales
  68.                       approached the owner of the oil company.
  69.                     "Well done, Speedy," congratulated the CEO,
  70.                 "What are you going to do with the fifty thousand?"
  71.                     "Well, Sen~or," Speedy replied thoughtfully,
  72.                          "The first thing we're going to do
  73.                             is get those brakes feexed!"
  74.                                        ***
  75.  
  76.  
  77.                                        END
  78.  
  79.  
  80.