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06.DOC
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1985-11-20
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5KB
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123 lines
ORM STORY: WATCH WHERE YOU POINT YOUR BOOMS
===========================================
In was the start of another beautiful day in Laket, and it started
with a bang. A very loud bang, in fact, if it were any louder it could
have been considered a boom. (And when a bang becomes a boom, certain
things are allowed to be done. One can boom without warning, one can boom
above houses and one can boom whenever one feels like it.) However, the
source of the bang was a small amount of smoking rubble that showed vague
signs of movement. A small crowd had gathered, not because this was were
the bang started, but because of the fact that a pile of bricks and roof
tiles seemed to be moving on their own, without assistance of any kind
whatsoever. The crowd included a 'young, strapping fellow' by the name of
Joseph Nuro. Joseph was looking very worried, he was looking very worried
indeed.
On the other side of the town, at least four oxen droppings away,
people were looking worried too. News of the bang had spread, and in the
true tradition of rumours it had changed to something somewhat different to
what it had started out as. Two people were talking in an alleyway,
"I heard it was a boom."
"Nah, it wasn't a boom, it was worse than that."
"Worse than a boom?"
"Yup, worse than a boom."
"Oh."
"Oh?"
"Aye."
"Oh."
One of the people left and another joined the remaining one,
"I heard it was a package bomb left to wreak havoc on a poor villager on
the east side of the town."
"Ehy?"
"What do you mean 'Ehy?'?"
"Uh?"
"Never mind."
"Ok then. Be like that."
"Like what?"
"Like that."
"What are you implying?"
"Nothing."
"Oh."
"Shut up."
Clearly things had been changed. Changed for the worst...
Back in the east side of the town, Joseph was still looking worried. The
rubble was still moving but the crowd had gone. (The novelty value of a
moving pile of rubble had worn off after about 2 clicks and the crowd had
gone onto a new incident where a house had been rumoured to be walking on
the clouds.) Joseph was starting to look ill. It wasn't his fault, honest.
He only delivered a package, given to him by a very nice man in a black
robe, to the address that was currently rubble. The next thing he knows is
that there is this almighty bang and the house had gone. Joseph was going
to be in trouble. Serious trouble. Even so, the moving rubble was fairly
interesting. The groans that were emanating from the wreckage were rather
impressive too. A brick fell from the top of the pile and tumbled to a stop
an inch or two away from Joseph's left foot. Another brick tumbled from the
advancing pile. Another and another, and the odd roof tile fell towards
Joseph as if he held the wood with which to remake the house. The cloud of
dust that had risen with the sudden movement settled and dispersed to
reveal a hooded figure. The figure looked shaken, but seemed to be ok in
the whole and it started to pat the dust away from its clothes.
"Bloody hell, what happened?"
"Um."
"MY HOUSE, WHERE THE HELL IS MY HOUSE??"
"Er. Around your feet."
"Bloody hell. That's a turn up for the books."
At this point Joseph decided that it would be a good idea to tell him what
really happened.
"Er, sir?"
"Yes lad?"
"I delivered the package."
"What package?"
"The package that made your house go bang."
"You did? That bloody clever."
"I didn't mean to."
"Didn't mean to what?"
"Blow up your house."
"You blew up my house?"
"Yes sir, that what I said."
"You did? Oh, that bloody clever."
"What's clever sir?"
"What did you say your name was?"
"Joseph Nuro sir."
"Really? That bloody clever."
"What is?"
"Making my house go bang."
"Pardon me sir?"
"I think I should sit down for a while."
"It would be advisable."
"That bloody clever."
"What is?"
The conversation went on for clicks. One person being slightly concussed
and the other person being sympathetic and apologetic. It could have gone
on for hours if the slightly concussed one hadn't fallen asleep against
what used to be his house.
Rumours were rife on the other side of town, rumours were also
getting bored. It was time to leave and torment some other town or village.
Unfortunately for rumours, it picked on Highuponahill, were rumours never
got the hang of things.
A few days passed and things were gradually getting back to normal,
if you passed the rubble and squinted hard, you hardly tell that there used
to be a house there. People were saying that the man was going to build a
new house out of straw on his land. People were seriously questioning the
mans sanity, "Something to do with that knock on the head he got" was a
local excuse. It was the start of a new dawn in Itrish (Twined with Laket
and Forhamenlaket, not because it looked the same, but because it smelt the
same.) The new dawn was greeted with a boom. A new plot of land had been
created and a 'mild' case of concussion had been reported. The annual
ritual of land clearing had been successful apart from one minor mishap
when the boom had managed to wriggle out of his harness and soar over the
trees in the direction of Laket.
The moral? Er. Um, "Watch where you point your booms before going
banging."??
(C) Ormolu of Digi Tallis 1993