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1994-12-16
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--------------------
Jihad Codes<tm>
Version 1.0amtr
We could use some more here. Suggestions are welcome.
Jihaddi and Jihaddi-in-spirit are free to use this in any way they
wish, but sponge-minions will be prosecuted, and, if found guilty,
executed.
Any comments, questions, suggestions, flames, and the like should be
sent to Renk0006@Gold.TC.UMN.Edu.
How to use the Jihad Code<tm>
-----------------------------
The Jihad Code<tm> consists of several categories. Each category is
labeled
with a letter or two and some qualifiers. Go through each category and
determine which set of qualifiers best describes you in that category.
By stringing all of these 'codes' together, you are able to construct
your overall Jihad Code<tm>.
Some of the qualifiers will probably not match with you exactly.
Simply choose the qualifier that MOST CLOSELY matches you.
Also, pay particular attention to case-sensitivity, there can be a big
difference between a 'u' and a 'U'.
Barney
------
B++++++ -- I am Barney.
B+++++ -- I worship the ground He walks on. I wish to erect a
shrine for Him in my front yard. I feel a need to sell all my worldly
belongings, shave my head, and go to airports where I will hand out
Barney dolls and spread His message of universal love for everyone
regardless of race, creed, color, sexual preference, or species. I am
totally spongified. Frag me.
B++++ -- I don't miss an episode, except when I have to work or go
to the dentist. Barney loves me. I probably have to be killed.
B+++ -- I like him. He has a nice, wholesome message. He's good
for the country. There's some hope for me.
B+ -- Hey, the little tykes love him, they don't go around
karate-chopping each other any more. He's obviously pretty good.
There's quite a bit of hope for me.
B -- I don't care much about Barney.
B- -- Barney is annoying.
B-- -- Don't talk to me about him. I'm getting sick of his
smarmy message. He makes me ill.
B--- -- He's sick. He's polluting our children's minds with this
love and tolerance crap. Boycott any station or store that carries
him. His head would really look good on my wall next to stuffed
Smurfs.
B---- -- BARNEY MUST DIE! ALL ELSE IS IRRELEVANT!
B----- -- KILL! KILL! KILL THE DEMON! NYAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
B------ -- I am Julie the Mahdi.
?B -- Who's Barney?
Unhealthy Snacks<tm> (equivalents)
----------------------------------
US++++ -- I eat at least three Big Macs and drink at least a
six-pack of Jolt Cola a day, and usually a lot more.
US+++ -- I eat about half a package of Pizza Rolls every day, and
often more.
US++ -- I eat about half a package of Pizza Rolls every day, and
sometimes less.
US+ -- I usually have a hamburger and a can of Jolt every day.
US -- I eat the occasional Unhealthy Snack<tm>.
US- -- I don't eat Unhealthy Snacks<tm> often.
US-- -- I hardly ever eat Unhealthy Snacks<tm>.
US--- -- I only have one or two Unhealthy Snacks<tm> a year.
US---- -- I only have one Unhealthy Snack<tm> every decade.
!US -- I have never eaten an Unhealthy Snack<tm>.
Good Music<tm>
--------------
GM+++++ -- I WRITE Good Music<tm>.
GM++++ -- I am always listening to Good Music<tm>.
GM+++ -- I listen to Good Music<tm> very often.
GM++ -- I listen to Good Music<tm> regularly.
GM+ -- I listen to some Good Music<tm> once in a while.
GM -- I have listened to Good Music<tm> only a few times.
GM- -- I hardly ever listen to Good Music<tm>.
GM-- -- I almost never listen to Good Music<tm>.
GM--- -- I only listen to Good Music<tm> when I absolutely have
to.
GM---- -- I have only heard Good Music<tm> once.
GM----- -- I have only heard about a second of Good Music<tm> ever.
!GM -- I have never heard any Good Music<tm>.
Ferality
--------
F+++++ -- Average Maenad.
F++++ -- B'HARNE MUST DIE! ALL ELSE IS IRRELEVANT!
F+++ -- I hate B'harne! I wanna kick his ass!
F++ -- I loathe B'harne. Someone should kill him.
F+ -- I dislike B'harne. Someone should beat him up.
F -- I'm neutral.
F- -- I'm just barely spongied. I still have gonads.
F-- -- I'm a somewhat brave sponge. There's hope for me yet.
F--- -- I'm a cowardly, obedient spongie. Kill me.
F---- -- I'm a completely cowardly really spongified spongie.
Kill me.
!F -- I'm beyond wuss. Just kill me if you're in a 50-mile
radius.
?F -- Ferality? What's that?
Magical Ability
---------------
MA+++++ -- You think I can't do everything? Very funny.
MA++++ -- I've mastered white, grey and black magic.
MA+++ -- I am a master of white and grey magic, and know some
black magic.
MA++ -- I have mastered white magic and most of the grey type.
MA+ -- I can master some white magic.
MA -- No ability, positive or negative.
MA- -- Well, maybe I could do a bit of white magic...
MA-- -- Magic cannot work for me.
MA--- -- Magic absolutely cannot work for me.
MA---- -- I can hardly master a remote control. Its magic is too
much!
MA----- -- The television is too magic for me. How do I turn it on
again?
!MA -- Magic doesn't exist.
?MA -- What's magic?
Flaming Prowess
---------------
FP+++++ -- You have all the mentality of an inbred, syphillus
infected, dog fucking, scrotum licking, one-balled cripple!
FP++++ -- You are going to DIE, sponge!
FP+++ -- Fuck off, sponge-minion!
FP++ -- Life sucks occasionally. Bite me.
FP+ -- Life sucks once in a while. I've seen better.
FP -- Neutral ability.
FP- -- Well, it could be worse...
FP-- -- I like everything like it is. Life is okay.
FP--- -- I love everything and everyone! Life is good!
FP---- -- I can't say anything bad about anything! Life is great!
FP----- -- I am a pathetic being that has only happy thoughts.
?FP -- Flame? What's that?
Psionic Ability
---------------
PA+++++ -- Maximum everything.
PA++++ -- Telepathic ability, psi shielding, and TK.
PA+++ -- Telepathic ability and psi shielding, with slight TK.
PA++ -- Telepathic ability and slight psi shielding.
PA+ -- Slight telepathic ability.
PA -- Neutral.
PA- -- Watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat!
PA-- -- I'm pretty good at the "magic" tricks in the books.
PA--- -- I have to buy books to learn slight "magic" tricks.
PA---- -- Is your card the ace of spades?
PA----- -- Whoa, how did you do *that*?
!PA -- I have no power whatsoever.
?PA -- Psi? What's that?
Weapon Preference
-----------------
WP++++++ -- Whichever weapon the Mahdi uses.
WP+++++ -- Barney-Slayer or Sponge-Slayer.
WP++++ -- The main gun on the _Stratocaster_.
WP+++ -- A BFG 9000.
WP++ -- A shotgun.
WP+ -- Brass knuckles.
WP -- No negative/postive effect.
WP- -- A rock thrown underhanded.
WP-- -- A NERF ball tossed casually.
WP--- -- A dull stainless steel spoon.
WP---- -- A dull, dented wooden spoon.
WP----- -- A snowball with ice in it.
WP------ -- A snowball
!WP -- Does a pillow count as a weapon?
Attitude
--------
A+++++ -- I'm Julie the Mahdi.
A++++ -- Average Maenad.
A+++ -- Average Jihaddi.
A++ -- This is utterly incompetent. I refuse to go along with
this.
A+ -- This is stupid. Let's try something else.
A -- Normal human.
A- -- Gee, maybe this is a bad idea.
A-- -- Okay, so it isn't the greatest plan. But we should do
it.
A--- -- Barney isn't perfect. But he's still a genius!
A---- -- Let's just do whatever Barney says...
A----- -- I'm Barney's servant.
!A -- I've never had an attitude.
?A -- Huh?
Predatory Instincts
-------------------
PI+++++ -- I'm Julie the Mahdi, the B'harne Hunter Supreme.
PI++++ -- I'm Serp the Feral, the B'harne Hunter Extreme.
PI+++ -- Average Jihaddi.
PI++ -- Kill. Kill. Kill.
PI+ -- Maim. Frag. Decimate.
PI -- I'm neutral.
PI- -- Killing is wrong.
PI-- -- Killing is evil!
PI--- -- Even brusing someone is cause for much self-punishment.
PI---- -- I don't want to hurt a fly.
PI----- -- I don't want to hurt a flea, even if it bit me.
!PI -- Help me! Help me!
?PI -- Eh? What's that?
Intelligence
------------
I+++ -- Einstein.
I++ -- Average Jihaddi.
I+ -- Honor student.
I -- World average.
I- -- Forrest Gump.
I-- -- Average spongie.
I--- -- M'hikieB'hot, Handjob, D'hamien, B'hetty B'hoop, etc.
Unhealthyness of Food Eaten (equivalents)
-----------------------------------------
UF+++++ -- Quadruple cheeseburger, super-sized fries, and coke.
UF++++ -- Triple cheeseburger, super-sized fries, and coke.
UF+++ -- Double cheeseburger, large fries, and coke.
UF++ -- Quarter pounder, medium fries, and coke.
UF+ -- Happy Meal.
UF -- Hamburger/cheeseburger, small fries, and coke.
UF- -- Coke.
UF-- -- Water.
UF--- -- Napkin.
UF---- -- Salad.
UF----- -- Toothpick.
Determination
-------------
D++++ -- Just one more day!
D+++ -- Okay, just a few more hours.
D++ -- I don't need a dinosaur to do this. So what if it's
hard?
D+ -- No, I'm not giving up. The solution will come to me if I
think...
D -- Normal.
D- -- I quit!
D-- -- This is impossible. But, I'd like to work with it a
little longer.
D--- -- Well, it's real hard, so maybe I'll get Barney to do it
for me.
D---- -- If it's kinda hard, Barney will do it for us.
!D -- I let Barney do everything for me.
Goodness/Badness of TV
----------------------
TV++++ -- MST3K.
TV+++ -- James Bond movies.
TV++ -- Darkwing Duck, Gargoyles, Animaniacs.
TV+ -- A McDonalds commercial.
TV -- News shows.
TV- -- Tabloid news shows, home shopping shows/networks.
TV-- -- Saved by the Bell, VR Troopers, Family Matters, Full
House.
TV--- -- P'hower R'hangers.
TV---- -- B'harne and Fiends.
!TV -- I don't watch TV.
Amount of Posts on A.B.D4
-------------------------
AP++++ -- Around 10 per day.
AP+++ -- About 3 per day.
AP++ -- About 2 per day.
AP+ -- About 1 per day.
AP -- 1 every two days.
AP- -- About 3 a week.
AP-- -- About 2 a week.
AP--- -- About 1 a week.
AP---- -- Hardly ever.
!AP -- I just lurk. I never post.
Quality of Posts on A.B.D4
--------------------------
QP++++ -- Jihaddi postings.
QP+++ -- ASCII art that depicts B'harne in a negative manner.
QP++ -- Posts that tell a Jihaddi they've been
promoted/appointed.
QP+ -- Reposts of news articles that tell of us in a postive
manner.
QP -- Despongification posts from ex-sponges.
QP- -- Newbie posts.
QP-- -- Spams.
QP--- -- Tests/One-shot trolls.
QP---- -- M'hikie, Handjob, D'hamien, etc. posts.
!QP -- I just lurk. I never post.
Amount of Sarcasm in Posts on A.B.D4
------------------------------------
S++++ -- Serp level.
S+++ -- Maenad level.
S++ -- Jihaddi level.
S+ -- Newbie level.
S -- None.
S- -- McDaniel level.
S-- -- Inane level.
S--- -- Sponge level.
S---- -- M'hikie level.
!S -- I never use sarcasm.
?S -- Uh...what's that?
Vehicles
--------
V+++ -- I drive a modified Ford 4X4 with all WEDJEE technology.
V++ -- I drive a modified van with some WEDJEE stuff.
V+ -- I drive a mini-van with a weapon stored in the back.
V -- I drive a normal vehicle.
V- -- I drive a 10-year-old vehicle.
V-- -- I drive a Model T.
V--- -- I drive a big heap of junk.
!V -- I don't drive.
Age
---
A+++ -- 60 and up.
A++ -- 50-59
A+ -- 40-49
A -- 30-39
A- -- 20-29
A-- -- 10-19
A--- -- 9 and under.
!A -- I'm not telling.
-- Special Operative Neon Wizard, Director of De-Spongification
-- Legion Intelligence, Legion of Doom
-- and
-- ICCJ-ACTF (M'hikie must die!)
--
-- Renk0006@Gold.TC.UMN.Edu
--
-- The hardest working wizard in the Jihad.
--
-- Hanno ammazzato uno spugnato oggi?
-- (Have you killed a sponge today?)
--
-- Geek Code: GCS d H s-:++ !g p? !au a-- w+ v+++ C++++ UV+ P? L 3-
-- E---- N++ K? W--- M++ V- -po+ Y+ t- !5 jx R G? tv-- b+++ !D B---
-- e+ u++ h! f++ !r !n !y
--
-- Jihad Code: B---- US+++ GM-- F++++ MA+++++ FP+++ PA+++++ WP++++++
-- A+++ PI+++ I+++ UF+++ D++++ !TV QP++++ S++