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Text File  |  1995-02-24  |  6KB  |  119 lines
  1.  
  2.                                      POLITICS
  3.  
  4.                                        ***
  5.                                 WHERE DO THEY GO?
  6.                             The Sunday school teacher 
  7.                                asked little Johnny,
  8.                          "Johnny, where do all liars go?"
  9.                                  Johnny answered,
  10.                                  "My daddy says 
  11.                           `They go to Washington, DC.'"
  12.                                        ***
  13.                                WHERE BUT IN AMERICA
  14.                           We have the best politicians 
  15.                                   Money can buy.
  16.                                        ***
  17.                                WHERE BUT IN CHICAGO
  18.                     Mrs. Jones, a lifelong, hardcore Democrat
  19.                          was dying and called her son in
  20.                                for a last request:
  21.                             "Son, bury me in Chicago.
  22.                             I want to keep on voting!"
  23.                                   (Paul Harvey)
  24.                                        ***
  25.                                CHECKS AND BALANCES
  26.                             Congress writes the checks      
  27.                        and taxpayers make up the balances.
  28.                                        ***
  29.                                      ALCOHOL
  30.                              A female senior citizen
  31.                           asked her Mississippi senator,
  32.                        "Suh, what do you think of alcohol?"
  33.                               "Well, ma'am," he began, 
  34.                           "if what you mean by `alcohol'
  35.                                is that devil's brew 
  36.                          that robs people of their brains,
  37.                                  that takes food 
  38.                             from the mouth of babies,
  39.                        and shoes off the feet of children,
  40.                        that kills millions on the highways,
  41.                               then, Ah'm against it!"
  42.                                        But:
  43.                            If what you mean by `alcohol'
  44.                           is that preservah of medicines,
  45.                                 that tranquilizer,
  46.                             that calmah of jaded nerves,
  47.                                that social lubricant,
  48.                                then Ah'm all fah it!"
  49.                                        ***
  50.                                     HOW LONG?
  51.                           Abraham Lincoln had long legs.
  52.                              Once, someone asked him,
  53.                               "How long do you think
  54.                            a person's legs should be?"
  55.                              Lincoln answered dryly,
  56.                         "Long enough to reach the ground!"
  57.                                        ***
  58.                                     TRADITION
  59.                          There were two political parties
  60.                                 in biblical days:
  61.                           the publicans and the sinners.
  62.                         There are still two parties today:
  63.                          the REpublicans and the sinners.
  64.                                        ***
  65.                               THE DEVIL A DEMOCRAT?
  66.                        A deacon said  to his pastor, who  was a
  67.                   diehard Democrat,
  68.                        "Reverend, I believe that you'd vote for
  69.                   the  devil  if  he  ran   on  the  Democratic
  70.                   ticket."
  71.                        After   some   thought,   the   preacher
  72.                   carefully replied,
  73.                        "Well, maybe not in the primary."
  74.                                        ***
  75.                                 ON FARM SUBSIDIES
  76.                         A  farmer had  just  returned from  the
  77.                   mailbox and said to his wife,
  78.                        "Ma, we just received another check from
  79.                   the government.  And I can't remember what we
  80.                   didn't plant and what  field we didn't  plant
  81.                   it in."
  82.                                        ***
  83.                                 POLITICAL WATCHES
  84.                                         1
  85.                                  The Bush Watch
  86.                                   has no hands,
  87.                           only Bush's face on the face:
  88.                             You have to read his lips.
  89.                                         2.
  90.                                  The Perot Watch
  91.                                  Now it's running
  92.                                    Now it's not
  93.                                  Now it's running
  94.                                       ....
  95.                                         3.  
  96.                                 The Clinton Watch
  97.                               sells for only $4.95
  98.                                     plus tax
  99.                                     plus tax
  100.                                     plus tax
  101.                                       ....
  102.                                        ***
  103.                                     TAXATION      
  104.                             Is like giving yourself
  105.                               a blood transfusion
  106.                            from one arm to the other
  107.                             and spilling half of it!
  108.                                        ***
  109.                                     ROAD SIGN
  110.                                   on a highway
  111.                          going from Louisanna to Texas:
  112.                         "Leaving Taxes, Entering Texas."
  113.                                        ***
  114.  
  115.  
  116.                                        END
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