Current Shareware 1994 January/SHAR194.ISO/articles/rah9309r.zip/10

Text File | 1993-09-01 | 6KB | 111 lines

Soap Opera
(author unknown)

Dear Maid:  Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap
in my bathroom since I have brought my own bathsized Dial.  Please
remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine
chest and another three in the shower soap dish.  They are in my way.
Thank you, S. Berman

Dear Room 635:  I am not you regular maid.  She will be back
tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off.  I took the 3 hotel soaps out
of the shower soap dish as you requested.  The 6 bars on your shelf I
took out of your way and put on top of the Kleenex dispenser in case
you should change your mind.  This leaves only the 3 bars I left
today which are my standing instructions from the management.  I hope
this is satisfactory.  Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear Maid (I hope you're my regular maid):  Apparently Kathy did not
tell you about my note to her concerning the little bars of soap.
When I got back to my room this evening I found you had added 3
little Camays to the shelf under my medicine cabinet.  I am going to
be here in the hotel for two weeks and have brought my own bathsized
Dial so I won't need those 6 little Camays which are on the shelf.
They are in my way when shaving, brushing teeth, etc.  Please remove
them.  S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman:  My day off was last Wednesday so the relief maid
left 3 hotel soaps which we are instructed by the management.  I took
the 6 soap which were in your way on the shelf and put them in the
soap dish where your Dial was.  I put the Dial in the medicine
cabinet for your convenience.  I did not remove the 3 complimentary
soaps which are always placed inside the medicine cabinet for all new
check-ins and which you did not object to when you checked in last
Monday.  Please let me know if I can be of further assistance.
Your regular maid, Dotty

Dear Mr. Berman:  The assistant manager, Mr. Kensedder, informed me
this A.M. that you called him last evening and said you were unhappy
with you maid service.  I have assigned a new girl to your room.  I
hope you will accept my apologies for any past inconvenience.  If you
have any future complaints please contact me so I can give it my
personal attention.  Call extension 1108 between 8 A.M. and 5 P.M.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Ms. Carmen:  It is impossible to contact you by phone since I
leave the hotel for business at 7:45 A.M. and don't get back before
5:30 P.M.  That's the reason I called Mr. Kensedder last night - you
were already off duty.  I only asked Mr. Kensedder if he could do
anything about those little bars of soap.  The new maid you assigned
me must have thought I was a new check-in today since she left
another 3 bars of hotel soap in my medicine cabinet along with her
regular delivery of 3 bars on the bathroom shelf.  In just a few days
here I have accumulated 24 little bars of soap.  Why are you doing
this to me?
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman:  You maid, Kathy, has been instructed to stop
delivering soap to your room and remove the extra soaps.  If I can be
of further assistance, please call extension 1108 between 8 and 5.
Thank you, Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Mr. Kensedder:  My bathsize Dial is missing.  Every bar of soap
was taken from room including my own bathsize Dial.  I came in last
night and had to call the bellhop to bring me 4 little Cashmere
Bouquets.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman:  I have informed our housekeeper, Elaine Carmen, of
you soap problem.  I cannot understand why there was no soap in you
room since our maids are instructed to leave 3 bars of soap each time
they service a room.  The situation will be rectified immediately.
Please accept my apologies for the inconvenience.
Martin L. Kensedder, Asst. Manager

Dear Ms. Carmen:  Who the hell left 54 little bars of Camay in my
room?  I came in last night and found 54 little bars of soap.  I
don't want 54 little bars of Camay.  I want my one damn bar of
bathsize Dial.  Do you realize I have 54 bars of soap in here?  All I
want is my bathsize Dial.  Please give me back my bathsize Dial.
S. Berman

Dear Mr. Berman:  You complained of too much soap in your room so I
had them removed.  Then you complained to Mr. Kensedder that all you
soap was missing so I personally returned them - the 24 Camays which
had been taken and the 3 Cashmere Bouquets.  Obviously your maid,
Kathy, did not know I had returned your soaps so she also brought 24
Camays plus the 3 daily Camays.  I don't know where you got the idea
this hotel issues bathsize Dial.  I was able to locate some bathsize
Ivory which I left in you room.
Elaine Carmen, Housekeeper

Dear Ms. Carmen:  Just a short note to bring you up to date on my
latest soap inventory.  As of today I posses:  On the shelf under the
medicine cabinet - 18 Camay in 4 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.  On
the Kleenex dispenser - 11 Camay in 2 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 3.
On the bedroom dresser - 7 Cashmere Bouquet in 1 stack of 3 and 1
stack of 4, 1 hotel- size Ivory and 8 Camay in 2 stacks of 4.  Inside
the medicine cabinet - 14 Camay in 3 stacks of 4 and 1 stack of 2.
On the northeast corner of the tub - Cashmere Bouquet, slightly used.
On the northwest corner of the tub - 6 Camays in 2 stacks of 3.  In
the shower soap dish - 6 Camay, very moist.  Please ask Kathy when
she services my room to make sure the stacks are neatly piled and
dusted.  Also, Please advise her that stacks of more the 4 have a
tendency to tip.  May I suggest that my bedroom window sill, which is
not in use, will make an excellent spot for future soap deliveries.
One more item, I have purchased another bar of bathsize Dial which I
am keeping in the hotel vault in order to avoid further
misunderstandings.
S. Berman                                                       {RAH}