Please give marks out of 10 to the following questions ('10 = Very True' down to '0 = Not True At All'). Answer the questions as honestly as possible since you do not have to show the results to anybody else - there is nobody to deceive but yourself.
Decisions about who to marry and have children with are likely to have more effect on future happiness than any other decisions in life, so they are worth considering as soberly as possible, given that we can be so easily misled in the first flush of love. About half the following questions derive from academic research findings about long-term success and failure in marriage and human relationships. If both you and your partner are trying this test, it might be diplomatic not to show your marks on individual items to your partner, but simply to discuss your final marks together.
- There is very little conflict in our relationship.
- When there is conflict we handle it very satisfactorily.
- I find myself agreeing with my partner far more often than disagreeing.
- If my partner ended up developing a similar character to his/her parents, or became like them in old age, I would be very happy about this.
- I feel that I can share all my feelings, good and bad, with my partner and that he/she does the same with me.
- My partner is very similar to me in cultural, social, intellectual and economic background and probably in intelligence.
- We share similar philosophies of life or spiritual beliefs.
- We share the same sense of humour.
- My partner's health is good, I would describe him/her as basically a happy person and I don't think he/she is likely to suffer from depressions, obsessions, anorexia or other eating disorders, excessive anxieties or other mental health problems.
- My partner is sensitive and kind and not selfish or self-obsessed.
- If I lived in a society where parents arranged marriages for their children, my partner is just the kind of person my parents might have chosen for me.
- We have a lot of conversational interests in common, I enjoy his/her conversation on a variety of topics and I like his/her friends.
- Judging by track record to date, my partner is monogamous when in a serious relationship.
- We agree on the extent of freedom within marriage as regards other relationships and I therefore don't think jealousy will be a problem for either of us.
- Our sexual relationship is extremely good.
Add up your totals. Take away 10 if you have lived together for less than six months. Divide your total by the maximum possible (150) and multiply by 100 for your Marriage Compatibility Percentage. If you are less than 70% compatible you may well have to struggle hard to maintain a long-term relationship and might be well advised to delay having children for several years until you are sure that the relationship will work out. Less than 50% compatibility could be a sign not to rush into marriage.
- Marriage compatibility test, c/o Institute for Social Inventions, 20 Heber Road, London NW2 6AA (tel 0181 208 2853; fax 0181 452 6434; e-mail: <rhino@bbcnc.org.uk>).
A marriage questionnaire, designed by social scientist David Olson in the sixties, has been used by about 750,000 couples around the world. American research has shown that among more than 1,000 couples those who presented nine or ten areas requiring 'growth' are now divorced or 'very unhappy' while those with comparable 'strength' areas are still happily married. More than 10 per cent of couples decided against marriage after they had discussed issues on the questionnaire.
The Rev. Peter Brown of West Winch in Norfolk insists as part of his pre-marriage preparations that partners complete the six-page questionnaire and discuss their responses.
Previous / Next / Table of Contents