[Not Designed for Windows 95]

Created in dishonor of producers of poorly written software that displays the Designed for Windows 95 logo without earning it, or whose producers lie about it being designed for Win95, or anyone else that I feel belongs on this page.

NOTE: Yes I know MS re-did their qualifications for the Designed for Win95 and Designed for NT 4.0 logo. I still believe the clean software should run on both of these OSes.

Jump to the Logo Lamers' Hall of Shame

How to be added to the Logo Lamers Page

How to be removed from the Logo Lamers page


Logo Lamers' Hall of Shame:


15.1. Hewlett-Packard

Microsoft hasn't awarded any Logos to these guys yet, for good reasons:

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.2. Delrina Communications

My favorite Anti-Logo program, WinFAX Pro 7.0, had a third update in recent days but it still insists on using its own dialing scheme (not using TAPI) by default, and it allows for using DOS COM ports instead of TAPI modems. So, if it doesn't require TAPI, why doesn't it work with Windows NT? Same with Exchange. Does it work with NT Workstation 4.0 which has TAPI and Exchange?

I have to give Symantec credit for pcAnywhere32 however! Excellent remote control program. Its host can remain active while you use Dial-up Networking or MS Exchange Fax. And it works with NT.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.3. Novell

How the mighty have fallen.

After working in the last couple of months with NetWare 3.12 and NetWare 4.1, I'm surprised that Microsoft hasn't taken over completely with NT Server yet. I had the pleasure to attend a Novell seminar last month, and I got my personal copy of two-user NetWare 4.1 for attending. They had a well-produced Drama (I use that word in the Soap-Opera sense) comparing two companies, one running NT server and the other running NetWare 4.1. Well, the best thing I remember from that play was, Novell CNEs don't know how to use NT Server. Also, they cleverly hid the difficulties of login scripts and adding more BIG apps. They don't know now to use Win95 either, relying on their "Application Launcher" which is very redundant when you use Custom Folders (or even just copying shortcuts in login scripts) to spread new apps through a network.

NetWare 3.12 is as solid as ever, and with updated patches it can even handle the SAP traffic of several Win95 stations running FPS for NetWare. NetWare 4.1, however, is a bit too difficult to set up for a small (five users?) network. It's probably fine for expansion (the whole design scheme of Directory Services) but making it compatible with Bindery software is a pain if you have multiple Organizational Units.

Let's not forget Client32, the biggest client behemoth I've ever seen! Client32 introduced their whole NetWare Lodable Module interface into Win95, in the pretense that NLM authors can easily use their current knowledge to write add-ons for stations running Client32. Well guess what? NLMs completely re-invent what Win95 Virtual Devices (VxDs) do already! And why does Novell have to hack their own logic into a perfectly-working framework?

OK... I exaggerated. The components of Win95's networking have their bugs, but the framework is damn solid! MS or anyone else can easily replace a single component (like using a third party TCP/IP protocol instead of MS's) without disturbing the framework or other surrounding components. Artisoft did it with LANtastic for Win95. Miramar Systems is doing it with MacLAN connect. Banyan did it with their VINES client. So what's Novell's excuse?

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.4. Microsoft

Of course I had to throw the definers of this spec in there. heh heh...

Originally I put them in here just for the sake of not excluding them. Others suggested including QuickView into this list, but I have a far better reason to do so: UPPSNEWSPUB.

Yes, the very same news gateway the spewed articles all over Usenet in 150 different groups, from 1 AUG to around 20 AUG 1996. This spew coincided with MS's release of Internet Explorer 3.0. I wondered if the news admin over there didn't want to christen IE 3.0 with a bang.

Oh, and speaking of bangs and IE 3.0... visit the Internet Exploder site hosted by www.halcyon.com. That site demonstrates a nasty security hole in Internet Explorer 3.0. The site transmits an ActiveX control that shuts down your Win95 computer, as if you hit Start Menu/Shut Down. It also (indirectly) demonstrates IE 3.0's total dependence on Win95 to do its job, and its being unable to run in Windows NT. The lack of security against malicious ActiveX controls, and more importantly the dependence on Windows 95 (and being unable to run in NT), make IE 3.0 a Logo Lamer.

As an alternative to IE 3.0, download orca.bc.ca's copy of Internet Explorer 2.0.

My sympathies to all news admins out there, and personal thanks to postmaster@wimsey.com for cleaning out the news server I use to distribute the FAQ.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.5. Quarterdeck Systems

This is just clean-up. They already offered money back for QEMM8 and MagnaRAM so no worries. If you use either of these, send it back and get your money back.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.6. Virtual Software Corporation

Since the beginning of August (and some time before then) they released a product called "VRAMDIR" with the title: "Download VRAMDIR to speed up Windows 95".

They met the Logo Lamers requirements simply by posting that ad to multiple newsgroups (alt.windows95.*, all the microsoft.* groups, comp.os.*.setup.win95 and *.utilities.win95). However, they added insult to injury by trying to legitimize their product, post benchmark scores for CERTAIN benchmarks that produced the scores they wanted, and actually claiming that PC Magazine gave them a four star rating. (Personally, if PC Mag are that gullible I'll never read their magazine again!)

Here are postings taken straight off of news.wimsey.com as of 14 AUG 1996. They are not complete, they aren't even in order of date (but they are in order of posting). I only had postings from 8 AUG 96 to 14 AUG 96 but they make my point for me.

Download VRAMDIR to speed up Windows 95 (23 KB)
WARNING: Download VRAMDIR to speed up Windows 95 (93 KB)
WARNING: Download VRAMDIR to speed up Windows 95 - Can't Uninstall (20 KB)

Since this debate went on for far too long, I'll only remove them from the Lamers list if they:

  1. Post Winstone 96 and Winstone 32 benchmark scores, with and without VRAMDIR (And according to the license agreement for Winstone, post all system details too).
  2. If the above scores so no improvement, post a public apology and refund anyone who paid their shareware fee, or if the scores show actual improvement (and therefore meet their claims), I will remove them from this list.

One last request... many of you might still be reading the VSC threads and wondering if it's worth adding to them. Well, no it isn't. These guys have been beaten up enough. Leave them and the threads alone for now; they've stopped posting their ads.

Since then (up to 2 MAR 1997) I haven't heard from Virtual Software Corp... well done, NetCops.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.7. Iomega

Now why am I pestering these guys? The ZIP and JAZ drives are excellent products.

It's the way they install their extensions. All the Iomega extensions to the ZIP or JAZ icons in Explorer need to start from the Startup program group. Problem: stuff in the Startup group doesn't work with User Profiles. If you turn on User Profiles, a new user will drag THEIR startup icons into their Startup group, and if they don't include the Iomega extensions, well, the Iomega extensions don't work.

Temporary Solution: Move the extensions to the load= line in WIN.INI, which is constant regardless of which user logs in.

Permanent Solution: Iomega should move their extensions to the RunServices registry key. McAfee has a perfect example of a Win95 service in their latest Anti-Virus software.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.8. SyQuest

Talk about lame advertising. "If you're storing files and depending on Iomega..." spammed its way across half of Usenet last month (AUG 1996). Unfortunately I couldn't obtain copies of the thread. If you have copies please tell me about them, and we can arrange a transfer.

I really loved the response: "If you're a SyQuest CEO and scared sh*tless..." because it was soooooo accurate...

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.9. IBM

"Everybody out of the water! Aptiva's coming!"

I've searched far and wide trying to find updated Win95 drivers for MWAVE. In extreme cases, these drivers are the only things that can get that MWAVE modem to operate properly on some Internet connections. The Win 3.1 drivers that ship with A series Aptivas just don't cut it.

As soon as I can find out where to obtain it, and verified that it works, I will move this entry to the Logo Winners page.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.10. h715@chollian.dacom.co.kr (Real name unknown)

Our first individual to make the Logo Lamers list.

He earns this dishonor by posting a large multi-part binary on the .utilities.win95 newsgroup titled "Windows 96".

All I know is, Microsoft didn't announce any Windows 96, 97, or whatever.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.11. Qualcomm

Finally got to see Eudora Pro 32-bit, complete with the Designed for Win95 logo on Pro's box. They lied.

Eudora Pro does not support User Profiles. On a system running user profiles, Eudora Pro will always bring up the same settings for POP account and all user preferences (especially sharing the same mailbox files!). Geez, even Netscape 2.0's mail client worked with user profiles.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.12. rr5@onr.com

My first Bill Gates impersonator to reach the Lamers list. Here's his posting:

From van-bc!news.mindlink.net!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!news.msfc.nasa.gov!news.sgi.com!news.mathworks.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.onr.com!usenet Thu Nov 28 19:59:19 1996
Path: van-bc!news.mindlink.net!sol.ctr.columbia.edu!news.msfc.nasa.gov!news.sgi.com!news.mathworks.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!news.onr.com!usenet
From: William F. Gates
Newsgroups: comp.os.ms-windows.setup.win95
Subject: hehehehehehehehehehehehehhhehehehehhehehehehehehehhehehehehehehheheheh
Date: 27 Nov 1996 04:56:48 GMT
Organization: Microsoft
Lines: 26
Message-ID: <57ghmg$rr5@mari.onr.com>

(Notice how the news server conveniently included his real username in the Message-ID)

NNTP-Posting-Host: onramp3-9.onr.com
Mime-Version: 1.0
X-Newsreader: WinVN 0.99.2

In case you dont know THIS ISNT GATES (aww) i'd be nice to beat his 
dumb ass into the fucking ground.  
Gates is a DUMB ASS PIECE OF SHIT
Win 95 and NT is the sorriest piece of shit in the fucking world.
in the words of my friend "john" "win95 is the biggest virus in the 
world, usually viri are un-noticable, but for some reason people 
WILLINGLY put it on their system, hmm these people arn't that smart"

Linux is the way to go

1) its FREE
2) NON-CRASHABLE
3) run own WEB SERVER!
4) comes with C compiler
5) THE BUGS GET FIXED!!!
6) its MS FREE!

these are the facts
FIGURE IT OUT YOU FUCKING DUMB SHIT

P.S. DEAR GATES, 
        look out, i got a 9mm in my trunk, and im aiming for your 
nads!!!(if you have any)

You probably didn't get Billy's attention here, but you certainly got mine. Welcome to the list, lamer. Oh, and if you are such a Linux advocate, how did you manage to get WinVN newsreader running on it?

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.13. Pat Clawson (clawson@telegrafix.com)

Some people have the nerve.

This "pioneer of Telnet technology" has the nerve, not only to spam 10 newsgroups at once with his ads and his followups, but he also searched (using AltaVista) for every instance of "Telnet+clients" and mailed everyone who had an e-mail address in the search results! (Pat: next time, don't use a mailer that copies the URL, complete with query string, to the message header. heh heh)

And not only this, when I sent my protest to his postmaster to stop sending junk mail to me, he (not his postmaster) phoned my home number and left voicemail (twice!) at, what would've been, 10:00 PM at Vancouver time. (I was in Winnipeg for vacation at the time and only found this out because he told me so in his two E-MAIL replies.) Geez, if you have some rebuttal for me, at least save yourself the long distance dollars and E-MAIL them. To make matters worse, his postmaster insulted me ("I'm sorry this commercial e-mail has upset your delicate personality." Dink.)

Here's as much of his original Usenet spam thread I could recover off of news.wimsey.com on 6 JAN 1997 (15 KB)

Congrats, you've made yourself the second example (the first being Virtual Software above) of how NOT to market your products on the Internet.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]


15.14. Corel Software

I thought I had these guys covered alongside of Novell, regarding WordPerfect 7.0.

First off, WP 7 didn't run under NT. It took them up to 17 FEB 1997 to come up with an NT 4.0 version, but the thing still doesn't run in NT 3.51. The NT 4.0 versions clearly have "NT Enabled" labeled on the boxes. Does the "NT enabled" version run in Win95?

Exactly what's so different between the Win95 and NT 4.0 APIs that they had to release two separate versions? Certainly a word processor, even a high-powered one, doesn't require anything this different.

It doesn't stop here. Later on I'll have a new Hall of Shame titled, "SysTray Abuse", with Corel's Desktop Application Director leading the pack. Stay tuned for more Canadian Win95 abuse from the nation's capital.

[Back to Hall of Shame]

[Back to Table of Contents]