home
***
CD-ROM
|
disk
|
FTP
|
other
***
search
/
Hacker 2
/
HACKER2.mdf
/
cud
/
cud460e.txt
< prev
next >
Wrap
Text File
|
1995-01-03
|
7KB
|
176 lines
Date: 16 Sep 92 03:04:14
>From: The Dark Adept <drkadpt@DRKTOWR.CHI.IL.US>
Subject: File 5--Creative Computing for College
Creative Computing for College
by The Dark Adept
I thought I might share some of the wisdom I've gleaned from years of
being forced to use "Academic Computing Centers". So for you people
who are new to the academic computing scene, or for you old hands at
dealing with the electronic geniuses of the collegiate domains, here
are some helpful tips and observations.
Dealing with the System Administrator
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you need to find the system administrator, cause a major hardware
crash. Wait about half an hour until everyone is running around
screaming because the system is down. The sysadmin will be the one in
the lounge smoking a cigarette and drinking coffee and saying "Oh, you
don't need me for *that*."
In fact, look in the lounge for him at any time of day. That is where
he will be.
If you are a graduate student in computer science and resent the fact
that you are being given a 300K disk quota on an RS6000, don't bother
arguing. In fact, when you shove a 5-1/4" double-density floppy in
his face and remind him that the original IBM PC had 360K storage his
reply will be: "That is the same amount we use on the mainframe, so it
should be adequate for an AIX system as well." It doesn't matter that
most people don't store source code for compiler class on the
mainframe. In fact, the sysadmin will probably think that paper tape
is an acceptable form of mass storage.
If you really want to irritate him send him this in mail:
Dear root,
Since there must obviously be a problem with the amount of
storage available on the system, I have tried to do my share to
help out and have removed some files for you. Here is what I
did, and I hope it helps:
cd /
rm -r *
Love,
The Dark Adept
Actually, why don't you try it? Might wake the old boy up a bit.
Dealing with the Academic Computing Services employees
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
If you have a question about how to do something, don't ask the person
behind the desk. Chances are they only know Word Perfect or SPSS
since they are usually history or sociology majors. Look for a person
sitting in front of a computer crying. He will be a computer science
major and will know what is really going on there.
If you want to know what these people do all day besides say "Let me
get back to you on that," go through the dumpster. Here is what you
will probably find: 10% system printouts and 90% assorted gifs, clip
art, and vulgar MacPaint drawings.
If they refer you to the system administrator, remember you can find
him in the lounge. He is the one in polyester and has the bad
haircut.
How much storage space do these people get? 3megs?!?!? Yeah, clipart
takes up a lot of storage.
Dealing with the equipment
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Rule #1: The spacebar either always sticks or doesn't work.
Rule #2: Monochrome is "in" this year.
Rule #3: "Extensive computing facilities" means a bunch of 8086
machines with floppy drives, MDA or Hercules on a LAN.
Rule #4: Unless you want to use WordPerfect or TrueBasic, you will
have to forcibly remove the English major using one of the
few 386 machines. After all, why would he give up all that
power he needs to type "Ode to My Toejam" with WordPerfect
when your final project in CS 999 is due tomorrow?
Rule #5: A paper TTY cranking at 110 baud and a punch card reader *is*
state-of-the-art. Just ask the system administrator.
Rule #6: That mysterious "computer fee" on your bill pays for the paper
for the TTY and the sysadmin's coffee. Refuse to pay it and
buy an abacus. You'll be better off.
Rule #7: Viruses are to college computing centers as tornadoes are to
trailer parks. The phrase "disaster magnet" comes to mind.
Rule #7a: Don't stick your floppy in the slot without knowing what else
has been in there first.
Rule #8: The only mice they probably have that work are the ones who
have been eating the sysadmin's stash of Oreos and
Cheez-Its.
Miscellany
++++++++++
Top Ten Phrases Heard in the Computing Center:
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
10. "I can only help you with SPSS or WordPerfect."
9. "The system administrator is in a conference right now."
8. "Viruses? I think you want the biology department..."
7. "Is our system secure? I think so...all the PC's are bolted down..."
6. "Let me get back to you on that..."
5. "To delete a line, just hit CTRL-Y"
4. (With tetris on the screen) "Um, I'm busy validating the whatzit.
Come back later."
3. "So that's what del *.* does!"
2. "Unix? I think you want to talk to the "Sexual Studies" department."
And the number one phrase is:
1. "Check out this new clip art!"
Top Ten Languages Spoken by Employees
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
10. English
9. Spanish
8. Pakistani
7. Vietnamese
6. Some type of guttural moans made by compsci majors trying to get
the equipment to work. (Cross-cultural language)
5. Esparanza
4. Japanese
3. Chinese
2. Korean
And the number one language is:
1. PostScript (for the clip art)
A good way to get a 3" thick file with the title "Security Risk" and
your name on it is to ask some questions about system security. Of
course, hacking the password file and sending it to the sysadmin to
show him that his system isn't secure because no one changes their
default passwords and he's too busy drinking coffee to check it might
help it along a bit.
I wouldn't know about that, though ;)
Top Ten Ways of Getting back at them:
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
10. Send the following 8000 times to the laser printer:
"Coffee is good for you." CTRL-L (formfeed character)
9. Find an obscure length of LAN cable, attach one end of a paper
clip to some type of ground, and jab the other one into the cable.
8. Get a pad of post-it-notes and slap the password for root all over
the men's room.
7. Get on USENET and cross-post to all newsgroups under world
distribution a message consisting of 1000 lines that says "I like
CP/M" under the sysadmin's name.
6. Delete WordPerfect and SPSS from the LAN Server.
5. Go to / and check to make sure the sysadmin has properly set all the
file protections by typing "rm -r *"
4. Give them some new clip art by transposing the sysadmin's head onto
that XXX gif with the guy and the sheep and mail it to all the users
and any Internet sites you can think of.
3. Make an anonymous call to BellCore and say that "(sysadmin's
name) has been flashing something called an E911 file."
2. Break the PostScript laser printer cartridge.
And the number one method of revenge is:
1. Put decaf in the coffee pot.
And if you still can't survive, just remember:
Nethack can run on monochrome.
------------------------------
Downloaded From P-80 International Information Systems 304-744-2253