This file and its contents are by no means meant for anyone other than the
serious anarchist. By this we mean the person who has been going to school for
at least half of his/her life and then realizing the true worthlessness of the
American school system: i.e., the fact that it represses creativity, destroys
imagination, and screws you up for the rest of your natural life. (Unless you
are the type of person who ENJOYS the school ha what a laugh, in which case
you should throw away this file and go jump off a high place.)
The authors of this file have decided not to put in any sort of disclaimer,
due to the fact that A) Disclaimers are of no use and will not help you
in the least if you are really busted, and B) We don't really care if we are
responsible or not for your actions. Far from it. As a matter of fact, we
whole-heartedly reccommend them.
Part II: The Golden Rule
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Actually, there are two golden rules to follow when terrorizing a school. One
is that you must do unto others before they do you. Two is that, no matter
what this file reccommends, you will never go wrong if you follow your heart
and use your imagination. These two qualities will be of more use to you
than any file could possibly be. With that said, let's get going.
Part III: Beginning terrorism
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Your basic goal is to spread chaos and disorder throughout the entire school,
but the best place to begin is in your own classroom. Here, you will find hall
passes, absence excuse sheets, and many other things that the school uses to
control you. Steal these and give them away. If you're mercenary, sell them.
But do NOT use them yourself! It's very un-anarchistic to profit from this sort
of thing. Your goal is to introduce a thing called FREEDOM, not to make your
life easier like the bloated capitalist pigs who are controlling you...
Changing grades is another thing. You can give that little freshman geek who
sits next to you and gets all A's and sucks up to the faculty a big F. Watch
him squirm. As before, don't give your self an A. Don't even change your owngrade! Everyone else's is fair play. Besides, that takes suspicion off of
you...
Now for more physical stuff. Krazy Glue has unlimited possibilities when it
comes to school fun. You can glue the teachers' desk drawers shut, or if
you're dexterous enough, glue her body to her chair. Also, glue things to the
walls. We don't mean ordinary things here, we mean stuff like CHAIRS, TABLES
and PEOPLE. (It's one way of mounting your trophies without ruining them.)
Stretch fishing wire across the outside of a classroom door just before the end
of sixth hour on a Friday, and watch the fireworks.
Part IV: Getting Downright Nasty
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Coat the insides of peoples' underwear with NAIR hair remover. You will see
quite a lot of uncomfortable faces. Get some snakebite antidote, making
sure its the "harmless" kind. Drink it all down, walk into the principals'
office, and puke your guts out all over him and his office. Apologize
profusely. Buy a few family-size bottles of floor wax and empty them all over the halls.(Make sure to leave yourself a clear space to escape!) Open up the ceiling and stick dead animals inside. Open up someone's locker and put LIVE
animals inside. For added effect, make sure they have eaten a while before.
Part V: Bathroom Fun
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We were going to put this up there, but we decided that this subject needed a
section of its own. Bathrooms are neat places. Hardly anyone ever uses them
for their intended purpose. Girls use them to gossip, boys use them to smoke,
and we're quite sure they've been used to masturbate on occasion. (Not that we
are accusing either class.)
Smoke bombs are fun to use. For a real treat, get the kind that smell like burning marijuana. Blow up a balloon, seal it, and flush it down a toilet.
Bring about 50 boxes of JELL-O (tm) to school and fill the toilets with it.
It takes about 30 minutes to solidify if its not stirred (and who's going to
stir it? Not I...) Or, use the toilet without flushing it, and THEN add the
JELL-O.
Write your favorite phrases all over the walls. An oldie but goodie is:
"FUCK THE WORLD! ANARCHY RULES!"Or advertise your favorite musical group.
Coat the toilet seats with Vaseline or some equally greasy substance. Use any kind of bomb to explode the toilet. See g-files such as CHEMICAL CORNER and HOME DEMOLITIONS for details on the best compact bombs.
Part VI: Definitely Not for Weaklings
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Find some way to get into your school at night, and the world is your oyster!
A friend of mine told me how her mother when she was going to high school, got
hold of some pigs, painted the names of some obnoxious faculty members on their
sides, and let them loose in the school to roam and play for the wJwkend. Those
pigs did EVERYthing and then some. They got shit tracked all through the halls,
they ate up a big shipment of cafeteria food, and in general had a high old
time. Now THAT is what I call classic. Any animal will do as long as it is a
very curious and large one.
If you have the nerve, piss in your pants while giving an oral report or rehearsing for a play.
Shave your head. Or better yet, shave someone else's head.
Replace the American flag with one of your own devising. Use your imagination
here.
Pretend to sell oregano and aspirin with the name rubbed off at lunchtime
in sight of a teacher.
Pretend to have an epileptic fit.
Get up on top of the school and keep warning them that you'll jump unless
the letter "M" is stricken from the English language.
Pretend to shoot up while being watched by some asshole faculty member.
Ask to make a phone call from a teacher who has his/her own phone in the room.
Phreak with a box that is easily traced and tip off Ma Bell. If Ma doesn't
believe it's a teacher, tell her it's " " (put in the name of some geek
you despise.)
Part VI: In Conclusion
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Watch for PART II of the Complete Guide coming soon.
Don't take any wooden nickels. Practice what you preach. Pass this file around and encourage your friends to do the same. Give me all your money.
