TCE Demo 2/TCE_DEMO_CD2.iso/demo_cd_.2/mags/amazine/amazine1.arj/amazine1.msa/THESCENE/GO2PARTY.TXT

Text File | 1992-05-09 | 10KB | 347 lines

 A BEGINNERS GUIDE TO PARTY
----------------------------

  by Phreak + DEF KLF / MAD VISION


   If for some reason the idea of going
to the next "TRANS-UNION party" strikes
horror  into your very sole  then  fear
not, this article is written especially
for  you. Sometimes  making  the  right
impression  at one of these events  can
change  the way you are treated in  the
scene,and for a first-timer this can be
a bit daunting.In the following article
there  are  some  invaluable   tips  on
making the most of a party.

]-1- PREPARATION

For the un-initiated,preparation simply
means  making sure you have 200+  disks
with you and enough cash to get plaste-
red. This is mainly true but  there  is
much  mor e to it than that. To  become
well versed in the latest activities of
the  scene you will have to  spend  the
months  leading up to the party viewing
every  production  of  the  groups  you
believe will be there.

   Dressing  for  the party is also  an
important  factor  but  that depends on
who  you  to be mistaken  for ( coder ,
musician , Gfx artist or Swapper )   so
this will be covered later.

   Lastly decide whether or not you are
going to take your ST  cardboard  boxes
with you.You needn't actually take your
ST  with you but showing up at the door
carrying piles of boxes always create a
favourable impression.

 WELL DONE ! You have arrived ! But now
that you're actually here , what do you
do next ?...

]-2- SURVEILLANCE

  Which means basically finding out who
is actually here.It's quite fashionable
to  show  up   hours  later  than   the
starting  time of the party so don't be
at  all dismayed to find  you  are  the
only  one there.However if someone asks
you  if   " you want french fries  with
that ? "  then  this means you're in  a
burger bar.Try and find the party place
again.

Once there,make a quick lap of the room
making  a mental note of  which  groups
are where.If you have brought  anything
with  you  that you don't  want  stolen
then place it with the group of  compu-
ters playing the chorus of  Fast copy 3
tones, (nobody ever goes near them...)

]-3- SPOT THE COMPUTER FREAKS !

  Sometimes  it  is quite difficult  to
decide whether someone is an  important
well-known   coder  or  just  a   lamer
pretending  to  be  an  important well-
known coder.Being able to spot which is
which stops you from talking to comple-
te arseholes.

[ -A- CODERS

Usually the only people sitting quietly
slaving over a hot Devpac. One  of  the
easiest ways to locate a  Coder  is  to
wait  until  the power fails  and  then
follow the screams and profuse swearing
as their hard earned code goes for  the
third time today. (It doesn't work with
Swedish coders who stay always quiet.)

] Dress sense:
               This  is  again  of  the
easiest ways of spoting a Coder.As most
Coders spend days on end perfectly one-
frame  fractal animation they  seem  to
loose  interest  in dress sense. Simply
look  for the fashions of about 2 years
ago.  Some of the older and  more elite
Coders  are  hard  to  locate  as   the
clothes  they still wear  are  suddenly
quite fashionable again.

] Lame impersonations:
                      Most Coders won't
tell you  who they are for  the  simple
reason  they  don't  want  to  have  to
explain  3D line routines  to the likes
of you!  Anybody who tells you they are
a coder isn't worthing talking to. Look
out  for people waiting  with Decpac on
displaying anything under  300 lines of
code.   Feeble...

[ -B- MUSICIANS

For the deaf,locating a musician can be
a  bit  of  a  problem. The better tune
being  played , more  likely  the  Twat
playing it  ripped it.
Thankfully  due to the nature of  their
profession , Musicians  spend a lot  of
time exploring Clubs & Discos which  is
turn affects their...
]DRESS SENSE:
      Usually   always   wearing   this
months  fashion  helps to  pin-point  a
Musician  in  a  crowd.But some can  be
dirty heavy metal freaks. Some may have
the biggest fuck-off synth you've  ever
seen and have it midi-linked to his ST.

]LAME IMPERSONATIONS:
                 Anyone   claiming   to
be  a  musician  and  while viewing the
lastest Thalion  game  ACTUALLY  paying
more interest in what is the monitor is
an Imposter !

[ -C- GFX ARTISTS

 The easiest way to find a true GFX man
at work is to find a crowd of  nobodies
happily crowded round a guy with NeoPro
cheerfully watching the tedious process
of  creating something. You  will  find
that  almost everybody is in awe of the
fucking boring creation process! A true
GFX artist  will  be able to  keep  the
audience captived while  idly  doodling
circles.

]DRESS SENSE:
      A   GFX   ARTIST   medium   means
that extreme visual imagery  influences
his dress sense.Hence most  GFX artists
wear severly customised leather jackets
(Heavy metal groups emblems everywhere)
have incredibly long hair and look into
space  when talking to you. It can also
be  a  Hip Hop freak wearing a cap with
his fave band logo,and many stickers on
his monitor.

]LAME IMPERSONATIONS:
   You may be astounded by the piece of
work currently being displayed  on  the
monitor of a GFX artist but  by  simply
looking  down  the side of his  ST  and
spotting  an  ULTIMATE RIPPER cartridge
will tell you to laugh and walk away.


[ -D- SWAPPERS:

Probably the easiest of the lot to find
as  these guys spend  all  day  copying
countless  disks  every day , the  last
thing they want to do here is sit using
Fastcopy.Therefore,the more elite SWAP-
PERS  will be pissed senseless  at  the
Bar.As they are taking the day off, you
will find most people will be coming to
them with things for them to spread. It
is  a lame swapper who spends  the  day
running about for things.Another tip if
you  find  all  the swappers  at  their
machines  is to watch  them  exchanging
disks. The more talented of  them  will
have perfected this movement down  to a
fine art.There is even talk of introdu-
cing a  Freestlyle Disk Swapping compe-
tition  of  future parties  solely  for
swappers to enter...

] DRESS SENSE:
         Unlike   the    other    three
categories , Swappers  have  no   major
hangs-up about their jobs in  the scene
and  so they lead perfect  normal lives
outside the scene.(Of course Freddy and
other piece of shit exist).This,in turn
affects  the  way they dress, making it
almost  impossible  to   distinguish  a
swapper from everybody else.

] LAME IMPERSONATIONS:
                   Every   lame   Swap-
pers has the ungodly fear that they are
a waste of space in the Amiga scene(and
it is true , of course ) . This  phobia
causes  them to brag  extensively about
who the know(who they have heard of!) ,
and which groups they swap with(knowing
full well that you coudn't give a toss)
 Any Swapper who spends all  this  time
talking  in  this manner and discussing
the incredible details  of disk copying
should be shot ! Yep !


and also....


[ -E- CRACKERS

 They are not very numerous in the C.P.
fearing  the  police and lynching  from
all  his enemies. They are never  alone
but with their friends protecting  them
from  the  aggressions of  the  kiddies
asking "How do you single file games ?"
 Crackers know all the  latest  gossips
and  know everybody but don't  want  to
talk to you,anyway he most the time can
only be understood by his real  friends
using lot of personal expressions.

[ -F- LAME LAMERS

 The type of people who have absolutely
nothing to do with the scene.He usually
doesn't even own an Atari.

[ -G- FEMALES

  Do not mistake one for actually being
in  the scene and trying  to  strike  a
fruitful conversation with.Usually, the
female in question is a very  tall  and
strong persons girl-friend and would be
generally unhappy with your interferen-
ce.Check the Females facial  expression
before you consider apporaching  if she
looks incredibly bored - Avoid !

[ -H- BAR STAFF

 Not really important.Their only job is
to pick up glasses and to severly over-
charge you for the price of a drink. Do
not aggravate , they tend to throw  you
out !

[ -I- POLICE

If you can actually see one of these at
the  party  then  it is too late , just
quickly  dump all your disks into some-
ones bag and  feign  death. It  doesn't
usually work but still woth a try.

[ -J- SOMEBODY YOU DON'T LIKE

   There  is usually always one at  the
party  that really  pisses you off. The
worst thing about it is that they don't
know that you FUCKING HATE THEM  & then
come over and FUCKING TALK TO YOU ! The
best solution is to find them 1st, kick
the  shit out of them then blame it  on
alcohol at a later date. This generally
gets the message over I find.


[ -4- BODY LANGUAGE

  By identifying the appropriate groups
of people you should be able to talk to
the  right  guys. This is  where  body-
language  comes  in. The way  of  being
able to tell what somebody is  thinking
&  feeling by the way they are reacting
to your presence...

 - HE PUTS HIS HAND OVER HIS MOUTH WHEN
TALKING.
He  is  lying when he tells you he  has
heard of you.

 -HE LAUGHS ALOUD WHEN YOU MENTION YOUR
DEMO.
Good ! Some recognition at last !

-HE CALLS TO A MATE OF HIS IN THE CROWD
 A cheap and obvious attempt to get rid
of you,ignore.

-HE STARTS TO EXPLAIN ONE FRAME FRACTAL
ANIMATION.
 You're pushing you luck here mate !

-HE TELLS YOU TO:"FUCK OFF!"
Yet another cheap attempt to get rid of
you,stick with it.

 - HE IS REPEATEDLY MASSAGING YOUR FACE
WITH HIS FIST
Maybe I was wrong about this.Leace now.

 - HE IS WIRING YOUR BALLS TO THE MAINS
 I warned you,leave now,he is getting a
tad upset!

 -HE REMOVES YOU INTERNAL ORGANS
Well thats it,you've blown it now !


[ -5- BACK AT HOME

  If you're still alive after the party
you must take several aspirins  because
of your headache.

 If you are still hearing Mad Max muzak
in your quiet bedroom,that's normal.

   If you want to increase your group's
production   to   show  to  all   those
arrogant guys who you really are. Sleep
a bit,and think about it later.

If some of your disks are missing phone
to ZULL or FUTURE MINDS  they might got
it.