We used to have a monthly feature called the TechToon. Some readers liked it a lot, but others didn't care for it, and it did not get reader ratings sufficiently high to justify its continuing. However, while we published that feature, we solicited alternative captions for our cartoons from readers, and published them a few issues later along with that issue's new cartoon. When we stopped publishing cartoons, we ended up with three cartoons' worth of reader-supplied captions that never saw print. We've been meaning to publish them, but never found the space on our crowded disks or the time in our busy schedules to get them together, until now. We've finally got the captions you provided for the last three cartoons. Since your memory probably needs a little jogging as to what those cartoons looked like after all this time, we're also including the original cartoons, which will be displayed adjacent to the and captions as you scroll through them.
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^CCartoon from SDPC #94
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To get the proper effect, replace the and caption in the cartoon with the user-contributed captions below:
"I run on floppies."
- Rod Barnes, Coupeville WA
"Hi, gang... This month's field trip will be to the electronic museum. You'll like that better than last month's depressing trip to the graveyard."
- Bernice Peterson, Scottsburg OR
"Stu, I got upgraded to a 386DX40 Mhz. from a 286 MX/12 Mhz."
- Edward T. Sala, Jr., Justice IL
"Okay, today's lesson is on proper verbs and nouns when talking on Soundblasters."
- Dan Krebs, Brighton MI
"Computers learn self-defense: 'For the first line of defense, lock up your keyboard... this really keeps the humans guessing.'"
- Shawn Brateng, South Beach OR
"And so much for the basics."
- Jack Willner, Lordsburg NM
"I don't want to grow up..."
- Peggy C. Yu, Woodbridge NJ
"Let's give a warm welcome to our newest member, Mr. 386 25 MHz."
- Diana Branton (no city/state given)
"Before we go any farther, if any 'puter in here has a GUI, you're in the and wrong class. Go to DOS Command and get an upgrade."
- Bob Dunham, Galesburg IL
"Tonight we'll learn the ultimate: {The Hard Drive Crash!}"
- R. Edwards, Clearwater FL
"New Kid at Computer Kindergarten."
- William A. Siebert, Gladwin MI
"Do us TRS-80 Model Ones belong here?"
- Robert R. Doms, Belleview FL
"Programs Without Partners."
- Christine Anunson, Whittier CA
"What!! No Apple??"
- Bob Thoretz, New Port Richey FL
"We've come a long way, baby."
- George Gallipeau, Somerset MA
"Time for the teacher to retire!"
- Diana Goggin, El Cajon CA
"Mind your P's and Q's."
- Irene Gilbert, White Lake NY
"The Dunce of the Class."
- Rick Harrington, Hudson Falls NY
"Welcome to 'How to Frustrate Computer Users 101.'"
- Sean McLaughlin, Scotia NY
"I'm sorry; I knew I should have listened to Bill Gates."
- David Sellers, Richton MS
"I may be slow, but I'm in front of you."
- Bill Phillips, Joliet IL
"Welcome to Aerobics 101 -- Get ready to flex your floppies."
- John W. Koch, Brewster NY
"OK, one more time... Head bone connected to da neck..."
- Carl N. Thomas, Woodland GA
"Now, class, open your files to C:\HISTORY\ANCIENT\TECH.TXT."
- Robert Klopfenstein, Vandalia OH
"Guest Speaker Day in an Ancient History class."
- Philip A. Jarosz, Kenmore NY
"Good morning, class! Welcome to PC 101. Our first lesson today will be... Oh, oh! Not enough memory! Time to upgrade!"
- Mario J. Marazita, Windsor, Ontario, Canada
"Welcome to Humans 101 -- Getting Your Human To Do What You Want It To."
- Tammie Porter, Odessa TX
"Good morning, class. Welcome to Computer School."
- Jeff Beard, Aiea HI
"Good morning, class. Today we'll be learning how to do a complete system crash!"
- Capi Pike, Lincolnwood IL
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^CCartoon from SDPC #95
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"Must be mainframers on a witch hunt for PCs!"
- John P. Snead, Fort Polk LA
"En Garde! Your Pentium or your life!"
- Alice Huehl, Elgin IL
"New meaning for the word 'Backbone'."
- Daray Minski (No city given)
"Your Pentium just blew the and circuit for the coffee machine!"
- Rod Barnes, Coupeville WA
"But I _like_ using DOS! I don't want Windows!"
- Robin Campbell, Pflugerville TX
"Put in one more Windows program and I will send my boys down there, get it!"
- John J. Voisard, Dayton OH
"Hmm.. these guys look serious! I'd better let them try their luck at Eagle Wing Solitaire!"
- Mario J. Marazita, Windsor, Ontario, Canada
"Windows fanatics attack the and last DOS prompt holdout."
- Billy W. Glisson, Simi Valley CA
"We want _our_ time at that new Pentium!"
- George Gallipeau, Somerset MA
"The Amish accountants were protesting Gwen's technology."
- Valerie Lynn, Arvada CO
"It's possessed and we're going to burn it at the stake."
- Tammie Porter, Odessa TX
"Thank goodness they were only hologram projections."
- Dennis P. Lachance, Fall River MA
"Are you sure that's the only way to find a lost file?"
- Eric Marchand, Ft. Worth TX
"Well, thought Betty, when they call you a 'witch' here, I guess they really mean it."
- Shawn Brateng, South Beach OR
"We're ready for interactive multimedia games."
- Capi Pike, Lincolnwood IL
"Who ran MEMMAKER on my compressed computer without the /SWAP:A command?"
- C. Leavenworth, Cottonwood AZ
"Give us a byte or else!"
- Debra A. Getsinger, Shelby NC
"I think they went off the deep end!"
- Anita Loveless, Hoquiam WA
"These Windows people are getting serious."
- Victoria Lubawin, Montreal, Quebec, Canada
"Wow! Thru the walls with Montezuma!"
- Donna R. Kaufman, Laurel MT
"And behold... they came unto Mildred with fire and implements of destruction for she was found to be consorting with demons from a program named 'Doom'."
- Michael Wilkinson, Yuma AZ
"I said 'Computer Demo', not 'Demon'!"
- Rick Weissmann, Sacramento CA
"Oh no! They really crashed their computers this time. Now they're out to get mine."
- Barbara H. Staples, Limerick ME
"You're not taking that computer to Shreveport!"
- Joe DiCicco, Rochester NY
"Gwen was beginning to hate her new job in Customer Relations at Microsoft."
- Richard L. Reed, Hahira GA
"Mac users took matters into their own hands when the office upgraded to P60s!"
- Thomas J. Wolak, Willoughby OH
"Gwen finally realized she should switch from DOS to Windows."
- Sarah Iskra, Bristol PA
"Looks like a white-male-employment-quota protest brewing!"
- Glenda Edwards, Hamilton MO
"I don't do Windows."
- Phillip Zych, E. Chicago IN
"If you cannot get it to shut down, we will do it to you."
- Bob Dunham, Galesburg IL
"Sooner or later Barb knew the and others would find out her secret: She was the and one who kept making the computers go nuts!"
- Dan Krebs, Brighton MI
"Let us talk chop."
- Chris Losey, Rochester NY
"Maybe Blanche should use Windows like everyone else."
- F. A. "Al" Smith, Traverse City MI
"Careful. I hear she has AUTOEXEC.BATs in her belfry."
- Jack Keller, Warminster PA
"The townsfolk reacted harshly to yet another clone."
- John Curran, Peaks Island ME
"So help us, if you send another Techtoon..."
- Cindi Bezayiff, Crockett CA
"Windows security had warned Wendy about using DOS for the last time."
- Eric Ayala, Lompoc CA
"These games are getting too real!"
- John S. Diamond, Jr., Farmville VA
"Get rid of that infernal machine. Pens and pencils are cheaper!"
- Frances Willig, Jersey City NJ
"So that's why they call it the Sound Blaster..."
- Cynthia West, Sacramento CA
"Some people will always be intimidated by a PC."
- Joyce A. Baranski, Cohoes NY
"Bill and Ted decide to take 'Flaming on the and Internet' one more step."
- Robin Haas, Mtlk. Terrace WA
"Your mouse is {where}?"
- Larry Deglow, Red Deer, Alberta, Canada
"DOS for Dummies"
- Thomas W. Holich, Chicago IL
"So much for confidentiality in E-Mail -- How was I to know she was your secretary?"
- Bobbye Kuhlman, Traverse City MI
"Talk about Virtual Reality."
- David Sellers, Richton MS
"This RPG is sure realistic, but why are they using accountants?"
- Richard Dellheim, Mannheim, Germany
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^CCartoon from SDPC #96
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^VG:18,72,96toon.gif
"Did the instructions say to Enter, or use Space?"
- Rod Barnes, Coupeville WA
"Now I wish I bought the 17-inch monitor."
- Len Mihalovich, Buzzards Bay MA
"Eskimo Jo, you're not going without me again!"
- Jo Ann Snipes, Westminster MD
"The Chiropractor should straighten you out in no time."
- L. A. McGinnis, Hattiesburg MS
"And you think _you've_ experienced Virtual Reality..."
- G. F. Edwards, Hamilton MO
"'Inside your PC monitor', a Virtual Reality game from Softdisk Publishing."
- Dusty Anderson, Missouri
"Now, this is what I call Online Help!"
- Bob Thoretz, New Port Richey FL
"Oh no! Was that the and Home or End key first?"
- Bob Dunham, Galesburg IL
"IBM 286 Heaven."
- Vince Adams, Van Nuys CA
"This is a job for Super Computer Hacker!"
- Mario J. Marazita, Windsor, Ontario, Canada
"At the last moment Roger Ebert decides to change his review of the movie 'Tron.'"
- Jack Keller, Warminster PA
"PC Evangelist" (or) "I can _heal_ that keyboard" (or) "When VR gets out of hand."
- no name given
{_NOTE_: It's important you include your name on _all_ report cards, even if you submit several in the and same envelope, since they are likely to get separated in our processing over here, and then I won't know whose they are.}
"A new reason to stay at least 18" from your monitor" (or) "The way out escapes me!" (or) "Down the tube for good" (or) "Fail, Retry, Abort?"
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